Narcissistic men are the worst. They will draw you in with all kinds of promises and put you on a pedestal. It does not last. The rest of your marriage becomes an emotional battlefield of confusion and anger and bitterness as you become a shell of yourself. Walk away. It takes courage and it takes a while but do it
How do you walk away when you have children together? I feel I am stuck. Divorce would only lead to children being alone with him bc of joint custody. I can’t do that to my children. 😢
I want to just say this. This is no judgment for anyone who felt they needed to step away, but my husband sexually abused me before and after we were married. And he had a porn addiction. I found evidence while engaged and then three years into marriage. He told me he’d stop. I forgave him yet always had this sinking feeling he would betray me again. After the birth of our third child, and on our 13th year of marriage, I caught him in the act, and that next day I slapped the stuffing out of him 4 times. I was 3 months PP, we were in the middle of moving due to rent increases, into an RV to dry camp with our three little kids. To say I was stressed out already was an understatement and then to be faced with his infidelity again? But two weeks later, he said he felt like his demons had left him since he first started to struggle (which by the way was thanks to a 16-yo birthday party sleepover where he was exposed to pornography for the first time). I don’t know if it was my firm foot and the threat of it all ending; the fact we didn’t have internet; or the fact he was exhausted from building our house, but PRAISE THE LORD he has been free from this abusive addiction for almost 2 years, and he is even willing to use it in his testimony as to the redemptive power of Christ is his life. And just in the last few weeks, he wondered aloud if the verse about the wife’s faith saving the unbeliever applied to him even though he did believe in Jesus already. Thank you Lord for saving my husband from his addiction and giving me the strength and endurance to suffer through so much abuse so that I could see Your Mighty Hand work in our lives.
I was in a marriage with an abusive man for 10 years. There was no amount of prayer, Bible study, cleaning, cook or kindness I did that made him realize it was wrong. It was bad. He was abusive in every way.
I'm sorry you had to go through it. My father use to beat up my mother. When other dude were rude to my mother my father didn't do anything but blame my mother but he expected my mother to defend him against any fight even when she was pregnant. To many men like this it makes me sick to my stomach that they all stick together to fight women. It makes me not want to believe in the bible because it was written by men. They didn't treat women right in the bible.
@@freespirit7450 The bible is the word of God handed down to man. God is the true author of the Bible and man is a mere scribe dictating his word. Do not blame the LORD our God for the greed, idiocy and cruelty of man. Man's greed and ugliness is his and his alone and that is why God sent his son to die for us on the cross so that we can overcome those uglier aspects of ourselves through Christ and be forgiven.
There is never an excuse for abuse. No amount of praying or faith can change them. Change is a choice. God desires for you to be loved and feel safe.❤️
Prayer and faith works, where in the Bible does it say prayer doesn’t work? The question is does the person want to stick around and pray while being abused
No amount of prayer or faith can change someone? I strongly disagree. There is no limitations in Christ however that's not an excuse to stay in an abusive relationship. Safety should be pursued by the victim while the perpetrator hopefully changes however if they don't, stay away!
I left my very abusive ( physical, mental, emotional) husband. Together 24yrs and 6 kids. I gave my life to Jesus. Without my husband in my daily life, I've completely surrendered to God and have drawn closer to Him. I attend church, read Bible and pray. I'm in total awe & tears of joy everyday for how God has got me through this. Supernatural peace, strength & provider. I keep my husband in my prayers and leave it in God's hand now. GLORY BE TO GOD!🙏🛐🙌❤ I will keep searching for ways to share my testimony. And I pray for those that read it will come to Jesus and you too will find refuge in Him. I ask this in Jesus name, 🙏
How did you get out? I’m so scared because my kids are in elementary school. How did you do it? Every time I try to better myself, he says are the kids going to be taken care of. I need another sister in Christ to help me in how they got out.
@@abigailomari4738 I KNOW how you feel. I tried many times to leave in the 24 yrs together and many times I did and I always went back even though I didnt want to. For years inside I was crying desperately I just wanted to be freed. I had wished my dad was alive maybe he could have rescued me. I left my husband and that week he was texting me 50x a day threats insults all of it. He showed up one day caused a scene didnt touch me though but i still called police they didnt do nothing bc he didnt touch me. So frustrated that night I had intense body pulsating anxiety that he would show up and hurt me. I was in bed crying and I heard a clear audiable voice say " Do you not think God creator of heaven and earth is more powerful then your husband?" And I replied "yes your right He is" so I cried out to God and He overwhelmed me with His peace and I fell asleep and the next day was the beginnng of our beautiful relationship. At that time though I didnt realize it was God who said that. I thought it was me. I completely from that night surrendered my life to God. In that one moment Jesus broke that chain and satisifed evey hole I had and I was able to say no! And my husband wss very very very manipulative but Jesus is stronger...hallelujah😭. Glory to the King We are still separated and I have forgiven him. It was awful with him in the beginning when I left him but I leaned on God for direction through daily seeking Him in prayer and scripture We have many kids together and so when we do interact its very peacful. Bc God has humbled him by shaking his life and stripping him from many things. All glory to God. It was all Him. I will pray for you🙏 With God ALL things are possible🙌
@@abigailomari4738 Trust in God He will take care of you. In book of Job He says everything under heaven is His. Abuse is not ok...its evil!! Surrender you life to Jesus He will take care of you. My husband never showed up or touched me again since that night I gave my whole life to Him. So I belong to Jesus now💞 You do too!
A wonderful video. Today I sat in front of a Judge for PTO. I have prayed and prayed for my marriage, for my husband. I decided it was not God's best for me to stay in abuse. This relationship is not worth dying for. I am safe and healing. God has delivered me from this hell on earth.
So grateful you are safe. I pray for your continued healing and pray also that you will be an inspiration to others to get help, get safe and live a life of faith with joy in Christ! God bless, -Pastor Charles
I had enough of my husband abusing me mentally n verbally with his anger n I prayed n I know God doesn't want us in abuse ,so I divorced n my kids and I live in much more peaceful home thank Jesus
I finally left after 20 years. I would have left sooner if I could have. It is not ungodly to protect yourself and children. It is not ungodly to get yourself out of harms way and let God heal you and deal with them. As long as the are allowed to abuse you they have no reason to change and they will not.
My name is Donna and my husband has abused me for 40 years . I can't stay like this anymore . I have to leave . It hurts so bad ,but I didn't want GOD TO condemn me . I know GOD LOVES ME. I don't want to ever disrecpt my father JESUS CHRIST. GOD BLESS YOU
@DrumpTard Zionist Collusion I have read the Bible many times and it does not condone abuse, though many church leaders distort it for their own desire for power and control so it looks like they do not have abuse and divorce in their midst.
Yes so true! They say just love him more, just do more for him don't do things that upset him. Maybe it was partly your fault for his anger if he has worked all day and comes home tired etc... I see most of the blaming and expectations of changing is put on the woman or a man the one who is being abused, neglected or demeaned. I think most pastors just do not want to upset the abuser themselves for fear of they themselves being attacked or yelled at by the abuser! They fear standing up against the abuser . I see
@@antoinettevazquez1721 The church needs to put a lot more emphasis on Husbands love thy wife as Jesus loved the church, and what that actually entails and less focus on Women submit to your husbands. Unfortunately thr latter part of the scripture is the most mentioned and all the burden is on the woman when the spiritual responsibility actually lies on the men, not the women. Jesus loved his church, but he didnt force them to believe him, he didn't threaten, neglect, yell, or manipulate his church. He lead her with love, example, and inspiration... thats how a husband needs to lead.
It's very sad how often women in particular have been told to accept abuse and being controlled like it's just "part of being a woman". Also I remember a man who said about women, "the next time you cry "abuse" ask yourself how submissive you're being. If you are not submitting, you are abusive in the eyes of the Lord and your husband can treat you any way he wants." Just knowing that people are capable of this and the fact that people discourage people from leaving an abusive relationship especially if you're married is scary. Thanks for giving people hope that abuse is not your fault and that you are not in the wrong for leaving.
People who want to keep women in the bondage of abuse with that verse overlook the fact that the Bible first instructs the husbands to love their wives. There is more importance on the man having sacrificial for his love first and if he is doing that, it's very easy for his wife to submit to a man who cares for his wife and always acts in her best interest. But when he is selfish, uncaring and abusive, it completely distorts everything. It is not the picture of what God gives us as Jesus giving his life for the church out of love.
@@em77775 They also overlook verse 21, submit to one another, and see authority even though these verses don’t speak about authority but are all about Christ’s command to love one another.
@@em77775 Those same people tend to take the verse. 'Thou shalt not suffer a woman to speak, but she should remain in silence." out of context. It was referring to women not speaking during religious ceremonies which of course are normally presided over by men. It was simply saying that when a woman is at church it is her role to listen to the word of God being taught by the pastor/ priest and be quiet. Because let's face it we women like to interject our own two sense a lot and God was simply saying that when we are in his house and in his presence listening to his word that we need to zip it and listen up. It however did not mean that women should have absolutely no voice or agency in their lives. People who bend the word of God to suit their own selfish desires are not true Christians and God even warns us of this fact in the Bible.
@@slipstreamxr3763 I've also heard it was a common problem because during those services women sat on one side and the men sat on the other side during the services and they would be shouting across asking their husband from clarification, so it was an interruption. Its mention was merely to keep the meetings orderly and not confusing. Not that women should never speak.
I'm suppose to pay the bills but he spends money without telling me. When I've asked him to tell me he starts screaming and yelling at me. I'm afraid to bring it up because I don't like being yelled at. I grew up in a Christian home with loving parents. He grew up in an abusive home.
Please get help and support. You are not called by God to be abused, very much the opposite. People some how think stopping short of physical abuse makes everything right or justified, nothing is further from the truth. I am glad you had loving parents, you know it doesn't have to be this way. If you are both able to get counsel and work through this, Praise the Lord. If not, you get counsel and support for you and if things do not improve get to a place of safety. Understand that in too many cases not acting empowers the abuser to escalate. While you continue to try and do the right thing, they are playing with a different set of rules. It is not right to do wrong, God bless, - Pastor Charles
@Lorraine My mother's name was Loraine. Your right. We eloped at 17 and 18 after dating 5 months and I wasn't pregnant. We had a lot of fun for two years running around and we bought a race car. Two years later our daughter was born. He's right. I never thought of it as abuse until I found out about narcissism. Had I realized 20 years ago when we were separated I would have divorced him. Everyone wanted me to including our kids. I'll get counseling after I recover from surgery. I have some ideas.
@@writelyons we've been to counseling and it worked for a while. This last fit he threw with the screaming I thought he looked insane and was afraid. Not interested in trying to work through it anymore. It's time to find a way to live in peace alone. Thank you.
I was in an abusive relationship with someone who still claims to be a Christian and it was so isolating to feel like people around me didn't believe me. From the outside, he was the "perfect Christian" who did repent, but I experienced that not to be the truth. I recently wrote a book about my experience and it's been so helpful for me to just feel heard.
Sounds like a narcissist , pastors don’t get it ! I was married to a narcissist for 33 years . It got so bad that I prayed for God to take me home . I left instead , . God has called me to peace . ,
I wish i watch this video before I married my husband... I knew something wrong in our relationship but i chose to ignore it.. I wish that he will be change when we’re married.. turns out that he doesnt change at all.. I don’t know what to do.. if only i choose to listen to my feelings.. I will not live with this monster.. For someone out there, if youre in a relationship with abusive man who doesnt appriciate and love u just the way you are, please run away dont marry him..
Thank you so much, the response has been much less than I expected. I see it as a need that is great, the church has been silent far too long, more condemning than ministering. We have to be bold and stand with the victims and provide support. Thank you for your encouragement.
@@writelyons wow I agree, that's why I was so grateful for the words in this video. To feel less alone in what we go through is so refreshing I can't say it enough. It means so much and I'm sure the others think the same.
@@writelyons thank you so much! I was also in an abusive marriage 6 years ago. We are now working on our annulment. I pray that this will be over soon. Please pray for us
Thank you for this video. My boyfriend who claims to love God …screamed at me for making a call with him on 3 way and saying something to the real estate agent. He told me that I wasn’t supposed to do any talking and that I didn’t let him handle the situation. I didn’t know I could speak at all. I meant no harm. He hollered at me and called me retarded. I cried and he kept screaming that I wouldn’t submit. My chest is hurting now and I’m shaken. He has done this before but never this bad. I have texted him that I will pray for him, but we are over. God would never want me to be treated so poorly. Thank you for reaffirming that in this video. 🙏🏾
I will pray for you. Will you pray for me? I feel safe in my heart now. After 14years I am no longer dominated by a man I once loved. I have been delivered. Pastor, thank you!
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I know you may not see this comment, but thank you Pastor for this video. I am crying watching it, my heart is broken. My husband is emotionally and mentally abusive to me and has been for years, and I am completely stuck here with no way out right now. I am planning my escape but it will take a while to be able to leave. I have prayed over and over for him but this morning was the first time I prayed for myself. "Lord, please keep me safe" I know the holy spirit is with me, I know my worth and I know God doesn't want His daughter to be wounded and treated this way on a regular basis. No matter what is said and done to me, I never believe him (sometimes I lie and agree with him and say I'm worthless but that's just so he will stop and leave me alone. I hope God forgives me for lying at those times) I read my bible and I pray to God for the truth, and I know with my whole heart that I am loved by Him. God gives me strength and comfort and I know I'm not alone, He is always with me in the very darkest and confusing/scary times. God bless you, Pastor and thank you again.
I grew up in such a home. There is a regular problem of husbands killing their wife and kids. If you are in an abusive relationship, leave the abusive person as fast as possible.
@@clairebearie87 I think because of people talking about it more openly and social media we are more aware of it. I think domestic violence was just as bad in the 1970s as it is today. We are just a lot more aware today.
I was a Christian teen & 20 something in abusive relationship with narcissistic parents. I was told by Christians that I must obey them no matter what. That was very damaging to me. What about Christian children?
Leaving my abusive boyfriend today. The last 5 years I prayed and prayed and prayed for him did everything I could to get him to change. I can tell he doesn’t want to be like this and thats why I’ve stayed so long. When he’s good he’s so good, he stays in the word, he just has a attitude/ snapping problem. The other week during an argument he pushed me up against the door bc I “wasn’t listening to him” slammed his head through the door, threatening to punch and choke me, pulled out his gun etc.. all in front of our 2 kids. This is not the first time this has all happened. All I wanted was my family to work.. so its pretty heartbreaking to have to leave today.. but especially with 2 kids, I had to start thinking that it doesn’t matter how good the good times are if the next argument you’re dead..
Praying for you Madison.....it's heartbreaking, but time will help. And who He sets free is free indeed! I went through something similar last year. It's so confusing when they are trying to be a Christian too, you feel so guilty leaving your marriage. But the guilt is straight from satan!. My daughter has thrived on the whole and I have been able to give her the love, attention and peace she deserves. It is the hardest thing you will ever do, but you will get through it and God does have an amazing plan for you!
Both myself and husband are Christians but he is a chronic alcoholic and verbally demeans me DAILY! I have no way to afford to live on my own and don't even have my own car family and friends are not able to help.i am sooooo tired(Kelly price song "tired" ) explains all!!!
My husband can be wonderful one day, and tell me hurtful things whenever we argue. He calls me names. We both go to church. He will spend nights and even several days out when we have problems. He gives me the silent treatment. He blocks me on his phone. It is painful, but I don’t know how to leave because when we are good, he can be wonderful. I am torn, I have been married for 13 years. We have children. I prayed so much for our marriage. I never wanted a divorce. I don’t know what to do.
Doesn' matter, any firm of abuse is abuse, verbal, emotional or physical. Any leader telling you to stay is wrong. There seems to be a lot of things that women are supposed to tolerate but if the same is happening to the husband he is permitted to leave "because she broke the marriage contract". Major, major red flag in my book.
I was doing the same, asking for deliverance. You need to keep evidence of everything - financial, what he did and say and file for divorce. Do not be afraid. Isaiah 41 :10-13.
I'm scared of leaving and ending up on the streets because I depended on them for food, shelter and finances. Can't even think straight from the years of walking on eggshells around them
Don't listen to people that advise 2 stay in an abusive relationship 😒. Pray about this this is empty words, this includes emotional 😢 abuse. Also, it's so easy to take God hates divorce out of context. Staying in a marriage that's not working brings death to you
It is so sad that so many do not understand that abuse is never acceptable in the Christian faith. Abuse was never allowed and it shouldn't be discussed as to make compromises like, "Oh he just slapped you" or "Well my grandmother used to get beat so..." This is despicable and shouldn't even be a topic of deep discussion for a Christian. For me, I make it clear that abuse (and the acceptance of it) is not a topic of discussion for me. After some failed relationships, God's blessed me with a very gentle guy. God knows best and God knows I will defend myself from abuse. Point, Blank, Simple. Thank you for this on time message. I'm pretty sure you have saved some lives. Thank God!!!
My mom has been in a vicious cycle with a “Christian” man who has been controlling her for the past 12 years, idk how much longer I can endure this situation.
Correction...NOT CHRISTIAN ..A POSER ! ITS AN INSULT TO EVEN CALL CHRISTIAN WHEN FRUITS OF SPIRIT ARE ABSENT ..FIRST MIS -CALCULATION TO BEGIN WITH ...
Robin I just did the same thing. March 6th 2023 I filed for a protective order against my husband of 15 years and then had it extended for 6 months March 27th... It gives me time to be completely away from him to start healing.... I'm second guessing myself every single day but that's what's called a trauma bond.... I'm learning a lot of new words.. a lot of new ways of thinking....stay close to God!! I asked for help from God as my Father... And he snatched me out of that situation quicker than I could say Amen!
I pray for my husband’s salvation. I lay our marriage down for God to take control of it. I pray for his soul and a release from his drug addiction he’s had before meeting me and marrying me. I will dedicate my life to Christ and to children from this day forward. If it in God’s will to reconcile than done it Amen 🙏🏾
May God continue to strengthen you through this time, bless and refresh you. I have prayed this day for his salvation, please share when he accepts Christ so we can join in the celebration!
Thank you for directly addressing this topic! It has been sad to me to learn how The Church has done a very poor job with this topic. As Dr. Romano Probasco states so well, "you cannot love an abusive person/spouse into wellness. They have to WANT TO change! ... And abusive people don't want to give up that control." I hope many people who are in an abusive relationship get to hear this video and take the necessary steps to be SAFE!! 💞♥️ Abuse on any level is NEVER GOD NOT EVER!! We all deserve respect and to feel emotionally safe as well as physically too of course! Thank you, again!
Thank you so much for this excellent video on a subject that is brushed under the carpet so much. I was in an abusive relationship in my marriage. My wife would sulk for days and was not happy until everyone else was miserable. She was verbally abusive and the vast majority of the work around the house fell to me. Unfortunately, the legal framework very often forces the partner to remain in such a relationship. Courts and police do not acknowledge verbal abuse as anything of significance. And the person fleeing my have to give up custody of the children and become homeless. You are correct... we should be aware of a potential abuser, before major commitments are made. But my wife only really started being intolerable after the birth of my first child. Unfortunately also there is a lot of emphasis on the verse, "husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church" but there was no talk of a wife being supportive and loving to her husband.
Paul, keep reading, there’s more in the Bible about a woman supporting her husband than a man loving his wife. First example: Eve was created to be Adam’s helpmeet.
I am in a very Emotionally abusive relationship right now with a man who claims to be Christian. We met at church 3 years ago. Had so much in common we were so compatible and comfortable with one another and just fell so in love. Needless to say things went south over these past three years. This man had serious addiction issues and I stayed his friend and really was there for him to help him. He is doing ok for himself now. And I am just spent. I am not in love with him at all anymore. In fact I am utterly repulsed by his lack of care and understanding of my feelings and EVERYTHING that he put me through and how he just took what GOD gave him for granted. Along with other disheartening things that I am going through right now. Very selfish self centered man. And played a lot mind games with me. He killed the Love that I had for him which is so heartbreaking in itself. and he just tries to act like everything is fine. And I'm trying to put myself back together. With GOD'S help. And I L❤️VE JESUS. ❤️❤️❤️
@@lovelily8310 I understand all too well. Addictions can be many other things that people don't think about. And one of them being Pornography. And I've been through that too with my daughter's father. And it ruined our relationship Many years ago. And I met him in church too.
Thank you pastor. I've heard other, less responsible ministers suggest the abused stay with their abusers to avoid the stigma of divorce. I pray those in trouble see this video first.
Thank you for this video, it was exactly what I needed to hear. I recently left my husband of only 8 months at the time due to abuse. I am young, and people, including my family, say the reason it did not work was just because we were so young and that we should have waited to be married. But I married him because I loved him, and as you mentioned, we are taught to see the good in people and want to help them. I didn’t know it was abusive at the time, and it only got worse post marriage. But the list of warning signs you gave, explained my relationship at the time I left perfectly. I do not regret marrying him, because I loved him, and wanted to be with him forever. I think we could have made it, except that I was not created by God to be scared of coming home to my husband. That is not what God wants for me. Thank you for this video, it helped me feel much less alone during this time.
Been with my husband for thirty years, we grew up together. His abuse has only gotten worse and the church has helped him become a better abuser by looking like a good man on the outside and giving him more weapons to use against me, out of context, of course. As hard as it is, I had to leave.
I was just diagnosed with bipolar 1, yet and my wife and I celebrated 25 years of marriage where for 24 years, I was undiagnosed and untreated. I was cruel person for months, then love bomb for months. I'm treated now and am a different person, completely, according to my wife. I'm glad she chose grace because were still married, and it took 24 years of patience from her until I got to the root of the problem, not just "run." We couldnt be happier.
Thank you for sharing this. My heart goes out to those experiencing abuse and its aftermath. I can relate. I enjoy helping to heal the brokenhearted. There is hope.
Charles, I watched this video a few months ago and it gave me much Insight. Since then, I've realized the love God has for me, I understand what Jesus went through and have a deeper relationship with him. As believers, not just victims, it is our duty to stand up to evil even when it comes from our spouses. So, I submitted my divorce papers two days ago b/c I'm DONE with the demon living inside of my husband.........God loves all of his children and if you are being abused, God is waiting for you to pick up your bible and learn his word. Pray to him, ask for strength and you will soon be equipped with the armor of God. 🙏 Charles thank you so much for helping me find my way back to Christ Jesus. God bless you and anyone reading this.
Wow. This is so spot on! 100% biblical. God's design for marriage is so beautiful and amazing! Phenomenal - heaven on earth - safe space where His Kingdom comes and His will is done, there is acceptance, love, forgiveness, and thriving, and we shine as lights and are salt in a dark world, going through life together, as one. Abuse is not part of the package and should not be condoned out of fear or maintaining status quo. Doing so allows abuse to go on like a cancer with the attendant long and short term effects, C-PTSD included. Let's not even start on the spiritual and psychological impacts on children. Enough. May all victims find their true identity in Christ and walk with Him through the scary journey to freedom, safety and peace. His desire for marriage and relationships is always forgiveness, healing, reconciliation and restoration. That said, two cannot walk together unless they agree. If abusers will not get the help they need to change (and this, sadly, is usually the case), then victims do have the options to take the scary journey to healing, freedom and peace - in Christ.
This comment made me breakdown!! I had no idea marriage is to be this way. I’m crying just because I’m so sad, my marriage is nothing like this and no matter how much I pray it will never be.
@@jumpstart7498 hi there.... hugs to you. My reply comes a year later. I felt sad reading that u cried. I hope you are in a better place now in your relationship?
I'm so lost. I've been with this person for over 30 years. I got with him when I was 19 he was 34. I have my faith in God. Why can't I have faith in myself? I don't know why I'm saying all this. I guess if any young person reads this. Please leave. You children will watch their father or mother being treated like that. Then they may become like that. They may think it's normal. You deserve better. ❤
Thank you Lizette, I pray that God will comfort you and give you wisdom to deal with your situation. I also pray that God will raise up any resources and people you need to help you through this time. I will continue to keep you in prayer and ask that you stay safe, may God bless you. Amen
Thanks for those wise words. I met my wife 36 yers ago. Even though we were not engaged, she nagged me constantly and tried to control me in many subtle ways. She was a Christain I was not at that time. Me being 34 at the time and she 38, I suppose we were both very keen to marry as time was running out for both of us. I lived in hope that I would be able to change her. I now know she has Borderline personality disorder. I will not go over the many occasions there has been hurt but suffice to say, I have, after many years of suffering and trying, managed to develop a way to protect myself from harm. I have no romantic love for her, but do try to stick to my wedding vows and love her (love is not a feeling but an act of the will), care for her (she is now disabled with chronic pain) and provide for her. Perhaps things woul have been different if we had parted 36 years ago.
Some times it's ok to get upset but a human still need to have self control, they can't be allowing their crazy mind and emotions to control them into dangerous things often, humans need to be well behaved at all times, they can't be acting like animals or evil spirits often.
The church keeps promoting unconditional love. But they never balance out the word of God by telling you about having boundaries against abusers. Please Pastors, teach also that Jesus was not a door mat. I want to put others first but I don't feel God wants me to be so abused that I cannot function anymore.
I put every abusive relationship in my life under the feet of Christ and bound to the pit of hell in accordance with 1 peter 3 and this word, in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, hallelujah and amen!
My husband is emotionally and verbally abusive. I didn't realize what he was doing was abuse until a couple of years ago (after more than two decades of being with him). I finally told our pastor and even said that I was going to leave. My pastor thought it was a good idea to have the church family rally behind us and reach out to us daily to encourage and pray for us. While I appreciate their desire to rally behind us, they really don't seem to understand the dynamics of abuse. It's so frustrating because I know this effort isn't going to work. An abuser can pivot around an effort like that. I want to leave and would if it wasn't for our two year old. I don't want her to have a worse life than her grown brothers had (he doesn't abuse the children...I'm a SAHM). So I'm stuck in a very miserable situation. Even when he's being nice, I know it's just the calm before another inevitable storm.
My boyfriend says he is a Christian and had been saved. But he says very cruel things toe when he gets upset. We do not live together nor do we live in the same town. Thank goodness. But we have talked about marriage. But when he does this, it really hurt. How do I handle this
My husband 24 yrs wanted me murdered , screamed in my face, hed cause me to vomit inc extreme chest pains, held me hostage , cut phone wires etc. Rarely wanted sex or romance. I was his emotional punchbag for 24 yrs 😭😭 I fled 4 my life nearly 2 yrs ago.Divorce almost finalized now. Am i free 2 remarry one day?
In the same boat as you. Unfortunately, according to the bible, we cannot remarry until our spouse dies. It's very hard not to pray for this especially when the suffering is great. People think oh she/heleft the relationship so it's fine. It's not fine... post separation abuse occurs especially if you have children. I'm praying fo you. Pray for me too.
The Lord is able to restore the years that the locusts have eaten for all His children , nothing is wasted in His overall plan. God is merciful & gracious, full of compassion. He is the God of second chances. Never give up hope that He will lead you into a great future. The question is, was your previous marriage a real marriage? Marriage is not valid due to a piece of legal paper, if it's not a genuine spiritual & emotional bond it's not a marriage, abusive relationships are not marriages because they fail the obvious basic standard of love for the spouse & therefore null & void. Take time to heal & wait on God in prayer, He will make it clear to you in time, as to whether He has a true spiritual soulmate waiting in the wings of your future! He is so good & always ready to bless Ps 103 😇
There are far too few Pastors helping to spread this message, so THANK YOU for making this video and speaking out! Please do another one that addresses sexual abuse. Too many Christian women feel pressured to marry men who have sexually abused them, because the whole Purity movement has made them feel like “damaged goods” even if they didn’t want what was being done to them. And marital rape happens even in the Church.
The Bible tells us to be WISE and make his heart rejoice. It is NEVER WISE to stay in any type of ABUSIVE Marriage. That is going AGAINST the Bible. STRESS kills and I know God is not telling us to let someone KILL you. Also, the Bible says "What God has put together let no one seperate". God would NEVER put you together with a ABUSIVE Partner. So if God didn't put your Relationship together, you are FREE to go.
I’ve been married for just over 2 years now and my husband has a problem with binge drinking. When he is sober he is wonderful, thoughtful and caring. However, after drinking a single drink of alcohol he completely changes into another person that I call Robert. He becomes very angry, extremely arrogant & boastful, critical and judgmental towards everyone especially me, and verbally & emotionally abusive to me. In the past, when I had engage or even simply talked to him, he has been violent, nearly killing me a couple times. After a few days of drinking he becomes dangerously sick, vomiting blood and eventually stops drinking. He always says he doesn’t remember anything and that I need to disregard whatever he said or did. He had very few drinking incidents our first year of marriage, however, I was attacked by a pit bull while caring for a patient and the injury has left me with a permanent disability, CRPS and chronic pain. I’m still receiving treatment & hopeful for a surgery that will alleviate some of the pain. The problem is that I am now unable to work, drive or even stand or walk for more than an hour per day, because the CRPS is spreading and is potentially deadly. Since the incident he no longer reads the Bible to me, has very little patience & he has a binge drinking episode monthly. I am unable to tolerate the verbal & emotional abuse any longer. I’m now living in fear, constant anxiety, insomnia and unable to forgive because he is never remorseful (because he says he doesn’t remember what he says or does) and the horrible, evil, vile and repulsive things he says ruminate through my thoughts daily. He has never been unfaithful and definitely will not leave. There is nothing in the Bible that would permit me to get a divorce. I used to be able to forgive him & let it go, but now I am losing any feelings of love or compassion for him & I truly wish God would just take me to heaven now. What can I do to go on living like this?
my goodness sister I’m so sorry to hear this but please be strong and pray and stay close to the lord. I understand how hard and difficult this must be. I would definitely separate for some time and focus on the Lord. 🙏🏽 and ask him for guidance on your marriage.
I can answer yes to all the questions that you asked. I should have read the warnings that the Bible gives concerning an abusive and controlling wife. Too late, I married her. After 30 years, I have learnt how to not be offended by her abusive tongue. I try to keep close to God. I don’t let the abuse bother me too much theses days. I have learnt her trigger points and try to avoid them. We live with our mistakes. However God did not make a mistake with me or my wife. It’s my responsibility as her husband to care for her and I try to. Life is never kind to anyone and we should not expect it to be so. That’s my way of coping.
There are individuals who lack the capacity to love . Prayer will not change an abusive individual. My mother in law was abused for 50 years. Her husband threatened to kill us . We packed her up and moved her out. I haven’t heard any mention of narcissism. Any discussion about domestic violence that doesn’t mention narcissism is incomplete. Nonetheless this gentleman is very compassionate and kind in his approach.
Thank you Pastor for this teaching. I decided to stay away from the abuse because I couldn’t bear it any longer. I found myself looking older, depressed and in so much thought. No happiness in my marriage. The only Joy I had was being with my children. I have taken a great step now no more turning back to that marriage. Focusing now on raising the children in God’s way.
Thank you for this. Absolutely right about it. Contention in all its forms, including abuse, is not of God. He was on the cross and yet his concern was for the care of his mother. He was quick to show all women compassion as were his disciples. If we truly are learning to be like him then our language and conversation with each other is warm, kind, full of sincere love. Abuse is selfish and cold hearted, a power kick with no regard to the damage of the victim, an unholy judgement upon that victim. See everyone as who they are God's Child, it will humble you.
Exactly brother I am going through exactly what you talk about the abusive relationship for past 29 years. I live in absolute fear. But continue to live for the sake of my children future. I have been through several counseling according to his command but finally I was advised to just live in handling him patiently for the sake of children.
Ive had enough after 22 yrs. im feeling completely drained but closer to God all the way, the more he accuses me of being a God loving woman...i wish he said it like that 😐
My heart breaks for you and your kids. I have a similar situation. I chose my kids and God first not the abuser, AKA my husband of 19 years. It was my kids who showed me that I had to leave. I thought I was helping the kids by staying. What I was really doing was teaching them how to be abused and how to abuse others. I wanted the perfect marriage so much I was willing to be the sacrificial lamb. I learned that that is not of God. I finally woke up when one of my kids told me they were going to run away and another child told me that they were going to commit suicide. I thought I was protecting them. But the abuse was bigger than me. My abuser and I are now going through a divorce. My kids and I are healing. It’s not easy but with God and a good counselor for all of us we are doing well. No one can tell you what to do. That’s between you and God. I will pray that God gives you wisdom and discernment. Be blessed 🙏🏽
Mother of 4. I’ve been with my spouse for 7 painful years. Now they think he may have cancer. I was finally going to leave. I’m at a loss of words. I’m devastated. I want to leave so bad, this is killing me!
Give him an ultimatum, if he loves you he will pray, get guidance, and change. If he doesn’t then he never really loved you. But the Bible is clear,especially Paul on marriage. My wife gave me one about 15 yrs ago an since then we have a beautiful relationship and We are both glad she didn’t give up on me, especially me.
I'm in a verbal,emotional,and mental relationship that I can't leave fincialy. I just get SSI and can't live alone with the tiny money I get. I can't survive without him. We're like room mates then anything else. We live in shared living and I pay the rent,utilities,etc... I have to have money from him to eat,smoke,and buy things I need. You never know when he's going to flip out at you. It seems every time in my past I am with an abusive person. Wether it be a mate,room mate,parents,etc... I can't seem to get away from them!
I did a gap year with an evangelism organisation. It was abusive. I went from fully loving and trusting God to being a spiritual & emotional mess. I had a breakdown at age 20 by the end of that year. My relationship with God never fully recovered. I never got any apology and I think the bullies honestly thought they had the right to do / say what they did. They’ll never repent if it because in their view, no wrong was done to me at all and it was justified somehow. I still can’t fully trust God and it has been 30 years now.
My husband needs prayers he's being led by stray and darkness I'm telling my husband stop going out and working with friends on the Sabbath day when we should be keeping the Sabbath day Holy and i said I have church today but that also got rejected and my husband walked out and comes home 6-7 hours later without an apology and he's telling people I'm abusing him when the clearly says keep the Sabbath day Holy
sometimes my mom gets angry for no reason and sometimes becomes generous. im struggling to choose whether or not i shoud just leave and be homeless, because thats what i really prefer over my mentally and physically abusive family
This is real, i left him 7 months ago, and he guilt-trip that i am reason that we separated. He left now with another woman. Then i got confuse now again. So i search for study again, when i heard this video again .. My intuition is right. Thanks God He save me. This kind of person is so dangerous he can twist your mind and got confuse. Better I am a child of God, his spirit is leading me to leave this relastionship as everything doesnt make sense for past 3 1/2 years.
manipulation and narcissistic tactics are so sneaky most don’t have discernment to recognize the abuser. They’re so charming in front of the right people
My husband, MIL(late),and his siblings are abusive. Living a hellish life for past 20yrs When will all this end? I'm tired of this troubled marital life
The problem is that until recently pastors didn't support abused wives but told them to keep obeying their husbands. ....to be submissive to their husbands and keep praying... ..!!! And so many wives died!!!!!
Leaving is easier said than done if you have endured physical emotional and psychological abuse which has stripped you down to nothing you have nobody or isolated and they are in complete control of everything finances and everything how does one leave then he said oh I changed I'm not hitting you anymore and he left out left me stranded for 6 months it is so messed up I don't even know how to think straight I feel like less than a human being dear God help me
True. Such a relationship needs to end. And yet the time when a women is at most risk of being killed is when she leaves. The safest way to leave is by working with a domestic abuse advocacy service to develop an exit plan.
@@Th3BigBoy It is true that physical abuse by women of men is less common. Unfortunately, I know it occurs and can be very detrimental. First-hand knowledge of a family member who had this going on. All the test to you.
Why are so few talking about that the abuser needs to repent in abusive marriages? I am even questioning that the abuser is a believer simply because the fruit of their deeds shows repeatedly that they already have broken the covenant they made before God.
I just can't take it anymore. I need to take action and just leave,even if it means me being homeless and severely disabled I am. I'll be calling places on Tuesday to see where I can go.
I am 57 and single and never married. Only one man asked me to marry him and I turned him down because it did not feel right. I wonder if I did married him would it have been a abusive relationship.
I'm being heavily abused by my wife. But it's ok, I'm praying every day for my end to come soon. But I find the waiting for it more unbearable every day, it's taking too long
Verbal/psychological abuse is the warning shot over the bow, so to speak. Don't wait around for the physical assault(s) to follow. Value your life, your fine mind and your tender heart. God delivered me. I believe He wants to deliver you, too. ❤
this video is really useful to me....i was in a confusion wheather to leave my abusive husband or not ....for 6 years....i am being abused....now i dont want to live this abusive life......but being a christian.....i dont know wheather its god will or not.....so i hated jesus....for such marriage life......but this message... i beleive the god wants to tell me.....thank you so much............
I feel so guilty I did say “ for better or worse “. I just can’t take the worse. I’m frustrated. I’m confused. I’m angry. I’m hurt He says everything is my fault
We as Christians need to change the view of abuse being tolerated.. spiritual leaders should never tell anyone they should stay, leaders that say that can possibly be blood guilty with God. God hates violence and he hates those loving violence. Bible principle on enemies can be applied to help defend what is right, safe and loving relationships. I prayed for safety and I have it now after 16 years of on and off abuse.
I want to just say this. This is no judgment for anyone who felt they needed to step away, but my husband sexually abused me before and after we were married. And he had a porn addiction. I found evidence while engaged and then three years into marriage. He told me he’d stop. I forgave him yet always had this sinking feeling he would betray me again. After the birth of our third child, and on our 13th year of marriage, I caught him in the act, and that next day I slapped the stuffing out of him 4 times. I was 3 months PP, we were in the middle of moving due to rent increases, into an RV to dry camp with our three little kids. To say I was stressed out already was an understatement and then to be faced with his infidelity again? But two weeks later, he said he felt like his demons had left him since he first started to struggle (which by the way was thanks to a 16-yo birthday party sleepover where he was exposed to pornography for the first time). I don’t know if it was my firm foot and the threat of it all ending; the fact we didn’t have internet; or the fact he was exhausted from building our house, but PRAISE THE LORD he has been free from this abusive addiction for almost 2 years, and he is even willing to use it in his testimony as to the redemptive power of Christ is his life. And just in the last few weeks, he wondered aloud if the verse about the wife’s faith saving the unbeliever applied to him even though he did believe in Jesus already. Thank you Lord for saving my husband from his addiction and giving me the strength and endurance to suffer through so much abuse so that I could see Your Mighty Hand work in our lives.
Sir this describes everything I have gone through for 1 &1/2 I tried to explain it to so many. The Christian side of who we are and the love we can have and show we actually children of god... thank you for your facts and not discrimination about living in an abusive or mental relationship or marriage..
Narcissistic men are the worst. They will draw you in with all kinds of promises and put you on a pedestal. It does not last. The rest of your marriage becomes an emotional battlefield of confusion and anger and bitterness as you become a shell of yourself. Walk away. It takes courage and it takes a while but do it
How did you handle this
Not just men, women too
Narcissistic women are just as bad
How do you walk away when you have children together? I feel I am stuck. Divorce would only lead to children being alone with him bc of joint custody. I can’t do that to my children. 😢
I want to just say this. This is no judgment for anyone who felt they needed to step away, but my husband sexually abused me before and after we were married. And he had a porn addiction. I found evidence while engaged and then three years into marriage. He told me he’d stop. I forgave him yet always had this sinking feeling he would betray me again.
After the birth of our third child, and on our 13th year of marriage, I caught him in the act, and that next day I slapped the stuffing out of him 4 times. I was 3 months PP, we were in the middle of moving due to rent increases, into an RV to dry camp with our three little kids. To say I was stressed out already was an understatement and then to be faced with his infidelity again?
But two weeks later, he said he felt like his demons had left him since he first started to struggle (which by the way was thanks to a 16-yo birthday party sleepover where he was exposed to pornography for the first time).
I don’t know if it was my firm foot and the threat of it all ending; the fact we didn’t have internet; or the fact he was exhausted from building our house, but PRAISE THE LORD he has been free from this abusive addiction for almost 2 years, and he is even willing to use it in his testimony as to the redemptive power of Christ is his life.
And just in the last few weeks, he wondered aloud if the verse about the wife’s faith saving the unbeliever applied to him even though he did believe in Jesus already.
Thank you Lord for saving my husband from his addiction and giving me the strength and endurance to suffer through so much abuse so that I could see Your Mighty Hand work in our lives.
Emotional abuse is just evil. I almost died. Too much to tell.....GOD delivered me. 🍃⚘🍃
Would love to hear your story sometime.
I’m a man
My wife just choked me and punched me in the face
I left, she followed, and then choked me and tried to break my phone
That’s my reality
@@anthonyvargas5622 :( I’m sorry
❤me too
@shefarargirl I completely GET THAT✝️❤️🙏
I was in a marriage with an abusive man for 10 years. There was no amount of prayer, Bible study, cleaning, cook or kindness I did that made him realize it was wrong. It was bad. He was abusive in every way.
I'm sorry you had to go through it. My father use to beat up my mother. When other dude were rude to my mother my father didn't do anything but blame my mother but he expected my mother to defend him against any fight even when she was pregnant. To many men like this it makes me sick to my stomach that they all stick together to fight women. It makes me not want to believe in the bible because it was written by men. They didn't treat women right in the bible.
@@freespirit7450 The bible is the word of God handed down to man. God is the true author of the Bible and man is a mere scribe dictating his word. Do not blame the LORD our God for the greed, idiocy and cruelty of man. Man's greed and ugliness is his and his alone and that is why God sent his son to die for us on the cross so that we can overcome those uglier aspects of ourselves through Christ and be forgiven.
Did he ever get help? True help?
@@freespirit7450 Read John 8. You're speaking out of pain and not in knowledge of Gods Word.
@@freespirit7450 You should read all of Judges you’ll get a different perspective about how God feels about women not man.
There is never an excuse for abuse. No amount of praying or faith can change them. Change is a choice. God desires for you to be loved and feel safe.❤️
Thank you needed that today!
Prayer and faith works, where in the Bible does it say prayer doesn’t work? The question is does the person want to stick around and pray while being abused
well then get a divorce what are you waiting for ?
No amount of prayer or faith can change someone? I strongly disagree. There is no limitations in Christ however that's not an excuse to stay in an abusive relationship. Safety should be pursued by the victim while the perpetrator hopefully changes however if they don't, stay away!
@@Seekingrestoration youve never experienced a total rejection of the holy spirit then lol. Its not actually funny though.
I left my very abusive ( physical, mental, emotional) husband. Together 24yrs and 6 kids. I gave my life to Jesus. Without my husband in my daily life, I've completely surrendered to God and have drawn closer to Him. I attend church, read Bible and pray. I'm in total awe & tears of joy everyday for how God has got me through this. Supernatural peace, strength & provider. I keep my husband in my prayers and leave it in God's hand now. GLORY BE TO GOD!🙏🛐🙌❤
I will keep searching for ways to share my testimony. And I pray for those that read it will come to Jesus and you too will find refuge in Him. I ask this in Jesus name, 🙏
How did you get out?
I’m so scared because my kids are in elementary school. How did you do it?
Every time I try to better myself, he says are the kids going to be taken care of.
I need another sister in Christ to help me in how they got out.
I always go and come back I don't know how to completely go... He is taking advantage of me for not being financial stable
@@abigailomari4738 I KNOW how you feel. I tried many times to leave in the 24 yrs together and many times I did and I always went back even though I didnt want to. For years inside I was crying desperately I just wanted to be freed. I had wished my dad was alive maybe he could have rescued me. I left my husband and that week he was texting me 50x a day threats insults all of it. He showed up one day caused a scene didnt touch me though but i still called police they didnt do nothing bc he didnt touch me. So frustrated that night I had intense body pulsating anxiety that he would show up and hurt me. I was in bed crying and I heard a clear audiable voice say " Do you not think God creator of heaven and earth is more powerful then your husband?" And I replied "yes your right He is" so I cried out to God and He overwhelmed me with His peace and I fell asleep and the next day was the beginnng of our beautiful relationship. At that time though I didnt realize it was God who said that. I thought it was me. I completely from that night surrendered my life to God. In that one moment Jesus broke that chain and satisifed evey hole I had and I was able to say no! And my husband wss very very very manipulative but Jesus is stronger...hallelujah😭. Glory to the King
We are still separated and I have forgiven him. It was awful with him in the beginning when I left him but I leaned on God for direction through daily seeking Him in prayer and scripture
We have many kids together and so when we do interact its very peacful. Bc God has humbled him by shaking his life and stripping him from many things.
All glory to God. It was all Him.
I will pray for you🙏 With God ALL things are possible🙌
@@abigailomari4738 Trust in God He will take care of you. In book of Job He says everything under heaven is His. Abuse is not ok...its evil!! Surrender you life to Jesus He will take care of you. My husband never showed up or touched me again since that night I gave my whole life to Him. So I belong to Jesus now💞 You do too!
@@Dontlooktotherightorleft am in the fasting mood but i still feel have not done enough coz i just want to go out and drink drink drink
A wonderful video. Today I sat in front of a Judge for PTO. I have prayed and prayed for my marriage, for my husband. I decided it was not God's best for me to stay in abuse. This relationship is not worth dying for. I am safe and healing. God has delivered me from this hell on earth.
So grateful you are safe. I pray for your continued healing and pray also that you will be an inspiration to others to get help, get safe and live a life of faith with joy in Christ! God bless, -Pastor Charles
Pastor can domestic violence needs to avoid
Robin McCuen, you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
@@lioydwilliams1850 thanks. I’m very happy that I got out.
I had enough of my husband abusing me mentally n verbally with his anger n I prayed n I know God doesn't want us in abuse ,so I divorced n my kids and I live in much more peaceful home thank Jesus
My husband is only Luke warm in spirit. He has a vicious temper. I’ve been praying for forever. Prayers please.
Consider looking up how to fight the leviathan, Jezebel, and python spirits. They lurk everywhere.
I'll pray for you. Please pray for me as well. ❤
Me too 😒 I’m exhausted 18 years
I finally left after 20 years. I would have left sooner if I could have. It is not ungodly to protect yourself and children. It is not ungodly to get yourself out of harms way and let God heal you and deal with them. As long as the are allowed to abuse you they have no reason to change and they will not.
@@redskyatnight6317 .
.
Singles, when you see the red flags run away! This is a living nightmare, no one deserves to be abused. I pray we all find freedom and peace
My name is Donna and my husband has abused me for 40 years . I can't stay like this anymore . I have to leave . It hurts so bad ,but I didn't want GOD TO condemn me . I know GOD LOVES ME. I don't want to ever disrecpt my father JESUS CHRIST. GOD BLESS YOU
Thank you for speaking the truth about abuse, most pastors protect the abuser.
@DrumpTard Zionist Collusion I have read the Bible many times and it does not condone abuse, though many church leaders distort it for their own desire for power and control so it looks like they do not have abuse and divorce in their midst.
Yes so true!
They say just love him more, just do more for him don't do things that upset him. Maybe it was partly your fault for his anger if he has worked all day and comes home tired etc...
I see most of the blaming and expectations of changing is put on the woman or a man the one who is being abused, neglected or demeaned.
I think most pastors just do not want to upset the abuser themselves for fear of they themselves being attacked or yelled at by the abuser!
They fear standing up against the abuser .
I see
@@antoinettevazquez1721 The church needs to put a lot more emphasis on Husbands love thy wife as Jesus loved the church, and what that actually entails and less focus on Women submit to your husbands. Unfortunately thr latter part of the scripture is the most mentioned and all the burden is on the woman when the spiritual responsibility actually lies on the men, not the women. Jesus loved his church, but he didnt force them to believe him, he didn't threaten, neglect, yell, or manipulate his church. He lead her with love, example, and inspiration... thats how a husband needs to lead.
Yes true
I agree. It’s hard to put into words how that makes you feel.
It's very sad how often women in particular have been told to accept abuse and being controlled like it's just "part of being a woman". Also I remember a man who said about women, "the next time you cry "abuse" ask yourself how submissive you're being. If you are not submitting, you are abusive in the eyes of the Lord and your husband can treat you any way he wants." Just knowing that people are capable of this and the fact that people discourage people from leaving an abusive relationship especially if you're married is scary. Thanks for giving people hope that abuse is not your fault and that you are not in the wrong for leaving.
People who want to keep women in the bondage of abuse with that verse overlook the fact that the Bible first instructs the husbands to love their wives. There is more importance on the man having sacrificial for his love first and if he is doing that, it's very easy for his wife to submit to a man who cares for his wife and always acts in her best interest. But when he is selfish, uncaring and abusive, it completely distorts everything. It is not the picture of what God gives us as Jesus giving his life for the church out of love.
@@em77775 They also overlook verse 21, submit to one another, and see authority even though these verses don’t speak about authority but are all about Christ’s command to love one another.
@@em77775 Those same people tend to take the verse. 'Thou shalt not suffer a woman to speak, but she should remain in silence." out of context. It was referring to women not speaking during religious ceremonies which of course are normally presided over by men. It was simply saying that when a woman is at church it is her role to listen to the word of God being taught by the pastor/ priest and be quiet. Because let's face it we women like to interject our own two sense a lot and God was simply saying that when we are in his house and in his presence listening to his word that we need to zip it and listen up. It however did not mean that women should have absolutely no voice or agency in their lives. People who bend the word of God to suit their own selfish desires are not true Christians and God even warns us of this fact in the Bible.
@@slipstreamxr3763 I've also heard it was a common problem because during those services women sat on one side and the men sat on the other side during the services and they would be shouting across asking their husband from clarification, so it was an interruption. Its mention was merely to keep the meetings orderly and not confusing. Not that women should never speak.
On the other hand, women are more likely to be believed than men, with Johnny Depp being a significant exception.
I'm suppose to pay the bills but he spends money without telling me. When I've asked him to tell me he starts screaming and yelling at me. I'm afraid to bring it up because I don't like being yelled at. I grew up in a Christian home with loving parents. He grew up in an abusive home.
Please get help and support. You are not called by God to be abused, very much the opposite. People some how think stopping short of physical abuse makes everything right or justified, nothing is further from the truth. I am glad you had loving parents, you know it doesn't have to be this way. If you are both able to get counsel and work through this, Praise the Lord. If not, you get counsel and support for you and if things do not improve get to a place of safety. Understand that in too many cases not acting empowers the abuser to escalate. While you continue to try and do the right thing, they are playing with a different set of rules. It is not right to do wrong, God bless, - Pastor Charles
@Lorraine My mother's name was Loraine. Your right. We eloped at 17 and 18 after dating 5 months and I wasn't pregnant. We had a lot of fun for two years running around and we bought a race car. Two years later our daughter was born. He's right. I never thought of it as abuse until I found out about narcissism. Had I realized 20 years ago when we were separated I would have divorced him. Everyone wanted me to including our kids. I'll get counseling after I recover from surgery. I have some ideas.
@@writelyons we've been to counseling and it worked for a while. This last fit he threw with the screaming I thought he looked insane and was afraid. Not interested in trying to work through it anymore. It's time to find a way to live in peace alone. Thank you.
Scream/ yell back
@@monicagandy6723 I will not reduce myself to that level. It is not the way I want to l live.
I was in an abusive relationship with someone who still claims to be a Christian and it was so isolating to feel like people around me didn't believe me. From the outside, he was the "perfect Christian" who did repent, but I experienced that not to be the truth. I recently wrote a book about my experience and it's been so helpful for me to just feel heard.
So very thankful you are healing and moving forward. Trust the book will help many more, God bless!
@@writelyons thank you so much for your comment. God bless you.
That’s one of the hardest things feeling like no one will believe you.
@@kimberly1221 truly :(
Sounds like a narcissist , pastors don’t get it ! I was married to a narcissist for 33 years .
It got so bad that I prayed for God to take me home . I left instead ,
. God has called me to peace .
,
Abuses other than physical are really hard to substantiate. Especially when the abuser is charming and manipulative.
It's narcissistic abuse.
I wish i watch this video before I married my husband... I knew something wrong in our relationship but i chose to ignore it.. I wish that he will be change when we’re married.. turns out that he doesnt change at all.. I don’t know what to do.. if only i choose to listen to my feelings.. I will not live with this monster.. For someone out there, if youre in a relationship with abusive man who doesnt appriciate and love u just the way you are, please run away dont marry him..
Same here.
Thank you for your advice,am running away
Thank you sooo much for this message
Same here what to do now already married ...
@@serah333 but divorce s not God's will right just asking m also n sane situation don't know how to proceed
This is a great video for Christians struggling in abuse, thanks for making this. I'd love to see more on this topic.
Thank you so much, the response has been much less than I expected. I see it as a need that is great, the church has been silent far too long, more condemning than ministering. We have to be bold and stand with the victims and provide support. Thank you for your encouragement.
@@writelyons wow I agree, that's why I was so grateful for the words in this video. To feel less alone in what we go through is so refreshing I can't say it enough. It means so much and I'm sure the others think the same.
@@simonepurdon5975 I do too.
@@writelyons thank you so much! I was also in an abusive marriage 6 years ago. We are now working on our annulment. I pray that this will be over soon. Please pray for us
Thank you for this video. My boyfriend who claims to love God …screamed at me for making a call with him on 3 way and saying something to the real estate agent. He told me that I wasn’t supposed to do any talking and that I didn’t let him handle the situation. I didn’t know I could speak at all. I meant no harm. He hollered at me and called me retarded. I cried and he kept screaming that I wouldn’t submit. My chest is hurting now and I’m shaken. He has done this before but never this bad. I have texted him that I will pray for him, but we are over. God would never want me to be treated so poorly. Thank you for reaffirming that in this video. 🙏🏾
You did the right thing. His losing it - screaming at you is emotional abuse.
I am so glad you got out and did not marry him!
I found myself after a long time of abuse
Being abusive back
I'm ashamed and I've repented of this
I have no justification
I became what I hated
I will pray for you. Will you pray for me? I feel safe in my heart now. After 14years I am no longer dominated by a man I once loved. I have been delivered. Pastor, thank you!
I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together
it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger.
@@amandaryan3263 In most states you don't need that type of evidence.
I know you may not see this comment, but thank you Pastor for this video. I am crying watching it, my heart is broken. My husband is emotionally and mentally abusive to me and has been for years, and I am completely stuck here with no way out right now. I am planning my escape but it will take a while to be able to leave.
I have prayed over and over for him but this morning was the first time I prayed for myself. "Lord, please keep me safe"
I know the holy spirit is with me, I know my worth and I know God doesn't want His daughter to be wounded and treated this way on a regular basis. No matter what is said and done to me, I never believe him (sometimes I lie and agree with him and say I'm worthless but that's just so he will stop and leave me alone. I hope God forgives me for lying at those times)
I read my bible and I pray to God for the truth, and I know with my whole heart that I am loved by Him. God gives me strength and comfort and I know I'm not alone, He is always with me in the very darkest and confusing/scary times.
God bless you, Pastor and thank you again.
My condition is exactly like you. I am asking Jesus to give me strength to take an action.
I grew up in such a home. There is a regular problem of husbands killing their wife and kids. If you are in an abusive relationship, leave the abusive person as fast as possible.
Why is it happening so much?
@@clairebearie87 I think because of people talking about it more openly and social media we are more aware of it. I think domestic violence was just as bad in the 1970s as it is today. We are just a lot more aware today.
Thanks for the awareness part it's true. But I'm interested to know why it's happening so much
I was a Christian teen & 20 something in abusive relationship with narcissistic parents. I was told by Christians that I must obey them no matter what. That was very damaging to me. What about Christian children?
Right we barely get talked about only the Christian adults
Me Too. This was my life. My mother was the abuser
When a person is abused by a spouse they feel like they have no freedom and makes you sick to your stomach
Leaving my abusive boyfriend today.
The last 5 years I prayed and prayed and prayed for him did everything I could to get him to change. I can tell he doesn’t want to be like this and thats why I’ve stayed so long. When he’s good he’s so good, he stays in the word, he just has a attitude/ snapping problem. The other week during an argument he pushed me up against the door bc I “wasn’t listening to him” slammed his head through the door, threatening to punch and choke me, pulled out his gun etc.. all in front of our 2 kids.
This is not the first time this has all happened.
All I wanted was my family to work.. so its pretty heartbreaking to have to leave today..
but especially with 2 kids,
I had to start thinking that it doesn’t matter how good the good times are if the next argument you’re dead..
Praying for you Madison.....it's heartbreaking, but time will help. And who He sets free is free indeed! I went through something similar last year. It's so confusing when they are trying to be a Christian too, you feel so guilty leaving your marriage. But the guilt is straight from satan!. My daughter has thrived on the whole and I have been able to give her the love, attention and peace she deserves. It is the hardest thing you will ever do, but you will get through it and God does have an amazing plan for you!
@@pippastrong8774 thank you so much it means a lot
praying for you and strength ❤Gods got u
How are you now sis?
I’m in an emotionally abusive marriage. My wife is unbelievably cruel. However Jesus is with me in this storm as he is during all others.
Both myself and husband are Christians but he is a chronic alcoholic and verbally demeans me DAILY! I have no way to afford to live on my own and don't even have my own car family and friends are not able to help.i am sooooo tired(Kelly price song "tired" ) explains all!!!
My husband can be wonderful one day, and tell me hurtful things whenever we argue. He calls me names. We both go to church. He will spend nights and even several days out when we have problems. He gives me the silent treatment. He blocks me on his phone. It is painful, but I don’t know how to leave because when we are good, he can be wonderful. I am torn, I have been married for 13 years. We have children. I prayed so much for our marriage. I never wanted a divorce. I don’t know what to do.
Has he ever hit you?
Doesn' matter, any firm of abuse is abuse, verbal, emotional or physical. Any leader telling you to stay is wrong. There seems to be a lot of things that women are supposed to tolerate but if the same is happening to the husband he is permitted to leave "because she broke the marriage contract". Major, major red flag in my book.
Praying for deliverance from this abusive relationship that is dominating my life, or children, and finances.
I was doing the same, asking for deliverance. You need to keep evidence of everything - financial, what he did and say and file for divorce. Do not be afraid. Isaiah 41 :10-13.
I'm scared of leaving and ending up on the streets because I depended on them for food, shelter and finances. Can't even think straight from the years of walking on eggshells around them
Feeling relief after listening to this. I can get out, and it’s ok.
Thank you so much, God bless!
Its ok xxx did u escape
@@SuperShandy777 Yes! 🙌🙏
Don't listen to people that advise 2 stay in an abusive relationship 😒. Pray about this this is empty words, this includes emotional 😢 abuse. Also, it's so easy to take God hates divorce out of context. Staying in a marriage that's not working brings death to you
It is so sad that so many do not understand that abuse is never acceptable in the Christian faith. Abuse was never allowed and it shouldn't be discussed as to make compromises like, "Oh he just slapped you" or "Well my grandmother used to get beat so..." This is despicable and shouldn't even be a topic of deep discussion for a Christian. For me, I make it clear that abuse (and the acceptance of it) is not a topic of discussion for me. After some failed relationships, God's blessed me with a very gentle guy. God knows best and God knows I will defend myself from abuse. Point, Blank, Simple.
Thank you for this on time message. I'm pretty sure you have saved some lives. Thank God!!!
My mom has been in a vicious cycle with a “Christian” man who has been controlling her for the past 12 years, idk how much longer I can endure this situation.
Correction...NOT CHRISTIAN ..A POSER ! ITS AN INSULT TO EVEN CALL CHRISTIAN WHEN FRUITS OF SPIRIT ARE ABSENT ..FIRST MIS -CALCULATION TO BEGIN WITH ...
Robin I just did the same thing. March 6th 2023 I filed for a protective order against my husband of 15 years and then had it extended for 6 months March 27th... It gives me time to be completely away from him to start healing.... I'm second guessing myself every single day but that's what's called a trauma bond.... I'm learning a lot of new words.. a lot of new ways of thinking....stay close to God!! I asked for help from God as my Father... And he snatched me out of that situation quicker than I could say Amen!
I pray for my husband’s salvation. I lay our marriage down for God to take control of it. I pray for his soul and a release from his drug addiction he’s had before meeting me and marrying me. I will dedicate my life to Christ and to children from this day forward. If it in God’s will to reconcile than done it Amen 🙏🏾
May God continue to strengthen you through this time, bless and refresh you. I have prayed this day for his salvation, please share when he accepts Christ so we can join in the celebration!
Ditto! Praying for you
Going through the exact same sister!
❤️❤️
Thank you for directly addressing this topic! It has been sad to me to learn how The Church has done a very poor job with this topic.
As Dr. Romano Probasco states so well, "you cannot love an abusive person/spouse into wellness. They have to WANT TO change!
... And abusive people don't want to give up that control."
I hope many people who are in an abusive relationship get to hear this video and take the necessary steps to be SAFE!! 💞♥️
Abuse on any level is NEVER GOD NOT EVER!!
We all deserve respect and to feel emotionally safe as well as physically too of course!
Thank you, again!
Thank you so much for this excellent video on a subject that is brushed under the carpet so much. I was in an abusive relationship in my marriage. My wife would sulk for days and was not happy until everyone else was miserable. She was verbally abusive and the vast majority of the work around the house fell to me. Unfortunately, the legal framework very often forces the partner to remain in such a relationship. Courts and police do not acknowledge verbal abuse as anything of significance. And the person fleeing my have to give up custody of the children and become homeless. You are correct... we should be aware of a potential abuser, before major commitments are made. But my wife only really started being intolerable after the birth of my first child. Unfortunately also there is a lot of emphasis on the verse, "husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church" but there was no talk of a wife being supportive and loving to her husband.
Paul, keep reading, there’s more in the Bible about a woman supporting her husband than a man loving his wife. First example: Eve was created to be Adam’s helpmeet.
Also check out Kevin Ewing here on RUclips
@@twistedsmilez 📠
I am in a very Emotionally abusive relationship right now with a man who claims to be Christian. We met at church 3 years ago. Had so much in common we were so compatible and comfortable with one another and just fell so in love. Needless to say things went south over these past three years. This man had serious addiction issues and I stayed his friend and really was there for him to help him. He is doing ok for himself now. And I am just spent. I am not in love with him at all anymore. In fact I am utterly repulsed by his lack of care and understanding of my feelings and EVERYTHING that he put me through and how he just took what GOD gave him for granted. Along with other disheartening things that I am going through right now. Very selfish self centered man. And played a lot mind games with me. He killed the Love that I had for him which is so heartbreaking in itself. and he just tries to act like everything is fine. And I'm trying to put myself back together. With GOD'S help. And I L❤️VE JESUS. ❤️❤️❤️
@@lovelily8310 I understand all too well. Addictions can be many other things that people don't think about. And one of them being Pornography. And I've been through that too with my daughter's father. And it ruined our relationship Many years ago. And I met him in church too.
He used you up and spit you out and doesn't care at all. My husband is the same way. I feel your pain. I hope you are better now.
Thank you pastor. I've heard other, less responsible ministers suggest the abused stay with their abusers to avoid the stigma of divorce. I pray those in trouble see this video first.
Thank you for this video, it was exactly what I needed to hear. I recently left my husband of only 8 months at the time due to abuse. I am young, and people, including my family, say the reason it did not work was just because we were so young and that we should have waited to be married. But I married him because I loved him, and as you mentioned, we are taught to see the good in people and want to help them. I didn’t know it was abusive at the time, and it only got worse post marriage. But the list of warning signs you gave, explained my relationship at the time I left perfectly. I do not regret marrying him, because I loved him, and wanted to be with him forever. I think we could have made it, except that I was not created by God to be scared of coming home to my husband. That is not what God wants for me. Thank you for this video, it helped me feel much less alone during this time.
Been with my husband for thirty years, we grew up together. His abuse has only gotten worse and the church has helped him become a better abuser by looking like a good man on the outside and giving him more weapons to use against me, out of context, of course. As hard as it is, I had to leave.
@@redskyatnight6317 you have told my story 💔
Ever been told, "but Love Beareth all things...Endureth all things."
1 Corinthians 13:7
In regards to being unable to divorce for physical abuse...?
I was just diagnosed with bipolar 1, yet and my wife and I celebrated 25 years of marriage where for 24 years, I was undiagnosed and untreated. I was cruel person for months, then love bomb for months. I'm treated now and am a different person, completely, according to my wife. I'm glad she chose grace because were still married, and it took 24 years of patience from her until I got to the root of the problem, not just "run." We couldnt be happier.
Thank you for sharing this. My heart goes out to those experiencing abuse and its aftermath. I can relate. I enjoy helping to heal the brokenhearted. There is hope.
I just survived being beat to death and strangled to death. He is in jail. We have a daughte together. I am so sad and traumatized.
Emotional abuse is just as bad physical in all relationships,even non romacic. It's impossible 😭 to see good in someone that's very abusive.
Charles, I watched this video a few months ago and it gave me much Insight. Since then, I've realized the love God has for me, I understand what Jesus went through and have a deeper relationship with him. As believers, not just victims, it is our duty to stand up to evil even when it comes from our spouses. So, I submitted my divorce papers two days ago b/c I'm DONE with the demon living inside of my husband.........God loves all of his children and if you are being abused, God is waiting for you to pick up your bible and learn his word. Pray to him, ask for strength and you will soon be equipped with the armor of God. 🙏 Charles thank you so much for helping me find my way back to Christ Jesus. God bless you and anyone reading this.
Wow. This is so spot on! 100% biblical. God's design for marriage is so beautiful and amazing! Phenomenal - heaven on earth - safe space where His Kingdom comes and His will is done, there is acceptance, love, forgiveness, and thriving, and we shine as lights and are salt in a dark world, going through life together, as one.
Abuse is not part of the package and should not be condoned out of fear or maintaining status quo. Doing so allows abuse to go on like a cancer with the attendant long and short term effects, C-PTSD included. Let's not even start on the spiritual and psychological impacts on children.
Enough. May all victims find their true identity in Christ and walk with Him through the scary journey to freedom, safety and peace.
His desire for marriage and relationships is always forgiveness, healing, reconciliation and restoration. That said, two cannot walk together unless they agree. If abusers will not get the help they need to change (and this, sadly, is usually the case), then victims do have the options to take the scary journey to healing, freedom and peace - in Christ.
Truth
This comment made me breakdown!! I had no idea marriage is to be this way. I’m crying just because I’m so sad, my marriage is nothing like this and no matter how much I pray it will never be.
@@jumpstart7498 hi there.... hugs to you. My reply comes a year later. I felt sad reading that u cried. I hope you are in a better place now in your relationship?
I'm so lost. I've been with this person for over 30 years. I got with him when I was 19 he was 34. I have my faith in God. Why can't I have faith in myself? I don't know why I'm saying all this. I guess if any young person reads this. Please leave. You children will watch their father or mother being treated like that. Then they may become like that. They may think it's normal. You deserve better. ❤
thank you sir i needed to hear this, i would appreciate if anyone could please pray for me
Thank you Lizette, I pray that God will comfort you and give you wisdom to deal with your situation. I also pray that God will raise up any resources and people you need to help you through this time. I will continue to keep you in prayer and ask that you stay safe, may God bless you. Amen
Me too..23 yrs into this relationship...i am honestly speechless at what i have went thru...But I CANNOT LEAVE...😪😭😪😭😭
@@stacybrowder1835 Start making a solid safety plan TODAY. You are stronger than you know! Please run.
I most definitely pray for you... And please you do for me too. I am currently on 3 hours of non stop verbal abuse. I so needed this too. 💜💜
Thank you pastor!
Thanks for those wise words. I met my wife 36 yers ago. Even though we were not engaged, she nagged me constantly and tried to control me in many subtle ways. She was a Christain I was not at that time. Me being 34 at the time and she 38, I suppose we were both very keen to marry as time was running out for both of us. I lived in hope that I would be able to change her. I now know she has Borderline personality disorder. I will not go over the many occasions there has been hurt but suffice to say, I have, after many years of suffering and trying, managed to develop a way to protect myself from harm. I have no romantic love for her, but do try to stick to my wedding vows and love her (love is not a feeling but an act of the will), care for her (she is now disabled with chronic pain) and provide for her. Perhaps things woul have been different if we had parted 36 years ago.
Some times it's ok to get upset but a human still need to have self control, they can't be allowing their crazy mind and emotions to control them into dangerous things often, humans need to be well behaved at all times, they can't be acting like animals or evil spirits often.
Amen
The church keeps promoting unconditional love. But they never balance out the word of God by telling you about having boundaries against abusers. Please Pastors, teach also that Jesus was not a door mat. I want to put others first but I don't feel God wants me to be so abused that I cannot function anymore.
I put every abusive relationship in my life under the feet of Christ and bound to the pit of hell in accordance with 1 peter 3 and this word, in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, hallelujah and amen!
Praising God with you for peace, security and victory!
Bound to the pit of hell? Christ forgives for every sin.
My husband is emotionally and verbally abusive. I didn't realize what he was doing was abuse until a couple of years ago (after more than two decades of being with him). I finally told our pastor and even said that I was going to leave. My pastor thought it was a good idea to have the church family rally behind us and reach out to us daily to encourage and pray for us.
While I appreciate their desire to rally behind us, they really don't seem to understand the dynamics of abuse. It's so frustrating because I know this effort isn't going to work. An abuser can pivot around an effort like that.
I want to leave and would if it wasn't for our two year old. I don't want her to have a worse life than her grown brothers had (he doesn't abuse the children...I'm a SAHM). So I'm stuck in a very miserable situation. Even when he's being nice, I know it's just the calm before another inevitable storm.
My boyfriend says he is a Christian and had been saved. But he says very cruel things toe when he gets upset. We do not live together nor do we live in the same town. Thank goodness. But we have talked about marriage. But when he does this, it really hurt. How do I handle this
@Shellie Robinson do not marry him, he will then think of you as a possession, it will not get better
Wonderful video....for both women and men.....men get abused too!!! Thanks dear Brother!
My husband 24 yrs wanted me murdered , screamed in my face, hed cause me to vomit inc extreme chest pains, held me hostage , cut phone wires etc. Rarely wanted sex or romance. I was his emotional punchbag for 24 yrs 😭😭
I fled 4 my life nearly 2 yrs ago.Divorce almost finalized now.
Am i free 2 remarry one day?
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗, we thank God you finally escaped. May God heal you and restore you.
In the same boat as you. Unfortunately, according to the bible, we cannot remarry until our spouse dies. It's very hard not to pray for this especially when the suffering is great. People think oh she/heleft the relationship so it's fine. It's not fine... post separation abuse occurs especially if you have children. I'm praying fo you. Pray for me too.
The Lord is able to restore the years that the locusts have eaten for all His children , nothing is wasted in His overall plan. God is merciful & gracious, full of compassion. He is the God of second chances. Never give up hope that He will lead you into a great future. The question is, was your previous marriage a real marriage? Marriage is not valid due to a piece of legal paper, if it's not a genuine spiritual & emotional bond it's not a marriage, abusive relationships are not marriages because they fail the obvious basic standard of love for the spouse & therefore null & void. Take time to heal & wait on God in prayer, He will make it clear to you in time, as to whether He has a true spiritual soulmate waiting in the wings of your future! He is so good & always ready to bless Ps 103 😇
There are far too few Pastors helping to spread this message, so THANK YOU for making this video and speaking out! Please do another one that addresses sexual abuse. Too many Christian women feel pressured to marry men who have sexually abused them, because the whole Purity movement has made them feel like “damaged goods” even if they didn’t want what was being done to them. And marital rape happens even in the Church.
The Bible tells us to be WISE and make his heart rejoice. It is NEVER WISE to stay in any type of ABUSIVE Marriage. That is going AGAINST the Bible. STRESS kills and I know God is not telling us to let someone KILL you. Also, the Bible says "What God has put together let no one seperate". God would NEVER put you together with a ABUSIVE Partner. So if God didn't put your Relationship together, you are FREE to go.
Thank you Pastor. I felt Peace the way you explained.
Thank you so much, so thankful if this was able to comfort in some way, God bless you, Pastor Charles
@@writelyons
Yes Thankyou pastor
We are told to avoid abusers.
I’ve been married for just over 2 years now and my husband has a problem with binge drinking. When he is sober he is wonderful, thoughtful and caring. However, after drinking a single drink of alcohol he completely changes into another person that I call Robert. He becomes very angry, extremely arrogant & boastful, critical and judgmental towards everyone especially me, and verbally & emotionally abusive to me. In the past, when I had engage or even simply talked to him, he has been violent, nearly killing me a couple times. After a few days of drinking he becomes dangerously sick, vomiting blood and eventually stops drinking. He always says he doesn’t remember anything and that I need to disregard whatever he said or did. He had very few drinking incidents our first year of marriage, however, I was attacked by a pit bull while caring for a patient and the injury has left me with a permanent disability, CRPS and chronic pain. I’m still receiving treatment & hopeful for a surgery that will alleviate some of the pain. The problem is that I am now unable to work, drive or even stand or walk for more than an hour per day, because the CRPS is spreading and is potentially deadly. Since the incident he no longer reads the Bible to me, has very little patience & he has a binge drinking episode monthly. I am unable to tolerate the verbal & emotional abuse any longer. I’m now living in fear, constant anxiety, insomnia and unable to forgive because he is never remorseful (because he says he doesn’t remember what he says or does) and the horrible, evil, vile and repulsive things he says ruminate through my thoughts daily. He has never been unfaithful and definitely will not leave. There is nothing in the Bible that would permit me to get a divorce. I used to be able to forgive him & let it go, but now I am losing any feelings of love or compassion for him & I truly wish God would just take me to heaven now. What can I do to go on living like this?
my goodness sister I’m so sorry to hear this but please be strong and pray and stay close to the lord. I understand how hard and difficult this must be. I would definitely separate for some time and focus on the Lord. 🙏🏽 and ask him for guidance on your marriage.
There are free Al-Anon meetings on Zoom.
Attend a couple.
It’ll help put the focus back on YOUR life & walk.
I can answer yes to all the questions that you asked. I should have read the warnings that the Bible gives concerning an abusive and controlling wife. Too late, I married her. After 30 years, I have learnt how to not be offended by her abusive tongue. I try to keep close to God. I don’t let the abuse bother me too much theses days. I have learnt her trigger points and try to avoid them. We live with our mistakes. However God did not make a mistake with me or my wife. It’s my responsibility as her husband to care for her and I try to. Life is never kind to anyone and we should not expect it to be so. That’s my way of coping.
There are individuals who lack the capacity to love . Prayer will not change an abusive individual. My mother in law was abused for 50 years. Her husband threatened to kill us . We packed her up and moved her out.
I haven’t heard any mention of narcissism. Any discussion about domestic violence that doesn’t mention narcissism is incomplete. Nonetheless this gentleman is very compassionate and kind in his approach.
Thank you Pastor for this teaching. I decided to stay away from the abuse because I couldn’t bear it any longer. I found myself looking older, depressed and in so much thought. No happiness in my marriage. The only Joy I had was being with my children. I have taken a great step now no more turning back to that marriage. Focusing now on raising the children in God’s way.
Thank you for this. Absolutely right about it. Contention in all its forms, including abuse, is not of God. He was on the cross and yet his concern was for the care of his mother. He was quick to show all women compassion as were his disciples. If we truly are learning to be like him then our language and conversation with each other is warm, kind, full of sincere love. Abuse is selfish and cold hearted, a power kick with no regard to the damage of the victim, an unholy judgement upon that victim. See everyone as who they are God's Child, it will humble you.
Exactly brother I am going through exactly what you talk about the abusive relationship for past 29 years. I live in absolute fear. But continue to live for the sake of my children future.
I have been through several counseling according to his command but finally I was advised to just live in handling him patiently for the sake of children.
Ive had enough after 22 yrs. im feeling completely drained but closer to God all the way, the more he accuses me of being a God loving woman...i wish he said it like that 😐
My heart breaks for you and your kids. I have a similar situation. I chose my kids and God first not the abuser, AKA my husband of 19 years. It was my kids who showed me that I had to leave. I thought I was helping the kids by staying. What I was really doing was teaching them how to be abused and how to abuse others. I wanted the perfect marriage so much I was willing to be the sacrificial lamb. I learned that that is not of God. I finally woke up when one of my kids told me they were going to run away and another child told me that they were going to commit suicide. I thought I was protecting them. But the abuse was bigger than me.
My abuser and I are now going through a divorce. My kids and I are healing. It’s not easy but with God and a good counselor for all of us we are doing well.
No one can tell you what to do. That’s between you and God. I will pray that God gives you wisdom and discernment.
Be blessed 🙏🏽
Thank you for your encouragement
Mother of 4. I’ve been with my spouse for 7 painful years. Now they think he may have cancer. I was finally going to leave. I’m at a loss of words. I’m devastated. I want to leave so bad, this is killing me!
THANK YOU! I feel like you are my Dad giving me this Godly advice. I needed this so much today. God bless you for giving this Word!
Same.
Give him an ultimatum, if he loves you he will pray, get guidance, and change. If he doesn’t then he never really loved you. But the Bible is clear,especially Paul on marriage. My wife gave me one about 15 yrs ago an since then we have a beautiful relationship and We are both glad she didn’t give up on me, especially me.
What was her ultimatum?
I'm in a verbal,emotional,and mental relationship that I can't leave fincialy. I just get SSI and can't live alone with the tiny money I get. I can't survive without him. We're like room mates then anything else. We live in shared living and I pay the rent,utilities,etc... I have to have money from him to eat,smoke,and buy things I need. You never know when he's going to flip out at you. It seems every time in my past I am with an abusive person. Wether it be a mate,room mate,parents,etc... I can't seem to get away from them!
Thank you for this information. An eye opener indeed.
I did a gap year with an evangelism organisation. It was abusive. I went from fully loving and trusting God to being a spiritual & emotional mess. I had a breakdown at age 20 by the end of that year. My relationship with God never fully recovered. I never got any apology and I think the bullies honestly thought they had the right to do / say what they did. They’ll never repent if it because in their view, no wrong was done to me at all and it was justified somehow. I still can’t fully trust God and it has been 30 years now.
My husband needs prayers he's being led by stray and darkness I'm telling my husband stop going out and working with friends on the Sabbath day when we should be keeping the Sabbath day Holy and i said I have church today but that also got rejected and my husband walked out and comes home 6-7 hours later without an apology and he's telling people I'm abusing him when the clearly says keep the Sabbath day Holy
I have been searching so hard for a while now and this video answer so many questions ....... Thank you
You are so welcome! I am very grateful if it helped. Please be safe, abuse is never justified. God bless, Pastor Charles
sometimes my mom gets angry for no reason and sometimes becomes generous. im struggling to choose whether or not i shoud just leave and be homeless, because thats what i really prefer over my mentally and physically abusive family
Praying for you!
Amen preacher for these truths from Biblical knowledge
Thank you so much, so much healing and truth needs to be shared in this area, especially within the local church
This is real, i left him 7 months ago, and he guilt-trip that i am reason that we separated. He left now with another woman. Then i got confuse now again. So i search for study again, when i heard this video again .. My intuition is right. Thanks God He save me. This kind of person is so dangerous he can twist your mind and got confuse. Better I am a child of God, his spirit is leading me to leave this relastionship as everything doesnt make sense for past 3 1/2 years.
manipulation and narcissistic tactics are so sneaky most don’t have discernment to recognize the abuser. They’re so charming in front of the right people
My husband, MIL(late),and his siblings are abusive.
Living a hellish life for past 20yrs
When will all this end? I'm tired of this troubled marital life
Everyone says run, get out, leave! How do you do that when you have no place to go or any money to leave??
The problem is that until recently pastors didn't support abused wives but told them to keep obeying their husbands. ....to be submissive to their husbands and keep praying... ..!!! And so many wives died!!!!!
Leaving is easier said than done if you have endured physical emotional and psychological abuse which has stripped you down to nothing you have nobody or isolated and they are in complete control of everything finances and everything how does one leave then he said oh I changed I'm not hitting you anymore and he left out left me stranded for 6 months it is so messed up I don't even know how to think straight I feel like less than a human being dear God help me
True. Such a relationship needs to end. And yet the time when a women is at most risk of being killed is when she leaves. The safest way to leave is by working with a domestic abuse advocacy service to develop an exit plan.
@@Th3BigBoy It is true that physical abuse by women of men is less common. Unfortunately, I know it occurs and can be very detrimental. First-hand knowledge of a family member who had this going on. All the test to you.
She's 72 yrs old
Of course we SHOULD ge out of abusive relationships. Dont stay another day if he/she is abusive.
Just gone through this, one of his things was that my body belonged to him and I should obey
Why are so few talking about that the abuser needs to repent in abusive marriages? I am even questioning that the abuser is a believer simply because the fruit of their deeds shows repeatedly that they already have broken the covenant they made before God.
I just can't take it anymore. I need to take action and just leave,even if it means me being homeless and severely disabled I am. I'll be calling places on Tuesday to see where I can go.
I am 57 and single and never married. Only one man asked me to marry him and I turned him down because it did not feel right. I wonder if I did married him would it have been a abusive relationship.
Isaiah 49:14-17. God sees you as precious.
I'm being heavily abused by my wife.
But it's ok, I'm praying every day for my end to come soon.
But I find the waiting for it more unbearable every day, it's taking too long
I’m so thankful you made this video 🙏🏻
Verbal/psychological abuse is the warning shot over the bow, so to speak. Don't wait around for the physical assault(s) to follow. Value your life, your fine mind and your tender heart.
God delivered me. I believe He wants to deliver you, too. ❤
Thank you so much for clearing this up!!
this video is really useful to me....i was in a confusion wheather to leave my abusive husband or not ....for 6 years....i am being abused....now i dont want to live this abusive life......but being a christian.....i dont know wheather its god will or not.....so i hated jesus....for such marriage life......but this message... i beleive the god wants to tell me.....thank you so much............
Thank you so much. I can not recall hearing words like this in my marriage. 19 yrs.
I feel so guilty
I did say “ for better or worse “. I just can’t take the worse. I’m frustrated. I’m confused. I’m angry. I’m hurt
He says everything is my fault
praying for you Gods got you
Wow, I'm back 10 months later watching this again just as a reminder.....God bless everyone
We as Christians need to change the view of abuse being tolerated.. spiritual leaders should never tell anyone they should stay, leaders that say that can possibly be blood guilty with God. God hates violence and he hates those loving violence. Bible principle on enemies can be applied to help defend what is right, safe and loving relationships. I prayed for safety and I have it now after 16 years of on and off abuse.
I want to just say this. This is no judgment for anyone who felt they needed to step away, but my husband sexually abused me before and after we were married. And he had a porn addiction. I found evidence while engaged and then three years into marriage. He told me he’d stop. I forgave him yet always had this sinking feeling he would betray me again.
After the birth of our third child, and on our 13th year of marriage, I caught him in the act, and that next day I slapped the stuffing out of him 4 times. I was 3 months PP, we were in the middle of moving due to rent increases, into an RV to dry camp with our three little kids. To say I was stressed out already was an understatement and then to be faced with his infidelity again?
But two weeks later, he said he felt like his demons had left him since he first started to struggle (which by the way was thanks to a 16-yo birthday party sleepover where he was exposed to pornography for the first time).
I don’t know if it was my firm foot and the threat of it all ending; the fact we didn’t have internet; or the fact he was exhausted from building our house, but PRAISE THE LORD he has been free from this abusive addiction for almost 2 years, and he is even willing to use it in his testimony as to the redemptive power of Christ is his life.
And just in the last few weeks, he wondered aloud if the verse about the wife’s faith saving the unbeliever applied to him even though he did believe in Jesus already.
Thank you Lord for saving my husband from his addiction and giving me the strength and endurance to suffer through so much abuse so that I could see Your Mighty Hand work in our lives.
My husband believes we are one infront of God so he doesn’t allow me to go anywhere or visit friends without him
Sir this describes everything I have gone through for 1 &1/2 I tried to explain it to so many. The Christian side of who we are and the love we can have and show we actually children of god... thank you for your facts and not discrimination about living in an abusive or mental relationship or marriage..