How to know if a narcissist is lying - One word that changes it all
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- Опубликовано: 21 ноя 2022
- If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivations.com/breakt...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Platforms I am on:
TikTok - / raw_motivations
Instagram - / rawmotivations
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Podcast - anchor.fm/rawmotivations
RUclips - / rawmotivations
#narcissism #narcissist #npd
Thanks for watching today's video, if you have any topics or questions you want to be addressed feel free to drop a comment, will try my best to respond to all, also I'd like to invite you to our FREE Webinar here www.rawmotivations.com/webinar
Why can't you answer the question how can I believe what you are saying how can I believe you you said all narcissist lies Whatever changed you. I'd like for to know it frightened, change, my husband.
@@user-rc4lh3jf2o you don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to. I’m sharing my life and my story to help others.
in a healthy relationship, you can just ask.
Anytime you are having to become a detective to figure someone out you are more then likely in a toxic relationship
That’s how I felt right before I ended the relationship. It was driving me insane and I couldn’t deal with it any longer. I’d rather change my situation than wait for him to “change “ because it won’t happen. I finally got to a point of realizing that.
Yes. Absolutly..
@@phoenix_sol_riseup2556 You are Wright, because they don,t change. But blame it all on us..
When i started to search the web for answer that is when i found out that being a detective to find clues the more i saw that i was in a toxic relation.
😳🥺...nooooo ☹😖😭😡👍
By the time your done arguing with a narcissist you will be so confused you will be questioning your own damn name.
Naww
And also be so damn wore out . 6:29
That's that gaslighting and crazy making......
💯
Most likely you’re apologizing for something you did by the end of it. Often times it’s because of how you reacted to their bs. You’ll be emotional, drained, confused, and just done with it all.
They get angry if you call them out or point out a fishy statement made from them. That's how you can tell they are lying
Yup
Wow. I've been in denial. Ray Charles to their bs
@@Taoist_PandaDon't blame yourself. I married a narcissist. He lies so much that I don't know what to do. He just doesn't get that lying is destroying the foundation of our marriage. I lost myself, and now I'm trying to claw my way out. 🙁💔
Mine does not get angry he just trained himself to ignore and be avoidant to maintain control which means like having no emotion. but everyone does, eventually he had to stop cold turkey communicating, which means he could not express his feelings, and risk losing control.
@@cubnation It is brutal, I left my ex-w (vulnerable narcissist) one year ago, it wasn't easy, I still struggle at times, but life is getting better with every passing day. Good luck to you.
Narcs get mad when asked good questions about a lie
😂😂😂😂
@@caseteamcouture8633 I stumped the one I was with so many times. He would just shut up because he didn't have a lie to cover my response!
@@MKHall2014 this is the best. Sad but amusing. Got to get our fun where we can in this mess.
I actually had mine call me by his ex's name and say " here we go so and so always asking all these questions!" Of course I was instantly pissed. So wrong on so many levels.
They DISLIKE being fact-checked.
They project onto you what they feel guilt over, and accuse you of it.
Yeeees!!!
Exactly 😢
So true, AMEN!
They don’t feel guilt. 😂
How do you know if a narcissist is lying? Are their lips moving?!?! 🤔 'Nuff said... 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂
Hahaha love it
😂😂 so damn true
That’s EXACTLY what I told my ex narc in the last phone convo we had before I went NC. “You’re lying and I know you’re lying because your lips are moving.” (It was, btw, a 3-way call w/my pastor on the other end. She laughed under her breath . 😅)
👍🏼👍🏼 100% True😂😂😂
They're delusional. They believe their own lies!!!
Facts
This "demonstration"... "Show don't tell" way of thinking about their nonsense us GOLD.
Simple. True. Revealing. Direct.
I also love your silent movie idea.
Well done.
Excellent content on this channel
I found this channel about 3 or 4 days ago, and I'm already about 20 videos in.
Many thanks for the excellent channel and content
Seeing his stupid ass Facebook page is a running storyline of lies he tells himself and other people. It’s sad and disgusting
I call that FartAddiction... head so far up their own ass uninterested in facts or reality
I disagree. I don’t believe they believe their own lies because why are they hiding them? People who have something to hide or cover up their tracks know right from wrong.
They are definitely delusional however they do not believe their own lies especially when you don’t believe them.
I’m realizing that his lies were lies of omission, if I asked too many questions he would get upset and say “I don’t know”. He faked change, he faked progress. Our relationship didn’t get better but he would project on me. A lot of the things he said he wanted to do didn’t match his efforts and once he started getting more called out. He was on run mode.
SAME
A narcissists famous words " I don't know." Can never get an answer out of them. So don't miss it one bit. Truly toxic!
Same... 😒
Yep, withholding of information is on of their favourite manipulation tactics
They cannot stand getting called out
The biggest liar…is us lying to ourself and convincing ourselves that even tho their actions don’t match their words, it’s their words that we need to believe.
It's true.
❤ you got it!!finally someone n gets it ❤
Amen
Yet the old famous saying is ‘actions speak louder than words.’
So confusing at times.
I say it to people it’s my fault for not facing what I actually always knew.
When someone tells you who they are … believe them
Your gut tells you the truth but we ignore it with these lying narcissists.
FOCUS ON THEIR ACTIONS NOT THEIR WORDS !!! ❤❤❤❤#facts
Yessss! 🎯
Actions more important then words!
Words and actions need to be aligned to be credible.
Leaving out things they don't want you to know, sure they ran errands after work, but they conveniently forgot to tell you they met up with so and so for a drink. Musta slipped their mind, lol.
That is so on point… I thought I was the only one experiencing this. The omission of key details. 🤦🏾♀️
Exactly
Yeah forgot to mention the meth fueled gangbang on the way to shop at goodwill...... Ughhhhh
My ex would always say I don’t lie and I don’t cheat. She did both. Most narcs use social media a lot and that’s how they cheat.
I’m curious to hear your experience
Which apps?
They are nymphos. Once the sex stops they're getting it somewhere, and even if it hasn't they're likely getting it somewhere else.
Yes social media date sites, the internet is a narcissists playground. Technology has made it so easy to cheat. Most con artists operate through the internet. These are facts.
Sam Vaknin has excellent podcasts
My bf also said he don't lie and he don't cheat. But hell he did. He doesn't have social media.
Another word : explanation. Don’t ask for one. They will lie and lie and lie. They will not give you the validation you need to get closure so stop expecting it. Just keep telling yourself you are a good person. They’re the liar and cheater, not you.
And refuse to listen when they keep trying to explain.
"I don't care what you do, so I sure as H don't care about your explanation. No, I really don't care. Adios."
But they DEMAND explanations from you as they're lying through their teeth.
They always lie and cheat
Bingo
No expectations equals no disappointment. Unfortunately that's where I at in my life. Good luck to all of you 🥴
The biggest telltale sign for me is when a Narcissist refuses to look me in the eye. 🍒
Don't rely on that one fully. Full on psychopaths/sociopaths can look you dead in the eye and lie to your face. They don't feel remorse or guilt and get off on manipulating people. I'm speaking from experience (my ex, not me). Maybe it's a good tell for people with lesser degrees of narcissism though?
Because they’re are cowards
This^^ 100%
@@YesPlease1 How very true.
That's a BIG one, that screams NARCISSIST!!!!!
If you have a Narc in your life, start secretly recording! They are very skilled at isolating their victim when disrespecting.
it also helps you find your truth in situations, oftentimes the reality is distorted
He isolates me from everyone. I have to be on his side all the time even if I don't believe his right. I have to constantly tel him I love and miss him or he smells nice ...it's so exhausting and draining. I feel emotionally empty
I had a mental breakdown dealing with the reality the narc had me in. I could not distinguish a lie from the truth even when it came to my children it got so bad. I started not to recognize myself and felt as if I was in someone else's life. It was crazy. God delivered me, I called out to Jesus seem like everyday for months to get me back mentally. How I realized that I was free was I didn't give a damn where he would go when I made a plan to put him out. I'm a survivor
I thought I was doing better. I am 7 months free. But I have very bad days. Probably because I was put in jail for alleged domestic violence after I left her to go live with my mother. I can’t believe the evil and selfishness and lack of empathy for me and my sons. Now I’m on supervised visitation and I spent just as much time with my sons as she did. It’s heartbreaking and some days I’m not strong and just want to give up.
Dear one don’t give up stay strong for your sons they need you in their lives, sons need fathers, they won’t always be young they’ll grow up one day and understand you love them
My son is going through a similar thing, minus going to jail, 5 children it’s so hard I can’t the believe the twisted lies and manipulation, but I’ve determined not to fight evil with evil, I don’t know if you believe in God but cry out to Him to help, one day you will be happy I promise you, my son was suicidal because of her he’s free now and is slowly healing
Please help need advice 🙏😭 idk what to do
My children don't want to fix our relationship.....they are much more comfortable blaming me for escaping the family unit when it got to the point of me being physically abused. They were hurt by my leaving . They don't want to stop being victims.....it's not helping anyone's recovery.
I’m in my way of escape now. Trying not to care so much, or feel responsible if he has no where to go. I got saved through the abuse. Had my first encounter with God in my closet. If it weren’t for that, I don’t think I would have made it 6-7 yrs later. Still in it, but not for too much longer
They always tell on themselves somehow someway.
Catfished photos ended it last Christmas. Gross.
At one stage you almost made me sound like the narcissist. I allowed him to push my buttons and then reacted negatively just for him to stare or ignore me. I didn't demonstrate love when he drove me crazy with lies, gaslighting, stonewalling, triangulation, silent treatment or blaming. I wish everyday I knew about narcissism sooner. I would probably not have been stuck in a dead-end marriage for 15 years.
I'm truly sorry to hear that. Sending you love, light and healing. I'm so broken too, been a month since I walked out of my marriage. 10 years of emotional and physical abuse and many more years of healing to go to recover from the trauma.
@@shazmihussain39 Thank you the same to you ❤🤗. It's not easy especially after so many years, but you will one day experience and enjoy the peace around you. Only good point when you are at your lowest is it can only get better from here. Goodluck with your healing journey, keep in mind you are never alone.💐
Me to
Same.. Going on nearly 20 years. I’m so exhausted. Glad you got out, you deserve better❤️
@@blahblahblah1988 thanks you deserve it too.
Yes ACTIONS OVER WORDS! I've said it to my husband 1000 times your ACTIONS don't match your WORDS! You say this while doing this! Words mean nothing without ACTIONS TO BACK UP YOUR WORDS!
Don’t forget sometimes they treat you well but the words don’t match. Moral to the story. Actions and words needs to match. Period! X
Same.
They think they are supior to hide behind you. They are jealous of you.
💯
And what did he say ?
A narc would rather climb a tree and lie to you then stand on the ground and tell the truth. Words are just words. Actions are actions,when the two doesnt line up its time to go.
Right!
the fact that they treat you badly, argue argue argue, hurt hurt hurt, but want to stay with you causes much confusion.
it does
They like to get high off your supply..
@amyteurlife9408 They Don't really want to stay with us, they keep us on a hook - for security - while they're looking for new and " more exciting " 🙄🙄 source of supply.
But. They need Us far more than we could ever need them ... Guaranteed;
They need us desperately; far more than we'd Ever need them ..
This is why they ate called professional manipulators, for sure!!!!
When they open their mouth their lying
TRUE FACT
Yes
When you question the part of the story they conveniently 'left out', they respond with "I knew you'd get mad, and see, I was right, you are trying to start an arguement now".
Spot on there. ❤
💯
My #1 pet peeve is someone, especially the narc saying "well, I'm not going to argue with you" about x,y,z... I didn't know that either I or we were even "arguing" in the first place. I thought we were having a (in the moment) conversation trying to solve an existing issue.
I say in the moment because of possible situational timing of the convo being had. Like, where and how it came about, how it was brought up and where. Because it could be a quick run-in somewhere and you feel the need to make small talk but end up on the topic of the issue. They can easily blow you off and use the "I'm not gonna argue with you" as a get out jail free card and be on their merrily way leaving the issue still unsettled and you mad and frustrated.
I can not stand " I'm not going to argue with you"
My response is always "But, Am I Arguing Tho?"
You know what the new come back is?
Well, You're Being Defensive....
No Shiiit. Apparently you're not allowed to voice your own experiences and side of the "story" and you're not allowed to stand up for yourself, your not allowed to tell the truth, your not allowed to challenge statements from the opposing side, it's better that you don't speak on your own behalf at all, you must stand there silently taking their lies and severely judgmental criticisms of you.
Yesss they always blame you when they are caught out. ❤ much love to everyone
Lmao spot on
Omission happens so much. What is said changes each time they verbalize the data - just make a mental note. You will see the changes. You don't need to tell them what you see. The changes in the verbalizations about the same topic that the narc brings up. They can't remember exactly what they said to who. So watch the actions.
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Write with paragraph, please.
So very true. Transparency can be used as a manipulative tactic too, however. They can show you what they want, appear to be vulnerable, and still go off and do whatever they want. Very tricky people.
True
I asked fr transparency n honesty. N he had communication issues always.. Guess what ??? They can give Oscar winning performances n keep lying. Then u find out their secrets n lies. They r literally pieces of shits scattered on this planet .
Nobody warned me about him. None of his family or friends. They seemed so empathetic to me and kind. Then I realized they were happy to dump him on me. And if you are "neutral" or don't take sides, you are taking his side. They were. No matter how much they listened to me. No matter how much they said they wanted to help. They were taking his side. Every one of his friends and family. Then I realized that even though they said I was family, I wasn't. I was shocked how quickly they turned on me.
I was warned but I never would've believed that he wasn't a good guy. He puts in soooo and I mean sooo much effort to look like the caring empathetic gentleman. He is until he's got you. Then he's making sure he's playing both sides against each other so he can scamper off into the sunset like the triumphant hero, all the while everyone else turns on you. You're left defending yourself against people who have alrdy made their minds up about you
@@TaintedLoveofaNarc In mt situ. he was trying to make me into a violent person. I wasn't violent just reactionary and that was because I had no idea about triangulation. Now I do. Sad.
Other good RUclips resources for
de tangling life w a narc are: Ross Rosenberg, Dr. Ramani, Les Carter.
I could have written this myself. His mom and family loved me and his daughter so much... I was family.. blah blah blah. Bunch of fuckin lies. He abandoned our daughter as soon as she was born, and his mom completely avoided the situation. I told her that if my son ever abandoned one of his kids, then I would raise hell. I told her she was doing nothing and HER son was left a little girl with no dad and I told her she was full of shit, that me and my daughter ment nothing to her and blocked her.
The most shocking part of my divorce after 20 years of marriage was how quickly everyone turned on me. Not just his family and friends but my own. The pain was debilitating.
This is a profoundly helpful video. My narc always says things like "I don't know what you want me to say" and I always tell him it's not about what he says but that it's about what he DOES. I thank you for reminding me that the failure to demonstrate is what tells me all I need to know. Sending love to all who are hurting because of the abuse they suffer at the hands of narcissists. I know your pain ❤
I'm a little relieved to know that I'm not crazynotger people having such conversations too. These people r blood sucking leeches. Get rid of these narcs
I appreciate you’re words that is real. I am still at it but hopefully soon be done with all this headaches. The lies and the back stabbing will make someone loose they’re self, I am finding myself again slowly I believe
Has anyone here experienced their narc get worse after marriage. Yes, I actually had no idea how bad it was until we got married and it got worse.
@@lisap3628MUCH MUCH worse and it only gets worse as they age. Run now.
This is SO true!
My narc got the liar's reward: i didn't believe a single thing he said, whether it was true or not
With the narc in my life, if she told me the sky was blue I would go check. I learned not to take her at face value or take her word for anything. Especially, if I understood she had a motivation to lie. I’m the type of person where if I say something I don’t care who is around. I claim my words. But with her, she wouldn’t want people to know what she said in private because it would often go against the narrative and the image she portrayed in public. She was deathly afraid of being found out. She was a habitual liar by omission.
Other good RUclips resources for
de tangling life w a narc are: Ross Rosenberg, Dr. Ramani, Les Carter.
Jesus Christ! You just described my life for 2 years. Except my narc ex has a public profile and they all believe he is what he puts out to the public. It’s drives me crazy that no one knows the true him!
But I hope you do understand that they don't necessarily need to have any motive in order to lie. For me, once I stopped telling the narc everything I was discovering about their triangulated relationships the easier it was to detect their lies when those people showed up somewhere, like our house, while claiming they don't know who they are. I remember someone saying that all you need to do is listen and the narc will tell on themselves. But never call them out or tell them you know who or what they are without first escaping or at least having a plan to escape. This was my biggest mistake.
Narcissism is all about two things: power and control. When you start to realize that and then analyze their words and actions, if it's about having power OVER you and/or control OF you, you're probably dealing with a narcissist. If it's a consistent pattern, you're definitely dealing with a narcissist. I finally divorced my narcissist husband after 40 years. 40 years of gaslighting, of manipulation (that was the big one...he's a master manipulator), of his selfishness... Not all narcissists rage. My ex is a covert narc. Charming, talented...he has most of the people he knows absolutely fooled, thinking he's a good Christian husband and father. That he loves his family. It's a joke. I'm glad people (and especially women) are becoming aware so they can identify all these red flags before it's too late.
I absolutely relate. My covert did rage. But he turned Ministers of churches against me.
Why especially women ? You are being sexist.
Yes, my ex-husband is a covert narc, charming, and I was really surprised when my intuition told me he's a narcissist like my mom... had even said it to him before I had left.
He was surprised when I had said it to him. He didn't rage, though... that's what threw me off...but once I realized who he was and the plotting, lying, cheating, backstabbing, stealing, with the encouragement of friends whom I told what was happening, I left with the miracle of God helping me. He had hurt our family so much, but everyone else saw him as a saint except for a friend who saw him in action while we were living with her.
How the hell do you suffer for 40 years? I was out in 3 months. 12 frickin weeks.
Sixteen and a half years here, and little by little I’m coming out of the FOG. Cannot wait to totally break free.
Don't wait for a narc to change. That'll be even more wasted time spent in bad health.
Use your intuition. It works everytime!!
When you’re dealing with unhealed trauma or the process of healing, you can’t trust your intuition
💥💯🎯Yes!
@@deanarjones9114 That's why you have to work on yourself first , constantly and pay attention to the patterns of people ✨🙏🏾✨
@@mywords07 work on yourself? please! gimme a break its called trama arsehole
@@me2846 😂arsehole, it's called being intuitive aka trusting your gut instinct and working on yourself or you will keep attracting the same shit over and over again. I said what I said, now move along peasant 🚮
I just remembered, my narc husband always answered a direct question with "Yes... No". I used to ask him why he does that - I ended up naming him "Yes No". I now know it's because he's a liar and could not answer truthfully.
Ohhhh my gosh I’m dating someone who always says “yes and no”
I am teaching myself to hear words but listen to actions
Very good
It’s hard to leave when you’re a child, dependent, and nobody believes you because they’re told you make up stories. 🛑
..😪
I believe you. And more importantly, YOU believe you. And You Matter!
Try to just observe, watch, learn, predict, until the day you can get out quietly. Tell them AFTER you’ve left. Protect yourself as much as possible, and know that this is their mental illness, it’s not you, it’s never been you, and you are more important than their feelings. You will have to bide your time if you’re not an adult, but if it ever gets violent ring the police or better still social services and explain the situation.
You CAN get through this, and remember, every single day, look yourself in the eyes in a mirror, and tell yourself “I believe in me, I love me, I matter”. Sending you love 💜
Action speaks louder than words!!! I got to the point where I didn't even want to hear him talking because I didn't know if he was lying or telling the truth. His voice would errk my soul to the point I would tell him to stop talking because he talked so much.
I experience something very similar. My husband talks at me like he is a prosecuting attorney trying to trick and trap me. He can flip into being a defense attorney, for himself if I ask him a question or make a statement he does not like. He also turns into a judge to try point the finger at me and dish out the consequences. In addition he talks on and on like a radio broadcaster....blathering on and on to everyone even toddlers. He interrupts me constantly. Even when I leave the room he keeps pontificating.
Yes!!! The interrupting was crazy and then when you ask them can I finish what I was saying, mine would say O I thought you was finished. That would burn me up because I would sometimes forget my thoughts. Another tactic they would use to throw you off.
@@michelleglover2045 YES! Plus my husband finishes my allowed 2-3 word sentences , tells me what I think and feel and of course without taking a breath blah, blah blahs all about himself and or tries to engage me in listening to him gossip about others. Leaving the room and hopefully farther away are good options.
@@kathryngracey7993LOL!!! We should form a support group! With popcorn chips and soda. Just come together and laugh and cry if we have to. Then pick ourselves up and keep moving with this wonderful life.
@@michelleglover2045
🎯 Yes! I reckon that I have taken the narcissist's drama etc far too seriously = exactly what the overgrown leprechaun toddler thrives on. 😝🤣
Demonstrate their words with action 💥🎯
let their actions speak, not their mouth.
I don't think anyone who's never experienced the 'fog' can really understand it. Really hard to get out of.
Very true. The trauma bond is hard for many to see out of. Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones
I wish I saw this video about 17 years ago, I could of saved many tears
My life, since we met at work 12 years ago, and “together” for 8, has been indescribable. To have given him access to all of me, along w/ everything I had, shattered me to the core, when I realized what was happening. I would rationalize every excuse. His childhood was difficult. He’d never known what real love was. He’s protecting me. My rationalizations were never ending, just like his lies & deception. Close to 60 years old and it still hurts every single day. I thought I had forever w/ him. I do. Tears that go on forever. If not for the love I have in Jesus, life may have turned out differently for me.✝️
You are strong for being able to face all that!
Sending you some love and positivity!❤✌❤🙏❤
Love is a verb, not a word. Show people you love them, don’t tell them.❤
I finally have come to a realisation. My ex was very generous financially although we did not have lots of money. As my carer he used that to make me feel cared for. The verbal abuse.did not make me feel cared for. Yet I stayed way too long because of the financial generosity and that has been the hardest part of the trauma bond to break. He never held it over my head but still had an ulterior motive. He knew that I am a loyal person and that would keep me thinking he cared about me. And that would keep me being loyal to “us”. Anyone else relate?
I am going through this right now!! And for the past 22 years!!! Moving my way on out but it's like moving through quicksand!🙄
Yessss! Mine wasn’t affectionate after a few months, and I didn’t see it at the time but him saying “he loved me” etc or buying me something occasionally is what made me hold hope as confused and misserible as I was. They are literally the devil in disguise it’s craziness 💯 😈
Mine ALWAYS held it over my head -- and anything else that may have happened in the past week.
This was me right here..so true
I’m with you…except he DOES hold it over my head. I catch him in lies every single time, his whole body is a giant “tell”, but he will gaslight with more lies even when I literally have proof in my hand! Working on leaving after 13 yrs. I finally got my diagnosis and the proper meds for my neuro-muscular movement disorder, so I’m stronger now and he can’t get away with ANYTHING any more and it’s getting to him…I’m up out!
"Actions speak louder than words"
True. Problem is you long for love so you keep forgetting about the demonstration of non-love and hope it gets better. The narcissist knows that. So you have to love and trust yourself to get out of the cycle of abuse and stop telling yourself lies.
The narc I was married to for a very long 8 years always used to say, “If you can’t remember what I said to you or what I said, write it down ..
see,,, he had a hard time Remembering, he was involved in so much poop he couldn’t remember . Me, I remember everything , so a week or two would go by and I’d ask him the same question and that would be his response … write it down .. he thought he was being slick but in reality I knew he was lying .. at that point I knew 100% what I was dealing with and had less interaction with him did less with him and kept myself busy outside of the house .. at one point I even removed myself from the bedroom and moved into another bedroom . He thought it was funny because he thought I was “punishing “ him in my reality I was actually distancing myself .. I knew what he was and when he caught on that I knew what he was he became more aggressive and then eventually left after he had his new supply groomed and ready for him to move in.. because narcissist do that too.. the 8 years I was with him after about 3-4 in felt more like a life sentence .. offering advice to a victim is somewhat useless as everyone’s timing is different . But , if I could give one bit of advice , it would be when you leave STAY GONE and cut off all contact ! Be completely done !! Easier said then done .. but eventually you get to that point and then that’s when healing starts !!! First foot out the door follow with the next and take your heart and whatever is left of your mind with you ! 3 years and I’m still healing ! IF .. I had to do it all over again knowing what I know now , I would have stayed gone the first time I left … it only got worst when I went back until I looked at myself in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself anymore .. I left and kept driving never to return
Thank you, I was married to a narcissistic man for 22 years I went through lots of doctors and in hospital stays, they said that due to the stress I was under my mind and body defense was to shut down, I was killing myself without knowing it, we have been Divorced 4 years and he is trying to come back into my life and I won't let him, that makes him very mad and I don't care anymore. When all that was happening I also had a complete nervous breakdown. Please see the red signs because these people are really dangerous because they only care about how they feel, they don't give a damn about us.
When I called out my ex on a massive lie he raged on and on about not being able to live in a relationship without trust. Then he said “who told you, was it my daughter?” 😂
Experienced all that. And it got to a point where it was happening in my face and I was still questioning reality
I have trained myself when I'm in his presence to only think "You're muted" I took stock of your actions over the years. That is my reality. Words mean nothing. Up until now I was being played like a yo-yo. Meeting booked with a solicitors next week. 15 years, 2 kids...I'm done. Breaking free. Thanks for the video, just confirmed what I leaned the hard way.
1year on. I hope you come back too this page and say.. Yep.
I made it out and l'm very happy now and the kids also ❤❤❤
When you have 100% knowledge of the cheating, yet they still say "I didn't!"
You have to just leave and go no contact.
easier said than done! i can see if your dating try marriage of 40 yrs then tell your story
O Yessssss! I had the same experience with my narcissist boyfriend he was cheating come to stay with me for a week, go back to the place he claims he only paying rent fir a room. We dated nine months, he never allowed me to visit, he wouldn’t call once he wet back there and I told him he was cheating, I found evidence in my car etc. The narcissist turned everything on me, got upset about me comforting him and he became sour towards me. Boy Bye‼️
It's easy to know if a narcissist is lying. Their lips are moving.
Truth!
the Phycopath narcissist really screws you up emotionally. I've experienced all the lies
When the words I say are wrong, but THE SAME EXACT WORDS THEY SAY ARE TO BE ACCEPTED 🤯
After having multiple disagreements and, you finally say, ‘Before we start conversations, I should start recording you’. That’s the sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. I wish I’d known over 30 years ago! 😢
That’s where I’m at right now. I record as soon as I feel there is about to be a disagreement. It’s really draining 😢
@@siokajean89 You have my sympathy. However, if you’re able to leave the relationship, please leave ASAP!!! That person will NEVER change. In fact, if they’re aware that you’ve started recording the conversations… they now know that you’re onto their gaslighting tactics. They’ll only try a different method of angering/confusing you for their sick pleasures. Please, for the sake of your mental health… leave!!
@@__jadedmuse__ Firstly, I’m TRULY sorry you had to experience the mental and physical tortures from that narcissist! Having dealt with a Covert Narcissist (former neighbor) for 3 1/2 years, I know too well the damages a narcissist can inflict. Honestly, it boggles my mind how much they get away with!! Narcissists belongs in Mental Institutes and/or Prison.
I’ve never heard of the rare vomiting disorder (CVS) you mentioned but, I’m thankful there’s medication to assist you with it. You’re right, though… the amount of stress that those narcissists puts on our bodies triggers ailments that’s dangerous to our well-being. Trust me…. I know!! I’m STILL recovering from the traumas that POS 40yr.old ‘Covert Narcissist’ (along with his “flying monkey” friends and enabling parents) caused while living next door to my family and I. When occasional “Life Challenges” sends one spiraling (when it didn’t before) after prolonged encounters with narcissists, it’s safe to say we’re experiencing PTSD. That alone should be grounds for holding narcissists responsible for their evil deeds!!! And, you’re correct… narcissists are “demonic” and “soulless!”
They’re created in the womb that way, just as you and I are created as caring individuals. I’m SO TIRED of Therapists mentioning/giving the excuse of “Childhood Traumas” for those with ‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder’. Virtually, EVERYONE on this planet has experienced something traumatic as children yet, all of us didn’t become vile narcissists from it. People on the ‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder’ scale are being their TRUE selves (with or without childhood trauma). And, for that, they should be criminally charged for their vile behaviors! Sadly, many within the ‘Judicial System’ are narcissistic, too. I’m sure they recognize/protect their own when someone tries to hold their “kin” accountable. Often, it’s hard navigating this vicious hamster wheel known as, Earth.
The really difficult part is that narcissism’s so often accompanied with substance abuse and/or personality disorders. Like chasing down and cutting off the heads of the Hydra.
Yes, yes, yes. Addictive personality. Everything they do, they become addicted to. And it always has to be something they know they're not supposed to be doing! That's the reason they do it. They get their thrill seeking needs met through being sneaky and doing things they know that people they care about would be deeply hurt by. They have to push the limit. They don't understand normal people with morals and integrity because they believe they're special and can't understand conformity. They do not know how to interact socially with others which is why they end up in trouble and failed relationships with friends, family and any romantic partner. They never learn and they truly do not care. If they do get in trouble, it's always the world's fault because the world was against them to begin with for reprimanding a "perfect" person. Always trying to keep up with them and what they're getting into when you're not around. You may not know for sure, but you always know there is something they haven't told you. Then they wonder why you can hardly listen to them when they talk. Because you know they're either lying, telling a half truth or leaving out what they actually did and think you're dumb enough to believe it.
Thank you Ben! He demonstrated the exact opposite of whatever came out of his mouth actually. Unfortunately I am not in a desirable situation and cannot go non contact yet 😕 praying intensely for deliverance and for God to rescue me and make the way out 💔
God will make a way
@@ginamicheletti5567 yes he will! And I trust that he will continue strengthening me and teaching me until he opens the door ❤🙏
Keep asking God he will help you...he will remove that person as soon as possible...just believe in him and he will help you. I am not a very religious person but i was having more problems with my ex than usual. So I watched a video about asking God for help cause he doesnt like to see good people with toxic ones...and four days later my wish came true. He removed her from my life after 20yrs of abuse. Even though you might wonder if God would do this for you...believe it!!
As the saying goes, "If their lips are moving, they are lying." Great video! Thank you.
Or what about their wingman, their buddy in crime who is privy to their shenanigans, and maybe guilty of the same transgressions. They both
use each other as the perfect cover. A double shammy whammy!
my ex narc would be so passionate about hating liars but lied all the time
Everything, every word , with that sinister smirk is all the information you need
He used to blame it on nerves , what you got to be nervous about if you ain’t lyinggggg , im trying to get out , it’s so tough im fed up with him treating me this way and making doubt everything I deserve better!
You can.
Never count on a narcissist.
Unless it benefits them
Pure gold right here! 😎 Actions speak 🗣️ much louder than words 💯
So true and her action are really speaking louder.
If they not answer your questions you know they’re lying
If they are breathing they are lying and trying to cheat you
This video just completely broke me. I can’t stop crying. This is the first time I have heard someone else say the things I think everyday and the things I have finally started confessing out loud to my best friends. I knew it wasn’t my fault and I’m not crazy but I I couldn’t figure out all the confusion and I see why now but I still don’t feel like I can leave. Thank you for this video.
You are welcome. Reach out for help. I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
Good luck 🇺🇸
His actions are what ultimately made me unable to lie to myself about what he was doing. A man won't leave you somewhere for 3 years if he misses you.
There was so little demonstration in my relationship. The only time there was was when I was really beginning to see what was going on, when i was giving more value into the actions rather than the words. It was all talk. It was all an illusion. I was always waiting, it felt like. I was waiting for the demonstration. And i really really didnt want to stop waiting. A big part of me still doesnt. But i refuse to call it anything other than what it is. Regardless of who believes me. Everything was a lie, a future fake, something was always omitted, skewed, changed, manipulated to sound the best to whatever audience was listening. I often found the truth. But i never heard him say it... and ive had to do a lot of work around separating those two. The truth is the truth. His words are ... just words. And they do not validate or invalidate my lived experiences.
So relatable. :( I too am getting help to get me through the aftermath. I hope you are taking care of yourself, and remember that you don’t have to care what was true and what was not. A wonderful person will come along for you and you’ll find happiness with them. Your narc ex, however, will keep repeating the same miserable cycle with every new relationship-they will never be happy, in love, or content.
But you will. ❤
Demonstration over time...even transparency can be part of the hoovering process. Time is crucial for demonstrations, most narc's will get bored and go back to the toxic pattern.
OMG ...my narcissist lied about his soon to be xwife having cancer ....I was disturbed.Later found out from her own mouth she does not have cancer!! She confronted him.He denied....he gaslighted her told her she did tell him it.Lordy.....then I found out he cons women...has been years
I am certain my ex lied about the mother of his children having breast cancer as well. I was so empathetic to her that allowed such disrespect and degradation from him. Just awful situationship. He was definitely grooming me from day one and I didn’t know. 6 years later, I completely understand the bs now. The gas lighting and triangulation was so dark and intense.
Narc in my world blows through my boundaries like a locomotive
When you say. How they demonstrate love etcetera. You nailed it. Thank you..
Thank you
If it's a narcissist......then they're lying!
They don't look you in the eye and they always try to convince you before you find out for yourself that they're a good person like why tell it to somebody and not let them find out on their own
"By the way..." means they're about to drop something on you that they've beem hiding because it's developed to a point where they need something from you.
"Can I ask you something?" Means they've done something, and they're about to project it onto you, accusing you of doing whatever they have done.
"Why are you angry at me?" Means they've done something and have been rehearsing an imaginary confrontation that hasn't happened, but they've already entered the confrontation and fully believe it's real.
"I love you" means they like the way they feel when you supply them, and within the next day or two are about to drop a, "by the way...," and need some resource from you.
How do you know when a narcissist is lying? Their lips are moving…
I grew up and I tried holding people in my life accountable, my mom, my brother, my gf. When they would lie or cheat or steal I would try talking to them. Little did I know they all freaked out, they wanted to avoid shame. I realized I was surrounded by disordered people, bpd, npd, these people are everywhere
When a politician opens their mouth.
I have aspergers and high empathy so I track everything people say and quickly detect lies. I recognised the last girl I was seeing was a narcissist in just 3 interactions and even the first interaction when she asked me for a loan got my defences up.
When it was clear what she was doing I went into fight mode and exposed her , and because everyone knows me they could understand what she was doing, she tried to attack me trying to make me jealous , but I knew her motivations and laughed because I've studied narcissism for the last year. Now shes in the confused powerless state. I've moved on from her and have a lovely woman who I care deeply about, I dont let women scam me by love bomb me , asking like a victim, playing me for a sucker then acting like I'm too blame. I only lost 8 euros , the price of a pizza because I figured the game in days and didnt even let the love bombing reach completion.
I spotted mine on the first date when she only talked about herself and she wasn't interested in what I also had to say. I didn't know about narcissism at that time, but it was still a red flag. I continued only because I was lonely, but now I know that being lonely is much better than being with a narcissist that makes you feel like an object to be used. Next time I will choose loneliness if I ever meet a narcissist again.
This is a family friend’s daughter. She cried to us about her husband’s alleged abuse.
Yet she omitted that her own violence instigated the husband’s violence which was ultimately less violent than her.
She had us feeling so sorry for her and angry at the husband.
Everything she said about him was true word for word, but she lied by omission, making us believe something that was untrue.
Once the truth came out and she couldn’t use him as a tool to dig for sympathy anymore she divorced the now lucky guy. I highly encourage him to get therapy.
This happened to me also. Much better and happier in life now
Action speaks louder than words.
True
I knew narcissist gas light, and manipulate - but I hadn't known that lying all the time was also hand in hand with them.
My ex lied CONSTANTLY. And the rest of it as well, but I wasn't aware that constant lying was also part of the narcissistic traits.
I was left with that thought.
"Who even IS this guy I'm married to?"
I can't believe one single word he said.
After all those years.. what a waste of my life.
Thanks for sharing, it can feel like you are with a whole different person. It's tough. I hope you are doing better and healing!
Wowow, this was really helpful! You made it crystal clear to me.
My boyfriend is, again, giving me the silent treatment. But this time I don't try to create peace with him, instead I ask myself what is going on here.
His words and actions don't align. He once took condoms with him when leaving my house and when I asked What for??? He just didn't answer. I asked him again and he said that he is only with me and if I ever mistrust him again he will not talk to me again.
There is no consistency, no transparency.
I have to keep all this in mind, when he tries to come back.
Maria, that’s a massive red flag!
How many did he return with. And we're they the same brand as he left with
You are absolutely right about cognitive dissonance having some horrible side effects.
It leaves two completely contradicting ideas and beliefs about who the person actually is.
I’m a recovering co-dependent in recovery for the last decade who to this day still doesn’t have a clue who some of the people that were on my healing path were.
Love bombing, flattery, charm turned into the devalue, discard, ghosting, stonewalling, blame-shifting, projection nightmare.
I think it’s important you are letting people know that this is real.
I lost quality years off my life being too nice and being naive not understanding people have this personality disorder.
But it did teach me boundaries, discernment, and how to honor and trust myself thank God.
We try to help ppl through the clarity challenge claritychallenge.net
This is good advice for those of us dealing with someone who has bipolar and is in a manic mode.
You know when the narc lies when his or her lips move
Hi Ben! Keep putting knowledgeable info out there for us to learn and survive narcissistic relationships of any kind because they are incredibly helpful!!!
Wishing you and your family the best...i truly mean it! I'm now realizing what a tough road this is for all involved....including the narcissist. PROUD OF YOU!
Mom dad and sister narc… this happened with all of them. I asked for a demonstration and each short-circuited individually. Kind of funny tbh😂
Wow so spot on. When I called him out as to why someone he worked with had a negative opinion of me, he lost it and threw a plant right next to me smashing it behind the wall. That was it for me, game over. I was sober he was yet again drunk. His mum just said we are not good for eachother… fueling him and he will never heal as he’s never wrong, only the victim. I see it clear as day now, he incites arguments with those he loves, all control. I feel stupid for putting up with it for so long
Ugh! Once again to my benefit. You have put the challenge before me. I have forgiven her for her illness. Of which I understand was done to her. And I have forgiven my parents for what was done to me. I am struggling with the things that I she said that would have been good for me to work on. Because they were things that I needed in life. And I also remember that by growing in such ways would have led me to leave her. I even told her that would lead to our divorce. Upon writing this. I now realize that her fear of abandonment was greater than her loathing of my rebellion to her control. Thank God for you and your honesty Ben. It may take me until my deathbed. But I will not stop.
My nex is the King of Gaslighting and omission 🙄 don't miss that!
I can’t believe what you say because I see what you do.
This the one! Smh
I agree.
Very good post - Very informative!!! I love how he brought in Action as a tool to get to the Narcissist!!! Ideal !!
So true but so broken I didn’t know that empathy was a crime so broken just survive and be your kind souls and have hope
I hope you find some healing!
DEMONSTRATION! What a great word! I will keep that in my mind from now on! Especially when connected to his words.
Has anyone else known a narcissist who told you that someone was dead and you later found out that the person was alive and well? I knew two different narcissists who told me someone had committed suicide and I later found out that those people were alive
THAT is AWFUL!
Yes my sister did that to my brother. She told my brother's friend that he is very sick. Now she live alone no family just alone living in the house she took from my parents. She took all my mother's house, car and money.
My husband! He was crying on my shoulder that his female friend I hadn't met yet died in a car accident and I COMFORTED HIM I 3+ years later found out she was very much alive and well and not just that but she WAS ONE OF HIS SIDE PIECES!!!
@Abbigail M. omg it's scary the outrageous lies these people tell
My ex boyfriend did that even lied to his therapist about his ex girlfriend being dead.
Oh man! Your words! I think this is part of my ptsd cause it's all super triggering, every thought I finish with each piece of your cast BAM another one! I'm breaking down it all touches far too close to home!
You are not the problem, don’t live in their imaginations. Set a boundary and stick to it. I wish you more strength to stand the monster.
My boyfriend have PTSD too and I can see these to him. I thought he is also a narc😥 i think I'm going crazy every time we talk and disagreements.
one i know is schizophrenic ..,which allows for me to make excuses in my mind on his discrepancies, he uses them because of paranoia. he also probably has bpd. but in turn,, i say to myself, i just shouldn't allow him ANY excuses because no matter the illness, i dont have to just stand for these ridiculous lies because the truth is all of it came to me to just keep me miserable and in some type of bondage
Thank you for such a clear and concise video. It has really helped me put into words what I have been trying to say and explain about my 23 year marriage.
Thank you Ben,yes it’s everything they say it’s a lie they lie about the small things .I am a survivor was with a Narcissist for 14 years and left him 2 years ago I see back and realize everything was a lie ,but I can say I am free and thankful to God for getting out of that nightmare.God blessed you all ❤