Women, S3ggs, & the Internet | Khadija Mbowe
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- Опубликовано: 9 апр 2022
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A great read (u can listen to it as well):
A Socialist, Feminist, and Transgender Analysis of “Sex Work”
/ a-socialist-feminist-a...
Yes the “people with vulvas” was not my finest moment, I hope y’all know by now we don’t fraternize with TERFs on this channel nevertheless, the language matters. I got y’all in the deep dive 💕
Also, please read the article I linked in the description. Esperanza is a feminist, union organizer, and her paper centres Trans women (it’s specifically about prostitution and she uses that word over sex work intentionally.)
I think it worked well in this context because unfortunately, while trans women's bodies are still just as commodified as cis women's bodies, there's a lot more to it.
Not only more violence but more of a commonality that trans women sex workers may not actually be treated as women but instead heavily fetishized, despite the fact that many (especially Black and Brown women) end up doing sex work to survive. Assuming they get to survive, higher murder rates and additional police issues for sure.
It's not that trans women aren't included in this initial part, many experience similar harassment (makes me sad that sometimes the most unifying example of being a woman or passing as one is understanding the harassment and lack of safety) but to say this wholly encompassed how trans women experience sex work would be a misnomer.
Likewise, trans men (or nonbinary people with vulvas) who cannot afford or have access to any aspect of transitioning also turn to sex work to survive, unfortunately the only commonality for most trans sex workers (especially those doing it to survive) is being fetishized and not being allowed to actually be themselves.
But it's still different than being a trans women, primarily because of the violence men commit against trans women and the additional legal protection they have (someone disclosing themselves as trans still can and is used to justify murder in court). Gay trans men have some additional risk as well.
All this to say I took the phrase "and people with vulvas" as a way to explain what the scope of this video was covering vs anything overarching, in part because this channel has been a trans inclusive space.
Definitely not telling anyone how to feel, just explaining the perspective I took as a trans and nonbinary person.
Thank you for making this. I'm halfway through, but I love this video. I've been saying for years that we all sell our bodies under capitalism.
I finished it, and a video about consent would be a good follow up on this one.
I once got in an argument with someone saying sex work is always coercive even if you enjoy it, because you need the money to survive. I told her that means all work is coercive.
She asked me if I would rather suck d*** than be a coal miner, and I said I would in a heartbeat, and people make that choice all of the time.
I read the article. Though I certainly can sympathize with her experience and what led her to think the way she does, I can't agree with her conclusions. It definitely made me think, though, which is always important when evaluating why you feel the way you do about certain subjects. Like you said at the end, "you can always change your mind;" and in this case I didn't.
being sexualized is my least favourite part of being a woman. I would do anything to be seen as a human being first.
Surround yourself with mostly women. Best decision of my life. Cishet males are just no good
Quadruply so as an Ace woman.
Same I feel this every day it’s infuriating
Same. Invisibility is preferable to unwanted sexual attention.
on the flip side, as a (traditionally speaking) ugly woman (because i'm trans, non-passing...), i would love to be sexualized for my body....
not being devil's advocate here just giving a different perspective (i dont think a lot of trans women would agree with me tho).
i am dealing with a lot of internalized misogyny and i can see how the patriarchy has rotted my brain.
I used to work in anti sex trafficking, and before then I was all for positive sex work ideologies. After seeing the other side, you realize that the way we sometimes talk about swx work does a lot to erase the most common and ugliest experiences from a lot of people who don't have the privilege of an only fans account. It's a complex dynamic and you did a great job of engaging, can't wait to hear part 2.
@Cinnamon Girls same :(
@Cinnamon Girls same unfortunately
Oh wow, becoming a view of yours set me here, and I didn't know you had that history! I was previously an Advocate for Survivors of DVSA for a nonprofit so that's just an interesting intersection of history! We also saw similar issues regarding some of the avoidant behaviors around discussing some of the social costs about the ways we discuss s*x work.
Yeah legalizing prostitution increased dramatically the sex trafficking from poor countries to Holland and Germany... If people are exploited in other professions this one seems very risky specially when there is an employer
@@victoriap1561 If they can legalize it, then they can regulate it better. It's so sick to just knowingly let human trafficking happen!
Khadija really is the Batman but somehow the Joker of commentary RUclips. I love the duality
Also Khadija looking mad good in that leather jacket
this is the most incredible compliment I've ever received, and I was once told that I looked like Beyonce.
in all seriousness thank you, I grew up on gay batman and joker so it's nice to know not all my childhood memories are repressed...
They contain multitudes 😄
The range, we Stan
@@KhadijaMbowe 😭gay?
"If your liberation doesn't upset your oppressor, you are not liberated at all."
Aside from simply not engaging in sex work, I wonder what would absolutely bother the shit out of 'em? Whatever the answer is, start doing that
@@MiketheNerdRanger try saving yourselves for marriage, not showing your naked bodies and see how the oppressor loses their shit
Genius did you just come up with that?
@@MiketheNerdRanger well there were alot of hot takes when onlyfans started to attract sex workers. Lots of men venting on tiktok and twitter speficily dowgrading women on there.
Yup. This is the only comment that's needed.
I have many conflicted thoughts about this. Lately, I have been thinking about how straight men have been "sexually liberated" for much longer than women, but this liberation has never been about exposing or exploiting their own bodies. So why this, in particular, is a center of the women's liberation movement. Not only are the men the ones that are being more financially benefited in these industries, but also the main consumer. At times it feels like, as a community, women decided that if our bodies are going to be exploited anyway, we might as well gain something out of this. Idk how u all feel, but this doesn't feel empowering to me. As much as this benefits women it feels like it benefits other people much more. I guess that is ok, but also, how f...ing convenient.
I'm a sox worker and I can sum up your question quite simply by saying sox work is not empowering. We never said it was or has to be. We just want everyone to realize and treat sox work like it is a valid profession. We want the stigma removed, we want the discourse on it's validity (like your comment) to stop. Is being an electrical engineer empowering? No? It's a job, just like anyone else's, that isn't tied to our self image, or femininity, or trans identity, etc etc . It's just a job.
"this liberation has never been about exposing or exploiting their own bodies" !!!
@@angelac.1211 never gonna happen.
@@angelac.1211 yes other jobs are going to be empowering for women because they bring in money, independence based on intellectual (or artistic) knowledge. Not based on our body or ability to have s*x, which is and remain a private and intimate act between consenting partners. Not a performance.
@@SoufyAsth If you're saying sox work doesn't require intellectual and artistic knowledge, wow. I guess there goes my photography, advertising, makeup artistry, and website building skills. You sound like a capitalist. Why are you arguing about which jobs are valid when all jobs under capitalism are a wage slavery? Sox work is work.
I would LOVE for you to cover consent. I am a former sex worker, and I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. He is the first man I've ever encountered who truly understands consent and it was surreal being with him at first. It was also wild how much time I had to spend convincing hi. I wasn't some nympho who might at any moment stumble back into what to me was nothing more than a job, and not even a good job at that.
(as an aside: if you're interested in being interviewed for the deep dive email me!
@@KhadijaMbowe I have to think about that. What's your email?
@@KhadijaMbowe I myself have been frustrated with our culture's lack of understanding of consent, and even as a gay man have paid the price from other men (and even some women) not respecting my body and my own sexuality and my given consent that goes along with it.
@@justhearmeout3959 in the description I think
Yes, please. I would like to hear you cover this, as well. Thx.
“What men will pay for, is what the world becomes” (paraphrasing) just BLEW my mind. Wow. Amazing video.
You have a way of talking about really important shit in a way that doesn’t leave me feeling hopeless. Thank you!
@@Neo.Jordon not you again ugh . The last thing we want is another mysoginst philosopher. Wtf u want
@@Neo.Jordon huh, what does "sw" mean??
@@Neo.Jordon that's quite a blatant over simplification of what actually pushes women into SW, you either don't understand what you're talking about or have been indoctrinated into a certain line of thinking; either way you need to reconsider speaking so confidently about something you clearly don't know much about.
@@ryu9123 It’s an abbreviation for sex work.
@@LoneWulf278 oh, thanks, I've found the abbreviation on urban dictionary after but there are too many meanings for "sw" tbh
Ask a guy who sleeps with sex workers how he’d feel if his daughter became one. It becomes pretty clear pretty quick that they’re aware of the dangers and impacts, but when it isn’t someone who is a close relation to them, they don’t give a shit
Wow!! The idea that the desire for access to women's bodies is the catalyst for men evolving the internet is fascinating 👏🏾
To give another example in the Google sphere, RUclips owes its very existence to the desire to locate and preserve Janet Jackson's nip "slip" (that was totally intentional on the part of one or both parties) at the Super Bowl halftime show.
I was sat quietly for some time after I watched that part of the episode.
Yes, and there's a lens where a few industries grew or failed because of the same reasons. The rise of VHS had a lot to do with adult entertainment, some moral panic groups tried to shut down printing presses because they might print sexy stuff, some moral panic about comics was about sexy ones, superman's first artist did sexy stuff he had to hide it....it's both an old and consistent trend.
Here’s the real tea, there were women who helped program the expansion of the internet with full knowledge of the drive behind it
@@nonnieJ94 It’s really difficult to pick and choose where to use your skill set in a capitalist society. I’m working on my BS CS, I’d rather work for a mission driven company but would I turn down an opportunity at a MANGA company? No. Will I use my skills to build other applications for the demographics I want to provide resources for, yes. It’s all gray. Student loans don’t pay themselves.
Speaking of the infamous "Deep Throat," I would highly recommend looking deeper into Linda Lovelace's life. She later recounted that she was being sexually trafficked, exploited, and abused by her then-husband who also coerced her to do this trash movie against her will...other people knew but, as per usual, no one batted an eye. She said that anyone watching it would be witnessing her being r*ped and abused. I hate that this is not common knowledge, this woman went through too much.
Sickening that was shown in theatres
That.... is horrible. 😟
Ive seen a biopic about her im sure. Never knew she was the one who was featured in that film though. Thats so saddening.
Also, it's becouse this very much movie that today many women hate blow job, it's not becouse they don't want to please their partners, it's becouse their partners treat them so bad during this act, like gag them and other stuffs.
Boosting that comment
If woman's bodies were not made so taboo it would gain less attention; because I can't imagine a naked man breaking the internet no matter his class in society
Right? Its a vicious cycle. Women have to compartmentalize their sexuality and set up extreme boundaries because men treat their boundaries as a challenge.
@@lefu87williford55 Yes that's a great way of putting it. But than we are B@@@ for having boundaries but if we are nice than we are "flirting"
Women's bodies don't need to be more or less taboo, they most of all need to be respected.
@@SoufyAsth women's bodies absolutely need to be less taboo. No one benefits from women's bodies being treated like forbidden fruit. Least of all women.
@@tessfromtheu.s256 It's like "What? You're treating me like a person instead of a big scary animal? No way! I guess I'm free to act like a big scary animal."
I never knew that about the dress J Lo wore and it's impact on the internet! It seems the exploitation of women will never end-we have sooo much more to "break the internet" with. Thanks for always bringing a range of content...keep singing, dropping knowledge, and spreading love!
I was like "oo, talk about why youtube was created!!" and of course she did 👑
@@christopherbrown5409 Millions of men wanted to see a certain celebrity in a skimpy dress so Google images was created to satisfy that demand, Jlo had nothing to do with this. She was a celebrity at an award show.
@@christopherbrown5409 my dude, the person you're replying to said "millions of", not "solely" men. People don't owe you receipts for claims they never actually made lol.
@@mariashaki89 How is wanting to see a publicly available photo of a wealthy celebrity wrong.
@@sweetpeabee4983 v
I would really love a video on consent. As a sex worker I have been S.A., I think people often forget just because you do that as a job that it doesn’t mean it takes away any bodily consent you have. Even in the past before my current partner, I often found that if guys I dated knew I was a stripper they wouldn’t care as much to get my consent. Also they would expect me to be insanely sexual all the time which is just not it.
It’s hard too being in the industry, I have been traumatised at times in it but a lot of that is because there aren’t proper laws in place to protect sex workers. We are also still pretty ostracised even tho it’s become more talked about on social media. I also just feel like it’s hard to criticise it without people being like “this is completely feminist, if this work doesn’t work for you get out” or “sex work should be illegal and it’s disgusting” like it feels like there isn’t an in between where we could actually make improvements and make it safer. And people forget there are real people doing these jobs like me. I am real, I am here, I have gone through some shit and as I heal it’s my mission to one day make it a safer environment for other sex workers. No one deserves to go through what I have gone through and what some of my friends have gone through in the industry. We are people like anyone else.
''We are people like everyone else'' 100%! This is the core argument for decriminalization and for s. workers rights. It doesn't matter if it's ''empowering'', ''immoral'' or not because at the end of the day, all s. workers deserve to be safe.
Thank you for sharing this! I'm from a country where sex work isn't illegal and discussions around it have been going on for decades. Because sex workers themselves have mainly been left out of these discussions, laws were sometimes passed that were meant to protect women but did the opposite. There are smaller programmes that are successful and they are mainly lead by ex-sex workers and people who actually go out and talk to sex workers to ask them what they need.
I'm really sorry to hear that you had to go though traumatizing things for your job. Nobody deserves to be treated like that at their work.
Much love!!!
I'm a SW as well and I hate how common it is for its to get straight up assaulted on the job. Until we as a society actually talk about the violence against us nothing is ever going to change. Would love to see Khadija cover some of this.
Solidarity. 💜 We exist. We are people. We need sex work decriminalized so we can reach out for help if we want to.
@@rowena7380 we also need the media to start portraying us as PEOPLE. Too often are "dead hookers" and "dropout strippers" the butts of the jokes. Decriminalization is going to take forever if our societal perceptions of SW stay like this :(
Really appreciate this video and this dialogue. Years ago I dated a porn addict. He told me he was when we met. Coincidentally, before I knew this part of him, he was a very *almost performative* self proclaimed “feminist”. He would almost never have any opinion about anything, especially my appearance because he said that “You can do whatever you want”. Like my choice not to shave my armpits was met with him saying that “I have no control over what you do, I am a feminist” which was true, but also for some reason was frustrating the way he always said that.
Then, when he told me he was a porn addict, spending sometimes 10 hours a day watching it, I said.. “I thought you were a feminist”. He argues that it WAS feminist to watch porn be a it was supporting women’s sexual liberation. I got so angry.
Not because I don’t support Women’s sexual liberation - women should own their bodies and the commodification of them! But because his idea of feminism was so off about that. Justification of his addiction.
He said I obviously wasn’t a feminist if I didn’t agree with the porn industry that he supported. Which I think is very incorrect belief but maybe not, let me know what you think.
It is a deep and nuanced subject to be had by us and to be understood by men, but he just didn’t get what I was trying to say.
I find it so insidious how he was almost setting you up for that!
that was definitely manipulative justification for watching what seems to be an excessive amount of porn. i would also like to respectfully suggest that the subject should be addressed by and understood by us all together as humans and not differently based on gender. grouping that creates othering is part of the scaffolding that contributes to many foundational problems in our civilization and societies.
Ngl I fail to see the reason in the part where his feminist beliefs are challenged because he said he had a porn addiction..
Mans wylin saying that watching porn was "supporting women's liberation" 💀 every addict has ways they mentally justify their unhealthy addictions I guess
@@quanzaylundy7359 honestly? same. i get that op was annoyed at this guys performative activism, but saying “i thought you were a feminist” when someone admits a porn addiction is buckwild. the way he defended himself was wrong, but like, obviously he’s going to get defensive when someone questions his beliefs because of his addiction.
“if i was a woman i would be making so much money.” -some man
the easiest way to get cis hetero men to understand why you are uncomfortable being objectified is to ask if they would be comfortable working in a gay bar. if the answer is no ask why. if the answer is yes, tell them how much money they can make and watch them quit after one shift. . . lol
Love this, will definitely be asking that in the future.
Red flag
Yea I agree with you and I probably wouldn't want to work at a gay bar. But at the same time, I'm still gonna watch porn and objectify women because I like sexy female bodies. End of story fam
@@octavioavila6548And be a degenerate as well
@@octavioavila6548And you’re a hypocrite
I think its worth discussing how despite how commodified sex and women have become, the devaluing of women in the process, mainly wex workers, is crazy and makes women seem disposable once they cross "the point of no return" that is sex work . its something that hardly ever gets brought up in the true crime community. The easiest way to illustrate what I mean is how sex workers are often targeted by serial killers because of their vulnerability and weaponsizing the apathy of cops to their murders and disappeances seriously. Thats so blatantly discrimination and devaluing people based upon the idea that sex workers are not sympathetic victims snd dont deserve to be taken seriously.
Yes and i hate how often it is hard to even find a name of sex workers who were killed by serial killers. They are legitimately not seen as human beings.
Women of color alot of the time are also assumed to be sex workers and are overlooked when they go missing.
Such a good point. The stigma is the most dangerous part, since it’s what keeps women from getting out of the business.
@@samsprague3158 What are the ways that women get INTO the business? Of them, which is the most common?
I think men want all control of women's bodies..they want access to it without her actively enjoying the benefits of having sexual desires and the pleasure that comes with it. This ties in with being a wifey material and how a woman should keep herself because if she reveals too much according to his opinions then her value to him is lost because she shows that she has the control over her body. For sex workers even the men they work with discriminate against them probably because she is an active participant in the act and that force them to see her as more than a object for his pleasure that he has control over.
This topic really makes me think about Gen Z and how many young people (people who are AFAB especially) in the generation are criticized for being too sexy too soon. Whether this is a good thing or not is a different conversation, but young women like Danielle Cohn and Bhad Babie being so demonized for an participating in a culture that has been pushed on them since birth really bothers me. I was born the year JLo wore that dress. My generation was raised on the internet and some of the internet’s most impactful platforms were created to sell sex, so it makes sense to me that we as a generation have started to equate sexy with being valuable more than other generations. I was in middle school when Instagram was created and being an IG model became a profession. I was a freshman in high school when Kylie Jenner got her lip fillers. How would things like this not affect how a young AFAB person saw their body and it’s potential for being a commodity? Why is the onus of the problem put on us?
Edit: As someone in this thread pointed out, this doesn’t just affect AFAB people and it’s very important to not let that get lost!
You're absolutely right! It's not the young people's fault, they're just trying to follow and fit into the cultural landscape that's been [both deliberately and implicitly] advertised to them since they were children. And the things that we're frequently exposed to during childhood naturally become important parts of our identities, so you really can't blame the young people for wanting to conform to a certain image of "sexiness".
Also, hormones fed to dairy cows can leach into the milk they produce, which when consumed (especially in large quantities, as the USRDA recommends) may cause young girls to begin puberty at an earlier age. In a cruel coincidence, one greed-driven industry is telling them that self-sexualization is "good", while another greed-driven industry is literally selling them milk that causes them to prematurely reach sexual maturity (in the biological sense).
I saw tiktok that basically said adults are victim blaming children for participating in a society they created while ignoring how they proliferate the sexualization of minors while also patronizing them. Like adults who victim blame minors for being groomed because they perceive the minors to be hyper sexual despite the minors participating and fast fashion microtrends
genuinely, like even as a literal CHILD it felt shameful/invalidating to not be seen as sexy, like you weren't as much of a girl or wouldn't have as many opportunities if you weren't appealing to men - and so our perceived end goal 'glow up' would be to become sexy, learning to commodify our bodies for men since CHILDHOOD. It's SO messed up!
I agree with this as a millennial too. Also the internet is massive it’s interesting those people who blame young people seem to only be finding examples of young people being sexually available somehow, rather than searching for the content where young people are talking about politics, books, history, how to make slime, their religious beliefs, their favourite theme parks and all the other shit young people are making ? Like if you wanna find examples of young people people not doing content where they’re selling sexual appeal in some way there’s plenty of it out there, so it’s a bit sus that those adults seem to be finding a lot of examples of it right? It’s also notable that THATS the shit that’s getting bought, getting the most attention literally because of them consuming it in the first place
Because you still have a choice?
Tbh it’s so weird to me when men brag about how they would excel in a hypothetical situation where they are women and sells their bodies on the internet like it’s the easiest thing in the world, and I’m just dumb for not making extra bank by selling my body somehow. Like 1. It’s easy to brag about stuff you never have to prove. 2. You definitely still can sell your body if you are a man so what’s stopping ya buddy? And 3. Do you even see how some women are haunted their entire lives by instances where they have partaken in it? Like even when it’s involuntary, like Paris, Kim (I’m on the side who don’t believe she leaked it herself) and Pam where they didn’t intend for it to be shared and it follows them around forever. There can literally be a post about how Kim got someone out of prison or whatever and there are still smartasses in the comment focusing on how undeserving she is of respect due to her sextape.
Not as many people will pay to see a man. What I think's interesting is how this shows men overlook women they aren't attracted too. Most women don't look like cam girls.
Those are also the types to whine about women having life on easy mode because women can just earn easy money by “selling themselves”… but for real tho, men can make way easier money by “selling women”
Great reply! Laughed at what’s stopping ya buddy
@@lefu87williford55 But there might be men willing to pay for men? I don't know the market at all but I can imagine that there is always someone willing to pay but the question is what you are willing to do
@@Neo.Jordon Not really for me and I'm good with that. I don't think you should be ashamed of sexwork but let's not pretend that others won't shame you or want to keep you out of certain rooms if you have done it
khadija, i am a trans woman from brazil, a country where the unemployment of trans women is so massive that most people that identify with this gender identity is pushed onto sex work on some way, myself included. i have long thought of the implications of my existence and the huge weird con that happens in brazil in regards to this cycle of being denied jobs and having to become a sex worker and never being welcome in social spaces because you’re a trans woman + sex worker, and i think i might add a lot to the debate in a next video, would love to be a part of it somehow!
❤
você com ctz deveria mandar um e-mail pra elu! identidade de gênero e exploração sexual aqui no Brasil são dois assuntos muito complicados né, ainda mais quando se interligam, por conta da moralidade católica que permeia nosso dia a dia...
@Catarina cuide de suas dores e das minhas, cuido eu.
Manda um email para ela
So 3 things I learned that will now live in my head rent free after this video:
1. Women against Porn = WAP
2. I've been sleeping on The Deuce
3. Method had Straight hair and a pimp suit 😭😭
he is fine in anything like oh my gawd
Not the "Women Against Porn" ✋😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂
"Having to prostitute my personality on a platform that takes 1/2 my money" Honestly, I think you covered parasocial relationships, but that sentence could be it's own video right there.
I've done survival sex work and even then on isolated occasions because my anxiety is so high it stops me from meeting up with clients often. Men rarely think about consequences their actions have on the health of others or themselves. Especially if it involves screwing. Most clients don't want to use protection- which leaving aside how they don't care about my health as I am just a commodity- they don't even ponder about the possibility I might carry a potentially deadly disease, for example. Nope. Meanwhile us women have to worry about a myriad of catastrophic consequences every time we make a risky reproductive choice. It's no wonder they always boast about how much money they'd make selling themselves when they don't look at the downside.
I'm autistic so I get overwhelmed by basic tasks, the upkeep needed to guarantee my health and safety in such a risky line of work makes me more likely to starve than to make cash. It's a sensory hell being with men as well. Wish dying was easy.
My heart just broke into a million pieces reading this. So glad you got out 💜
The way men can be so cavalier about the consequences of s x baffles me. Even in a committed relationship with a fertile female- bodied partner, a man's head will explode if there's an accidental pregnancy... As if that wasn't always an inherent risk?!?!?!
Both parties are responsible when engaging in such a risky act. Let’s also it forget that.
"Women have to worry about a myriad of catastrophic consequences every time we have a risky reproductive choice. It's no wonder they always boast about how much money they'd make selling themselves when they don't see the downside"
This explains so much of their irresponsible and stupid behavior, you just put all that perfectly in words. These thoughts don't even come to their minds!! That's so true!
You so close to 500k even I could smell it 😮💨 and it is FRAGRANT 😩
IT'S FRAGRANT LOOOL
Holy crap, Foreign Man!!
I know I should not be suprised to see you here since you made battle with the Walt Disney and the Star Wars franchises and lived to tell the tale [and also upload your RUclips video.]; but still!!
That Loud
@@Neo.Jordon Have you considered sitting down and listening before shouting your head off and making trouble for everyone?
Hope this helps. 🤗😚😶😍😘
@@Neo.Jordon get out
I'm so glad you made these points. I think there has been an overcorrection in lefty spaces against the shaming of sex work, where sex work is seen as universally good without any kind of critique of the inevitable exploitation of workers under capitalism.
So if it was under socialism, will it be an utopia....
I think that there's still too much shit attached. They're not wrong in saying that the *act of doing sex work* isn't a bad thing. They don't seem to acknowledge enough the negative trains of thought surrounding it that *still* persist, even with exposure to sex work being much more commonplace. Sex work doesn't happen in a vacuum, unfortunately.
The fact that the power of h 0 r n y is constantly leading to innovation when is comes to the internet, makes perfect sense but none at all.
So true
It's the strongest urge
It's simple to understand, but at the same time....it's just so hard to believe.
I'm a trans masc guy who passes pretty well because of baggy clothes and still developing body but this video has made me aware of how normalised it is to be sexulised in day to day life. Like how I get treated when I'm in a classroom and seen as girl or at the plaza and seen as a boy, it subtle but it's their.
I could be wrong but I feel like this may also have tie in with the way trans/gender non conforming bodies are seen inherently sexual or like cis people are entitled to know about our bodies, what genitals we have, how do we have sex, ect.
I like it you don't fit the mold or have the gender expression of a "man" then your body is up for examination and speculation.
Again I could be wrong but it might be worth to point out, great video gave me a lot of food for thought.
The other day, I was thinking about sexual liberation. Especially when it comes to grown women. As a teenager, I think misunderstood the meaning. Looking back now. Before a woman has a baby, she's sexualised until she does. And the she's not sexually attractive anymore for some reason. Unless she looks like she has never had a baby.
Another thing. Would you ever be interested talking about ethics of fanfictions made about celebrities? I think there could be a discussion made there. I see a lot of fanfictions made of celebs and I have enjoyed many of them. But sometimes it feels invasive. I don't think i'm alone in this😅.
Also maybe even less related - but this comment made me think that we could also discuss - around like misunderstanding hypersexuality - especially as it pertains to teens and also victims of sexual harassment and abuse -
@@sperry8399 That's also a really good subject to bring up. I don't think it's talked about much. I only remember Kat Blaque talk about it.
The crazy thing is that is very more common right now that pregnant body ir being fetishized
@@knivedcobra Are we talking about Kpop fanfictions here, if yes you weren't the only one joyning 😂😂
@@hopenothere991 I mean celebs in general.
Men think that the only thing holding us back is the mentality that is ingrained into women as a whole via the society and religious. What we see has stumbling blocks, they see as disposable. One of my friends (who engaged in the use of sex workers.) would say the same thing. He would laugh at my naïveté regarding such things. He'd talk about how he would definitely be a sex worker if he would be born a female, I'd tell him that he wouldn't because daughters are raised differently and such the consequences more severely. I think men are innocent in a different way because if capitalism truly believes that women should be allowed to do sex work why do they not permit the availability to keep sex workers to stay in business via abortion clinics, free contraceptives and preventive measures? Capitalism cannot afford women (nor homosexuality, children free marriages, sexual health care or abortions) that liberty for the simple reason that it prevents the machine from getting more workers. The entire system falls apart without it. It is to the systems benefit to keep women out of the truth about having sex without consequences it means less workers to exploit.
the system also benefits from keeping men from the truth of sex work as well. male sympathy fkr sex workers has been combatted against by men the most. it takes the oppressor to stop oppressing . since men are the arbiters and regulators of swx work, if they suddenly gain sympathy for sex workers by learning the ugly truth, it could make allies out of them and further slow the supply of vulnerable women into sex work
"innocent" you mean ignorant? yeah
capitalism is for men
@@elleofhearts8471 men should have stopped normalizing the sexual world - pornography, sexy magazine... but unfortunately it has already been done and standardized to the point that it is not even questioned why men did not question this in an emphatic way in the 20th century. This question doesn't even make sense anymore. it's late
I think if sex work becomes so decentralized that any man or woman can do it, all sexual activity becomes commodified and transactional, which is some capitalist bullshit. Women (and men less frequently) do sex work for such a wide variety of reasons. I've done the same thing with the webcam model stuff, got screwed out of money for one show with a guy who wanted to marry me and have me move to Serbia. Then I closed my account and stopped. It's too weird and I felt like I only did it out of desperation. You should do a deep dive into social media porn because pornhub has basically become the facebook of porn. It almost feels financially stupid not to share your sex life when all you have to do is film it and upload it like your putting your family vacation on facebook. Capitalism is so fucked, it just exploits basic human behaviors.
and I think that society imposed sexual coercion part is very worth while to talk about. Its so easy to get sucked up into the idea that not monetizing your sexual capabilities will make you the one person that was wrong, which no one wants to be of course. no one wants to be the one person who passed on something that turned out to be a good thing
(this could parallel with the mythos of giant companies like Apple for example. Like how the initial stockholders were wrong to not keep them seeing as how successful Apple is now)
or that its just financially irresponsible to not produce sexual content at this point. which. reinforces bootstrap theory and the American myth that this is the land where anyone can become rich and all you have to do is try in order to succeed and that anyone who isn't rich didnt try hard enough.
yet the topic never comes up about he animosity of sex work workers and how deep it runs and how it can harm you for the long term due to other people's attitude towards it. How a potential employer can deny you a job based upon finding your nudes on the internet or finding out you used to do porn. The cyberspace is a place where nothing gets erased (for the most part) and once you place a piece of media in other person's hands, you have no control over where it goes. Which is harsh for victims of revenge porn as well they're not even engaging in sex work, but their nudes got posted to the internet, a potential employer found it, and denied the victim a job based on that. thats animosity towards sex work and slut shaming.
Sex work isn't even necessarily a stable and sustainable career. porn actress last less than 2 years and you dint get paid all that much. mia Khalifa spoke about how for as well known she is she only got paid $5,000 for the videos she has done.
So this effort to get women to produce sexual content isn't necessarily ultimately beneficial to women. Its most beneficial to porn platforms and consumers and directors. its just trying to convince women who are less vulnerable to engage in sex work only to hide the reality of it and discard them when the market wants to by weaponizing anti sex work(er) attitudes to limit their employment opportunities and get trapped into sex work as one of the last industries that wont judge them for their sex work history
@@elleofhearts8471 well you had me. I didn't understand the ending. I think when sex stopped being about baby making and more about the feeling or money or how something looks shit hit the fan. Because there's too much sexual stuff everywhere. It is literal procreation. Sex is for procreation whether you like it or not and it's something that is also spiritually binding. Soul ties are real. You hear all these sad-girl artists singing about why they want to forget about love but still want to please a guy? Not many, just one? It's because they want love, they have it, but they're shutting off their hearts and are engaging in sex that is making them become one with another person. And the strain is painful. Being connected to someone in that way only to be pushed away or replaced. Its hurtful and painful and it will happen regardless. You cant control it. You're just making yourself sad. Also, people don't even trust the people they are laying next to right now. Like why? SMH To expound your earlier claim, the porn and music industry are male ran industries and, as we see more female artists show their sexuality, it is merely a counter/or compliant repsonse to the blatant misogyny which is male sexual entitelment. Sex is something that is targeted more towards men so women are expected to get male fans by being sexual. And she is just expected to be sexualized. She is expected to go so far as to being obscene on stage. But it's subliminal too. In shows and movies you will see the camera focus and zoom on a woman's body longer than the man she's talking to. As a woman i don't want to see that. And i want men to figure out what they want now. The way they don't even known what they want. One minute they want an independent girl the next they want a girl whose all over them. One minute they want a rich girl the next they want a girl who depends on them. They want a spitfire and then they want a submissive. Then they want women to all be innocent but leave her for a thot. Make up your mind. So much confusion and it's all caused by this action that we can control. Stop using baby making for profit, world.
@@elleofhearts8471 agree, sex work is an industry based on male pleasure (mostly) and provides a career opportunity to financially unstable women. It might benefit women in some cases but still largely benefits the male consumers and producers.
@@peace1112 sex work doesnt exactly provide a career for women. its more like a last resort for most women. Its desperate work. thats not an opportunity to get a better life its work that offers exploitation to vulnerable women in exchange for money. rarely does sex work directly lead to a better life than pre sex work life. A career is sustainable over a long period of time like 8+ years. Most sex workers dont stay in sex work for 8+ years or at least not in the same form of sex work as they started with. Sex workers often use drugs and alcohol to be able to tolerate work. Thats not sustainable. a career can lead to different areas within the same industry. only a fraction of porn actresses become directors (and thats not by accident). I dont know of any woman owners of strip clubs who were strippers themselves or woman owners of porn or cam sites that were also cam girls themselves at one point. what sex work provides and what a career, no matter the industry, provides are different enough to not overlap significantly imo.
Plus the financial aspects are not the same for all women across the board. especially women of color, disabled women, non heteronormative women, homeless women, trans women, single mothers, and so on. These women are left in the dust the more marginalized and intersecting their identities are in sex work earnings. theyre esspecially not being provided a career or an opportunity by sex work but they deserve to be remembered in conversations about the benefits of sex work.
Almost feel "financially stupid" to not upload your sex life on the internet for money. Trust me this thought doesnt come to people naturally or desperately. Talk about your self and not generalise the rest of us as stupid
As a black women in entertainment l was only offered the stereotype of the overly sexualized image of my body. I had to make a choice, and left entertainment. The choice always belongs to women as the woman!
Thank you for doing this video 🙏🏾 im a human trafficking survivor and I wanted to ask if you could do a video on the influence of over sexualization on media also influencing the human trafficking and effecting younger and younger generations by marketing sexual freedom. My trafficker uses false artist jobs , fake talent agencies , modeling agencies ,and only fans to recruit women , he uses only fans models with large following to bring in more women as well. Here in Seattle paparticulaly there's open prostitution on a street called aurora with mostly underaged girls, and all the clubs here are guises for illegal brothels controlled by the same family that started them , that the city requires dancers to pay $300 for a license to "legally" "dance" at them
This got suggested to me and I appreciated the video and thoughtfully presented info so much! Also, I heard your personal reflection discussion at the end and just wanted to tell you you’re absolutely gorgeous inside and out. I appreciate your info & honesty!
I'm dying!!😱 Mama Dr. Jones has now entered the chat. Dear collab gods, let this collaboration happen.
This is so great!!
I don't know if you're covering this topic in this video, as I am still listening while typing, but...regarding how google search was created because people wanted to have access to a woman's body...I find that the 2022 version of this is men using AI to build female robots for...well, reasons. There is something rather disturbing about that, but we just brush it off like it's normal. I'm not sure what traits men possess that women don't. But there is a difference. I am yet to see a group of female engineers rushing or being desperate to build a full grown up male robot for pleasure.
Yess! I understand some women don’t mind this creation because it means undesirable men would leave us alone but it just doesn’t sit well with me at all. It’s weird as fuck, this obsession men have for women is gross and unnerving.
Bear in mind that some men will eventually get bored of this robot and will want to inflict their depravities on real women, there’s always an escalation with shit like this. It’s not normal and it will not benefit women in the long run but rather it will be another thing we’d have to fight against in the future.
It’s sickening.
I’m not sure what to think about the sex robot thing cuz that’s pretty extreme. But I will say, because of gendered expectations of dating and sexual relations, it seems women more often have issues finding quality men to sleep with, while many men struggle to find any woman to sleep with (whom is not invisible to him due to her shape/appearance). With this difference in mind, it makes some sense to me why frustrated women would be tempted to discard men as worthless, while frustrated men would be tempted to substitute women (eg with porn) because “attractive” women are scarce.
But yeah, that doesn’t address the insane desperation of a surprising number of men.
I’ve noticed that for Muslim hijabis the media always has to make us sexual to have us be “profitable” enough to have on a show. Even though us hijabis nvr asked to for that kind of reputation. They have to grant men access to our bodies.
Yeah, you also see the entitlement in men in there need to always expose us/sexualise us. It's why whenever there is a hijabi character in media, she takes her hijab off and starts wearing shirt clothes. It's why they made p*rn about hijabis because no matter what a women does, they will never respect the choices we make for ourselves, only the choices the force on us. It's why they say to women who choose to show their body more that they should 'leave something to the imagination' because they feel entitled to sit there and imagine and disrespect us and our bodies by thinking of us under our clothes.
It really pisses me off how the only way a girl or woman an be seen attractive is if she removes her hijab later on in the series it’s never her chose she’s either force , ridiculed , shamed or bullied for not meeting western ideology associating her with terrorism
Like that white man fetishizing Muslim women, Yeat.
Men somehow think we owe them for sexualizing us. I had a man tell me in the hospital last week that I should be thankful that I am receiving unwarranted, negative attention. I'd rather you leave me tf alone and allow me to do my job.
I think a video about consent would be amazing! And by the way I love literally everything about your look today! I absolutely adored this video and can’t wait to hear what else you learn on the journey to what we’re now talking about.
I would love a video about purity culture in religious communities and the harm that’s done through these weird ass principles being put on girls, often the most severely by their own family members.
This!
for the second half of your comment, you would probably like fundy fridays. Lovely channel mostly about high control religions and the weird sexual control aspects get broached a good amount.
@@elleofhearts8471 I’ll check them out! Thanks for the suggestion
I think the lyrics by Queen Janelle Monáe herself fit perfectly into the context of this video:
Everything is sex
And sex is power
You know Power is just sex
Now ask yourself who’s screwing you
Brillaint video as always auntie😩💖
Dang, those lyrics… powerful.
Okay, this video just solidified you as one of, if not, the BEST social commentary RUclipsr of all time. It takes GUTS to talk about this stuff objectively. ESPECIALLY something as controversial as this subject. Graceful and stellar work as always!
Khadija is fucking amazing, seriously one of (if not THE) best commentator on RUclips. Hope she writes a book or something one day
Maybe we can also explore why sex sells ... should be interesting...
Men on the internet feeling oppressed by women navigating and adapting to their oppression is a big clue imo
Really good idea! I think with the overthrow of certain (but not nearly all) patriarchal systems, men found themselves with less power and began to feel threatened (or oppressed as you say), and therefore employed their remaining, yet considerable power to fuel the porn industry and sw like OnlyFans available through payment on the internet, thereby increasing their access to women's bodies. If he can't get a woman irl to do whatever he wants as easily because she's more enlightened and he has less structures to force her with, now he can just watch porn online. An oversimplification? Yes, but I think that is part of what has happened. Their misfounded anger and entitlement and unmitigated sexual desires, as well as money and societal power, means that if they demand something, it will probably happen. Money + desire possessed by men = a whole capitalist, exploitative mess. The key is to teach men respect and take away their money... but how?
sex doesn't sell. women's bodies sell.
"oppression"
amazing video!
I do want to point out that at 19:45 ish when you're talking about how some women do not have a choice to not be exploited, it is especially incorrect to say "people with vulvas." Survival sex work is too often the only option for trans girls and women. As a starting point into that topic I would recommend Janet Mock's "Redefining Realness"!
The only option .. ?
@@MsKolo90 Yes. Very often it is. Keep in mind, there r countries other than the USA out there :3
Ooh, I love this! As a burlesque performer, pro domme, and former/occasional exotic dancer, I have so many thoughts and feelings about how we the commodity pad the pockets of folks who treat us so poorly. I would love to see the industry shift towards more equitable fair treatment, but a big hurdle is how awful the stigma is, leading to less protection for the workers and more reasons for those in power to never change the game. I'm here for the shift.
Khadija 'Auntie' Mbowe.
In seven minutes.
In Six Minutes.
In _5_ _minutes_ ...
In *4* *minutes* ...
In 3... _2..._ *1...*
And they say 'Avengers: Endgame' was a popular movie.
"In the transactional twinkle of a stranger's eye" was such a beautifully crafted phrase.
Never expected Khadija to discuss "The Deuce" show. Then again, it makes sense because of the sex work discussion. It's funny how I was doing background work for the show in 2019, but I had never watched the show before. Fast forward to today, Khadija puts the show back on my radar. Great video😄
If may I ask? What background work means? I'm sorry I'm new to the scene
@@rexgeorgerodriguez7620 It’s fine Rex. Background work is background acting. I am just in the background acting😭💯
@@JulianSteve ohh like a passerby in shooting? Thanks for answering.
@@rexgeorgerodriguez7620 Yes and no problem😌
We NEED to have a conversation about porn and sex trafficking.
I was raised Mormon and constantly fed messages about how porn is evil, because it's carnal and ungodly and other religious reasons, but in the last few years, those same people have suddenly shifted their argument to "Porn is wrong because some porn uses trafficking victims," and I find it very intriguing because on the one hand, it's very performative. It's almost like they're excited to have a convincing reason for the stance that they already held, but on the other hand, I think it's very crucial that we address it, because they're right, and every second we are not having this discussion there are people suffering.
I've seen sex trafficking victims say that no one should watch porn, and as harsh as it sounds, I don't think that's very practical because the porn industry would only get darker and more exploitive if porn was illegal and even if everyone just tried to stop watching porn out of the goodness of their hearts... well, let's just say there's a reason I feel much less safe around Mormon men than I do non-religious men. Not to mention, no porn would put lots of women out of a job, including both those for whom it is a choice and those for whom it is a necessity.
There's gotta be a solution (or solutions) that is more realistic, but I don't know enough about the porn industry to know what that is. The already anti-porn people don't really add anything to the conversation, because most of them don't actually care. They just want to justify their religious beliefs, but no one else is talking about it. I'd like to see it discussed more in leftists and secular circles -- in any circle for that matter, but with the emphasis on finding a solution rather than convincing people that porn is evil.
Very interesting take. I guess people fear it'll become a vicious cycle if porn becomes legal, like perhaps it would even encourage it's production. Kind of like how they thought legalising drugs would increase drug use. I'm not sure how beneficial it is to just make stuff illegal and needlessly incarcerate impoverished and helpless people... perhaps more funding needs to go into education and housing? Maybe even a minimal living expenditure for unemployed people. That way people might not feel pressured to resort to self-destructive labour like sex work.
But no, that's just a pipe dream
@@FZ-bk9kh I don't think sex work is inherently self-destructive. I think in a perfect world where no one is forced into sex work, some people would choose to do it because they genuinely like it. The problem is when people who don't want to do it are forced to.
A universal basic income or something similar would undoubtedly prevent people from having to turn to sex work to survive, but it wouldn't stop sex trafficking.
But illegal porn I can only imagine would encourage more sex trafficking because porn would be more profitable and the people who would willingly go into it would be harder to find. Those that did go into it by choice would be subject to unsafe and unethical conditions, which means only those who have no other choice would do it.
Personally, I would prefer that people who enjoy porn use it because people who force themselves to abstain from porn are often the most creepy and unsafe people in my experience, but we need a way to make sure that doesn't come at the expense of people's safety.
as a server, that “who’s making money off of you” part hits heavy. it honestly gets tiring seeing my weekly sales reach $10,000 and i walk away with barely $600 a week and that’s if i work 40 hours. i don’t really think people get how physically and emotionally strenuous serving can be. i honestly dream of a day where i can truly work for myself
I like this channel because I too spend way too much time thinking about the interconnectedness of Sex, race, gender and capitliasm. I'm real excited for the deep dive! Also the spring. The winter has been rough this year.
I have not heard a single "feminist" try and critique s*x work wothout mentioning "morals" and their own biases. They always forget that the biggest problem with s*x work isn't the work it's capitalism.
YES
And patriarchy. It is also the fact that we live in a patriarchy, where women's bodies are the commodity.
But sex work is a product of capitalism, no? Sex work can't exist in any other capacity where it isn't inherently commodifying and exploiting women.
My pagan ass was over here all, wait sex work is 100% capitalism, what? Christianity is an indoctrination, good grief.
@S. J. …not really. Sex work existed way before capitalism.
When you ask if we are interested in you doing a video about this thing or that thing….the answer is YES! Always. Love your takes.
Agreed
Also important about only fans is many women joined the site during the pandemic to make extra income. Women like paramedics and teachers and they got fired from their « day jobs ». So it’s ok for celebrities/some women but not all.
I think the what scarlett Johanson (ew) said about deepfakes is also relevant to this. it can be used like a form of fake revenge porn against regular women but won't effect celebrities careers. Personally I think its because every female celebrity at some point gets exploited by sex sells. So their sex appeal doesn't need to be hijacked ny someone else in order to ruin their career when some other man did it first (directors) .
@@elleofhearts8471 Wow, the last sentence is spot on. Thanks for your insight!
I saw a tweet a while back that put the entire situation into one simple sentence:
"Sex work is not empowering because no work is empowering"
We can empower the women (and people overall) who do sex work, but the work in itself is not empowering.
Damn. That really does put a fine point on the whole caboodle.
being a firefighter seems kinda empowering to me. or a teacher. or a cosmonaut-
so basically its not the reason why
I have to watch this from the beginning, but that scene with the SW speaking with the other WAP was extremely uncomfortable for all of the wrong reasons. It felt like the main feminist character was blaming the SW for what happened to other women, slut shaming, pushing a respectability politics version of feminism aaaaaand that's very anti woman to me. I don't think SW is above reproach, nothing is, but the absence of SW doesn't improve all women's way of life. Truth be told there are many historical examples where SW pushed women to the highest positions of power and it had an effect on how women's rights as a whole was affected, sometimes for the good, sometimes for the worse, but many times the worse was the result of cis male envy and jealousy. Notice how SW is primarily under scrutiny when the women, or SW of any gender in general, take control. It also explains how the music industry chooses to function but that's a separate convo
Correct me if Im wrong, but I think the WAP was accusing the SW for what happened to other women because she became a porn director, not because of her time in sex work. Anyway, this scene can be uncomfortable and I think thats ok, SW is a complicated topic and good art works can reflect that complexity without taking a stance necessarily. I mean, you can show a character expressing an opinion, and it doesnt mean you support that specific opinion
Yeah I think intrinsically women's sexual liberation is part of feminism because of the difference gender makes in your abilities & safety as a sexual being
@@Neo.Jordon women arnt property, if you want a wife you can earn her partnership
@@Neo.Jordon like I said women are not property so they can't be rented, renting refers to somone leasing out their property as humans arnt legally property you can't rent a person, you can arrange fees for time and labour legally and that's what sex work does it's somone charging a fee for time and work. As women arnt property they can't be rented or bought but as human beings they can charge for their time or services like sex work, marriage isn't a purchase it's a partnership like wise you're not buying a lifetime of sex from somone when you marry them you're entering into a legally bound partnership of equals not owner and property. So comparing paid services to legal partnership isn't really comparable they are very different things if you want to enter into a legal partnership with a woman i suggest you earn that position with a woman.
@@emilyinfp704 he's positively obsessed. Leaving sexist comments everywhere trying so hard ro get women ashamed and afraid of sex .. but then I guess getting a mysoginst all worked up and angry means we're definitely doing something good.
this vid really made me think about gender stuff, i'm excited for the next one(s). i wish i didn't get so sad over it though. the idea that we'll never be able to have heterosexual sex relations without a sort of automatic power imbalance, expectations that me and the people around me (i'm american) have just been raised with, in society all around us. bleh. if anyone knows resources that discuss or explore this please let me know
Very much same
from the article :
. Prostitutes experience violence primarily because the relationship between the prostitute and the client is necessarily antagonistic. The “session” between a prostitute and her buyer is always a power struggle between the man and the woman, the buyer and the bought. Any prostitute knows this intuitively: clients want us to do more for less money, we want to do less for more money. This isn’t dependent on the disposition of the client: the structural positions of the buyer and the bought necessitate these interests. While you can say this antagonism does exist in all labor under capitalism, the difference is that when the power struggle is enacted in such a tangible way during sex, a sex that most in the trade were coerced into by material conditions, sexual violence is a necessary component of the equation. Every interaction as a prostitute is to fight a battle on the terrain of our own body: the prostitute is fighting for her right to bodily autonomy and the client is fighting for his entitlement to her body
'A little to the left' is a youtube channel that talks pretty much exclusively about this type of stuff. It's got Mexie and Kathrin and Nic from Pynk Spots. I highly recommend it.
Automatic power imbalance? What do you mean by that? Do you talk about a normal romanric relationship or a relationship between a sex worker a the client?
Turn to lesbianism
Anytime you say, “you guys want a video on that?” The answer is ALWAYS YESSS. I love your take on things!!
Lowkey these type of "women empowerment" just felt like another form of male gaze. Call me old schooled, but you still can be hot and sexy without going 'nude' or something like that 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. Totally agree with you. Being elegant and educated is way more sexier.
with this logic, being 'sexy' is also a form of the male gaze. The entire point of being sexy is to be sexually appealing usually to the opposite sex.
I agree. I'm very conservative when it comes to dressing but I also want women being nude to not be such a big deal. Hell, people in general being nude.
Yea, but this ideal of "respectability" is the result of patriarchal views as well... You're still trying to appeal to the male gaze but in a different way
@@kia3199 have to agree with this since you also got a point there
LMAOO the way Khadija said "let the church say Amen" and I went AMEN in my bedroom with my palms up and out has me giggling. I'm so invested. 😂😂
I'm tuned in girl. I'm in that sociology mindset too. I see your vision let's gooooo.
People often forget how prevalent human trafficking is.
Yes, yes, yes I need all the video ideas you mentioned in this video! I'm here for ALL of them!
First off this was a great video and I can't wait for part 2!
Second- this might fall under the topic of "morality of sex work", and is probably very off-topic [sorry] but as someone who only figured out they were aroace and genderqueer in the last year or two, the whole sexual liberation thing is tangled and messy and I'm pretty sure I have some biases to unlearn. I was taught that to be Conventionally Pretty was to be Desireable was to be Good because being Desired was how you got a guy/a job/etc, but that to be Too Desireable [ie "slutty"] was how you ended up as a statistic. Yay victim blaming /s.
And I figured out pretty quick that I did not want to be seen as conventionally attractive, which I later realized was not wanting anything to do with intimacy/romance/being Seen As Objectifiable. Which like... people are gonna do that anyway but!
As someone who does not want to be Percieved as Sexy because of all that is expected to come of it [dating, romance, intimacy, the expectation of "eventually wanting to look pretty for Others"] on top of learning that Clothes Aren't a Gendered Thing, Wear What You Want- there's also this idea that anyone who does not want sex is a prude, or holding themselves back, or frigid and lying to themselves and just needs to see how happy and fulfilled and wonderful life is once you have sex! But like... I'm sexually repulsed, I don't want to be with other people, and the idea of having that as a job makes my skin crawl. I'm just rambling on at this point but like... yes, free love as long as you're both aware, adults, and consenting and all that jazz but the underlying implication that "sexual liberation" has to mean Everyone Must Have All The Sex All The Time is kinda weird...?
I tend to think of sexual liberation as freeing people of the expectations placed on them about how their sex life is "supposed" to be, thus freeing people to be who are and to only do what they're comfortable with.
It makes a lot of sense that as an aro/ace person sexual liberation discourse often feels alienating, I think that sometimes people out of a desire to be sex-positive mistake being sex-repulsed as being sex-negative. I think reframing liberation as letting people do what they want and releasing people from expectations would go a long way towards including aro/ace people, because obviously a lot of societal expectations are being placed on you too!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
This was fascinating, it's like anyone is allowed to do whatever they want and that's how I always viewed sex work but there's this exploitative underbelly. It's as you said, this capitalistic exploitation is what most of us experience in our own jobs but to me sex work is sort of the epitome of exploitation and capitalism; it's commodifying sex using what is almost always the most vulnerable and neglected people in society.
I mean not every person who does sex work is vulnerable. But most are of course as its often survival work. But for people for whomst it is a side hussle it can be quite fun. The problem with these discussions is the conclusion is often criminalization, which hurts sexworkers. Decriminalization and fighting poverty are the answer. Sexwork is dangeroud because a lot of people participating in it are poor, desperate for money, or addicted. But the problem is poverty, not their job. They would get exploited in any job due to their lack of power, and would be just as helpless if a client or boss would assault them in another job, because they cannot afford to lose money
You should have stopped your sentence at capitalistic exploitation. There is nothing about sox work that makes it inherently more exploitative. It is a job like anyone else's. We are all vulnerable and neglected persons in the eyes of capitalism.
@@angelac.1211 It is true to an extent but sex work has the added element of danger, and profiting off of people who put themselves at an increased risk of assault, sexual assault and rape just seems extra insidious. But that's just how I see it.
@@angelac.1211 do you think that working at Wallamart is as dangerous as working ij the streets? Where you can encouter a vast erray of different types of people
Imperialism is worst than sex work
The green door was critically acclaimed. It was sold as an 'art house' flick but was soft core powrn. There's a really long and fun story about the production studio who made it, they also gave the world Nina Hartley.
This is fantastic. I can't wait for Production Value laden Part 2!
thank you so much for your vulnerability in your own interaction with sex work. I can relate because I had a similar experience myself years ago. Its such a shame that that aspect doesn't get talked about. I wonder whats the ratio of women who have taken steps to venture into sex work but never provided sexual service vs those who actually have provided sexual service. I think there's still significance in getting that close to sex work even if you never turned a profit. There should be space for that experience in the discussions surrounding sex work.
Also apparently my grandfather told my mom the same things about if he were a woman he would be a sex worker. I can only imagine men say this because they dont know what its like to interact with men as a woman. Even though there are plenty of women who have spoken about such both within and outside of sexual transactions. sometimes I wonder if men pretend there's a difference between the Madonna and the whore. They certainly treat them the same. You cant marry a rich man without being a gold digger for it (even tho marriage allegedly makes a woman respectable as per "make an honest woman out of her") but you cant engage in sex work either without being categorized as a whore. Yet I dont understand how men dont see the wider net of exploitation women get caught in no matter what they do or why they think men are the ones being exploited by sex workers. I think its because men don't think of themselves as being the ones who get exploited but as the ones doing the exploiting and they get uncomfortable in any other dynamic. and if a woman isnt made more miserable by interacting with him, hes been cheated out of something somehow.
I want to add that men seem to be more ok with being exploited by other men rather than by a woman. I get to that opinion by the way so much of how the right wing commodifies masculinity with supplements and hypermasculine culture in general. They're selling back to them their own sense of masculinity as defined by an abstract decentralized source. Theres so much preying upon men's insecurity in their own gender identity by selling them gender affirming culture steeped in toxic masculinity and hyper masculinity and the sellers do well in that market. Theres something to be said for the fact that there doesn't seem to be any outrage about that from the men being exploited. Because they dont see themselves as being exploited. As men are not being exploited when the exploitation is coming from another man. whereas these same men will bitch and moan all day long about how sex workers are the ruin of the world and ruin families and whatever. theres something significant in how men dont see how exploitative men are to eachother ans use misogyny as comradery. they're being sold the narrative that women are automatically untrustworthy while its men who are robbing them blind all too often.
I posit the sexualized envy of men and the kind of men that slut shame are two sides of the coin, both fabricating an existence of women as uniquely autonomous/empowered thru sex work, while they construct a reality that reifies women's sexuality along the margins
that last sentence 💯
Always here for Khadija
Oh, this can be a whole series. Go off! I can't wait to watch the deep dive.
I have to comeback and finish but I just got the first 5 minutes and omg you had me saying amen with you and talking back to you!!! I love everything!!! Brb
We adore you!
Sending gratitude from a Daoist monastery near Seattle!
This video ended too quick for me! It didn't even feel like an almost 40 minute video! Can't wait for the next part!
Girl I’m so excited for that part 2 😭😭
this felt incredibly short...i look forward to videos on these topics because this felt like a taste. regardeless i loved it bc it gave me so many inputs and new material and names
I'm more and more convinced that capitalism is nothing more than the persuit of patriarchal power through economic means
Glad you are getting into this subject! I feel that it should be front and center, openly talked about. Looking forward to your part 2!!
The deep dive is now my most anticipated release of 2022. Can't wait.
Oooooooo go Ms. Khadija!! I'm so excited to see the second part. I love your work
Please do many more about this topic! It’s never ending and fascinating! This made me think about the symbiotic relationship between brands like Fashion Nova and IG models.
this is literally my formative education, thankyou Khadija⭐💛🌼
so excited for part two
Chef’s kiss! This was perfect, can’t wait for the deep dive!
As painful of a topic as this is for me, I still really appreciate and love discussion of it. Thanks for bringing us another one 💜
This is so important am so glad you're talking about this. Can't WAIT for part two
Also thank you so much for telling us about that show and for the link in the description to that read 💕
I love your little singing parts, they’re so cute 🥰
I agree with you about the skin tone thing in the bloopers! I've come to truly appreciate my complexion at 28! Never hated it, but the level of appreciation has definitely grown/ strengthen. And I completely get what you mean trying to understand "how dark you are" in relation to others. Luckily grew out of that head space too!
amazing insight. So excited for the things you have in store on this subject!!
Intriguing and timely exploration, thank you. Excited for the Part 2 deep dive!!
I did a computer science degree (from UofT lmao) and graduated in 2020. One thing that was striking is that in all of my image processing courses (yes, the algorithms that are responsible for creating things like social media filters and where the word "filter" comes from) most are based on research with a test image named "Lena" which is the cropped face of a nude playboy model Lena from the 1970s. To this day her image is STILL used in CS courses and conference presentations around the world. I'd love for you to look into this and incorporate it in part 2 if you can.
can't wait for the deep dive video! watching this really made me think alot about sxx work, esp sugaring and how it's been packaged as 'female empowerment' and 'owning your body' in recent years to disguise systems of abuse and exploitation, which often disproportionately affects POC and young people who might not fully understand what they're getting themselves into. I was also definitely that person that was 100% pro sxx work (and I still am against shaming people for sxx work) but really examining the complex dynamic of the sex worker/ the sex hirer(?), and who gets the biggest benefit from that arrangement is definitely something that needs to be done more.
Damn Khadija, great video. Can’t WAIT for part 2! 💕
super excited for part 2 -- it sounds amazing. :) just wanted to say so before settling back into absorption mode
Apart from the truly amazing video, it makes my day how you can see auntie Kadija's face light up when they sing! It's absolutely beautiful
Thank you so much for highlighting the privilege that exists in engaging in online sexual liberation & sex work, in comparison to in person. it makes me think about how somebody having more agency online with their likeness and it’s sexual commodification versus when they engage or are forced to do so in person can flip flop. It also highlights safety concerns, and just thinking about how the most marginalized women/femmes clearly have to risk more to access the same capital that those who work online can (outside of minors)
Amazing as always. Can't wait for part 2
YES Please cover Consent! Thank you for articulating what I have a hard time explaining! I cannot wait for the deep dive. Also thanks for the book recommendation.
It's so interesting because Reverse Image Search is so ubiquitous now, but there were some recent research revelations re: the privacy violations of the sites that host such features like Google and Yandex (which is the best one) so not only are the persons featured being exploited for commodification, but the folks commodifying them are also being exploited as commodities.
We are all in one big turducken of exploitation and it's exhausting lol
I absolutely love you. You are so amazing. Thank you for this nuanced dialogue. I have been trying to express this to some of my friends, but I could not. Now I am just going to share this video! Can't wait for the others!
Gosh you have such a way of articulating how I feel! I deal w the same inner conflict and you had some really good points. 🙏🏽
One of the best ones yet, Khadija! So thought provoking and interesting. It's such a difficult but very important topic.
This video and the conversation being had in the chat truly put into perspective why patriarchal systems are so afraid of women’s sexual liberation for me. If everything that exists within our society is a result of the exploitation and objectification of women/ bodies/ sex, imagine the power women would hold if they were truly the ones directly in charge of and in control of these industries.
I know it’s way more nuanced and complicated than this. But that thought alone blew my mind
You’re going to reach a great milestone and I hope you have many more successes 👏🏽