Why big boys don't cry | Gareth Griffith | TEDxUniversityofBristol
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- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2018
- Gareth Griffith is committed to creating a space for us all to talk about mental health. He believes that we all benefit from increasing the everyday possibilities to articulate those feelings that are far too often left internalised. Don’t miss this incredibly personal talk in which Gareth shares his story of his battle with depression during his time as an undergraduate student, how he found the space to talk, and how he recovered from this low point through helping others to find that space too. You can continue the conversation with him on Twitter: @Garethjgriffith Gareth Griffith is an Advanced Quantitative Methods PhD student at the University of Bristol. He is interested in all things Mental Health, Wellbeing, Quantitative Methods and Social Inequality. His research focuses on using advanced statistical methodologies to address inequality in mental health outcomes in the UK, particularly investigating the most effective way to measure and analyse these outcomes. Currently he is working on evaluating the current methodologies and underlying assumptions used in measuring and quantifying mental health responses in the UK. His previous projects include using developing advanced multilevel methodologies to investigate segregation in UK self-rated health, and multilevel analysis of mental health outcomes across the UK in 2009. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
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When John's father died he did not cry,
When John's girlfriend dumped him he did not cry,
When John's mother died he did not cry,
When John commited suicide he wondered would anybody cry
-Helly Shah
*committed suicide but nevertheless good quote
@@s1reparz1val55 editing
for most men, crying is useless, it deepens/amplifies the sorrow and pain and most of the times there's nobody that will have enough empathy for men in general to pick you up when you need it the most. For men it's even risky to cry as they lose status/respect and therefor crying won't help you at all as a man. Don't try to treat emotions like a woman when being a man. For most men it will turn out worse than it began with.
Instead men should build themselves up and surround themselves with wholesome people. Men don't need to cry at every bad emotion coming to pass to stay mentally healthy. Women maybe, can't talk from experience.
you don't need to cry to articulate how you're feeling.
@@AwoudeX "you don't need to cry to articulate how you're feeling".
Yes you are. We just can't.
@@AwoudeX you are wrong when it comes to the solution, you may dont need it, but some men may need it, it is not wrong to cry
"To say that you don't get to feel bad cause someone else has it worse, is the identical logic to saying that you don't get to feel good cause someone else has it better."
Damn.
Dumbledamn
Yeah, That was the most eye n ear opening this i've heard.
Mal de muchos, consuelo de tontos
@Mr. Richter There's been many times people felt sympathy so that makes no sense. How is sympathy useless? I can guarantee that there's been many lives saved from even a little bit of sympathy. People with depression stop themselves from killing themselves because they've been showed sympathy. So what you're saying doesn't make sense. Yes, the world is cruel but that doesn't mean that everybody in it is as well. Also, just wanted to let you know I don't mean any offense in this statement. I just wanted to let you know about my thoughts on the matter.
Wish I had that answer ready, when I tried talking about it with my father. Things mihht have turned out differently.
It’s sad that people won’t even click on this video just because a man is talking about men’s mental health. Only 25k views while the ones where women talk about men’s mental health has at least 1 million
ya
tru
I'd say it's because those came out a long time before this one, but even then, I think this video should have at least 5 times as many views as it does rn.
Because a women is being looked weird upon nowadays to support mens mental health instead of feminism.
A man that are not able to instantly protect and provide makes people uncomfortable. That is why they laugh it off with a joke if you try talking about feelings and thoughts. This is also why no one watches this video it makes them uncomfortable and forces them to change things. no one likes that.
Hope you'll feel better knowing that there are now 42K views.
I literally find it hard to cry . I want to bawl my eyes out rn but I can't
I'm with you there.
Preach it
It’s sad because we’re taught that we shouldn’t cry, don’t be weak, you’re better than this, just man up. It’s to the point where I automatically don’t cry as an instinct.
A supposably philosophical human specimen. Not to be weak, but that emotions are weak, and that we can’t show emotion, to the point where it’s all trapped up inside us and we come across as emotionless.
A supposably philosophical human specimen. No problem
It's sad that, especially as a guy, people don't care about how you feel until it gets bad enough that it's too late. That's why this video is so great, we need to change this.
@arrsea......are you ok :[ ?
Many people care. How to spot them is a skill worth working on, I think.
@@menosproblemos6993 The problem is that society at large doesn't.
@arrsea That's actually a really good idea.
Or, unless you have something to provide
Crying is an expression of extremity: extreme physical pain, sorrow, hopelessness, joy, beauty...but always perceived as *extreme.* Not an understandable result of circumstance but an extreme reaction- an extreme CHOICE.
Boys are conditioned to endure extremity *stoically* and rewarded with admiration, praise, and increased status when they do so.
Girls are conditioned to respond to extremity with *vulnerability* and are rewarded when they do so: increased attention, support, redress of their grievances, rallying of friends.
This disparity bears out when it comes to focusing on mental/emotional health: men are punished for it more than women.
Generally men are only allowed to express lust and anger; all other emotional expressions betray vulnerability. And most societies say vulnerability is decidedly UNmasculine. As is asking for help.
You have brilliantly explained toxic masculinity and our culture that views men primarily through their ability to create wealth in our capitalist society and not much else . I think capitalism perpetuates this myth that men are unemotional more than we realize.
@@samlaude2944 you're brain dead
@@samlaude2944
?
While I agree with the points that Richard G Grove has made as you seem to, I'm not exactly sure what capitalism has to do with issues of male emotional vulnerability in our culture?
The problems of the societies of the past have all been exacerbated by the modern society that values the value of a person more than the person , as societies of the past did.
@@samlaude2944 Good thing our society isn't free market capitalism. Lobbying protects the biggest corporations from competition so they can keep their prices high, especially in the medical industry. Best part is that you vote for it.
This is such a underrated ted talk.
People just wanna talk about women these days so that’s why
Another good one is by justin baldoni called " I'm tires of trying to man up"
Gareth is the man 👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿
Your comment is underrated
Agree
As I look back at everything I learned in my life. It reminds me of one of the most important things about being a man. “A real man does not cry”... I think is extremely misconstrued. The way I have learned to look at the saying is... “A real man, knows when to cry”. I grew up with the best father I could have ever dreamed of having. A very very strong man, and a man I am proud to call my father. A man that had a extremely hard life... losing both parents of his own by the age of 14, spending years in prison for the mistakes he made while he was lost. Just to get out to be welcomed by no one. Through all that I imagine he learned a lot. He still made many grave mistakes afterwords but along the lines he met a woman and was a good man to her and then became the best father to three children of his own. When I was little he was the strongest man in the world. And as I grew older I noticed a lot more, and as I grew to understand his life and how things bothered him I think my respect only increased for my father, and I always wanted to be strong like him but real men do not cry even though he would tell me it’s okay. Crying does not mean you are not a man. But a man will know when it’s time to be strong for the people around you, and that is what a man is... To this point I have only seen my father cry twice in my life. When I was 16 I started talking to a army recruiter and by 17 I had my MOS selected and was as ready as I could ever be... and a week after I turned 18... it was time to go, my parents drove me to the recruiters office where they would say goodbye. The whole drive I was getting worried... This was it... I’m leaving home, and I’m not coming back not for a good while at least... and I was scared... and when we arrived we all got out and eventually it was time to say goodbye... I looked at my dad and shook his hand as I noticed for the first time in my life... tears coming out of his eyes... and I hugged him telling him it would be okay and reminding him of al the amazing things like fishing and working on vehicles and whatnot that we would do when I eventually came back home. And for the first time in my life... not only did I see my father cry... but I did not, and I never knew why... it bothered me for years! I was absolutely terrified to leave! I was heartbroken... and in those moments the strongest man in the world stood crying in front of me... until I learned. That is exactly what my father meant when he told me it’s okay to cry but a real man knows when not to... it was not my time to cry, it was my time to be strong, for the person I loved, letting him know it was okay, it was going to be alright and being there to be his rock for the first time in my life. The second time I seen my father cry was roughly a year after my attempt of suicide... my true attempt, not one that people saw me as suicidal or told me I had issues. But the one no one knew anything about except for my dad a year later. I don’t remember exactly what the breaking point was... I just remember being sick of fighting everyday for a life I hated in a mind that tortured me... going through severe alcoholism and drug addiction, I finally wanted it to end. I remember going to the store and buying a bottle of these gel sleeping pills. And I went to my room and took pill after pill until I started to get worried knowing there was no turning back... by the time I finally decided to stop I had already taken 14 pills... but even though I was worried... I was committed, I just wanted a chance. And I layed there in bed listening to my favorite playlist I put together... waiting to drift off peacefully in a world of chaos... but as I layed there crying I started having regrets and I did not know if I was ready, so I did my best to stay awake and well... I don’t exactly remember all of what happened the rest of the night, just a few unpleasant moments and I guess I got the chance I was looking for because I woke up... to my alarm knowing I had to be to work in an hour. I told my father this as we sat around a fire while we were camping, on a beautiful Nebraskan night. He cried for the second time of my life... and I told him I was sorry, but I was greatful for the chance i got, and greatful to be sitting there doing something we both loved. It was one of the most relieving moments of my life, telling my dad what happened, one of my biggest mistakes in my life and something I was more ashamed of then anything. I never knew how much it would help just telling him the truth. And as a man he sat there crying in front of me. He is also the man that has since helped me get sober and get my life on track, I am now two years sober from any drugs use, and 8 months sober from alcohol, all because as a man I talked about my feelings no matter how difficult it was. And my father gave me a real lesson of what it means to be a man. I know this is a long comment and to anyone that reads it... thanks for taking the time. This is the second time I have ever spoken of this and it helps... don’t be afraid to speak about the issues you have or the feelings you have. It does not make you any less of a man. In the end I know it makes you stronger. I can happily say I’m a stronger man today then I was in the past.
Hey, thanks for this mate. Brave thing to lay your story bare, and was certainly a help to me. Glad to hear that you're doing well now, and I wish you and yours all the best for the future. :)
I've Struggled with some mental health stuff myself and I've contemplated suicide before and have been damn close a few times. I've never told my family though. I've been working on myself and getting better. This comment you've just written has convinced me to tell my parents though. Thank you for inspiring me and I'm glad you're still around. I just wanted to let you know you've made a difference in my life.
I demand that more people read and like this ( if thats okay with gdmjs the comment writer)
Good luck c:
As someone looking forward into parenthood, I think so much about how best to raise my kids and how to teach them the things that will help them the most in life. And I want you to know how deeply your words rang true for me, like a light switch turning on. “A real man knows _when_ to cry.” As a woman, I can’t speak to your experiences, but I can tell you that it’s the same for both sexes; sometimes we need to be the strong one and let someone else be weak. My husband isn’t often the one who needs comforting, but I always want to be just as much his rock as he is mine.
Still...I hadn’t ever been able to put what you wrote into words, words that I think are crucial. I have a folder of information stored on my computer for my kids, for whenever I am blessed to have them. I’m going to save your comment (and this video) in that folder because I think both are so important. Thank you so much for sharing, especially something so hard. I’m a bit of a crybaby, myself, but I know what you meant when you said “it wasn’t my time to cry.” We don’t always have to be strong or made of stone, and we should be able to share how we feel. But it’s the knowing when and how to show our emotions that’s healthy.
duck you. being a man is simply being born a certain way and there is no right way to be a man because over 3 billion people are. So shove it
i am constantly in a dilemma of wanting to explode and tell everyone all of my feelings and pain and emotions. at the same time i wanna keep it in, as to not inconvenience someone. it’s just a constant back and forth because i know that keeping things in isnt healthy but i also dont wanna bother my friends, because i have abandonment issues, im afraid of people leaving me.
Please open up, holding that pain in and hiding that wound will not help.
@@zeebicse9426 it is not as easy as it seems when the people around you want you to be the male stronghold.
@@tylera9039 Assuming, his family desires that he should be the male stronghold, we cannot say that his friends desire the same, if they did they would not be his friends, what I can tell from his comment is that he is afraid that his friends will leave him after he opens up because they will think he is weak, but that could just be the scenario in his head.
Hi , sorry if i try to help you but i think i were in a situation similar to yours. I am just a 20 years old italian boy and were abused a lot by parents and my ex-girlfriend. The only thing that helped me was telling everything in just a big talk to my best friends. Obviusly now i am talking to a therapist and that helps a lot but , it i fell better just thanks to my frieds, and if your friends can't listen to you, then they are not prepared or just not good enough to be real friends. And if it 's so , go to a therapist , talk and cry if you can , that will help , i promise.
And if you can't go to a therapist , just try to talk with yourself , alone and then when you are prepared talk to someone, it will make everything easier, but you'll have to work a lot to get better. And if you really don't have anyone ... i am here , write here and i'll try to help you , ther's always Discord. Bye
I get not wanting to burden people with how you feel and so you just hold it in. I would have breakdowns every month bc I wasn’t talking about how I was feel and probably not even realizing how I feel sometimes. So I started writing, just whatever came to my mind. I also started therapy and a few months in I stopped having breakdowns. Things aren’t good but they are better now. Consider trying journaling, I know it doesn’t sound like much but it has helped me.
I've had a weird phenomenon happen to me. I was the crybaby for the first 10 years of my life, if something slightly affected me, I cried, if something made me feel sad, I cried, yada yada you get the gist. But that changed in one day, and that day was the day my father died. I was in a friend's house, and was picked up by my mom and my whole family. I was confused, but I knew something wasn't right. My father died, just then and there, and they all came to pick me out. I still remember my reaction about the event... nothing, not even a single tear. And it's not even that I didn't like my father, it was quite the opposite, I loved my father. But I literally felt PHYSICALLY unable to cry. And that has never changed since that moment. It's almost like a switch in myself flipped, a switch that made a 180 in my whole system. I never will be able to explain what happened there, but I sure know it happened for a reason. That may be a biological reason, or a divine reason, but it felt so weird
I actually experience something similar. About the first 12 years of my live I could literally cry on demand. I would cry about everything and I literally even remember myself saying something to my friend along the lines of "Sometimes when I get hurt (physically), I just start crying not because the pain is that bad but because I want to see myself crying (not a native speaker so hard to translate) but then it literally 180'd. I'd say I have experienced much worse things since that point than I did before but I couldn't cry about anything (if I had to describe it it's like I always force myself not to cry but it happens so automatically that I can't suppress it). Don't know how to interpret it honestly, just wanted to get it out there.
The problem isn't the inability to cry ...it's the mental pain and emptiness that comes afterwards when you can't express your feelings, you feel unhuman and like a part of you is missing or malfunctioning .After my father's death all i could see is the half empty cup and all i could expect from the world is bad events, i eventually became mentally prepared for the worst out of everything .
I-
That's the same as me......
I use to be soo sooooo emotional
But my dad said to man up and don't cry(not a bad thing)
But then At the age of 13(2 years ago) My Grandpa died
I wasn't able to cry
Me and and Brother didn't cry while the other neighbors, my youngest brother and The rest all cried once or more...
It was like something was blocking me from crying
I couldn't cry ever since if i wanted too(still cry at emotional stuff tho)
I don't know how but i developed a poker face
I'm usually all cheery and happy
But now when i hit my lowest, I'd do my Poker Face And Never Show Any Motivation
That’s similar to me, without the tragic event (I’m so sorry about your father) I used to cry so much, but now whenever I want to cry, I just tell myself to hold it in because if I cry then people will think I’m a big baby.
I feel exactly the same. I used to cry at everything, and now I try really hard to cry and I can’t.
Suffering with a metal illness like depression and PTSD... Is like breaking your leg, then being forced to run on that leg.
Worst is that you can’t tell anyone about you having a broken leg and your running a marathon
@@genericdolphin9242 damn I'm sorry you feel that way. I have some friends now that have anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder, so we're all in the same bote and well, we have our own 'running' group lol
@@wayfa13 I mean the only way to beat depression is with other people like how you can't unbreak your leg without a doctor.
generic dolphin And dolphins can never sleep (only with one brain hemisphere), or they would drown. People know sharks die when they stop swimming, but the same is true for whales.
@@cosmicprison9819 Remeber that when you're about comit a crime against the dolphin empire
"If we realised there was rising cancer rates no one would be advocating for less screening" lol that aged well
Trump lol
@@dillo1594 Yes, leftists
i feel like i've seen u before
@@imaginarypath7867 eyyy same
I'm confused.
The last time I cried in public was when I was in elementary school I got called to the office because my grandma was calling crying. She had to be the one to tell me my birthday party was cancelled because my mom had a heart attack. I was made fun of when I went back to class for crying, last time I cried in public.
If you told them they would only laugh more.
you where laugbed at? we had a girl that litterly cried becase she couldnt find her pencil (it was under her desk) yet wasnt made of
@@sparxy3487 no I wasn’t. I was saying that because society sucks. I’m gratefully lucky enough to not have it that rough but even still I have it kinda rough. When I was little and growing I experienced a bit of racism since I was the only white person in that school. Well I say a bit but you know what I mean
@@sparxy3487 yeah i would cry every time i failed, no matter how insignificant, and i would get made fun of. I’ve probably cried over 2000 times in public, yet I can count on my fingers how many times I’ve cried in private
I can relate. We had to move away from my home town, and when I was crying about it in class, I got made fun of for it, and I was told that boys don’t cry constantly. I have restricted myself from crying ever since. Never again.
i hate the "someone else has it worse" mentality. It is so annoying and i believe if we didn't have it we could reach so much further as a society.
also great talk - found a lot of myself a few years ago in this - really lucky it wasn't as bad as it was for the speaker
This is why a maxim-or tenet- of mines is: focus on peoples capacities to deal with their situations that arise rather than comparing the extents of events others have been through.
I mean, in some sense, its clear that someone who has been in wars, poverty; extensive trauma with death, murder etc. has had it 'worse' (dare I say) than someone who has had to go through a bad break up or has their run in of sharp vicissitudes. Yet, if that person commits suicide then the whole 'Someone else has it worse' argument becomes invalid and its frustrating man.
I just hope everyone finds the courage to speak up and know they're not alone. I am from Scotland myself and the suicide rates are exponentially growing which is awful to see.
I don’t have a “someone else has worse” mentality but a “It could’ve been worse” mentality, teaches you to be content with what you are dealt
@@dominictoretto9645 Yeah, it's a great way to put it and also great for teaching others!
like the guy said on the video its all about perspective , in my case it works like this, by making the comparison i start to think that people r having it worse and still going through so theres no reason for me not too so i think it makes me stronger but in his case he underwhelms his feelings worth, u need to understand smth human society is constructed on perspective but its a double edged sword thats why its a simple mentality switch of perspective
That's right if you aren't having a good day tell me about it if you feel bad ill listen your emotions are important just like mine and everyone else. Have a goof day my guys
When he said “it frustrated me that my family and friends still cared.” I’ve been there
I’m 21 and have kidney failure and on dialysis , I always said “there’s people that have it worse than me so I can’t complain” this video just flipped my world I cried my eyes out, and made an appointment to talk with someone
You did the right thing! I hope you found a good provider/ therapist.
Hello kind stranger :)
How are you doing now?
You got this. We have your back!
When a man cries, it's not because hes weak, it's because he has been too strong for too long
*crying after reading this*
No, it's because he didn't feel like he was allowed to. Stop treating not crying as if it's an act of strength, it's pure toxic masculinity.
@@20000dino I wasent being toxic lmaoo i was saying that it's okay for a person to cry, man or wemon
@@Chue.A I clearly didn't say you were being toxic, I said men not crying isn't a display of strength, it's toxic masculinity.
@@20000dino oh my bad I thought u saw me as being toxic lol but I get it
Everytime I cried as a child my guardian told me the phrase "keep crying and I'll give you a reason to cry" Everytime. Then she kicked who I consider my father out because he treated me with respect and let me show my emotions. I have almost never cried since, the only time I've cried was when I pull my hamstring out of the blue. I only see him a few times a month and he is the only thing that has gotten me through 16 years of my life. Because I would die in my sleep from drowning in my own tears just wanted to get that out.
Thank you for reading this 😊
Thats really sad... im glad you have someone good in your life
I got told the same thing
Depression, loneliness, etc. Is a social stigma unfortunately. Wish we could talk more naturally about our sufferings. But keep advocating for people to speak up more about their mental health because we need people like you. I've suffered and tried to ask for help but many people turn away or dont understand enough about mental suffering.
I especially found it that elderly people are very intolerant to that topic.
@@freddyfaulig7069 some older American generations have it literally engrained into their minds that man with feelings = weak and bad, it’s like talking to a wall
I've found them to actually be the opposite, worn as a badge of pride, something to be celebrated rather than helped. Quite ironic for "loneliness" to make people popular.
But lonely people themselves are definitely stigmatized. Too often people say someone is lonely because they are bad, and they are bad because they are lonely.
I'm not a therapist but I'm a good listener
@@Cubelarooso That's tumblr loneliness and depression.
When he compared mental health with the " falling off cliff thing" I really started to feel how people are shaped by the lies that our society tell us. He is my role model now.
This message moves me so much. It makes me spend sleepless night thinking about many young men that has similar situation. it awakens me, and burden me so much and after few days of being disturb because of this talk have decided to start the research and how I can be a help to others.
That’s beautiful and kind of you
thank you, is all i can say
a person i know is doing workshops about manlyhood and giving male emotions a place in society. I really am so inspired by him too and am going to be a psychologist and therapist for teenagers (especially boys for the same reason). You will do an amazing job!! :)
Your action is greatly appreciative. Well done and thank you!
We need more people like you, but more importantly people like you whose good intentions don't get gobbled up by the dogma of grievance studies.
Things like "toxic masculinity" or "patriarchy" have three layers. Women and certain men might not see it, but the names themselves are demeaning and counterproductive. They turn men away from the legitimate mottes of the ideas, which are what draws caring people in, who are then contorted by the baileys. These are ultimately about domination, but again in a way that's imperceptible by those already inside.
I cry every month in my pillows... Thinking about situations that haven't happened. I also cry when I see a sad movie.
Sometimes I just want to lay down my head,
get beaten to sleep by a pulsing of heart,
get drenched in love savoured for loving one's self,
and dream that I sit all alone in the dark,
wishing to have someone here.
Sometimes I wish I could take all my fears,
put them together and turn them to stairs,
helping humanity land after land,
but right now I just want to land.
I don't care Let me in anywhere.
Tomorrow I wake to a beautiful world,
where sound mixed with light brings me senses and words,
disturbing and loving in sickness and health,
but tonight I will rest by myself.
Only I will hear tears on my bed.
Crying's healthy. Good on you.
Its cathartic
Some time you just gotta cry until no soud somes out.... then you go get a snack
Lol 😂 your pfp
totally valid, expressing emotion is a great way to blow off some steam.
It may not be that hard for me to cry but with depression, it ironically makes it harder than it used to be.
i feel you man it just makes me feel empty, like i'm not even human
I think depression is like a cloud of numbness that fogs over all your emotions..... at least thats what I got from it but I only get depression in the winter. Taking Vidumins D helps alot
Whenever someone tells me to “man up” when I’m crying, I say “Well teach me how to to be a man, smart guy” because apparently they know what a “true man” is.
As a female, this breaks me. Most of my friends are guys and I’ve told them that it’s ok to feel your feelings. There is only one reason why I even want to have a relationship and it’s because I want people to feel their emotions. If I was in a relationship I would tell them this all the time. It’s sad that not many people have seen this. I wish you all well.
This is unfortunately terrible advice, women universally, across all times and cultures choose men who do not act emotionally, and the prospect of a life with virtually no chance of ever finding a romantic partner is far worse than the vast majority of other potential problems in men's lives. There has never, is not now, and likely never will be, a society in which men who act emotionally are going to be the most attractive partners to women, and as long as that is the case, there is zero chance of men on the whole going down that road
@@johnhildenbrand2642 Word!! Women get into relationships expecting men to be 'vulnerable' but dump that man immediately his vulnerability starts to make her insecure
My classic response to people asking how I am is to say "I'm still alive", which is the best way i can phrase my situation.
I say the exact same "I'm still alive, nothing happens"
You guys good? I'm serious.
@@mjsart7399 well my gf left me, i screwed up this semester in uni, i'm currently arguing with my dad, but i also recently got a new job, so.... i'm still alive i guess?
@@mjsart7399 no but im able to pull myself out of the abyss so far so "I'm alive"
@@mjsart7399 if a guy is watching this video then be assured it's serious. You think anyone we know irl would care about us?
I'm a woman and I also find it difficult to cry, which is ironic considering I am an extremely emotional person. I was never told to not cry, but seeing the stress on my parent's faces every time I cried made me start to hide it, and as my sisters grew, I stopped. I don't allow myself to cry because I don't want to be seen as a problem. Been that way since 4th grade I guess lol. Now when I cry I can't get more than 4 tears out before I stop subconsciously.
This was an amazing ted talk, this only made me realize that what I want for my future is a safe space. I want to be with people that allow me to feel things, and in turn, feel safe sharing their feelings with me. I always try and make people as comfortable as possible, always forgetting myself in the process. I don't want that to happen to anyone else.
The fact that this talk took 2 years to hit my feed baffles me. I've been wanting to hear this exact Ted Talk for so long that I wanted to write it myself but my assumption is Ted wouldn't take some rando ranting about mental health haha.
Suffering is suffering and just because someone can give examples of others who have had it worse doesn't invalidate their pain.
I'm afraid you're right. This is a TEDx talk. Not a TED talk. They don't actually want to promote this video
My father tried to never cry in front of us.
He was raised in the era of "men don't cry".
But my brother died a few years ago, but while the rest of us openly grieved, Dad just kept working in the family business and wouldn't talk about how he was suffering.
He worked harder and harder, anything to distract himself from thinking about it, confronting it. We had wanted Dad to retire, but he wouldn't, because I think he didn't want the downtime to think about things. It is like he planned to never confront or deal with it.
This led to him making mistakes at work, he seemed to check out on things, but still wouldn't talk to anyone.
He ended up having a heart attack and passing away in hospital eight days later. I believe part of the heart attack was brought on by his refusal to grieve and bottling it all up, because that is how men in his day were raised, and men weren't allowed to cry, even when the worst tragedy a parent ever faces comes along, being the death of their child.
This broke my heart to read. May they rest in peace and may you heal ❤
The worst moment is when you tell your family and a loved one that you need help. You give the straight forward hints and they shrug their arms and keep criticising you for your everyday life and choices you keep making. We man are here to provide, the stigma will be going forever. The stigma about us not having a feelings and rights to feel. We will always "be fine". I'm tired of trying.
I died many years ago.
'You don't get to feel bad, because someone else has it worse'. Profound.
"Is like saying you do mot get to feel good because someone has it better"
I told my dad that I thought I was deppressed when I was younger. And I knew for a fact that I was. I wanted to... well, not die. But I wanted to cease existing.
So I told him one morning before I had to head to a school I no longer wanted to go to. And he responded "If you were *actually* depressed, you'd just lay there in bed all day feeling sorry for yourself."
I've been more or less quiet about my mental health since then. Still hurts. And I know it's bad I just can't get any outlet other than posting in a sea of comments on a RUclips video, knowing damn well that this will drown.
It is indeed hard
I can relate to this comment a lot. I tried opening up about my mental health and my father brushed over it like I didn't say anything. In the end I opted to never open up to anybody but I realized it was killing me as a person. I started therapy and it was the best thing I ever did. Yeah sure I still struggle here and there but that outlet made such a huge difference for me. I stopped being a man based on society's standards of bottling everything up and being a rock. I then became a man who understood how certain traumas made me the way I am. Now I am that same rock but without the bottled up emotion. I still have a long way to go to unpack the trauma but all in all it's gotten a lot better. With that being said, I really wish you the best with what you're going through and I hope you can find the outlet you deserve ❤
When I was younger I used to go on a motorcycle ride to let my emotions out, cus no one could see me cry with my helmet on, no one can hear me yell over the motor.
Sounds like a shadow the hedgehog fanfiction
Still do it every night mate. Completely relatable.
People do care about how people feel, boys cry, everyone cry’s, sadness is natural, emotions are natural
Gareth, mate, you are a gift. This is such a captivating and necessary talk.
Yes, he put a lot of effort into crafting a well delivered speech given the medium and audience.
thanks
If anyone asks me how I am, I say: "Fine". What else would I say? People cannot bare to be around a depressed person for long. So, if you want to keep seeing people, you lie. Also, I don't want to tell people who only ask how I am out of politeness. The rest of the time I don't have the energy to speak about it. I've stopped therapy, cause a total of 7 yrs of seeing a psychologist and 2 yrs full time group-therapy hasn't changed anything. When my psychologist quit working, I just didn't have the energy left to start over with a new one. I still don't, after some 8yrs. I can't use serotonin-based AD's for medical reasons and the dopamin-based don't work for me. I can't even get my own thoughts straight, let alone put it to words. I'm exhausted mentally and physically, cause I only sleep 4 hrs a night, because of a sleeping disorder and chronic pain. I have a dozen non-union ribfractures.
People around me know I'm a dysthymic for 50+ yrs. They know the last 12 yrs have been bad. Nobody wants to talk to 'negative' people. They're no fun.
Doesn't matter if its fun I wanna know if your ok because your a living being like me.
@卐Johan L.卐 People like you are part of the problem. People like you are the reason OP over here is having the problems their having. People like you are the ones who should stop complaining when actual people point out that men are humans with feelings and are not robots.
@卐Johan L.卐 While technically that is one option, that is generally not the desired outcome.
Also it is generally not welcome and sometimes illegal to encourage suicide.
@@weatherman1504 I think their view of themselves and 'sleeping disorder and chronic pain and dozen non-union rib fractures' and other medical issues are the 'reason over here' why 'OP is is having the problems they're having'.
Though I agree Johan was not being helpful. But you have been equally unhelpful for finding the desired remedy of OP.
Wishing kindly for you, OP.
@@Speed001 Hey, I'm just saying. Telling a person already going through tough times to off themselves is terrible. When I mentioned OP's problem, what I really meant was their problem of feeling like they shouldn't tell people that they aren't fine. The fact that society in general isn't willing to hear out someone who isn't "fine" and someone who has problems IS the problem I'm trying to get at. Edgy boy over there (Johan, with swastikas surrounding their name) certainly isn't helping by telling OP to "End it already and stop complaining".
Nobody should have to feel like their problems aren't worth listening to, period.
It's probally just my personallity but i find it easy to cry as a boy. i think its just because i havent been growing up around people always telling me not to cry and be a man.
Good for you brotha. And don’t change the fact that you can either.
Lucky, I'm scared to cry in front of others because I know I'm going to be judged for it, males can't show weakness nowadays because it's basically asking to be picked on at this point
I can only cry when i am truly angry and it takes over my control what would lead me to any act as cruel as my current situation
When you got bigger stress you won't be crying to most of the things like injuries, failure etc..
It's like when we were babies we used to cry for everything and as we grow it slows with increase of stress and when it's too much and we don't share or let them out it overflows and explodes that's
Depression (ig).and to solve it just share our feelings to anyone any random listener would work, won't be rapid but eventually we will get out unless has some other serious mental cases very rare and needs medical treatment.
It's to cry when over stressed but to keep crying instead of solving the issue yourself or asking help is a problem
Typing thoughts also works ig.🙃
@@coltonbyles9499 Be f***king honest about how you are feeling. It will eat you up if you don't. I lost a pretty close friend to this and I would have given him my shoulder every day to cry on without the slightest notion of judgement. Those people who hurt you are not worth keeping around my man! I can only recommend Buddhism and especially the Dalai Lama to listen to in those moments. they really changed my perspective even with dealing with topics like death(wish). And when people want to pick on you it is only because they have insecurities about themselves. Why would a happy person pick on someone?
I genuinely feel like it’s very generational, I feel like past generations felt they couldn’t feel bad and I think as time goes on we’re getting closer and closer to accepting and validating others feelings
And then narcissists happened
@@notproductiveproductions3504 Uhh narcissists have always been a thing bud.
@@affinity4180 They are just more celebrated now.
@@affinity4180 no they haven't and neither were pervs, these concepts only developed recently in history as they were undiscussed before As Common Knowledge Yet left to be known little about -JACK
@@ZACHANDJACKSZACHSMAFIA narcissists have been around at least as long as the greeks. Pervs even longer
One of the privilege of being a lady is that you can talk about mental health without judgement. Here in India men are not supposed to talk about things like depression, anxiety etc. I did once and I was subjected to humiliation. I didn't even talk about myself. Here in my country it's believed that men are immune to such troubles. It's sad. You will be labelled dramatic and incompetent if you say you feel bad or having a panic attack. If the same thing is said by a girl it will be taken seriously as they are allowed to express themselves. Once I was told " you are man and you can't afford to worry about these things. Remember you have responsibilities and need to focus on important things. These mental problems happen when you don't work hard"
It's one of the most untouched issues here in India. Inspiring talk
I cry every time I saw a character getting killed in anime. I am a guy.
That's me when a video game Charecter I love dies
dont change
Nice. I'd wanna watch anime with you.
Of course
Of course
I don't think any of my friends will take my feelings seriously tbh. If I were to say friends, I mean ONLINE friends; they're the the only kind of majority who takes and internet user's feelings srsly
With you, stay strong. Here if you wanna talk ☺️♥️
They arnt real freinds then. if you poor your emotions and problems out at some one and they down play them or laugh or anything else like that there not real friends. I've went through that even if you find some one that won't understand but will lisen and try to give feed back talk to them it helps made me go from borderline suicidal to almost stable.
Yet online friends 'arent real friends'...
@@SavageValter or perhaps they're made incredibly uncomfortable by what you're saying because they have no idea how to deal with their own issues much less yours.
@@lu9422 I guess it depends where you put effort in, to make friends, and where you spend most of your time... My best friends aren't the ones I grew up with, cuz they don't actually understand a thing, but my best friends are the ones I made in my late 20's that were similar to me vOv (and I just made a new best friend now at 37 that I couldn't push away with my depression powers even though I tried to LOOOOL)
sometimes pain is the only thing that feels nice
Sometimes pain is the most important
@@menosproblemos6993 as cruel as it sounds a life without pain is no life worth living since it doesn't give value to good things. Good things will simply exist as things if we have not had bad things.
@@infinitepotato001 true, it’s similar to how death gives life value
Sadness is a complimentary color to happiness
By far one of the most important Ted talks especially in the current climate.
I’m 31, my father committed suicide when I was 16, my uncle when I was 26 and I have also unsuccessfully tried in the past (I don’t think I really had whatever it is to go through with it properly). While I haven’t in years I still very much wish I did not exist and the family that I have still alive have all distanced themselves from me for years apart from my grandma as if they’re expecting me to one day do the same thing.
“Hanging out with those friends or family members when your secretly pretending your fine but you wish that you didn’t exist is unbelievably draining”,
I’ve literally had to tell my grandmother the exact same thing that I could not visit her currently multiple times earlier this week, I’m sure she just doesn’t quite understand with me being a male but now Im sure I’ve offended her. It’s such a hard thing to articulate properly.
Having to "man up" and never show vulnerability is a mindset that needs to stop being perpetuated
I didn't start feeling human again until I was able to talk my feelings out.
As a girl who see that ,I wish when I'll meet my one be able to be a safe place for him to cry when he needs that , as a sister I never blamed my brother for crying but I see that our parents see that as a weakness and a shame despite the love they gave.
People are scared to hear negative feelings because they dont know how to respond... the thing is they dont... they just need to listen...
everything we do is taught.
there is almost no personal expression.
all experiences are constructs.
pretty sad.
Yes!
"Feeling like your suffering is not genuine" hit home with that
I cried watching Marley & Me
Proudest tears I've ever shed
as u should man
Great movie
The part of this that really hits home for me is that people will hide their feelings simply because other people are suffering. I have always put the mental health of others before my own, changing myself to benefit others, and going out of my way to relieve other people of their suffering whilst paying no attention to my own.
At the end of college I would ignore stress and internalise the pressure I was feeling because I needed to finish my exams. I distanced myself from my friends because one or two of them had a problem with me. The problem they had with me was that I shared views they disagreed with.
What they didn't see was that what they heard me say wasn't what I believed, It was a direct result of me walking on eggshells around peoples feelings, and as a result messing up my words and offending them anyway.
The point is that just because other people are in pain doesn't mean your pain is invalid.
"None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself as an afterthought" - Anthony Hopkins
this shouldnt be a 100k view talk
this should be an 11 million view talk
Sadly no one cares about boys in their society you just gotta deal with it
My father died in 2004 when I was 6. The first time I cried over it was 12 years later when I was 18. This also happened to be the very first time that I actually talked to someone about what happened.
The video that pushed me to talk to someone. I'm forever in debt to you.
"I couldn't contemplate getting better...
And I certainly didn't deserve too"
Like the fact that the crowd laughs and cheers the speaker
Like a famous quote says:"Everything that didn't kill you,, made you stronger". Everything he says is very true. When you feel down, it's very relaxing to talk to someone about the problem. That gives you a different perspective.
I like that this dude took the time to bring up all mental health.
My cousin sent me this and said he cried because he thought about me. This made me realize what have to lose. This talk really made me understand my worth.
This video made me think about someone too, should I say something to her?
It really has to sink in to me that something is gone when it dies, and only then, will I lay in bed, and sob quietly
My mom would literally just laugh. I don't think I'd ever opened up to someone. Ever
Too much of truth for me to handle
i'm sorry to hear that. I hope you find someone who makes you comfortable enough to help you open up to them, whether it be a friend, s/o, etc. reminder that your emotions are completely valid :)
Laughter is a valid reaction to pain and situations you don't know how to handle.
Though you may see it as a slight against yourself, most people don't know how to be very helpful for emotional complexities aside from just being there to listen. Also laughter may be involuntary.
"i have encredibly loving family, i have very caring friends. It's because i couldn't spot myself."
After this sentence i cound't hold my tears. I NEVER, EVER, talk about my feelings to anyone, because, when i did, they use my secrets against me.
damn, i crying my eyes out right now. This sentence hitted really, really hard
It's ironic that this has articulated something I've never voiced before but always thought
Amazing talk im glad this lad is still with us.
I've been thinking about this talk a lot and this lad articulates so well which i wish i could it's amazing just listening to him makes me feel a little less alone i tried to tell a friend after so long of saying i was fine how depressed and horrible i've felt for years but it just came out so wrong i couldn't articulate it well at all and choked up and now i wish i never brought it up but he's right being able to talk about how your doing is huge and super helpful when you know how to say it and this is only one brilliant point among many in this talk honestly amazing.
@@peterbrooke7146 I'm glad you atleast tried reaching out. I wish people around would catch up with what's going on and just be there for the ones who are struggling.
Thanks for being so strong and taking a step.
I know it's not of any advice but writing in a diary has made me feel less burdened, when I have no one to talk to.
Hope you are well.❤️
A real therapist is the therapist that has gone through many stuff over his lifetime and knows how it feels going through them. If he has just graduated university he cant truly help a patient overcome the things that he is going through because it takes one to know one
A real therapist is certified by the state. And that's a horrible argument.
Also how do you think therapists get the experience required to help people? I'm sorry but they need to start somewhere.
Plus I think you just want someone that openly expresses their empathy.
when a man cried, you don't have to ask to know that it's their absolute lowest times in his life.
When I was younger I was the kid who had his heart on his sleeve it was obvious how I felt and you’d be blind and deaf not to know. I was bullied by virtually every kid I met and it upset me, and when I talked to my parents for advice; my parents told me “Don’t give them a reaction it’s what they want.”
My parents were good people mind you, they took time and energy to raise me and make me a functional member to society. But eventually I hardened and I stopped showing much emotion to others, last year my grandmother died and I was gonna visit her a few weeks later.
I wanted to cry, scream, kick and do everything or anything that would make me feel better or at least numb the feeling of, no matter what I said or do she won’t come back; I won’t get my weekly phone calls with her. Then I thought “I can’t cry she was my grandmother but my mother must feel horrible I gotta be strong for her so she can be vulnerable and so my dad can comfort her.”
I still haven’t really properly cried and I want to I wanna cry so hard that I can’t do anything else. But I can’t cause I have to march onward and when I think about it like that it makes me feel worse like I didn’t love her as much as I was supposed to
You'll get there.
Crying is powerful like muscles you need to break down to grow stronger
I really struggle with life right now. Procrastination, having the fear that I'll lose everyone I love and probably having social anxiety (I'm not 100 % sure but there are so many hints/ indications) is terrifying and exhausting. I'm too scared to talk about this with my parents and I don't always want to rob my friends time. And so often I just want to cry everything out, make my eyes tear and want to sob while I'm alone. But I just can't. And that is the most terrifying thing right now.
I got a really good meme for you bro its really unfortunate I cant find a link to it
you cant and wont rob your friends time, you gotta talk to somebody eventually
My shoulder is very comfortable for crying on
Believe me. The sooner you let it out. The better. People won’t shame you if they truly care. It takes a strong person to come out and admit that they’re not ok. Especially as a man. I’ve been there. Sometimes I’m still there. It’s a battle. We’re not alone. Loads of people are in the same place. We’re here for you
I can’t hold my tears anymore, I’ve tried but I have female friends that love to listen to what I’m going though and a wonderful girlfriend that supports me as I support her.
10th of September 2015 at 21:42, my dad ended his life by jumping off of the bridge by the Anglers Rest off the Carrigrohane Road, into the River Lee. I got a phone call at half one in the morning, the 11th, also my brother's birthday, telling me he was seen going in and that search and rescue were trying to find him and would spend the whole night doing so. He was thankfully pulled out at 09:17 from Kennedy's Quay at the Port of Cork sign before he could be brought out to sea and lost forever.
It's coming up to 6 years and the pain is still as fresh and raw as the day it happened but I've become better at handling it. My poor brother's birthday isn't the same anymore and he does his best to handle it but it's rough for him.
I miss him and there's not a day that passes I without him coming into my thoughts. He had demons we never knew about until after his passing which made everything make so much more sense but by then, he was gone, and we were left behind to mourn his passing.
If there's anything I ask of you good people that are struggling right now for whatever reason then I ask you, no, I BEG of you to reach out and tell someone. It could be friends, family or even a stranger on the helpline. You're still telling someone what's going on and what's getting you down and you're going to feel better by letting it out instead of letting it build like a pressurised container.
We all have our worth and we all have our place in life. You only need to believe that you are more and deserve more for yourself and trust me once you start telling yourself that one thing every single day, you will start believing it and once you start believing, you can START DOING and that is only limited by your imagination and how much you feel you deserve to have in life.
I hope you're all well and wish you nothing but good luck and peace going forward❤️🙏
Ever since I was young I was raised with the idea that real men cry. That it's cowardly to hide from your emotions or refuse to feel them. My father especially wanted me to be able to express all the range of my emotions and not to be scared or ashamed of myself for it. I don't cry much but I do cry. It pains me to my core that so many of my fellow brothers can't, or feel like they can't or were raised to think crying is "a girls thing" were are human just the same and we should be able to express our emotions. I hope you all can discover a way to shed these healing tears.
I dont like asking "how are you." I hate small talk, and I always knew theres a social construct making people say "fine," so I like getting straight to the point and asking: "do you feel happy right now," and follow a yes or no with "why do you think that's the case?"
To be honest, I have never told anyone this but I have been so close to ending my life I haven't gotten through it yet but hearing this really helped me understand myself if that makes sense I have always been the "trouble child" and having that weight of "you can never do anything wrong" being teased about it and through the years dealing with that I learned to act like I don't care I had to be tough I had to take it and now I'm in a relationship with someone that I love more than I love myself and I don't know how to tell him how I feel. Thank you for this.
how can people unlike this?
how can you unlike anybody speaking out about mental illness and depression.
I think there is a place and time for stoicism, emergency situations, for example, when immediate decisive action is required. And I believe this is the basis for the notion that men should suppress emotion. Unfortunately, the rest of the story is left out of that equation in that there is a time and place to then process and express those emotions in a healthy way. Still working on finding that balance, but making progress. I have had enough experiences that required me to defer emotional response that did not get addressed in a timely manner that there are deep emotional scars that make it difficult to express, articulate, or even identify healthy emotions. Have done a lot of work towards this, but it's a long and arduous process.
Wishing you all the best mate
Exactly this: from the shittiest defenses of this idea (men are weaker now because they suffer less consequences) to the more reasoned defenses of this idea (know when not to cry because sometimes it is counterproductive to have them or productive to suppress them), no-one actually talks about what you *should* do with your emotions.
What does it look like to deal with feelings well? When are you in a situation where you can feel stuff by choice because you know it'll do you well, and know that its not just ok but wise? Who so you turn to when you need it? And how do you then express yourself?
Instead, there are a bunch of 'don't's. You must talk to people, but you cannot be too vulnerable too quickly. People are busy, so you must approach them at the right time. People are creeped out by people with low social skill, yet those people may be the only ones they've been able to speak to. You need to be very strategical. No-one is their friend's therapist, yet therapists are expensive and in short supply. Where are the 'do's?
There should be less punishments, and more positive examples.
But first that means that we must accept the existence of emotions. And even the more thought-out defenses of thoughness are telling in this regard: we see emotions as a bother.
There cannot be positive examples unless we treat emotions with the attention, appreciation and frankly the respect that they deserve. It must be done visibly, in public, and at the most inconvenient of times. How else will people see any of the positive examples that may follow?
We cannot tell people to learn skills from their parents, to know when they can talk to their friends, to know how to ask and plan around other peoples busy lives, to go to a therapist, and to deal with all this privately. People can't be expected to be able to rely on having those things already. In some way, people need to see this out there in the world. Otherwise, precisely those unskilled people will fail to learn, only to be punished for being unskilled. Which is very counterproductive indeed!
Remember to feel. Remember to breath. Remember that your time here is temporary, you don't have to spend all of it in pain.
You never learn how much difference talking about these things actually make until you do it. Especially getting over that thinking your now a burden subconscious hurdle.
Well timed for me that's for sure.
Thanks for letting this out.
"They ask you how you are and you just have to say that you're fine, but you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it cos they would never understand"
I’m glad he got the chance to talk to his Mum. My parents raised me with one very adamant rule: “When someone above you speak, shut up and listen. If they interrupt you; assume they understand and you’re just wasting time. Don’t ever interrupt them though.”
It’s a great rule for someone with anxiety-depression. I can’t express myself to anyone, because I inherently view everyone around me as “above me” and if I try to express a thought: my style of speech means I pause periodically to let other, more important people, override the conversation with their opinions. I can’t tell anyone how I feel face to face, because no one around me has the patience to let me articulate it, and I don’t allow myself to waste their time and continue after they decide to interrupt.
This is why I've always said, to my mother, "I don't Care about what Society thinks about me."
Because their view was always Flawed, to a degree and they sure as heck are not me.
Always held onto that I'm Loved by my friends and family, and Sure enough I love myself, Friends and family.
because they are truly the strength you need most, in a desperate time you experience.
Also, putting it this way ceasing your own existence by force, just creates more pain and suffering for your loved ones.
Of course there are people who've had to deal with Toxic Families or "Friends", to view it this way They became the thing they should not have, The Twisted view of Society.
Just to be against you when you wanted their help the most, a harder path that has to be taken that's how life is, best course of action is of course Focusing on taking care of yourself, and Doing things you like, Some point later a "Branch" in the path will show up to lead to extremely great friends, Or Parental Figures.
Humanity is Flawed Yes, but it's only and truly someone's Fault when a person in question intentionally screws up someone's day or life in general, which in essence would be again the Toxic families or "Friends".
Of course No one is perfect, whole purpose of living on this Blue Rock we call Earth is to strive to be a better person honestly.
Great talk. I help run a men's support group and I hear this weekly. Some version of trauma that leads to this hopeless thinking. It compels me to go back to school to become a mental health professional. My goal is to primarily work with boys, young men and men as a focus group. We all need mental health support, but I feel men have been neglected in this area for far to long.
Can't agree more. We've been neglecting men obtaining more roles. We saw a renaissance in the roles of women's lives, but men didn't change. And the world is very different now. Men deserve a rewrite and dozens of new ways to be in a new world. I'm rooting for all you guys!
Isn't it simple... Like I'm in my teenage (17).... And
When we cry others laugh at us...
I feel it depends what your crying about. If it is serious, people will understand. I don’t want to cry in front of my friends because it will place a burden on them
Depends like if you fell imma laugh and check if you good if you just start crying i worry
this might be the best way I've heard this articulated.
I've learned how to cry in like 30 seconds and then I'm done with those emotions. And I never do it in front of others.
God this hits home. I have a remarkably supportive family, friends who would actually die for me and I still struggled to talk. Shortly after leaving the Marines I got super drunk one night and sat on my bathroom floor looking for something to end it. I count myself insanely lucky I didn't have any ammo for my rifle at the time bc the only reason I didn't was I wanted it to be quick. A week later I finally broke down in front of my parents and sister out of nowhere and spilled the beans, told the whole story. It was honestly the most cathartic experience I've ever had. I'm obviously lucky to have parents and a sibling who are all in the medical field and were nothing but supportive and understanding and I know some people may not have that. But man, with that weight off my chest, a healthy dose of check up phone calls that still persist, and professional help I've felt somewhat happy for the first time in nearly a decade. I still struggle with alcohol and the occasional dark spot, but never the abyss. I finally see a path forward and its all because I finally broke the facade. My sister was incredulous, and she talked about how its changed who she looks at mental health completely. She'd never had an even slight inkling, and was pretty shaken up when I finally broke down. Anyway, check on your people whoever they may be, this world is hard. You're not alone, and despite what you may think, people do care.
As a girl watching this video I say, cry all you want. Never in my life have a looked at a man and thought he would be unattractive or weak if he started crying in front of me. My dad is one of the strongest people in my life, and I've only seen him cry a handful of times. Nonetheless though, I've seen him cry, and he's still one of the strongest people I've ever met. I on the other hand cry every time I watch a dog commercial, and I was taught that that's ok. All you men out there should be taught the same thing, expressing your negative emotions does not make you any less of a strong person. It just shows the rest of us that even strong people can cry.
I as a girl, am provided with this privilege of crying and expressing emotions. And it's high time I realised that men deserve it too.
I have always been treated kindly by either gender anytime I cried in public. Only the close ones have ever named me a crybaby. But I like to think they worry about me and let it slide.
I feel sorry for every man....every kid that has been told they should not cry.
You are a man. Whether you cry or not.
You don't need to be strong everytime.
Sometimes sharing and talking about your hurt and pain can be the toughest and strongest thing you can do. It can be the most intimidating and daring thing.
I wish for you: to be able to be vulnerable with someone someday.
It's not about being attraction or anything , it's about being seen as weak and taken advantage of .
This is what we men are afraid of , not because of attraction
Look most of the times I dont wanna show my Pathetic side as a man cause it makes me Feel like im weak then Other people will probably just laugh at me for being a Baby and not being a Strong man...
@@everydayfun9531 It's the fact that no man wants to show it. I can't bring myself to do it either solely because of the fear of becoming a weaker member of a society.
@@doctornomnom6393 you and me buddy we are the Outcast of this Society ethier We follow the standards of society or we go our own way...
Came for the cowboy bebop look alike.
Stayed for the incredible words.
Can I ask what your profile pick is?
@@tvhead2227 Sure. It's an old kermit the frog meme. Back when It meant "-But im just going to mind my business" or "I'm just gonna sip my tea"
The clouds and the negative tint doesn't really mean anything.
@@WhisperedTo thanks
listened to this lying on my floor tryna get in shape trying to fix my life by doing activities yet its all useless cuz i hate myself, happyness isnt easy but discussions like this helps.
your emotions are valid, i hope it gets better for you real soon :) hang in there my dude
When life is life. When it gets rough, painful, stressful. I'm focused..
But when nice things happen to me, I'm touched. Thoughts like, "I didn't work hard enough for this, it's a lie."
Appreciation is a helluva thing...
I never cried when any of my relatives have passed away growing up.
Never cried when my great grandmother’s passed away
Never cried when my Nana (Grandma) passed away.
Never cried when my Papa (Grandpa) passed away.
Never cried when my aunts and uncles passed away.
Never cried when my baby sister passed away.
I tried to cry when she passed. Like I forced myself to cry. Everyone was crying but I struggled.
Last time I truly cried is when I was having a lot of stress build up from work during the pandemic and working overtime for almost everyday. Taking a toll on me for a 20 year old.
Even now I barely cry at all growing up during my high school years to adulthood.
I'm pretty good at talking about not feeling good but I'm not good at explaining exactly and precisely what I'm feeling. I usually just say "okay" or "neutral". And when people say "It could be worse" or something similar, I just say, "that's true - but the fact that somebody has it worse doesn't make me feel better - it actually makes me feel worse.."
That is a good response
For myself the worst feeling is knowing that you're at that metaphorical cliff and knowing that on your current path your going to fall and feeling like you've been stuck to a slow moving conveyor belt that is bringing you to that edge.
This video should be renamed to:
Did you know males are human and have emotions ? Shocking huh ?!
we know they have emotion, blame the society.
@@sanskrutipatil1110 I cry some time if I don't I feel worthless and depressed. It's a bagged that I can't carry on my back..
@@sanskrutipatil1110 This is 100% true.
Anyone have emotions. Each human being.
yeah, i was forced to bottle my thoughts and emotions for years from bullying and racism. and somehow it surprised everyone when I finally snapped.
Well, I'm sure I'm not the first to say this, but what keeps me from talking about it is simply to avoid that look of either, utter helplessness and shock in those that care, but don't know what to do about it, and the look of indifference in the people who don't care at all. Because whether you belong to either extreme doesn't matter because no one can help you but you. No one can give you whatever it is you're missing. You have to do it yourself.
I related to his experiences and felt a roller coaster of emotions all throughout the video. I'm grateful I had the opportunity to watch this.
"Talk about it for someone else. Someone who may not be able to speak about it. Because they might realize that it isn't it for them."
This flipped a switch in head and I intend to follow with it. I respect this perspective and agree with it since I'm the one struggling. Who doesn't want the least bit of help or even an informed awareness of mental health?
I hope this comment made a bit of sense, I find it hard to talk about this but here it is.
Yeah, since men are taught to keep to themselves. It can prove to be very difficult; opening up about anything to some.
it's really cute how his hand keeps going back to the center of his chest when he's pausing. I don't know why but it really is
You have brain cells there….
I think the main issue is not being tough, one of the toughest things you can do is speak up about yourself
In fairness mental health is important, but so is being stoic. There is a balance.
We as men aren't allowed to cry, we know deep down that crying isn't efficient, we as men are made to be efficient, and only focus on efficiency, but some of us are lucky enough to be different from the rest, and have the ability to cry, and when they do, they feel so happy to let it all out its insane