Is 'Feminine Energy' & Being a 'High Value Man' Smart or Manipulation?
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- Опубликовано: 14 окт 2024
- Join your favourite online big sisters Renee Kapuku and Courtney Daniella Boateng as they get real about the rise of the 'high value' desirable man. Should you really be 'resting in your feminine energy' to secure one? And how do we cultivate healthy relationships that don't weaponise femininity and masculinity as tools for manipulation.
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#tomysisters #feminineenergy #highvaluemen
I think the current concept of the High Value Men is slightly setting us back because from all the things I have heard what they are or should be, they are all possessions or status things. For many years there have been these HVM, but they weren't emotionally intelligent. Women have elevated ourselves on all levels over the years, I think it's time that men elevate themselves when it comes to their emotional intelligence. I can't imagine having a partner who is educated, has money and dresses well but can't tell me how he is truly feeling and connect with his emotions
Love this take. There's definitely a materialistic element to the HVM and it's important to unpack it, as it will never be enough in relationship holistically.
Yes it does more harm than good.
This!!!! Cuz he can be financially sound, and check those boxes but has he fully dealt with childhood trauma? Where is his emotional intelligence? Can he be vulnerable? Can he express himself? 🤔😩
Yes! I totally don't understand why these men are still classified as HVM if they're not emotionally intelligent. I have always believed an HVM is one, but now I mostly see people view an HVM in a materialistic approach.
I think the higher educated you are as a woman the harder it is too settle for less or date. I wanna be with someone who shares the same intellectual capacity, values and lifestyle. I can’t lower my lifestyle to meet yours it needs to be the same or more.
Whereas with men its the complete opposite... majority of them only want a woman who looks good to them..... they aint interested in a woman's intellectual capacity....
@@greentea6394 Exactly it’s so sad then they are surprised later on down the line. Looks fade but brains never.
@@greentea6394 That's sad that people do that, you should be with someone because you want to be with them. Looks and career I can understand are important but more important than that, to me, is companionship. Not saying you should overthrow and compromise ambition and career and looks because of companionship but stop making the person you want to be with JUST that.
@@greentea6394 but I don't think that's true. When you're 20 years older, you're not going to be as attractive as you were when you first met the person. What's left then of your marriage? What are you going to talk about?
I have a masters. But I truly don’t understand this sentiment of “settling” just because you are more educated than someone else. It’s more to relationships than the intellectual argument. IMO
A guy here. I really enjoyed both of your perspectives. It is rare to find women who actually consider what men think/want. All your points were fair and well thought of. They were also presented in a respectful manner. Great video!
HVM= the quantity of finances one has
High quality man= character, morals, beliefs and finances
I learned these terms from Chrissies channel. That’s how she describes them. I think as this term has become popular they’ve meshed the definitions together. Bc there are men out there who are financially successful but treat others like absolute garbage.
Say it say it 🙌🏾👏🏾 people have sorely mixed the two together, differences for sure
Facts!!!
Yes I love how she refuses to collab with such men and channels. Shes a mother to a boy and girl and is married not to say that it gives her automatic validation but its definitely a testament to her work unlike these manipulative men whom becouse the have a successful channel think they have made it. They preach all the books they've read and in top of it add some extra to befit them as men. Its manipulation.
Please stop repeating terms that de-value another human being. If someone isn't your type, then say that. That means they're someone else's type. End of story. Put energy into becoming the best version of yourself and you will attract your soul mate. Stop using the term high value or any type of numbering system. God didn't make anything low value.
@@AllThingsSoul I’m sorry but I’m not going to stop repeating anything. Bc if you’re vibrating in a low frequency, then that’s exactly what you’re doing. N the definitions do NOT harm others, it’s a mere description of where u currently are but do not have to stay. God also called his people to be honest with yourself then come before him. N he will most certainly change you, but you have to recognize that first. Anddd according to the word not everyone is his people BUT we will all have a chance to get to know him. You have to make that choice, just like you make the choice to renew your mind, or be happy etc everyday! You are making excuses for some men and some women who do not WANT to do better not for others, but themselves as well as God. N that’s exactly why we have been in this positions in the black community. Hold people accountable (n help if you are called to) n that starts with IDENTIFICATION of where u are on your journey.
women's coming of age !!! we've got to have more conversations: what does coming of age look like for you? how did you grow into your womanhood? not letting people shame you out of having (high) standards & preferences that are desirable to YOU. letting REAL LIFE inform your standards and not just internet perspectives of"fEmInInE eNeRgY" to do all the work is real. also, not every voice needs a platform. WHEW!
I dislike the concept of a “high value man” because it reduces men to simply what they have (monetarily) and what they have accomplished (their specific accolades); it removed the humanity that is being a man because a man is simply a human. Mind you, I am a woman.
A man of high value is essentially useless if he is not a man of integrity, or a man of good character. In my understanding of what a “high value man” is, integrity and character are not considered in determining a man’s value. By simply being a human being, everyone is deserving of love and the good things that they desire in this life. If we are to actually use the concept of a “high value man” we may as well quantify it and put a value to it.
Alternatively, the concept of a “high value woman”, in my understanding, is a woman who is simply valuable based on what she can offer a man and not that she is a woman and at the very least, a human being. Both the narratives that I have described are narratives that I thought we were trying to move away from. This is basically taking a few steps back.
TL;DR: the whole concept of a high value man values a man by what he has and values a woman by what she can offer a man. Both dangerous narratives and both narratives we should step away from.
I have no sister's so hearing this conversation was really insightful.
🥺❤️ we're so honoured we can help
"I've been dating for 8 months and he's a high value man, so it must succeed" - Wow! Ladies, pleaseee do an episode on this x
Check out the next episode for more on 'dating to marry' and learning to let go! ❤️❤️
Courtney the hair and color 👌
❤️
Hence why it's a good idea not too sleep together during the coutship/dating phase. Cause ykno, soul ties. It's harder to leave if things go left and if red flags come up
I hate that when many women talk about a "high value man" it often just means they are handsome with a lot of money. Of course what is considered a "high value man" is personal but money should not be at the forefront and then just forget about things like values, loyalty, compassion etc. Being considered a "high value man" shouldn't just be materialistic. Don't put a man on a pedestal just because he has money and good looks.
“Standards complement who you are...” ouuuu that’s so good
I love this content and it aligns with my sentiments regarding the high value man narrative. The challenge I have with it is that it makes generalizations about both men and women. I would never want to be generalized as I don't make generalizations about men. Furthermore, I wouldn't want to assume a man is a good fit for me because he makes six-figures. I'd prefer a man of good character. I really loved listening to this conversation.
Love all the advice. For the first question, you could have added that if the parents disagree, the person could maybe delay her plans and put money aside until she has enough to live on her own and start her business at the same time. Anyway, love what you have to say.
Agreed! Thanks for the additional advice 😊
You ladies were really spitting! "Not every voice needs to have equal weighting" yesss to this!
"High desirability instead of High value as all of us as human beings are made in the image of God, therefore have intrinsic value" It's paraphrased, but preach sister there needs to be more clarity in this society! You are not less "valuable" if you do not fit into the archetype of what society considers a person of "high value" to be. That's factss.
I'm so glad to hear that somebody else is bothered by the terms, "high value". This is my second video of you ladies and I'm enjoying your soothing voices very much while I work and your great conversation. Subbed!
Can we please get a self development, glow up topic next. Your takes and all
Of course! Look forward to more finance business and personal growth discussions soon. If you want to hear more right now, you can check out our past episodes on Spotify or Apply Podcasts ❤️
Yes yes yes yes!! In Jesus’ name one day I want to sit down with you guys and have a good conversation. You both are so wise wow! Really enjoyed this episode :D
❤️
I can't say how much I truly appreciate this comment
It’s biblical for men to protect and provide, also its soooo respectable as well. Bc you know in order to be successful (for the most part) takes discipline, consistency, a lot of the times humility.
55:24 yesss speak. Relationships are individual not a community matter
I did this with my strict father and he had to realise I’m grown I’m 20 and I left law for psychology cause it’s what I love, now I have his full support cause I spoke like I knew myself and I was willing to proceed without his support, despite the respect I had for him and the love I am grateful for. He knew I was grown so after two years of begging and failing in law cause of no engagement, I’m free.
Left Spotify to come watch you guys lol
Same...I needed to listen to this in HD 😂
We love to see it ❤️😂
Listening for the first time and I wanted to add a lil two cents on the last part of the podcast on standards vs undue pressure. I think your standards are free and irrespective of a specific individual. They exist outside of a person you’re with and in dating, it is typically up to someone who comes along to meet those standards. Your standards tend to not have a face or individual behind them, they’re just necessities to consistently invest in a relationship. Undue pressure is typically demanded from a specific person. You’re typically wanting something from someone who you both know is not willing to provide these things you want and it creates that tension because your expectations aren’t being met and the other person isn’t sure they can or will ever meet these expectations. When you meet someone who doesn’t meet your standards, you’re not pressed or feel the need to change or mold this person. You accept it for what it is and move on. When you’re putting someone under pressure, you feel disappointed and feel the need to continuously demand and shape this person to your idea of what you think they should be for you.
In terms of the dilemma: I read this thing somewhere that said when God gave you your purpose it wasn't a conference call". Your parents want the best for you but sometimes, if you believe in God, you have to believe that the holy spirit guides you and counsels you in a path that most may not understand.
In addition, I want to say that in the bible it mentions how we will be held accountable for what was given to us. Your parents will be held accountable for their role as parents. In caring about what you do as a career they are infact, in some sense, doing what a parent is supposed to do. They are playing their role, as stressful as it may be to you. In that same line, you also will be held accountable for the gifts given to you. So ask yourself, are you being fruitful with your gifts by staying in your corporate job or will you be fruitful with your gifts by starting a catering business? Its not about the title its about the responsiblities that comes with the title. Which job role do you think you are going to be capable and dedicated to the tasks at hand to help others and to show the goodness of God? Honour your parents by hearing them out but try your best to obey and glorify God.
Amazing advice! Thank you and hopefully it helps sis figure out her next steps! ❤️ ❤️
Love the friendship you two have ☺️
I truly appreciate what you said about it being fine for women to date and for that sh*t to just not work out in the end even if you've been dating for months. Hearing you say it made me realize how much I really spent a lot of effort trying to save relationships that just weren't meant to last because I felt like if it didn't work it was a reflection of there being something wrong with me not being to reach that "marriage" part of the relationship.
I appreciate your take on feminine energy being put across in a bad light. However, I think there’s something to learn from this ‘movement’ . Basically, ladies have evolved to take on more demanding and competitive jobs. That’s wonderful. The movement is reminding us to pay attention to our hygiene, fashion and overall appearance if we actually want to get married. I think the best scenario would be to have a balanced life. Obtain those career and professional goals yet while you are doing it, remember to aim at being your best version physically and emotionally so you don’t chase away the men
I always feel unease when I saw the title "what a high value man look for in a woman", "what you can do to attract high value man", it's as if reducing or shaping our value as a woman according to what this "high value man" wants. Many only want a "trophy wife" ie beautiful, what looks good beside them when they bring to an event etc. I think there is a clear distinction between "high value man" and "high quality man". A man of high quality would be capable of direct communication with high emotional intelligence. Having integrity, morality is one of the important traits that both women and men should have since a person with high moral standards wont do anything that can destroy the trust built in a relationship. And EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE and COMMUNICATION is most important, i cant stress this enough!
Honestly, feminine energy is natural. When we relax and enjoy our lives, femininity takes hold. That doesn't make me any less smarter or successful.
From listening to men and women, I learned to being realistic and knowing my power is important. If I make a lot of money, it's not a problem that I date a man who makes less (money is arbitrary). As long as he's up to my intellect, character, spiritulity, adult-energy, and ambition standards, I'm good. I want a man that stands and leads, respects himself and respects me, that gains my respect.
A lot of people make rigid standards of what feminine or masculine looks like, but energy doesn't work like that.
love this episode and your channel! I feel like there is a lot of pressure for women to channel their feminine energy these days and it can be used as a tool for manipulation. So the key here is for women to first focus on their own personal development and building their self-esteem so that when they get into a relationship they will the maturity to navigate it and decide on when they should channel their feminine energy.
Thank you so much! We definitely agree. A lot more women must focus on themselves as much as they focus on others and their relationship.
Courtney is looking scrumptious, please what are the deets to the hair colour?
❤️ Aw thank you sis, it's a CDB London Wig.
She always looks so goooood
I am so happy I get to see y’all! Oof, looking good sisters 🥰
🤗 ❤️ thank you so much sis
I stumbled on this channel and boy am I glad. great podcast girls you guys feel like my internet sisters
Thank you ladies. Please talk about toxic femininity.
Yall making me feel so confident, loved this dialogue💗💗
Hearing y’all is already a pleasure but now seeing the beauty ! 😍 feeling like i’m talking to some sisters that i have known forever! lovee it☺️ alright let me listen well well.
Awww thank you sis ❤️
I don't care about a guys education but I do care about his career. I work in tech so there are many highly intelligent men who never went to college.
Have you ladies heard about the movement of men who feel so high value that they are now "Red Pill Aware" where they say no to marriage and relationships and basically see women as the enemy? Its so interesting and sad at the same time. I'd love to hear your 2 cents on it lol
yes! I made the mistake of watching those videos when I turned mid 30, and they refer to a single woman in her 30s as a disposable woman!
Those men always existed. They just have a community now. Only 40% of men in history have ever reproduced vs 80% of women. A significant amount of men in history have never been chosen. This is just the first time they can all connect because of the internet.
One of my favourite podcasts, so glad you guys are on RUclips 💗
Yay, thank you! ❤️❤️
I saw the thumbnail and thought- wait- is that my girl Courtney Daniella? Had to click and have no regrets! :)
I have had this conversation on the "feminine energy" concept before. Many of these channels talk about dressing "feminine" in order to be in your "feminine energy". They say "feminine" women only wear makeup, dresses, silk robes, etc. But I find that strange....It like a one size fits all "feminine" look. I have always thought of myself as well as other women to be multifaceted. We are versatile. We can also wear a suit, jeans, or even cargo pants and a sweatshirt and still be "feminine". I dislike that they put so much emphasis on they way you dress determines how "feminine" you are. For me "feminine energy" is the way you carry yourself and your presence. What are your thoughts on this matter I am curious? I think it places too much emphasis on material things when it does not make a person.
I wholeheartedly agree! I really like Mrs Midwest's channel for that exact reason, she focuses on character and on "traditionally feminine" qualities that we should all strive to cultivate, like kindness, compassion, empathy, self disciplined, etc. Of course, she also talks about the physical/outer shell, but she never generalises saying things such as "THIS is the only way you can express your femininity". Even though I'm not religious, she is a delight to watch, she is open-minded, delicate in tone and in her delivery and she never pushes her world views on any of her subscribers. I highly recommend you check her out
@@erikaalejandra1710 I will, thank you.
Literally ran to watch this when I saw the title
Aw yay! we hope you enjoyed it Nuella, thank you! ❤️❤️
56:35 "It's 1 and 1 person coming to walk side by side, not you and the whole of society" preach Sister Courtney!!!
Loving this thought provoking, insightful and balanced dialogue. How am I only discovering your channel now?!
I am so thankful to have found this channel. Thank you thank you thank you! I was completely tuned in to every word.
This came in my recommended and I immediately subscribed. Keep up the great work ❤️
I’m so happy I found this channel! The content is just🤌🏽 too good!
I recently discovered your podcast and I love it! This conversation was very eye opening and brought up some critical points to keep in mind when consuming some of the existing femininity content, I enjoyed every minute.😊
lmao not the bedsheet from aztec!! I hollered at that. love this
Courtney I've got to say... your skin and hair are looking woooow
Thank you 😊💗
Been binging all of your videos since the algorithm showed them to me - you guys have such interesting and wise insights, thank you so much for sharing these discussions with us! xx
So many gems in this ❤
So glad you found it valuable ❤️❤️
You guys are the girl version of The Roomates' Hafeez and Chris! LOVE IT!
Haha they are awesomeeee! Thank you 😂💗
I was thinking this!
wheeeew, this episode was soooooo good. so many takeaways from this one. bless your souls ❤️🥺
Happy it was helpful sis! ❤️
So the algorithm was showing me some damn love today. Loved this ladies!
Sigh!! You guys spoke a lot of my thoughts during this episode. You gained a new subscriber. I have always wondered about masculinity and feminity as social constructs rather than biological or innate reactions. The more we espouse the former, the more we encourage the culture of dominance and patriarchy. However, a part of me also struggles with been feminine. I love herb feminine but why does it have to towards an end - to be a pick me. But Renee’s perspective about been highly desirable is wonderful! I wish ppl would expand that desirability to character as well. If we are seeking “high value men” where does feminism stand? If men make character demands because they are high value, women should be able to make those character demands as well.
These are such interesting thought provoking thoughts ❤️
Y’all really have wisdom!
Thank you! ❤️
Omg finally someone bringing this up !
My eyes got big when you started discussing empathy and “feminine traits”.... that’s my current favorite topic
Ok the algorithm has blessed me todayyy🙏🏾 y’all might be my new fav podcast !
So happy that you made a youtube channel too, thank you!💕
Thank you so much, we are too and we're so excited that you're on this journey with us ❤️
I love all your content. Thank you for creating this channel
Glad you enjoy it! ❤️
Love the podcast, and love that we've got visuals now too!
Aw thank you sis, we're happy to bring them to you ❤️
New subscriber here! So glad I found you ladies. This was a great conversation ❤️👌🏾
Welcome to the sisterhood and thank you!! ❤️❤️
Wow such a good conversation about this topic. Thanks for the perspectives 😊
You're both so beautiful, inside and outside ✨
Hahaha 😂 😂 😂 "which power are you yielding to...." this was good sisters.... Loved it 😍 😍 🔥 🔥 🔥
Thank you so much ❤️ ❤️ 😂 😂
Very thought provoking, relatable talk and beautifully phrased. I’m subscribing!
Honoured to have you - welcome ❤️
Very good podcast, I agree with a lot of you guys are saying
This was such a good episode🥺
I have personally been subscribing to the high-value man/ woman content for some time now, I actually think it's important information for women and men.
For anyone who wants marriage, it's important to know that EVERYONE should have their own standards, but that includes the person you want to be with. They have standards, and you can say whatever you want, but they have to want you back in order for a relationship to work. People should lower their "standards" if the people they want don't want them back (with the exception of non-negotiable like being honest, etc) OR they should bring themselves up to the standard of that other person (only if they want to of course). but if you don't want to change to meet someone else's standard then you can't complain about them not wanting you.
for example, if no 6-figure guys are texting calling you back, then try that blue-collar guy that maybe only makes 75k, ETC.
Just my thoughts
Agreed. But often we as women don’t want to admit that. And it’s this notion that if I bring myself up to fit the standards a man wants, then I’m a pick me.
Key mistakes women don’t realise” what does the kind of man you want want from you
Finally a truthful space for women.
After watching so muchbof KS and roomate, i really fear for AAW
I really appreciate what you are doing, a great job🙌🏿. So happy to hear such a good podcast. Keep going !
Thank you! Will do! ❤️
Honestly love this conversation so so much ❤️🙌🏾
Thank you ❤️
This really reminds me of Female dating strategy on Reddit!
Ooo we will have to look into what this is! 👀
Reddit is wholesome. Sometimes
excellent episode, ladies. I just found you two gorgeous queens and am on to the next episode. I cannot wait to hear your take on careers
This is my new fave channel!!!
Thank you thank you thank you for adding video!! ❤️❤️ so good to see you guys
Thank you for watching. There is more to come! ❤️
YES.
❤️❤️❤️
Yesss I’m here for this!!!!💓
Thank you boo 🤗
:thiiiiiissssss podcast 😤😤😤😤😤
my oh my, this conversation was it💯
we loveeeeee to see it 😂❤️
I agree with reneeka. She is wholesome.
Not to compare but Courtney is kinda bitter and her opinions are coming from a place of "men bad women good" it's so angry. I hope she heals.
I love the take on working with your individual needs of your particular partner and not the generalised category. Learn from the people around you who are in the same context as you not internet femininity coaches. Reneeka is my therapist today.
Really? Have you watched the entire video? If not, I would suggest watching the entire thing; if so, try actively watching again to hear exactly what is begin said.
Is it high value man or high value black man? I feel like the topic was more about black man in the black community
We call men "high value" because we kinda don't want to acknowledge that black women are excelling in many aspects of their lives and black men are barely rising to the standing.
I struggle expressing this in English properly 😅 it erases men character to put into light their *achievements* in order to compare them to women, sort of belittling women's
That's definitely fair. It was a lot more implicit in this conversation as there is some relevance to other racial communities to (in that, the value of men is often attributed when they have capital) but disproportionately affects black men.
Where do you get this idea that black men are barely rising?
@@ashafreeman9690 what do you mean?
@@AliceMichele the original commenter said “..black women are excelling in many aspects of their lives and black men are barely rising to the standing”. I’m asking where she got that from because I see us both rising and excelling
@@ashafreeman9690 I'm the original commenter 😂 I'm not absolutely fluent in English
But, what I can see and experience is that (as a collective, in a white patriarchal world) Black women are over-achievers and black men are not over-achievers.
**again, according to the standards of "success" of the societies we live in
Great podcast. Waves from the US...and BW by and large are over the whole HVBM manosphere conversations 🥴
Men, I believe, enforce patriarchy, whereas women enable it.
Ms. Courtney, you look regal.
Another banger!!!!!!!!
Wow I'm in awe at y'all ladies intelligence
Thank you ☺️❤️
Brown Bed sheet, dirty pillow LOL ... my goodness, I died 😂😂😂😂😂
This is so good
This was great
Compliment each other not to trying fit an architype, couldnt of said it better.
I lovee this! I love you both 😘
Love you too ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Keep coming with the videos!
❤️ we sure will!
I don't even understand the purpose of trying to categorize men like this as of we have a pool of applications to pick from. "Oh no he's a sigma male, not beta, and only makes 40k?? Can't possibly go on a first date with THAT!"
Date, find someone you like who seems promising, get serious with them, see how it goes. That's it.
Omggg y'all know Lydia toooo
I love both of you
49:55 absolutely cracked me up
😂 but did we lie?!