This makes a lot of sense. I'm in therapy and it has been pointed out to me that my vulnerable child self puts myself in these bad situations. I let my child take over and I can feel it when I do, I'm forcing myself to do something I know is bad and will likely get me hurt by unsafe people.
Great point on the choosing part. Personally, feeling powerless in the moments where I used to make bad decisions felt almost like I was on auto pilot. The body craves the fix. The best thing I ever did was do a 90 day challenge in stopping my addiction to see if I could do it. I did, and it’s been well over 12 months now. That 90 days allowed my dopamine levels to settle down and allowed me more clarity in those moments where I had to choose.
I find that the hardest part is trusting that the outcomes when making the 'right' decisions will far outweigh the 'easier' choice...for me trust has been my biggest hurdle. It is easier to go to what is familiar and 'safe'...even though it is not good for me.
I had nowhere else to go and ended up in depression when I stopped avoiding facing my failure and started indulging in hedonism as a coping mechanism to avoid facing it. Faced with a similar situation again, I've made choices that support my growth, and the same failure has become a setback that I'm using as a lesson to learn from so that I can bounce back.
You're right. Porn used to drive me to depression. Quitting porn boosted my self esteem insanely. Now I'm married to an avoidant partner, and I keep putting her needs above my own and I've been hurting myself by doing so. My self esteem has crashed in the last few years because of my sacrifices for my broken marriage.
Wow, i hear this for the first time.....making things bad enough to force yourself to change. I don´t experience this myself, but def. can see it in people around me. Behaviours that made no sense whatsoever can be explained this way. Thank you.
Dude, thank you so much for making this connection so specific and overt. I knew all the parts, but connecting them was missing. In many ways, it actually made me feel better about my choices lately, and to give myself some grace if I have a piece of pie once every few days rather than every day. I've quit weed, I've reduced porn to a minimum, I'm working out 3 times a week from nothing over the last decade. I'm taking steps to better career and (hopefully soon) the rather expensive work of fixing my very damaged smile (teeth issues to say the least). Hearing this reinforced that I am doing better, and I'm on the right path. Time to double down.
Love this, thank you. Have a girl I know I need to let go of, she keeps coming back and I keep giving in (she lives down the street). I have a job I know Ive outgrown, but hard bc money is good. Which makes me give into my girls love. Good paying Job stresses me out. Woman boss that I know I am smarter than. Girlfriend who has a mom that runs her parents relationship. As a man w a more assertive step father and submissive mom. Working to balance/decipher all of it out in the mist of a evolving culture. Hard to understand my worth bc I'm under the impression ppl should allow competency to shine but power and assertiveness shines in my sales organization.
That was pretty awesome. Thanks a lot for highlighting such an important point about making decisions that prove to yourself that you are worthy.. God bless you!
Here's what I'm thinking of as far as decisions to make for yourself. Porn, masturbation, shit food, exercise, being lazy on the couch and watching YT instead of read a book, work on a project you've been neglecting, homework, etc, chase a girl that's not good for you, toxic friendships, neglecting self care such as meditation or journaling. Would love to hear other ideas or thoughts?
You heard it here fellas, if you're with a woman and still feel empty/unsatisfied, end it, part ways and restore your power and self love. She treats you like a battery, a resource, and you rely on her for a false sense of belonging and feeding the flesh and ego. Yes life can be lonely, but forcing the wrong scenario eats your soul up even worse than going at it yourself. In the end it's not enough to make you the best version of you
If it really was this simple I would've solved it a long time ago. If you know what activities or choices are going to bolster your self esteem you would've already done them. And I'm pretty sure there are no choices right now that can bolster mine. I cannot just decide or choose to be good at something for example.
But like what if I'm actually not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough? I dunno I feel like I know what the "right" thing to do is but if I try it, I'll just fail harder and things will be even worse. If i don't let this or that woman treat me like shit I'll be totally alone. If i don't stay in this crap job I'll be homeless. You get it. And i feel like a loser. So yeah i can see your point for sure.
Try: Personal Development School by Thais Gibson. It has been really helpful to me with resolving those core wounds of "I'm not good enough" and etc. It focuses on reprogramming the subconscious mind.
So I chose to miss out on the best relationship in my life so I could completely destroy my self-worth so I would finally say it's time for change? Because that's exactly what happened.
This makes a lot of sense. I'm in therapy and it has been pointed out to me that my vulnerable child self puts myself in these bad situations. I let my child take over and I can feel it when I do, I'm forcing myself to do something I know is bad and will likely get me hurt by unsafe people.
Great point on the choosing part. Personally, feeling powerless in the moments where I used to make bad decisions felt almost like I was on auto pilot. The body craves the fix. The best thing I ever did was do a 90 day challenge in stopping my addiction to see if I could do it. I did, and it’s been well over 12 months now. That 90 days allowed my dopamine levels to settle down and allowed me more clarity in those moments where I had to choose.
I find that the hardest part is trusting that the outcomes when making the 'right' decisions will far outweigh the 'easier' choice...for me trust has been my biggest hurdle. It is easier to go to what is familiar and 'safe'...even though it is not good for me.
I had nowhere else to go and ended up in depression when I stopped avoiding facing my failure and started indulging in hedonism as a coping mechanism to avoid facing it. Faced with a similar situation again, I've made choices that support my growth, and the same failure has become a setback that I'm using as a lesson to learn from so that I can bounce back.
Fantastic video! This one hit me hard. I’m going to save this and rewatch the several times. Thank you.
Beauty, glad it hit home 🙌🏽
Yeah me too. For all the wisdom that he hid away from us.
So true! It’s a simple battle! And once it’s over, we’ll look back and realize it was an easy one too!
You're right. Porn used to drive me to depression. Quitting porn boosted my self esteem insanely. Now I'm married to an avoidant partner, and I keep putting her needs above my own and I've been hurting myself by doing so. My self esteem has crashed in the last few years because of my sacrifices for my broken marriage.
Make the choices I already know that are good for me.
Today is day zero to start again.
That’s it! Start each day again
This is the clearer definition of lack of SE and SW. please make more videos about this
Wow, i hear this for the first time.....making things bad enough to force yourself to change.
I don´t experience this myself, but def. can see it in people around me. Behaviours that made no sense whatsoever can be explained this way. Thank you.
Well articulated and logical, and serendipitously timely for me.
Glad it hit home at the right time
Dude, thank you so much for making this connection so specific and overt. I knew all the parts, but connecting them was missing.
In many ways, it actually made me feel better about my choices lately, and to give myself some grace if I have a piece of pie once every few days rather than every day.
I've quit weed, I've reduced porn to a minimum, I'm working out 3 times a week from nothing over the last decade. I'm taking steps to better career and (hopefully soon) the rather expensive work of fixing my very damaged smile (teeth issues to say the least).
Hearing this reinforced that I am doing better, and I'm on the right path. Time to double down.
I'm a lady and I watch your content. Really good stuff. I also watch to try to understand my honey lol
Love this, thank you.
Have a girl I know I need to let go of, she keeps coming back and I keep giving in (she lives down the street).
I have a job I know Ive outgrown, but hard bc money is good. Which makes me give into my girls love. Good paying Job stresses me out. Woman boss that I know I am smarter than. Girlfriend who has a mom that runs her parents relationship. As a man w a more assertive step father and submissive mom. Working to balance/decipher all of it out in the mist of a evolving culture.
Hard to understand my worth bc I'm under the impression ppl should allow competency to shine but power and assertiveness shines in my sales organization.
This is soooo good!!!! Thank you!!!!
That was pretty awesome. Thanks a lot for highlighting such an important point about making decisions that prove to yourself that you are worthy.. God bless you!
Connor, thank you for this video and your work in general. It has helped me immensely.
Here's what I'm thinking of as far as decisions to make for yourself. Porn, masturbation, shit food, exercise, being lazy on the couch and watching YT instead of read a book, work on a project you've been neglecting, homework, etc, chase a girl that's not good for you, toxic friendships, neglecting self care such as meditation or journaling. Would love to hear other ideas or thoughts?
"Self-esteem is our ability to see ourselves as flawed individuals and still value ourselves," says Terry Real.
In moments of weakness self compassion is important, otherwise you shame spiral into more self defeating behavior.
How can I remind myself of this video? So inspiring. Maybe telling a friend?
You bet, share with a friend and discuss. Then set a reminder on your phone “make the choices I already know are good for me.”
You heard it here fellas, if you're with a woman and still feel empty/unsatisfied, end it, part ways and restore your power and self love. She treats you like a battery, a resource, and you rely on her for a false sense of belonging and feeding the flesh and ego. Yes life can be lonely, but forcing the wrong scenario eats your soul up even worse than going at it yourself. In the end it's not enough to make you the best version of you
If it really was this simple I would've solved it a long time ago. If you know what activities or choices are going to bolster your self esteem you would've already done them. And I'm pretty sure there are no choices right now that can bolster mine. I cannot just decide or choose to be good at something for example.
But like what if I'm actually not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough? I dunno I feel like I know what the "right" thing to do is but if I try it, I'll just fail harder and things will be even worse. If i don't let this or that woman treat me like shit I'll be totally alone. If i don't stay in this crap job I'll be homeless. You get it. And i feel like a loser. So yeah i can see your point for sure.
Can this apply to women as well?
Been in self improvement my whole life and still feel ugly, stupid, unworthy
It does apply to women as well, but women tend to make different bad decisions.
Try: Personal Development School by Thais Gibson. It has been really helpful to me with resolving those core wounds of "I'm not good enough" and etc. It focuses on reprogramming the subconscious mind.
Quit self improvement
So I chose to miss out on the best relationship in my life so I could completely destroy my self-worth so I would finally say it's time for change? Because that's exactly what happened.
I need to take my ass to therapy
Oops, just got found out