I was wrong about unrequited love.
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- Опубликовано: 5 фев 2025
- Today, 'Agony Leena' delves deep into the question: 'any advice for being deeply in love with your best friend who you can never be with?' and BOY (being the operative word, given my history), do I have some answers and uncomfortable truths to share with you today. We're going to be chatting love, infatuation, consent and how to distinguish all those warm fuzzy feelings from one another - romantic or platonic love, affection or admiration (because, believe me, they can often feel similar) - and some examples of my past infatuations that led me NOWHERE. Stay tuned, lovebirds.
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"if you don't want me, then you're not the one". this hits me like a truck. wonderful video as always, leena!
Great song!
Maisie Peters just always hits the nail on the head.
I remember seeing 500 Days of Summer and it just hit me how, if you're not the right person for someone then they're truly NOT right for you. I had almost exclusively unrequited loves before meeting my husband and I still remember, 14 years later, how stark the contrast was to have someone feel about me the same way I felt about him. We all deserve reciprocity!!
to some people you're their Tom, to others you're their Summer. That's what I took from that film. You can't change the fact.
THIS SO MUCH!
never seen that film but this comment is beautiful!!
"IT'S FICTIONAL!" - my new break-up mantra. I recently told my therapist after a long rant about my recent break-up that I just didn't understand how my ex could do what he did when he left. She told me 'yes you do, you just explained it perfectly, you just clearly don't like or accept it.' How dare she.
Also worth saying with friendship: my absolute best friend and I are both beautiful people, we're wildly close (like siblings), and we love each other a lot (mostly platonically). We are just friends. At various points in our friendship, each of us has felt romantically obsessed with the other person at a time when that person is not interested, and it has been really difficult in those times. A lot of people have taken this as evidence that we *should* be together romantically, including me when I romantically desired them, but they didn't want me. I actually am beginning to think that these romantic eddies actually look more like us exploring the different ways of being platonically close - natural ways to explore being close to someone in a society that thinks that romance trumps all over love. Our unrequited romantic obsessions for each other weren't evidence that we should date, but evidence that we really cared about each other. Maybe it isn't the case for you, but maybe consider whether you actually romantically desire your best friend, or if you do just love them in a way that is so huge that it doesn't look like media depictions of friendship! My mate Francis and I love each more than any girl boy friendship I have ever seen depicted, but I can safely say that we do not romantically desire each other, and I'm glad we have both been historically confused about this, because it makes me more confident in loving him platonically.
Where was this for the past like 5 years of my life?? I’m gonna feel so much better going to his wedding in august. I feel like I’m 95% over it, but this’ll put me there.
Love this, thanks for sharing! Platonic love is so underrated!!
This is really interesting, thank you for this perspective!
Oh my gosh, YES! The lack of depictions of healthy, platonic love between people of different genders definitely impacted my perception of my friendships with men. Having been on both sides of the equation (the friend feeling the unrequited love, and the person being told that their friend feels this way) neither side is enjoyable!
I wish I could like this comment 100 times!
Did not expect a 5 minute video on a Saturday morning to totally shift my perspective on the world, but here we are
Really like the point about consent! "Nonconsensual love" sounds so much creepier and less romantic then "unrequited love"
As someone who virtually never experienced any reciprocation, it used to absolutely shatter me when someone would say unrequited love isn’t real love. I felt like they were (smugly, from the place of someone who had had chances to express their deep feelings) saying that not only wasn’t my longed-for relationship real, I also had not yet become real. I’ve gotten past that place and can see better what they were trying to tell me, now that I’m older, but honestly I think what really changed for me was that I just sort of stopped feeling with that same sort of youthful intensity. I.e., it no longer felt like my feelings were my identity, so I was a little better at accepting that feelings didn’t equate to a relationship experience.
It’s still hard though to be a grown adult and hear from random sources all around that there are all these forms of love and knowledge and personal growth that I just obviously have no authentic experience with and therefore no real grasp of. One of my colleagues was just chatting to me once on a bus ride and in a mostly autobiographical way saying that you don’t really attain self-actualization until having kids forces you to, only to catch herself up short realizing that she’d basically implied I wasn’t as “real” as her. She didn’t mean to hurt me, and from the perspective of her life’s experience, that was the truth. Like a velveteen rabbit, she became more real when she got to love and be loved in return.
And like, she’s probably not wrong about me. I always wanted a husband and kids, but I’ve observed enough from the sidelines of the real demands they place on you that I’m not sure I could hack it. I don’t have to grow into being the kind of person who is always there, 24/7, loving with real love, because my solo-ness means I can always dip.
I’m old enough to know that I got other experiences instead. I know a crapton about being alone with myself. I got to focus nearly undivided attention on my career (though I was doing something so inherently demanding that I typically felt behind anyway and was hardly ranked as one of the best employees. Frankly, my colleague on the bus was doing much better than me). Nonetheless, I am not a zero-experience non-adult because I haven’t had reciprocal love experiences. I know that. It’s just so hard sometimes to escape from the message that the work of love is the experience that makes you real.
I love your perspective on this, thank you for sharing !
I feel you and this is why I don't think this point of view is completely accurate. I agree with Lena only on a certain level, but I think feelings are always true! The thing that's not true is the relationship you are fantasising about by yourself not involving the other person. This is why I think is important to be able to tell them how you feel and see what happens next. Trying to stop the fantasy by yourself without knowing what the other person really feels it's very hard. And yes, that's the best way to be stuck in your own fiction, in a "Scrodinger cat" situation. I was a very insecure 20yrs old and from that perspective I wasn't able to aknowledge my interest towards someone, I felt like I didn't have the right to be in a relationship with someone I considered interesting and attractive, but I couldn't avoid to desire it. It got me in a loop for years. It's important to not deny yourself the right to be in love, the right to tell your love...and the normality to be rejected and get over it because it could happen to anyone and you are no different.
The hardest version of this is "right person, wrong time". When the love is very much reciprocated but life, the universe and everything has completely different plans. I've experienced plenty of true unrequited love, but nothing so far has been worse than when you know you were so close to something beautiful but not being together was better option. Movie will tell you love can conquer all! If you wanted to make it work you would've!! Sometimes though, it's far beyond your control.
hey stranger. This!! Trying to recover from this kind of heartbreak has been defining my love life in my twenties. So far, I gotta say dating someone who could have been their clone isn't the way to go haha Their total opposite? well, that doesn't last a week. So... therapy, I guess.
Not to add too much complexity to this but I was in a situation like this for many years and I finally did move on and date someone else (which ended up going badly for unrelated reasons), and then the original guy and I stayed close friends throughout and about a year later I was in a better and less clingy place towards him and he ended up falling for me romantically and we’ve been together ever since! He literally moved with me for a job I got in Belgium ❤️ So all of that to say is that it’s 100% true you can’t force or wish for these things to happen and make them happen, but also you never know what the future will bring. Moving on from the guy (or gal) is a must either way at THIS point, though, because who you are in this moment isn’t who they want as a partner at this moment. Had I not moved on from my long-unrequited love for those several months I don’t think either of us would have been able to change and evolve enough to ultimately end up together healthily. To be clear, DON’T move on in the hopes this will also happen to you! If it doesn’t, then if you’ve truly moved on that’ll be okay too and you’ll find someone else who wants you as you are in that moment ❤️
In my teens and early 20s, being in unrequited love was kinda my whole personality 😅 Going through a lot of heartache has made me not want to connect deeply with others any more for fear of abandonment. It's something I really want to get over, though.
I did not expect to be emotionally exposed this early in the day…but I think I needed that, thank you 🙏
I had this friend that I met and fell in love with, we were quite inseparable for a bit there and had started talking about the future and how we might live together if we moved to the city. I realised that if I didn’t tell her that I wanted more from our relationship and we continued that I would be as Leena said not valuing her consent. I told her and she didn’t return my feelings and luckily we were able to move forward. The advice I will give, as you fall in love with them you may start treating them like they are your partner before you tell them (if you tell them), so make sure as you work on getting over them (if you stay close) you reevaluate your boundaries for them and don’t continue putting the time and energy you would put into a romantic relationship, into your friendship with them. It’s not a fun time.
Ooooh, this one hit me right in the feels today. This spoke to a LOT of feels younger AJ had, including one involving one of my absolute best friends. We met at university, I had a HUGE crush on her initially, which was always unrequited. And though we ended up settling in to being really close friends, that unrequited love hung around for a while after that, as much as I would try and move on from it or forget about it. I guess it's always tricky when you're a good friend with someone, they talk about heartaches and relationship things with you as a good friend, and in the back of your mind there's that horrible nagging voice of 'but what about me...' AAAAAAAAH.
Ultimately what I kept reminding myself was, we love each other dearly *as friends* and I'm very grateful to have that. Do I really want to lose that based off an imaginary version of this deal where she *does* love me romantically back? What would that even change about our friendship? That we'd be physically intimate too? Is that all I'm holding out extra for? It just isn't worth it. There's a billion other people I could meet and end up falling in love with and they end up being 'the one' - why hold out for this person being 'the one' when they a) are very clearly NOT, as that excellent quote you said demonstrates, and b) she still means the world to me as a really close friend of many years? In the end, it took a while, but repeating that to myself and reminding myself how grateful I am of their friendship was what helped me get past the unrequited love. Rather than yearning for what you *don't* have with someone, look at what you *do* have. And I treasure our friendship more than anything. So it's all good!
This came out as a bit of an essay, my bad! Thank you for this, really hit deep and in a lovely relatable and honest way. ^_^
Beautifully written! I lost one of my best queer friendships because I mistook my deep platonic love for them as romantic and it completely torpedoed our friendship. I still think about her to this day, not in a longing unrequited love way, but a what if I had taken a step back, reassessed my feelings and not acted selfishly by chasing this, as Leena described, “fictional narrative” would we still be friends today?
the unrequited love/friends to lovers thing in movies like love rosie is so interesting. the viewer is captured by the idea that they are so loveable, so imperfectly perfect, the IDEAL PERSON, that someone could be captivated by them for decades. for me, it wasn't the idea of the enduring love that i wanted, it was someone's enduring love FOR me.
I was in love with my best friend/flatmate for years. It didn't matter that he was gay, and therefore clearly not interested in me, a cis woman. It took me a long time, some distance, and eventually falling in love with someone else to truly get over it. We're still best friends, and he is getting married to the love of his life soon. And I really couldn't be happier for him. We will always be close, but I was finally able to shut that door completely, to the point where it doesn't even cross my mind anymore when we're hanging out.
The way I sum it up for people, beyond what you said about how The One would want to be with you, is they call it being in love WITH someone. It requires two. Who we are in love is not stagnant, it's an alchemy of two that becomes something all its own. You have no idea who that person is in love with you. You at best are seeing who they are with someone else.
My heart goes out to anyone who feels this way, I was in this "pit if despair" (name that film) for eight years... Three things:
1) I'm so greatful to my previously unrequited love for tolerating my inappropriate behaviour, that from my perspective was acceptable because... "Love". We are now friends in an emotionally healthy way, when it comes to the romantic balance anyway.
2) Unrequited love with a friend is SO much more complex than a person unknown and this is idealised but actually, with a different soundtrack, would be a horror story with no happy ending (e.g. love, Rosie).
3) I will forever give partial blame that our expectation and hope of unrequited love to turn into happy ever after, comes from patriarchal societal expectations/media and my hope for a love with a friend to become requited is the mathematically easiest solution to this (if it were to work, which it never does).
Excellent video and points in under 6 mins Leena! Interested to see other people's comments 👌
"The Pit... of DESPAIR!" Yes! Love that movie. And am feeling this whole video and comment section.
Leena Norms: the big sister figure who gives her viewers the kick up the arse of reality we need!
Truly, the world’s big sister!!
Romance in media definitely had me doing some embarrassing things in my teens/early 20s. I definitely thought being obsessive, dramatic and refusing to move on from an ex was very very romantic 😅 now I cringeeeee
I REALLY needed this video. I am in a similar situation and I have trouble processing any of it. It kinda hurts to realize I may just be hyperfocussig on this fantasy because in reality I feel really lonely and still hurt from my last relationship. I just find it hard to find a way to process that grief I've been carying for so long to process properly.
Having a breakup today....this was both not the right video for me and exactly the right video for me rn. Thanks for the content
As someone who is asexual I have felt this from the other side and it's so hard because it's like a friend who knows you, all the things that make you uncomfortable and the things you would never want to do, this friend is asking you to do a thing you don't want. For me, friendship is the highest form of relationship and asking for more feels like a huge betrayal.
I've been the friend who isn't in love, and been made to feel so bad and incredibly guilty that I was in love with someone else and truly saw them as my best friend. It was terrible and I basically had to cut them out of my life because they kept lashing out at me for not reciprocating. Now, on the rare occasion I have found myself in the reverse role, I make very sure to move on and never put anyone in that position if they aren't interested.
RomComs are wish fulfillment in the end. The ones where the person pines for someone for ages and then ends up with another person are more realistic (as realistic a RomCom can be).
Unrequited love relieves you from attempting a relationship with someone actually available and great.
Unrequited love puts the target on a pedestal and imagines the person in ways they probably won't behave in the relationship. The expectations vs reality disappointment can be huge.
And yes I also needed to hear this right now.
Everyone needs to watch My Best Friend’s Wedding. Best movie about unrequited love I’ve seen
This is so true! There’s something to be said about relationships that start off with unrequited love and then finally getting together, there’s an emotional imbalance and it gets messy. Love Rosie should be banned, there’s something in that plot that drives me crazy! Haha
100% this! something that made me accept my "past romantic situation" (refusing to call it failure or rejection, because my life actually got so much better after, and because of that lol), is realizing that even if it was reciprocated, it couldn't have ever been on an equal level, which would've just been awful for both parties involved. thinking about it in that way somehow connects the irrational things about love/feelings and just common, almost empirical rationality (like two variables that just aren't adding up). that, at least for me, was (and still is in my lonelier days) a good way to ease myself into accepting the situation and that it just wasn't meant to happen
I wanted to also say that it took me a long time to figure out that it's so much better when you give up on that unrequited love because it frees you up for other things/ relationships that might LEAD to other things, instead of focusing on something that will never go anywhere beyond where it already is.
I can't agree any harder. I'm nodding so hard right now, I've put my neck out of sorts.
My observation is that the portrayal of friendship in movies etc has also been unfair. Can you think of a film where two people are just friends and there’s no weird underlying subtext?? Very few and far between. I think it subconsciously tells us that if we feel an emotion towards a friend (esteem, love, affection, whatever) that it must be romantic love and the only way to enjoy their company is to be in a romantic/sexual relationship. I have lost so many good friendships because of this!
I like the idea of "you are the one who gives you the closure". It resonated with me from the past who wanted a big talk or always having hope something will happen again with a person. Nope. Something being done and gone doesn't require a formal contract and a stamp.
This also hits close because it has similar vibe to "You are the one yo decide you are not the outsider anymore".
Basically, we are more in control than we think.
Exactly what I needed right now. I have recently gone through a breakup and trying to get "closure". Even though I've kind of already realized for myself that the only reason I need to move on is that the other person no longer wants me, it still helps to have someone else say it haha. It also helps to know I'm not the only one brainwashed by romance and we're all learning.
I didn't know you had this video and i haven't watched you in a while. But yesterday, i cried at the club when i was with my friends because of my unrequited love for someone who recently got married (which broke me) and all I can say is thank you. I've been so broken, especially because i realised i used to be a happy drunk before all this happened, but I've been only crying recently.
Currently on the opposite end of this where my previous best friend wanted more and when that wasn't going to work out they said we couldn't be friends anymore and it really sucks to feel that my friendship isn't enough despite feeling closer to this person than anyone else. I'm heartbroken.
I had the exact same thing happen twice in the last few years, it really bloody sucks 😕
I have been the one having unrequited crushes many many times, but recently I was on the other side of that equation - someone confessed their crush to me and I had to admit that I didn't feel the same. It's a strange situation to be in, but it did give me some perspective that was missing previously. I had lots of warm, positive feelings towards this person and I was truly enjoying getting to know them, but that romantic spark just isn't something that I felt there, and my past crushes have probably felt a somewhat similar way about me. It takes a bit of luck to find a situation where that feeling is mutual and that's alright - I'll find it eventually, and so will the person who happened to have an unrequited crush on me.
So, Where Rainbows End (the book Love Rosie was based on) was my favourite book as a teen. I think I read it upwards of 50 times. I thought I was in love with my best friend for a couple of years there and then I moved on. In 2019 I was planning my wedding (hahaha thanks covid) and he let me know he'd be coming alone, his girlfriend of 7 years left him the day after they moved into their first mortgaged house. A few weeks later a mutual friend messaged me to tell me he'd been talking about the life he could have had with me if he had listened when I told him how I felt and not got together with her instead. That he had always had feelings for me, all that romcom stuff. I talked to him about it and he said he'd been very drunk, that of course he felt regret - I was getting married and trying for a baby and he was newly single and living in a house he couldn't afford to keep. I can't even explain, it was like my brain played the storyline of my favourite book and I literally thought about buying a B&B in Ireland 😂 anyway, the pandemic was good for our friendship and we're both very happy supporting each other as friends through our very separate lives.
I had a very close friend confess unrequited love for me. He knew it wasn't reciprocated but was struggling to move on and wanted to hear my refusal explicitly. Neither of us handled it particularly well and it ended our friendship. I think in large part because for him it was effectively the end to some Grand Dreams and this incredibly significant and traumatic moment and for me it just... wasn't. We just couldn't connect afterwards because we had such different experiences of the same events. I also felt he had projected some idealised version of me, which may have been true or may have been my own discomfort with his feelings. It's been years and I still mourn this friendship.
I feel so judged but also what I needed to hear. Thanks so much Leena!!
This video really speaks to 20's me. OMG loving people who don't like you back: my villain origin story. Which, when I think about it I wonder why I spent so much time doing that. It's exhausting!
This also ties into the notion of "being friend zoned". People who pull that nonsense infuriate me. Are you pretending to be friends with that person just so you can have sex with them some day? Because honestly, that's what it seems like. If you're not ok with being a friend, and nothing else, and you try to attain a romantic relationship with them, then you're being dishonest.
Ahhh the fantasy part IS indeed the consent thing, i totally agree. The problem is THE FEELINGS maybe. I have one friend where it started out by me being somewhat interested in him romantically, and he wasn’t interested that way. but we still connected really well and we actually became friends, and to this day still hang out. And im super happy with that, also because i think that if we HAD dated for some reason, we’re really not compatible that way so i wouldve missed out on a fun friendship with this cool person. i must say, very honestly, i do raaaaareeeelyyyy get a little bit of a feeling of that kind sporadically now and then, but its not a problem and i dont want to do anything with it at all. Must be a pheromone thing or uhh something! So yeah, i also just kind of feel like, a lot of people can have various feelings about people, but you really just dont have to act on anything. And feelings just go away again, they really do. Same with having inappropriate crushes, like, it happens, i’ve had crushes on teachers or whatever too, but it just has absolutely nothing to do with real life or what would be a functional romantic relationship in real life so.. i guess for that person with the question, it might be good to keep a little distance to settle the emotions, but start with collapsing that projected fantasy narrative first i guess!
Also, when you get involved with someone and you can't tell gaslighting from unrequited love. That f*cking messes you up.
I'm so glad that I'm subscribed to you! Because I walk away from every video that I watch with something new to think about and an alternative perspective on things I haven't considered before. Makes my brain very happy 😁
Great vid as always. One thing you sort of touched on with your point about consent is one of the other flaws in unrequited love is you don't love that person, you love the idea of that person and what your relationship will be like. I think that's the other thing rom coms don't help with is finally when they get together of course it's as good as they always hoped it would be - when that's rarely the case! Imagine dating someone who you know has been into you for yonks - the amount of pressure that puts you under to be the fantasy partner they imagined!
Also absolutely agree that unrequited love should be rebranded as adoration/crush
my god, did I write that question?! it feels like my exact situation and I’m so glad I’m not the only one, and yet so sad that so many of us are dealing with unrequited love. thank you, Leena. I’ll be saving this video to return to again and again as I work even harder to accept the truth. much platonic love & healing to you all 💕
Rom-coms are a realization of the fantasies we want to project onto the real world but we forget that reality exists and then we get disappointed. These movie literally feed the feelings but starve logic. That’s why they are so comforting to watch. There’s safety in knowing your not alone in fantasying which is not really helpful and condemned in the world we live. That’s why I wish I was an alien.
love the maisie peter's appreciation! so many of her lyrics hit me like that!!
Downloaded this video for whenever I need to remind myself this. Thanks Leena 🤧
So much wisdom in such a short video!
Leena, I love you ❤️ here I was vigorously nodding my head about unrequited love (borderline romanticising harassment when pursuing someone who has told you no) when you brought my book in 😂
When I tell you this was EXACTLY what I need
I’ve been on both ends of this dilemma, and it’s uncomfy either way 😕 gotta say Leena you’ve got it exactly right, I will try to remember this advice for my future heartbreak (although I do need a healthy dose of this advice right now actually)
I've gone through this "getting a crush on a very good friend of mine, telling her, her not feeling the same way back, afterwards doing my best to get over it" rollercoaster of emotions but I have not watched any of the rom-com movies Leena talked about 😂
Hahaha yes the Maisie Peters shoutout! When that song came out I would just scream/sing/cry 'if you don't want me, then you're not the one" lol, just willing my brain and heart to accept this! Sometimes it sticks, sometimes it doesnt! Amazing video as always Leena!
the consent convo is a bit of a stretch imo but you did help me see that it is not a "possibility", it's fiction! so thank you
Leena, you're so wise. I enjoy your videos and "life hacks" so much, they are very therapeutic. Thank you very much
I think it's important to distinguish between unrequited feelings you want to have requited and ones you are OK with being unrequited. Like as a teenager I had no interest in having a relationship so my unrequited crushes were perfectly lovely to have. Lithromantic people also I think mostly find this sort of situation ideal.
Also downloaded. I feel so SEEN, I used to think I was the only person who responded in this way and I gaslit myself in thinking I was crazy
Yes ma'am! Totally agree on this point of view, thank you for putting it out here!
I really like Esther's Perels view on this as well, she has really interesting ideas about 'the soulmate' and 'the one' and why we shouldn't go for those ideas (and even links is to replacing for the relationship we had with (the) God(s) before werein the encompassed all).
I needed to hear this Leena, felt like tough love but I needed it 😂♥️
this was the exact video I needed today, I’ll definitely be watching this one over and over
this is THE best answer to unrequited love.
Great video! I'm saving this for future heartbreaks 😁
My boyfriend broke up with me this week. Thanks for initiating my morning cry. (that sounds sarcastic but I need to get it out of my system before work lol)
Sending you a MASSIVE hug xxx
My best friends wedding is a great rom com on this subject!
The romcoms that ruied me are those where they get together (or back together) after years of trial and error. Think: A Lot Like Love.
I never thought about consent playing into this idea of love, that is definitely something that makes so much sense. Thanks for that :)
SOOO TRUE!!! great video Leena
The. Biggest problem for me getting over unrequited love, was that it wasn't actually unrequited, but my friends (at the time) and my family spent quite a bit of energy convincing me it was 🤔 the belief that I wasn't good enough for that person, that they'd never love me back, wasn't my idea. Or theirs apparently 🙄 so it took me a long time to realise and accept that all the "signs" of affection I'd received from them were indications of affection and that when other people showed me the same attention, they also were trying to show me they liked me as more than a friend. That's why I loved those rom coms! 🤣
We have the same name! Hi from Australia!
@@bethanygreenwood8655 Oh my gosh!! Hello, I'm in the UK 😃
Okay starting out strong with feeling called out... good good
Thank you for this Leena!! :(( hahahah yeah being stuck in that loop sucks but only we can talk and reason ourselves out of it.
Yes!! John Hughes Movie was in my top 5 Spotify songs this year for the same reason goddamn it!
I have a habit of fantasizing about past or potential partners, even when I KNOW I don’t want to actually be with them, or I KNOW that we would never be an item!!
When John Hughes Movie dropped I was immediately obsessed bc of the line “cuz if you don’t want me……. Then you’re NOT THE ONE” like it is literally that simple!! Sometimes, people don’t want you! And that doesn’t mean that you are unloveable, it means that they aren’t the one for you!
I feel like so often music and movies posit this idea that if you just keep improving yourself or trying or chasing after someone (especially for girls) you’ll eventually get the “guy”, and if you don’t, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough or weren’t good enough. Like no!!! Sometimes they just ARENT THE ONE!! Grieve it, and move on!
I think one thing this video forgot to mention is the part where you actually ask people if they like you back. You jumped straight to assuming that the other person was never interested when they might also be holding onto a crush. If the other person is single you should try to find a way to ask them if they like you back and if they say no then it’s no and you let it go. Auto assuming none of your crushes could ever like you back because they didn’t speak first is a good way to be single forever
Gosh thank you I needed to hear this ! I need more videos on thiiiis
this video is EXCELLENT.
Very sad I missed the premiere! Such a good video though, thank you!
I knew you were going to say Love, Rosie before you did, and it really felt like a personal attack hahah - I’ve only recently got over an unrequited love with a guy that lasted three years. I think the fiction in my head really did romanticise some of my pain and the thought that one day he might turn around and reciprocate just felt like the perfect ending that I kept waiting for it to happen. It’s funny how throughout all that time I was single, and then when I finally got over it I’m now in a relationship - our brains are odd things!
This video is KEY!
you are single handily making up for the gutted nhs mental health system bless u leela
Damn... I needed to hear this, thank you Leena! You always give me a solid kick in the butt and I mean that in the best possible way 😂❤
Brb emailing this video to my high school self lol
This. This this this this this this this this this. This. (thank you)
thankful for u, leena
Oh god, this is such a painful topic for me. I WISH I understood this YEARS ago! Also-if someone isan't actually showing you respect, they don't actually WANT you.. 😚
I did eventually get together with someone who for several years showed unrequited love. The relationship ended up being bad. We had almost nothing in common and he couldn't handle stress in a healthy way and was a little emotionally abusive. So now I hate him for that reason and for myself obsessing over him for so long.
Didn't want to hear it 😭 But it's true... it takes so long to get over it though 😓
I need to translate this video to spanish, transcribe it and send it to my bff. she's been stuck on the same guy for about 6 years, and it's painful to see her not process those feelings and move on. I'm tired of seeing her hurting and not being able to soothe her, but also of having the same conversations that lead nowhere. She doesn't even see him but she has totally idolized him and created a fantasy she can't let go..... it makes me sad (and frustrates me a lot... 6 years!!)
Wow this is so great
i think you can be in love with someone without them loving you back. sure, it's not the same as when they love you back, but how many married people fall in and out of love, or one person falls out of love but the other one is very much in it? same with family and friends the love you have for them can end up being unrequited. it's true if someone doesn't want you it's not useful to convince them or hope they will change their mind, but rejection can be heartbreak, even if it's a different kind of heartbreak than a breakup.
here for the maisie peters reference 👏👏
"Love requires active participation" fuck yes, totally, this is basically the base of how I live my love life now.
I need to rewatch this video at least once a day 😂 tattoo it to my forehead, perhaps
Okay this video hits too hard. Is there any way to do this and it be less painful?💔
this hit me SO hard
You can love everyone freely without being attached to an outcome. Unconditional love is not tied to them loving you nor is it tied to you being in proximity- we should talk more about how we can love and set boundaries that allow for us to know that not all love needs to be tied to a romantic outcome or tied to rejection or acceptance. We need to be gentle with ourselves and understand that love does not need to be requited to be real and when you love someone your focus is on their well-being- so accepting that at times we need to love from afar.
This!
I wish I’d had this video to refer to as a teenager
Years and years and years of therapy (different therapists, different reasons) has basically led me to believe that life is only as fun as I make it and the meaning of life is whatever the hell I want it to be. I just got dumped for the second time by the same guy and ngl I really really liked him and I know that if I let myself dwell on that "unrequited love", I could be absolutely miserable for weeks - if not months! So, difficult though it is, I'm gonna choose to not do that. It sounds so simple and dumb when I write it out, but that is, essentially, what I recommend doing. It's fucking hard work, but IMO totally worth it and much better - and productive, uni-work-wise x)) - than sitting around feeling sorry for myself (not saying this is what anyone else does, I can only speak for myself)
I mean all the best couples I know of are best friend > partners including my own 7 year amazing relationship so like -might be worth being sure it's not a thing first. But if it's not then use that closure and let it gooooo.
If I could, I would had showed this video to myself 3 years ago :')
oh yeah to have watched too many rom-coms and have this wrong idea of love.... that is my whole personality
Okay, but Love Rosie is the book which I love but only because it's everything I don't want my love life to be like. The movie I watched recently & it doesn't hit like Becoming Jane did - thats my ultimate unrequited love movie. Bleh.
Where was this advice when I was 19?!? Seriously though I had a weird version of this story where she actually did decide to date me (despite still being in love with her ex) and we went on two dates and tanked the friendship …. It was not fun and we were both wildly toxic to each other. On the bright side I learned to only be with people who actually want me not just any relationship. But still Dream does not equal Reality, even when you do get together (because it’s probably not for the right reasons)