H Sam, I’m a first year student at oxford too, and i feel the exact same. Talking to my friends in oxford about this, it is totally normal. I found I was comparing oxford to London/birms uni a lot where my non-oxford friends go and it made me hate everything about oxford which made me feel more homesick. Happy to talk to you about this if you wish as I’m sure it will be helpful for us both!
Hey Sam, I’m doing my Masters at Oxford and I feel the same way! I didn’t feel this way during my undergrad at a different Uni and never thought that isolation and loneliness would be the thing I would struggle with the most here at Oxford but it is. It’s such a busy and bustling town with so many events, but somehow it’s still lonely. The pressure to go out and do everything and have the best time of your life while also doing your best academically and investing tons of time into very intense terms certainly is getting to me, not going to lie. I wish you all the best and just want to say I feel the same as you, much love!
i just got accepted for a oxford masters program and your videos are rly helping me mentally prepare for life there - seems like its not always roses and rainbows
I am a young person who lives in Oxford and grew up here and I have often found that when I've got to know Oxford Students, they're often far more lonely and isolated than anyone would normally let on. Working from my own frame of reference (living in Oxford without being a OU student), I can empathise with anyone who feels lonely and isolated as I've seen it first hand and in stark contrast to my life growing up here as a local.
hi Sam, as a y12 at the very beginning of the journey you will have taken to get where you are, I can only sympathize with the pressure you must be feeling. my mum always tells me to remember that it's a long road, that you should stick with your pace and just keep moving forwards instead of comparing yourself to others because outside of the bubble that takes up your life atm and the stress it puts on you there are a million other experiences waiting in the future and you need to be able to get there, to face the challenges they pose and enjoy the beauty and opportunity that comes with it all. the jump from gcse to alevel has felt immense and sometimes impossible to deal with for me on so many different levels, and it's been hard to reconcile feeling out of my depth with where I would like to be atm, having always been a perfectionist and a high-achieving student, but I've been learning to take breaks and not think too harshly over any struggles I might have, because ultimately I just need to prioritize getting through the next two years so that I can move onto the next bigger and better thing, while getting as much joy and making the most out of the opportunities that my school and that studying subjects I love can offer me. going home when you can, resting, looking for any comfort you can get, putting average/mediocre grades in perspective - considering that you are in oxford uni (surrounded by other high achievers!), only in your second term, and dealing with a lot of stress - all sound like good ideas, and compromises to what people might expect of the "uni experience" might be the key to not burning out so that you can genuinely get something really valuable out of the opportunity you've been given in going to oxford! also maybe inviting a friend to a day in london together, getting out of oxford and into familiar spaces but still socializing, could be an option?? anyway, lots of support and thank you for your honesty in sharing such a personal experience!
Hi Sam, I don't go to Oxford uni so can't claim to have the same academic pressure as you, but I am a first year university student. I don't think I've come across anyone who articulates my thought processes so well & the worries I have. I think probably so many people have the exact same feelings & thoughts but are too scared to admit it - so good on you for being brave enough to!! I wish more people were honest like this, it's really comforting to know it's not just you who feels this way
Hey thanks so much that's one of the nicest compliments I've got on youtube ever :) these things affect anyone no matter what (ofc inc academic work levels) so I'm super glad it could still relate :))
Hi Sam I’m 66 and first year at open uni. I thought they’d be lots of support and chat on our tutor group forums but zilch. I think they have set up personal WhatsApp groups. You really are on your own at OU and tackling my first essays was really daunting as I had no reference point. However, the course is really well structured with lots of guidance, I’m doing humanities. I’m half way through now and getting into the swing of it. Good marks so far and I’m just loving ‘learning’. Being comfortable in your own company is a great skill and will serve you well in the future. You need social interaction and friends but being self reliant will be what serves you best in the future. I’d have loved to go to St. Andrews, I’m Scottish, but even with free tuition it’s costs a fortune to live there and take part in the activities. Good luck with your studies😊
The very best of luck to you. I have thought of OU for a number of years but was concerned at relating to other students as being 68, disabled and housebound I thought I would be on my own. Perhaps my opportunity has passed but good to hear people like you have grasped the nettle.
@@ba-gg6jo not all just go for it Bob. The OU have all the supports in place for disabled students plus there are students way older than us on courses. Some on their 2nd degree. Age is actually a bonus I think as I’m finding just having so much life experience is really helpful in tutorials. Thoroughly recommend it😊
One thing I really found help with homesickness was my friends/family visiting me at uni! Less time was spent me travelling back and fourth and it always gave me something to look forward too, either of my parents/friends would visit once a month/ones every 6 weeks - it helps seeing people outside of the uni bubble so much without disrupting your routine ☺️
My son is at Aberdeen University and is not enjoying Uni life as much as he hoped. He is also very lonely. He has only a couple of hours a week teaching time. He misses the structure of school. I have tried to encourage him to join clubs but as he has never enjoyed sports (he has dyspraxia) he is limited in his choices. The pandemic has not helped. You are not alone in feeling things haven’t worked out as you expected. My younger son has been offered a place at Oxford and i worry about him having similar problems.
My daughter went to Oxford - she graduated last November and now lives and works in Paris - I live in Greece with my Greek husband. It was always my daughter's dream to get her first degree from Oxford and she was beyond thrilled when she was accepted but to be perfectly honest, her father and I felt that her struggles, work load and the almost total lack of understanding, empathy or caring offered to students, especially students that had parents living abroad, made her time at Oxford seem quite challenging. Covid definitely didn't help but again, the general attitude towards students living abroad also hindered this difficult time. Due to Covid restrictions in Greece and lack of restrictions in English, my husband and I couldn't personally witness our daughter's graduation but we were both proud and greatly relieved that she was able to dig deep and find the courage, fortitude and inner strength needed to successfully complete her degree online. Sadly, my daughter's overall experience at Oxford was nothing like what she had dreamt it would be but how much this was because of Covid or because of the general lack of emotional care, acceptance and understanding of far too many staff members, at her particular college, remains to be seen - to date she still refuses to discuss anything about her time at Oxford. My best wishes to you and both your sons - I guess in the end we all have to believe in 'what will be, will be'
Push through Sam! These terms at Oxbridge (and I have attended/am attending both…so I can speak from experience) are very compact and vivid…and they change from term to term/year to year and it may well be that you don’t look back that fondly on Michaelmas and Hillary terms of your first year…but then then next term or next year, something/someone comes along and your perceptions change: you meet someone or a group of people - maybe in college but equally possibly from other colleges - and suddenly you click and no longer feel like a bit of an outsider. Don’t overthink things too much (hard, I accept as you are clearly prone to overthinking as you yourself admit). A bit of home time is good…but as we all know these terms are very short so you need to balance your desire to get out of the Oxford bubble for a break with that.
@@PetsWithFurryPaws my tips would be to try and get involved with some other activities other than academic work and try and break the cycle of work/library/room. Pick an activity or two that you think you might enjoy, preferably that operates on a university-wide basis so you’ll come across people from other colleges, and get involved. Doesn’t matter what it is or whether (say in the case of a sport) you are any good at it or indeed have ever done it before. Some activities definitely lend themselves to fostering a sense of belonging/togetherness/camaraderie: classic ones would be dramatics or music but obviously that’s not everyone’s thing, but even if you can’t act there’s always a need for people to help with the production. But it really can be anything…but the point is that it brings you into contact with people from other colleges and because you have met them through a particular activity that you enjoy, then in all probability they are going to be like minded. It sounds a bit trite…but ultimately that’s how you meet people with whom you’re likely to get on well and, in turn, through them probably meet their friends and college mates etc. A lot of people have more friends in other colleges than their own and there’s no rule that says that just because you’re at College A, then all your friends will be from there. If you meet nice people from other colleges, then you might decide to live with them for your 2nd or 3rd year (am guessing you’re in your first year…but I may of course be wrong). Hope that helps! My top tip would be to try and avoid sitting in your room when you’re not studying just scrolling in your phone or talking to friends from home/school during term time. Down time is of course important, but that’s not a good investment of your down time in such short terms
Thank you so much for talking about this! I feel like there's a smokescreen over the truth of loneliness at uni and everyone's playing the same game pretending that things are going perfectly - we all need to be more honest about how it really is
Hey Sam! You’re honest and brave openly speaking about it already! There’s nothing shameful about wanting a break and going home during uni! I mean, why not… Do pleasurable things with reason and sometimes trust your gut feelings! Having attended three different ‘prestigious’ universities in the uk and the states as an overseas student, I can proudly say I’ve transformed from feeling lonely all the time to having a good time in solitude! Jks I still felt lonely from time to time. That’s quite common to most of us humans. I wouldn’t say joining societies or parties or counseling made the situations any better but - it’s worth giving things a go. And you will learn to cope with changes better with time fo sure! Whoever said university is supposed to be the best time of his life hasn’t lived a life yet man! Anyhow, warm wishes to you and keep wondering along your journey at uni and beyond :)
Hey, I watched your previous video about feeling lonely in school. I get you, I’m actually the only student in my uni that is from my country here and there are times that I feel lonely as well. It’s quite sad bc all of my flatmates are British and they go home every other weekend and then there’s me stuck here. I have friends don’t get me wrong but it’s just so depressing sometimes just staying in my room and then go to the kitchen. So, if you wanna hang out and talk and walk around the parks here in Oxford. Let me know. I don’t normally cmt these kind of things. Also, I’m just a 22 years old girl I’m not some guy catfishing you lol. Have a good day, man.
I do find going on walks alone very refreshing. My favorite day would prolly just me walking alone to city center, stop at ben’s cookie and check out the secondhand bookstore in covered market. Maybe you should try that or just sit and read a book somewhere at the botanic park. I do cherish those movement tho, bc even if I’m alone I didn’t feel so lonely at the moment.
I'm Christ Church '13. My first year at Oxford on the DPhil, I had a friend visit me from the States. I met him at the bus stop outside the college. It was late at night and foggy. Within a few seconds of getting off the bus, my friend paused, stood where he was, looked around and said, "Wow, it would be lonely here." So you're not the only one to have felt that way about the place.
My bf friend was suicidal at Oxford and they 'got annoyed with him'. However, he stuck at it, got a law degree but ended up working in charity trust fundfundraising, his law degree did help him get that job though. His mental health is great, he never made any friends at Oxford apart from one. He never worked in law, but his degree helped with other jobs.
Hey Sam, I really admire your content - you speak honestly about things a lot of people aren't really sure how to express, including myself. To see that others have battled with the same doubts and asked the same questions I have gives me a bit of solace. At the end of the day, the greatest expectations are usually the ones we place on ourselves. I guess the key to this stage of life is the eventual understanding that living life the way we think is right is always the best way to go about things. We can choose to be whoever we want, but only if we look internally, rather than externally. Was there anything that inspired you to record your thoughts and experiences for others to see?
Hey thanks so much :) I've kept a written diary for like 5 years and wanted to keep a bit of a visual one of my experiences/thoughts, also I was bored on my gap year before starting uni so started a channel as something to do! Mixture of both haha
If you haven’t already, you might want to check out the science of well-being online course which is run by a Yale professor (it’s free). A lot of what you say in your video reminds me of that course, particularly around feeling you “should” be happy if on paper you have it all made. Thank you for your honesty!
Hi - thank you for your channel :) I’ve recently got an offer from Oxford, but I’m very, very wary of it. When I went to visit, it felt… wrong. Too isolating, too aloof. I think that after having to go through so many friggin hoops to get this place, I should go - but also it just feels completely wrong. I’m glad that you’re sharing an honest perspective on Oxford, because although we could have different experiences, I don’t want to go and regret it.
@@oaktree1628 Not necessarily. Pointless going there if whenever I go there I want to leave. Oxford is only good if you like it, nobody would say ‘go to a place you’ve disliked when you visited’ about Nottingham. Oxford is just for different people to Nottingham. That’s all. You can cure regret, you can’t cure spending one-twentieth of your life in a place you don’t enjoy.
I’m at Brookes and pretty much all of my friends pre-pandemic were at Oxford, different colleges too. They all left for lockdown and never came back and I’m still here. I’m taking 6 years to do a 3 year degree because I got seriously ill twice and dropped out once so everyone else on my course is a different age to me and they already have all their own friends. I’d suggest trying to meet people who just aren’t at Oxford at all and are outside the colleges system but I have no real idea how to do that anymore since societies haven’t kicked back into gear and who wants to go clubbing all the time? I’m glad you understand this very animated feeling of not fitting in but not being actively ejected. Hell maybe we should all just meet up since there seems to be so many Oxford people in the comments?
I was crushed after getting rejected from Oxford. I achieved 3 A*s at A level and felt I could have thrived inside the university. I thought about reapplying to Oxford but I didn’t bother. It’s interesting to see that Oxford isn’t always what you expect it to be, despite the reputation and prestige. My Oxford rejection weighed heavy on me for a while. I have family members who went to Oxford. They are not happy people. I have learnt that life is more than the prestige of a university. Don’t feel guilt about “being ungrateful” in Oxford. Your not being ungrateful but rather just struggling. Your not struggling academically either. I haven’t been to uni myself yet, but quality of life has got to be the most important thing, above all, of you are going to succeed. Of that, I have no doubt. Finally, if other people are reading my comment, I would also recommend getting a break from university life. After your break, you are more likely to come back to university feeling like you are ready to engage with it once again. Don’t prolong your suffering for the FOMO.
I never went to Oxford but I felt very lonely at college. It didn't help when all they want to do was drink. I was never interested in that, preferring day trips out, walking, nature and history. I think my school and college days were the worst of my life, but I I managed to get enough qualifications to survive out in the real world. I have chosen an admin job but it is far less stress and I put my wellbeing first. I am lucky that I have a house and my bills are cheap.
@Beaulieu C You're not alone. I went to Edinburgh and found it even lonelier than school which was really tough for my well-being. I wish you all the best
Gosh please carry on you're so lucky to be there my son is doing a levels atm but he would dream of being accepted to oxford, yes it's hard but you should continue can I suggest you get some home comforts like TV cushions and photos, even a drinks fridge or coffee machine ?
Hi Sam, I came to an Oxbridge college as an international student, uprooted from my family, friends and everything I was familiar with. I did not have the privilege and luxury to just pack my bags and go home (out of the country) every time I felt bored or homesick. I reminded myself of the real reason I left home to come to University. If it was to make friends and have fun, I would have stayed at home in my country. I also reminded myself that I would only be at the University for the duration of my studies and that it was an important phase I had made a choice to go through, that there was life after university. When we have made life decisions, we should try our best never to give up unless if our health and lives are in danger. Life and the real world are not easy. They are full of challenges and problems. For some students, it is being bored and feeling homesick, for others it is dealing with a deep-rooted culture of racism or misogyny on a daily basis while also focusing on studies.
I definitely won't leave, don't worry :) the main point of uni defo is to work and get good grades, but it's also preferable to have fun along the way of course :)
@@Sam.Kramer We admire your courage to talk openly about this, your commitment to your studies and determination to finish what you started. Thanks for sharing your experience ❤
Sam, please try to push through but if by the end of this year you're still feeling the same maybe you could consider taking a year off or maybe it might be best to look into the possibility of transferring to another university - listening to you video, you seem to understand yourself and your present situation really well - trust yourself - you really do know what you and you alone need - my best wishes for whatever you decide to do - in the meantime, please continue to post your videos - your open, honest approach is refreshing, necessary and deeply appreciated - 😊
where is home if not wherever you live? do you think half of the problem is that your room/living environment at Oxford doesn't feel home-ly enough? you said being with your parents didn't solve the problem so maybe you could bring some of the other comforts that you enjoy at home, to uni, to make your life there a little more comfortable
Hey Sam I know this is a RUclips comment and may find it's way to the bottom and may never be seen.. that's cool too. I've lived in Oxford for 5 years, seen people like yourself live, love and laugh on Oxford, but also really struggle. I work at Missing Bean on Turl Street pretty much opposite your college. It's always a safe and friendly space to people watch, meet with a friend or simply hide away from the world in a otherwise very busy environment. Message me sometime, I'd love to chew the fat and make another Oxford friend. I promise I'm not a weird crazy person (maybe I am, who knows) But yeah, I've seen the cafe life help people through. Stay vocal, keep sharing and maybe see you soon dude. Ben 👋
Putting aside the university side...Oxford as a town in my opinion is quite depressing , there is not much to do there , I was hitting real boredom after living here 5 years plus 😕 seen as quite posh for living and working but the true is different, really expensive with not many great facilities for entertainment ( I'm talking shops , cafes, cinemas , sport centres) didn't have the best time in Oxford in my twenties...I moved elsewhere ...without the amazing architecture but this place is more vivid and I am much happier here ...
Maybe move out of Dorms consider living outside of campus, its never good to live at the same place where you study, goes the same its never good to live at the same area where you work. Live with awesome share house mates. Live somewhere that makes you feel your greatest. You want the true university experience and its not for everybody, that was the same with me I didn't get my true university experience and that's okay. 😊👌
I think it's very brave of you to acknowledge how you are feeling instead of faking it. It's a really hard thing to do, especially when everyone else seems to have a great time. You said that you are comparing yourself with the other students (absolutely normal), but remember that you don't know what's going on in their head and maybe they are having a bad time too. You seem a very deep person who's in touch with your emotions and it's a great skills to have. Whatever you decide to do, it's going to be fine :)
I think uni in a big city is hard particularly for introverts, as we lack the skill and comfort level to just turn up to a student union night or really get involved in fresher's week. I first went in London and ended up making a small group of friends via some family members and also work - the people I went to uni with made the time easier, but I didn't keep in touch after the course ended.
It is called life and this feeling/experience will return. It is part of our journey here, you will be ok... You are learning a valuable 'lesson'- articulating your dissatisfaction with the pressure to conform...
I recently finished a 1 year post grad at Oxford and I completely agree with how you’re feeling. In fact, I genuinely believe I need therapy for the stress I went through at Oxford. However, it was simultaneously one of the most fun things I’ve done. I’m so happy I stayed and finished my degree.
Just keep going and pass the exams. If you’re out of halls/college next year, it will be different. Try to make friends with peers on your course (share notes and help each other with the course work). It will get better.
If you wanna consolation for your actual suffering (maybe still happening now) think of it not as a way you have to simply 'progress in life', but as a way of really, really offering the best you could possibly give for the others. To be excellent in the university is not per se an achievement, and more than that, not even for yourself - its a benefit that your society, be that your city or your country, will get from the work you'll do later with the tools you acquired there. Is not 'your right', but your duty for them, and for no other reason this institution exist. In reality education was never meant to be a right or something for someone's prestige, that would be pointless; imagine a doctor finishing his grad - what would he collect from it? He will only give: Give health for the persons that need it. It's the right of people to be health that justifies the existence of a medical school at first place, and this is blatantly obvious since there's something called 'Hypocratic oath' (which you have probabilly readed). Is therefore an act of love for your society. Imagine to be doing something for your mom, your sister, your grandfather - wouldn't you do your best no matter how much it takes? We do it for our love ones all the time, and we always forget about it because we were so focused on them that in face of their happiness all of that becomes excusable - you'll fulfill your role with your next in the most excellent manner, with the best tools available, isn't that awesome for them? Love more your people than yourself and you'll have less pain, and the one that still happens should be received resignedly - as love always do.
not everyone is having the time of their life in uni. personally i enjoyed highschool and even middle school more then uni, and thats ok. we should stop having so many expectations to life and appriciate that without the lonely, boring and average years in life the best times of our life would be less meaningful
Good grief. Suck it up. You have the chance of a lifetime. Don't blow it. Stop crying you don't have an instant network of friends. Get involved in societies, or sports. The network of friends will come.
I think he might know that, hence the first entire monologue of the video. Oxford may be the chance of a lifetime but every student is still a human, and put in it’s high pressure environment, ordinary struggles tend to get a bit amplified (as I know from personal experience). You can still be grateful for your situation and find it difficult, it’s clear he’s also trying his best to work out what makes him feel better. Also, loneliness isn’t just about having a network of friends, it can also be the feeling of having to catch up with the pace of lifestyle of those around you, and finding you’re a bit left behind. It’s not quite as simple as sucking it up.
Hello Sam, when you have these thoughts, please do talk to other people: your tutors (ask for a meeting with one of them), the college chaplain, the counselling people, the JCR welfare person, your student parent, a Classics student in the year above you, your friends, your parents, Nightline. There is a whole army of people out there just waiting to help you. A problem shared is a problem halved: I have discovered that to be true. People are flattered to be asked for advice, and people like helping others. If you admit that you need help, you will be surprised at how people respond. Perfect people are a bit annoying, aren't they? If you show your vulnerability (as in fact you are doing in this video), people will warm to you more. Another piece of advice. Oxford is miserable at this time of year. Wait till summer, when your friends are inviting you to Pimm's parties and you can be outside and enjoy the long summer afternoons. It's very special. Finally, if you do decide that Oxford is not for you, at least give it a full year, so that you have it for your CV, and you have the credits in case you want to transfer to a different university. (Do contact me privately, if you want to.)
Let's make this comments section another supportive space for anyone to discuss however they are feeling :)
A super degree scandal of LSE/University of London
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ruclips.net/video/QP_CwoSasvs/видео.html
Hey Sam, I live in Oxford, if you want to grab a coffee, let me know! :)
H Sam, I’m a first year student at oxford too, and i feel the exact same. Talking to my friends in oxford about this, it is totally normal. I found I was comparing oxford to London/birms uni a lot where my non-oxford friends go and it made me hate everything about oxford which made me feel more homesick. Happy to talk to you about this if you wish as I’m sure it will be helpful for us both!
Thank you :) hugely changes your Uni experience which city/campus etc you go defo :)
Hey Sam, I’m doing my Masters at Oxford and I feel the same way! I didn’t feel this way during my undergrad at a different Uni and never thought that isolation and loneliness would be the thing I would struggle with the most here at Oxford but it is. It’s such a busy and bustling town with so many events, but somehow it’s still lonely. The pressure to go out and do everything and have the best time of your life while also doing your best academically and investing tons of time into very intense terms certainly is getting to me, not going to lie. I wish you all the best and just want to say I feel the same as you, much love!
Thank you so much :) hope things improve for you too
Echoing these thoughts from Cambridge!
i just got accepted for a oxford masters program and your videos are rly helping me mentally prepare for life there - seems like its not always roses and rainbows
I am a young person who lives in Oxford and grew up here and I have often found that when I've got to know Oxford Students, they're often far more lonely and isolated than anyone would normally let on. Working from my own frame of reference (living in Oxford without being a OU student), I can empathise with anyone who feels lonely and isolated as I've seen it first hand and in stark contrast to my life growing up here as a local.
Defo true! Sometimes it is easier to read strangers than friends haha
The acceptance of vulnerability is the true strength. Things will be fine but sometimes it takes time.
Thank you Zach
hi Sam, as a y12 at the very beginning of the journey you will have taken to get where you are, I can only sympathize with the pressure you must be feeling. my mum always tells me to remember that it's a long road, that you should stick with your pace and just keep moving forwards instead of comparing yourself to others because outside of the bubble that takes up your life atm and the stress it puts on you there are a million other experiences waiting in the future and you need to be able to get there, to face the challenges they pose and enjoy the beauty and opportunity that comes with it all. the jump from gcse to alevel has felt immense and sometimes impossible to deal with for me on so many different levels, and it's been hard to reconcile feeling out of my depth with where I would like to be atm, having always been a perfectionist and a high-achieving student, but I've been learning to take breaks and not think too harshly over any struggles I might have, because ultimately I just need to prioritize getting through the next two years so that I can move onto the next bigger and better thing, while getting as much joy and making the most out of the opportunities that my school and that studying subjects I love can offer me. going home when you can, resting, looking for any comfort you can get, putting average/mediocre grades in perspective - considering that you are in oxford uni (surrounded by other high achievers!), only in your second term, and dealing with a lot of stress - all sound like good ideas, and compromises to what people might expect of the "uni experience" might be the key to not burning out so that you can genuinely get something really valuable out of the opportunity you've been given in going to oxford! also maybe inviting a friend to a day in london together, getting out of oxford and into familiar spaces but still socializing, could be an option?? anyway, lots of support and thank you for your honesty in sharing such a personal experience!
Great advice, thank you :) good luck w y12 :)
Hi Sam, I don't go to Oxford uni so can't claim to have the same academic pressure as you, but I am a first year university student. I don't think I've come across anyone who articulates my thought processes so well & the worries I have. I think probably so many people have the exact same feelings & thoughts but are too scared to admit it - so good on you for being brave enough to!! I wish more people were honest like this, it's really comforting to know it's not just you who feels this way
Hey thanks so much that's one of the nicest compliments I've got on youtube ever :) these things affect anyone no matter what (ofc inc academic work levels) so I'm super glad it could still relate :))
Hi Sam I’m 66 and first year at open uni. I thought they’d be lots of support and chat on our tutor group forums but zilch. I think they have set up personal WhatsApp groups. You really are on your own at OU and tackling my first essays was really daunting as I had no reference point. However, the course is really well structured with lots of guidance, I’m doing humanities. I’m half way through now and getting into the swing of it. Good marks so far and I’m just loving ‘learning’. Being comfortable in your own company is a great skill and will serve you well in the future. You need social interaction and friends but being self reliant will be what serves you best in the future. I’d have loved to go to St. Andrews, I’m Scottish, but even with free tuition it’s costs a fortune to live there and take part in the activities. Good luck with your studies😊
Thanks so much for sharing your story and the kind words :)
The very best of luck to you. I have thought of OU for a number of years but was concerned at relating to other students as being 68, disabled and housebound I thought I would be on my own. Perhaps my opportunity has passed but good to hear people like you have grasped the nettle.
@@ba-gg6jo not all just go for it Bob. The OU have all the supports in place for disabled students plus there are students way older than us on courses. Some on their 2nd degree. Age is actually a bonus I think as I’m finding just having so much life experience is really helpful in tutorials. Thoroughly recommend it😊
One thing I really found help with homesickness was my friends/family visiting me at uni! Less time was spent me travelling back and fourth and it always gave me something to look forward too, either of my parents/friends would visit once a month/ones every 6 weeks - it helps seeing people outside of the uni bubble so much without disrupting your routine ☺️
Yeah maybe! I don't think anything beats going home, but can't hurt ahah
My son is at Aberdeen University and is not enjoying Uni life as much as he hoped. He is also very lonely. He has only a couple of hours a week teaching time. He misses the structure of school. I have tried to encourage him to join clubs but as he has never enjoyed sports (he has dyspraxia) he is limited in his choices. The pandemic has not helped. You are not alone in feeling things haven’t worked out as you expected. My younger son has been offered a place at Oxford and i worry about him having similar problems.
It's tough - I'm sure they will both be fine though :)
Thank you. I hope life gets better for you. The better weather should help.
My daughter went to Oxford - she graduated last November and now lives and works in Paris - I live in Greece with my Greek husband.
It was always my daughter's dream to get her first degree from Oxford and she was beyond thrilled when she was accepted but to be perfectly honest, her father and I felt that her struggles, work load and the almost total lack of understanding, empathy or caring offered to students, especially students that had parents living abroad, made her time at Oxford seem quite challenging.
Covid definitely didn't help but again, the general attitude towards students living abroad also hindered this difficult time.
Due to Covid restrictions in Greece and lack of restrictions in English, my husband and I couldn't personally witness our daughter's graduation but we were both proud and greatly relieved that she was able to dig deep and find the courage, fortitude and inner strength needed to successfully complete her degree online.
Sadly, my daughter's overall experience at Oxford was nothing like what she had dreamt it would be but how much this was because of Covid or because of the general lack of emotional care, acceptance and understanding of far too many staff members, at her particular college, remains to be seen - to date she still refuses to discuss anything about her time at Oxford.
My best wishes to you and both your sons - I guess in the end we all have to believe in 'what will be, will be'
Push through Sam! These terms at Oxbridge (and I have attended/am attending both…so I can speak from experience) are very compact and vivid…and they change from term to term/year to year and it may well be that you don’t look back that fondly on Michaelmas and Hillary terms of your first year…but then then next term or next year, something/someone comes along and your perceptions change: you meet someone or a group of people - maybe in college but equally possibly from other colleges - and suddenly you click and no longer feel like a bit of an outsider. Don’t overthink things too much (hard, I accept as you are clearly prone to overthinking as you yourself admit). A bit of home time is good…but as we all know these terms are very short so you need to balance your desire to get out of the Oxford bubble for a break with that.
Hi Im at oxbridge right now and struggling with feeling like an outsider. do you have any tips for meeting those people? Thanks.
@@PetsWithFurryPaws my tips would be to try and get involved with some other activities other than academic work and try and break the cycle of work/library/room. Pick an activity or two that you think you might enjoy, preferably that operates on a university-wide basis so you’ll come across people from other colleges, and get involved. Doesn’t matter what it is or whether (say in the case of a sport) you are any good at it or indeed have ever done it before. Some activities definitely lend themselves to fostering a sense of belonging/togetherness/camaraderie: classic ones would be dramatics or music but obviously that’s not everyone’s thing, but even if you can’t act there’s always a need for people to help with the production. But it really can be anything…but the point is that it brings you into contact with people from other colleges and because you have met them through a particular activity that you enjoy, then in all probability they are going to be like minded. It sounds a bit trite…but ultimately that’s how you meet people with whom you’re likely to get on well and, in turn, through them probably meet their friends and college mates etc. A lot of people have more friends in other colleges than their own and there’s no rule that says that just because you’re at College A, then all your friends will be from there. If you meet nice people from other colleges, then you might decide to live with them for your 2nd or 3rd year (am guessing you’re in your first year…but I may of course be wrong). Hope that helps! My top tip would be to try and avoid sitting in your room when you’re not studying just scrolling in your phone or talking to friends from home/school during term time. Down time is of course important, but that’s not a good investment of your down time in such short terms
Thanks for the advice - to me and others :)
Thank you so much for talking about this! I feel like there's a smokescreen over the truth of loneliness at uni and everyone's playing the same game pretending that things are going perfectly - we all need to be more honest about how it really is
Definitely :) thank you
Stick with it mate and your future self will be glad you did 🙏
I'm sure thanks man :)
Hey Sam! You’re honest and brave openly speaking about it already! There’s nothing shameful about wanting a break and going home during uni! I mean, why not… Do pleasurable things with reason and sometimes trust your gut feelings! Having attended three different ‘prestigious’ universities in the uk and the states as an overseas student, I can proudly say I’ve transformed from feeling lonely all the time to having a good time in solitude! Jks I still felt lonely from time to time. That’s quite common to most of us humans. I wouldn’t say joining societies or parties or counseling made the situations any better but - it’s worth giving things a go. And you will learn to cope with changes better with time fo sure! Whoever said university is supposed to be the best time of his life hasn’t lived a life yet man! Anyhow, warm wishes to you and keep wondering along your journey at uni and beyond :)
Thanks for the kind words :)
Hey, I watched your previous video about feeling lonely in school. I get you, I’m actually the only student in my uni that is from my country here and there are times that I feel lonely as well. It’s quite sad bc all of my flatmates are British and they go home every other weekend and then there’s me stuck here. I have friends don’t get me wrong but it’s just so depressing sometimes just staying in my room and then go to the kitchen. So, if you wanna hang out and talk and walk around the parks here in Oxford. Let me know. I don’t normally cmt these kind of things. Also, I’m just a 22 years old girl I’m not some guy catfishing you lol. Have a good day, man.
Haha thanks for the offer - got so many kind ones since the video so I have loads to look forward to but I really appreciate it :)
I do find going on walks alone very refreshing. My favorite day would prolly just me walking alone to city center, stop at ben’s cookie and check out the secondhand bookstore in covered market. Maybe you should try that or just sit and read a book somewhere at the botanic park. I do cherish those movement tho, bc even if I’m alone I didn’t feel so lonely at the moment.
You got this, we're all rooting for you❤️
Thanks Abi!
Some really interesting thoughts, thank you for sharing.
Thank you :)
I'm Christ Church '13. My first year at Oxford on the DPhil, I had a friend visit me from the States. I met him at the bus stop outside the college. It was late at night and foggy. Within a few seconds of getting off the bus, my friend paused, stood where he was, looked around and said, "Wow, it would be lonely here." So you're not the only one to have felt that way about the place.
Haha that's funny :) thanks for sharing
My bf friend was suicidal at Oxford and they 'got annoyed with him'. However, he stuck at it, got a law degree but ended up working in charity trust fundfundraising, his law degree did help him get that job though. His mental health is great, he never made any friends at Oxford apart from one. He never worked in law, but his degree helped with other jobs.
Glad for him! Great story thanks for sharing :)
Hey Sam, I really admire your content - you speak honestly about things a lot of people aren't really sure how to express, including myself. To see that others have battled with the same doubts and asked the same questions I have gives me a bit of solace. At the end of the day, the greatest expectations are usually the ones we place on ourselves. I guess the key to this stage of life is the eventual understanding that living life the way we think is right is always the best way to go about things. We can choose to be whoever we want, but only if we look internally, rather than externally.
Was there anything that inspired you to record your thoughts and experiences for others to see?
Hey thanks so much :) I've kept a written diary for like 5 years and wanted to keep a bit of a visual one of my experiences/thoughts, also I was bored on my gap year before starting uni so started a channel as something to do! Mixture of both haha
You’ve got this Sam!! ❤️❤️
💟💟
If you haven’t already, you might want to check out the science of well-being online course which is run by a Yale professor (it’s free). A lot of what you say in your video reminds me of that course, particularly around feeling you “should” be happy if on paper you have it all made. Thank you for your honesty!
Thank you very much, and for the suggestion
Hi - thank you for your channel :)
I’ve recently got an offer from Oxford, but I’m very, very wary of it. When I went to visit, it felt… wrong. Too isolating, too aloof. I think that after having to go through so many friggin hoops to get this place, I should go - but also it just feels completely wrong. I’m glad that you’re sharing an honest perspective on Oxford, because although we could have different experiences, I don’t want to go and regret it.
There are good bits and bad bits - but same as any other uni :)
I also got an offer and feel exactly the same, it’s a hard decision
@@oaktree1628 Not necessarily. Pointless going there if whenever I go there I want to leave. Oxford is only good if you like it, nobody would say ‘go to a place you’ve disliked when you visited’ about Nottingham. Oxford is just for different people to Nottingham. That’s all.
You can cure regret, you can’t cure spending one-twentieth of your life in a place you don’t enjoy.
Btw sorry about being blunt there, I’m just vvvv fed up of being told to go to Oxford :/
I’m at Brookes and pretty much all of my friends pre-pandemic were at Oxford, different colleges too. They all left for lockdown and never came back and I’m still here. I’m taking 6 years to do a 3 year degree because I got seriously ill twice and dropped out once so everyone else on my course is a different age to me and they already have all their own friends. I’d suggest trying to meet people who just aren’t at Oxford at all and are outside the colleges system but I have no real idea how to do that anymore since societies haven’t kicked back into gear and who wants to go clubbing all the time? I’m glad you understand this very animated feeling of not fitting in but not being actively ejected. Hell maybe we should all just meet up since there seems to be so many Oxford people in the comments?
Thanks for the advice :) hope it gets better for you, yeah reply to other comments of people feeling similar and see if anything happens!
Hey bro I'm at Brookes too. if you ever need a friend then just let me know
stay strong Sam, do whats best for you, always !
:)
I also didn't enjoy Oxford, especially the other students. But I have to say, having an Oxford degree opened doors for me afterwards.
Fair enough :)
I was crushed after getting rejected from Oxford. I achieved 3 A*s at A level and felt I could have thrived inside the university. I thought about reapplying to Oxford but I didn’t bother. It’s interesting to see that Oxford isn’t always what you expect it to be, despite the reputation and prestige. My Oxford rejection weighed heavy on me for a while. I have family members who went to Oxford. They are not happy people. I have learnt that life is more than the prestige of a university. Don’t feel guilt about “being ungrateful” in Oxford. Your not being ungrateful but rather just struggling. Your not struggling academically either. I haven’t been to uni myself yet, but quality of life has got to be the most important thing, above all, of you are going to succeed. Of that, I have no doubt. Finally, if other people are reading my comment, I would also recommend getting a break from university life. After your break, you are more likely to come back to university feeling like you are ready to engage with it once again. Don’t prolong your suffering for the FOMO.
Thanks for the advice - but defo true that everything seems better in your head before if it ever becomes a reality
Stay strong bro
💛
You are very articulate and I enjoy watching your videos.
Thank you so much :) i really appreciate
I never went to Oxford but I felt very lonely at college. It didn't help when all they want to do was drink. I was never interested in that, preferring day trips out, walking, nature and history. I think my school and college days were the worst of my life, but I I managed to get enough qualifications to survive out in the real world. I have chosen an admin job but it is far less stress and I put my wellbeing first. I am lucky that I have a house and my bills are cheap.
Glad it worked out alright in the end :)
@Beaulieu C You're not alone. I went to Edinburgh and found it even lonelier than school which was really tough for my well-being. I wish you all the best
You can take time out, without dropping out. Discuss it with your tutor. Hope you get the best result for you and your situation x
Thank you :)
@@Sam.Kramer You're welcome. I work in Oxford so I understand a bit what it's like. :)
Gosh please carry on you're so lucky to be there my son is doing a levels atm but he would dream of being accepted to oxford, yes it's hard but you should continue can I suggest you get some home comforts like TV cushions and photos, even a drinks fridge or coffee machine ?
Few people have told me to add some teddies or cushions to my bed etc, make it more homely :)
Hi Sam,
I came to an Oxbridge college as an international student, uprooted from my family, friends and everything I was familiar with. I did not have the privilege and luxury to just pack my bags and go home (out of the country) every time I felt bored or homesick. I reminded myself of the real reason I left home to come to University. If it was to make friends and have fun, I would have stayed at home in my country. I also reminded myself that I would only be at the University for the duration of my studies and that it was an important phase I had made a choice to go through, that there was life after university.
When we have made life decisions, we should try our best never to give up unless if our health and lives are in danger. Life and the real world are not easy. They are full of challenges and problems. For some students, it is being bored and feeling homesick, for others it is dealing with a deep-rooted culture of racism or misogyny on a daily basis while also focusing on studies.
I definitely won't leave, don't worry :) the main point of uni defo is to work and get good grades, but it's also preferable to have fun along the way of course :)
@@Sam.Kramer We admire your courage to talk openly about this, your commitment to your studies and determination to finish what you started.
Thanks for sharing your experience ❤
Hi San watching this and want to thank you for your honesty
Thanks for watching :)
Sam, please try to push through but if by the end of this year you're still feeling the same maybe you could consider taking a year off or maybe it might be best to look into the possibility of transferring to another university - listening to you video, you seem to understand yourself and your present situation really well - trust yourself - you really do know what you and you alone need - my best wishes for whatever you decide to do - in the meantime, please continue to post your videos - your open, honest approach is refreshing, necessary and deeply appreciated - 😊
Thank you so much - don't worry, I'll definitely stick through it :)
where is home if not wherever you live? do you think half of the problem is that your room/living environment at Oxford doesn't feel home-ly enough? you said being with your parents didn't solve the problem so maybe you could bring some of the other comforts that you enjoy at home, to uni, to make your life there a little more comfortable
Perhaps! But no matter what you do it isn't gonna be the same... Might help tho somewhat!
Really good video man!
Appreciate it!
Stay strong King 👑👑👑👑🇬🇧
💓
Hey Sam
I know this is a RUclips comment and may find it's way to the bottom and may never be seen.. that's cool too.
I've lived in Oxford for 5 years, seen people like yourself live, love and laugh on Oxford, but also really struggle. I work at Missing Bean on Turl Street pretty much opposite your college. It's always a safe and friendly space to people watch, meet with a friend or simply hide away from the world in a otherwise very busy environment.
Message me sometime, I'd love to chew the fat and make another Oxford friend. I promise I'm not a weird crazy person (maybe I am, who knows) But yeah, I've seen the cafe life help people through.
Stay vocal, keep sharing and maybe see you soon dude.
Ben 👋
Thanks so much - I'm at home for the vac now but I've been to the Missing Bean before and am sure will come back in again soon :)
Putting aside the university side...Oxford as a town in my opinion is quite depressing , there is not much to do there , I was hitting real boredom after living here 5 years plus 😕 seen as quite posh for living and working but the true is different, really expensive with not many great facilities for entertainment ( I'm talking shops , cafes, cinemas , sport centres) didn't have the best time in Oxford in my twenties...I moved elsewhere ...without the amazing architecture but this place is more vivid and I am much happier here ...
Glad you are happier now!
awww sam i’m feeling the same xxx i’m thinking of transferring unis instead xxxx hope it gets better 4 u soon❤️🩹
Thank you :) sure whatever you decide will be right for you
Short intense terms can't be good. Hang on in there.
In the vacation now, thank you :)
homesickness is very real and sucks even more when you can’t just go visit :(( thank you for this video you’re a real one bestie
Partic hard for international students, true :)
I wonder if you can transfer close to home.
See if you can find a friend or pen friend who is doing the same course so you have something in common
I'm going to stay and ride it out :)
I'm studying engineering at my dream uni and i low key hate it so i can relate to you
Congrats on your dream uni :)
Hi Sam. I’m not too from Oxford. Let me know if you do need help.
Thank you!
Maybe move out of Dorms consider living outside of campus, its never good to live at the same place where you study, goes the same its never good to live at the same area where you work. Live with awesome share house mates. Live somewhere that makes you feel your greatest. You want the true university experience and its not for everybody, that was the same with me I didn't get my true university experience and that's okay. 😊👌
Thanks for sharing :)
I think it's very brave of you to acknowledge how you are feeling instead of faking it. It's a really hard thing to do, especially when everyone else seems to have a great time. You said that you are comparing yourself with the other students (absolutely normal), but remember that you don't know what's going on in their head and maybe they are having a bad time too.
You seem a very deep person who's in touch with your emotions and it's a great skills to have. Whatever you decide to do, it's going to be fine :)
Thank you very much Claudia :)
I think uni in a big city is hard particularly for introverts, as we lack the skill and comfort level to just turn up to a student union night or really get involved in fresher's week. I first went in London and ended up making a small group of friends via some family members and also work - the people I went to uni with made the time easier, but I didn't keep in touch after the course ended.
The place where you go defo makes a hugeeee difference
It is called life and this feeling/experience will return. It is part of our journey here, you will be ok... You are learning a valuable 'lesson'- articulating your dissatisfaction with the pressure to conform...
Thank you :)
I recently finished a 1 year post grad at Oxford and I completely agree with how you’re feeling. In fact, I genuinely believe I need therapy for the stress I went through at Oxford. However, it was simultaneously one of the most fun things I’ve done. I’m so happy I stayed and finished my degree.
Wow - thanks for sharing
Hah I’m currently doing a one year post grad and this will probably be me in 6 months…
life is hard at times
True!
Could some friends from home visit you?
Maybe! Couldn't hurt haha
Just keep going and pass the exams. If you’re out of halls/college next year, it will be different. Try to make friends with peers on your course (share notes and help each other with the course work). It will get better.
Thank you Mark :)
If you wanna consolation for your actual suffering (maybe still happening now) think of it not as a way you have to simply 'progress in life', but as a way of really, really offering the best you could possibly give for the others. To be excellent in the university is not per se an achievement, and more than that, not even for yourself - its a benefit that your society, be that your city or your country, will get from the work you'll do later with the tools you acquired there. Is not 'your right', but your duty for them, and for no other reason this institution exist. In reality education was never meant to be a right or something for someone's prestige, that would be pointless; imagine a doctor finishing his grad - what would he collect from it? He will only give: Give health for the persons that need it. It's the right of people to be health that justifies the existence of a medical school at first place, and this is blatantly obvious since there's something called 'Hypocratic oath' (which you have probabilly readed). Is therefore an act of love for your society. Imagine to be doing something for your mom, your sister, your grandfather - wouldn't you do your best no matter how much it takes? We do it for our love ones all the time, and we always forget about it because we were so focused on them that in face of their happiness all of that becomes excusable - you'll fulfill your role with your next in the most excellent manner, with the best tools available, isn't that awesome for them? Love more your people than yourself and you'll have less pain, and the one that still happens should be received resignedly - as love always do.
The intro was superb lmaoooo
Thank you so much, great fun to film
not everyone is having the time of their life in uni. personally i enjoyed highschool and even middle school more then uni, and thats ok. we should stop having so many expectations to life and appriciate that without the lonely, boring and average years in life the best times of our life would be less meaningful
So true!!
You reset every time you go home. Makes it harder than if you just stayed there the whole time and gave yourself time to forget and reorient yourself.
Maybe! I didn't go home in first term because of this, but I don't feel it is like that now
'no home is too far' all the internationals watching this video about to rent a private jet to pop back home for the weekend
Fair play fair play
Alas you really need lots of money to enjoy things.
Maybe!
"nothing is a lie" BIG CAP
Thanks for the hate comment, means the video is getting out there!
No Sam's Oxford Studies video would pass the Bechdel test smh
Start saying yes to being in the videos then???
Stop moaning, if you can't mix in leave
Likewise if you can't mix in leave the video! Couldn't be simpler ❤️
Mukali hadas
Pathetic and touchy.
Why did you choose to click the video then 😂
video sponsored by private jet company
Hahaha imagine
first
2nd
The music riding over your voice is distracting. Stop doing that.
Thank you for the feedback - and also still watching the video and commenting twice even if you didn't like it's content nor it's execution 😉
Good grief. Suck it up. You have the chance of a lifetime. Don't blow it. Stop crying you don't have an instant network of friends. Get involved in societies, or sports. The network of friends will come.
I think he might know that, hence the first entire monologue of the video. Oxford may be the chance of a lifetime but every student is still a human, and put in it’s high pressure environment, ordinary struggles tend to get a bit amplified (as I know from personal experience). You can still be grateful for your situation and find it difficult, it’s clear he’s also trying his best to work out what makes him feel better. Also, loneliness isn’t just about having a network of friends, it can also be the feeling of having to catch up with the pace of lifestyle of those around you, and finding you’re a bit left behind. It’s not quite as simple as sucking it up.
Thanks for the comment to boost the video in the algorithm though, Karen 😌
@@enyalabanks8678 Imagine explaining this to a grown woman lol. Anyways. Absolutely love your response and summed up pretty much perfectly!
Hello Sam, when you have these thoughts, please do talk to other people: your tutors (ask for a meeting with one of them), the college chaplain, the counselling people, the JCR welfare person, your student parent, a Classics student in the year above you, your friends, your parents, Nightline. There is a whole army of people out there just waiting to help you. A problem shared is a problem halved: I have discovered that to be true. People are flattered to be asked for advice, and people like helping others. If you admit that you need help, you will be surprised at how people respond. Perfect people are a bit annoying, aren't they? If you show your vulnerability (as in fact you are doing in this video), people will warm to you more. Another piece of advice. Oxford is miserable at this time of year. Wait till summer, when your friends are inviting you to Pimm's parties and you can be outside and enjoy the long summer afternoons. It's very special. Finally, if you do decide that Oxford is not for you, at least give it a full year, so that you have it for your CV, and you have the credits in case you want to transfer to a different university. (Do contact me privately, if you want to.)
This weekend has definitely been much nicer - you forget how much the weather impacts your mood until it is sunny! Thanks for the advice!