The real reason why NICE GUYS don’t get the girl
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- Опубликовано: 11 май 2022
- Why is it that Nice Guys never seem to get the girl. So many Nice Guys think that if they do everything the woman their dating asks then they’ll get the girl. Not true.
Women may say that they want to date a Nice Guy but often that relationship has a shelf life. This is why.
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Let me know what you would add to this.
If it’s to do with safety why would a girl go for a lying cheating stealing bad boy? Also why is it that only a woman could write or visit a rapist or murderer in prison declaring her undying love??
Nice guy turns into bad boy yet she still doesn’t want him lol
Nice Guys tend to have a hard time making their needs a priority and have difficulty asking for what they want in clear & direct ways. This creates a sense of powerlessness. Therefore, they frequently resort to manipulation when trying to get their needs met.
My ex-wife had a difficult relationship with her parents. It was very unstable and emotionally abusive. And so she liked the nice guy in me, my reliability, my ability to keep an ok job. She wanted to be treated like a princess. I never made enough money to make her kingdom the way she thought she should be. She wanted to be taken care of the way she wanted to be in her mind. But she could never trust anybody else besides herself in making decisions about her life and what she wanted. She could never trust me and my opinions. The last two years of our a marriage, I was either wrong or whatever I said was irrelevant and dismissed
She had to control the relationship from the first date until the divorce.
Once I explained this to my therapist and she said this about my wife. “Oh you married your mother and your father.”
As a woman, I have to say that the predictability explanation is absolutely spot on. Honestly, all of this was a surprisingly accurate analysis. Great job, and I appreciate that you do this without straight bashing women like some other male advice RUclipsrs. It’s refreshing and nice to see
Curious question. Do you want him to make you flinch without the actual punch from men?
The section on control for a desire for safety and it leading to resentment when you give them what they demand was so spot on! I've heard it described before, and painfully experienced it with one particular partner over and over, but I've never heard the dynamic described and diagnosed so well.
Yeah I agree.
I think that it being so hard to get a girl to even go out with you nowadays plays an important part on it.
We get so desperate that we begin to try to do everything we can to please her for fear of losing.
You summed it all up very well, now a lot of things of my previous relationship and its failiure is way more clear now
Epic advice and content, as always - Bravo!
Csn we consider for a moment, as we continually judge men who struggle to express their needs, that in its essence this issue is largely predicated on _women_ not authentically expressing _their_ needs?
Awesome, more people need to see this!
As a woman, I completely disagree. A predictable, hard working,honest man does feel safe… does not mean we will need to control and mother him.
Did he say unpredictable, lazy, dishonest men are what women want/feel as safe?
He said a certain amount of predictability is desired and attractive. A "HINT" of unpredictability brings excitement.
A woman that completely disagrees, shocker.
@@lukaswilsoniii because it creates tension - romantic or sexual.
Your first six words- the mantra of modern life 😅😅😅😅😅
I think Sadia Khan put it nicely. The problem with nice guys is not that they are nice, but their weak boundaries. If he tries to please his woman too much, she realizes it and can not trust him because he is being inauthentic. Usually women want kind men. Normal women don't want bullies. But being kind to a woman doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards every time she has an issue with something.
I dont have to create tension, my wife does it all by herself when we are out and she sees that other women are attracted to me. I am a nice guy 99% of the time.
The "nice guy" label means 100 different things to different people. Would be nice to break down all the meanings. Most men think they are ready for a relationship and deserve a 10 but would be absolutely terrible partners, then blame women bc they didn't want a nice guy. I hate this label being used as a way to be angry toward the opposite sex.
it means "people pleasing" in this context. It was defined by Robert Glover a number of years ago in the book No More Mr Nice Guy.
I get the impression that women want men who desire them but don't need them. In other words, if she starts to feel like your mother, starts to feel like you need her, then that's going to turn off her desire for you. Your job is to be constantly on vigilance for any lapses into neediness, co-dependency, etc. to root this out within your character. You shouldn't need a woman but instead want and desire a woman.
Don't forget that most "nice guys" also tend not to have a high smv. They might just be getting used.
I have scoured the internet for "Nice Girl" videos and can't find any.
An evolved woman is the rare bird. A rare bird wants the rare bird. To get the rare bird, you have to be the rare bird. This is a man who is a true gentleman with an edge- he has one or two unique pairings- he’s playful, a little cocky yet a gentleman; he’s very confident but not a door mat.
He’s unpredictable in a good way He’s not all alpha nor is he all beta; He’s a combination of the two.
A very feminine woman is not attracted to a feminine man, and a masculine man is not attracted to a masculine woman you have to have the balance of the two and you have to get the balance, right - The polarity has to be the correct balance between the two of you.
Very well said.
So true.
Thanks for putting that so eloquently. I'm in total agreement.
All I hear is "its all your fault" weman most affected
Safety for whom? Unpredictability? How come? Women are conniving, deceitful and manipulative as per what this man is talking about. Such a display of ruthlessness on the part of a woman is horrendous. This is extremely volatile and unhealthy behavior and can cause emotional trauma to a man. Needless to say, the degree of toxicity in today's dating culture is quite dangerous.
I am so chill. I actually plan to break up 18 months in when they start to feel bored. I've done this four times now.
All I do during the week is hit the gym for two-hour ls after work and meditate two hours, then I get in bed 10 hours before i need to be at work. I get that wholesome behavior is boring for women.
Planning to exit in 18 months is not chill. Doing it repeatedly is just plain mean.
@@sueinlove4772girls do it all the time.
Chill or avoidant? You sound checked out of life, just going with the daily grind. Without emotional vulnerability and connection, there is no love there. If you keep smelling shit, look at your own shoes. xo
@og8425 ? I don't have anything left to be emotionally vulnerable about. My resting heart rate is 35. I have zero anxiety or negative thoughts.
The fact that I am not a mess is what women find the most off putting and why they eventually feel a sense of alienation despite how emotionally available I am for their problems.
@@sueinlove4772 and avoidant
I can soooo relate man! I genuinely can’t understand why they do this?
May I know what a direct answer to this? Should then change because of this or??
I find this is relatable for a lot of men. There's a lot of reasons why some men become nice guys. If you're interested I'd say check out this video that I did with Dr. Robert Glover about this. ruclips.net/video/V_inI7FosB8/видео.html
Why nice guys dont get the girl - she doesnt like him physically. End of story.
I'm inclined to think it's not unpredictability women want. It's finding it and conquering it that they want. If they win the man becomes boring. If they lose it's because such competitive men are often violent but, even then, they gain the outraged sympathy of other women. Attention is also good for them.
If it’s to do with safety why would a girl go for a lying cheating stealing bad boy? Also why is it that only a woman could write or visit a rapist or murderer in prison declaring her undying love??
I will add to this. Why are there "nice guys"? And I'm divorced, currently married for 20 years. Maybe women will find this eye opening or helpful. Men are not as "needy" as women. By "needy", I mean they don't need as much (in a general sense). Men are more laid back, they don't need security, they don't need their friends to act a certain way, they don't need formalities. For men to be with their friends, men generally are happy "hanging out", with minimal talking or emotional interaction. Men are simple creatures. So being a "nice guy" is an extension of simplifying a relationship. Because men are OK when people are just nice to them, this is all they need. But yes, if you are a man, don't let your woman push you around. This commonly happened throughout history, maybe our fathers or grandfathers were dominated by their wives, it's a common theme on old TV shows and whatnot. So, if your woman wants you to go out with her sister and her husband and you just worked a long day, tell her, "Not tonight, I'm tired". Don't be a "yes, dear" man only. And if she bosses you around, tell her "imagine if I talked to you the way you talk to me".
This behaviour comes down to performing as you were never showed another way to connect safely with somebody. It's a false sense of security. I learned this performing as well as a little boy.
Women need their emotions constantly stirred. They don't care if it a 'good' feeling or a 'bad' one as long as they are feeling something. When they aren't feeling anything, that when the problem begin. The worst thing a man can do is be 'boring' to a woman.
Not all women were taught to be overly emotional. If you have to be an actor, then she is probably a very damaged person. Some of us were not looking to be constantly entertained and we don't find predictability boring. Unfortunately too many parents have given up their role in order to become the best friend of their child. It reminds me of people who can't deal with the basics of life.
How about talking about women hypergamy instead of encouraging them to leave decent men.
Woman Hypergamy has been a huge problem since generations more so in recent years in midst of increasing dating complexities and unrealistic relationship standards!!
I was told i was a " nice guy" a few times. They dont want a prick. Well i wont feed into the garage either of being someone whos going to land themself into jail. Been there where they tried to go back to their ex but didn't work, and then they realized they made a " mistake" . Well you had your opportunity.
Can you put time stamps in your videos pleaaase
Awesome content btw!
Something i heard on another RUclips channel awhile ago is that HONESTLY is another factor into it. If someone is always nice and positive thier not being honest with thier partner because life is not always nice and positive. So people realize that a nice guy/girl is not only being dishonest thier BS ing them.
As a woman, if I may add from my experience: 1) Some of the seemingly nicest guys have been the most evil, nasty creatures in private who have said some of the most hurtful things I've ever heard in my life. Masks are strong. 2) Sometimes there just isn't enough shared interest and values and the nice guy doesn't have that many interests outside of shallow things like sports (which is the equivalent to watching the Bachelor, it's just a drama at the end of the day, it's just TV) or they have no vision for their future outside of "checking off boxes like marriage and kids" as if they were possessions. These nice guys haven't found themselves yet, there is no depth there. Life is meaningless to them and no woman wants to sign up for a meaningless existence. 3) Some women have trauma and a nice guy doesn't fulfill the dopamine roller coaster, so be glad she left if you're that nice guy. 4) Learn your love languages. What he thinks is nice might not mean much to her. Maybe she doesn't love flowers but would love if you told her how much she meant to you once a week. We all feel love differently.
I"ll be 65 next week,as a lifelong,"Nice guy",I can say,"for me",you"ve given the best explanation,that I"ve ever read.I was alway"s over board on the "gifts" but was alway"s afraid to tell a woman how I really felt.MY dad passed when I was young and my mother was an extreme narssacist but we all have a story.
In re to number 2, what if you have done all you want to do in life but have children? I am going through a divorce, before you ask we dont have children (she failed to take care of our cat, along with household duties while being a stay at home mother to 0 children, so i could not honestly trust her with a child [the cat we got beginning of our relationship at her behest]), and i desire to be a father but only alongside a woman i believe would be a good mother, i grew up in an abusive household (mother) and a neglectful parent is the absolute last thing i want for my child.
@@OzzmanComith What's your question? :) Are you asking how children equate?
@@og8425 "vision for their future outside of "checking off boxes like marriage and kids" as if they were possessions." id like to know why having children is wrong or how they equate in your comment. I ask mainly because its my desire to have a child and give them an upbringing better than mine with a woman i feel that would love them as they deserve.
@@OzzmanComith Oh I see now, thank you for clarifying. I meant that some men treat these objectives as OBJECTS and accomplishments likes numbers, or pets, or possessions. They lack duty, love, and responsibility. You sound different than this. You sound like you desire to be a great parent who loves their children and help guide a human being to be an amazing person with a bright life who makes an impact on society. See the difference?
My thing is, Nice Girls can only stay with Nice Girls. Average Girls or Bad Girls can't be with Nice/Good Men.
I add that it not just about women, or men, the nice guy seems to repel all, including potential friends.
In general nobody likes an oversharer.. So it applies whethet you are talking to women or your male friends
I am nice to the extreme. So even the most sensitive woman on the planet will cringe.
Nobody noticed the ghost at 7:37? lol
I don’t know what circles you roam in. I don’t know any women who divorced a good man, because she was bored. All the women I know how have left or came close to leaving did it because he was cheating (or otherwise chronically inappropriate with other women), was fiscally irresponsible, and/or was controlling/borderline abusive. I married a “nice guy” geek who barely dated before we met. I absolutely did not leave because he was boring.
It happens. I was faithful, a great provider, father of her two children. I believe I was the safe 'nice guy' from growing up with an alcoholic narcissistic father. After 10+ years she simply said the love wasn't there anymore, wanted to separate so she could be with a new guy at her work. I'm not sure if I was less of a nice guy, maybe it was my attachment style or years of being married. People change.
@@user-ht1fh8bp5hThat wasn't right. It sounds like you were very good to her. I can't imagine throwing it away unless it's an intolerable situation.
@@reginasemenenko148I know a girl that left her 6 year long relationship because he treated her right. She was used to toxic men so when she met her ex, it was a shock. She told me that she never really did love him. All she did was break a good man and has a kid in a broken home.
@@avostorm8111 other than the kid and it being 8 year you just described my now ex-spouse. the 1st 4 months was the absolute worse because of the deep seeded betrayal that instills. Going through marriage consoling, solo since ex-spouse refused to join me, it was nice being told that i was a decent person with good character. Some of these "nice guys" that become so is from toxic female manipulation through the marriage where they are left feeling emotionally neglected to a point they try to please and then get used.
Soooo... what do women want?!?!
Sigmund Freud never figured it out either and he spent his life trying to find the answer.
I think when you say,”safety” that is only partially correct. If you look at the concept of primitive safety, selection was based on basically not being eaten. After that, there was a survivor gene that was passed on by women that may have been willing to have relationships with the strongest. They needed to live and that was the best way. Of course as we advanced in technology, this wasn’t entirely necessary and picking a brute for survival was less relevant. But the genes are still present. Why do women like bad boys? Because their ancestors lived long enough to reproduce due to this situation. Genetics. All those women that were attracted to weak men, got eaten while their weak man ran away. 😊
Make sure ya be slightly abusive whether it’s physically or emotionally about 5% of the time and your golden gentlemen. Then comfort her when she’s crying. Works everytime
I think it's mostly how good looking the woman thinks the guy is
chad thunderstroke has 8" of reasons why they normally leave #BiologicalLottery #InheritanceBaby #Daddy'sSpecialLittleBoy
Wow! I think nice guys are infinitely much 🔥 hotter than jerks -- in the short term, long term, and everywhere in between. How can you sustain a great relationship and healthy sex life with a jerk? I must be missing something.
From what I've learned. Most women are mentally broken. Because of this, women crave chaos. They want the abusive guy without the actual abuse. Also, women have a horrible "I can fix him" mentality and thus they chose the jerk/abuser because they believe they can fix that. Nice guys, come of as not needing to be fixed. Finally, single mothers. Girls grow up seeing their moms go through men and never a stable father figure. This is why the term "daddy issues" hurt women. They know it's true but won't accept it. A nice guy has stability. He doesn't want to hurt the girl but the girl cannot see that because of trauma. All in all, people need to just stop dating. Get mental help and actually stick with it. Fight the trauma and then try and find someone.
I want to say that you might not be honest with yourself and you are trying to say what you think men want to hear. I also speculate that you are probably more likely to be putting guys in the “friend zone” without even knowing it.
I don’t think we should be calling this behavior “nice guy” it’s very confusing. I think also women mistake respect for niceness a lot.
They get the girl because they talk too far from the microphone
Nice guys stay away from me. :( the only confident men who ask me out are horrible 😢
try asking one of them out. If you just sit around playing receptacle you'll be filled with unwanted visitors
I don't believe you at all.
Nice guys schmice guys where art though cat loving nice guy??
As a man over 60, I have found older women to just want a chauffer and a dinner date. Let them be grand mothers and you date younger women
Women will think about the nice guy once she is 39 years of age. She will be riding the Carousel for good bit. May 7, 2023.