5 reasons you are always tired as a fearful avoidant
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- Опубликовано: 30 июн 2024
- Being tired and exhausted might be something you don’t immediately link to the fearful avoidant attachment style. But there can absolutely be a link and be an association! In this video I’m going to talk about five reasons why you might always tired as a fearful avoidant.
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-- CONTENTS --
00:00 Intro
00:37 Resistance to what you are feeling and thinking
04:38 Trauma
06:01 Expectations and the belief that you have to do things when you have energy
08:25 Not being able to set boundaries
10:47 When you’re tired you’re not able to do much damage or hurt others
#fearfulavoidant #healingattachmentstyle #attachmentstyle #chronicfatiguesyndrome #tired #fatigue #tiredness #paulientimmer
1. Resistance to feelings and thoughts
2. Trauma sitting in the body so functioning less efficiently
3. Subconscious benefits to hold on to tiredness
4. Bad at boundaries
5. Not able to harm others if tired
Plus physical imbalances
It’s amazing how interconnected our mental space and gut health becomes especially after trauma. For a while I didn’t want my leaky gut to get better because that means that I would have to give into my fearful avoidant tendencies when I healed. Aka “ To have more energy” (hurt people more)
Yes, such a powerful insight! It's hard to heal until we know what is keeping us from healing.
The #4 boundaries reason is so aligned with an insight I had in a recent tapping session! I’ve had tiredness as well as chronic headaches & migraines for about 15 years. I thought it had to do with the fact that being physically sick was the main time I felt love & affection as a child, but with tapping on it I realized it was the perfect strategy for getting my need for space & lower expectations met in a world were my preferences & boundaries didn’t matter. I complimented my fearbrain on it when journaling because it really is full proof. Now I’m encouraged that with this clarity & ability to set boundaries I can finally be free of the pain. 😊
i am currently going thru and watching your entire library of videos LMAO and i relate so hardcore with nearly every video so far :') it feels like you are inside my head and are answering lifelong questions of mine about myself
Yes, the autonomic nervous system is malfunctioning from trauma. Pain, fatigue digestion etc. Your body is working harder in dysregulation and hypervigilence. Migraines, fibromilagia. Disautomia. All related for me. I'm trying very hard to hear years of trauma and illness. The vagus nerve. All of it. It's so hard processing all of it.
It definitely is. Sending you love and strength through all of this.
I've been watching a bunch of your videos and boy do I feel constantly called out. Like my dude.
I am happy to hear my video's resonate with you!❤
Thank you Pauline 💕 1 and 5 resonate the most with me
Amazing! Thanks a lot for this video!
Dear Paulien, it was veeery insightful! I am dealing with chronic fatigue and even i do shadow work as crazy, i found here really helpful information, such as - why you want to be tired? it is so obvious when you said that! will work with that as well. And expectations. I think my expectations to others also sucks out a lot of energy. About physical reasons - i also tried detox my body from parasites, which helped, because a lot energy our body consumes to process toxins out of body.
And wanted to thank you for your videos - they are absolute help in understanding inner state which sometimes makes to feel like going crazy. Which is really scary. Very glad to have found your channel :)
highly valued
Hi Paulien, thank you so much for your free resources here on RUclips 💕
Could you please make a video on how to love as a FA?
Do you have specific questions around how to love as a FA? Please let me know!
A lot of this translates to Dismissive Avoidants too
Accurate
Hi Paulien, thank you again for a very informative video.
Can I ask you a question? You say that other peoples expectations are their own responsibility and has nothing to do with you.
I can understand and agree with that, and I am currently practicing listening to my body/emotions and saying no to helping others if I feel I don't want to do what they ask me to do. It feels good, but I am a bit bewildered because I have a neighbor who is constantly doing favors for me, sometimes to the point where she is forcing her help onto me (I am also practicing saying no to her help when I don't want it). She has really helped me a lot and I am grateful for some of it, but I also feel that her help comes with string attached, so that she expects me to help her to the extent that she is helping me. And that would be impossible, because I simply don't have the energy.
Therefore, should I say no to her help, so that I don't receive more help from her than I am able/willing to give her myself, or is it her own responsibility how much help she wants to offer me? Sometimes it makes me feel guilty saying no to helping her out, because I feel there should be reciprocity in a relationship.
This is such a good example Anne! Even though she won't see it that way, if she is helping you with strings attached, it definitely can be manipulative. It is definitely, completely, her responsibility how much she decides to help you. And you can say no whenever, for whatever reason. You don't ever HAVE to do anything to help her, just because she helped you (again, this is where it becomes manipulative. some people use this belief to get you to do things). You have every right to keep saying no. She might (probably will) become frustrated or won't like it, but that has to do with her belief system. And sometimes, when we don't do the expected thing and shake someones beliefs up, we are actually helping them. Just always make sure to do it in the friendliest way possible (which can, and usually is, super powerful).
Thank you so much, Paulien. I deeply appreciate your answer. I have been thinking about it for a while and it gives me clarity in some respects, but I am still uncertain about the concept of "reciprocity in a relationship/friendship".
I think, perhaps I don't really understand what a healthy relation/connection looks like. I always thought there should be reciprocity (a balance of give and take), but I am beginning to consider that maybe the hallmarks of a healthy way of relating between two human beings might not be that there is an equilibrium of give and take, but to what extent the two people are willing/able to respect one another (respect the wishes, boundaries, needs etc. of the other person)... oh, I don't know.. it is difficult.
Say for instance that two people have a friendship or relationship, but none of them wants to help the other one. Would it then be a friendship?
And what if I never felt like helping my neighbor, but I still accepted all of her help? Wouldn't that make me selfish, narcissistic?
Arnena Agashe
My FA wife is always exhausted.
I hope this explains a bit why!
Thanks! As soon as I sit behind my computer at home (for my job) I feel lots of tension (resistance) in hips and stomack. I do like my job, but constantly afraid, not reaching deadlines. (?) I find it very difficult to let go of.. do you have a suggestion?
Deadlines can trigger the fear of failing. It is a very concrete outcome: either you make the deadline, or you don't. If you are really afraid to fail, it can be really hard to work with deadlines. They used to choke me too, and I still don't like working with them! It is ok to find a way to do your job that is right for you. You do not always have to be the one to adjust to 'their' way of working.
@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 Thanks!!