The Job that BROKE ME | Retired Police Interceptor
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- Опубликовано: 7 мар 2021
- My Brand New Book 'Hotel Tango 23: Responding To The Unknown' is available now: amzn.to/3zUwbqg This job broke me as a person. In this video, I also talk about the PTSD that forced me to retire from the Police.
My book "Handcuffed Emotions: A Police Interceptor's Drive Into Darkness" available now: amzn.to/3vGZvis
Hi, this is Ben from Police Interceptors. Welcome to my new RUclips channel where I will be sharing stories from my time in the police and from recording with Channel 5's Police Interceptors.
If you have any questions please feel free to ask in the comments, I will answer them in future videos. We have a lot more content to come.
Twitter: / bs_pearson
These videos were created and produced by Josh Gudgeon & his team at Get Your Media.
For more information visit his RUclips channel: / joshgudgeon
Or www.getyourmedia.co.uk
#mentalhealthawareness #ptsd #police
I hope you enjoyed this video. If you have any questions for me then let me know below.
Thanks again to Josh & Team for the production: ruclips.net/user/joshgudgeon
My book "Handcuffed Emotions: A Police Interceptor's Drive Into Darkness" available now: amzn.to/3lzrsEm
I just want to reach in to my TV just to hug you.
You are so brave to speak out about your struggles.
Biggest of hugs sweetheart xxxx
I’ve just cried watching this because I’m on my own I cry when I’m at work because I’m on my own I’m a big strong guy to everyone else but I’m broken inside my troubles would appear selfish if I told anyone about them so I just smile and pretend I’m ok . Sorry
@@bluesky4733 Don't apologise for sharing, and try not to belittle your own problems fella. Pain is pain, and nobody will think you're selfish for sharing anything that makes you feel the way you do. You can't start to get the help you need until you get over that barrier in your head that's stopping you from opening up more.
Your a good man Ben. You worked hard in your job. I feel for you as i suffer with the same. You should be proud of everything youve done. Good luck for the future. All the best.
Ben, I'm not sure if enjoyed is the right word, but your words resonant with me, I didn't have a back pack I had a greatcoat that got heavier each day. Thank you for doing this.
I'm glad I've come across your channel. Being a paramedic for 16 years, my rucksack is full and I didn't know it until recently. Getting the support I need now after asking for help.
I'm so sorry to know that you've been carrying that with you, I hope everything is getting better now
Hello Dan, hoping this message finds you well and recovering from your depression etc ? Sending wishes to you and your loved ones. Cheers 🥂
Hope you are well and feeling better :)
Same here I have been putting off getting help for too long. The rucksack analygy really summed it up for me, this heavy weight of cruelty, abuse and death and destruction that your dragging around trashing your life, it needs emptying re-packing to tidy things up and make it easier to carry. Got my first counselling session next week which I am actually looking forward now, feels like some weight has lifted a little even by taking the step of making the appointment. Looking forward to dumping the empty rucksack in the cupboard.
@@colintook3357 best decision I ever made. All the best Colin
“PTSD, anxiety, etc... basically because of all the crap.” Is the most succinct, honest and downright realistic way of explaining it.
After 29 years with the Scottish ambulance service, unfortunately I’m now terminally ill. But I wake up every morning happy that I don’t have to face going to work. The best job I’ve ever had.
And you would know the feeling because?
@Cian MacGana Emergency workers, regardless of gender, go through so much.
Shrubs1y2 - not all superheroes wear capes.
I’ve combat ptsd , ocd , a boarder line personality disorder, an antisocial personality disorder and a shed load of physical issues… Ben your not alone my brother…. Thank you for your service it’s a natural reaction for a series of unnatural events.
I'm going to be brutally honest up until about a month ago I was one of those dicks and I'm ashamed to say it that didnt like the police and slagged them off all the time but after watching these videos for a while I've gained an unholy respect for them and I'd like to apologise and thank them and any other field that has to deal with these things so thank you and sorry.
Much respect to you for owning your demons. You’ve recognised your own rucksack and the things inside it.
It’s not about the mistakes you’ve made, but how you put those things right. Your acknowledgment and apology go a long way to putting those things right.
Fck sake well done buddy. Its not cops and robbers no more ..police are there for ALL OF US.. AND this young ladds been trough trauma.. beyound belief. Im on his side. But buddy i was a proper idiot in cars. Not even stolers.. but id go nuts.
@@S3dINS thank you really appreciate that 🙏.
@@desmondmayhew6466 yeah it wakes you up and you realise that what your doing is terrible really when they go through what they go through to look out for everyone.
Well done mate without police you wouldn't have protection and the amount they do locally and for every civilian is amazing
At Christmas I'll be starting my 18th year in the Police, but today I have a job interview for a company doing something very different. My rucksack isn't full, but it is getting heavy. I want to look forward to going to work, rather than feeling physically sick at the thought of going in. I deserve better. We ALL do.
Did ya get the job
@@Tjay-ex8vi Afraid not. Still pounding the beat...
Ben, you're not broken at all ... you're actually becoming more whole than you could ever have imagined possible. You're reaching into the very essence of what it means to be human.
Thank you Sue xx
exactly. be safe, have fun.
Definitely he’s so empathetic
Truth
Best comment ❤️
My father was a traffic cop 50 years ago , he trained others, but had to walk away after the things he saw . Miss you dad , my hero xx
It's sad when anyone takes their own life.
Can't be easy. Thank you to your dad for the service he put in. So sorry for your loss ♥️
God bless you mate
50 years eh !!!
RIP
And they say footballers are heroes, this man is a hero and look what it's done to him. I wish you all the best for the future Ben.
Only weak idiots believe footballers are heroes.
I wish Ben all the very best for his future. In all reality, Ben is a hero. I have friends in the Police Force and they have my utmost respect and full admiration.
@@brianwalker1933 footballers are heroes to kids so it's disrespectful to write people off as weak idiots. It's different as an adult but plenty of kids look up to footballers as their heroes and some of them make a difference to people's lives, so show some respect... especially on a video as sensitive as this.
@@TommyIgaro Perhaps the parents of these kids you refer to, should teach their kids the “true meaning” of the word...HERO!
That said however, many parents these days are very poor role models, who also idolise footballers as heroes.
Regardless, thanks for your comment.
@brian Walker shut up kids are kids allow them u joker
@@brianwalker1933 I'm not interested in your views on footballers or parenthood, I'm asking you to show some respect. It's not your place to tell someone where they get their happiness or ambition from. You would've thought a video as touching as this would leave you feeling humble and respectful, but I guess some people are just parasitic and spiteful 24/7. I deal with people like you day in day out at work and I honestly believe you're one of the biggest poisons in society, spreading hatred because people don't conform to your beliefs. Pathetic, grow up old man.
I have had one instance of a traumatic event that stayed with me for about 6 months, I found my mum dead in bed from a massive heart attack on Friday the 22nd June 2012 at 11.15am, a day I will never forget, there she was half on the bed and half off as if she had been sitting on the edge of the bed and simply fell backwards, her head was so small and she looked in her 80's for a woman that was only 62.., I looked down at this woman with a sunken face and just screamed out MUM!!.., a paramedic later told me that her face looked so small because when you die all the fluids that once gave form to your face sink to the back of your head.., but that single image haunted me and I could see her face even with my eyes closed.., but the emergency services see this on a weekly basis so I completely get your (rucksack) analogy.., thank you for all that you have given and I pray you find peace.
Bless you and your Mum ❤️
You should be a public speaker. Your story is so powerful and honest. Lessons need be learnt to protect them that protect us.
Yup
Very well said. 👍👍
I haven’t cried at a story in years and years, however the emotion that you portrayed describing this story moved me
It moved me as well.
Same
Same
As a dad of a 2 year old this made me cry uncontrollably. I'm not sure I would have recovered from something like that
Bless you Ben, I was in a crash in Spain in 01 were another British biker was killed by a bloke pushing him into the path of an oncoming car, the memory is as vivid today as it was on that day, it crushed / broke me, I had to retire at 45 from truck driving, I broke my marriage to the love of my life.
I've not worked since, being around people is difficult, shopping and seeing family and a bit of fishing is all I do now, most days are spent hiding indoors watching youtube videos and avoiding human contact. Mental illness is an invisible but very real condition that will strike anyone at any time.
Stevethe hardest thing you can do. I'm so isolated people don't know I'm here. Mental illness can kill you just like cancer and other diseases. I take babysteps how many times I have gone to food store. Only to turn around and leave but proud I made it that far. I'm here if you want to talk or ramble. Only have 1 person I can talk to and not sure if they fully understand. Take care of yourself
Get help. Don't waste yourself rerunning the event over and over. I've destroyed enough of my life doing this and turning inward.
All the best fella
Ben, I think it's really brave to make this video and I'm so sorry to hear about how badly this has affected you. My dad was in the police for 30 years and I've also had good friends in the fire service, I know all too well some of the horrible things that people witness in these jobs and the lasting images that they can leave. I think, certainly in the north anyway, that service people try to get through this with a lot of stoicism and a healthy amount of gallows humour but it does make me wonder just how full a lot of people's rucksacks are as you describe it. The jobs have to be done though, I suppose a certain amount of trauma is inevitable but maybe if people are encouraged to talk about it more it will lighten the burden a little as the years go by. On a lighter note your truck driver video cracked me up, I hope you have some more funny stories to share as well. With much respect, Ian.
My dad is a retired Police officer, he’s been diagnosed with both CPTSD and depression. I’ve seen him go from coping to going off the rails. He’s in a good place now, mental health stigma needs to end
Your dad is a hero :)
ive been so glad to have been seeing so many police and military men coming forward like this and on sites like lad bible talking about their troubles so many people look up to guys like ben and your dad as being like the pinnacle of men so seeing that theyre strong enough to open up should help men see that it alright to ask for help and it isnt showing weakness
Big up your old man. Thanks for sticking by him (know that seems pretty obvious since he's your old man) but you have no idea how strong a child's love is when your going through shit. Mine have honestly saved my life twice cause of my depression!
Your dad (and you) are legends... keep at it 💪👏
no wonder ..,,,serving a corrupt government must be disturbing
Liam upon reading your comment it showed that there is a road back to your Dads new normal.
You Dad is a hero, the universe was showing off when he was made.
Kind deeds change lives. It is very exhausting to claw your way back; however the Universe rewards the Brave.
Thank your Dad for his Service.
Sending warm regards and respect from Australia.
Sending you sunshine.
You should be immensely proud of yourself Ben. The lives you have touched in your 19 years of service. The strength and stoicism you have when talking about your mental health challenges. You are a proper example of a great man. Best wishes to you and yours Ben x
This video should be released on Channel 5 for mental health awareness because I’ve never heard something explained in a more relatable way regarding the rucksack. I will be taking a moment to give mine a spring cleaning. I shed quite a few tears watching this but I think there is some very valuable advice to be taken from it. Sending massive respect to Ben for even being able to talk about it and share things that are so personal and raw💕
As a serving traffic cop right now... I know exactly where you're coming from.
The police are appalling at offering help, Fatals never debriefed, just carry on to the next one, get the paperwork done and open the road.
I can see why it can break people..
Respect
@@richlee509 I was a serving Police Officer until a few years ago. I thought I could keep my 'backpack' nice and light by filling it with alcohol instead. The thing is, almost all of my colleagues (including my supervisors) knew exactly what this backpack was full of, and let me spiral out of control. Eventually I got sacked through what I was doing with alcohol. At the hearing for my dismassal, the Chief Constable said 'if he'd have asked for help, he would have got it'. Nice one Boss, great support. As a result, I have very little respect for the powers that be in the police any more.
@@Norton1531 sounds horrible, hope your future is better now
You're kidding, right? You don't get any support for events like that?
Who's the best person to complain too about that? You lot are as front line as it gets and should get any support you need.
@@Prod-23 nope you get nothing at all unless you ask for if or have a break down.
You deal with fatals including kids. Not a word is said after.. you just go home
I cried when you said that you tried to put the little boy’s death in your backpack and it wouldn’t fit. I know how that feels and it’s devastating. Thank you for having the courage to talk and please take care of yourself. 💜
Xxxxxxxxx❤️
I'm a grown man and I cried when Ben told us about the little boy. This was one of the reasons I haven't joined the police, I don't believe I'd be able to cope seeing things like that. I also couldn't deal with the criminal subsections of society. Ben, you'll have dealt with people that come from a completely different world, hidden out of view from most of the general public and see things that should never be seen.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you mate. For what you did during your time in police. For what you're doing now. Now it's time for you. Take care, over time I hope you can heal.
The backpack anaolgy hit home with me too. I had a breakdown a few years back. My analogy was like I was walking down a hallway trying to get out of a building, but every door I opened had a brick wall behind it. Then I just ran out of doors to open, as I'd opened them all and I had nowehere left to go, and nothing left to try, and I just crashed. The feeling of not being in control was scary. I thought I was weak for not being able to cope and that I was a failure. I was off work for many weeks. Luckily for me I got some help and my work colleagues were superb and never judged me. No one is weak or a failure, we all have our limits and when your emotional reserve is exhausted even the strongest will fall. Don't make the mistake I made and bottle it up until you crash. Recognise the symptoms and get help as soon as you can.
@@gixxerman69 Don't know quite why I stopped at yours to reply. Perhaps it is because your story makes you a bit less of a stranger to me. My camel's straw was 9/11. Up to then I had been (among other pursuits) a SAR (Search & Rescue)/Research diver & EMT for 30 years - seen/done a lot as you might expect. I too have a bag 'o crap.
That September, 5 thousand miles away in Hawaii, all I could do was watch. A few months later I found myself back at my parents house in Arizona, bouts of insomnia followed by sleeping for 18 hours straight - pacing back & forth in the backyard chain smoking my brother's cigarettes. My Dad, a retired pharmacist & former Army medic, would gently ask me how I was doing and always end with suggesting "just let me know" if I wanted to go see his best friend a very respected M.D.. For weeks I declined saying all I needed was some rest and to read more Joseph Campbell, Carl Jung, Zen, or whatever else he had in his library. Thinking I could fix it myself.
"Not being in control" - Luckily I eventually pulled my head out long enough to take my Dad up on his offer. Doc arranged for me to see an old classmate, a top neuro-psychologist in CA. I learned PTSD means pathways are eroded (burnt) in the brain. It becomes a physical/metabolic problem. Chemistry. Something you can't meditate, read, of self medicate yourself out of. You can run but you can't hide. Your bag is overflowing, can't put it down, can't ignore it. And it will eat you. You must admit you can't go it alone & reach out.
20 years later I've managed to heal & get on with life. But I'll never be the same. I have my moments. Once there was a breaking live news feed showing the rescue of a woman in an ice clogged river during a blizzard. She was dog paddling & every stroke was slower than the last. In a moment I realized I had jumped up in front of the TV sobbing, making anxious guttural animal sounds. I couldn't speak. Seems I'm over-sensitized to such things now. In 2011 during the Japan Sendai Tsunami. Brought closer to home hearing & witnessing the crash & roar of homes being destroyed below us in Kealakekua Bay 9 hours later. Plus my daughter is 1/2 Japanese & we have family there. She has been my anchor. 8 years old then. I told her I was having a rough time not being able to go there & help. She said, "Papa don't worry. In Japan they have expert people just like you. And they have lots of them."
My daughter rescued her Dad that day. In fact everyday since she came to be. Aloha.
im in my sitting room rn just crying uncontrollably, just feeling so awful for this guy whos a literal hero. i wish i could just remove the pain he's felt and is feeling it's horrible how the best people can suffer. i wish him all the best.
Ben, I really hope you are doing well. I don't normally write on these, but I had to say that we are not alone. Myself similar to you joined the force in 2001, I also found that, that rucksack just kept filling up to the point there just wasn't any room anymore and just got heavier with each shift I did. It got to the point where I eventually also just broke...
Everything you said, I was able to relate to. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD and all that comes with it..
No longer in the force now, after 16 years of service...
I just wanted to wish you all the best really...
This was the hardest video I’ve had to watch in a long time. I’m calling my GP tomorrow because my backpack is getting too heavy lately. Thank you for this video, and thank you for your service.
Do it! Don't put it off. I did... for over 30 years... caused me to have depression to the point of me planning my own suicide and a series of heart attacks. Been in therapy for 2 years. Ben's story is almost a perfect reflection of my own.
@@philklinkenberg1130 How did you get though it? I'm in a similar position.
@@nataliefisher7961 It was incredibly difficult to take the first step, but once it was out it became easier to talk about. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it gets easier once the first hurdle(admittimg that you have a problem) has been crossed I found that talking to people with similar experiences or difficulties became just as important as a fully qualified shrink. No-one of any importance will think less of you. If someone in your circle of family and freinds does look down their nose at you, cut them loose, that's unneccesary baggage that no-one needs. I no longer worry about things that seemed so important for so long. Please, if you are having difficulties coping, seek proffesional help.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. This man is a true human being. Thankyou for having such a big heart 🙂
My backpack overflowed wen I was about 17/18 years old. I tried to commit suicide in front of a massive audience cos I thought no one will notice except I forgot my baby siblings and hearing them screaming while I drown myself is something no one ever wants to experience. I didn’t wanna die but I just wanted to stop feeling the way I was feeling. 2 years later now, am a bit better but still struggling but know how to cope wiv it. I have my bad days and good days but hearing this just reminded me that I still have a reason to keep going and that we all have our own stories. Thank you so much for sharing this and I know this was a struggle to record but your helping more people by telling your story than you might know ❤️❤️❤️
Just remember there's people out there who love you and would live in pain even like living in a nightmare if you were to kill yourself,you are in a bad way feeling down but imagine your loved ones after you kill yourself,THAT is feeling down my friend and it doesn't get any better
Hope your doing ok, sometimes I just sit down when I'm having a bad day and say to myself, I suppose this is what makes the good days better lol. PTSD is so hard to deal with, you can be doing great for hrs, days maybe weeks or months then in a flash, your in that moment physically, emotionally, mentally, completely engulfed and overwhelmed with trauma !
Staying occupied helps me
wHen
Lol 😂
@@zeroalpha2912 what exactly do you find funny there dickhead?
I trained a guy up at my old job he was an ex police officer who retired because in his own words “ I just couldn’t do it anymore” we spent 4 days out in the road together some of the stories he told me really stuck with me so I can’t imagine what it’s really like to deal with hands on. Big big respect for talking about it and I hope it makes it easier for you
Front line workers are all at risk. I worked as a social worker for over 20 years in child protection. I got PTSD too. It took a long time to manage my symptoms. I have never worked again. I still get nightmares etc. I can really identify with his struggle. Any further trauma is ubearable, and it starts all over again, I get psuedo seizures I broke my ankles legs and elbows (lack of concentration) and wet the bed every night for 5 years from nightmares. Panic attacks are bloody awful. It has caused family issues which are not resolved. I live alone with no friends and never go out. I sued the government for not protecting me, and won, but i'd rather have my life back. Keep going lad you are still a young man. Good luck.
Thank you for sharing your story, you were amazing on interceptors and you should be extremely proud of your 19 years service. Think of the lives you saved, the people you helped, the people who got their property back because of the work you and your team did.stay frosty and crack on as we say in Yorkshire
Cheers buddy. Never thought of it that way before. X
@@BenPearson1965 👍👍 top banana bloke 👍👍
@@BenPearson1965 It took real bravery to tell your story, how the job took its toll. It's not a job I ever could take lightly, but in those 19 years you made such a difference to others. Even if you know it or not, we are truly grateful for it all; and you are still making a difference now, advocating the importance mental health and sharing your stories, good bad or daft. Good on you Ben.
I couldn’t watch this whole thing. By 11:45 I’m writing this and closing it. It’s like someone sitting in front of me describing shit I’m covering up in my own life and it’s too real for half 2 in the afternoon on a Thursday whilst travelling for work. I’m thankful for this video because when I’m in my own space later on, I’ll be coming back and using it as my own wake up call 😳
Don’t be afraid to stick your hand up and ask for help. I emailed occupational health, it too, them four days to get back to me, in the meantime I rang my own Doctor who signed me off immediately when she heard the stuff I was talking to her about and the issues it gave me. Reach out and get help, don’t suffer, it’s not healthy.
Chin up bud won't always be such a struggle
joey , hang in there man, you not alone.xxx
Joey, Hit me at the perfect moment in my life! I have been dealing with PTSD plus chronic back pain for 26 years! I have no 1 but myself to either decide to live or do an overdose to end all this Depression & the Darkness that comes with it! So each day I have to decide whether to try 1 more day or just overdose & be over with it! This man is very encouraging for people like myself! Blessings to all who are in the same PLACE!
Hang in there Joey!
The fact that you recognise things are wrong is a huge step.
Help is out there.
I'm ex criminal justice. Retired with untreatable PTSD. PROUD OF YOU BEN.
Thank you for this. You’ve made me realise I need help, as my bag has been overflowing for years now. I’ve been hoarding these bad emotions, images and the flashbacks - and have never been ‘man-enough’ to admit it all and confront my own mentality, until this video.
I thank you Ben, for helping me.
👊🏻👍🏻
My backpack overflowed about 14 years ago, I attempted to end my life. My backpack is still heavy but I’ve learned to carry it. I cried when you told your story, you were strong as a police officer, you were strong as a son doing the right thing for your mum, you didn’t become weak when you “snapped” your body said I can’t carry anymore. You are still strong and you have shown this by sharing your story and teaching others that it’s ok to need help. Stay strong and love on your babies, god bless you x
I don’t get it why backpack overflowed
I hope your doing well
I was a victim of an awful crime and you guys gave me so much strength. As someone with PTSD it’s about time police offices get the same support and recognition for mental health etc as soldiers. X
Absolutely.
Soldiers dont get much support hence there being so many problems with mental health with the forces.
Worst idea I ever had , worst job I did .boring , know support .
Rta, I went to, legs below knees chopped off, also first suicide.
Soldiers don't get hardly any support. But I agree there should be alot more support for them
Ben, so open and honest, thank you for brining mental health to the forefront. There is no stigma to it, there really is only so much the body can take, and those in the emergency services, armed forces, are amongst those who carry the heaviest burdens
Iv got to say iv never been a big fan off police but after sitting watching your videos iv so much respect for what yous do people don't like to actually think of what yous deal with day in and day out I hope making these videos help you with your ptsd and I hope others that watch this sees what sh** yous need to deal with
Ben, that has been one of the most powerful,emotional and genuinely honest words I have ever heard. It takes guts to put your hand up and admit for help. Mental illness is a crippling silent disease that many underestimate. Absolutely total respect for you, not just for your professional commitment to protect us when we need help, but for being able to completely open up and ask for help. By doing this your rucksack becomes lighter bit by bit.
I worked for the ambulance service almost 30 years ago. One night a voice in my head told me I had to get out and I quit. I still have thoughts about that time almost everyday. But, life gets better and it is joyful. Take care.
Thank you Chris xx
my stepdads a paramedic infact features on inside the ambulance hes proud of the work he does and so are we all but you can see it gets to him and has changed him
my eternal thanks goes to all emergency services workers who take on the tireless work to make us all safe who carrys theese burdons every day so we all may sleep safe at night
@Multidimensional God Yes. Some didn't hear that voice. 😞
You are a wonderful human being and I feel so proud of you. I really hope that this gets played at every station as part of their training. They let you down but hopefully they can also learn from you. Really really wish you love and happiness for you and your family
You tube has many 'hard watches' this was the toughest of all.
Huge respect to Ben and to all frontline workers running to things we would all run away from.
Indeed... I found this very much a "hard watch"..... I've been a fireman (only for two years) but I never saw the horrors this guy did.
I know now...I was lucky..... Most of us are.
Had a nervous breakdown 30 years ago over something that happened in my personal life. Even now it lingers in a corner of my mind and rears it's head when I see certain issues on the news or tv.
I commend you Ben for making these videos, really hope they enable others to seek help and are cathartic for you. Take care.
Ben, I'm so thankful for what you and the police force do. October 29th 2021, I dialed 999, I wasn't sure if I'd get help, my step dad had physically assaulted me, I was hurt, I was petrified, I was almost impossible to understand. The two officers that came were beyond amazing, they had one with him and my mum, she sided with my step dad, I had one with Me, I just wanted help, I got it. You and all of your colleagues are true heroes, I'm sorry if I'm not making all that much sense, I'm basically trying to thank you and the metropolitan police for helping me and many others in our times of need, for running head first into danger while we all run away, thank you. 💙
This was truly heartbreaking to watch and I hope your able to get the help you need to move forward and heal. Thank you for your service, Ben
Thanks for sharing Ben. Hearing this story of sadness is heart wrenching. I can't help but wonder about the amazing experiences you must have had also as a policeman, and the positive influence you would have had on other peoples lives. You come across as such a kind soul, the world needs more people like you mate.
You’re so brave Ben. Thank you for realising in yourself you don’t have to carry things and thank you for helping to raise awareness for people
Ben Your such a brave soul telling us about this. Never be ashamed of crying your human like the rest of us.
You’re a legend! So brave for telling this difficult story. Hope you enjoy your well deserved retirement! 💪🏼 Thank you for being an asset to the force 🥺
Love watching police interceptors, and really enjoyed watching you, particularly as part of the 2 Ben's. Just want to say you have an engrossing story telling ability, and you're really brave speaking about your experiences.
Mate, honestly felt everyword really heart touching and for you to tell the story in that detail and not keep it in, takes heart. Stay strong. 💪
Oh Ben , im so sorry about you having retire . I have watched every one , almost , of Police Interseptors . I have watched since it was Road Wars . I was a Special Constable myself many years ago . We see only tge good parts , proberbly . We dont see the personal side of it . I will continue to watch , thats mainly what i watch on television . I have always had a respect and admiration for the Police . I have noticed that some of the films were filmed in 2018/19 . I hope your collegues are all ok , i almost feel i know you all , i have watched so many films . My husband passed away in 2018 , we both enjoyed watching the films . God bless you , and your ex colleagues . Take care .
Ben, this is heartbreaking & I couldn’t imagine everything you’ve been through. I can’t relate to the things you’ve been through but I can in a different way. I was in the military & I have been suffering mental health issues ever since I left & stumbling across your RUclips channel & listening to your story’s show that I’m not the only person that has these demons. Your a true hero in what you’ve done & Opened my eyes to needing to speak out more, getting the right help. Thank you for making this RUclips channel & doing what you’ve done to protect people & I’m sure this has helped a lot of people out there to get the help they truly need and not to be afraid of speaking up & having the “man up” rubbish everyone gets told. Thank you
Really enjoying these videos, Ben. Very moving stuff. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours. You're a good guy.
I am so sorry for all of your pain. You are genuinely the strongest person I have ever watched. I am so happy you feel comfort making these videos, sharing your stories makes all the viewers grateful for our lives. Keep pushing man - you are more heroic than you will ever know x
This was so amazing and so powerful, as someone with PTSD mysef. I cant imagine how something like that would effect you and I am so utterly sorry you had to go through that. Your videos are so inspiring and have made me feel less alone in my battle. Thank you, for your service, and thank you for all the lives you did save. I appreciate and understand your sacrifice. ❤️
I pray Ben that your ruck sack is getting lighter each day. I worry about my daughter being so young and in the force seeing the things most people of her age shouldn't see. She doesn't speak to us about her job. I just hope there is someone she can go and talk to if she needs to.
FairPlay this had me in tears, having mental health myself I can feel you, your a strong man, you can do this! thank you for your service! you deserve a medal!
Fair play to him doing his job which I couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard it truly is. Hope he gets the help he needs
There are no words I can put to this to explain the feelings it generates Ben, honestly I’m so so sorry you not only had to go through that horrific job that broke you, but everything leading up to it which filled your backpack until it was full.
As many have said on this comment thread, you are most certainly not broken, but you do need help which you have said you are actively getting. Thankfully the stigma around mental health is getting better as time goes on, but it’s still way off of where it needs to be. VLOGS (is that even a word these days?!) like this are a great way to reach out to people and say “look, it’s okay to not be okay, but you need to address it and get help”.
Take care mate
Top man Ben, brilliant video. You’re helping thousands come to terms with their struggles. True inspiration.
Watched most of your videos, they're genuinely emotional, massive respect to you for putting this out there ✌
Well done Ben, it takes great courage and personal insight to open up and speak truthfully about inner feelings, emotions, doubts and fears. I just want to say "Thank You" for your selfless Service as a Police Officer. You are once again helping others by making these videos. Best Wishes Ben to you and your family, the future will prove you have made the right decision to retire and change direction.
Ben. I’ll keep this brief.
That was the most heartfelt and similar story to mine.
All the best mate and thanks for the service you did.
Ben - thank you for sharing this. This is one of the most emotional and helpful videos I’ve ever seen. I’ve just been accepted into my local police force and am due to start in the summer. The stones in the backpack analogy is so helpful. Hope you’re doing okay mate 👍🏼
You're an amazing person and everyone who has watched this video has the utmost respect for everything you have given. Stay safe and keep looking after yourself mate ❤
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. As a member of the public I often forget how much you do for us. My father was a fireman and suffered PTSD but was never diagnosed. I am so grateful to you and all of your colleagues. I hope you manage to find some peace and you can learn to live again
I have so much respect for you Ben and all that you have had to carry. You're a brave dude, I'm trying to join a force and you've been a big inspiration.
I really hope you can enjoy your family time now. Thank you for your service.
Absolutely love that RUclips recommend me this video! Loved you on interceptors Ben i didn't know that you had retired under such sad circumstances... you were a fantastic police man. From a fellow bradfordian thank you for everything yu have done. I cannot imagine being in your shoes for this incident.. I remember when it happened. My little boy is 2 and a half and I cannot imagine how it must have felt for his parents losing him like that. Hats off to you. I have nothing but respect and admiration for you. the pressure you have been put under in this job.. wow.. I dont know how you did it for so long. Life is not easy and having to deal with the things you've seen on top.. You are a hero 💖 I have totally subscribed and put on my Bell 🔔 so i don't miss anything. x
Incredibly brave to share mate. Tuned in from Australia. Had me on the brink if tears. I understand exactly how you felt/feel. I never thought of it like the backpack, but now that makes perfect sense to me. Thankyou for sharing
Your story is absolutely heartbreaking, Ben. Thank you for your service❤️
Thanks for sharing, Ben, literally crying listening to this. While my experiences pail in significance I genuinely understand the mental processes... anyone with an ounce of genuine compassion would feel the same.
Your honesty and frankness with regard to mental illness has helped me a lot. Thank you 🙏 Your stories are so good to listen to - plus you’re helping others too - so please keep doing these vids as they without doubt have real value and that’s an amazing thing ! Cheers Ben. With wishes. 😎
Ben you are an amazing bloke and it takes so much to speak out like this that was so emotional but we're all here to help you and support you and thank you for being a hero
Absolute hero. The love for u mate is unreal.. had me in tears stay safe pal love from liverpool ❤️
This was powerful, and quite difficult to watch, at the same time, difficult for you to speak about this too.
I wish you all the best, and I hope you are receiving all the best help as possible.
Thank you so much for your service, This recording shows you the pain, feelings and emotions you’ve gone through.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Thank you again for opening up and sharing with the world a huge part of your life.
This video is very very touching, massive respect to you.
Edit: There’s no need to apologise at all for being upset, we fully understand the reasons why.
You’re so brave.
Thank you so much for sharing this Ben; you're an inspiration by coming here and sharing your experiences whether they are good, bad, funny or upsetting.
I think it clearly demonstrates not only how hard it must have been but how it changed you as a person not only during the incident with the child but your whole career. Our lives and paths are vastly different but I can relate certainly with some of the things you have said, especially with being a skeleton of the person you were.
It's my opinion that those of us who have suffered trauma will never forgot what happened but we can learn to cope with it and ultimately live a life that is more honest because we know what the other side looks like. Stay safe Ben and thank you once again.
I am hooked on your every word, and am totally blown away by your empathetic and kind nature! I really look forward to more videos because you relay your experience in such a way that I almost feel I am there x
Big respect for this Ben, I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to talk about all this. Your attitude and how you’re trying to help other people who are suffering is commendable. I hope you get yourself sorted mate and learn how to live with what’s happened, you deserve a happy life for everything you’ve done. Take care of yourself bud.
Thank you for sharing this, Ben. This is the most powerful video I’ve ever seen on mental health. The fact that you used your platform to share it confirms that even though you’ve retired, your at least as brave now as when you were a police officer.
I can’t imagine the pain, this bought me to tears. I have PTSD myself from attempting to help a young female down from a suicide, that broke me as a person but seeing a young child how you described would of been too much for me I can’t imagine that pain and heartache. Thank you for sharing about the emotions and numbness, the tears etc. Reminds me I’m not alone. Thank you for your time, Thank you for wearing that uniform and helping people.
Fair play to you Ben. I was a CSO with West Yorks and remember seeing you around a fair few times. Serving bobby now but looking at getting out. It's a difficult thing to stand up and say you're struggling and I wish more would do it before they do something awful to themselves, so much respect to you for being able to go public. Wishing you all the best, enjoy your life out of the job and focus on yourself now!
My word bought tears to my eyes and to be able to talk bout that story, we as the public don’t realise what officers deal with in the lives n work lives
This really had me in tears, we are all human. And the things these officers see must be so horrific. Well done for speaking up and helping others to do the same.
Massive respect to you for talking about things Ben. I take my hat off to you sir.
So happy I stumbled across your channel. I’m absolutely captivated! I’ve suffered badly with mental health problems and the hardest part was that hopeless pit you find yourself been dragged into. There’s no light down there at all and you feel like you may never escape but it’s people like yourself that have the bravery to speak up and connect with other people suffering that gives us a glimmer of light, of hope. Thank you Ben.
Ben I watched every episode you did. I’m so sorry for what you have been thru. My ex husband was a firefighter and he left that job because of stress and it also ended our marriage. You are so courageous to speak out and to be honest real and raw. I think all these services need so much more support and debriefing that would help. I had a baby at the time and it was so difficult. I send you loads of love respect and strength.love leisa Western Australia xxx
Hi you. Thank you and hope it’s sunny and warm down there. Keep pushing!
Complete respect to you Ben for your honesty, dignity, selflessness and service. Our Service personnel (domestic and military) are so woefully under-rated and under-respected. Proper and full mental health support for all our veterans is absolutely paramount and the very least you are owed.
I’ve only just stumbled across this channel,
I love the content, the serious stuff is needed, the more lite hearted content are golden!
Good lad 👍🏻
The way you describe this is so, so spot on. You put into words what I’ve felt for years, even that point where you feel something physically snap inside. And the backpack. It’s the accumulation, the overflow, and suddenly you just can’t function. I really hope people who are starting to struggle take notice and get help, keep asking until they get it. Pretending you are okay, trying to soldier on, is not sustainable. Wishing you everything good. You are such a lovely person ❤️
Your one brave human to tell your story . The job you loved is the job that broke you us the public dont realise what crap you see . You should be so proud for telling your story .
Huge Thankyou for this. While I’m not a Police Officer or even classed as Emergency Services. ( I’m a womble ), I have sadly had to attend my fair share of fatals and attempted and successful Suicides in my years out on the slab.
Not only is this video a immensely brave thing to post, it’s also the BEST description of the emotional baggage and build up of PTSD that everyone who works in our areas are exposed to. So much so, I have pointed our mental health first aiders to this video as it can’t be described any better.
There are several parts that I can directly relate to, the feeling of complete exhaustion heading into work, regardless of how much rest you have had. The change in diet, the complete lack of feeling towards those you love and the almost crippling worry that something will happen to your loved ones.
I really hope you manage to find peace and get the help you need and are after, and that this process helps you a bit. But your mates are always there, talk, scream, shout. Do whatever you need to, so you can release this emotional hell. And hopefully start to empty that damn rucksack.
Good luck with the future and I truly hope everything works out well in the end.
Ben, I have no words.
You’ve done a job I could never do or understand. Be proud that you stepped forward to look after and protect all of us. Be very proud.
Ben. Thank you for sharing this. I've been dealing with road death for nearly 12 years as a FLO and FCI. Your story resonates with massively. I really hope that over time it becomes easier for you. Be very proud of the service you give and the service you continue to give by sharing these stories.
I don’t usually comment on videos but this really hit home for me watching this Ben thank you for doing this video
What makes this video more powerful is the fact that you were so great on TV and it was awesome being able to watch you and all your colleagues over the years. But you'd never know this was happening deep inside you and it's sad to think that you were feeling like this but still trying to keep face.
It's so great that you've spoken about it.
Thank you for going to all the road traffic calls you went to, Ben. I've only witnessed the aftermath of one bad one, and it was right on the edge of what I can handle. I hope you feel better as time goes on.
Thank you for sharing these stories Ben. You are a wonderful man and are helping many people by talking through your pain. This in turn will help you over time. Thank you.
You have to respect this man for speaking about this so candidly. A reminder for all of us, to appreciate the people around us, our children and life in general.
I’ve been in the job just over 2 years now, I went to a 2 month old baby death some months ago now and my backpack is filling up along with other things I’ve dealt with within the job, can imagine what you’ve been in 19 years. Thank you for sharing and showing the other side of the police that no one else see’s.
This video moved me very much thank you for everything you've went through for us and you have a beautiful way of describing mental illness. I'm glad you're still here.
Amazingly powerful and emotive story Ben. Very brave to open up like this and no doubt will help many who stumble across this video. Take care
I rarely comment on videos on here, but what a guy! You’re only human and still feel the same and bleed the same, no matter how much you push yourself to be invincible. Subscribed to your channel now, loving the brutal honesty. Keep it up mate, you’re doing an amazing thing
So inspirational. As someone who suffered PTSD, and still suffer anxiety and depression, I can tell how much weight you’re carrying and the pain you have. So much respect for you for speaking about it. It’s weird how we feel like robots and carry on even though we don’t want to. I’d find myself breaking down on the way to and from work and no one else would be none the wiser. So much respect for you.
Great video Ben, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. The weight of your backpack has helped lessen the load on many other people's backs.