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Honestly, the way Clay talks about cheating makes me think he’s afraid it’s genetic & that, because his dad was a cheater, he’s inevitably going to end up the same. It’s probably compounded by the fact his dad involved Clay in his cheating escapades & modelled that behaviour to him from a young age. I’m glad he’s finally getting the help he needs & I hope he is able to get to a place where he no longer fears himself.
"okay body" had me in TEARS 😭😭 man WHAT? there's nothing wrong w complimenting your bride's looks but i feel like it just highlighted how shallow his affections for her were
“Okay body” is something you say later on when y’all are dancing or something. Saying it as SHE WALKS DOWN THE AISLE??? So unromantic lol. It saddens me that he doesn’t have any respectable gentleman to look up to.
yeahhh real. like i’m someone who doesn’t get complimented on my body a lot, so it would mean a lot to me to hear something like that, and i STILL wouldn’t want to hear it *as i’m walking down the aisle.* like, you should be crying or going “woah” or otherwise marveling at ME, not just my body, and i will do the same for my partner one day !! but i suppose it’s hard to expect them to have that kind of reaction when they’ve only dated for two months. it’s never going to be the wedding you wanted because it’s on reality tv lol
She then responded with “see the material” which is based on her looks and body. It’s so sad cause she’s allowed her worth to be reduced like that. Yes, AD you are gorgeous but girlie no. And I wished she had brought up the sexualisation of her body by the cast at the reunion. It’s even worse when he knew he’d say no in that moment, knew he didn’t want marriage from the start because of his fears and bullshitted some shit about finances after his dad gassed him up - AFTER AD said she wasn’t going to date you with a no. I still think it was the right decision cause he did need work and AD shouldn’t need to wait around if he wasn’t willing to or unable to (not the same things in every situation) pour into her the same away she would. She was willing to wait until he was ready in her own words, captain save a ho. Blessing in disguise.
I think Clay respects his father too much, and can’t wrap his mind around someone he respects making a conscious decision to hurt the people he loves. Since that’s confusing for him, he believes cheating is something that can’t really be controlled. my theory at least. he def needs therapy
Yes completely agree. It felt like at the wedding Clay's dad was even subtly pushing him to say no by not encouraging him to say yes at all. And clay has a really weird relationship with his dad where he craves his dad's approval
In that way hes still really immature, many people grow up seeing their parents being hypocritical and realize they lie like anyone. That clay hasn't gotten here is really concerning.
I commend Trevor for coming to the reunion. Most villains try to hide but he actually showed his face. The way he was dragged? Amazing. The damn near 2 minute awkward silence? LEGENDARY. Him asking to leave like a little schoolboy asking to use the restroom? *Brilliant* The way they ignored him and kept dragging him? ICONIC! This is what I’m here to see, top tier entertainment. 10/10!
I would’ve almost felt bad except I remembered how he threatened to leak his ex’s sex tape to her family if she leaked their texts then I didn’t care again
I'm not surprised he got up and left instead of trying to sit there for an hour and try to defend himself. Like all you can do is a walk of shame stage left.
As a Black woman, we are also socialized to believe that a man will change for the”right woman.” That’s also why we take on a lot of “we are not enough.”
THAT part…and so much romantic literature (which I consumed as a romlit nerd)opines on how WE as black women have to sacrifice our peace to be the peace for everyone else but ourselves. Dare I say it’s almost diabolical…
It’s time for black women to be more critical. I’m not listening to someone who’s teaching me a lesson that does not not live in reality - when men are shitty, they often continue to be shitty to women no matter what. So all women need to get out as soon as possible when you realize that person is a project. Men are the easiest thing to get.
My mother once said this to me in reference to a narcissistic, abusive ex that I was with for nearly 5 years after I finally built up the courage to leave his ass for good 🙃needless to say, therapy is going well...
If you're acting as your partner's therapist, then don't be surprised that once their done their supposed growth, they'll move on from you. That's because the dynamic was on you taking care of him, and him focused on himself, that's not romance. Romance is meant to be reciprocated by both, and when that doesn't happen, one or both end up miserable.
From the jump also he was saying he likes to be babied, that term isn't wrong in certain context but it was blatantly apparent he wanted her to baby his feelings and faults. I just don't understand how you could say you care about a person and then not tell them you don't want to get married in private and then try to make her feel bad about her reaction to it.
@@melvv18 I mean that's basically what I said lol, he wanted his feelings to be babied but then when he did something that hurt her he didn't seem to be able to return the favor
Thanks to being a therapist to them for 6+ years, only to discover that when I needed them (my temporarily homeless era, if you will) they left for someone else they'd been hanging out with that whole summer, then blocked me and then slandered me publically for becoming "manipulative" (read: needing their attention and for them to stop disappearing to hang out with their "friend" lol), I've decided I'll just be single. I'll never treat me wrong 💖🥲
People are mad that Clay got all the way to the altar (after voicing his doubts) just to reject her. I mean he knew he wasn’t ready for marriage. Instead he humiliated AD in front of her family and wasted the time of everyone that attended.
But the thing is , AD annoys tf out of me too because even after, she’s still playing games with him. I no longer see her as a victim of him but a willing participant
@@Momogizibo Oh, absolutely, I agree! I honestly wouldn’t have given him a chance after how voiced the importance of looks in the pods, but that’s just me 🤷🏽♀️
Chelsea said in an interview that when they had that fight about Jimmy going out without her, they didn’t show that he actually lied to her and he had told her/FaceTimed her saying he was going to bed and then a few minutes later he accidentally buttdialed her back and was with his girl friends and was talking about which bar they wanted to go to. Editing did her DIRTY with that one! He lied lied
@@Hilo-gk3ix I can only assume its because of what the LIB team has done to her in edits that she might not even want to speak up about it on the same damn show. Hell I'd keep my mouth shut and just wait to be interviewed by others who haven't already done me dirty too.
People are mad about the "okay body" remark but what really got me heated was how not ONCE in his "vows" did he mention what he liked about her, just what she DOES for him yet she still said I Do. When AD said she'll paint her nails red to match red flags in episode 1 she really meant it. I hope she heals and starts putting herself first.
this is about an older episode but i thought this was important to show just how heavily edited and revised this show is. a youtuber who goes by 'psychology in seattle' has a contact who works on the show and they said that there was actually a whole segment where AD talked about being uncomfortable with the "bean dip" situation and voicing her concern about her body constantly being the subject of attention and getting hypersexualized/objectified all the time. the psychologist made sure to say, "why have the segment where her body was always the topic of discussion and then not have her own voice heard? there was no point for its inclusion unless it was racially motivated and to sanitize laura's character and make everyone who targeted AD look better."
I'm honestly at the point where I wish Black women would stop appearing on these shows at all. It just doesn't serve us collectively or individually. The media already has a vested interest in portraying us a certain way and you cannot win the battle against an editor
@@Kay-kg6ny THISSS! These dating shows tend to be edited so we're perceived in a negative light. I noticed this is especially true for darker-skinned women. I wish we would stop auditioning to be cast on these dating shows forreal. I hate to see the mistreatment.
100%, I never understood why it was glossed over as a "teehee I'm such a jokester" when it's like really REALLY wierd and gross. I almost wish somebody had made a similar statement about Jeremy (before the cheating part) cause I bet it would have been hell on earth.
I honestly believe Jimmy doesn't love Chelsea and didn't want to be with her ever since he saw her out of the pods. He just didn't want to look like the bad guy on tv
On AD & Clay’s wedding: Khadija Mbowe just put out a FANTASTIC video echoing Kennie’s sentiments about black women in particular and “struggle love” and I highly recommend everyone watch it!
I think the greatest thing on this entire season is that, not only did Clay's mom get to say her piece to his dad, but she got to do it in front of a very large and sympathetic audience. To me, that would feel incredibly satisfying after experiencing such betrayal.
"There's something about lying that makes your scalp issues more visible". Yep. That's how I got over my 2 year high school crush. He lied to me and then suddenly I discovered he had greasy smelly hair the entire time.
One time I sobbed at the grocery store because there was a single sweet potato on the ground in a random aisle. Like - someone dropped it and just *left* it there??? 😢😢😢😢
also, it is very telling to me that clay's father only spoke about HIMSELF before his son's wedding. even going as far as saying that he was "living vicariously through" clay. all clay did, all season was talk about himself CONSTANTLY. it's interesting how clay's father issues manifest themselves in his behaviour! an endless cycle of trauma
Netflix seriously needs to revamp/restructure their casting process due to so many of the contestants on the show have been exposed for being concerningly problematic or for being fake/clout chasers. Their negligence with casting has compromised the safety of the contestants (there have been multiple contestants that have had domestic abuse allegations come out) and resulted in other contestants (who are there for clout) ruining the premise of the whole show. At the rate that they’re going, the company’s messiness is going cause their viewers to stop watching the show.
Right? The Lacheys were like “we don’t want people coming here motivated by fame” so stop reaching out to influencers through IG to come on your show???
ya as fucked up as it is for the trevors to want to come on this show, at the end of the say it's the producers of the show whose responsibility it is to prevent so many people like that from even being able to get on the show. like how are regular people on the internet so much better at sleuthing that professionals who are supposed to do that job lol
Kenneth acting like everyone else didn’t take off two weeks of work and had to play catch up when they got back. He’s a principal, not a surgeon with patients waiting on their death bed. Is there not a vice principal at the school who can handle things in his absence?
@@TheDawnofVanlife a surgeon, or more accurately a hospital, is going to have people that take over for the leave a principle may not. that's entirely up to funding, in my area the principal is also the area superintendent there is no back up. So likely it was a group of teachers attempting to handle his work while he was gone.
@@TheDawnofVanlife this is such a disappointing and mediocre monded comment. Taking off time for some dumb crap LIKE THIS reflects poorly on his character and if you don't think so, I'd like yo guess you're a product of trash education.
I love that dad that said “that’s some guacamole!” And the other one saying “how could you do that to a woman??” Like it’s so cute… he’s so pissed but still refuses to swear. And saying this with the wives and daughters they’re watching with. It just feels nice to see dads go “no if someone ever treated you that bad they’re crazy I’d fight them.”
People were mad at Clay for saying "No," and I was like, YALL WANT HIM TO SAY YES AFTER HE SAID HE'S GOING TO CHEAT?!?!?!?! and AD was just smiling?! I was so happy he said NO, because I knew she was going to say yes
I've seen more that they are mad that hw let it get to the wedding day in front of everyone etc when he been knew he wasn't going to say yes. And he let her say yes. Like more of a humiliation issue rather than him saying no in general
Clay did her a favor. This man was so aware and open about what his nature was and (as far as we know) he managed to resist cheating even though he said constantly he might cheat. AD was blind and wanted to be Fix It Felix.
@@airari24 But isn't that the whole premise of the show? Most couples in previous seasons waited to say yes or no at the altar. So many couples breaking up beforehand is kinda boring tbh. Production is probably allowing it because of season 5 issues but it does remove the element of surprise from the finale.
@sseonghwaa7076 I agree. But it seems like the contrast this season compared to the other couples plus his overall character (as presented in the show) made people angry? Or maybe they are newer viewers? Or they are upset on behalf of AD regardless? IDK
It’s a more about how he was smiling and laughing all the way through the wedding up and her vows and her saying yes acting like it was the best day all until he said no, he gave her no indication he was going to say no but embarrassed her in front of everyone and wasted everyone’s time - they weren’t mad he said no but they way he went about it
As a psych major working towards a career as a psychologist, I 100% agree with you. We’re taught in school to NEVER counsel our friends and family because it’s 1. A conflict of interest and 2. Not our job in that relationship. You’re bound to give bad advice and cause more harm than good
I one day realized my friend who was getting her masters to be a therapist was such a good listener because she never offered her opinions lol, just asked gentle questions to get more information. So I was like 'does it bother you when people go off about their problems to you' and she basically said 'no but I have been trained not to offer my friends therapy so I can mostly just listen.' A bit eye-opening.
i really wish they would have addressed Kenneth and Brittney more. not the gay rumors cuz that is irrelevant but mostly why he seemed so cold towards her and essentially stone walled her. And also how she coped with that and was able to deal with the gaslighting and coldness he showed toward her. i feel like they let him off too easy compared to everyone else.
From what I’ve heard, the breakup scene that we saw between them was a renactment and they had already had a civil conversation breaking up before they got back from the tropical trip. If it is true that production made them fake it for the camera then it would make sense that they let them off easy at the reunion and didn’t fully dive into it
@@LikeNewMonae that would make a lot of sense because in the beginning they were one of the most talked about couples and they got like 2 minutes at the reunion.
While kenneth being "cold" and "stone walling" was hard to watch, I truly don't think it was malicious or something to tear into him for. Some people are just very dry communicators, I had an ex like this. She got very dry during fights, but she definitely cared and that was seen through her actions. The show is edited in a way that I'm not too sure Kenneth was completely an asshole
Kennie's rant around AD and black women feeling like we're not enough brought me to tears. I'm younger and going through something similar(dealing with the ego punch and finding self-worth after leaving a man for whom I "wasn't enough" for.) and it made me feel so seen.
Look I can’t even say nun cause I cried after I dropped my grinded weed on the backseat of my suv 😭😭 shit looked like I sprinkled parsley everywhere 😭😭😭😭
Clay has trauma from his father taking him along on his cheating sprees. I think by his father exposing him to that and him not understanding enough to tell his mom he probably felt like he also cheated on her in a sense which is why he speaks as if cheating isn't a choice because little Clay didn't have the choice of not "betraying" his mom when his dad dragged him along and he has carried that "helplessness" into his adulthood.
Clay didn’t come on the show to marry somebody he came on the show and used the show and whatever woman he chose (it didn’t have to be AD) as a vehicle for therapy and to basically “test drive” a marriage scenario and how he would behave in said scenario , and the conclusion he came to is he know he’s gonna cheat bc of unresolved baggage, and he already knew that and that’s great he acknowledged that, but ultimately he didn’t need to come on the show to reaffirm things about himself he already knew, he just wasted AD’s time lol
I was having a wonderful laugh with the video until the rant. I listened to it as if hypnotised , I swear. A woman of a different age, of a different race, who speaks a language different from mine, in a country in another continent... And she speaks like she has been spying on me. I immediately sent it to my girlfriends and they too feel represented by what Kennie was saying. This is actually a canonic event in women's lives
I think you’re very right. As a black woman who has always called it “being loyal” and very recently realized that I’m just an exhausted fixer, I’m working on separating it from my loyalty trait. It has to be equal or I don’t want it. Everyone’s got problems but I’m not fixing mine AND his. I refuse.
unrelated, but i been here since you were still a k-beauty creator, and the way your content has evolved is the most chaotic and fulfilling process i’ve ever seen, and i couldn’t be more happy with where it’s gone. i LOOOOVE long videos, and i LOOOOOVE your content. thank you for existing. you’re my favorite type of human. much love. 💗
Kennie, I had no idea you were the artist I've been binging on Spotify for years. WHAT. I've been listening and watching you, thinking you were two separate people. You're so talented.
Having more context about Chelsea and jimmy's situation, makes how they edited the whole thing to make her look bad so mind-boggling. You should totally watch her interview, she explained a lot of things
@@alexstaysgoldidk if you’ve found it by now or not but if not it’s on Sarah alysses RUclips channel it’s (little correction) the emotional rollercoaster of blind love w Chelsea blackwell :)
@alexstaysgold i think my comment got deleted for posting a link Just look up chelsea love is blind interview, she's wearing a leather jacket in the video
As a recovering “fix-a-304” , a Gen X’er Black woman with Boomer parents and of Caribbean descent currently going thru a Gray Divorce…. EVERYTHING you said during the Clay & AD portion resonates with me! 🧡
I think the reason so many people, especially Black women, had such *strong* feelings about Clay is because Clay reminds people of a lot of the men in their lives. Clay is their ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, father, brother who couldn't get himself together and constantly harmed himself and everyone else around them. They tried so hard to love someone like Clay, and it crashed and burned every single time. Clay's behavior being broadcast on an international television show triggered thousands of people's trauma all at once.
God damn you've hit the nail on the head And the fact that his looks, behavior and even initials are the exact copy as my ex's is very very trigger Self-aware but for nothing Starts saying the right things but if you let him speak for long enough he'll tell you exactly why you should run
I just wanted to leave a comment that as a previous people pleaser, people fixer, resident therapist to family and friends and exes, I love listening to your takes. If I had had these years ago I think they would have really helped me examine myself and my behaviours. But for me now they also a) give me some closure and confirmation on my own boundaries and b) are a way for me to reflect on the relationships I have in my life now and we're I'm at and that I'm still making healthy choices for myself. It's one of the reasons your takes and commentary on media is something I LOVE watching. The other reasons are that you are so fun and funny and just an absolute vibe. Thank you for your channel, truly.
lowkey kennie, we might need you to do a video about all the tea and drama that the internet found out before and during and after the show cause it’s like every day there’s something new 😭 also i hope you’re feeling better. that time of the month makes me feel that way too 🫶🏾
Regarding Clay’s whole thing with his dad cheating, I gotta say - I had a friend who went to therapy for this exact issue (her dad would bring her along when he saw his mistress and would make my friend swear not to tell her mum), and when uncovering this trauma, she was so distressed by it that it drove her to multiple ‘unalive’ attempts and hospitalisation due to an eventual psychotic break, which concluded with her having to get electric shock therapy to finally put an end to the unbearable pain this trauma was causing her. Fortunately, she is doing much better now. I feel the need to mention this, as someone who witnessed the hell my friend went through, to give some perspective to people who view Clay as nothing but a fuckboy. From what he says his childhood experience is near-identical to that of my friend, so I actually think there’s a chance he is having a significant trauma publicly dismissed and even shamed. Obviously everyone is different and we can’t know for sure, but I still think it’s something worth considering.
i hope your friend is well today !! i feel similarly, clay has been through a lot of trauma which is why it was pleasant to see the growth he went through in the reunion
Glad your friend is doing better now! I hope someone in his life or even him can glean that from this show and help him get therapy or something. It does seem like he at least wants a functional relationship and the one way to get that is o these issues
The difference is that clay is a grown ass man now who, with that trauma, decided to go on a love is blind show, which he knows leads to marriage. Your friend, on the other hand, got the help they needed and didn’t go waste someone’s time trying to act like they were actually trying to get married. It’s about taking accountability. Just because you had childhood trauma doesn’t mean you are not at fault for all your actions.😅
@ak_ag97 okay but that kinda ignores that men especially black men aren't encouraged to go to therapy. I'm not saying don't hold him accountable but I think op was just pointing out that while it may seem silly to us, Clay is traumatized. A lot of people are downplaying how his fathers action has effected him. It's giving "get over it. Your a man." Which hey is also a factor of convincing black men to not seek help. Should he have addressed his issues first before dragging someone else in? Yes absolutely. The consequences for his actions there is how AD and their friends view him. But idk I don't want to downplay someone's trauma ya know? Trauma doesn't excuse your actions, but lets not pretend that it doesn't negatively impact you in the worse ways possible. And that will follow in you adult life.
Just wanted to let you know that your speech to AD made me CRY AT WORK but in like a theraputic "older sister is scolding me for not seeing my worth" kind of way. Also, as a poc woman who was also raised with that 'fix him' mindset, it's so comforting to hear other people validate working on breaking that mindset and finding self worth. Thank you for using your platform to encourage that!
Jeremy is that archetype of being more offended by peoples tone and emotion than actions. And its the worst type of person to try to have a discussion with. They view you expressing anything remotely negative as lashing out or “unreasonable” because they think every conversation, even the hard ones or where someone has hurt someone in the relationship, has to be this monotone positive beat-around where everyone has to be polite and gentle.
Clay thinking he’s going to cheat because his dad did proved that men aren’t logical at all. Imagine a woman thinking she HAS to have children because her mom did. Clay isn’t in control of his life and that’s sad as hell.
Because he's stupid. He said and did so many little things during the whole season where it was clear that he got no brain. Apparently comes after his father 😂
my hands-down 2 favorite moments this season have to do with AD's wedding - Clay's mom hugging her after her son's clownery and AD's friends walking out with her after mentioned clownery. Oh the power I felt through them! ❤ honorable mention: Laura telling either Sarah or Jeremaeaey to kick rocks with open-toed shoes 😂
I relate so hard to the failed Danish tears. I finally got a warm croissant from this bakery I like, and I dropped it when some lady bumped into me. It was the last one 😢
oh my god that’s so tragic, like genuinely there have been days where that would’ve been the very last straw for me !! and even if it’s not the last straw, that’s a day-ruiner right there. wishing u many more croissants my fellow internet stranger 🙏
The thing that was most offputting about Clay when they would have their conversations about their relationship was it seemed like every time he spoke, he was always speaking about how she benefited him, and how she lifted him up and it was never her saying that he was doing the same for her or him saying he is doing that and loves doing that for her. so when she said that she felt like she can follow him, i was really twisted because how can you follow someone that you’re constantly fixing? This show just shows how what people say and what they’re actually experiencing are not aligning, like dissociation is rampant in the dating world, it’s horrifying.
Kennie, you talking about how your period and pms affect you is not only relatable but also real for many women. I find it so important that you bring visibility to it and talk about it instead of hiding it - Never stop! Also, period pains aside, as always, you are hilarious and do such a great job of summarizing and getting me invested in caring about something I will never sit through and watch 😂
Just the clips you showed of AD’s mom make me suspect Mom is caught in the eternal parental dilemma of trying to figure out how to tell your kid that something is a really really bad idea without triggering your kid’s “That means it’s the best idea ever!” reflex.
The clips of the men reacting to clay at the alter have me on the floor 😂😂😂😂 that is TOO telling. I want him to heal and be ready for marriage after therapy of 10 years but the way he was trying to justify everything in that moment is insane.
I NEVER comment. but waiting for this video felt like waiting for rain in this drought. I almost watched the episodes BY MYSELF! God bless for saving me that heartache x
Kennie, let me first say that I been following you since you were in Korea doing k-beauty. As a black African woman who sometimes feels like my views are too "out there" for my fellow black girls, that long rant at 37:01 is the most seen and heard I've ever felt. I see and feel these things in the exact same way. I'm so proud to be a longterm home skillet biscuit. May we be the generation that gets to walk away and not get a weak "yeah" when we tell the men that terrorised our lives and left a trail of trauma that they didn't treat us right. LET THAT 🥭
I’m so tired of Jimmy getting the “hero” edit. Chelsea was not the first, nor even the second, to bring up the sex w his bff. He admitted to telling her in the pods! He had no clue if production would air that or not. Then the friend outs herself at that lunch meeting. Everyone and their mom knew they had bumped uglies after the crap she said at the meetup. Then Jimmy during that fight literally says he hadn’t done anything physical with them, fully expecting Chelsea to continue to lie for him and give him a good edit. She had enough at that point. She was the 3rd one to bring it up, didn’t use her name, but Jimmy and a bunch of viewers vilify her for it. It’s completely unfair. 99.9% of the blame for that coming out is on Jimmy and his actions. He did some truly messed up things to Chelsea. He said all the right things on camera, then off camera ignored her. Was she annoying to listen to? Yes. The whiny voice drove me nuts also. But nothing she did was intentionally to hurt him. Whereas he played her and treated her like crap. He knew what to say and do to look good on camera. He is no hero. And she’s getting WAY too much hate for reacting to things he did off camera. She wasnt perfect, but showed her faults. Jimmy hid his true intentions and was sneaky about his manipulation.
I haven't watched this season tbh so I don't have an opinion either way, but I'm glad to see someone defending Chelsea cause it seems like the whole internet hates this woman a bit too much
@@valeriarossini543 I feel like I identify with her in some ways. Not me now, but a decade or more ago. I was very insecure, and also became needy while drinking. But I never hurt anybody on purpose, and I don’t think Chelsea did either. She seemed to have real feelings, and how confusing must it have been for him to lead her on and say all the right things on camera, then once they were off he couldn’t give one shit about her. Spoilers in the next section if you plan to watch! We saw a little bit on camera. He says he would take a step back from his bff girlfriends bit that Chelsea never asked. He literally says if she asks he’ll take a step back. She asks him to and he responds with “ok, well I’m not willing to take a step back.” Then in the final breakup scene, he leads her on and says she’s his person he loves her he knows where he stands, fully making her think he’s all for the altar. Gets her to express her love and say she’s ready to say yes, then he responds with “I don’t want to go to the altar.” He literally played with her and it was so gross and manipulative, and she did not deserve that.
Why did Trevor even show up? He clearly didn't have anything to say. Why was Jessica there, and she didn't make it out of the pods? I have so many questions. Also their should be stricter rules in the pods about giving hints about appearance. It's called love is blind, no hints should be given about ethnicity, race, celebrity look a like, nothing
What you said about relationships needing to be symbiotic is life-saving advice that all women (and men) would benefit from hearing. I almost sacrificed my entire being for a boy who hated himself, and him breaking my heart was the best thing he could have done for me because it made me wake up to my own self-abandonment. Sometimes love can be karmic and the other person is there to teach you lessons you still need to learn. Anyways that was gas ⛽️ love you Kennie x
About the being a utility woman thing. As a black woman, my mother drilled it into me to never marry a man in progress. And I stand by it. I'm only 23. So all the men I date right now are in progress lol, but when I'm ready to settle down, he shouldn't be "working on himself" still.
49:40 she'll never read this, but Kennie if you do, please know that the way you say "you done held my dog" has gained a permanent place in my vocabulary as a response to any inconvenience or betrayal, and if I'm feeling extra aggrieved I throw in a "that's a big one!" after.
As the mom of a 1 year old boy, I realise the importance of chosing a partner who will be a good role model for your children. I'm so proud of my man and the way he raises our boy with sensibility and tenderness, already paving the way of how he'll treat his partner by being kind and respectful to me. We aren't married, but we've been going strong and loyal for 10 years.
It amazes me the edit they gave Jimmy and how ppl aren't able to read between the lines of what was actually going on. Even Jessica had sympathy for Chelsea, but ppl want to continue to use Chelsea as a punching bag. If Jimmy was SO concerned about keeping his bff safe, he shouldn't have put her on the show. I would be upset too if I found out my fiance has me sitting in front of a girl he's slept with, whose making comments to me abt my fiancé's sex drive, but you don't tell me until AFTER? And then you're texting, calling and sneaking off to meet her instead of spending time with me when we only have weeks to decide?! Yeah, most ppl would feel insecure and gaslit in that situation. Jimmy never intended to marry her, and instead of being honest he kept telling her he loved her, and she was his person. In the words of Kandi, THE LIES THE LIES THE LIES 😂. All the men this season were trashhhhhh
People find Chelsea annoying and grating, that they prefer to frame her as far more unhinged that she truly is. I also think there is some misogyny in how she's being frame by the audience.
I agree with you. At the same time, Chelsea's delivery diminishes her message. If she would stop all of that whining and be more direct about why she's upset, she would've given the editors less to play with. For example, after meeting her friends, she told Jimmy he didn't kiss her all day and he had. She also said a bunch of other stuff. She could have just said something like, "I know you say you love me, but I don't feel the love for x, y, and z reason." Or "I'm worried that you regret your decision after seeing Jessica, do you?" Or "I'm having a hard time dealing with your relationship with your friend for various reasons." (Keeping it vague for TV). But we live, and we learn. I heard she's in therapy which is great. Also, Clay got a beneficial edit as well according to some reports. I wish the editors would let these things play out and allow the audience to react how they will, instead of leaning so hard into specific narratives.
Okay, but Jessica only had an issue with him when he brought her up and it affected her. She still had feelings for hi, for a while. If she was truly concerned and thought jimmy was trash she’d have done so before his interview. It seems they’re all annoying and there is definitely something we’re not seeing as viewers. Jimmy was wild in the pods and his reasons for choosing Chelsea were stupid. Chelsea knew he had slept with his friend before choosing him apparently, so she could’ve said no if it was an issue. And it was more so that they had agreed to keep that between them and he lost all trust in Chelsea. Jimmy focusing on Jess looks and so caught in the Megan fox, cause Chelsea is pretty and it was petty af. Let’s not forget Chelsea baited him into that argument, begged him not to leave after starting it and then said she loved him even more after it. The where do you go when you work was crazy after we know he works from home.
*gets notification while on app “Oh thank god” Think this is my first first comment ever and I’m so stoked to listen to this while getting ready for work
Clay talks about cheating like its a genetic defect that he inherited. 😂😂 He needs more than a year of therapy to ever deserve and love a woman like AD. and she needs to stop ignoring red flags.
I was once in a similar pms headspace and had expensive pasta take out that I was looking forward to all day at work! It fell on the floor upside down like a thanksgiving pie and I cried hard 🥲👍
Girly I literally cried last week because the line in Publix was ridiculously long and all I wanted was cookies. I left, cried in the car, then went home to cry to my mom, then she went and got them. Then I cried again cause she loves me 😂🤍✨
I just spent the last 12 yrs taking care of a man that didn’t find it important enough to breath, he died of an asthma attack at the beginning of December and now my whole world has been turned upside down. Don’t waste your time taking care of someone that doesn’t think it’s important enough to take care of themselves. He didn’t have to die, he had to talk to a dr.
Your point at 37:23 is also in Khadija Mbowe’s video about the long suffering wife, I would recommend watching if you have the time I think you would be interested in it.
I watched a lot of this season with my husband and we had an interesting takeaway from the wedding episodes. We kept saying "Listen to how Clay talks about AD and then listen to how Johnny talks about Amy. Johnny sounds like a man who is ready to be married and loves Amy." But Clay? We both kept saying "Clay isn't ready for this. He needs to go work on himself." Thank goodness Clay said no (even though he could have called it off earlier). Also, Clay's dad did him a *huge* disservice by not only cheating on Clay's (amazing) mom, but for exposing Clay to the cheating itself. Clay's dad owes him an apology and probably should be willing to do family counseling too.
Your mentality is so vital, it’s needed for women to know that they are worthy more than the ways that men will use them and DRAIN us. We deserve to be provided for more then financially & physically
1:00:25 I completely agree with you kennie and I literally said the same thing. At the alter was the only time I felt an ounce of respect for clay for being honest with himself and everyone there. He KNEW he wouldn’t be good to her. I think everyone’s just mad he waited until that very moment to call it off
Thank you for bringing up the element of colorism within the struggle love beast with ad and clay! As a cocoa girlie I had to pause the video and think for a hot second
37:13 Couples therapist here! I want to thank you Kennie for your words here because ABSOLUTELY agree with every word said. I can’t speak to the experiences or norms Black women are conditioned with because I am not a Black woman but from what I’ve seen working with all kinds of couples from a variety of backgrounds, the insanely high expectations and pressures my female clients put on themselves to “fix” or “improve” their male partners is so sadly consistent. This socialization takes some real time and work to unlearn because of how baked in the messages are especially for folks in heterosexual relationships. I just wanna say to anyone who has been there or is currently feeling those pressures, please know it is not your fault. That shame is a product of sexism and generational trauma that has been inflicted on folks socialized as women for centuries. The thing I tell my clients all the time is to raise your standards. It is not anyone’s job to fix your partner or act as their only form of emotional regulation. No matter the trauma they’ve experienced or relevant context they have, our triggers, our emotional wounds while not our fault, are ours to own and work on. Your trauma is not your fault period. But we do have a responsibility to ask for help and try to work on ourselves out of respect for our partner(s)/loved ones. Not that you have to be perfect- set backs will happen, healing takes time, learning new behaviors/coping tools takes time, but the effort has to be there. Please know you are not a failure in any way if your partner is not willing or is not ready to do the work. We need to be able to regulate ourselves first, and not just rely on others to manage our emotions. It’s not a bad thing to emotionally support or encourage growth from our partners, however, that should be an added bonus not a requirement. Be gentle with yourself and remember to keep those standards high because you deserve a partner who will compliment you, not complete you! You are already more than enough as is. ♥️
Re: 1:03:00, it reminds me of when Howard Stern doubted Freddie Prinze JR and Sarah Michelle Gellar's staying power to Freddie and bet him it wouldn't last. Stern said Freddie would be a different person at 35. Freddie said that's alright because she would be a different woman. It's RECIPROCAL.
I got to this video late. But when Kennie asked about what goes through the mind of someone who is forced to face their actions, in regards to Clay's dad. It's indeed the self-loathing. My grandfather had this exact conversation with my grandmother. Though he was a lot more remorseful than Clay's dad. It was just like an instant "What have I done with my life ?. At the end of the day, my grandmother and grandfather loved each other till he passed away, even though divorced. But he was forced to look at what his life could've been if he had just been good to her , and therefore to his family.
My thing with Clay, besides 'why did you come on here??', is...what does one do with that information? If my potential spouse said to me, constantly, that he wasn't sure he could be faithful, he's worried about being faithful, he doesn't have good examples... IDK what I'd say. How do you respond? What did he want her to do/say? Was he hoping she'd bail first and he could say 'well I opened up and she ran'? I would feel like he's setting up structure for excuses if/when things go sideways. 'Well I told you at the beginning that I [..]' I would want out, but it seems AD really wanted marriage, wanted this process to work. I don't think he came for clout, but he knew it was up before the alter and should have said so.
Whew, thank you for giving permission to no longer being a fixer. People tell me and I tell myself its part of my identity and who I am/how I present. But it really can't continue to be something I lead with nor wear with pride. It always comes at the cost of myself self, energy and to my detriment. It was beginning to feel like that all I have to offer. No more. Thank you ❤
14:37 “ I don’t know if I have the patience for a real relationship” - Kennie 2024. - Girl….this is me all day. I just don’t have the energy (more like not willing) to put in that sweat equity. Especially that crap with Chelsea. No ma’am. I will just ✌️
I genuinely think if jess didn’t have a kid, jimmy would’ve picked her over Chelsea. I know a lot of people think he only picked Chelsea because she said she look like Megan Fox and was blinded from that moment on but I really think it was mainly because Jess had a kid and he wasn’t trying or ready to be a step father. Just my opinion
Theory: it’s not so much that Clay can’t control his cheating, but it’s an intrusive thought he can’t control. I’ve had those thoughts SO often, as someone diagnosed with OCD. Think of the worst, most evil thing you could do as a human being. You’ll be driving down the road thinking about your grocery list, then all of a sudden the thought will pop in your head “what if I jerked my wheel to the side and drove my car off this hill?” You have no plan or desire to do so - in fact, you feel COMPLETELY the opposite of the thought. But because the thought entered your mind, you’re now terrified that you’re going to do it and that it’s a real thing. Then you engage in compulsions to dispel the thought, such as ruminations or mental rituals. For me, the constant intrusive thought always used to be that I was going to Hell. So I had to pray and ruminate and talk about it all the time. My family and community were always so confused by my fears because I was the most devout person they knew. That’s what I think is happening with Clay. Not saying he has OCD or anything. But I think his heart is so very much set on NOT cheating that intrusive thoughts brought on by childhood trauma just bombarded him, and the self-soothing compulsion he has is to ruminate and constantly talk about it. He may even be so far in as to accidentally look at a woman in line at Starbucks and think “Oh my God, I just looked at that woman. Did I cheat? Was that cheating?”
I’m not OCD but I’ve had that intrusive thought when driving all the time. Absolutely hate it. I know I want to live though. It’s not easy but you work through that. I’m not trying to be a driving instructor or anything like that. I don’t understand why he would come on a show like this knowing he’s got this baggage. That’s so irresponsible of him and he needs to own that.
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Thanks to Mistplay for sponsoring this video! Download the app for free here: mistplay.com/kennie and use my code KENNIE50 inside the app for 50 extra points! Code expires 8/30/24. Limited quantities available & valid for new users only.
Fuck yeah to you posting rn it's exactly what I needed.
->fan from Korea
probably should mention its only for andriod/google play store users!!!
The code doesn't work 😢
Mistplay is a massive scam. They will do and say anything to get out of giving the rewards
Ivegotten so many gift cards from mistplay over the last couple years lol.. this code didnt work unfortunately though @sodongoobattuvshin5711
Clay treats cheating like it’s part of his family’s medical history.
Honestly 🤣💀
He talks like it's hereditary and he's waiting for it to surface within himself
Top tier take
I just bursted out laughing LMAOOOOOOOO
Clay was treating cheating like it was a history of cancer
The way Clay talks about cheating like its a demon lurking around ready to take over his body and soul is hilarious
I think he enjoys cheating and he’s only using his Dad’s history as an excuse/ crutch of why he does it. If he really wanted to, he would.
Lmao perfect description
😂 this is it
And he doesn't want to get better at being faithful? That seems suspicious how he sees cheating is something that happens...
Honestly, the way Clay talks about cheating makes me think he’s afraid it’s genetic & that, because his dad was a cheater, he’s inevitably going to end up the same. It’s probably compounded by the fact his dad involved Clay in his cheating escapades & modelled that behaviour to him from a young age. I’m glad he’s finally getting the help he needs & I hope he is able to get to a place where he no longer fears himself.
“i am on the edge. and it’s not of glory, it’s of a bridge.” genuinely have never related to kennie more than in this moment.
she’s always so real omg
Same
The wayyyy I felt so seen 😭
YESS
Never felt more seen in my life honestly.
Jeramy’s mother realizing on camera that she raised an idiot was 10/10
"okay body" had me in TEARS 😭😭 man WHAT? there's nothing wrong w complimenting your bride's looks but i feel like it just highlighted how shallow his affections for her were
“Okay body” is something you say later on when y’all are dancing or something. Saying it as SHE WALKS DOWN THE AISLE??? So unromantic lol. It saddens me that he doesn’t have any respectable gentleman to look up to.
yeahhh real. like i’m someone who doesn’t get complimented on my body a lot, so it would mean a lot to me to hear something like that, and i STILL wouldn’t want to hear it *as i’m walking down the aisle.* like, you should be crying or going “woah” or otherwise marveling at ME, not just my body, and i will do the same for my partner one day !! but i suppose it’s hard to expect them to have that kind of reaction when they’ve only dated for two months. it’s never going to be the wedding you wanted because it’s on reality tv lol
She then responded with “see the material” which is based on her looks and body. It’s so sad cause she’s allowed her worth to be reduced like that. Yes, AD you are gorgeous but girlie no. And I wished she had brought up the sexualisation of her body by the cast at the reunion.
It’s even worse when he knew he’d say no in that moment, knew he didn’t want marriage from the start because of his fears and bullshitted some shit about finances after his dad gassed him up - AFTER AD said she wasn’t going to date you with a no. I still think it was the right decision cause he did need work and AD shouldn’t need to wait around if he wasn’t willing to or unable to (not the same things in every situation) pour into her the same away she would. She was willing to wait until he was ready in her own words, captain save a ho. Blessing in disguise.
To me it sounded like he was a girlfriend of hers 😬 he’s in the closet. Hard.
@@SmellMyKnee15Y'all need to stop projecting because you most likely had a bf cheat on you with a man. It's sad.
I think Clay respects his father too much, and can’t wrap his mind around someone he respects making a conscious decision to hurt the people he loves. Since that’s confusing for him, he believes cheating is something that can’t really be controlled. my theory at least. he def needs therapy
Great point!
Yes completely agree. It felt like at the wedding Clay's dad was even subtly pushing him to say no by not encouraging him to say yes at all. And clay has a really weird relationship with his dad where he craves his dad's approval
100%, this is so insightful
I was just thinking that.
In that way hes still really immature, many people grow up seeing their parents being hypocritical and realize they lie like anyone. That clay hasn't gotten here is really concerning.
I commend Trevor for coming to the reunion. Most villains try to hide but he actually showed his face. The way he was dragged? Amazing. The damn near 2 minute awkward silence? LEGENDARY. Him asking to leave like a little schoolboy asking to use the restroom? *Brilliant* The way they ignored him and kept dragging him? ICONIC!
This is what I’m here to see, top tier entertainment. 10/10!
They were making an example of him for others in the future
As they should because what do you mean “can I leave now?” No, you’re gonna sit there and be held accountable for the shit you did.
I would’ve almost felt bad except I remembered how he threatened to leak his ex’s sex tape to her family if she leaked their texts then I didn’t care again
I'm not surprised he got up and left instead of trying to sit there for an hour and try to defend himself. Like all you can do is a walk of shame stage left.
I'm sure he only came because he is on the other show and wants to clean up his image before it airs.
As a Black woman, we are also socialized to believe that a man will change for the”right woman.” That’s also why we take on a lot of “we are not enough.”
THAT part…and so much romantic literature (which I consumed as a romlit nerd)opines on how WE as black women have to sacrifice our peace to be the peace for everyone else but ourselves.
Dare I say it’s almost diabolical…
Your own men are racist towards you. Must be a reason why. Yikes.
It’s time for black women to be more critical. I’m not listening to someone who’s teaching me a lesson that does not not live in reality - when men are shitty, they often continue to be shitty to women no matter what.
So all women need to get out as soon as possible when you realize that person is a project. Men are the easiest thing to get.
Too true. Doesnt help at all that we already were made to feel like we arent the "beauty preference" to the entire world.
My mother once said this to me in reference to a narcissistic, abusive ex that I was with for nearly 5 years after I finally built up the courage to leave his ass for good 🙃needless to say, therapy is going well...
If you're acting as your partner's therapist, then don't be surprised that once their done their supposed growth, they'll move on from you. That's because the dynamic was on you taking care of him, and him focused on himself, that's not romance. Romance is meant to be reciprocated by both, and when that doesn't happen, one or both end up miserable.
From the jump also he was saying he likes to be babied, that term isn't wrong in certain context but it was blatantly apparent he wanted her to baby his feelings and faults. I just don't understand how you could say you care about a person and then not tell them you don't want to get married in private and then try to make her feel bad about her reaction to it.
@@Shyknit Wanting babied isn't bad, if you're willing to do the same. The problem was, that he was using her for his growth and she ate it up.
@@melvv18 I mean that's basically what I said lol, he wanted his feelings to be babied but then when he did something that hurt her he didn't seem to be able to return the favor
@@Shyknit Yeah, I'm just agreeing lol
Thanks to being a therapist to them for 6+ years, only to discover that when I needed them (my temporarily homeless era, if you will) they left for someone else they'd been hanging out with that whole summer, then blocked me and then slandered me publically for becoming "manipulative" (read: needing their attention and for them to stop disappearing to hang out with their "friend" lol), I've decided I'll just be single. I'll never treat me wrong 💖🥲
People are mad that Clay got all the way to the altar (after voicing his doubts) just to reject her. I mean he knew he wasn’t ready for marriage. Instead he humiliated AD in front of her family and wasted the time of everyone that attended.
I knew he didn't want her in the pods 🤦🏿♀️ this season was nothing but competition and insecurity blinding love
"I can work with this"
But the thing is , AD annoys tf out of me too because even after, she’s still playing games with him. I no longer see her as a victim of him but a willing participant
@@Momogizibo Oh, absolutely, I agree! I honestly wouldn’t have given him a chance after how voiced the importance of looks in the pods, but that’s just me 🤷🏽♀️
And then let his dad on camera to give a not so humble brag about his past sports accomplishments. Like sir, bye 😂
Chelsea said in an interview that when they had that fight about Jimmy going out without her, they didn’t show that he actually lied to her and he had told her/FaceTimed her saying he was going to bed and then a few minutes later he accidentally buttdialed her back and was with his girl friends and was talking about which bar they wanted to go to. Editing did her DIRTY with that one! He lied lied
Yeah these reality shows should never be trusted with how they set up people to fall into "storylines" and change the context of situations
OOF I have not heard this!!! What interview was it??
I wonder why she didn’t address it at the reunion?
@@spacebaby07 it was on Sarah Alysse’s podcast with Chelsea! Around 39 minutes in :) he is such a liar and got a great edit
@@Hilo-gk3ix I can only assume its because of what the LIB team has done to her in edits that she might not even want to speak up about it on the same damn show. Hell I'd keep my mouth shut and just wait to be interviewed by others who haven't already done me dirty too.
People are mad about the "okay body" remark but what really got me heated was how not ONCE in his "vows" did he mention what he liked about her, just what she DOES for him yet she still said I Do. When AD said she'll paint her nails red to match red flags in episode 1 she really meant it. I hope she heals and starts putting herself first.
"I want you... to be good to her" is SO giving "Reki, my love........... of skateboarding is because of you" 😭
god that line is amazing 💀
That scene ☠️🌴🌴
Nooooo, the flashbacks 😫.
Nah, but Imma need an mlm Love is Blind or the ultimatum NEOWWWW.
The English dub was wild😂😂😂 But I mean it said what we were all thinking
@@inosuke7002anime will literally never rise above "bitches, bros and nonbinary hoes"
this is about an older episode but i thought this was important to show just how heavily edited and revised this show is. a youtuber who goes by 'psychology in seattle' has a contact who works on the show and they said that there was actually a whole segment where AD talked about being uncomfortable with the "bean dip" situation and voicing her concern about her body constantly being the subject of attention and getting hypersexualized/objectified all the time. the psychologist made sure to say, "why have the segment where her body was always the topic of discussion and then not have her own voice heard? there was no point for its inclusion unless it was racially motivated and to sanitize laura's character and make everyone who targeted AD look better."
I'm honestly at the point where I wish Black women would stop appearing on these shows at all. It just doesn't serve us collectively or individually. The media already has a vested interest in portraying us a certain way and you cannot win the battle against an editor
Are you serious that would be amazing ton see 😭
Omg I love dr honda!!
@@Kay-kg6ny THISSS! These dating shows tend to be edited so we're perceived in a negative light. I noticed this is especially true for darker-skinned women. I wish we would stop auditioning to be cast on these dating shows forreal. I hate to see the mistreatment.
100%, I never understood why it was glossed over as a "teehee I'm such a jokester" when it's like really REALLY wierd and gross. I almost wish somebody had made a similar statement about Jeremy (before the cheating part) cause I bet it would have been hell on earth.
I honestly believe Jimmy doesn't love Chelsea and didn't want to be with her ever since he saw her out of the pods. He just didn't want to look like the bad guy on tv
On AD & Clay’s wedding: Khadija Mbowe just put out a FANTASTIC video echoing Kennie’s sentiments about black women in particular and “struggle love” and I highly recommend everyone watch it!
Omg seconded! Yes!
YESSSSS IT WAS SO GOOD
Third it's amazing;!!
I love Khadija. Her videos are always so good
Yes, loved that video
I think the greatest thing on this entire season is that, not only did Clay's mom get to say her piece to his dad, but she got to do it in front of a very large and sympathetic audience. To me, that would feel incredibly satisfying after experiencing such betrayal.
"There's something about lying that makes your scalp issues more visible". Yep. That's how I got over my 2 year high school crush. He lied to me and then suddenly I discovered he had greasy smelly hair the entire time.
One time I sobbed at the grocery store because there was a single sweet potato on the ground in a random aisle. Like - someone dropped it and just *left* it there??? 😢😢😢😢
I'm so sorry you had to see that, hope you're in a better place now (without any forgotten potatoes lying around). ❤
@@frankensteinlivesTy ❤
One time I cried because I wanted ice cream and when I got it it didn't taste like how I wanted it to. PMS is a beast
I once dropped my bag of wonderbread and cried because HOW CAN I DROP BREAD IT'S DIRTY NOW I RUINED BREAD 😭😭.
Right like thats just so fkng rude. That sweet potato probably felt so alone😂
also, it is very telling to me that clay's father only spoke about HIMSELF before his son's wedding. even going as far as saying that he was "living vicariously through" clay. all clay did, all season was talk about himself CONSTANTLY. it's interesting how clay's father issues manifest themselves in his behaviour! an endless cycle of trauma
I love the amount of Black men siding with AD instead of trying to justify Clay’s actions
The way Clay thinks cheating is hereditary and fated to happen is INSANE
Yeah, the trauma is definitely real.🥴
Yeah if not becoming like your parents was easy. There wouldn't be so many issues and discussions around it lol
Netflix seriously needs to revamp/restructure their casting process due to so many of the contestants on the show have been exposed for being concerningly problematic or for being fake/clout chasers. Their negligence with casting has compromised the safety of the contestants (there have been multiple contestants that have had domestic abuse allegations come out) and resulted in other contestants (who are there for clout) ruining the premise of the whole show. At the rate that they’re going, the company’s messiness is going cause their viewers to stop watching the show.
Right? The Lacheys were like “we don’t want people coming here motivated by fame” so stop reaching out to influencers through IG to come on your show???
The fact that they intentionally reach out to some of these clout-chasing people and encourage them to apply is also kinda sus.
Hopefully it will change when Chelsea takes over. She has confirmed this season was casted before she took over so who knows
ya as fucked up as it is for the trevors to want to come on this show, at the end of the say it's the producers of the show whose responsibility it is to prevent so many people like that from even being able to get on the show. like how are regular people on the internet so much better at sleuthing that professionals who are supposed to do that job lol
@@zama_kay Yeah casting people like that isn't a "flaw" in these castings, it's a feature
cheating is calling out to that one guy like it’s the green goblin mask 😭😭
You telling me Kenneth took off being a whole principal to FIND LOVE on a REALITY TV SHOW????? LMAOOOO
Lol this comment is hilarious, but it's only 2 weeks in the pods, then they go back to real life/ work.
Kenneth acting like everyone else didn’t take off two weeks of work and had to play catch up when they got back. He’s a principal, not a surgeon with patients waiting on their death bed. Is there not a vice principal at the school who can handle things in his absence?
@@TheDawnofVanlife a surgeon, or more accurately a hospital, is going to have people that take over for the leave a principle may not. that's entirely up to funding, in my area the principal is also the area superintendent there is no back up. So likely it was a group of teachers attempting to handle his work while he was gone.
@@verda_renee his students absolutely clowned on hom for this tho, its lowley embarrassing
@@TheDawnofVanlife this is such a disappointing and mediocre monded comment. Taking off time for some dumb crap LIKE THIS reflects poorly on his character and if you don't think so, I'd like yo guess you're a product of trash education.
I love that dad that said “that’s some guacamole!” And the other one saying “how could you do that to a woman??” Like it’s so cute… he’s so pissed but still refuses to swear. And saying this with the wives and daughters they’re watching with. It just feels nice to see dads go “no if someone ever treated you that bad they’re crazy I’d fight them.”
People were mad at Clay for saying "No," and I was like, YALL WANT HIM TO SAY YES AFTER HE SAID HE'S GOING TO CHEAT?!?!?!?! and AD was just smiling?! I was so happy he said NO, because I knew she was going to say yes
I've seen more that they are mad that hw let it get to the wedding day in front of everyone etc when he been knew he wasn't going to say yes. And he let her say yes. Like more of a humiliation issue rather than him saying no in general
Clay did her a favor. This man was so aware and open about what his nature was and (as far as we know) he managed to resist cheating even though he said constantly he might cheat. AD was blind and wanted to be Fix It Felix.
@@airari24 But isn't that the whole premise of the show? Most couples in previous seasons waited to say yes or no at the altar. So many couples breaking up beforehand is kinda boring tbh. Production is probably allowing it because of season 5 issues but it does remove the element of surprise from the finale.
@sseonghwaa7076 I agree. But it seems like the contrast this season compared to the other couples plus his overall character (as presented in the show) made people angry? Or maybe they are newer viewers? Or they are upset on behalf of AD regardless? IDK
It’s a more about how he was smiling and laughing all the way through the wedding up and her vows and her saying yes acting like it was the best day all until he said no, he gave her no indication he was going to say no but embarrassed her in front of everyone and wasted everyone’s time - they weren’t mad he said no but they way he went about it
As a psych major working towards a career as a psychologist, I 100% agree with you. We’re taught in school to NEVER counsel our friends and family because it’s 1. A conflict of interest and 2. Not our job in that relationship. You’re bound to give bad advice and cause more harm than good
I one day realized my friend who was getting her masters to be a therapist was such a good listener because she never offered her opinions lol, just asked gentle questions to get more information. So I was like 'does it bother you when people go off about their problems to you' and she basically said 'no but I have been trained not to offer my friends therapy so I can mostly just listen.' A bit eye-opening.
Am
That’s an excellent point! Really puts “fixer” relationships in perspective
i really wish they would have addressed Kenneth and Brittney more. not the gay rumors cuz that is irrelevant but mostly why he seemed so cold towards her and essentially stone walled her. And also how she coped with that and was able to deal with the gaslighting and coldness he showed toward her. i feel like they let him off too easy compared to everyone else.
From what I’ve heard, the breakup scene that we saw between them was a renactment and they had already had a civil conversation breaking up before they got back from the tropical trip. If it is true that production made them fake it for the camera then it would make sense that they let them off easy at the reunion and didn’t fully dive into it
Kenneth is either gay or a pedo. The interactions were just too weird
@@LikeNewMonae that would make a lot of sense because in the beginning they were one of the most talked about couples and they got like 2 minutes at the reunion.
While kenneth being "cold" and "stone walling" was hard to watch, I truly don't think it was malicious or something to tear into him for. Some people are just very dry communicators, I had an ex like this. She got very dry during fights, but she definitely cared and that was seen through her actions. The show is edited in a way that I'm not too sure Kenneth was completely an asshole
i think sarah ann wearing a high school prom dress was just the cherry on top to show her maturity and where her mentality is at
Dress and make up 😂 🗑️ pathetic Ann 🙄
Oh good I'm not the only one who thought that
All the guys reacting to Clay saying no at the altar made me die of laughter, but it was also sweet. Especially that dad that just yelled "AH!" 😂😂
seriously it warmed my heart so much
Me too 😂
Loved it 😂 my husband also said ‘he’s a psychopath’ so hearing another man say that made me diiie 💀
I want a whole compilation video of all the men reacting to it 😂
It was my fav part
Kennie's rant around AD and black women feeling like we're not enough brought me to tears. I'm younger and going through something similar(dealing with the ego punch and finding self-worth after leaving a man for whom I "wasn't enough" for.) and it made me feel so seen.
i know u dont know me but im proud of you for knowing your worth and leaving! you are enough and then some!
Not the PMS tears about the DANISH 😂😂😂 girllllll
Look I can’t even say nun cause I cried after I dropped my grinded weed on the backseat of my suv 😭😭 shit looked like I sprinkled parsley everywhere 😭😭😭😭
@@OGseouliteok I would have cried too 😭 pms or no
@@OGseoulitenot parsley! 😭😭😭😭😭 Honey that hurt me and I don’t even toke a piece of a leaf.
@@OGseouliteHoney, my heart goes out to you! I've dropped ground weed on the front passenger seat floor and that is The! Worst! 😭
Clay has trauma from his father taking him along on his cheating sprees. I think by his father exposing him to that and him not understanding enough to tell his mom he probably felt like he also cheated on her in a sense which is why he speaks as if cheating isn't a choice because little Clay didn't have the choice of not "betraying" his mom when his dad dragged him along and he has carried that "helplessness" into his adulthood.
i avoided all the love is blind content i could so i can get the pure unfiltered experience of kennie's commentary. highlight of my saturdays
😂same
Clay didn’t come on the show to marry somebody he came on the show and used the show and whatever woman he chose (it didn’t have to be AD) as a vehicle for therapy and to basically “test drive” a marriage scenario and how he would behave in said scenario , and the conclusion he came to is he know he’s gonna cheat bc of unresolved baggage, and he already knew that and that’s great he acknowledged that, but ultimately he didn’t need to come on the show to reaffirm things about himself he already knew, he just wasted AD’s time lol
I was having a wonderful laugh with the video until the rant. I listened to it as if hypnotised , I swear. A woman of a different age, of a different race, who speaks a language different from mine, in a country in another continent... And she speaks like she has been spying on me. I immediately sent it to my girlfriends and they too feel represented by what Kennie was saying. This is actually a canonic event in women's lives
I think you’re very right. As a black woman who has always called it “being loyal” and very recently realized that I’m just an exhausted fixer, I’m working on separating it from my loyalty trait. It has to be equal or I don’t want it. Everyone’s got problems but I’m not fixing mine AND his. I refuse.
unrelated, but i been here since you were still a k-beauty creator, and the way your content has evolved is the most chaotic and fulfilling process i’ve ever seen, and i couldn’t be more happy with where it’s gone. i LOOOOVE long videos, and i LOOOOOVE your content. thank you for existing. you’re my favorite type of human. much love. 💗
Kennie, I had no idea you were the artist I've been binging on Spotify for years. WHAT. I've been listening and watching you, thinking you were two separate people. You're so talented.
Having more context about Chelsea and jimmy's situation, makes how they edited the whole thing to make her look bad so mind-boggling. You should totally watch her interview, she explained a lot of things
Would you mind pointing me to the interview you speak of?
@@alexstaysgoldidk if you’ve found it by now or not but if not it’s on Sarah alysses RUclips channel it’s (little correction) the emotional rollercoaster of blind love w Chelsea blackwell :)
@alexstaysgold i think my comment got deleted for posting a link
Just look up chelsea love is blind interview, she's wearing a leather jacket in the video
As a recovering “fix-a-304” , a Gen X’er Black woman with Boomer parents and of Caribbean descent currently going thru a Gray Divorce…. EVERYTHING you said during the Clay & AD portion resonates with me! 🧡
100 percent
❤
I think the reason so many people, especially Black women, had such *strong* feelings about Clay is because Clay reminds people of a lot of the men in their lives. Clay is their ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, father, brother who couldn't get himself together and constantly harmed himself and everyone else around them. They tried so hard to love someone like Clay, and it crashed and burned every single time. Clay's behavior being broadcast on an international television show triggered thousands of people's trauma all at once.
I couldn’t agree more. Clay’s whole family dynamic is triggering.
God damn you've hit the nail on the head
And the fact that his looks, behavior and even initials are the exact copy as my ex's is very very trigger
Self-aware but for nothing
Starts saying the right things but if you let him speak for long enough he'll tell you exactly why you should run
I cannot fathom how someone can be so worried they’ll ruin their relationship by cheating. Just… don’t cheat.
they want to cheat but want to find someone who will let them
The Lacheys were tired of us bein tired of them hosting reunions. FINALLY askin the questions we wanted answers to 🎉🎉🎉 (never thought I'd see the day)
I just wanted to leave a comment that as a previous people pleaser, people fixer, resident therapist to family and friends and exes, I love listening to your takes. If I had had these years ago I think they would have really helped me examine myself and my behaviours. But for me now they also a) give me some closure and confirmation on my own boundaries and b) are a way for me to reflect on the relationships I have in my life now and we're I'm at and that I'm still making healthy choices for myself.
It's one of the reasons your takes and commentary on media is something I LOVE watching.
The other reasons are that you are so fun and funny and just an absolute vibe. Thank you for your channel, truly.
lowkey kennie, we might need you to do a video about all the tea and drama that the internet found out before and during and after the show cause it’s like every day there’s something new 😭 also i hope you’re feeling better. that time of the month makes me feel that way too 🫶🏾
Yeah didn’t Chelsea do an interview or something
Regarding Clay’s whole thing with his dad cheating, I gotta say - I had a friend who went to therapy for this exact issue (her dad would bring her along when he saw his mistress and would make my friend swear not to tell her mum), and when uncovering this trauma, she was so distressed by it that it drove her to multiple ‘unalive’ attempts and hospitalisation due to an eventual psychotic break, which concluded with her having to get electric shock therapy to finally put an end to the unbearable pain this trauma was causing her. Fortunately, she is doing much better now.
I feel the need to mention this, as someone who witnessed the hell my friend went through, to give some perspective to people who view Clay as nothing but a fuckboy. From what he says his childhood experience is near-identical to that of my friend, so I actually think there’s a chance he is having a significant trauma publicly dismissed and even shamed. Obviously everyone is different and we can’t know for sure, but I still think it’s something worth considering.
i hope your friend is well today !! i feel similarly, clay has been through a lot of trauma which is why it was pleasant to see the growth he went through in the reunion
Glad your friend is doing better now! I hope someone in his life or even him can glean that from this show and help him get therapy or something. It does seem like he at least wants a functional relationship and the one way to get that is o these issues
The difference is that clay is a grown ass man now who, with that trauma, decided to go on a love is blind show, which he knows leads to marriage. Your friend, on the other hand, got the help they needed and didn’t go waste someone’s time trying to act like they were actually trying to get married. It’s about taking accountability. Just because you had childhood trauma doesn’t mean you are not at fault for all your actions.😅
@ak_ag97 okay but that kinda ignores that men especially black men aren't encouraged to go to therapy. I'm not saying don't hold him accountable but I think op was just pointing out that while it may seem silly to us, Clay is traumatized. A lot of people are downplaying how his fathers action has effected him. It's giving "get over it. Your a man." Which hey is also a factor of convincing black men to not seek help. Should he have addressed his issues first before dragging someone else in? Yes absolutely. The consequences for his actions there is how AD and their friends view him. But idk I don't want to downplay someone's trauma ya know? Trauma doesn't excuse your actions, but lets not pretend that it doesn't negatively impact you in the worse ways possible. And that will follow in you adult life.
This reunion was messyyy, so here for it 😭
Just wanted to let you know that your speech to AD made me CRY AT WORK but in like a theraputic "older sister is scolding me for not seeing my worth" kind of way. Also, as a poc woman who was also raised with that 'fix him' mindset, it's so comforting to hear other people validate working on breaking that mindset and finding self worth. Thank you for using your platform to encourage that!
Jeremy is that archetype of being more offended by peoples tone and emotion than actions. And its the worst type of person to try to have a discussion with. They view you expressing anything remotely negative as lashing out or “unreasonable” because they think every conversation, even the hard ones or where someone has hurt someone in the relationship, has to be this monotone positive beat-around where everyone has to be polite and gentle.
Clay thinking he’s going to cheat because his dad did proved that men aren’t logical at all. Imagine a woman thinking she HAS to have children because her mom did. Clay isn’t in control of his life and that’s sad as hell.
Sadly I know.poor women who have done that
Because he's stupid. He said and did so many little things during the whole season where it was clear that he got no brain. Apparently comes after his father 😂
He’s just a special kind of stupid.
I don't think is there such a thing as an "annoying" Kennie. Like any video of hers is a delight
my hands-down 2 favorite moments this season have to do with AD's wedding - Clay's mom hugging her after her son's clownery and AD's friends walking out with her after mentioned clownery. Oh the power I felt through them! ❤ honorable mention: Laura telling either Sarah or Jeremaeaey to kick rocks with open-toed shoes 😂
I relate so hard to the failed Danish tears. I finally got a warm croissant from this bakery I like, and I dropped it when some lady bumped into me. It was the last one 😢
oh my god that’s so tragic, like genuinely there have been days where that would’ve been the very last straw for me !! and even if it’s not the last straw, that’s a day-ruiner right there. wishing u many more croissants my fellow internet stranger 🙏
@@plushdragonteddy Many thanks to you, kind stranger. 😪
Croissants are absolutely worth crying over, imho
The thing that was most offputting about Clay when they would have their conversations about their relationship was it seemed like every time he spoke, he was always speaking about how she benefited him, and how she lifted him up and it was never her saying that he was doing the same for her or him saying he is doing that and loves doing that for her. so when she said that she felt like she can follow him, i was really twisted because how can you follow someone that you’re constantly fixing? This show just shows how what people say and what they’re actually experiencing are not aligning, like dissociation is rampant in the dating world, it’s horrifying.
Kennie, you talking about how your period and pms affect you is not only relatable but also real for many women. I find it so important that you bring visibility to it and talk about it instead of hiding it - Never stop!
Also, period pains aside, as always, you are hilarious and do such a great job of summarizing and getting me invested in caring about something I will never sit through and watch 😂
Just the clips you showed of AD’s mom make me suspect Mom is caught in the eternal parental dilemma of trying to figure out how to tell your kid that something is a really really bad idea without triggering your kid’s “That means it’s the best idea ever!” reflex.
The clips of the men reacting to clay at the alter have me on the floor 😂😂😂😂 that is TOO telling. I want him to heal and be ready for marriage after therapy of 10 years but the way he was trying to justify everything in that moment is insane.
I NEVER comment. but waiting for this video felt like waiting for rain in this drought. I almost watched the episodes BY MYSELF! God bless for saving me that heartache x
Literally, I was in the exact same situation
Kennie, let me first say that I been following you since you were in Korea doing k-beauty. As a black African woman who sometimes feels like my views are too "out there" for my fellow black girls, that long rant at 37:01 is the most seen and heard I've ever felt. I see and feel these things in the exact same way. I'm so proud to be a longterm home skillet biscuit.
May we be the generation that gets to walk away and not get a weak "yeah" when we tell the men that terrorised our lives and left a trail of trauma that they didn't treat us right. LET THAT 🥭
I’m so tired of Jimmy getting the “hero” edit. Chelsea was not the first, nor even the second, to bring up the sex w his bff. He admitted to telling her in the pods! He had no clue if production would air that or not. Then the friend outs herself at that lunch meeting. Everyone and their mom knew they had bumped uglies after the crap she said at the meetup. Then Jimmy during that fight literally says he hadn’t done anything physical with them, fully expecting Chelsea to continue to lie for him and give him a good edit. She had enough at that point. She was the 3rd one to bring it up, didn’t use her name, but Jimmy and a bunch of viewers vilify her for it. It’s completely unfair. 99.9% of the blame for that coming out is on Jimmy and his actions. He did some truly messed up things to Chelsea. He said all the right things on camera, then off camera ignored her. Was she annoying to listen to? Yes. The whiny voice drove me nuts also. But nothing she did was intentionally to hurt him. Whereas he played her and treated her like crap. He knew what to say and do to look good on camera. He is no hero. And she’s getting WAY too much hate for reacting to things he did off camera. She wasnt perfect, but showed her faults. Jimmy hid his true intentions and was sneaky about his manipulation.
I haven't watched this season tbh so I don't have an opinion either way, but I'm glad to see someone defending Chelsea cause it seems like the whole internet hates this woman a bit too much
@@valeriarossini543 I feel like I identify with her in some ways. Not me now, but a decade or more ago. I was very insecure, and also became needy while drinking. But I never hurt anybody on purpose, and I don’t think Chelsea did either. She seemed to have real feelings, and how confusing must it have been for him to lead her on and say all the right things on camera, then once they were off he couldn’t give one shit about her.
Spoilers in the next section if you plan to watch!
We saw a little bit on camera. He says he would take a step back from his bff girlfriends bit that Chelsea never asked. He literally says if she asks he’ll take a step back. She asks him to and he responds with “ok, well I’m not willing to take a step back.” Then in the final breakup scene, he leads her on and says she’s his person he loves her he knows where he stands, fully making her think he’s all for the altar. Gets her to express her love and say she’s ready to say yes, then he responds with “I don’t want to go to the altar.” He literally played with her and it was so gross and manipulative, and she did not deserve that.
Why did Trevor even show up? He clearly didn't have anything to say. Why was Jessica there, and she didn't make it out of the pods? I have so many questions. Also their should be stricter rules in the pods about giving hints about appearance. It's called love is blind, no hints should be given about ethnicity, race, celebrity look a like, nothing
Jessica was there because all the people who filmed for Perfect Match were there. idk why she was sitting by the couches with them tho
Jessica has to be a plant, she really could have sat with the others on Perfect Match
He was there to get paid one last time
I think he really did have a planned speech he thought would work. And fumbled it. 😂😂😂
I honestly was confused bcs I thought there were clear rules about what you can say about appearances, I also thought there was something about jobs
What you said about relationships needing to be symbiotic is life-saving advice that all women (and men) would benefit from hearing. I almost sacrificed my entire being for a boy who hated himself, and him breaking my heart was the best thing he could have done for me because it made me wake up to my own self-abandonment. Sometimes love can be karmic and the other person is there to teach you lessons you still need to learn. Anyways that was gas ⛽️ love you Kennie x
About the being a utility woman thing. As a black woman, my mother drilled it into me to never marry a man in progress. And I stand by it. I'm only 23. So all the men I date right now are in progress lol, but when I'm ready to settle down, he shouldn't be "working on himself" still.
49:40 she'll never read this, but Kennie if you do, please know that the way you say "you done held my dog" has gained a permanent place in my vocabulary as a response to any inconvenience or betrayal, and if I'm feeling extra aggrieved I throw in a "that's a big one!" after.
you know its gonna be a damn good video if the video is 1 hours long and starts w kennie opening a can
Um BLESS YOUR HEART for putting the clip show of all the angry men reacting to Clay, omfg that made my DAY.
The QUEEN came back when we needed it 🤧
Literally RUclips so dry rn
As the mom of a 1 year old boy, I realise the importance of chosing a partner who will be a good role model for your children. I'm so proud of my man and the way he raises our boy with sensibility and tenderness, already paving the way of how he'll treat his partner by being kind and respectful to me. We aren't married, but we've been going strong and loyal for 10 years.
It amazes me the edit they gave Jimmy and how ppl aren't able to read between the lines of what was actually going on. Even Jessica had sympathy for Chelsea, but ppl want to continue to use Chelsea as a punching bag. If Jimmy was SO concerned about keeping his bff safe, he shouldn't have put her on the show. I would be upset too if I found out my fiance has me sitting in front of a girl he's slept with, whose making comments to me abt my fiancé's sex drive, but you don't tell me until AFTER? And then you're texting, calling and sneaking off to meet her instead of spending time with me when we only have weeks to decide?! Yeah, most ppl would feel insecure and gaslit in that situation. Jimmy never intended to marry her, and instead of being honest he kept telling her he loved her, and she was his person. In the words of Kandi, THE LIES THE LIES THE LIES 😂.
All the men this season were trashhhhhh
People find Chelsea annoying and grating, that they prefer to frame her as far more unhinged that she truly is. I also think there is some misogyny in how she's being frame by the audience.
I agree with you. At the same time, Chelsea's delivery diminishes her message. If she would stop all of that whining and be more direct about why she's upset, she would've given the editors less to play with. For example, after meeting her friends, she told Jimmy he didn't kiss her all day and he had. She also said a bunch of other stuff. She could have just said something like, "I know you say you love me, but I don't feel the love for x, y, and z reason." Or "I'm worried that you regret your decision after seeing Jessica, do you?" Or "I'm having a hard time dealing with your relationship with your friend for various reasons." (Keeping it vague for TV). But we live, and we learn. I heard she's in therapy which is great. Also, Clay got a beneficial edit as well according to some reports. I wish the editors would let these things play out and allow the audience to react how they will, instead of leaning so hard into specific narratives.
Okay, but Jessica only had an issue with him when he brought her up and it affected her. She still had feelings for hi, for a while. If she was truly concerned and thought jimmy was trash she’d have done so before his interview. It seems they’re all annoying and there is definitely something we’re not seeing as viewers. Jimmy was wild in the pods and his reasons for choosing Chelsea were stupid. Chelsea knew he had slept with his friend before choosing him apparently, so she could’ve said no if it was an issue. And it was more so that they had agreed to keep that between them and he lost all trust in Chelsea. Jimmy focusing on Jess looks and so caught in the Megan fox, cause Chelsea is pretty and it was petty af.
Let’s not forget Chelsea baited him into that argument, begged him not to leave after starting it and then said she loved him even more after it. The where do you go when you work was crazy after we know he works from home.
completely agree. im sick of everyone talking mad shit on chelsea. its misogynistic.
tea !! he triggered her anxious attachment style
literally wanted to start clapping when Kennie said therapists 'get paid for that shit. quite handsomely. because its draining.' YES exactly.
*gets notification while on app
“Oh thank god”
Think this is my first first comment ever and I’m so stoked to listen to this while getting ready for work
Clay talks about cheating like its a genetic defect that he inherited. 😂😂 He needs more than a year of therapy to ever deserve and love a woman like AD. and she needs to stop ignoring red flags.
I was once in a similar pms headspace and had expensive pasta take out that I was looking forward to all day at work! It fell on the floor upside down like a thanksgiving pie and I cried hard 🥲👍
100% justified
your work ethic is insane bc pms that bad would have had me calling everything off and blocking everybody 😂😂 thanks for the great video
Girly I literally cried last week because the line in Publix was ridiculously long and all I wanted was cookies.
I left, cried in the car, then went home to cry to my mom, then she went and got them. Then I cried again cause she loves me
😂🤍✨
I just spent the last 12 yrs taking care of a man that didn’t find it important enough to breath, he died of an asthma attack at the beginning of December and now my whole world has been turned upside down. Don’t waste your time taking care of someone that doesn’t think it’s important enough to take care of themselves. He didn’t have to die, he had to talk to a dr.
im dying~ your level of "whatever, I'm done" matched sooo well with these final episodes
The way I yelled “FINALLY” when I got this notification
Your point at 37:23 is also in Khadija Mbowe’s video about the long suffering wife, I would recommend watching if you have the time I think you would be interested in it.
I watched a lot of this season with my husband and we had an interesting takeaway from the wedding episodes. We kept saying "Listen to how Clay talks about AD and then listen to how Johnny talks about Amy. Johnny sounds like a man who is ready to be married and loves Amy." But Clay? We both kept saying "Clay isn't ready for this. He needs to go work on himself." Thank goodness Clay said no (even though he could have called it off earlier).
Also, Clay's dad did him a *huge* disservice by not only cheating on Clay's (amazing) mom, but for exposing Clay to the cheating itself. Clay's dad owes him an apology and probably should be willing to do family counseling too.
Your mentality is so vital, it’s needed for women to know that they are worthy more than the ways that men will use them and DRAIN us. We deserve to be provided for more then financially & physically
1:00:25 I completely agree with you kennie and I literally said the same thing. At the alter was the only time I felt an ounce of respect for clay for being honest with himself and everyone there. He KNEW he wouldn’t be good to her. I think everyone’s just mad he waited until that very moment to call it off
Thank you for bringing up the element of colorism within the struggle love beast with ad and clay! As a cocoa girlie I had to pause the video and think for a hot second
the complilation of dads and boyfriends screaming at Clay was SO FUNNY
About AD, it's bot about being nice, but about wanting what you want so bad that you will dismiss your own intuition and intelligence.
37:13
Couples therapist here! I want to thank you Kennie for your words here because ABSOLUTELY agree with every word said.
I can’t speak to the experiences or norms Black women are conditioned with because I am not a Black woman but from what I’ve seen working with all kinds of couples from a variety of backgrounds, the insanely high expectations and pressures my female clients put on themselves to “fix” or “improve” their male partners is so sadly consistent. This socialization takes some real time and work to unlearn because of how baked in the messages are especially for folks in heterosexual relationships. I just wanna say to anyone who has been there or is currently feeling those pressures, please know it is not your fault. That shame is a product of sexism and generational trauma that has been inflicted on folks socialized as women for centuries.
The thing I tell my clients all the time is to raise your standards. It is not anyone’s job to fix your partner or act as their only form of emotional regulation. No matter the trauma they’ve experienced or relevant context they have, our triggers, our emotional wounds while not our fault, are ours to own and work on. Your trauma is not your fault period. But we do have a responsibility to ask for help and try to work on ourselves out of respect for our partner(s)/loved ones. Not that you have to be perfect- set backs will happen, healing takes time, learning new behaviors/coping tools takes time, but the effort has to be there.
Please know you are not a failure in any way if your partner is not willing or is not ready to do the work. We need to be able to regulate ourselves first, and not just rely on others to manage our emotions. It’s not a bad thing to emotionally support or encourage growth from our partners, however, that should be an added bonus not a requirement.
Be gentle with yourself and remember to keep those standards high because you deserve a partner who will compliment you, not complete you! You are already more than enough as is. ♥️
Re: 1:03:00, it reminds me of when Howard Stern doubted Freddie Prinze JR and Sarah Michelle Gellar's staying power to Freddie and bet him it wouldn't last. Stern said Freddie would be a different person at 35. Freddie said that's alright because she would be a different woman. It's RECIPROCAL.
I got to this video late. But when Kennie asked about what goes through the mind of someone who is forced to face their actions, in regards to Clay's dad. It's indeed the self-loathing. My grandfather had this exact conversation with my grandmother. Though he was a lot more remorseful than Clay's dad. It was just like an instant "What have I done with my life ?. At the end of the day, my grandmother and grandfather loved each other till he passed away, even though divorced. But he was forced to look at what his life could've been if he had just been good to her , and therefore to his family.
Clays mom being the queen of the show is the only thing I’ll remember
Is she a queen, or a used doormat
My thing with Clay, besides 'why did you come on here??', is...what does one do with that information? If my potential spouse said to me, constantly, that he wasn't sure he could be faithful, he's worried about being faithful, he doesn't have good examples... IDK what I'd say. How do you respond? What did he want her to do/say? Was he hoping she'd bail first and he could say 'well I opened up and she ran'?
I would feel like he's setting up structure for excuses if/when things go sideways. 'Well I told you at the beginning that I [..]' I would want out, but it seems AD really wanted marriage, wanted this process to work.
I don't think he came for clout, but he knew it was up before the alter and should have said so.
Whew, thank you for giving permission to no longer being a fixer. People tell me and I tell myself its part of my identity and who I am/how I present. But it really can't continue to be something I lead with nor wear with pride. It always comes at the cost of myself self, energy and to my detriment. It was beginning to feel like that all I have to offer. No more. Thank you ❤
the best part of this video is the compilation of upset men, it's really very heartwarming.
14:37 “ I don’t know if I have the patience for a real relationship” - Kennie 2024. - Girl….this is me all day. I just don’t have the energy (more like not willing) to put in that sweat equity. Especially that crap with Chelsea. No ma’am. I will just ✌️
I genuinely think if jess didn’t have a kid, jimmy would’ve picked her over Chelsea.
I know a lot of people think he only picked Chelsea because she said she look like Megan Fox and was blinded from that moment on but I really think it was mainly because Jess had a kid and he wasn’t trying or ready to be a step father. Just my opinion
I totally agree. He genuinely liked her but couldn’t get pass the fact that he might have to step in and become a father to her daughter
If someone doesn’t cry over a Danish can they even be trusted?
Theory: it’s not so much that Clay can’t control his cheating, but it’s an intrusive thought he can’t control. I’ve had those thoughts SO often, as someone diagnosed with OCD. Think of the worst, most evil thing you could do as a human being. You’ll be driving down the road thinking about your grocery list, then all of a sudden the thought will pop in your head “what if I jerked my wheel to the side and drove my car off this hill?” You have no plan or desire to do so - in fact, you feel COMPLETELY the opposite of the thought. But because the thought entered your mind, you’re now terrified that you’re going to do it and that it’s a real thing. Then you engage in compulsions to dispel the thought, such as ruminations or mental rituals. For me, the constant intrusive thought always used to be that I was going to Hell. So I had to pray and ruminate and talk about it all the time. My family and community were always so confused by my fears because I was the most devout person they knew. That’s what I think is happening with Clay. Not saying he has OCD or anything. But I think his heart is so very much set on NOT cheating that intrusive thoughts brought on by childhood trauma just bombarded him, and the self-soothing compulsion he has is to ruminate and constantly talk about it. He may even be so far in as to accidentally look at a woman in line at Starbucks and think “Oh my God, I just looked at that woman. Did I cheat? Was that cheating?”
I’m not OCD but I’ve had that intrusive thought when driving all the time. Absolutely hate it. I know I want to live though. It’s not easy but you work through that. I’m not trying to be a driving instructor or anything like that. I don’t understand why he would come on a show like this knowing he’s got this baggage. That’s so irresponsible of him and he needs to own that.
It’s amazing how Jeramey and Sarah Ann are. They really are oblivious to why everyone else on the cast hates them. They really deserve each other.