I appreciate that you have put yourself out there for the haters to criticize and judge so the rest of us who have walked this path, can see it all more clearly. My son leaving our family with a text message was the most traumatic event of my life. The aftershocks are real! 3 years since he left, and I am finally feeling joy again.
Keep on doing what you are doing here Diane. We are some parents who respect you and appreciate what you have to say. Do not let the haters get to you. I'll be 60 in January so I have been around for a while. I'm not entirely estranged but almost. I leave my son be now. I cannot waste anymore tears on him. His choice. Not mine. I'm healthy so I have to live the next 20 or 25 years of my life for me. I gave my son all my love and all my time. His loss. Not mine. 4 years of nearly no contact estrangement it does something to us parents too. We are not the same as before. They the kids have hurt us too much for one lifetime. No more. Leave that boy at peace me and my dog we do our own thing and when the old dog my son's dog by the way dies I'm going travelling big time. Hope you and Ted are both well.
Tina, thank you for sharing your experience, and thank you for your kindness. It means so much. Enjoy your golden years, and start a RUclips channel when you go traveling so that I can follow along... 😍
I'm estranged from my Mom and it's very hard. I follow your channel so I can try to understand her perspective although it's more that she has not reached out to me so a different situation. I have thought about writing her a letter but if there is no response, I know how much that would hurt. I know you said your daughter initially wrote you a letter and I can't remember your exact words, but you seem to think she was venting or something and never really addressed it. Have you thought about re-reading the letter and trying to non-confrontationally, address her concerns? It may be too late at this point. I recently joined a group for estranged parents and adult children. I see many parents so angry and saying if their children won't speak to them, they are cutting them out of their wills. Would love to know your thoughts on this. If my Mom passes and I find out she cut me out, I believe it would make me feel even more resentful towards here but of course I won't know til that happens. Thanks for sharing.
Sunset, thank you for sharing your perspective, I appreciate it. I did write a letter back eventually, but I never heard back. The will is a personal choice. I can see parents going either way, and it really depends on the kind of legacy you want to leave behind.
@@estrangedparents Thanks for responding. I keep watching. Even thought it's a different situation, it does help because at the end of the day, we're all trying to heal from this. Thanks.
@sunsetatshabooms4558 , I have one of those mothers. Two years into estrangement (I did not cut her off, she stonewalled me for the last time, spanning over the course of my 49 years), and 2 weeks before the entire family was to travel several states away for MY daughter's wedding, she had an Attorney send me a certified letter, removing me as Power of Attorney and ALL MATTERS of Will and Trust, relating to all matters.
RESILIENCE Though bowed, you are not broken. Though stretched, you're strong, my friend. You are resilient like a willow - You'll find your spring again. Though your branches now weigh heavy, Your roots go deep and true. This is just a change of season - God has better plans for you. by: Sharon Hudnell
Diane and other estranged parents out there, I will not pretend to know what happened in your family. I will not sit behind a screen and call you a narcissist. I will also not give you blind love and support. I will tell you what I know from the other side of estrangement. Going no contact is the hardest thing I've ever done. It was not done out of nowhere and it was a last resort. Of course the person going no-contact is not perfect. As a human being, we are all trying to better ourselves. But there is no healing in abusive or toxic relationships. I think to certain extent you know what you should do. I can assure you after that breaking point between parent and child, the only way to get that relationship back is to listen to what your child is telling you. Hear her side, hear how she felt and how this affected her. Truly understand what she is telling you and than change those behaviors you have. Improve upon yourself. If these behiors never change, your relationship, or lack-there-of, will never change. Diane, I see your very active in your comments. I hope this message reaches your eyes.
@@Vddhvjoffj what were the reasons for you going no contact if you don’t mind me asking? Obviously don’t expect you to release harmful experiences but would be interesting to know the general cause of your decision to go no contact with your parent? You say “abusive and toxic” how did this manifest itself?
@@tinygold772 I don't think you could call any of it a "general cause". It's built up over many years. I am an open book, but there is so much that went into my decision to go no contact.
@@tinygold772I’m not fully no contact yet because it’s too hard. But so is talking to them. My earliest memory is my dad choking my brother because my brother allowed our newborn baby sister to cry. This woke my father up from a nap. He was always very angry if he was woken up before he wanted. He had a cocaine addiction my whole childhood I did not discover until age 18, but it explained so much. I wanted to leave to go stay with my friend for a few weeks when I found out, he said “if you go you aren’t my daughter anymore.” I still don’t know why it mattered so much if I wanted to spend a couple weeks with a friend. But I listened to what he said and I left. It’s never been the same after he said that, especially because he apologized with this: “I’m sorry, it was in the heat of the moment.” As if him saying that was not a culmination of how he’s treated me for 18 years. We still talk because I can’t bring myself to fully cut them out. But he never listens when I want to bring up deeper talks. Continuing to see him and text him so obligatory is damaging our relationship horribly. But my mother was none of these things. She supported him though. And if my mother were to blast me wanting to go no contact online, for everyone to see, liking comments that call me selfish while I’m just trying to figure out who I even am…. Well, I’m glad she didn’t, because I truly do think there’s still hope for her and I’s relationship. I know it hurts I don’t text her or call very often but it’s so I can come back to her ready after I have healed from what my father did. She would never put me on blast like this. Damn. This account is making me realize my mother actually loves me, because I know she would never ever do this to me….
This comment is gorgeous. Thank you so much for being so kind and for explaining what could be her next step so eloquently. Not many people going after her are doing that. I love this comment, and I hope that you continue to heal from your own trauma. ❤️ Sending you a hug!
@@yolandaponkers1581 I'm so glad my message is getting across to some people. So much hurt could be avoided by having meaninful conversations. Thank you for your kind wishes and I gladly accept your hug! ❤ I wish you the best as well.
That’s all we can do is wish them the best & let go. They deserve respect for their decisions & even if it breaks our hearts their hearts are the only ones that matter as I have read multiple posts, comments & etc. is the one thing I have noticed it’s a no win situation, many estranged children have a requirement for no compromises whatsoever it basically their way or the highway & the moment you start trying to jump through hoops believing that there’s a chance of reconciliation they will continue a barrage of hoops for you to jump through using emotional blackmail to get you to bow down to them & it took me a long while to figure this out. I walked on egg shells for far too long knowing that if I said or did anything that suddenly if they wanted to use that as a weapon against me & I was always being picked apart & put through the blender. Finally it’s worn me down & I can respectfully let the decision that has been made stand based upon their decision. That was tough to do but I finally worked through it.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I'm glad you're finding your path to healing. Walking on eggshells can only go on so long, and you're right, it's a no-win situation.
I remember something you said in an earlier video,about you have been watshing her a littlebit and found out about that she has got autism/adhd diagnoeses.I know a lot about that topic,because i have it myselfe and lots og friends and family tends to be the same.And what I want to say is that people with that kind of diagnoses tend to obsess over things,and they become overhvelmingly big and out of proportions.So many young people with this kind of mentality can obsess over things that happened in the childhood,and normal lifeexperiences can feel traumatic for them,but for people around will maybe not even notice. Big fieelings of getting misunderstood,and being overdramatic over minor things(what the people around see)Thoes experiences over time accumilating and resulting in wanting to go away.And then the person overthink and obsess and the feeling of not beeng understood is terrible.I remember when i was little i was so sensitive,that only a look could have a devastating effect,and giving me panic attack.With that kind of things in mind,you can hurt someone without even knowing it and that is a real mindfuck.And then you maybe having it too without knowing,masking all your life.And when she, your doughter have more words for it and finding herself,and maybe you are more like each other than you think...Thoes kind of things I have seen a lot and they cause deep misunderstandings.And there is hope my cousin estranged her family for 8 years,and after understandig things about herself and a manipulative husbandcontrolling her and isolatinh her from her family.Manipulating her to belive it was her mother that fucked her up,when in reality it was him...They,my cousin is finnally reunited with the family,and she now fighting over her custody with her psykopatic ex...Its so many things that maybe is happening that is not your foulgt at all,maybe,and let the time tell....
I have 5 adult sons; & each one has become distanced like boys do, but there is a difference between cold estrangement & distance. My heart is so guarded now. I'm afraid I blew it with my youngest son yesterday because him & his wife/baby rarely stop by. When they do it's only for a short time on way to her parent's house. After waiting 2 hrs; I cancelled & left the house; probably rubbed him wrong way, but just over the breadcrumbs
I'm so sorry. If it rubbed him the wrong way to bad, your time is important even if they act like it's not! They should show more respect. It's sad. Hope it gets better for you. God bless you.
@@lmccauley7319 Thank you! I had embroidered a gift for the baby so I texted him if I should just mail it - he said yes; & they only live 10 miles away! It sealed the deal for me that he has no intention of stopping by anytime soo; even though her family is not far from me, & they are there every week:(
I recently loss my Mom haven't seen my 3 adult sons in 3 years. They came to the funeral with there wives and never said anything to me or their stepfather. It has been hard not only dealing with my Mom's death but the hurt of them ignoring us with all the pain I was going through.I was getting on with my life now I feel like I'm back to square one😢
Greta, my heart goes out to you. Marginalization is no easy thing to handle especially during a time of extreme grief. Prayers for you as you deal with all of this.
Ive got one estranged and think thats bad,,,,, but my heart really goes out to you having three that way... God bless you and take care of yourself....
Greta, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and your sons. You are dealing with grief on multiple fronts, and it will take time to process. Be kind to yourself most of all... 💕
@@giab1188 I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been crying all day. Every day I see my neighbors adult children popping in to see their parents MULTIPLE times a day and every weekend with bbq’s etc. I’m so happy for them , yet it kills me at the same time. I have C-PTSD and ALL the trauma I went through is nothing compared to this. I guess all we can do is keep going forward and learn along the way. I’ll be keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. Let’s make it a better day! 🥹💪🏽🙌
I would love to have a close relationship with my father. When I was 16, he left and started a new life. No financial or emotional support, absolutely 0!! At 21 my mom passed away suddenly and I have longed for a relationship with my father. He is not able to reciprocate anything. I’ve tried over the years, we have no bond. The small superficial text is always about him and what he’s doing or the struggles in his life. He has never gotten to know me or care about me. I would kill to have a loving and caring parent that is actually interested in me! I know deep down he has a burning hate for me. He was emotionally and verbally abusive and neglectful, yet I tried. I have accepted it now.
@@JonelleK that’s your dad’s inner burden. What was his childhood like? Keep space and try to solve the question of ‘why is he behaving this way’? You are a witnessing the result of your dad’s trauma. You are worthy and a healed dad would be able to express his love for you. Don’t take it to heart, as difficult as that is, but know you deserved perfect parents. We all did.
Not sure that blaming the young adult in how they interpreted things is helpful. We are the parents. Imo healing starts and ends w us, w the child being the responder to us. Our adult children may never reach out again or forgive us, but as a parent we can’t rely or expect our children to be the ones carrying the bag for reconciliation. My own parents were reached out to constantly to try to counsel/ resolve past hurts. We all had blatant neglect/abuse. Yet it was we adult children that craved relationship w them for decades-but yet…zero acknowledging of any of their part, nor any discussion of the past. They always reacted and never initiated or responded with anything but “huh, wha, it’s your fault you misinterpreted us.” They NEVER reached out to heal anything after all of us experienced legitimate painful abuse. Instead of attempting to heal we were blamed. My own kids Ive reached out to apologize for any anything I said/did that contributed to strained relationship. If my own parents would have taken 2 min to communicate any compassion/responsibility for ANYTHING I would have run headlong into resolving and into a relationship with some meaning and closeness. But No. nothing from them. No time for us. Our fault we interpreted things wrong. I still tried but was met with anger about all sorts of things. So sad older people don’t see how short life is. They’re both gone now. So thankful this channel understands this. Thank you for your candidness about things.
These videos helps many many parents. Even if our children see these videos , they may understand how many parents are hurting , because 5he society allows the kids to forget how we all love them and how they are hurting us. I am not talking about abusive parents. Most of us are good parents.
Family isn't always a source of unconditional love and support. Sometimes, the very people who should nurture and protect us become a source of profound pain and trauma. In such cases, where reconciliation seems impossible and every interaction leaves lasting emotional scars, the choice of no contact becomes a lifeline. It's a brave declaration that one's mental and emotional well-being takes precedence over societal expectations of familial obligation. No contact is not about erasing the past but about reclaiming control over one's future. It's a testament to the human spirit's resilience and the inherent right to prioritize self-preservation, even if it means severing ties with those who brought us into the world.
I was working 3rd Shift as a single mom and I was told by my daughter I was in a very nice person when she was a teenager but she wasn't very nice person I thought
Thank you so much for your videos directed at all of us hurting parents dealing with estrangement of our child or children, even grandchildren. You have helped me so much. This was the most traumatic experience I have ever endured. There was such a major depression and I tried the support groups, and they seemed to all be drowning together, and it wasn't helping me keep my head above water. I was very suicidal when I found your videos and having been cut off from my grandchildren that I was such a huge part of helping my daughter and had put my life on hold helping her for 15 years and now over her new religion and new marriage I have become an outcast? So all these years of physical, financial, and emotional investment into helping, loving, and serving her and her children now, I have become shunned over her religious views? All these years, I was above suitable as a mom and grandma, so was that just a total lie? Was this a case of me just being USED by my daughter? Your videos have really helped me cope, move toward healing, and feel a sense of emotional support! Thank you for being brave enough to come out and be a face for this subject that can feel so shameful for parents.
Violet, I'm so sorry for your losses, it's hard. Thanks also for sharing your experience and for your kind words... It's a difficult journey, but you can heal, and after all you've given to others, you absolutely deserve to pursue peace and joy in your life. It's there, you got this!
Thank you for another great video. You have no idea how much you have helped me. It is also consoling to know that I'm not alone. I found this out thanks to you; it has made me feel much better. God bless.
@@sonicleaves I'm truly sorry for that. No child should ever hear those words. No matter how old you are. I hope you have been able to find another person to fill that role for. Love and prayers
Your words about grief resonate with me, especially when you touch on people who don't get it, pull away or disappear. Going through a divorce after 20 years, catapulted me into grief, not just a loss to me, but a death. No one really understood the depth of my feelings. I have great empathy for what you and your husband have gone through, and quite frankly, mean people with mean comments, or professionals who do not know you, should keep their opinions to themselves. I don't get the impression that you are a really good actor. You are genuine, and it is obvious. Thank-you for your heartfelt honesty. I wish you well on your journey.
Good advice. I cried non stop for three weeks. My hair started falling out. I was shell-shocked. I stayed home with my 4 children homeschooling them in many subjects. They collude with each other. I know that i have to move on. There is a freedom in estrangement. I hope to become useful to others even though i am in my 70's. Your blog helps me with my sadness. Thank you.
As someone who was homeschooled and who knows many homeschooled people: good. That’s usually a sign of an overly controlling parent, very happy for your kids
Sorry, I had to stop your video. It hit hard, I thought I was ok to listen but it triggered and I sit here crying. I will come back to it later, obviously I need to work through some things. Thank you so much for your support and reading some of the comments really helped.
This was good. I liked how you spoke of putting ourselves in our children’s place and having compassion on them in their pain, instead of only having compassion on ourselves❤️
@@oliviatrue2907 it is indeed painful to realize that you are without parents, but that is not something you start mourning when you decide to cut contact, it is a very difficult realization that one has to accept eventually.
Excellent! Keep posting, please! It is a selfless, beautiful act of kindness. Your stories, concepts and very practical information help to raise up the goodness level in each of our lives. It can really compensate for these indescribably unfair situations. You are growing above and beyond and i know we ALL can too. Be blessed.
Those aftershocks ripple through our futures and topple our grandest dreams. It’s hard to accept the new reality of estrangement, it’s like that carnival ride you hate the most, but for the rest of your life… No one wants this, no one wants to be forced to accept this, but truly, it’s the only way to endure it. Accept. Surrender. Let go.
@@TheQueenOfDreams it takes time. But when you truly do accept and let go, and by letting go I mean letting go of your need to control the outcome of your family, it is an enlightenment. The estrangement can be a gift.
@@42Pandas I have no desire to control the outcome of my family, my children are all grown adults now, and should pursue their own destiny and life’s purpose as they see fit. I have my own life to live, my own dreams to pursue, and I never micromanaged my children or needed to control them. But I can’t support my daughter’s desire to indoctrinate the next generation of children to follow a life path that will lead to their ultimate demise. If she wants to burn her own house down, that’s her prerogative, but I will never applaud that, nor will I be complicit with it.
I really dont know what to do with my daughters up and coming 21st Birthday . Do I send her a present . I also been very ill and little to no response from her. I miss her terribly. I also had her brother my son suicide 12 years ago which has made me very lonely have a friend with great relationships with her daughter which I long for please can you give me some advice I know I wasn't a great mum but I did try.I also keep on beating myself up for something I just dont understand.
Thank you for your compassionate messaging on this. It helps to know that so many parents are going through this experience. It also helps to hear from other parents who are healing and dealing with “ambiguous grief.”
Thank you for the videos, they are very helpful and needed and for me, very timely. Heading into the holiday seasons is one of the triggers for me and finding a way to deal with the emotions centered around broken traditions is important. Appreciate the ideas of ways to handle the ambiguous pain, especially journaling or the personal letting go ceremony.
It seems like these comments here are from unhealed adults who were hurt or disappointed by a loved one. It may not be a parent that hurt them. It may have been a sibling or neighbor. In my experience all these scars are placed on the parents who didn’t protect them. May be the parent didn’t know. I feel like folks here are being unnecessarily hard on this mom. It’s just her opinion and her own experience she’s sharing with you. You can listen or walk away. It’s easy. The comments here are so odd. It’s like they’re lashing out in defense of something personal?!! Anyway. I have no idea. We all have pain & suffering. Be kind and choose to love everyone within 8 feet of you today no matter who they are. Love them.
Margaret.... Sending you love and understanding. My daughter turned 40yo a. Couple months ago. I've been kept outside of a honest relationship with her, for 20yrs. Part-time ghosting/full-time gaslighting! Her goal is to destroy me💔🙏. Im 70 years old this week, it's time to create a new life.
(((Hugs))) I was feeling that for 2 years. My father passed away through this, too. Make a journal for yourself of feelings. Moving on is hard, but it is important to heal. After my father's death, counseling was what I needed. Now, after more than 4 years, I am not so broken. Focusing on myself. Even if my daughter reconciles with me, I know our relationship will never be the same. Who knows, maybe it will be better? For now, I move on.
@@estrangedparents Thank you! Thank you for having the courage to share your story and a safe place to “let it out”. I’m very grateful today for everyone here. 💜
Hello! You are helping me sort out in my brain the different reasons / circumstances and ways in which children choose to distance themselves from parents. I recently heard a lady say that as our children become adults, they need us less, and we parents seem to need them more. Hmm.. I have been thinking about my own situation. Our son isn't estranged from us any longer, but now that he has been asked to leave our home (husband determined, we were becoming enablers, and I agree), he seems to be resentful of it and communicates only when in need of financial help. I think it prudent to stop texting / calling/ sending notes with cash and give him the space that he seems to want.
This whole situation seems to be a new part of our modern world. Most of these people are adults, but don't seem to be able to understand that no parent is perfect. They too will not be perfect parents. I'll bet they would be devastated if their children cut off all contact. The idea that you cannot find some way to get along with most relatives for short periods of time is a dangerous way to behave. It deprives their children of grandparents, as well as teaching them how to treat their own parents. Leaving a parent without an explanation is emotional cruelty.
@@pamelasonday-swiger8708 This is so well put! You summed it up beautifully and precisely. The term in my head for leaving parents without explanation seems like a form of bullying, especially when the gossip flies and characters are decimated but really, cruelty fits the narrative much better.
I think “no contact” should get the definition it deserves which is the “silent treatment” a form of punishment used by manipulative self centred adults who perceive others as existing only to meet their own needs according to their own expectations.
you say that and this woman who runs this youtube account ignored her own daughter when she explained why she felt the way she did and acted like she didn't say anything at all. she doesn't care enough to talk to her own daughter and own up to her own issues lol
@@PlaneBoy2520 you would give your mother the silent treatment for 3 years too…despite her continually reaching out to you telling you she loves you etc - okay great 👍
We have not seen our daughter in over 4 years. I used to cry all day for months, I haven't been to friends parties since. I still have vivid anxiety prone dreams of her. We have avoided our friends due to the questions we hate to have to answer. The first question is always, "How are your kids?", "What are they doing now?", "Where are your kids living now?". These were big triggers for me and my husband. We love each other and are committed to having a good life together. We have decided we are just going to move on as well, and just do us! Self preservation has become very high on our list.
The last time I saw her I told her I had to leave for self preservation. Her and her husband had treated me so terribly out of the blue I was in shock. All I could do is run. I have moved on but the heartbreak will always be there. Best wishes for all of us.
I can completely understand your not wanting to answer the questions about how your kids are concerning your daughter at parties, but don't let her have that power over you, go to the parties anyway and if someone ask just say she's fine or you can say our daughter sadly is giving us the silent treatment. Then change the subject or be honest and say it's hard to talk about it and that you would rather not. I wish you well. Hang in there.
Hi Diane, You’re doing a great job reaching out to others who have had children walk away and not hearing from them. As you know I don’t want my son back. He made his bed with that evil wife and he can stay and suffer. He hasn’t talked to me or his siblings in 15 yrs. Our little family has learned to live without him and we find so much joy being with each other. My grandchildren are in college now but I got to watch them grow up and become self reliant and caring to all of us. My son’s children have not been involved with any of us and that’s just the way it is bc of their spineless father who couldn’t stand up to that woman. My son’s father passed away a year before my son walked out of my life. I have remarried, my other grandchildren call him grandpa. They love him and me dearly. I have a great life.
@@tuhesse I did not attend my niece's bridal shower or wedding this summer for the same. I was terrified that some one would say "so how are the boys?" All I have to do is think of my grandsons and I start crying
Let's face it our children are experts at conflictive behavior. Karens have become a very popular source of entertainment on RUclips. Many of them have spent many hours online disrespecting, harassing, bullying and talking down to each other without any consequences. They have been honing their skill at inflicting emotional injury. Many of them go to restaurants and stores and harass people working there too. The way they treat others, is how they are treating us. It's their culture and generation's identity. Their childhood was us, their adulthood is their own. They have been following social trends that have molded them into who they are now. It has nothing to do with us. The rage is what they feel inside. If it weren't so then it wouldn't be coming out. Most of the time abusive individuals abuse family members.
After 4 years of no contact with my middle son, I'm starting to have moments where I forget he ever existed.. probably just trying to cope in my own way.. now I'm anxious about him coming back from non exsistence.. almost like seeing a stranger...
We all have our reasons and our stories. It really bothers me to see people say mean things about your situation because none of them know the truth. It's very popular right now to blame your parents for everything. Most of us do our absolute best with our children, but there are varying degrees of success or failure. I was estranged from my father for the last 20+ years of his life and feel pangs of regret at odd times, even though I know it couldn't have been different. If your daughter knows the door is open, that's the best you can do until she changes her mind.
@@throttle4593 the meanness is the problem. Until we can let go of the need to direct our negative feelings towards others like a fire hose, nothing changes.
We are living in a difficult world right now. Our adult children have not experienced much hardship . Therefore small things or disagreements become bigger then they are in their minds. The world is telling them to care only about their personal happiness. They can never be happy enough unfortunately.
@@Sunnydreamer1470 I was talking about this with my 28yo. How people who were born in the 80's didn't really experience any world type problems. )I mean in our middle class society in general) . They didn't have school shooters or covid or an economic problems. Even the weather wasn't crazy like it is now. So all they can focus on is their selves. And because there's not a ready answer.and all these changes in parenting ideas, it must be their parent's fault
We millennials haven't experienced hardship? LOL that is such a huge generalization. Most of us struggle to pay the bills. It's no wonder why our generation cuts your entitled generation off like you think we don't struggle.
@@margaretpare8206 We are the generation told to work more for less, and when we physically have no more left to give, we are made to feel that we are the problem. Yes, we millennials.
@@margaretpare8206 um actually school shootings started to pick up in the 80's.74 recorded school shootings happened in the 80's. In the USA.I was born in '83. The columbine shooting happened when we were all 16/17. Facts: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States_(before_2000)
Diane, It's been a year since you put out your video about the estrangement from your daughter and i know you've been working on yourself. If you look back at that video now.. how it was put together, the edits, the things you said or didnt say, the things you implied, etc.. are you able to recognize the red flags?
@@estrangedparents That’s an interesting point, Diane. I appreciate the effort you’re putting into helping other parents, but my intention wasn’t to project or dismiss your pain. I was hoping to see if there’s been growth in how you view that first video, and if maybe there were things that, in hindsight, you think could have been said or approached differently. A lot of people going through estrangement watch your content, and seeing you reflect on your own journey could help them feel understood and supported in their own challenges.
Grandmothers can drive a wedge between you and your child too by having to be the favorite especially if they were jealous of you with your grandmother grandmother
I most certainly agree with part of this but from the perspective of a parent with estranged adult children. They follow their grandmother’s lead and have nothing to do with us which is terribly heartbreaking and has divided the family.
@@Herk988 yeah I was a single parent so it was easy for her to move in and she's allowed aggressive person that had more monetarily I don't think women that have never lived on their own and understand
So true. My mother would go buy my kids gifts that I planned on buying them for holidays. She still tries to buy my kids. My grown son knows it's just her game and not mine. I bought my son towels the other day because I care about him not because I was trying to gain something. My daughter acts like my mom and we don't speak anymore. If I can't pay for all her things she wants to act like an entitled brat.
When children do wrong things to upset us and are nasty to us we can never abandon them. We always frogive them. try to justify their actions. But children heartlessly do that. This day and there the importance of family is all gone. People are very selfish
Thank for this poem , I am bedridden today with fibromyalgia and cfs and lupus. I have no friends anymore because the grief is so intense that I don't want to be around anyone anymore . I forget sometimes that God loves me . I never imagined feeling betrayed this way 💔
@@stephaniek-vj2eh Oh sweetheart I understand how you feel, and I have a chronic illness too and it makes all things worse! And it's hard to want to try and find friends because then you don't feel well enough many days to do anything or get together with anyone, etc. If we live near each other we could get together, I live in the Dallas, Texas area let me know if you live near me. Please don't let the grief get the best of you I know it's hard. You were a person with a life before you had children, you deserve a life and friends and good times. It's our kids loss if they don't want to be friends with us, we can find people who will love us for who we are, it's not to late for us to find friends and have a good life!. And remember God will NEVER forsake us, He loves us more than anyone in this world. I am praying for you dear. We can be a light for others still! I'm struggling too it's a hard thing to deal with. I wanted to go to a new church this last Sunday but I was sick, but I'm going to try and attend this Sunday. Do you have any pets? Pets love us unconditionally and can bring us love and comfort. God loves you! I am praying for God to heal you! Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon! xoxo
I know nothing bout your situation. there are two sides to every story. BUT even if you are 100% in the right these videos will not help your relationship with your daughter.
How is it possible to have a relationship with someone who set a boundary of no contact? And given that's the case, why not help other parents going through the same kind of heartbreak?
I was dumped at a mental hospital at birth and my adopted parents were horrible parents, they abandoned me at 11. And I still loved them and never threw it in their face and took care of them when they were elderly. I remembered all of their special dates and holidays . I love my children unconditionally and showed them every day and two of them have ghosted me. They claim I can't always be the victim when ad adults I told them what I dealt with. I seldom talked about my child hood or all the assaults. How dare they say that after I open up! Even the home that I built and was paying for it was taken to me by a crooked developer my whole life savings was wrapped up in it and I would be homeless if it weren't for my son. I can't believe I raise 2 such entitled selfish brats.
Sounds like you have lifelong patterns of being TOO selfless and having no sense of boundaries. You should not have bent over backwards to help your parents, who could hardly be called that. Ironically, if you were the type of person who was capable of setting healthy boundaries with your parents, maybe you’d have healthier relationships with your children.
I think you should get some adult children on who actually did endure actual abuse and neglect as a child yet are still in contact with their parents - to show these entitled cruel adult children was abuse really is. It’s therapists and social media promoting the breakdown of families, it’s an evil agenda.
@@FernandaHernandez-ks1te maybe in some cases of actual abuse, physical beatings, sexual molestation - in these cases I totally understand cutting all contact. However the majority of cases I read about are adult children who simply felt they were parented in a way which they now call abusive when it actually was not. I speak from experience of having an alcoholic father who caused a serious accident which caused a lengthy hospitalisation for me and my sister and a mother with a personality disorder which left her devoid of empathy and highly angry and cruel. However she has shown genuine remorse and my father has had to live with his actions and that is punishment in itself. I remain in contact because I made the decision to treat them how I wished to be treated - this is deeply humbling for them. So I do find letters sent to perfectly adequate parents who did not beat, abuse nor neglect their children talking about how they suffered to be pretty deluded to be honest and that’s why I made that comment. I am certainly not suffering from Stockholm syndrome.
Thank you so much for this!!! You may not be a therapist but maybe you should be. I got way more out of this than my counseling sessions. Of course that may be planned for a slower pace but this gives me a big picture. I love having a handle for the ambiguous grief. Most grief groups just deal with death.
It seems like it is in vogue to set boundaries with parents. Some think up to 30% of College students are estranged from their parents. When I was in College, this would have been called self absorbant indifference. It is NOT love. INDIFFERENCE IS NOT LOVE. It is the deepest form of cruelty inflicted on parents in order to be "current" and in style. It is pure hatred.
Diane, my daughter estranged herself from everyone including her brother. Just wondering if your daughter did the same. Does she still speak to her sister?
If they resent you even after all you have done for them remove them from your will. They get nothing. Do not let anyone even offspring disrespect you. Never. All we can do is move on. But they get zero.
Not surprising they resent what you did to them when you try to deflect with what you’ve done for them. Doubly so when you threaten removing from will, kids want decent parents not what you’ll leave behind.
@@Grellt It has nothing to do with punishing anyone or working. If your offspring resent you and have no respect for you then leaving them money all you just validate how they treated you. By leaving someone like that money you are just enabling their disrespectful behavior.
These days we have to agree with everything they say and not try to offer advice either, or they consider going "no contact". That wasn't even a thing with a name a few years ago. Im not estranged but only because I'm lucky so far. You are a nice normal woman as far as i can see, in so much pain that you want to help others through theirs
@@ruffboiALTthere we have the first disagreement packed in a nasty comment and the assumption that someone isn’t in their right mind to think so and need therapy. Introspection is always good also for you.
@@ruffboiALT And I totally don’t expect that my children agree with me but the other way around was not possible. They cut me out of their lives because I didn’t agree with them. They called me names and got offended shouted and cursed like a bunch of morons. The only thing I expected was that we could talk about it in a decent way but oh no, they didn’t want to talk with “racists” whatever that means to them but definitely not according to my definition that’s for sure.
@@ScarfMezzo On moral, political and religious topics. I disagreed with them and they with me. I wanted to talk with them they didn’t. I wanted to know where it came from to believe the way they did and asked questions. They didn’t want to answer. They said I wouldn’t understand. I said I would if they explained. They didn’t want to explain. I kept asking questions. They started to mention boundaries but never explained what and why “boundaries” They blocked me on everything. Case closed.
I just realized if you report their comments it says HER CHANNEL will be affected, banned, comments suppressed etc!!! So wooooow! Time to JUST IGNORE THEM COMPLETELY!!!!!
When I saw your first video, I honestly will admit. It triggered me with disgust. But I had to stop and check myself. I had to tell myself you are a human being. I had to push through my own pain. Look past my own pain. That is when I truly heard what you were saying. I support you in this painful journey. I look forward to seeing you recover yourself. We lose so much of ourselves as parents..
This has been a bit of a rabbit hole for me, I cut all contact with my parents at age 20 for 8 years and I'm now back in contact because I'm not doing fine financially but I'm planning on cutting contact again once I'm on my feet. I don't think everyone has the best reason for distancing themselves nor do I think all parents are being honest but I had to grow up with an alcoholic father who beat me up every day and constantly reminded me that nobody wanted nor loved me and my mother sexually assaulted me, lied about me to the police and lied to me by telling me that both my grandma or my sister were dead in separate occasions. So I want to remind both sides that horror stories do exist both for children and parents
@@boxerspause I don't know if this comment will get deleted, RUclips has gone delete crazy with my comments lately but nobody who attacks or assaults me is allowed to be human so there isn't anything wrong with using them it's not like I'm hurting actual people with emotions just exploiting resources
@@boxerspauseexactly 💯! I’ll get stoned for my opinion but somebody’s lying. There’s no way that anyone/ or child now turned adult having received so much abuse and trauma in the past would dare be in the presence of their abusers and violators. Also if it’s to the point of them living with and now using their abuser(s) only means they’ve themselves abused the goodwill and kindness from others/ nonfamily that’s been afforded them. No one wants to deal with them. Make it make sense, Jmho.
Scratching my head here; they are horrible people, abuse you to the point the you left, but you are back for financial aid . Once you have what you came for , you will leave a gain .. ok
Your daughter is losing out so much but doesnt realise it. One day her heart will open and she will feel so much grief and sadness for what she has done. Much love.
@@Oreo-gd2zq how do you know that? I don't think it's her best life if she is closing herself to love and support. Maybe she will need to learn the hard way to appreciate other people who love her.
@@Oreo-gd2zq Poor excuse of a mother! How ridiculous! What has she done or said in this video to deserve that?? She is only talking of her pain and how much she deeply misses her daughter. You have to be made of stone not to feel any compassion for her. Are you even human or are you a robot? Why do you enjoy attacking a woman who is in pain? I don't understand you at all. Life is about showing love and compassion not just about ourselves. But live a mean life if you want. It won't contribute any good to this world being that way. And it's just plain mean.
@@barbaras5874how do you know that? Why exactly do you think she cut her mother off? There are reasons. Speculation is stupid. You don't know her. You don't know the mom who uses the platform to blast her and act like some matyr for ~all the parents who have been cut off by their children~ please. The daughter wants to be left alone.
@@honeysuckles OK, I think the mom is leaving her alone. Do you really expect her to have zero emotions about a person she carried for 9 months and looked after for 18 years?? At least you should respect her right to have pain over being abandoned. It's not easy for parents. She is trying to help others. Many parents are suicidal due to this pain.
BS quit taking all the blame. I did everything right and still don't have my daughter, and son who could care less unless there is something in it for him. Parents aren't always to blame, sometimes kids grow up to be self serving, self absorbed adult jerks who just won't accept any fault what so ever!
Parents are people and people are not perfect. Who defines what doing your job as a father should look like? Some fathers don’t even get the chance to do the things they want to do for their children. This doesn’t make them a lesser father.
We are all human. Would you say that your own parents were perfect, I don't know one soul who can say that. You, us, we all did the best we could. Sometimes we make mistakes but we learn and go on. This is the behaviour that they will teach the next generation, run away from your problems.
Coming from someone who went no-contact, good on you for taking accountability. A lot of people won't even do that. Take this time to focus on bettering yourself, whatever that means for you. This is a time for reflection and repairment. Estrangement is not always forever.
Wonder what lil narcissistic group your daughter got sucked up into. I watched my sister do this to my parents. When the narcissistic lil clique discarded her, she came back home. Acted like she didn't hate my parents anymore. Was awful to watch the pain she put my parents through.
@@fingersniff5520 most of the time these adult children have not endured actual real abuse at all. I think only a person devoid of mercy and compassion could cut out a parent that actively wants connection - and yes those are narcissistic traits. They see their parents only in relation to them …. They do not see them as human beings, as friends to others, as partners, as siblings as co-workers. That’s also a narcissistic trait. To see their parents existing only to serve and be perfect in relation to themselves and of course of not measuring up in meeting their childhood needs to perfection and therefore deserving of the “silent treatment” which is also a narcissistic trait so I think it’s a fair and accurate comment.
To me, you seem so genuine. I can’t believe the terrible things being said about. And the psychological diagnosing is unreal. My husband says people have the harshest reactions when they are presented with truth. The estranged adult children are dealing with a great amount of guilt.
I wonder if the daughter's issue with this mother and father is that they have different morality, and the daughter is too ashamed to be gay in front of them. I think it is almost like a mental illness where these children just have inexplicable feelings and reactions that result in them rejecting their parents. A lot of children do this to seem deep and edgy like they suffered through something in life even though their parents supported them in every way.
I appreciate that you have put yourself out there for the haters to criticize and judge so the rest of us who have walked this path, can see it all more clearly. My son leaving our family with a text message was the most traumatic event of my life. The aftershocks are real! 3 years since he left, and I am finally feeling joy again.
Thank you. I'm glad it's brought some clarity, and It's wonderful to se that you've found your own path to healing and joy again... 💗
You feel betrayed by the person you love the most.
Keep on doing what you are doing here Diane. We are some parents who respect you and appreciate what you have to say. Do not let the haters get to you. I'll be 60 in January so I have been around for a while. I'm not entirely estranged but almost. I leave my son be now. I cannot waste anymore tears on him. His choice. Not mine. I'm healthy so I have to live the next 20 or 25 years of my life for me. I gave my son all my love and all my time. His loss. Not mine. 4 years of nearly no contact estrangement it does something to us parents too. We are not the same as before. They the kids have hurt us too much for one lifetime. No more. Leave that boy at peace me and my dog we do our own thing and when the old dog my son's dog by the way dies I'm going travelling big time. Hope you and Ted are both well.
Tina, thank you for sharing your experience, and thank you for your kindness. It means so much. Enjoy your golden years, and start a RUclips channel when you go traveling so that I can follow along... 😍
I'm estranged from my Mom and it's very hard. I follow your channel so I can try to understand her perspective although it's more that she has not reached out to me so a different situation. I have thought about writing her a letter but if there is no response, I know how much that would hurt. I know you said your daughter initially wrote you a letter and I can't remember your exact words, but you seem to think she was venting or something and never really addressed it. Have you thought about re-reading the letter and trying to non-confrontationally, address her concerns? It may be too late at this point. I recently joined a group for estranged parents and adult children. I see many parents so angry and saying if their children won't speak to them, they are cutting them out of their wills. Would love to know your thoughts on this. If my Mom passes and I find out she cut me out, I believe it would make me feel even more resentful towards here but of course I won't know til that happens. Thanks for sharing.
Sunset, thank you for sharing your perspective, I appreciate it. I did write a letter back eventually, but I never heard back.
The will is a personal choice. I can see parents going either way, and it really depends on the kind of legacy you want to leave behind.
@@estrangedparents Thanks for responding. I keep watching. Even thought it's a different situation, it does help because at the end of the day, we're all trying to heal from this. Thanks.
WRITE THE DAMN LETTER!!
@sunsetatshabooms4558 , I have one of those mothers. Two years into estrangement (I did not cut her off, she stonewalled me for the last time, spanning over the course of my 49 years), and 2 weeks before the entire family was to travel several states away for MY daughter's wedding, she had an Attorney send me a certified letter, removing me as Power of Attorney and ALL MATTERS of Will and Trust, relating to all matters.
RESILIENCE
Though bowed, you are not broken.
Though stretched, you're strong, my friend.
You are resilient like a willow -
You'll find your spring again.
Though your branches now weigh heavy,
Your roots go deep and true.
This is just a change of season -
God has better plans for you.
by: Sharon Hudnell
Diane and other estranged parents out there, I will not pretend to know what happened in your family. I will not sit behind a screen and call you a narcissist. I will also not give you blind love and support. I will tell you what I know from the other side of estrangement.
Going no contact is the hardest thing I've ever done. It was not done out of nowhere and it was a last resort.
Of course the person going no-contact is not perfect. As a human being, we are all trying to better ourselves. But there is no healing in abusive or toxic relationships.
I think to certain extent you know what you should do. I can assure you after that breaking point between parent and child, the only way to get that relationship back is to listen to what your child is telling you. Hear her side, hear how she felt and how this affected her. Truly understand what she is telling you and than change those behaviors you have. Improve upon yourself. If these behiors never change, your relationship, or lack-there-of, will never change.
Diane, I see your very active in your comments. I hope this message reaches your eyes.
@@Vddhvjoffj what were the reasons for you going no contact if you don’t mind me asking? Obviously don’t expect you to release harmful experiences but would be interesting to know the general cause of your decision to go no contact with your parent? You say “abusive and toxic” how did this manifest itself?
@@tinygold772 I don't think you could call any of it a "general cause". It's built up over many years. I am an open book, but there is so much that went into my decision to go no contact.
@@tinygold772I’m not fully no contact yet because it’s too hard. But so is talking to them. My earliest memory is my dad choking my brother because my brother allowed our newborn baby sister to cry. This woke my father up from a nap. He was always very angry if he was woken up before he wanted. He had a cocaine addiction my whole childhood I did not discover until age 18, but it explained so much. I wanted to leave to go stay with my friend for a few weeks when I found out, he said “if you go you aren’t my daughter anymore.” I still don’t know why it mattered so much if I wanted to spend a couple weeks with a friend. But I listened to what he said and I left. It’s never been the same after he said that, especially because he apologized with this: “I’m sorry, it was in the heat of the moment.” As if him saying that was not a culmination of how he’s treated me for 18 years. We still talk because I can’t bring myself to fully cut them out. But he never listens when I want to bring up deeper talks. Continuing to see him and text him so obligatory is damaging our relationship horribly.
But my mother was none of these things. She supported him though. And if my mother were to blast me wanting to go no contact online, for everyone to see, liking comments that call me selfish while I’m just trying to figure out who I even am…. Well, I’m glad she didn’t, because I truly do think there’s still hope for her and I’s relationship. I know it hurts I don’t text her or call very often but it’s so I can come back to her ready after I have healed from what my father did. She would never put me on blast like this. Damn. This account is making me realize my mother actually loves me, because I know she would never ever do this to me….
This comment is gorgeous. Thank you so much for being so kind and for explaining what could be her next step so eloquently. Not many people going after her are doing that. I love this comment, and I hope that you continue to heal from your own trauma. ❤️ Sending you a hug!
@@yolandaponkers1581 I'm so glad my message is getting across to some people. So much hurt could be avoided by having meaninful conversations. Thank you for your kind wishes and I gladly accept your hug! ❤ I wish you the best as well.
That’s all we can do is wish them the best & let go. They deserve respect for their decisions & even if it breaks our hearts their hearts are the only ones that matter as I have read multiple posts, comments & etc. is the one thing I have noticed it’s a no win situation, many estranged children have a requirement for no compromises whatsoever it basically their way or the highway & the moment you start trying to jump through hoops believing that there’s a chance of reconciliation they will continue a barrage of hoops for you to jump through using emotional blackmail to get you to bow down to them & it took me a long while to figure this out.
I walked on egg shells for far too long knowing that if I said or did anything that suddenly if they wanted to use that as a weapon against me & I was always being picked apart & put through the blender. Finally it’s worn me down & I can respectfully let the decision that has been made stand based upon their decision. That was tough to do but I finally worked through it.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I'm glad you're finding your path to healing. Walking on eggshells can only go on so long, and you're right, it's a no-win situation.
Excellent point. Know when to stop trying so hard.
I remember something you said in an earlier video,about you have been watshing her a littlebit and found out about that she has got autism/adhd diagnoeses.I know a lot about that topic,because i have it myselfe and lots og friends and family tends to be the same.And what I want to say is that people with that kind of diagnoses tend to obsess over things,and they become overhvelmingly big and out of proportions.So many young people with this kind of mentality can obsess over things that happened in the childhood,and normal lifeexperiences can feel traumatic for them,but for people around will maybe not even notice. Big fieelings of getting misunderstood,and being overdramatic over minor things(what the people around see)Thoes experiences over time accumilating and resulting in wanting to go away.And then the person overthink and obsess and the feeling of not beeng understood is terrible.I remember when i was little i was so sensitive,that only a look could have a devastating effect,and giving me panic attack.With that kind of things in mind,you can hurt someone without even knowing it and that is a real mindfuck.And then you maybe having it too without knowing,masking all your life.And when she, your doughter have more words for it and finding herself,and maybe you are more like each other than you think...Thoes kind of things I have seen a lot and they cause deep misunderstandings.And there is hope my cousin estranged her family for 8 years,and after understandig things about herself and a manipulative husbandcontrolling her and isolatinh her from her family.Manipulating her to belive it was her mother that fucked her up,when in reality it was him...They,my cousin is finnally reunited with the family,and she now fighting over her custody with her psykopatic ex...Its so many things that maybe is happening that is not your foulgt at all,maybe,and let the time tell....
This is a great video. I am going to go back and take notes. Thanks so much for all you do to help us.
Lisann, thank you, and I'm glad it was helpful!
I have 5 adult sons; & each one has become distanced like boys do, but there is a difference between cold estrangement & distance. My heart is so guarded now. I'm afraid I blew it with my youngest son yesterday because him & his wife/baby rarely stop by. When they do it's only for a short time on way to her parent's house. After waiting 2 hrs; I cancelled & left the house; probably rubbed him wrong way, but just over the breadcrumbs
I'm so sorry. If it rubbed him the wrong way to bad, your time is important even if they act like it's not! They should show more respect. It's sad. Hope it gets better for you. God bless you.
@@lmccauley7319 Thank you! I had embroidered a gift for the baby so I texted him if I should just mail it - he said yes; & they only live 10 miles away! It sealed the deal for me that he has no intention of stopping by anytime soo; even though her family is not far from me, & they are there every week:(
@@Free-flyBE I'm sorry but he is a selfish uncaring jerk to treat family that way. Sometimes to save your sanity you need to close the door on them.
@@rayc.8555I wanted to stay open for their baby; but really don't think we'll have any chance of bonding anyway
I recently loss my Mom haven't seen my 3 adult sons in 3 years. They came to the funeral with there wives and never said anything to me or their stepfather. It has been hard not only dealing with my Mom's death but the hurt of them ignoring us with all the pain I was going through.I was getting on with my life now I feel like I'm back to square one😢
Greta, my heart goes out to you. Marginalization is no easy thing to handle especially during a time of extreme grief. Prayers for you as you deal with all of this.
Ive got one estranged and think thats bad,,,,, but my heart really goes out to you having three that way... God bless you and take care of yourself....
@@Mandy830 thank you one or three no parent deserves this treatment...
@@Herk988 thank you
Greta, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and your sons. You are dealing with grief on multiple fronts, and it will take time to process. Be kind to yourself most of all... 💕
Thank you for continuing to talk about this most important topic Diane, we appreciate your voice!💖
Thank you for your kindness... 💕
My husband won't read or listen to your videos. He is extremely depressed beyond what I have ever seen
I’m so sorry. Sending love and healing ❤️🩹
It’s a very difficult thing to confront, and denial is a perfectly normal reaction to such a great trauma. Sending you both ❤❤
@@teresak6463 Thank you. Sending peace, love and healing to you as well. This isn't a club any of us want to be in
@@giab1188 I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been crying all day. Every day I see my neighbors adult children popping in to see their parents MULTIPLE times a day and every weekend with bbq’s etc. I’m so happy for them , yet it kills me at the same time. I have C-PTSD and ALL the trauma I went through is nothing compared to this. I guess all we can do is keep going forward and learn along the way. I’ll be keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. Let’s make it a better day! 🥹💪🏽🙌
My husband rarely even talks about the situation. Sometimes I think it's better that way...
I would love to have a close relationship with my father. When I was 16, he left and started a new life. No financial or emotional support, absolutely 0!! At 21 my mom passed away suddenly and I have longed for a relationship with my father. He is not able to reciprocate anything. I’ve tried over the years, we have no bond. The small superficial text is always about him and what he’s doing or the struggles in his life. He has never gotten to know me or care about me. I would kill to have a loving and caring parent that is actually interested in me! I know deep down he has a burning hate for me. He was emotionally and verbally abusive and neglectful, yet I tried. I have accepted it now.
@@JonelleK that’s your dad’s inner burden. What was his childhood like? Keep space and try to solve the question of ‘why is he behaving this way’? You are a witnessing the result of your dad’s trauma. You are worthy and a healed dad would be able to express his love for you. Don’t take it to heart, as difficult as that is, but know you deserved perfect parents. We all did.
Not sure that blaming the young adult in how they interpreted things is helpful. We are the parents. Imo healing starts and ends w us, w the child being the responder to us. Our adult children may never reach out again or forgive us, but as a parent we can’t rely or expect our children to be the ones carrying the bag for reconciliation.
My own parents were reached out to constantly to try to counsel/ resolve past hurts. We all had blatant neglect/abuse. Yet it was we adult children that craved relationship w them for decades-but yet…zero acknowledging of any of their part, nor any discussion of the past. They always reacted and never initiated or responded with anything but “huh, wha, it’s your fault you misinterpreted us.” They NEVER reached out to heal anything after all of us experienced legitimate painful abuse. Instead of attempting to heal we were blamed.
My own kids Ive reached out to apologize for any anything I said/did that contributed to strained relationship. If my own parents would have taken 2 min to communicate any compassion/responsibility for ANYTHING I would have run headlong into resolving and into a relationship with some meaning and closeness. But No. nothing from them. No time for us. Our fault we interpreted things wrong. I still tried but was met with anger about all sorts of things. So sad older people don’t see how short life is. They’re both gone now.
So thankful this channel understands this. Thank you for your candidness about things.
These videos helps many many parents. Even if our children see these videos , they may understand how many parents are hurting , because 5he society allows the kids to forget how we all love them and how they are hurting us. I am not talking about abusive parents. Most of us are good parents.
Family isn't always a source of unconditional love and support. Sometimes, the very people who should nurture and protect us become a source of profound pain and trauma. In such cases, where reconciliation seems impossible and every interaction leaves lasting emotional scars, the choice of no contact becomes a lifeline. It's a brave declaration that one's mental and emotional well-being takes precedence over societal expectations of familial obligation. No contact is not about erasing the past but about reclaiming control over one's future. It's a testament to the human spirit's resilience and the inherent right to prioritize self-preservation, even if it means severing ties with those who brought us into the world.
I was working 3rd Shift as a single mom and I was told by my daughter I was in a very nice person when she was a teenager but she wasn't very nice person I thought
This is such a great resource, thank you!🙏
You're so welcome! Glad it's helpful... 💕
Thank you so much for your videos directed at all of us hurting parents dealing with estrangement of our child or children, even grandchildren.
You have helped me so much. This was the most traumatic experience I have ever endured. There was such a major depression and I tried the support groups, and they seemed to all be drowning together, and it wasn't helping me keep my head above water. I was very suicidal when I found your videos and having been cut off from my grandchildren that I was such a huge part of helping my daughter and had put my life on hold helping her for 15 years and now over her new religion and new marriage I have become an outcast? So all these years of physical, financial, and emotional investment into helping, loving, and serving her and her children now, I have become shunned over her religious views? All these years, I was above suitable as a mom and grandma, so was that just a total lie? Was this a case of me just being USED by my daughter? Your videos have really helped me cope, move toward healing, and feel a sense of emotional support! Thank you for being brave enough to come out and be a face for this subject that can feel so shameful for parents.
Violet, I'm so sorry for your losses, it's hard. Thanks also for sharing your experience and for your kind words... It's a difficult journey, but you can heal, and after all you've given to others, you absolutely deserve to pursue peace and joy in your life. It's there, you got this!
Thankyou. You hit the nail on the head as usual . Thankyou so much.... this helps so much .
You are so welcome... 💕
Thank you for another great video. You have no idea how much you have helped me. It is also consoling to know that I'm not alone. I found this out thanks to you; it has made me feel much better. God bless.
You are so welcome! I’m glad it’s helping… ❤️
I wish my mother cared at all. She prefers life without me. She's relieved I'm gone from the "family." She's always hated me from birth. It sucks.
I'm so sorry
So sorry.
@sonicleaves I'm so sorry, your mother didn't deserve you!
@@sonicleaves I'm truly sorry for that. No child should ever hear those words. No matter how old you are. I hope you have been able to find another person to fill that role for. Love and prayers
Your words about grief resonate with me, especially when you touch on people who don't get it, pull away or disappear. Going through a divorce after 20 years, catapulted me into grief, not just a loss to me, but a death. No one really understood the depth of my feelings. I have great empathy for what you and your husband have gone through, and quite frankly, mean people with mean comments, or professionals who do not know you, should keep their opinions to themselves. I don't get the impression that you are a really good actor. You are genuine, and it is obvious. Thank-you for your heartfelt honesty. I wish you well on your journey.
Thank you for your kindness, and yes, I'm not much of an actor. I wish you well on your healing journey... 💗
@@estrangedparents Thanks. I started watching you when you were car camping, and then found you here. So, I feel like I (kinda) know you. Take care.💚
Good advice. I cried non stop for three weeks. My hair started falling out. I was shell-shocked. I stayed home with my 4 children homeschooling them in many subjects.
They collude with each other.
I know that i have to move on.
There is a freedom in estrangement. I hope to become useful to others even though i am in my 70's. Your blog helps me with my sadness. Thank you.
There is a freedom in estrangement for sure.
However, It sometimes is still painful. 😢
As someone who was homeschooled and who knows many homeschooled people: good. That’s usually a sign of an overly controlling parent, very happy for your kids
Why did you homeschool your kids?
Gunna point out the obvious here, homeschooling is isolating for kids. Please try and recognise that instead of wallowing.
so were they gay or trans?
Sorry, I had to stop your video. It hit hard, I thought I was ok to listen but it triggered and I sit here crying. I will come back to it later, obviously I need to work through some things. Thank you so much for your support and reading some of the comments really helped.
This was good. I liked how you spoke of putting ourselves in our children’s place and having compassion on them in their pain, instead of only having compassion on ourselves❤️
Absolutely. I feel so much pain for my daughter's heart, chosing to be a "motherless child."
@@oliviatrue2907 it is indeed painful to realize that you are without parents, but that is not something you start mourning when you decide to cut contact, it is a very difficult realization that one has to accept eventually.
Excellent! Keep posting, please! It is a selfless, beautiful act of kindness.
Your stories, concepts and very practical information help to raise up the goodness level in each of our lives. It can really compensate for these indescribably unfair situations.
You are growing above and beyond and i know we ALL can too. Be blessed.
Those aftershocks ripple through our futures and topple our grandest dreams. It’s hard to accept the new reality of estrangement, it’s like that carnival ride you hate the most, but for the rest of your life… No one wants this, no one wants to be forced to accept this, but truly, it’s the only way to endure it. Accept. Surrender. Let go.
Yes, and then we must create new dreams, with new purpose, and new opportunities... 💕
@@estrangedparents yes, in deed. Working on it! 🙃
@@TheQueenOfDreams it takes time. But when you truly do accept and let go, and by letting go I mean letting go of your need to control the outcome of your family, it is an enlightenment. The estrangement can be a gift.
@@42Pandas I have no desire to control the outcome of my family, my children are all grown adults now, and should pursue their own destiny and life’s purpose as they see fit. I have my own life to live, my own dreams to pursue, and I never micromanaged my children or needed to control them. But I can’t support my daughter’s desire to indoctrinate the next generation of children to follow a life path that will lead to their ultimate demise. If she wants to burn her own house down, that’s her prerogative, but I will never applaud that, nor will I be complicit with it.
I am so grateful for your channel. ❤
I really dont know what to do with my daughters up and coming 21st Birthday . Do I send her a present . I also been very ill and little to no response from her. I miss her terribly. I also had her brother my son suicide 12 years ago which has made me very lonely have a friend with great relationships with her daughter which I long for please can you give me some advice I know I wasn't a great mum but I did try.I also keep on beating myself up for something I just dont understand.
If she hasn't forbidden contact then maybe send something, but if she has, then maybe leave it be. There's no right answer really.
Thank you for your compassionate messaging on this. It helps to know that so many parents are going through this experience. It also helps to hear from other parents who are healing and dealing with “ambiguous grief.”
You're so welcome, I'm glad its helping... 💕
Agree
Thanks for this
Thank you for the videos, they are very helpful and needed and for me, very timely. Heading into the holiday seasons is one of the triggers for me and finding a way to deal with the emotions centered around broken traditions is important. Appreciate the ideas of ways to handle the ambiguous pain, especially journaling or the personal letting go ceremony.
Holidays are challenging, no doubt. We're still working on what our new traditions will be, but we'll get there. Be patient with yourself... 💕
It seems like these comments here are from unhealed adults who were hurt or disappointed by a loved one. It may not be a parent that hurt them. It may have been a sibling or neighbor.
In my experience all these scars are placed on the parents who didn’t protect them. May be the parent didn’t know.
I feel like folks here are being unnecessarily hard on this mom.
It’s just her opinion and her own experience she’s sharing with you. You can listen or walk away. It’s easy.
The comments here are so odd. It’s like they’re lashing out in defense of something personal?!!
Anyway. I have no idea. We all have pain & suffering. Be kind and choose to love everyone within 8 feet of you today no matter who they are. Love them.
Today is my daughter's 41st birthday. Thinking back on that baby, toddler, child, and teenager, I'd never would have thought we'd come to this
😢
Sending love and healing ❤️🩹 😢
@@margaretpare8206 Your comment actually made me cry because I know the unbearable pain that you feel today
🌸💛🌸💛🌸💛🌷🌷🌷
Margaret.... Sending you love and understanding. My daughter turned 40yo a. Couple months ago. I've been kept outside of a honest relationship with her, for 20yrs. Part-time ghosting/full-time gaslighting! Her goal is to destroy me💔🙏. Im 70 years old this week, it's time to create a new life.
I can’t reach out if I wanted to (which I do) He blocked me on the phone and social media 😔
How and/or does this align with missing adult children? Anyone experience. We haven't seen or heard from my nephew in over 10 years.
That's a tough situation, I'd be curious to hear from other parents who have experienced total disappearance like this.
I hope he's OK but he's an adult after all.
@@estrangedparents me too.
I’m broken still….🥹
🌷💛🌷💛🌷💛🙏🏻
(((Hugs))) I was feeling that for 2 years. My father passed away through this, too. Make a journal for yourself of feelings. Moving on is hard, but it is important to heal. After my father's death, counseling was what I needed. Now, after more than 4 years, I am not so broken. Focusing on myself. Even if my daughter reconciles with me, I know our relationship will never be the same. Who knows, maybe it will be better? For now, I move on.
It takes time to process, be kind to yourself... 💕
@@estrangedparents Thank you! Thank you for having the courage to share your story and a safe place to “let it out”. I’m very grateful today for everyone here. 💜
We are all here because we are not alone in this. Peace🙏
Hello! You are helping me sort out in my brain the different reasons / circumstances and ways in which children choose to distance themselves from parents. I recently heard a lady say that as our children become adults, they need us less, and we parents seem to need them more. Hmm..
I have been thinking about my own situation. Our son isn't estranged from us any longer, but now that he has been asked to leave our home (husband determined, we were becoming enablers, and I agree), he seems to be resentful of it and communicates only when in need of financial help.
I think it prudent to stop texting / calling/ sending notes with cash and give him the space that he seems to want.
Yes!
It's hard to break those bonds, but sometimes it's necessary for all to thrive. Sounds like you're on the right path... 💕
Thank you! Your information is always helpful and enlightening. It gives me the peace I need and eases the pain in my heart.
I'm glad it's helpful, be kind to yourself through this painful process... 💕
I started giving my daughter money and now I can't see my grandchildren that's not where I came from shouldn't be where she came from but so be it
This whole situation seems to be a new part of our modern world. Most of these people are adults, but don't seem to be able to understand that no parent is perfect. They too will not be perfect parents. I'll bet they would be devastated if their children cut off all contact. The idea that you cannot find some way to get along with most relatives for short periods of time is a dangerous way to behave. It deprives their children of grandparents, as well as teaching them how to treat their own parents. Leaving a parent without an explanation is emotional cruelty.
@@pamelasonday-swiger8708 This is so well put! You summed it up beautifully and precisely. The term in my head for leaving parents without explanation seems like a form of bullying, especially when the gossip flies and characters are decimated but really, cruelty fits the narrative much better.
@truthhurts3709 cruelty is not a boundary
Precisely! Well stated. It is a deep cruelty for them to do this.❤
@@truthhurts3709you're not there...yet, but you will be. The you'll get it.
@@stevenlippert9524please explain what you mean
Thank you so much
I think “no contact” should get the definition it deserves which is the “silent treatment” a form of punishment used by manipulative self centred adults who perceive others as existing only to meet their own needs according to their own expectations.
you say that and this woman who runs this youtube account ignored her own daughter when she explained why she felt the way she did and acted like she didn't say anything at all. she doesn't care enough to talk to her own daughter and own up to her own issues lol
@@PlaneBoy2520 the mother had reached out many times actually and is continually stonewalled
@@tinygold772 I would too if my mother ignored me when I told her why I felt the way I felt.
@@PlaneBoy2520 you would give your mother the silent treatment for 3 years too…despite her continually reaching out to you telling you she loves you etc - okay great 👍
💯
*TO all the parents suffering isolation and estrangement please accept my condolences. I empathise w your grievance.*
Thank you❤️
Thank you ❤
We have not seen our daughter in over 4 years. I used to cry all day for months, I haven't been to friends parties since. I still have vivid anxiety prone dreams of her. We have avoided our friends due to the questions we hate to have to answer. The first question is always, "How are your kids?", "What are they doing now?", "Where are your kids living now?". These were big triggers for me and my husband. We love each other and are committed to having a good life together. We have decided we are just going to move on as well, and just do us! Self preservation has become very high on our list.
The last time I saw her I told her I had to leave for self preservation. Her and her husband had treated me so terribly out of the blue I was in shock. All I could do is run. I have moved on but the heartbreak will always be there. Best wishes for all of us.
I can completely understand your not wanting to answer the questions about how your kids are concerning your daughter at parties, but don't let her have that power over you, go to the parties anyway and if someone ask just say she's fine or you can say our daughter sadly is giving us the silent treatment. Then change the subject or be honest and say it's hard to talk about it and that you would rather not. I wish you well. Hang in there.
Hi Diane, You’re doing a great job reaching out to others who have had children walk away and not hearing from them. As you know I don’t want my son back. He made his bed with that evil wife and he can stay and suffer. He hasn’t talked to me or his siblings in 15 yrs. Our little family has learned to live without him and we find so much joy being with each other. My grandchildren are in college now but I got to watch them grow up and become self reliant and caring to all of us. My son’s children have not been involved with any of us and that’s just the way it is bc of their spineless father who couldn’t stand up to that woman. My son’s father passed away a year before my son walked out of my life. I have remarried, my other grandchildren call him grandpa. They love him and me dearly. I have a great life.
Yes, your life is yours to live, and if you can find a way to let go with love and move on, your golden years will be much more enjoyable… ❤️
@@tuhesse I did not attend my niece's bridal shower or wedding this summer for the same. I was terrified that some one would say "so how are the boys?" All I have to do is think of my grandsons and I start crying
Let's face it our children are experts at conflictive behavior. Karens have become a very popular source of entertainment on RUclips. Many of them have spent many hours online disrespecting, harassing, bullying and talking down to each other without any consequences. They have been honing their skill at inflicting emotional injury. Many of them go to restaurants and stores and harass people working there too. The way they treat others, is how they are treating us. It's their culture and generation's identity.
Their childhood was us, their adulthood is their own. They have been following social trends that have molded them into who they are now. It has nothing to do with us. The rage is what they feel inside. If it weren't so then it wouldn't be coming out. Most of the time abusive individuals abuse family members.
After 4 years of no contact with my middle son, I'm starting to have moments where I forget he ever existed.. probably just trying to cope in my own way.. now I'm anxious about him coming back from non exsistence.. almost like seeing a stranger...
We all have our reasons and our stories. It really bothers me to see people say mean things about your situation because none of them know the truth. It's very popular right now to blame your parents for everything. Most of us do our absolute best with our children, but there are varying degrees of success or failure. I was estranged from my father for the last 20+ years of his life and feel pangs of regret at odd times, even though I know it couldn't have been different. If your daughter knows the door is open, that's the best you can do until she changes her mind.
Every story is different, no matter which side you're on. Thank you for your kind words, I wish you the best on your healing journey... 💕
@@throttle4593 the meanness is the problem. Until we can let go of the need to direct our negative feelings towards others like a fire hose, nothing changes.
We are living in a difficult world right now. Our adult children have not experienced much hardship . Therefore small things or disagreements become bigger then they are in their minds. The world is telling them to care only about their personal happiness. They can never be happy enough unfortunately.
This is a very good point.
@@Sunnydreamer1470 I was talking about this with my 28yo. How people who were born in the 80's didn't really experience any world type problems. )I mean in our middle class society in general) . They didn't have school shooters or covid or an economic problems. Even the weather wasn't crazy like it is now. So all they can focus on is their selves. And because there's not a ready answer.and all these changes in parenting ideas, it must be their parent's fault
We millennials haven't experienced hardship? LOL that is such a huge generalization. Most of us struggle to pay the bills. It's no wonder why our generation cuts your entitled generation off like you think we don't struggle.
@@margaretpare8206 We are the generation told to work more for less, and when we physically have no more left to give, we are made to feel that we are the problem. Yes, we millennials.
@@margaretpare8206 um actually school shootings started to pick up in the 80's.74 recorded school shootings happened in the 80's. In the USA.I was born in '83. The columbine shooting happened when we were all 16/17. Facts: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States_(before_2000)
Diane, It's been a year since you put out your video about the estrangement from your daughter and i know you've been working on yourself. If you look back at that video now.. how it was put together, the edits, the things you said or didnt say, the things you implied, etc.. are you able to recognize the red flags?
Are you able to recognize the parasocial projection?
@@estrangedparents That’s an interesting point, Diane. I appreciate the effort you’re putting into helping other parents, but my intention wasn’t to project or dismiss your pain. I was hoping to see if there’s been growth in how you view that first video, and if maybe there were things that, in hindsight, you think could have been said or approached differently. A lot of people going through estrangement watch your content, and seeing you reflect on your own journey could help them feel understood and supported in their own challenges.
Excellent advice. Thank you.
Grandmothers can drive a wedge between you and your child too by having to be the favorite especially if they were jealous of you with your grandmother grandmother
I most certainly agree with part of this but from the perspective of a parent with estranged adult children. They follow their grandmother’s lead and have nothing to do with us which is terribly heartbreaking and has divided the family.
@@Herk988 yeah I was a single parent so it was easy for her to move in and she's allowed aggressive person that had more monetarily I don't think women that have never lived on their own and understand
Sad state of affairs. You’d think Grandmother would want to bring the family together rather than separate but that’s not always the case, sadly.
Yes, every situation is different so we definitely have to navigate whatever river we're in... 💔
So true. My mother would go buy my kids gifts that I planned on buying them for holidays. She still tries to buy my kids. My grown son knows it's just her game and not mine. I bought my son towels the other day because I care about him not because I was trying to gain something. My daughter acts like my mom and we don't speak anymore. If I can't pay for all her things she wants to act like an entitled brat.
When children do wrong things to upset us and are nasty to us we can never abandon them. We always frogive them. try to justify their actions. But children heartlessly do that. This day and there the importance of family is all gone. People are very selfish
Very telling that this comment was hearted by the channel. Did your children really cut you guys out for truly no reason at all?
ALONE
When you feel you are alone
Remember there are angels
Whose sole purpose
Is to embrace the lonely
by: Corrine De Winter
Thank for this poem , I am bedridden today with fibromyalgia and cfs and lupus. I have no friends anymore because the grief is so intense that I don't want to be around anyone anymore . I forget sometimes that God loves me . I never imagined feeling betrayed this way 💔
@@stephaniek-vj2eh Oh sweetheart I understand how you feel, and I have a chronic illness too and it makes all things worse! And it's hard to want to try and find friends because then you don't feel well enough many days to do anything or get together with anyone, etc. If we live near each other we could get together, I live in the Dallas, Texas area let me know if you live near me. Please don't let the grief get the best of you I know it's hard. You were a person with a life before you had children, you deserve a life and friends and good times. It's our kids loss if they don't want to be friends with us, we can find people who will love us for who we are, it's not to late for us to find friends and have a good life!. And remember God will NEVER forsake us, He loves us more than anyone in this world. I am praying for you dear. We can be a light for others still! I'm struggling too it's a hard thing to deal with. I wanted to go to a new church this last Sunday but I was sick, but I'm going to try and attend this Sunday. Do you have any pets? Pets love us unconditionally and can bring us love and comfort. God loves you! I am praying for God to heal you! Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon! xoxo
I know nothing bout your situation. there are two sides to every story. BUT even if you are 100% in the right these videos will not help your relationship with your daughter.
How is it possible to have a relationship with someone who set a boundary of no contact? And given that's the case, why not help other parents going through the same kind of heartbreak?
I was dumped at a mental hospital at birth and my adopted parents were horrible parents, they abandoned me at 11. And I still loved them and never threw it in their face and took care of them when they were elderly. I remembered all of their special dates and holidays . I love my children unconditionally and showed them every day and two of them have ghosted me. They claim I can't always be the victim when ad adults I told them what I dealt with. I seldom talked about my child hood or all the assaults. How dare they say that after I open up! Even the home that I built and was paying for it was taken to me by a crooked developer my whole life savings was wrapped up in it and I would be homeless if it weren't for my son. I can't believe I raise 2 such entitled selfish brats.
I'm so sorry for your losses, stay strong... 💕
Sounds like you have lifelong patterns of being TOO selfless and having no sense of boundaries. You should not have bent over backwards to help your parents, who could hardly be called that. Ironically, if you were the type of person who was capable of setting healthy boundaries with your parents, maybe you’d have healthier relationships with your children.
*Excellent 👌👍 video. Thank you for your contributions.*
I think you should get some adult children on who actually did endure actual abuse and neglect as a child yet are still in contact with their parents - to show these entitled cruel adult children was abuse really is. It’s therapists and social media promoting the breakdown of families, it’s an evil agenda.
@@FernandaHernandez-ks1te maybe in some cases of actual abuse, physical beatings, sexual molestation - in these cases I totally understand cutting all contact. However the majority of cases I read about are adult children who simply felt they were parented in a way which they now call abusive when it actually was not. I speak from experience of having an alcoholic father who caused a serious accident which caused a lengthy hospitalisation for me and my sister and a mother with a personality disorder which left her devoid of empathy and highly angry and cruel. However she has shown genuine remorse and my father has had to live with his actions and that is punishment in itself. I remain in contact because I made the decision to treat them how I wished to be treated - this is deeply humbling for them. So I do find letters sent to perfectly adequate parents who did not beat, abuse nor neglect their children talking about how they suffered to be pretty deluded to be honest and that’s why I made that comment. I am certainly not suffering from Stockholm syndrome.
Thank you so much for this!!! You may not be a therapist but maybe you should be. I got way more out of this than my counseling sessions. Of course that may be planned for a slower pace but this gives me a big picture. I love having a handle for the ambiguous grief. Most grief groups just deal with death.
NJ, thank you so much, I'm glad it's helping... 💗
It seems like it is in vogue to set boundaries with parents. Some think up to 30% of College students are estranged from their parents. When I was in College, this would have been called self absorbant indifference. It is NOT love. INDIFFERENCE IS NOT LOVE. It is the deepest form of cruelty inflicted on parents in order to be "current" and in style. It is pure hatred.
Thank you 🙏🇭🇲💖
Diane, my daughter estranged herself from everyone including her brother. Just wondering if your daughter did the same. Does she still speak to her sister?
Yes, she does.
If they resent you even after all you have done for them remove them from your will. They get nothing. Do not let anyone even offspring disrespect you. Never. All we can do is move on. But they get zero.
That's what we did!
Not surprising they resent what you did to them when you try to deflect with what you’ve done for them. Doubly so when you threaten removing from will, kids want decent parents not what you’ll leave behind.
Trust me, they are not expecting anything from you if they have removed themselves from your life.
@@Grellt It has nothing to do with punishing anyone or working. If your offspring resent you and have no respect for you then leaving them money all you just validate how they treated you. By leaving someone like that money you are just enabling their disrespectful behavior.
Much bitterness here when talking about inheritance.
These days we have to agree with everything they say and not try to offer advice either, or they consider going "no contact". That wasn't even a thing with a name a few years ago. Im not estranged but only because I'm lucky so far. You are a nice normal woman as far as i can see, in so much pain that you want to help others through theirs
@@ruffboiALTthere we have the first disagreement packed in a nasty comment and the assumption that someone isn’t in their right mind to think so and need therapy. Introspection is always good also for you.
@@ruffboiALT And I totally don’t expect that my children agree with me but the other way around was not possible. They cut me out of their lives because I didn’t agree with them. They called me names and got offended shouted and cursed like a bunch of morons. The only thing I expected was that we could talk about it in a decent way but oh no, they didn’t want to talk with “racists” whatever that means to them but definitely not according to my definition that’s for sure.
@@AnjaDellebarreWhat didn't they agree with you on?
@@ScarfMezzo On moral, political and religious topics. I disagreed with them and they with me. I wanted to talk with them they didn’t. I wanted to know where it came from to believe the way they did and asked questions. They didn’t want to answer. They said I wouldn’t understand. I said I would if they explained. They didn’t want to explain. I kept asking questions. They started to mention boundaries but never explained what and why “boundaries” They blocked me on everything. Case closed.
No doubt the sh$t talkers will be in the comments , soon😅
They are part of the problem.
Yup. Get your rubber boots ready!😊
@@inthekitchen8842 ready🫡for it !
I just realized if you report their comments it says HER CHANNEL will be affected, banned, comments suppressed etc!!!
So wooooow! Time to JUST IGNORE THEM COMPLETELY!!!!!
@drchristineobrien9704 I've no interest in reporting comments, free speech.
When I saw your first video, I honestly will admit. It triggered me with disgust. But I had to stop and check myself.
I had to tell myself you are a human being. I had to push through my own pain. Look past my own pain. That is when I truly heard what you were saying. I support you in this painful journey. I look forward to seeing you recover yourself. We lose so much of ourselves as parents..
If you stick around and watch more of her vids, you just might loop back around to disgust 😅
This has been a bit of a rabbit hole for me, I cut all contact with my parents at age 20 for 8 years and I'm now back in contact because I'm not doing fine financially but I'm planning on cutting contact again once I'm on my feet.
I don't think everyone has the best reason for distancing themselves nor do I think all parents are being honest but I had to grow up with an alcoholic father who beat me up every day and constantly reminded me that nobody wanted nor loved me and my mother sexually assaulted me, lied about me to the police and lied to me by telling me that both my grandma or my sister were dead in separate occasions.
So I want to remind both sides that horror stories do exist both for children and parents
Glad these horrible people are there to help you in your financial need
So basically you are using them, got it.
@@boxerspause I don't know if this comment will get deleted, RUclips has gone delete crazy with my comments lately but nobody who attacks or assaults me is allowed to be human so there isn't anything wrong with using them it's not like I'm hurting actual people with emotions just exploiting resources
@@boxerspauseexactly 💯! I’ll get stoned for my opinion but somebody’s lying. There’s no way that anyone/ or child now turned adult having received so much abuse and trauma in the past would dare be in the presence of their abusers and violators. Also if it’s to the point of them living with and now using their abuser(s) only means they’ve themselves abused the goodwill and kindness from others/ nonfamily that’s been afforded them. No one wants to deal with them. Make it make sense, Jmho.
Scratching my head here; they are horrible people, abuse you to the point the you left, but you are back for financial aid . Once you have what you came for , you will leave a gain .. ok
Some kids are just selfish and ungrateful doesn't matter what you did for him never has never will
Just like you.
Your daughter is losing out so much but doesnt realise it. One day her heart will open and she will feel so much grief and sadness for what she has done. Much love.
@@Oreo-gd2zq how do you know that? I don't think it's her best life if she is closing herself to love and support. Maybe she will need to learn the hard way to appreciate other people who love her.
@@Oreo-gd2zq Poor excuse of a mother! How ridiculous! What has she done or said in this video to deserve that?? She is only talking of her pain and how much she deeply misses her daughter. You have to be made of stone not to feel any compassion for her. Are you even human or are you a robot? Why do you enjoy attacking a woman who is in pain? I don't understand you at all. Life is about showing love and compassion not just about ourselves. But live a mean life if you want. It won't contribute any good to this world being that way. And it's just plain mean.
@@barbaras5874how do you know that? Why exactly do you think she cut her mother off? There are reasons. Speculation is stupid. You don't know her. You don't know the mom who uses the platform to blast her and act like some matyr for ~all the parents who have been cut off by their children~ please. The daughter wants to be left alone.
@@barbaras5874there are actually deepdives on how disgusting this woman is.
@@honeysuckles OK, I think the mom is leaving her alone. Do you really expect her to have zero emotions about a person she carried for 9 months and looked after for 18 years?? At least you should respect her right to have pain over being abandoned. It's not easy for parents. She is trying to help others. Many parents are suicidal due to this pain.
This is really good advice. However, if I had done my job as her father it wouldn't be like this. I just wish all this would just come to an end
BS quit taking all the blame. I did everything right and still don't have my daughter, and son who could care less unless there is something in it for him. Parents aren't always to blame, sometimes kids grow up to be self serving, self absorbed adult jerks who just won't accept any fault what so ever!
Parents are people and people are not perfect. Who defines what doing your job as a father should look like? Some fathers don’t even get the chance to do the things they want to do for their children. This doesn’t make them a lesser father.
We are all human. Would you say that your own parents were perfect, I don't know one soul who can say that. You, us, we all did the best we could. Sometimes we make mistakes but we learn and go on. This is the behaviour that they will teach the next generation, run away from your problems.
I don’t know, perhaps there’s nothing you could have done to change the outcome.
Coming from someone who went no-contact, good on you for taking accountability. A lot of people won't even do that. Take this time to focus on bettering yourself, whatever that means for you. This is a time for reflection and repairment. Estrangement is not always forever.
Do you reach out on their birthday when they dont respond every time you text or call?
Not anymore.
Wonder what lil narcissistic group your daughter got sucked up into. I watched my sister do this to my parents. When the narcissistic lil clique discarded her, she came back home. Acted like she didn't hate my parents anymore. Was awful to watch the pain she put my parents through.
It might be beneficial for us all to hear a short list of groups you think could be causing issues!
Youre everywhere calling the kids "little narcissists"
Theres some serious projecting coming from a grown woman. Act your age
@@fingersniff5520 most of the time these adult children have not endured actual real abuse at all. I think only a person devoid of mercy and compassion could cut out a parent that actively wants connection - and yes those are narcissistic traits. They see their parents only in relation to them …. They do not see them as human beings, as friends to others, as partners, as siblings as co-workers. That’s also a narcissistic trait. To see their parents existing only to serve and be perfect in relation to themselves and of course of not measuring up in meeting their childhood needs to perfection and therefore deserving of the “silent treatment” which is also a narcissistic trait so I think it’s a fair and accurate comment.
To me, you seem so genuine. I can’t believe the terrible things being said about. And the psychological diagnosing is unreal. My husband says people have the harshest reactions when they are presented with truth. The estranged adult children are dealing with a great amount of guilt.
Going on 16 yrs for me. All I feel is RAGE. Don't evr need to revisit the BS with the daughters. I'm over it
You are helping so many people ❤
I wonder if the daughter's issue with this mother and father is that they have different morality, and the daughter is too ashamed to be gay in front of them. I think it is almost like a mental illness where these children just have inexplicable feelings and reactions that result in them rejecting their parents. A lot of children do this to seem deep and edgy like they suffered through something in life even though their parents supported them in every way.
I had to laugh at your cautions about hiring a detective! Our estrangement began when my sons wife hired a detective to dig up dirt on me!
My sons fiance took video of me from her phone and told my son I didn't acknowledge her enough. 😮 kinda creepy and controlling
🎭 😢 🎭
What is the book on forgiveness you mentioned in one of your videos? Thanks!
An Open-Hearted Life by Russell Kolts and Thubten Chodron: amzn.to/3RVmGDh
@@estrangedparents thank you! 🙏🦋
My daughter cut me off..I'm 73 now..and I will.never understand why...I completely isolated myself