Autistic Experiences Of Sadness

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  • Опубликовано: 24 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 58

  • @michaelrainbow4203
    @michaelrainbow4203 5 месяцев назад +34

    I have fought back tears my whole life. I will only cry in private. It is a difficult thing to suppress, and it has taken a toll on me. I now have a constant tension in my throat -- that lump one feels when tears are dammed up. In a world that does its best to trample on and stomp out innocence, being an extremely sensitive child was much more difficult than I was aware of. I look back and feel so bad for the child that I was. How we have all been forced to adapt to a rotten world....
    Also, you are very insightful. That's a gift.

    • @moondvst4131
      @moondvst4131 5 месяцев назад +3

      Me too.

    • @mrmarten9385
      @mrmarten9385 5 месяцев назад +4

      The sad part it doesn't even have to be this way in the world. We can make a better world than this factory model of society.

    • @g1rl_veteran
      @g1rl_veteran 5 месяцев назад +3

      I was ridiculed and bullied by my mom and brothers anytime I would cry. So I learned to get angry instead. At least in my house anger wasn't mocked as being "weak". It took me my entire adult life trying to undo it.

    • @buri.bii3
      @buri.bii3 5 месяцев назад +3

      I have done the same thing as you, mainly because in my secondary school years a teacher mentioned I was weak for crying. That and in my culture, showing emotion is a sign of weakness.

  • @thexpax
    @thexpax 5 месяцев назад +16

    At the start of October 2019 I'd lived in a room in Canada 9 years and a month.
    The landlord gave me one month's notice to leave, since they were leaving the house. By surprise.
    There was no place to go.
    Renters kept going "get into a retirement home, we only rent to youth and students" but those had a waiting list at least a year long. My clinical depression hit an all time bottoming-out.
    Surely I cried, that's normal, but it was past crying. It was inevitable homelessness.
    There was no way I could even pack, for where?
    I had no choice but to pray with my higher power with all I had and was.
    Somehow I spoke to my Disability worker explaining "on November first I will just leave the room, find a hiding place where no one will find me and just die there of hunger and thirst." You see, I can't handle society so no way can I handle the streets. Never had my depression crashed that low before.
    My Disability worker phoned me that I had an appointment in a goverment office for help, so I went to it. It was some important lady who I told all my truth to. Then I just looked out her window at the city. There was a silence then she said "we can't have that!"
    I was visited by a young worker from a deprtment called "Access." She heard me out. Her job was to find places for such as me to live. Then she simply said "I'm going to work my butt off for you Ed." And she left.
    Together we saw two bad places. Then she visited this subsidized apartment block, and the wonderful caretaker woman said she'd "squeeze me in" ahead of the waiting list.
    I pay less here for a bachelor studio than for my 10'x10' room.
    There's the odd bugs, but I don't have to die.
    The deposit was the month's little rent.
    Apparently Disability workers can be useful.
    I am praying for you and your co-renter like there's no tomorrow... 🧡

    • @anthonyrowland9072
      @anthonyrowland9072 3 месяца назад

      I want to live there so badly, you'd literally be dead on the streets in America.
      They're SO CRUEL to us, I hate it here so bad...

    • @thexpax
      @thexpax 3 месяца назад

      @@anthonyrowland9072 my psych told me once: "If you didn't live in Canada you'd be dead or on the streets."

  • @mrmarten9385
    @mrmarten9385 5 месяцев назад +18

    I want to experience the 'emotion' of authenticness again. The void of soullessness has made my default emotion sadness. This world is so anti-telic and antithetical.

  • @WWIIUK
    @WWIIUK 5 месяцев назад +9

    When I was a child and teenager, I had a similar experience to what you are describing. People didn't care about how terrible I felt and would say things like, "Well, we all have to do things we don't want to do," or, "You will do X and Y regardless of your all-consuming sadness and stress." These comments were really unhelpful when I perpetually had no emotional or physical energy to deal with my emotions or the tasks.

  • @steveneardley7541
    @steveneardley7541 5 месяцев назад +12

    There's a line in Legally Blonde, where Luke Wilson says, "That teacher made me cry once. I held it in until I got back to my place, though. I didn't cry in class." In graduate school, the sheer meanness of people--their shittiness to each other--would make me cry, but I would wait to get back to my apartment. It felt terrible that no one seemed to even notice how awful all this behavior was. Where I finally realized that NO--they are crazy, not me--was when one of the horrible teachers was brutally beaten up, and ended up losing teeth and having his mouth wired shut. Everyone in the department was gloating over it. The level of hate at that institution was incredible. I transferred. As a child, I don't think I ever cried. It wasn't allowed.

  • @joeminella5315
    @joeminella5315 5 месяцев назад +11

    Wow. Lots to chew on here! People like me who have trouble expressing themselves appreciate people like you who can and do. Thanks from an old man.

  • @Scarygothgirl
    @Scarygothgirl 5 месяцев назад +2

    I identify with a lot of what you're saying. I've been accused of being emotionally manipulative because I can't stop myself from crying. I think the fact that I have emotions has been very inconvenient for a lot of people.

  • @stephenie44
    @stephenie44 5 месяцев назад +7

    I can’t think of a single scenario where saying to someone, “stop crying,” wouldn’t be rude. I’m sorry you’ve heard that so many times in your life. It’s definitely a them issue, not a you issue.
    I’ve definitely asked, “why are you crying,” if I don’t get what’s going on or why someone would be upset, but from a place of curiosity, not to belittle someone.
    Lots of people don’t know what to do with other people emotions, that doesn’t mean that you’re expressing your emotions wrong.

  • @brbrbrbreannad3610
    @brbrbrbreannad3610 5 месяцев назад +4

    I feel like it would be interesting to talk about shame and/or embarrassment, because those emotions are heavily related to the experience of trying to mask (whether or not one is successful) and growing up autistic.

  • @marypatten7051
    @marypatten7051 5 месяцев назад +5

    I feel like my struggle with sadness is in the moment, when something sad or upsetting happens, I've noticed I shut down, and almost seem apathetic about it, or depending on the situation, I just shove my true feelings down when I'm upset with someone and just get too agreeable and apologetic to "keep the peace," only to regret it later on, over and over. It's later at night when no one's around, a lot of things that upset me earlier in the day come back to haunt me and I can't stop crying. sometimes I feel upset with myself that I couldn't express those feelings in the moment, I simply can't process everything till later.

  • @wik_wav
    @wik_wav 5 месяцев назад +5

    I'm not sure if it's an emotion per-se but nostalgia has always been.. a struggle?? for me. Something like that. I feel like I'm never living in the moment lol

  • @steveneardley7541
    @steveneardley7541 5 месяцев назад +7

    You're talking a lot about difficulties in processing emotions. I've often been told to let things go--that I am still hung up on things from childhood. I had a teacher once who really screwed me over, and I absolutely hated him for years. I finally got over it. When I think of him, nothing much comes up. This is healthy, because it means that I have finally gotten over it. It just took a really, really long time. Hatred and desire for revenge have been particularly difficult for me to let go of. I'm definitely better at that than I used to be, because I discipline myself not to indulge in it--not to stir it up.

  • @ignasmaciulis1095
    @ignasmaciulis1095 4 месяца назад +1

    I can relate a lot (except to the crying - that is something I am still quite unable to do even if I wish to) - and I don't even consider myself really autistic. Yes, I used to play the game of "oh, maybe I am autistic after all?" or "ooh, do I qualify for this mental health diagnosis?" or "hell, maybe I have this personality disorder?", but then I realized that most of my "bad sides" and "weaknesses" were just natural, expectable, and sometimes even really healthy human reactions to the screwed up things I went through and there is really nothing wrong at all with the true me on the inside.
    There were a lot of good insights in this video. I strongly recommend anyone interested in these topics to research a thing called complex, relational, or childhood trauma. Things started making *a hell of a lot* more sense to me when I did. My emotions started to make sense. I started to make sense.
    One thing I have learned is that our emotions are never wrong. We may make a bad decision about what to do with them or misattribute their causes, but the emotions themselves are not wrong. So if they don't make sense, go deeper. Ask more questions.
    And I really don't think that it's shitty or mean not to feel much about the passing of a parent, especially if you've already done some grieving in the past. And if the parent was not a very good one to begin with. The grieving then becomes about the parent you wish you had, not the actual person that was there. Because why would you be sad about losing something shitty? And I am personally guessing I would feel relief and gladness if certain members of my family were to pass away. I think I might feel *so* much safer being in this world and in my body now that they're gone for good. Societal convention would have it as a "wrong" and "mean" thing to feel, but I really don't see it as that. People who say such things to pressure others are emotional cowards with their blinders on and you should not take any bullshit from them.

    • @Catlily5
      @Catlily5 4 месяца назад

      You have to mourn the parent you never had sometimes.

  • @manoukirishanning
    @manoukirishanning 4 месяца назад +1

    I think the way you deal with sadness is healthy. Someone close to me died now, like, 5 years ago. That felt só weighted and heavy while now I can talk about it as if I am talking about doing groceries and people gasp like; Oh no, I'm sorry, etc.
    It happened and indeed it sucked back then but life goes on and you pick it back up. I feel like some are better at pushing feelings away, not dealing with it and feeling triggered when it pops up. I'd say that is an unhealthy way as it will stick with you forever in the negative sense.
    But yea, for each their own.

  • @User-qn1gs1ig4q62
    @User-qn1gs1ig4q62 5 месяцев назад +4

    I definitely relate to this I think it's like a combination of alexithymia and lack of imagination I'm in one situation right now but I can't imagine feeling better about it but then once it's over I just have neutral feelings about it

    • @DanaAndersen
      @DanaAndersen  5 месяцев назад +1

      Oh this comment hit, you are so on the money!! I’ve always been told I have such a big imagination, which is true when it comes to writing fiction, but when it comes to social imagination, I really can’t imagine much but whatever I’m living through.

  • @InTheOpines
    @InTheOpines 5 месяцев назад +7

    If you had any thoughts or stories to share regarding CONFUSION then I'd be interested to hear you speak about it. I know it's not technically an emotion, and I don't know if there is anything to really elaborate on regarding the autistic experience with it, but it's a state of being I think many of us share and could maybe talk about.

    • @InTheOpines
      @InTheOpines 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@heatherwilliams3748 Oh, thank you

  • @lauratyhacz185
    @lauratyhacz185 5 месяцев назад +2

    could it be, that you very much live in the present? So you feel the emotions of the present but then are focused on the new present after time has passed and you processed the emotion?

  • @EllyCatfox
    @EllyCatfox 4 месяца назад +1

    I think what's going on is that you are very tough and strong and have high morals and this world is not kind to people who are that way.

  • @daviniarobbins9298
    @daviniarobbins9298 5 месяцев назад +11

    I been sad and miserable for so long that I don't actually know what happiness feels like. I feel so lonely at times. I wish there was someone special in my life. The trouble is I am so lonely that when someone comes into my life I end up driving them away because I am so clingy and needy because I don't want to be alone. It is at the point that I don't even bother looking for someone because I know I will end up being disappointed and back at square one. I feel like no one wants me.
    I lost my dad last year and I am still grieving.

    • @knut5328
      @knut5328 5 месяцев назад

      other than the clingy part, same.
      i don't know what normal/happy feels like anymore-

  • @niloc4627
    @niloc4627 5 месяцев назад +3

    Firstly, thank you for letting us share in your journey through life. Your honest, articulate and intelligent words will strike a chord with anyone who has lived with undiagnosed ASD.
    Depression, anxiety, mood swings, are merely symptoms of the core condition.
    To diagnose one set of symptoms without acknowledging the root cause is sheer sloppiness on the part of the system. It simply leads to a series of blind alleys and time-wasting. Some people may ask: is it worth all the suffering just to obtain a medical "label?" I would say Yes! Only when you know your true self, autistic or not, can you start working towards your potential and become your own true friend.

  • @oiytd5wugho
    @oiytd5wugho 5 месяцев назад +2

    It does seem like people can ignore sadness to a pretty high extent. And not just pretending not to be sad, but turning some causes of sadness off, kinda. I don't really get it.
    I mean, I can't recall emotions themselves, I can recall what happened and feel the emotion again, but it's caused _by_ the memory, I can't just make it appear on it's own.

  • @Hermitthecog
    @Hermitthecog 5 месяцев назад +3

    Relatable (and timely - this video popped into my feed as I was listening to a dark ambient track called, "The Slow Agony of Solitude", which I think is how I process a lot of my emotions as an autistic person i.e. immersively and in isolation.) After decades of on-again/off-again pharmaceutical and talk therapy for depression (all of which came before my late diagnosis for autism), I finally quit antidepressants altogether a few years ago because I was tired of the disconnect between my sense of my life and my sense of my thoughts; it felt like I was looking at my feelings without ever really processing them. Now I really have to question if autistic emotion ought to be categorized in the same way as neurotypical emotion, because while we may be easily overwhelmed and inundated by our emotions when they occur, as you noted they are very immediate and context-dependent, therefore once they pass they tend to stay past (presuming that they've been fully processed; I think unresolved issues may maintain their related emotional elements until they're dealt with), which is to say that I don't think "depression" as a neurotypical disorder applies to autistic experience. We can't switch them back on once we're done with whatever caused them, and so we don't ruminate the same way.
    (Incidentally, I'm impressed by the sensitivity of whatever microphone you're using, it captures a lot more spatial depth and resonance than I'd have expected!)

    • @Catlily5
      @Catlily5 4 месяца назад +1

      I can ruminate quite a lot despite having autism unfortunately. And feelings sometimes return to me.

  • @brainfood2399
    @brainfood2399 5 месяцев назад +4

    I think you’re a lovely and intelligent person! Keep up the good work and take good care of yourself ☀️

  • @marleysoluna
    @marleysoluna 5 месяцев назад +1

    What about a video about fear and anxiety? Not super fun, I know, but I personally find it paralyzing in a way that NTs seem to not

  • @andeeejoseph1990
    @andeeejoseph1990 5 месяцев назад +2

    "The Ma'am, The Myth, The Legend" Always the best topics covered accurately. Thank you much; Dana. Keep it going full steam. ✌🏼 😢 👋🏼. Remember everyone; sadness can be quite a healthy and healing emotion. That power ballad "Fix You" by Coldplay gets me every time it plays.

  • @imanej368
    @imanej368 5 месяцев назад +2

    Can you talk about why we get bullied if you can and if it's something you experienced

  • @BobDouce
    @BobDouce 5 месяцев назад +1

    Ello 😀 its good to cry and i wish that I could but the only time I do is when I burn out and crash. Instead of crying my sadness manifests as a crippling physical state lasting for weeks. When i look back at the past its with almost a cold manner, 'yeah that happened but that's the past, lets get back on with today'. I've spent so much of my life masking I've lost touch with myself along the way. Thanks for opening up a new train of thought for me. 👍

  • @MorbinNecrim86
    @MorbinNecrim86 5 месяцев назад +1

    Sadness is a constant for me. I will start crying at work, cooking dinner, driving somewhere, out of the blue sometimes which is probably a delayed reaction. Someone saying something hurtful won't affect me straight away, but a day or two later it would hit me.

  • @LyraHooves
    @LyraHooves 5 месяцев назад +1

    2:55: It's people around you being shitty.

    • @LyraHooves
      @LyraHooves 5 месяцев назад +1

      Not saying that the rest isn't true, but (1) they seem to want to hide the symptom of the sadness without addressing the sadness, (2) are implying that they don't trust you to be authentic when you're probably the most authentic person in the room. Or they might be just regurgitating a cliche without thinking about it much, which they can hopefully avoid the next time.

  • @thethegreenmachine
    @thethegreenmachine 5 месяцев назад

    Grief fades slowly over time. It can fade faster if it wasn't as much of a loss.

  • @SophieJosephine1
    @SophieJosephine1 5 месяцев назад +2

    id like to hear about your experience with that time of the month and autism because this is a topic no one really discusses

  • @tuirnb
    @tuirnb 5 месяцев назад +2

    We need to realize that we process emotions differently and that is ok. Your not just a broken NT and shouldn't use the NT emotional tropes as a guide.

  • @anacalvente836
    @anacalvente836 5 месяцев назад +1

    Hi! I've just discovered your content and wanted to ask you and your community this: do you also get stuck in emotions longer than other people? For example, if I'm sad, nervous or angry, it doesn't matter if the problem is fixed or if I had a conversation over my emotions or proposed solutions to the conflict: I still need extra time to stop feeling that way. When me and my partner fall out, we talk through things and he's allright almost immediately after that, but I will still need 30 minutes or an hour to leave that emotion and be ok.

    • @marleysoluna
      @marleysoluna 5 месяцев назад +1

      Same here! I usually physically separate myself and go do housework while listening to a comedy podcast to try to bring myself out of it ASAP, but it always takes a little while.

    • @anacalvente836
      @anacalvente836 5 месяцев назад

      @@marleysoluna same too hahahaha

  • @Catlily5
    @Catlily5 4 месяца назад

    I can't always control when I cry either. It is embarrassing to cry in public but I can't always stop it. I try to run to the bathroom and cry in there. Because I can't stop the tears from falling but I can cry without making a sound.

  • @stephenie44
    @stephenie44 5 месяцев назад

    Joy would be an interesting topic. What brings you joy, do you always express it or is it just a feeling, etc

  • @Elvenroyale
    @Elvenroyale 5 месяцев назад

    I really relate to a lot of this video.

  • @advaitawho
    @advaitawho 5 месяцев назад

    Have you ever gone down the rabbit hole of whether or not we have free will? 🤔

  • @laura.bseyoga
    @laura.bseyoga 5 месяцев назад +1

    💚

  • @wendybirdsong6272
    @wendybirdsong6272 5 месяцев назад +1

    WhatsABA?

    • @g1rl_veteran
      @g1rl_veteran 5 месяцев назад

      ABA or Applied Behavioral Analysis is a "therapy" which essentially teaches autistic people how to camouflage and pose at being as similar to neurotypical as possible, regardless of the harm it is known to cause. There's much more to it than just that but this is the gist.

  • @g1rl_veteran
    @g1rl_veteran 5 месяцев назад

    Did you ever do ABA? If so, what are your thoughts?