+Frank James Because others aren't your worst critic, the worst critic you have is yourself, that's why you are dying inside. When you are kinder to yourself, you build a shield and allow only whatever you are telling yourself already. "Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light, some people need to help somebody when the edge of surrender's in sight." - Baywatch. Be your own Baywatch self talk.
Legit doe. Whenever I get a mean comment, it takes me a second, but I step back and remember that a happy person isn't going to leave a mean comment and they've got some stuff going on in their life that they've got to sort out. Love your videos, Amy!
Let’s face the reality ok! People talk behind and in front of you .its up to you how you take it. They have a mouth so they will speak and no one can change that. They criticise, let them, they talk, let them. But when you go successfully these will be the same people who will become honey coated and say nice things like oh ! I use to know ‘‘this is the guy, then he was in school with me or he is my relative .you need to know what should matter and what shouldn’t and you will be unstoppable.
I was always told to look where the comment is coming from and who from. If it's an influencer or an expert in your field it's probably just constructive criticism. If it's from someone who has no idea what it is you do, then take with a pinch of salt, say thank you and walk away. Just let it go. Thanks for a great video. It's always great to hear others opinions on this.
The professional "feedback" I get sometimes is the hardest to deal with, but I think it's because there is so much passion behind what I do. Thick skin is important but I feel self confidence is more important and allows you to not give a crap what others say. Great topic.
+Brad Davis "You can't do that with the violin, hip hop and violin don't mix, it sounded like a cat fight, there is no way you can make a living out of this, fill a theater, take my word for it, no." - America's Got Talent to Lindsey Stirling. Fast forward to the future and she's doing what the judges said that she couldn't do hahaha professionals.
I tend to get this way when I get good feedback at work! I love my job so much that if my boss calls me into her office and starts to compliment or congratulate me on the work I’ve been doing, I have to hold back tears bc I’m so happy!
+novakate You cry of joy because you rely on others to tell you that you are good, in negative you try to prove to others that you are good and when do good the cycle continues. Just like a girl said to me once "You are so funny. Really? Dude, you should know this already, just say, i know i am, aww you are sweet. No, no sweet, the truth, believe it".
Brad Davis I agree 100%. I put a lot of thought and work into each decision, each discussion, etc. Developing a thick skin professionally is more challenging for me at this season of my life.
👏👏👏 I’ve been accused by several close friends lately about not caring. The truth is I care about everything! So it’s hard not to take that personally. I tried to figure out what I could have done differently, but honestly I didn’t realize they felt that way until they said something. I can only control my actions and can only change things going forward. Hope that helps someone!
I needed this. I take too much too personally and I've been told so many times that I need to toughen up. That especially needs to happen if I want to continue my journey here and on Instagram. Thank you Amy!♥
I think the key to developing thick skin is to understand from what place people are giving their opinions. People who are giving constructive feedback are the people who care about you and support you. Those who give shit advice are people who when you think about it don’t really care about you or your journey. Once you realize that, the thick skin part comes from focusing on the people who care about you and ignoring those who don’t.
My parents can be critical and irrational in their responses to my decisions and thoughts. Although I care for them, I developed thick to to understand that they have their own opinion and what they think of me doesn’t matter more than what I personally think. I also try to develop thick skin when people are really kind to me. It may sound strange, but when someone really shows that they care for me emotionally (kind of like a mother’s love and reassurance) I feel like crying. But I don’t want to cry in front of them, so I try to hold back my tears and really want to develop thick skin for that. My mother doesn’t show that kind of love to me, so maybe that’s why I would feel like tearing up.
Great video Amy, Amazing timing for me to hear your POV on this as I have been 'feeling' a little too much from a couple troll comments I've gotten on my channel in the last couple days. It's a constant process this thickening the skin. I love your "I just deal with it like a phone call...I just don't pick up". Sage advice. Don't engage and always take the high road.
I was a really sensitive person when I was in middle school, but my skin has become thicker along the years, I care about the opinions about a selected few people I care about and that’s it.
It's super hard to know what feedback is truly valuable...a lot of the time I'm very critical of the work I put out. I'm lucky to be in that position! One time I was using a teaching tool I was told was very helpful for English learners, which is repeating their answers when I asked a question. And I went into a classroom of a teacher whom I hold in very high regard. But because she teaches a GATE class, she asked that I not inflate the kids' egos by "hanging on their every word." I was so surprised by that feedback on my teaching practice, it was delivered so kindly, but the timing of it was really wrong and I cried. Timing is everything. The moral of the story is, sometimes the people who help me get better may only enter when I'm ready for them. They're on the list but I have to go out and remove the rope myself.
I'm a film student and I struggle feeling I'm as good as my peers all the time. Film is so competitive! I don't think I care much about what they think, but what I think of myself and that many times isn't good. Your videos help though! Thanks for being awesome Amy
When you’re left hanging with an important project you’re not trained to do, working for free from home 10-12 hours a day just to keep up and teach yourself, then get criticized for getting it DONE last minute? Never been more angry.
People want to cause chaos\doubt\distractions due to their own emptiness\jealousy\anxiety\fear. I try to keep my mind focused on the job at hand-continuing to provide quality work-and also pray for them. Like Dory says, “Just keep swimming...” If something really gets under my skin, I use the 5 second rule and then get back to work.
"The most important opinion is mine." My opinion ^^, is that I think what Amy said there sums up the How To. If we know our circumstances, values and motivations for the decisions we make then we should use those realities as security against criticism. And, taking into consideration some people just "speak that way", it's better to have a default setting of assuming people have your best interest at heart when you're unsure. To switch things around, if you're someone who wants to share an opinion, I think it's important not to expect a positive reaction towards your opinion or some type of validation because an opinion doesn't become validated when someone agrees with you. It's your opinion, own it.
Ummmm, seriously, you are pretty much the bomb. Thank you for all your information, I'm a creator as well just different contect. I appreciate your research, experience, insights, etc... Im about the same age as you, I GET YOU and relate a lot, how life changes after 30, (im going to be 31 lol) and in June 4th! very close to yours too,.... anyways you are awesome! muah xo
I really, really need this. Thank you so much for everything you share with us, it means a lot to me, you have helped me to get out of a very dark place in my mind.
Hi Amy, I'm right there with you! I feel you must be heartless not to care. After reading The Four Agreements, one being not to take anything personally, I understand that what is coming from another person is their perspective and the way they see the world, not necessarily the way things are. I haven't gotten where I am on here by listening to anyone either, I loved that you said that. I think and think and overly think about what I'm doing and why and that alone can give you thick skin because you know why you are doing it and feel passionate about your reasons but at the same time you can feel hurt because someone just doesn't get it and what went into something. Great subject! ~Nikki
+Inspired by Nikki Life is like a tsunami, the only way to surf it is to not take it so seriously the high altitude, because you might fall when you look down and take your pride along with it, go with the wave and you will be fine.
Yesss Nikki, I agree! No one knows the journey we’ve been on and no one cares the hard work we took to get to where we are but others like to pick or give their opinion. For me I think it’s more pressure I put on myself. I’m an overachiever & perfectionist which really is not good bc it holds me back from fully jumping in bc of fear of what others “might” think but in fact I need to focus on who I can inspire & encourage not on the few that will be jealous or negative. 🌸Shannon
Great video! It has taken me a while to get a thicker skin, I remember in school I was always worried about what people thought. Now I still care what people think, but I don't act differently because of those comments. =)
When someone tells me something constructive and gives criticism that is trying to help me, then I think about it. It doesn't meant that I will follow their suggestion, but the other one has maybe made a point that makes the things that I do better. When someone tells me something that is not constructive, that is mean, that is meant to hurt me then I try to take these steps. 1. Smile. 2. Say: Thank you for your comment. 3. Think: Fuck you. It doesn't matter if it is a troll on the internet or your boss (even bosses can be mean), I always try to take the high road. Someone who wants to bring others down doesn't have my respect.
My problem is with my boss's feedback. It drives me crazy. He says ok go do this thing. after I am done, he says oh why you did that blah blah blah. This thing that I can not tolerate.
Thank you for being real and honest, Amy! This is so much better than "know-it-all" or "solve-it-all" types of advice! I'm glad I clicked on this video (: It made me feel better
this was the exact thing i needed to hear today, i end up hating people so much that it starts troubling me so much, i am thinking about those people all the time and keep practising phrases i am going to tell them next time, its just crazy
Love this, Amy! I think it's also important that you are your own number one fan of your work. Know that if other people criticize your work, it's simply because your work is not for them. You will eventually attract the right audience who will appreciate what you do. :) Just keep on being the better version of yourself. :)
LOVE this, thank you Amy! I just read your book and honestly it is literally the best training for beginners on RUclips that i have come across. Thank you for such an incredible resource. I also just bought your camera and lens last week, the editing software will take some time to get used to lol but i'm excited about upgrading my camera, so far my entire channel was recorded on my smart phone or lap top (with a few audio issues here or there) anyway THANK YOU I appreciate it, your book is also how I found your channel. :)
My rule is if you get a personal hate comment, block and delete. If you get a few constructive comments learn from it. If you get mostly bad comments, figure out what you did wrong, delete your video and start over.
That does work most of the time. Really with everything except targeted harassment because I've seen things get bad real quick when people send others to your video to make negative comments without watching the actual content.
I love your videos! I discovered you just a few weeks ago and have put into practice all your advice and it has helped me so much. I felt so depressed then I found your videos and it has lighten my mood a lot more. Thank you for being you!!! 🙌🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💓💓
I really agree with the idea that somebody's experience level, relationship to us, the way they say it, etc. gives feedback much more weight. I've gotten good at ignoring the random comments.
I tend to care too much about what others think. I have ideas at work and my co-workers shut it down. Especially the ones that don’t seem to have opinions of their own. Put me down. I have too thin skin. You have great tips!
I know I'm late to this thread, but I also want to point out that I don't have a support system that I can talk to about what bothers me most of the time, so having content like this is a great thing for me. Thanks Amy, and all who participated in this thread.
I don't do well with criticism either. It really is the way people say things when they're criticizing that bothers me most. Some people say things in a way where it's obvious they're trying to act like they are better than you in some way just to make themselves feel better. Those are usually the ones that I get angry at and am tempted to tell them off/defend myself. Then there are others who offer constructive criticism and are coming from a place of trying to help which is nice and all but in the end I'm always going to do what I want to do my way so I can continue to live an honest and more fulfilling life, so I really think they're just wasting their time.
I got the rudest harshest comment ever on Reddit (which was the first problem) and it attacked my motives, business, and my physical appearance. It was horrible and it really brought me down. But I realized this person didn't even take the time to watch my content and was basically unloading a lot of baggage on to me. It was so hard to hear but analysing the situation allowed for me to get some true perspective.
Reddit has some of the most disrespectful people and I think you are right, most of them are just unloading their baggage on other people. I believe the majority of active users there are unhappy, bitter, single males. I made the mistake of going there for some relationship advice a while back and got someone who just got so incredibly angry and cursed me out, saying they hope my bf cheats on me and I deserve all of that pain. Crazy and heartless stuff.
I'm a woman who does RUclips vids about technology (Hak5), so I've constantly dealt with personal attacks just because of my gender. I developed a thick skin by surrounding myself with positive people who provide criticism constructively, and who will work WITH me rather than against. I also drew a line between whose feedback I consider. A RUclips comment from someone I've never met? Or a person I work with every day?
Wonderful video. I would love advice on how to handle it when friends give you advice you do not ask for? Thank you so much. You have a delightful personality.
What if the opinions that put the most pain on you come from your own mother and someone whom you thought was a best friend? HSP here btw..so all of this hits home very hard. Thank you kindly for this video. 🙏
Amy I have been binge watching your videos over the last two days and I plan to buy your audiobook. I so wish I would have found this video sooner! I have a RUclips Channel with just shy of 30k subscribers over the last two years I have had to figure out how to develop a thick skin being very sensitive and self conscience. I appreciate every word that comes out of your mouth and I hope to someday reach the level you have reached today and where you will soar in the future! ❤️
I’m interviewing for an Executive Assistant position and am very much fighting my imposter syndrome. I know it’s going to be a huge challenge but praying my skin is thick enough to get me through
I'm always taking things to heart from everyone even the people I don't even know I've always been this way coz of obstacles in my younger life, I was bullied everyday, for my height because "I was too small to be in secondary school" I was the smallest in my school for 5 years running, I was bullied for my size, I'm not big width wise but my bones are different to everyone else making me look well out of proportion, So everything someone says to me be it nice or not either hurt or made me feel ok, unsure if I've gone of subject here I'm sorry this properly has nothing to do with it. I've always been scared to do things because of this e,g, write a post on a video, tell people about me because I've been judged, this is a reason I have no friends
I'm starting my own youtube channel *spanish only... And I always knew the trolls and hate comments would eventually come.... but it happened WAY EARLIER than I expected. I'm not even at 500 suscribers and there's already a random person who has created several accounts just to fill my channel with DISLIKES and hate comments. I felt SO DOWN the first 3 weeks..... nowadays I just delete the comments, sadly I can't do much about the dislikes.... they look nasty, but I'm just trying to cope with them internally.
What is your astrological sign? I’m very curious! Also, thank you so much for this video it came at perfect timing for me! I’m getting promoted and need to start having thicker skin and not taking this so personally! ❤️✨
There's such a huge difference between criticism and constructive criticism. Whether it's "right" or not, how people approach offering criticism makes all the difference between whether I'll write them off or take them into consideration. And then, there's the fact that I'm my own greatest critic. I'm more critical of myself than any other person could possibly be. That also tempers what I'll take and what I'll leave. Great topic! 🙌
Super helpful 💗. Got some negative feedback from my number 2 recently. It has thrown me off but I’m trying to get back on track. I have still managed to upload videos on time which I’m really proud of because that means it didn’t throw me as far off track as it could have.
I think I have a good thick skin, but I wish I have a thicker skin for when my dad criticizes my personality or something I do although I might not take it personally, cause he is the person who has the most impact on me about whatever he says to me, and if I think he's wrong about something he criticized me about I just can't show that to him anymore even if I'm right cause I don't feel confident, so it's mostly my dad. But one tip that helps me in general is that I tend to look at the point the other person is trying to make regardless the way he talks, it might hurts a little, but I always try to ignore that and think about what he says, cause I know I have no control over the way people talk so I change my focus, and if it hurt it'll pass. So if I had to sum it up it would be to change the way we look at it and what we focus on, and it's better to focus on what we can control.
This has been a huge, many years long challenge for me. I am a naturally emotional person. So, even when I know better, and I try sooo sooo hard to not, I will sometimes burst into tears at the slightest provocation. I went to my husband one day in tears because someone sent me an anonymous Ask on Tumblr slamming me as a person because I write fantasy books. I should know already that anonymous (especially Tumblr) usually means Troll. But, they said such awful things and it really upset me. I had a reply ready to argue every single point they tried to make. But, Hubby got me calmed down, took my phone, and deleted my reply before I hit send. It helps to have people remind you to try and tough it out when you want to go cry. That's been the big thing for me.
When you said the part about if these critics and if they are even putting in the effort themselves... oh my gosh, PING! PING! PING! I'm just like, "Is this good information they are giving me? If so why aren't THEY using it? It's a tricky balance. Thanks for being so vulnerable in your message here.
Growing up I took pride in going my own way. I got good grades and when I started working I got praise for hard work & loyalty. Clicks in school that didn’t want me or said unneeded comments to me rolled of me in my conviction I didn’t want to be like them anyway, that in ways I was better than them. Words could hurt but I could move on. Pride in short got me through, of being myself no matter what. I might not be popular but at least I had this & that. But in later years school & work got harder and I failed again & again. I felt less proud, less tough skinned. I came to notice that my work ethics really didnt fit today’s society, viewed too ”stiff”, too honest. And all that high-horsing in early teens left me feeling I lacked in social skills , that maybe you needed to conform more & be more shallow, trendy etc to make friends and I just don’t know how to. I overthink. It is a hard earned lesson that if your confidence & self-value is connected to accomplishment, it is frail. And here I stand today, working on it day by day to change just enough to become my view on a better me without feeling like a big phony. All critism I nowadays take too personally, not that i Ignore them but I rarely question them unless they are from my family. I hear compliments, positive things but I always expect a ”But...” of things I need to improve.
Since I studied about myself, I know for sure that no one knows about me this much but myself. Other people's opinions, even the negative ones are matter to me but I just agree or disagree with them because I know what works for me. If I agree, I would take it, if I disagree, I still understand they could say that way in their perspective, at that time.
Self-diagnosis 101 We are either; a) tolerant or b) intolerant of peoples comment and feedback. We either accept peoples criticism or we are Butthurt by people being critical towards us. I would scrap the "thin skin" narrative and get right to the truth; are we sometimes Butthurt by peoples cruelty towards us? Are you being unnecessarily Hyper Sensitive? easily disappointed? Well, darling perhaps the issue is with you? NOT Mature enough? Tool to work through the Butthurt: 1. Serenity Prayer. 2. Acceptance. 3. Tolerance. 4. Negative feedback is NOT a Surprise - quit acting like negative feedback is some sort of injustice. 5. STOP valuing other peoples opinion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at it but don't react to peoples words. 6. Dont give other peoples words Power over you. Stress hormones take 12 to 24 hours - allow your self 24-hour to sit on the pity pot and move on - 24 hours that's it no more whining. Sorry but..... learn NOT to be so easily disappointed.
What is bothering me is I’m the “nice one” who is always available. Beings I work from home everyone thinks I’m available. Yes, I could put my phone on “do not disturb” but how do you say no to family? I am finding that sleeping at my computer and waking up at 4 when no one is around is my time to work- till 8 and everyone is back up again.
It is always the responsibility of the communicator to insure that the communicatee receives and understands the message being communicated. If the communicator speaks in such a way that the communicatee becomes offended and shuts down, it is the communicator's fault. It is not the responsibility of the communicatee to not take offense to an offensive statement. It is on the communicator to adjust the statement so that the communicatee with both understand and receive the message. There are however, messages that cannot be adjusted or modified to make them Inoffensive as truth; primarily God's truth, which does not align with one's opinion is often, highly, offensive. As far as taking things personally or not taking things personally? I stopped listening to the idiots telling me that "it's not personal" or "don't take it personal" the day that I realized that Jesus Christ Himself takes things personally. Matthew 25:40: And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matthew 25:45: Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. Now if Jesus Himself takes poor treatment personally, how are we not to take poor treatment personally? Mt:18:7: Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! It is primarily God, and not man, that we need take care to not offend which if we do, the world will most certainly be offended for the world is an enemy at war with God. We can and ought to apologize when we offend others with our opinions as tour opinion may not be in line with God's truth. We however must never apologize when others are offended by God's truth as they are God's truth and not an opinion. Just as it would be inappropriate for me to apologize for Amy Landino's truth, it is much more inappropriate for me to apologize for God's truth. I'm going to end here as I feel a needless overly analyzed, excessively extrapolated drawn out theologicalized, excessively lengthy thesis coming on and in addition to my not wanting to write such, no one wants to read that.
One of the reasons I need thick skin: Every time someone finds out I’m going to homeschool my daughter, I instantly get the “homeschool kids end up with social problems” reaction. It makes me second guess my own decisions, even though I originally felt like it was the right thing to do.
I find homeschooling is wonderful. We need more parenting in this busy world. Parents as teachers of their kids are just amazing. You can really focus on the way your kid learns fastest. Schools don't have the resources to focus on individuality. We need more of that for sure 👍
I came to know you because I am a new vlogger and my wife gave me your book for Christmas. Apparently, she thought you could help me improve. Well, the book is wonderful and it has helped greatly so thank you for that. I became curious and chased you down here. You are amazing. Your vlog is amazing. I am now a subscriber and a fan. What a gift you bring to the lives of your viewers. Thank you so much.
I have only really just "discovered" you and your channel, and you may have already done something on this, however, I have developed a medium to thick skin (mostly) I have a couple of colleagues that are very challenging and every, I mean every conversation, turns confrontational and not constructive. I take advice (mostly) unless I'm right. LOL. Do you have something on building better working relationships and if not would you? I have already adopted calendar blocking for the last month and I cannot thank you enough! Still trying to get up early though. Like Jim Rohn said, " work harder on yourself than you do at your job" I work hard at my job, I had forgotten to work on me. Thank you, Amy, I thought I had it sussed, but now every day is more of a school day than ever before. Subscribed too!
Ahh my RUclips girlfriend Amy Landino hehehe. I learned new words from you today; Impostor syndrome, dingbat, misfit, peanut gallery...thanks Google. Developing thick skin, my opinion matters the most, receive opinions when in a constructive way and you feel peace when you take a note, my gut feeling is my best friend. Hakuna matata your life.
I remember When I got my first personal, negative comment & I took it very offensively.... I gave in and said something back. I do believe I’ve gotten better, but I also understand that I’m only going to get more as I grow so this was really helpful, thank you Amy!
I'm mainly dealing with thick skin when my target customer in my business is on a prospect/sales call and becomes insulting/rude/condescending - mainly when i know that they are someone I can help and would actually be my dream customer - but I can't control how they act. Ultimately I don't get the sale because of how rude they were, but then i ruminate on it so much - and replay the words they said in my head to figure out how not to get this reaction again. I generally hear the same series of rude/insulting/condescending words and when I hear those, they cut deep. I also STRONGLY disagree with the truth behind these words, but I'm wondering why my target customer would even say them.
Thanks - a good video and important topic for anybody creating a public persona. Because you are going to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous ... trolls. Some folks don't have a life ... so they want to take yours o.O. Such folks are more to be pitied than loathed, I think. I find it difficult to imagine having such an empty existence ... When I first began teaching, my mentor showed me 2 reviews he had received. One was a 5-star "fire-walled" review. He walked on water. The other was a miasma of troll dung. He was the devil incarnate. The two reviews were from the exact same class and section ... he said, "You can't please everybody. Don't worry about the reviews; just do what's right."
I think I need to develop thicker skin when it comes to criticism from my extended family re where I am in my life right now. For the most part, I like the person I've become at 60 years-old. Finally. But one word from my family, and I start questioning EVERYTHING about my life! And I don't even have regular contact with them which is the funny thing. Maybe that's the very reason I don't have contact with them. Lol.
When ANYONE says anything negative about me. My very thin skin starts to crack, sadly. Gotta learn techniques and strategies to better emotionally process this and keep it from continuously happening.
Sooo...I sort of believe that I have BP Disorder (BPD). I saw a psychologist say (on RUclips ) that people with BPD tend to have "a thin skin ". Having said that, I have noticed that there are certain comments/opinions/criticisms that I put more stock in depending on certain characteristics of the person sharing said comments. If the person is eloquent, articulate, educated, or accomplished within their particular field, I definitely put more stock in, take to heart more of what is said.
I've lived with my aunt for the past 2 years... and she's very opinionated, and what she says to me always make me feel belittled or inferior. I consider her to be a bully. Not on purpose... I know I'm not perfect and she just wants the best for me. But in her world, I would have to be a robot who did and spoke everything she wanted... and that just is not the case. I'm a stubborn girl and I don't take criticism too well... I'm often very hard on myself. This video was helpful, but at the same time I recognize that thick skin just comes with practice... and also trying to understand what motivates people to say hurtful things... (even if they don't intend to be hurtful) A sensitive topic for sure. (Pun intended).
Omg I totally relate with the thing about /how/ the person gives the message makes all the difference. And I also realized that I couldn't change that about the person.... seriously struggling with deciphering people's messages without getting offended by just the way they talk
Amy thnx, I realy appreciate that (you don't like the people who made me ask this question).Overall, this video was very beneficial for me thus I have subscribed to your channel.
I am offended when people are judgmental about my actions and those of others. Right now, it centers around political views. I am friends with people who don't believe as I do...I have no problem with that. Also, if people gently say things about others or give me "advice" I'm okay with that. It's when people rail about my actions or those of others that it really affects me negatively. I don't know how to handle the situation at the time and my hurt/angry/disappointed feelings/thoughts afterwards.
Before to listen someone else opinion, I kind of look who’s talking, what kind of life that person has 🤔...not sure if is correct or not...., but I find that if people want to give suggestions, they kind of have to put their own advise in practice...if the person’s life doesn’t reflect their advice...I kind of just disregard the opinion 😄...for me is like they don’t know what they’re talking about 🤗
"Only people who are helping me get better may enter." I love that so much. Sometimes I get very nasty comments, more on my blog than on my youtube channel, from people basically telling me I don't know what I'm talking about. I've decided if they don't have anything online that indicates that they know better(and they never do), I'm not going to pay them any mind. That's what my logical mind says, but my emotional mind is like, "How could they say that? Where did I go wrong?" So yeah, this thick skin thing is hard.
When I organize an event or have something coming up that I know is going to get "comments" directed at me, I first talk it all through with my co-workers I DO trust, so they can bring up points I may have missed & we improve it then. I then face the day of the event and after with a resolve that I did what I could do. If or when people challenge me on my choices, it's still annoying, but I've already thought it through as to the "WHY" I did such-and-such. It helps me feel more in control of my response!
I can't control and change what and how other people think and talk about myself. The reverse is also true. Other people can't control and change what and how I think and talk about myself and other people. #fact. Thank you for sharing this universal fact and reality.
50 yrs ago....a critic of oratory delivery would chew this female up and spit her out...really really really sloppy speech. Really really really childish with the "uptalk?" Anyone can tell she is full of herself...life is exasperating...these days...
I work construction I am female. I work with people who's first language is not English and my boss is a yeller. I get made fun of alot i try and ask questions and no one helps. I get called names and I am anxious 24 7
See I'm the opposite of this. I'm super paranoid at my job that the littlest criticism means I'm getting the ax soon. Whereas in my personal life...I don't give a flip. Bring it on, I'll fight ya. LOL.
I had a boss (notice I did not say manager). This person got me to the point of literally scratching my eyes out. This boss would not look at the work I was doing for the company with me and not ask me why. Instead my collegues’ spent their 1:1 meetings guessing what I was doing. Once, I was called over during one of my coworker’s meetings and was asked for an explanation..and as I BEGAN to respond, my boss talked over me with nothing that had to do with what I was asked to explain. My boss proceeded to raise their voice and I naturally met the same vocal level because at that point I was explaining to my coworker. The next day, my boss asked me to step into a meeting room and screamed at me for answering the question. And that screaming went on for five minutes. The people around that meeting room were stunned at how unprofessional the screaming was and they were concerned for my safety. That was the toxic environment I was working in for two years and that stops me from considering working for anyone ever again.
I would be the first one to admit that I am SENSITIVE. My problem with growing thick skin is that it takes me a little while to recognize the real genuine people in life that will share their true opinion. Of course, I have my family and close friends that will be straight with me but let's face it we don't see each other every day. However, it gets easier to know who I should and shouldn't listen to over time and experience.
My mother always taught me.. "If you care what people say or think about you, you'll go crazy". Great message here.
HAHA that's is so true 😂
V Reacts 👏👏👏
Mother's advice is THE best! 🙌
V Reacts lol I think I did at one point wen I was younger because I was never told this...thankksss
Same
Dr. Seuss said it best "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I love it!
I think, sometimes, having a thick skin is just actually pretending you don't care about criticism and negativity while you're dying inside...
+Frank James Because others aren't your worst critic, the worst critic you have is yourself, that's why you are dying inside. When you are kinder to yourself, you build a shield and allow only whatever you are telling yourself already. "Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light, some people need to help somebody when the edge of surrender's in sight." - Baywatch. Be your own Baywatch self talk.
Frank James so wise!
Frank James but no one is entitled to no criticism in life.
You will get criticism no matter what
Hey guys. When you know your truth as in the person you are and God know that you're other people's opinions won't matter. Live free in Jesus.
OMG I WATCH YOUR VIDEOS ALL THE TIME😱😱😱😱😱😳😳😳🤯🤯
"The most important opinion is mine." Love it! Thanks Amy!
"it's like a phone call, I just don't pick up" I relate so much 😂
Legit doe. Whenever I get a mean comment, it takes me a second, but I step back and remember that a happy person isn't going to leave a mean comment and they've got some stuff going on in their life that they've got to sort out. Love your videos, Amy!
Let’s face the reality ok! People talk behind and in front of you .its up to you how you take it. They have a mouth so they will speak and no one can change that. They criticise, let them, they talk, let them. But when you go successfully these will be the same people who will become honey coated and say nice things like oh ! I use to know ‘‘this is the guy, then he was in school with me or he is my relative .you need to know what should matter and what shouldn’t and you will be unstoppable.
The first ten seconds of this 😂 I LOVE it. Thank you. I need to listen to this video on repeat as I am pretty sensitive.
I laughed out loud for waayyy too long ! Took my a couple min to watch the remainder of the video lol
I was always told to look where the comment is coming from and who from.
If it's an influencer or an expert in your field it's probably just constructive criticism.
If it's from someone who has no idea what it is you do, then take with a pinch of salt, say thank you and walk away. Just let it go.
Thanks for a great video. It's always great to hear others opinions on this.
The professional "feedback" I get sometimes is the hardest to deal with, but I think it's because there is so much passion behind what I do. Thick skin is important but I feel self confidence is more important and allows you to not give a crap what others say. Great topic.
+Brad Davis "You can't do that with the violin, hip hop and violin don't mix, it sounded like a cat fight, there is no way you can make a living out of this, fill a theater, take my word for it, no." - America's Got Talent to Lindsey Stirling. Fast forward to the future and she's doing what the judges said that she couldn't do hahaha professionals.
I tend to get this way when I get good feedback at work! I love my job so much that if my boss calls me into her office and starts to compliment or congratulate me on the work I’ve been doing, I have to hold back tears bc I’m so happy!
Negative feedback is another story, I really don’t like it and try to out perform so I can avoid it altogether
+novakate You cry of joy because you rely on others to tell you that you are good, in negative you try to prove to others that you are good and when do good the cycle continues. Just like a girl said to me once "You are so funny. Really? Dude, you should know this already, just say, i know i am, aww you are sweet. No, no sweet, the truth, believe it".
Brad Davis I agree 100%. I put a lot of thought and work into each decision, each discussion, etc. Developing a thick skin professionally is more challenging for me at this season of my life.
👏👏👏 I’ve been accused by several close friends lately about not caring. The truth is I care about everything! So it’s hard not to take that personally. I tried to figure out what I could have done differently, but honestly I didn’t realize they felt that way until they said something. I can only control my actions and can only change things going forward. Hope that helps someone!
I needed this. I take too much too personally and I've been told so many times that I need to toughen up. That especially needs to happen if I want to continue my journey here and on Instagram. Thank you Amy!♥
I think the key to developing thick skin is to understand from what place people are giving their opinions. People who are giving constructive feedback are the people who care about you and support you. Those who give shit advice are people who when you think about it don’t really care about you or your journey. Once you realize that, the thick skin part comes from focusing on the people who care about you and ignoring those who don’t.
My parents can be critical and irrational in their responses to my decisions and thoughts. Although I care for them, I developed thick to to understand that they have their own opinion and what they think of me doesn’t matter more than what I personally think.
I also try to develop thick skin when people are really kind to me. It may sound strange, but when someone really shows that they care for me emotionally (kind of like a mother’s love and reassurance) I feel like crying. But I don’t want to cry in front of them, so I try to hold back my tears and really want to develop thick skin for that. My mother doesn’t show that kind of love to me, so maybe that’s why I would feel like tearing up.
Great video Amy, Amazing timing for me to hear your POV on this as I have been 'feeling' a little too much from a couple troll comments I've gotten on my channel in the last couple days. It's a constant process this thickening the skin. I love your "I just deal with it like a phone call...I just don't pick up". Sage advice. Don't engage and always take the high road.
Great to see you here Philip! Important to stay focused no matter what the haters say. Later haters!
amen sista. see you soon for our interview...:-)
I was a really sensitive person when I was in middle school, but my skin has become thicker along the years, I care about the opinions about a selected few people I care about and that’s it.
It's super hard to know what feedback is truly valuable...a lot of the time I'm very critical of the work I put out. I'm lucky to be in that position! One time I was using a teaching tool I was told was very helpful for English learners, which is repeating their answers when I asked a question. And I went into a classroom of a teacher whom I hold in very high regard. But because she teaches a GATE class, she asked that I not inflate the kids' egos by "hanging on their every word." I was so surprised by that feedback on my teaching practice, it was delivered so kindly, but the timing of it was really wrong and I cried. Timing is everything.
The moral of the story is, sometimes the people who help me get better may only enter when I'm ready for them. They're on the list but I have to go out and remove the rope myself.
I'm a film student and I struggle feeling I'm as good as my peers all the time. Film is so competitive! I don't think I care much about what they think, but what I think of myself and that many times isn't good. Your videos help though! Thanks for being awesome Amy
When you’re left hanging with an important project you’re not trained to do, working for free from home 10-12 hours a day just to keep up and teach yourself, then get criticized for getting it DONE last minute? Never been more angry.
This is a hard thing to tackle for me... but I'm working on it!
People should have to undergo a mandatory mental evaluation before commenting on other people’s content.
Someone told me that they would date me if I was a little thinner.....yeah...
People want to cause chaos\doubt\distractions due to their own emptiness\jealousy\anxiety\fear. I try to keep my mind focused on the job at hand-continuing to provide quality work-and also pray for them. Like Dory says, “Just keep swimming...” If something really gets under my skin, I use the 5 second rule and then get back to work.
"The most important opinion is mine."
My opinion ^^, is that I think what Amy said there sums up the How To.
If we know our circumstances, values and motivations for the decisions we make then we should use those realities as security against criticism.
And, taking into consideration some people just "speak that way", it's better to have a default setting of assuming people have your best interest at heart when you're unsure.
To switch things around, if you're someone who wants to share an opinion, I think it's important not to expect a positive reaction towards your opinion or some type of validation because an opinion doesn't become validated when someone agrees with you. It's your opinion, own it.
Ummmm, seriously, you are pretty much the bomb. Thank you for all your information, I'm a creator as well just different contect. I appreciate your research, experience, insights, etc... Im about the same age as you, I GET YOU and relate a lot, how life changes after 30, (im going to be 31 lol) and in June 4th! very close to yours too,.... anyways you are awesome! muah xo
I really, really need this. Thank you so much for everything you share with us, it means a lot to me, you have helped me to get out of a very dark place in my mind.
Hi Amy, I'm right there with you! I feel you must be heartless not to care. After reading The Four Agreements, one being not to take anything personally, I understand that what is coming from another person is their perspective and the way they see the world, not necessarily the way things are. I haven't gotten where I am on here by listening to anyone either, I loved that you said that. I think and think and overly think about what I'm doing and why and that alone can give you thick skin because you know why you are doing it and feel passionate about your reasons but at the same time you can feel hurt because someone just doesn't get it and what went into something. Great subject! ~Nikki
+Inspired by Nikki Life is like a tsunami, the only way to surf it is to not take it so seriously the high altitude, because you might fall when you look down and take your pride along with it, go with the wave and you will be fine.
Heartless not to care??? lol
Yesss Nikki, I agree! No one knows the journey we’ve been on and no one cares the hard work we took to get to where we are but others like to pick or give their opinion. For me I think it’s more pressure I put on myself. I’m an overachiever & perfectionist which really is not good bc it holds me back from fully jumping in bc of fear of what others “might” think but in fact I need to focus on who I can inspire & encourage not on the few that will be jealous or negative. 🌸Shannon
Very well said! I am focusing on that as well. For some reasons our minds automatically do that so it's all about training them not to.
Great video! It has taken me a while to get a thicker skin, I remember in school I was always worried about what people thought. Now I still care what people think, but I don't act differently because of those comments. =)
Shannon Torrens for me it was jr high!
When someone tells me something constructive and gives criticism that is trying to help me, then I think about it. It doesn't meant that I will follow their suggestion, but the other one has maybe made a point that makes the things that I do better.
When someone tells me something that is not constructive, that is mean, that is meant to hurt me then I try to take these steps. 1. Smile. 2. Say: Thank you for your comment. 3. Think: Fuck you. It doesn't matter if it is a troll on the internet or your boss (even bosses can be mean), I always try to take the high road. Someone who wants to bring others down doesn't have my respect.
My problem is with my boss's feedback. It drives me crazy. He says ok go do this thing. after I am done, he says oh why you did that blah blah blah. This thing that I can not tolerate.
Thank you for being real and honest, Amy! This is so much better than "know-it-all" or "solve-it-all" types of advice! I'm glad I clicked on this video (: It made me feel better
this was the exact thing i needed to hear today, i end up hating people so much that it starts troubling me so much, i am thinking about those people all the time and keep practising phrases i am going to tell them next time, its just crazy
Love this, Amy! I think it's also important that you are your own number one fan of your work. Know that if other people criticize your work, it's simply because your work is not for them. You will eventually attract the right audience who will appreciate what you do. :) Just keep on being the better version of yourself. :)
LOVE this, thank you Amy! I just read your book and honestly it is literally the best training for beginners on RUclips that i have come across. Thank you for such an incredible resource. I also just bought your camera and lens last week, the editing software will take some time to get used to lol but i'm excited about upgrading my camera, so far my entire channel was recorded on my smart phone or lap top (with a few audio issues here or there) anyway THANK YOU I appreciate it, your book is also how I found your channel. :)
Why is this video is all about you? I came here for effective advises And the. Only thing I got is listening to you rant for 10 minutes
Sorry you feel that way. Sounds like it wasn’t a good fit for you and you’re more than welcome to move on.
I love that you love Gretchen Rubin as much as I do! I'm a total upholder, with a questioner wing.
My rule is if you get a personal hate comment, block and delete. If you get a few constructive comments learn from it. If you get mostly bad comments, figure out what you did wrong, delete your video and start over.
That does work most of the time. Really with everything except targeted harassment because I've seen things get bad real quick when people send others to your video to make negative comments without watching the actual content.
Well, that's where you are allowed to turn off commenting and there you go.
I love your videos! I discovered you just a few weeks ago and have put into practice all your advice and it has helped me so much. I felt so depressed then I found your videos and it has lighten my mood a lot more. Thank you for being you!!! 🙌🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💓💓
I really agree with the idea that somebody's experience level, relationship to us, the way they say it, etc. gives feedback much more weight. I've gotten good at ignoring the random comments.
Damn, are you a Virgo? Love from houston!
I tend to care too much about what others think. I have ideas at work and my co-workers shut it down. Especially the ones that don’t seem to have opinions of their own. Put me down. I have too thin skin. You have great tips!
I hope they help Nancy!
I know I'm late to this thread, but I also want to point out that I don't have a support system that I can talk to about what bothers me most of the time, so having content like this is a great thing for me. Thanks Amy, and all who participated in this thread.
I don't do well with criticism either. It really is the way people say things when they're criticizing that bothers me most. Some people say things in a way where it's obvious they're trying to act like they are better than you in some way just to make themselves feel better. Those are usually the ones that I get angry at and am tempted to tell them off/defend myself. Then there are others who offer constructive criticism and are coming from a place of trying to help which is nice and all but in the end I'm always going to do what I want to do my way so I can continue to live an honest and more fulfilling life, so I really think they're just wasting their time.
I got the rudest harshest comment ever on Reddit (which was the first problem) and it attacked my motives, business, and my physical appearance. It was horrible and it really brought me down. But I realized this person didn't even take the time to watch my content and was basically unloading a lot of baggage on to me. It was so hard to hear but analysing the situation allowed for me to get some true perspective.
Reddit has some of the most disrespectful people and I think you are right, most of them are just unloading their baggage on other people. I believe the majority of active users there are unhappy, bitter, single males. I made the mistake of going there for some relationship advice a while back and got someone who just got so incredibly angry and cursed me out, saying they hope my bf cheats on me and I deserve all of that pain. Crazy and heartless stuff.
People who claim to have "thick skin"....just havent been insulted properly.
I'm a woman who does RUclips vids about technology (Hak5), so I've constantly dealt with personal attacks just because of my gender. I developed a thick skin by surrounding myself with positive people who provide criticism constructively, and who will work WITH me rather than against. I also drew a line between whose feedback I consider. A RUclips comment from someone I've never met? Or a person I work with every day?
I’m a photographer and live by the adage, if you don’t want to be criticized don’t do anything new. Cheers Amy.
First ten seconds I felt that shit hard liked and subscribed
I'm trying to find out how to literally have tougher skin, because sensitive skin is very painful!
People who claim to have "thick skin" just havent been properly insulted.
Wonderful video. I would love advice on how to handle it when friends give you advice you do not ask for? Thank you so much. You have a delightful personality.
What if the opinions that put the most pain on you come from your own mother and someone whom you thought was a best friend? HSP here btw..so all of this hits home very hard. Thank you kindly for this video. 🙏
Amy I have been binge watching your videos over the last two days and I plan to buy your audiobook. I so wish I would have found this video sooner! I have a RUclips Channel with just shy of 30k subscribers over the last two years I have had to figure out how to develop a thick skin being very sensitive and self conscience. I appreciate every word that comes out of your mouth and I hope to someday reach the level you have reached today and where you will soar in the future! ❤️
I’m interviewing for an Executive Assistant position and am very much fighting my imposter syndrome. I know it’s going to be a huge challenge but praying my skin is thick enough to get me through
I'm always taking things to heart from everyone even the people I don't even know I've always been this way coz of obstacles in my younger life, I was bullied everyday, for my height because "I was too small to be in secondary school" I was the smallest in my school for 5 years running, I was bullied for my size, I'm not big width wise but my bones are different to everyone else making me look well out of proportion, So everything someone says to me be it nice or not either hurt or made me feel ok, unsure if I've gone of subject here I'm sorry this properly has nothing to do with it. I've always been scared to do things because of this e,g, write a post on a video, tell people about me because I've been judged, this is a reason I have no friends
why did just that intro already make me cry
I'm starting my own youtube channel *spanish only... And I always knew the trolls and hate comments would eventually come.... but it happened WAY EARLIER than I expected. I'm not even at 500 suscribers and there's already a random person who has created several accounts just to fill my channel with DISLIKES and hate comments. I felt SO DOWN the first 3 weeks..... nowadays I just delete the comments, sadly I can't do much about the dislikes.... they look nasty, but I'm just trying to cope with them internally.
I feel like THIS is my time to develop a thicker skin.... Its not pretty... but I'm taking the best out of this situation.
What is your astrological sign? I’m very curious! Also, thank you so much for this video it came at perfect timing for me! I’m getting promoted and need to start having thicker skin and not taking this so personally! ❤️✨
There's such a huge difference between criticism and constructive criticism. Whether it's "right" or not, how people approach offering criticism makes all the difference between whether I'll write them off or take them into consideration. And then, there's the fact that I'm my own greatest critic. I'm more critical of myself than any other person could possibly be. That also tempers what I'll take and what I'll leave. Great topic! 🙌
This is great advice. Most people know this thing, but a reminder like this video is always great. Thank you for this video.
I just subscribed to your channel and it’s pretty awesome
Super helpful 💗. Got some negative feedback from my number 2 recently. It has thrown me off but I’m trying to get back on track. I have still managed to upload videos on time which I’m really proud of because that means it didn’t throw me as far off track as it could have.
I think I have a good thick skin, but I wish I have a thicker skin for when my dad criticizes my personality or something I do although I might not take it personally, cause he is the person who has the most impact on me about whatever he says to me, and if I think he's wrong about something he criticized me about I just can't show that to him anymore even if I'm right cause I don't feel confident, so it's mostly my dad.
But one tip that helps me in general is that I tend to look at the point the other person is trying to make regardless the way he talks, it might hurts a little, but I always try to ignore that and think about what he says, cause I know I have no control over the way people talk so I change my focus, and if it hurt it'll pass. So if I had to sum it up it would be to change the way we look at it and what we focus on, and it's better to focus on what we can control.
This has been a huge, many years long challenge for me. I am a naturally emotional person. So, even when I know better, and I try sooo sooo hard to not, I will sometimes burst into tears at the slightest provocation. I went to my husband one day in tears because someone sent me an anonymous Ask on Tumblr slamming me as a person because I write fantasy books. I should know already that anonymous (especially Tumblr) usually means Troll. But, they said such awful things and it really upset me. I had a reply ready to argue every single point they tried to make. But, Hubby got me calmed down, took my phone, and deleted my reply before I hit send. It helps to have people remind you to try and tough it out when you want to go cry. That's been the big thing for me.
When you said the part about if these critics and if they are even putting in the effort themselves... oh my gosh, PING! PING! PING!
I'm just like, "Is this good information they are giving me? If so why aren't THEY using it? It's a tricky balance.
Thanks for being so vulnerable in your message here.
Growing up I took pride in going my own way. I got good grades and when I started working I got praise for hard work & loyalty.
Clicks in school that didn’t want me or said unneeded comments to me rolled of me in my conviction I didn’t want to be like them anyway, that in ways I was better than them. Words could hurt but I could move on.
Pride in short got me through, of being myself no matter what. I might not be popular but at least I had this & that.
But in later years school & work got harder and I failed again & again.
I felt less proud, less tough skinned. I came to notice that my work ethics really didnt fit today’s society, viewed too ”stiff”, too honest.
And all that high-horsing in early teens left me feeling I lacked in social skills , that maybe you needed to conform more & be more shallow, trendy etc to make friends and I just don’t know how to. I overthink.
It is a hard earned lesson that if your confidence & self-value is connected to accomplishment, it is frail. And here I stand today, working on it day by day to change just enough to become my view on a better me without feeling like a big phony.
All critism I nowadays take too personally, not that i Ignore them but I rarely question them unless they are from my family. I hear compliments, positive things but I always expect a ”But...” of things I need to improve.
Since I studied about myself, I know for sure that no one knows about me this much but myself. Other people's opinions, even the negative ones are matter to me but I just agree or disagree with them because I know what works for me. If I agree, I would take it, if I disagree, I still understand they could say that way in their perspective, at that time.
I had to sub. It took me a while but I did lol 😆 good stuff on your channel🤗
Self-diagnosis 101
We are either; a) tolerant or b) intolerant of peoples comment and feedback. We either accept peoples criticism or we are Butthurt by people being critical towards us.
I would scrap the "thin skin" narrative and get right to the truth; are we sometimes Butthurt by peoples cruelty towards us?
Are you being unnecessarily Hyper Sensitive? easily disappointed? Well, darling perhaps the issue is with you? NOT Mature enough?
Tool to work through the Butthurt:
1. Serenity Prayer.
2. Acceptance.
3. Tolerance.
4. Negative feedback is NOT a Surprise - quit acting like negative feedback is some sort of injustice.
5. STOP valuing other peoples opinion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at it but don't react to peoples words.
6. Dont give other peoples words Power over you.
Stress hormones take 12 to 24 hours - allow your self 24-hour to sit on the pity pot and move on - 24 hours that's it no more whining.
Sorry but..... learn NOT to be so easily disappointed.
What is bothering me is I’m the “nice one” who is always available. Beings I work from home everyone thinks I’m available. Yes, I could put my phone on “do not disturb” but how do you say no to family? I am finding that sleeping at my computer and waking up at 4 when no one is around is my time to work- till 8 and everyone is back up again.
It is always the responsibility of the communicator to insure that the communicatee receives and understands the message being communicated. If the communicator speaks in such a way that the communicatee becomes offended and shuts down, it is the communicator's fault. It is not the responsibility of the communicatee to not take offense to an offensive statement. It is on the communicator to adjust the statement so that the communicatee with both understand and receive the message.
There are however, messages that cannot be adjusted or modified to make them Inoffensive as truth; primarily God's truth, which does not align with one's opinion is often, highly, offensive.
As far as taking things personally or not taking things personally?
I stopped listening to the idiots telling me that "it's not personal" or "don't take it personal" the day that I realized that Jesus Christ Himself takes things personally.
Matthew 25:40: And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
Matthew 25:45: Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.
Now if Jesus Himself takes poor treatment personally, how are we not to take poor treatment personally?
Mt:18:7: Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
It is primarily God, and not man, that we need take care to not offend which if we do, the world will most certainly be offended for the world is an enemy at war with God.
We can and ought to apologize when we offend others with our opinions as tour opinion may not be in line with God's truth.
We however must never apologize when others are offended by God's truth as they are God's truth and not an opinion.
Just as it would be inappropriate for me to apologize for Amy Landino's truth, it is much more inappropriate for me to apologize for God's truth.
I'm going to end here as I feel a needless overly analyzed, excessively extrapolated drawn out theologicalized, excessively lengthy thesis coming on and in addition to my not wanting to write such, no one wants to read that.
One of the reasons I need thick skin: Every time someone finds out I’m going to homeschool my daughter, I instantly get the “homeschool kids end up with social problems” reaction. It makes me second guess my own decisions, even though I originally felt like it was the right thing to do.
I find homeschooling is wonderful. We need more parenting in this busy world. Parents as teachers of their kids are just amazing. You can really focus on the way your kid learns fastest. Schools don't have the resources to focus on individuality. We need more of that for sure 👍
Next video: How to develop THICC skin. 😏
I came to know you because I am a new vlogger and my wife gave me your book for Christmas. Apparently, she thought you could help me improve. Well, the book is wonderful and it has helped greatly so thank you for that. I became curious and chased you down here. You are amazing. Your vlog is amazing. I am now a subscriber and a fan. What a gift you bring to the lives of your viewers. Thank you so much.
I love your videos girl! They have changed my perspective so much💕
I have only really just "discovered" you and your channel, and you may have already done something on this, however, I have developed a medium to thick skin (mostly) I have a couple of colleagues that are very challenging and every, I mean every conversation, turns confrontational and not constructive. I take advice (mostly) unless I'm right. LOL. Do you have something on building better working relationships and if not would you?
I have already adopted calendar blocking for the last month and I cannot thank you enough!
Still trying to get up early though.
Like Jim Rohn said, " work harder on yourself than you do at your job" I work hard at my job, I had forgotten to work on me.
Thank you, Amy, I thought I had it sussed, but now every day is more of a school day than ever before.
Subscribed too!
Ahh my RUclips girlfriend Amy Landino hehehe. I learned new words from you today; Impostor syndrome, dingbat, misfit, peanut gallery...thanks Google. Developing thick skin, my opinion matters the most, receive opinions when in a constructive way and you feel peace when you take a note, my gut feeling is my best friend. Hakuna matata your life.
I remember When I got my first personal, negative comment & I took it very offensively....
I gave in and said something back. I do believe I’ve gotten better, but I also understand that I’m only going to get more as I grow so this was really helpful, thank you Amy!
You hit the nail on the head with PRETEND. I don't have much of a thick skin but I've gotten pretty damn good at faking it!
I'm mainly dealing with thick skin when my target customer in my business is on a prospect/sales call and becomes insulting/rude/condescending - mainly when i know that they are someone I can help and would actually be my dream customer - but I can't control how they act. Ultimately I don't get the sale because of how rude they were, but then i ruminate on it so much - and replay the words they said in my head to figure out how not to get this reaction again. I generally hear the same series of rude/insulting/condescending words and when I hear those, they cut deep. I also STRONGLY disagree with the truth behind these words, but I'm wondering why my target customer would even say them.
Definitely working on this. Just dealt with a little criticism on my channel so this video was very helpful and encouraging. Thank you.
Thanks - a good video and important topic for anybody creating a public persona. Because you are going to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous ... trolls. Some folks don't have a life ... so they want to take yours o.O. Such folks are more to be pitied than loathed, I think. I find it difficult to imagine having such an empty existence ... When I first began teaching, my mentor showed me 2 reviews he had received. One was a 5-star "fire-walled" review. He walked on water. The other was a miasma of troll dung. He was the devil incarnate. The two reviews were from the exact same class and section ... he said, "You can't please everybody. Don't worry about the reviews; just do what's right."
I think I need to develop thicker skin when it comes to criticism from my extended family re where I am in my life right now. For the most part, I like the person I've become at 60 years-old. Finally. But one word from my family, and I start questioning EVERYTHING about my life! And I don't even have regular contact with them which is the funny thing. Maybe that's the very reason I don't have contact with them. Lol.
When ANYONE says anything negative about me. My very thin skin starts to crack, sadly. Gotta learn techniques and strategies to better emotionally process this and keep it from continuously happening.
ur really sweet...and I love listening to u.. thnks...u r amazing👍👍
Sooo...I sort of believe that I have BP Disorder (BPD). I saw a psychologist say (on RUclips ) that people with BPD tend to have "a thin skin ". Having said that, I have noticed that there are certain comments/opinions/criticisms that I put more stock in depending on certain characteristics of the person sharing said comments. If the person is eloquent, articulate, educated, or accomplished within their particular field, I definitely put more stock in, take to heart more of what is said.
I've lived with my aunt for the past 2 years... and she's very opinionated, and what she says to me always make me feel belittled or inferior. I consider her to be a bully. Not on purpose... I know I'm not perfect and she just wants the best for me. But in her world, I would have to be a robot who did and spoke everything she wanted... and that just is not the case. I'm a stubborn girl and I don't take criticism too well... I'm often very hard on myself. This video was helpful, but at the same time I recognize that thick skin just comes with practice... and also trying to understand what motivates people to say hurtful things... (even if they don't intend to be hurtful) A sensitive topic for sure. (Pun intended).
Omg I totally relate with the thing about /how/ the person gives the message makes all the difference. And I also realized that I couldn't change that about the person.... seriously struggling with deciphering people's messages without getting offended by just the way they talk
Amy thnx, I realy appreciate that (you don't like the people who made me ask this question).Overall, this video was very beneficial for me thus I have subscribed to your channel.
I am offended when people are judgmental about my actions and those of others. Right now, it centers around political views. I am friends with people who don't believe as I do...I have no problem with that. Also, if people gently say things about others or give me "advice" I'm okay with that. It's when people rail about my actions or those of others that it really affects me negatively. I don't know how to handle the situation at the time and my hurt/angry/disappointed feelings/thoughts afterwards.
Before to listen someone else opinion, I kind of look who’s talking, what kind of life that person has 🤔...not sure if is correct or not...., but I find that if people want to give suggestions, they kind of have to put their own advise in practice...if the person’s life doesn’t reflect their advice...I kind of just disregard the opinion 😄...for me is like they don’t know what they’re talking about 🤗
"Only people who are helping me get better may enter." I love that so much. Sometimes I get very nasty comments, more on my blog than on my youtube channel, from people basically telling me I don't know what I'm talking about. I've decided if they don't have anything online that indicates that they know better(and they never do), I'm not going to pay them any mind. That's what my logical mind says, but my emotional mind is like, "How could they say that? Where did I go wrong?" So yeah, this thick skin thing is hard.
When I organize an event or have something coming up that I know is going to get "comments" directed at me, I first talk it all through with my co-workers I DO trust, so they can bring up points I may have missed & we improve it then. I then face the day of the event and after with a resolve that I did what I could do. If or when people challenge me on my choices, it's still annoying, but I've already thought it through as to the "WHY" I did such-and-such. It helps me feel more in control of my response!
I can't control and change what and how other people think and talk about myself. The reverse is also true. Other people can't control and change what and how I think and talk about myself and other people. #fact.
Thank you for sharing this universal fact and reality.
50 yrs ago....a critic of oratory delivery would chew this female up and spit her out...really really really sloppy speech. Really really really childish with the "uptalk?" Anyone can tell she is full of herself...life is exasperating...these days...
I just found you like 4 weeks ago and have watched most of your videos! I look forward to your posts!
I work construction I am female. I work with people who's first language is not English and my boss is a yeller. I get made fun of alot i try and ask questions and no one helps. I get called names and I am anxious 24 7
See I'm the opposite of this. I'm super paranoid at my job that the littlest criticism means I'm getting the ax soon.
Whereas in my personal life...I don't give a flip. Bring it on, I'll fight ya. LOL.
I had a boss (notice I did not say manager). This person got me to the point of literally scratching my eyes out. This boss would not look at the work I was doing for the company with me and not ask me why. Instead my collegues’ spent their 1:1 meetings guessing what I was doing. Once, I was called over during one of my coworker’s meetings and was asked for an explanation..and as I BEGAN to respond, my boss talked over me with nothing that had to do with what I was asked to explain. My boss proceeded to raise their voice and I naturally met the same vocal level because at that point I was explaining to my coworker. The next day, my boss asked me to step into a meeting room and screamed at me for answering the question. And that screaming went on for five minutes. The people around that meeting room were stunned at how unprofessional the screaming was and they were concerned for my safety. That was the toxic environment I was working in for two years and that stops me from considering working for anyone ever again.
I would be the first one to admit that I am SENSITIVE. My problem with growing thick skin is that it takes me a little while to recognize the real genuine people in life that will share their true opinion. Of course, I have my family and close friends that will be straight with me but let's face it we don't see each other every day. However, it gets easier to know who I should and shouldn't listen to over time and experience.