AITA for not wanting my future stepson to attend my wedding? Dusty Reads & Reacts!
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- Опубликовано: 29 янв 2025
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AITA for not wanting my future stepson to attend my wedding?
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Generally when the child is old enough to ask the questions, they are old enough to hear the truth. Obviously language and level of details should be age appropriate.
You know it would seem that some people genuinely want others advice and wanting to fix things. I like the fact that updates almost always show peoples growth.
The way I handled telling my 7 year old about cheating after my ex left was "Your dad fell in love with someone else and didn't love me anymore." He took it pretty well and felt like it made sense to him. He's 18 now and I still haven't had a full sit down talk with him but his dad hasn't been in our lives for over a decade, so it's not a pressing issue. I plan to, tho.
I applaud Jay for actually feeling remorseful for his behaviour when he found out what had been going on. Most people wouldn't feel legit regret when they find out that they've hurt an innocent person. He shouldn't have done what he did but he was a child being lied to and manipulated.
OP you sound very reasonable and decent, good for you. Very impressive to stay so cool in the face of such harassment and abusive.
My dad and the last woman he cheated on my mom with tried EVERYTHING to blame my mother for all that happened and turn me against her. It was a miserable situation for myself and my sister. Amy is a selfish, awful person.
My ex husband cheated at least 7 out of 7.5 years of our relationship, but I was at fault for it not working out
NTA. Kids behavior should have been stopped from the start. I wouldn't want him at the wedding either, he'll try and disrupt it. There is zero reason to allow the kid to act that way. Good for dad for telling the truth. Amy is a total POS
This is why 1. People should never get married because of a baby. 2. Always tell your kids the truth.
Op would be a fool to marry this man. He clearly is bad at handling any conflict.
I was bad at handling conflict when I got married but we have a solid marriage now. We decided to work on those kinds of issues together and grow as a couple. It's worked really well. We always talk things out and identify ways we can work on ourselves to become better people whenever we hit a snag. It was difficult at first, but practice makes perfect. I think the sit down talk the whole family finally had together was a fantastic first step towards growth. It's a great foundation for OP and her fiance as they go forward in life together. The dad still has potential as a person. Amy, however...I'd definitely avoid marrying her. She's a hot mess. I don't think anyone would be good at handling conflict with her because she's so abusive.
Hot take... it's completely fair for Allen to not want his son to harbor a negative opinion of his mother for their romantic relationship issues and keep him in the dark about her infidelity. Especially when navigating the whole separated/co-parenting thing with J living with his mother.
The bigger issue is that J needed someone to blame for the divorce. Once it was clearly laid out that Amy could be blamed and she was a bad mother anyway that 'solved' that problem.
The story (kind of) gets a nice little bow on it now that Jay can direct all his anger towards the parent who cheated and was shitty anyway. But what if there really hadn't been anyone to blame and 2 teenagers who tried to make it work for the sake of a baby just couldn't? It begs the question of how/why J has been conditioned to need someone to be angry with from the beginning.
The dad, mom, and stepmom are the A-holes. As soon as the dad realized his son had strong negative feelings for this woman, he should’ve broken up with her. And he and the mother should’ve told their son the truth from the beginning. The stepmom is not a victim here and shouldn’t get the son in trouble because of the parents lying to the boy and because she chose to stay in this relationship knowing her boyfriend’s son hates her. All the adults in this situation chose this situation and manipulated the son into acting this way and now the dad and step mom want to play the victims? That’s rich! That boy owes this woman nothing. And he never got the bare minimum his parents owed him. The truth and making him the number one priority in both of their lives. Everyone sucks here except the son. Screw OP and her idiot boyfriend!
It WAS the child, Jay, that Amy made sleep outside of the apartment.
We know this because the next few sentences are Jay telling OP that Amy made him feel scared to ask for help. That she made him feel that his Dad and OP would reject him if he talked about anything.
Stop yelling at me!! 😂
Rip sorry for your name 😂
this right here is why we shouldn't be forcing teenagers and young adults who get pregnant to get married to "fix" the issue (if there were already plans of getting married in a relationship and a baby happened to be on the way before the marriage happened, it's a whole other matter)
Mum and Dad need to show some honesty here.The damage all around is terrible and is unlikely to ever be undone.He is 17!
Amy sounds EXTREMELY toxic. Good on Maya for picking up on it. I can understand Jay being confused, first as a young child (who I can assume got no therapy when his world fell apart) and later as a teen whose mother continually blamed his father's new gf. Kids understand more than adults credit them for. Explanations NEED to be given, even if they do skirt the full/harsh truth they need to be reasonably close. But at this point even if Amy were to go to court, Jay will be 18 before they get there. Even at 17 the judge would listen to Jay's wishes in the matter, not necessarily grant them, but would take them into consideration. But at 18 it would be a moot point. No one needs to waste money on lawyers. Some people need to be able to blame others for their problems as they can't accept the blame themselves. Jay got caught in the middle and OP got hit with the backlash.
This story was one of those stories where I was about to say OP was the assconaut based on the title and think, “how could you not be the assconaut!?!” Until you hear the story, then you realize, “okay you’re actually in the clear.” NTA and I’m the assconaut for judging a book by its cover.
YES still Asconaut. And DUMBASS. One thing asking if she was wrong about her step-son disliking her abd how his parents are mishandling it.
But her "solution" is to get married but ban him. 😂
Asconaut!
I was about ready to call her TA as well, until she talked about how her soon to be stepson was treating her, and let's not even talk about all the plot twists in the updates. At least her stepson apologized to her for treating her that way once he *_finally_* learned the truth, which makes her fiance Alan TA for keeping all that stuff from him, and allowing his baby mama to poison their son's mind against them.
@@esmooth919 I hear ya.
But I still think someone is wrong to get married when they don't even get along with partner's children.
Clearly there are way more issues here and mostly not OP's fault. But jeez don't MARRY someone if their children are a Problem you don't want at your wedding!
@@JW-vd4ilAgreed. Like you said, there's clearly more at play here and in some other cases but I see way too many people marry someone with a toxic relationship with their child(ren) and it blows my mind how often the needs and wants of a kid aren't even taken into consideration.
Alan was definitely right to divorce Amy. She really is the scum of the earth, especially when it comes to their son. The fact that she didn't want to get exposed to her son for cheating on his dad... That little girl is a spineless twit. She definitely didn't deserve to be a mother. To OP, her fiance, and her stepson, I hope the family therapy goes well for all of you.
As far as this entire story, OP is the only non-asshole in this story. Everyone else sucks, but out of all the suckage, Amy sucks the biggest one. At least everyone else got their act together when they finally decided to come clean about the divorce. But old narcissistic Amy can take a hike.
I'm sorry if there is a genuinely kind Amy out there, but I have never met a genuinely nice Amy in my life 😅 that's my first red flag 🙈
Amy is NTA. Dad and mom hit the Ascon scale though. Amy hits A1 right away with the lies and the abuse of the kid. The dad should have told the son SOMETHING. The fact that he let his son hate his fiancé for three years and did nothing to clear the air is garbage. He obviously didn’t have malicious intentions but a lot of damage has been done to his son because he didn’t tell him some version of the truth. “ Mommy fell out of love and found someone else to be with “ . Now the kid is rightfully mad at him for not saying anything.
I mean we don't know what the son was told.. we just know what he wasn't; that the mom cheated. He had to be told something and not just that "mom and dad are fine. Were just going to go sleep in separate houses for a few years."
If their story was that mom and dad just couldn't make it work or that they fell out of love with each other... that would be a version of the truth and acceptable to tell a child in that situation.
You mean OP is NTA? You said Amy hit A1 right away so I assume you wrote the wrong thing at the start
Likely in earlier days Allen/Alan was worried about custody. People like Amy have told horrific lies to get sole custody before and she's obviously toxic af and might have done it and I think deep down Allen knew she was capable of some bs like that and that is why he didn't do it sooner. Just a guess having been a bonus mom for a while in a toxic af situation where both bio parents were toxic and the bonus child became toxic as a result and I was there just trying not to get poisoned. But anyway, to avoid serious custody drama, some things were let go that really shouldn't have been to avoid the perceived worse of two evils, basically
Why do the friends have her number?
I feel like Amy fomented a lot of ideas the son had and was super bitter so tried to change her son's opinion of his father and stepmom. Also, something tells me the decision of not telling their son about it was Amy's doing
Only reason I can think of Alan letting it slide, is custody ... maybe he was afraid Amy would of taken the kid away or made it dang near impossible to even see him. ... Idk.... Even so, he should have at least told the kid he was WRONG... that OP had zero involvement with how things went down... didn't have to toss Amy under the bus, but at least let the kid know OP wasn't the cause.
Alan makes the ascon scale or sure I can't figure out where to put him but I don't think not wanting to try for custody sooner is excusable. He lived with this woman it can't have been a surprise she turned out to be insane.
I was meaning if it's split custody ... I don't remember if he said How the custody was... if 50/50, she could have tried to make it 25/75 to spite him if he went against what Amy wished ... that's what i was thinking.
But yes, Agree. He's on the scale still for allowing the kid to believe the Lie in the first place.
@@MommaSkelly AA the product of a crazy mother and a father who let go of custody instead of trying at all I think I'm more inclined to judge him. Things could have been worse yes but if the child had been living with the father they would have been a great deal better and he had no excuse to not know how bad things were. That said part of the reason I'm not sure where on the scale to put him is the fact that Amy sounds very manipulative, but I still don't like hearing about men leaving the kids with an abusive ex.
agreeing with you on all that.
didn't say he was in the clear or anything.
maybe he's A2 at minimum. He should have put an end to the false rumor, helping OP in the process instead of letting the lie continue as long as it did.
He's not completely terrible... because if she's this manipulative and abusive, who knows what she'd of done if he tried for more custody when the system already leans more to Moms getting custody...
I mean, theres stories of women faking abuse just to keep the fathers away from kids. I wouldnt put that past this woman if she was pushed to it...
Maybe That's why he was hesitant to "rock the boat" ... 50/50 was better than being unable to see the kid because the crazy mom lied and did stuff that he couldn't prove against. If he had been unable to see the kid at all, that have been the worst.
He does deserve the judgement though.. because he should have been standing up for OP the whole time, not when the kid was around 17 years old, over ten years of lies.
A2 at Minimum ... i want to push further into A1, but i don't know his side of the story, only OPs
9:33 Kids don't need to know ALL the details of a separation... but at least the basics.
NTA they are raising a brat he will be a horrible human being
No reason for the child to know the details of their parents divorce.
There is when the guilty parent tries to weaponize the kids
Well there is. Children want to know who their parents really are.
Says probably someone who broke up their family by cheating and then didn't want to tell their children because it was your fault
She is nta. The 3 other people are. The parents are ahs for allowing the kid to treat op this way and blame her for something that happened when she didn't even know these people
Without having heard the update, you are NTA, but you're soon to be husband is definitely TA for not telling his son the reason why his biological parents divorced. had he done that, his son would not be calling you a T.H.O.T. and a homewrecker. So this is 100% your fiance's fault.
Wait. OP took this shit for 5 years????
OP is okay, the father has to make the ascon scale not sure where to put him though but Amy makes ascon1 easy.
@dusty with how the mother is… I believe they keep the mom happy so they could see the son.
Nac female mothers will use the court system to their advantage and. You called it out at the start she didn’t want to look bad. So what you think she would have done. If they tried earlier. (Her missing the CS) she would have call abuse. On her or her son. And they would have lost everything trying to deny it.
❤️
I think they need counseling separately and together before marrying. The hubby and OP together and also with the kid (the three of them). The kid needs therapy separately as well. I wouldn't marry without counseling.
Tell the kid the Truth…NOW…what’s a few months ?????
Don't marry him! You will always have issues with the kid and the ex. I think the kid should be told on the way out. You are not the AH!
Um no!!! I don't care how old the kid is! Be honest with him!!!
smart to put your name in... you content got stolen real often