Nope, this isn't a speedrun today cause I like doing casual stuff too sometimes! Don't worry, more speedrunning will be on the way but I hope you enjoy regardless
1)pimp isn't an official profession in US; 2)IRS would have a lot of questions about a jobless guy having a diamond. So nope, here a pimp would be the one in jail.
I like to imagine that this game is just a god like entity that lets you actually control peoples live and playthroughs like this are the reason serial killers and mafioso are a thing xD
I remember one particular BitLife run where a combination of luck and good choices allowed my character to survive so long that he got to watch his bloodline die out as his grandkids peacefully passed from old age. Keeping him happy became... difficult, with how time was starting to inexorably erase everything he ever cared about.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA My oldest character got PTSD at age 110 bc his multiple wives kept dying and he had healthy relationships will all of them and bc for some reason I decided to live in a haunted house that had a demon Wich would attack my character every once in a while He got to age 129 Also I didn't have any kids bc I hate having kids in bitlife
***BREAKING NEWS*** LOCAL BANK ROBBED BY A MAN IN A SKELETON SUIT, SEEMING TO RESEMBLE A SKIN FROM THE HIT GAME "FORTNITE" COPS ARE STILL LOOKING FOR THE SUSPECT
Nobody could get a decent view of the suspect because their eyes were tearing up. Not out of fear, but out of laughter because of how ridiculous the whole situation was.
criminal lives are so much fun in bitlife. the best one i’ve ever done was one where i got sent to juvie 3 times, joined the mafia at 18 and made it all the way to underboss before i got whacked by a rival gang. and of course, sometimes you just gotta make a career out of GTA and murder for the hell of it.
The way the prison escape minigame works is the guard moves 2 squares in your direction. If there's a wall between you and him, he won't be able to move past the wall.
Great content as always dude also it's okay if you want to do more then just speedruns of games from cool math, still waiting for the duck life 2 video though.
I just thought I'd say this: in bitlife whenever I try doing something like becoming a pop star it always ends up the same. I go to juvie because I always kill my siblings I escape my mother sends me back I escape then kill her I kill my other siblings. Then I get put in maximum security prison I escape then I give up and surrender
I once played bitlife and killed 326 people and escaped prison 4 times It's not hard at all to become a mass murderer on bitlife, but it's the dedication and the grind that hold most people back
Once I played a game of BitLife where I wanted to be a corrupt cop. I didn’t get a car, and I needed money to get a car, so I tried to be a police officer. They rejected me because of my lack of a car, so I stole one and they gave me the job. It was the funniest moment I’ve ever had in BitLife
"You do know that I did a bunch of classes in Judo" I know I'm "That guy" but Judo means jack shit in boxing, its worthless. "ooooh lemme grab you" *gets disqualified*
One time my friend played BitLife and he randomly got the name Saki Yoshida. Saki then proceeded to die of STDs. _There are no accidents._ _-Master Oogway_
Nope, this isn't a speedrun today cause I like doing casual stuff too sometimes! Don't worry, more speedrunning will be on the way but I hope you enjoy regardless
@Anna Henrichsen haha
What will your next speedrun be?
Speedrun nerf n-strike for the wii, bet you won't.
You won't speedrun vex4.io
Please do more casual things
"I feel like you shouldn't be threatening a 6 year old"
Thanks for the life advice EazySpeezy, couldn't have figured that without you.
Yes you should
This but unironically
@@feepentertainment6752 I worry for you
Wait, I shouldn’t of stomped that 6 year olds teeth in for saying I’m a poopoo head?
@@unwillfullyignorant7805 I SEE YOUR PFP EVERYWHERE AND I LOVE IT
* Ages up *
**Looks go down**
I didn’t expect to be called out like that.
Bruh how to replies
@@BedrockDragon yes
@@BedrockDragon No
fr i thought u were supposed to get prettier when u hit puberty 🏃♀️💨
@@brunettebrbie16 same
“He’s just a mall cop so I think we should probably escape” famous last words...
Turns out he was up against Paul Blart
@@DR23456 that's exactly what I thought to haha
@@DR23456 LOL
@@DR23456 yeah don't underestimate the legend
@@DR23456 oh god
"so i was forced to drop out of the middle school for just stealing from a pimp??"
*literally stole a diamond*
Yeah that would do it
1)pimp isn't an official profession in US;
2)IRS would have a lot of questions about a jobless guy having a diamond.
So nope, here a pimp would be the one in jail.
@@TheArklyte ig that makes sense
"i'm in the mood to make others miserable"
*eazyspeezy woke up and chose violence*
hey its my favorite jojo, prison lesbian
Hello daughter.
Well Jolyne did the same am I wrong?
@@everestlol4309 Jolyne isn’t a lesbian though
@@emu2746 its a joke lol
"I don't really care about happiness, I care about money"
- Maya Moorehead
Haha yes
more head 😏
money makes him happier than happiness does
Seems legit jk
@@partIycIoudy unfortunately some people could be like that...
"Wait, i can commit a crime already?" -every children ever
me when i stole a yo-yo when i was 7
@@stjeep Why wasn't i that cool. I stole like 20 pens, then a teacher spotted me
@@AnAceBritwhat were you planning to do with 20 pens LOL!!
@@stjeep I'm not too sure, I guess I just wanted to see how many pens I could aquire without getting noticed, like a pen goblin
@@AnAceBrit lol, you're a pen goblin XD
Character: *Smarts 90%*
Also the same character: *Gets sent to jail as a middle schooler*
Who the fuck said that if you are smart you cannot be a criminal
Big Criminal are not dumb they all have brain or puppet of a big brain
Intelligence and wisdom are two very different things
I love how many times he says he has to get his life on the straight and arrow path but then immediate makes his life worse with an even bigger crime
Demonstrating addiction without even trying to demonstrate addiction basically
“Now we already have someone who wants to be our friend”
Me: Reject humanity
Become monke
I REJECT MY HUMANITY JOJO!
Reject humanity
return to *m o n k e*
Embrace friendship
Reject loneliness
Was waiting for that “Become monke” ending. Got it
"I'm just gonna train until I'm a black belt..."
"Whoa!! I killed them with just my fists?!?!?!?!?!?!"
lol
I like to imagine that this game is just a god like entity that lets you actually control peoples live and playthroughs like this are the reason serial killers and mafioso are a thing xD
*oh*
same as all viruses and diseases/epidemics are just some dude on plague inc
@@icedragonslayer467 bro covid is just some guy in area 51 playing plague inc on the wrong computer
@@SkyStarGazing btw i think hes getting good
@@theorange3842 almost *too* good.
What difficulty they be playing on?
I like how joseph was almost full on the craziness meter and he said he was looking for someone more stable
fr tho...
*laughs*
Teacher: you've dug your grave
I remember one particular BitLife run where a combination of luck and good choices allowed my character to survive so long that he got to watch his bloodline die out as his grandkids peacefully passed from old age. Keeping him happy became... difficult, with how time was starting to inexorably erase everything he ever cared about.
damn when did ur character die
how long did he survive
God damn, how old was he?
Answer the questions or stop lying.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
My oldest character got PTSD at age 110 bc his multiple wives kept dying and he had healthy relationships will all of them and bc for some reason I decided to live in a haunted house that had a demon Wich would attack my character every once in a while
He got to age 129
Also I didn't have any kids bc I hate having kids in bitlife
"Honey, we've been married for 5 years, why won't you hold my hand?"
The simp life taken too far
The simp life taken too far
The simp life taken too far
The simp life taken too far
Taken too far, the simp life
For anyone wondering, the trains work in semi-realtime, so you can only attempt to rob one at 12 noon, 12 midnight, 6 AM, 6 PM, and 4:20 PM
Speedrun terraria calamity
he’s a speedrunner, and speedrunners always practice before doing the game
So chill
Yes please
@@jittersonpalace so you know too eh?
No that's too cruel
But if he does he should do death mode
@@cobrasharkgaming7830 yes
"I find myself wondering a lot lately about how nothing is on fire, fire is on things" - Bitlife, 2020
***BREAKING NEWS***
LOCAL BANK ROBBED BY A MAN IN A SKELETON SUIT, SEEMING TO RESEMBLE A SKIN FROM THE HIT GAME "FORTNITE" COPS ARE STILL LOOKING FOR THE SUSPECT
Nobody could get a decent view of the suspect because their eyes were tearing up. Not out of fear, but out of laughter because of how ridiculous the whole situation was.
@@Gamer88334 That is probably why the robbery was successful.
😀😁😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
probably the guards and the civils died for the same cringe as the guy with those emojis
@@deadassbird3763 stop he's already dead
criminal lives are so much fun in bitlife. the best one i’ve ever done was one where i got sent to juvie 3 times, joined the mafia at 18 and made it all the way to underboss before i got whacked by a rival gang. and of course, sometimes you just gotta make a career out of GTA and murder for the hell of it.
prison inmate: who’d ya kill mate?
speezy: b u t t e r a s s🧍♀️
Nice pfp(unironically)
@@awesomeninja1311 tone dead barddd
@@jupiter2175 tone deaf*
@@awesomeninja1311 No he meant dead
@Gabriel Damasceno Meurer Ehe Te Nandayo!
Best video showing how committing minor crimes lead to a full life in crime including murder even though you don't think it'll go that far.
*I wonder how you developed the touch of death.*
_Maybe because you admit yourself that you’re a psychopath._
Or because the game's martial arts system is busted. Get to black belt without advancing the years as a child and one-shot anyone.
@@thesunwillneverset bro, one shotting people is the funniest thing
EazySpeezy:" I'm trying to get my life on the straight and narrow"
Also EazySpeezy like a minute before hand: *killed two people*
Ah yes, which eleven year old doesn’t have 2000 dollars? His parents are really on some drugs😂
And the child is paying for the drugs
@@9nikolai Or making it, I like to think it's up for interpretation
@@JamieIsJammed he makes the drugs and buys them and sells them for more
When I was 3 l got a dollar that was worth 1000 dollars in Korean money and 16 years later I still have it, never went to Korea.
@@WindshieldWiper30000 1000 South Korean won is only about 1 USD.
When the first friend of your life has the name *JOseph* JOrdan and is crazy you know your life is gonna be great
@@Rqzou well now it is
We need more BitLife
BitLife more like ShitLife
@@FriedMonkey362What’s with all these bad “insults”? Like they aren’t even smart, or funny at all. It’s just annoying.
@@Noone-tx6xq what
@@Noone-tx6xq shut up, im talking to no one
@@FriedMonkey362 isn't that your life?
This is 100% gonna be edited into an ad by the bitlife team
Aging: exists
Benjamin: LeVeL uP
"I'm just gonna do a minor crime"
Proceeds to steal $2,000 worth of money.
"I dont really care about happiness I care about money" - bruh moment
He'd fit in pretty well with a corporation, if he could just be a little more low-key and a lot more large-scale with the killing and stealing.
money = happines
bruh
raf oot nekat efil pmis ehT
Blackbelt by 10.
Yep, thats gonna lead to a great outcome for someone whos first words are "i'm in the mood to make someones life miserable"
"Welp, kinda the perfect time to die."
69 haha funny number
my depressed self every day-
@@AstralArbourSys damn i felt that :/
me when my dad
@@broskieclipse9927 u good
The way the prison escape minigame works is the guard moves 2 squares in your direction. If there's a wall between you and him, he won't be able to move past the wall.
I'm new and i love your content. You are so freaking entertaining man 🥺❤
Thank you! Hope you enjoyed this video too!
Banana pie
@@oza2406 Key lime Pie
Apple Pie
Pumpkin Pie
EazySpeezy : I’m trying to get my life in the straight and narrow.
Also EazySpeezy : Kills anyone that gets in his way.
That girl with 0/100 looks still had more raltionships than me
iconic
I’d just like to say I love your content, you’ve helped me a lot, and I just wanted to say hello, I was here!
what
“I don’t really care about happiness I care about money” is the best quote ever lol
11:49 this is the best name ive ever seen
"Kind of the perfect time to die" what an ending lmao
7:17 literally one of the easiest things I’ve ever seen.
10:08 you’re not serious😭!
6:50 the mall cop was paul blart
0:11
Their parents did some speed running of their own ;)
“I don’t really care about happiness I care about money” Amen.
0:27 my life
2:19 i keep thinking that dog is some sort of bird
10:16
*'Megalo strike back' played for the second they attacked*
Chef: Has a tv
Eazy: hE dOuEsNt EvEn HaVe AnY gOoD sTuFf
You gotta do more of this, I'm addicted rn. This game is so fun to watch and play.
4:32 I don’t care about happiness *I care about money*
I feel like you and callmekevin should look into a collab with how unhinged you guys are making this game.
Maya is literally like henry stickmin level crime, and always wanting to steal and never learning his lesson of not committing crimes
Lmao havent seen a single comment about 0:38 "little ho elementary school"
Nobody:
EazySpeezy when he makes a friend: I can EXPLOIT THIS
1:28 btw thats not the highest belt in the game you will unlock another move when you get to the highest belt for most of them its a red belt
"I don't care about happiness, I care about money." -EazySpeezy
7:20 "I think this is actually impossible"
Me who has a 90% escape rate from maximum lvl security prisons: did you even try
It is always a good day when Eazy uploads
Hope you enjoy!
Straight fax dude
Omgg eazy responding holyyyyyy I love you
“wow my happiness is struggling a bit”
“TIME TO DO MORE CRIMES!”
Now this is probally the weirdest thing I've watched.
Why?
@@OrangeEJuiceE125 because he's trying to become a psychopath in bit life.
@@_whattheflip_ that's just how he plays games. It's not weird it's just crazy
1:09
HI AMAND-
The train robbery is based on real-life time, and also godmode is really useful for this because you can make yourself athletic
EazySpeezy: ‘Im trying to get my life straight’
Also EazySpeezy: Kills prison inmates
This was absolutely hilarious, keep it up, man really love the content.
“I don’t care about happiness, I care about money” EazySpeezy, 27 December 2020
5:47
GTA V Speed run???
There are multiple guides online showing how to escape the """impossible""" prisons.
Great content as always dude also it's okay if you want to do more then just speedruns of games from cool math, still waiting for the duck life 2 video though.
The way trains work in BitLife is baste on real time ex: rob the midnight train at 12:00
"I don't really care about happiness, I care about money."
Spoken like a true businessman
No lie this sounds like a GrayStillPlays title-
oh my god. It's been a long time since I watched both channels, I was totally thinking this was a graystillplays video.
Ayo stop stealing my stats bitlife: 0:16
0:05 huh I was born in pa and feburary. What a coincidence
My life would be complete if eazy is somehow able to speedrun mini metro
11:17 "oH nO tHeY oNlY gAvE uS oNe BeD wHaTeVeR sHaLl wE dO??"
This feels like an ad for the game
"My happiness isnt the greatest"
"Time to do some crimes"
I just thought I'd say this: in bitlife whenever I try doing something like becoming a pop star it always ends up the same. I go to juvie because I always kill my siblings I escape my mother sends me back I escape then kill her I kill my other siblings. Then I get put in maximum security prison I escape then I give up and surrender
I once played bitlife and killed 326 people and escaped prison 4 times
It's not hard at all to become a mass murderer on bitlife, but it's the dedication and the grind that hold most people back
12:06
Ha died at 69 nice 👌
Imagine you accidently walk in while he's recording and he goes "I just wanna rob a train!"
It took me 7 minutes to realise this is the funny speedrun man.
2:55 Allies rivaling you in EU4 be like
5:14 cries in loser
Once I played a game of BitLife where I wanted to be a corrupt cop. I didn’t get a car, and I needed money to get a car, so I tried to be a police officer. They rejected me because of my lack of a car, so I stole one and they gave me the job. It was the funniest moment I’ve ever had in BitLife
Amazing. Please do more bitlife vids.
"You do know that I did a bunch of classes in Judo"
I know I'm "That guy" but Judo means jack shit in boxing, its worthless.
"ooooh lemme grab you" *gets disqualified*
PLS SPEEDRUN PLAGUE INC IT WOULD BE SO COOL
"I don't really care about happiness I care about money"
Seems good enough advice for me
I love how when I clicked on this video a BitLife ad came up I thought it was the video lmao
“I don’t really care about happiness, I care about money” -EazySpeezy 😂
You should do more of this I really enjoyed it
Honestly please play more of this, this is great
5:40 Wait- How many times did you escape from police-
"We can't make them hate us TOO much because we definitely can use them later." So THAT'S how life works.
This game is actually really fun.
One time my friend played BitLife and he randomly got the name Saki Yoshida.
Saki then proceeded to die of STDs.
_There are no accidents._
_-Master Oogway_