As an ENFJ I can definitely relate to some of this. I think my Fe is pretty healthy and although I do often feel the urge to manage the group's feelings and learn about them, I've always been very good at keeping secrets and not overstepping my place. I think the Ti problem was definitely something I experienced though. it would snap at the last possible moment and then I would passive aggressively list off all the things they've done to me and all the lines they've crossed. in the same breath though, I think I'm glad that capacity is still there because I cannot put up with anymore at that stage. however, setting boundaries early on his definitely much more effective
My girlfriend is ESFJ, I think you nailed the hammer on the head when it comes to these types.. I’d say my biggest problem with her as an INFP is trying to get a genuine response when it comes to how she herself feels about something, she’ll bring up comments someone made that on the surface seem to demean her but she questions whether they were offensive. It can be very draining to hear gossip, I know more about her friends than my own… I feel we aren’t like a match made in heaven lol but when we get the right vibes it’s almost transcending how passionate we get about our feelings for one another.
As an ESFJ I can understand your feelings now, because my best friend INTP was helping me see all of it from childhood and overtime I can say that all of it can be corrected softly with consciousness ( INTP confirms 😅) If ESFJ person is humble and prioritise self-improvement then it won’t be an issue forever. It will require only an open mind => talk =>awareness=> support=> and deliberate work. Easy 🥲 And of course deep MBTI learning can help understand difference between types therefore needs of others and how to react correctly understanding how other think and feel and what value😊 Of course it might be easier for me to say it possibly because I was raised in toxic family and it made me an unhealthy ESFJ which wasn’t beneficial for my mental health so I had to think out of the box to be a better person and I really wanted it myself and from young age I valued conscious mindset which led me to depression at one point which still goes on, but also opened my mind and taught me how to regulate emotions better and remember about others especially experiencing injustice and stress and resolve those conflicts more maturely. (me looking at myself sharing my drama ish story 😂) But anyway IMHO I think that in case where ESFJ doesn’t feel bad doing things discussed in the video if they love people close to them they will be open to work on themselves and see it as a benefit for them as well.
@ivankafreedom My perspective has grown from a year ago about my relationship thankfully, and yes, I think usually what builds people's understanding an self improvement usually involves a degree of self-preservation from past hurts or bad environments; for the most part my girlfriend had a pretty healthy family life therefore she's in her element as far as being involved with those she cares about, it leads her to believe there is nothing for her to improve on internally since she operates in adding value to those around her so it's all sensory. I've learned to be okay with that but open on behavior patterns that aren't healthy and broaden her perspective on it. You're right about supporting them through change or anything that affects them internally, since they can think and have the ability to come to very logical conclusions, some don't develope it and it's only way to cope with stress vs critical problem solving.
I can't say I agree with you on ESFJ's being just an acquaintance. I love both small talk and deep convo!! The truth behind the matter is this: Because ESFJ's just strive on making YOU happy, we oftentimes adapt our conversation to what we feel is your preference. If we think you want to have a deep, meaningful conversation, we are all for it; in fact, that's our happy place. We want to feel needed and trusted amongst our closest friends. That being said, we won't lie to get you to like us...ever. (at least I wouldn't) If we think you look more in the mood for small talk, we can do that too! We just normally don't open up a whole lot about ourselves as much, unless we are asked, because we don't want it to come across as bragging or us being self-absorbed. We only care that you feel loved, cared for, and valued. Talking about ourselves just normally doesn't seem like the best way to satisfy that sense of duty of being that consul, or that caretaker, for those we love. We live to be that loyal to the core, caring, trustworthy, best friend that everyone goes to for advice, comfort, or just to talk to about their day. We LOVE, respect, and hold dear our friends.🙂 Also, just to clear this up, we want you to be happy because we love and care about you individually. Since ESFJ's are friends with so many people, I can easily see why you guys would think that ESFJ's are shallow and just want everyone to be harmonized so they feel better about themselves but that's not the case. Here is the honest truth on that matter; straight from a true ESFJ: We CAN'T STAND for the people we care about to be mad/hurt by something we said or did because we try SOOOO hard to be SUCH a good friend. Because of this fact, we tend to try to find a common ground when in a group discussion. Since we know all of our friends so well and remember all the little details,(because we genuinely care so much) we can recall what they agree about, and what they don't; and we use this knowledge to steer the conversation in a way where there won't be any conflict amongst our friends. (because then, we have to choose sides and we aren't going to stand up for something we don't believe but we try so hard not to hurt other's feelings because we love them) And honestly, I love group conversations but I really prefer deep 1 on 1. I think ESFJs just feel like that need isn't normally mutual and they don't want to come off weird by trying to be deep, so we wait for our friends to reciprocate the need for it, and it can come across as not caring. We never use you. Being used/taken advantage of is something we face too often because of our personality and hurts us more than anything!! We don't want anyone else to feel that if we can help it. If there's one thing I know, if an ESFJ isn't talking to you, we're rarely ever actually mad...we just don't feel like you care all that much about us or want to talk to us so we try to save our time and energy for those who really do care while still being nice to everyone overall. The rest was great! I just figured I'd try to help clear up a couple of the misconceptions I noticed. Thank you for the info!❤
I have an employee who is most likely an ESFJ and I knew she was struggling with something and when I finally got her to talk to me about it (I wanted to know if there was something I as the boss could fix), she pretty much told me the problem is me because she always puts others first and I (an INTJ) just think about myself. And that because of that she’s on the verge of burnout but hasn’t taken a sick leave (which I would absolutely make possible if she told me she needs it) because it would cause problems for the rest of us. So I think that was a good example of how Fe users can be such martyrs. I mean Fe has so many good qualities but I think putting others first is a virtue only to a certain extent. After that it’s not good for anyone and it seems ESFJs are almost calculating how many favors they’ve done to you but you haven’t done them back without them even asking for anything.😅 And while Si can be annoying wanting to do things the same way they’ve been done before, it always amazes me how Si users can remember things that have happened in the past so accurately. 😄
I have an INTP boss and an ESFJ colleague and they don't get on at all and as an INFJ it drains me to be around. The INTP just wants direct communication and engagement but my ESFJ work mate never answers anything directly and talks in riddles. Being both FJs, he tries to involve me in a lot of gossip and politics, which I always try to swerve. He also never stops talking. I would also agree on the other comment from an INTJ saying that he seems to build favours up as an excuse for resentment. I'm sure ESFJs in general are nice people but this particular ESFJ really burns me and other members of the team out.
On the other hand, have had one ESFJ friend who was VERY self-centered, insecure, status-obsessed, and just downright rude to everyone, including me. I used to share secrets with her until i realized she was taking everything private I told her, blowing it out of proportion, turning it into a flat out lie, and spreading it to all of her "friends." It really hurt me at first. I'm still nice to her but she was so hurtful to me, i just can't talk to her without remembering it. She has got to the point where I'll message her just to check in every once and a while and she sees it, but she only responds to me when she needs something or is really bored. Anyway, my point is, healthy ESFJ's won't be like that. They'll love you for you and won't put you down/bully or lie/gossip about you, ever.
idk, all the esfjs ive met have been bad and negatively affected my life, mostly because they are too needy, focus way to much on their social status, and are wayyy to sensitive. -intp
![GEEK TIMË [OFFICIAL AUDIO]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ry-6RvkH880/mqdefault.jpg)
As an ESFJ seeing this was kind of brutal, but it definitely was needed.
As an ENFJ I can definitely relate to some of this. I think my Fe is pretty healthy and although I do often feel the urge to manage the group's feelings and learn about them, I've always been very good at keeping secrets and not overstepping my place. I think the Ti problem was definitely something I experienced though. it would snap at the last possible moment and then I would passive aggressively list off all the things they've done to me and all the lines they've crossed. in the same breath though, I think I'm glad that capacity is still there because I cannot put up with anymore at that stage. however, setting boundaries early on his definitely much more effective
My girlfriend is ESFJ, I think you nailed the hammer on the head when it comes to these types.. I’d say my biggest problem with her as an INFP is trying to get a genuine response when it comes to how she herself feels about something, she’ll bring up comments someone made that on the surface seem to demean her but she questions whether they were offensive. It can be very draining to hear gossip, I know more about her friends than my own… I feel we aren’t like a match made in heaven lol but when we get the right vibes it’s almost transcending how passionate we get about our feelings for one another.
As an ESFJ I can understand your feelings now, because my best friend INTP was helping me see all of it from childhood and overtime I can say that all of it can be corrected softly with consciousness ( INTP confirms 😅)
If ESFJ person is humble and prioritise self-improvement then it won’t be an issue forever. It will require only an open mind => talk =>awareness=> support=> and deliberate work. Easy 🥲
And of course deep MBTI learning can help understand difference between types therefore needs of others and how to react correctly understanding how other think and feel and what value😊
Of course it might be easier for me to say it possibly because I was raised in toxic family and it made me an unhealthy ESFJ which wasn’t beneficial for my mental health so I had to think out of the box to be a better person and I really wanted it myself and from young age I valued conscious mindset which led me to depression at one point which still goes on, but also opened my mind and taught me how to regulate emotions better and remember about others especially experiencing injustice and stress and resolve those conflicts more maturely.
(me looking at myself sharing my drama ish story 😂)
But anyway IMHO I think that in case where ESFJ doesn’t feel bad doing things discussed in the video if they love people close to them they will be open to work on themselves and see it as a benefit for them as well.
@ivankafreedom My perspective has grown from a year ago about my relationship thankfully, and yes, I think usually what builds people's understanding an self improvement usually involves a degree of self-preservation from past hurts or bad environments; for the most part my girlfriend had a pretty healthy family life therefore she's in her element as far as being involved with those she cares about, it leads her to believe there is nothing for her to improve on internally since she operates in adding value to those around her so it's all sensory. I've learned to be okay with that but open on behavior patterns that aren't healthy and broaden her perspective on it.
You're right about supporting them through change or anything that affects them internally, since they can think and have the ability to come to very logical conclusions, some don't develope it and it's only way to cope with stress vs critical problem solving.
@@whensheslurpsthetip8903 well said!
I can't say I agree with you on ESFJ's being just an acquaintance. I love both small talk and deep convo!! The truth behind the matter is this: Because ESFJ's just strive on making YOU happy, we oftentimes adapt our conversation to what we feel is your preference. If we think you want to have a deep, meaningful conversation, we are all for it; in fact, that's our happy place. We want to feel needed and trusted amongst our closest friends. That being said, we won't lie to get you to like us...ever. (at least I wouldn't) If we think you look more in the mood for small talk, we can do that too! We just normally don't open up a whole lot about ourselves as much, unless we are asked, because we don't want it to come across as bragging or us being self-absorbed. We only care that you feel loved, cared for, and valued. Talking about ourselves just normally doesn't seem like the best way to satisfy that sense of duty of being that consul, or that caretaker, for those we love. We live to be that loyal to the core, caring, trustworthy, best friend that everyone goes to for advice, comfort, or just to talk to about their day. We LOVE, respect, and hold dear our friends.🙂
Also, just to clear this up, we want you to be happy because we love and care about you individually. Since ESFJ's are friends with so many people, I can easily see why you guys would think that ESFJ's are shallow and just want everyone to be harmonized so they feel better about themselves but that's not the case. Here is the honest truth on that matter; straight from a true ESFJ: We CAN'T STAND for the people we care about to be mad/hurt by something we said or did because we try SOOOO hard to be SUCH a good friend. Because of this fact, we tend to try to find a common ground when in a group discussion. Since we know all of our friends so well and remember all the little details,(because we genuinely care so much) we can recall what they agree about, and what they don't; and we use this knowledge to steer the conversation in a way where there won't be any conflict amongst our friends. (because then, we have to choose sides and we aren't going to stand up for something we don't believe but we try so hard not to hurt other's feelings because we love them) And honestly, I love group conversations but I really prefer deep 1 on 1. I think ESFJs just feel like that need isn't normally mutual and they don't want to come off weird by trying to be deep, so we wait for our friends to reciprocate the need for it, and it can come across as not caring. We never use you. Being used/taken advantage of is something we face too often because of our personality and hurts us more than anything!! We don't want anyone else to feel that if we can help it. If there's one thing I know, if an ESFJ isn't talking to you, we're rarely ever actually mad...we just don't feel like you care all that much about us or want to talk to us so we try to save our time and energy for those who really do care while still being nice to everyone overall.
The rest was great! I just figured I'd try to help clear up a couple of the misconceptions I noticed. Thank you for the info!❤
I have an employee who is most likely an ESFJ and I knew she was struggling with something and when I finally got her to talk to me about it (I wanted to know if there was something I as the boss could fix), she pretty much told me the problem is me because she always puts others first and I (an INTJ) just think about myself. And that because of that she’s on the verge of burnout but hasn’t taken a sick leave (which I would absolutely make possible if she told me she needs it) because it would cause problems for the rest of us. So I think that was a good example of how Fe users can be such martyrs. I mean Fe has so many good qualities but I think putting others first is a virtue only to a certain extent. After that it’s not good for anyone and it seems ESFJs are almost calculating how many favors they’ve done to you but you haven’t done them back without them even asking for anything.😅
And while Si can be annoying wanting to do things the same way they’ve been done before, it always amazes me how Si users can remember things that have happened in the past so accurately. 😄
I have an INTP boss and an ESFJ colleague and they don't get on at all and as an INFJ it drains me to be around. The INTP just wants direct communication and engagement but my ESFJ work mate never answers anything directly and talks in riddles. Being both FJs, he tries to involve me in a lot of gossip and politics, which I always try to swerve. He also never stops talking.
I would also agree on the other comment from an INTJ saying that he seems to build favours up as an excuse for resentment.
I'm sure ESFJs in general are nice people but this particular ESFJ really burns me and other members of the team out.
On the other hand, have had one ESFJ friend who was VERY self-centered, insecure, status-obsessed, and just downright rude to everyone, including me. I used to share secrets with her until i realized she was taking everything private I told her, blowing it out of proportion, turning it into a flat out lie, and spreading it to all of her "friends." It really hurt me at first. I'm still nice to her but she was so hurtful to me, i just can't talk to her without remembering it. She has got to the point where I'll message her just to check in every once and a while and she sees it, but she only responds to me when she needs something or is really bored. Anyway, my point is, healthy ESFJ's won't be like that. They'll love you for you and won't put you down/bully or lie/gossip about you, ever.
This is spot on. My sister -in detail.
Thanks! I've an ESFJ lady as my manager.
Thumbs up if you're an INTP who is just curious how your polar opposite is objectively annoying.
poor ESFJs :(
lmao all negative though i agree as an istp
so, basically... all of them
Healthy ESFJ's are amazing people. Get off your high horse
@@hatterene39347 yes, they are amazing, amazingly annoying 😹
but tbh now, I like them, I was kidding
idk, all the esfjs ive met have been bad and negatively affected my life, mostly because they are too needy, focus way to much on their social status, and are wayyy to sensitive. -intp