👋🏻Hiya all! Hope you enjoyed the video! Let me know your experience with narcissistic behaviors in your relationship! 🚨Come join my NEW Relationship Bootcamp! be.ultranormal.co/relationship-bootcamp?YTE076& - Chris
Good to see you out there Chris…. I agree with the sliding scale of Narcissism and agree how wildly it’s thrown out into the digital community!!! Hope your world is well❤
The partner I had was not capable of love and told me so after 18yrs! Asked me to marry him after 3yrs and after another 3yrs just left without telling why, only after another 10yrs of on and off relationship he said he's incapable of loving someone, he hated me when I was sick and weak, he was sadistic towards me when I needed help when sick, so I do not think a narcissist is capable of change, he tried, went to therapy, walked out after 2sessions and nearly hit me for making the appointments, he did hit me with his fist a few times, and choked me, just because he had a bad day and I was standing up to his outbursts and abuse, I ordered him to leave and he nearly killed me with my dumbells, hitting me on my head, well he's a very sick man today and can't care for himself but luckily he left in peace this time, I'm grieving for lost time, love, hurt etc
I'm curious on where you got this information from, I agree that you shouldn't diagnose your partner with NPD, but from my own experience a lot of people can have Narcissistic personality traits that were learned by someone else, even if they aren't a narcissist if they aren't willing to change then they might as well be a narcissist, and you can't change someone else they have to do it themselves, so I would argue if they show Narcissistic triats be very cautious and be willing to leave if you see no change.
Hey! Thanks for the comment! In terms of where I get the information, there are multiple sources and studies that I use. I hold off from citing them as 1) I usually get the info I need and move on before writing the source. Bad habit, but means I don't derail my own writing process. 2) In the times when people have specifically asked for them and I've provided, they have never been clicked on. Not once. Lol. 3) I try to keep a running citation/bibliography to my members for the materials they have, simply for the fact that my program material has been written in a much more academic way and not on a week-per-week basis. :) --- re: NPD I believe that many traits people identify are often situational behaviors. For example, someone might feel jealous in a romantic relationship but not at work. This doesn't mean they're a jealous person; they might just have specific triggers. Even learned behaviors, which make up the majority of our actions, can be unlearned. Partners often struggle here because they might not know how to support each other in unlearning toxic behaviors. This is where partners get unstuck because they have no idea how to help someone unlearn a toxic behavior, they simply use their own toxic learned behaviors to help their partner unlearn (ie. give ultimatums, shout, threaten to leave, gaslight, call out lies etc...). Most people are open to change, especially when it benefits them. However, many don't know how to encourage change in others. E.g. You're in a relationship with someone who is displaying narcissistic behaviors, your therapist tells you to "place boundaries" and BOOM watch as your partner's narcissistic behaviors skyrocket.. This happens because of a reaction called Reactance, where people resist being controlled. A 2014 study found that 53% of people with NPD showed improvement after two years. This suggests that actual narcissists *can* change, but the way help is often presented, like through interventions, usually causes them to reject it. In relationships, our own behavior significantly impacts our partner. If we don't manage our emotions well or start believing our partner is a narcissist and respond with toxic behaviors ourselves, like snooping through their phone or lying, it can trigger narcissistic behaviors in them. As soon as we 'start being cautious' then we become defensive and stop being vulnerable, it often leads to an increase in narcissistic behaviors in our partner. From my experience working with thousands of relationships involving narcissistic behaviors, I've observed that these behaviors reduce significantly when one partner changes how they approach problems and avoids going into defensive mode. Your behavior has a substantial influence on your partner, even if they do have diagnosable NPD. If you deeply believe that a partner cannot change and can't empathize with their behavior, it's unlikely they will feel safe enough to be vulnerable with you. Feeling safe and supported is crucial for both partners to foster change and growth, so if it's not actively being created by one partner then it won't simply appear by magic. I understand that this is not easy, and I don't blame anyone for wanting to leave a challenging relationship. However, it's important to be honest with ourselves. Often, we walk away because it's too hard to deal with the behaviors and we don't want to invest more effort, but it's important not to try to justify our own decisions to walk away by putting the blame on the partner and convincing ourselves that narcissistic behaviors can't change.
👋🏻Hiya all! Hope you enjoyed the video! Let me know your experience with narcissistic behaviors in your relationship!
🚨Come join my NEW Relationship Bootcamp! be.ultranormal.co/relationship-bootcamp?YTE076&
- Chris
Good to see you out there Chris….
I agree with the sliding scale of Narcissism and agree how wildly it’s thrown out into the digital community!!!
Hope your world is well❤
Oh hey man! Thanks for stopping by :)
Hope you're good too
The partner I had was not capable of love and told me so after 18yrs! Asked me to marry him after 3yrs and after another 3yrs just left without telling why, only after another 10yrs of on and off relationship he said he's incapable of loving someone, he hated me when I was sick and weak, he was sadistic towards me when I needed help when sick, so I do not think a narcissist is capable of change, he tried, went to therapy, walked out after 2sessions and nearly hit me for making the appointments, he did hit me with his fist a few times, and choked me, just because he had a bad day and I was standing up to his outbursts and abuse, I ordered him to leave and he nearly killed me with my dumbells, hitting me on my head, well he's a very sick man today and can't care for himself but luckily he left in peace this time, I'm grieving for lost time, love, hurt etc
I can only imagine how much hurt and pain you feel from going through such an experience. Thank you for sharing your story
I'm curious on where you got this information from, I agree that you shouldn't diagnose your partner with NPD, but from my own experience a lot of people can have Narcissistic personality traits that were learned by someone else, even if they aren't a narcissist if they aren't willing to change then they might as well be a narcissist, and you can't change someone else they have to do it themselves, so I would argue if they show Narcissistic triats be very cautious and be willing to leave if you see no change.
Hey! Thanks for the comment!
In terms of where I get the information, there are multiple sources and studies that I use. I hold off from citing them as 1) I usually get the info I need and move on before writing the source. Bad habit, but means I don't derail my own writing process.
2) In the times when people have specifically asked for them and I've provided, they have never been clicked on. Not once. Lol.
3) I try to keep a running citation/bibliography to my members for the materials they have, simply for the fact that my program material has been written in a much more academic way and not on a week-per-week basis. :)
---
re: NPD
I believe that many traits people identify are often situational behaviors. For example, someone might feel jealous in a romantic relationship but not at work. This doesn't mean they're a jealous person; they might just have specific triggers. Even learned behaviors, which make up the majority of our actions, can be unlearned. Partners often struggle here because they might not know how to support each other in unlearning toxic behaviors. This is where partners get unstuck because they have no idea how to help someone unlearn a toxic behavior, they simply use their own toxic learned behaviors to help their partner unlearn (ie. give ultimatums, shout, threaten to leave, gaslight, call out lies etc...).
Most people are open to change, especially when it benefits them. However, many don't know how to encourage change in others. E.g. You're in a relationship with someone who is displaying narcissistic behaviors, your therapist tells you to "place boundaries" and BOOM watch as your partner's narcissistic behaviors skyrocket.. This happens because of a reaction called Reactance, where people resist being controlled. A 2014 study found that 53% of people with NPD showed improvement after two years. This suggests that actual narcissists *can* change, but the way help is often presented, like through interventions, usually causes them to reject it.
In relationships, our own behavior significantly impacts our partner. If we don't manage our emotions well or start believing our partner is a narcissist and respond with toxic behaviors ourselves, like snooping through their phone or lying, it can trigger narcissistic behaviors in them. As soon as we 'start being cautious' then we become defensive and stop being vulnerable, it often leads to an increase in narcissistic behaviors in our partner.
From my experience working with thousands of relationships involving narcissistic behaviors, I've observed that these behaviors reduce significantly when one partner changes how they approach problems and avoids going into defensive mode. Your behavior has a substantial influence on your partner, even if they do have diagnosable NPD.
If you deeply believe that a partner cannot change and can't empathize with their behavior, it's unlikely they will feel safe enough to be vulnerable with you. Feeling safe and supported is crucial for both partners to foster change and growth, so if it's not actively being created by one partner then it won't simply appear by magic.
I understand that this is not easy, and I don't blame anyone for wanting to leave a challenging relationship. However, it's important to be honest with ourselves. Often, we walk away because it's too hard to deal with the behaviors and we don't want to invest more effort, but it's important not to try to justify our own decisions to walk away by putting the blame on the partner and convincing ourselves that narcissistic behaviors can't change.