Thank you so much for posting this. Polyvagal theory is well, theoretically interesting, but Deb Dana makes it so grounded and real and practically applicable. I liked what you asked her around 28:00 or so, and her response about needing to meet clients (or even just other random humans, perhaps) where they are; for example, if someone is in the sympathetic survival mode, how one needs to bring some active energy to the process of engaging with them. To meet them where they're at, energy-wise, rather than what one so often hears when one is wound up, which is, "you need to calm down". She's right. When I am in that state (ugh), hearing that I am "too much" never makes me want to trust the other person..it feels like they don't get me, or even worse, that they are looking down on me or don't care. It takes a lot of commitment to your own mental health state to be flexible enough to "guide" another person no matter where they are at. I listened to a podcast the other day where someone was talking with Deb, and the other person was very upbeat, cheerful and intelligent, but I also felt that she was "stuck" in the "relentlessly" cheerful attitude and not tuned in to where Deb was coming from emotionally. I personally would feel very pressured if that person were my counselor or therapist...as if being myself wasn't okay, and like something was wrong with me for not being so cheerful myself (or frankly, not even wanting to be that cheerful!) It's interesting how being empathetic and supportive can be interpreted by some people as presenting themselves as "calm", and to others as presenting themselves as "cheerful", but to be truly engaged with another person emotionally requires great self-knowledge and flexibility. It's a state of being, not a performance of what a counselor "should" be. Thanks.
Yes to all this. People need to learn that one of the most important things about empathy is "I accept how you feel -- I don't need you to feel differently". It may seem "nice" enough - or at least harmless - that someone wants you to calm down when you're agitated, but I often just get the message "How you are is not ok." Especially because that was the message I grew up with (was even born with). Story of my life, you might say. So it triggers the trauma and I am left struggling once again. I may respond by shutting down, but I wouldn't call that a state of calm. The earlier the trauma, the harder it is to deal with -- for both client and therapist!
Deb Dana!!! Yesterday I saw your name - just discovered ( yesterday as well) - everything I’ve listened to resonates completely - Bravo & Thank You 🙏 - so grounding & so good to see you & hear your voice. Rose from years ago - I worked with Tracy! You helped me - to cope with the great loss. Happy, nearly relieved; to see you Deb! Going to learn about what you’re teaching on our Nervous Systems- so far - SPOT ON. 😭💕🌸🌼🌻🌵🐸 Yes - seeing you, a definite “ Cue of Safety” which I am Grateful too feel. Thank you Deb & Leon 😎🙃🌼 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
Thank you friends ! Deb, I hope to see you in France, South France ! J'aimerais beaucoup vivre un séminaire avec vous, you have changed my mind, I feel and understand more precisely what happens in me, and so less jugement, more empathie. Please, come back in France !! We need this teaching so much !
Co regulation with touch, fist bumps work for me in clinic and especially group work. I have often see other professionals panic about touch even if initiated by the client or young person. I also used movement breaks or music. Great Talk guys
So very helpful ..i leatnt self regulation and nourishment as a way for larger purpose rather than being selfish .. i am enough for my clients if i can learn to be self compassiobate enough
the autonomic 49:01 nervous system sets the stage for 49:04 attachment to occur okay so so nervous 49:09 system is a preamble to attachment comes 49:11 before attachment if we are met in a co 49:14 regulating safe connection then safe 49:19 attachment is is usually safe secure
we're most familiar 06:50 with that's the fight-or-flight system 06:52 so instead of just having to get very 06:55 quiet and be invisible now I could fight 06:59 or I could run away so that so sympathetic 07:02 is a mobilizing system whereas dorsal 07:05 vagal is an immobilizing system so now 07:08 we have those two survival responses 07:10 immobilize or mobilize
I was diagnosed w adult autism and have been in mental/emotional/physical pain most of my life. Trying Somatic experiencing for the second time today. Has anyone seen results with this method of healing? Any tips for someone starting out?
I have seen a lot of results but it has taken a long time to regulate so many things. Tip is have faith that you can and deserve to heal and learn to listen to your body's feelings and needs.
I have a history of major trauma and anxiety but have come a long way on my journey and am now working as a mental health peer support worker. I am connecting very well with peers and we are achieving some good things however my relationship with one of my managers is poor. She's told me that 'I don't look like I'm ok' and 'I don't seem comfortable in my own skin' which feels really unsupportive and just makes matters worse and I get very nervous around her. I feel worried she may pull the health and safety / stress card and that my job may be in jeopardy. Any advice would be much appreciated...thanks
I think that means that she's not comfortable around you and projecting onto you. Maybe she's in her parasympathetic state because her job is stressful. Maybe when you see her you can bring her a coffee and have high energy around her to match her. God bless you, and I hope it works! Personally I don't like to be "there" in that state and I'd prefer to walk away, so it makes regular employment difficult.
This has been many years and I hope she is no longer a manager. I am retired myself, but found that sometimes the best thing to say is a firm and calm “I’m fine, thank you,” and change the subject or walk away. And exhale. You will come across many people who provoke, micro aggress, or who are simply thoughtless. My advice is to practice this until it will be you bringing them (reminding them) and yourself to calm.
that's dorsal vagal and it truly what 06:17 happens in your body is there's a 06:18 conservation that goes on your heart 06:20 rate gets very slow your breath gets 06:22 very shallow the blood flow to your 06:24 brain decreases everything begins to 06:27 shut down and keeps just enough going so 06:30 that you stay alive so then the next 06:33 piece that comes into the autonomic 06:35 nervous system oh and dorsal vagal was 06:37 probably online about 500 million years 06:40 ago in our genetic history in our 06:42 phylogenetic history 06:44 and then 400 million years ago the 06:46 sympathetic nervous system came online 06:48 and that's the one we're most familiar 06:50 with that's the fight-or-flight system
I could feel my chest or opening up my 01:15 my shoulders opening and then when I saw 01:19 your face yeah I mean when I saw your 01:24 eyes so when I saw in your your smile I 01:27 could just feel my whole system relaxing, (The power of co-regulation)
and then about 07:13 200 million years ago our our new Vegas 07:16 new 200 million years but New Vegas the 07:20 ventral Vegas came online and that's 07:23 this mammalian feature that allows us to 07:27 be in connection with each other
This woman’s teachings have saved my life.
Thank you so much for posting this.
Polyvagal theory is well, theoretically interesting, but Deb Dana makes it so grounded and real and practically applicable.
I liked what you asked her around 28:00 or so, and her response about needing to meet clients (or even just other random humans, perhaps) where they are; for example, if someone is in the sympathetic survival mode, how one needs to bring some active energy to the process of engaging with them. To meet them where they're at, energy-wise, rather than what one so often hears when one is wound up, which is, "you need to calm down". She's right. When I am in that state (ugh), hearing that I am "too much" never makes me want to trust the other person..it feels like they don't get me, or even worse, that they are looking down on me or don't care.
It takes a lot of commitment to your own mental health state to be flexible enough to "guide" another person no matter where they are at. I listened to a podcast the other day where someone was talking with Deb, and the other person was very upbeat, cheerful and intelligent, but I also felt that she was "stuck" in the "relentlessly" cheerful attitude and not tuned in to where Deb was coming from emotionally. I personally would feel very pressured if that person were my counselor or therapist...as if being myself wasn't okay, and like something was wrong with me for not being so cheerful myself (or frankly, not even wanting to be that cheerful!)
It's interesting how being empathetic and supportive can be interpreted by some people as presenting themselves as "calm", and to others as presenting themselves as "cheerful", but to be truly engaged with another person emotionally requires great self-knowledge and flexibility. It's a state of being, not a performance of what a counselor "should" be.
Thanks.
Yes to all this. People need to learn that one of the most important things about empathy is "I accept how you feel -- I don't need you to feel differently".
It may seem "nice" enough - or at least harmless - that someone wants you to calm down when you're agitated, but I often just get the message "How you are is not ok." Especially because that was the message I grew up with (was even born with). Story of my life, you might say. So it triggers the trauma and I am left struggling once again. I may respond by shutting down, but I wouldn't call that a state of calm.
The earlier the trauma, the harder it is to deal with -- for both client and therapist!
Love this lady!! Wonderful talk
Deb Dana!!! Yesterday I saw your name - just discovered ( yesterday as well) - everything I’ve listened to resonates completely - Bravo & Thank You 🙏 - so grounding & so good to see you & hear your voice. Rose from years ago - I worked with Tracy! You helped me - to cope with the great loss. Happy, nearly relieved; to see you Deb! Going to learn about what you’re teaching on our Nervous Systems- so far - SPOT ON. 😭💕🌸🌼🌻🌵🐸 Yes - seeing you, a definite “ Cue of Safety” which I am Grateful too feel. Thank you Deb & Leon 😎🙃🌼
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
Deb Dana...brilliant video...i had this experience this morning and you are helping me make sense of it....100 hugs of gratitude😆
This was so helpful, thank you. Trying to heal and regulate my nervous system
What a wonderful conversation! Thank you very much ❤
This was very helpful. Thank-you
Thank you friends ! Deb, I hope to see you in France, South France ! J'aimerais beaucoup vivre un séminaire avec vous, you have changed my mind, I feel and understand more precisely what happens in me, and so less jugement, more empathie. Please, come back in France !! We need this teaching so much !
Very interesting, thank you.
Thank you! This was so informative
Thankyou for this wonderful description of the polyvagal theory. X
Co regulation with touch, fist bumps work for me in clinic and especially group work. I have often see other professionals panic about touch even if initiated by the client or young person. I also used movement breaks or music. Great Talk guys
So very helpful ..i leatnt self regulation and nourishment as a way for larger purpose rather than being selfish .. i am enough for my clients if i can learn to be self compassiobate enough
the autonomic
49:01
nervous system sets the stage for
49:04
attachment to occur okay so so nervous
49:09
system is a preamble to attachment comes
49:11
before attachment if we are met in a co
49:14
regulating safe connection then safe
49:19
attachment is is usually safe secure
we're most familiar
06:50
with that's the fight-or-flight system
06:52
so instead of just having to get very
06:55
quiet and be invisible now I could fight
06:59
or I could run away so that so sympathetic
07:02
is a mobilizing system whereas dorsal
07:05
vagal is an immobilizing system so now
07:08
we have those two survival responses
07:10
immobilize or mobilize
Interesting to hear this applied to the very very real life situation of not getting a response to an email
Oh God I hope I don’t come across as needy ! Yikes! 🤔😧😞. I’m just trying to learn and understand so I can fix it
Good to get the Irish angle on this polyvagal theory malarkey.
I was diagnosed w adult autism and have been in mental/emotional/physical pain most of my life. Trying Somatic experiencing for the second time today. Has anyone seen results with this method of healing? Any tips for someone starting out?
I have seen a lot of results but it has taken a long time to regulate so many things.
Tip is have faith that you can and deserve to heal and learn to listen to your body's feelings and needs.
"Teflon for positive, velcro for negative". Hah, yep!
I have a history of major trauma and anxiety but have come a long way on my journey and am now working as a mental health peer support worker. I am connecting very well with peers and we are achieving some good things however my relationship with one of my managers is poor. She's told me that 'I don't look like I'm ok' and 'I don't seem comfortable in my own skin' which feels really unsupportive and just makes matters worse and I get very nervous around her. I feel worried she may pull the health and safety / stress card and that my job may be in jeopardy. Any advice would be much appreciated...thanks
He or she doesn't know your field of work. You probably need a new manager.
I hope you resolved your issue. Having a crappy boss makes life stressful for way too many people.
I think that means that she's not comfortable around you and projecting onto you. Maybe she's in her parasympathetic state because her job is stressful. Maybe when you see her you can bring her a coffee and have high energy around her to match her. God bless you, and I hope it works! Personally I don't like to be "there" in that state and I'd prefer to walk away, so it makes regular employment difficult.
This has been many years and I hope she is no longer a manager. I am retired myself, but found that sometimes the best thing to say is a firm and calm “I’m fine, thank you,” and change the subject or walk away. And exhale. You will come across many people who provoke, micro aggress, or who are simply thoughtless. My advice is to practice this until it will be you bringing them (reminding them) and yourself to calm.
What are your thoughts on social anxiety regards PVT?
The bad audio quality is distracting to me.
that's dorsal vagal and it truly what
06:17
happens in your body is there's a
06:18
conservation that goes on your heart
06:20
rate gets very slow your breath gets
06:22
very shallow the blood flow to your
06:24
brain decreases everything begins to
06:27
shut down and keeps just enough going so
06:30
that you stay alive so then the next
06:33
piece that comes into the autonomic
06:35
nervous system oh and dorsal vagal was
06:37
probably online about 500 million years
06:40
ago in our genetic history in our
06:42
phylogenetic history
06:44
and then 400 million years ago the
06:46
sympathetic nervous system came online
06:48
and that's the one we're most familiar
06:50
with that's the fight-or-flight system
What is pcpsi?
I could feel my chest or opening up my
01:15
my shoulders opening and then when I saw
01:19
your face yeah I mean when I saw your
01:24
eyes so when I saw in your your smile I
01:27
could just feel my whole system relaxing, (The power of co-regulation)
and then about
07:13
200 million years ago our our new Vegas
07:16
new 200 million years but New Vegas the
07:20
ventral Vegas came online and that's
07:23
this mammalian feature that allows us to
07:27
be in connection with each other
Moore Anna Martin Donald Taylor Matthew