The perpetual victim. Thanks to the info from this channel and others I no longer give these women the time of day. If anyone uses fear, obligation, guilt in any interaction with me I exit the situation permanently.
Absolutely Great Video! Narc called my husband and I to complain about her FRIEND and that she was being railroaded by her FRIEND. I offered up my condolences and sympathy to the narc that she was being put through the situation. Told the narc that her FRIEND was in the wrong. Narc immediately went off and was angry. And proceeded to complain to my husband, "how dare your wife talk about my FRIEND like that". When my husband tried reasoning with her and saying, hey, wait a minute...click, she hung up on him. Then she texted my husband that she was upset and what I said was uncalled for. (A normal person might ask, well, then WHY did you call us to complain about your FRIEND?) Edit note: I was grateful that after she hung up on us, that it did not start a disagreement between my husband and myself. We were able to dismiss it with, "Not my circus, not my monkeys." And because we know by now to take things she says with a grain of salt. And even In bare bones circumstances, just trying to make semi-polite conversation with her, whatever we say can be weaponized. Years and years pass, and she has always been the victim of whatever. Her situations only go from bad to worse. The one thing we can always depend on is, she always always always will need money or ask for money. 20 at a time. 50 at a time. Has no gas money, has no grocery money. Had to ask someone else for money to do such and such, and still needs 25 dollars to do another thing.
This is so true! My carless narcissistic neighbor thought she would be successful at convincing me that it was my place to drive her and her mange ridden dog to the humane society so she could put him down because she doesn't have a car. 😂 I pretty much laughed in her face. It is so crazy how she is in her 60's and CANNOT for the life of her take ANY accountability for her own actions. Quite literally one of the strangest things I've ever encountered.
Excellent video as always Jill. Sounds my like my covert SIL to a tee. With her it was her health issues...oh my back hurts, my heart has been fluttering, my Achilles is sprained, I'm too hot from menopause and on and on. Now knowing about narcs and how they whine and play the victim, it all makes sense. Over 2 years no contact and I'm so happy without all her drama and BS!
This describes a housemate we expelled recently. She also reminded me strongly of my mother, who used these tactics her whole life. Sick and sad, because there's no fixing it.
That sounds very similar to something I went through back in June 2023. My friend (or so I thought) and I were Environmental Biology majors at a public college in PA. We decided that we both wanted to take a 3 weeklong field botany course at the University of Pittsburgh’s Ecology Lab. But we used my father’s camper to stay at a local state park rather than the dorms they offered. By day 2, the situation was insufferable. She was extremely demanding and possessive over me. I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, not even the professor without her getting upset. She would become angry if I didn’t stand next to her for entire duration of class. Nor could I leave to even take a walk or shower without getting interrogated first. On top of that, she knew that I had lost my grandmother and my childhood pets in a fire on 6/8/18, so June is sad time of year for me, but she made sure to make some snide remarks in regards to that. Truthfully the only reason I tried to put up with it was because it was only 3 weeks and this was the last class I needed to finish my degree. Plus I was hours away from home and only had her car as means of getting around. That was the deal, she could stay in my camper free of charge, and we’d use her car to get to class. But the couple of times I did confront her for her constant harassment and meanness, she would immediately start to bawl, and try to play the whole thing off as a misunderstanding on MY part. She too reminded me of my mother, and not in a good way. After that class was over, she was definitely blocked!
I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother and your pets, Sabrina. Both you and Angela are in a pattern as it seems as though you are both gravitating towards women like your mothers -- that is the way that it tends to go. The only solution that I've heard of for that issue is to try to convert to a secure attachment style -- otherwise, you'll continue to attract narcs. Failing that, it's a case of working on your boundaries -- bear in mind that everyone has their flaws. Best of luck to you both.
She told the most elaborate and graphic trauma tales! I'd never encountered anything like it, and I have to admit, in the beginning, along with triggering empathy, I admired the hell out of her for enduring so much and still maintaining such a sparkling personality. She dumped truckloads of it during couple's therapy sessions, naturally, and at one point, our therapist turned to me and said "I think she has the most traumatic history of anyone I've ever known" I had only just discovered what was really behind the chaos a couple of weeks earlier, and seeing that she had duped our therapist so quickly made me want to throw up.
It's the duping of the therapists that is some of the worst of all of this. They're supposed to be helping US, and not only is narcissistic abuse apparently still not taught in med school mental health training -- but we are TWICE traumatized
The harsh reality is that a lot of them are narcissists too. Ironically, some are just poorly educated, but NPD has went unchecked for a century. They've nearly filled out and corrupted all positions of power. My ex convinced a social worker that she was a victim, yet I never heard the end about how her eldest said too much and almost got her other children taken.
@amarbyrd2520 This is dependent on how deep down the rabbit hole you want to go, but it's corrupt all the way to the top which is why it works that way. They're not going to out themselves and give up their power 😂 The biggest perpetual victim and pathological lying act I know of took place in the 30's from the self-professed chosen. They own practically everything at this point. History is full of lies.
This is dependent on how deep down the rabbit hole you want to go, but it's corrupt all the way to the top, which is why it works that way. They're not going to out themselves and give up their power 😂 The biggest perpetual victim and pathological liar act I know of took place in the 30's from the self-professed chosen. They own practically everything at this point. History is written by the victor.
This is dependent on how deep down the rabbit hole you want to go, but it's corrupt all the way to the top, which is why it works that way. They're not going to out themselves and give up their power 😂 The biggest perpetual victim act I know of took place in the 30's from the chosen. They own practically everything at this point. History is written by the victor.
I get the boo hoo crying all the time. Especially after getting treated for days as if I was a stray dog! I hear the word triggered all the time as well. Yes, I get the blame for basically everything. Just disgusting!! Happy New Year, Jill.
I once thought I could write "The" book. But it looks like you beat me to it because everything you described is exactly what they do. If you ever make the mistake of falling into their trap of this behavior, be aware it has steel jaws and not designed to let their prey go free. Ever.
Oh, boy, the narc got me under her control via the victim act at first. And it's insidious. You don't know that is what's going on at first. Later on, when her actions just don't seem to mesh with her words, when she claims she can't take stress, but she seems to go out of her way to get into drama, when she actually starts arrogantly bossing you around, and acts like a condescending know-it-all, well, eventually my patience ran out and I stopped tip-towing around her. Setting boundaries and calling her behavior out was the best thing I did.
Great video yet again 🎯 all this and more! One thing I have noticed lately is how my mother always puts her new supply on a huge pedestal during her love bombing phase. She has currently been ‘adopted’ by a ‘wonderful’ new family from overseas who recently moved to her neighbourhood. She gushes about how perfectly behaved the children are as they have been raised well by their ‘amazing’ parents (knowing full well my child with special needs struggles to communicate and can lash out frequently as a result). She gets great pleasure rubbing this in - in ways only the people who watch these videos can see and understand 😻
Hello! Sorry for my English first 😂 How sad that I discovered all this first now. After 17 years of marriage to a woman who fits this description perfectly (I have also watched your other videos) I finally realized that I am not a crazy person. I'm 40 now and we started be together when we was 23 or 24. She makes me crazy to other people all the time , and not sure what else. She tells everyone around what a bad person I am, and she is so poor. I run my business, we bought a house in 2019, I do everything I can to fulfill her whims. But since last year I felt that the hell I don't have the strength anymore, at all! That I'm at my physical and mental wits' end. I will add that her favorite weapon was to annoy me until I screamed in order to then go around spreading everywhere what a monster I am. Last year on vacation something escalated to a big brawl, I do not know until now what happened. We argued a lot (without physical violence) and after returning she went to give me to the police. I don't really know for what because I felt that it was not my fault , or at least not entirely. She says that She wanted to prove something to me, but I don't know what... Since then I started thinking a lot. I watched her what she was doing. And the climax came a month ago when I had a car accident on November 18. Her behavior gave me a lot to think about. And so I figured her out , but here was my mistake because I told her that she does not love me at all but hates me , that she pretends to be a victim, etc. Well, and only hell began.... Now she blackmails me with my children , at school she tells me that the children because of me are some strange , to all the neighbors she tells nonsense . She ran away for Christmas from home with the children,I do not know where but only to tell that I threw her out of the house and so on.... I don't believe until now that this is happening. Nightmare. I do not believe that this is true, this is like a crazy movie. I am at the bottom mentally and physically. I don't know if I will ever be able to live a normal life again and trust someone. How is it possible that such bad people exist. Thank you for your videos without them I would probably go crazy or worse. I'm really happy that I'm not crazy 🤣 Thank you and take care people.
Absolutely tremendous Jill, Thank you so much for this, There's this woman doing all this, Playing victim to groups of people, group stalking, Manipulating, triangulating, Smearing, gossiping, influencing, And what's it got to do with others what went on, She has to hide and instigate all this, out of envy and spite, the quiet competition, I see her and exposed the truth, I'm very happy about it, And busting their bubble of illusion, Peace, love and respect to you and all, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-) Smile for miles :-)
I never saw my mom play the victim until she decided she would rather have my ex-girlfriend as her son/daughter figure, and then she put the first restraining order against me right before Mother’s Day 2021. She said she would drop it if I went to counseling and agree that we are never ever ever going to talk about this … The restraining order had a whole list of accusations indicating she does not know me at all because we have never had any meaningful mother and son discussion where I can share and be heard. And then she put another restraining order after my son died at age 24… I moved out of my house for a little while so she cannot successfully serve me the restraining order in a few months went by and then she learned the address of my girlfriends house and sent the police there to shame her and shame me.
My son married one. She was stalked by a patient at work. The police found a room with pictures of her in it. She was left at the altar by her fiancee and her parents lost all of their money. Her back hurt, her feet hurt, none of our family liked her, no one talked to her. He fell for it. As soon as she gad the ring, she stepped up her plan. They were engaged at 7 months and 8 months later married. We have not seen him since. He cut off all of our family and his friends, even his best man was cut off.
Hello Jill happy New Year for 2025 thank you so much for this message about narcissism and specially the female narcs and yeah you know I was raised on it and I end up being for a while but at the end of the day I'm mostly in past but I understand about narcissism I raised so much and I hear so much and I've gone through so much of it for many years I'm learning this going to be 3 years in March and I'm proud of myself listen to your videos RUclips videos that is giving me a lot of help and they helped me a lot thank you
You are spot on again. I would like to add to your post in that you mentioned the word “yourself” towards the end of this podcast. I would like to, and would encourage people to understand that there is a difference between “yourself” and “your Self”. I am trying to get people to realise that the “Self” of every individual is also known as the “Soul” of that individual. Self= Soul. The word “yourself” refers to the 3 parts of you, your “Soul”, your “Spirit” and your physical “Being”. So, whenever the word “yourself” is referred to, is that particular word aimed at the 3 parts of you,( as a physical being ) or a particular aspect of you? Being= Be= to exist. Ing= to continue to…
I find that it roughly takes about 6 months on average to get figured out. Usually things start to change after about the 3rd month. That’s usually when the supply starts noticing that the fantasy world the narcissist built up doesn’t seem so prestine anymore. This is one of the reasons that narcissists jump from partner to partner so often. They need a constant supply because at some point they get figured out and lose that one. They need to make sure they always have people around to pet their ego and feed their cravings. The narcissist always wants to be the one doing the breaking up. They don’t like to be left by their partner. Therefore, they will often try to beat you to the punch and move on to the next person long before you even have the chance to leave. I know I did. If I even suspected any type of emotional distancing from my partner, I would begin getting ready for the next person. A narcissist is a master of manipulation mainly because they are masters of understanding human behavior. Narcissists may not be good at expressing emotion but what they are good at is understanding other people’s thoughts and emotions. They play on others’ emotions therefore, their understanding of it is profound. They may not understand why you feel a certain way (such as mad at them, hurt by them, etc). However, they do understand that you will feel a certain way because often they understand certain traits about you better than you understand yourself. For instance, they know that if they hurt you, you will forgive them like you always do They know that getting your best friend to vouch for them is a good way to win back your trust, etc. They know exactly what buttons to push and when to push them because they know what your reaction will generally be. Therefore, if you are acting differently than you normally would, they will notice. If they sense any kind of distancing, they will leave fast before you are able to hurt them. They will try to regain ground by trying to win back your loyalty only to rub in your face that their next partner is better and makes them happier. It’s all a mind game they are playing. They must win at all costs. If you ever have an advantage in that mind game, expect them to try to close that door fast. Additionally, If you need to uncover the truth about a cheating narcissist, send your request to *MetaspyHub@gmail.com* for discreet and effective assistance.
My cover malignant narc/ sociopathic ex is the biggest self confessed victim I've ever met in my entire life. Surprise surprise.. she's also the most pathological liar I've ever met. I don't fully know yet exactly how I got so sucked in. Sex was a big part of it though, I do see that. She's one of the most anti-social people I've met too, but that didn't fully show it's full self for quite a few years. Her daughter is even more anti-social, which is hard to believe. They're sick people.
My ex was arrested for DWI with the kids in the car last year....and she tried to blame me in her deposition when questioned about it. I'm a non drinker and we'd been divorced for 4+ years at that point. But yeah, totally my fault.
Wow, Jill, that's *just* how my ex-girlfriend was! Throughout our relationship, she was receiving a lot of professional help. However, she used that help to paint me as the toxic one in the relationship and to manipulate and control me. Quite quickly, I had no life at all; I was hardly allowed to do anything. She behaved just as you described -- talking about how badly she'd been treated and looking to me to solve her problems. And then, of course -- after several years -- I was discarded -- although, by that point, it was a relief. It wasn't till after she left me that I worked out that she was a compulsive liar and a massive troublemaker -- she just couldn't get on with anyone. I don't wish her ill, though; I just want her to sort herself out -- she should have been given covert narcissism as a diagnosis. Out of all of the videos I've watched on RUclips, this one from you has described her behaviour the best -- and all in less than eight minutes! Thank you so much. ❤
Using "pity" is a distraction from the focus. Designed to pull your heart strings. Which enforces that trauma bond. Meaning that you will overlook obvious red flags. Causing cognitive dissonance to be heightened. As this creates a lack of accountability
I experienced her playing the crying act to get men to help her do projects mostly for free labor and whatever she wanted and actually she always got away with her actions so I finally walked away.
Yep this is my mother - and we had to set boundaries around my husband too as she expected him to jump to attention every time she needed something done. He now chooses where and when he helps her out 😻
HAVEN"T HAD A sleep paralysis one of my most scary was after a day at work with FLO she was talking about we are all going to starve to death and it felt like someone was you know how someone lays close to you and cuddles you tight well I sleep alone!! it was pressing so hard against me and because of her comment about being intimate with me I HAD A SLEEP PARALYSIS I WAS MOLESTED!!! THAT WOMAN SCARED ME SO MUCH!!! I AM MORE AFRAID OF HER THEN BOTH MY MALE NARCS PUT TOGETHER!!! JOHNATHAN WASN'T EVEN AS BAD AS HER!!! I WAS SCARED!!! AND AS I TOLD HER MEN HURT ME SURE BUT I DON"T DO WOMEN!!! no one can be you and even if they try and you can't be me!!! I CAN'T BE FLO!!! AND SHE WAS I SWEAR GROOMING ME!!! FUNNY I WAS DUMPED AND FIRED ALL IN THE SAME WEEK!!! I am batting 1000
The narc in my life (my neighbor) does the Victim Act...but to the cops investigating her crimes against me. With me, its just anger fueled violence. Most recent violent act was she and her hisband shot at me. During the interview with the cops, she claimed victimization by me to her, and at least the cop said to her "why havent you reported that?" No charges were filed despite getting ALL of this on video and still can. Its chaos in my world...but Im trying to keep my balance anyway. Succeeding sometimes, failing othets...but always trying. 😅
I’ve been having friendships with a person it’s really weird I don’t know if he’s a narcissist, or has personality disorder, or what, but sometimes he like whispers things under his breath things and looks directly at me I would be smoking, and he’d say you’d really like that, nicotine, and then a second later, he’ll say, are you done yet? Or it will be random things to whisper and then he will talk normally again
With all this being true, does one confront the narcissist as Dr. Childress recommends in his book Foundations? I think I would be so over this person and have moved on knowing what I know now, but we have an adolescent child with special needs that has been manipulated and affected by the seemingly sinister behaviors and pathology and he needs specialized help to unpack from all of this.
Well Dr Childress’s book Foundations is specifically talking about cases of parental alienation. So in that context, I think the advice and guidance he gives in the book is solid.
In my experience confronting them never ends well as they are far more manipulative and calculating than I could never want to be. Better to exit their lives quietly or grey rock as it’s a no win situation for us 😻
I've posted almost ALMOST all our texts on RUclips and she says there lies. I asked so who was I texting the whole time we were together. How she changing details in our conversations her story is a big lie or projection of herself. How she even claimed her x was always cheating screwed her best friend had a baby form her best friend. I've played detective and found out from my research it was her . There's just so much weird throwed off stories from her that ake sense now of her projection
I have been working very very hard I need a break!! MY one comment of the day!!! I worked with one!!! SHE WAS HOW DO I EXPLAIN? she was I DON"T KNOW if she was covert or not!! I am still learning all the terms like in my school!!! you know all the narc terms!! I have been up since 2:30 very very tired and I feel agitated today!!! anyway my female narc I WON'T say her name but she was very very mean at first no she and I were close!! we laughed we joked and she was trying to make me her!!! HOW CAN YOU BE SOME ONE ELSE? SHE WAS ONE AND I THINK ONE OF THE CRUELEST THINGS YOU CAN DO TO SOMEONE is attack who they love and care about!!! SHE WAS THE victim of everyone a boss a lover a husband a friend a job SHE WAS ALWAYS THE VICTIM!! LIFE ATTACKED THIS WOMAN she was always the one we all wronged!!! NEVER ATTACK SOMEONE THAT A PERSON LOVES SHE WENT AFTER THE ONES YOU CARED ABOUT!! SO MUCH SHE LEFT YOU CRYING!!! MY claws will come out and I WILL CLAW YOUR EYES OUT!! YOU HURT A PERSON I LOVE!!! why do that? SHE WAS ALSO DOOM AND GLOOM HER AND MY FATHER!!! MY FEMALE NARC IS CONVINCED WE ALL WILL DIE FROM STARVATION WHEN THEY WIPE OUT THE GRID MY DAD SAYS IT TOO!!! I WAS SO UPSET BY HER ONE DAY I AM WATCHING VIDEOS ON YOU TUBE ON HOW LONG IT TAKES TO STARVE TO DEATH!!! YEAH THIS IS HOW SHE OPERATED!!! I AM still hurt by her!!! the only compliment she ever gave was I HAD PRETTY HAND WRITING NO IF YOU COULD SEE MY Writing you would swear a little 5 yr old wrote it!!! she had chicken scratch so she loved mine!!! she attacked my taste in men I LOVE TALL MEN LIKE 6 feet and taller it looks cute to be with a tall guy when you are so short like me!! MY FEMALE NARC WAS HUGE BIG FLABBY AND BIG SHE WOULD SCARE YOU IF YOU SAW HER!!! AND ON TOP OF THAT SHE WAS A SEXUAL DEVIANT I DON'T want to elaborate on that!!! she was into all the sick stuff!!! I WAS SO SCARED OF HER!!! SHE hated men it was clear and she said to me once I NEVER WAS WITH A WOMAN BUT IN OTHER WORDS SHE WOULD WANT TO TRY ME!!! SHE HAD A SICK FIXATION ON ME!!! just my luck it couldn't be a man!!! I HATED MEN FOR A LONG TIME TOO BUT I AM NOT INTO WOMEN LET'S SET THAT STRAIGHT RIGHT NOW!!! I AM SHOCKED I SURVIVED HER!!! well thank you for listening I am glad you want me to comment sometimes I FEEL BAD BECAUSE I WRITE SO LONG!!! my female narc was a hypochondriac too you named it she had it!!! well tonight I am spending time with my men on Highlander with a huge glass of chocolate wine and my x-files all work and no play makes BECKY A DULL GIRL!!! AND I CAN HAVE THEM ANYTIME I WANT!!! AND SINCE THE GRID WILL GO DOWN I MAY As WELL LIVE A LITTLE
I just wanna say that the victim act is NOT gender exclusive, and presents in men just as much, in my experiences. both my father and brother (who are narcissists) use the victim thing CONSTANTLY you can hardly even speak to them without it turning into them somehow being a victim. My mom is a constant victim of this type of abuse because she’s so overly sympathetic, and it’s so sad. If my brother is questioned in ANY WAY he will flip out and claim he’s “always getting attacked and being treated badly” even if you only politely ask him to simply put his dishes in the sink or garbage in the trash. My dad does the same, where he always paints my mother as some sort of cruel abuser, when she is the sweetest human being on the planet, who does everything for everyone, yet if she speaks up about my brother throwing his trash on the floor, she’s “attacking him”. Both of them swear they’re victims and that everyone treats them cruelly, and yet everyone in my family walks on eggshells around them and does everything to cater to and please them.
This is not my experience with a covert female narcissist. However im not close to my landlord of course and I am not in a close relationship with my sister n law, because you just can't be with these people. It has taken me a lot longer to learn about the tactics of the coverts because my parents were overt. My mother was a malignant narcissist and my father was a grandiose narcissist. The huge issue i have with all of this is the person like myself and others who suffer cptsd because they really have being victimised but no one wants to believe it. It's the same thing if you are a Christian and you want honour God by showing people his love. Then people think you are a narcissist who is love bombing them! I can't win and find myself judged by many. However it was an eye opener for me when I realised my landlord was making up stories about all these things people had done to her and all these scenarios and illnesses. Every time she came to the flat she would pretend to be dizzy or that she had covid. But given she was in my flat at the time she would have been the most contagious, but i never got it, well I realised it was made up. Of course now she has long covid! Wow! There a big difference because i think when they make these claims there is no evidence. Eg she would claim to be dizzy but didn't look it. Nor would she accept any food to help her feel better. For myself being the victim of these people however is obvious. 2 years ago, i stopped showering regularly, i stopped brushing my hair and i started having falls that doctors can't explain. I have always being clumsy as well. So it takes strict observation and the development of perception and intuition. Well what is sign of that? Cptsd ! Someone who has to be constantly vigilant !!
Do you think this is just a narcissist thing?And not female?Only because you're describing some males in my life as well. I guess what I'm trying to say is we're divided enough. Maybe we need to unite and just recognized the narcissists for who they are.
Certainly narcissistic men, specifically the male covert narcissist can exhibit these same traits. However, overt male narcissists usually utilize intimidation, rage and fear tactics to gain power and control over others. Most female narcissists are going to be covert, not all, but most. There are more overt narcissistic men than covert in my experience.
Absolutely 👍 I’ve known a few females that fit this category, I actually dated the borderline woman once and it was terrible. As a self-aware diagnosed narcissist though I think borderlines are the worst, at least in my humble opinion anyway.
I agree. I was in a relationship for 6 yrs with a diagnosed borderline with npd and aspd traits. It was the most confusing and chaotic relationship I have ever experienced. I'm still finding myself after 6 months no contact.
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
The bigger the chaos and confusion the More probability there is a narcisist involved.
@@IzabelaWaniek-i1x Good point. This is helpful.
So true!! 👍🎯
The perpetual victim. Thanks to the info from this channel and others I no longer give these women the time of day. If anyone uses fear, obligation, guilt in any interaction with me I exit the situation permanently.
Absolutely Great Video!
Narc called my husband and I to complain about her FRIEND and that she was being railroaded by her FRIEND. I offered up my condolences and sympathy to the narc that she was being put through the situation. Told the narc that her FRIEND was in the wrong.
Narc immediately went off and was angry. And proceeded to complain to my husband, "how dare your wife talk about my FRIEND like that". When my husband tried reasoning with her and saying, hey, wait a minute...click, she hung up on him. Then she texted my husband that she was upset and what I said was uncalled for.
(A normal person might ask, well, then WHY did you call us to complain about your FRIEND?)
Edit note: I was grateful that after she hung up on us, that it did not start a disagreement between my husband and myself. We were able to dismiss it with, "Not my circus, not my monkeys." And because we know by now to take things she says with a grain of salt. And even In bare bones circumstances, just trying to make semi-polite conversation with her, whatever we say can be weaponized.
Years and years pass, and she has always been the victim of whatever.
Her situations only go from bad to worse. The one thing we can always depend on is, she always always always will need money or ask for money. 20 at a time. 50 at a time. Has no gas money, has no grocery money. Had to ask someone else for money to do such and such, and still needs 25 dollars to do another thing.
Hi Jill as usual you are spot on in EVERYTHING you have said today. At least there is someone who understands and can give good advice ❤
This is so true! My carless narcissistic neighbor thought she would be successful at convincing me that it was my place to drive her and her mange ridden dog to the humane society so she could put him down because she doesn't have a car. 😂 I pretty much laughed in her face. It is so crazy how she is in her 60's and CANNOT for the life of her take ANY accountability for her own actions. Quite literally one of the strangest things I've ever encountered.
Excellent video as always Jill. Sounds my like my covert SIL to a tee. With her it was her health issues...oh my back hurts, my heart has been fluttering, my Achilles is sprained, I'm too hot from menopause and on and on. Now knowing about narcs and how they whine and play the victim, it all makes sense. Over 2 years no contact and I'm so happy without all her drama and BS!
This describes a housemate we expelled recently. She also reminded me strongly of my mother, who used these tactics her whole life. Sick and sad, because there's no fixing it.
That sounds very similar to something I went through back in June 2023. My friend (or so I thought) and I were Environmental Biology majors at a public college in PA. We decided that we both wanted to take a 3 weeklong field botany course at the University of Pittsburgh’s Ecology Lab. But we used my father’s camper to stay at a local state park rather than the dorms they offered.
By day 2, the situation was insufferable. She was extremely demanding and possessive over me. I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, not even the professor without her getting upset. She would become angry if I didn’t stand next to her for entire duration of class. Nor could I leave to even take a walk or shower without getting interrogated first. On top of that, she knew that I had lost my grandmother and my childhood pets in a fire on 6/8/18, so June is sad time of year for me, but she made sure to make some snide remarks in regards to that.
Truthfully the only reason I tried to put up with it was because it was only 3 weeks and this was the last class I needed to finish my degree. Plus I was hours away from home and only had her car as means of getting around. That was the deal, she could stay in my camper free of charge, and we’d use her car to get to class.
But the couple of times I did confront her for her constant harassment and meanness, she would immediately start to bawl, and try to play the whole thing off as a misunderstanding on MY part. She too reminded me of my mother, and not in a good way. After that class was over, she was definitely blocked!
I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother and your pets, Sabrina. Both you and Angela are in a pattern as it seems as though you are both gravitating towards women like your mothers -- that is the way that it tends to go. The only solution that I've heard of for that issue is to try to convert to a secure attachment style -- otherwise, you'll continue to attract narcs. Failing that, it's a case of working on your boundaries -- bear in mind that everyone has their flaws. Best of luck to you both.
Your articulation is fantastic
She told the most elaborate and graphic trauma tales! I'd never encountered anything like it, and I have to admit, in the beginning, along with triggering empathy, I admired the hell out of her for enduring so much and still maintaining such a sparkling personality.
She dumped truckloads of it during couple's therapy sessions, naturally, and at one point, our therapist turned to me and said "I think she has the most traumatic history of anyone I've ever known"
I had only just discovered what was really behind the chaos a couple of weeks earlier, and seeing that she had duped our therapist so quickly made me want to throw up.
It's the duping of the therapists that is some of the worst of all of this. They're supposed to be helping US, and not only is narcissistic abuse apparently still not taught in med school mental health training -- but we are TWICE traumatized
The harsh reality is that a lot of them are narcissists too. Ironically, some are just poorly educated, but NPD has went unchecked for a century. They've nearly filled out and corrupted all positions of power. My ex convinced a social worker that she was a victim, yet I never heard the end about how her eldest said too much and almost got her other children taken.
@amarbyrd2520 This is dependent on how deep down the rabbit hole you want to go, but it's corrupt all the way to the top which is why it works that way. They're not going to out themselves and give up their power 😂
The biggest perpetual victim and pathological lying act I know of took place in the 30's from the self-professed chosen. They own practically everything at this point. History is full of lies.
This is dependent on how deep down the rabbit hole you want to go, but it's corrupt all the way to the top, which is why it works that way. They're not going to out themselves and give up their power 😂
The biggest perpetual victim and pathological liar act I know of took place in the 30's from the self-professed chosen. They own practically everything at this point. History is written by the victor.
This is dependent on how deep down the rabbit hole you want to go, but it's corrupt all the way to the top, which is why it works that way. They're not going to out themselves and give up their power 😂
The biggest perpetual victim act I know of took place in the 30's from the chosen. They own practically everything at this point. History is written by the victor.
I get the boo hoo crying all the time. Especially after getting treated for days as if I was a stray dog! I hear the word triggered all the time as well. Yes, I get the blame for basically everything. Just disgusting!! Happy New Year, Jill.
@@navydogsadventures3500 You are not alone. Bless you.💜
@michignamymichigan Thank you! Bless you too! Be strong. Working out keeps me sane!💪💪
I once thought I could write "The" book. But it looks like you beat me to it because everything you described is exactly what they do. If you ever make the mistake of falling into their trap of this behavior, be aware it has steel jaws and not designed to let their prey go free. Ever.
Oh, boy, the narc got me under her control via the victim act at first. And it's insidious. You don't know that is what's going on at first.
Later on, when her actions just don't seem to mesh with her words, when she claims she can't take stress, but she seems to go out of her way to get into drama, when she actually starts arrogantly bossing you around, and acts like a condescending know-it-all, well, eventually my patience ran out and I stopped tip-towing around her.
Setting boundaries and calling her behavior out was the best thing I did.
Great video yet again 🎯 all this and more! One thing I have noticed lately is how my mother always puts her new supply on a huge pedestal during her love bombing phase. She has currently been ‘adopted’ by a ‘wonderful’ new family from overseas who recently moved to her neighbourhood. She gushes about how perfectly behaved the children are as they have been raised well by their ‘amazing’ parents (knowing full well my child with special needs struggles to communicate and can lash out frequently as a result). She gets great pleasure rubbing this in - in ways only the people who watch these videos can see and understand 😻
Hello! Sorry for my English first 😂
How sad that I discovered all this first now. After 17 years of marriage to a woman who fits this description perfectly (I have also watched your other videos) I finally realized that I am not a crazy person. I'm 40 now and we started be together when we was 23 or 24. She makes me crazy to other people all the time , and not sure what else. She tells everyone around what a bad person I am, and she is so poor. I run my business, we bought a house in 2019, I do everything I can to fulfill her whims. But since last year I felt that the hell I don't have the strength anymore, at all! That I'm at my physical and mental wits' end. I will add that her favorite weapon was to annoy me until I screamed in order to then go around spreading everywhere what a monster I am. Last year on vacation something escalated to a big brawl, I do not know until now what happened. We argued a lot (without physical violence) and after returning she went to give me to the police. I don't really know for what because I felt that it was not my fault , or at least not entirely. She says that She wanted to prove something to me, but I don't know what... Since then I started thinking a lot. I watched her what she was doing. And the climax came a month ago when I had a car accident on November 18. Her behavior gave me a lot to think about. And so I figured her out , but here was my mistake because I told her that she does not love me at all but hates me , that she pretends to be a victim, etc. Well, and only hell began.... Now she blackmails me with my children , at school she tells me that the children because of me are some strange , to all the neighbors she tells nonsense . She ran away for Christmas from home with the children,I do not know where but only to tell that I threw her out of the house and so on.... I don't believe until now that this is happening. Nightmare. I do not believe that this is true, this is like a crazy movie. I am at the bottom mentally and physically. I don't know if I will ever be able to live a normal life again and trust someone. How is it possible that such bad people exist. Thank you for your videos without them I would probably go crazy or worse. I'm really happy that I'm not crazy 🤣
Thank you and take care people.
Find a competent counselor- make an appointment and go talk to them.
Excellent Video Jill. Like you been there, done that. Healed and Happy. God Bless You and the important work you do.🙏🙂💡
Simply world-class, Jill! 👏🤺Thank you so much for your caring and soothing advice.. 🙏💖🌟💫
Aw, thank you so much!!! I really appreciate it! Thank you 🙏
🙏😉✨
Absolutely tremendous Jill, Thank you so much for this, There's this woman doing all this, Playing victim to groups of people, group stalking, Manipulating, triangulating, Smearing, gossiping, influencing, And what's it got to do with others what went on, She has to hide and instigate all this, out of envy and spite, the quiet competition, I see her and exposed the truth, I'm very happy about it, And busting their bubble of illusion, Peace, love and respect to you and all, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-) Smile for miles :-)
👍👏💃💖🌟💫!!!!!
@pj5551 Thank you for the uplifting emjois, Peace, love and respect to you :-D
Thanks Jill your lovely and explained welll my narc
I never saw my mom play the victim until she decided she would rather have my ex-girlfriend as her son/daughter figure, and then she put the first restraining order against me right before Mother’s Day 2021. She said she would drop it if I went to counseling and agree that we are never ever ever going to talk about this … The restraining order had a whole list of accusations indicating she does not know me at all because we have never had any meaningful mother and son discussion where I can share and be heard.
And then she put another restraining order after my son died at age 24… I moved out of my house for a little while so she cannot successfully serve me the restraining order in a few months went by and then she learned the address of my girlfriends house and sent the police there to shame her and shame me.
The trick is finding someone who isn’t like this.
Amen, I am still watching for a authentic honest woman 💡🙂🙏
@ - I found one. Demons took her.
My son married one. She was stalked by a patient at work. The police found a room with pictures of her in it. She was left at the altar by her fiancee and her parents lost all of their money. Her back hurt, her feet hurt, none of our family liked her, no one talked to her. He fell for it. As soon as she gad the ring, she stepped up her plan. They were engaged at 7 months and 8 months later married. We have not seen him since. He cut off all of our family and his friends, even his best man was cut off.
My mother 💯
Absolutely 👍 I’ve known a few females that fit this category 👍👍
Hello Jill happy New Year for 2025 thank you so much for this message about narcissism and specially the female narcs and yeah you know I was raised on it and I end up being for a while but at the end of the day I'm mostly in past but I understand about narcissism I raised so much and I hear so much and I've gone through so much of it for many years I'm learning this going to be 3 years in March and I'm proud of myself listen to your videos RUclips videos that is giving me a lot of help and they helped me a lot thank you
Aw, I’m proud of you too, because there’s nothing easy about it. You stay strong, and thank you so much for your kind words 🙏
You are spot on again.
I would like to add to your post in that you mentioned the word “yourself” towards the end of this podcast.
I would like to, and would encourage people to understand that there is a difference between “yourself” and “your Self”.
I am trying to get people to realise that the “Self” of every individual is also known as the “Soul” of that individual.
Self= Soul.
The word “yourself” refers to the 3 parts of you, your “Soul”, your “Spirit” and your physical “Being”.
So, whenever the word “yourself” is referred to, is that particular word aimed at the 3 parts of you,( as a physical being ) or a particular aspect of you?
Being=
Be= to exist.
Ing= to continue to…
Very true
I find that it roughly takes about 6 months on average to get figured out. Usually things start to change after about the 3rd month. That’s usually when the supply starts noticing that the fantasy world the narcissist built up doesn’t seem so prestine anymore.
This is one of the reasons that narcissists jump from partner to partner so often. They need a constant supply because at some point they get figured out and lose that one. They need to make sure they always have people around to pet their ego and feed their cravings.
The narcissist always wants to be the one doing the breaking up. They don’t like to be left by their partner. Therefore, they will often try to beat you to the punch and move on to the next person long before you even have the chance to leave. I know I did. If I even suspected any type of emotional distancing from my partner, I would begin getting ready for the next person.
A narcissist is a master of manipulation mainly because they are masters of understanding human behavior. Narcissists may not be good at expressing emotion but what they are good at is understanding other people’s thoughts and emotions. They play on others’ emotions therefore, their understanding of it is profound. They may not understand why you feel a certain way (such as mad at them, hurt by them, etc). However, they do understand that you will feel a certain way because often they understand certain traits about you better than you understand yourself. For instance, they know that if they hurt you, you will forgive them like you always do They know that getting your best friend to vouch for them is a good way to win back your trust, etc. They know exactly what buttons to push and when to push them because they know what your reaction will generally be.
Therefore, if you are acting differently than you normally would, they will notice. If they sense any kind of distancing, they will leave fast before you are able to hurt them. They will try to regain ground by trying to win back your loyalty only to rub in your face that their next partner is better and makes them happier. It’s all a mind game they are playing. They must win at all costs. If you ever have an advantage in that mind game, expect them to try to close that door fast.
Additionally, If you need to uncover the truth about a cheating narcissist, send your request to *MetaspyHub@gmail.com* for discreet and effective assistance.
My cover malignant narc/ sociopathic ex is the biggest self confessed victim I've ever met in my entire life. Surprise surprise.. she's also the most pathological liar I've ever met. I don't fully know yet exactly how I got so sucked in. Sex was a big part of it though, I do see that.
She's one of the most anti-social people I've met too, but that didn't fully show it's full self for quite a few years. Her daughter is even more anti-social, which is hard to believe.
They're sick people.
Thank you
My ex was arrested for DWI with the kids in the car last year....and she tried to blame me in her deposition when questioned about it. I'm a non drinker and we'd been divorced for 4+ years at that point. But yeah, totally my fault.
The reminds about the time my ex rear ended someone in the freeway and tried blaming me for it. I wasn’t even in the same area code at the time
Nothing is ever their fault.
Lol absolutely Positively Correct and true " once I found out Wow she's gone for good 👍👍👍💯💯👍
Lies, lies, lies. Narcissists are so good at this.
My ex completely destroyed me and my life pulling this routine on me.
Wow, Jill, that's *just* how my ex-girlfriend was! Throughout our relationship, she was receiving a lot of professional help. However, she used that help to paint me as the toxic one in the relationship and to manipulate and control me. Quite quickly, I had no life at all; I was hardly allowed to do anything. She behaved just as you described -- talking about how badly she'd been treated and looking to me to solve her problems. And then, of course -- after several years -- I was discarded -- although, by that point, it was a relief. It wasn't till after she left me that I worked out that she was a compulsive liar and a massive troublemaker -- she just couldn't get on with anyone. I don't wish her ill, though; I just want her to sort herself out -- she should have been given covert narcissism as a diagnosis. Out of all of the videos I've watched on RUclips, this one from you has described her behaviour the best -- and all in less than eight minutes! Thank you so much. ❤
Using "pity" is a distraction from the focus. Designed to pull your heart strings. Which enforces that trauma bond. Meaning that you will overlook obvious red flags. Causing cognitive dissonance to be heightened. As this creates a lack of accountability
Good vid, thank you!
Glad you liked it!
I experienced her playing the crying act to get men to help her do projects mostly for free labor and whatever she wanted and actually she always got away with her actions so I finally walked away.
Yep this is my mother - and we had to set boundaries around my husband too as she expected him to jump to attention every time she needed something done. He now chooses where and when he helps her out 😻
HAVEN"T HAD A sleep paralysis one of my most scary was after a day at work with FLO she was talking about we are all going to starve to death and it felt like someone was you know how someone lays close to you and cuddles you tight well I sleep alone!! it was pressing so hard against me and because of her comment about being intimate with me I HAD A SLEEP PARALYSIS I WAS MOLESTED!!! THAT WOMAN SCARED ME SO MUCH!!! I AM MORE AFRAID OF HER THEN BOTH MY MALE NARCS PUT TOGETHER!!! JOHNATHAN WASN'T EVEN AS BAD AS HER!!! I WAS SCARED!!! AND AS I TOLD HER MEN HURT ME SURE BUT I DON"T DO WOMEN!!! no one can be you and even if they try and you can't be me!!! I CAN'T BE FLO!!! AND SHE WAS I SWEAR GROOMING ME!!! FUNNY I WAS DUMPED AND FIRED ALL IN THE SAME WEEK!!! I am batting 1000
I'm not a game 🎯🎮 player. Being a truth seeker and responsibility maker may cause conflict.
Truth right there, my friend!! Touché!! 🎯💃🤺
The narc in my life (my neighbor) does the Victim Act...but to the cops investigating her crimes against me. With me, its just anger fueled violence. Most recent violent act was she and her hisband shot at me. During the interview with the cops, she claimed victimization by me to her, and at least the cop said to her "why havent you reported that?" No charges were filed despite getting ALL of this on video and still can.
Its chaos in my world...but Im trying to keep my balance anyway. Succeeding sometimes, failing othets...but always trying. 😅
I’ve been having friendships with a person it’s really weird I don’t know if he’s a narcissist, or has personality disorder, or what, but sometimes he like whispers things under his breath things and looks directly at me I would be smoking, and he’d say you’d really like that, nicotine, and then a second later, he’ll say, are you done yet? Or it will be random things to whisper and then he will talk normally again
With all this being true, does one confront the narcissist as Dr. Childress recommends in his book Foundations? I think I would be so over this person and have moved on knowing what I know now, but we have an adolescent child with special needs that has been manipulated and affected by the seemingly sinister behaviors and pathology and he needs specialized help to unpack from all of this.
Well Dr Childress’s book Foundations is specifically talking about cases of parental alienation. So in that context, I think the advice and guidance he gives in the book is solid.
very good point and I should have noted that…thank you
In my experience confronting them never ends well as they are far more manipulative and calculating than I could never want to be. Better to exit their lives quietly or grey rock as it’s a no win situation for us 😻
How I know I’m a narcissist…. Because she tells me.
male narcissists use the victimcard too.
Its always about me me me! No responsability or accountability! Whats new?
All my dogs killed, gang stalked, harassment, almost killed by sympathetic Dr from false accusations, neck broke. Ect. 🤕
I've posted almost ALMOST all our texts on RUclips and she says there lies.
I asked so who was I texting the whole time we were together.
How she changing details in our conversations her story is a big lie or projection of herself.
How she even claimed her x was always cheating screwed her best friend had a baby form her best friend.
I've played detective and found out from my research it was her .
There's just so much weird throwed off stories from her that ake sense now of her projection
Truth 💯. First time watching your channel. Loved it from India. Are you related to Jerry Wise coz I am his subscriber since long.
No, I’m not related to him.
1:50
I don't feel much of whinny people
Its like this is a custom made video for me.
I have been working very very hard I need a break!! MY one comment of the day!!! I worked with one!!! SHE WAS HOW DO I EXPLAIN? she was I DON"T KNOW if she was covert or not!! I am still learning all the terms like in my school!!! you know all the narc terms!! I have been up since 2:30 very very tired and I feel agitated today!!! anyway my female narc I WON'T say her name but she was very very mean at first no she and I were close!! we laughed we joked and she was trying to make me her!!! HOW CAN YOU BE SOME ONE ELSE? SHE WAS ONE AND I THINK ONE OF THE CRUELEST THINGS YOU CAN DO TO SOMEONE is attack who they love and care about!!! SHE WAS THE victim of everyone a boss a lover a husband a friend a job SHE WAS ALWAYS THE VICTIM!! LIFE ATTACKED THIS WOMAN she was always the one we all wronged!!! NEVER ATTACK SOMEONE THAT A PERSON LOVES SHE WENT AFTER THE ONES YOU CARED ABOUT!! SO MUCH SHE LEFT YOU CRYING!!! MY claws will come out and I WILL CLAW YOUR EYES OUT!! YOU HURT A PERSON I LOVE!!! why do that? SHE WAS ALSO DOOM AND GLOOM HER AND MY FATHER!!! MY FEMALE NARC IS CONVINCED WE ALL WILL DIE FROM STARVATION WHEN THEY WIPE OUT THE GRID MY DAD SAYS IT TOO!!! I WAS SO UPSET BY HER ONE DAY I AM WATCHING VIDEOS ON YOU TUBE ON HOW LONG IT TAKES TO STARVE TO DEATH!!! YEAH THIS IS HOW SHE OPERATED!!! I AM still hurt by her!!! the only compliment she ever gave was I HAD PRETTY HAND WRITING NO IF YOU COULD SEE MY Writing you would swear a little 5 yr old wrote it!!! she had chicken scratch so she loved mine!!! she attacked my taste in men I LOVE TALL MEN LIKE 6 feet and taller it looks cute to be with a tall guy when you are so short like me!! MY FEMALE NARC WAS HUGE BIG FLABBY AND BIG SHE WOULD SCARE YOU IF YOU SAW HER!!! AND ON TOP OF THAT SHE WAS A SEXUAL DEVIANT I DON'T want to elaborate on that!!! she was into all the sick stuff!!! I WAS SO SCARED OF HER!!! SHE hated men it was clear and she said to me once I NEVER WAS WITH A WOMAN BUT IN OTHER WORDS SHE WOULD WANT TO TRY ME!!! SHE HAD A SICK FIXATION ON ME!!! just my luck it couldn't be a man!!! I HATED MEN FOR A LONG TIME TOO BUT I AM NOT INTO WOMEN LET'S SET THAT STRAIGHT RIGHT NOW!!! I AM SHOCKED I SURVIVED HER!!! well thank you for listening I am glad you want me to comment sometimes I FEEL BAD BECAUSE I WRITE SO LONG!!! my female narc was a hypochondriac too you named it she had it!!! well tonight I am spending time with my men on Highlander with a huge glass of chocolate wine and my x-files all work and no play makes BECKY A DULL GIRL!!! AND I CAN HAVE THEM ANYTIME I WANT!!! AND SINCE THE GRID WILL GO DOWN I MAY As WELL LIVE A LITTLE
I just wanna say that the victim act is NOT gender exclusive, and presents in men just as much, in my experiences. both my father and brother (who are narcissists) use the victim thing CONSTANTLY you can hardly even speak to them without it turning into them somehow being a victim. My mom is a constant victim of this type of abuse because she’s so overly sympathetic, and it’s so sad. If my brother is questioned in ANY WAY he will flip out and claim he’s “always getting attacked and being treated badly” even if you only politely ask him to simply put his dishes in the sink or garbage in the trash. My dad does the same, where he always paints my mother as some sort of cruel abuser, when she is the sweetest human being on the planet, who does everything for everyone, yet if she speaks up about my brother throwing his trash on the floor, she’s “attacking him”. Both of them swear they’re victims and that everyone treats them cruelly, and yet everyone in my family walks on eggshells around them and does everything to cater to and please them.
Sounds just like my primitive baptist all american perfect mil R.I.P Sophie Godbey
This is not my experience with a covert female narcissist. However im not close to my landlord of course and I am not in a close relationship with my sister n law, because you just can't be with these people. It has taken me a lot longer to learn about the tactics of the coverts because my parents were overt. My mother was a malignant narcissist and my father was a grandiose narcissist. The huge issue i have with all of this is the person like myself and others who suffer cptsd because they really have being victimised but no one wants to believe it. It's the same thing if you are a Christian and you want honour God by showing people his love. Then people think you are a narcissist who is love bombing them! I can't win and find myself judged by many. However it was an eye opener for me when I realised my landlord was making up stories about all these things people had done to her and all these scenarios and illnesses. Every time she came to the flat she would pretend to be dizzy or that she had covid. But given she was in my flat at the time she would have been the most contagious, but i never got it, well I realised it was made up. Of course now she has long covid! Wow! There a big difference because i think when they make these claims there is no evidence. Eg she would claim to be dizzy but didn't look it. Nor would she accept any food to help her feel better. For myself being the victim of these people however is obvious. 2 years ago, i stopped showering regularly, i stopped brushing my hair and i started having falls that doctors can't explain. I have always being clumsy as well. So it takes strict observation and the development of perception and intuition. Well what is sign of that? Cptsd ! Someone who has to be constantly vigilant !!
Mmmhhmm
Do you think this is just a narcissist thing?And not female?Only because you're describing some males in my life as well. I guess what I'm trying to say is we're divided enough. Maybe we need to unite and just recognized the narcissists for who they are.
Certainly narcissistic men, specifically the male covert narcissist can exhibit these same traits. However, overt male narcissists usually utilize intimidation, rage and fear tactics to gain power and control over others. Most female narcissists are going to be covert, not all, but most. There are more overt narcissistic men than covert in my experience.
@@theenlightenedtargeti stand corrected thank you.
Absolutely 👍 I’ve known a few females that fit this category, I actually dated the borderline woman once and it was terrible. As a self-aware diagnosed narcissist though I think borderlines are the worst, at least in my humble opinion anyway.
I agree. I was in a relationship for 6 yrs with a diagnosed borderline with npd and aspd traits. It was the most confusing and chaotic relationship I have ever experienced. I'm still finding myself after 6 months no contact.