@@lillians.4384 Thank you 😊 we actually weren't on the same page in the beginning but with some healthy dialogue and convincing we got on the same page and went from $100k in debt to only $37k in 18 months 😁 almost debt free 😭
After finding Dave Ramsey it took me 3 years to get us on the same page. A good part of it was how I was going about it. We have been on the plan for 8 months now and paid off close to $15,000 with $25,000 left. Getting on the same page was the hardest part of the baby steps for us so far.
@@andrewplucinski8453 same 😭 it took us 2-3 years as well but it's amazing when you're on the same page with your spouse but congratulations y'all are almost there!
I manned up to my wife and told her I was done enabling her spending! It was time to get money under control! I've been happily divorced for almost 2 years now.
I was the one doing the lying. My husband would spend the whole paycheck and not save a dime. We had no debt but no savings either. I managed to save around 7,000 in about 3 months before I told him. When he saw what I did he came to the realization that he was wrong, now we save up together.
That’s so great story. I (husband) was making most of the income in family and not intentionally but I was spending most of it on both of us. One day my wife called it out that we should be able to save more. This was in our late twenties. I didn’t know anything about budget nor investing. So she opened my eyes and got money under control for a bit of time, once I saw how much we could save for down payment in single year, I become. Excited more about making and investing money than spending. Now I’m the one researching and driving our wealth while she keeps an eye on me so I don’t go rouge haha.... no but we work together really well but a woman in family initiated it. An I’m grateful for it!
Right I agree but at the same time everything he's doing will be wasted if he's constantly paying down the date but she keeps adding to the debt. It's like continually adding water to a sinking boat and eventually they'll both drown
Yes: she is the problem. Which is precisely why he has to tell her upfront that she cannot continue behaving like this. Keeping quiet only enables her wrongdoing.
So lying is the only solution other than divorce. THIS is why men lie, because of how this type of woman react to the truth. And since men don't know which women are like that, they get into the habit of lying.
My ex wife hid her true personality for 6 years before she showed her true colors. Almost overnight she started blowing money, cheating, lying, and getting into drugs. Seriously, it took less than a month for her to go from a wonderful stay-home-mom of our 3 kids to blowing money to see her affair partner perform at night clubs and do drugs with her friends and lying about all of it. It wasn't until after I divorced her that her family told me this was nothing new for her, but they covered it up for her because they hoped she had changed for the better.
@@jutde I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully she gets it together. I was a horrible husband to my Wife for 10 years,, she just deserved better and I just thank god everyday that she gave me a 2nd, 3rd, 4th chance to keep us and our family together. It’s truly what makes her an amazing person.
@@jutde Lmoa...as a female, I can attest that men like women that tell them what they want to hear or show them what they want to see. It's like their own kind of fairy tale😁
I will never understand how ppl can marry another human being and not be totally unapologetically upfront about finances, plans and future goals from the BEGINNING. It’s beyond me. It’s a partnership, keyword “PARTNER”.
This is why there is value in premarital counseling. Good premarital counseling talks about finances, communication, and helps couples consider what the relationship will look like beyond the wedding, years down the road.
Sometimes it is better to just liquidate and start completely over, than stay involved with someone who is a train wreck with $$ and unwilling to change.
@@twincherry4958 You're really leaning on the man makes the money woman spends it stereotype there. Back in the real world either partner can be fiscally irresponsible and it ain't in the responsible partners long term interests to ride it out.
This man stated she's NOT on board with debt reduction; therefore, they've obviously had discussions on the subject, (probably quite a few) and he's reducing the effects of her poor behavior by squirreling away money before it falls in her hands. I don't understand calling this man a coward without hearing their full history. My situation was similar; we ended up separating for 9 months then, lo and behold, she finally "got it" and by the grace of God we are back under one roof.
I was thinking exactly what you said. They are not living in the real world even with their so called awareness of shopping addictions and no Financial Literacy.
Praise the Lord, His grace filled the situation with you and your wife, and all is going well with your marriage and your finances. God bless you both!!
People pleasers, doormats, enablers whatever you desire to label it, they all try to avoid confrontation at all cost. They try to avoid any deep or challenging conversations in order to not rock the boat. It's a form of Self-Sabotage behavior which is based on FEAR. The ironic thing about people pleasures is they don't please anyone, especially themselves. They are in just about every family in the world, and are embedded with low esteem, no self-respect and no backbone or balls and always play the victim..
As a husband, you need to take the lead about finances in a way where you also get to hear your spouses thoughts and feelings and not overlook them. It will be challenging but it is a conversation that needs to happen for a healthy retirement. I’m so glad my wife and I started this process in our mid 20’s.
Dave's wrong on this, thinking she is just waiting for her husband to take charge and make things happen. Not all people can be forced into accepting something they are not already doing. Trying this approach with my other half has done nothing but cause more grief.
+ Mike Is it enough to be a deal breaker ? And if so does your partner know you are willing to get a divorce over this ? Lieke in the foreseeable future. - I am not saying this lightly but some people have a hard time changing or do not want to change and bet on it that they don't have to if they are stubborn enough. That their partner will give up and resign themselves. I do not know of course what your disagreement is. I know one woman who asked her mand to step up regarding chores. She did all the housework while working full time (40 hours rather no overtime, and commute not too long - but still). She had raised 3 kids as single mom but they had moved out already (he was her second husband). Then she started an education on top and he insisted on not lifting a finger as he was used to. She had to spar a few rounds with him. No more cooking (for him) not doing his laundry only cleaning "her" part of the home (she told him what his side was), etc. That went on for a few weeks and then he gave in. They are still together and he in general is a good man (or she would not have him). both are now a retired couple. Both were raised with the idea that the wife does all the housework. Which admitted is a privilege and he was not going to give it up easily. She does not strike me as a nagger, and due to her traditional upbringing she was willing to spoil him for a long time and wait on him, but his unwillingness to support her when she needed help struck a chord, I think a sense of fairness was violated. He later said to her, that he did not believe she was serious. Boggles the mind that he is fond of her (I think he is, I have seen them together, maybe both have grown). He isn't a bad guy but he was selfish enough / stubborn enough in _this_ respect and was willing to defend his privilege with teeth and claws. She had to escalate, to the point where it was clear to him that their relationship of many years could end over this. Then, and only then he was willing to change. I think partners of addicted persons have the same challenge. They have to escalate, and as John Delony says, you need to have a: What if they say no. Or if the partner overspends - is the joy of spending more worth than staying in relationship (that is or _cold_ be good). Problem is if they can call your bluff because the partner knows you would not separate (too much in love, children, financial situation, religious reasons, etc).
from your user name I assume you are male. You could tell your partner that you go to counseling (solo, and of course you really go). Just to account for the time you are missing. And do not give a reason why ! (If partner is female she will of course pester you why you need counseling. Well, you do not tell her. On a good day she will assume that you are terminally ill, and on a bad that you have an affair. She is going to check your phone ). After a few solo sessions you then tell her you want marriage counseling. Then and in the presence of your referee (aka counselor) you tell her what you want. (No discussions before, I asume you went over that many times). Then you tell her what you want, and why it is so important: that may include your wish to do financial planning if that is your challenge. I would recommend not to use a pastor. It is O.K. if it costs money (that will drive home the message) If she is invested into the relationship you will have her attention. If you are not the type that does go to a therapist / counselor - all the better, all alarm bells will be ringing.
Mike. Same here. I gave up the financial ad my marriage is more important. Good news is she came around to getting pur finances right just 10 years later. Totally worth it.
There needs to be balance. My wife and I are Millennials and are one of Hogan’s “Everyday Millionaires,” on baby step 7, living in San Diego, CA. I’ve realized that we have to enjoy life also.
I think it's fine if not everybody is on this path of "building wealth" , but at least pay your debt off (doesn't have to be lightning speed) and especially the freaking credit cards @ 20% interest!!
@@SynterraSteen Hi Syn, my wife and I have been doing the plan for about 18 months. Cash flowed our wedding, then her school loans, two cars, and finally the mortgage. Lots of sacrifice, but well worth it.
I’m glad you did too. Like most incl Dave I learned the hard way but still survived 25+ yrs of spousal bliss LOL. Good to know some younger couples are more prepared for the roller coaster! Fun ride with right person! 😉
@@justinacase2623 my wife just bought a 1300$ phone so I cut her allowance this woman makes double my income but spends like going out of style so I had to take over her own money she was spending like 500$ a month on eating out and that’s without me going......crazy she is like how do I have so much money at the end of the month now I just roll my eyes
What I had to show my wife to help her along, was really get her involved in the budget. Then I showed her what our retirement could be, especially if we saved more. The question really ends up being, "Do you want to spend this money now, for some stuff we'll put in the close and end up giving to goodwill when we want more stuff? Or would you like a pile of cash (few million) when we're old." Neither of our parents have anything for retirement, and we essentially agreed that we don't want to end up in that situation.
@@willvice3998 Apparently you didn’t watch the entire video. There was a Lost in Space reference to where Dave Ramsey was saying that was something the new generation was not aware of. He didn’t appear to know there was a remake. Hence, his mind would be blown knowing that there is a newer version of the classic TV show
There are so many marriages that have financial issues like marrying a gambler or someone that spends so much money. Talk to each other make a budget and be true to yourself
Been married 36 years and so glad not an issue. When first married got into 24k ccard debt and joint decision. It took 4 years to get out of hole and never ever had balance not paid in full every month. We raised two kids and set to retire with million in bank. It can be done
Congrats. The thing I took from this is that it's a lot easier to make moves and be happy when you are debt free. I only got around 10k of student loans left so I hope I can one day make your statement
What caller didn't realize was that doing this behind his wife's back solves nothing in the long term. That's why he's better off to push the issue to the forefront and either come to an agreement they can both commit to and live with, or call it a day.
I haven’t heard the video but I’m assuming Dave states the man is the problem like all the other videos. It’s never “she needs to step up and get act together” 🤷🏻♂️
The fact that these guys don't understand that if guys decide to disagree with their wives, they can just pull the rip cord and get a divorce and destroy everything and she walks away Scott free, Kids, child support, alimony, the house, half of his 401k, half of all the money, that is why he's trying so hard to do things in secret. The amount of damage she can do from being told "No" or 🛑 is Apocalyptic!
It’s not that cut and dried. Statistics show that divorced woman suffrage financially more than divorced men. Better to work on gettin* on the same page about this before you get married!
I thought the entire premise of Dave's show is that it is normal to be in debt; but that your life will be better if you are abnormal and get out and stay out debt....
I feel for this guy, I couldn’t bring myself to tell my gf that I was paying off debt. It worked out for me in the end but if I had to do it again I wouldn’t date until I had every debt paid off.
Syn Flowers IMO, you should not be blunt about gazelle intensity, I think most people are not receptive to this. Why not give it a month or two and see what progress you make, then bring it up at that point. I’d be much more receptive personally if my gf said she had already started paying down her debt then asked what I thought. It would show me she was serious
Dave didn’t say it the way I would, because telling someone to be “aggressive” with his wife is problematic. I do think that it’s important to advocate for yourself and have hard conversations. The Dave way is just to say this is how it is. Women these days (myself included) do not bow down to their husband and just do whatever they decide to demand. It’s important to respect your spouse enough to talk to them.
@@joeairbender267 at that point, I’m thinking they’re just incompatible. Most healthy relationships don’t require one spouse throwing fits to get the other to listen.
I agree, Dave rants on these shows I get that. In a marriage no one should be getting aggressive and telling the other person what’s going to happen. They need a heart to heart and set some goals as a couple or go to counseling to do it. Thankful that my husband and I are usually on the same page with money and has been a big reason we’ve been together for 25 years.
I was gonna say at least he's saving the money. I know people who would blow that stuff and fight their wives on it. Pretty terrible but that's how it goes
This is why I tell people you need 3 accounts, 2 personal accounts and 1 house account. Agree on an amount that goes into the house account and the rest is their own money to spend how they choose
I'm not here to judge, just giving my own opinion. If you are lying are doing something without your spouse's knowledge secretly, what else are you capable of doing behind his/her back? Deception starts with a small seed and then it grows.
I have been divorced for years now, and my ex was really bad with money or even holding a job, i guess over all in life management. I now know what to look at and what to discuss with a possible future husband.
Dave has the right spirit, but gave bad advice. Trying to control your spouse into doing anything, even if you believe it to be right, is just as catastrophic as lying. I think what he was trying to say was the husband should be more assertive, which I agree with. I also believe in many of these “my spouse is ruining us” callers, the accuser looks past their own mistakes and focuses on the other. They’ll notice the car note on their partners vehicle, but rationalize their own as reasonable. Many of these folks could use a more balanced perspective all around.
Good idea to get your prospective partners credit score prior to getting serious and watch her spending habits closely. Does she shop at Costco and Walmart, or is she hitting the boutiques? Partners don't change after marriage. They do more of the same.
I can see this happening in this case because they're on such different pages and I'm willing to bet she has a maxed out credit card he doesn't know about. Can't he get some agency to detail what debts she has?
It’s difficult and I understand. I have a friend who is married and she wants to send her nephew money . Her husband is very frugal and doesn’t want to send money like that as he is also on an aggressive debt free journey. she sends money privately when she’s gets raises.
How about first you get his wife to understand that being in debt is not normal, and spending all their money is wrong, saying that he's doing something wrong is absolutely crazy!
I think its funny how all these questions the answer is always you need a marriage counselor. 9/10 times it never works, most counselors don't care about your marriage they just want your money. If you want your marriage to work you gotta learn to compromise or your headed for divorce
@@Austenfan177 Do you have experience in this or this hearsay? Were you married and now divorced as a result of the therapy? Just curious. Not judging you.
No way in the hot place I will ever again partner with someone who isn’t on the same page with me. About money and everything else. Cost me half of my hard earned net worth to divorce a guy who refused to work. Never again.
I dated a woman 20 yrs older than me. She cared about this relationship more than getting to the Bag. Always wanted to hang out. Had to let her go! She wasn't about her money and continuing the Debt free journey!
Hey, Dave, I think it would be really cool if you could approach money and social status, as in, not wanting to get your hands dirty to "protect" your social status, thus keeping yourself from wealth
Money is such a big stumbling block in a lot of marriages! Try and find someone that is walking at least in the same direction if not on a similar path! I’ve been around a few people who blame their wives for bankruptcy a few times in a marriage! I’ve always thought it was both of them!
Take her to FPU. Don't tell her it's because of her; she'd resist. Tell her that you want the information for your family finances and you want to work from a common base.
Nope....I have to disagree about this one. We have a LOT more money saved because I chose not to tell my spouse how well we're doing financially, otherwise we would NOT have the $1M+ net worth we do have. Spouse is not denied anything...within reason.
He doesn’t ever need to be aggressive in her face, He needs to be very assertive.this needs to be done in the presence of a professional with the proper training. Don’t drag your friends into this.
This reminds me of that Friends episode when Chandler had been secretly saving money for a house and kids. While Monica wanted to spend a ton on their wedding. Though in the end it worked out after they talked about it. However this isn't a show, gotta stop lying but you might want to get help to help you to get her to understand your concerns. Good luck
@@High5748 😂 you don’t know me, but if you did you would know better than to question me on friends material. I annoy my family to death because I basically have the whole show memorized
Stuff like this makes me glad I'm divorced. When I was married, my then wife opened up bank accounts in multiple banks. Even she forgot about them. I only found out about them when we sold our first house and was cleaning out the desk.
John kept saying to call a friend to mediate the conversation. This subject is toxic to friendship. Please don’t involve your friend in your financial situation.😫
I must agree, the friend then becomes a tool in the relationship, and the best people to be used as tools are those that get paid to be tools and have no concerns of friendship: it’s just another day at the office for them.
Me and my boyfriend live together and it will be 2 years right away, We pay everything with cash 💸, We save for what we want cause we are trying to get debt free. We hate debt. I am so glad me and him are on the same page with debt.
My wife and I have made a mistake by letting a debt settlement company help us get out of debt, we will be under contract with them for 3 years, but after reading your book I don't think it was the right move and now I don't know what to do. Can you please give me some advise?
Both of my Ex-husbands parents had significant secret money. They had no debt and lived well within the known money. They both confided in my hubby when he was growing up. It may have worked for them but destroyed my husband’s ability to deal with money honestly in our marriage. He should never married an auditor because he kept getting caught in lies.
Or orrr, put all your assets in some family member you trust, like a brother or sister, keep investing on the lowkey of things, whatever happens you’re out of there with something
If you lie about money in a relationship then there's a good chance of divorce when the other finds out in which case you get fked and lose half your money anyway. Be real with her, sit down and explain calmly. Try multiple times with examples of why it's better over time. If she still doesn't accept it then sadly you have a dumb wife that can't think beyond the short term and it might be time for you to leave before it's too late and she screws your life up.
This man had learned from experience that if his wife knows there’s a dollar in the bank then his wife will spend a dollar. If only he knew about this before he got married.
Marriage is a partnership that takes a lot of work. One problem when men start wanting to following the baby steps before the wife is the wife is usually more responsible for household expenses which put a lot of pressure on them. We need to make sure we are doing our part in what we spend first.
I grew a backbone 2 years ago and told my wife we need to get rid of debt. I'm now divorced, and debt free!
Hope you are good!
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce! I'm sure that it wasn't easy for you or her. Jesus loves you both! I hope that one day you can reconcile.
Sorry to hear about your divorce but I’m glad you took control of your destiny! Now you get to live and give like no one else!
Yes sir!!!!
Congrats!
Situations like this makes me glad my wife and I are on the same page financially....I'm gonna go hug her now 🫂
Aww that was really sweet lol. It’s honestly totally awesome when a couple is on the same page on that very important aspect.
@@lillians.4384 Thank you 😊 we actually weren't on the same page in the beginning but with some healthy dialogue and convincing we got on the same page and went from $100k in debt to only $37k in 18 months 😁 almost debt free 😭
@@OurPhantasticLife congratulations!!! ❤️
After finding Dave Ramsey it took me 3 years to get us on the same page. A good part of it was how I was going about it. We have been on the plan for 8 months now and paid off close to $15,000 with $25,000 left. Getting on the same page was the hardest part of the baby steps for us so far.
@@andrewplucinski8453 same 😭 it took us 2-3 years as well but it's amazing when you're on the same page with your spouse but congratulations y'all are almost there!
I manned up to my wife and told her I was done enabling her spending! It was time to get money under control!
I've been happily divorced for almost 2 years now.
💪🏾
Hopefully you’re not preaching that all women are bad because of a poor choice.
I’m the financial wiz in my marriage and my husband loves me for it
@@SynterraSteen in a marraige whoever has the best skillset for a particular area should take control of that area. Good job financial wiz 💪🏾
Amen brother. Happily divorced for 10 years, couldn't deal with being broke anymore.
@@SynterraSteen what on earth would make you jump to that conclusion from my comment?!
I was the one doing the lying. My husband would spend the whole paycheck and not save a dime. We had no debt but no savings either. I managed to save around 7,000 in about 3 months before I told him. When he saw what I did he came to the realization that he was wrong, now we save up together.
That’s so great story. I (husband) was making most of the income in family and not intentionally but I was spending most of it on both of us. One day my wife called it out that we should be able to save more. This was in our late twenties. I didn’t know anything about budget nor investing. So she opened my eyes and got money under control for a bit of time, once I saw how much we could save for down payment in single year, I become. Excited more about making and investing money than spending. Now I’m the one researching and driving our wealth while she keeps an eye on me so I don’t go rouge haha.... no but we work together really well but a woman in family initiated it. An I’m grateful for it!
Good for you its hard to change someone's mind but then he seen the results of what you were doing and was like yea baby
I'm happy for you both
That’s amazing, it takes real strength of character to admit the way he was living needed to change for the better
I had to lie about saving money in a relationship once. It was my escape fund to finally get out of an abusive relationship.
I'm glad you got out of it. I hope you're much happier now.
Congrats on getting out!
That's what I'm doing right now...
Completely different situation to the caller though. Secret savings to get away from an abuser is actually justified.
Same.
This poor man just wants to build a better future for him and his family.
But...the wife should be on-board. If not consequence have to happen
I was about to comment asking; if that's lying or just saving 😃
It's their money.
Depends on the state I guess.
@@dustyacres I agree. I just don't think Dave needed to go so hard into. He was pretty mean.
Right I agree but at the same time everything he's doing will be wasted if he's constantly paying down the date but she keeps adding to the debt. It's like continually adding water to a sinking boat and eventually they'll both drown
Saul, neither do you!
So, she can spend money without his permission, but he cannot save money without her permission? She is the problem.
It's not about permission, it's about being honest
Yes: she is the problem. Which is precisely why he has to tell her upfront that she cannot continue behaving like this. Keeping quiet only enables her wrongdoing.
He is sick of her spending
This show placates woman
So lying is the only solution other than divorce. THIS is why men lie, because of how this type of woman react to the truth. And since men don't know which women are like that, they get into the habit of lying.
It's amazing how people marry partners not knowing who they are, or even their bad/poor habits.
People lie...or people change...
My ex wife hid her true personality for 6 years before she showed her true colors. Almost overnight she started blowing money, cheating, lying, and getting into drugs. Seriously, it took less than a month for her to go from a wonderful stay-home-mom of our 3 kids to blowing money to see her affair partner perform at night clubs and do drugs with her friends and lying about all of it. It wasn't until after I divorced her that her family told me this was nothing new for her, but they covered it up for her because they hoped she had changed for the better.
@@jutde I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully she gets it together. I was a horrible husband to my Wife for 10 years,, she just deserved better and I just thank god everyday that she gave me a 2nd, 3rd, 4th chance to keep us and our family together. It’s truly what makes her an amazing person.
@@theGrayArea2 Happily divorced for almost 2 years now.
@@jutde Lmoa...as a female, I can attest that men like women that tell them what they want to hear or show them what they want to see. It's like their own kind of fairy tale😁
I will never understand how ppl can marry another human being and not be totally unapologetically upfront about finances, plans and future goals from the BEGINNING. It’s beyond me. It’s a partnership, keyword “PARTNER”.
It's called life...
@@NaNa-lt1po *lying
Because people are sneaky and usually not in it for the right reasons. It shouldn’t be that hard to be honest with the person you sleep next to
I agree. It is strange. People need to have crucial conversations about money, religion, child-rearing, and politics before getting married.
Are you married?
This is why there is value in premarital counseling. Good premarital counseling talks about finances, communication, and helps couples consider what the relationship will look like beyond the wedding, years down the road.
Good point!
Everyone should have this.
Should be mandatory.
Having financial capability in a relationship is just as IMPORTANT as being able to communicate and have similar interests.
She’s burning money without asking him. He’s reacting
Reacting like a coward
@@burritobrosvideos8060 he's probably just scared to lose the marriage, as so many of the comments above suggest will happen
Correct-- but she has to stop.
I have a savings BEFORE I met my husband. He doesn't know about. My mother told her daughter's. " Have your stash. You never know."
Mommy is right
I bet, he's already had that talk and she said...No! Short of getting divorced, he knows there is nothing more he can do.
Sometimes it is better to just liquidate and start completely over, than stay involved with someone who is a train wreck with $$ and unwilling to change.
@@freshurb8963 Men: It's cheaper to keep her.
@@twincherry4958 How is it cheaper to stay with someone who burns money faster than you can make it?
@@mattt4183 That's a question for men.
@@twincherry4958 You're really leaning on the man makes the money woman spends it stereotype there. Back in the real world either partner can be fiscally irresponsible and it ain't in the responsible partners long term interests to ride it out.
Dave is right. This is the number one cause of divorce so learn to solve this issue early on while you’re dating. Always keep it real.
This man stated she's NOT on board with debt reduction; therefore, they've obviously had discussions on the subject, (probably quite a few) and he's reducing the effects of her poor behavior by squirreling away money before it falls in her hands. I don't understand calling this man a coward without hearing their full history. My situation was similar; we ended up separating for 9 months then, lo and behold, she finally "got it" and by the grace of God we are back under one roof.
I was thinking exactly what you said. They are not living in the real world even with their so called awareness of shopping addictions and no Financial Literacy.
What was her a ha moment?
@Tyler Dunford Good job!
Praise the Lord, His grace filled the situation with you and your wife, and all is going well with your marriage and your finances. God bless you both!!
People pleasers, doormats, enablers whatever you desire to label it, they all try to avoid confrontation at all cost. They try to avoid any deep or challenging conversations in order to not rock the boat. It's a form of Self-Sabotage behavior which is based on FEAR.
The ironic thing about people pleasures is they don't please anyone, especially themselves. They are in just about every family in the world, and are embedded with low esteem, no self-respect and no backbone or balls and always play the victim..
He needs to get a backbone - or act like he has one.
That's a man in love
Backbone will not help one bit when she takes half.
As a husband, you need to take the lead about finances in a way where you also get to hear your spouses thoughts and feelings and not overlook them. It will be challenging but it is a conversation that needs to happen for a healthy retirement.
I’m so glad my wife and I started this process in our mid 20’s.
Dave's wrong on this, thinking she is just waiting for her husband to take charge and make things happen.
Not all people can be forced into accepting something they are not already doing.
Trying this approach with my other half has done nothing but cause more grief.
Dave is right - they need to be on the same page and he needs to stop lying.
@@jimroscovius Yes on those two items but not so much on what I actually said. Perhaps you are responding to someone else.
+ Mike Is it enough to be a deal breaker ? And if so does your partner know you are willing to get a divorce over this ? Lieke in the foreseeable future. - I am not saying this lightly but some people have a hard time changing or do not want to change and bet on it that they don't have to if they are stubborn enough. That their partner will give up and resign themselves.
I do not know of course what your disagreement is. I know one woman who asked her mand to step up regarding chores. She did all the housework while working full time (40 hours rather no overtime, and commute not too long - but still). She had raised 3 kids as single mom but they had moved out already (he was her second husband). Then she started an education on top and he insisted on not lifting a finger as he was used to.
She had to spar a few rounds with him. No more cooking (for him) not doing his laundry only cleaning "her" part of the home (she told him what his side was), etc.
That went on for a few weeks and then he gave in.
They are still together and he in general is a good man (or she would not have him). both are now a retired couple. Both were raised with the idea that the wife does all the housework. Which admitted is a privilege and he was not going to give it up easily.
She does not strike me as a nagger, and due to her traditional upbringing she was willing to spoil him for a long time and wait on him, but his unwillingness to support her when she needed help struck a chord, I think a sense of fairness was violated.
He later said to her, that he did not believe she was serious. Boggles the mind that he is fond of her (I think he is, I have seen them together, maybe both have grown). He isn't a bad guy but he was selfish enough / stubborn enough in _this_ respect and was willing to defend his privilege with teeth and claws. She had to escalate, to the point where it was clear to him that their relationship of many years could end over this. Then, and only then he was willing to change.
I think partners of addicted persons have the same challenge. They have to escalate, and as John Delony says, you need to have a: What if they say no.
Or if the partner overspends - is the joy of spending more worth than staying in relationship (that is or _cold_ be good).
Problem is if they can call your bluff because the partner knows you would not separate (too much in love, children, financial situation, religious reasons, etc).
from your user name I assume you are male. You could tell your partner that you go to counseling (solo, and of course you really go). Just to account for the time you are missing. And do not give a reason why ! (If partner is female she will of course pester you why you need counseling. Well, you do not tell her. On a good day she will assume that you are terminally ill, and on a bad that you have an affair. She is going to check your phone ).
After a few solo sessions you then tell her you want marriage counseling. Then and in the presence of your referee (aka counselor) you tell her what you want. (No discussions before, I asume you went over that many times). Then you tell her what you want, and why it is so important: that may include your wish to do financial planning if that is your challenge.
I would recommend not to use a pastor. It is O.K. if it costs money (that will drive home the message)
If she is invested into the relationship you will have her attention.
If you are not the type that does go to a therapist / counselor - all the better, all alarm bells will be ringing.
Mike. Same here. I gave up the financial ad my marriage is more important. Good news is she came around to getting pur finances right just 10 years later. Totally worth it.
I’m frugal. If my spouse wasn’t cheap like me, that would drive me nuts!!!!
There needs to be balance. My wife and I are Millennials and are one of Hogan’s “Everyday Millionaires,” on baby step 7, living in San Diego, CA. I’ve realized that we have to enjoy life also.
I think it's fine if not everybody is on this path of "building wealth" , but at least pay your debt off (doesn't have to be lightning speed) and especially the freaking credit cards @ 20% interest!!
@@johnpham6780 how long have you been doing the plan?
@@SynterraSteen Hi Syn, my wife and I have been doing the plan for about 18 months. Cash flowed our wedding, then her school loans, two cars, and finally the mortgage. Lots of sacrifice, but well worth it.
Yikes. Definitely glad I found Dave before marriage.
🤣🤣 same here
Lies will always catch up to you. Better to come clean about this lie.
You all aren’t paying attention you’re hardly learning
Yea man - I want a lot of young people (including younger me) to listen to the right way to handle life/money
I’m glad you did too. Like most incl Dave I learned the hard way but still survived 25+ yrs of spousal bliss LOL. Good to know some younger couples are more prepared for the roller coaster! Fun ride with right person! 😉
Dave you’re the best! Speaking the truth!!
Putting money aside berore she takes him to divorce court. Smart.
Lol, he will still have to disclose those accounts, if he doesn't the judge gonna smack his head.
I'll sell him some gold bullion and a shovel so he can hide his assets from the divorce courts
He saving for retirement....as in he gonna retire from this marriage and it be much easier with 20000$ cash that she don’t know about lol
All he has to say to the judge is casino and hookers, money is gone! Tough. If she spent big money on shopping, she would get a pass.
@@justinacase2623 my wife just bought a 1300$ phone so I cut her allowance this woman makes double my income but spends like going out of style so I had to take over her own money she was spending like 500$ a month on eating out and that’s without me going......crazy she is like how do I have so much money at the end of the month now I just roll my eyes
What I had to show my wife to help her along, was really get her involved in the budget. Then I showed her what our retirement could be, especially if we saved more.
The question really ends up being, "Do you want to spend this money now, for some stuff we'll put in the close and end up giving to goodwill when we want more stuff? Or would you like a pile of cash (few million) when we're old."
Neither of our parents have anything for retirement, and we essentially agreed that we don't want to end up in that situation.
Proactive planning ✅
I understand.
It is very hard to trust someone about finances. I can’t anyone I could trust at all. It is tough.
People lie so much .
This is one of those easier said than done. Some partners are so thick headed on something like this there is no winning.
Makes me glad my husband and I are on the same page. 😓
Before you marry someone, always speak about finance or your life will be miserable when things get hard.
Yes...
Money
In-Laws
Religion
Kids
@@ddfamf88 Good list and maybe add politics also to that.
He's doing the right thing. He said that she won't get on board so it sounds like he tried.
Dave Ramsey’s mind is going to be blown about the Lost in Space remake on Netflix
? 😄 ?
That's a fun series to watch.
What's that about and why would his mind be blown?
@@willvice3998 Apparently you didn’t watch the entire video. There was a Lost in Space reference to where Dave Ramsey was saying that was something the new generation was not aware of. He didn’t appear to know there was a remake. Hence, his mind would be blown knowing that there is a newer version of the classic TV show
@@RMPANDA964 The current robot does not wave his arms and talk much either.
The guy's thinking like "you don't know my wife" haha
There are so many marriages that have financial issues like marrying a gambler or someone that spends so much money. Talk to each other make a budget and be true to yourself
Been married 36 years and so glad not an issue. When first married got into 24k ccard debt and joint decision. It took 4 years to get out of hole and never ever had balance not paid in full every month. We raised two kids and set to retire with million in bank. It can be done
Congrats. The thing I took from this is that it's a lot easier to make moves and be happy when you are debt free. I only got around 10k of student loans left so I hope I can one day make your statement
What caller didn't realize was that doing this behind his wife's back solves nothing in the long term. That's why he's better off to push the issue to the forefront and either come to an agreement they can both commit to and live with, or call it a day.
I haven’t heard the video but I’m assuming Dave states the man is the problem like all the other videos. It’s never “she needs to step up and get act together” 🤷🏻♂️
Some people are so immature they can’t stop spending. You need to stand up to these brats. These brats can be either gender.
Powerful message.
John is absolutely amazing to listen to.
The fact that these guys don't understand that if guys decide to disagree with their wives, they can just pull the rip cord and get a divorce and destroy everything and she walks away Scott free, Kids, child support, alimony, the house, half of his 401k, half of all the money, that is why he's trying so hard to do things in secret. The amount of damage she can do from being told "No" or 🛑 is Apocalyptic!
well he is merely delaying it by being a coward half of his 401k aand everything at 34 is a fraction of half of everything at 50 so there is that.
It’s not that cut and dried. Statistics show that divorced woman suffrage financially more than divorced men. Better to work on gettin* on the same page about this before you get married!
"Half of his..." What is she, the maid and nanny he's sleeping with, or a life partner?
That's good advice I hope his wife learns to be more frugal and learn that it is in fact not normal to be in debt! Get outta debt lady!
Dave said my thoughts exactly. Hes being soft.
I thought the entire premise of Dave's show is that it is normal to be in debt; but that your life will be better if you are abnormal and get out and stay out debt....
We can barely understand ourselves. Good luck fully understanding someone else.
Yes Dave!!
Exactly!
Love it !!
Me thinks hiding money from his wife is just the tip of the iceberg in that marriage.
Hiding one thing tends to mean hiding other things.
Honestly, the more I listen to the Dave Ramsey Show, the more it makes me not EVER want to marry.
10 to 1 she is doing the exact same thing, just for her own end.
No don’t listen to them keep saving or get divorced
What if he has already had the hard conversation and the spouse still isn’t on board??
well said Dave thought the same....he should lead her and his family to financial freedom by doing whatever it takes even if it upsets her.
"You have to be willing to make a scene"
I feel for this guy, I couldn’t bring myself to tell my gf that I was paying off debt. It worked out for me in the end but if I had to do it again I wouldn’t date until I had every debt paid off.
Or just be upfront and make sure you’re on the same page
Syn Flowers IMO, you should not be blunt about gazelle intensity, I think most people are not receptive to this. Why not give it a month or two and see what progress you make, then bring it up at that point. I’d be much more receptive personally if my gf said she had already started paying down her debt then asked what I thought. It would show me she was serious
Continue doing what you are doing Sir and if possible find away to have access to it without it being in your name.
Dave didn’t say it the way I would, because telling someone to be “aggressive” with his wife is problematic. I do think that it’s important to advocate for yourself and have hard conversations. The Dave way is just to say this is how it is. Women these days (myself included) do not bow down to their husband and just do whatever they decide to demand. It’s important to respect your spouse enough to talk to them.
I agree, but there is always some people that refuse to listen, even after years of patience, some just require a more aggressive method.
@@joeairbender267 at that point, I’m thinking they’re just incompatible. Most healthy relationships don’t require one spouse throwing fits to get the other to listen.
I guess the word would be “assertive “
You're just scared of someone standing up to you
I agree, Dave rants on these shows I get that. In a marriage no one should be getting aggressive and telling the other person what’s going to happen. They need a heart to heart and set some goals as a couple or go to counseling to do it. Thankful that my husband and I are usually on the same page with money and has been a big reason we’ve been together for 25 years.
I was gonna say at least he's saving the money. I know people who would blow that stuff and fight their wives on it. Pretty terrible but that's how it goes
This is why I tell people you need 3 accounts, 2 personal accounts and 1 house account. Agree on an amount that goes into the house account and the rest is their own money to spend how they choose
nope dudes gotta keep doing what he's doing
Never tell the truth when a lie will suffice!!!
I'm not here to judge, just giving my own opinion.
If you are lying are doing something without your spouse's knowledge secretly, what else are you capable of doing behind his/her back?
Deception starts with a small seed and then it grows.
I have been divorced for years now, and my ex was really bad with money or even holding a job, i guess over all in life management. I now know what to look at and what to discuss with a possible future husband.
Dave has the right spirit, but gave bad advice. Trying to control your spouse into doing anything, even if you believe it to be right, is just as catastrophic as lying. I think what he was trying to say was the husband should be more assertive, which I agree with.
I also believe in many of these “my spouse is ruining us” callers, the accuser looks past their own mistakes and focuses on the other. They’ll notice the car note on their partners vehicle, but rationalize their own as reasonable. Many of these folks could use a more balanced perspective all around.
Good idea to get your prospective partners credit score prior to getting serious and watch her spending habits closely. Does she shop at Costco and Walmart, or is she hitting the boutiques? Partners don't change after marriage. They do more of the same.
Absolutely.
I can see this happening in this case because they're on such different pages and I'm willing to bet she has a maxed out credit card he doesn't know about. Can't he get some agency to detail what debts she has?
I bet she'll call the police on him and accuse him of domestic abuse when he confronts her about wasting money
This a simple sit down and talk to each other about what's going on
It’s difficult and I understand. I have a friend who is married and she wants to send her nephew money . Her husband is very frugal and doesn’t want to send money like that as he is also on an aggressive debt free journey. she sends money privately when she’s gets raises.
How about first you get his wife to understand that being in debt is not normal, and spending all their money is wrong, saying that he's doing something wrong is absolutely crazy!
I think its funny how all these questions the answer is always you need a marriage counselor. 9/10 times it never works, most counselors don't care about your marriage they just want your money. If you want your marriage to work you gotta learn to compromise or your headed for divorce
@@Austenfan177 Do you have experience in this or this hearsay? Were you married and now divorced as a result of the therapy? Just curious. Not judging you.
Exactly. And this overspending shrew has no intention of compromising.
That's why you counsel with a friend or someone from church for free. So they can go and blab it to everyone!
No way in the hot place I will ever again partner with someone who isn’t on the same page with me. About money and everything else. Cost me half of my hard earned net worth to divorce a guy who refused to work. Never again.
I dated a woman 20 yrs older than me. She cared about this relationship more than getting to the Bag. Always wanted to hang out. Had to let her go! She wasn't about her money and continuing the Debt free journey!
Hey, Dave, I think it would be really cool if you could approach money and social status, as in, not wanting to get your hands dirty to "protect" your social status, thus keeping yourself from wealth
This Dr. never calls women out
Money is such a big stumbling block in a lot of marriages! Try and find someone that is walking at least in the same direction if not on a similar path! I’ve been around a few people who blame their wives for bankruptcy a few times in a marriage! I’ve always thought it was both of them!
Honesty is the best policy!
Sometimes the problem is social class and appearances and so forth.
I don’t agree. I would keep that money away from her. You’ll never know when you marriage can come to an end.
Take her to FPU. Don't tell her it's because of her; she'd resist. Tell her that you want the information for your family finances and you want to work from a common base.
I needed to hear this
100% Dave!
“A duck fit”😂🤣🤭
This title got me thinking of the "Why you always lying" parody song. Now it's in my head 😂
Nope....I have to disagree about this one. We have a LOT more money saved because I chose not to tell my spouse how well we're doing financially, otherwise we would NOT have the $1M+ net worth we do have. Spouse is not denied anything...within reason.
He doesn’t ever need to be aggressive in her face, He needs to be very assertive.this needs to be done in the presence of a professional with the proper training. Don’t drag your friends into this.
He is doing that because she won't quit spending! If she was thrifty he would have told her ASAP. She will demand access to that money, guaranteed!
This reminds me of that Friends episode when Chandler had been secretly saving money for a house and kids. While Monica wanted to spend a ton on their wedding. Though in the end it worked out after they talked about it. However this isn't a show, gotta stop lying but you might want to get help to help you to get her to understand your concerns. Good luck
“Though in the end it worked out” I don’t think so, he caved so it did not work out she got her way
@@76tennboy Yeah I think your right, it's been awhile since I watched the episode.
@@High5748 😂 you don’t know me, but if you did you would know better than to question me on friends material. I annoy my family to death because I basically have the whole show memorized
Stuff like this makes me glad I'm divorced.
When I was married, my then wife opened up bank accounts in multiple banks. Even she forgot about them. I only found out about them when we sold our first house and was cleaning out the desk.
Get her on board or move on. She's not the one.
The backbones are on isle 3. Balls are on isle 4.
“Debt is normal” noooooooooo
John kept saying to call a friend to mediate the conversation. This subject is toxic to friendship. Please don’t involve your friend in your financial situation.😫
Absolutely! I was that friend. Now all 3 of us don’t speak to each other. I thought I was helping, but I ended up giving up on both of them.
I must agree, the friend then becomes a tool in the relationship, and the best people to be used as tools are those that get paid to be tools and have no concerns of friendship: it’s just another day at the office for them.
That Dave Ramsey is a mess!!!! He tells it like it is! I love him
Me and my boyfriend live together and it will be 2 years right away, We pay everything with cash 💸, We save for what we want cause we are trying to get debt free. We hate debt. I am so glad me and him are on the same page with debt.
My wife and I have made a mistake by letting a debt settlement company help us get out of debt, we will be under contract with them for 3 years, but after reading your book I don't think it was the right move and now I don't know what to do. Can you please give me some advise?
Search "Dave Ramsey Debt Consolidation"...at least 6 videos come up and will help your situation. All the best!
Both of my Ex-husbands parents had significant secret money. They had no debt and lived well within the known money. They both confided in my hubby when he was growing up. It may have worked for them but destroyed my husband’s ability to deal with money honestly in our marriage. He should never married an auditor because he kept getting caught in lies.
The Walmart joke makes me laugh all the time!
He’s a smart man (I haven’t even watched the video)
This situation is so Minnesotan
She thinks you are NEVER going to Die! Extremely irresponsible of a Grown Woman to NOT think about this!
Hard for most men to be actual men. They were never shown and taught. That's all this boils down to.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 TOTALLY AGREE!!!
Or orrr, put all your assets in some family member you trust, like a brother or sister, keep investing on the lowkey of things, whatever happens you’re out of there with something
Lol brother and sister can be worse.
If you lie about money in a relationship then there's a good chance of divorce when the other finds out in which case you get fked and lose half your money anyway. Be real with her, sit down and explain calmly. Try multiple times with examples of why it's better over time. If she still doesn't accept it then sadly you have a dumb wife that can't think beyond the short term and it might be time for you to leave before it's too late and she screws your life up.
This man had learned from experience that if his wife knows there’s a dollar in the bank then his wife will spend a dollar. If only he knew about this before he got married.
Marriage is a partnership that takes a lot of work. One problem when men start wanting to following the baby steps before the wife is the wife is usually more responsible for household expenses which put a lot of pressure on them. We need to make sure we are doing our part in what we spend first.