Does a narcissist think about the bad things they have done?
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- Опубликовано: 30 июл 2024
- If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivations.com/breakt...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Platforms I am on:
TikTok - / raw_motivations
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Podcast - anchor.fm/rawmotivations
RUclips - / rawmotivations
#narcissism #narcissist #npd
They can try to hide what they do not to feel, but they can't run and hide from their pain and what they do to others forever. God sees all. And no one can run from God.
Amen! They may be demon possessed but they will be judged for not wanting the demon cast out. They will be judged for loving the lies that the demon feeds them rather than loving the truth, loving God.
Amen 🙏🏾
Great video…. I always had a feeling that they know exactly what they are doing…. They just play games and act dumb… to gaslight people….. and they never apologize 😅
Yup, they will justify lying, cheating and every other hateful act because, "I was hurt..." Yet, anyone that calls out their behavior is, "too sensitive."
If they're awake, they're ON ~ They not only know, they have methods
But if you did the same thing to them it would be hell tp pay FOREVER.Narcs are also hypocrites.They want yoi faithful while they screw everything under the sun
It snot funny if they want to be seriously cruel to you.. Mine married me to do so.. And I was a stable happy person.
Confession by narc . They don't care how they hurt someone they care how it makes them feel or look .
…if you are honest you can feel that they do not care about you…Thanks Ben 💚
Yeah its like the even compartimentalize or generalize “women”. You (meaning Women) always blablabla. It often felt like hey is it even about me as a person, or do you just see me as A woman. It often felt he was mysygonist even “you women are all the same”. And he would say I dont have a type.
I now understand it was just about the usefulness of a person. Even his friends he used for specific things: fixing his car or getting him tickets etc. And women were just there to supply him with a particular thing he wanted
Its so sicking
If you're honest with yourself, you would know they don't care. I wasn't honest with my feelings. I didn't want to believe that he didn't have the feelings I thought he should have. He showed me signs he "loved" me but, then he would do the opposite. Does that make sense? He was very good at his lies. 😟
@@rottiemom1891 💚
Didn't know they never loved me till 34 years later the lord showed me.knowing this up front CAN help you leave .now not 34 years wasted 16 to 50years old lost my whole life most valuable years sad 😔 😔
@@user-kz7dh5tv7j 💚
Immediate repeating of "I'm a good person" "I have a good heart" Yeah ok sure
My covert said “I’m not a bad person”
Way back he told me he had a dirty heart. Then when I reconnected with him stupidly he told me he had change and has a good heart after that. So clean heart with dirty heart equals muddy heart
I know I heard him say that for many many years I think he believes it smh
We make allowances and have compassionate understanding for a mentally retarded person.
In effect we expect to receive little from them in the realms of deeply interesting conversation, right? For that we have to go elsewhere.
Well perhaps narcs are feelings retarded, unable to return feeling at the same level. We have to dance around their undeveloped “retarded” feelings and find nourishment elsewhere. Sad but true.❤
That's them trying to convince themselves of their false self's existence. It's very difficult to convince themselves of that and that's why they need others to recite this to.
As soon as the narc remembers their wrongdoing they instantly plaster it up w an excuse of how it wasn’t their fault and the narc moves onto the next topic.
Just stay away from narcs, that’s your best option.
I don't understand how they can go from one bed straight to the next without a care in the world.
I experienced that recently after the discard. She convinced me she was gonna be ALONE, then went to her ex boyfriend and spent the night. She can't live up to her word nor does she care. When I confronted her she tells me " you dont own me ". That's what caused me to spiral into depression how fast she jumped into his bed after being with me. I'm staying single for a long time. This woman cost me alot of time, emotional abuse and money. I truly feel ruined.
@@clintonnagy1662 I was seeing a girl and she cried and begged me. Love bombing every single fucking day. One day, I was late to text her because I had a medical emergency.Guess what? She blocked me. I tried to reach her out then guess what? I got a phone call from a police department. She told them that she does not know me and I was the one who was harassing her! Can you imagine this?
That is part of their disorder. These people are disordered. Their neurology shows they do not have the scientific capacity to love or feel empathy.
They don’t care, because there’s no consequences.
He had someone that loved him,his wife,me. He shit all over the entire marriage. Sad for him
I feel ya!❤
When they hit a tuff spot they go into hiding.
But it always catches up eventually.
Totally thought he loved me equally but now that I'm aware it makes sense that he didn't love me the same way because he would have treated and appreciated me a lot better then he did. It's a hard pill to swallow
VERY HARD PILL TO SWALLOW, but swallow we must and move on and never repeat history. refer the channel Heal NPD and/or my playlist: HEAL the Narcissist with CPTSD. it's very pitiful!!!!!
They just want ways to provoke and blame others for their feeling
💯💯💯
I could never understand how my ex husband of 12 years just moved on to some 21 year old and walked out of my life & our 2 kids 4 and 10. Like we never existed. Then blamed me for ‘ making’ him cheat and blamed the kids for not appreciating him enough. Painful beyond words. But I’m healing.
Would love to help you heal as well. Https://www.rawmotivations.com/survivor
It’s crazy!!!! It was MY fault she cheated
She told me repeatedly: "When you're not there, you don't exist. Not even a thought in my mind, you don't exist."
I wonder I they have ADHD... But they also never forget their exes as they love to text them to cheat on us sooooo
She told you the truth, believe it or not. She doesn't understand brain science so she can't explain it (and we find it hard to believe this weird anomoly anyway). But Psychologists say it falls under one of two categories:
1) Their brain is not fully functioning (and can't access certain areas).
2) Their brain is fully functioning but not correctly.
- - It takes a lot of repeated and extensive learning to get the full and correct information on the topic of damaged brains (the toxic kind). It takes a lot of time and effort. Memory has a lot to do with it and with no constant memories of "people" and "time elements," the gaps in their memory cause huge problems. Plus lies to avoid pain or shame or weakness also adds to compound this problem. The problem can create an enormous, complex mess for themselves and those around them. If they are halfway understanding their problem but are isolated and don't understand how to change, it's sad. (Or if they have retardation on top of NPD - wow that is even more complex) - But if they have fully bought into the dark side of it and are willing to stay with the evil, criminal side - you don't feel compassion for that most of the time.
Cannot thank you enough for this. You’ve explained 18 years of hell.
Hope you are finding time to heal
Living like this has to be exhausting... even to hear the explanation of it all makes my head spin.
The worst part is that removing the exhaustion and anxiety is not as simple as getting rid off the narc.
yeah, dude kept telling me "i'm so tired ..." yeah, THEY ARE EXHAUSTED!!!! YET MANY ARE DOING N O T H I N G to address the behavior that is exhausting them!!!!!
Try living it!!! I wouldn’t wish this on anyone!!
at this stage, I VERY SERIOUSLY DO NOT CARE. I REFUSE TO CARE AGAIN!
Then you will become one of them. Team Satan.
I was running full force towards the pain thinking I’m the man I can handle it, but I was a fool
😔♥️
I think their feelings and entitlement are real and they believe they are justified
I live with a Narcissist husband one thing that surprised me “ He is a coward person!” They have so much ego, but Are they all cowards? ???? I think that is their shame.
The inner anger, envy and resentment makes them feel justified in the pain they inflict on others.
They believe their own lies.
I am really not sure a narcissist knows they are doing wrong .They are perfect and never do anything wrong
The only way an NPD can feel good and regulate their emotions is via feeling superior after seeing how they had the power to cause pain and confusion. They are purposely and sadistically malicious. They laugh and smile after they hurt us and make us cry for a reason.
You might want to find another channel since y’all disagree on this level 1 doctrine.
@@DrPhilGoode I think Alonzo is still in the denial phase of grief. I’m sure they will wake up soon.
@@winxclubstellamusa 🤣🤣 it’s cool I was messin with him. I had just heard Ben say…ya they definitely know. Then I got to Alonzo’s comment….no they definitely don’t 🤣🤣
@@DrPhilGoode I just joined and am already being kicked out !! Cut me some slack .
I divorced the narcissist I was with and he was ordered to pay me every month. I wonder what he thinks about that when he hits send on Cashapp every month 😂 haha. You can’t put that in a box! He has to think about me every month…b****
Oh, I guarantee he thinks about it DAILY. If not more frequently! It eats him alive :)
@@tribblegirl2 lol I’m glad. He deserves it after all the hell I went through.
humph. i'm SERIOUSLY wondering IF he, as a result of those hits to his wallets, has even thought to attempt to change/improve ...
Lol I love you
I should send him a toaster for Christmas
It's the truth but yeh it hurts like hell when you have invested so much into plans with someone. He has tried reaching out to me these months but there is not an ounce of remorse there. There is no way I can let him back in. Trusting him has cost me so much. It's not about love. It's about control. I want to project my feelings onto him and imagine that somewhere inside he's realized how amazing I am and that he truly loves me but I know that road doesn't lead me anywhere. There's nothing left but to grieve him as someone who is dead and to accept the pain of the reality of the things I gave up to accomodate the life I thought we were going to have together.
I know how you feel. I went to the extreme of marrying him. It didn’t last 2 years. I sacrificed everything for nothing. Don’t look back I struggle to with always going back to him not this time.
I totally 100% understand this. Mourning the fantasy of who he was. I also can say deep down I knew something was off. It's so hard to explain. I cosigned some of it until you get to your breaking point. Mine was so emotionally taxing I'd fall asleep crying. Fact is IT WILL ESCALATE. I got out before I got physical I firmly believe it will get there foreveryone! Maybe throwing something and accidentally get hit. It's sad and so soul crushing. Im.healing and it takes time. I look for the day when he isn't even a factor in what I do. THAT WILL BE THE DAY THAT I'M TOTALLY FREE.
"Falling in love with the mask.
The idea of compartmentalizing one's life is eye opening.
All my stuff is in one big box. I look at it as a whole. What
I do in one area affects all areas... because it's me.. It's my
life. Why lie about it? I would hate to live knowing I'm fake.
It's like cheating at a game to win. Where is the real taste of
victory? There isn't one.
learned in childhood ... refer to Heal NPD ...
She didn't demonstrate love. I had to beg for it.
Mom thought about those things and felt remorseful but only when she would get sick and was afraid of dying and meeting her maker. Once she got better she would go back to her narcissist ways and didn't seem fazed by her behavior until she got sick again. The day she died she lost her ability to speak. I wasn't there some off my siblings were there and her doctor stood by her side until she took her last breath. Brother said she was terrified and was fighting it until she closef her eyes. I hope she has found peace and happiness and that her mind has healed. I have found peace in my life now that she has gone and have let go of all resentments and can even remember some of the good times I shared with her. And that what I hold on to now instead of the bad stuff.
Good on you girl.
One of your best videos, Ben. Thank you for clarifying how they know they are doing wrong. Thanks also for drilling it in once more that they don’t care about us. We are a tool for their ego and a means of validation and soothing to someone who can’t find the truth of themselves.
Thank you
Yes it is one of the best video he ever made. Listening to him saying everything in the video and being so right.
um-huh!!!! DITTO!!!!!!
SPOT ON!!!! “ that didn’t happen, that wasn’t me, that’s not true”. UGH!
She asked me “what is Love and how it happens” she said she doesn’t know how to connect to people emotionally other than family members. That was the one of the clearest & honest moment of my relationship.
My son's dad is STILL trying to gaslight me over what actually happened to end our relationship after 12 years. He just did that last night, and I called him out on his gaslighting and called him an unpleasant name. Oh well, he tried. He tried to paint himself as the good guy and me as the bad guy to make me feel in some way obligated to give him some supply. Didn't work. I stopped him cold.
Ben I just want to let you know that you are an incredible example of growth and self improvement. The way your able to elaborate on these things is incredible. Hard to believe your a narcissist, you’ve just progressed very far man. Keep up the good work and thank you for helping give closure to people in need
I appreciate that!
I agree💯
I'm immediately skeptical when I hear "I'm a self aware narcissist". In all my dealings with narcissist, self awareness isn't possible with a narcissist.
I do think it's important to remember that narcissism is a spectrum, and not all narcissists go to the same extremes. Other than that, I appreciate these videos
Give that shit time!
Yup
But, for my own safety, I have to assume the toxicity is extreme unless they prove otherwise. You can have a pet rattlesnake. But, don’t delude yourself into believing the snake loves you.
yep. refer to Heal NPD and/or my playlist: HEAL the Narcissist with CPTSD ...
@@nicholecornes1915, when we don’t want to face the truth, we delude ourselves into to believing it really isn’t that bad. This is really just making excuses for toxic behavior. Every narcissistic interaction is a test to see how far you will let them go. Address it early or be abused more later.
I believe their ego outweighs and fuels their covering up and avoiding accountability for shame and guilt. My Ex would Mask himself by acting as if he was on top of the world. And this would make his rages particularly venomous and viscious. 🍒
This was so hard to hear but so needed. Finally realizing after 9 years of marriage my husband is a narcissistic. Text book, everything you describe and explain in these videos are play by play events that have happened in my day to day life.
Same
Move forward, run! Best thing I have ever done for myself
they know they don't care
They dont@@msully76
sorry.
also refer to Heal NPD and/or my playlist: Heal the Narcissist with CPTSD and the HEAL playlist on the different healing modalities/practices.
Knowledge is power. I don't expect a Narcissist to behave like an adult. It is a mental disorder that makes them appear human-like when we know they are more like an Android. Walking away is always an option but then it opens another set of problems. For people like me who have way too many interests and forming a meaningful relationship with someone else is not a priority, sticking around and letting a Narcissist be is the option I am taking. I can adjust myself. Having Jesus by my side to rely on helps a lot. I am not saying this out of empathy for the narcissist, but rather accepting it as my reality. The problem arises when people in my situation want a loving and meaningful relationship with their significant other. I know that is not going to happen here.
100% what happen to me. He is very aware he makes everyone a victim. But he won't change who he is.. not that I asked him to but bothers him when I made a boundary.
So they cycle through people doing exactly what they fear? To not be loved
Exactly. This illness doesn't make any sense. If you want to be loved, you just have to love, is as simple as that. But they do exactly the opposite. It doesn't make any sense. I think that besides being emotionally ritirdid they are also intellectually ritirdid.
Of course they know, every action is premeditated to inflict their desired effect; their aim is to control, akin to a game of chess - a game of chess takes a lot of thinking
My ex makes the mistake of thinking that he's smarter than everyone else and that he is successful in gaslighting. He tried gaslighting myself for 26 years and our daughters. Never worked once on us. He wasn't very good at it.
He worked away at the mines and he often told me how everyone there hated him because he was a better operator than him and that must be why. No. I found out after they hated him for two reasons. He was arrogant thinking he was king shit and he spent 10 years smearing me and my daughters on how bad we treated him. They didn't like that and his name was mud when they found out and he had an affair with his co-worker.
He tried to convince me all the physical abuse was due to being sexually frustrated. He even told our daughter it's in the past and we all need to get over it.
Of all the self proclaimed narcissist I’ve watched you seem the most professional I can really appreciate the work you’ve done on yourself and to help others!
That is why they lie!! They know they are wrong!! What a wicked spirit!!
I have found my guru!!! Thank you Ben! I have been studying narcissistic personality for 2
years and your content and delivery are the best I have found. I am binging.
Mine agreed to have a baby then flipped when I got pregnant and turned vile towards me and didn’t want to go ahead. Pleaded poverty then bought a new car after I left him, turned his family against me throughout when he was the one who was abusive. I feel so traumatised and blindsided
After watching this I sure won’t feel guilty about not negotiating with someone I suspect to be a narcissist.
Good!
My husband is a severe narcissist. He is successful on his job he is verbally abusive and screams and yells loudly and scares me and our children and he scares our dog and sometimes get so close up in our face while he's screaming that he's spitting at us. He has extreme anger issues from his childhood. I have been married to him for 7 years and want out of this marriage however there's a side of me that feels sorry for his severe affliction. I don't love him and my kids greatly dislike him. He is not their true dad. He resents them too.
Thats a lot to go through. Please reach out for help: www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough
@@RawMotivations Please leave for your children and your dog!! Life is too short to waste another day with someone who steals your peace and the purpose God has you here for!!
They very well know what they do, ... they very well know the pain cause to others .... and they don't care !! ...
Just like you said, Ben. "You deserved it!" Or anytime they are inconvenienced and this also includes very small inconveniences to you and others such as at waiters, inconvenience store employees or talking on the phone to customer service/customer relations and having to wait in line for the next service representative my ex narc. brother will flip out and go off on them if they don't provide him the answers he wants. Like his response after the conversation is, "they deserved it!" He thinking is they are below me and they deserve my reaction such as his rage and going off on them. And, yes they don't care about you and could careless what happens to you. If you died they could careless.
Why do these people get to run around and humiliate and mistreat people and not held accountable for it. Especially the ones that have children and don’t take care of them.
They care if you're their key supply
My narcissist ex had those weird short moments where she told me „I sometimes treat you so badly“. I acknowledged this and didn’t say anything to that, always telling her I can handle it (because she actually really had a very bad childhood with a physically abusive mother, so I was very lenient)… everytime she said something like this there was a huge fight later that day because of minor stuff I did or said wrong, like loading the dishwasher wrongly or something stupid like that.
I actually knew something was very off, but I only discovered later what narcissist abuse was.
But I guess in these situations she actually felt guilt.
That's a trip hearing you say that. Mine would acknowledge her behavior very similar to what you said yours did. But it was always followed by a rage or fight over something small or made up misunderstanding.. evry time like a clock om the wall
My ex lies to himself all the time so he doesn't have to feel bad about the things he does. It's actually sad. He just lives a lie all the time because he thinks in reality he is so small and insignificant.
Good information, but I’ll never trust a narcissist; not even a self aware narcissist lol
Honestly, knowing what I do now makes it harder to take the high road sometimes.
God give me strength.
They know 💯 tell others they were as***le but not the victim.
The branch of psychology that deals with this is known as 'object relations'. Because people with NPD have such a messed up view of themselves, they also look at others in that way too. They view both themselves and others as objects.
He had two rental storage bins, clutter/boxes at office, in every closet at home, his whole life and toxic behaviors in boxes. Omg! Clear the path, move on was his motto.
I like the new production. The truth is he doesn’t care. Just another doll on the shelf. This truth can set me free I now clean up this fantasy and free myself to myself happily
I have 2 kids with her, one is from both of us and the 2nd adoption. She use verbal abuse when she's not getting what she want. She devalue the kids. To my oldest that he's 14 years old, didn't want to go to a xmas party because he was not feeling well. She told him you are not my kid anymore and i am not your mother anymore. The next day she acted like nothing had happen. To my youngest with anxiety and adhd, she put him out of the house during october when it is cold outside shirtless because he didn't want to go sleep and sometimes he says i wanna leave the house. In the process of her mind she went you wanna leave then go and she bruised him on the chest and put my 9 years old at the time outside. She tried to justify her move and thinking aroud her co-worker and to even me. With me she met a wall and i told her you didn't really think it thru. She always defend herself and play victim.
This is so insightful. It explains why an ex-boss blew up at me when I forgave him for what he’d done to employees including me. By forgiving him I was reminding him of a painful truth he had compartmentalized away. Instead of giving him closure (the expected result) and peace, the forgiveness reopened a closed (and hidden) wound. It was the opening of the wound that caused the pain that elicited the angry explosion.
Thank you for your service.
Hi there, have you thought about the next steps you should take in your healing journey? I would like to invite you to be a part of this free masterclass discover how to break free from toxic relationships and empower your self by gaining clarity, certainty and confidence here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass..
Nope they don't care about nothing but their self PERIOD
You have come so far & you are a real scientist & you found your soulmate & you are such a good daddy & social servant & you have such an adorable child & you know what it is to be a hard working man & you appreciate your own species & you value facts & the truth & those of us who are honest who present facts of these experiences to you help you do your work.
All the worse case scenarios in there present & too come are what we will all have to survive, your babies too & it is great that you know that, that through more freedom not less & an accountability system a permissions systems with mutual consequences we will keep spending these few seconds we share on this earth to find out why work like ours is important & why it is entitled to be separated from the decisions & choices of those who are likely helpless to their brains & pathologically lying & committing criminal fraud, & crime & terror..
The cyber crimes I am experiencing are real & a national security threat so make sure you put all your evolving records on a safe stable hard drive not connected to the internet & keep it updated!! Have a great weekend with your beautiful family!
My ex narc made himself a DNR on all his medical records that's because he knows his day is coming for all the pain he has done to people
It's never too late to begin your healing journey! Join our free masterclass and discover how to break free from toxic relationships here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass..
Even more clarity.....thank you❤
This really makes sense, for 2 reasons, one my ex did something horrible to me , I didn't find out till later , he acted like he didn't remember, maybe he didn't ,it was involving a video , no way he could justify it , when that tape was made , it was in the early stages of our whatever it was , so he couldn't use all those , you did this or you did that, actually at that particular time, I was being awesome, I had came back to him after he had discarded me for another , and I was actually there as a friend and was helping him loving him , he had lost his job , so I was going above and beyond, now later after he started being a jerk , I changed , so my point is he just continues to deny and gaslight , I guess because he can't justify it so he put it away , smh , and the other is , he once said to me " I wish I would meet someone that thinks like me and understands me"
They typically find 1 match & that's when it becomes the living hell. 2 people with bottomless needs...
If they put you in a box and push you to the side, how and why does hovering happen?
Great, concise, valuable, 13 minute video!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Wow! Your explanation in this video was so powerful! A big Aha moment for me. Thankyou 🙏
So glad!
OMG I played a portion of this video over voicemail for my narcissist ex girlfriend, who abandoned me for no reason a year ago and has been playing mind games with me coming back to work things out and then running away and I never really knew why she left in the first place. She called me instantly after blocking me for 5 months. Asked me what I wanted and I told her accountability. She listened to the part about compartmentalizing. She finally admitted that it all had to do with some way she was treated in a past relationship. She never told me what was wrong with her for months before the breakup and for a year after. She kept telling me I had "red flags" or I treated her badly and I could not figure out anything I had done wrong. Finally because of your video she told me what happened. So it was a big leap of healing for me and probably a moment of realization for her. Thank you so much. Great insight.
My God Ben. The appliance reference is the exact word that I have used for years. I've told him that I am only there for his needs and use when he gets home. Stop reading my mind. It's creepy. 😉 seriously, you have been a great help to me and a lot others.
lol Thanks for sharing!
I'm so thankful for you Ben. Please pray for me to get out for good this time. I hate it! Its so hard. I don't even like being around him most of the time! But yet I miss him when I leave. I just keep praying for God to take it all away. My feelings or whatever it is.
Me too
Ask God to severe the emotional chord that is connecting you two. Also journal about everything bad and read it when you miss him
It's a trauma bond. Do your research and put yourself first.
Be strong, pray hard , it will pass nothing is permanent you will be healed in jesus name🙏
I don’t know how Ben can mail it. Four kids and four decades later there’s nothing there but jealousy and animosity. When I stopped adoring and put the money into a trust I became a target. So after a few more tests of integrity I knew my whole marriage was a sham. I was the same but I sure had no idea who I had married. However he wasn’t going to admit he changed into a hound from hell - he was perfect - and it was my fault- I had a lot of defects.
Im inviting you to join my free webinar, here www.rawmotivations.com/webinar
That was a tough one to listen to but I "get it". Without truth there is nothing ( that's why he called himself empty). At my discard he opened all of his boxes and said he'd opened pandora's box. All his demons were unleashed and sent in my direction. When you're going through hell, keep going. Stay strong and steadfast. Life does gets better...
Appreciate you sharing your story. It must have been really tough. I'd love to invite you to our free masterclass where you can learn how to break free from toxic relationships. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
@@RawMotivations thank you for your kind words and invitation. I think I'm OK now. I have fantastic support and a lot of love surrounding me thank God. Everything you've shared has helped me and will help others. Thank you
They definitely know. They don't know exactly why they do it but they do know that they do it. However they are able to reason away the reason they are doing it. So I know I do it...BUT.....because you had it coming, because you did x, because you did y. So they know but they feel they are justified in doing so.
Proof. My ex sent me the song, Creep, when I had left him. Of course he played the victim and loved to make women feel pity for him. He is kinda messed up, he doesn't know why, so please forgive me. The last discard he sent me the song, Go Easy on Me from Adele. So yes.....they absolutely do know deep down that they are hurting you.
When they do something wrong , like maybe sneaky and say I dont see them , but all of a sudden out of nowhere, they just pick a fight , is that because they feel guilty or shame for just a second, but then they push it away by starting a argument or is it something else??
Yeah my narcissistic uncle did this. He’d blab away talking my ear off never letting me a chance to speak & then when i did get a chance to speak he’d start projecting and saying i was the one talking in HIS ear all that time!! And he said it in such a hurtful way i cried!!
Know and believe you are never at fault for how they treat you!
The argument is the beginning of the discard stage
Interestingly the man I was with in the past used to always say he was good. But there was one really dark conversation he had with me where he admitted that he had the potential to be a really bad person. He also said a few other questionable things that showed he was not thinking normally (perhaps a little more dangerous than a narcissist).
Because of his good persona I ignored it as he "just had a bad day"
same in my case.
What did he say ?
@@visancosmin8991 he literally said "I've got the potential to be a really bad person". He also said "I've done horrifically bad things in past lives. Hitler type stuff. So I do have that in me, that streak".
A lack of awareness of one's capacity to cause destruction is much more scary to me. Someone who acts as if they cannot even imagine themselves doing bad things...
@@Minisynapse actually I agree with you. That is way more annoying... Yes.
I think that's why I ignored it at first. I do see that as a reality for most people. However, my niavity and ignoring it was my downfall, because I didnt read him well enough. Now i know better. People give you signs.
Thank you so much. Now I finally understand what I feit. Like I didn't exist when he was not there. I was in the box. Keep up the good work ! ❤
You are so right Ben, thanks for this video! Now I can see how long I didnt want to accept the TRUTH, although I had realized many years ago, that I didnt want to go on like that with his unhealthy way to twist every issue and to treat me as if I were wrong in my perception!
"I have done nothing wrong, my conscience is at peace" after plenty of abuse, gaslighting, lying and cheating.
Recently she admitted to be traumatized, that she realizes that it is not going to go away, and that she needs therapy, but that instead she is prefers evading and avoiding looking inside (with parties, new supply, alcohol, drugs, trips, etc) and just "enjoying life".
Meanwhile she left behind a broken home with a little daughter and her ex-partner with PTSD.
The light came on in the early hours this morning, Xmas day, that my ex who discarded me last month is a covert narc. He reached out to me later in the day, I'll have to grey rock.
I was getting too close to realising, putting the pieces together near the end and was walking away for a break to process. I had a change of heart, but he was done or was in the process of reverse discarding me. I could have stayed stuck longer but I was tired of feeling confused.
Realising that it was all smoke and mirrors and my own projections from the trauma bond is a harsh but needed lesson.
It's going to take time to fully believe he doesn't care, never cared. Two wasted years. The squandered money. The shattered dreams. But unlike a narc, I can take accoutability, be honest, accept the shame, process the guilt for ignoring the signs and evolve.
What bothered me the most was the dead eyes for much of the time, now I understand.
You are 100% on point out of everyone I've watched and listened to you hit home the best. Thank you
I have watched a great many of your videos on the topic of narcissism. I have also watched many many other insightful videos over the past two months. In the beginning I was in all of these videos because they were so relatable to my situation. But now when I watch your videos the things you say seem to be sympathetic towards the abuser / narcissist. You say they need time to retire their brain. My husband threatened to kill me and set the house on fire. Do you think I should have stuck around waiting for him to retire his brain? I don’t think so because I’m not ready to die. Narcissist abuse people and in most cases it’s a husband or boyfriend abusing his wife or girlfriend. I don’t believe that I or anyone else who has endured mental or physical abuse from a narcissist should care about their issues or needs. In the beginning when I realized what was happening to me I was angry at myself for allowing it to happen. However he wasn’t bad for the first few years and then I fell 38 feet at work and did a lot of damage to my spine. After my accident my husband became so mean to me. When I worked I made a lot more money then he did. I had a job as a foreman in a steel mill and I worked no less then 80 hours every week for 9 years. After my accident I had back surgery and the surgeon messed up so bad he lost his license to be a doctor. My husband would get mad because I couldn’t have sex even though he suffered from erectile disfunction. It was still my fault not his. I was scared to leave him because I could no longer walk for more than 50 feet so getting a job wasn’t going to happen even though I applied to over 300 jobs. My husband treated me like trash. It’s been 12 years since my accident and In the last 2 years I have fought hard to be able to work again and stand on my own. The better I got the more he backed off and started showing respect again even though it was lies and manipulation I thought maybe he will treat me better. But that didn’t happen because one night a couple months ago I went out to dinner with my friends who I had not seen in many many years. My phone broke while I was out so I couldn’t call or receive calls. When I got home he started yelling and screaming and saying horrible things to me. He said “I’ll kill you and burn this house too the ground because if I can’t have you no one will”. My husband is 6foot 2inches and weighs 350 pounds but I didn’t care because I had enough So I got in his face and told him “you don’t scare me anymore you little cry baby bitch. “. I was unaware that he had a 9MM Glock in his hand at the time but he was as I suspected a little scared cry baby bitch who just wanted to intimidate and control me I took the gun from him I removed the clip and the round in the chamber then I walked to the garage and beat that gun into the concrete floor with a 3 pound mall I recorded everything. I even got him saying he was going to kill me so I quickly sent the video to my best friend of 35 years. I just wanted the world to know what really happened in case he did decide to kill me.
I feel nothing but hatred towards him. I’m not a hating kind of person. But I do hate him. It is a profound hatred. A hatred that is unfamiliar to me He destroyed my life for many years I’m not going to say that I hope he is miserable because I know he is. However every day I pray that no other woman gets with him because no one deserves to be abused.
I don’t care what happened to him in his childhood no one should abuse anyone.
Just for the record according to him and his family he had a great childhood.
Nothing justifies bad behavior. I had a very bad childhood with both mental and physical abuse to the extreme but I don’t abuse anyone
Again, there is no excusable reason to abuse anyone.
To anyone out there who is being abused I hope you find inner peace and love. Love yourself as much as possible ❤️❤️❤️
💗💪🏾
The biggest thing that I say on a lot of videos is if you are with a person who is not honest, vulnerable or showing consistent change then you should leave. There is no video or aspect that I have every implied that someone should stay with an abuser. Sometimes with the videos I am trying to explain what is going on in the narcissist mind or what would be required for change but I try to take out the hope. You stay or leave based on the facts of the situation and the care they do or do not demonstrate. Under no circumstances with you being in an abuse situation do I think you should have stayed at all. I am glad that you are free.
When I talk about rewiring that is the concept of going from believe the false reality to a true reality. That is what is needed for a narcissist to change (majority won't do that) and what is needed for a person to heal (a lot of people run away from that).
The communities that we have built and the engagement that we promote is always about you and your healing. Never to give hope or have anyone stay in abuse.
I have never heard Ben say abusers need time to retire their brain. Not following your accusation here, and I've watched hundreds of his videos. He, in addition to others, helped me put all the pieces together to get out of the fog. Without his insight into the women and sex, I might still be in the same position I was 3 years ago.
Goodluck to you i hope life smiles upon you from now on
No. They move on with their lives looking and planning their next attack. Sad but true. Protect yourself everyone!
I'm at the stage that I don't care. 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❤thank you
Thank you!!!
This perspective realy changed my mindset!
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this uncomfortable truth, as well as all the messages in your other videos that I have binge watched today... I am no longer deluded about if he still loves me (he never did!), or if he will come back (no thanks, I don't want him!). I feel like his mask has completely gone, the veil has lifted, and it all makes perfect sense now. I feel free!
I love church some churches preach people happy others preach people free . Some churches only talks about God's love and that is true yes. Yet they fail to talk about that God is also strict and fair and that is the truth. They fail to talk about true repentance because they are scared they will scare away members of the church which is sin as well . Preaching people free will actually give you a indication of who is willing to face the truth yes God loves us and gives us many chances to come to repentance and follow his word . Yet when we die our soul leaves he will be fair and strict to those that ignores his word. We need to be and encourage churches to talk about all aspects and learn God the loving side yet strict and fair side as well. It will not push the right people away. It will actually bring people closer together. Preaching people free ( from satan ) is more important than preaching people happy once again it's all about balance ☺❤.
How do you help your adult child who you know has suffered th N abuse and who find no self worth in theirselves and also feel jealously coupled with hate towards others for having healthy relationships? Etc.
Thank you for telling us this!
The short answer is no.
Narcissists have no conscience to bother them.
We are blessed they are cursed forever
Thank you! Great video!
You are welcome!
Great & helpful video, Ben! Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
You are so right 👍
Its good you have gone for treatment and you recognise there was a problem i have witnessed a narcissist colaps its not nice i went no contact i vet everyone in my life now because its more common place than you no
Going to listen again 👍💖
Thank you ! Helped me come to terms with my Reality.
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Great video
Good video thanks
Glad you enjoyed it