Well yeah. To hate someone you have to at the very least acknowledge their existence and their impact otherwise they wouldn't even register on your radar which is what indifference is.
Been there. Something that was helpful to me was the realization that real life is just a game with a single life. There's only one chance to experience it, so why wouldn't I want to make it the best you can while your coin last? What I mean is, we all deserve to have goals and try to complete them (just don't cheat yourself...)
Self esteem is such a crucial part of individual life and you see it destroy ppl when they have family/friends that try to make fun of them all the time then act like it was just a joke, years of that leads to an uncomfortable feeling like all those thoughts were yours and not some ahole trying to put u down
An interesting perspective on this as a disabled person: sometimes that fear of success is fear of increased expectations that I can't realistically meet. I WANT to be successful, but that might end up being at the expense of my health, not to mention if you're on disability benefits, there are PENALTIES for making any money. But it also sucks to just stay at home and feel like you're not amounting to anything. Damned if you do, damned if you don't
I am not disabled but i had the same feeling at school and most workplace i have been. I have been the best in class in highschool so when i had failed an exam i got reprimanded much harsher than my classmates. If i am succeeding at my workplace my only prize was more work. "You can do it." so they more than doubled my workload for the same wage. Succeeding was the same as failing but with different negative consequences.
yup. even if could do get a job or whatever, it's only gonna put pressure and expectations on me that i will eventually sooner or later(likely sooner i'd say tbh) fail to meet while being less optimal for me and my family economically speaking, but being a dead weight is somehow better than straight up not being there as my entire existence is more of a benefit to my family than not, so what should i do? well... nothing. literally, at this point that's the only thing i got left to do, if i do nothing that's only gonna improve the living conditions of the people that live with me while giving me as litlle of a danger of fucking up as possible, and there's barely anything to gain for either me or my family by doing literally anything else, adnd so here i ma, wasting time on youtube, as that's the only thing i go tleft to do that isn't gonna be actively negative to either my family finance or my health.
I've felt this before. I think the solution is a new definition of success. Success isn't working a difficult job for 80 hours a week. Its a life that inspires and encourages you.
The stakes get higher the more you are succesful and therefore have more to lose. More to lose makes you more afraid of failing and so you would rather not succeed, yet you don't want to fail.
I think I’ve always tried to reframe this mindset as “where am I right now, and where would I like to end up?” So it becomes a matter of having a clear idea of what you want and what difficulties you will incur getting there. And accepting those difficulties. Dont have an arbitrarily far “goal” with no idea of if it’s reachable.
The fear is to end up trapped in the thing, whatever it is. You get the job? Now you're tied to it. Something you did works? Now if someone gets hurt by it anyone can come and rightfully demand your head. And in the end, you did whatever you did for what, foryourself? Because this "yourself" is comfy in the mouths of too many apparently, and a big percentage of them are just strangers.
@@joshbarr118He realizes that. But that's what his head tells him naturally, out of everything he's witnessed and experienced. That's the internal disconnect driven by that same fear of success or failure that most have to battle with themselves, and for themselves.
It's this fr. No one wants to be a deadweight or a burden, but no one wants to dedicate a massive portion of their lives to work either, especially not when you're not even sure if what you're doing is even going to sit right for you. But you still go and do it, because you can't keep leeching off of the people supporting you, and because it can get even harder to get started later on when you need to It's an expected sacrifice with time penalties which affect everyone who actually cares for you, and it goddamn hurts every step of the way. You replace your shame of not progressing with the burden and commitment of work
@@abdallahhakeem5185 ngl this kinda thing is also what drives some people to become apathetic and basically throw their life away. good job those who can come to terms with it and somehow make something of it i guess.
It's quite logical when you think about it. I'm afraid of success because it means logically I'll have to move to the next level which is where I can potentially fail.
Or its not fear of the success, but fear of boredom..... sometimes making 1000 steps feels like a boring journey at first, if you dont have a plan and motivation......but boredom actually may lead to productivity, if youa re nota fraid to be bored for few hours....So you are afraid of boredsom, afraid of effort too, because anxious thougts are part of your identity.......so you are afraidof loosing anxious thoughts..... because anxiety created your identity so the brain became addicted to it., because each fearful thought creates a chemical in brain, negative emotions also create chemical in brain which is highly addiictive to brain...so you are afraid of loosing your identity and because anxiety is big part of your identity....you dont know who you are withoutt identity....so you have to create different more loving identity, so your brain will stop being addicted to anxious thoughts and emotions.
Now I listened interesting comment or seminar.... he said in childhood children have a multidimensional thinking that they are ble to pay attention to two or three things at once....... for example listening a matimatical speech or task of the teacher and t the same time watching a bird outside of window, or paying attention to something creative....and the educational system destroys this ability in them....having many skills at once.....or paying attention to many things at once, so people get deporessed or anxious for some stupid nonsense.... they lose the abilities and create some debilitating trauma in their mind because teachers dont understand that these kids have a natural talents to do two things at once, drawing picture and yet listening the speewch...and some people even focus better if they do two things at once...,.....brecause we are multi-dimensional beings having many natural abilities. so stop watching the debilitating programs on tv...saying that you may focus only on one thing or that you are very proimitive etc..... you are a ble to do many stuff, you are just hypnotised to think that you are a moron or that you are self-limited.
It’s the fear of change and uncertainty, it doesn’t matter if it’s a good or bad change. You just don’t know how it’s gonna turn out so it can be scary.
I recently took a new role and I’ve found myself paralyzed and strangled by my own expectations. I keep trying to be more because they keep praising me and telling me how great I am. That’s freaking me out even more as some part of me believes I need to keep being more except I was accepted and taken on and being praised for who I am already vs thinking I have to be something way more. I also really respect and want to live up to the person who hired me which is causing more anxiety. The anxiety is then crippling my performance as I’m definitely not flowing with ease or creativity which would make things a whole lot better and I could just be me and then be my brilliant self. I still haven’t found peace in this new role as the mind games right now are unbelievable.
There is a solid reason why so many people fear of success. The responsibilities which come along the success. That's why so many billionaires or even just your normal well off family would try to do their best if they think what they're doing is impactful, and they like to do charity too. It's something that we known as "impostor syndrome". In case you're not a successful person, I called it "prematured impostor syndrome".
Or its not fear of the success, but fear of boredom..... sometimes making 1000 steps feels like a boring journey at first, if you dont have a plan and motivation......but boredom actually may lead to productivity, if youa re nota fraid to be bored for few hours....So you are afraid of boredsom, afraid of effort too, because anxious thougts are part of your identity.......so you are afraidof loosing anxious thoughts..... because anxiety created your identity so the brain became addicted to it., because each fearful thought creates a chemical in brain, negative emotions also create chemical in brain which is highly addiictive to brain...so you are afraid of loosing your identity and because anxiety is big part of your identity....you dont know who you are withoutt identity....so you have to create different more loving identity, so your brain will stop being addicted to anxious thoughts and emotions.
this hit me so hard when you have someone you love to death literally where you would sacrifice yourself for them to live but at the same time, at certain points, you can find yourself saying i hate you to that same exact person. i never understood how or why that was possible but now i know the reason why i feel hate is because i feel so much love as they are both causes in attachment. help me i dont know lol
I have a fear of success because I hate attention and expectations. Also judgement. What if I get sick and then get judged for not outputting the same stuff? Attachment is also intimidating and you need attachment/commitment to succeed.
I’ve talked to counselors on and off for years and each time, asked this question, “I can see that I’m afraid to fail, but when I start to imagine the life I’d lead if I were successful, I strangely feel fearful of that too. Why would I be afraid of getting what I want?” Not a single one of them actually answered the question. Thank you! I finally get it!
I'm on the precipice of either finally setting things back on track after 16 months of hell, but doing the thing that I think needs to be done terrifies me after all this time and even after all this growth... Because I don't know if I want to have something to lose again... It makes me laugh. I've already faced this fear back to back to back, and it sucks, and it doesn't go away. But I won't back down. I won't let fear, anger, sadness, or even joy or excitement control me anymore. It's okay to feel. But I will still be me no matter if I sink or swim.
This is a great topic to bring up. There's definitely a lack of awareness of fear of success at least. In a comment section I brought up the fear of success, and it seemed to short circuit the person that responded to me like he didn't think FOS was a thing. Like, why would you fear success?
The love and hate thing being the same thing strangely makes a lot of sense to me. There was a time in my life where my younger self cut off attatchment from everything to protect myself. It's been hard as hell to start feeling stuff back again and learning to open up more and even crying again when I'm alone although I did that like everyday before that night I could barely cry at all after that even when things were going really bad. I got the having a hard time loving people thing (even though I hate that I'm like that) but I was never able to understand why it's is so hard to get mad anymore especially since I was a child who got angry easily. There were plenty of people I should have had some hate for but still to this day its hard to feel. The peices of the puzzle fit a little bit more when I don't think of love and hate as different things rather than one thing relating to attatchment.
@@GSPV33 Thanks I appreciate it! Still working on it but I'm in a much better place thatn I was before with it. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you might be dealing with as well!
I think I can actually relate to this. Had a rough and lonely time growing up. Somewhere along the line, I started supressing emotions and became very logic sided. Realising this, I started a journey to get back my emotional parts. But even after a lot of time and improvement, I still feel like I'm missing certain emotions like Anger and Hate.
I'm not sure I understand such phenomenon as "the fear of success". I know that I'm afraid to be a failure and that I am also afraid that if I tried real hard and failed then I'd be ruined. It's not the fear of success, it's the fear that you can waste your time and energy to try really hard and archive nothing. And the worst part -you can make yourself believe that you are capable, that you can do it, that you're smart and talented enough to make it and then...you just fail no matter the amount of effort you put to achieve your goals.
Your lessons have helped me through this dark time. I was put to the test and the knowledge youve given me saved my life mentally and saved hers physically. Shes okay now but i thought she was gone. Thank you Dr. K
i'm not sure tbh, when for me failing means nothing changes but succeeding means that if i fail after succeeding, i will bring down my family's livelihood or jeopardize the relationships i have with people.
That's a good thing...that means you're trying and going somewhere. You have to reframe it where you either succeed or you learn something ("failure"). The only way you can fail is by just giving up after a perceived failure. Make "failure" your friend and learn from it.
I also need to focus more on myself and how my actions are affecting my successes and failures, rather than my *perception* of others' successes and failures when compared to my own
That is why angry sex is best sex. Also guys, look up the bridge misattribution error experiment. People think theyre in love when theyre really just afraid of heights.
My problem in management is that I find success comes with difficult choices and decisions that ultimately have to be made. A lot of times (in administrative roles specifically,) I find myself hating being a boss due to having to maintain professional relationships with colleagues rather than friendly nonformal forms.
I think many of those things speak to one's desire to follow "shoulds" instead of "wants". And sometimes you have little choise in the matter, which is sad. But having a subconscious aversion to succeed in a thing you don't really want, because it would mean you will probably have to keep doing it, to secure the approval of people around you or your position in society or your livelyhood, seems rather understable to me.
You are so right, you hate because you love. Thst is true too I agree because if you get close to success you then will faer the changes in yourself and your life and feel like you will never be unsuccessful again but it can happen and once you experience success then you may not feel good about unsuccessful again. I bet success is a hard paradox where other people might think you are lucky but it may come with issues. Anyway... Trauma is hard...you learn to be so strong then it shapes you and you become accustomed to it. If that is the life you havd lead...well some habits can be unlearned but you cannot unlearn your experiences.
I've been thinking about this video a lot. I don't think fear of success is always the same as fear of failure. For example, I no longer post on social media because when things go viral and people get angry its mentally unmanageable. I don't buy a fancy car because it increases the risk of violence and theft. In many cases I think there are some genuine downsides to success that folks can be afraid of too.
I've been job searching for well over a year, and have had nothing but rejections. I'm at the point now where I hope to just get an interview (only been asked for 2 of those)... but then I also DON'T want the interview, because no matter how much practice I've had over the years, I suck at them. Hell, I failed a diagnostic interview for a depression study the other day. I've had depression for like 30 years of my life, and somehow I still failed the interview. But if I succeed on some mythical day...well, then I've just been placed into a harder level. Now I need to continue faking I have some ideas of what I'm doing. In the end, I'm like a squirrel bouncing indecisively in the middle of the road.
It's like the concept of hot and cold. It's all the same thing. If you could magically manipulate the concept of heat, you could make anything frozen. The foundation is the same, it's our misguided perception on what it actually means that gets us confused.
Wouldn’t fear of success be better classified as fear of wasting your time? Like if you blow it after succeeding temporarily all the time you get this what’s the point in trying feeling, kind of different from fearing the success itself no?
This is me: finished my law doctorate, but deliberately postponed for many years just so it won't happen so fast, now I'm postponing my dream position just because my current is ok.......
i see it somewhat like building a tower, or something. once you start building, you're also building up a bunch of potential energy, and if you're not careful the entire thing can come crumbling down. it's not really the success you're afraid of, it's more like the responsibility, and overhead management that you need in order to keep it upright after it's coming off the ground. i know i'm someone who doesn't like to have a day filled with stuff i "have to do" , and success sort of implies all this collateral stuff that comes with it. i know i'll probably be able to do it, but there always comes a point where i'm like "well why am i trying so hard to keep this tower upright, if i can just let it crumble down and stay on the ground instead? it doesn't really make a difference either way. the people up there might have a better view of things, sure, but i've got stuff here right in front of me, i have my imagination, and the only difference between us is that we're in a different place that requires more or less work to maintain. i'm fine where i'm at" but then the social comparison starts again, and you realize that you can't actually reach some people who are on a higher elevation than you, so the only option to get up there is to start building again. i think i just need someone to build towards, basically, because a lonely tower on an empty plane is pointless to me
I don't see this fully - I see him explain how love and hate are both attachment - but I didn't understand quite how this translates to fear of failure vs success being also the same
How is hate on the same grounds as love? Hate is driven by anger, a relatively simple emotion, and you want to hurt them because of what they did. Disgust, on the other hand, is a complex emotion, that causes you to want the person gone because of who they are. You don't love someone because of what they do, you like someone because of what they do. You love someone because of who they are. Therefore, hate and love are not the same thing, or opposites, or driven by the same motives.
I dunno about that. My fear of failure is crippling. I am succeeding at a job, failing in education. I don't have a fear of success. My successes are the only solace of my ineptitude of succeeding on education. Add to that my horrible social anxiety and you are for a wild ride. I have no social anxiety at my job, if someone is wondering.
Hello guys, I have a question, I'm 17 years old and I have the following problem: some days I'm completely bursting with self-confidence and dare to do anything and become an extroverted person, but on other days I can't even walk normally on the street and have social anxiety. what could that be? sometimes I'm completely afraid of doing something wrong
I'm a little more than double your age, and I can't say I've figured it all out, but I'll just give some thoughts. I think your answer lies within your last sentence. At your age in High School, I think most people care a lot about their self image, and this is normal, but it will probably give you the most problems. As you get older, things will change (hopefully for the most part) Life beyond high school is different (although some adults still act like they are in high school...but hopefully many will grow out of it) Maybe the answer is to care a little less about what people think and do you, with a delicate balance of self-awareness, that you don't stray too far out there. And just know with time and practice, things will work themselves out. Just keep learning.
27 and still happens to me all the fucking time man. I get compliments constantly about how confident I seem. I laugh because they don’t see me on my off days. Take it day by day, and you just learn to deal with the anxiety better. The other guy said it the best, but i also don’t know what causes it. Chemicals in the mind or making sure you have all your core needs taken care of, idk. im still figuring it out as well
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
Full video: 02:21:30 - www.twitch.tv/videos/1904801072
Thank you! Really appreciate the link!!!
thaaaaank youuu
This link is taking me to a Not Found page-did the full video get taken down from Twitch?
@@EveLaRiccia Yeah I think so. It was working when I tried last week. Hopefully they bring it back up.
@@HealthyGamerGG So, how does one "SUCCESSFULLY" navigate pass that circumstance of "fear of SUCCESS" and "fear of FAILURE" both being the same?
"The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference." -Elie Wiesel
Saddest most true insight 😢
Well yeah. To hate someone you have to at the very least acknowledge their existence and their impact otherwise they wouldn't even register on your radar which is what indifference is.
So technically wouldn't the opposite of hate be indifference too?
@muinoel3335 Yeah, it is
Love and hate both suck your attention to beloved or hated one
Indifference is true mental health
People who worship love cannot understand it
I fear success because I've told myself for 30+ years I don't deserve it. I'm working to unlearn this.
Self esteem plays a huge role when adopting those opinions, try to work on that
@@NoOne-ev3jn Yup!
Been there. Something that was helpful to me was the realization that real life is just a game with a single life. There's only one chance to experience it, so why wouldn't I want to make it the best you can while your coin last? What I mean is, we all deserve to have goals and try to complete them (just don't cheat yourself...)
Self esteem is such a crucial part of individual life and you see it destroy ppl when they have family/friends that try to make fun of them all the time then act like it was just a joke, years of that leads to an uncomfortable feeling like all those thoughts were yours and not some ahole trying to put u down
And how fucking long does it take to unlearn bad programming? Then, how do we know what the right programming is?
I feel ya brother.
An interesting perspective on this as a disabled person: sometimes that fear of success is fear of increased expectations that I can't realistically meet. I WANT to be successful, but that might end up being at the expense of my health, not to mention if you're on disability benefits, there are PENALTIES for making any money. But it also sucks to just stay at home and feel like you're not amounting to anything. Damned if you do, damned if you don't
I am not disabled but i had the same feeling at school and most workplace i have been. I have been the best in class in highschool so when i had failed an exam i got reprimanded much harsher than my classmates. If i am succeeding at my workplace my only prize was more work. "You can do it." so they more than doubled my workload for the same wage. Succeeding was the same as failing but with different negative consequences.
yup.
even if could do get a job or whatever, it's only gonna put pressure and expectations on me that i will eventually sooner or later(likely sooner i'd say tbh) fail to meet while being less optimal for me and my family economically speaking, but being a dead weight is somehow better than straight up not being there as my entire existence is more of a benefit to my family than not, so what should i do?
well...
nothing.
literally, at this point that's the only thing i got left to do, if i do nothing that's only gonna improve the living conditions of the people that live with me while giving me as litlle of a danger of fucking up as possible, and there's barely anything to gain for either me or my family by doing literally anything else, adnd so here i ma, wasting time on youtube, as that's the only thing i go tleft to do that isn't gonna be actively negative to either my family finance or my health.
I've felt this before. I think the solution is a new definition of success. Success isn't working a difficult job for 80 hours a week. Its a life that inspires and encourages you.
@@gardenandcalico I very much agree. ❤️ We can create our own meaning and it doesn't have to be tied to work.
Interesting
The stakes get higher the more you are succesful and therefore have more to lose. More to lose makes you more afraid of failing and so you would rather not succeed, yet you don't want to fail.
When I have success for the first time in 20 years, then I'm more afraid to lose it compared to someone who is constantly successful
I think I’ve always tried to reframe this mindset as “where am I right now, and where would I like to end up?”
So it becomes a matter of having a clear idea of what you want and what difficulties you will incur getting there. And accepting those difficulties. Dont have an arbitrarily far “goal” with no idea of if it’s reachable.
It’s the fear of changing your relation to your current state, whether it’s success or failure, getting out of your comfort zone
Because, to retain the success that you've gathered, you need to remain as disciplined as you set out to be. That cost is scary.
Amazing wisdom here in the RUclips comments section. And I'm afraid of how on point your comment is. So true.
Very true
The fear is to end up trapped in the thing, whatever it is.
You get the job? Now you're tied to it.
Something you did works? Now if someone gets hurt by it anyone can come and rightfully demand your head.
And in the end, you did whatever you did for what, foryourself? Because this "yourself" is comfy in the mouths of too many apparently, and a big percentage of them are just strangers.
Thats in your own head and thats the whole point. Who tf is forcing you to be or do anything.
@@joshbarr118He realizes that. But that's what his head tells him naturally, out of everything he's witnessed and experienced. That's the internal disconnect driven by that same fear of success or failure that most have to battle with themselves, and for themselves.
It's this fr. No one wants to be a deadweight or a burden, but no one wants to dedicate a massive portion of their lives to work either, especially not when you're not even sure if what you're doing is even going to sit right for you.
But you still go and do it, because you can't keep leeching off of the people supporting you, and because it can get even harder to get started later on when you need to
It's an expected sacrifice with time penalties which affect everyone who actually cares for you, and it goddamn hurts every step of the way. You replace your shame of not progressing with the burden and commitment of work
@@abdallahhakeem5185 ngl
this kinda thing is also what drives some people to become apathetic and basically throw their life away.
good job those who can come to terms with it and somehow make something of it i guess.
perfectly put
It's quite logical when you think about it. I'm afraid of success because it means logically I'll have to move to the next level which is where I can potentially fail.
The fear of success is just the fear of failure with extra steps
Or its not fear of the success, but fear of boredom..... sometimes making 1000 steps feels like a boring journey at first, if you dont have a plan and motivation......but boredom actually may lead to productivity, if youa re nota fraid to be bored for few hours....So you are afraid of boredsom, afraid of effort too, because anxious thougts are part of your identity.......so you are afraidof loosing anxious thoughts..... because anxiety created your identity so the brain became addicted to it., because each fearful thought creates a chemical in brain, negative emotions also create chemical in brain which is highly addiictive to brain...so you are afraid of loosing your identity and because anxiety is big part of your identity....you dont know who you are withoutt identity....so you have to create different more loving identity, so your brain will stop being addicted to anxious thoughts and emotions.
Now I listened interesting comment or seminar.... he said in childhood children have a multidimensional thinking that they are ble to pay attention to two or three things at once....... for example listening a matimatical speech or task of the teacher and t the same time watching a bird outside of window, or paying attention to something creative....and the educational system destroys this ability in them....having many skills at once.....or paying attention to many things at once, so people get deporessed or anxious for some stupid nonsense.... they lose the abilities and create some debilitating trauma in their mind because teachers dont understand that these kids have a natural talents to do two things at once, drawing picture and yet listening the speewch...and some people even focus better if they do two things at once...,.....brecause we are multi-dimensional beings having many natural abilities. so stop watching the debilitating programs on tv...saying that you may focus only on one thing or that you are very proimitive etc..... you are a ble to do many stuff, you are just hypnotised to think that you are a moron or that you are self-limited.
Dr. K. has such a talent for putting thoughts into coherent sentences
If you fail, that's it, you failed. If you succeed, you're always just 1 step away from failure. The phrase "dying a thousand deaths" comes to mind.
It’s the fear of change and uncertainty, it doesn’t matter if it’s a good or bad change. You just don’t know how it’s gonna turn out so it can be scary.
Profound. It explains why both forgiveness and healing are so much better than revenge and hate because it releases you from the attachment
I recently took a new role and I’ve found myself paralyzed and strangled by my own expectations. I keep trying to be more because they keep praising me and telling me how great I am. That’s freaking me out even more as some part of me believes I need to keep being more except I was accepted and taken on and being praised for who I am already vs thinking I have to be something way more. I also really respect and want to live up to the person who hired me which is causing more anxiety. The anxiety is then crippling my performance as I’m definitely not flowing with ease or creativity which would make things a whole lot better and I could just be me and then be my brilliant self. I still haven’t found peace in this new role as the mind games right now are unbelievable.
This is so relatable. Like 2 months ago I got promoted at my job and I'm constantly thinking I'm not doing enough
There is a solid reason why so many people fear of success. The responsibilities which come along the success. That's why so many billionaires or even just your normal well off family would try to do their best if they think what they're doing is impactful, and they like to do charity too. It's something that we known as "impostor syndrome". In case you're not a successful person, I called it "prematured impostor syndrome".
I guess for me its kinda like the fear of gaining something im scared to lose again
Right on
Really hit it home
Or its not fear of the success, but fear of boredom..... sometimes making 1000 steps feels like a boring journey at first, if you dont have a plan and motivation......but boredom actually may lead to productivity, if youa re nota fraid to be bored for few hours....So you are afraid of boredsom, afraid of effort too, because anxious thougts are part of your identity.......so you are afraidof loosing anxious thoughts..... because anxiety created your identity so the brain became addicted to it., because each fearful thought creates a chemical in brain, negative emotions also create chemical in brain which is highly addiictive to brain...so you are afraid of loosing your identity and because anxiety is big part of your identity....you dont know who you are withoutt identity....so you have to create different more loving identity, so your brain will stop being addicted to anxious thoughts and emotions.
THIS.
this hit me so hard
when you have someone you love to death literally where you would sacrifice yourself for them to live
but at the same time, at certain points, you can find yourself saying i hate you to that same exact person.
i never understood how or why that was possible
but now i know
the reason why i feel hate is because i feel so much love as they are both causes in attachment.
help me
i dont know
lol
I'm not afraid of "success". I'm afraid that people's expectations change with success but the past and hours don't (they rarely do).
I have a fear of success because I hate attention and expectations. Also judgement. What if I get sick and then get judged for not outputting the same stuff? Attachment is also intimidating and you need attachment/commitment to succeed.
If you love someone, then they are necessarily capable of making you hate.
I’ve talked to counselors on and off for years and each time, asked this question, “I can see that I’m afraid to fail, but when I start to imagine the life I’d lead if I were successful, I strangely feel fearful of that too. Why would I be afraid of getting what I want?” Not a single one of them actually answered the question. Thank you! I finally get it!
I'm on the precipice of either finally setting things back on track after 16 months of hell, but doing the thing that I think needs to be done terrifies me after all this time and even after all this growth...
Because I don't know if I want to have something to lose again...
It makes me laugh.
I've already faced this fear back to back to back, and it sucks, and it doesn't go away.
But I won't back down.
I won't let fear, anger, sadness, or even joy or excitement control me anymore. It's okay to feel.
But I will still be me no matter if I sink or swim.
This is a great topic to bring up. There's definitely a lack of awareness of fear of success at least. In a comment section I brought up the fear of success, and it seemed to short circuit the person that responded to me like he didn't think FOS was a thing. Like, why would you fear success?
The love and hate thing being the same thing strangely makes a lot of sense to me. There was a time in my life where my younger self cut off attatchment from everything to protect myself. It's been hard as hell to start feeling stuff back again and learning to open up more and even crying again when I'm alone although I did that like everyday before that night I could barely cry at all after that even when things were going really bad. I got the having a hard time loving people thing (even though I hate that I'm like that) but I was never able to understand why it's is so hard to get mad anymore especially since I was a child who got angry easily. There were plenty of people I should have had some hate for but still to this day its hard to feel. The peices of the puzzle fit a little bit more when I don't think of love and hate as different things rather than one thing relating to attatchment.
I hope you're feeling a bit of healing and acceptance of your feelings. Wishing you well, REDO.
@@GSPV33 Thanks I appreciate it! Still working on it but I'm in a much better place thatn I was before with it. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you might be dealing with as well!
I think I can actually relate to this. Had a rough and lonely time growing up. Somewhere along the line, I started supressing emotions and became very logic sided. Realising this, I started a journey to get back my emotional parts. But even after a lot of time and improvement, I still feel like I'm missing certain emotions like Anger and Hate.
Failure is the price of admission to success
Sounds like both are basically a fear of losing control.
Attachment
I don't want to go back to school or work because I'm scared I'll fail again, but I'm even more scared that I'll succeed
I'm not sure I understand such phenomenon as "the fear of success". I know that I'm afraid to be a failure and that I am also afraid that if I tried real hard and failed then I'd be ruined. It's not the fear of success, it's the fear that you can waste your time and energy to try really hard and archive nothing. And the worst part -you can make yourself believe that you are capable, that you can do it, that you're smart and talented enough to make it and then...you just fail no matter the amount of effort you put to achieve your goals.
He just blow my mind when he talked about how love and hate are similar.
Your lessons have helped me through this dark time. I was put to the test and the knowledge youve given me saved my life mentally and saved hers physically. Shes okay now but i thought she was gone. Thank you Dr. K
They might just be afraid of change. I’ve been there.
Pride is not the opposite of shame but its source - Uncle Iroh
Therefore I should gain indifference of success/failure instead? That... That actually make sense. Thanks doc!
i'm not sure tbh, when for me failing means nothing changes but succeeding means that if i fail after succeeding, i will bring down my family's livelihood or jeopardize the relationships i have with people.
in the end you control how much success you have but not how much failure.
Im glad im not sabotaging myself so hard that i cant hold a job for more than 2 weeks that just sounds stressful
Another part is that failure has become your identity and moving away from your identity hurts
Mind blown by Dr K. Every time. 🤯
And his blows my mind yet again lol Well done Doctor 😅
Thank you as ALWAYS ❤
Every time i try to succeed i fail anyway
That's a good thing...that means you're trying and going somewhere. You have to reframe it where you either succeed or you learn something ("failure"). The only way you can fail is by just giving up after a perceived failure. Make "failure" your friend and learn from it.
@@ryanodagawa I know, but there is only so many failings I can take.
Thank you for this video! I definitely struggle with this!
I also need to focus more on myself and how my actions are affecting my successes and failures, rather than my *perception* of others' successes and failures when compared to my own
Profound. Appreciate you Dr K
I’m afraid of “success” as I see it as a never ending climbing of the ladder to just to end up with more than I started.
"Either love me or you hate me it's the same damn thing"
Sueco - Toxic Therapy
Dr K is solid tho fr.
Another common Dr.K w 🌟
This man is preaching
Nothing more terrifying then success (: 3
Well, the higher you go the harder you fall. So cut the climb before the fall hurts too much.
That is why angry sex is best sex.
Also guys, look up the bridge misattribution error experiment.
People think theyre in love when theyre really just afraid of heights.
I’m watching this at 1am and this is hitting hard
Wow, fantastic advise & a really nice perspective on things too!
My problem in management is that I find success comes with difficult choices and decisions that ultimately have to be made. A lot of times (in administrative roles specifically,) I find myself hating being a boss due to having to maintain professional relationships with colleagues rather than friendly nonformal forms.
I think many of those things speak to one's desire to follow "shoulds" instead of "wants". And sometimes you have little choise in the matter, which is sad. But having a subconscious aversion to succeed in a thing you don't really want, because it would mean you will probably have to keep doing it, to secure the approval of people around you or your position in society or your livelyhood, seems rather understable to me.
You are so right, you hate because you love.
Thst is true too I agree because if you get close to success you then will faer the changes in yourself and your life and feel like you will never be unsuccessful again but it can happen and once you experience success then you may not feel good about unsuccessful again. I bet success is a hard paradox where other people might think you are lucky but it may come with issues.
Anyway...
Trauma is hard...you learn to be so strong then it shapes you and you become accustomed to it.
If that is the life you havd lead...well some habits can be unlearned but you cannot unlearn your experiences.
"its the same damn thing!"
I think love and hate are encoded in "potential" and a "bit" to toggle between love and hate.
What’s the solution to this issue? By that I mean how do you overcome fear of failure, fear of success? Your input would be really appreciated.
I've been thinking about this video a lot. I don't think fear of success is always the same as fear of failure. For example, I no longer post on social media because when things go viral and people get angry its mentally unmanageable. I don't buy a fancy car because it increases the risk of violence and theft. In many cases I think there are some genuine downsides to success that folks can be afraid of too.
He is so fucking smart
That’s the craziest thing I’ve heard
I've been job searching for well over a year, and have had nothing but rejections. I'm at the point now where I hope to just get an interview (only been asked for 2 of those)... but then I also DON'T want the interview, because no matter how much practice I've had over the years, I suck at them. Hell, I failed a diagnostic interview for a depression study the other day. I've had depression for like 30 years of my life, and somehow I still failed the interview.
But if I succeed on some mythical day...well, then I've just been placed into a harder level. Now I need to continue faking I have some ideas of what I'm doing. In the end, I'm like a squirrel bouncing indecisively in the middle of the road.
They're two different ends of the same spectrum, just as fear is the same as excitement but it could be confused as opposites
It's like the concept of hot and cold. It's all the same thing. If you could magically manipulate the concept of heat, you could make anything frozen. The foundation is the same, it's our misguided perception on what it actually means that gets us confused.
She told me she hates me
Dr K: love and hate is the same thing
Me: omg so she actually loves me 🤡
Can we get the links to twitch vods as a pinned comment? As a mobile user I can't interact at all with the link in the description
RUclips recently disabled hyperlinks but they did before
Wouldn’t fear of success be better classified as fear of wasting your time? Like if you blow it after succeeding temporarily all the time you get this what’s the point in trying feeling, kind of different from fearing the success itself no?
This is me: finished my law doctorate, but deliberately postponed for many years just so it won't happen so fast, now I'm postponing my dream position just because my current is ok.......
Fear of uncertainty
i see it somewhat like building a tower, or something. once you start building, you're also building up a bunch of potential energy, and if you're not careful the entire thing can come crumbling down. it's not really the success you're afraid of, it's more like the responsibility, and overhead management that you need in order to keep it upright after it's coming off the ground.
i know i'm someone who doesn't like to have a day filled with stuff i "have to do" , and success sort of implies all this collateral stuff that comes with it. i know i'll probably be able to do it, but there always comes a point where i'm like "well why am i trying so hard to keep this tower upright, if i can just let it crumble down and stay on the ground instead? it doesn't really make a difference either way. the people up there might have a better view of things, sure, but i've got stuff here right in front of me, i have my imagination, and the only difference between us is that we're in a different place that requires more or less work to maintain. i'm fine where i'm at"
but then the social comparison starts again, and you realize that you can't actually reach some people who are on a higher elevation than you, so the only option to get up there is to start building again.
i think i just need someone to build towards, basically, because a lonely tower on an empty plane is pointless to me
Literally spitting facts with how loud he is speaking! 😅
As a programmer I love failure, it leads me to move towards success and learning
Ok i think i need the full video to get this one
Good hair and advice this guy gets it
I don't see this fully - I see him explain how love and hate are both attachment - but I didn't understand quite how this translates to fear of failure vs success being also the same
damn, very well explained
What's his argument for WHY the fear of failure is the same as the fear of success? Did he make one?
Well shit this explains a lot
I fear success because that would mean my life would change and it sounds very bothersome. I want it yet I don't want it.
I honestly don't want success or failure, I want stasis
damn this guy spitting
How is hate on the same grounds as love? Hate is driven by anger, a relatively simple emotion, and you want to hurt them because of what they did. Disgust, on the other hand, is a complex emotion, that causes you to want the person gone because of who they are. You don't love someone because of what they do, you like someone because of what they do. You love someone because of who they are. Therefore, hate and love are not the same thing, or opposites, or driven by the same motives.
How do you fear success?
Yeah, everything must be easy for me to achieve, if it’s hard , I will give up
This mindset will destroy you
What video is this from
Its very rare that theres a case against a tech giant where said tech giant is blatantly right and reasonable😂
Well how can I get rid of fear of failure? Can someone tell me? Please
I dunno about that.
My fear of failure is crippling.
I am succeeding at a job, failing in education.
I don't have a fear of success. My successes are the only solace of my ineptitude of succeeding on education.
Add to that my horrible social anxiety and you are for a wild ride.
I have no social anxiety at my job, if someone is wondering.
Where is the link to this whole video? I want answers, not just 1-minute synapsis.
Hello guys, I have a question, I'm 17 years old and I have the following problem: some days I'm completely bursting with self-confidence and dare to do anything and become an extroverted person, but on other days I can't even walk normally on the street and have social anxiety. what could that be? sometimes I'm completely afraid of doing something wrong
I'm a little more than double your age, and I can't say I've figured it all out, but I'll just give some thoughts. I think your answer lies within your last sentence. At your age in High School, I think most people care a lot about their self image, and this is normal, but it will probably give you the most problems. As you get older, things will change (hopefully for the most part) Life beyond high school is different (although some adults still act like they are in high school...but hopefully many will grow out of it) Maybe the answer is to care a little less about what people think and do you, with a delicate balance of self-awareness, that you don't stray too far out there. And just know with time and practice, things will work themselves out. Just keep learning.
27 and still happens to me all the fucking time man. I get compliments constantly about how confident I seem. I laugh because they don’t see me on my off days. Take it day by day, and you just learn to deal with the anxiety better. The other guy said it the best, but i also don’t know what causes it. Chemicals in the mind or making sure you have all your core needs taken care of, idk. im still figuring it out as well
Thankss guys!!
To be totally honest....I'm just scared i can't perform
I have both. Great.
Is there a new link for this episode? Or is the full vod uploaded on the RUclips Channel?
I really like the part where he explains how they’re the same damn thing.
But man, i quit before success
Ok. If love and hate are connection what are success and failure
Alok is becoming the new Jordan Peterson! 👍
Psychologist venturing into philosophy 😊
Dichotomy
So I guess insulting someone is depending on that person