The Parenting Advice We Wish We Knew Sooner | Episode 7
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- Опубликовано: 13 май 2024
- No one is a perfect parent - us included. But we’re on this journey together, learning, growing and helping our kids find themselves (and their paths) in life.
Welcome back to Raising Heights with Zach and Tori Roloff. This week we’ll dive into some of our most important parenting philosophies, why they matter and how you can use what we’ve learned to help you on your own journey. We talk about our strengths as parents and where we could improve and share a whole new perspective on our family, parenting and filling our home with guiding love and support.
On this episode, we talk about:
🍼 Helping your kids build a new mindset with “You don’t have to. You get to.”
🍼 Why you should ask yourself “Will it be cute in 10 years?”
🍼 Becoming a better parent by being reflective with your spouse
🍼 The responsibility of coaching selfishness out of your children
Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:35 Peaks and Pits
5:10 Parenting
6:32 Personal experiences and child psychology
13:56 Challenges and expectations
19:32 Child development
22:58 Parenting strategies for different ages of children
28:41 Child exhaustion
35:32 Self-improvement
41:57 Personal growth
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I know this channel isn't about the TV show but watching Lila driving the jeep with her sun hat and big sunglasses was one of the cutest things I've ever seen 😂❤
My mothers favorite line was "Better Homes and Gardens isn't coming today. Relax" I lived by that.
If it helps, I couldn’t get the oven to work, my husband couldn’t get the oven to work, then my father in law couldn’t get the oven to work. We got a repairman over, who had a really tough time figuring it out. Turns out it was unplugged!!!!🤪
I feel this so much
Lmao
We recently bought a new Hm n Fla and when we moved in we couldn’t use our oven or dishwasher until we downloaded apps and synced our appliances up 🤦🏼♀️. We had to get our daughter to come over and do it because we couldn’t figure it out. We were so aggravated!!! 🤣🤣. What happened to just plugging in tv’s, appliances, radios etc and then push THE ON BUTTON!!!!! 😂. To make everything in our Hm work we had to download so many different apps and have user names and passwords. Come to find out we bought a “ smart home “ which can make a couple in their 50’s feel very stupid… not smart 😝
My friend and her daughter come to help me paint and it's 100 degrees out side. I decided that the old furnace door need to be painted also. I took it outside to paint it so it would dry faster. It started to get hot and I got to checking it and it was freezing up. I called my husband and we decided to call someone and my husband got home when the guy got here. He started checking it out and he ask where's the door for it and I told him it was out side because I painted it. He just looked at me and said you can't leave it off because part of it had insulation on it and that was what kept it from freezing up. It cost more also because it was on the weekend and he was on call. So we waved bye to 175.00 for that call.🥴
I laughed so hard at this because this is legit something I would do!!!!!! Thank you for sharing!!! 😅😅🥰🥰
This was great!
When my kids were young, a friend said to me " you will always love your kids, but, your responsibility is to raise them so other people will at least like them ."
They're in their 30's now , and doing great . 😊
Oh wow! I heard that so many times from my mother. Sadly that also teaches them to be “People pleasers.”
Perfect advice 😊
@@dothapatterson8940I think there’s a difference between being a decent kind human being and being a people-pleaser 💕
“Will this be cute in 10 years?”
GOLD 💛⭐️👑🌟🏆🥇
Zach is a playmaker and Tori is a caregiver, perfect combination ❤
It’s not too late Zack you’re still young you you have many years ahead of you. You totally could be a child psychologist, and you would rock it!
Tori so much better at not interrupting Zach ! You were probably just nervous at first but relax you guys are doing a great job I think you both found your niche
Love your podcast...I'm nearly 60 and my husband and I have been married for 34 years. Our son is married now and we miss those years when he was younger. For what it's worth, and I think you touched on it towards the end of your podcast with regard to spouses being on the same page… The best thing that my son received from my husband was the example of how to treat his mother and in turn how to treat a woman. It is a joy and such a blessing to see our son. Honor and love his wife well.
same, married 45 years and now watching our children parent their children and living out just what you said, love your spouse letting your kids see this daily and be in unison in front of your kids.
I’m 73 and raised my girls NOW I’m raising my granddaughter..who would think I would be listening to this podcast? lol I need all the info in can get ! I tell people “I’m retired but because of *** I’m reliving my 30’s! “ it’s keeping me young, at heart, anyway !!! Thanks for your great perspectives!!
Zach would be a great Social Worker to be an advocate for children! I’ve been a fan over Zach’s since very first season of LPBW!
I'm soooo glad you started a podcast. I listen every week without fail. Awesome job guys keep it up. I'm really glad since you stopped being on the show. You're the only reason I kept watching LPBW. Love your family. Keep up the good work.❤😊🐇🐥🐦🌷🌝
Your rawness and vulnerability is what makes this podcast great. Consider having an advocate monitor your comments and “filing “ unnecessary comments before you read. I think this may be helpful in keeping this podcast vulnerable and not shading what you guys feel like sharing. Godspeed you two!
I'm really truly happy that you guys are doing this after watching the show. My entire life. I always wanted to make sure that everybody was just happy, healthy and doing well. Loving seeing that your kids are great. And that you 2 are succeeding is such an amazing team. Keep up the good work. ❤
I grew up in an era that children should be seen and not heard. So glad parenting has changed. You two are awesome parents.
When I was growing up the “children should be seen & not heard” was never intended for everyday use. It was for when company came to visit because children didn’t need to be interrupting or listening in on adult conversations.
I am so enjoying seeing this side of Zach with his beautiful family.
I didn’t expect to feel so emotional listening to the philosophy “you don’t have to, you get to” I’ve been really sick these last few months after Covid and flu and having some lung issues. Some of those little moments with my kids I took for granted before… I realize what a blessing it is to be able to wake up to another day and be part of their lives. Once I’m feeling well again… I’m going to be more mindful of the small things in life and what’s important
Parenting is a privilege, yes it’s trying and challenging at times but it is totally worth it in the long run. Every child is different but that’s what makes it rewarding.
Thanks for sharing your life and children. We enjoy your time & intentional parenting. I came from trauma in childhood and to observe how a living family is _ helps to know there are good people in the world.
I hope u go back to tv_ your public service to help people learn how to parent.
Zach and Tori I love that you are always looking inward at what you can do better! Such an amazing example for your kids!!! I have also had a mindset shift and changed my “I have to”, to “I get to”. We have so much to be thankful for!!
What a special couple you are…….So enjoyable to listen to.. Your children are so fortunate to have you both for parents ❤❤❤❤❤
I am beyond the parenting chapter in life but i enjoy hearing how young people parent today ☺
I used to take care of a kiddo with Down Syndrome who also had a rough time sleeping, staying asleep, and being exhausted. She had a sleep study done, and then also had tonsils and adenoids out.... changed her life quality instantly. It's worth looking into.
Wow, I don’t know who I’m actually more attracted to after watching a few of these podcasts lol I grew up watching the Roloff family and I always knew Zach would turn into a “Zam Zaddy” 🙄 lolol
Zach and Tori are a breath of fresh air in this craz’d reality/media world we’re all in. I’m grateful they welcome us into their home a bit 😊
I also think Zack would be great going into child psychology or being an advocate.. really enjoying your streams ☺️
I love the idea of using.... "I get to..., you get to...."
I had a mom tell me years ago that she always trys to correct her child and herself to say.... "I would LIKE... a cookie" not to say "I WANT.... a cookie" We have implanted that into our lives as well.
Oh that’s good.
I'm SOOOOO happy that you are doing this podcast! Your family is/was the highlight of the show. Thank you for continuing to allow us a peek Into your lives! I'm past parenting little ones, but I love hearing your parenting experience!
I just wanted so say, Thank You for reminding us that we get to instead of have to! Wow, that simple reminder for me personally was the golden nugget of the day.
Another great episode! Thank you. Parents aren't taught how to be parents. It's a hard responsibility. Lots of distractions and influences for parents and children. It takes an intentional mindset and lots of prayer. No one is perfect. Our world is full of examples of both good and bad parenting. I'm not a fan of blaming the parent for everything a child does, but I find myself wondering about parenting when a news story breaks about a child in trouble with the law, etc. Here is something I heard a few years back and have shared it with my grandchildren: "A wise person learns from the mistakes of others, a smart person learns from their own mistakes, but a fool never learns. Choose wisdom."
I live in the northeast so our weather is very similar if not worse lol so I get it! You still can be that Zack! I am 37 and graduating with my bachelors in less than two months and going on in the summer to get my masters in mental health counseling. Mind you I am doing all this with a full time job, husband, and two boys 15 and 9.
Yup MN one day spring then 2 days winter..
Really enjoy these posts that you two are doing . They are very honest and it’s so nice to see Zack also communicating about the importance of being a good parent and husband to you Tori. You both are doing a terrific job. God bless you and your wonderful family.
I love how real your conversations are with each other as friends and a spouse. 🥰
🌻
Zach & Tori
Loving the name of your Podcast & the saying you both say at the end.... Do your best, forget the rest
So, what I was thinking is getting Merch.
On the front top left ( Raising Heights & on the back Do your best, forget the rest
If you have time or been thinking about it.
My go to thing is buying either T-shirt or especially Sweatshirt from restaurants, bands, places & etc. I enjoy.
Enjoying Raising Heights with Zach & Tori. Keep up the great topics and talks.
The scriptures teach us That “unless we become as a little child be can in no wise enter the kingdom of Heaven”. Children developmentally can only start at the beginning and it begins with self. As we teach them where we turn for comfort, peace, and repentance they learn where they can turn for those things. Children truly are innocent they believe us when they ask what something is, the world and ourselves teach them how to see the world and how to treat others. Wish you both the best in your faith walk and parenting.🙏🏼🥰
Structure and routine is very important in life. I totally agree with you guys though when they get home from school let them unwind.
You will find that , when your children are grown, each child will will describe the same experience differently. It’s amazing!
TRUE.
It's wild that you brought up the "get to" mindset. I heard someone say that today and I was like Yes, that person has gratitude. I was raised very free range so I refrained from motherhood. It's beyond me why people make children, but don't make time for them. It's refreshing to see parents who prioritize their children.
Love ur family. Miss Lilah is coming out of her shell and I love her especially when she talks. Love those sweet boys too. Don’t listen to the negativity
Just the fact that you want to work on being better parents makes you good parents! You make a good team! 💜👍
Exactly!
You both are exceptional parents and give the kids each one on one. I love you guys the most. Your podcasts is the bomb
This was a great episode. My kids are 17, 10 and 5. All different stages of life. You brought up a lot of points that are important for me to remember and work on. “Get to instead of have to” is something I am going to try to incorporate. Thank you for that perspective!
I look forward to your podcast every week
Me too
My parents always said "you are raising adults, not kids" they were great role models!
I am 60 years old and my Mom is 86. So many of the strategies in parenting also apply to being an adult child getting to do simple things with an older parent. I make a trip to the grocery fun, I get excited about spending time with her and just being.
💯💕
Zach and Tori you are doing so right about putting your kids firstand teaching and guiding them. Love,caring and kindness and family matters. How the house looks now doesn't matter compared to eternity.
Spending time with family matters much more.Great job!!Lyatt Sandee from Ohio. 💜💜🙏🤟😊
I wish I had the self awareness you both have now, when I was raising my kids, I didn't have the patience I wish I had and look back to when they were young and would have done things so much differently, bravo, you both are great parents
Buy filters for EVERYTHING 😂😂😂
Love this episode!!
Tori, you are so lucky that you had that influence in your life. Now that I'm 68, there's so many things I would have done differently.
The days are long but the years are short, it’s so true ❤
You are both so awesome and I’m so glad you’ve chosen to share your life’s journey. And then there’s those kids!!! The most adorable ever and clearly are so lucky to have you both as their parents. ❤
I can relate to Lila’s eyes and eye surgery, I had crossed eyes when I was 3 and had surgery, and unfortunately 2 of my grandchildren have the same issue, you do what you can do to teach them to keep their glasses on and don’t worry so much about what other people think of your parenting skills, each parent does things their own way
Love you guys 😊❤
You can see how much you love your kids in the way you are with them you are teaching great parenting skills to the parents today I wish you would stay on the show I love watching you on the show I’m 67 years old and I think you reinforce what’s good in this world ❗️
Amazing pod cast! I love your honesty and the easy back and forth you have with each other. Your kids are lucky to have you both! Speaking as an old grandma, Oh how I wish more parents cared and reflected as much as you two do. I am fortunate enough to have amazing grandchildren simply because my kids cared too.
I always used the word challenging instead of difficult. And I made sure it I said " for me he/she is the most challenging. I do love looking at a behavior and asking in 10 years is this going to be cute, acceptable, ect. Parenting is the hardest job and when I hear a new parent say my life will not change I chuckle. Great podcast.
I just love that Zach. He is SO SMART. He doesn’t give himself enough credit! He does the things that Daddy’s are suppose
To do! Demonstrating to his children that size doesn’t matter! Running machinery, working on the lawn, etc.
I don’t want to forget Tori! She always looks Beautiful. Groomed so nice. I love that her make up always looks and dresses so nice. And I love the sweet dresses and bows that you have for your daughter. I hope that you continue to dress her as your precious daughter. So many girls & woman do not wear dresses anymore! Love your podcast and your family. Just asking?
Is your family involved in a church and do those precious children attend Sunday School, Bible School, etc! 🌹👏👍❤️🙏
I too am enjoying Zach ... he's different than I expected and I like listening to him and Tori! Love them both. 🤍
“Time is a Thief.” Yes, Zach!! 100%
My husband is an HVAC tech. So thank god he can fix our a/c issues. We live in the Desert South West, and I absolutely would not recommend it, but I would give my big toe to be able to afford the PNW. I love the idea of living there.
It's so peaceful listening to you two talk
This was such a great episode! I watched it twice. 😊 I love the "not I have to, but instead I get to" mindset. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
love your mindset of “ you don’t have to but you get to” which applies to adults as well as children i’m going to try to follow that thought and apply it to myself thank you for your insight
For Josiah, he sounds so much like my son when he was little. Early riser. Got mad easily. What I figured out, he was having problems communicating his feelings. I got a book that had facial expressions of feelings. Baby's Feelings is one of the books. We would use the book at calm times, but then at frustrated times, I would get the book and ask him to show me his feelings. It helped. When my son was able to use words to express himself, he calmed down a lot. He is actually a very calm kid (17) now. But those first couple of years or so, he would get so mad. Ended up just being his frustration and communicating what he was feeling.
ALSO, for some reason, chocolate made that kid, scary. He would be super happy right after but then would have tantrums and screaming fits.
Oh, and he was a 'hangry' kid. I kept cheese sticks with me if we were going places. When he was little, if he was slightly hungry, his mood changed. My oldest wasn't like that so took be a moment to figure out.
Zach and Tori, we all are so glad you are doing this podcast! You both of you are awesome!!!
We all want our kids to grow up to be good humans. ❤
The "seen & not heard" advice was more like 50-60 or more years ago -- at least in my part of the US -- and so was letting babies cry for 10 mins before comforting them, etc. Not everyone followed that mindset, of course (thanks Mom!). There have been many parenting ideals cycling over & over through the generations, constantly tweaked along with the latest studies. Like I tell my kids who are parents now: when your own kids grow up, they'll tell you your parenting techniques were archaic and aren't done any more! 😂
Love you guys! I’m probably not the only one who would like to see some of the siblings on with Zach, talking about growing up Roloff.
Yet again you continue to hit it out of the park!
I always knew yall were my favorite but this podcast yall started has been amazing. Cant wait to see where this goes years down the road.
Tory, i just love how you express yourself and the perspective of "I get to", "I am gifted the opportunity to".
We live in pretty abundant lands that even right now as we speak are suffering at lengths we could never comprehend.
I love your podcast. I’m a grandmother and wish I had given my kids more grace. I was like Tori and feel like I got stressed about things that don’t matter. My son died at 21 and I have beautiful memories like a rock he gave me when he was 7. Camping with my kids holds so many fun memories. Time is a thief😢
Thank you for moving the plant. 😊
Hello, my name is Teresa I'm a empty nester with my husband. Even though my 4 children have thier own lives I'm drawn to watching your podcast. Your both on the right track in raising your children to learn about Jesus to know how special they are in his eyes, and the way they are selfish will eventually leave as they are shown to be givers
Zach, I was terrible in school when I was growing up. Then I decided what I really wanted to do and I went to college and I got straight A’s. A lot of it has to do with understanding what your interest is then motivation kicks in.
Same! I was a B and C student in high school and then went to college later in life and graduated with highest honors. The level of interest (and maturity) matters!
Our. Sons are in their 40s now, but when they were infants we got upset if we were out to dinner and someones child was crying [r screaming. So if our babies would cry we would pay for our dinner and leave. So our kids knew that if they misbehave they would end up either at home or sitting in the car with one of their parents. We were always consistant with our discipline. Our boys were very well behaved. People would stop and tell us how good they were. Once you start teaching your children how to. Act you have to follow through. Good luck. Being a parent is one og the most rewarding jobs you can have. But it is one of the hardest jobs when it comes to discipline. It looks like you are doing a great job. I love watching your podcasts. Love your family. ❤❤❤
Best parenting hack I did this when I had a home daycare, was to put half their toys in a tub, out of their sight. Clean up is easier, they play with the toys better and after a couple of months, when they are switched out, it is like Christmas! Enjoyed your pod cast!
Communication communication communication!!!! family dinners are important! my kids are 25 and 27 and we still have table dinners at least 5 x's a week! (yes they still live at home lol) trust your kids, if they screw up then reel them in!
A question I always asked my kids is, “do you want people/your friends to be happy to see you come or happy to see you go?” I would usually follow this up with “what feeling do you think this behavior right now is leaving them with?” I would ask this not only for poor behavior but also good behavior. It allowed my kids to think about their own behavior and learn to evaluate it.
Ya‘ll are a great balance together and are great parents on the outside looking in.❤❤❤
I can hear Zach and Tori just fine !!!! Have you checked the sound volume on your device? Prayers and Love ❤️ From Oklahoma
Zach is fine.
would love to hear three episodes: one each for you individually to share your testimony. The third would be how you are individually and together as man and wife shepherding your children in the way they should go❤. THANK YOU so much for considering this most important of all. Happy day! Love your podcast and that it gets posted on youtube as well!
Also - along with your PEAK and PIT shares, what about your HIT😂. The FUNNIEST thing from the week. In these times, laughter is so good🎉
EXCELLENT btw! Love this for you guys. You're in your wheelhouse - just a listener point of view😉
I think you're both striving for perfection and that makes you great parents. Blessings to your family!
Good week to u both!!
Glad to see all this morning! ❤
I told my daughter when she was young that Mommy isn’t perfect, but Mommy will always try her best for her. Unlike my parents… I apologized to her whenever I was wrong I never missed an opportunity to catch her doing something good ❤️🙏
I'm really enjoying your podcast. Sounds like you're great parents. Nobody's perfect, the fact that you talk so much about it and are looking into different perspectives means you will continue to learn and get better as you go. God Bless you all.💕😊
I love this podcast so so much! Tori, you and I have the same parenting style and I would say my husband is more Zachary's parenting style. Thank you guys so much for creating this outlet that I didn't even know I needed. I look forward to what you both have to talk about! Thank you so much!!!❤
This was a great episode. Super relatable and thoughtful. Thanks for sharing and giving us things to reflect on in our own journeys as well.👏🏼👏🏼
LOVE your podcasts!!! Looking forward to seeing your littles on👏👏👏❤️
This is a great episode! This is an honest look at worrying as a parent. We will always have something to worry about. We just need to be there for them and be the parents they can come to when something is going right AND something is going wrong.
Love you guys, looking forward to seeing the kids join you. your doing an amazing job as parents. Like you said there is no perfect parent, we all just do our best.
Love listening to your podcast!! Love how real you both keep things and talk about the reality of parenting.
Love your podcast guys!! So glad to ve following your journey. Keep up the great work guys!
Loving the podcast I have started to look forward to it every week.
Hello from Texas ❤
I grew up watching LPBW and it’s cool to see you guys all grown and around the same age as me. You are so relatable & I love your lifestyle, parenting styles & family morals 🤍
Wonderful episode! I could listen to you two talk for hours! 🙏❤️🙏
Watching you guys each week is great. My kids are grown but have grand and great grandkids. I feel I'm learning from you guys.
Loving this (I keep saying it). But both of you are full of knowledge and it is beautiful to see it shared in a way that you don’t have to try to “entertain”.
This is such a great episode.. definitely will come back and watch it again. So many great things and ideas to remember and call to memory. Thank you both so much for!
Great podcast. Great tips and knowledge. You both are amazing and doing the best you can. Blessings and love to you both. ❤❤❤❤
I love how the both of you are honest with yourselves and down to earth. I like that you look at the positivity and negativity of your week and situations you go through. I quite enjoy your podcast and I don’t even have kids!! ❤
I’m so glad you’re doing this broadcast you two are so wonderful God bless.
Best.Idea. Everrr....this podcast!!! I love it❤
You guys are SPOT ON as usual! Love and prayers from KY.