worth fighting for
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2024
- Please be respectful in the comments section!
I will not be tolerating any hateful/derogatory speech 👹👹👹 barking noise
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Marie - Howard Harper-Barnes
Music by Monét Ngo - Ruby Sparks - thmatc.co/?l=C...
Flashinmusic - Matterofstyle
Pinegroove - Aquarium
Comeco do Fim - Clara Mendes
Uptown Jungle - Monica Kustfalt
Jazz PIano Bar - Doug Maxwell Media Right Productions
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"There is a fine line between control and guidance." I am Asian too and I feel you 🥺
I am 26 and I know that I am a responsible person and at the right age already but sometimes it's so hard whenever I try to explain my point of view to mom (especially about religious beliefs, my personal relationships, stereotypes, values, etc.) without having her guilt trip me with why I think that way and play the "back in my time" card 😭
It just sucks. Expected to take on adult responsibilities, yet still treated like a kid.
I feel you on that. My views and perception is way different from what they grew up to
That last sentence is exactly what I’m living with my mom right now. It’s so frustrating.
Bro, this guilt trip is the universal trick card that every Asian, South-Asian family has .. I am only two years younger than you but we still face the same stuff.
Rules get changed as per their convenience.
@@ojaswitatoppo5306 and south east asian
This piece of content delivers like a film. Subtle, honest, beautiful, and even poignant at times. Have been enjoying watching your approach to food as that’s a topic of interest for me as well, but this tells me a lot more about you because you seem to be certain as to how you want your story to end. Wish you best of luck with everyone you love.
@@Dr.SmegmaJones ?
Sucks that this family situation is bringing you down. Life is so short (and can be cut even shorter) and I'm glad you're prioritizing your happiness. And this is coming from a single dad who raised a 24-year-old daughter. We have our differences but never, NEVER to the point where I'd stop seeing her. At the end of the day, it's her life and her choices. All I can do is be there for her when she needs me. Hang in there. They'll come around soon.
Well done to you but every family is different and have different values how does u telling us how amazing you are makes a different to her..
@@billcaan4192 Lol I never said I was amazing. Just giving perspective as a parent that raised a daughter around her age and giving encouragement that her parents will hopefully come around soon. Not sure where my messaging went off the rails for your comment to question my intention but here we are.
As much as I admire the transparency, I really can't see how posting about all of thus and sharing so many relationship details is healthy or indicative of anything normal. Just like how couples with the most troubles typically are the ones showing off on Instagram, it seems like you're incredibly insecure about all of this and there's more rotting beneath.
@@purpleskies1709 I'm just giving support and words of encouragement to someone who's having issues with their parents. Being a parent, I thought I'd share my experience with my own kid (which I already mentioned before, we've had varying differences in opinions when it comes to everything and anything). How you got that I'm "incredilby insecure" and "instagram" has more to do with you and your perception than my comment basically (and literally) telling Dooby to hang in there.
@@purpleskies1709 how do you manage to judge someone as insecure off of only one comment?
As a fellow Asian who was dropped off at the airport for studies when I was 9, having parents who didn't have high education but wanted the best for me. I know things can get really tough when values don't align and you do not want to disappoint. Hang in there Dooby, time will sort itself out!
As long as you marry a white boy you will be forgiven.
@@Dr.SmegmaJones what?
@@Dr.SmegmaJones it’s japanese. and tina is in the photo (and took it) so i don’t think it’s a subliminal message… she probably forgot to edit it out or didn’t catch it
@@madisonbryan3111 i dont see anything like that here
@@madisonbryan3111 weird. does it seem natural that it’s in the footage? Must be a subliminal thing
Being a father I understand wanting the best for your daughter. When my girl grows up I need to understand that I raised her to look for certain traits in a husband/boyfriend. I dont have to like her choices but I always have to be there for her no matter what happens. If you have good parents then trust, that although they will not be happy or 100% on board, they love you and they will be there for you Dooby.
Boyfriend/husband but also maybe girlfriend/wife?
@Morfran I’m actually not American nor ever lived there
i hope things come to a peaceful resolution and if not we doobies support you, thanks for keeping it real !!!
Couldn’t have said it better 💛
Yess
I won’t
The authenticity of her struggle is quite gripping! It kind of leaves you torn. 🥲
I don’t watch RUclips to become depressed….
Tina I saw your story and ran here to verbally 밟아줘 some haters but instead was met with an endless scroll of your community sending you support and love. your creative work has a wonderful effect on this world and creates community. May the hate comments be zapped like mosquitos in one of those electrifiers 😌
what was on the story?
god dammn all this suspense , whats the story? please tell
@@purpleskies1709 She was saying how she loves White man and White penis and all the brown, black and yellow men who hate on her can get F'ed.
@@okashiname8326 it was a screenshot of a bunch of comments complaining that she’s dating a white guy. The text she posted said something along the lines of “leave me alone stupid incels, this is why I don’t like sharing stuff on the internet”
@@user-rw6be7yk7v dammn lol why do they care so much who she's dating?
Absolutely loved this vlog. Your openness and vulnerability is so refreshing, and it’s such an important conversation as well.
So proud of you that you put your foot down and are making choices and living the life that is most fulfilling and suitable for YOU. You were dead on when you said ‘there is a fine line between guidance and control’. Your parents’ idea of ‘what is best for you’ does not necessarily equal your idea of what is best for you. Hopefully they will realize this soon and come around ❤️
Wait until you are a parent! 🤣 Naw you live your life kid! Smash through barriers and love. ❤️
Always want the comfort, safety and wealth from “different generation and different way of thinking” awww. And “he is so different “ what is that a good thing now? A chimpanzee is “different “ too. So? Just admit you are yet another Asian with white fetish and he likely has yellow fever. Don’t try so hard to sound deep.
Honestly it doesn’t seem like you’re understanding your parents perspective and your Q&A about privilege shows you don’t grasp the conflict is with class not generation. Your parents didn’t grow up with money and despite you saying they told you what to do and what schools to go to, you don’t see how much they were willing to sacrifice to make sure you never had to experience the hardships they had to go through (no good parent wants to send their kid off at 9 years old). It’s not right of them to judge that your partner doesn’t have a degree, but it feels less like you’re actually addressing their trauma/anxieties and moreso blaming it on culture and generational differences.
You went to London to be with your ex and your family were the ones to help you pick up the pieces in the aftermath. You struggled to find a job and got lucky with becoming a content creator. It’s a high burn out job with a lot of creatives leaving after a few years or getting more reliant on other sources of income. But even then, you’ve never mentioned your parents judging that. In their heads, they’re doing their own calculus as to how stable your career is, how much you’ll need support, how much your partner will need support, and the longevity of this…your case isn’t great especially if you’ve based on “we haven’t known each other long, but we’re in love/we’re happy”.
In your Q&A, you said you were so down you were blind to your own privileges and in my experience, it’s something your parents notice. And while recognizing this is a first step, that kind of thinking really demonstrates a lack of life experience.
You’re probably not going to read this and your fans will shrug this off as me being negative or “not understanding how controlling Asian parents are” (ironically my parents are Asian and significantly more controlling). But I grew up similarly to you: growing up my parents had to struggle as their parents were refugees, but my dad made it big in the US. He gave me the life he wanted and was very strict about my career. We fought endlessly because I pursued my passions. He turned the tide when he saw how I was able to turn my passion into a stable career. It’s how I came to understand him, his anxieties, and his own past. Your parents also probably realize financial issues are one of the biggest drivers of divorce/relationship strife. The stress and trauma of growing up impoverished with their parents who had to experience war isn’t something you can just take lightly. It’s not like this is coming from nowhere and while I’ll never know the full extent of your conversation with them, you really don’t seem to take all of this into account by calling them “traditional”.
Kids shouldn’t play therapist for their parents nor should they do whatever their parents want regardless of their own happiness, but adult children should understand reach a point of understanding and collaboration with them. (Obviously this isn’t universal as children who grow up with abusive parents have a different experience and I don’t blame any of them for going no contact)
Honestly this is 100% true, and I'm glad you said it tbh
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Fully agree. Parents are looking at the long-term game. She will be subsidising the relationship forever. Prospects for someone without a degree are becoming slimmer by the day, even in Western countries. In this video itself, she is seen driving an Audi which her BF can most likely not afford for a long time. She's been accustomed to this very high luxurious standard of living, which is not sustainable without a lot of money. In the newer vlog she even planned an ad-hoc trip to Europe. This will never be possible for her BF.
@@oruspicarous1112 Yeah even if he makes it big as a celebrity chef…it’s still a super high risk industry with COVID and monkeypox now making it worse.
Hours are rough and he’ll have few options to transition out of this work should it become a problem for them.
And you’re right about lifestyle, she’s always had ultra rich friends (that I guess are wealthier than her because she’s always complaining about them). Cornell is by no means an affordable school, but it’s telling how even in college where there are at least a chunk of middle to low income students she managed to surround herself with rich people. She’s really going to struggle with letting go of some luxuries. What’s she actually really ready to give up?
She’s too spoilt and self/centred to be able to see the big picture; her vlogs over the past 12 months have shown us that. She’s immature and will have to learn the hard way. She will burn this bridge with her parents but return the prodigal daughter because her family loves her so much and will always take her back. Watch this space.
Classic -- The folly and romanticism of youth -vs- The experience and cynicism of age. True wisdom comes when you realize that what is right for you now, will likely not be right for you in the future... and you are okay with that and will cross that bridge when you learn the lessons you need to learn. You cannot be told a lesson.
"there's a fine line between control and guidance" - felt this on so many levels
btw, we're happy that you're happy :)
Same here
This hit home way too hard. I'm crying. There are millions of us all over the world going through almost exactly the same as you so thank you so much for telling your story on your platform. Maybe one Asian parent will see this and it might spark change in them that will help out a fellow dooby.
Thanks again Tina, this took balls ✊
@@Dr.SmegmaJones
She's lesbian or some shit?
As an Asian guy who literally went through the same thing with the person I loved(me in the place of your boyfriend in my scenario), this hits hard. I still wish to this day that my former partner fought for me even when her family was all discouraging her. They never really got the chance to know me well enough to make an educated decision.
It's just one of those things that are incredibly difficult to let go.
I feel you man, the woman loved didn't fight for our relationship as well since it was long distance. Irks me to this day, though I'm happy it didn't work out since alot has come to light now.
:
Just want to send you a word of encouragement. I was once in a similar situation. My parents completely disapproved of my boyfriend, who was working construction & retail and didn't have a college degree. They couldn't see that he *did* have enormous respect for and belief in me. We were long distance, too, for the first 3.5 years of our relationship. It got so bad that I wasn't sure if my parents were going to come to the wedding. That was 20 years ago last month. We have an amazing marriage & life together and my parents eventually came around! It took many years of them observing my happiness and the way he treats me. Some people really are worth the fight. Much love and luck to you.
Funny how parents think that he's not good enough for you...maybe your parents should have stopped to think maybe you are not good enough for him ...see how absurd and insulting that is. Image how that made him feel and image parents thinking they are better humans that another human over a fing degree. That story is disgusting all around .. bunch of ppl owe your husband a huge apology
As fellow belonging to a desi Asian household I can relate to the things you have to go thru with your parents it’s just hard but I hope things work out for you. You taking a step for yourself has inspired me a lot. Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. Wish the best
As a person with Asian background, I know exactly what you’re talking about. Going through the same exact thing. I understand the toll, the blame you feel for yourself, the guilt. You keep doing what makes you happy. You keep living for what you believe in. Become the best part of yourself you can. Your heart is true and only time will tell when things will align again.
Its funny the way you have portrayed is so soothing but being an Asian, and also faced the brutality of having controlling parents as never been this resonating.
I wish more strength to you because at the end whoever has to make a choice of family vs love there's always this invisible guilt or a feeling that is unspoken off.
All the best 👍
" there's a fine line between controll and guidence" - spoke to me in so many ways. Thankyou as always Tina, and I'm so happy your happy, you deserve to do the best for you.
I am so Ducking happy for you! Period, it takes guts, balls and heart to pursue what others find odd or confusing. I am a creative writer and a black woman so in my own similar (though not the same) way I understand choosing what parents from especially POC communities do not first approve. My family said hell no, but God blessed them to come around and I pray that your family will come around to your new Love too ::)
I am loving the heartfelt stories in your comment section! We have very similar situations, which is why I'm afraid to even mention my partner's background to my parents. In time, things will fall into place for everyone. I feel that your parents will see it too (speaking from someone who has had very difficult, hurtful convos with my mom). Stick with your happiness! Lots of love and support to you and ☂ man.
My therapist is back. I love a Doobydobap vlog. It’s relaxing and refreshing for the soul and mind
100% agree
kiss mwah
Love u my dooba 😍😘@@Doobydobap
totally agree!!! i recently discovered her and subscribed right away i love her all the contents❤️❤️
No but seriously 💛
when your gut is telling you it's worth fighting for, things will work out eventually. sending my love and positivity (that we all know you already have lol) to both of you!
Me and my partner are also from 2 different worlds. And she being the only child it was hard at first but thankfully both mine and her parents understood and support us. I really hope your family comes to reality and see that you're genuinely happy, fingers crossed for you my dude :)
Love this 💛
thank you so much for sharing your story, i could not relate more right in this moment. I am sending your a billion hugs, for every moment you did not get one from your family.
I applaud you for being so transparent especially in front of a camera among thousands of people online. All the doobies support u and we have nothing but love for u :))
While all our experiences are unique, this video resonates. It was a similar experience when I started dating with my own Korean parents who took some time and their own process to get onboard. Years later I’m married to a man that took the journey to get to and one might even say my parents like him more than me! It’ll work out- your parents’ love will prove truer than their initial disagreement. Stay true to who you are!
We love a Dooby vlog
Whose with me 🙋♀️
edit: you got us Dooby dont be scared to come out to us about your problems we love you and care about you and your mental health.
Me😊
He’s so different but we complement each other in so many ways- 🙂☺️ that’s how I describe me and my boyfriend. I’m from India and he’s from Ukraine. So different from cultures and backgrounds.In the end, we make each other so happy where we even enjoy learning about each other’s cultures. Love Is always worth fighting for- isn’t that what life is all about. 🙂 you’ll get through this alright. I send you strength. The different backgrounds and experiences make us a stronger team as we face this world together and I’m sure you both feel the same. I’m so excited for you ♥️
Go girl
Cringe racemixer, do better
Damnnn there are more indians who watch her than i thought!
@@hughjnus4256 🎣
Just catching up in your vlog life here, and crazy how I just saw this in [almost] an exact one year period of time. And it makes me so happy that you’ve been following your heart (🧀 I know) and accomplishing the dreams you and Kevin saw that no one else did. Keep killing it xx
i resonate as a fellow asian who's feisty as hell with borderline controlling parents (whom im very close with too!) you deserve great happiness dooby! thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your story
"There is a fine line between control and guidance" - so true...Love you Dooby.
Me: the momento has come.
Tina: shows everyone the scenes, like a movie.
I'm gonna support Tina how matter what, I'm into food and she has inspire me since I've found her (almost 2yrs ago already hehe).
I'm rooting for you Tina, Hfighting! AND YEES DOOBY DOO!
Not gonna lie I’m really thankful for this vlog, thank you for letting us be part of such as personal and vulnerable moment for you. I’m sorry for the mean people commenting. However, I understand the situation you’re going through is difficult to meet others expectations while trying looking for the best for you. Hope your family understands and things get better!
I only discovered your channel yesterday and I just want to say that your videos bring me so much comfort
You deserve nothing but happiness. It’s hard to have relationships where your family isn’t quite on the same track as you are. But your judgement and capability of love should be bigger than any other bitter times. We doobies support you ♥️
두비! 사랑에 빠진 거 축하해요! 아직 한글 자막이 없어서 모든 말들을 100% 이해하지는 못했지만 소중한 사람을 만나게 된 거 넘넘 축하해요! 시간이 약이라고 말한 거처럼 언젠가 엄마아빠도 두비 행복한 모습에 분명히 행복해지실 거에요! 응원해요 ♥
What I admire most about you in this situation: you completely understand where your parents are coming from. It’s okay to disagree with them, we live in a different time and space. I hope they see how he’s been good to you.
xx dooby
I feel like everything is coming full circle, thanks for the advice and honesty 😊
Also flash backs to the vlog where you said u didn’t want someone who cooked
@@isabelle_S she contradicts herself a lot and she has admitted to this hehe... don't we all?
@@Guapogiboy ikr
You are still very young. Don't think too much. You really won't know who eventually walk down the aisle with you
At the end of the day you are living your life and no one should tell you how to live it. Also the whole attraction towards someone who's from a different backgroud, has always been a touchy topic for asians but it's always great to see people like you standing your ground and hopefully it becomes the norm. Life is too short.
Such a good message. Some people are worth fighting for you just need the experience to recognize what your priorities are. I have a master's degree and a higher education and my boyfriend of 4 years is a soldier, he hasnt been to college but he is one of the smartest and kindest people I've ever met, but being in a circle of people going to IV league schools and stuff, they all think I deserve ''better''. I am so glad youre giving this a shot because you'd rather try and fail than regret never trying, and it takes courage to do so. You go girl!
I am in a similar situation as yours, I'm afraid he'd get rejected by my family.
@@kiarracassie I wish you the best girl, I hope you are wrong and your family will be open to it. It is a scary situation feels like both of your worlds might just crash but you gotta be optimistic and if one side puts pressure on u to choose a side that is toxic behavior, life is not black and white! Good luck w everything
You need to tell these people that you don't need their opinions because I PROMISE you, the moment u have a problem with your boyfriend EVERYTHING they've been saying about him that's been piling up in your head is gonna come rushing in and you're gonna make a stupid decision based on it. Either you distance yourself from them and find other friends or you prepare for the inevitable
@@PermanentHigh This is so true, and I already did stupid things, thankfully I could open my eyes and my boyfriend was loving and understanding enough to make this work, because it is worth fighting for
@@Feddydeffy What stupid things did you do? You cheated I bet and he doesn't know
I really know what you're going through, because I went through the same thing hahaha 😔. I come from a Filipino immigrant family who moved to Brazil and when they found out I was dating a guy who wasn't rich they freaked out. It was difficult at first, but over time they accepted him, especially after meeting him in person. Know that you are not alone and that everything will get better eventually! I wish you all the luck in the world and much happiness in your new relationship, you deserve it so much!
Fala pro cara ganha mais dinheiro.
the fact that you called your parents ‘ my family ‘ rather than ‘ my parents ‘ is a really big deal for me, it simply shows that no matter how you struggle to understand each other you still think of them as your family. i will pray for you and your family, i am happy for you ms. tina !! your happiness, your comfort, that’s what all that matters.
You look so happy it’s so nice to see. It’s super tough making those decisions especially when it involves your own family, it’s not easy to navigate in or out of, you’re handling it with such grace and maturity I truly respect your courage and heart. Your family will always be there, maybe not now but it’s okay, this time you’ve given yourself a chance for your choices and you are thriving. Love your content, can’t wait to see more in the doobydoobop future. ❤️
Tina, this is why I love your videos so much - not only the funny moments, the beautiful montages, but also your real and raw thoughts... your honesty makes your content one of the most relatable I've ever seen on the internet. I'm so happy to hear your good news and sending you tons of love and support 🤍
I can only imagine the emotional turmoil that must have been through before taking this decision. But you know what, it will all work out at the end, like it has always been. Real doobies are proud of you for staying real and vulnerable here and being a fucking strong one. You go gurl!! ❤️
why are people showing hate man the fact that she’s showing us the man she loves just shows how much she loves the community here WHY THE HATE MAN
Jealousy presents itself in a million ways 🤷♀
we don't support colonization
He has a wedding ring on
His looks
Aww this is so cute! As an Asian kid with similar family background, I always say that nothing could ever come between me and my parents. I have lived my entire life to please to them. So I understand the pain and difficulty you are going through right now. But you are right, some things are worth fighting for. We’re young and we deserve to be happy (and have our freedom too). Hopefully, they will come around 🥺💖 wishing you all the best!!!
As a fellow member of an asian household I too, understand the fear of disappointing your family when your values don’t align. Eventually you’ll figure it out and hopefully I figure my issues out too but like you said time is the only remedy. Much love Tina! Hang in there ❤️
I simply fell in love with this video.
You found a love at emptiest times, struggling to make it out due to disagreeable family yet you’re facing all of those obstacles and not giving up on love.
That is amazing.
When I started watching your videos, you were annoying for some reason, but there was something I liked about you and content you are making so I gave it a chance.
Here I am, watching at least one video you made, a day. And it is beautiful and unique.
Love from Serbia!
there's something so surreal about Dooby's vlog that calms anyone ❤️
*Mama dooby is just like any other asian parent :*
*"I shall settle for nothing but the best for my child"*
We do understand ❤️🙂
Hoping that they come long 🤞
And when they feel something against the partners of their children, they’re usually right about it. Time will tell. But still happy for Dooby.
@@seulgisbaguette1543 chances are high..... But for growing up , you need to make mistakes in life
Hoping that this is the right choice and hope it makes her really happy🫰
Usually hate vlogs but decided to watch yours and I loved every second of it. Glad you are choosing your happiness and standing your ground. Hope I run into you while I’m in still here
You are not alone in this, i was in a relationship with a chinese for 5 years, it ended beacause of the stress and expectations of her family towards our relationship. As long as YOU are happy and make it work it shouldnt be a problem, and i know that it is hard especially if you are the only child, but remember that it is YOUR life at the end of the day.
Being able to find your happiness after you've been in a dark place is really inspiring. I can feel your bliss dooby. Thanks for this one 💓
I watched this video with my daughter who is going through the same thing as you. She & I both agreed with most of what you said, but sadly from opposite experiences. My thoughts must be similar to your parents (especially your mom's since I am a dentist too!) because I only want what is best for my daughter and that she will have an easier life with an educated man that will have more opportunities because of that education. My daughter left her home in California to go to uni in the UK and it has been extremely hard for us to let her live her life so far away, gain independence, and make mistakes. Every step of the way I just want to help her avoid all of the mistakes in her life that I know that she is taking. But, I know that without those mistakes she will never learn and never grow as a person. As you age, you realize that all of those experiences, good & bad, are what shape your life and that they will hopefully help you learn to accept the bad with the good and to accept the choices you have made. My mother was initially against me marrying my husband because he does not come from an educated Korean family and she felt that it was shameful that I was marrying beneath her standards and my parents' education level. I had a lot of conflict with my mother all of my life and I always felt like I could never live up to her expectations like my brother. My mother died last year & I do regret that I did not try harder to reconcile with her and try to see her side of things. As my daughter gets older, I realize that my mother's perspective came from a place of love & need to make sure that her child only has the best in life.
I am a college dropout and a foreigner married to an amazing Korean woman. We have been married for four years and my wife’s family was always very warm and welcoming to me. We were lucky as this is not always the case in Korea.
I come from an educated family, but from a different culture where parent’s traditionally have much less control over their children’s lives. Still I am sure it wasn’t always easy for my parents to let me live my life the way I did. However they supported me always no matter how crazy things I was doing. For this I am forever thankful.
Eventually I also became much more successful than all my friends who continued their studies. However that didn’t bring any more happiness to our lives. What makes us happy now is the same thing that made us happy before: each other.
There are many paths in life and there is a richness to choosing a path less walked. Be happy that your child is brave enough to take on a path with more uncertainty.
@@latehero 💖
Hello Yummy
The problem seems to be that your mother remained stubborn about her own views. At that point concern seems to conflict with her own pride. I believe parents should be forgiving enough to accept new circumstances and deal with problems as they come along. You can never live your life for your daughter and I respect how you can let her make her own "mistakes".
I always prided myself for learning from my parents' mistakes, but one day in my late 30s I realized that I had given up living.
thank you for sharing this with us ;-; been struggling if i should commit to a ldr knowing my family would disapprove since they are more conservative. growing up in a Filipino household, family to me is always #1 but it's a hard decision between meeting their expectations or being with someone who makes me happy. your vlogs are always so relaxing and inspiring
Hey, just a reminder that MONTHS is not enough time to make any sort of decision or give any ultimatum. You're riding on a "I'm right you're wrong" high because you're in love and full of emotions/hormones. They're seeing something you're possibly ignoring (because you love him). Get to know the guy more Tina, don't just jump in with both feet. When life isn't aligning to a decision, it means something.
I went through a very similar experience when I started dating my now husband. Went through a lot of family drama but we fought for our relationship and we have now been married for 17 years with 3 children and our relationship with my family is amazing- total 180. If it’s meant to be it will work out.
Shitty advice. She should just go for what she wants and if other people in her life reject what makes her happy than she should just cut them out of her life. It's hard but at the end it's the best for yourself. Doing thing just to please others is the most toxic and terrible thing one could ever do
Tina I’m beyond words to admire your courage to be so vulnerable to share this hard situation of your life to way. This video definitely hit home for you. I was literally in your situation 3 three years ago. Like you said “ time is only the remedy” it’s so true! Hang in there - this all shall pass. Love will be the ultimate answer!!! Sending so much love and support your way!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I may not fully comprehend the hateful comments, but i am totally with Dooby on this. I'm currently facing the same challenge in life and it is not easy juggling between conforming to your parents and making yourself happy. Sometimes, i hate this part of being Asian
What hateful comments?
@@slee2695 her story on Instagram
@@lycheejelly4254 im guessing because he's unattractive and apparently broke? Or because he's white?
@@slee2695 your hateful creature
thank you so much for sharing this. I also feel that my parents can be over controlling and it's true there is a fine line between guidance and control and when it gets over controlling it gets really hard for us. i've experienced the exact same thing as you except i'm a lot younger and live under their roof. my parents haven't talk to me for over a month because of this and i'm so devastated. i too love my parents a lot and they too have sacrificed a lot for me..but at the same time it's hard to give up on the person you love 😞😞...it's nice to see another person experience the same difficulties as you. love you dooby♥️♥️♥️ it'll all be okay with time :)
OMG, I really feel you about the 'over-controlling parents'.
I am from Southeast Asian country and I moved to Edinburgh all by myself, but after live almost 2 years in Edinburgh, my mom still vidcalls me every day, wondering when I will come home. She does it with passive-aggresive trick that ended-up makes me not feel good about myself, like abandoning my family, while I am actually just want to experienced everything in life more. Both parents also do passive-aggresive trick to make me have to marry a person from the same 'tribe', which limiting my options. Well, I am not totally disappointed with them, but I just want them to be have a life outside their children and not putting their expectation on their child.
Few things I found irritating:
1. He's wearing a wedding ring?!
2. How come being a chef is not a respectful job in your parents' eyes? I mean this is basically your job lol
3. Your ex bf was also not from Korea, right? And you still went along with your parents at that time, right? So how come they don't talk to you now?
Surely there are some missing aspects that you don't want to tell us. Sus.
It's always suss when you see a white man with an asian women. First question that pops to mind is "did he buy her?"
coming back here, Kevin coming from an upper middle class, good family, successful chef career at a michelin star restaurant and everything. damn that bar is high
I can relate as an only child, who now is adapting to living independently for about 3 years, but people who truly loves us will be the one who shall understand that we, only childs, are the only person who they can trust to make our own lives good and happy as they hope it to be. Happy of your brave heart. Love and light, dooby 💗
Your story is quite common with traditional Asian parents and their kids growing up in Western society. Either follow the mold they want OR do your thing and maybe lose the closeness with your parents UNLESS they are willing to be open and understanding.
Higher education is not the issue. The real question is if this partner of yours can pull his/her own weight financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Love is all nice and ideal for a couple of months until it is tested through the ups and downs of life and reality sets in.
Maybe I'm too pragmatic. I forget who said this, but I really do believe love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction.
My 2 cents, from an ABK
Hey Tina,i just want to leave a comment saying your videos have been so comforting for me, i'am having my chemotherapy every week so I'm not really fit to go out or socialise much,i love your little jokes,your awkwardness and love seeing you cook, always looking forward for your videos ❤️
Virtual hugs girl 🤗
Hope you’ll find peace with your family and everything 💜
Finally a RUclipsr I can relate to. I see all these RUclipsrs that have wonderful relationships with their families which I could never relate to, but I’ve never had that. My parents were never there for me and I never received any love or support from them, just criticism and reasons why I’m not enough. Thank you for being honest about your family and I hope you know you’re not the only one💜
The difference is that she still benefits a lot from her parents’ income. Check out the international trips, fancy apartment, and even the expensive meal at the end of this video with her new boyfriend.
As a Korean American who went through similar younger lifestyle as you, I totally understand the both you and your family. I was sent to US at age of 16 and went to high-school in America, all by myself. While my mom had a super high expectations out of me, and wanting the similar for the future husband, I married the worst of the men kind but the marriage only lasted 4 years. After 13 years of a struggling single mom, I started dating an American. My parents are in their 70s now and oh boy, talk about being traditional. Fortunately, by the time I started dating my current boyfriend of 10 years, the way my parents thinking changed a lot for better. When they just moved to American in 2006, they were like 'over my dead body' about moving in with a guy before marrying the person, but now they love my current boyfriend. My mom sees how good of a person he is and she sees how good he treats me. Your parents will come around!! Sorry to share my life story on here but I do feel your pain but understand your parents too! *HUGS* from the East Coast of US!!
I hope your bf is white all asian women belong to white men
Tina, sending you so much healing and love. I’ve gone through the same thing when I was 21 (28 now). I’m now married with a kid to the man my family were against. But, my parents love him now. My parents felt hurt initially, but they had to work through it. They had to open their minds a bit, be more progressive. Xoxo wishing you the best
Love how you’re more playful and cheeky when you’re with him! Last long and stay strong
I married "down" as my parents would say. I am more educated, the breadwinner and bought the home that we currently live in. I have been there. You and your parents will find a new equilibrium. It will take time, patience and you and your beloved to have the will to just prove them wrong. You can make it work with both parties... eventually. Take heart Tina. Your beloved staying by your side through this would only prove that he is a good egg for you. Your parents eventual acceptance of your beloved will be a sign of their trust in you. Your job as a daughter is to make them proud, not happy. They will have to choose happy for themselves. As the Chinese would say "add oil!"
I totally agreed with the parents are sometimes controlling bc thats literally my parents rn. Now that im adult i realized how sheltered and gatekeeped i am from the real world. :( Anw im genuinely happy for you and for fighting your happiness/love. ♡ thank you for sharing this to us...
Tina, absolutely love how relatable you are 🥹💕 fell in love with your story telling and personality!! ❤️
tina- i'm sorry and i send you my support. i also send my congrats. you seem happy and loved and it comes through.
this video is extremely warm and comforting for me, who is going through what you went through earlier this year: trying to adapt to living alone. sending my love from nyc
As someone who doesn't see eye to eye with my parents on most of my life decisions, I totally understand where you're coming from. I have learnt(the hard way) to communicate and give them their time to get accustomed to my life decisions because I want my parents on board in my life. To choose between my parents and anything, is not something I wanna do. Like u said, time is the only solution here. Your parents will understand eventually. Lots of love😘
Relate to this vlog. Have a different situation but family doesn’t know. Biggest regret. Dooby is so comforting. All of your doobies are in solidarity with you!
This reminds me of my love story with my husband :) I’m Malay and my husband is Nigerian. We were from two different worlds. Two entirely different people. For the first 4 years, I kept our relationship a secret from my family because I knew there was just no way my Asian AND Muslim family would approve of our relationship and accept him into our family but against all odds, pure love always wins. Nothing can stop two souls that are meant to be together. Not time, distance or people. Fast forward to now, not only does my dad refer to my husband as his “son”, my husband and I also share a beautiful baby boy together! he is SO loved 😊 I know it feels heavy right now but trust me, you are gonna be just fine, Tina. You are happy and in love right now and that’s all that matters. Your family will see that one day 💗
This is such a beautiful and heartwarming story. Thank you for sharing
@@JacksonWalter735 Thank you for being here :)
Well if he is muslim too nothing in your religion speaks against it
Unfortunately my parents would also like a girl from their language n religion (the religion ofc but language is unimportant)
You have noooooo idea how relatable everything you said was. To a literal T(ina). Long story short: my bf is from Mexico, grew up in California and my mom and dad just flat out don't like him for his cultural, familial and financial background. I understand the financial background more on just the part that they're worried about him being able to care for me but I know deep down why they don't like him. It's because he's not a Chinese boy. I don't think my parents's and I's relationship has gotten to the point where I just flat out don't speak to them but I fear it may come to that. My bf reassures me that things will be fine and they'll come to terms with it and accept it (for the sake of it) eventually. But I just don't know when that will be tbh
@Ally. Can you share what your bf plans to do with his life. Any parent would want to ensure there daughter is taken care of.
The red flag for Dooby is that her bf dropped out of school it seems.
When it comes to culture then what your bf and Dooby’s bf should do is prove to both of your respective parents that they are worthy.
Coming to terms with it is not ideal.
I can only share with you a situation with my cousin. Her then bf at the time would go over to the parents house and help work on various house chores items. Cutting trees. Building a new wall, etc etc.
He already had a full time stable job.
They married and are still married. Alway at extended family get togethers and raised 3 fine boys who are now all hard working adults with established careers.
If your respective bfs are not willing to go the extra mile to have the parents acceptance then think twice.
Have another example more closer to Dooby where she is the bread winner it seems. More of a dominant personality too. College classmate.
Her husband was more like a Mr Mom. Was going to culinary school forever. Finally graduated. Never put in the time or effort to sustain employment. He got too comfortable since his wife was the bread winner.
Well there came a time where she lost her job back during the 2008-2012 crisis. He still wouldn’t get a job despite having 3 kids to provide.
They eventually divorced. Oldest son is a bum / drifter too because he followed the example of his dad.
The college friend is a fighter and genuinely happy person. She moved on and met a much more financially stable person. Her 2 girls are fine and one off to college.
I consider Dooby to be successful. I agree parents can be over controlling but so long as the bf establishes a career for himself and has the drive and desire and also commitment to prove he is worthy then all good. If the parents still can’t accept then that cannot be helped.
@@f430ferrari5 No yeah that’s understandable. At the moment, all my bf wants to do is make that money for us. Although, I am going to put in the work too because I have career ambitions. My bf does not have any career ambitions. He just wants to have a good and honest job just as any of us would. He is willing to put in the work for my family to accept him but he realizes that if he’s talking to a wall then what can he do? I know he is worthy, he knows he is worthy but if my parents don’t care to see that (which they don’t at the moment. Apparently talking about him gives them a headache), then it’s no good putting your energy out there.
My culture is more of a generational issue. I personally feel that he should not need to go the extra mile and prove himself worthy to my parents. He can show that he is, not necessarily prove it. Because if you try to prove to someone who doesn’t care, what good is that proof?
At the moment, my own parents don’t see value in him, despite the good and honest work he and his family does. They look down on his job despite the great pay. Again, he is optimistic things will look up. He’s actually way more optimistic than I am. But the thing is, my parents understand there is nothing changing my mind and they respect that they can’t change my mind. That did take a lot of conversations to get to though. My parents took great care of me financially and, these days, emotionally but there is, of course, the line between that and control.
It’s just, I find it difficult to accept that they are willing to accept any person who comes into the lives of my brothers but not me. It feels like a double standard and it’s more so me who needs to live up and be worthy and have a bf they can show off. But I don’t want that. I just want someone who makes me happy
@@f430ferrari5 I also wanna point that I totally get your POV though. I’m not trying to counter argue with you because you made great points. I know my bf and bf is the kind of guy who refuses to do nothing.
At the moment, we’re honestly kind of in the same mindset. But mine is about where I should start my career and his is just focused on being able to save up enough money.
We’re not in a rush to settle and buy a house etc. It’s definitely a work in progress and we know if we rush, we’ll fall. So unlike dooby, I am not successful nor am I a person with dominant energy. But I am very proud of what my bf and I accomplished in the time we’re together.
As I’ve said, I completely understand some of the points my parents have made. But I put my foot down when they completely disregard all his good traits and how much he has helped me. He’s an easy-going guy and can adapt to anything thrown his way. I know we’ll get through this one
@@AY-cj3iw thanks for the response.
I would like to believe when you say your bf doesn’t have career ambitions you’re more referring to “higher education”.
I don’t necessarily consider that “career ambitions”. People can still have ambitions.
It’s good he wants to work but it’s more about is he just content on his current position/level.
I’ll give an example. I have a co-worker. He’s from Mexico also. I met him and got to know him because we sat next to each other pre-pandemic.
His role within the company was like a “dispatcher” and truck route optimizer. He started out as a truck driver before that a warehouse worker.
I hope you can see the path in this persons “career ambitions”. He wasn’t content on just being a “loader” or “picker” / warehouse guy.
He wasn’t even content on being a truck driver. He has the mindset of a customer service provider.
Nothing beyond high school education. His MS Excel skills were all self taught. He asks good questions.
I helped him with the necessary data extraction and built reports for him which helped calculate the weights of product within a truck for a certain route. We can now more easily tell if the truck load will be over weight.
He shared real life experiences where the brakes went out one time on the truck he was driving. So he’s familiar with proper maintenance and safety.
There is nothing wrong with staying in the warehouse so long as he can become a supervisor, etc.
Outside of work being thoughtful such as mowing the lawn for your parents or taking them out to lunch or dinner and getting to know them and your parents getting to know him are always good.
Hope it all works out for you. Same for Dooby
You all will soar together...and lift each other up and eventually be lifted up by your families as well.🙌🙌
for so long i’ve struggled with this and you have expressed how i’ve felt so well ! truly a cinematic masterpiece
I totally understand how it feels when your parents give you ultimatums like that. A mindset that always help me is to remember that our parents can only love us as deeply as they have loved themselves. Sometimes it's hard for them to change their ideas about how life should look like, they've been believing it for 50+ years. It can be scary for them to change their perspectives because that might mean re-evaluating their self-worth and life's belief. I hope they will come around soon and you're both able to agree to disagree with love. Sending you so much love Tina!
the thing about choosing a man over your family is that you feel a certain way (regret maybe) once it doesn't work out (speaking from experience)
but i hope you time will sort things out for you
I can totally relate what you’re going through. We went through the same thing (we also did long distance as well) and my parents love him now as they’ve seen me happy. It just needs a bit of time. Loved your vlog and thanks for sharing your life. 😊 Sending the positive energy to you both.
The word is changing ever so quickly and sometimes trying to find a constant or control is what parents cling to. One whole side of my family did. And so does my mom. It's been difficult but lessons learned and now I can keep doing better. Many well wishes for you and your family.
P.s. chefs are wonderful I got one too. 😘😄
Thank you, Dooby! You don't need really need to share it with us but still you did even though it's very personal to you! You are so brave.
Love the song Ruby Sparks. Thank you for introducing to this beautiful song. Cheering for you Dooby and your happiness. Every single word you say resonates with me and its okay to trust your guts some time. At the end your happiness matters. Keep being you.
Sorry to have to point this out to you hen, but if this guy is as good as he has lead you to believe he is, he wouldn't allow you to damage your family relationship to be with him.
So if he isn't becoming cold and distant with you in an effort to push you away, regardless of the pain he may be feeling, he is not the one.
Believe me.
Real men, good men, would not allow the women they love to sacrifice the relationship she has with her family to be with them.
If your family is a good family, he should not be making you choose between him and them.
No. I think you're wrong here. She's a grown woman, and they need to understand that. They're trying to control her, and even though it's coming from a place of love, that doesn't mean they should be able to tell her what to do with her life. This isn't about what a good man should and shouldn't be doing. And pushing her away? Becoming cold and distant?? That's TOXIC dude. He should support her through this tough time, build up their relationship, prove to her parents he's a good guy by sticking by her side, not proving them correct by hurting her!! Like come on this was tone deaf. He should encourage her to try and work things out with her parents in the future. But she should be allowed to set these boundaries. She's not a child anymore and they need to let go. You're assuming he's making it into a "Me or Them" scenario when it's probably the other way around or, not even the situation at all. But rather it's just a constant fight she doesn't want to have.
😶 kind of just sad at the fact that she had to share this issue when we've seen moments she had with her parents... I hope a resolution comes... because... it's so heartbreaking to see a parent and daughter relationship get torn over a guy...
These vlogs are becoming so well done! Better production value than most movies! Don't listen to any of the hate comments about you or your boyfriend, they're just jealous.
Hi Tina ! It is the first time to comment but I’m 24 Japanese female and have kinda similar relationships with your mom and I’ve been watching your beautiful and powerful journey since I stated to live alone. You made me love cooking and daily life itself, which give some relief and courage when I feel loneliness so for this time I wanna say thank you for sharing your hard work so far.
Parents can be sometimes manipulative（that they just do for us to be happy...so it is always complicating issue between child and their parents）…but I wanna believe they will understand you when they know your true happiness. I think love can be stronger in a difficult situation so I hope that you can spend lovely time with your rainy men ☂️ and support each other !
Ahhh. Dooby in her natural habitat. Happy and unapologetically herself in her vlogs. I love to live to watch her blunt honesty ☕️
Edit: Have some respect guys, come on. For all the people giving her shit for her new man, be happy she even was vulnerable & comfortable enough to share this special new part of her life with y’all. Literally why is it his race or color that concerns you? Don’t y’all have a heart and actually care for her as a human being? Just be happy for the woman for f*ck sake. Haven’t you heard of the saying if If you ain’t got nothing nice to say, DONT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL 😐
I’ve been living in an Asian background my whole life, and I could say that Asian parents are mostly controlling. The reason to why that is, is because of how our parents lived before. The usual “I walked 99kilometers to go to school”, the “We couldn’t eat everyday, so you better finish your food.” Although my parents are like that, they still know how to set boundaries. I guess you just have to be lucky to have parents who have good principles in life. Because they know that if they don’t raise their children well, no one will take care of them when they get old. Although we’re not entitled to, we still do out of love. That’s just how Asians do it.
Really wishing for you that everything can be smoothed over in the short future, Tina. There are unforgiving notions around at times, but there are also those who fight for freedom through which we choose our destiny. Keep on fighting for what you stand for and who you are! Doobie army stands with you T!❤
As also an only immigrant child from a traditional-ish asian family who have the SAME expectations as your family does (as I expect many traditional-ish Asians parents do), I think you’re very strong in staying true to what you want. It’s a hard and sad realization and I hope they come around.
I’m so happy for you. Your family will come around once they understand this is what you want. Love always wins ❤️
I'm really sorry that you're going throught hard times with your family. I hope they recognize that you're happy, and that the decision to be or not to be with someone belongs only to you. Wish you all the best!
I can relate heavily as I am 24 too and have controlling asian parents as well but I think one reason why you're parents still see you as a kid is that not even a year ago you broke up with you ex in London and had to pack your bags and move back with your parents. I think that negative experience reinforces to your parents that you still "need" them especially when it comes to relationships because even in your old videos you said it yourself that when you had no one by your side, you still had your parents.
If parents disapprove, there may be a reason. Look into common sources of conflict and stress if one does get married. Feelings may waver and not push you through.
I'm nobody to judge, In fact I'm no one but i have a very strong feeling that this won't work out. I see a hidden approach of yours to open doors to exit the loneliness you experienced after a breakup, maybe you miss someone's company of your age group but if it's long distance so there have been issues which your parents are also capable of seeing and so they don't want you to get hurt from the same bullet again(hence they don't feel positive or good like you expected about the relationship). Plus, anyone who has faced a serious heartbreak never literally experiences the same emotions(cute cute, falling in love shit) which they feel at the start of a relationship again in the next relationship. All my friends and company are like that, they think that it's such a waste of time to go through that cutey, lovey dovey shit again and again after every breakup.
Or
Maybe you thought you experienced a heartbreak but it didn't happen. Maybe you got support in a good way that you just feel the void not the break. There are lots of maybes. So sorry for anything out of my line but please think, like deep thinking, you don't go from 1 relationship to another in 6 months and that too again a long distance, ofc you did learn something the first time but why would you do that again. May god keep you and your relationship in good health with the family and that guy.
I just discovered you and your vlog style is gorgeous. The way you tell this story not only really conveys your emotions but you do it so beautifully in so many ways. Stay strong and be patient. Even though I'm new here, you have my support