what it's like dating an extremely rational woman | INTJ
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- Опубликовано: 24 янв 2021
- I'm not saying that women aren't rational. What I'm saying is that the INTJ woman is a different species.
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I'm an INTJ woman and I approve this message. Men are always telling me, "you should get out of your head and just do." I'm like... I spent my 20s building my emotional intelligence to make sure I can bring that in my relationship. But this hook up culture is so contrary to how I operate. Talking is not dating. Pursuit for me is romantically interview one another to see if we're compatible. I don't have time to waste on incompatible men. I only welcome romance AFTER compatibility has been thoroughly assessed. I date strategically for a lifelong partner lol
Thats quite romantic
I'm a male INTJ and I do this too. I don't like to waste time on women if I see no future with them
This is so accurate 😂
Couldn’t have said it better myself
Omggggg so true ❤️
I'm an INTJ woman too and tbh I don't understand why so many people seem to waste time on relationships that are pointless. Unless your goal is to just have fun (which for some people it is) why spend time on someone who isn't ultimately going to fit into your life?
yes exactlyyy
So true. As intjs, we consider whether people are going to value add to our lives before we let them in. Since we have energy for only a select few, we are very careful about who we let into our lives.
Facts.
INTJ here , I agree with you 💯
Hi sister, I too am INTJ and also extremely rational/ logical. One topic that throws people off is when I talk about marriage and children from a logical stand point. I take the romance out of it and break down the pros and cons for functionality and lifestyle logics.
wooo sis you sound like me
INTJ female here. Well said!
Lol. same. 😂
Same, I’m an INTJ woman too 😂
This is not Intj, this literally just being logical. Intj women are flawed because they were so misunderstood, they decided to create their own image.
The most INTJ female moment I've had romantically was when I made a pros and cons list of continuing my relationship and shared it with my SO at the time. He (ENFP) didn't seem fazed/hurt because he understood why I did it. There was no malice. It was only months later when I told a friend (ENFJ) that I saw how savage that could have seemed. We INTJ females really need someone who understands us.
Loool I've done this.
I dont understand. This isn't Intj. This is an example of your need for security. You are just focused on whats most important to you. You are being a women when you do this.
omgg I've done this too.
intj and enfp is actually a really cute match.
I've done this-infj (48% thinking)
For me (INTJ) dating has one purpose. Finding someone to marry. If the person I’m with or pursuing brings doubt in my mind or if I lose all confidence that I could marry that person, there is no longer a reason to date said person. cold to others; logical to our type
Exactly! That’s why I broke up with my ex that I dated for 4 years, cause I felt that he will never propose even though we were in love.
I am an INTJ female as well, however I am 14 years old. I have already considered romantic relationships a no-go at this point because I tend to have expectations that people call "unrealistic", although I live up to them myself. My primary focus at the moment is learning as much as I can, so I can fulfill my ambition of becoming a detective when I am older.
me neither! but I wanna be a scientist instead.
I want to be a detective too, I'm 13 y/o and since everyone is still immature and childish it's super hard to find a guy that actually quite decent and gives it all to the relationship. I already made my mind up that I'm gonna start dating at the end of high school or college since I want someone mature and experience
Great idea! As you can see, it's been a month since I wrote my comment, and a lot has happened since then. I started dating this guy, and he actually liked me, but I broke it off after a week cause I couldn't take the pressures of it. I'm definitely not ready for a relationship.
@Kei Keishin Yes, I feel the same way! I actually got into a relationship a month after I wrote this comment, but it ended in a week because I broke it off for the sake of my freedom and not feeling trapped! Doing much better now!
Same here. Except I am 15 year old.
My longtime live in girlfriend is a rational INTJ and it’s awesome. She’s more easy going than you sound here though. She’s not setting timers or clamoring for me to get out of bed in the morning. But the nice, calm, rational, peaceful demeanor is awesome. She’s also extremely disciplined. I’m an INTJ as well. INTJ INTJ relationship is fantastic actually.
Reallly i always thought that it would be a disaster...
@@sychologyRebel There’s all kinds of good things about INTJ/INTJ I’ve seen on the internet, and of couples on RUclips.
Both are rational and reasonable, both are even keeled and even tempered, both are logical, both are fair and just and care a lot about the truth, both are responsible, both are disciplined, both are reliable, both are intellectual, both have the same value set and see the world the same way. On an on. All things that complementary to each other as a couple.
Settling with a NT person (more preferably INTJ) might be the only way I ever get in a relationship again
Living alone is an absolute blast and I'm not ready to sacrifice this lifestyle if it's not REALLY worth it
I always hear men complaining about how women are overly emotional and cant be rational, and how much theyd like a woman that isnt so in her feelings....and then they meet one and immediately turn into Ruby Rhod from the Fifth Element. "I think I got the broken one. Why I always gotta get the broken one?" Its like they have no idea what to do when a woman isnt all gushy over them or getting upset over perceived slights.
Generalization.
Your dating style is just a sign of being intelligent and of being aware of certain 'norms' in society that have brainwashed us out of watching out for our best interests. For instance, women do have to worry about pregnancy and such. What woman, INTJ or not, wouldn't want a strong foundational relationship on which to build the rest of their lives? Independence is being mistaken for lack of need for others and it has destroyed the family unit making us weaker as a society. So keep on being you. Your husband and future children (if wanted) will be better off in the long run. That mindset shouldn't be considered wierd at all and I find it sad that it is considered wierd.
yeah I find it sad that it's considered weird as well, but the fact there there is such a thing as hookup culture goes to show that there are a lot of women out there who aren't seeking foundational relationships and definitely don't have the same mindset as me. A lot of them don't actually enjoy hookup culture but they give in to it, which I think is even worse.
As an INTJ I analyzes everything from beginning to end even relationships, I was in a relationship that lasted for 7 years and I was in love but realized that it was waste of time and have no clear vision so I ended it!! And same I want everything to be on schedule, according to plan, and on time in the relationship! I sometimes feel like i treat the relationship as part of a job
The ENTJ comes in and says: It's not only a job it's a duty but this is something that should be negotiated between both partners and understood pretty early on. Things can get out of control pretty quick if you guys don't know where you both stand or fit in in this relationship, everyone needs to know their roles and that's how we keep this shit working.
Um sorry to break it to you but staying in a wrong relationships without commitment or marriage for 7 years is not something an INTJ would do... Seven whole years like damn as an INTJ i could never imagine wasting that much time that's a whole two kids. I already planned to the date how long our engagement will be when I meet the right one 😬💀💀
Im a intj woman and I always found hard to connect with other women... and they tend to isolated me.... one girl told Me I seemed chill, focus and not interested n most of other ppls social game ( gossip drama crying etc ) ...for me feels ...unnecessary. so I got called out of touch
Lmao when u pulled cost benefit analysis i was like yes girl bring that swot analysis
my people have spoken
I'm here just because I'm an INTJ guy and wanted to put a face to INTJ women...I just loved this video hahah is just so fun seeing a woman talk the way I do "investment portfolio"
surreal, I can't stop but feeling you're acting.
yeah, two INTJ would be rough.
After watching the video and reading some comments, I've come to the conclusion that INTJ women are the ones that any INTJ guy would want and fear the most.
"Fear the most" lol, so many people take this in a bad way, and dont realize that we need this... it is said that women are men's greatest weakness, but intj men don't feel this, because of the staggering numbers of incompetent. But intj, would DEFINITELY fit the bill.
I am in a relationship with another INTJ and it's great. Things are peaceful and harmonious.
The whole “I have food at home” part is so me. Lol.
Lol I'm so early. Tbh I'm surprised you even had relationships that young. Growing up INTJ I hated how immature guys were and was pretty brutal overall to anyone I considered naive or illogical. I think you're right, most INTJs find no interest in hookup culture. I'm so protective over my time I've purposely shown my INTJ debating side that can't lose early on just to scare people off so I can get back to my routine. I'd love to see a video about how you deal with women overall because even though I get along platonically with guys pretty easily I find it harder to be as friendly towards women. In so many cases we just can't click and I don't even dislike them, which is quite frustrating
ooo this is such a good idea!!
INTJ is an atypical and androgynous type; NFs more proportionally feminine; STs masculine; SFs are the normal majority in both men and women (the MBTI stats are b.s.; they don't use cognitive functions, most men clearly aren't thinkers, all of history shows otherwise). What I'm saying is that females who are INTJ won't have a problem getting along with other females from being INTJ, but they will have difficulty with everyone rather equally from that variable. It would be because they are masculine in another area such as Big 5 disagreeableness.
As an agreeable female INTJ, I don't get along with anyone easily or well past acquaintanceship (though I also don't not get along since I'm mostly neutral, polite, responsible, and quiet/private). I get along both better and worse with women in this unobtrusive state. The former is genuine potential for investment and the latter is their problem which they have gone out of their way to create not mine so I'm hardly bothered. Men are like flat water whom I cannot seem to get on wavelength with. Partly could be being in a red/rural/rightwing area, but men here are more emotional and irrational which will become a problem if you say or do anything which threatens their delusions, whereas women will work with you through communication and discussions and are more often open to challenging ideas. As a child, girls were also more interested in doing things for intrinsic sake rather than an extrinsic check list achievement or attention or going with the crowd, along with being more consitent and honest, less two-faced (boys would often act very different depending on who they were around and what they'd get out of it), so I would play with the girls even though I preferred "boy" activities (which I'd do myself at home anyways!). Once I was able to get over the friendship hurdle, I had the same close core group from elementary to graduation, all girls.
@@xkenny-personalitydatabase5604 Thx for such a thought provoking reply! I'm quite like you in the fact I'm neutral, polite and responsible, often putting my very strong opinions on hold when around acquaintances since I don't find it necessary to share my inner world with them. Haha, you're right, men overall are actually quite emotional especially to the female INTJ and the group-think and peer pressure among them really puts an INTJ off.
I don't think the fact you're in a rightwing area changes much. I'm in a mostly leftwing area and I've met the same kind of close-mindedness and delusions. The biggest issue I have is people assuming I think the same as them without even bothering to ask my opinion. I have difficulty with this since nowadays politics are embedded in emotions so it's hard to discuss anything without someone feeling personally attacked. The few polite discussions i've had with people with drastically different political views where i got a word in edgewise have been really enjoyable.
I also have a core girl group of friends. You hit the nail on the head with how although we hang out with girls we prefer traditionally "boy" activities. The guys I would prefer to hang out with are all more introverted so its hard to get close to them. I suppose it's in our nature to seek out the most consistent and to the point people we can find, but they tend to be the minority in both genders I think.
I'm INTJ. I, too, suffer from the same problem.
My God, it's me!
46 yo intj
In my 20s I preferred to be alone while accepting maybe I’d find a person who “fit” some criteria
In my 30s I started dating for the practice
Like a job
In my 40s I realized I was just dating for the stories and curiosity
and not to develop anything emotional with actual people
Intjs are deep feelers, but no one will ever know that
our self reliance as women really asks the question, what exactly do we need from a man anyway? Some momentary fun, fleeting attention
then just move on
we are lone wolfs
we can relate
but we don’t need you
It absolutely astounds me out how similar we are: same age, same personality type, same looks , same style, more or less the same opinions. On one level it's kind of freaky, on another it's somewhat comforting to know that there are people out there who genuinely know where I'm coming from
I felt the exact same way too…
i’m a 14y/o female intj and i just relate to your opinions on dating so much. i’m glad there’s people out there who get it
Wow, you're basically my clone. Also, I really do not like wearing the "pants" however, it always seems to happen 😅- fellow intj
hello hello :)
Stop trying to control, and learn how to adapt... you get more info, doing this.
Thanks for sharing this message. As an INTJ female, I was thinking that I will not get into marriage a few years ago. Since I thought most of the relationships are not efficient. Until I met my husband three years ago, luckily, he is the person who understand me. I told him that I do not want to have celebrations or proposal of marriage, we can just have registration of marriage and we did it. (BTW, my husband is an INTP)
Yes, and the thought and feeling, "I could be doing something more important(better). This thought habit could get ugly. Depression and anxiety may affect these types. But you look well.
Healthy INTJ.
By the way I'm INTJ male and i know it could never work between male and female INTJs cause of so many reasons. Clash of titans literally.
Id probably fight over tv settings and remote control.
Really?
Quote: "never work between male and female INTJs" I hope that is not true of everyone. I suspect my S.O. is either INTJ (like me) or ENTJ, but he isn't interested in taking the test and I actually don't want to try and type him; I don't want any stereotypes influencing our decisions about our relationship. Remotes? Luckily we share enjoyment of about 80% of the TV shows; when we don't, I go do something else: I have a rowing machine stashed at his house!
So, here's the thing...Intj male here.
1. If you are an Intj, no matter if you are woman or not, you are an architect... a mastermind type of personality...
2. You are not going to sit here and just tell me how terrible it was being with you because of your intj nature... it is the fact that you are so confident in your brain, because of those lonely nights where you felt like no one could understand you so you decided to make your own identity, that it was so terrible. You missed the most important part of your heart which was to adapt. Intj's don't control things directly. We are behind the scenes meaning, we control our inner selves and project it onto others... this stern, and uptight energy I'm getting from you, is more like a logician, or the intp... its off for an intj. As an intj, your eyes are bright, because you know about the deeper things that your intuition has included you in on. Yet you give the death stare because of all the idiots around you....
3. You just need someone who gets that you are still a women... this uptight, trying to control things all the time, is literally just your need for security being projected through the lens of your intj personality... This is not logical.. LOL EVEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT BEING EMOTIONAL, YOU ARE STILL BEING EMOTIONAL! Because you are a women. You make decision based on your immediate need, and I want to apologize on the behalf of men that made you feel like you weren't a woman. I would imagine being with you, like being with a best friend that can actually help you, and be there by my side you don't have to pretend like it is helping you when its not. Because this type of woman, actually wants to be fruitful, because there is no use crying over spilled milk when you can just go get some more. The sex would be AMAZING, because this woman has a goal... basically I'm saying, a relationship just happens, you don't have to make it happen, and thats what this woman represents. If a guy wants specific stuff that has nothing to do with a relationship, or are mandatory towards what actually matters then, sweetheart... you picked the wrong guy... simple as that.
If one was to understand this about you; first off it shouldn't take that long for you to figure out whats for you, if it did then most like likely *AS AN INTJ* it wasn't the right fit. Second, because you've been misunderstood for so long you don't even know, whats not for you. But when the thing shows up that is for you, you will know right off the bat. But if someone just pays attention they would know that deep part about you that you don't express because its not logical to always be vulnerable when you are gonna keep getting hurt, you would be head over heels for that person, even ADAPT to become more emotional, just so that you can please your partner.
Don't kid yourself. As an Intj You are one of the most intimidating women on the planet, except it's that good intimidation that makes everyone around you salute to your greatness. And its not because of you being a challenge. Its because, of your skill to love someone past their guard and make them vulnerable, and then play with them, just to show them they are now yours. That is what makes you addicting, and yet so terrifying. You have the most potential to become everyone's dream girl for the right person of course. THIS is what an Intj is. Stop thinking and just know it. Stop doubting yourself.
"but if there is an argument i think it wouldn't go so well because i would completely prepared with an entire legal essay on why i'm right and i will never lose,"
i feel it spiritually
Why would you try to win an argument instead of getting to a mutual understanding.
@@Chef8898 because truth wins
I'm the same personality type as you and honestly, you aren't logical you're just controlling. Setting alarms to kick your S/O out so the world conforms to your schedule just makes you rigid and inflexible. I'm an INTJ too, but I put alot of that to the side when dealing with others because I know the entire world will not and cannot operate the way that I can. Concessions have to be made to make others happy and I can always pick up any slack that is created. Also that "I'm always right" mentality will drive away anyone with good sense. Sometimes you are wrong despite whatever argument or essay you come up with. Nobody is right about everything all the time, regardless of your personality type and acting like you are because you're supposedly logical is ironically counterintuitive. Not allowing life to happen if it falls outside of the pervue of your weekly schedule just causes you to miss out at best and more than likely be unlikable. Understand that the world will not always fit into your box and that other human beings are not logical and therefore cannot be treated logically. It will make you better. Sincerely, another INTJ
Hahah thanks Alex. I said I USED to be like this. I was very young and this was at a time in my life when I would pull multiple all nighters a week because I had just that much work to do. So yes, things that were pleasurable literally had to be timed into my schedule. I obviously have learned from that and am very happy in my current relationship, but thank you for your concern
@@thelydshow That's good, I'm glad you've learned since then. Honestly I used to be similar and it took me time to learn that everyone doesn't work the way I do, unfortunately lol. Glad you've found happiness tho
If you ask me that inflexibility is coming from her lack of Se.
@@alexander349 Amen Alex. I'm partnered to an INTJ and he would whole heartedly agree with you. I love INTJ's who have realized their own faults as a human. We all have faults, but a lot of young INTJ's can really have these ideas that things must be their way, I'm right, this is how it's gotta be and my logic is never wrong. What a way to sabotage yourself from personal growth, thinking that way. Listening to her talk about finding a partner who would be easy going so she could have her way was a little cringey. Those relationships are always a recipe for disaster. When I hear a female talk that way I always think, would that fly if a man said that? Absolutely not because control of another to get your way is pretty damn awful no matter what gender a person is.
I know INTJ's have many wonderful attributes, but there's some tough life lessons for the this personality type. Just like with my type as an INFP male, I had a lot to learn. After 16 years together we have really helped each other grow as people. I don't think there's another type for our personality types who can have so much in common, yet be so different. Those differences have been a benefit to us both, sometimes we butt heads, but the biggest thing is we really saw the worst of our personalities because of the contrasting personality types in the FP/TJ. It was a, "dude, we can be a bit much" moment. It made us want to change and learn.
@@five5x Ew gay
The best offense is also a good defense. I like that confidence in yourself to win an argument because you’ve prepared.
My longest relationship was like 2 months and its 5 years ago. I dont like wasting time with a man who feel like they owned me just because im his girlfriend.
This is... insane. I’m also an INTJ woman and you and I have super similar tones of voice, mannerisms, gestures, vocabulary, and even hand movements. I very rarely relate so well to someone. Wow XD.
That feeling when people always misunderstand you -
Interesting take and alot of good mature points that shows and shine light on relationship for long term.
I have always been searching for that deeper mental and emotional connection. Hearing all these awesome perspectives and depth on relationship gives me hope and joy. Looking forward for more amazing episodes. Feel I could talk for hours on end about everything and deep dive into the void and back. - ENFP-A, 4w5
Laugh so hard when you said set a timer up 😂😂
Logical woman here. Myers Briggs personality tests are not well validated. Make a point to retest yourself in 20 years to see if you’ve changed.
I have tested as INTJ and definitely did not just date in order to have a serious relationship. I categorized who was fling material vs who was longterm material based on shared core values, sense of humor, and stability. No one who didn’t share core values got priority time or deep feels, those guys were just for fun. When I found someone who met my key requirements I carefully pursued them. We’re married now.
I definitely never set timers for sex or expected a partner to share non core values like “eat at home rather than out.” We all have different preferences. Plus, novelty is statistically associated with romantic feelings so as a logical woman I seek that with my partner.
I appreciate how open you are here. I just wouldn’t describe what you’ve discussed as “logical.” It’s really just your priorities.
As an INTJ woman am i the only one who feels selfish and thinks perceiving my dreams are more important than finding someone to love? I feel like if you are confident in yourself and are satisfied with your goals, then your fated person will find their way to you themselves. I just dont want to commit any relationship, but if i do, it would be till the entire of my life.
honestly the moment I stopped looking for love it kind of happened
I didn't know that it was an INTJ thing to feel like women talk about trivial things which I never fit in with and fitting in more with the guys.
I love your channel and we are really similar even though I’m an INTP, I find myself constantly relating and enjoying your content.
That is awesome!
i love ur channel so much! thank you for this content. it is informative and really helpful! - a fellow intj women
I'm also an INTJ, it's amazing to see you putting so much effort into uploading these videos on RUclips
I love this! 💕 You have your priorities down.🙌🏼
Always!
I honestly felt called out for the timer thing you mentioned 'cause time is the factor I'm most concerned with in my day-to-day activities. I thought I was the only one doing that lmao.
And you're absolutely right about what kind of partner we should seek. I am an INTJ woman 7.5 years in a romantic relationship and 1.5 months married to an ISTP man whose drama and emotional fluctuation levels are near zero. The only frustrating things for me are his spontaneity and still-developing introverted intuition. As a planner and achiever who could foresee tragedy before it arises, I feel like he's way too calm in going through life day-by-day. What's brilliant about him though is that he could solve almost any problem regardless of the amount of time given to him. He uses his dominant introverted thinking to get out of sticky situations that are the result of not planning ahead. The anxiety of not being in control all the time is sometimes unbearable but slowly, my husband is helping me let loose and accept that not everything would be ideal; not everything is grasped by my "perfect" intuition. He's trying to make me realize that sometimes, flexibility is your greatest ally. And to be a mature INTJ, I must utilize that fact to the best extent.
I did the exact same thing as you, set alarm, prioritize my plan than relationship, and I also prepare essay to prove I’m right.
hahahahaah
Thanks your providing captions.
As an AFAB INTJ 5w4, I can approve of this. I struggled a lot in relationships because I could never wrap my head around emotional needs, but in my current relationship (going on six years) with my now fiance, INFJ partner - it definitely helps to have someone who balances me out on the more emotional side. I’ve been able to grow a lot with them over the course of our relationship, and done the most maturing in bending for the other person. I admit, I can be very stubborn to the “logical” side of things, and dig my heels in. Not really thinking about emotion in decision making but I’ve gotten a lot better over time.
I had to laugh at the “having your week planned in advance.” I’m listening to this at work and I glanced up to the calendar on my desk that has my whole week penned in for every friend that wanted to hang out this week. They have to let me know in advance, and I literally “pen” them in on my calendar. 😂
I'm an INTJ woman and I have troubles to find someone who can understand me well. I feel lonely sometimes, because I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I'm sort of invisible to people which is what I'm comfortable with but sometimes I desperately need someone to talk to about deep things.
Hi I'm an INTJ-A male and I feel the same. If you are open to it I would love to get to know you and talk about deep things
"And I will never loose" 😆
I used to not wanting to lose in arguments...but now as I get older, sometimes when they're right, I kinda let them win
yeah ive learned this as well, even though in my head world war 3 is happening
@@thelydshow yupp INTJs are like that 😆
I am a young Intj, I'm just sixteen right now. I don't really like to have relationship as my other peers because I know that in people in my age are not fully matured yet and that means if I will be in a relationship with them, it's gonna be useless. Most of all, people are often intimidated by me. One of my "weird requirements" is for them to be persistend and have guts. If they are intimidated by me by the first impression. They didn't even try. Then, they'll not know what it feels like to date me. I as an INTJ can see myself as a goof around the people I'm close with and me being alone. If they are intimidated by me because they think I'm very serious, all about studies, and bussiness minded, then they don't like me that much, enough to have the guts to approach me. In life, if you just give up on something, you don't really like it. If you just give up, how are you gonna grow. Okay i'll stop, I know this is all about relationships, but somehow I'm off topic. Okay Bye, Yeah, I know you won't read this
Would you consider yourself a drop dead gorgeous girl? (I know you don't, but judge off of the effect you have on others)
I can relate so much even though I'm an INFJ lol, have a good day lyd!
awww you toooo
I am an INTJ and I relate to many aspects of the INFJ personality type. I think we are pretty similar.
INTJ woman here, 52 years old and married to a 41 year old INFJ. Married for 5 years, together a total of 14.I can totally relate to all of this.
I can relate as a INTJ female, however the less I approach relationships like a chore the more I find them fulfilling. Not just in the romantical sense.
I've tried different things over the years, to casual hookups, to long distance relationships, to open relationships, to being completely single. I've decided that I wanted to have experiences in dating and it wouldn't happen if I didn't put effort in it. However, the moment I start to find the effort isn't being worthy it I will leave. I want specific things out of relationship, out of my partner, I find, I've tried being more adaptable to see if my heart would reign in but it never happened.
I'm an INTJ Female . I swear I never met any female with same personality in real life. Now I understand why it's rare personality type. all my friends are extroverts
Being extroverts is such a broad term. That doesn't even mean anything and you can be an extrovert without being the center of attention or even being loudly social try again and I say this an an INTJ woman...
As an ENTJ male I'd say I kind of appreciate this approach to relationships because it's very sound, you can sort the bullshitters and the people who's goals and ideals that do not align with your own. I have a similar approach with women, I don't like to get into things too quickly I prefer to take my time and a lot of women just walk away. Oh well fuck it, there are plenty of more where that came from. It seems to be these SJs type that I attract most and it's usually one of 2 things either they're physically attracted to me or I am just very funny but maybe those are 2 sides of one coin so I guess you can say I am pretty funny, did you get that? XD
In all seriousness I have to check all the boxes and run a few benchmarks, when I take my time with her and she's consistent with me she'll slowly but surly win me over but most of them aren't patient enough so I let that fish swim away. Some come back to only find that another bitch has taken her spot in the cheerleading tryouts lmao.
This video actually undermined my confidence in my own type (typed myself through research as an INTJ). I can't relate to everything you have said and it seems that I plan way less than an average INTJ, assuming I am actually one. Maybe it's a habit thing, maybe it's a gender thing (I am a man, maybe there is a difference between INTJ men/women). The whole schedule thing with details doesn't sound like me at all, in fact, my plans are way more broad and general. The new option for my type that I started to consider is ISTP, as apparently these people often get initially mistyped as INTJs, especially if they are enneagram 5s (I am 5w4). However even here I find contradictions, as my Se seems to be too weak to be secondary. ISTPs tend to be very pragmatic people, practical and grounded while I am quite philosophical, focusing on the spiritual/intellectual side of things more.
Since this video is about dating I can point out another difference between you and me; it seems like actual INTJs have not only established boundaries in a relationship, but also a concrete and particular idea of a partner they would like to have. If I am not mistaken you could, if asked, list qualities that you think are desirable in a partner, uninterested in dating someone who doesn't match your ideal. In my case it's completely different. I don't have a particular plan or idea of an "ideal partner", it's quite flexible and broad. A possible explanation for this difference is that INTJs are usually aware of what they want and what they feel, the Tertiary Fi is not a weak function so the Ni-Fi connection is responsible for their ideas and how they resonate. If I am an ISTP then it would be expected that I will struggle with understanding my own emotions/wants.
In conclusion: I liked the video, despite it causing doubt in me as it signifies that I probably made a typing mistake somewhere and since knowing the truth is more important that being in doubt or frustrated I regard this effect as positive.
I don’t think it’s you with the typing mistake, in this case. I couldn’t relate to her either, and I’m female. I don’t get how so many of the INTJ females in this comment section can. It’s possible they want to be INTJs, so they pretend to relate to traits that may seem INTJ, but aren’t. Not to say the INTJs here aren’t actually INTJs, of course.
Though, it’s also possible that we’re both mistyped.
Wait... what? how? I’m not even pursued by men. My BFF says it’s because I’m very independent and seem ‘taken’ already.... and... that I’m lousy at flirting. Actually, I’m great at flirting... unless I like someone... then I’ll ignore then as I try to blend into the wallpaper if I can’t run away fast enough.
My husband and I are both intj! We are incredibly similar. But it works for us- I feel understood
so relatable. i LOLed at the timer part. definitely did that 😂
Oh my goodness!!! We are so alike!!! 😄 It’s nice to find people who understand you.
Hi, at the beggining I would like to say that I really enjoy watching your videos. They have this chill vibe that calms me down in some way.
I've watched most of your videos and at some point you made me wonder... what do you consider the purpose of life? I understand your workaholism and that you try very hard to be efficient (I am also one of those super efficient people) and make the most of your life , but beyond short-term and long-term goals, what do you consider to be the ultimate one?
~ENTJ
Hi there :) Personally I don't really believe there is a POINT to life. I consider myself to be an absurdist. When you don't try to think there's a point or meaning to life, you can do whatever you want. So my goals is to only be doing what I love and what excites me.
Is this a reason why men, out of the blue, have told me that I am terrifying?
Like dude, I've been nothing but nice to you.
I can BE terrifying, and this is not it.
You're welcome.
(scratches name of man quickly on nemesis contender list)
hahhah most likely
The most relatable video I've found thus far 🖤.
Imagine wanting one of you as a romantic partner and realizing that your ideal partner is the rarest in all humanity... ..
I don't like labeling so I won't include psychological terminology but as a guy that falls in the same camp as you gals do, yes, please keep being good a choosing good relationships and if you're not then it's something you can get good at. Stay safe and happy sisters.
As an INTJ male, It's been nice to read through these comments.
Often asking that too, "How do you know how life works?". I had flings without me realizing it; those happened because, I thought they were ok with me not taking them in until I get to know them well. Or me not putting that commitment label when, I want to see them more as a friend first. I also don't like being put in a pedestal for little things or too soon when I think you haven't scratched my surface yet. Yes, I also get into trouble when I do "masculine" things or think "masculine" because I don't really gauge it that way. I decide upon things or thoughts whether or not I am capable of them and if it is feasible enough.
I get tired of setting the bar so high all the time. Of course what I want most is that someone would measure up (maybe myself most of all), but few people ever do. And then it's me, again, writing about it alone on youtube comments. It's fucked up, but I sort of pray that people struggle in areas where I'm strong the way I struggle in areas others deem so crucial. I hope a sense of what's missing makes them ache inside and yearn the same way I do. The difference is I know I'll use those feelings to galvanize me further towards my goals. It's just that the direction I lead rarely seems to draw me nearer to others so the cycle perpetuates.
As an INTJ female, this made me LOL with elation of relation 😂 Thanks for sharing!
I’m an INTJ woman and delve into hook up culture deeply. At some point in time, I was screwing guys and ditching them because I was emotionally retarded and didn’t want to deal with them emotionally. I for one, think men are more emotional and didn’t really know how to deal with my emotions, let alone someone else’s. 🤷🏽♀️ Spontaneity is my style, but I guess all INTJs are different, but are similar at the core. We are strong minded and strong willed. I wouldn’t necessarily call my energy ‘masculine,’ I’d call it ..🤔 “tough.” I hang with guys and girls, but love hanging with girls, girls that are more like me.
I'm currently on my way down into the rabbit hole of watching intj related videos which I find rather relatable. I found the part where guys are just investments rather funny because it is true. But what baffles is how well you blended in to society. In my culture guys who are rather gutsy is rare so my personality would instantly repel those prospective suitors. I don't find myself interesting, well interesting enough to attract guys, nor am I attractive and I feel like I'm always part of the boys which is rather odd as I try to portray myself as feminine. All in all I do agree with that fact that relationships are a two way street, effort should be made both way in order to keep them. I find your experiences helpful!
Hello are you an INTJ?
When I was in the relationship what was making me feeling like I'm cut from oxygen I ended it because I couldn't take it no more. I actually stopped feeling any close feelings for the person because my expectations changed and I left them to make me understand myself, which worked and I'm more confident in my thinking process which is my weapon, I'm more confident of knowing what is good for me and to know how to react, how to put bounderies on people. Being a rational woman is basically like being a woman and not being over emontional. Sometimes I feel like I'm not empathic but I'm highly empathic but only if it's trully what I feel, if situation needs facts not sadness I do action and tell people the facts.
The Myers Briggs test that everyone goes to gives me INFJ and I can see how I could be an INFJ, but I identify myself so much more to an INTJ. I took a more in depth and by their definition “Accurate” Personality test and it was INTJ. And now I’m frustrated.
Being a woman especially, that feeling of not identifying as a women first is something I can definitely relate to, and being so rigid with studying and routine, especially more obvious now that I’m in a relationship. In college I met my best friend who is also an INTJ and we get along like bread and butter when it comes to conversations, and working together, we are kind of freaked out by eachother because of how similar we are, and both have have been called sheldon from big band theory in our family😂. I look at INFJ as more of an unhealthy side of myself rather than my personality.
Except you are not INTJ
You are ISTJ.
I’d advise you to re-verify your own type.
Si is clearly your dominant function. Not Ni.
wow you know me so well
@@thelydshow kinda creepy how their RUclips name is INTJ...
@@Irawry0u she really wants everyone to know haha
If you clash, don’t just concede, but try to understand the others point of view and seek to understand each other’s perspectives, motives, goals, and dreams. The gold standard in relationships comes when you both seek to understand the rationale (regardless of whether it’s actually rational) of each other’s needs AND THEN seek to fulfill them.
Cheers from an INFJ
Hahaha not wanting to spend money on dates, so relatable.
Hi, very interesting, I am an INFP girl and I am very attracted to INTJ men. I recognize them at once. For me and I heard that from other INFPs too it is the ideal man (but sometimes I still struggle with my type being an INFJ). We like deep + strange things + authenticity! There is not much difference (if there is any at all) between INTJ men and women so this will help me :). I also wonder what would be the "perfect" match for each type. Keirshey who put the myers briggs into the different temperaments said the rationals should date the idealists and all the sensors the other sensors (guardians the artisans). As I also like INTPs, for me this is a sign that could be right. My opinion is: for personal growth we must also work on our "blind spots/functions", that would be to become more rational for me and to work on the feeling side for rationals/INTJs. I like INTJ females , too , because I like that type like I already said and also because I like male energy in women, this is justice and I like justice ;-) For me under the cold surface there is so much depth and a warm side.
I am an INTJ-A girl attracted to INFP men. ;p But the thing is "NOBODY SHOULD KNOWS THAT, ok?".
Even though I unconsciously wear pants in mostly every relation/friendship, I would love to give them to partner. INFP doesn't seem to be leaders, but somehow it works and they can wear this f***ing pants. But this could happen only, ONLY in relationships. We never ever give our domination to somebody else. In spite od situations when we have no idea about some topic.
And like you stuggle if you're INFP or INFJ, In my opinion you can have sth around - P 55%, J 45%.
How can I know? I struggled if I am an INTJ (like test showed me a few times) or ENTJ whitch I read about - and almost every aspect is correct. But then after 2 year I made this test again and results are:
1. I - 53%, E - 47%, and it seems to be true (I'm not typical outsider)
2. N - 67%, S - 33%
3. T - 70%, F - 30%
4. J - 79%, P- 21%
I know that this % are not so precisely selected. Sometimes as you gave: at 2 circlet "I agree", instead of fully agreeing just because of for example that "it depends on situation".
it’s nice for me to know that i’m not the only one...
Hahaha! “I feel like spontaneity doesn’t fit into my schedule”.
I'm an INTP and I think I'd like to meet an INTJ and be friends. I blew air out of my nose at the part where you mentioned you would schedule specific time slots to hang out. I do the same thing, except I can never stick to my own time slots lol.
An INTP is like the only personality type that totally gets INTJs and can challenge them mentally ( sometimes exceed them, lol just poking fun ), finds them funny and kinda looks up to them in how they got their shit together
@@marwanshamsia4193 Lol, I agree with this. I have an new
INTJ friend and its usually pretty fun. He def keeps me on my toes in terms of knowing my facts and stuff. And Im usually the one that knows how to do pretty much everything. So we essentially work well together. But Im usually right most of the time (I jest lol).
I can def notice his Te and Fi alot and it makes for fun differences when observed. So he's better at telling people what to do and organizing our group while im the one that know how to get something working or fixing something.
Absolutely!!! I cannot imagine making emotional decisions -no way
I love to plan spontaneity. My first partner thought i was super spontaneous, hahaha poor soul...
What very relatable content! I can relate a lot to not liking how other women act; I already have to constantly destroy people's expectations of what kind of person I am at my core ("yes, I really do mostly just like to spend my time solving complex problems and I'm not interested in my emotions") which is sometimes exhausting. I'd even say I was misogynistic when I was younger... after over a decade of getting to know so many women throughout my scientific career though, it makes me feel rather ugly looking back on my attitude. These are ultimately just value judgments after all, which are inherently subjective, and if I ask myself "why do I care anyway?" Well, then I have to admit that I care about what other people think of me, that I care what MEN think of me, supposedly because I relate to them more but probably because of my ego .. besides, if all women were like us, I think the world would be too homogenous and monotonous. We'll have to settle for proving via our very existence that it's possible for women to be the way we are.
What personality type does your boyfriend have? I don't think I would want to date an INTJ - I don't think it would go well - having the same type myself - but I think in friendship it could be good - because we would be on the same wavelength.
I’m an INFJ woman and people find me ‘annoyingly rational’ apart from INTJs and ESTJs. It’s a misconception that irrationality means leading with emotions. Emotions can be logical. Person A slapped person B. Person B feels pain and hurt. That is on a very simplified scale. INFJs see the big picture even clearer than INTJs many times and we can be even more logical than our thinker type counterparts, especially when decisions involve people. Leading actions by way of “getting results” and not people and emotions leads to results of what an INTJ perceives as ‘fair’ in an equality sense, not equity. That’s the difference. It’s sad. Relationships treated like a math equation of what you want and how they fit into your life plan instead of the feelings that person can give you and how you help each other grow . “I will always be right” lol… that is a mighty conceited and not a growth mindset which is not an INTJ trait in and of itself, but it’s a mindset which wastes a lot of potential as an INTJ.
This feels like I talking about my relationship. The resemblance is striking.
loll
I am an INTJ female but I feel I would avoid you in a room, not that there's anything wrong but I do happen to know another INTJ female that I do understand and can relate to. I cannot understand or relate to you at all. It feels like you are wearing and trying to justify a label, but it's innate so therefore this does not feel natural.
we would probably avoid each other tbh
I’m SO glad I’m not the only person who thinks so. Seems a little full of herself after getting INTJ on 16 personalities
I really hope you are not including being "in love" with dating, the emotions are different and the ideas of dating and actually being in love are vastly different. I am assuming most guys approach you so you weren't the initiator of the relationship simply because you were not interested in them bc if you were you would make them yours from the get-go and therefore most of your relationships could be you pitying the other person being like "yeah sure ill add you to the schedule unless you interfere with my plans"....where if you were to be actually in love or the initiator you would most likely make them a top 3 priority at least and not treat them like a robot.
for me at least, I'm the kind of person that puts 100% into something if they chose to make it a part of their daily life. so for me, I don't do "dating" it disgusts me. it's either I'm all in...I'm in your soul I have devoured you I am in you I'm breathing you, or you get the fuck out of my face. but again in my past relationships, I'm always the initiator so it's always me being the one that wanted it and if someone asked me to go out it was always a no, so maybe if I said yes it would be the robotic system like you...but again i would never do that because if I didn't find you interesting in the first place I'm simply not giving you a chance unless you are benefiting me in some way then maybe.
This right here is my problem and makes me seriously question if i am aromantic. Its always been guys that pursued me and when i gave in it didnt take long for me to feel pressured and distance myself. What is love? If i felt it i would have chased after it
Hace poco terminé una relación de más de un año, por todas mis características INTJ. Es un poco difícil para mi, porque el chico tenia lo que buscamos, tranquilo, bastante estable económicamente e inteligente, pero el me termino diciendo que…. Yo siempre busco tener la razón en todo, que soy muy fría, que minimizo sus sentimientos.
Más bien el toleraba que yo fuera una chica muy ocupada, al igual que vos, tenia cronometro, pero bueno. A veces esas cosas pasan, uno se queda frustrado pensando cual será nuestro siguiente paso. Y lo analiza a cabeza fría.
When I first started dating my husband, ove 20 years ago I thought he was spending too much on taking me out to dinner. So, after the second month I tracked the amounts he was spending on eating when he was with me ( he didn't show me the bill so I had to track it on menu prices). After a month passed, I gave him a total cost of the meals out, as well as a daily average. I then let him draw the conclusion, fortunately he realized he was spending a lot and his taking me out to dinner decreased dramatically. I was really happy he was able to see my rationale! I didn't realize how weird that was until watching your video, then I really had to laugh and remind my husband of that. You are great! Thank you!
진짜 쓸데없는 짓 했네
Rational woman?..
.oh thats a good one. Tell me another one!
ENFP and INTJ work out so well. ENFP men, we tend to be attracted to INTJ women, because they are so unconventional, out there, don't fit the norms, because we don't fit societal norms either.
ESTP as well
Thank you for such a relatable video!
"I don't identify as one of you guys, even tho I am clearly a heterosexual woman" Yeah...tell me about it. The topics some groupthink women jaw on about just floor me with their shallowness. At gatherings, usually after dinner, men and women split into gender groups for conversations. The women only want to talk babies, Jesus, recipes....and gossip. The men want to talk about science, home improvements, electric cars, how things work, etc. So the men's topics are the ones I gravitate towards and participate in. Then the women think I am "pursuing their men" by being more interested in their men's convos, and they get jealous and catty and feel ignored or rejected. This was more before the boyfriend entered the picture. Luckily my S.O. is usually with me, and I can listen/participate in intelligent conversations with him and the other guys. Then the guys start to see I am actually doing my own home improvements, etc, and I am accepted because my actions speak louder than the ladies' words/opinions about my interests.
Hilarious. I'm a 53 years old INTJ female. Thanks for sharing
If you do ever get into a fight with a friend you may consider testing whether that losing 30% of your arguments helps to maintain the relationship (I only heard about the trick and haven't got around testing it, do tell me if it works)
except i never lose
Hi. I remember my comment.. I'm still not sure if I am an intj or infj but I had a lot in common with your past post
Sorry in advance for the rant. Great video! I feel seen. I do not like being put on display and lowering my intellect to make a man look better while out in public. I like being seen and heard, well-dressed and well-spoken. When men try to spin this scenario into me being rude or socially awkward, I will tend to verbally eviscerate them with evidence. Also, no health insurance = no sex. I like girly things, especially fashion and makeup, but I am not a bubbly woman. I have the temperament of Christina Yang's character from Grey's Anatomy on a good day, and the temperament of Dr. House on a bad day, but I try and keep myself in check. A true dumpster fire is when, as an INTJ woman, you end up dating an abusive narcissist who gaslights you during arguments while you're trying to communicate effectively, and simultaneously wasting time you could be spending on the career path or hobbies which routinely give you vitality. It's even worse if you have "masculine" hobbies or a career (I use that term loosely because people should be able to like whatever they like, regardless of gender stereotypes), which they try to ruin by slut shaming you for liking "bro-type" things, which coincidentally, was something they adored about you during the love bombing phase. Then, the rational side of you tries to strategically escape and take the high road to get to a safer place, but the feisty side of you wants to break bad and seek revenge, because you've been told your whole life to be a broodmare, submit and stay in the kitchen with a fake smile, and you just want to reach your full potential, and for your partner to appreciate that. Yet, when you finally come out of it on the other end, with grace and dignity, you realize your true power again and become even more guarded, rational, successful, and tough as nails. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, ladies!
Great job. Intriguing, and u look great!! Thanks for ur video. An ENTP
This is so true 😂
I had once dated this guy who said “it’s unfortunate not to date me earlier (since I’m actually a rather warm and emphatic person)”, and i was like “Yeah….? Ugh, not a chance. That’s not going to happen”
i cut off guys so much as an intj woman. literally contacted 3 guys in 3 months and left without a reason. before this, left my husband of 3 years like it was nothing. he was shocked i dated other guys right after and he assumed i wasn't loyal during marriage. O_O
I'm an INTJ according to the MBTI, I pretty much fit into most of the character description,I truly am very logical, argumentative and generally know a whole lot about almost anything, but I think I am more spontaneous when it comes to my schedules, they are usually flexible and I think differently about dating, I'm willing to be wrong sometimes and apologize but I do have that tendency of over logicising everything about the relationship
Excellent, excellent and excellent. You were not at all ashamed to just be yourself and speak your mind in front of a camera to an indeterminate range of audience. Do consider coming back and revising this video. You might find as you grow older. Your experience alters you perceptions slightly - thus, altering your behaviour and your partners experience of being with you.
I believe that by using a classification (to label? I don't know what the people in their early 20s use for "putting people into boxes") - you create a responsibility for yourself. I believe for the female INTJs - men who internalise women as equal - will be compelled to treat you as "a bro". Beware - there are some truly sociopathic and dangerous people out there in the world. They cannot help but see is a woman not conforming to their world view... Might see you as a hostile threat and seek to "neutralise" you. Be wary.
I don't know how to permutate this point without wearing it out. Respect your INTJ-ness. If you didn't say you were 21 in another video - I would not be aware of this. ENERGETIC FUN to the power of 3. Make caveates within the protocols of your long term plans to CHECK FOR HOW FUN IT ACTUALLY IS and DIVERT ACCORDINGLY should it truly excite or entrall you. Your perception of time becomes warped when your having too much fun - its like wow. what time is it? I'm late or overstayed.
As you get older, you do lose somethings. The warmth of those truly -/+ unexpected -/+ beautifully energetic -/+ spontaneous moments are the colour in the tapestry of your life. The paint is dry by the time you are 30 and life takes away half your brushes. If you can every accept silly - accept it and embody it the best you can but don't go wild. Wild is just irrational / insane with dangerous / lethal outcomes and it always will be.
"I feel like spontaneity does not fit into my schedule"
LMAO, I loved this one xD
INTJ woman here, 21 years old, NEVER been in a relationship. I just don't believe in forcing something that could distract me from my studies/work/savings. I'm waiting until I'm financially free lol
QUESTION - how do you engage someone who is obviously superior to you in a category? If they have 50x more money than you, do you think you know more about money than they do, or do you yield/consider their viewpoint?
money is just one aspect of a person. However they probably do know more about money, considering they have made 50x times more than you. You should take this as an opportunity to learn from them, then earn double their pay :)
Would you ever date an intj man how do you think it would go if he’s mature
인티제 남자는 두 부류다 엘리트이거나 벌레 구분하는 것은 매우 쉽다 다 가졌거나 다 잃었거나