How to Deal with Family Estrangement - The Ladies Coach
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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Family estrangement is something we haven’t discussed on The Ladies Coach. So many of my ladies have been affected by estrangement in some way. In fact, millions of people all over the world are estranged from their families.
Whether it was your choice to disconnect or someone you love chose to disconnect it can ultimately feel like a gaping hole in your soul.
I thought it was the time I shined some light on this as it could be hard, specifically if you aren’t sure WHY your loved one chose to estrange themselves.
“How do you cope when a sibling decides to completely cut themselves out of your life for over a decade without so much as a word, and you don’t know why.”
Estrangement happens for a multitude of reasons and usually goes without being talked about. So many people believe that estrangement only happens in dysfunctional families, but that’s just not true. There’s so many dynamics, personalities, past stories, and conflicts that play into families to make estrangement a black or white issue.
Some celebrities have opened up about their experiences with estrangement. Some of whom you’d never guess was going through family estrangement.
Anyone from Ariel Winter (Modern Family) who emancipated herself from her mother at an early age because of physical and emotional abuse.
Jennifer Aniston being estranged from her mother for over a decade before her mother's death.
Drew Barrymore who also emancipated herself from her mother at 14, talks about her love/struggle with her mother.
… Hmmm… it seems like there’s a lot of mommy struggles. Should “Mother/Daughter Relationships” be our next topic? I think so.
Adele, Kate Hudson Angelina Jolie, all of whom were estranged from their father, and the list goes on and on.
My point is that this is happening in a lot of families, again for a multitude of reasons. But what can you do about if you want to reconnect?
That’s something we will discuss in today’s video, but before we do, I think it’s important that we know that not all estrangements are bad. It might be the best situation for families who just can’t seem to understand or respect each other. We place so much emphasis on blood being thicker than water that we lose sight of what actually matters. How can you love someone you don’t respect? You can’t.
Yet, this belief that you have to you always be loyal to family keeps us around people who make life harder. If you have a beautiful relationship, that's great! I’m certainly thankful for my family but, we need to expand the scope of our relationships and to do that, we need to take a look at the belief systems we are attached to that are keeping us suffering in family dynamics that don’t work for us.
I hope you enjoy today's video and if you are in an estranged family dynamic, this video will hopefully help you gain a little peace.
Let me know your thoughts about today’s video in the COMMENT section below, and if you have any other tips that could help this community, LET US KNOW!
Blood is nothing but a substance. Love is what makes family family.
Doesn’t make it any easier.
Amen
I had to cut my sister out of my life. She was emotionally abusive and my self-esteem took a hit every time I had to be in a room with her. I tried for years to set boundaries but that only made it worse. Not having her in my life has been so much better for my memtal health.
Same.
Same here
@@mortandsquiggy.2023twins ❤️
Estrangement is one of the best decisions I made for myself. Had I not I would not the healthy woman I am. I dont feel bad about it because my family of origin was filled with dysfunction, abuse, neglect.
And I'm sure you are a perfect person that has never hurt anyone.
@@jamilgotcher5456 I'm sure your comment is filled with sarcasm.
Jamil Gotcher So just accept abuse? That’s pretty much what your saying. If a relationship is toxic you end it, no matter who the person is.
@@Anonymous-ji4sb I don't know your situation. Sometimes estrangement is an opportunity to mature and realize you don't have to completely cut your family out of your life and learn to communicate better than you did when you were young, it's an opportunity for both the adult child and also the parent to lay down some boundaries (respect). With a stepmom I'm sure there are issues of sibling rivalry or even parent rivalry, the child feels they don't have their parent all to themselves anymore as they did during a divorce. Sometimes estrangement doesn't last especially when the child has children of their own and realize what it's like to be a parent themselves and they are no longer looking at the relationship from a child's point of view and the develop empathy for their parent that they didn't have when they were a teen.
@@jamilgotcher5456 what horribly misinformed and judgemental words from you. Check yourself.
I always write a letter and never send it so I can get the sadness off my chest
Wow!! This never occurred to me. Good idea. Thank you.
It's cathartic, isn't it? Like writing in a journal.
Yes! I burn them though; I imagine the negative energy dissipating with the smoke, leaving only warmth and light :-)
Also, it prevents them ever being found & read ;-)
@@patmaurer8541 Wow, I love that description. No wonder people burn some things they want to be rid of. God bless you!
My sister is always so toxic. I wouldn’t be her friend if she wasn’t my sister. I Decided to let go and distance myself for a few months. She’s always been very controlling and hurtful. I’ve learned more about boundaries this year and oh boy she doesn’t like that!
Can totally relate
Yep. I had to lay down some boundaries with a sister yesterday. She is never interested in my personal life but orders me around. It's a long story that involves courts and my parents estate. If I try to ignore her she has her daughter text me. I finally had enough and told her how I felt and this was what I was going to do. Then I texted I was no longer going to talk about it. My sister oozes and drips toxic negativity. Whenever she texts me I feel tightness in my chest like I can't breathe. It puts me in a horrible spot because I want to tell her off and I have to stuff my anger because I'm close to her daughter.
Family estrangement - a condition I want to return to. I knew my "parents" were dangerous. I didn't know my siblings were. Stupid me.
At least you were only half "stupid". Some of us figured out too late that our parents were dangerous.
Raphaela Velasquez same here stupid me
Sibling relationships can change drastically after marriage in a bad way.
Try sibling and wife I try to stay as far away as I can.
@@STMARTIN009 I agree it's really sad I used to have a decent relationship with my brother.
Sometimes nothing can be done about it!!!
The party in the wrong needs to apologize and change themselves.
@@legalfictionnaturalfact3969 Yes, but often PRIDE gets in their way.
@@LisaGemini that will only be possible for them for a little while longer. soon, they will be destroyed for following their pride. they will be destroyed by their victims. there's a TSUNAMI coming. tick tock.
You are right and sometimes no one is in the wrong. If you try to make peace and get the silent treatment then it is time to cut contact.
@@STMARTIN009 no, if a wrong occurred, then SOMEONE is responsible for it. that person can apologize. or be cut off.
The older I get I Realize what a lousy family experience I had and still remains. Let's say, I am the rejected one, the disabled one. Why reach out to a sister who is limping where you might have to care but instead ignore and bully you, so they won't have to give a little.
My mom and I were estranged for 8 months when she passed away in 2019. The night she passed I had a dream that I was kneeling down by her side reciting the Ho’oponopono prayer to her and I genuinely felt her saying it to me as well and then I felt a release. My sons called me early the next morning that she had passed away in her sleep. Families have their individual reasons for going no contact, just know when they pass way during that time of estrangement, it’s final and can leave a gaping hole for that person left behind. Forgive when they are alive.
I've tried all the years and I've come to a point where I want my own tribe and not interested in family dynamics. I need my peace and harmony not people who are fake calling and never there when you need help. If they weren't family, I wouldn't waste my time with them. If love is not there, I'm not there either and will never settle to please other people's ego.
Exactly!
Some families are like high school where everyone is in a clique. Its a fucking joke.
I'm the black sheep for sure in my family
Sha Gia sometimes a black sheep isn’t always a bad thing.
Be proud of it. Don't conform
I thought I was alone. I never met any other "Black Sheep" of the family!.. a little relief
@Keith Steward reading this, its exactly my life! Trying to make an escape plan from this environment lol
You certainly are a "black sheep" if you think you are. But I strongly suggest that you don't put that label on yourself. You are a child of God and that never changes. Think the world of yourself and it won't matter what others think.
As someone astranged from all of my (disfunctional and abusive family) I got to a point where I realized that missing a happy family will never stop. But I believe the pain will decrease over time as you work trough your trauma and realize that you always deserved a loving family and that there is nothing wrong with you. One was just born in a family that did their best...and their best just wasn't enough... This family couldn't love any child enough... Because they are conditioned that way by their very own parents/relatives...
It's important to notice while you miss a happy family that you do not actually miss your toxic ass family.
You just miss a functional supportive family and project that onto your bio family...
One thing I wanna add is that I strongly disagree with the whole owning your part and apologizing thing because :
If you astranged from your family when you where a child or a teenager I do not believe that you made a conscious decision to astrange from your family.
You did not have the chance to do better or prevent the astrangemend bc you probably didn't now how to communicate this whole thing probably or you just weren't able to do so because your family disencouraged you before.
It isn't the child's job to fix the relationship to their parents or any adult family members...
Therefore I also think you should not apologize. You did nothing wrong. They failed you.
Don’t feel bad to being estranged from immediate and/or extended family. If they never made the effort to reconcile, dump them. Remember the beauty of friends is that they’re the family you create
Yeah because friends never betray you, talk about you behind your back and are only friends with you because of how amazing you are not to gain something from you such as information, contacts, social climbing and even your man. They just love you for you not for what you can do for them.
No dysfunctional at all, but nobody in my family talks to me. I am a quiet person but still I'm last to know anything about a family member, I don't know when they having events/get togethers... absolutely nobody does nothing for my birthdays.
It does make sense. Letting go and taking responsibility for my part. I hope one day I will have that relationship back.
You never realize when you're being physically and emotionally abused, labeled, resented and rejected by family, how miserable your life could be. As my sister said to me long ago, "you should never have been born." She was right. Now, many years later, she was right. The wounds never heal and it changes who you were meant to be.
Yeah... please don't mention sexual abuse/other abuse as a reason for family estrangement and in the same breath say "there's two sides to every story" It's incredibly invalidating, even if the whole "perception" bit wasn't directed towards abuse. My older sister is estranged because of abuse. There ARE two sides, two experiences to every story, and our family believed the abuser. I know a whole lot of estranged people. Very few are estranging themselves based on "perception." I feel this video is catering more towards those that have estranged family members, rather than those that are estranged for good reason.
She only talked about "perception of favoritism" when she talked about 2 sides. Not about sexual abuse.
I think you mean R afraid to even bring the kids to where came up.
as someone who is being shunned by religious parents I found some aspects of the video to be pretty invalidating too.
I'm guessing she might not have experience with these types of family estrangement.
my parents completely cut me out just for having different beliefs than they do, there's nothing for me to apologize for, and there was also childhood abuse.
it definitely feels catered to people who've had a really different experience.
no hate here, just some observations about what I took away from the video.
A tad naive and superficial approach.
I’m all for taking responsibility, forgiving, showing gratitude, and sending positive energy, however entrenched alienation and estrangement necessitates considerably more than that. Abuse and betrayal are real and crippling phenomena for me and many others, trite suggestions diminish the daily struggle and the emotional pain and loss.
Emindxb Eminabud exactly. I skipped through the majority of it. Laughable quite frankly. It was like telling somebody with cancer to eat more vegetables, drink plenty of water and get proper of sleep. 🙄
The silent treatment is enough to cut ties with anyone. If you are making an effort to contact someone and they are too lazy or stubborn to answer then cut that person out.
@@STMARTIN009 ABSOLUTELY!
I remember that feeling of loving my parents, but as time went on I couldn’t care less. No emotions towards them and I’m not sure why
You are assuming that “all” people have contributed to their estrangement. And that is really not the case. There are equal amounts of relationships where one party truly did not contribute to the estrangement.
No thanks been there done that the first time, not doing it again stay estranged don't need the continual drama and pity party
willmart4321 it’s heart breaking when you have a dysfunctional family there’s supposed to be your support system and share your life with...!!!!! I have a shitty family.....!!!!!!
@@sarahgrace262 ❤
I wanna thank you for making this. I don't have a relationship with my mom because I felt like we never had a connection. CPS removed me from my moms care when I was 3 and my dad was given custody of me. I always had supervised visitations with my mom but most visits she would make so many negative comments about my dad and his parents and it hurt me to hear that, especially as a young child. I always felt uncomfortable when I was with my mom and her side of her family. I felt like I was with strangers and not people who loved and cared for me. When I was a teenager she would tell me I could just leave my Dad's and go live with her and that I didn't need to listen or talk to him. I tried building a better relationship with her the older I got but she would only talk about why I was taken away and that it wasn't her fault. It was mentally exhausting and I just didn't want to spend the time and energy on always rehashing the past. I feel bad because to an extent, I know it's not her fault as she does have a lot of mental & physical health issues but at the end of the day it is what it is. I love her and care about her well being, but I do it from a distance. It's taken a toll on me emotionally but it helps to know other people out there can relate..
Thank you for sharing and for watching Kayla, we are so glad this video could help you. XOXOXOX
Although, you're response is three years old, I can definitely relate it to my real life. Your comment really touched me. I haven't been able to find anyone in particular who has a similar family background and feeling towards their mother. I often feel guilty for feeling this way. Like you, I don't have much of a relationship with my mother and I don't feel an extremely deep connection. My father also had full custody of me as a baby/toddler. The only difference is my mother never had any kind of set visitation. I'd see her once in a blue moon and maybe 5-6 times within my childhood, but it was never through her own will. It was always done by me or member's of my father's family. Now, at 22 (almost 23 in 2 weeks) I'm trying to build a relationship with her and her side of the family and its very difficult. There are many reasons that I don't want to get into, but the bottom line is there's a lot of negativity and issues from the past. It's impacted my mental health a lot and I often feel mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted too. Anyway, as someone who can relate to a certain extent, thank you and I hope you're doing much better now.
@@LoveBug7828 I’ve come to terms with it but it does still hurt..especially now that I’m getting married. I’ve accepted that things happen for a reason and if we’re meant to reconnect one day we will. I hope your doing well :)
It's hard to see how the forgiveness part is going to work when the estranged family member does not recognize certain behavioral norms - as in they yell and scream, stonewall, turn cold, or there is a history of physical ot emotional abuse that the other person will not a knowledge. Why should first offer forgiveness after years of abusive stuff from someone who is mentally ill?
Great video! The key is forgiving my family for myself and not to rekindle the relationship. I've been burned too many times for too many years trying to reconcile with my toxic neglectful and abusive family.
Same here, my family is abusive and ignorant. If I want to talk to them they keep making excuses that there’s no time to keep in touch making me feel guilty for daring to waste their 2 seconds from replying to me by message. Whenever I visited them each of them were verbally abusive towards me. I had it with “family”, it’s painfull when I feel the need to connect but at least I know that I have God.
I know you mean well and are trying to put a positive spin on this. but when you mention sexual abuse in the beginning and then talk about accepting our faults in the estrangement, I find the video very contradictory. if you are gonna touch of subjects like that, you should have a way more sensitive viewpoint
After my parents died, my siblings have pretty much decided not to relate to each other OR me. I disagree. But if they can't be adult and mature enough to have sibling relationships, I figure I don't need them anyway!
Lisa Cunningham it’s frustrating and sad family are supposed to be your support system and share love bonding moments....!!!! My entire life has been awful, my mom wanted to abort me , my father sexually abused me, my Uncle stolen my inheritance......!!!!! I am all alone living in a shelter, broke and homeless.....!!!!!
@@sarahgrace262 Wow, I know what that's like, being homeless. I will keep you in my prayers, dear.
Well I hope your siblings one day come to mend their relationships
@ Aw, thank you for your reply. Actually, my sibs and I were relatively close before my dad died. His death just wrecked everything, sadly. He would hate to see us like this now but the three selfish ones do not care. At least I still have my youngest sister and my friends. You're blessed to have your husband and friends. Take care.
I have a problem with social settings. I don't like dealing with emotions, and being ignored. I just want to actually disappear.
Is it normal to feel social anxiety around your sibling??
My sister has this problem. Every time we all get together she just acts very awkward and doesn’t say much even though we haven’t seen each other in months
@@joymorris3004 Maybe that's why she's feeling anxious. Some people just feel awkward because the connections aren't as deep as they prefer. Or maybe because y'all aren't meeting up that often.
Being social and having connections just aren't easy for some people.
I have zero connection to my siblings. I'm the youngest in my family by 12 years. My oldest sibling is 17 years older than me. The next oldest sibling as a grown woman told me she blocked out the day I was born, said my parents were drunk when I was conceived. Said it with a straight face. When I told sister number 3 what she said I could tell that she too felt the same way. When my mom died she stood over her next to the hospital bed and told me mom favored me over everyone. Meanwhile I have memories of wanting to commit suicide at 10 years old so I have no clue what she's talking about.
@@maggie0285 that's horrible! You have every right to shun them from your life. I have 2 younger brothers and we are not particularly close at all but I would never say anything like that to either one of them. Be strong they sound like they are jealu of you more than anything else.
It is important to address the distinction between family estrangement and parental alienation.
Some families don't want confrontation or don't want to be confronted. And when you do, the blame always falls down to you. They won't own up to their wrongs. They want you to be the one telling you are the one who had done wrong. And that, we cannot fix it. That's being narcissistic.
Little known is munschausen where every family member & heavily the father rejects 1person becuz their mother wants it that way
i moved to my grandma house and she showed nothing but hatred , this stress caused me fight with dad and thereby causing a vicious cycle , i failed in all competitive exams and led my family down ... my dad started feeling lonely ... so even if one person is toxic the harmony is completely disrupted ..
You didn't mention Adult children - like Son or Daughter. Mine was brought on by Parental Alienation. I have no other family so I am on my own.
Ann Harrison I am sorry for that my father abused me.....!!!!
I'm so sorry, Ann. My mom rejected me 7 years ago, so I'm on my own, too. I feel like an island when it comes to a nuclear family. Sending you compassion. XOX
@@gumsguey Thank you for your support. It seems that you tubers have been more a support "Family" than my own.
My bio mom took her own life when I was 11. My stepmother was a narcissist, but I clung to her emotionally. When my father passed in 2012, my stepmother stopped all communication with me. My two brothers stopped communicating with me b/c I inherited property from my father. My adult son lives 2,000 miles away. I have no partner at this time. I am completely alone, but for friends scattered all over the country.
I’m pretty sure when my brother beat me up and strangled me, it was not perception lol such a condensing video in general
Please do NOT ever work for a suicide hotline.
Why?
My sister hasn't spoken to me since the last debate between Clinton and Trump. She is a Trump supporter, I am not. She had a Christmas party last year and everyone in my family was invited but me. Also she claims to be a good Catholic. Her hypocrisy, is what angers me the most. I am also younger then her. How would you deal with this?
Stop talking about hot-button topics like politics and religion. Not everyone knows how to agree to disagree.
Hello Just so you know we are Casting a show about estrangement and would love to get you more info ; I am in Los Angeles Casting Associate with Kinetic Content 310-752-0827
Logan for life, just accept her the way she is. Do not try to change the way she thinks, love her for what she is, not for what you would like her to be. Good luck. Just say this every time you think about her: I love you, thank you, I am sorry, please forgive me. Do it for yourself. Hooponopono... It is so liberating...
LOGANG FOR LIFE is this accurate or just your perception? I'm a conservative Catholic in nyc. Usually it's the liberal who shuts out the conservative, not the other way around. Numerous psychology studies have found that conservatives are more tolerant of liberals than the other way around. If not, did you insist that your sibling is a racist, homophobe, etc for not being liberal? Or maybe this is a problem that goes way back and the political thing was just the final straw? Or maybe the whole family is conservative and you're getting scapegoated. I just find it hard to believe that a conservative is shutting out someone for being liberal. We're surrounded by liberalism all the time. You can go decades without coming across conservative ideas, depending upon where you live; but you have to be a hermit and shut out all media and Internet to not hear liberal ideas.
Do you come out to Canada? I have a complicated family estrangement due to my ex husband going to jail for 20yrs, leaving me with 3 boys to care for, and now all my boys are in one way or another mad at me! For staying and caring for them, I guess?!
No 1 no no no. Sometimes there is no part. Especially if people have been abused. If you've been abused you have no part in that.
In my situation my whole family plus relatives, except for my son that I don't get to talk to because of alienation have disowned me completely they don't even call to check up on me.
God is the master healer 💗 When we are in pain if we surrender to Him He will move on our behalf.
I'm taking a break from my sister. I feel anxious around her after the way she treated my brother and I when my father was dying. I may never see her again, and I'm fine with that.
I grown up in a very toxic environment, in which expressing feelings of humiliation or offence meant for other to get a free pass to bully the other person or to totally ignore his pain.
For example if my brother does something that offends me and I say "you offended me" he can't recognise that, he doesn't even accept that I'm offended and he simply ridiculize me or cut the conversation, closing the door or going away from me.
This means that when I'm with them I don't express my feelings, I don't say "you offended me" because that gives them a free pass to offend me even more.
My dad emotionally abused me, he told me that I was an unwanted son, that he regret building this family, he threatened to abandon us, he said that my mother was a bit.ch and then denied everything in front of my mother.
When I talk to him and say how he hurted me he simply says "the past is the past" and he minimizes what happened. He says he doesn't remember what he told me.
When I talked about this abuse to my mom he simply told me in an aggressive manner "and what I have to do for you?", I passed a lot of time in my room alone, feeling alone and betrayed for what they did without they even recognised how I felt and admitted they did something wrong.
I'm really desperate, I don't know what to do.
Evereyday in my life is the same story: I remember about what happened and feel helpless, knowing that they can't recognise what they did.
I feel really lost. I can't find a direction in my life due to these abuses.
Try to seek counselor to find a grounded perspective. I hope you have move away from your home and find a supportive environment. Sometimes you don't find closure, you just move on and move on fast to find your own happiness.
Have you tried reading the four agreements?
I think it could help.. its like my bible.
And find a group in your area that you can be part of. Anything that makes you feel connected to others that are good for your soul.
When nothing works.. just remember u are not alone....go on to make ur own separate world .. built a family and be the father u always wanted ur father to be.. that's the only healing way
Daniele De Blu Seriously I couldn’t have written this better myself 💯 You can always talk to me. 💯
That’s exactly how my family acts!
Growing up most of them told me I'm not apart of their family.
I've lost my family. Mother and father are deceased. My son committed suicide. My daughter said we can text... but I said no thank you.
Maybe you could give some thought to the estranged party. When loved ones are removed without communication, the emotional amputation is not a minor event. Your advice is under the umbrella of communication. Estrangement often involved one party leaving without words or communication. The estranged person can cultivate a community who hear the single story but how does this advice represent the estranged? I see how it may honor the empowerment of the party cultivating the estrangement but how does this represent those left behind who do love and honor their loved ones but are estranged for the communication that could result in the advice you are offering?
Whenever I go to my cousins house they are all sisters and it’s makes me so upset that I don’t have that with my sister anymore
Dam this is so hard I’ve detached from from my toxic siblings however, the ONE person I have is my grandmother who is sooooo shallow she thinks she’s a guest at my wedding rather than my only living matriarch I have... I don’t even want her to come this has been an exciting journey I’m embarking on but somehow lonely 😔 luckily I have friendships that have assisted me.
I relate so much. it's lonely when you have an abusive family but yet see everyone else, even depressed people, with loving families
goduskychris Chris Godusky hang in there My mother wanted to abort me and my father sexually abused me....!!!! I have my uncle who have stolen from me he stole my inheritance from me after my moms passing from cancer...!!!
I do want to write them a letter but not to say I love you. But to say, thank you very much, you abandoning me has given me ptsd.
I had family come and go out of my life ever since I can remember. Nobody ever stuck around for long, and it hurts. Years ago I had family abandon me again and it destroys me. I was always there for them and they abandon me. I try too not let it bother me but it does and I just wish that somebody could stick around just once and not leave.
Thanks so much for posting this! Their are so many therapist that put a negative spin on estrangement! I appreciate that you are not placing blame in this video but focusing on healing!! AWESOME!!
I have apologized, etc. My younger sister and I used to be very close. We had a small argument and she is a grudge holder. The issue for me is that, we all still live near each other. My family still gathers for holidays, celebrations, etc. I am always super friendly and nice, I give her space. She refuses to let it go and I now am slowly not going to family gatherings bc I feel so out of place, etc. She will say hello but that is about it. She acts like me being there wouldn't matter either way and that she would prefer it. I am the middle sister of 3. My older sister and I are great. She understands sister code...ya fight, drink a beer, and over it. I have no clue how to deal with it or if I should even try. My mother said, don't let her keep you from the family parties, etc. It is tough though.
Good video. If I have a disagreement we can work on the issue to resolve it but if you try to contact someone and continually get the silent treatment that is a lack of respect and that is enough to cut contact.I believe family estrangement is very common.
I suffer from CPTSD and have been estranged, ostracized not only from my family but the community and society. I just cannot seem to heal and at 50 I am now extremely physically ill. I finally relocated to a very rural off grid cabin 6 hrs away from my family and anyone I know. I live on 20 acres in the bush, I am unable to work due to the illness and am on a disability pension so I rarely leave my property or have any human interaction/connection at all. Yes, I have developed some very toxic traits as a result of the abuse and CPTSD, shunning and isolation. I am now terrified of peopleand the emotional pain is so bad I have a lot of difficulty functioning at all. Although I would never ever harm myself (I am deeply spiritual and would never do that) but the suicidal ideation is ever present and I pray for death every day. I think I must be here by accident. I know they say "God doesn't make mistakes" but my life seems to be proof otherwise. I don't know what to do anymore. My entire life has been nothing but a feeling of absolute emotional crucifixion and physical illness. I just want to go "home".
What if someone has forced them to cut off ties with everyone they know?
This video is extremely unhelpful and talks about making excuses for other people's poor behaviour towards you. Maybe you shouldn't be talking about this topic if you're not qualified by experience to talk about it.
So so true. Thank you! Been estranged for a while and I wish there was another option but there isn't.
i cried watching this.. dayum,,,,
hey!! can you make a video on how to be more aware when talking to people in group/ how to interact with people without really putting yourself down/ what do do when you have verbally abusive mother..
I DO THAT ALSO
This was very helpful for me in dealing with my daughters and mine estrangement. Thank you, perfect timing.
Is your daughter an unhinged far left Democrat too?
I dont get any point. All this session should titled positive side of estrangement.
Still in too much pain and hurt for the forgiveness part.
I'm a dude. But this advice helps me too. Very concise and relevant.
a lot of ex muslims have faced this problem. But freedom and truth are more valuable , so they have my respect, good on them for being so brave and yet gentle keeping away from hate even when they got so much of it.
I think older generation has a thicker skin, and can be more direct. Try not to be too hurt by this. Trust needs to be built up in relationships in order for this directness to feel like love. Talk about these types of things. Talk about how to build trust.
please don't generalise older generations to have thicker skin or being more direct
Stereotypes are dangerous.
My niece suddenly distanced herself from my side of the family and everyone has been good to her. She clinged towards her dad's side and he has never been much of a father. We encouraged them to have a healthy father daughter relationship but not to forget about everyone else in the process. She moved in with him several months ago and now barely sees or talks to any of us and it's extremely painful to all of us. Her mother, grandparents, siblings, aunts, and cousins. We don't understand why...
Sounds like she's following the money or maybe it's like when men move on to someone new because they don't know all their bad character flaws and rather than work on them they just get a new woman, she's getting a new family because they don't know the real her or maybe it's just a money thing.
@@jamilgotcher5456 it's funny you mention that because in a few months she gets to get nearly a million dollar trust fund and right when she turned 17 her dad tried extremely hard to turn her against everyone. Also she struggles with depression and some other things and enables her behavior..we're as everyone else encourages her to get the help she needs. U hit that right on! But still I don't want to believe it or know how to change it. I wish she would just want to come home and be a part of our family again. Or at least visit and answer calls or texts.
So.... your philosophy is if someone has done you wrong, you must own up to what you did for them to have abused you?
Haha
She sounds like someone who manipulated her Mom to get her way and control her and now that her Mom goes along with it and agrees with her 100% they can now have a relationship. lol
this video was so helpful, you’re amazing!
This was hard to take in from a neurodiverse perspective, as the hand motions were extremely distracting. If you could consider less of that for future, I'd love to the channel another try. Also, though, it's important to levelset as to your training. Trained therapists are not always good but we need to know if you are giving advice as a therapist or as a girlfriend. You are essentially giving mental medical advice here so we need to know if you're qualified to do so. Finally, I would 1000% echo the comment that mentions abuse in the same sentence as "there are multiple sides to every story". The way you are approaching this is definitely not with the languaging of a good therapist. Thank you for your interest in helping in this underserved topic, but there is a lot of damage your tone and your (and other videos') content are doing here. Please consider.
my blacksheep people where u at
Right here with you! I wear it like a badge.of honor.
when you say to let go, forgive yourself what happens when you think about your family and their birthdays or holidays do you still reach out. cuz you Love them but at the time no response back..
I got plenty of reasons to cut contact with my family. One, no one told me my dad died and went to his funeral without me. When I tell my niece she puts on fake tears and says I thought you knew. I just can't fathom how my siblings can attend my dad's funeral knowing I don't know. I was told they were hugging and crying on each other. Then a week before my mom passed away she took a fall and was sent to the hospital. The oldest sister told everyone in a group text. I texted that I was glad she was OK. One of the other sisters texted that I got a free pass for knowing my own mom was in the hospital because I was never there for her. That sister has convinced herself she cared for my parents when in reality she moved back home to shoot up drugs. I am so done. I want to break off all contact. My sisters are ill.
Very clear explanation. Very helpful. Thank you.
3 month ago my father died and left me his Met Life insurance out of 6 kids. Now my siblings are not talking to me at all. Especially my older brother and older sister whom I spoke with every day all day. I cant sleep at night thinking about it. I even apologized in an email to everyone about my part in all the commotion after my Dad died. Actually it wasn't me. I just apologized just it case I said something that offended anyone. They even kicked me out of our group text we had for years. I am just gonna let it go.
share?
This happens a lot when a parent leaves a specific child their inheritance. There is a reason your father chose you. I'm sure you know why. The behavior of your siblings confirms your father's choice. Don't chase or beg them for acceptance. Live your life and start a family of your own. Life's too short.
Forget them rejoice in the fact that your father loved you so much he thought you were a good child to him and left you your inheritance unfortunately my parents dont have favoritism even tho one of them could be a better son 100 percent so we all are going to the same amount-__-
Sadly, you nor anyone I know understands or cares about my extreme suffering. I am only a town away from my tragic, widowed, disabled, isolated, useless 60 odd year old mother whom I abandoned. I found out my dad died. I have no contact but the worst thing is that I have step siblings who have privilege and power. I get no help. I am rotting away. Please I need support, now! I am living alone and being abused by people including downstairs white English male racist neighbour. I am an almost 27 year old adult with nothing to live for and no achievements whatsoever. I am the most vulnerable person I know. Please help me. Thank you
Is it healthy for me to avoid my parents for the rest of my life? is it okay for me to avoid ever speaking to them again? My step-mom + my father are+have been pathological lairs. She has ruined thanksgiving for my whole family. I have tried for 10 years to love her, but its no use. she too stressful for me. Some say its unhealthy to run away from your problems, but it would seem better this way in my situation. I love my sister. I always will. I don't mind visiting her or Facebook phone chatting with her. Unfortunately my sister was 16 and young and liked Jason who is my step brother. Odd I know. But he is good person, so it is what it is. Still odd to me though. But since this is the case, and my sister has to stick around. Would it be unmoral to avoid my whole family for a couple of years accept my grandma(which is one of the reasons I hate my parents because dad is mean to grandma too) and my sister. Would it be healthy for me to move aboard for a few years? as to where I come back and visit non estrange family in Colorado like my grandma, aunts and uncles. Plus sister in another state. Is this healthy for me to want to moved aboard since parents are pathological lairs? If it is healthy for me to move aboard what /how am I suppose to answer people who ask: don't you miss your family? your mom and dad? Each time this questioned arose when I stayed aboard in a host family for 3 months(months ago), all I could say was the truth. "No I don't like them. they lie and cause drama". Which gave me a large amount of stress. More than any question ever asked to me. not mention discomfort and hurt feelings that I wish people wouldn't ask me about my parents. Do you have a better answer I should/could give to people I meet aboard about my parents. I mean I could say (TMI--too much information) but that is awkward, for a friend or and acquaintance to hear.
Thank you for sharing this video!! I give this video a huge thumbs up!!!👍👍👍👍👍👍
Thank you for watching Danielle!
The Ladies Coach You are welcome!!!🐩🐶🐕🐺🐱🦊
Mahalo for the awesome advice.
No it doesn't make sense to me. I hate bullshit like that I'm not writing a letter or calling anyone to apologize to them to thank them and tell them I love them for not appreciating or reciprocating the thoughtfulness and consideration that they have no problem whatsoever accepting from me
My own sister cut me off as I asked if she could start paying me back the £1000 I lent her for somewhere to live. I'm in absolute disgust and heartbroken.
hypocrisy destroys families.
Could you make a video on how to deal with estrangement from the position of the one who initiated the silence and distance? I recently told my brother I can’t have him in my life anymore and have not spoken with him since. I don’t plan to fix my relationship with him nor do I want to because of his actions and refusal to see change. But I do need advice on how to deal with all the bad feelings doing this entailed. My brother and I already don’t have a relationship with our mother for other reasons, and both of our fathers are out of the picture, so now I feel guilty because he is all alone now. I feel guilty for leaving him and sad and angry that this is how it had to turn out. I miss who he used to be. I don’t know how to deal with this.
Great Video CHRISTAL!!!💣❤🍷⭐
does anyone know any other resources about this subject? especially anything also relating to being queer, religious trauma, being a pastors kid, or narcissist fathers.
I think this is exactly the answers I was looking for. Thank you so much and I'm subscribed now ❤
I brought my separated family together, then they shunned me??? I have no idea why and would fix it if I knew what I did. I have tried and tried and yes, respect their choices, but would like to know why.
4:15 I always thought this mental tactics was lying to yourself so this really helped n hope it helps others
Had a typo but
My mother left me with my gran but took my brothers talk about being disowned
Nr 1: own up etc. Do you have to say this to them? Or do you mean inside yourself? Its really difficult to say this to the estranged family member out of the blue. Can you please reply to this question?
Sorry but the owning up to your part can be reeeeally triggering and nonsensical. A lot of people are really just victims. I can tell you don't come from an abusive family. 😔
This advice is extraordinarily patronizing. You might as well have said 'it takes two to tango' or 'both say sorry to each other'. I somehow do not get the impression you have actually been a victim of abuse by a family member. Imagine a teenage girl who got raped by her dad hearing she should apologize for her part it things, really disgusting advice. You need to be more clear in the beginning, that what you seem to be talking about is a communication breakdown not an abusing relationship.
I am blessed finding your videos. Than you very wach for this unbelievable precious resources. I would love to implement them in life instantly because of it is prodigal and right imactful use. Thank you!
My in-laws were never interested in having close relationship neither with me nor my husband, their own son. Not to mention our kids. My cousins rejected us after our family reached our goals in life, this is pure jealousy. They were always in contact when they needed something. I was never invited to their home but they've been over to my house for dinners hundreds of times. As painful as it is I have to let go of my entire family of origin. They are simply not interested. There is always an expectation that I must meet physical, emotional and financial needs of my family of origin but this is a one way street. I can't ask for anything in return not even a simple conversation.
Good video
This video just took so much weight off my chest. Thank you 💓
You're insanely pretty and smart.
Just finding your channel. Are you going to make more videos?? :)
I loved this video
They exclude me at home, and i feel so miserable. Any support group online?
Another great video!! Such a good topic to discuss xx
Can navigate toward violence exclusion from extended family gathering won t tolerate a partner or lifestyle...
Domestic abusers target women who don't have a relationship with their families. In fact they don't want you to have any close relationships. So be careful cutting out family members who have always been there for you, you are unknowingly becoming the perfect partner for a domestic abuser. They are known for encouraging you to cut ties with your family.
Try to be open to reconciliation. If you're bolder, be the first to reach them out. ♥
I think this is about when you've been hurt over and over and over again and both sides are done.
This is so difficult
I cant forgive my family they ruined my world