10 Common Narcissistic Hoovering Tactics: How Many Have You Experienced?
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- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2019
- If you've ever been Hoovered, you know that narcissists and other emotional abusers will say anything to get to you. But when you start to see how the narcissist operates, you realize that these emotionally abusive people are anything but original.
So ... let's take a look at all the common Hoovering tactics and have a little laugh. It's about time we had fun, right?
#hoover #hoovering #narcissism #narcissist #npd🔥
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*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist
He might be having a crisis??!
He WAS the crisis...🙄
😂
😂😂😂
lol
ههههه هموتتتتت
Translation: hahahahah I’m gonna die
Exactly lol
1) It's always been you.
2) I miss you, I feel like I need closure. Just give me 5 mins.
3) Come at you with some pictures, evoking sentiment.
4) Drama!!
5) Approach you with some exciting news.
6) The 'accidental' text.
7) The apology.
8) Exotic extravagance out of nowhere.
9) The connection.
10) Playing on your empathy.
The ‘fake’ apology....;-)
"Hey Anita. I really need to call you. Dad is really bad"
Me: You work in a hospital
😂 He'll really stoop that low
You might find this quite amusing... after no contact my ex narc emailed me a picture of my front door key 🔑 I just ignored it. A few days later I was working near to where she lived and sure enough she appeared holding the key!!! I told her to keep it as a memento as I’d had the locks changed! Her final act of drama was to launch the key at me and storm off 😏 Stay strong people 😂💪🏻
seasick 🤣🤣🤣
Well done! You rock!
😄 👍
You politely destroyed her. God bless you, sir!
Awesome
The narcissist I dated sent me a "Happy New Year to you and yours" text a month after a horrible breakup. We hadn't spoken to each other or hashed things out. It came out of nowhere like there were no bad feelings between us. It felt like he was "checking the temperature". I told him to eff off and blocked him.. In the relationship, he bragged about being such a cool guy that all his exes are still friendly with him. Not this one. I see him for what he is and I refuse to be part of his harem of exes.
Haha love this comment. Good for you 💪🏼
They brag a lot it seems
Same just happened to me this Christmas and New Years 😂 I fell for it, but it only lasted 2 weeks.
Just heard from mine after 4 months what she said with truth in ()
"Ive been thinking about things.( I am out of supply)I want to talk.( You give me supply I need supply) You may not want to talk to me(are you still in my control? I am the victim here)you may be seeing someone else( are you still under my spell. Do I still have you. I am the victim)
Just because I can see and im awake it is still hard not to be influenced by the lie.
damnnnnnn. i heard ALL of this
Thank you for this. Honestly it is so hard not to break contact and I have run all the tapes through...again and have to force my brain to see the reality and not the gas lighting hazey dream of "well she may want a relationship now, maybe now she is ready, maybe now...." lies lies lies. She is just bored of her new victim, out of a fresh mouse to toy with"
Ugh!
thea klein thea klein oh its terribly difficult not to contact them! I think about it often but I remember all of the bad & then logic kicks in. We’re often too busy going back and forth in our heads saying “no way this person is really like this” but they showed us precisely who they are! Believe them!
thea klein plus let’s say you two got back together - do you truly see yourself trusting her again after everything that’s been done?! Stay strong!!
Exactly! I for one have wasted 3 yrs to much on mental tape reruns. And yes that exactly true. they will never chnage and that is sad.
I really appreciate your comments! So helpful.
Thank you
Hoovering Techniques
1) It’s always been you
2) I just want to see you one more time
3) May show you pictures together
4) Drama
5) May approach you with exciting or not so exciting news-anything to talk to you
6) Accidental text(s)
7) Apology
8) With an elaborate promise(trip or even marriage)
9) The connection/bond
10) Empathy
Thank you
Yes lol yep...and ..NO absolutely just NO
Lol… I literally accidentally called my narc … I’m a bit of a narc myself
I'm not sure where an email saying 'Why do you keep calling me??' falls under... I guess it falls under drama. The thing is I've not contacted her at all.
Mine uses combo technique s, involving triangulate and drama+ I just want to see you again. They play targeted mental tricks with specific things
"It took a lot, it took a lot of acting..."
😂😂😂
🤣
i fall for it twice lol i did not knew it
Breaking NO contact would be Betraying God because I asked HIM to save me
And For Me GOD COMES FIRST !
Let him try all his tactics
NONE of Them Will Work On me ! 🙌
I've experienced all 10 of them!! Also him asking me to get married to him the following month while he was still married!!!! Insane people!
They always bring the chaos... insane is right ❤🙏
OH GOD NO THANK GOD U REFUSED BRUHHH
Hahaha. That is so stupid.
*Wants you to marry him...is already married*
What the actual hell.
Same here! He asked me to marry him, but he’s still married. And he told me that his wife can accept this because she promised him that he can have a 2nd wife. He wanted me not boring him family but he will balance well 2families. He will give me 1day per week, Quality Time, he said. Then he will keep his family too. When he told me these words, I didn’t know his 2nd kid was almost born. Girls, help, narcissistic not just bring Chaos, they wash people’s mind and they have their own STABLE logic. If I refuse, I am the person who don’t know love. I am the person hurt him.
Me personally I know these people are not people because people are made of Love vibes. These people are not.🤔👍
I've had: the drama Hoover, the malignant Hoover, the love bombing Hoover, the emoji Hoover lol, the Hoover by proxy, the kids Hoover, I mean....... Oh and the fake crisis Hoover, the depressed Hoover, the epiphany Hoover, the I need help Hoover, omg ..... hahaha 😂😂😂
Chenal A The fake crisis one is ridiculous 😂 my ex best friend lied & said she had cancer. Like I was suppose to care after she insulted my father after he passed away while I was grieving , called me a fake, phony. But expects me to have sympathy for her ? Uh no. These ppl are mental.
Take a dog a little bichon maltais and you will never be disapointed men are a waste of time
Now is the Coronavirus hoover 🤣🤣 “hey hope you and the kids are ok...stay safe” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
The friend request Hoover. Aka is it warm to dip in again lol
The epiphany Hoover....even the epiphanies have been fake ? Can't believe that ! :(
Playing with feelings and taking
advantage of my empathy and compassion was the most common in a relationship with my narcissistic ex. Each time he did something that hurt me, he actually apologized, but always blamed it on his past trauma and that this is the reason why he was doing what he was doing 😓
Literally all of these have happened to me over the years, thank God I went no contact almost a year ago!!
He invited me for vacations after beating me and stealing my money... Experienced all of them even the "I m gonna go to therapy" loooooool
💀😂
Before I went no contact, He said “we’re not to the point that we cannot remain friends” without knowing it was a Hoover maneuver at the time, I didn’t believe it, my reply was “I don’t think I can do that” in my mind I thought “I don’t believe we were never friends!”
Everthing is a lie, it s very scary to trust people and we waste to much time.....
@Leg over Lass ohhhhh my word. Mine literally said I was his “best friend” and that he wanted to see his “friend”. HECK NO!
Could she be more glib? Sounds incredibly narcissist.
I told him I don't stay friends with exes. So, he's always using the "I'm moving away." excuse.
Okay. Leave. Please. Need help packing your boxes and putting them on the truck?
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN......PLEASE RUNNNNNNNNNNNJMB
My hover.." I'm just checking on you"..." do you need anything" " I'm doing good business is booming" " did you see the pics I sent you" " I've been trying to call and check on you...this Covid-19 👎👏👏👏🤣😅😂🤣😅😅🤗
Realizing that I've experienced half of these makes me uncomfortable, but I also feel relieved because now I can put a name to these shenanigans!
It's manipulation, not love. And, all for supply. The desperate need for attention to feel validation. SMH
Spaghetti tactics. Throw it allllll and see what sticks 😂😂😂😂😂🔥🤣🤣🤣🤣
Chenal A lmao
Been here
Everything, _but_ genuine apology and ownership.
😭
Mmm....spaghetti!!!
A lot of these just sound like regular break-ups, but number 9, THEY HAVE NO EMPATHY! Once you've been love-bombed, devalued, discarded and they've groomed the new supply, you will know the difference between a regular break-up and a discard by a narc=IT IS BETRAYAL!! I am so grateful for this community and for common ego. "I've come a long way baby!" Now I have the awareness going forward and to watch for the hallmarks of a narc.
Vicki my ex narc/ narcissistic ex or whatever they call them love-bombed me and made me feel like I was the luckiest and the most loved girl on the surface of the earth. And then came the devaluation phase where he was got and cold and I couldn't understand what was happening. When I asked him he said he was behaving like that because he had thought about things and realized that I made him sad because I always said no to almost all his requests. I then began complying with all his terms, feeling like I was walking on eggshells. He gave me the silent treatment for a 5 days because I called both of us out for being rude and using our phones instead of talking to each other. And when I decided to go home because he was being unbothered, he carried on with the silent treatment. 3 days afterwards, I lost one of my best friends to suicide and a week later my mom had a stroke and that's when he discarded. When I needed him the most. My sister tried to reach out to him to beg him to reach out to me since I live in another country far from my family and he was the one person I needed to hold me. He literally told my sister that he never ever wanted to talk to me again, unfriended me on social media. I felt like my heart was violently reaped out of my chest and torn into pieces. How heartless can these narcs be. It still hurts when I look back
@@fionaanto616 Yes, I have been there and it is BRUTAL.
Severe extreme fear of intimacy,
Definitely emotionally unavailable
Yes. Grateful to find out this channel. Then realised my ex is a covert narc. Intense love bomb at the beginning of six months relationship, found being cheat on, lies after lies, gaslighting, passive aggression, zero empathy when I got sick, extremely mental manipulative, constant fantasize being loved by many other people, pretend being kind but use hidden controlling tactics in all relationships once secure a prey devaluation and discard at the end. Then blocking me from social media after discarding me for six months and then unblock me and start hoovering......this fits exactly NPD pattern. Can narc be cured by pychologists?
It does feel like betrayal. Granted I gathered this information from others but they seem to have already been talking to a new person 3 days after our break up. They said I was being manipulative to them. When I tried to talk the same day of the break up and the day after. I was completely removed and blocked on every social media. All I wanted was answers and closure. I wanted to know what I could do better. I wanted to express how I felt. I was just thrown into confusion suddenly because we talked the morning of break up day. We called again and that was it.
im late in this video but: Now is the Coronavirus hoover 🤣🤣 “hey hope you and the kids are ok...stay safe” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's Day 12 of No Contact and I just got an anonymous (but obvious) potted plant left on my doorstep during covid-19. It's his handwriting on the card, and it says "Water me!". He used to say we must water the plant of our love. I ran straight to my youtube and typed in "common ego hoovering" before my brain started taking me down a dark path!
11) The sudden spiritual awakening/epiphany. ‘God suddenly spoke your name in my heart and told me you are the only one I’m supposed to be with.’
When I tried to end it after one month cos I found out he'd cheated he begged and begged for just two minutes of my time to 'explain'. I finally caved in and agreed to meet ...7 years on and I'm really wishing I hadn't. When you know it's not right please believe it and save yourselves a lot of heartache.
I’ve got another! “Would you be upset if I died?”
😂😂😂😂
Yes, exactly The same
Thank you so much for posting this information. It is vitally important for people to understand narcissism so that they don't suffer unnecessarily for years and years. I've met so many people like this and I never understood what was going on. It was absolutely devastating to realize that someone you care about very much is hurting you... On purpose... it really helps to understand all the reasons why. You are really helping a lot of people, and I thank you so much :-)
These hoovering techniques are destroying my life and you have this happy smile throughout this whole video. I won’t be returning
Agreed! This bitch SMILING is triggering. READ THE ROOM & get off RUclips
I got “I miss you so much, I think about you night and day, thought I might see you in such and such bar” I replied “i don’t drink in such and such bar”. He must have forgot that and got me muddled up with another supply lol, after saying he wanted to see me again he ghosted me. I’m still laughing 😂 he always had a bad memory.
I just want to thank you so much for these videos and for providing a word for what has been happening (intermittently, obviously) for the past three years. I've experienced just about all of these tactics, the "connection" one being a favorite.
this is so crazy, we separated a few weeks ago, and today we were able to have an amicable text back-and-forth conversation. He was at the Emily Fourth of July get together, and I realized and listening to these 10 different ways of hovering, he did eight of 10 of those! He sent me a cute picture that he knows I like, he gave me good news, he told me that he wasn’t having fun at his function because no one really understands him except for me, and several others! That is so crazy! Thank you for opening my eyes to what’s going on! I told myself over and over, and him as well, right now I don’t wanna see him or talk to him. I just want time away, for myself. Of course he can’t let that happen. He has to send me friendly texts now and again, all hovering! Makes me tired, you know?
Block him.
So what do you think? Is the narcissist in your life original? I'm going to guess not, but let me know! And thanks for watching!
I wished the man I loved wasn't narc (but he is). Well, fortunately I am not the one he chooses for marriage although I concern a woman he chooses. I hope she could be strong when she knows the man she loves is not good as she thinks.
What do you mean by original?
During those times I didn't realize they were hoovers. The kind I get now usually has to do with something that looks important, but isn't. Like unnecessary paperwork, etc.
@@in_vino_veritas7938 omg this! Junk mail that looks important. This happens when i ignore the i miss you, i am wanting to talk, or the its all your fault why do you hurt me so hoover.
Well this ruins all those romantic movies for me now where the guy has a realization that he really does love the girl and wants to say nice things to make a go of it for real.....one of my favs is the girl leaving to catch a flight and at the last minute the guy runs to the gate just before she gets on the plane to profess his love and convince her to stay....lol ...... I’m a hopeless romantic .
Thank you.. I’ve not been drinking for 2 months, went out for a friends birthday and drank and it’s like he knew .. every word you said rang true, this helped me not to reply. So appreciated, you’re awesome ❤️
You are absolutely darling - loving your content and insight - thank you! :)
1. I keep getting signs to reach out. 2. No one gets me like you. You're the only who understands me. 3. Our sexual connection is something I've never had before or since you. I think these are obvious appeals to an injured ego. They know they've hurt your ego in the discard and they know you'll be vulnerable to hearing some repair of your value in their eyes. To suddenly be "the only one" when you've been dropped to the bottom of the trash for so long, is a welcomed relief. Repair your ego on your own and you won't be as vulnerable to the hoover.
"You have to admit you're making a big deal out of nothing, again." "We can work things out as long as we love eachother, thats all that matters right?" "I KNOW you still love me. And I love you more than anything" "I havent even done anything to you!!" *Me: telling all the things hes said and done* "Well I'm sorry for that obviously, but thats not a reason to break up from a good relationship" "Why don't you focus all the great times we had together, there are so much lovely things I've done for you." "Please answer, answer JUST THIS ONE question" "Pleaase Im so hurt. I cant live without you. Life has no meaning if you leave me." "I can't BELIEVE how cruel and selfish you are for not answering me!!!" "You are insane and unstable, you should get some help.."
This comment really is a wakeupcall for me, or it just confirms everything. I broke up with my partner a month ago, and I swear i can tick every sentence you have there. Like «I know I did this, this, this wrong, but why cant you still give me another chance? I know you love me, you cant love someone and then suddenly change your mind. If you love me you will give me another chance. I didnt see it before but i see everything now. I cant live without you, i am nothing without you. I dont want to be here anymore (meaning here on Earth). My mind goes kind off Numb just writing some of the things they said.
Oooh fucking hell, you won't believe me if I say that I got these same texts, I have been in this relationship from class 9 to 12, and it's been a very toxic relationship. And now I've finally broken up, actually I broke up he came back always, many times to patch up, I agreed to stay friends then he ghosted me again, with an excuse of exams etc, last time he broke up with me, and wow, I'm guessing he got a replacement. So whatever I know this guy will come back again, when things are sorted with his new replacement. So until then, wish me luck with moving on people😆
I love the last part...🤣 same as my ex narc
All
Of
This!
Tired of them all 🥱...just leave me alone so I can move on !
It means some deep self healing. Energy work to release cords and spiritual contracts. I've been doing that for ten years and slowly now feel I'm fully in my own energy, with no attachments
blocking my narc ex literally solves most of these. she has zero methods of communication with me, so she cannot do any of these. granted I also dumped her while the devaluing was going on, and now she tries to contact my friends, knowing it will get back to me. pathetic
@MEAT POPSICLES •89 years ago • they can be persistent. Keep blocking and don't give them an in
I grinned from ear to ear and laughed so much in a good way! I experienced all of these with the NARC I once knew. Thank you for this video! Wish to add, I also experienced... fake accidents and illnesses to tug at my empathy along with suicide threats when he was really desperate for my attention.
Yes! The suicidal threat. My ex husband even told me that his father had died. I rushed to his side only find out he was lying and to be abused again. I divorced him in 2016 and my life has been Amazing.🙌🏾✝️😇🙏🏾❤️
I have heard every one that you mention and i would just scream inside listening to his bs i actually felt sick to my stomach listening but i did not react i had given hom so many chances and every time i did his abuse towards me got worse.
Thank you so much for this
video it was so helpful
Mine sends me RUclips playlists, shows up at my door, leaves flowers on my car, got a job in my building, sends holiday texts, writes notes in card from "the kids", drives byy appt. Empty apologies.. this has been going on for 2 years.
Healing Discovery
Wow
He showed at my door too
He was as old as my parents
I was told I’m a good dancer
And he admitted he needs to look good
It was on and off
I was hooked
I used the word toxic yo him
He used to laugh at my English
Cause I’m not an English speaker
I live in Israel 🇮🇱
He does too
He told me that ones he asked me to dance with him and I said no
I guess he was watching me for a long time until he tried again
Creepy
He was coming to my door 🚪 step
It felt scary
He left a card
Without his name on
But I knew it’s him
Cause I know where I put my stuff
And he was snooping
It said happy birthday day my love
Now I see it as crap 💩
Oh
I gave him presents 🎁for his birthday 🎂 too
I was hooked
Ones he even left a chocolate 🍫 with the saying love you
But what I read here is creepier
Whoa...
That’s a stalker you have there!!
Can't believe!! 2 years!!!??? Same for me with stalking and flowers on my car!!! I really wish you get rid of this person!!!!
Google docs and Amazon packages.
Ahhhhaha love your expressions! Trying not to burst out laughing, I know the feeling, and when we say it out loud and actually hear it.... it’s so crazy it’s funny! I am finding having a sense of humour about it is helping too. Especially when it becomes soooooo predictable 🤪🤭🤔🙄🥴Great vid 🙏🏽
Oh, heres an older one I just remembered: leaving unsolicited gifts and notes in my actual, physical mailbox. I now have a locking mailbox.
My narc left some of his items at my house. At the time he did this, I was confused. Why is he leaving things at my house. I suspected our relationship was ending at the time (did not know anything about narcissism), just saw a shift in his behavior that was unpleasant. I suspect this is a pattern. Taking the stuff to Goodwill. Blocked calls and emails. He lives in another state. Thank you to everyone for helping me understand I never knew this person. He is such a classic narcissist.
It's such a blessing when they move to another state! Really amped up my healing for sure
Need this today ...thank you ...health and happiness to you always ...
Omg your videos are helping me so much. Me and my covert narc broke up today. Hes literally stalling while packing, and tried to Hoover me before leaving. Sure thing enough I fell for it, and he discarded me.
The I cannot live without you complete with suicide threats ! - Actually supprisingly easily handled ...I called his mom and friends said this is the situation I cannot be involved in solving it since I’m directly involved and then told him the next time he called what I’ve done and that he now should have adequate support around him since I couldn’t and shouldn’t be involved. ( Got him really mad and me Very happy =)
Good one!
I told mine that I was gonna turn my phone off so he could take care of himself, whether it was checking his meds or calling his psychiatrist. I didn't want to be an option for a distraction...
They try and come back telling me I love u when they really don't they just wanna come back because they have no one or they try and make u feel bad when u put them in your place
what about coming back after 6 weeks no contact and throwing the new boyfriend in your face " hes perfect for me"? triangulation.
I think of that one more like a trap... because they're sucking you into drama instead of a relationship. But they're still trying to get supply, so definitely related! Have you seen my video about warning the new supply? It kind of touches on this. ❤🙏
Common Ego
I didn’t see it
How do I get to see it?
And thank you
These videos really help
I really want to say out his name
It be wired if someone of the women here will know him
He lives in Israel 🇮🇱
And his wife works in Alaska
Every half year
Usually March to October (Skagway januva- not sure how to spell that 🤔😳😬)
If I remember correctly
And he started joining in one month after her
And came back one month before her
His son
Younger son
As he said
Is the manager there
He loves Israeli flock dancing 🕺
Thats so awful, im sorry you had to deal with that.
Just happened to me. Lame lol
Does it ever really matter when they claim you are the love of their life yet cheated the last 2 of 10 years - begged & pleaded and lost his mind when I left the first time (for months) but didn’t stop communicating with the back burner! The one he claimed to not give a sh.t about. The one who was just a filler. A puppet. He can’t even stand her voice or talking to her! Yeah that one. He destroyed ten years of what was a great relationship for 8 years. Treated me like a queen until he didn’t-until he was caught cheating with a crazy psycho who liked him since high school. She seems like a narc… him…he has traits for sure.
Claimed last time together he wanted to get married; wanted it all and the rest of his life to prove how much he loved me; I just couldn’t do it. I left him three months ago - but it’s so hard to get him out of my head and heart. It doesn’t just go away the pain & emotional torment lingers for so long
I'm currently experiencing ALL of these from not only my current relationship of 6yrs that is officially ending, but also with my ex-husband of 15yrs whom I have kids with. It's infuriating and sometimes comical to witness firsthand. Thank you for all of your videos, I cannot wait to be single and work more on me. I have suffered enough emotional abuse these past 22 years!
You're energy is so strikingly peaceful, angelic and beautiful !! Much Love !! Nature is my church, and Rock N' Roll and Heavy Metal music is my Religion !! ; - )
Holiday and tax season hoovering and of course their birthday lmao
Before I went no contact on the Narc (who has no job, he's on disability because he tried to commit suicide years back, too bad it didn't work out for him)...since Covid-19 he would Hoover me when he knew my Unemployment would hit my bank account. A-hole!
Tax season lol
😂😂😂
Did no contact with her in May 2019 and she literally hoover an entire year via Snapchat just to reconnect once my birthday came around in February 2020 to come back to me lmfaooo
#11: “I’m in counseling, with my ______. (Insert clergyman’s title here - I.e. pastor, imam, priest, rabbi, etc.). Another hot lie from Hell they love to tell.
I remember that counseling lie before I dumped her, I think she could sense it coming
YESSS!!! Mine used religion..."I've been praying/reading the bible"...whatever and if you have been it won't last long"...
How do you know all of these? Whenever I listen to your videos, I just feel it is the exact story of my relationship. Thank you so much, you are amazing
Showering you with compliments is another one
I have a narcissist who tracks my calls. So sad for him.
How does he do that? I think my phone is bugged.
So true. Excellent video-they’ll try them all to get you back in the fold (their supply rotation). Suggesting that you’re “the only one who gets me” could indicate that you were the one they could most easily and frequently use-not a compliment, to say the least. Beware! Thanks for your work!👍
Thank you for opening my eyes THANK YOU
Oh my god.
All of them.
1 month Tuesday
I have never been more terrified on my life. 🥺
Responding to years old emails about ‘fixing’ the relationship. NOW that you left, NOW I’m ready to address these issues you brought up in the last century...
I was told ALL OF THEM. It’s incredibly horrible to be honest :( Thanks for sharing these videos!
I've done a lot of these chasing my narc ex back. Damn. Asking for 5 minutes to fix the problem. Sending pics of our trips together.
Your videos are helping me so much!!!!!! Thank you.
Brittany Landers same here
OMG I WAS OBLIVIOUS UNTIL THIS… live happy people and best of luck- you deserve a happy life
Narcissist: "Just give me five minutes of your time".
Me(after fond memories of the narcissist and their ways).
CLICK.....my end.
The empty apologies to reel me back in under the guise of others asking about me and sob stories about how those people had people who were always in and out of their lives.
Thank you!! You were so accurate with all of them! And some more hoovering "techniques".... stalking, outside my house .. But my favourite is the latest... Notes that he really loves me on my car windscreen... The last few days I find a bouquet of flowers on my car windscreen! Unbelievable!... does make you think he's really in love, I mean had it not been for the fact he actually is a narcissist! .... Oh, one more!!! I will always be there for you- just reach our whenever you need me!
I've gotten this before too! A bouquet of flowers and an apology note.
Your videos are finally giving me peace. Thank you. Also I like the lets get married, thats exactly how I ended marrying my nightmare
I’ve gotten the ‘how was your holiday’ Hoover and the ‘you don’t realize whT you have until it’s gone Hoover. In no contact with same guy now for 2 weeks. I KNOW I will get hovered and I’m anxiously waiting to see what Hoover I get. The great thing now is, however, I’ve now figured out all this narcissist and hoovering stuff and can’t wait to ignore him and not respond.
Omg everything u said is 💯 especially the one last time thing, I'll never fall again
Another one I've experienced, siding up to my good friends.
Luckily the saw it for what it was, after I told them about your videos.
We Brokeup for the 5th time. He came back and proposed 2 months later . Less than a year later we’re signing divorce papers. Listen to your gut and intuition . Hoovering comes subtly and extremely.
#10 The Narc left me a princess Liea message that he needed to talk to me, I'm his only hope. He actually said he was in a drama, and was scared and alone. He wanted just to talk. Sorry, wrong number.
I forgave my covert narcist ex partner for what she did to me and I will never forget. I recognize all of the motivations in this video. If my ex would ever talk to me I now have the intell to use so I am not misguided anymore. So sad that narcissist never learn and keep making victims on and on. Hopefully with the preparations in confronting them less and less people will be victim. So in the end narcissists have nobody left to use only other narcissists, haha.
That's my hope too! Dog eat dog.
Ding ding ding. ALLLLL TEN! I’m freshly “discarded”. I didn’t even know what that meant last week! It’s been over two years with the guy of my dreams. OMG! He’s a pro... and I see it now. The thing with me is, he was not successful at taking away my confidence, my self worth etc. That’s not to say I didn’t fall for his hoovering over and over again, but now I keep telling myself my Mom is probably turning over in her grave right now watching me go through this. As hard as it is to walk away, I know it’s a MUST! I feel sorry for him. He seems like he really does hurt. I am looking forward to time heal my pain. I’m way too good for this treatment. Thank you Christina! YOU are the reason I now have will power!
After no contact for 5 weeks post breakup, he suddenly texted me and I was invited to go with him to Florida and told that he’d love to buy me a new bathing suit there. 🤣🙄
Great improv lol I don’t nor ever want to be supply, clearly. I’ll say whichever happened no matter how crazy it seems!
Hope you’ve been well. I’m headed into Austin and a vlog or two this week. When I check my channel I’ll see some throwbacks in my feed though one of these days I’ll go through all the videos
Thank you very much, Christina! 🤗
(Is that correct spelling?)
My ex did quite a few like these. Another tactic is to drop littler breadcrumbs about their life.
“I had such a busy weekend.”
“We have so much stuff planned for the kid.”
“Can I get the baby early because I was going to do x y and z.”
The latest tactic was to share some information with me that was deeply personal about a mutual friend. I replied “If this person wanted me to know, I would have known.”
Yeah...and they like to create an air of mystery around themselves too. When the lightbulb moment happens and you see them for real their lives are actually quite boring.
I don’t forgive nor do I forget! Remember people these monsters have back ups for supply. But also remember this you are special and you are way out of their league now because you now know who and what they are. Also remember not to cry they get off on that and it’s a signal they still have you in their grips. Crying is a turn on for these souless monsters.
As someone with BPD my narcissist pulls my strings perfectly I will admit I sometimes Hoover because of actual feelings what confuses me into thinking I may be the narcissist but I didn’t lie in the relationship I didn’t cheat in the relationship n I didn’t keep the toxic patterns going alone. Fool me once fool me twice fool me three times fool me four times fool me again you must be hoovering me… with guilt . Anyone feel me?
Mine just texted me tonight saying “hey! How was your week/weekend? Did you sing anywhere this weekend?” after ghosting me for the um-teenth time, as if nothing happened. Like, reaching out casually as if we are friends after the third DISCARD - and this time, it was a reverse discard, with a year living together (out of 8), of him making me feel like a ghost in my own home. Ignoring me, lying to me, probably cheating but I can’t prove it - gaslighting. The works. Then this - ‘how was your week’ BS?! Unreal. Gross. Awful. 😢
My mom tries all those things..... And my therapist told me.... To choose my weapon.. Silence.🔇... And it's working....
I was scapegoated in a process of gaslighting, but by multiple siblings. I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers, all younger than me apart from 1 sister.
So the “ hoovering” was extremely complex, multi-directional, and often confusing, making it difficult to identify the covert narcissist properly. Sometimes even now, the term narcissist could apply to any, if not all of them. They often hid behind one another, they’d appear, take a stab, and then run and hide, so to speak.
Mind you,at the height of the emotional abuse, I’d never heard any of these terms connecting this type of abuse.
you are soooo good :) thank you, all happened to me :)
I've had EVERY one of them from the same person if you can believe it. The only one I never got is the one about the kids because we don't have children together, thank God!!!!
They don't miss the person they miss the supply, the information they were being fed.
All of them over 4 years of no contact. they tried really hard to get words and reactions out of me.
I experienced a lot on your list. One did a whole big marriage proposal after years of cutting off all affection--cuddles, hugs, etc. (we lived together) I fell for it. Aiyeee! Here are a few more from my collection of narcs. #12 Lovely, thoughtful gifts. It can be expensive, but it doesn't have to be. Even more intense hoovering can be something personally meaningful. My narc gave me handmade earrings (not by the narc) similar to art my son used to make for me when he was little. The narc told me, you can think of your son whenever you wear these. #13 "I want my best friend back!". #14 One narcissistic, violent partner, came by in tears, "I'll never do it again! I'll do whatever it takes," after I had moved out. It so happened that a male friend stopped by for breakfast in the middle of this declaration of change. Instant rage took over and the abusive partner pushed me down the stairs.
My birthday is tomorrow and he's said he got something for me. After 3 years he's still trying.
I’ve experienced each one countless times
Oh my god!! Every single one of those!! And more besides! The most common one though was just a simple, pathetic..”are you ok?”
don't forget the fake concerned look as well!
"yes, I was okay until you texted me. Why do you ask?" 😂
Why is asking if you're ok pathetic? Seems kind and reasonable to me. Maybe out of context or holding grudge?
its pathetic because they dont mean it. fake concern
Exactly Ann Marie!!
You're the only friend I have! Everything that happened was because my father was threatening to disown me and kick me out of his house and business if I associated with you any more! But he's dead now- he passed away a week ago! I'm free!
Every time that I think about my ex and if he really was a narc/narcissistic sociopath, I watch a video like this and I’m like damn… I can check the box almost every single time…. But not anymore. It’s been like 6 months and I finally have the energy to properly take care of and love myself again ❤ Never back 🛑
My list:
1) The how are you
2) The error text
3) The saw something reminded me of you. "I've sent the photo/ vid to you on Whatsapp" (which I had blocked him on).
4) I feel miserable
5) Good friend passed away (he has no empathy)
6) We can still be friends can't we?
7) Oh....and waited for my birthday to send best wishes (broken up 3 months.....he got me on that one. Back no contact. Lesson learnt).
Because I have not responded to his 'how are you hoover..... I do expect the drama one soon...i.e. "I can't believe you don't have the decency to respond to my caring inquiry as to your health.
Sophia Lewis haha that last line is literally the story of my life w/ my sister 😂 she gets furious when I don’t want to argue/ignore her.
They will do anything to bring you back... except talking about the fact that it is their behaviour that made you leave them. They will just pretend as if nothing happened
All 10 SPOT ON!!!
What about getting a birthday card after a breakup? With a seemingly sweet note inside asking how you and your family have been doing. "Say hi to them for me!"
Omg u have described what I'm going through now. Whatttttt😮
It’s been a little over a year since I left the narc or spoke to him and I can totally imagine him saying these things .Especially ,”Are you ok ?,I’m worried about you “( in order to Hoover but not give you the satisfaction of them begging for you to return or apologizing ).Also, him wanting to get closure for his spiritual journey ;I can see that one happening too 😂 Heck no ! I have him blocked and if he ever comes to my door I will shut it in his face without saying a word .When I first left I felt like it was me,but to see all of the blessings that have come to me and my family after leaving the narc I am positive that he was intentionally cruel to me , my kids and anyone else he knew he could get away with it with .
1, 3, 5, 9...... 4 out of 10.
“But I want to remember just the good times”
“But if we remember just the good times, we don’t learn anything, do we?”
Everyone is welcome to use this with my compliments....❤️
Thanks for your video. yeah, i have received all the gifts you have mentioned. i just received a text that stated, "have you really given up on us?"
I been through all of these and beyond! My vlogs will be simple and short because I’m still going through courts and living out of two places it’s looking like..
You’ll hear about it. It involves gaslighting I wasn’t feeding into
My jaw just dropped! So much of this has been happening and now I’m really glad I’m not engaging with them!