Annoying Things INFJs Say and Do
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- Опубликовано: 26 июл 2024
- Annoying Things INFJs Say and Do
INFJ Most Annoying Traits - we all have annoying traits. There are amazing gifts we have that we shouldn't try to change, and there are also some edges that need refined. In this series... we're focusing on the edges.... with a fun tongue-in-cheek title.
✨ "We are all works of art and artists working on ourselves." ✨
If you'd like to see a video where I point out the INFJ strengths: • INFJ, advocate for you...
I LOVE INFJs!! I find INFJs to be so perceptive and insightful. When I'm around them I feel like a walking tell (no poker face) because my body language gives me away lol. I know they don't think they're magical, but I kinda do lol.
0:00 About This Series
1:12 What we love about INFJs
2:55 Function Overview
5:25 Ni Annoyances
11:40 Fe Annoyances
18:26 Ti Annoyances
25:00 Se Annoyances
28:28 Growth Tracks
*I'm loosely putting out these videos in order from least viewed types to most viewed types on my channel. So it will probably be SJs, SPs, NJs, then NPs. So don't worry... all types will get their turn.
They’re not “changing opinions,” they are mirroring and perhaps supporting aspects they agree with or extrapolating how they understand your views. I have encountered this a lot when dealing with certain types. They think that simply because I have listened to their views and not made any rebuttals yet that I agree. Generally these people have never actually let me speak and thus never actually get my view. I have found the people who don’t listen also don’t have patience to dive into nuance so even if they were constrained to listen say in a teaching or lecture setting to hear a whole presentation, they would just think the use of terminology was from their own vantage point. I’ve found the people who actually have the capacity to listen to my nuanced view don’t need to have it elaborated because they’re able to get it just listening and can immediately discuss. They’re exceptionally rare though. (13:59)
its weird. and sometimes they will say you said something very different then what was actually said. we are all about how we word and tones it, the nuances.
Re: your comments about “chameleon” and “contrarian” - these traits might simply be byproducts of an INFJ’s ability to see ALL facets of people, situations, and things.
That is, we might point out the “counter” argument that someone else of another type doesn’t readily see (which makes us SEEM haughty or contrarian when really we’re trying to be helpful. WE are always taking in information and learning - and we assume everyone else wants to learn too, so we help them see some facet that isn’t as obvious to them 😉)
Our ability to see all facets of people & situations also makes us incredibly empathetic, understanding what makes each individual tick - and meeting each person RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE. This might look like we’re being disingenuous (chameleon) when really we’re being empathic and personalizing every interaction. If only others could appreciate the amount of attention, attunement, and accommodating that requires!!
There is a complete misunderstanding of Fe in this discussion. Creating harmony, and taking a non judgmental position is mistaken for being a chameleon. I allow others to be and don’t actively take an opposing view. I’m careful to respect others individuality and give recognition to the fact that what people express publicly is rarely the full picture of who they are. However my values never shift at all. I live very strongly in line with my values and guide others in that direction if they want to, but I don’t assert my influence over others in group situations. For those that don’t understand Fe, I think they miss this aspect.
110% THIS!!!
Spot on! If I see the person wants my input for real or help and that it's worth the effort then I engage, otherwise it's do whatever you want and think whatever you want as long as you are not affecting my life in any negative way.If you are you will know it, sledgehammer sytle if needed :D
Kudos
sometimes i want to be sad and sadness is meaningful and i want to live through it and feel good again later
Socially, we (INFJ males) have to show more Ti, and it's why I was mistyped as an INTJ for so long. I wasn't taught how to manage emotions so I just let it all become anger (accepted male emotion) and was a grumpy young man. I was told to always share what I think about something, never how I feel about it. Once I did embrace my Fe, it changed everything in my life.
So how are you using your Fe now?
@@stihlmsa200c-bq5 I allow myself to feel everything. It does mean I pick up a lot more stuff from around me, but what I found works for me is to force myself to feel it. I go by myself, put on music that matches my mood and just feel the emotions. Is it happy, is it sad, is is frustration leading to anxiety? It's ugly boy crying, super not sexy, thus the doing it alone part. At some point my Ni kicks in and I understand why I'm feeling it, if it's even my emotion or one from someone else I interacted with, but I'm then I'm able to let it go. Sometimes I will even use some Ti to label the emotions and then talk through them to myself. That seems to help too. I will say that I've never been truly happy, or able to open up until I was able to feel what I am actually feeling. It's like a switch and now people approach me rather than be stand offish. I do hear a lot about other peoples lives and problems but I kind of like being able to help.
Way to go! That's amazing personal development!
That‘s great!
I really resonate with this. Thanks for the insight
We are quiet because we want to blend in and not offend folks
Or get witch hunted by ESFJ, ESFP/ISFP.
Agree! We definately are trying to keep away from drama, or someone blowing up at us because we have a different opinon.
So true
So true
So true
I wouldn’t say they become like other people, but they edit out, or rather repress , from their presentation, the parts of themselves that will be barriers within groups.
💯
INFJ married to an INFP spouse. We’re a textbook of the differences between the two.
She’s anchored in the present, I’m always flying off into to future (or even looking at how changes in the past would affect my present).
She’s able to be calm and anchored and slows down; I’m ‘kinetic’ and I always have a ton of thoughts in my head and I’m ever expanding on everything.
_Also... To intelligent readers (who do 'not’ have a ‘pathological disregard for rationality and reality')_
I recommend researching 'narcissitic personality disorder' (NPD) / 'cluster-B'; and know that they are the 'root of all evil' (especially 'ESFJ/ESTJ-narcissits'; Myers-Briggs reference, look it up)!
European 'ESFJ' are the worst personality type, and they are responsible for inventing 'racism' and colonization! It is in their neuro-psychology!!
The are extremely 'manipulative' and often use 'looking pretty' to distract others from the witch's mind-games / mind-rape, e.g. gaslighting, playing the victim or damsel in distress, creating 'flying-monkeys', and paying others to attack (or at times kill) someone for her. When caught, she will use her minions as scapegoats. European ESFJ are notorious for this especially in a racist context, e.g. Emmett Till.
ISFP (and ESFP) are the most complicit, narcissitic-enablers. ISFP also tend to be 'oblivious-codependants' (look up the definition).
SUMMARY:
Evil personality: ESFJ (ALL), ESTJ (cluster-b)
[Secretly] Evil and narcissit-friendly gunts/flying-monkey: ISFP (ALL), ESFP (ALL).
☝️ALL of them are secretly emotionally-disturbed, hence their need to create conflict (and at other people's expense, truly evil).
Spread the word! Thank you. .
PS: ESFJ are Amber Heard behind the public mask.
___________
#Save_Soil
Edit: Corrected Emmett Till's name.
"i smart, you dumb". i felt that
Very interesting video. Great work! It certainly caused me to think about my own behaviour, as an INFJ, from the perspective of another. A few thoughts came to mind, if you don't mind...
I can be quiet with others, especially in large groups or with new people, as I'm attempting to understand the dynamics of the group, the emotional needs or expression of each individual, and whether or not it's safe to express myself. Sometimes this can take a long time, as we're also assessing the relationships between people, considering who these people are as we know them versus how they act with others, and if there's shared values among the group through which we can anchor our participation. When I feel safe to express myself, it's usually because of shared values or interests, so when I do share I can be talkative, but it's usually about subjects I'm passionate about, and very rarely about myself as an individual. Even in close relationships I'm slow to share my deepest vulnerabilities, so friends do feel like they don't know me well, but those that do have earned my trust.
A point that was made was that INFJ's avoid the present by considering the future, and while from an outside perspective it may seem so, it's quite nuanced. INFJ's don't live in the past, because we spend the present processing our experiences. Much of this is done through Ni so it's in the background of our minds as we move through the day. But, while we're processing our experiences and making meaning from them, we're also weaving into the integration our future hopes and dreams, so yes, our plans are very slow to come to fruition. But, it's because we're refining our roadmap to get there, by preparing ourselves in the present for who we need to be too best fulfill our dream. So, it might not seem like we're doing anything, but thinking, pondering, considering, integrating... whew, that takes a lot of brain power!
Concerning Fe and the comment about changing opinions, I think there's two points to be made. Outside of immature individuals that purposefully engage in behaviours that amount to gossip, manipulation, disingenuity, or malice, it can happen that others perceive INFJ's as behaving as the above, without that actually being the case. In one instance, it's a failure in the other person to really hear what the INFJ is saying. There's a lot of nuance in what INFJ's communicate, and due to the complexity of entangled concepts and understandings of the world, many other types simply can't grasp what the INFJ is trying to say, or they twist the meaning of what the INFJ is saying. Some of that is, in part, a mistake on the part of the INFJ of not "knowing their audience," but it's also in part a response to the fact that many people don't have the desire or courage for introspection and so it's difficult to hear what an INFJ has to say because it's often a reflection in the mirror they fear to behold. And this highlights my second point, which is that INFJ's often have changing opinions because they're always shape shifting through the internal growth they're experiencing. Which is why it is easy to be a chameleon. We have a strong sense of self, but we also understand that the human experience is complex and we use opportunities to express different facets of ourselves to better defined ourselves. Which can look boring to others, but it's fun for us!
Undesirable Ti traits are, in my opinion, the hallmarks of unhealthy INFJ's, as you said. It comes from insecurity and frustration in injustices in the world - it reflects a desire to improve the world and to be seen as a valuable contributing member of society. Society didn't generally value Ni so it feels invalidating to ones intelligence and worldview, so it's a means to overcompensate.
And yes, going wild is to unleash from the mask we wear. It's not a mask of disingenuity, but it's an understanding of how different we are, and we're calculated in how we share our gifts with the world. I can have a greater impact on others when I'm careful to ensure they're a safe space or receptive to my unique way of seeing the world. And Fe as our tool requires care - it's a journey, not a destination. It cannot be rushed.
While many, but not all, of these examples are of immature INFJ's, some examples are just ways in which INFJ's are misunderstood and as such, can be perceived as frustrating traits. I hope that my thoughts can provide some insight into why some of our annoying traits might come to be, and what purpose they serve for an INFJ.
I think the advice you gave is valuable. I've found that the more I utilize Fe to cultivate safe spaces for myself, rather than managing and nurturing the needs of others, the more easily I can share my Ni. And I've been surprised at how receptive others have been. It helps to also tap into my Se function, because it further activates my Ni, but in a purposeful way, which is scary for an INFJ, but in the long-term the benefits are exponential.
I'd be really interested in hearing the thoughts of other INFJ's!
Thank you for this wonderful video, I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially as it gave me something to reflect upon!
i do found some infjs (especially male) can be in a NiTi loop 🔁.. it can appears being arrogant and stubborn about what they thinks is the best.
and less use the Se, leads to a imbalance life , which is so not healthy.
INFJs needs ro realise that and more self love and being a balanced right idealist self.
In order to fulfill their purpose which to healing helping changing the world better place.
This video really helped me. As a female INFJ I use way to much TI. I am OVERLY critical and especially so when I was a bit younger. I feel sad for my children/husbands sometimes because critical things will come so fast out of my mouth and it’s hurtful for them. I wish I could find a quick fix for this but it is getting better as I age.
Oh crap! I meant to comment on this months ago, but I must've totally forgotten lol.
Have a vision for the future, a plan to complete the necessary steps for achieving that vision, and remember that the struggle is the goal.
As much as young fjs wanna plan; I never found my plans panning out without a lot of improvisation by the end. I learned a long time ago that "the plan" should really just be a short list of objectives, because the details can drive you crazy.
I'm an INFJ and I never shut up! haha
I love your videos!
In a nutshell, I’ll say this… Everything depends on the situation. Just think of the 5 question words - who, what when, where, why - the INFJ’s how will be based off that.
I find that when I’m quiet is when I’m in my Ti (Thinking), but when I’m social I’m using Fe.
That why it’s dangerous when I’m quiet because I’m using my Ti mixed with Ni 👻
I love that you mentioned how our Ti can be quite abrasive, contrarian, and not very attractive when delivered with Ni and underdeveloped Fe. As a therapist I’ve had to practice really putting insights out there in a way that I felt people would really hear and “want” it or want to adopt it to change. Every time I speak one on one, insights can be delivered a lot more punchy but put me in front of a class of people and I’m quiet and shaky.
The tip about asking questions first to soften Ti blows was spot on. Se is quite punchy and will latch on the readily available words to deliver something direct and quick but can be really off putting to others. The only thing with Fe is we are a magnet for some pretty dark seeking energy. Many people are looking for someone to understand them and redemption… I wouldn’t say we always attract the best of what humankind has to offer. Making sure to develop healthy and firm boundaries and following instincts are important skills to protect us. Many of us can grow up being shushed, dismissed, or denied when sharing Ni-insights or Ti-truths. Fe will often default to avoiding potentially bad situations at the expense of ourselves and loyalty to others. As chameleons we learn to blend or as I like to call it “survive”.
Amazing comment thank you
Hey, INFJ here :). I think it's interesting that you attribute ti heavy infjs with men and fe heavy infjs with women. I wanted to share some insight about what might be going on with some of them. I've noticed that for me (I'm a woman), in new settings I tend to exhibit the more of the unhealthy fe behavior because I want to fit in. I get really scared about messing up with details (I'm either very clumsy, or very graceful, but I never know which it'll be) and getting in peoples way, so I tend to keep to myself and almost every word out of my mouth is an apology or a thank you. When I get to know people a bit more and I understand some of their beliefs about things, if they oppose the thing I'm passionate about I'm almost taken aback and agree out of instinct because I haven't had time to process it. It leads to constant missed opportunities to express my opinions, and then at a certain point it can feel like it's too late and I withdraw more. I have a lot of trouble making new friends because of that.
What's weird though is that when I'm around close friends and family, it's the complete opposite. I tend to overshare opinions and I can definitely come across as a know it all. I have a lot of confidence that the things I believe are the right things. I try to look at them from every possible angle, to see every possible perspective, and then I figure out where each perspective went wrong. Because of that I'm sure I can come across as a little bit arrogant and self centered. I think I stop myself from getting close to people cause I'm worried they'll reject me when they learn what I'm actually like. I think men can tend to feel more comfortable expressing this side of themselves around others, especially around women, because men are taught to be dominant. It's like the whole mansplaining thing. It's about power.
I guess what I'm getting at is I think both male and female infjs have the same flaws, but because of how each sex is socialized, we only outwardly express the flaws that we are socialized to have, and the other ones only come out around people we're close to. Does that make any sense?
If you ever want to pick the brain of an infj, I'm more than willing!
Im a guy but i think i relate more to your side more than the male side of infjs. I think for me, whenever it comes to opinions or things people share, i think recently someone shared with me an opinion about money and happiness and i had my opinions but i didnt really firstly shared what i thought because i didnt want to create this whole issue and yadda yadda. But, when it comes to friends and people i know im close with, generally the people i know who know im weird but still appreciate me i can be rather prickly in my beliefs and like statements i think overall have become maybe unhealthy, but nonetheless I’m immediately more open to being in disagreement. I guess the people who are close to me, like you said with friends or family, I’ve had the time to share my things with them and them the same with me. I almost envy the INFJ friends that are male, because of there confidence to just argue someone to the point where they know they’re right. Idk, not to say that they’re always right in doing so, but i would appreciate having that kind of readiness to do so.
Exactly
Just be aware, that we INFJ's (Male in my case) might seem disingenuous when we flip-flop between opinions, but this couldn't be further from the truth. We do this to try to keep the peace. We hate being inauthentic or being around inauthentic people (we usually just cut them off), but on the other hand we love to "save" people or try to improve a persons life because we care so much. We also hate conflict because we feel very strong physical and emotional discomfort when it happens. The person you mentioned would have likely been trying to keep the peace and the opinions you heard may have not even been her own. I would think most INFJ's wouldn't do this in a malicious way but may just be immature in handling it properly. I tend to refrain from bagging out on people in general and take a more diplomatic approach when dealing with conflict between people or groups. Also we hate drama because we are so interested in harmony in our environment. Just my 2 cents as an INFJ.
I agree with this and wanted to add: sometimes I’ve disagreed with a person so diplomatically, in order to avoid conflict, they didn’t even know I was disagreeing. And I wouldn’t realize it till afterward.
It was usually because I’d restate all the things I agreed with, using my Ti to say it just how they meant it, and they would be busy appreciating that they didn’t realize I sandwiched the disagreement in the middle, like a pill in a dog treat.
I try to be more assertive now.
@branver1172
😂...
I think making a good routine and having a well set up note/list nearby at all times is very helpful for getting things done in the present moment while not having to be inside my head searching through files of what needs to be done. Our brains are like an old computer, it takes forever to remember everything that's been on our mind since we think of so much. A good notes app that's categorized really takes the load off. Plus the process of organizing all this is fun for us anyway usually do to our love for overthinking and planning. A routine helps with commitment to making things happen. There isn't much more I need to say as I already know all the other INFJ's reading this will likely do the research on their own. Good Luck Everyone! INFJ Out :)
With the changing of opinions, I think they're just diplomatic but it can sometimes come across as wishy-washy. They want to appease both sides and value how others view them
We understand the VALUE of extroversion. But we’re not WIRED with it. Your comments make it sound like we should just “try to be more extroverted!” or “just do the opposite of what your innate personality would do.” 🤷🏼♀️😮
INFJ here. Spot on. Thank you :)
Caught in drama that have nothing to do with me has been a big factor played out in my life. So irritating, frustrating and draining.
Lol! It's been a year since this came out, but I guess I'll weigh in anyway 😂 As an INFJ female, it seems that my immediate thoughts on hearing the Fe part were similar to other people who have commented already. When I am interacting with someone I always feel a very strong pull towards who I should be in that situation, rather than who I actually am/what I personally think. So, if someone is complaining to me, I feel that my role is to encourage them to find relief in expressing themselves. That won't happen if I start contradicting them and putting in my 5 cents worth. Only in situations where my opinion is actually worth more than the proverbial 5 cents to that individual will I contribute.
In general, every situation seems inextricably linked with its consequences to me and everyone involved in it. So, unless I believe that my input will help improve potential consequenes, why waste our precious oxygen resources? 😂 Better use them for something constructive!
I think im an INFJ. I've been researching this for months trying to learn all of this so i can be absolutely sure. I didnt want to go around acting like someone im not. This helped me understand where im flawed. Ive been typed as an istj, an infp, an intp, enfj and infj throughout the tests ive taken before i finally realized the results are inconclusive and a test isnt going to give me a detailed answer. Ive watched several channels explaining cognitive development, the polar shadow functions, CS Joseph with 4 sides dynamics, and in every version of this psychology I turn out to be an infj.
So heres my perspective of Ni, its craving for change in our eyes, we want so desperately to change a doomed world and others firmly crush our dreams by saying they are impossible to achieve because theyre too afraid to actually try and stand up and do something about it. It also is about desiring things, but can also be prone to procrastination, because as much as it wants to promote change and be a responder to it, it rarely acts on the desire because of Se as the inferior function.
Fe they say is the parent function of this type and is hardest to develope. I am now in my mid 20's and i just started to grow into this function, and it's amazing, like a whole different person. Somebody who feels like theyre trying to be there for friends and make an impact for social change and overall fairness. Basically, I'm speaking up for others so they dont feel outcasted by the frameworks of societies that constantly put them down for believing something unique and trying to allow them to feel accepted and welcomed.
Ti is the logic center child function and they say is the purest form of logic. It comes off as if it has all the answers yet fails to back up a lot of its ideas and talks with statistical facts and evidence because of Te trickster in its shadow function. They often are free thinkers who try to influence an alternative context to peoples beliefs and values, then challenging their morals and beliefs to help them see whether they actually believe what theyre saying or if theyre echoing off of what others tell them to believe. Its more for me used to help strengthen peoples beliefs by making them question why they believe them in the first place. Not necessarily going out of my way to be contrarion but you want to challenge peoples ways of life to either deconstruct and rebuild their principles or allow them to give their principles a stronger foundation.
Se inferior is interesting to me because its kind of the function where insecurities sit. Extraverted sensing insecurities involve not performing well sexually, not feeling like you look good enough, body shaming yourself. Basically youre afraid of giving people a bad experience and want to make them as comfortable as possible around you. Just because its the inferior function does not mean its useless though, because if utilized correctly it can be great for sports and developing high reaction speeds. What you said about the alcohol is very true as well, because on alcohol its almost as if your functions are in reverse, so it turns over to Se Hero Ti Parent kind of situation where you feel more bold about getting involved in conversations yet still want to make it enjoyable at the same time. Its more to allow people to see the parts of your self youre afraid to show but desperately want to.
The deep dive in to the shadow functions where the deep seeded paranoia from Ne as your first polar function makes you distrusting towards peoples intentions, and fi is the critic function which is constantly putting you down for thinking youre not good enough to be around people because you think youre a trash human being. The Te trickster that isnt doing its research to conclude what if hypothesis to confirm whether something true or not based on real world statistics and facts. And then Si as the demon function which stands as the least patient and the least dutiful. Often times this function can cause the door slam action.
Bad news about the INFJ quiet thing. It's the reaction to you. If they were to open up you would be introduced to their observations of you, that they know would be out-of-body for you. Yes, quite challenging. How I know... wifey is INTJ.
Can't wait for the INTJ!
Definitely selective about my close friendships. Some might even call it culling. We’d rather be alone than with people who drain us.
INFJ here, not everything but a lot of it is very accurate for me, I feel a bit called out :D but in a good way
I'm so glad I found your channel. I was recommended thus after your systems video and the raw passion and dedication put into your content is refreshing. It's clear you've spent a good chunk of time reaching the cognative functions and are well rounded with your own functions.
The way you described Ni and an INFJ's habit to have the massive plans for waaaay in the future as avoiding the present moment just put something into words for me. I hadn't thought about it in that way but that's entirely accurate. I believe this is why I admire those with high Te or Se since they have always struck me as being naturally capable of sowing their aspirations into the world. I have also noted the 1 friend thing mentioned in the Fe section is something that rings true to unbalanced Ni doms in general. There is an INTJ I know who only really has 1 best friend and whenever something is going on with that friend, she'll take it rather personally probably since it hits deeply with her Fi. On the other hand, I tend to take things personally when it impacts my personal ideas so since I often skip Fe in the traditional sense. This led me to thinking I was an ISTP but it's due to skipping Fe and going to Se instead, which leads to horrible burn out BECAUSE Fe is the solution to balance. I spoke to a number of ISTP's on reddit and it was clear how much more of a firm grasp they have in both Se and Ti. Their Ti is incredibly intricate and mature in a way my Ti only thinks it can be but quickly doesn't have enough Se to support it. The same thing rings true for my INTJ friend who appears to constantly loop between Ni and Fi that when she tries to consume too much information (or work in general) instead of extraverting it with Te she ends up at a loss of where to go though I've always found her Te to be more practical since she can put that into her own work as the solution. Fe on the other hand is much more extraverted in the traditional sense than Te and that's where... my own problems tend to stem from.
Thanks for the video! I always like knowing my weaknesses from others pov.
If people think we're arrogant they're probably arrogant and don't like the competition.
That was interesting 🙌🙌🙌💓
Yea just need that one person to be ourselves to take on the world as it comes
Actually very helpful video! 👍
One thing that I can relate to is when you have like 2 different friendship groups and there’s a event where their together and ur just a error code
u guys are describing Infps... especially the background thing
Ok wait i just realized your approach to describing the annoyances is targeted towards infps but the problems themselves belong to infjs.
For example, Not doing a lot of stuff is an infp problem, but they can both have that problem
The main problem with infjs in this regard would be "excuse making" , they always have an excuse for why something was or was not done.
Infps are meant to work in the background, what happens with infjs is a lack of good Si and therefore a lack of bothering or bringing yourself to participate in the world.
The Fe problems are spot on, I'm grateful for having a difficult childhood that pushed me more towards falling into a Ni-Ti loop, as a female. But even I have the having boundaries issues.
An advice to infjs, yeah having one bff is nice but u can also opt for having multiples besties that you bond with regarding different topics, I currently have four besties (granted, would've been better if it was a group rather than separate friends but this works too!) and a few online friends.
To help with socializing, mostly for [intuitive] introverts, more specifically for INFJs
- Always be aware of your surroundings and have questions or topics prepared so you don't ask deeply philosophical questions at inappropriate places and times. "Based on the setting and group I am in, what topics are available and most appropriate?"
The conversation does not have to be part of some grand plan, building "small-time" social relations helps in a great way when you go out or meet people at different gatherings. You will not be complete strangers with the people you had some conversation with, and if that's the case do "small-time" socializing. You don't have to get into deep topics. Generally asking them what they like or what they do for work is a great way to start a small, but meaningful conversation. You can ask follow up questions like "how did you end up working in that industry?" or "do you like your current employer?" or "how did you find your passion?". There's usual small stories about each of those.
Very important, always leave room for the other person to ask you something in return. It is not mandatory that they do, however socially, any conversation is a give and take so be prepared to be asked the exact same questions in return as that will keep the ball rolling, especially if you are engaging with someone more shy. "What about you?" is the standard fallback question towards any conversation initiator.
- Determine early if you know about the subject being discussed so you either go into learning mode asking stupid questions or you are trying to see how much the other person knows and understands about the topic so you get more depth on the topic versus scratching the surface. If they know less you can poke their brain about different aspects, it works very well when they are interested in the topic, even encouraging them to give you a guess and keeping it as a guess.
For instance, if someone is very into MBTI ask them how they would differentiate between different types (INFP vs ISFP). They may surprise you with their answers as well as using different systems to verify their conclusions.
- Having onion layers to what you show to other people helps with consistency and not appear fake, but rather mysterious. A lot of people are interested in talking and very few in listening resulting in them not wanting to know a lot about you. What you need is consistency throughout the layers that you expose to people rather than different points that all connect in your head but to any non-INFJ it seems like you are a chameleon, dishonest or susceptive to the opinions of others.
You don't have to have all layers accessible to everyone, if someone is asking you something more personal, you can simply say "I am not ready to have that conversation", "we are not there yet" or "I do not yet feel comfortable enough with you to reveal that information". This shows assertiveness, if you reveal that information to them you regard them as trustworthy (if done at a later time), and the fact that it is not a closed door. If they like you, they can pursue further contact and learn more things about you that not everyone knows.
Thanks for this video! It made me realise the following, or I want to comment the following:
Three things that you mentioned are actually interconnected, and it all starts with TI. INFJs are said to be very good at spotting logical inconsistencies, and I think I am good at this. Most people are actually pretty bad at thinking logically. I can point out their logical fallacies all day long, but then I put people off in the way you described. I can say nothing, then I come off as boring, or I seem to be in agreement (although I'm really not).
So, whatever I do, I do one of the things that you (or other people) find annoying. I am almost 50 years old now, and I do not really have a good solution for this. However, I choose to pick my battles. That's why I often do not comment or take a contrarian stance. But this also leads to my being quiet, even in situations where it would be important to correct wrong statements.
Sometimes, I remember that I can ask questions that lead to them seeing the inconsistencies in their argument or theory. This seems to be the best way to avoid all of the problems mentioned above, but it doesn't always work.
Additionally, because I can often see both sides of an argument, and some things are true on a certain level, or from a certain perspective - I often do not really have a (strong) opinion. Or I feel like I am still gathering data.
Thank you for explaining it out like this.. Helps me to focus on the overused and underused aspects of the FE TI functions.🙏 God bless your soul. This was quite a hard watch for me😂 but was needed nonetheless
I would note that isfp is a common mistype and intj as well. ....
I definitely take the role of the observer.
I really resonate with this, and I often laugh how people don't know me at all, yet I generally know a lot of fine details about others.
It can be isolating. And we do it to ourselves.
This is amazing. Really new to your channel, and I think you are absolutely phenomenal.
I really want a typing from you ! - always have typed infj (professionally as well) but I don't feel my Fe as much which has always left space for second guessing. The only thing I am super solid on is my use of Ni and Se. ...and that I'm introverted in temperament.
My answer to that question...about whether "we" would be happy... is no. A solid no. Because I am very very slow to move, so I haven't come even close to accomplishing anything I've dreamt of.
The point you made is incredibly valid.
The chameleon effect can be real, but, it's always been super apparent to me, and feels relatively fake. And I don't like feeling inauthentic. I avoid drama like a plague.
Codependency though has been something I've had to really really work on, it's the deep desire to want to help and heal others, usually at the damage of boundaries indeed.
Unfortunately higher Fe users, will fall prey to the chameleon affect, whether healthy or unhealthy because they naturally need harmony in order to survive or feel stable in this world. ...they will definitely go against their morals, and take everybody's side to maintains harmony. They generally don't want to hurt any person either, even if they are at fault in a scenario...and lastly, being able to see all sides of the coin can also contribute to this chameleon like affect.
As for the boring aspect, I do think it really depends on how young the infj is... But also what their enneagram is and what environment they were raised in.
I refuse to be boring. I refuse to belong to social norms and I refuse to not express myself.(maybe I'm not an infj 🤗🤣)
great, constructive video 👌 the things you mentioned about my type that are annoying to you, and most likely many others, are the things that annoy me about myself. i wasn’t aware of the axes and the possibility of balancing one side of the axis with the other. i appreciate you 🙏
i do go crazy on concerts and like to dance and jump too much (or cry on the sad songs for that matter) but I rarely drink more than 1 beer - don't really need alcohol or substances to be ecstatic in these moments
I'm Ti, I think, and I've found that people are not necessarily dumb per se, but are probably more educated through friendships or television (unvetted facts). I believe that all truths are parallel & do not exhibit contradiction between them. So if I hear facts that are inherently contradictory then I know either one or both of the facts are wrong. I also stay in my lane. Like I know little about quantum physics at this point in time and I therefore don't go around talking about quantum physics much. I might listen to people discuss it and try to grasp an additional, seemingly valid concept. I've found that many people are not stupid, as much as they are just "fake" or insincere (perhaps insecure). I also believe that fake and insincere will, of necessity, show itself to be wrong or stupid to a greater extent. I also value the truth over feelings in any given "classical learning" situation; and I am virtually always in a "learning" mode; as when I "introvert" I am studying what I want to study. And there is a very narrow band of information that I am extremely interested in. The more time becomes a factor: ie. the older I get or the more time is valued in any given circumstance, the less likely I will appear to tolerate social butterflies landing nearby. In conclusion, I think you could utilize the movie, "A Beautiful Mind" to illustrate the benefits of individual character development in conjunction with the pursuit of knowledge. It may be that Nash was an INTx. His growth development towards humility was a major theme in my eyes. Thank you for your post and information.😊
The influence of gender and culture with the developpement of Ti/Fe is really interesting ! If you talk more about that in an other video or if you talk more about the differences between male and female for the types, i'll be glad to watch. Thank you for this video, it's very interesting :)
I’m a male INFJ who definitely has suffered from an unhealthy Ti. Thanks for this as it explains a lot!!!
This is pretty spot on haha
I don't really change opinions easily but I am always willing to compromise /see both sides & I will change my opinions if someone makes a good case for their belief/opinion.
Also, I am very quiet because I'm in my head so much and sometimes people see that as being stuck up. :/ I've certainly tried to be more extroverted/animated, but the only way to really change myself naturally & be what people think I should be is with alcohol I've found. Sad to say. It's like Raj from the Big Bang XD And I do not think people are generally dumb.
I generally do not think people are dumb either but at least in my current profession it’s the only option I’m left with after seeing what they do. I’ve learned that I’m too optimistic about people’s knowledge and potential. I am very aware that I have had to learn a lot so I assume that they have the same drive to learn and to see patterns and adapt.
INFJs are targeted and preyed upon by narcissists. So once educated about this, we’re cautious about relationships and although uncomfortable, we’ll set up and enforce boundaries. Boundaries are challenging because we want to be inclusive with others, and we want to believe the best of others (ie., best intentions or make excuses for the bad behaviors of others).
Ti function is often perceived as arrogance because we see problems and weaknesses and want to help fix everyone. We just have a hard time waiting for the invitation and request for help and instead offer our insights when we see an opportunity to present it. We’re not saying it because we think we’re better than anyone else. In fact, we want others to help us by doing the same. We’re often very insecure about identifying and improving ourselves, so we actually think we’re doing others a great service. Sadly, we find out the hard way that unwelcome and unsolicited advise is not something people want. Often, people don’t want others to solve their problems, they just want a sounding board. INFJs find this distinction difficult. We want to fix everything and everyone, and make the world a better place. This can be unhealthy as we can become codependents and enablers.
As an INFJ, the Ni function goals are not as clearly defined and pursued heavily, not because we are lazy or undisciplined. Rather, we’ve come to realize that it’s not the attained goal that gives us a sense of purpose, but rather the ideals included in those goals. So while Peace Corps might be a goal, we also know that it’s not going to be fulfilling to attain a certain milestone. We know we’re able to grow and change as we grow and expand. We might find it’s the idea of solving a community problem as the reason for that interest; but we might find that the corporation has flaws that are misaligned with our ideals. We focus more on the underlying draw of the calling more than the label it is given.
For instance, an INFJ might say they want to be an artist, but what’s really at the root of this is the need for creative expression. So tangible goals can feel restrictive and even stifling if others think there has to be some sort of metric placed upon it.
Bottom line: we don’t necessarily want to be defined by the occupation title, but by the pursuit of the ideals we value. These underlying values are what we pursue and the means by which we define our sense of fulfillment.
Examples:
Nurse vs nursing
Minister vs encouraging/ healing
Educator vs instructing/explaining/clarifying
Artist vs creating
Cook vs nourishing/healing
Humanitarian vs problem solving
We define ourselves by the actions we take based on our values, not by achieving a particular title, metric, certificate, etc.
By the same token, it poses a great challenge when people ask about our occupations or goals based upon metrics we find meaninglessness (with the exception they’re required to hold a particular position, in which case we might pursue it not for the title, but to serve in a particular capacity).
This, at least for me, is why INFJs find goal setting challenging. We’re simply not defined by them.
This is most apt description I have read on this. I agree with each word of this. It's like when it is defined in generic and abstract manner as an idea or concept or ideal to pursue it sounds super exciting and energizing but the moment it gets translated to something concrete and specific, it loses all its charm and energy! I'd love to talk more to you on this.. :)
Yeah, good point about the difference between country and city people and gender norms. I live in the capital city of my country and my male XNFJ friend grew up a bit more outside the inner city than the rest of our friend circle. But he stands out from his relatives. Like there is stereotypes of course, but the little I know from his older family members is that they are sort of narrow minded and closed off. So after high school and when he moved into his own apartment and lived more in the city, I started to see a big growth, it was like a child discovering thing after thing and he just evolved into a much more confident, Fe - driven talkative, charming person. Whereas when we were teenagers he really was this silent, aloof guy who no one seemed to reach completely. Kind of timid and nonchalant. But when he tapped more into Se and Fe, he grew so much.
My friend is also arrogant sometimes, but what's interesting to me is he is kind of this metro sexual male. Many people were curious about his sexuality before he started dating, like was he gay or asexual or what? And I think he uses his Fe more than his Ti, like the female examples of INFJ you showed.
Also that party / mousy thing fits so well for my friend lol! It was so unexpected for us, his friends to learn that he suddenly became this party guy who needed to go clubbing and dancing with strangers every weekend haha. Again, he really broke out of his shell after school.
Still working on it.
I've had people on forums tell me I'm mistyped INFJ (which I think is just a meme at this point). Well I've checked countless times. ISFJ is pretty close but definitely not my type. And my mother is an INFP and we have distinctly different personality traits.
Thank you for the amazing channel;
P.S
The sound on the laptop browser (Windows) is very low (on the series of annoying things only),
*but on the iPhone it is very good...
Thank you! Still working on dialing in the audio quality, appreciate the feedback! :)
Putting off purpose! Feel called out right now. Yes, and some would say I look sad and void of something in my life today. My ENTJ sister said, "You're a hard nut to crack." She's wondering why I don't have kids yet, haven't settled down, haven't done my PsyD, etc.
We adopt the beliefs of the other temporarily to reflect the person back to them.
"You don't want to have all this and have no impact... That's so powerful... "why be on this earth and have no impact and just be only in your head and have it only be valuable for you?"
12:10 we are picking up vibes in the room.
9:53 yes I need this
Thank you these are my battles and i do use more ti than fe or atleast that's what my infp brother enfp father esfp mom isfp sister seems to have a problem with me about , everyone rather i serve their agendas and get them to their desired futures and keep quite smile and be pretty im male my friends can be like that too
I’m an esfp with infj wife. i chameleon harder than her pretty hard because i want people to like me. She chameleons because she wants others to feel secure. Certainly not exclusive to either feeling function.
We are silent because we don't like small talk because it is about boring stuff, like whats your favourite icecream, and icecream is irrelevant, all kinds of objects are irrelevant. Ask us about psychology instead why people react certain way, why aliens die out or where the universe come from, instead of pizza
Sometimes I think no I am too mean to be an INFJ but then being an art teacher I constantly ask my students how are you as a group how do you feel about this or that. I have had students say “you care about what we think?” I know I cannot make everyone happy but I can make most. That is INFJ right?
watching this video is one of those "putting off stuff"
INFJ male here 👁️👁️ 😂
Interesting
I had an INTJ friend; and we had pretty much the same approach to arguing with people. We wouldn't argue with most people ― because it's pretty much useless; you're not gonna change them.
And I'm sure he would agree with me that it's a world of idiots; so I don't see why it's controversial here; maybe INTJ males & females are different too.
I have both autism and ADHD and this is the personality type that is most associated with that combo. It’s why it’s so rare. The combo at a surface level appears very neurotypical because one disorder cancels out the other (but leaves nonstop anxiety), leaving a functional adult that is dying on the inside but staying afloat.
I know it was not intentional, but there are a lot of assumptions you two are making in this video that are inadvertently extremely ableist against those not born neurotypical:
1. Our societies are built to turn people with AuDHD (autism & adhd) from INFJs to INTJs by stripping them of their sense of self to create the architects that build our world.
2. The reason why you don’t know us well is for OUR SAFETY. When you are undiagnosed AuDHD you have no idea why people cannot see the world around you as the dumpster fire it actually is. You believe you are an alien on this planet because nobody has developed sympathy. They think what empathy is is sympathy. NO IT IS NOT. People rely on their empathy instead of developing their sympathy. People with ADHD (regardless if they’re autistic or not) cannot do this and it results in incredibly overdeveloped sympathy skills. The guarded nature of INFJs and INTJs is because they have to remove themselves from ppl or else they take on too much of the world’s problems.
3. The chameleon affect is due to Dissociative Identity Disorder causing the individual to fracture their sense of self over many personalities in order to manage the trauma that comes with living in a world developed for people born neurotypical that discriminated you nonstop and you have no idea why. The flip flop is legit multiple personalities. It just doesn’t appear that way on the milder end of the spectrum because they can cycle through their thought patterns to bring in other alters so they can remember what they had for dinner last night. High functioning people with DID don’t even know they have the disorder until they start therapy and try resolving the emotions between the alters… causing the emotional states between the alters to increase noticeability.
4. The reason why Se is bottom of the list is because of how OVERSTIMULATING western societies are. We have to split our sense of self away from our autistic traits just to exist day to day which results in the DID mentioned in point #3. We focus on the future because of how painful right now is.
Most autistics also have ADHD. If you want an idea of how many AuDHDers there are add the percentages of INFJ and INTJs together. You’re giving tips to people who are undiagnosed neurodivergents. You should be advising them to get tested for ADHD and to be looking up the symptoms of autism so they can remember all their sensory struggles as a child.
Tip: the reason you don’t know much about them is also because we are programmed to listen to other people and give them advice. We are able to regulate ourselves without external validation. How little you know about an INTJ/INFJ is proportional to how much external validation you required from them because you were talking about yourself without asking them about themselves.
Sorry if this sounds aggressive. I have autism. I don’t know how to be anything other than blunt until I get to know someone. Then I can give them messages like this (what they need to hear) in ways they are more receptive to.
I understand, I have a hard time hearing that these traits that don't feel like options to me are holding me back in life. I am always dissociated, and I am being told I have to have Se to materialize my goals. I am extremely guarded and severely neurotic, and that's trauma trapped in my body, my reservations are not usually provoked by a thought like "I don't want to open up to this person right now." It's a paralysis. It is not something I choose. It is frustrating to me when people say "healthy" vs "not-healthy." It does feel like ableist language, I work extremely hard on myself with no tangible evidence. Many "healthy" people are seen as such simply because society supports and encourages them exactly as they are. I am constantly discredited and invalidated, whyyy would I just be open with people? At least I have the internet to help me realize I am truly not alone.
Please please Alexis SLOW DOWN your thoughts.
This is very accurate. If your an INFJ and need some coaching on taking action.... I'd check out Wenzes INFJ life coach on RUclips.
INFJ: *observes a pattern implying most people are emotionally immature and superficial for years and finally accepts it*
INFJ: "Wow, I must've been expecting too much from these pookie bears, I'm glad I can now understand them better, help more and develop healthier relationships overall"
Clueless guy: "Bro assuming people are dum is toxiccc"
Brooo, it's not self fulfilling prophecy. We are born with idealisation and seeing the potential pre-built. It's a painfull path of realising other people don't care that much, and often don't think that much. It's our Se&Ti working tirelessly to overcome irrational Fe fairytales we have about people around.
And it actually is healthy. We see others for who they are, but we don't think those not on the same page are inferior to us or sth. I love people, I don't believe in guilt or terms like "a good person" or "a bad person". I shifted a focus of my Judging to actual issue factors, not people who are influenced by those.
INFJ SIGMA MALE 🎯
27:05 but my true self wants to express (SE) how dumb people are when it comes to doing the right thing (TI ) and how smart they get to be a cancer in this world
Everything we INFJs say and do is annoying 😒 🤣
True
Not really.
👏👏👏👏
Not true! -infp
uhh??
I'm Me. Sigma INFJ VIRGO Male...Are you Unhealthy as well? I suspect so. Typeology is Stupid. People are just that, as such they may be. SO WHAT!?
Don"t be a Hypocrite said the Chosen One. We ARE WHO WE ARE.
A lot of the things you are describing about the INFJs you know sound like INFPs.....
I disagree.
A lot of INFJ's are mistyped. And we also have to break the stereotypes in order to fully understand the cog. Functions.
@@ChantelStays I understand cognitive functions
@@Lenastar23 that's not what I was implying. And I do too, yay for us 🤗
A lot of people don't, and base their learnings off of some online test.
@@ChantelStays I am 80% finished completing a book about personality- I would not comment if I was someone who just 'took an online test'
@@Lenastar23 that's exciting ! I look forward to reading it! Do you have a website ? And unfortunately, most of the comments are people coming from 16personality which tbh, feels like pseudoscience and really sways far from Jungs theory.
Whoa woah whoa, are you sure you're talking to actual INFJs? I'm actually opinionated. I have VERY strong beliefs and preferences. I have own mind and never follow the crowd. I don't always voice my opinions. I prefer to hear different perspectives. I will not cause an issue if the majority is in opposition of my preference, and their choice isn't harmful to others. Is this what you're calling "boring"? I will fight for a cause in which I strongly believe.
Yea, INFJs aren't trying to make you value them. We don't care. When we are telling you something with confidence, we've examined it from every angle, again and again. We have very different thinking, which is one reason we get along with ENFPs, the other out of the box thinker. We are not just going against you. There are actual reason we didn't settle into your conclusion. However, we can get stuck on debate mode. Bring it up singularly, at another time.
I've never met an arrogant INFJ. How can you say we're insecure and people pleasers, and humble or silent or shy, and then say we're arrogant? Those things don't exist together. Those are two completely different types of people. Sometimes I will sit with a problem for days, months, or even years. I have experimented with different solutions again and again. So, when you happily bring up your solution, I may say "that's wrong, that's wrong, and that's wrong" because I know what I'm talking about. It isn't arrogance and is meant to save you time. When an INFJ tells you "That's wrong", hear it as, "I've already tried that 101 different ways". However, this doesn't mean someone else CAN'T figure it out, just because I couldn't.
Stop calling INFJs chameleons and shapeshifters. It's so insulting and I hear it again and again. I am not an animal or a creature. Extroverts are loud and they attend wild parties where they swing from the chandeliers, but I don't go around calling extroverts monkeys. I think thinking types shouldn't make videos directed at introverted feeling types, telling them how they disapprove of them. I was really hoping to gain some insight, but after all the insults, name calling, and perpetuation of false assumptions about my type, I'm just trying not to feel attacked. So far, the improvement section just sounds like more extroverts telling introverts to be extroverts. Feeling types are caring of other's feelings. We may ask an indirect question to politely ask you to rethink it, or to communicate your reasoning behind your conclusion. How is being more rude, less annoying? I hate this video. He is a bit more caring, but her words will slice you. Maybe only publish the endings. I'm 81% feeling. Perhaps people with lower percentages can make good use of this video. IDK, but personally, I wouldn't make videos about what I dislike about every other type. Now, for every name call and insult you used; I hope you make 7 INFJ complementing videos.
Hello, I am female INFJ 5w4 (I'm still not sure, but this is the most close describing of me after 4 months of learning typology). I was mistaken as INTJ and INTP for long, because I grew up in an emotionally cold family and I was scared to show my emotions or pay attention to emotions of others for long. Getting teenage years I found a way to develop my Fe and Se, I mean hanging out🫠 And I couldn't hang out without alcohol, because I was too shy to talk free. This wasn't healthy way, but I found friends finally. It can be a bad way to use Fe and Se, but damn, partys are just made for developing this two functions. I am a nerdy artist, who work, learn something and daydream 75% of time, but this 25% I'm a crazy communicator and I like this state