I've noticed too if there is a temperature change, like getting out of the shower or going outside when it's cold, make it even harder for me to transition. Great topic! 💞
TEMPERATURE CHANGE!! YES! Showering in the winter months is one of the worst sensory experiences for me. Also, weirdly... I make my kids' lunches every morning for school and usually pack lunch meat. Touching the lunch meat is one of the worst experiences for me all day (I know that sounds dramatic but I truly hate it, touch, smell, etc.). And a lot of times I delay packing the lunches bc of this sensory experience.
I used to LOVE to swim. I swam before I could walk. (We have an In ground pool). Now the feeling of being in a pool just feels YUK! I didn’t understand it until I found this channel. I also hate to shower now. Odd that these things have only come out since I’ve gotten older.
@MomontheSpectrum I hate touching certain textures, too, and lunch meat is on the list! I wear gloves to work in the kitchen sometimes (like they wear at Subway sandwiches) and it helps.
😂 This perfectly explains why I have to go to the bathroom when I arrive somewhere - I don’t even need to go, I just like sitting quietly on the toilet for a few minutes. It’s also my go-to move when I’m overwhelmed in an environment.
Wait until you are in menopause and you are interrupted constantly by having to go to the bathroom. Once you have gone to the bathroom you can get back to what you were doing......
Holy cow. You unlocked a core memory of me visiting other peoples' bathrooms to the point that my mom used to tease me about it. She used to think I was just nebby. Now this makes so much sense! Ty!
I've suspected being autistic for a long time. But your videos are making me realize I was only focusing on diagnostic criteria with my research, and there are a lot of things I didn't know about it. I thought for a long time I couldn't be autistic because I didn't stim, but I honestly didn't know that it is so much more varied than the stereotypical portrayals of it in media (and hopefully I can replace some of my dangerous/unhealthy stims with more neutral ones now that I know what they are). I didn't even know about this inertia thing, and it makes a lot of things in my past and present make so much more sense.
Getting out of bed, or getting into bed before sleeping are transitions that are hard for me. Accepting that summer is over, or accepting that winter is over, I wear my light or warm clothes way too long. Just a few examples.
Same!!!!! I suspect I may be an ADD combo with autism, so I get really caught up in the novelty of holiday/seasonal decor and latch onto it (special interest). Naturally, this means I still have jack-o-lanterns scattered about my house waiting to be packed back into their boxes & hoisted back onto the storage shelves... in mid-January. Sometimes the novelty of an upcoming season/holiday helps me detach from the ones that have passed, and sometimes it just overwhelms me. Fun times.
@@crawfordroses One year we didn’t put away the Christmas decoration for the whole year. It was there till next Christmas. We just didn’t manage. I am diagnosed with Autism, but think I could have ADHD too by the way.
This is why I have a hard to getting into the shower but when I do I dont wanna get out of the shower...the transition from being dry and warm to being wet is always overwhelming for me. Sometimes I go days without showering. And I am not depressed.
@ordinaryvalley Even though it's been several months since you posted this I wanted to reply "me too!" And wow do I feel that "and I am not depressed" addendum, because people assume that's the problem.
What's funny to me is how long it took me to realize -- considering I used to work in the field -- the HUGE array of sensory "issues" our showerheads can create! I had a showerhead that "worked for me" and when I lost that for awhile, I started showering less often (at which point I found micellar water makeup wipes to be highly effective between showers, since they break down oils). In case this is relevant to anyone else: The showerhead that works for me has technology that mixes air with the water, which makes the water feel "heavy" yet soft, and a random raindrop pattern that mimics "tapping", both of which are highly soothing for me. There exist plumbing showrooms with live displays in which people can feel the spray patterns before buying (and, while they don't offer $20 showerheads because those can't meet certain minimum standards for quality and building codes, they do typically offer the same item for less than online sellers). For me personally, Hansgrohe's (not Grohe, Hansgrohe) "Rain" and "rain air" spray patterns make a big difference, and Kohler has a few things that have that air injection too. I am out of the industry now and don't benefit from recommending these ... the Hansgrohe Select S120 handshower, Chroma 120 E and Raindance S 150 fixed head appear to have that rain pattern spray.
I use early childhood methods to deal with transition, I sing myself a little soothing verse, in the same way, every day, throughout. consistently soothing myself in and out of situations with a familiar repetition based tunes has been LIFE CHANGING.
Think I kind of use the same method by playing mostly the same record on my car radio all the time and just singing with it while driving from one place to an other. Sometimes people ask me why I hold on to my job that requires a 25-minute drive from my home when there are similar jobs available in a 5-10minute distance. "Well, I just love to drive for 25 minutes" seems to be a really confusing answer, lol On harder days I still get stuck in my garage though when returning home. :-)
@@JunisGiehlI went to The Dead South concert on Jan. 5 this year, like 11 months ago, and I played their cds all year until a week ago. People don't seem to understand why I don't want to face the emotions of transitioning to new music in my car. I am a housecall cat nanny, so I am driving from house to house all day long to feed cats and clean their litters. Thankfully I work alone, so it is just me and the cats at each house while owners are on vacation.
When I worked at the elementary school doing before & after school child care, we always gave a 5 minute warning for whatever transition was upcoming. “Five minutes till snacktime!” “Five minutes till clean-up!” “Five minutes till we go outside!” And I found that it helped me just as much as it helped the kiddos to transition between activities. Ive given myself the same little five minute transition warnings ever since!
The hardest one for me is getting off the sofa to go to bed in the evening- getting up from being all snuggled up with blankets and a good book, tv series or researching a special interest, and then go to the bathroom, brush teeth, change into PJs , let the dog out for one last pee, switch off the light etc and then into bed. That is a struggle for me every dang time 🙄🙈
@@MomontheSpectrum I find that it sometimes helps me to have a book that I am really into and that I am only allowed to read when I am in bed. It becomes my reward for getting into bed and then I can read for a little while and when I get sleepy, I just put the book down and go to sleep.
Oh, so very this. I can even be ready for bed - just have to take off my slippers and get into bed - and yet I'll stand beside my bed reading something on my phone... for ages.
@@ABetneyI do that too! I can even sit on the edge of my bed, scrolling or reading or just zoning out. Literally one tiny, sideways move away from being in bed, but NOPE.
I’m increasingly becoming aware that I need to create rules for myself that eventually become habitual. A few that I’m starting to become aware of the necessity for are 1) getting completely ready for bed (teeth brushed, make up removed, etc) hours before I am actually ready for bed to reduce the friction of that transition, 2) No phone use for a certain period of time before bed (otherwise drags on for hours trying to delay that transition… currently typing this at 2am in one of those stuck modes), 3) Build a habit of reading something I look forward to at the end of the day. BUT read IN bed, not out of bed. I’m getting better at implementing the first one more often, but haven’t managed the others yet.
Yes! I have the hardest time getting out of bed in the morning. Some mornings it feels nearly impossible to get up (even if I really have to go to the bathroom)... I started to set my coffee maker to start making coffee 5 minutes before I want to get up. By the time my alarm goes off, I can smell the coffee downstairs. Thinking about going downstairs to pour that cup of coffee to start my day has been a game-changer in actually being able to get out of bed. Before I had to set my alarm to an hour or an hour and a half before I actually needed to get out of bed, so I could have time to work up to it. I also started using body doubling and didn't even know it. My husband gets up earlier than I do in the morning. I found if I get out of bed at the same time he does, it actually makes the transition and my whole day a lot easier. I also find grocery shopping so much easier if he goes with me because he just gets out of the car and is ready to go in. Or if I get stuck in a certain aisle and start to zone out, he can help me to keep moving forward to the next item on my list. He also always reminds me to put my earplugs in which I tend to forget to do because I'm already so dysregulated by the transitions and thought of even going to the grocery store. I also realized, long before my diagnosis, that once I get going, I HAVE to keep going or it's all over. On Saturday morning, I'll get out of bed for my coffee (see above) and will then do the dishes, and then I'll put a load of laundry in, and then I'll clean the bathroom, and then I'll help my daughter clean her room. Basically, anything I wanted to get done, gets done because I already got started. If, however, I get my coffee and go sit on the couch to watch cartoons with my daughter, the likelihood of getting anything done that day pretty much goes out the window. Same thing when I come home from work. I have to just keep going and get all the things done around the house. I can't take a break or I'll never get restarted. My husband could never understand why it seemed like I couldn't stop or why I needed to get all the things done first thing Saturday morning. Now that we've learned more about autistic inertia it has become so much clearer to us.
Sometimes I will just stay on public transport past my stop bc I don't feel like getting out. Or come home, sit down on the floor and stay there. Or just stand in the supermarket, just standing and zoning out.
I think this is also part of why I never did my homework because once I'm home I'm home, I can't put my brain back into school mode once I'm in home mode yk
Yes! I would do my homework in other classes when I finished my tasks or would do remaining homework during lunch. I almost always barely managed to turn everything in on time.
Yes!! I had to leave a high-paying and really satisfying job because I can't transition from task to task quickly enough. I was the most accurate claims processor (always 100% correct), but also the slowest in the organization! They needed me to be faster and would have been ok with some minor inaccuracies, but I CANNOT do things incorrectly once I know how to do them correctly. So, transitions and being a stickler for perfection cost me that job. But it's for the best - I'm starting a freelancing career that will allow me more freedom to have deep focus on one thing at a time, while also being as accurate as possible ❤❤
@MomontheSpectrum wow, thanks for replying! Yes, it was a conundrum, and I got into trouble for being so slow at work quite a bit before I finally realized it was never going to be a good fit for me. I wish it hadn't taken so long for me to understand that, but delayed processing can be reeeeaaallllyyy delayed sometimes 🤷🏼♀️ It's also really confusing to be told you're simultaneously the best AND the worst at something!!
Yes! I've had this feedback at a job too! More than once. I'm the slowest employee at the job, but I do the best work. I always felt so awful that I couldn't figure out how to speed up... But there's no way I was going to skip steps and do the job wrong/poorly. It's really nice to hear I'm not the only one, thank you for sharing!
This is interesting, because prior to the period of burnout that led to my diagnosis, I wouldn't have particularly flagged transitions as a problem. BUT I think that's one part of why my new work role tipped me over into burnout - I can happily write or code or prep a lecture for HOURS at time, while answering a bunch of disparate emails or doing a bunch of tiny administrative tasks wears me down because it is like 20-100 transitions within an hour! - AND my issues with transitions in general became a lot more noticeable because of that burnout. In the past, I didn't sit in the car for 5 minutes unless I was going somewhere really stressful...but I do now. One thing I've found that helps for the "I have a thousand picky tasks I have to do" issue is to put on some soothing music that you like - lately I've been using a 1.5 hr wordless medley of music from my latest anime obsession. This puts me in a happier headspace and somehow makes it feel like the tasks are more connected (reducing the feeling of transitioning from one thing to the next).
I am so glad you found a way to ease the burden of transitions in your new work role! I had to leave a job I loved because I was not able to transition fast enough between tasks. I tried to succeed at it (going against what was best for my own health) for way too long, and the burnout I suffered as a result lasted 3 years.
For transitions, I find that closing my eyes and thinking about being at the next place to go to is really helpful. It helps me get rid of most of the information I'm processing, find calm and get there more quickly.
Is this what's happening with phone calls? I absolutely hate getting them, often avoid them and am often grumpy at the start until I've kind of thawed or gotten over being disturbed when I wasn't planning on having to talk to someone even if it's someone I like. I also procrastinate making them like they're the plague when I do want to keep in touch with friends.
I'm pretty sure I've read repeatedly that autistic people hate phone calls, for a variety of reasons. Explains a lot about my longstanding aversion to the phone.
Omg you’re so funny. “Paraphrased. I’m not a scientist… whatever. Do your own research.” 😂 I really appreciate that you’ve named this here, and in previous videos. I’m a notorious “sit in the car” person, but I didn’t realize WHY! And “STAY IN MOTION - YES!” I can’t make any guarantees afterwards & have a belief about myself that I become unreliable.
My own magical tool that I've discovered is audiobooks. When my alarm goes off in the morning and I'm ready to stop hitting snooze (or when I've run out of snoozes), the first thing I do is hit play on whatever audiobook or podcast I'm currently listening to. Then (after a moment or two) I go through my morning routine while I listen. The stories engage my brain just the right amount - not so much that I can't keep myself (mostly) on track, but enough to keep brain chaos at a minimum and to help me retain a somewhat accurate sense of time passing. The audio format keeps my eyes and hands free to help me through my tasks (unlike trying to read a book with one hand while I brush my hair with the other...). It works with music, too, although that teeters on the edge of not being engaging enough to help. And it's most helpful when it's a story I'm already familiar with. I've built a collection of 60 or so audiobooks that I cycle through over and over again - partly to save money, but also because my familiarity with the stories gives me more freedom to hop mental tracks as needed. It's sort of like I'm encouraging my brain to stick to just two sets of tracks - the story and my routine - instead of a dozen... or zero (when I unknowingly stare into space or accidentally fall back asleep). I don't know how much of this is about my self-diagnosed autism versus my clinically-diagnosed ADHD, but it's the only way I've found that consistently gets me through my routines. Usually. 🤞
I know... it can feel a lot like missed opportunities/regret/disappointment thinking about what could have been. But today is the first day of the rest of your life!! Go live it. :)
ah, thank you so much for no jumpy editing. its so refreshing snd so much easier to watch videos without all the sensory drainers (stock photos, sound effects, animation, pop ups) also thanks for recognizing that phrases conjure up visually unpleasant images..keep your eyes peeled is my least favorite saying. ugh.
Yes! My sensitivity to light and sound is often crippling, to the point where I'm not sure I can have kids because I'm worried I won't be able to handle the chaos. Your channel gives me hope!
there is definitely hope!! I experience sensory overwhelm as a mom on a regular basis but I've learned to cope and find ways to work through it. Being a mom is my absolutely favorite thing!
@@MomontheSpectrum I’m SO glad to hear that. Your channel is incredible, thank you for everything you do! I have a beauty channel and I filmed a chronic illness video where I received a few comments suggesting I have ASD. I stumbled upon your channel and it changed my life. I’ve never related to anyone more. I feel so understood and validated. ❤️
Sometimes I put on a baseball cap with visor tipped down to shield my eyes before leaving my room in the am if others are already awake with bright lights on. I use bthrm.. return to my room where I already have water to drink & wake up. Then if I didn't get coffee already, go back out for it..
I wasn’t diagnosed as autistic until I was 23, (I am 25 now). But as a kid I was diagnosed as having anticipation anxiety, which I now realize (because of this video) was probably just my autistic brain not wanting to go through adjusting to the new environment.
I don't get stuck in my car because I get stuck in my house. Today I had errands to run, but had a very hard time getting out of the house and INTO the car. No errands today. However, I'm done beating myself up about this since right now I'm trying to get over burnout. Oh, and making phone calls or sending texts is a change. One of my favorite sayings: I like change. I just don't want to be there when it happens. 🤣
My nervous system is disturbed when I see an acquaintance in an unexpected public place, especially if I’m focused on another task like listening to music. I hate how not appearing happy to see someone by surprise if socially unacceptable. I just need time to script and get in “social mode”.
In my first job out of college, I was still learning the ropes in the design industry and not only worked in a noisy open office environment (if that wasn't stressful enough), I had a manager who frequently "changed gears" on me, and would interrupt me trying to get work done to focus on something else, before I could finish whatever I was doing. This is what we call "context switching", and in creative work, we get fixated on whatever task we're doing all the time, so being ripped away from that task by someone else at random is a huge recipe for stress and resentment. This happened so frequently that I felt like I was reaching a breaking point. I felt angry every time she would do this, but I felt embarrassed that I might be showing visible frustration, and since I wanted to put on a good impression and be accommodating as a newer employee, I didn't feel like I had the agency to push back on these transitions. It felt like hell, but I eventually learned this was pretty normal in this kind of a job and got to a point where I'm able to adapt quickly and shake off these transitions as they occur in my career today, 10 years later. Sometimes learning to cope with transitions takes years of practice. Whatever you do, don't be afraid to communicate when you need space to be successful in sudden or unwelcome transitions. It's okay to say "Sure! I just need a few minutes to wrap things up and I'll focus on this thing next!" Take a walk. Get some coffee. Do something that helps drive you more smoothly into the next thing, so it doesn't feel so abrupt. This plays into rewarding yourself as well!
In college, I had a very hard time with the transition between school and breaks. It was really hard and overwhelming for me to adjust to living at a dorm/apartment then going back home. I would often get incredibly anxious the week before breaks started because of the impending transition. It’s like you describe, it takes a while for me to get comfortable and settled in a new space or situation.
absolutely. transitioning from school to a break to studying to eating... it's a whoooole lot. and then the social element of school just exacerbates everything
For myself, I struggle with the sleep/awake transition. After I wake up, it takes me HOURS to really feel awake. And then going to sleep after I’ve been awake is difficult too. It’s why I usually take melatonin to help with that.
Thanks for yet another "Aha!" 😊 (I'm in the process of just discovering* that I'm probably Autistic, and this transitions thing is another symptom that I can now appropriately file in the ASD column 😊 *And I say "just" discovering because I'm a 59 yr old gay black woman with Multiple Sclerosis, so there's not a lot of research or help out there for someone like me! So Thanks!, Taylor 😊)
My first sign of autism. My mom did not know I was autistic. We went through multiple stores and errands. I was overwhelmed by the sensory of other stores. My mom thought I would be excited to go to Toys r Us. It was raining going from sitting in a car to going into another store even if you would think I would enjoy. She thought I would be running out and the car door was slammed on my finger. Still struggle church to home to doing anything that day.
Church to home. I have a hard time getting myself to change into casual clothes after church. I also get overwhelmed in really big stores and can't decide what to buy. Powell's huge bookstore in Portland is one place that happens, and once I went to the Hancock Fabric in Paducah, KY, on a vacation trip and ended up just buying a couple of small pieces of fabric as souvenirs. I don't know that I could have handled Toys R Us as a child.
@nathanjw940 😫 *_Uaaaaaaa!_* OtOH, I _have_ to wear uniform as Audio Engineer, Japanese Christian Church of Walnut Creek (CA, USA) [胡桃河町日系油童教會 𝘒𝘶𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘸𝘢-ᴛʏōɴɪᴋᴋᴇɪᴋ'ʀɪs'ᴛᴏᴋʏōᴋᴀɪ], a member Congregation o' the OMS (viz., Oriental Missionary Society) Holiness Church of North America [東宣北米新生教会 ᴛōsᴇɴʜᴏᴋ-ʙᴇɪsɪɴsᴇɪᴋʏōᴋᴀɪ]. Found that my 5.11|̲̅⊞̲̅|TACTICALⓇ 80034 FAST-TACⓇ Vest has flap pockets for the handheld vocal transmitters - convenient in its own way.
I should preface this by saying I am allistic. However, I generally find church quite overwhelming; the lighting, the long sermons, hearing people whispering around me… and if I don’t run out the door fast enough at the end, any number of people I know will come to my husband and I afterwards for a quick chat. Lovely, but overwhelming. I have a brimmed cap I wear for the overhead lighting, I get us to sit near the back so fewer people can have quiet communications behind us, and normally I make a beeline for the exit as soon as the service is over. I then sit in the car waiting for my sociable husband to eventually join me. Honestly, sometimes listening online is easier and keeps my bandwidth higher. I know this is off-topic a little but I am curious… if I find church so difficult as a non-autistic person, how do you people deal with environments like these?!
@@dundeedebbie *Ye're following early Church precedent, per Sha'ul ha Tarshishi dba Paulos Apostōlos (1. Corinthians 11.3-16).* Hats shield the eyes from glare. As for me, the _ears_ need damping, thus the maxell® earset for my OnePlus DE2118; would I could purchase HEIL SOUND™ ProSet™ 3 for the PEAVEY® FX2-32 console that I work as Audio Engineer.
I almost didn't subscribe to you a while ago because I'm not a mom and do not want to be a mom. Sometimes things "for moms" can be too intense for people with no kiddos. But damn, I'm so glad I did subscribe - because everything you share is so so informative and helpful! I love that you can weave in your maternal experiences in a way that reinforces what you're talking about.
@@MomontheSpectrum reading it again I feel like I could have worded it differently 😂 But seriously, I'm happy I challenged my perceptions because your videos are great.
@@alliecastellarin1428 I suppose I know what you wanted to say. I am a mom but my kids are much older than Taylor's and this time when they were little is a bit like a memory for me - this "me" was only a phase, like being a teenager or a kid. BUT Taylor's content is in fact more about being autistic than being a mom. Though I surely understan (oh, I DO understand!) that being autistic and a parent, or even more: being a parent and realising that "OMG I am autistic" is an overwhelming experience. Well, two different overwhelming experiences. But I'm happy for you that you gave Taylor's content a chance - for me this is the best channel with "actually autistic" content! Hand in hand with "Autism from the inside".
It was the same for me at the beginning. I was an unplanned poor single mum, (my son is now a young man and lives on it's own) and I regtetted it a lot, to be a mother 24hours for years was mostly horrible overwhelming for me, croed nearly every night for years beeing too exhausted. With the knowledge of today I would have made another desicion, wich is unfair for my son, who's not guilty causing my bad feelings.' So I always feel guilty about beeing a bad mum and avoid this "happy family content", it males me sad. And yes, jelous not having parents or anyone else loving and helpung me. (Not jelous in a meaning I don't want others to be happy, just be very sad not to have experienced it). But then I saw it has nothing to do with talking about "the kids" and signed in. It's very helpful content and a nice open minded community.
Thank you so much! Inertia/paralysis is such a struggle for me and this is the first resource I’ve found that actually shows an understanding of what it’s like and offers concrete suggestions that make sense to me.
This is me all over! I think it's why i avoid a lot of things because the transition is so hard! Ive seen me sit in my car outside the supermarket and after 10 minutes drive away because i work myself into a panic without meaning to. Im learning how to deal with this better. Thanks for another great video Taylor xxx
of course!! just know you're not alone. maybe when you're stuck in your car you can imagine the community here supporting you and trying to have a little laugh about how random we can be sometimes. thanks for your comment.
Your videos help me SO much!!! I'm 63 and have recently been diagnosed with autism, so everything I'm learning is a flood of information. Of course I'm divng deep into research mode etc and have been for some time now, but now it's quite a relief to know why I do that. You mentioned explaining our need to take a moment to adjust to our environments to our family and friends, that's a big one for me because they're all adults with their own undiagnosed autism, except for our youngest twenty-five year old son. Now that's a long story for another time. I have not revealed my diagnosis yet, and it sounds like that will be the only way I can move forward with our boys. They need their own way of dealing with sensory processing and so do I and sometimes they clash. Thanks for these ideas! Maybe you could do a video on how autistic family members can coexist.
Same here though im not diagnosed but my son is. Lots in my extended family like cousins and aunts are obvious or actually diagnosed as autistic also. Sometimes my sons needs and mine are combined. Sometimes its gonna be hard on one or both so we have to deal with it. (when its not dealable we both dont work lol) thats only sometimes possibly because weve been able to keep a certain schedule. ❤️
I only have this issue at home. Have to hype myself up to hop under the shower, cook or go out, unless its really urgent. Once I am out, it's all planned out. I will go over the plan in the car (or listen to an audio book, that makes it easier)
@@MomontheSpectrum yes and in the shower. I hype myself up, hop into the shower then it's "wash underarms, wash this and that, dry yourself, clothe yourself, don't forget your face. Take deodorant, make food for the kids.... Shit too many items on the list. I already washed this this and this, so junst rinse, dry yourself..." and so on. Until I get to the part, when I am home again in my head. Otherwise I would forget something for sure! (And I still doubt that I am autistic. I am in the process of being diagnosed and literally tossed a coin to decide which expression this person in the picture had.... I TOSSED A COIN FOR HALF OF IT! And I thought I know my facial expressions, since I am an illustrator and trained that shit hard. But nope. Luck will decide)
For me, it's not so much that I CAN'T get out of the car, it's that I'm not ready to get out of the car yet. I have to "psyche" myself up to do stuff. And sometimes my train of thought leaves the station without me, and I'm left with my body stuck in one position while my mind is busy exploring the universe.
That's exactly it! I used to leave for work like an extra 20 minutes early so I could mentally prepare the transition to work, and often would sit when I got home or before I started driving home to "be ready" for home. Which is where I had been dying to be all day
Maintaining momentum and giving yourself a reward/reason to do something is so helpful, really good points! I find routine based on these ideas to be super effective too. Tip: I used to struggle to get out of bed until I started making coffee for my partner every morning; doing something nice for someone else is easier than doing it for myself, I find... and also it's own reward! 😇
I have said for so long that I just get stuck. (Writing this from a stuck on the couch mode) No one gets it. I didn’t get it, until I found your videos. Picturing yourself doing what you need to do next is so helpful. ❤
I really hate being interrupted. Hate it. I consider the car, however as a PART of the errand. I focus completely on getting the whole errand done, so when I stop I am out before I hardly get it in park...I'm on a roll and focused. Another tip I used was to time things that I hate to do...washing dishes for example. I hate the getting wet and the transition to do them. Realizing that it actually only took 10 minutes or less helped me to use the slogan for myself: "JUST DO IT". I know I will be happy when it's done. I use this for many of the things I have to do. Yes...stay in motion is a good key...just do it. Realize it only takes a fraction of the time you thought it would, and just suck it up then do it. AFTER you can feel better because it's DONE. That is how this autistic person rewards herself...that feeling of it being done, the satisfaction. And the things are all things I MUST do at some point so why spend all that time dreading it?! Right? That said...I try not to plan a LOT in a day. I do my best to stay on top of the GOTTA DO items...I keep laundry done by doing a "reboot" every day for example. And grocery shop online and I pay for grocery delivery! Yeah...totally worth it. Uses a lot less spoons, gas and time.
Mindfulness, DBT practice, and meditation have dramatically changed my difficulty with transitions. I went to a weekly online DBT skills meeting hosted by a licensed therapist. It was in a group of about 6 other women and attendance, video, and participation were all optional. I dreaded doing group work, but in the context of having the material read aloud with the ability to practice the skills and zero pressure to speak or be seen was honestly really helpful. I practiced the skills for about 10 minutes a day and saw significant progress in about 2 weeks. Emotional regulation skills should be mandatory for literally everyone. Mindfulness helped my anxiety a LOT. I practice mindfulness for 5-15 minutes a day depending on my spoons. It’s not about the amount of time, but doing it consistently. Meditation gave me peace and taught me patience with things beyond my control. I practice in a different way than is stereotypically expected because I’m ADHD and cannot be still for long. I meditate while dancing and listening to music or walking/jogging because my mind becomes calm when I exercise. I practice about 5 days a week for 20 minutes at a time, but started at 5 minutes a day every other day.
this is all such great and helpful info! Thanks for taking the time to share. I know others will come across this and be able to implement some of it in their lives as well.
This is great! Entering someone else’s home is a really big one for me. Giving myself permission to stay in the car for a bit before I go in, I can already tell will be an _enormous_ help for me, with an upcoming holiday family gathering, so thank you for that!!✨ I think this can also help with one of my regular difficulties-other people returning home (and I’m already there). Sound is a huge part of that, but there’s more to it and I haven’t fully figured it out, so the giving myself some extra grace in those moments is definitely something that will be helpful🌸
@@MomontheSpectrum I actually did that after I commented, and had the same thought ✨(also having a subtle stim toy with me would help, I need to figure something out for that).
careful with that strategy jess, I had a similar idea a few years back and made my car too hospitable, turned into a very odd situation where I was almost living in my car... in my garage... try explaining that one to a neurotypical
sending you all of the energy!!! isn't it interesting how energy can transfer even electronically?? hope your received the energy you were looking for.
awwww thanks@@MomontheSpectrum !!! It's been almost a year since I have discovered what had always been, and through you and many other great teachers, I have gained enough insight to actually be effective in my projects but also wise enough to slow down and recuperate to avoid burnouts! Thanks a million, I tell everyone about you!!!
I had to pause the video and giggle for about 5 min at "do your own research" applied to Newton's first law, but I managed to make the transition back and I'm glad I did--thanks for another great one!
It's such a relief to hear other people have the "can't get out of the car" experience too! For me, rewards don't work but I've identified a few very small things that can get me out of inertia (create some momentum?). Eating has always been a big stuck-ifier, but I discovered a specific sandwich I like and I've repeated it often enough now I feel success when I've made it and eaten it. So now instead of the whole "I'm hungry, what should I eat?" I ask myself "do I have enough spoons to make a sandwich?" to which the answer is usually "yes", and I support that by making sure I have the ingredients on hand for that sandwich. With my "work" (I'm a graduate student), I've found that I can pretty much always engage in a short article and once I've read an article, my momentum is traveling in the right direction. So when I am really struggling to transition to work I ask myself, "Can I start reading one article right now?" Often the answer is yes, and then I'm moving in the right direction. I'm very AuDHD, so in a way I hope I'll roll into the hyperfocus. I have noticed all of these things recently but really appreciate you putting the metaphor / vocabulary around it to fully understand what's going on so I can make better use of these patterns. It sounds like my new tool is "How can I create some momentum toward today's priority?" and relating it to "well this is just basic physics" takes away a lot of the shame and self-blame, or the sense that losing momentum is a flaw. We need more metaphors that relate to basic laws of nature :) "I'm not ready for this but it's happening" might have been sort of throwaway phrase but I think it's one of the most powerful things you said.
You are absolutely amazing! I've dealt with the same issues all my life and I'm 50. I always had trouble in school and my parents sent me to therapists and tutors and no one ever figured it out. I will sit in my car after I park only if there is a song on the radio that I like and cant' get out until it's over.
Best way to take a break -- under my electric blanket with a weighted blanket on top... if you don't fall asleep, you get up after getting two great ideas for what to do next...!
Fortunately🤔maybe my adhd doesn't let my autism loaf. From a mental standpoint my autism gets the reward to unwind and listen to music. Always a reward and both know. The 7 days of transitioning from masking I wired the rewards in my thoughts when I was hyperthinking so now the transition is smooth but mentally tired. Part extrovert and part introvert is tough to maneuver sometimes. Thanks for the insight.👍😎👻🌶️
This is so helpful especially the staying in motion which is something I've always done and now I know why! Now I just need to add the reward thing because I feel like that will help me switch from home mode to outside mode. Transition + masking
I tend to not have this problem when it comes to getting home, my drive home is my transition process lol. But I definitely experience it in other areas of my life.
I wrote this after watching this video the first time. Thank Taylor! TRANSITIONS I struggle with changes, any changes whether weather or death and anything in between, change rattles my cage. With my physical limitations, any altered position has inherent difficulties. A warm shower as comforting as it feels requires recovery time because my body can't regulate its temperature; a warm day leaves me prostrate with an ice pack on my chest and heating pad on my back. Getting out of bed is a process. Stretch, warming muscles, mobilize each joint, take off the CPAP then slide gently to the floor and wait for the head rush to pass. Beginning a task takes bribery; when you finish this job, then you can have a cup of tea. But conversely, once I start a project, I will push through to completion regardless of how much my body screams, and when into a story or edit, I go down a rabbit hole, not eating nor even pausing to pee, oblivious to what is going on around me. A trip to Thunder Bay has to be planned with military precision, rehearsed, rehearsed, rehearsed. Hence, since I way overdid it cleaning before the cleaners came, I had to forgo (big loss) a trip to the city. Instead while my home is being deep cleaned of the residue of a summer's gardening, I take advantage of the warm day and bribe myself to stagger round the trails taking photos in the late day sunshine.
I’ve just found your channel and it has been an eye-opener for me. I’m just realizing that I’m probably on the spectrum at the age of 78. I have a nephew, who is autistic, making it seem plausible I am too. One can’t adequately express the newfound freedom! I’ve just been introduced to myself. And I’m crazy about me!
I’m curious if there are “body doubling” services for neurodivergent people. I sure could use one for areas where I’m stuck and need help pushing through (like calling and making a Dr appt etc…) If not this would be a great idea for gig work/pay by the hour type of thing.
That's a really interesting idea, Karen. I live alone and struggle with this as well. Cats are only helpful herding me into the kitchen at meal time but the rest of the time I'm on my own lol. Might also be a service we could offer others. Easier sometimes to help others than ourselves.
The ADHD_Love couple have developed Dubbii - an app to support ADHDers in particular, but I'm pretty sure body doubling is something they've mentioned as a feature.
Great ideas! I think you hit everything I struggle with. Normally I have to talk to myself like "You know, you can put xyz down to do this or that." When I'm sitting in my car before going into the store I have to tell myself "What are you doing? The sooner you get this done we can get home and relax." sometimes this works. haha
Traveling out of the country was a huge transition for me. I’ve been to Europe twice with classmates. I plan to travel with family to see family in Jamaica 🇯🇲 the Caribbean. Being on a plane ✈️ was new to me.
so many transitions when traveling!! just feels like a constant whirlwind to me, and I feel like my body is a homing device that just beeps until I get back home under my bed. but somehow I still enjoy traveling. ha!
Perfect timing, Tay! I have finals this week and I am having to transition between 3 online courses, but I don't want to strain myself. It would be much easier if I didn't have to work in groups/teams. It's even more difficult when you are Team Lead in one of them, but your classmates don't want to listen to you. I needed this reminder, especially to give myself grace. I just want to go drive, waste fuel, and zone out right now, but I knew I needed to hear this right now. Thank you once again for this amazing video, Taylor. Much love!
That was helpful ! Lately I've been noticing that after a hard day at work, when I reach home I will spend some time checking my phone in my car. Or I will just sit in the hall, and take quite some time even before I take my shoes off.. It makes sense to relate it to autism even if did not really wonder why I do this. Did relate it to burnout though...
That bit about being stuck in your car unable to get out is something I've struggled with for 2 decades and was one of the main red flags that ultimately led me to my autism diagnosis in my mid thirties (last month actually)... was hugely eye opening this month to get diagnosed and find out all of the craziness I've hidden from others my entire life were symptoms of something that had a name and there were people out there like you struggling with it too. Very helpful video subscribed and downloaded ebook, keep fighting the good fight
also, not sure if anyone here can relate but the amount of lies I've had to tell over the years simply bc I couldn't transition out of that stuck state or explain it would fill a thousand rolodexes... one of the harder parts of the condition when your undiagnosed I think is having to become a liar your entire life, the weight of that, simply bc you don't know how to explain the truth. That inability to free yourself from a stalled transition has cost me jobs, relationships, etc, but hey, it does help to know there are solutions out there so thanks again.
Since I am a teenager I say often: I have to mentally prepare myself to do that. (Whatever new task I have to do or want to do.) Now I know why. Thank you. ❤
Your videos help me so much. It helped to actually understand myself more. I used to do all sorts of things that my family didn't understand. Like stimming in weird ways and never realized it. I used to like flick my hair off my forehead while watching t.v but i never realized it until my family made so much fun of me. I cut all my hair off to not do it anymore. I, but now i twist my chest, or beard hairs when I am alone. I used to lightly bang my head off the floor when frustrated or if I was playing a video game and failed at something. Nothing major it never hurt, just something I would do. My mom tells the story of how she stopped that by having head head and smashing it off the floor. She went on to kick me into the wall and then threw me into the back of the couch, telling me to stop crying or she would give me something to cry about. I learned to hide so well. It's wild to watch your videos as it makes me feel like I finally get myself. Thanks so much. Like everything you say resonates, so much I feel it deep in my soul. Thanks again
I was a little confused when I first heard about this and I didn’t realize that I experienced this until after watching this video. I thought a lot of people had a tendency to take a while to want to get out the door and start driving somewhere, to get out of bed, or to finish taking off your coat in the arctic entry/mud room before going anywhere else at home. I don’t really want to go anywhere and I have a tendency to overthink what I will do next, but then I have to remind myself that nothing will get done and my plans will be off-course (which is irritating and sends me in a state of anxiety) if I don’t move.
if you're like me... that realization will only continue to grow!! :) I still find things every day where I'm like wow... struggling with a transition again, look at me go. lol
This is… kind of life changing. I’m so glad I found your channel. Thank you for talking about this and offering advice and support. Some of these solutions I’ve naturally done without being able to clearly articulate the problem and beating myself up for not being able to “get with it.” Reading all the comments, too… I am just awestruck right now how relatable everyone is about these things!
Transitions, particularly from static to action (getting up especially) are hard work. Going for showers too. At work I'm fine because it's quite a dynamic environment so I'm always up and down from my desk, answering phones, checking emails, dealing with customers coming in, operating equipment, etc. My head just thinks of it as one environment.
This is very interesting, thank you. My daughter has always struggled with transitions and I’ve finally begun to accept that I do too and that it’s not my fault. I have to sit and visualise changing from one task/location to another or I just can’t start moving. My daughter and I also “body double” each other and we’re more efficient that way. I should mention that we’re both diagnosed with ADHD rather than autism so maybe this problem affects ADHDers too?
You're so kind! Thanks a tonne for that beautifully crafted guide in your description ❤ I absolutely love the designing and the details!!!! Its gonna be really helpful🎉 Lots of Love 💕
Do you easily learn from others mistakes? I find myself thinking how stupid people are when they see the trouble that some things cause to other people yet they repeat the action themselves. I'm 76. I haven't officially been diagnosed as being an Aspie, but my son's doctor said she's surprised that no one noticed before. Hmm, could that be I'm good at masking? I'm ready to get that dx. My whole life now seems to make sense. Sensitive, empath, stubborn (no, I just know what I like/need/want, or what I don't) and being weird. I've thrived on being different. I think back and see I've done that as self defense. Thanks for all the info!
Oh my gosh! I finally get it!! Ahh thank you, this changes everything!!! I was kind of aware of it, but this is the first time I've connected all the dots!!
This video is very helpful and I feel very emotional because I am dealing with this problem for 3 years in a very extreme form. It takes me normally 2 hours to get out of bed. I have to meditate and process being awake because it is extremely intense to pass through consciousness. When I get home from an appointment (I don't drive) I often need to rest after getting something to eat. I am too overwhelmed otherwised. But it takes me another two hours to get up again to get officially ready for bed. This whole dillema is extremely taxing and hard on my life. I get so little done and I can't pursue my goals because I just don't have enough processing ability. I have been working with a social worker for three years on this problem. I didn't know it was autism until now. I thought it was due to trauma. I feel so powerless like I am at war with myself. This video made me think there is no solution and its something to be kind to myself about. It is very hard though because it is eating away at my life. I will watch it again to see if I can find more grace.😢
I hear you! I'm so sorry you're experiencing such frustration and challenges. You are not alone. Learning to give yourself grace is a lifelong process. Please be gentle with yourself. Whether it's trauma or autism, you deserve a lot of patience, and I've found that healing happens most fully when I allow myself to be exactly as I am. Sending you all the good vibes!
This has helped me understand so much about myself that I didn't have the words for. I guess I am terrible with transitions lol. Thank you for that insight, it is greatly appreciated❤
Love your channel :) My favourite trick (after "Give yourself time") to get into something when I'm feeling stuck is to find one little piece of it, preferably a piece I already kinda like. The smaller the better (cuz it's easier). Cuz I know that one step, no matter how small, will usually lead to diving in headfirst. Like your coffee trick (which is so good!), I know that if I get up to toast a muffin, I'll be up and things will snowball from there. If I need to get groceries... I just write one thing down that I know I need... the rest just happens.
This explains a lot. A few months ago, I got stuck in the bathroom for two hours. I don't remember the cause, but I was really stressed that week and that day I had a D&D session in the morning. I just went to the bathroom to get myself ready and leave after having breakfast, but I just couldn't will myself to get out. Apart from arriving late, missing breakfast and feeling troubled by this too extreme development, I got several people upset at home since there is only one bathroom. 😅
yes this is a great example! Thanks for sharing. Hopefully you are able to give yourself more grace for these situations. It's a normal autistic thing!
I've heard of autistics having trouble with transitions, but I didn't really think that applied to me. However, with the help of my therapist, I found out I do struggle with it. The situatuation was an appointment I had been anticipating and getting ready for for days suddenly got canceled a few hours before the appointment. I hate change of plan and I couldn't get past it and do something else productive with my day. I couldn't shift gears, I was stuck. It wasn't until someone else described what happened that I could really understand what happened and why. It helps to change the mindset from, I just suck at adult life, to I have a different neurotype and there are simply things I can't do easily.
I thought carpet installers were coming Tuesday morning and busted my butt finishing painting the living room, working hard till 8:00 Monday evening even though I have fibromyalgia and usually pace myself and take long breaks. My feet are still so sore it's hard to walk. It turned out the carpet layers weren't coming until this morning, Wednesday. Aargh! Brain fog is not a good thing. I had my second session of my "diagnosis" Monday, too. She said I am definitely neurodiverse but she's not sure I'm autistic. One more session. I read about PDD-NOS and I think that may turn out to be what I have.
You take a break from an important task to check your phone and an hour later you're sitting on the sofa thinking "I can finish that tomorrow..."
yesssssss...🙈 this is my life
I've noticed too if there is a temperature change, like getting out of the shower or going outside when it's cold, make it even harder for me to transition. Great topic! 💞
TEMPERATURE CHANGE!! YES! Showering in the winter months is one of the worst sensory experiences for me. Also, weirdly... I make my kids' lunches every morning for school and usually pack lunch meat. Touching the lunch meat is one of the worst experiences for me all day (I know that sounds dramatic but I truly hate it, touch, smell, etc.). And a lot of times I delay packing the lunches bc of this sensory experience.
I totally get this too! For me it's that initial getting out of my cosy bed! Xxx
I used to LOVE to swim. I swam before I could walk. (We have an In ground pool). Now the feeling of being in a pool just feels YUK! I didn’t understand it until I found this channel. I also hate to shower now. Odd that these things have only come out since I’ve gotten older.
@@MomontheSpectrum😊 Maybe make the kids a different lunch. Lunch meat isn't really good for them anyway.
@MomontheSpectrum I hate touching certain textures, too, and lunch meat is on the list! I wear gloves to work in the kitchen sometimes (like they wear at Subway sandwiches) and it helps.
I am 67, my childhood report cards said "She has trouble settling into new tasks" and now I get it
LOL my elementary school report said the same.
😂 This perfectly explains why I have to go to the bathroom when I arrive somewhere - I don’t even need to go, I just like sitting quietly on the toilet for a few minutes. It’s also my go-to move when I’m overwhelmed in an environment.
YES!!! 💯
Wait until you are in menopause and you are interrupted constantly by having to go to the bathroom. Once you have gone to the bathroom you can get back to what you were doing......
I’ve been doing this since little. Now I have my own private toilet at home. XD
Holy cow. You unlocked a core memory of me visiting other peoples' bathrooms to the point that my mom used to tease me about it. She used to think I was just nebby. Now this makes so much sense! Ty!
Bathrooms as a quiet space have been a blessing, it is true. 😅
I've suspected being autistic for a long time. But your videos are making me realize I was only focusing on diagnostic criteria with my research, and there are a lot of things I didn't know about it. I thought for a long time I couldn't be autistic because I didn't stim, but I honestly didn't know that it is so much more varied than the stereotypical portrayals of it in media (and hopefully I can replace some of my dangerous/unhealthy stims with more neutral ones now that I know what they are). I didn't even know about this inertia thing, and it makes a lot of things in my past and present make so much more sense.
Getting out of bed, or getting into bed before sleeping are transitions that are hard for me. Accepting that summer is over, or accepting that winter is over, I wear my light or warm clothes way too long. Just a few examples.
Thanks for sharing!
Same!!!!! I suspect I may be an ADD combo with autism, so I get really caught up in the novelty of holiday/seasonal decor and latch onto it (special interest). Naturally, this means I still have jack-o-lanterns scattered about my house waiting to be packed back into their boxes & hoisted back onto the storage shelves... in mid-January. Sometimes the novelty of an upcoming season/holiday helps me detach from the ones that have passed, and sometimes it just overwhelms me. Fun times.
@@crawfordroses One year we didn’t put away the Christmas decoration for the whole year. It was there till next Christmas. We just didn’t manage. I am diagnosed with Autism, but think I could have ADHD too by the way.
This is why I have a hard to getting into the shower but when I do I dont wanna get out of the shower...the transition from being dry and warm to being wet is always overwhelming for me. Sometimes I go days without showering. And I am not depressed.
@ordinaryvalley Even though it's been several months since you posted this I wanted to reply "me too!" And wow do I feel that "and I am not depressed" addendum, because people assume that's the problem.
What's funny to me is how long it took me to realize -- considering I used to work in the field -- the HUGE array of sensory "issues" our showerheads can create! I had a showerhead that "worked for me" and when I lost that for awhile, I started showering less often (at which point I found micellar water makeup wipes to be highly effective between showers, since they break down oils).
In case this is relevant to anyone else: The showerhead that works for me has technology that mixes air with the water, which makes the water feel "heavy" yet soft, and a random raindrop pattern that mimics "tapping", both of which are highly soothing for me. There exist plumbing showrooms with live displays in which people can feel the spray patterns before buying (and, while they don't offer $20 showerheads because those can't meet certain minimum standards for quality and building codes, they do typically offer the same item for less than online sellers). For me personally, Hansgrohe's (not Grohe, Hansgrohe) "Rain" and "rain air" spray patterns make a big difference, and Kohler has a few things that have that air injection too. I am out of the industry now and don't benefit from recommending these ... the Hansgrohe Select S120 handshower, Chroma 120 E and Raindance S 150 fixed head appear to have that rain pattern spray.
I use early childhood methods to deal with transition, I sing myself a little soothing verse, in the same way, every day, throughout. consistently soothing myself in and out of situations with a familiar repetition based tunes has been LIFE CHANGING.
WOW! Fascinating. Thanks for sharing this tip!! I hope others use it and please let me know what experiences you have!
Think I kind of use the same method by playing mostly the same record on my car radio all the time and just singing with it while driving from one place to an other.
Sometimes people ask me why I hold on to my job that requires a 25-minute drive from my home when there are similar jobs available in a 5-10minute distance. "Well, I just love to drive for 25 minutes" seems to be a really confusing answer, lol
On harder days I still get stuck in my garage though when returning home. :-)
@@JunisGiehlI went to The Dead South concert on Jan. 5 this year, like 11 months ago, and I played their cds all year until a week ago. People don't seem to understand why I don't want to face the emotions of transitioning to new music in my car. I am a housecall cat nanny, so I am driving from house to house all day long to feed cats and clean their litters. Thankfully I work alone, so it is just me and the cats at each house while owners are on vacation.
When I worked at the elementary school doing before & after school child care, we always gave a 5 minute warning for whatever transition was upcoming.
“Five minutes till snacktime!”
“Five minutes till clean-up!”
“Five minutes till we go outside!”
And I found that it helped me just as much as it helped the kiddos to transition between activities. Ive given myself the same little five minute transition warnings ever since!
I use this too
The hardest one for me is getting off the sofa to go to bed in the evening- getting up from being all snuggled up with blankets and a good book, tv series or researching a special interest, and then go to the bathroom, brush teeth, change into PJs , let the dog out for one last pee, switch off the light etc and then into bed. That is a struggle for me every dang time 🙄🙈
I would say this is probably the most difficult transition for me too.
@@MomontheSpectrum I find that it sometimes helps me to have a book that I am really into and that I am only allowed to read when I am in bed. It becomes my reward for getting into bed and then I can read for a little while and when I get sleepy, I just put the book down and go to sleep.
Oh, so very this. I can even be ready for bed - just have to take off my slippers and get into bed - and yet I'll stand beside my bed reading something on my phone... for ages.
@@ABetneyI do that too! I can even sit on the edge of my bed, scrolling or reading or just zoning out. Literally one tiny, sideways move away from being in bed, but NOPE.
I’m increasingly becoming aware that I need to create rules for myself that eventually become habitual. A few that I’m starting to become aware of the necessity for are 1) getting completely ready for bed (teeth brushed, make up removed, etc) hours before I am actually ready for bed to reduce the friction of that transition, 2) No phone use for a certain period of time before bed (otherwise drags on for hours trying to delay that transition… currently typing this at 2am in one of those stuck modes), 3) Build a habit of reading something I look forward to at the end of the day. BUT read IN bed, not out of bed.
I’m getting better at implementing the first one more often, but haven’t managed the others yet.
Yes! I have the hardest time getting out of bed in the morning. Some mornings it feels nearly impossible to get up (even if I really have to go to the bathroom)... I started to set my coffee maker to start making coffee 5 minutes before I want to get up. By the time my alarm goes off, I can smell the coffee downstairs. Thinking about going downstairs to pour that cup of coffee to start my day has been a game-changer in actually being able to get out of bed. Before I had to set my alarm to an hour or an hour and a half before I actually needed to get out of bed, so I could have time to work up to it.
I also started using body doubling and didn't even know it. My husband gets up earlier than I do in the morning. I found if I get out of bed at the same time he does, it actually makes the transition and my whole day a lot easier. I also find grocery shopping so much easier if he goes with me because he just gets out of the car and is ready to go in. Or if I get stuck in a certain aisle and start to zone out, he can help me to keep moving forward to the next item on my list. He also always reminds me to put my earplugs in which I tend to forget to do because I'm already so dysregulated by the transitions and thought of even going to the grocery store.
I also realized, long before my diagnosis, that once I get going, I HAVE to keep going or it's all over. On Saturday morning, I'll get out of bed for my coffee (see above) and will then do the dishes, and then I'll put a load of laundry in, and then I'll clean the bathroom, and then I'll help my daughter clean her room. Basically, anything I wanted to get done, gets done because I already got started. If, however, I get my coffee and go sit on the couch to watch cartoons with my daughter, the likelihood of getting anything done that day pretty much goes out the window. Same thing when I come home from work. I have to just keep going and get all the things done around the house. I can't take a break or I'll never get restarted. My husband could never understand why it seemed like I couldn't stop or why I needed to get all the things done first thing Saturday morning. Now that we've learned more about autistic inertia it has become so much clearer to us.
Sometimes I will just stay on public transport past my stop bc I don't feel like getting out. Or come home, sit down on the floor and stay there. Or just stand in the supermarket, just standing and zoning out.
yes i just stand and zone out when i get home, especially when I'm by myself.
I think this is also part of why I never did my homework because once I'm home I'm home, I can't put my brain back into school mode once I'm in home mode yk
this makes sense! And I think my daughter is dealing with this
That happened to me too! I always said school was for studying and home was for rest, play and to anything but homework.
Same here, I got 100s on tests and 0s on my homework. My teacher was baffled and impressed at the same time
Yes! I would do my homework in other classes when I finished my tasks or would do remaining homework during lunch. I almost always barely managed to turn everything in on time.
Yes!! I had to leave a high-paying and really satisfying job because I can't transition from task to task quickly enough. I was the most accurate claims processor (always 100% correct), but also the slowest in the organization! They needed me to be faster and would have been ok with some minor inaccuracies, but I CANNOT do things incorrectly once I know how to do them correctly. So, transitions and being a stickler for perfection cost me that job.
But it's for the best - I'm starting a freelancing career that will allow me more freedom to have deep focus on one thing at a time, while also being as accurate as possible ❤❤
oh wowwww what a conundrum!! totally agree - couldn't intentionally allow myself to be inaccurate.
@MomontheSpectrum wow, thanks for replying! Yes, it was a conundrum, and I got into trouble for being so slow at work quite a bit before I finally realized it was never going to be a good fit for me. I wish it hadn't taken so long for me to understand that, but delayed processing can be reeeeaaallllyyy delayed sometimes 🤷🏼♀️ It's also really confusing to be told you're simultaneously the best AND the worst at something!!
Yes! I've had this feedback at a job too! More than once. I'm the slowest employee at the job, but I do the best work. I always felt so awful that I couldn't figure out how to speed up... But there's no way I was going to skip steps and do the job wrong/poorly. It's really nice to hear I'm not the only one, thank you for sharing!
@@AzzahTacoKitty you're definitely not alone! I hope you find a way to make your skills/focus work for you at work 😊
This is interesting, because prior to the period of burnout that led to my diagnosis, I wouldn't have particularly flagged transitions as a problem. BUT I think that's one part of why my new work role tipped me over into burnout - I can happily write or code or prep a lecture for HOURS at time, while answering a bunch of disparate emails or doing a bunch of tiny administrative tasks wears me down because it is like 20-100 transitions within an hour! - AND my issues with transitions in general became a lot more noticeable because of that burnout. In the past, I didn't sit in the car for 5 minutes unless I was going somewhere really stressful...but I do now.
One thing I've found that helps for the "I have a thousand picky tasks I have to do" issue is to put on some soothing music that you like - lately I've been using a 1.5 hr wordless medley of music from my latest anime obsession. This puts me in a happier headspace and somehow makes it feel like the tasks are more connected (reducing the feeling of transitioning from one thing to the next).
I am so glad you found a way to ease the burden of transitions in your new work role! I had to leave a job I loved because I was not able to transition fast enough between tasks. I tried to succeed at it (going against what was best for my own health) for way too long, and the burnout I suffered as a result lasted 3 years.
love the music idea! Thanks for sharing
Sometimes I like to just go get a coffee and sit in the car somewhere shaded and relax and just think in peace. One of my favorite things to do.
For transitions, I find that closing my eyes and thinking about being at the next place to go to is really helpful. It helps me get rid of most of the information I'm processing, find calm and get there more quickly.
Is this what's happening with phone calls? I absolutely hate getting them, often avoid them and am often grumpy at the start until I've kind of thawed or gotten over being disturbed when I wasn't planning on having to talk to someone even if it's someone I like. I also procrastinate making them like they're the plague when I do want to keep in touch with friends.
could be! yes, very interesting to think about transitions in this context. thanks for sharing!
I'm pretty sure I've read repeatedly that autistic people hate phone calls, for a variety of reasons. Explains a lot about my longstanding aversion to the phone.
Omg you’re so funny. “Paraphrased. I’m not a scientist… whatever. Do your own research.” 😂
I really appreciate that you’ve named this here, and in previous videos. I’m a notorious “sit in the car” person, but I didn’t realize WHY!
And “STAY IN MOTION - YES!” I can’t make any guarantees afterwards & have a belief about myself that I become unreliable.
YES! So glad the stay in motion concept resonates with you too. It's the only way for me!! Haha. Once I'm sedentary it's game over.
Lol this made me laugh too
My own magical tool that I've discovered is audiobooks. When my alarm goes off in the morning and I'm ready to stop hitting snooze (or when I've run out of snoozes), the first thing I do is hit play on whatever audiobook or podcast I'm currently listening to. Then (after a moment or two) I go through my morning routine while I listen. The stories engage my brain just the right amount - not so much that I can't keep myself (mostly) on track, but enough to keep brain chaos at a minimum and to help me retain a somewhat accurate sense of time passing. The audio format keeps my eyes and hands free to help me through my tasks (unlike trying to read a book with one hand while I brush my hair with the other...). It works with music, too, although that teeters on the edge of not being engaging enough to help. And it's most helpful when it's a story I'm already familiar with. I've built a collection of 60 or so audiobooks that I cycle through over and over again - partly to save money, but also because my familiarity with the stories gives me more freedom to hop mental tracks as needed. It's sort of like I'm encouraging my brain to stick to just two sets of tracks - the story and my routine - instead of a dozen... or zero (when I unknowingly stare into space or accidentally fall back asleep). I don't know how much of this is about my self-diagnosed autism versus my clinically-diagnosed ADHD, but it's the only way I've found that consistently gets me through my routines. Usually. 🤞
I feel like my life would be have been a lot different if i had been diagnosed before the age of 55. I dwell on that
I know... it can feel a lot like missed opportunities/regret/disappointment thinking about what could have been. But today is the first day of the rest of your life!! Go live it. :)
@@MomontheSpectrum 🥲🙏🏻❤️🩹
ah, thank you so much for no jumpy editing. its so refreshing snd so much easier to watch videos without all the sensory drainers (stock photos, sound effects, animation, pop ups)
also thanks for recognizing that phrases conjure up visually unpleasant images..keep your eyes peeled is my least favorite saying. ugh.
ewww you're right that is an uncomfortable saying! And yes thanks for the feedback - so glad to hear it!
Yes! My sensitivity to light and sound is often crippling, to the point where I'm not sure I can have kids because I'm worried I won't be able to handle the chaos. Your channel gives me hope!
there is definitely hope!! I experience sensory overwhelm as a mom on a regular basis but I've learned to cope and find ways to work through it. Being a mom is my absolutely favorite thing!
@@MomontheSpectrum I’m SO glad to hear that. Your channel is incredible, thank you for everything you do! I have a beauty channel and I filmed a chronic illness video where I received a few comments suggesting I have ASD. I stumbled upon your channel and it changed my life. I’ve never related to anyone more. I feel so understood and validated. ❤️
Sometimes I put on a baseball cap with visor tipped down to shield my eyes before leaving my room in the am if others are already awake with bright lights on. I use bthrm.. return to my room where I already have water to drink & wake up. Then if I didn't get coffee already, go back out for it..
I wasn’t diagnosed as autistic until I was 23, (I am 25 now). But as a kid I was diagnosed as having anticipation anxiety, which I now realize (because of this video) was probably just my autistic brain not wanting to go through adjusting to the new environment.
Definitely sounds like you’re on to something!
I don't get stuck in my car because I get stuck in my house. Today I had errands to run, but had a very hard time getting out of the house and INTO the car. No errands today. However, I'm done beating myself up about this since right now I'm trying to get over burnout. Oh, and making phone calls or sending texts is a change.
One of my favorite sayings: I like change. I just don't want to be there when it happens. 🤣
I love this saying! Want it on a t-shirt😂
hahah love this!!
My nervous system is disturbed when I see an acquaintance in an unexpected public place, especially if I’m focused on another task like listening to music. I hate how not appearing happy to see someone by surprise if socially unacceptable. I just need time to script and get in “social mode”.
Right?? I hear you on this.
In my first job out of college, I was still learning the ropes in the design industry and not only worked in a noisy open office environment (if that wasn't stressful enough), I had a manager who frequently "changed gears" on me, and would interrupt me trying to get work done to focus on something else, before I could finish whatever I was doing.
This is what we call "context switching", and in creative work, we get fixated on whatever task we're doing all the time, so being ripped away from that task by someone else at random is a huge recipe for stress and resentment.
This happened so frequently that I felt like I was reaching a breaking point. I felt angry every time she would do this, but I felt embarrassed that I might be showing visible frustration, and since I wanted to put on a good impression and be accommodating as a newer employee, I didn't feel like I had the agency to push back on these transitions.
It felt like hell, but I eventually learned this was pretty normal in this kind of a job and got to a point where I'm able to adapt quickly and shake off these transitions as they occur in my career today, 10 years later.
Sometimes learning to cope with transitions takes years of practice.
Whatever you do, don't be afraid to communicate when you need space to be successful in sudden or unwelcome transitions. It's okay to say "Sure! I just need a few minutes to wrap things up and I'll focus on this thing next!"
Take a walk. Get some coffee. Do something that helps drive you more smoothly into the next thing, so it doesn't feel so abrupt. This plays into rewarding yourself as well!
getting out of bed in the morning is a near-sisyphean task
In college, I had a very hard time with the transition between school and breaks. It was really hard and overwhelming for me to adjust to living at a dorm/apartment then going back home. I would often get incredibly anxious the week before breaks started because of the impending transition. It’s like you describe, it takes a while for me to get comfortable and settled in a new space or situation.
absolutely. transitioning from school to a break to studying to eating... it's a whoooole lot. and then the social element of school just exacerbates everything
For myself, I struggle with the sleep/awake transition. After I wake up, it takes me HOURS to really feel awake. And then going to sleep after I’ve been awake is difficult too. It’s why I usually take melatonin to help with that.
yes i feel a lot of this too
For me, often times, I find what's on the radio interesting and that's what keeps me in the car those extra few minutes.
Thanks for yet another "Aha!" 😊
(I'm in the process of just discovering* that I'm probably Autistic, and this transitions thing is another symptom that I can now appropriately file in the ASD column 😊
*And I say "just" discovering because I'm a 59 yr old gay black woman with Multiple Sclerosis, so there's not a lot of research or help out there for someone like me! So Thanks!, Taylor 😊)
So glad you're here! Thanks for your comment :)
My first sign of autism. My mom did not know I was autistic. We went through multiple stores and errands. I was overwhelmed by the sensory of other stores. My mom thought I would be excited to go to Toys r Us. It was raining going from sitting in a car to going into another store even if you would think I would enjoy. She thought I would be running out and the car door was slammed on my finger. Still struggle church to home to doing anything that day.
Church to home. I have a hard time getting myself to change into casual clothes after church. I also get overwhelmed in really big stores and can't decide what to buy. Powell's huge bookstore in Portland is one place that happens, and once I went to the Hancock Fabric in Paducah, KY, on a vacation trip and ended up just buying a couple of small pieces of fabric as souvenirs. I don't know that I could have handled Toys R Us as a child.
@@marthamurphy7940 I usually wear casual clothes for comfort reasons
@nathanjw940 😫 *_Uaaaaaaa!_* OtOH, I _have_ to wear uniform as Audio Engineer, Japanese Christian Church of Walnut Creek (CA, USA) [胡桃河町日系油童教會 𝘒𝘶𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘸𝘢-ᴛʏōɴɪᴋᴋᴇɪᴋ'ʀɪs'ᴛᴏᴋʏōᴋᴀɪ], a member Congregation o' the OMS (viz., Oriental Missionary Society) Holiness Church of North America [東宣北米新生教会 ᴛōsᴇɴʜᴏᴋ-ʙᴇɪsɪɴsᴇɪᴋʏōᴋᴀɪ]. Found that my 5.11|̲̅⊞̲̅|TACTICALⓇ 80034 FAST-TACⓇ Vest has flap pockets for the handheld vocal transmitters - convenient in its own way.
I should preface this by saying I am allistic. However, I generally find church quite overwhelming; the lighting, the long sermons, hearing people whispering around me… and if I don’t run out the door fast enough at the end, any number of people I know will come to my husband and I afterwards for a quick chat. Lovely, but overwhelming.
I have a brimmed cap I wear for the overhead lighting, I get us to sit near the back so fewer people can have quiet communications behind us, and normally I make a beeline for the exit as soon as the service is over. I then sit in the car waiting for my sociable husband to eventually join me. Honestly, sometimes listening online is easier and keeps my bandwidth higher.
I know this is off-topic a little but I am curious… if I find church so difficult as a non-autistic person, how do you people deal with environments like these?!
@@dundeedebbie *Ye're following early Church precedent, per Sha'ul ha Tarshishi dba Paulos Apostōlos (1. Corinthians 11.3-16).* Hats shield the eyes from glare. As for me, the _ears_ need damping, thus the maxell® earset for my OnePlus DE2118; would I could purchase HEIL SOUND™ ProSet™ 3 for the PEAVEY® FX2-32 console that I work as Audio Engineer.
I almost didn't subscribe to you a while ago because I'm not a mom and do not want to be a mom. Sometimes things "for moms" can be too intense for people with no kiddos.
But damn, I'm so glad I did subscribe - because everything you share is so so informative and helpful! I love that you can weave in your maternal experiences in a way that reinforces what you're talking about.
well thanks!! I really appreciate your comment. And I'm also very glad you're here and a part of the community.
@@MomontheSpectrum reading it again I feel like I could have worded it differently 😂
But seriously, I'm happy I challenged my perceptions because your videos are great.
@@alliecastellarin1428 I suppose I know what you wanted to say. I am a mom but my kids are much older than Taylor's and this time when they were little is a bit like a memory for me - this "me" was only a phase, like being a teenager or a kid.
BUT Taylor's content is in fact more about being autistic than being a mom. Though I surely understan (oh, I DO understand!) that being autistic and a parent, or even more: being a parent and realising that "OMG I am autistic" is an overwhelming experience. Well, two different overwhelming experiences.
But I'm happy for you that you gave Taylor's content a chance - for me this is the best channel with "actually autistic" content! Hand in hand with "Autism from the inside".
It was the same for me at the beginning. I was an unplanned poor single mum, (my son is now a young man and lives on it's own) and I regtetted it a lot, to be a mother 24hours for years was mostly horrible overwhelming for me, croed nearly every night for years beeing too exhausted. With the knowledge of today I would have made another desicion, wich is unfair for my son, who's not guilty causing my bad feelings.' So I always feel guilty about beeing a bad mum and avoid this "happy family content", it males me sad. And yes, jelous not having parents or anyone else loving and helpung me. (Not jelous in a meaning I don't want others to be happy, just be very sad not to have experienced it).
But then I saw it has nothing to do with talking about "the kids" and signed in.
It's very helpful content and a nice open minded community.
Thank you so much! Inertia/paralysis is such a struggle for me and this is the first resource I’ve found that actually shows an understanding of what it’s like and offers concrete suggestions that make sense to me.
oh wow!! thanks so much for this feedback. i'm so glad the video is helpful to you!!!
This is me all over! I think it's why i avoid a lot of things because the transition is so hard! Ive seen me sit in my car outside the supermarket and after 10 minutes drive away because i work myself into a panic without meaning to. Im learning how to deal with this better. Thanks for another great video Taylor xxx
of course!! just know you're not alone. maybe when you're stuck in your car you can imagine the community here supporting you and trying to have a little laugh about how random we can be sometimes. thanks for your comment.
This is my MAJOR symptom... work vs home
Your videos help me SO much!!! I'm 63 and have recently been diagnosed with autism, so everything I'm learning is a flood of information. Of course I'm divng deep into research mode etc and have been for some time now, but now it's quite a relief to know why I do that. You mentioned explaining our need to take a moment to adjust to our environments to our family and friends, that's a big one for me because they're all adults with their own undiagnosed autism, except for our youngest twenty-five year old son. Now that's a long story for another time. I have not revealed my diagnosis yet, and it sounds like that will be the only way I can move forward with our boys. They need their own way of dealing with sensory processing and so do I and sometimes they clash. Thanks for these ideas! Maybe you could do a video on how autistic family members can coexist.
Yes, please! Especially if all are adults.
great idea for a video! thanks for the suggestion
Yes plssss
Same here though im not diagnosed but my son is. Lots in my extended family like cousins and aunts are obvious or actually diagnosed as autistic also. Sometimes my sons needs and mine are combined. Sometimes its gonna be hard on one or both so we have to deal with it. (when its not dealable we both dont work lol) thats only sometimes possibly because weve been able to keep a certain schedule. ❤️
I only have this issue at home. Have to hype myself up to hop under the shower, cook or go out, unless its really urgent. Once I am out, it's all planned out. I will go over the plan in the car (or listen to an audio book, that makes it easier)
yes to going over the plan in the car!! I do that too. Or in bed before I wake up the next morning...
@@MomontheSpectrum yes and in the shower. I hype myself up, hop into the shower then it's "wash underarms, wash this and that, dry yourself, clothe yourself, don't forget your face. Take deodorant, make food for the kids.... Shit too many items on the list. I already washed this this and this, so junst rinse, dry yourself..." and so on. Until I get to the part, when I am home again in my head. Otherwise I would forget something for sure! (And I still doubt that I am autistic. I am in the process of being diagnosed and literally tossed a coin to decide which expression this person in the picture had.... I TOSSED A COIN FOR HALF OF IT! And I thought I know my facial expressions, since I am an illustrator and trained that shit hard. But nope. Luck will decide)
For me, it's not so much that I CAN'T get out of the car, it's that I'm not ready to get out of the car yet. I have to "psyche" myself up to do stuff. And sometimes my train of thought leaves the station without me, and I'm left with my body stuck in one position while my mind is busy exploring the universe.
Yes!! Love the way you worded this.
That's exactly it! I used to leave for work like an extra 20 minutes early so I could mentally prepare the transition to work, and often would sit when I got home or before I started driving home to "be ready" for home. Which is where I had been dying to be all day
Maintaining momentum and giving yourself a reward/reason to do something is so helpful, really good points! I find routine based on these ideas to be super effective too. Tip: I used to struggle to get out of bed until I started making coffee for my partner every morning; doing something nice for someone else is easier than doing it for myself, I find... and also it's own reward! 😇
Very good point. I often find the energy to do for someone else when I can't find it to do what I need for myself.
I love this! Thanks so much for sharing ☕️
I have said for so long that I just get stuck. (Writing this from a stuck on the couch mode) No one gets it. I didn’t get it, until I found your videos. Picturing yourself doing what you need to do next is so helpful. ❤
yes!! visualization - could very easily add this one to the list. Visualization is incredibly empowering and important. Thanks for sharing.
Again this moment a strange behavior of myself get's a name!
Thank You❤!
You’re welcome! Having vocabulary to describe our experiences is everything!
I really hate being interrupted. Hate it.
I consider the car, however as a PART of the errand. I focus completely on getting the whole errand done, so when I stop I am out before I hardly get it in park...I'm on a roll and focused.
Another tip I used was to time things that I hate to do...washing dishes for example. I hate the getting wet and the transition to do them. Realizing that it actually only took 10 minutes or less helped me to use the slogan for myself: "JUST DO IT". I know I will be happy when it's done. I use this for many of the things I have to do.
Yes...stay in motion is a good key...just do it. Realize it only takes a fraction of the time you thought it would, and just suck it up then do it. AFTER you can feel better because it's DONE.
That is how this autistic person rewards herself...that feeling of it being done, the satisfaction. And the things are all things I MUST do at some point so why spend all that time dreading it?! Right?
That said...I try not to plan a LOT in a day. I do my best to stay on top of the GOTTA DO items...I keep laundry done by doing a "reboot" every day for example.
And grocery shop online and I pay for grocery delivery! Yeah...totally worth it. Uses a lot less spoons, gas and time.
Mindfulness, DBT practice, and meditation have dramatically changed my difficulty with transitions.
I went to a weekly online DBT skills meeting hosted by a licensed therapist. It was in a group of about 6 other women and attendance, video, and participation were all optional. I dreaded doing group work, but in the context of having the material read aloud with the ability to practice the skills and zero pressure to speak or be seen was honestly really helpful. I practiced the skills for about 10 minutes a day and saw significant progress in about 2 weeks. Emotional regulation skills should be mandatory for literally everyone.
Mindfulness helped my anxiety a LOT. I practice mindfulness for 5-15 minutes a day depending on my spoons. It’s not about the amount of time, but doing it consistently.
Meditation gave me peace and taught me patience with things beyond my control. I practice in a different way than is stereotypically expected because I’m ADHD and cannot be still for long. I meditate while dancing and listening to music or walking/jogging because my mind becomes calm when I exercise. I practice about 5 days a week for 20 minutes at a time, but started at 5 minutes a day every other day.
this is all such great and helpful info! Thanks for taking the time to share. I know others will come across this and be able to implement some of it in their lives as well.
Changing clothes always gets me. Spend an hour between drying off from the shower and getting dressed sometimes
This is great! Entering someone else’s home is a really big one for me. Giving myself permission to stay in the car for a bit before I go in, I can already tell will be an _enormous_ help for me, with an upcoming holiday family gathering, so thank you for that!!✨
I think this can also help with one of my regular difficulties-other people returning home (and I’m already there). Sound is a huge part of that, but there’s more to it and I haven’t fully figured it out, so the giving myself some extra grace in those moments is definitely something that will be helpful🌸
yes absolutely - and also it might be helpful to stim in the car before you go inside a new place. rock, bounce, fidget, flap, whatever feels right
@@MomontheSpectrum I actually did that after I commented, and had the same thought ✨(also having a subtle stim toy with me would help, I need to figure something out for that).
careful with that strategy jess, I had a similar idea a few years back and made my car too hospitable, turned into a very odd situation where I was almost living in my car... in my garage... try explaining that one to a neurotypical
To help get into sleep mode, I take Zfactor. However it’s hard to get up, until my rooster Lucky crows outside my window.
I am here so that I may collect the energy to go from this chair to my new apartment where I need to paint the walls. Thank you.
sending you all of the energy!!! isn't it interesting how energy can transfer even electronically?? hope your received the energy you were looking for.
awwww thanks@@MomontheSpectrum !!!
It's been almost a year since I have discovered what had always been, and through you and many other great teachers, I have gained enough insight to actually be effective in my projects but also wise enough to slow down and recuperate to avoid burnouts!
Thanks a million, I tell everyone about you!!!
I had to pause the video and giggle for about 5 min at "do your own research" applied to Newton's first law, but I managed to make the transition back and I'm glad I did--thanks for another great one!
Haha glad it made you laugh
It's such a relief to hear other people have the "can't get out of the car" experience too!
For me, rewards don't work but I've identified a few very small things that can get me out of inertia (create some momentum?). Eating has always been a big stuck-ifier, but I discovered a specific sandwich I like and I've repeated it often enough now I feel success when I've made it and eaten it. So now instead of the whole "I'm hungry, what should I eat?" I ask myself "do I have enough spoons to make a sandwich?" to which the answer is usually "yes", and I support that by making sure I have the ingredients on hand for that sandwich. With my "work" (I'm a graduate student), I've found that I can pretty much always engage in a short article and once I've read an article, my momentum is traveling in the right direction. So when I am really struggling to transition to work I ask myself, "Can I start reading one article right now?" Often the answer is yes, and then I'm moving in the right direction. I'm very AuDHD, so in a way I hope I'll roll into the hyperfocus. I have noticed all of these things recently but really appreciate you putting the metaphor / vocabulary around it to fully understand what's going on so I can make better use of these patterns. It sounds like my new tool is "How can I create some momentum toward today's priority?" and relating it to "well this is just basic physics" takes away a lot of the shame and self-blame, or the sense that losing momentum is a flaw. We need more metaphors that relate to basic laws of nature :)
"I'm not ready for this but it's happening" might have been sort of throwaway phrase but I think it's one of the most powerful things you said.
You are absolutely amazing! I've dealt with the same issues all my life and I'm 50. I always had trouble in school and my parents sent me to therapists and tutors and no one ever figured it out. I will sit in my car after I park only if there is a song on the radio that I like and cant' get out until it's over.
I'm glad this info is helpful to you!! Thanks for your comment.
Best way to take a break -- under my electric blanket with a weighted blanket on top... if you don't fall asleep, you get up after getting two great ideas for what to do next...!
I started doing online grocery shopping and picking it up for free. Saves me a lot of transitions!
YES! Great suggestion
Fortunately🤔maybe my adhd doesn't let my autism loaf. From a mental standpoint my autism gets the reward to unwind and listen to music. Always a reward and both know. The 7 days of transitioning from masking I wired the rewards in my thoughts when I was hyperthinking so now the transition is smooth but mentally tired. Part extrovert and part introvert is tough to maneuver sometimes. Thanks for the insight.👍😎👻🌶️
Hi Tay, transitions, inertia, and waiting mode are among my biggest struggles as an autistic.
This is so helpful especially the staying in motion which is something I've always done and now I know why! Now I just need to add the reward thing because I feel like that will help me switch from home mode to outside mode. Transition + masking
Transitional difficulties explain my elongated morning routine, not appreciating surprises, and the frustration of parenting interrupting toddlers.
It's so enlightening hearing about autistic inertia, as long before I knew about that concept, I always said that I had a lot of inertia.
Here's another video I did on this topic that might be helpful! ruclips.net/video/UmRVTHiJ4-8/видео.htmlsi=B1aFFJs_wI6eqRoR
Thank you!@@MomontheSpectrum
I tend to not have this problem when it comes to getting home, my drive home is my transition process lol. But I definitely experience it in other areas of my life.
I wrote this after watching this video the first time. Thank Taylor!
TRANSITIONS
I struggle with changes, any changes whether weather or death and anything in between, change rattles my cage. With my physical limitations, any altered position has inherent difficulties. A warm shower as comforting as it feels requires recovery time because my body can't regulate its temperature; a warm day leaves me prostrate with an ice pack on my chest and heating pad on my back. Getting out of bed is a process. Stretch, warming muscles, mobilize each joint, take off the CPAP then slide gently to the floor and wait for the head rush to pass. Beginning a task takes bribery; when you finish this job, then you can have a cup of tea. But conversely, once I start a project, I will push through to completion regardless of how much my body screams, and when into a story or edit, I go down a rabbit hole, not eating nor even pausing to pee, oblivious to what is going on around me.
A trip to Thunder Bay has to be planned with military precision, rehearsed, rehearsed, rehearsed. Hence, since I way overdid it cleaning before the cleaners came, I had to forgo (big loss) a trip to the city. Instead while my home is being deep cleaned of the residue of a summer's gardening, I take advantage of the warm day and bribe myself to stagger round the trails taking photos in the late day sunshine.
I’ve just found your channel and it has been an eye-opener for me. I’m just realizing that I’m probably on the spectrum at the age of 78. I have a nephew, who is autistic, making it seem plausible I am too. One can’t adequately express the newfound freedom! I’ve just been introduced to myself. And I’m crazy about me!
zoning out is literally my favorite activity. I love being alone.
I’m curious if there are “body doubling” services for neurodivergent people.
I sure could use one for areas where I’m stuck and need help pushing through (like calling and making a Dr appt etc…)
If not this would be a great idea for gig work/pay by the hour type of thing.
That's a really interesting idea, Karen. I live alone and struggle with this as well. Cats are only helpful herding me into the kitchen at meal time but the rest of the time I'm on my own lol. Might also be a service we could offer others. Easier sometimes to help others than ourselves.
cat doubling!! lol 😻 but yes this could be a super cool service to have access to
The ADHD_Love couple have developed Dubbii - an app to support ADHDers in particular, but I'm pretty sure body doubling is something they've mentioned as a feature.
Great ideas! I think you hit everything I struggle with. Normally I have to talk to myself like "You know, you can put xyz down to do this or that." When I'm sitting in my car before going into the store I have to tell myself "What are you doing? The sooner you get this done we can get home and relax." sometimes this works. haha
Traveling out of the country was a huge transition for me. I’ve been to Europe twice with classmates. I plan to travel with family to see family in Jamaica 🇯🇲 the Caribbean. Being on a plane ✈️ was new to me.
so many transitions when traveling!! just feels like a constant whirlwind to me, and I feel like my body is a homing device that just beeps until I get back home under my bed. but somehow I still enjoy traveling. ha!
Perfect timing, Tay! I have finals this week and I am having to transition between 3 online courses, but I don't want to strain myself. It would be much easier if I didn't have to work in groups/teams. It's even more difficult when you are Team Lead in one of them, but your classmates don't want to listen to you. I needed this reminder, especially to give myself grace. I just want to go drive, waste fuel, and zone out right now, but I knew I needed to hear this right now. Thank you once again for this amazing video, Taylor. Much love!
you're welcome! And you've got this. 💪
That was helpful ! Lately I've been noticing that after a hard day at work, when I reach home I will spend some time checking my phone in my car.
Or I will just sit in the hall, and take quite some time even before I take my shoes off..
It makes sense to relate it to autism even if did not really wonder why I do this. Did relate it to burnout though...
I really like the concept of building transition time INTO your schedule…. The best idea 💡
@4:06 A video about transitions without transitions! Brilliant! :)
That bit about being stuck in your car unable to get out is something I've struggled with for 2 decades and was one of the main red flags that ultimately led me to my autism diagnosis in my mid thirties (last month actually)... was hugely eye opening this month to get diagnosed and find out all of the craziness I've hidden from others my entire life were symptoms of something that had a name and there were people out there like you struggling with it too. Very helpful video subscribed and downloaded ebook, keep fighting the good fight
also, not sure if anyone here can relate but the amount of lies I've had to tell over the years simply bc I couldn't transition out of that stuck state or explain it would fill a thousand rolodexes... one of the harder parts of the condition when your undiagnosed I think is having to become a liar your entire life, the weight of that, simply bc you don't know how to explain the truth. That inability to free yourself from a stalled transition has cost me jobs, relationships, etc, but hey, it does help to know there are solutions out there so thanks again.
Since I am a teenager I say often: I have to mentally prepare myself to do that. (Whatever new task I have to do or want to do.)
Now I know why. Thank you. ❤
You got me wondering about my drive to work...could be it's not as bad as I thought because it's my transition time!
Your videos help me so much. It helped to actually understand myself more. I used to do all sorts of things that my family didn't understand. Like stimming in weird ways and never realized it. I used to like flick my hair off my forehead while watching t.v but i never realized it until my family made so much fun of me. I cut all my hair off to not do it anymore. I, but now i twist my chest, or beard hairs when I am alone. I used to lightly bang my head off the floor when frustrated or if I was playing a video game and failed at something. Nothing major it never hurt, just something I would do. My mom tells the story of how she stopped that by having head head and smashing it off the floor. She went on to kick me into the wall and then threw me into the back of the couch, telling me to stop crying or she would give me something to cry about. I learned to hide so well. It's wild to watch your videos as it makes me feel like I finally get myself. Thanks so much. Like everything you say resonates, so much I feel it deep in my soul. Thanks again
I was a little confused when I first heard about this and I didn’t realize that I experienced this until after watching this video. I thought a lot of people had a tendency to take a while to want to get out the door and start driving somewhere, to get out of bed, or to finish taking off your coat in the arctic entry/mud room before going anywhere else at home. I don’t really want to go anywhere and I have a tendency to overthink what I will do next, but then I have to remind myself that nothing will get done and my plans will be off-course (which is irritating and sends me in a state of anxiety) if I don’t move.
Thank you, reflecting on this I recognize I do this a lot.
if you're like me... that realization will only continue to grow!! :) I still find things every day where I'm like wow... struggling with a transition again, look at me go. lol
My thing is: I don’t leave work. I’m done, have clocked out, zero people rely on me staying; still I stay. Good topic.
This is… kind of life changing. I’m so glad I found your channel. Thank you for talking about this and offering advice and support. Some of these solutions I’ve naturally done without being able to clearly articulate the problem and beating myself up for not being able to “get with it.”
Reading all the comments, too… I am just awestruck right now how relatable everyone is about these things!
Also when I go to the store, I feel claustrophobic when I’m around people when moving from aisle to aisle or getting into tight spaces
This is exactly how I feel all the time, but I don't have a diagnosis yet at least. I do have severe complex PTSD tho
yes PTSD can definitely complicate things
It's a struggle even the rewards don't always work my previous post. That's when you know it's a disability not laziness
Transitions, particularly from static to action (getting up especially) are hard work. Going for showers too.
At work I'm fine because it's quite a dynamic environment so I'm always up and down from my desk, answering phones, checking emails, dealing with customers coming in, operating equipment, etc. My head just thinks of it as one environment.
mmm interesting about thinking of it as one continuous environment. thanks for sharing!
I love body doubling so much! A lot of the time i can use a show to double as well!
This is very interesting, thank you. My daughter has always struggled with transitions and I’ve finally begun to accept that I do too and that it’s not my fault. I have to sit and visualise changing from one task/location to another or I just can’t start moving. My daughter and I also “body double” each other and we’re more efficient that way. I should mention that we’re both diagnosed with ADHD rather than autism so maybe this problem affects ADHDers too?
Yes it is probably an ADHD thing too. Love the visualization reminder. Someone else has also mentioned that!
"Please wait for me, I just need that one minute."
You're so kind! Thanks a tonne for that beautifully crafted guide in your description ❤ I absolutely love the designing and the details!!!! Its gonna be really helpful🎉 Lots of Love 💕
I can relate I have both ADHD and Autism. Love your channel.
Ive definitely noticed autistic inertia in my own life! It's so annoying sometimes...
Do you easily learn from others mistakes? I find myself thinking how stupid people are when they see the trouble that some things cause to other people yet they repeat the action themselves.
I'm 76. I haven't officially been diagnosed as being an Aspie, but my son's doctor said she's surprised that no one noticed before. Hmm, could that be I'm good at masking? I'm ready to get that dx. My whole life now seems to make sense. Sensitive, empath, stubborn (no, I just know what I like/need/want, or what I don't) and being weird. I've thrived on being different. I think back and see I've done that as self defense.
Thanks for all the info!
Oh my gosh! I finally get it!! Ahh thank you, this changes everything!!!
I was kind of aware of it, but this is the first time I've connected all the dots!!
woo hoo!! You're welcome. Yay for connecting the dots
This video is very helpful and I feel very emotional because I am dealing with this problem for 3 years in a very extreme form. It takes me normally 2 hours to get out of bed. I have to meditate and process being awake because it is extremely intense to pass through consciousness. When I get home from an appointment (I don't drive) I often need to rest after getting something to eat. I am too overwhelmed otherwised. But it takes me another two hours to get up again to get officially ready for bed. This whole dillema is extremely taxing and hard on my life. I get so little done and I can't pursue my goals because I just don't have enough processing ability. I have been working with a social worker for three years on this problem. I didn't know it was autism until now. I thought it was due to trauma. I feel so powerless like I am at war with myself.
This video made me think there is no solution and its something to be kind to myself about. It is very hard though because it is eating away at my life.
I will watch it again to see if I can find more grace.😢
I hear you! I'm so sorry you're experiencing such frustration and challenges. You are not alone. Learning to give yourself grace is a lifelong process. Please be gentle with yourself. Whether it's trauma or autism, you deserve a lot of patience, and I've found that healing happens most fully when I allow myself to be exactly as I am. Sending you all the good vibes!
This has helped me understand so much about myself that I didn't have the words for. I guess I am terrible with transitions lol. Thank you for that insight, it is greatly appreciated❤
Love your channel :)
My favourite trick (after "Give yourself time") to get into something when I'm feeling stuck is to find one little piece of it, preferably a piece I already kinda like. The smaller the better (cuz it's easier). Cuz I know that one step, no matter how small, will usually lead to diving in headfirst. Like your coffee trick (which is so good!), I know that if I get up to toast a muffin, I'll be up and things will snowball from there. If I need to get groceries... I just write one thing down that I know I need... the rest just happens.
This explains a lot. A few months ago, I got stuck in the bathroom for two hours. I don't remember the cause, but I was really stressed that week and that day I had a D&D session in the morning. I just went to the bathroom to get myself ready and leave after having breakfast, but I just couldn't will myself to get out. Apart from arriving late, missing breakfast and feeling troubled by this too extreme development, I got several people upset at home since there is only one bathroom. 😅
yes this is a great example! Thanks for sharing. Hopefully you are able to give yourself more grace for these situations. It's a normal autistic thing!
Yay top 91 comments. Love this channel. Best to you and your family. Thanks for making this video. Happy holidays!!!!!
Thank you so much! Happy holidays to you as well. 🎄
I find it hard getting out of my cozy bed when it’s cold in FL. I’m like I want to stay an extra 10 mins in bed lol😂
I've heard of autistics having trouble with transitions, but I didn't really think that applied to me. However, with the help of my therapist, I found out I do struggle with it.
The situatuation was an appointment I had been anticipating and getting ready for for days suddenly got canceled a few hours before the appointment. I hate change of plan and I couldn't get past it and do something else productive with my day. I couldn't shift gears, I was stuck. It wasn't until someone else described what happened that I could really understand what happened and why. It helps to change the mindset from, I just suck at adult life, to I have a different neurotype and there are simply things I can't do easily.
I thought carpet installers were coming Tuesday morning and busted my butt finishing painting the living room, working hard till 8:00 Monday evening even though I have fibromyalgia and usually pace myself and take long breaks. My feet are still so sore it's hard to walk. It turned out the carpet layers weren't coming until this morning, Wednesday. Aargh! Brain fog is not a good thing. I had my second session of my "diagnosis" Monday, too. She said I am definitely neurodiverse but she's not sure I'm autistic. One more session. I read about PDD-NOS and I think that may turn out to be what I have.
thank you for sharing. I feel less alone
When I park in the store parking lot I stay in the car for a bit before I get out to go in the store
Thank you for this video. Have been struggling with this a lot. Especially with getting up in the morning and also work to home as well