Is Abuse Biblical Grounds For Divorce?
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- To learn more about God’s design and purposes for marriage, along with gaining a more concise understanding of the concession for divorce and the implications that should follow when it does happen, consider listening to the following series on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage as exposited from the Word of God by Dr. Caldwell:
Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage Series, 2018 - 14 Sermons: • Back To The Beginning ...
Description
This season on the Straight Truth Podcast, Dr. Richard Caldwell and host Dr. Josh Philpot will be before a live audience seeking to answer questions that are on their hearts and minds. The question brought today relates to Matthew 5:31-32, where Jesus is speaking about divorce. This passage seems to imply that the only reason for divorce is sexual immorality. Our questioner would like to know if this is true, is sexual immorality the only grounds for divorce, or can physical abuse of a spouse and or children be grounds as well.
Dr. Caldwell appeals to 1 Corinthians 7:10, where he sees the verse as indicating that there might be multiple reasons why marriages end. But before going on to explain or expound on it, he reminds us that we want to affirm at all times that God's will for marriage is one man, with one woman for life. No one should ever enter into marriage that isn't committed to be faithful to the marriage covenant, expressed by the marriage vows, for the rest of their lives. However, because of sin, we meet with situations in this world that often make the continuation of a marriage untenable. He goes on to explain some of the reasons he sees and understands that are contributors to marriages ending in divorce. Yet he also reminds us that even in these situations, the aim is to rescue the marriages, not bring them to an end. The goal of the church is to see marriages preserved; in a way that transforms, that honors Christ and God, where the two people involved in the marriage flourish spiritually and in every other way.
Dr. Philpot brings up 1 Corinthians 7:15 and asks if this verse might relate to what Dr. Caldwell has just said. He asks if the words “in such cases” written by Paul could mean - some of these other reasons (marriages end) that Dr. Caldwell has just mentioned.
Without a simple no, Dr. Caldwell explains why he shared 1 Corinthians 7:10 and then includes verse 11. He explains that verse 10 points to the permanence of marriage. However, as he goes on to explain, this same verse also reveals that due to the hardheartedness of sin, there will be circumstances that result in marriages not continuing. So then, verse 10 most likely includes a whole host of things that would bring about the kind of separation of which it speaks. It is verse 11 that expresses the resulting implications of the separating or leaving that may occur, despite the instructions given in verse 10. After explaining verses 10 and 11, Dr. Caldwell gives a clear and precise answer regarding verse 15. This verse he tells us relates specifically to that of abandonment in marriage and then discusses it in light of what Paul says in this verse and those surrounding it in the chapter.
Another question that comes up in light of this discussion is: how long should a couple wait or go through these difficult and trying times before pursuing a divorce? Dr. Caldwell says he wished that it were as simple as God to have given us a play-by-play blueprint, but it is not. Each situation and circumstance requires a matter of wisdom and judgment. He shares the importance of real honesty before the Lord and a genuine desire to please Him by all involved. There needs to be an honesty about the truth that God has given us regarding marriage, namely the recognition of permanence and the striving for it. Therefore, a real desire must be present in us to preserve our marriage. A part of this may include a willingness to even suffer in marriage for the cause of Christ. Dr, Caldwell does not mean by way of physical abuse and harm that could come to a spouse or any children in the home. He takes a moment to explain the differences he sees between verbal and physical abuse.
Dr. Caldwell encourages us about how we should think and process our thoughts if we find ourselves in a situation or circumstance where we are considering leaving our marriage. He suggests some questions we should ponder and truly contemplate: Do I really want to preserve this marriage? Am I really wanting to please God more than I want to please myself? Have I factored in the calling to suffer for Christ, even in my marriage? Is it possible that Christ is calling me to suffer in my marriage? He tells us that this is the proper foundation for being able to weigh in on staying and leaving. He reminds us that hardheartedness is not the standard for the people of God and shares from the Bible how the concession for divorce came to be.
Verbal abuse when one’s self-esteem is destroyed, when one is gas lit, manipulated, etc., when one’s psyche is messed with can be as bad or worse than physical abuse.
Yhwh didn't create Adam and Eve to abuse either spouse for years that's not what he intended in marriage...
Not just can be - it absolutely is.
Men are much more privileged in this society as well as globally around this world@@waynecharles5331
If a man is abused by a woman he can easily get support and find jobs and allies among others in society because of the excessive misogyny and abuses against women and children.
I agree. I don’t agree with this pastor. He has no understanding of what emotional abuse is- it goes beyond verbal. This is a problem in the church. Only a narcissist’s victim understands this pain.
Verbal abuse is abuse. It is the abuse of one’s soul. No one should live with that, and children raised in that environment will see it as normal…. Hence the cycle is not broken. Where there is continued, unrepentant verbal and emotional abuse, the marriage vows have been broken.
@@ryanblanton8347 It’s not necessarily according to Jesus. It’s according to some of the authors in the Bible, who were human. Which is why, as a person who holds the Bible sacred and a huge influence in my life, I don’t hold it as the absolute word of God and totally infallible.
God has spoken to me on a number of occasions. He wanted me to follow the Bible but he also tells me to question it when necessary, as it was written by humans. He wants me to calm my mind and follow his direct instructions above all else.
@@ryanblanton8347 Wise words, brother. Wise indeed. And never be afraid to share that opinion. 🙏
Yes it is ... The Bible says "Husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it" ... Abuse is not love ... And abuse is illegal ... So if You look at it from the Word or if You look at it according to man's law ... A person has every right to protect themselves and their Children
separation.....yes....divorce, and remarriage....no.....
Why why tf
God is the final judge not any man He says " I will forgive whom I will forgive " ... He knows the heart ... If a man can give His Wife a letter of divorcement for Adultery like the Bible says ... I'm sure He would understand a Woman seeking a divorce if a man beat Her and molested Her Children
@@marywilliams5152 God understands everything but does not approve of everything. Separation would be immediate for the safety of the family and Church leaders would need to see repentance and significant spiritual growth in my opinion. Building trust could take a long time, but divorce is not permitted in that situation even though the STATE will give you "no fault divorce". God controls and His opinion is what matters.
@@sonnyh9774 "I the Lord God will forgive whom I will forgive" ... You can't ever tell God how He's going to handle something ... It's His final judgement ... NOT YOURS
Here is a scripture where God hates abuse
Psalm 11:5
New Century Version
5 The Lord tests those who do right,
but he hates the wicked and those who love to hurt others.
Thank you.
There are many more.
I have written much under “Mary Williams”, I hope what I wrote ministers to you, and also, the words of a gentleman named “Cory Abouoff” under some of the comments ~ I think under Buckley or Sonny, he makes EXCELLENT biblical notations, and biblically correct observations that may be beneficial to you.
God bless you and be with you, may He be with everyone here, I praise and thank God that He is our righteousness, our redeemer, our Perfect One
Shalom in Christ Jesus our LORD and our Savior
@@GodsSparrowSpeaks Amen thank you for this kind response I enjoy helping others that don't feel like there is no way out. I posted some info under her post to help others. In the meantime send me the info that you have so I can check it out God Bless.
Here's another Proverbs 22:24-25; Ecclesiasticus 8:16 (not a misspel)
Thank you so much!!!
So it sounds to me like ....apparently divorce is some type of sin where you’re punished for the rest of your life by being forced to be alone, but other sins like pornography, child molestation, adultery, murder and all other things, apparently can be forgiven and you can move on with your life and actually live and thrive...
eternity is a long time......and in the Lake, of Fire, it is all about being alone....so what is your preference.....alone for time, or alone, for eternity....forgiveness does not erase consequences.....of sin...
@@philipbuckley759 You condemn so much why do you persecute Jesus did not come to do that
@@philipbuckley759 Sir, Jesus died for EVERY sin of humanity, not just the ones mankind deems sin.
To God, all sin is equal level playing field - save sins against children, and sin by blaspheming the Holy Spirit.
No man can keep all the Letter of the Law. Period. Only Jesus the Christ our Redeemer has.
Did Jesus not say to those condemning the adulterous woman (the man involved seemed to be MIA) “Whoever is without sin, cast the first stone.” ?
All sin stems from pride.
Shalom in Christ Jesus
I hear your heart! God will judge the abuser! If you’ve been abused it’s against God and he doesn’t expect you to stay!! God will not judge the innocent!!
No we are not called to suffer in marriage!! Have you been verbally and emotionally abused!? What the hell are you talking about! It’s people like you who have kept me in this marriage for way to long!! Forgiveness doesn’t mean you stay for the abuse and enable the abuser! It’s sin to enable the abuser under the guise of being forgiven!
IMPORTANT @StraightTruthPodcast . As a long term Christian and a former social worker, these kinds of videos and advices just break my heart. There is such a huge need for deeper examination about the topic of abuse in "Christian" marriages and churches. Even Jesus didn't put up with the hypocrites and knew when it was time to get away for his own mental health. He didn't always give his left cheek, sometimes he rebuked the hypocrites and the evil people. The Bible warns SO many times about staying away from evil people, but in the church, it seems like a completely taboo topic. You tell me: what is the biblical ground to support that physical abuse is ground for separation, but not psychological abuse. This is strictly based on opinions, often men's opinions. People who say that just have NO idea what abuse really is and are not well informed. In a ton of cases of emotional abuse, physical abuse WILL happen too, sometimes it'll be too late because the injuries will result in death. Not to mention the extremely destructive PHYSICAL and MENTAL LONG TERM trauma induced effects of mental abuse on the spouse AND the kids. This will often will lead to immune disorders, depression, anxiety, suicide, self-harm, not to mention cancer, heart attacks, substances abuse, addictions, brains injuries, etc, etc, etc. MOST abusers, especially narcissistic abusers, are extremely skilled manipulators who will appear as sheep but are in wolves clothing IN THE CHURCHES. They will appear to have "changed" or improved in public, they can even go to therapy and appear sincerely repentant. They can totally fake having "changed" for a long period of time. But eventually, their real character and nature come back to the surface. They can play nice, they can love bomb for a while and make their spouse (or friend or family member) feel really special for a long time, buy them flowers, give them compliments, really "take care" of them...until they believe the spouse "trust them again" and had enough "proofs". Then the cycle of abuse begin again. And unfortunately, the spouse is in most cases co-dependant and cannot see clearly anymore, unless the Lord shows them the truth. Please, do not take this topic lightly. An immature Christian giving a hard time to his spouse and a case of abuse are two VERY different things. God does not want us to "suffer" in our marriage to THAT extent. Very, very destructive advice and I strongly disagree. If a pattern has been going on after reaching out several times for pastoral help, and the spouse is still abusing the other spouse. PLEASE GET THEM (and the kids) AWAY! A "loving, patient godly wife" might not understand how she is ENABLING her abuser to DESTROY her. If there is never any consequences for the abuser, and if the Church keeps telling her (or him) to just "endure and suffer for Christ", he will keep abusing. And this is NOT God's will.
Start thinking with scripture. Not feelings.
@@14soccerplayer1 yep
@@14soccerplayer1YOU GET CONTINUALLY BEATEN UP and then YOU THINK WITH SCRIPTURE!
And this is why I would never go to a pastor for counseling. If your reaction to verbal abuse is "we can deal with difficult words" and you minimize it's impact then you don't deserve a platform before God's people. You both sound ridiculous and unqualified to deal with real issues that occur in marriage and other relationships as well. This is scary and sad.
Re-marriage after divorcing a narcissist is a sin, yet Abraham is sanctified despite having a sex slave while married? We have progress morally and there is new evils that must be addressed. Both the Catholic and protestant churches have liberalized divorce to address new moral code. It is not a woman’s fault they were hit or abused by their husband and shouldn’t be punished with loneliness for something that isn’t their fault.
Maybe marriage isn't for Everyone.
Suffer for Christ in a marriage is a choice but if the abuse causes damage emotionally so that the partner literally would prefer to die or becomes regularly depressed, this is not God's will. Too many pastors push couples together just like a coach (for good reason) tells an athlete to push through the pain only to find out that the athlete is permanently damaged and cannot compete. These pastor are operating by the letter of the word not the Spirit. "My sheep hear my voice" is often the directive in which are guided within different & specific situations. To merely, be lead by an exact prescribed interpret of the letter whether in a marriage or in athletic training can result in unnecessary damage
Sometimes separation is needed so the Church leaders can try to help the abusive spouse and disciple him through repentance and spiritual growth. God's will is for us to be progressively sanctified. The Bible details many things that are God's will ... He also says we will be persecuted and suffer. In the New Testament, God instructs through Paul that servants are to stay with their abusive master for God's sake. Why not then a spouse? (Who may need to separate for a time as mentioned)
@@sonnyh9774 Good points. However, slavery has different protocol than marriage and involves a debt that has to be paid legally otherwise it results in being sent to prison. God does not want such theft nor any illegal matters. In deut 24:1 God made divorce legal. Before because of the hardness of their hearts, they were sending woman away without a certificate. This means they had no court order to care for their needs and the woman had no way to remarry otherwise it would be adultery as they were still married to the first. Thus, because men had hard hearts in this way, God provided a plan B to protect women - a divorce certificate which guaranteed them support and the freedom to remarry without being considered an adulteress. The NT is correct but misunderstood and not translated nor interpreted in light of Deut 24:1 nor in light of the rest of scripture. Even as you just tried to justify staying together in a marriage as in servitude contrary to God's words to Moses which was never abolished.
@@sonnyh9774 separation could only be for a short time. Otherwise this is why the NT says it results in adultery. The very purpose of Moses giving a certificate is to prevent "separations' that linger and end up in adultery. Especially when the NT also says.Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control 1 Cor 7:5
@@coryabouaf7713 Yes, slavery is different. The point is that many people think God wants them to be happy ... without suffering, but that's a twisted view. This world is full of suffering, deterioration, and death due to "sin". God wants us to have joy and peace while we endure the pain and consequences of the "fall" while also waiting for His return and the Resurrection of the Saints. Hard heartedness implies not being saved to begin with because if you were, then you would repent, but Israel was one of the worst groups of people on the Earth. God did not choose them because they were good. God chose Israel to show His humility. No proud, dignified God - King would send His Son through such a barbaric and corrupt group of people, but He did to show His humility. Hell is full of Israelites and the suffering we endure highlights the need of a Savior and the forgiveness of sin. We should naturally ease the pain whenever possible within God's will.
Jesus clarified Moses and said God never intended for there to be divorce, so Moses is nothing to hang your hat on. God also expects us to keep our vows even to our own hurt. Also, the OT divorce helped in the provision of abused women but that did not absolve the consequences of adultery when remarriage occurred. There are many things we do that are sinful, but we may never see exactly what the consequences are for that sin. Just because God blesses us post sin or gives us more grace, doesn't justify the sin to begin with, but that doesn't stop people from doing just that. Millions have second marriages and many have testimonies of God's blessing. God designed us to look for patterns and associations, but it is wrong to associate the blessings with the sin.
@@coryabouaf7713 That's a general principle, not a hard lined rule. Peter was separated from his wife while he was traveling with Jesus. Was he sinning? Was David sinning when picking grain on the Sabbath or taking provisions from the temple? Jesus says no. Necessity is sometimes an exception. Separation for safety is necessity. If the spouse is mentally ill, separation is in order. Remarriage is not.
God does not divorce us when we act terrible and abusive toward Him ... thank the Lord, and He wants us to be patient and willing to forgive as He does and be willing to take the spouse back. That's the picture of marriage God wants.... commitment and enduring faithfulness. Divorce ruins the picture and God hates it. Whatever God hates is sin. Divorce is sin. It was never His will and never will be. It's a bitter pill for those who suffer through marriage. His will trumps our will.
Personally I think men are not to speak on this since it is often the woman who is the victim. Church tradition has polluted the Creators heart for His people. If there is abuse it is abandonment. These kinds of men just justify and victim blame
I differ, I know more women, personally that have committed adultery. One case in particular the wife left the husband to be with the other adulterer. She committed adultery and abandonment at the same time….
So to say that a “men are not to speak” of a passage or passages of the Bible is sexist and very very general statement. At the very least it’s an ignorant statement. Sin can be committed be either side, equally. I read a statistic the other day that 80% of divorces are commenced by the woman. It’s a good question to ask why is this so. At the same time men are 4 to 6 times more likely to commit suicide. Their could be a correlation or not, but worth looking deeper at
Wow wait until ur daughter comes to you for an abuse situation and ur judgment will change. The church is just not equipped to dealing with marriage issues especially abuse. There is may be a reason why God never provided a step by step guide to divorce
i suffered the consequences of that, and that's why they must wait until they are of age, mature, have a job, are right with god and spiritually mature, and have very high christian standards for their partner.
Exactly. So many studies show that relational abuse inflicted on a woman can lead to her death. And what about subjecting your innocent children to his leadership. Being abused either leads to significant issues in adulthood or the infliction of the abuse they endured on others. and what about sexual abuse? I'm not about to allow my children to see their mother be associated with an sexual abuser, especial theirs, in any way. Even through separation.
If men were the primary sufferers of physical, emotional, verbal, mental, spiritual, and sexual abuse, the male thought leaders of Christianity/ church leaders would 100% say divorce AND remarriage is ok on those grounds. I think this thought process that men like that have is a clear lack of empathy that is concerning, and requires seeking repentance thought stepping down as any church leader.
There are a couple things that come to mind for me here. I don't agree with all the statements. But much of this video is very good. #1. When it comes to the Old Testament and what is written there, it is for our learning. However, Jesus came and gave us a new covenant. He said some things about marriage to the Jews living under the Mosaic Law that no longer apply really to those who are in Christ. After Jesus went to heaven, Paul comes with revelation from Jesus of the "law of love" which is the basis of the new covenant. Those who are born of the Spirit by faith in Christ are made brand new in their inner man (spirit) and have the love of God shed abroad in their heart (Rom.5:5). Some however are not ruled by that love in their spirit, rather are flesh-ruled, ruled by their emotions, and unfortunately remain carnal, not yielding to the love of God in them. The love of God that rules in the lives of 2 Christians should never appear in a divorce court. However, because of the hardness of hearts, sin, and being flesh-ruled as well as emotions ruling them, some are abusive. Any kind of ongoing physical abuse is WRONG and therefore a reason to separate. God did give us a brain and anyone should know that it is dumb to stay in a physically abusive situation. So for the abused, they are not bound. The abuser should seek help and learn to control themselves. They can do so when pulled over by a police officer, so it is possible to do so in the same room with your wife or husband. (Some wives also are abusers.)
#2. Paul in 1 Cor. 7:12 - if the unbeliever departs, let him depart... this is also referred to in 1 Tim.5:8 where Paul tells Timothy "But if anyone does not PROVIDE ( take thought of, or care for) his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is WORSE than an UNBELIEVER." So, a person who is physically abusive has surely not cared for their partner and here is declared as worse than an unbeliever. So when we think of Paul's writing in 1 Cor. 7 then if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. In one sense, an abuser has already departed from the covenant they made in their wedding vows. Then by not caring for or providing for the member of their house ( their spouse), they are to be dealt with as an unbeliever. Then Paul also says in 1 Cor. 7: 15 & 16 if the unbeliever ( the one who does not provide for or "care for" his partner) leaves, so be it. The other is not enslaved, God has called us to peace. I'm convinced that these things are clear in the Scriptures. God has called people to live in peace. Divorce should never be taken lightly, God's love should rule in our lives. When one or the other partner isn't walking in God's love and is abusive, the abused should be smart and leave for safety sake, and if there is no repentance, or desire to get help to change, then sometimes the only option is to treat that person as an unbeliever and know you are not enslaved to that situation, that God has called you to peace. Move on.. If you remarry, Paul instructs to do so only in the Lord. Seems so very logical to me and it certainly helps people to find peace, which is God's will for our lives. God bless.
Actually, the Bible has a lot to say about our words. In proverbs, they said words can kill and are like sword thrusts if we use them wrong.
God divorced the Israelites for adultery AND spiritual abuse (abusing His Scripture)... yet God does not sin.
If there is a partner that is being sinned against, abuse,, adultery, or eben abandonment, the innocent spouse needs to be praying for them, and forgiving them so 70 x 7 . Give them ultimatum to quit, absolutely cannot divorce Mark 10 2-12.
My husband threatened my life after verbal abuse spiritual and physical abuse.he said I would be half dead before someone comes and he would be gone, unfortunately he died last year and I didn't feel bad about it. I tried for 16 years to help him. He was hooked on drugs and cheated several times. I had enough it started to effect my health. I put him out. God doesn't want anyone to be in a married like that.
Marriage cannot be undone; when you're married, you’re married for life; only death can undo it!
Verbal abuse medically affects the body as much as physical and sometimes worse. So I think you need to educate yourself on the pysical affects of abuse on the body. Forgiveness does not mean to continue in relationship with the person that is not safe.
I appreciate and respect the gentleman on the left what is his name? He knows the truth and he's not afraid to tell it. Everything that he said was right on. If we have bad marriages we are not to have hard hearts and divorce our spouse. We are to pray for them. We are to be like God waiting for repentance and reconciliation. Christians who divorced for whatever reason do not show the love and marriage between Jesus and the bride and they misrepresent his marriage. Jesus is of the narrow way, and the narrow view on marriage and divorce and remarriage. The church is very accepting of divorce and remarriage and their churches are filled with leaven, how sad that is that even the churches divorce rate is higher than that of the secular world.
Dr Richard Caldwell
It’s true, god hates divorce
If you are being abused, leave...they will not change....
Don’t be married to the devil, that abusive spouse is not a Christ follower. Leave, divorce, you can still pray for the spouse (ex) at a distance but maybe never reconnect for safety’s sake and self preservation of one’s own life. Christ died to set us free, don’t be bound to a life of pure hell on earth. God loves you more than to be someone’s abusive target. God hates divorce because it’s a mess, people involved or both evil or it’s a one sided evil, leave and ask/pray for God’s best in your marital situation, He will take care that all things work for good as it should be.
I am being physically abused by my wife. Hitting, Kicking and throwing me with anything she can find. This while my 2 year old sit on the bath and cry in fear. I don't know what to do, I really don't. There is no hope anymore. Maybe I must just suffer through and rather let her abuse me than my son, if I divorce her she will only have him to hate on
If you live in a one party consent state, record the abuse and show a lawyer. Be strong. You are a valid human being and you deserve to be loved. 👍
THINK OF THE CHILD.
By remaining and allowing yourself to be abused, you are not only allowing that child to be repeatedly traumatized and victimized by what he experiences visually and emotionally, but are, by allowing yourself to be abused, teaching and even TRAINING that child to be abused in his own future, likely to be abused himself by her as he gets older, and also to potentially become an abusive person himself.
👉🏼 Do you really want that future for your son?
Doesn’t the Lord Himself say to care for the children and not to harm them?
Doesn’t the Word of God state that a good man cares for the life of his animal? How much moreso a child?!?
EXAMPLE; My ex spouse was violently abused by his father. At 15 he beat his father almost to death, stopped only from killing him by his own 14 yo sister hitting him on the head knocking him out. I knew none of this before I married him.
He went on to become a hidden abuser, violent, beating many men, having a man killed over a paint job, covering his abuse up with a public reputation of hard work and goodness. He was a pastor…
Wake up. It is your duty to put that child before yourself. He didn’t ask ti be born.
To add:
My dear friend and brother in Christ, my significant other, was abused by his ex wife, and by her own teen son she had from a previous marriage. The young man threatened to kill him. My dear is the kindest man I’ve ever met and is still scarred from the situation. And he deeply loves the Lord. He wouldn’t be so traumatized if he had left immediately. Evil leaves scars…
When we sin and ask for forgiveness of those sins , are they forgotten when we go to heaven , or when we go do they stay with us and explain the sins even the ones we confessed and asked for forgiveness?
repentance.....admit the sin, quit the sin...
Through repentance and trust in Jesus our sins are forgiven. Revelation 20:11-15 discusses the judgment of the dead.
“Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.”
Revelation 20:11-15 NIV
@@philipbuckley759 man im brand new to repenting, i just started a few weeks ago and this is the most simple explanation of repentance. thank you
What is the wife lies about domestic violence? What do we do as Christian? Do we pursue the truth if she continues to lies and go to trial or settle base on her lies and give her what she wants?
My husband of 25 years and a lot of verbal abuse during that time but two years ago he physically beat up my daughter and I left the home with her because I could not allow her to be abandoned and now we have been living separate for two years, I’ve been living on my own my daughter who is 20 now is living on her own I have tried to reconcile but now I just feel completely numb. I have no love or emotion for him, for he is destroyed and severed our family in half my daughters want nothing to do with him. They have pretty much written him off that he is no longer their father, but just a sperm donor, I am struggling with filling anything for him. I know that God wants me to stay married and I am but when my husband gets upset, he verbally abuses me through text message and I feel like huge wall going up around me and I cannot have any intimacy because I feel nothing, I’m numb in every area.. what would you suggest that I do?
I think it’s good to try to see if God is willing to help both people to get whole and healthy. If they are both willing. If not, it becomes very difficult and eventually God won’t support it. Abuse happens when people are broken. If both people want to be healthy, God can move. Sadly, this isn’t always the case.
Paul is responding to a letter written to him and to a specific group of people in 1 Corinthians 7. Why would his advice apply now to every single situation. To suggest that God would want a woman to stay in any type of abusive relationship is not sound doctrine to me. What if the man is physically abusing her children? A woman without financial support could feel stuck with an abusive man. If I read Acts 15, I always go back to the discussion that we have freedom in Jesus Christ and God does not intend to put more of a yoke on us than our forefathers can bear. The Holy Spirit should be our guide for b determining whether to leave our marriage not all these man made interpretations of what Paul was writing to a specific group of people.
Jesus told you the only reason for divorce. His word does not disagree with His Spirit
If I am already divorced and remarried, how do I repent? What should I do to make it right in God's sight? The options for repentance in this situation include leaving your current partner and reconciling with your original partner if possible. If reconciliation with your original partner is impossible, you should remain single. You have a difficult decision to make-you can either continue to live with your current partner for the rest of this life or choose to live with Jesus for all eternity, but you can't do both.
God instituted marriage, and it's remarkable that in the second chapter of Genesis, there's a statement that Jesus later quoted and that Paul references as fundamental. Genesis 1 says, "God made male and female." Genesis 2 states that it's "right for a man to leave his own family, to leave his parents and to cleave to his wife." The word "cleave" is powerful; it signifies being glued to his wife, sticking and staying attached to her for as long as they both shall live. This sets the standard for the relationship between male and female as intended by God: one man married to one woman for life.
Sounds like a lot of worldly wisdom with a basis of Scripture and experience…rather than straight Scripture.
Let’s be clear: there are only 3 acceptable reasons for Biblical divorce: infidelity, if the unbelieving spouse wishes to leave, and death.
And once the divorce has been committed, it is final. There can be reconciliation between the parties, but if the marriage has been ended for any reason other than the ones above (which would already be unapproved), then those individuals would be held accountable for any other relationship they had afterwards.
However, there are no rules on when a husband and wife can SEPARATE. This is the grey area in which God has allowed for us to use His principles and wisely consider separation, depending on the circumstances.
Where these men, although knowledgeable, are ultimately wrong, is that they took the power of discretion we have been given for separation, and have applied it to divorce. We have no authority to supersede what God says about divorce, no matter the circumstance. He is above us, and our worldly and rational thinking does not compare to His. He has given us discretion to use in the level of separation below that, but once we start applying that though process to divorce, we are wrong.
There are very real reasons to separate. But that is much different than divorce.
Respectfully. Man or woman should nor stay in a marriage that seems to led down the path of a spouse being murderd or put in jail for a long time. Because the two Christians did not want to have enough since to divorce. If that's what needed to be done. Godly wisdom is first peaceable and easy to be entreated.
@@loveone4life361 thanks for responding. It’s hard having these discussions over text, but I’ll try my best. I respect you, just as you respectfully disagree.
I think it goes back to the worldly wisdom vs God’s wisdom. As much as my rational mind can comprehend, I of course believe that if there is a situation that I know leads to those things, the wise thing to do would be to leave before it gets there. I would want that for me, my wife, and my kids in the future. However, I think where I would be wrong in that situation is, I THINK it will end there, therefore I make decisions based on that knowledge. But in reality, I don’t really KNOW. It may seem to be heading down a dark path, all the signs may seem to be pointing to it, but I really don’t know for sure. God is the only one who truly KNOWS anything. So what does He say in the matter?
He lays out clearly: He hates divorce. He allows it for infidelity and for an unbelieving spouse who chooses to divorce, and death. And only in the latter two are the individual allowed to remarry. He obviously had standards for how a husband and wife treat each other, and it’s because of what marriage means to Him. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. There were times the Lord let Israel leave Him for other gods (essentially infidelity), and He still took them back. There was even a time when He says He DIVORCED Israel, but eventually sent His Son and took them back still. He was still faithful and reconciled to his bride, who was unfaithful beyond belief. That’s the sacrificial love a husband must have for his wife: willing to take take and take and take, to balance His wife first before himself even when he is not being satisfied, to remain faithful, and to reconcile. The church must remain faithful and submit. That is our place, as we are always always trying to upheave God from His rightful place on the throne, and place ourselves there instead. And that is where we struggle with this certain topic.
To be fair: God is not pleased when husbands and wives mistreat each other, and everyone will give an account for their actions. We all know that. I want to point out the specifics though of the church’s struggle to place itself above God. Because it makes sense to us for a spouse to divorce an abusive person, but it’s not explicitly approved in the Bible. That is why I believe a separation is permissible. But to say divorce is, is more based on conjecture, our own rational thinking, and not on explicit scripture.
‘Death’ being a reason for divorce, if you are dead or killed, that’s not ‘divorce’
it’s either ‘murder’ or someone in the marriage died, marriage is over due to death but it’s not
‘divorce’. Someone in serious danger for their own lives, needs to divorce, Only God can judge the heart and will understand. God does not ask people to remain in marriages that are abusive. Clearly one of the spouses is a demon and not Christ-like and maybe an abusive believer spouse was truly a wolf in sheep’s clothing but never a true Christian/Jesus Christ Follower. The devil does go to church too, where else would he not be when the rest of the world is already his?
Listen man on the right there's absolutely no grounds for divorce at all, whatsoever get that through your heads. Genesis 2:24 the two shall become one flesh, until death do they part. We're printing 739 there's no way out but death. That's because why Paul said that they need to remain unmarried or reconcile because he's not going to tell you to remember because he knows what Jesus said. To divorce and remarry your spouse and is to commit adultery.
"No civil, legal, religious, cultural, or state divorce is valid in the eyes of God. This includes all human divorces that have taken place on planet Earth since Adam and Eve sinned. Not a single one of them severed the one-flesh union of a lawful marriage. They all took place without God’s permission. They were all unilateral decisions, as they are to this day, and will be to the end of time."
Didn’t watch, but separation is always permissible, what is NEVER ALLOWED IS REMARRIAGE WHEN spouse is still alive.
“Is abuse biblical grounds for divorce?”… Nah it’s MY grounds!!
You have authority
The clincher is you cannot REMARRY unless the spouse you divorced dies OR he committed adultery against you during the marriage. So, if you're physically abused, you CANNOT remarry. That's a harsh rule for someone who was in a physically abusive marriage. I know - I lived it and still am after 21 years of being alone and single again after 18 years of a toxic marriage. My only choice is to have a "boyfriend" and not have sex with him. Hmmmm. Let's see how long THAT can stand the test of time without commiting fornication, which is another vile sin in God's eyes. What a Catch 22 to have to deal with for the rest of your life. God created us with a sex drive, but if you had to leave a marriage because you were being beaten to death, verbally abused, emotionally abused, and psychologically abused, you are forced to suffocate that natural sex drive and become a celebate. VERY HARSH rule to follow here. Seems so very unjust and unfair to say the least.
Many woman are put in a position that they are not able to make it on their own and we see that especially in in the Old Testament that God made provision for the woman to remarry so she could be cared for and not destitute. God hates divorce, he hated that men were putting their wives away without a divorce decree. That was violence against her in that he broke his covenent to care for and provide for his wife.
Thank you because my unbeliever spouse has literally done the opposite of encouraging my walk with christ he destroyed it bit by bit
So glad that God is God and not you all
Yeah me too. There are a lot of false interpretations. Jesus was speaking about any cause divorce when speaking with the Pharisees. In Deuteronomy if Husbands neglected their wives, the wife could divorce and become another mans wife. There are many remarriages in the Bible! Modern day interpretation is persecuting many people falsely and breaking up second marriages with families. This is the work of the enemy.
@@clairebearie87 Jesus is the one who set the standards....so get angry, at him.....but be careful, be cause loosing ones salvation, is not an option...
@@philipbuckley759 losing salvation?… this is very very scary if you think you can lose your salvation to begin with.
Salvation is given by grace. So if you lose it, that means it could be gained again, which is a false interpretation of grace.
Gaining salvation and losing it, is words of working for ones salvation. Which is false doctrine.
Either one is saved by grace or never saved at all. Anything else is works, which is never taught in the Bible.
AMEN
@@philipbuckley759 Are you suggesting that Jesus wants someone to remain married to an abuser?
He clearly doesn’t understand what emotional, psychological and verbal abuse does to your physical body. He needs more study in this matter.
Verbal abuse or narcissistic abuse is every bit as bad as physical abuse. I also know this christian man who was married to a woman for 20 years. She did not want to have sex with him.
so, even if one departs the options are remain single....and no time frame is given....so if you can not reconcile you can remain single.....end of story...
If a couple divorces and one of them marries someone else, even though they should not have done so, is the other one allowed to also remarry, since it is no longer possible for them to be reconciled?
Sounds to me like....apparently divorce is some type of sin where you’re punished for the rest of your life by being forced to be alone, but other sins like pornography, child molestation, adultery, murder and all other things, apparently can be forgiven and you can move on with your life and actually live and thrive...
@@davidcosborn1 No, in God's eyes you have a spouse until death. Fornication while married is adultery.
@@GodsSparrowSpeaks Marriage is a picture of God's unending faithfulness. God will always forgive us and take us back and we should do the same. God defines how we "actually live and thrive"... not us. If we are a believer, we don't own our life because we were bought with His blood and we are not our own.
@@sonnyh9774 Brother in Christ, please see my comment in response to this under Mary Williams.
Shalom in Christ Jesus
Anybody getting abused, emotional or physical, can and should leave whenever they need, I can’t believe the vitriol in this man’s words, so naive and stupid, these situations can turn fatal. It is not the job of a spouse being abused to stay and forgive. The Bible seems to not understand what a malignant narcissist is (ironic, given that I’m this is a good way to describe your God)
I was abused physically and verbally by my wife and threatened to kill me, and i was not safe .
So that to me, it doesn't mean i have to say single for the rest of my life.
That i can be remarried to the right woman
False
1 Cor 7:11 says that a woman who separates from her husband should remain single or be reconciled with her husband, and the husband should not divorce her. So how could the Christian husband in this case then find fulfillment sexually as a man, if the only way for him to find that fulfillment is with his wife?
it is a serious subject....the consequences are brutal....
God will give the husband power and mercy to endure any suffering for Christ's sake. I've been in that boat for three years and I don't wish it on my worst enemy. One day at a time ...God gives grace to endure.
Can you help those of us who will be spending Christmas alone? The virus is raging here in Tucson and it is not safe to spend it with my family out-of-town.
God commands the wife not to depart, and the husband not to divorce his wife. So how could you say that sometimes God allows divorce, that is so wrong. There's no mention of divorce in there and there's no mention of every marriage either. Anyone getting married after a divorce is going to be a lifelong adult her in the eyes of God and their second marriage is not valid nor is it honored by God.
If you divorce for any other reason than fornication then you should remain as you are and not marry another person
Can I get a divorce if my spouse commits adultery? Never!
Can I get a divorce if my spouse is abusive to me? No!
Can I get a divorce if I no longer love my spouse? Absolutely not!
Can I get a divorce if my spouse has abandoned me? No, you can't!
So, under what circumstances can I get a divorce? Absolutely none. The Bible is absolutely clear: only death can dissolve a marriage in God's sight. Our only option is to separate from our spouse and stay single. If things get better between our spouse and us, we can get back together (1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Bible).
But what about the exception in Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:1-9? There is no exception in Matthew's gospel: Once you are married, you are married for life.
Once married, always married until death do us part, with no exceptions. This applies to all human beings, regardless of whether you are a sinner or a saint.
My partner has been verbally abusing me he has worked sooo hard to destroy walk with jesus after being delivered from suicide he succeeded for now he won't in the end jesus has shown me the enemies in my life and I haven't taken heed and I reaped the consequences
First Corinthians 7:15 does not change the marriage covenant. Douloo in Greek, is under bondage which means, not enslaved or under servitude. 1st Corinthians 7:39 the woman is Bound by the law to her husband Deo Greek which means a permanent glue a bond only dissolved by Death. Those two words are absolutely different and they are not the same. Paul is not going to contradict himself or Jesus and say that the wife can leave and divorce and remarry and then in 1st Corinthians 7:39 says that she's Bound for life. It's all wrong or other pastors wrong. I believe the pastors are wrong. People try to use that to say that they can divorce and remarry someone else because they were abandoned or abused order stuff committed adultery violates the marriage it does not dissolve it only Justice. These are lies of the devil and of the churches. Christians repent, those of you who teach that loophole. Death releases, not any other excuse you can think of. God God will see the person as an adulterer if he or she marries another while their first Covenant spouse lives. Romans 7 2-3.
Withholding intimacy and sexual relations is abuse.
Thank you for this interview. But I an a believing man and my soon To be ex wife. I have been abused physically and verbally. To the point where I started to hit my wife. And have gone to jail. But I never called the cops on her. So the second time I called on myself. And decided with the LORD telling me to get a divorce. I never intended to hit my ex wife. But her throwing my glasses. Breaking my phone. And manipulating me. Is not right. Ect. So it would be a better witness to be divorced from her. Then to wait to see if something deadly happens. I respect and love her too much to Hurt her or for her to hurt me any more.
Love does not seek to hurt abuse or kill in words or deeds. Consistently.
One if the problems of divorce is that they got married.
What if your getting beat
Do you wait until you die ?
You leave. In Rom 1 it says we can know God’s ways by the creation of the world. There is not a creature on earth who doesn’t have the ability to defend itself through bites, stings, teeth, claws, escape, camouflage, etc…. There is a reason for that.
In spanish please, thanks
check with the advanced options to see if they dont have closed captions, in Espanol....
Marriage has to be permanent and it is permanent nothing can dissolve it.
I'm okay to be single I would be at peace
oh my....now is not under bondage, or not enslaved mean not bound......sounds like a poor teaching, to me...
The only way anyone can be released from a first Covenant spouse, Paul says it is by death. 1st Corinthians 7:39 Genesis 2:24 abuse is awful a person should get safe but abuse does not release any one from a marriage. Adultery doesn't release anyone for marriage. It might relate the marriage covenant but it does not release anyone until death. There's not one scripture that you can find that will release someone until death. If a woman marries while her husband is yet alive she shall be called an adulteress Romans 7 1 through 2. Luke 16:18, Mark 10:2 - 12 .
YEP, you saud it - Paul said that - not God