My ex was way beyond "looking at porn now and then".. he would actively push me away/ refuse me, claiming to be too tired, often for months at a time, while sneaking off to "save" himself for enjoying porn after he thought I was asleep. He preferred it and was exclusive to it. It was crushing to my sense of my own ability to be attractive and desirable to a partner. My heart goes out to anyone going through that right now.
Omg.. my narc does the EXACT same thing!!!! Acts like he's asleep. Leaves me to myself hoping he'd put love on me. Touch me. But. No. When I end up walking out of the den room I go to bed" and as I'm laying there I hear him moving going on his phone & very lightly I can hear the porn.. he thinks he's slick but no..
@@racheljersey8247 so familiar to me: in the end he openly watched porn during day time, early evenings, in the middle of the night sounds on very loudly. It is what narcs do. They don't give a s..t about how their partners feel when they are like outsiders in their own marriage. Narcs search for pleasure 24/7 as they get bored very soon and can't face their own emptiness..so they sooth themselves with either porn, food, alcohol, drugs or all of them feeding each other and worsening their personality towards aggressive monster. My experience on my years long healing path is this: just run. Don't wait for your narc/addicted partner to ever change. It'll get only worse in time.
Was married to a narcissist for 14 yrs who had a porn addiction and drug addiction was hooking up with women that did porn was on several dating sites also tried to have affairs with several family members and when confronted lied a said no that’s you lol I also had a feeling it wasn’t just females but men also. To anyone out there if your gut tells you to run then run you deserve to be LOVED not abused
It's like a copy and paste! Been with mine for 14 years, psychopathic narcissist, addiction to porn, sex, drugs, alcohol you name it, cheating, lying constantly, also on dating and hook up apps/sites- and its not just women either. Hes made tons of references to wanting a 3way with another man and makes gay jokes (which of course arent actually jokes).. It's absolutely disgusting and I'm sad that other people are living this same misery. Though we take comfort in knowing were not alone and we're not crazy ❤
I'm married to a narcissist (figured it out a few months in), though he's at the softer end of the spectrum. I've learned over my lifetime that if someone cheats, whether physically, emotionally, or with p*rn, it is NOT the spouse's fault. I know I'm attractive, based on the unwanted attention I get. I know I'm an attractive person inside, and I know that even the hottest, freakiest women on earth get cheated on or dumped. I'm extremely sxual (always ready) and open to trying new things, so it's not a case of him going elsewhere for what he can't get from me. Whenever I accidentally catch him having "solo time," I just leave the room, laughing to myself at how pathetic it is. It is NEVER your fault if someone cheats on you. It's their choice.
Girl looking at porn is not cheating. If someone uses their imagination to jack off is that cheating? Cus trust me ALL men jack off, most of the time we use pornography and sometimes just our imagination.
Very well put. This has been my experience with the narc husband of nearly 30 years. All my efforts and initiating made no difference. He was even too tired on our wedding night! I did question myself a lot at the start but as you said, it’s not our fault. The sad thing is for me is I’ve never had an affair despite no physical intimacy for 25 years. I’m still with him. I first Caught him looking at naked women on his phone a few years ago. He filters them and zooms in and out. Yuck! I feel sick. I’ve never said anything as I’m not actually bothered now. It’s more the principle of it having neglected me and caused me so much pain. I’m not unattractive either. These narcs are seriously demented. We have to hold our heads up and carry on regardless 🤷🏼♀️
@@nickijames5122are you still married? I’m currently going through a separation as unfortunately I caught my husband texting a coworker nothing too extreme of sexual texting or anything a friendship but the fact that he deleted messages kept it a secret and also the woman complemented him calling him handsome was a red flag he’s also had porn issues and states he will fix issues to save our relationship it’s just horrible how he literally said the texting someone gave him the same dopamine as watching porn he knows it’s was nothing serious and wouldn’t physically cheat but it’s the breaking the trust . I hate the easy access of porn
My husband always throws up to me how good of a provider he is. Which he is but thats all he is! Thank you for this! This is like the Video from the Lord telling me enough is enough get out now!
Mine does same. Thinks it’s fine to look at porn daily on his phone. I told him he is cheating with his eyes no he doesn’t think so. It’s sad and confusing but I am learning
My ex would say that to me all the time, too! He got me pregnant a month in, I miscarried and then he rushed to get mortgage pre-approval, bought us a puppy. On Valentine’s Day I worked at his restaurant and went back to his place to check on the dog. Something told me to look at his iPad. What I saw was enough for me to block him and walk away. I’m so glad I looked, as he had appt the following week to buy me an engagement ring.
Sounds like my husband too. Then he tells me the reason he puts me down is because I tell him all he is, is a bread winner..which I only tell him because he's emotionally abusive to me and constantly points out my flaws. Oh and he blames ME for his p*rn use. That's always nice to hear. I stopped my meds and got my libido back, then I became "too much" and "annoying" for wanting s*x more like he does..then find out he lied to me (after saying hed stop) and is still watching p*rn. This is an absolute mind F@#% from HELL.
THIS VIDEO VALIDATED THE PAST 25 YEARS OF MY MARRIAGE. My husband texting, chatting -- having emotional affairs. He claimed it was "all just a game" (yeah, gaslighting me.....). But I now understand that it was a game for him to get his "high" (validation) He always had porn up on his computer, too. In year 25, he discarded me (cruelly, heartlessly) for a new supply. This behavior fits the narcissistic cycle script perfectly.
Thank you Ben! Great video! Celebrating 1 year of divorce from a covert narcissist. Your videos were extremely helpful in surviving & divorcing my ex. It was a horrific experience, but I thank GOD for delivering and rescuing me!
Great that you are finally addressing this highly explosive slightly taboo subject,i agree with everything you are saying,my boyfriend had hundreds of women thst he was talking to and sending pics ,plus lots of pornography whilsy leaving me with no sex and no affection😢,terrible life,never again😊
I discovered after I left that my narc husband was “friends” with women online who posted soft porn. He also “liked” a lot of single ladies pictures who are local to our area. Sickening!!!
Yep i noticed there’s a group of men in my area who all “like” the same women and their photos - they’re all on dating apps, the women and the men. It’s like this weird narcissistic ring. I realised as unfortunately I dated one of them, and when I looked at his Instagram - he liked over 1000 women who were from the gym, dating apps, work who often posted provocative pics. I realised the guys because they all liked my profile too, which is how I realised they all like all the same “attractive” women in our area. I just cut ties with him because I’ve been in a situationship with him for 9 months. He was also always ogling women so obviously when we went out on dates. And would never give me compliments, even though other men would stare at me and people complimented me all the time
Edit: also noticed this guy liked all these women and woman’s pictures and even commented “beautiful” and more crude stuff under their pics - just a few months after he was married! Poor ex
I can somewhat relate to this. My narc was dating me while on local Fb singles groups. He let slip he was on there and I was sickened by what I saw going on in those groups. I spoke with a woman he had interacted with and she said he came across as a player, trying to connect with woman across multiple groups. 🤮 A lot of woman on these groups are also narcs and all they (the men and woman) talk about is sex.
I love that you’re calling it out as a societal issue. Even men (mostly) who aren’t narcissists, are acting in narcissistic ways like this online etc. this made me feel so much more validated. I come across this a lot with men I date, and started to feel I should just settle.
@@samco63 most of the addicted people are narcs: using other people to assure their fantasy life where they are entitled of special treatment...the others serving their needs. Paying bills, raising kids, doing work also at home, being bad, sad or depressed on their behalf. An addict (as a narc) is very selfish like a small child: rages, tells lies, takes no responsibility (blame shifting), manipulates and steels to protect the source. You thought he/she was there to love you. Nope. Just to use you.
I think narcissists are a bit bipolar . My ex narc is addicted to porn and social media especially Tinder . While I was with him my eyes were half closed , when I finally went no contact I found out so much more about him so disgusting and nasty ! He still tries to reach out to me HA I do not want to see him or even hear his voice . Good topic.
Thank you so much … this video validated my experience in a relationship where I felt like my emotions and concerns had no space in the relationship because there was always a reason why I shouldn’t feel that way. My emotions would always be met with everything he did in the relationship. Me not valuing my emotions as important only fueled my vulnerability to be manipulated. I’m so thankful God removed me from that relationship because he had me so fooled that I don’t know if I would’ve left myself..
Your descriptions of my last two years are amazingly acute. Thank you explaining. I really could not understand why he needed to chase all those women on dating apps and of course lie about it), prefering to text with someone for a month rather than be in a real relationship with a person who actually cares.
He complained he is always tired, can’t sleep, can’t get stuff done etc. his house is a mess. I started seeing red flags and he often left his I pad at my house. One day I looked and bam Porn Voyeurism Sex games Anything sexual on you tube etc. This guy is 70 Messages from exes Etc etc therapy was a waste of time. He just put apps & VPN to hide it. We broke up & he told me yesterday he wants me back unless of course, I find him repulsive.
the worst thing is that they have to look at worse things because of the dulling, which eventually leads to sad and extremely dark things, when they don't get their "p*fix" the first sign of abstinence is shaky hands and aggressiveness. that's when you see how deep in the shit they are. Only they can help themselves.That is very true. Thanks for the information.
Yes!! I knew 10 yrs ago when we met he liked it a " bit," and I told him how much it disgusted me; he said ok, he'd stop. Wow, recently found out how It was an enormous part of his life! And I'm open minded, but I was stunned when I found out that all the things he'd joke about & say casually 🤢 Are things he always has been Seeking & Doing. I still shudder just thinking about it. 😶
Didn't know he had a p#rn addiction till he discarded me, and when i asked he told me he never allowed me to check his phone because he would watch it.. and later I realised it was of course, a new supply as well.
@RawMotivations I am, it's been two years, and sometimes I still get flashbacks.. and still question myself, if I'm a narc cos he said I destroyed him. Keep going back and forth. I think things have changed for me. This is my new status, and I got to accept it.. will never go back, tho. Never ever. Something has changed within me. And I don't see the world the same way anymore.
Thank you for highlighting this so I can understand what I was involved in. The gaslighting and lies from the porn, emotional affairs and narcissistic abuse is something I’m still trying to heal from. And I think your brave to take your experience and growth to help others Peace
My ex.n was chatting with a russian Girl. Those chats where like loveletters. When i found out. Hé was mad at me. Because hé was only talking with someone. Talking??? They where talking about ger married with eachother etcetera etcetera. I was i to sensitiv. Thats what he told me. Because i think its not normal. Its completely 🤮🤮🤮
They lie by omission. Yeah sure just talking. Mine used to continually accuse me of jealousy when I questioned him about women ‘friends’. I said it’s not jealousy, I just want to know what your intentions are. Silence. 🤯
My kids father (the narc) is literally transactional in all he does with our two kids. Every time he out of nowhere buys something for them it’s always sporadic and not needed. Sometimes the kids will say who’s this for. So knowing his habits this means he must’ve spent money online dating sites or buying nudes making someone else feel good and realizes oh shit I have kids lemme buy anything to look like I did something instead of something off the king list of needs that currently have.
I truly wish I could get my husband to a therapist that would actually break this down to him, instead of add to his ego and tell him what he wants to hear. He once went to therapy for his anger issues and all I heard about it was when we argued, and it was "my therapist said I should leave you." Etc., so I knew he was only talking about ME instead of taking responsibility and accountability for his anger/reactions to sensitive issues. It really disgusted me. I'm in limbo rn tbh.
@@BFku36 In my opinion narcs appear so different in theraphy and their spouse seems the one having unbalanced emotional state..all fault in her: if only she wouldn't be such a nervous breakdown..hysterical all would be better in relationship. Unfortunatelly there are still therapists that don't understand narcisism at all. They tend to believe the narc. Theraphy doesn't fix them. It's better to go there by yourself and find mental strength to get rid of your abuser. Without theraphy it's hard cuz your so manipulated to think that you are nothing. My ex told me that I could'n survive as a single..not able to keep even my car or live alone as I was never been alone. He wouldn't go to theraphy saying: how can a 3rd person know anything about our marriage and help us. We need to weigh the situation by ourselves. I already knew that it would be impossible to have a happy life with him..too many apologies..then none..then it started again..he had ran the toxic pattern for years over and over again. We have to love ourselves the right way and stop the abuse. It is NOT love if your partner cheats, lies, manipulates, ignores, abuses you. Hated the most that my home became a war zone and I changed almost as cruel towards him aiming to protect myself. I was never safe.
@mshiker I know this.. I'm just at that point still... the point of "hope"..and someone could change him even if it's not me, because they have a PHD. (That's obviously a joke on me🤦🏼♀️❤️)
@@BFku36 I think you'll have to respect your ex in the eyes of kids until they are old enough to understand that he is something else. Kids need both their parents. If he causes no harm ..is of no danger to his kids and is interested of raising his kids why not let it happen? No theraphy in my opinion is going to change him to be the husband you wished for. Just focus on your healing and your wellbeing. It happened and there was a lesson to learn. I think this is life. Nobody can manage what'll happen next.
@@BFku36 I think you know the answer already. If you ask yourself what is there in this relatioship good for your wellbeing you begin to see the toxic patter. It's never all about you. I found myself cleaning, cooking, doing laundry and grosery shopping by myself. I was his slave and got only grumbles of his table. Regret to stay for years to wait him to change. Why would he? He had a skilled and willing servant back home and sex partners around the country. He is a porn addict and puts all his money to his own 'hobbies'. Otherwise a chiep bastard calling me names, never thanking of anything..always blaming me..jealous of my success. It was only a fake marriage: only 6 times a year marital sex. He gave me absolutely nothing. He lied, gaslited, manipulated, treathened, abused both mentally and physically. That was NOT love. There was absolutely nothing for me there. Hate him and never will forget him. He didn't destroy me. After two years of theraphy, lots of info of NPD, excersice and quitting alcohol I found new me. Strong and ready to commit again. Now married over 10 years with my real soul mate. If I could do it so can you. Go for it girl!!
Luckily it was emotional . Now I understand it was all about controlling me and draining me emotionally. While it really hurt, I surrendered myself totally to The Lord God of All and He is protecting me from this pitiful excuse of a human being. PSALM91 Isaiah 54:17 Psalm 35. Nothing, not even satan or all his demons can stand against theWORD IF GOD IR THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥💥💫💫💫💫
After I ghosted my narc ex I found out from a mutual friend that she had been a coke & meth addictfor decades, and only recently quit a few yrs prior!! It made me even more glad I ghosted when I did(after 4mos. of love bombing)
Omg. You said it. I found a 2022 text on my husband's OLD phone, his OLD phone number where he and buddy are talking. He tells his buddy "Looks like me chasing strange and getting it". I'm red pilled again. Context: We've been together since 2000.
I found so much porn, specifically “barely legal,” seemed to be his preferred genre. I remember feeling disgusted because (at the time) I looked very young for my age and for the most part, I was/am rather innocent. Was it that about me that caught his interest? As the digital age started taking over and nothing physical was needed anymore, I’d check emails and see receipts for the XXX websites. Thinking back now, I should’ve checked those sites, but at that point and after finding so much already throughout the years, I just was so disgusted, I just wanted out. He is also into “interactive,” porn online. I’ve never looked into that, but I can only imagine what that is.
We're here to support you on your healing journey. Take the first step by joining our free masterclass, where you'll learn how to break free from toxic relationships and much more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
My ex husband went to the extreme of wanting a stripper for his 40th. If he didn’t get what he asked for he’d give me the silent treatment - for days. We worked in our family business and he basically forced me to order one for himself and the guys at work. She was only 18 and stripped completely nude and was all over him. It made me sick. He made me sick. Only one guy refused to be a part of “the show”. I left him not long after that. This was one event along with watching porn early many mornings thinking I didn’t know among the many other things he did in our marriage that I couldn’t live with any longer. And still denied he had an addiction.
Sorry you experienced this. I can relate 100%, my ex husband did the same. People, many of them, believed him that I was the one with the addiction. The 3rd party abuse I experienced was horrendous which included family.
He said it is my fault that he is gambling and has affairs.He told me that because I was bad, and now, while refusing to divorce ( it was too expensive) he is searching for a good woman.😅
I always called my husband of 47 years a narcistict he passed a year ago but im left with alot of emmotional issues i think steming from being married so long to him
We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
I have a question. I found out about an affair my husband had for 2 years. And what he will not give me an answer why he didn’t delete the messages even after it was over. I have been battling this for 2.5 years. And you might have Ana answer for me
The Narcs partner knows the Narc, so the Narc goes after others that dont know them. That way the Narc creates the narrative and controls the narrative.
"It's not an affair, because there's not another real person involved." Sooo... You're looking at another species? Not a human being? Kinda, cuz the real thing takes actual effort. Actual emotion, actual empathy.
Cheating is different but how long do we wait until it's to late to see we need to help them... is not seeing text a sign or caught on porn. But we blame them and acknowledge the bad behavior...instead of treating the reasoning of Love to tell them they are not the problem or you. And it is a result of there journey to there and if any person will not fight them when they hide it and see what's really happening it should be there partner especially husband. To help encourage support to treat the healing and hold there hand no matter what lashing out they do and train new languages to help in seeing the trauma and not separate yourself and blame her but to say that you are on her side... It's like this is the test of life and is a part of relationships.... and we can't work and help eachother... but blame eachother... and say we loved them but still think they are to blame and then you separated patterned you sayn you love is alone still struggling with trauma and we justify are fillings of guilt... when that is the holyspirt convicting us... And then we say they are a narcissist... treat the trauma and men will win .....listen to you gut the holyspirt speaks to you....
Tbh sometimes I think about this, but sometimes it is just soooo difficult, I was willing to do this, but with him it’s impossible, trust me that I want to help but sometimes for me it’s too hard because “I am a normal person” and what he does with other women just disgusts me, I am going to therapy and I find it very helpful and also helps me to think how can I help him, as you say we should find a way to communicate but trust sometimes is just too hard that makes me wanna quit 🥺😥
I found to look at it differently now... There's nothing but the enemy that controls The person's bad choice..... The more you argue in fight, it will make it worse. So that's the first thing that you have to stop yourself from. Causing threats and fighting.. The next thing is to recognize this is a demon
Who shall we choose another partner who sleeps with more people... Another partner who I have to understand and get to know and fight with and get through battles... Or the person that god gave me .... God has given me this person in my life for ultimate reason. It is for me to forgive them and love them as much or more than jesus has done for me.... This is the only thing that I must do. And it is my biggest challenge that God gives me in life. It is my marriage partner.... That is my ultimate working for god.... God has this as my ultimate test.... The more I surrender to it, the more God has been. Blessing me with the Holy Spirit and gifts...... We have to get the other personality away from our partner... It comes from arguing and fighting threatening each other.... We have to be kind through all things. And the person we talk to, we have to get the real them and the honest person. To start communicating with us together... It sucks that the other person Could be an ass.... But they cannot fight against somebody that is so kind and praying for them
God Change this woman's heart With forgiveness and kindness let her speak good thoughts Better from you or not the enemy... Let her Words speak to her husband's heart and break him to come To be himself again... Allow her husband to Reject this enemy that is making him do bad things
My ex was way beyond "looking at porn now and then".. he would actively push me away/ refuse me, claiming to be too tired, often for months at a time, while sneaking off to "save" himself for enjoying porn after he thought I was asleep. He preferred it and was exclusive to it. It was crushing to my sense of my own ability to be attractive and desirable to a partner. My heart goes out to anyone going through that right now.
Omg.. my narc does the EXACT same thing!!!! Acts like he's asleep. Leaves me to myself hoping he'd put love on me. Touch me. But. No. When I end up walking out of the den room I go to bed" and as I'm laying there I hear him moving going on his phone & very lightly I can hear the porn.. he thinks he's slick but no..
@@Heathers-p8m had the same experience 😕
I am going through same thing.😢
@carlaanglesstowers5778 sorry dear, it's demoralizing to say the least.
@@racheljersey8247 so familiar to me: in the end he openly watched porn during day time, early evenings, in the middle of the night sounds on very loudly. It is what narcs do. They don't give a s..t about how their partners feel when they are like outsiders in their own marriage. Narcs search for pleasure 24/7 as they get bored very soon and can't face their own emptiness..so they sooth themselves with either porn, food, alcohol, drugs or all of them feeding each other and worsening their personality towards aggressive monster. My experience on my years long healing path is this: just run. Don't wait for your narc/addicted partner to ever change. It'll get only worse in time.
Was married to a narcissist for 14 yrs who had a porn addiction and drug addiction was hooking up with women that did porn was on several dating sites also tried to have affairs with several family members and when confronted lied a said no that’s you lol
I also had a feeling it wasn’t just females but men also.
To anyone out there if your gut tells you to run then run you deserve to be LOVED not abused
Amen. Real type of interaction love - not cheap stuff -( crumbs). And run down the street to the rich lady’s house to have a cigar smoke affair.
@@Karen-qs7hk the same twice: both porn and alcohol addictions - never again
It's like a copy and paste! Been with mine for 14 years, psychopathic narcissist, addiction to porn, sex, drugs, alcohol you name it, cheating, lying constantly, also on dating and hook up apps/sites- and its not just women either. Hes made tons of references to wanting a 3way with another man and makes gay jokes (which of course arent actually jokes).. It's absolutely disgusting and I'm sad that other people are living this same misery. Though we take comfort in knowing were not alone and we're not crazy ❤
Porn addiction inc
Fetish
BDSM
Plus the exes
Emotional affairs
Harem of women ie work friends
I’m over it
I'm married to a narcissist (figured it out a few months in), though he's at the softer end of the spectrum. I've learned over my lifetime that if someone cheats, whether physically, emotionally, or with p*rn, it is NOT the spouse's fault. I know I'm attractive, based on the unwanted attention I get. I know I'm an attractive person inside, and I know that even the hottest, freakiest women on earth get cheated on or dumped. I'm extremely sxual (always ready) and open to trying new things, so it's not a case of him going elsewhere for what he can't get from me. Whenever I accidentally catch him having "solo time," I just leave the room, laughing to myself at how pathetic it is.
It is NEVER your fault if someone cheats on you. It's their choice.
Reach out for help www.rawmotivations.com/one-on-one
Girl looking at porn is not cheating. If someone uses their imagination to jack off is that cheating? Cus trust me ALL men jack off, most of the time we use pornography and sometimes just our imagination.
Very well put. This has been my experience with the narc husband of nearly 30 years. All my efforts and initiating made no difference. He was even too tired on our wedding night! I did question myself a lot at the start but as you said, it’s not our fault. The sad thing is for me is I’ve never had an affair despite no physical intimacy for 25 years. I’m still with him. I first Caught him looking at naked women on his phone a few years ago. He filters them and zooms in and out. Yuck! I feel sick. I’ve never said anything as I’m not actually bothered now. It’s more the principle of it having neglected me and caused me so much pain. I’m not unattractive either. These narcs are seriously demented. We have to hold our heads up and carry on regardless 🤷🏼♀️
@@alyssamoore3626 Been there: covert narcs are the worse as they seem so kind and everybody likes them.
@@nickijames5122are you still married? I’m currently going through a separation as unfortunately I caught my husband texting a coworker nothing too extreme of sexual texting or anything a friendship but the fact that he deleted messages kept it a secret and also the woman complemented him calling him handsome was a red flag he’s also had porn issues and states he will fix issues to save our relationship it’s just horrible how he literally said the texting someone gave him the same dopamine as watching porn he knows it’s was nothing serious and wouldn’t physically cheat but it’s the breaking the trust . I hate the easy access of porn
My husband always throws up to me how good of a provider he is. Which he is but thats all he is! Thank you for this! This is like the Video from the Lord telling me enough is enough get out now!
Mine says the same thing!
Mine does same. Thinks it’s fine to look at porn daily on his phone. I told him he is cheating with his eyes no he doesn’t think so. It’s sad and confusing but I am learning
My ex would say that to me all the time, too! He got me pregnant a month in, I miscarried and then he rushed to get mortgage pre-approval, bought us a puppy. On Valentine’s Day I worked at his restaurant and went back to his place to check on the dog. Something told me to look at his iPad. What I saw was enough for me to block him and walk away. I’m so glad I looked, as he had appt the following week to buy me an engagement ring.
Provides the monetary and nothing else. They suck the life out of a person and then act like the hero for doing the bare minimum.
Sounds like my husband too. Then he tells me the reason he puts me down is because I tell him all he is, is a bread winner..which I only tell him because he's emotionally abusive to me and constantly points out my flaws. Oh and he blames ME for his p*rn use. That's always nice to hear. I stopped my meds and got my libido back, then I became "too much" and "annoying" for wanting s*x more like he does..then find out he lied to me (after saying hed stop) and is still watching p*rn. This is an absolute mind F@#% from HELL.
THIS VIDEO VALIDATED THE PAST 25 YEARS OF MY MARRIAGE. My husband texting, chatting -- having emotional affairs. He claimed it was "all just a game" (yeah, gaslighting me.....). But I now understand that it was a game for him to get his "high" (validation) He always had porn up on his computer, too. In year 25, he discarded me (cruelly, heartlessly) for a new supply. This behavior fits the narcissistic cycle script perfectly.
Mine discarded me after 42 years. When my body shut down and I couldn't emotionally and intimately respond anymore due to the abuse.
This video and several others just validated the last 21 years of mine. Thank God the B is gone!!
Thank you Ben! Great video!
Celebrating 1 year of divorce from a covert narcissist.
Your videos were extremely helpful in surviving & divorcing my ex.
It was a horrific experience, but I thank GOD for delivering and rescuing me!
You just described the last 3 years of my life. It was a nightmare.
" Lucky" you. He just described the last 14 years of my life. That was a nightmare!!!
11 years for me.
45 me
Great that you are finally addressing this highly explosive slightly taboo subject,i agree with everything you are saying,my boyfriend had hundreds of women thst he was talking to and sending pics ,plus lots of pornography whilsy leaving me with no sex and no affection😢,terrible life,never again😊
I discovered after I left that my narc husband was “friends” with women online who posted soft porn. He also “liked” a lot of single ladies pictures who are local to our area. Sickening!!!
SAME MINE JUSTIFIED IT AND HOW DARE I TAKE AWAY HIS TOY
Yep i noticed there’s a group of men in my area who all “like” the same women and their photos - they’re all on dating apps, the women and the men.
It’s like this weird narcissistic ring.
I realised as unfortunately I dated one of them, and when I looked at his Instagram - he liked over 1000 women who were from the gym, dating apps, work who often posted provocative pics.
I realised the guys because they all liked my profile too, which is how I realised they all like all the same “attractive” women in our area.
I just cut ties with him because I’ve been in a situationship with him for 9 months. He was also always ogling women so obviously when we went out on dates. And would never give me compliments, even though other men would stare at me and people complimented me all the time
Edit: also noticed this guy liked all these women and woman’s pictures and even commented “beautiful” and more crude stuff under their pics - just a few months after he was married! Poor ex
I can somewhat relate to this. My narc was dating me while on local Fb singles groups. He let slip he was on there and I was sickened by what I saw going on in those groups. I spoke with a woman he had interacted with and she said he came across as a player, trying to connect with woman across multiple groups. 🤮
A lot of woman on these groups are also narcs and all they (the men and woman) talk about is sex.
yeah when i would ask who the "women" (bimbo sluts) were he would say "THATS MY FRIEND HUN"
I love that you’re calling it out as a societal issue. Even men (mostly) who aren’t narcissists, are acting in narcissistic ways like this online etc. this made me feel so much more validated. I come across this a lot with men I date, and started to feel I should just settle.
@@samco63 most of the addicted people are narcs: using other people to assure their fantasy life where they are entitled of special treatment...the others serving their needs. Paying bills, raising kids, doing work also at home, being bad, sad or depressed on their behalf.
An addict (as a narc) is very selfish like a small child: rages, tells lies, takes no responsibility (blame shifting), manipulates and steels to protect the source. You thought he/she was there to love you. Nope. Just to use you.
I think narcissists are a bit bipolar . My ex narc is addicted to porn and social media especially Tinder . While I was with him my eyes were half closed , when I finally went no contact I found out so much more about him so disgusting and nasty ! He still tries to reach out to me HA I do not want to see him or even hear his voice . Good topic.
I could have written this! God bless
I always thought mine was bipolar too. I didn't know about narcissists. I think he's both.
Thank you so much … this video validated my experience in a relationship where I felt like my emotions and concerns had no space in the relationship because there was always a reason why I shouldn’t feel that way. My emotions would always be met with everything he did in the relationship. Me not valuing my emotions as important only fueled my vulnerability to be manipulated. I’m so thankful God removed me from that relationship because he had me so fooled that I don’t know if I would’ve left myself..
Your descriptions of my last two years are amazingly acute. Thank you explaining. I really could not understand why he needed to chase all those women on dating apps and of course lie about it), prefering to text with someone for a month rather than be in a real relationship with a person who actually cares.
He complained he is always tired, can’t sleep, can’t get stuff done etc. his house is a mess.
I started seeing red flags and he often left his I pad at my house.
One day I looked and bam
Porn
Voyeurism
Sex games
Anything sexual on you tube etc.
This guy is 70
Messages from exes
Etc etc therapy was a waste of time.
He just put apps & VPN to hide it.
We broke up & he told me yesterday he wants me back unless of course, I find him repulsive.
My Narc deletes it off his browsing history. But fails to think about the deleted history. Dumbass 🙄
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD! SO MUCH CLARITY HERE
the worst thing is that they have to look at worse things because of the dulling, which eventually leads to sad and extremely dark things, when they don't get their "p*fix" the first sign of abstinence is shaky hands and aggressiveness. that's when you see how deep in the shit they are. Only they can help themselves.That is very true. Thanks for the information.
Yes!! I knew 10 yrs ago when we met he liked it a " bit," and I told him how much it disgusted me; he said ok, he'd stop. Wow, recently found out how It was an enormous part of his life! And I'm open minded, but I was stunned when I found out that all the things he'd joke about & say casually 🤢 Are things he always has been Seeking & Doing. I still shudder just thinking about it. 😶
Didn't know he had a p#rn addiction till he discarded me, and when i asked he told me he never allowed me to check his phone because he would watch it.. and later I realised it was of course, a new supply as well.
hope you are healing !
@RawMotivations I am, it's been two years, and sometimes I still get flashbacks.. and still question myself, if I'm a narc cos he said I destroyed him. Keep going back and forth. I think things have changed for me. This is my new status, and I got to accept it.. will never go back, tho. Never ever. Something has changed within me. And I don't see the world the same way anymore.
30 years for me! Thought it was me for years.
Thank you for highlighting this so I can understand what I was involved in. The gaslighting and lies from the porn, emotional affairs and narcissistic abuse is something I’m still trying to heal from. And I think your brave to take your experience and growth to help others
Peace
100% spot on!!
My ex.n was chatting with a russian Girl. Those chats where like loveletters. When i found out. Hé was mad at me. Because hé was only talking with someone. Talking??? They where talking about ger married with eachother etcetera etcetera. I was i to sensitiv. Thats what he told me. Because i think its not normal. Its completely 🤮🤮🤮
They lie by omission. Yeah sure just talking. Mine used to continually accuse me of jealousy when I questioned him about women ‘friends’. I said it’s not jealousy, I just want to know what your intentions are. Silence. 🤯
My kids father (the narc) is literally transactional in all he does with our two kids. Every time he out of nowhere buys something for them it’s always sporadic and not needed. Sometimes the kids will say who’s this for. So knowing his habits this means he must’ve spent money online dating sites or buying nudes making someone else feel good and realizes oh shit I have kids lemme buy anything to look like I did something instead of something off the king list of needs that currently have.
Thanks for sharing and im sorry to hear that. I hope you and your kids are doing well!
Thank you for your honesty
You hit this one on the head!! Wow this was what I experienced with my husband. Wow
Hope you are well! How are you healing ?
I am going through divorce. I have been with him for 25 years and I learned he has been doing this the entire marriage.
Excellent! This has to be your best discussion yet. Thank you !!
I truly wish I could get my husband to a therapist that would actually break this down to him, instead of add to his ego and tell him what he wants to hear. He once went to therapy for his anger issues and all I heard about it was when we argued, and it was "my therapist said I should leave you." Etc., so I knew he was only talking about ME instead of taking responsibility and accountability for his anger/reactions to sensitive issues. It really disgusted me. I'm in limbo rn tbh.
@@BFku36 In my opinion narcs appear so different in theraphy and their spouse seems the one having unbalanced emotional state..all fault in her: if only she wouldn't be such a nervous breakdown..hysterical all would be better in relationship.
Unfortunatelly there are still therapists that don't understand narcisism at all. They tend to believe the narc. Theraphy doesn't fix them. It's better to go there by yourself and find mental strength to get rid of your abuser. Without theraphy it's hard cuz your so manipulated to think that you are nothing.
My ex told me that I could'n survive as a single..not able to keep even my car or live alone as I was never been alone. He wouldn't go to theraphy saying: how can a 3rd person know anything about our marriage and help us.
We need to weigh the situation by ourselves. I already knew that it would be impossible to have a happy life with him..too many apologies..then none..then it started again..he had ran the toxic pattern for years over and over again.
We have to love ourselves the right way and stop the abuse.
It is NOT love if your partner cheats, lies, manipulates, ignores, abuses you.
Hated the most that my home became a war zone and I changed almost as cruel towards him aiming to protect myself. I was never safe.
@mshiker I know this.. I'm just at that point still... the point of "hope"..and someone could change him even if it's not me, because they have a PHD. (That's obviously a joke on me🤦🏼♀️❤️)
@mshiker ...then having to explain this to the kids. Without demonizing the "other" parent like they so desperately want me to.
@@BFku36 I think you'll have to respect your ex in the eyes of kids until they are old enough to understand that he is something else. Kids need both their parents. If he causes no harm ..is of no danger to his kids and is interested of raising his kids why not let it happen?
No theraphy in my opinion is going to change him to be the husband you wished for. Just focus on your healing and your wellbeing. It happened and there was a lesson to learn. I think this is life. Nobody can manage what'll happen next.
@@BFku36 I think you know the answer already. If you ask yourself what is there in this relatioship good for your wellbeing you begin to see the toxic patter. It's never all about you.
I found myself cleaning, cooking, doing laundry and grosery shopping by myself. I was his slave and got only grumbles of his table. Regret to stay for years to wait him to change. Why would he? He had a skilled and willing servant back home and sex partners around the country. He is a porn addict and puts all his money to his own 'hobbies'. Otherwise a chiep bastard calling me names, never thanking of anything..always blaming me..jealous of my success.
It was only a fake marriage: only 6 times a year marital sex. He gave me absolutely nothing. He lied, gaslited, manipulated, treathened, abused both mentally and physically. That was NOT love.
There was absolutely nothing for me there. Hate him and never will forget him. He didn't destroy me. After two years of theraphy, lots of info of NPD, excersice and quitting alcohol I found new me. Strong and ready to commit again. Now married over 10 years with my real soul mate. If I could do it so can you. Go for it girl!!
Mind blowing and equally insightful as always. Thank you Ben. 🎉
Luckily it was emotional . Now I understand it was all about controlling me and draining me emotionally. While it really hurt, I surrendered myself totally to The Lord God of All and He is protecting me from this pitiful excuse of a human being. PSALM91 Isaiah 54:17 Psalm 35. Nothing, not even satan or all his demons can stand against theWORD IF GOD IR THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥💥💫💫💫💫
Woke up..at 6am..he was looking at a females parts on internet!@@
I've been done with him now
After I ghosted my narc ex I found out from a mutual friend that she had been a coke & meth addictfor decades, and only recently quit a few yrs prior!! It made me even more glad I ghosted when I did(after 4mos. of love bombing)
Found that at beginning..then it just kept going...
Omg. You said it. I found a 2022 text on my husband's OLD phone, his OLD phone number where he and buddy are talking. He tells his buddy "Looks like me chasing strange and getting it". I'm red pilled again. Context: We've been together since 2000.
My boyfriend says he doesn't lie to me just lies to himself .....among all kinds of other things 😢😢
I found so much porn, specifically “barely legal,” seemed to be his preferred genre. I remember feeling disgusted because (at the time) I looked very young for my age and for the most part, I was/am rather innocent. Was it that about me that caught his interest? As the digital age started taking over and nothing physical was needed anymore, I’d check emails and see receipts for the XXX websites. Thinking back now, I should’ve checked those sites, but at that point and after finding so much already throughout the years, I just was so disgusted, I just wanted out. He is also into “interactive,” porn online. I’ve never looked into that, but I can only imagine what that is.
We're here to support you on your healing journey. Take the first step by joining our free masterclass, where you'll learn how to break free from toxic relationships and much more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
My ex husband went to the extreme of wanting a stripper for his 40th. If he didn’t get what he asked for he’d give me the silent treatment - for days. We worked in our family business and he basically forced me to order one for himself and the guys at work. She was only 18 and stripped completely nude and was all over him. It made me sick. He made me sick. Only one guy refused to be a part of “the show”. I left him not long after that. This was one event along with watching porn early many mornings thinking I didn’t know among the many other things he did in our marriage that I couldn’t live with any longer. And still denied he had an addiction.
Your video is ao spot on. You just described my husband 💔💔
I'm starting to understand what I am dealing with myself and my codependent behaviors 💕
Thanks for the Video bro ...
My Narcissist ex told everyone I was a porn addict but He was not me! Everyone believed him! I lost all family and friends.
Sorry you experienced this. I can relate 100%, my ex husband did the same. People, many of them, believed him that I was the one with the addiction. The 3rd party abuse I experienced was horrendous which included family.
Thank god that my partner dont have any porn addiction or social media ...
This video helped me a lot thank you!!
Glad it helped!
IS IT ADDICTION OR JUST PURE WILL ? ?? 😂
He said it is my fault that he is gambling and has affairs.He told me that because I was bad, and now, while refusing to divorce ( it was too expensive) he is searching for a good woman.😅
He will always blame
You. Https://www.rawmotivations.com/survivor
I always called my husband of 47 years a narcistict he passed a year ago but im left with alot of emmotional issues i think steming from being married so long to him
We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
Ex thought he could get away with using catfished photos.
omg how pathetic
I have a question. I found out about an affair my husband had for 2 years. And what he will not give me an answer why he didn’t delete the messages even after it was over. I have been battling this for 2.5 years. And you might have Ana answer for me
He probably keeps the messages to remember the thrill he got from them at that time. It's like a thropy of conquering the person.
The Narcs partner knows the Narc, so the Narc goes after others that dont know them. That way the Narc creates the narrative and controls the narrative.
"It's not an affair, because there's not another real person involved."
Sooo... You're looking at another species? Not a human being?
Kinda, cuz the real thing takes actual effort. Actual emotion, actual empathy.
What about a single narcissist that doesnt want a partner …. Is porn still not ok?
That's perfectly fine. They need to stay with demons and not subject others to their abuse and neglect.
Cheating is different but how long do we wait until it's to late to see we need to help them... is not seeing text a sign or caught on porn. But we blame them and acknowledge the bad behavior...instead of treating the reasoning of Love to tell them they are not the problem or you. And it is a result of there journey to there and if any person will not fight them when they hide it and see what's really happening it should be there partner especially husband. To help encourage support to treat the healing and hold there hand no matter what lashing out they do and train new languages to help in seeing the trauma and not separate yourself and blame her but to say that you are on her side... It's like this is the test of life and is a part of relationships.... and we can't work and help eachother... but blame eachother... and say we loved them but still think they are to blame and then you separated patterned you sayn you love is alone still struggling with trauma and we justify are fillings of guilt... when that is the holyspirt convicting us... And then we say they are a narcissist... treat the trauma and men will win .....listen to you gut the holyspirt speaks to you....
Tbh sometimes I think about this, but sometimes it is just soooo difficult, I was willing to do this, but with him it’s impossible, trust me that I want to help but sometimes for me it’s too hard because “I am a normal person” and what he does with other women just disgusts me, I am going to therapy and I find it very helpful and also helps me to think how can I help him, as you say we should find a way to communicate but trust sometimes is just too hard that makes me wanna quit 🥺😥
I found to look at it differently now... There's nothing but the enemy that controls The person's bad choice..... The more you argue in fight, it will make it worse. So that's the first thing that you have to stop yourself from. Causing threats and fighting.. The next thing is to recognize this is a demon
And the choice you're making is to stay complete. It is easier to stay together because You know each other
Who shall we choose another partner who sleeps with more people... Another partner who I have to understand and get to know and fight with and get through battles... Or the person that god gave me .... God has given me this person in my life for ultimate reason. It is for me to forgive them and love them as much or more than jesus has done for me.... This is the only thing that I must do. And it is my biggest challenge that God gives me in life. It is my marriage partner.... That is my ultimate working for god.... God has this as my ultimate test.... The more I surrender to it, the more God has been. Blessing me with the Holy Spirit and gifts...... We have to get the other personality away from our partner... It comes from arguing and fighting threatening each other.... We have to be kind through all things. And the person we talk to, we have to get the real them and the honest person. To start communicating with us together... It sucks that the other person Could be an ass.... But they cannot fight against somebody that is so kind and praying for them
God Change this woman's heart With forgiveness and kindness let her speak good thoughts Better from you or not the enemy... Let her Words speak to her husband's heart and break him to come To be himself again... Allow her husband to Reject this enemy that is making him do bad things
Net, i guess dis is Goodbye.
My soon-to-be ex of 39 years went so far, of course without my knowledge, to buy a P0rn Shop.