The Best Parenting Advice I've Ever Received.
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- Опубликовано: 27 май 2024
- This is a different kind of video than I normally do. I never knew what a sinner I was until I became a parent. I want to share some information that helped my parenting journey. Did it make our kids suddenly outstanding and perfect? No. Does our teenager act like a tall toddler sometimes? Yes. Does our 9 year old act like I've asked her to climb Mt. Everest when I ask her to do the dishes? Daily. But here are some ways to make your head implode less.
Giving parenting advice on the internet can be scary. The 'Net is just a giant glove looking for a face. People might really make a mountain out of a molehill with this advice. But I think it's worth risking the keyboard warrior wrath because this advice really helped me, and I think it can help you too.
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I also did not realize what a sinner I was until I had kids. 😢 I often say in my head, "O wretched mom that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"
Oof, I feel this.
Gosh this is so true. I tell my close friends (and apparently this RUclips comment section) that I thought I was a fairly good human being till I had children. Number is irrelevant. I now have four and I think I might be a little more settled now than I was when I had one. Definitely more so than when I had two.
Read Romans 8 then...
@@leenieledejo6849 Amen!! My dear Aunt has always told me, Romans 7 is for reflection, Romans 8 is for deliverance ! Thank the Lord for Romans 8.
@@gloriack7976 Romans 7 is about someone still in the flesh and striving to obey the law under their own power (hence all the mentions of "law" and zero mention of SPIRIT in that chapter.
Look at verse 5: "when we WERE in the flesh".
Romans 8 is a Christian eg the regenerate Paul.
Romans 7 is Saul the Pharisee (and me when I was an unsaved Catholic).
There are countless passages about regeneration, not least Ephesians 2:1-2, Galatians 5:22-24, John chapter 3 etc.
I am concerned about the OP quoting Romans 7 as if it applies to regenerate Christians (the only kind: John 1:12-13, Romans 8:9).
Even if she was half joking because it's no laughing matter really.
Every person in the world is either (spiritually) dead or alive, unconverted or converted:
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a NEW creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become NEW" (2 Corinthians 5:17).
"But God be thanked, that ye WERE the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you.
Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.
For when ye WERE the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness" (Romans 6:17-18, 20)
"when we WERE in the flesh" (Romans 7:5), "and such WERE some of you..." (1 Corinthians 6:11), "And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts" (Galatians 5:24), "And you hath he quickened, who WERE dead in trespasses and sins; wherein in time past ye walkED according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: among whom also we all HAD our conversation in TIMES PAST in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and WERE by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
Even when we WERE dead in sins" (Ephesians 2:1-3, 5a), "ye who sometimes WERE far off" (Ephesians 2:13), "Be not ye therefore partakers with them, for ye WERE sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light" (Ephesians 5:7-8),
"Who hath DELIVERED us from the power of darkness" (Colossians 1:13), "And you, that WERE sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled" (Colossians 1:21),
"For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience: in which ye also WALKED some time, when ye lived in them" (Colossians 3:6-7)
"Who was BEFORE a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious" (1 Timothy 1:13a), "For we ourselves also sometimes WERE foolish, disobedient, deceived..." (Titus 3:3), "In which ye also walkED (Colossians 3:7), "who was BEFORE a blasphemer and a persecutor...(1 Timothy 1:13), "FORMER lusts" (1 Peter 1:14), "seeing ye HAVE PURIFIED your souls" (1 Peter 1:22), "For ye WERE as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls" (1 Peter 2:25), "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should show forth the praises of him who hath called you OUT OF darkness INTO his marvellous light:
Which in time PAST were not a people, but ARE NOW the people of God: which had NOW obtained mercy" (1 Peter 2:9-10),
"in time PAST...we walkED in lasciviousness, lusts..." (1 Peter 4:3b), "having ESCAPED the corruption that is in the world through lust" (2 Peter 1:4b, 2:20a), "he was PURGED from his old sins" (2 Peter 1:9b)
"Your job is not to be the Holy Spirit," dang. That hit.
You definetly did something right if your daughther cleans her room for fun.
She's like this with general housework, too. Part of it is our kids don't have smartphones.
@@MelissaDougherty That's awesome.
@@MelissaDougherty- doing it right. 😉👊
@@MelissaDougherty I can't tell you how thankful I am to hear this. These things are a poison! I can't tell you how many screen-zombie kids (even TODDLERS) I see these days. It's horrifying. The other day I saw a family out and about. Mom & Dad, 3 kids. Everyone except one of the kids had their noses in their phones. I actually did a double take because it shocked me.
A few months ago I was on a train and saw a little girl, around 5, with her father. Dad was not only staring into his phone, he had headphones. This cute little girl was chattering and trying so hard to get his attention and he ignored her for the longest time. I was staring at them the whole time. He FINALLY took off the headphones interacted briefly with her, and then put them back on and went back to his phone. I've seen this so many times. It's so sad.
You know what's the saddest thing? That look in the child's eyes when they finally give up.
@@Yesica1993 I see a ridiculous number of grandparents guilty of this. Shoving a screen in the child's face and/or having a screen in their own.
YES you are preparing them to LEAVE YOUR home! As a teacher I wish more parents realized this.
Timestamps:
2:49 Don’t pave the road for your child, pave your child for the road
4:27 Consistency, consistency, consistency
6:06 Don’t wait until they’re teenagers to set boundaries
6:56 The sex talk is not “a” talk
8:58 Don’t just read the Bible with them; train them in it
9:43 Fix the connection, fix the behavior
11:27 Don’t parent through your pain
Thank you for these
I feel so called out, and i needed this today. After 20 years of infertility my husband and i conceived. I have a 4 year old rainbow baby, and i feel so guilty for not being consistent. My husband wants to be the authoritarian and I'm the over protective Mom. I know I'm this way because I had a funeral for my first baby. Much prayer is helping me open my eyes.
Thank you so much for this! ❤
”If you love your children, you will correct them; if you don't love them, you won't correct them.“
Proverbs 13:24
The verse helped me
I’m sorry about all the pain you’ve endured. Loosing a child is an unimaginable pain.
Please, let your husband father your child. There are times I disagree with my husband, but unless it’s an emergency, I don’t bring it up until our kids are in bed. Children are smart, they will see mom as a push over and they will take advantage of that. I’ve seen it. Father’s can be tough on our kids, that’s their role. Us as mothers, we were created to love and baby our babies. Again, baby, our babies. Not our toddlers, children, or adult children. Then it comes to a point when they need to be corrected. It’s detrimental to baby our children. They will then want to be babied as adults. Again, I’ve seen it. My mother, and other mothers I’ve known, were like yourself. Then their kids grew up to be entitled victims to their own actions. It’s a long road that leads to destruction and pain. My family still suffers up to this day because of it, and that’s that I’m a 30 year old woman with children I’ve my own. My parents spared the rod. And for that, my brothers refuse to grow up and have become addicted to different substances. I pray you will learn to submit to your husband when it comes to disciplining. That was something that was so hard for me! Especially since my eldest isn’t his biological daughter. But I needed to choose to respect him as a father and as my husband. Because of that, my daughter has improved immensely and she now knows she cannot continue to excuse her bad tendencies or irresponsibleness. Our children won’t grow out of acting like toddlers, they are taught to be a civilized person by our parenting techniques.
You have been given an amazing blessing. You also have an amazing responsibility to bring your child up to love and respect you, her papa and most importantly God. Don’t beat yourself up but resolve in your heart today with your husband to get on the right path together. 🙏. ❤
@faithbasedliving Thank you for sharing your personal story; I appreciate that, and what you have experienced can help others. Be careful though to advise based on your own experience. @katkat3077 said her husband is leaning toward authoritarian, not authoritative parenting. Meaning, she sees he's taking it too far. Let's not assume it's ok, since he's not being permissive. He's leaning to the other extreme, which is equally destructive. It's very difficult to stay in the middle and not fall into one ditch or the other. We need to pray for each other and recognize that the other ditch than we were parented in isn't right either.
I’m listening to this with a screaming toddler in the background and a baby in my arms, and I feel I am currently turning into a total bully towards the older one. More content like this please!😅
I feel this in my bones. Praying for you.
This can be a tough time. When you are 'on duty' 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When having a shower uninterrupted or drinking a cup of coffee while it is still hot, become rare events. I hear you.
In the busy-ness it is hard to think logically about what to do for overall benefit.
When you put the baby down, take a few minutes with your toddler, get down to their level & look into their eyes & give them your full attention & love them (make a game out of picking up their toys, or read a story, or cuddle them & tickle them - whatever, but stop everything else for a few minutes & connect with them)
Pick your battles with your toddler. Limit the things you really them to do, or not do & be consistent with those. Structure your home, as much as you can to accommodate this. Praise them for being your helper.
Get sleep for yourself when you can. If you have both your little ones asleep during the day, you may need to sleep then too. Nap, don't get on the phone or do other time wasting stuff.
Do have time with friends or family who have children of a similar age & be real with them. So often we think others have their home running smoothly but they are going through similar things - don't let it become a "woe is me" session, but encourage others.
It can be tough but this too will pass & soon you will be having little conversations with your babies & you will be in a whole new 'season' of raising your children as they grow in independence.
I really hope this helps. 🙏
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It definitely helps.. I need to stop more frequently during the day and just connect with her even for just a few minutes. She needs all the attention I can give and I should concentrate on checking in with her at least as often as I do with my phone 😏Thank you for reminding me of this❤
@@saci.sz.b It's a huge adjustment for little kids when they gain a sibling! Especially when they're so young you can't really explain things to them. They feel they've been replaced. But you also don't want to over compensate and let them do whatever they want. They still need boundaries and discipline. And they love to push those boundaries when they know you're distracted with the baby or are exhausted. The little sinners! :)
The advice given was good. It helps little ones when you can give them on one one attention. If you can take them somewhere without the baby, that's even better. A short walk or a little time in the yard if you have one. Or just a special story time or snack time where it's just you two. You can do this! God made you for it!
Listen to the Holy Spirit when He gently says “stop” or “go apologize for that” or “why are you yelling”
the hardest thing about being consistent is that sometimes we are just plan tired and being consistent takes too much will-power.
I was so sad when I realized that much of the way I parented my children when they were younger was purely sinful-anger, fear, irritability, selfishness. I wish someone would have (gently) told me that. It would have been so good for me, my kids, and our entire home.
Holy Spirit tells me in the moment.
The Holy Spirit can change these things.
Yes, and He did. He was convicting my heart, but I was so wrapped up in what the world was saying, and in the excuses people around me were making, so that’s what I listened to. I also didn’t know how to apply what I read in my Bible to life. This is why we need the Church as well-discipleship, accountability.
Being a parent is an act of faith.
Excellent advice Melissa! As the mother of 4 adult children, I can say that I was one who parented from an abused background, and it made me more permissive and to child centered, rather than training them to become adults. I’m sharing this for those still raising their young ones. God bless.
Ty for sharing ❤️
I raised 2 boys. I agree with all 7 points. Being self-aware is a challenge, however. I should have mounted cameras in my home. I'm sure there would be times that I was blowing but had no idea.
I have 4 between 19 and 42. I agree with all you said. But would add that parents are imperfect, so if your child (no matter their age) makes a poor choice it is tempting to blame yourself. Own up to your own mistakes, confess sins to the Lord and receive His wonderful mercy, and then accept that your children are not a summation of your best and worst qualities. Once older, they are responsible to God. And you may raise each in all the best ways, and they may still walk away. Pray, pray, pray more for your children!
This is pure wisdom...
Amen and Amen! God was a truly perfect parent, but Adam and Eve made dire choices. I'm sure Joseph and Mary made plenty of mistakes, but Jesus weathered them all and came out triumphant! Our son sent me on the guilt wagon when he accused me of failing to educate him for graduation (we homeschooled). But as I was wringing my hands over how badly I'd done, God reminded me that my son had left home at 15 and filed for emancipation at 16 so he could get married. I was able, in love (tough love) to tell him he didn't graduate because he didn't do the work! We were able to work together and he actually completed the rest of his schoolwork and DID finally get his diploma. We, as parents, certainly made mistakes. But we were NOT failures. We asked forgiveness for the mistakes and take comfort in Christ's forgiveness AND in the assurance that we really did the best we could do!
Yes I constantly remind myself that if kid makes a mistake it’s not a total reflection on you bc the kid is not perfect/a saint and still has sin nature. Must always humble ourselves to Jesus to do the best we can❤
Please go on with more and longer! 😊
I will start by saying I am an overachiever. I stayed home with my kids and they are now 15 & 18 yrs. I have read parenting books and I have taken parenting classes all 18 yrs. I am extremely consistent (embarassingly to the T). I am not very emotional so I rarely raised my voice with them. We are intentional with our kids everyday. My kids have picked up after themselves and have had chores since they started walking. They both have been paying for themselves since they started working 2 yrs ago. My son paid for his own computer, they both paid for their phones and pay for service by doing additional chores. And yet my son (now 18 yrs) is still very entitled and takes little responsibility for himself. This is to say, you can do everything right and still have a kid who just doesn’t get it. And also, you can have a great kid who came from a terrible upbringing. In conclusion, it really comes down to the child, their personality, and their choices. They are complete whole human beings with their own will. This isn’t to say that we as parents don’t do our very best to set them up for independence and maturity. The parent is a piece of the puzzle. The child is the other piece. It is good to include them as well. They should also take responsibility for the person they become.
Well said. I’m going to use this quote from now on: the parent is a piece of the puzzle and the kid is another piece of the puzzle
Thank you for sharing that with us. As someone with 4 children, including one with special needs, I constantly feel like I’m failing and not doing enough. But your words mean so much. I wish I could be more like you. But I’m glad that my children still have the potential to be a better person then I ever will be, even if I fall short in some places.
I hope people read through your whole post.
I’m 24 and a stay at home mom of a 3 year old, 2 year old, and an 8 month old. I’m definitely realizing how much anger I really have and never thought was there until have all three of them. thank you for this video, I need all of the help and advice I can get right now!
My kids are all in their 20's now, and have turned out to be the absolute best kinds of people; the kinds of people for which I had hoped. I remember when my youngest was a baby and my 4yo had turned 3 with all the "terribles" that went with being a toddler and wondering how on earth I get from there to awesome adults. And back then there wasn't much advice for parenting littles. I did what felt instinctive: begin with the end in mind. I mapped out the qualities I wanted my kids to have and thought about how to grow those things. I absolutely did not do lots of things very well. I know that. The kids know it. But I was intentional and decisive with the things that mattered. We had rules/expectations in our house and our kids knew that non-compliance would not end well for them. And I was critiqued by my mothering peers in unhelpful ways. "You have more rules than anyone I know." (we had 4 rules) "Why do you restrict what they eat?" (I wasn't - these kids are eaters. They would eat 24/7 if I didn't 'restrict' them a little!) "Let them stay up....we're on holiday." (and then they met the child who was screaming at us at 2:00pm after a late night). All feedback that was not sought, but offered in judgement. That's just the tip of the iceberg. The rule comment made me stop and think about it, and I decided there were none I could let go of, because they were growing young people who would be able to care for themselves and a home, contribute to society and be productive people who cared about and for others.
So, after that little novel, stick to your guns and don't let anyone tell you that you should be parenting differently. You ARE parenting differently to everyone else and your kids are doing great. Keep going!!
What were your four rules?
@@Liveloud4Him Thanks for the question. Our rules were: 1. Respect/obey parents (or any adult who is responsible for you). 2. Do your jobs when it's your turn 3. Be in bed when it is bed time 4. Participation in church is a not-negotiable.
I realise the last one might sound harsh or over the top if anyone was stopping by and wondered about weird Christian people.. and even in church circles, that's a controversial one, so I'd like to offer some context. Our conversations with our kids were around the idea that if we are people of faith (which we are), participating in the ways we express that should be intentional and authentic. Being part of a faith community is an important part of our faith life, so we go to church and we serve (aka volunteer) in roles that bless others. Our kids attended Youth each Friday evening, and went on to lead small groups after they finished high school. Each on of them has a personal faith that drives who they are and how they navigate their adult lives.
you are terrific. My sister (20 yrs older than me) basically raised me and she came pretty close to every piece of your advice (I'm 79 yrs old) I thank God for her and my elderly parents who backed her up.
Amen. This is desperately needed in The Church. SO many "gentle parenting" trends in my area have filled churches and house groups with undisciplined, egocentric, overly-medicated children out of touch with a Biblical worldview.
Having these talks and interactions show the most respect and genuine love for our kids to help equip them for life and eternity.
I agree with everything you said. Parenting is always evolving for me. I will say that once I started homeschooling in 2020 my relationship with my now 15 year old daughter is so much better than when she was in public school.
Parenting is so challenging! I have been shifting my perspective to “controlling my own emotions and not controlling my children.”
I have a toddler now and it's such a struggle. 😩 I definitely lean towards the authoritarian and even today I had to tell myself to chill out because I realized I was acting like a jerk. It's so hard to remember that these little kiddos are people (frankly because no adult person has ever screeched at me like a banshee for putting MY lid on MY drink). Not only that, but they're people who are curious and new - so yeah, they want to flex their independence and try closing my drink. For permissive parents out there, another good piece of advice I heard is to treat the child like they are important - but not more important than anyone else in the home. You don't get to be a bully. But neither do they.
I cannot agree enough!!! My kids have been my greatest teachers and God has used them to lead me to so much transformation. That sweet middle ground is tough to always find but it works. I have two very strong willed girls and the old school “do as I say because I said so or else” does not work and creates so much fear, shame and disconnection.
You are spot on about the connection piece being key. I think of it this way: when my kids make mistakes, I don’t want them to be “oh crap, my Mom’s going to kill me!”, but “oh crap, I need to tell my Mom”. The former leads to lying, hiding, etc. I want my kids to feel safe to make mistakes.
Thank you for this! There are so many extremes out there in evangelical circles, without naming names. You can’t spank the sin out of your kids, but they need firm, kind authority. Some of the gentle parenting minimizes the reality of sin and can coddle and indulge feelings too much. We can teach emotional literacy and validate feelings without making them the center of everything.
Reading this was healing to me. Thank you for sharing this.
I super agree most especially with the consistency, consistency, consistency part. We have a girl and a boy, both are young adults now. They both said that consistency at home made them feel secure and that even when we reprimanded them, they felt that we were doing it for their own good. Thank you for this, Melissa.
Since having my eldest, I got heavily into child development. In the last 4 years, I got an early childhood education degree and a masters in developmental psychology. All this I thought was to help teach kids healthy coping and other such things, but now I realize that it is to teach parents…well, how to parent. I agree with everything in this video.
I have an almost 13-year old and a 14-year old now. Connection and consistency are by far the most important things. I’m not perfect, but I do get comments like, “Do they ever fight? They seem to get along so well.” Yes, they have disagreements, but I started early in teaching them conflict resolution. “They’re so kind and considerate” and such other comments. They understand why I have the boundaries that I do and trust that I have their best interests at heart because I have been fully connected to them and have considered them in my decisions. I was terrified for my oldest to turn 14 because, in my experience and the stories of others, it is the most tumultuous time. We’re halfway through and it hasn’t been any more difficult than other ages, but nothing changed in my intentionality of connection. I’m still consistent.
More of this, please. This 70 year old mom/grandma/great grandma thinks that the world needs to hear this. Thank you for what you do!
A good car manufacturer doesn’t design a car for only smooth roads, nice weather, and zero accidents. They make a car to be able to withstand the rough terrain, the storms, and the possibility of a wreck.
Thanks for this video! I don’t have kids but I’m planning to share this
One thing that is important is to remember that they have free will....they get to choose Christ for themselves...we raise them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord...but they get to choose.
We raised three wonderful humans, all over 40 at this time. I stumbled upon your concepts and they worked. God is good. Parenting is hard, hard work but oh so rewarding!
I absolutely agree with these seven things. However, I think the real trick is knowing when you’re parenting authoritatively vs passively. It’s easy to slip into passive parenting without even realizing it.
I agree 100% I have a 10 yr old daughter and 16 yr old son. Both are amazing. Ppl tell me all the time how good they are. Parenting is rough. Especially in today’s world. I would say just add Love to the list. Just love on your kids. Show it in action. When they know that you truly love them and want what’s best for them they appreciate it and it goes a long way. Praise them when they do good. Pray with your kids. I even pray over them when they are with me. To hear your parent pray for you….it just resonates with them in way that you can’t put into words.
I'm a grandma now. You did an amazing job. We see it more when we become grandmas and see what we would of done differently. Listen to your parents when they become grandparents. We went through it and learned a few things, most of us..
Fantastic talk. Agree 💯💯💯💯💯
Parenting is a lost art nowadays. The idea to RAISE them (not just provide for them) is like 🤯 to folks these days.
I believe in wide but very firm boundaries and challenging them to get outside their comfort zone.
"What sorcery is this?" 🙏🏼
I enjoyed this! I’d love for you to elaborate in more detail on the last one with the enabling vs authoritarian vs authoritative ! I’m working on being more mindful of this one as my middle child is a wild toddler and growing me spiritually & emotionally!
The biggest sum up for that is: We *must* have consistent boundaries, rules, regulations etc (kids actually crave this and thrive when done well) but the key is *to not be a horrible human being to them while enforcing them.*
A lot of this has to do with our own baggage and not using our kids as our own emotional punching bag. Not easy, but when I saw it this way, it made me wise up in my reactions. Also, having a good sense of humor has been an enormous factor.
I totally agree with everything and have done it all as well. Same. AMAZING children, BUT NOT perfect:) but man do I love them!!!
Only difference with me is I act and look like a kick them out of the nest mom to outsiders but my boys melt my heart, I love to serve them, nurture them, and I would fall into smothering and babying them if I didn’t know any better. I want them to leave home, be independent men, and follow Jesus wherever He leads them, but I know it will break my heart!!! So many emotions watching your children grow up. I homeschool and my whole life has been with my children daily since 2009. My life will so drastically change in the next few years, I truly wonder what emotional turmoil it will bring. BUT, the Lord. 🙏🏼☺️
Great video.
I wish you were my mentor when my kids were little. I now have 2 dysfunctional adult children who have walked away from God. I didn’t do everything wrong but I did a lot of things wrong. You are spot on with your advice.
Melissa, my dear, you are wise beyond your years! Well spoken- great thoughts!!!
I needed this. My son is 7 months, and I've had terrible postpartum anxiety with panic attacks. My childhood was...something, and I had zero experience with caring for kids before he came along. Google become my best friend and worst enemy after he was born. That and all the parenting newsletters. I had to unsubscribe for my mental health. But this video was something I could digest and use. Thank you ❤
Postpartum anxiety is really tough! Do you have a support system to lean on? Sometimes talking about it and having someone to be able to point out, gently, which fears are rational or not can really make a difference. Counseling is a good option. I recommend the book "praying circles around my children" and "praying scriptures for my children". It helped me to have scripture to rest my mind on during my ppa stage. A thought from the circles book that really helped me was "irrational fears don't submit to reason, irrational fears only submit to prayer"
And taking this scripture and using it as a "formula/ panic plan" for when my mind was racing... don't worry about anything instead pray about everything. .. (step 1) tell God what you need, (step 2) thank Him for what He has done (step 3- recieve His peace) then the peace of God, far beyond what we can understand will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
It helped me to have a "plan" of sorts when my mind would race. Scripture lullabies is a good soundtrack to play to help memorize these scriptures to come back to when anxiety hits. Hope that helps a bit.
PPA is so hard… Learn to really lean on the Lord during this time , remember your baby is His child too and wants the best for you but❤
Hugs to you praying for you ✝️✝️✝️
Having a relationship with Jesus and trusting in the Lord will definitely bring peace and help to calm anxiety. Something else that I wish I would have known more about after having each of my kids is nutrition. Make sure to eat enough protein and animal fats. You will feel calmer. Your body just used many of your nutrient stores to create a new life. It can be hard with a newborn, but focus on protein at each meal and real butter is not the enemy we’ve been taught it is. For years while being pregnant and postpartum I thought I was eating healthy, but it was too carb heavy and not enough protein/fat. I feel so much better now mentally and physically just adding those two things. Spiritual, mental, and physical health are all important to being a calm/level headed parent.
Also, work on forgiving your parents or whoever it was that made your childhood difficult. You can do better for your children. Take the positives from your childhood and leave out the negatives or try to think of how you can do better for your kids than your parents did in those areas. We all need grace and mercy because we all fail at times and we can offer grace because God offers it to us even though we don’t deserve it. You will need it as a parent and your children will need it when they make mistakes. Start by offering it to your parents if you haven’t already. It’s very emotionally freeing. That doesn’t mean that you have to let anyone who has hurt you be a part of your life, but you can forgive them in your heart and release the burden of bitterness and resentment.
I don’t know. I’m not a parent, but these sounded great to me!
I am 69 years old, but I watched this out of curiosity. I agree with you, and I failed in some ways as a parent. I hope you find paths to tell this to a larger audience. I agree about the two ditches. Millions of parents need to hear this.
Connection is a good reminder for me. I forget that my 9m old craves connection even as a little one, sometimes in the midst of his freedom he wants to roam and explore. He will be come very fussy when he doesn't get enough mom (or dad) time. You can see it he longs to be connected.
AMEN! As a mental health professional in an early childhood program - I'd say you hit most of the high points. I would only have added the importance of both parents "being on the same page" - eventually - backing each other on important issues, and identify using "discipline" as opposed to "punishment". These are big areas for the parents I work with. Keep up the good fight.
Babyyyyyyy number 7 lady, I thought I was the only one that realized that. My babies are our reflections
I'm incorporating this in anticipation for parenthood.
In my young adult (18ish) I told myself, that I would parent better than my parents, but didn't know how to handle discipline when it eventually comes up. I think your advice is a good start and conversation starter.
May God continue to sanctify me with our newborn. As learned how selfish and hypocritical I was when I got married.
I'm sure I will continue to learn now we have a child together
I couldn't agree more. That the best time to teach children is during the foundational stage (between 3 to 8 years of age) is a proven truth. There are times when I think that parents must prepare themselves as Christian apologetics because my daughter is starting to ask questions like-- "Do you believe that God exists?" "Will gays go to heaven?" "Will there be animals in heaven?" (She loves cats and dogs).
Yes, please continue with this kind of content (as well as all your usuals). This was extremely helpful to me as a mom of two little people.
Overall, I found that praying for them, is the most effective. I also let my children know that I am praying for them, and that sometimes only God and prayer will help them. And when things somehow work out miraculously, I let them know they need to thank God for the miracle and that they have been blessed, even though they did not deserve it. Read about Cain, Abraham, Job, Moses, Joseph, Ruth, David, Daniel, Ester, etc. They all eventually recognize the gifts and forgiveness of God and that following an "independent" path is not a good idea long term. Eventually my kids started praying as well, and they have prayed for me, what a blessing that is. Thank you Lord!
This was amazing. I’m 61 and could have used this advice 35 years ago when I became a father. Thank you Melissa. God bless.
Yep! Agree! I am a parent of a 25 and 26 year old. God is faithful in raising your children to follow after Him when you parent in love and consistency. Praise the Lord! Thank you for sharing. Young parents need this.
I have two daughters that are 12 and 16, but I work at Daycare for 13 years and I have four toddlers, I am 42 years old, thank you God
"What did I do right?" - Hilarious
I wish I had understood these things about myself when my sons were growing up. I made a lot of decisions from both "ditches" trying to control and being fearful. Keep sharing this. We all need to encourage each other in all stages of parenting.
My loves are your loves …73 yrs. Old with my BA in Early Childhood Ed. And Masters in brain based teaching and learning. I find both areas fascinating and worked in various aspects of ECE for 35 years. Raised one daughter…raised with boundaries, understanding freedom with responsibility. She is very creative and career oriented. Now she is raising with her husband a 3 year old son and a 3 month old son! This, for me is a whole other perspective….❤ 😊 prayers!
I think your points were excellent, Melissa! I'm 67 and grew up with NONE of this. By God's grace, my son is doing a better job parenting his 3. I'm sharing this with him.❤
Iam 43 and I have to admit sometimes I feel shame and guilt that it has taken me so long to learn to parent at the expense of my 2 oldest daughters I had as a teen. I now have a 7 year old, 18, 23, and 24 year old. God grant me the grace and mercy I need to do this right.
I love and appreciate this video so much. I struggle so much with parenting, especially as a believer with an unbelieving spouse in this crooked generation. This video helps confirm things I know but dont consistently apply so it is very helpful. Please make more of these videos Melissa. Lord bless you ❤
I’m glad I’m not alone with having a hard Time with my toddler, I was seeking and praying for Gods direction because we raised 3 kids before we came to Christ and it was not good parenting and we paid the consequences and now with Christ I have a soon to be 13 year old practically perfect as a baby, toddler, kid and now soon teen and now he’s changing and I have a toddler who is opposite jajaja and it ain’t funny but funny how my sins are expose more and more on handling my toddler since he’s difficult. Thank you for this video :) God bless you.
Stability, consistency and structure….so key!! I homeschooled, and still do some, our 7 kids. We’ve had different seasons, some structured and some “un-schooling” time. The unschooling times are sometimes necessary due to illness and such, but if not kept in check, ends in chaos! Everyone, including me, are much kinder to one another when structure and consistency are involved. 😊
Thank you so so much for addressing parenting from a Christian perspective. Gentle Parenting is a plague right now in Christian communities (*insert “gentle parenting isn’t the same as permissive parenting” comments here.*) I think we are setting them up for deconstruction when we aren’t authoritative and I think you are just the right person to make a case for that! I hope you make more videos on this topic!
“deconstruction” (falling away from God - this is the term for it these days) because that’s what alot of Christians are doing these days, so they may be saying that you’re setting them up to fall away from God by not being as authoritative as you should since we represent God to our children
@@rebeccaippolito912 I do mean deconstruction.
@@tiad.9142 Yes, this. Thank you.
A long time ago, I had the best job ever as a nanny. I completely agree that their is a VERY real correlation between fostering a strong connection with you & the kid(s) & their wanting to respect you (at least for the most part). That was definitely my experience, but they weren't my kids, so it's not exactly the same, but even still.
Spot on. With my past, therapy, two kids. Is it easy to find the middle road? No, not to face and deal with your past trauma. To finally end the cycle of your parents, grandparents, etc.
I have a two year old boy and a 9 day old baby girl. I love them both more than i can express. Im very glad to have came across this video today, thank you.
When my daughter told me her kindergarten teacher said girls can get married was my wake up call to know that I can’t wait for sex talk. We read one question each day from the awesome book of Bible answers for kids by Josh McDowell and Kevin Johnson for a conversation starter about the Bible. My weakness is consistency and setting the boundaries I am a sucker for teary eyes and it’s a struggle for me to hold my ground. But I’ll have to do better 💪.
I think you are spot on. My husband and I dove into all kinds of parenting books and came back full circle to authoritative/Bible based. My husband was parenting from fear and leaning more to gentle parenting bc his mom used intense whooping and wasn’t consistent and definitely authoritarian and to this day he doesn’t like speaking with her…whereas I grew up with authoritative parents who strategically trained us when we were toddlers and by the time we were kids and teens they didn’t have any nastiness to deal with and we all love spending time with each other to this day (and I’m almost 30) but my siblings relationship with Christ isn’t the best so any tips on how to train your kid in The Way would be appreciated
I’ve got a little almost 3 month old, my first 😊 I really appreciate this video! I’m sure I’ll learn A LOT about myself through this life raising him
I really appreciate the metaphor for advice #2. I will remember it for a long, long time. Thank you for this wonderful video!
I'm 23 and a mother to 2, one 2 year old and an almost 6 month old, and could not have related more to this, sometimes it helps to step away and read a bible verse or pray, the hardest moments are when they're both crying
After raising 6 children with 5 daughters I learned a lot over the years. No room to tell it all here but what you have taught today is good advice. A few things I had to learn was not having the sin of the children placed on my head. Meaning you need to teach them to be accountable for their actions. If you always bail them out you take it upon you and they learn they can do whatever because you will own it. I had to teach my kids they own their own stuff and I will love them no matter what. Its unconditional love but I will not own their sins or mistakes. But I will love them teach them and help them through it. And when one is angry and wants a fight that’s when you love them more and it is hard because its opposite of where they are. They may yell and say I hate you but in return you love them not raising your voice. It pays off in the end as we are all a loving family and get along great. They now love and serve others in many ways. Many times its not easy but we all grow and move forward as life is meant to be. Life is a lesson in which we learn His laws the highest is pure LOVE.
I have stood on these principles and learned these same truths. I have four boys ranging from 15 to 3 and my parenting life and their lives have only improved because of implementing things like, true discipleship, genuine connection, kind and firm parenting, working on my relationship with the Lord and being honest with them when I fail.
I appreciate you.. for standing for morals.. for your sober approach to parenting and facing life.. these are questionable times.. raising your chitlins with a healthy bullshit sensor, is paramount.. thank you.. hold the line..
Christian mom here. Married for 7 years. 3 kids: 5yo, 4yo, 11mo. I completely agree with you. And I suck at doing all of those things. But we are working on it. Love following your videos, Alisa Childers, and Elizabeth Urbanowicz on parenting.
I have two 18-year-olds two 22-year-olds and one 25-year-old and I did all of these things you mentioned. Every single one of them. They are wonderful children with relationships with the Lord and great relationships with me and my husband. Amen on all of it and excellently stated.
I love this advice! This was thankfully how I was raised (obviously no one is perfect, but my parents being humble enough to apologize to their children REALLY boosted my respect for them and showed me what real maturity was) I hope I can one day raise my kids just as well:)
Yeah struggling with preschoolers right now. Be strict and firm but encourage good behavior and find positive incentives. So hard to navigate when I just want to sleep and feel like I did something in a day.
You nailed it! I'm in the senior stage of life and I've been blessed to be a grandmother. So there is a lot of hindsight behind me.
When I say you've nailed it... there's the qualifier. 😉👍❤️
I had a job like the one described before... They had a set schedule and often times when I followed it I would get reprimanded for not knowing that they wanted to do things differently that day without ever being told. The co-workers and boss were cliquey and verbally abusive and it was terrible.
Melissa, this was wonderful. As a 68 yr old grandma, I am still learning. Everything you said is true.
The consistency analogy of a chaotic boss is on point
So refreshing to hear Christ-centered parenting prioritized and both permissive/authoritative parenting logically laid out with their sin foundations. Would love more videos on gospel-centric family dynamics with practical applications!
Mine are 16 and 14. I find when they were (are) at 13-15 that’s when things are the hardest they start to rebel. Know that they have free will and they will test boundaries. So it is good to let them fail and wait for stuff they want. Thanks for sharing.
I sure wish I'd had podcasts & videos like this when I was raising kids! The biggest mistake that I made in parenting was failing to engage with my daughters about things they were reading, watching & listening to. So I didn’t ask enough questions or discuss things like I could have. I also depended too much on the church to provide Christian education because I taught at church & assumed people were teaching the same things that I did. BIG MISTAKE! Especially when they were teens! Both have babies now, so I may pass this along...
Nice one. Widower here parent of four. I particularly liked your job analogy. Something missing, how to react when the siblings fight each other or you can see the worst of yourself in them.
Love your belief in Consistency! As scary as gangs are to kids, they also hold an attraction because within the gang culture there is consistency in rules, expectations and punishment for not following the same. Even more important to kids is that there is a strong, male authority figure within the gang culture, something that kids desperately want, though they don't necessarily recognize it, but often rarely get at home. Excellent video by the way!!!
I struggled alot with both authoritarian and permissive with my kid, especially as a toddler. The guilt and shame I had with trying to control a kid who we later has adhd and asd, was crushing, and I felt like I couldn’t do enough to fix him. I ended up taking training (aap recommends parent training for adhd) that teaches being authoritative vs being authoritarian and how that looks. This has helped alot, and much of it resonates with biblical teaching
Part 2 please! This was great!
My child rearing days are over, but I wish I would have had this advice when raising my son. I knew I didn’t want to raise him exactly like I was raised, both of my parents were strict disciplinarians and I knew I didn’t want to be like that. To the point that as a young teen, my mother was telling me what to wear. My husband left all the discipline of our son up to me. I wasn’t horrible, but there are areas I could have been better in. I definitely gave my son more autonomy even at a young age, starting with this or this. And if he didn’t like something, he didn’t wear it, which caused arguments with my own mother. But because I didn’t force the clothing issue, if I told my son he had to be dressed up for something, he did it with no argument. We spent a lot of time together since his dad worked nights and he’s 30 now and we are very close.
I agree with the sex talk being a "long conversation". Over time this is what my parents did and it definitely helped without it being awkward. Also definitely agree with using correct names for body parts.
Great parenting advice. I wish my parents had listened to you. :-)
- making eggs as to sunny side down into sunny side up to keep from looking snotty at for breakfast with bacon in being crispy chard :keep from getting worms -a friend of mine used to say
Treat kids as their own people. They have their own wants, desires, eventual potential. Respect them, do not take them too seriously sometimes, and definitely set expectations! Most bad behavior comes from lack of sleep, good food, or time (connection). Love the video!!
I struggled with this balance for my kids' childhoods, less so once I finally surrendered my Life to Jesus. I came from a background of parents who mostly weren't interested in being parents, so I was really feeling it all out. Remembering back very far definitely helped, but it didn't stop me from several pitfalls. I was often overprotective and permissive, and talked to my kids more about what to think, rather than how. Neither of my adult children and teen grandkids are believers. My kids are unique, artistic, and have leadership and a great work ethic, but therein our beliefs radically fork. Praying for all parents, especially these days. Even in the dark, Jesus is still the Light. 🕯️
I have a 20years old and 3 under 10 children and my parenting was filled with fear because of my mistakes i was a terrible rebelious child and i just repeat what my parent did to me i was very strict and bossy over my eldest but i learn the hard way… by God mercy i am doing better with the small ones and what you said Melissa is very correct i learn more tips today as a parent thank you❤ God bless!
Love you Melissa keep sharing loving truth,God bless you and your family!❤
You need to add prayer for your kids every day. You can do everything right but they can still stray. Pray and tust God to hear your prayers
Parenting a toddler, and you hit the Nail on the Head. Would love to hear more.
Wow 😳 #7 was a bullseye 🎯 I sent this to my daughter n daughter in law.. thank you 🙏🏻
I agree. Some of these i’ve done consistently, some definitely need work…. But I thank-you very much for this important information!
You just described my work life🤣 Very stressful.
Both of my children are grown but I see some of the mistakes I made as a parent and some of the victories. Hitting that sweet spot and staying in it more often than not is key. If you are consistent your children can better predict what will happen in given situations and allow them to practice choosing wisely.