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Is Divorce Better Than An Unhappy Marriage? | Paul Friedman
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
- Countless couples wonder if getting a divorce is better than staying in an unhappy marriage. Paul Friedman discusses it, then offers a better question to ask. Even when you are experiencing troubles that make it seem impossible to turn around your marriage, it still CAN be turned around! You can gain the happiness you first sought when you wed, and this video will both encourage you and offer some practical steps to take.
This is a good question however, it's not the ultimate question you should be asking.
First of all, if you have children it's not better. Honestly, you are better off for the children's sake of staying together even if your marriage was unhappy. Granted that is my personal point of view. It is based on statistical evidence of what happens to children, who have to go through a divorce.
However, I'm going to admit it's my personal point of view but what this is really all about isn't a question about whether you should get a divorce really it's a question about what you should do now that your marriage is unhappy. I'm going to move this over to that.
You got married to be happier than you were otherwise, right?
And in the beginning, when you got to know each other, you realized, "This is the person who I feel good enough about that I want to spend the rest of my life with", and most people think this is your soulmate.
They feel a connection at the heart level and in the mind, they've already done an evaluation to determine, "Oh, this is a good person. This is the right person."
And then you get married and things start slipping. Sometimes slowly, sometimes it's indiscernible in the beginning, but it's surely slipping.
You don't have that happiness that you expected and rightfully so.
You don't have that happiness that you expected. Let's take a look at that first, shall we? Let's examine, why not?
I'm going to fill you in on what I've discovered to be the number one unhappiness causing problem that occurs in every single divorce.
It's called "over-familiarity." This actually is the root of all your other problems, pretty
much.
When you first got together you were very careful to be considerate, to be polite, to want to know what your spouse or soon-to-be spouse liked, and what they didn't like. You were careful not to step on their toes, to make sure you didn't say things that would hurt their feelings.
But what happens is, we all go into a marriage with expectations that are frankly not reasonable. We have expectations that our spouse is going to make us happy and I'm telling you that's an unreasonable expectation because only you have the power to make yourself happy.
When you put that expectation on your spouse you're setting yourself up for failure.
You're also setting yourself up to fall into a cycle where they don't deliver your happiness and so you become dissatisfied with them. You start finding flaws, you start criticizing and this cycle builds, and you have a descending situation, and you have a marriage that's falling apart.
Until at some point, you're going, "Man, this just sucks. I want out. Am I going to be happier when I get out?" Well, no because as someone who I knew once said to me wherever you go you bring yourself with you and this is what happens to couples when they get a divorce.
Generally, they're going to get more than one because they haven't learned how to be married and here I'm getting to what I think is the most important point of this whole video and that is that unless you know how to be married.
Watch the video for more!
#marriageanddivorce #marriagewithoutdivorce #marriage
#marriageproblems
Sincere and determined people need truthful information and a good plan to escape the cycle and hole you are in. Incredible marriages ARE possible. They are achieved by:
1. Learning about the mind and mastering it so your changes are permanent and you are always growing.
2. Learning how to behave, and not behave in marriage friendly ways
3. Making unconditional love and ever-expanding happiness your primary and constant missions.
Go to themarriagefoundation.org and get the course if you need it. Now is not the time to experiment. It is the time for positive action.
Is it good idea to share this video to an angry spouse he had already moved out? Or just keep working on yourself
You prolly dont give a shit but if you guys are bored like me during the covid times you can stream pretty much all of the latest movies on InstaFlixxer. Have been binge watching with my girlfriend lately :)
@Austin Lane yea, I've been watching on instaflixxer for years myself =)
@@cmiss2724 Pray digilently he will come back
Sounds like mastering the mind games strategy to work in some ones favor... Pretty self deceiving way to analyze compatibility as a substitute for genuine love from the heart which can't be faked... That one is free : didn't cost you $100 couch session...
What if you are a positive person and you do make yourself happy but your spouse is a very negative person and puts you in a bad mood as soon as you get home.
You should be a positive person and your positivity is great. Now, work on being so filled with love for him that your light shines on him and makes him happy, too.
It’s gonna wear you down over time…
Leave simply just leave..he insecure
This is tough Bianca. If you are a positive person and your spouse is not, he or she will try to snuff that positively out whether it's conscious or subconscious.
I respect the counselors opinion, but kids are not blind. If you are in a bad situation not only will they catch on, but they will certain behavior is okay when they get older.
@@TheMarriageFoundation easier said than done
You’re the true definition of Old is Gold. Your wisdom and knowledge far surpasses all the others I’ve seen so far. Anyway you look fabulous!
Thank you 🙏
Wrong choice can lead to wrong marriage
No, not knowing how to be married is the ultimate reason
I have been married for 10 years and we have 3 young children. I am a believer in Jesus christ and feel like im the only one who tries to keep our home and family together. He would rather lay in bed watching his cellphone and he can't communicate to me without yelling. Idk what to do anymore I just feel like either way I'm losing but losing my dad back in July made me realize how short life is. Yet watching my mom mourn his loss and my own grief has been horrible. I just don't know what to do anymore bc I feel like I'm walking on eggshells constantly and raising our 3 children alone 😪 😔 😕 Lord help me. 🙏
Your back story is similar to many where there are a lot "reasons" for being down and a lot of discouragement, while all the while joy and love are right at your fingertips. Losing someone close is harsh no matter who but your marriage has to get back on track so all of you can be fulfilled. The course for women is your pathway to happiness! Take it! Just you, alone, take it. themarriagefoundation.org/
Just leave. Kids grow up and live their own lives. Things happen in life that you didn't plan. Just love your life happy and free don't stop you kids from seeing their dad and never speak negative about him. Your kids will see who is happy and positive and who is negative.
Is so hard when he don't even try..that hurts..so just see if you can make it alone better then be living this way is horrible..no way jose..better off ans don't eat shit firm no one.
I feel your pain so deeply.
Cling to God for answers.
@amanda hope you're doing ok. Of you feel like you are raising the children alone all you need to find a happy home for yourself.
I have been married 17 yrs and unhappy for 15. Only together because of the kids. We both know this. But it’s hard. We both know when the kids are older we will most likely divorce in a few yrs.
Hopefully you will try the course for men and test my premise that you can change everything to happiness and love.
you've chosen to be miserable for 15 years WHY, cut the cord get a divorce and start being happy have some self respect
@@godisgood4699 not a reason to stay, better ti be divorced
@@swolfe9668 I get what your saying and it’s nothing wrong with your statement. I wish it was that easy for me but it’s not.
Why would you choose to be unhappy for 15 years, you DERSERVE peace, get a divorce and move forward
Marriage is not for everyone... Marriage doesn't need to be the normal for successful life
?
It's a third of your life and it's very important and healthy when done right. It's important to get it right.
Facts
It’s for everyone but certain not for the selfish, the evil, and the impatient
Not for everyone...
What does that mean? Like there's a medical issue?
Forgive me, but there appears to be some ideas driven by your generation here. Two miserable parents are not better for children than a divorced couple who are happier individually. A miserable married person is a miserable parent.
There is no need to label me but labeling is taught by therapists as is the idea that we should just skip the more reasonable and caring option of healing the couple rather than divorcing them.
@@TheMarriageFoundation I certainly agree that the caring option is to not encourage divorce, but in your practice do you see couples that truly are "past the point of no return"? I'm struggling with the idea that all couples are able to heal.
The vast majority can easily save their marriage. It was a shock to me, too, but that was over 20 years ago. Now, it is routine for us.
Who defines the point of no return? When I was a mediator I was astounded by the lack of effort proposed by the therapists who sent clients my way. Our system defies those evaluations. Obviously, if a couple is already separated the point is closer but even then we see couples reunite.
If you are a therapist then you need to learn more about marriage from us. If you are in a troubled marriage then try what we have. you have nothing to lose.
Mama! I would agree except I think you missed the bigger point: FIXING makes more sense than simply divorcing. As a child of a nasty divorce I can say the ripple effect continues even these 50 years later.
I enjoy hearing how you speak about marriage. It's hard to find anymore and it's peaceful to my mind and heart to hear your thoughts. I married late in life at the age of 35 and I come here when my marriage is going through the ups and downs. I always seem to remember while I'm listening to you that there's way more than just me not being happy at times. That she of course has her moments when she isn't happy. We are at the 3 year mark and the arguing is frustrating and exhausting. We have twin girls and another on the way. And I wouldn't dare ask for a divorce because of the children. But I often ask myself, when will my wife start to take it on herself to watch videos like this? Maybe I should take it upon myself and share your videos with her. Thank you sir for what you do!!! 🙏 You're a blessing
I appreciate your openness and humbly suggest that you can still have it all...look at our offerings here themarriagefoundation.org/system/
I feel you, mate. I'm in the same boat. I'd like to break free but I have two wonderful sons... so I'm here for them. I recently re-discovered Christ and, believe it or not, it does help to think along those lines: that what you're doing is sacrificing yourself for others (ie your children). The only thing that I find is helping me is for me to concentrate on my boys and then doing the things that make me happy that I had previously put on the back burner so I could do the things my wife asked me to do (eg helping her plant a new garden or build her things for the yard). I now find more time for me. It's still hard... but hey! I'm ticking a lot of things off my bucket list. Good luck to you.
@@IPASAustralia❤
I’ve been stuck for the last 6 months on whether or not I should seperate or divorce my wife after watching your video you have given me the motivation to stay married and do my best I can and don’t give in to the lies of the enemy
I was with my wife for 15 years before we got married, the relationship fell apart after we got married.
Things definitely changed after my marriage! Now we’re on 38 years. All hard work
Marriage is the beginning of the end.
@@bluesdirt6555congratulations
I have realised just how selfish some married couples are, they always think of what the other one is doing to them but never admitting they wrong or they are the problem. If you truly love something you take good care of it and unconditionally show love
Every marriage have their own winter. I’m glad my mom and dad stayed strong through and through and they are happy now. And I have always had a strong and intact family even though there were some hiccups here and there. But people today, they simply can’t commit
Marriages can be turned around! I was divorce mediator and I say that I never saw a marriage that couldn't be changed into a nest of happiness (using my teachings)
Thank you! Best on marriage I have heard so far. This is what I preach, "make your marriage happy". Amen
Exactly! ..and filled with LOVE!
And amen. Blessings to you for speaking up. I totally agree
So if you found out after getting married that's your husband lied to you about his mental health he was taking medication but did not tell you and secondly they tempeted to kill you( by poisonning your food) twice in the same marriage what to do?
You were defrauded. I would tell a client that that they can choose to leave.... in our dating course I promote thorough investigations before the commitment,
Leave for your safety.
Paul, it is our job to make ourselves happy, but what do you recommend when one spouse is making the other unhappy? (Killing their joy, e.g. by regularly leaving them with the kids to hang out late)
If you choose to be happy your husband simply cannot make you unhappy. You have free will.
@@TheMarriageFoundation but it's exhausting to work constantly being happy in the company of misery, and i feel it should not be that way.
This same thing I'm going through. Hanging out and coming home very late drunk. Every week it happens. This is the only problem that cause other problems. Now his bp is high and he is still drinking
@@nechamascher7199 many husbands do this to their wives. Just stick them with an overwhelming amount of work. The woman gets exhausted and eventually has nothing left to give anyone. It seems to get dismissed regularly.
We r fine most of the time. But when we argue, my husband does everything he can to annoy me and get me to start fight. Then immediately he blames me of infidelity. All these years(20) i didn’t know why i would get beaten up by him. Now I know his tricks, i have 2 boys 18 and 15. 18 yr old is in college and am just waiting for the 15 yr old to graduate from high school. I need a plan to just walk away from him. After i have put all his tricks together, I just fee l bad for letting him annoy me and trigger me and blame me of sleeping with other men and women. That triggers me and without my knowledge i go into defensive mode and he physically attacks me. I have many broken bones and just last week he sprayed bath tub cleaner in my eyes which has left my eyes blurry. After these many years only now did i sit down and figure how he is able to trigger me and hurt me. When he becomes angry he turns a monster and later pretends like he doesn’t remember what he did. I am just so tired and done.
You are in physical danger. GET OUT NOW!!!!
@@TheMarriageFoundation
Thank-you!
Boo hoo!! I’m a victim
You are in danger ! Leave now !
Excuses get you now where, neither victimhood, pray and grow instead of complain
Does this advice apply if your spouse is alcoholic with a tendency to violence.
We don't abandon our spouse because they are sick, but we also don't but ourselves in harms way.
The marriage foundation
Abuse is different, depending on the person
I was getting ready to pack my belongings and leave my spouse. Keep down, I don't want to. I came across this video and thankfully, the gentleman helped me reason. I just don't know how to heal my marriage.
Thank you, I’ve been listening to you and trying to put your words in practice. I’m going through a very difficult marriage.
I would like to hear something regarding toxic in-laws and how to deal with this especially when a sister in-law has a lot off influence over my husband. Thank you
We have a vast library of topics you can search ... go to the channel
Hi Izabelle, I just saw your comment here and it’s been 5 months.. because I’m in a similar situation I wanted to ask if you have any advice by now or wanted to know if your situation got better?
@@viktoria6724 unfortunately no, we have added issues now. I’m leaving everything in Gods hands, I’m sure he has a plan , I just have to go through fire first.
Please, you, and
@viktoria6724 should both get the course for women. You can have it all! I promise 🙏
Wooow 😲😭 out of all the merriage counselings i have been listening to i must really this one has touched my heart and tinted something in my inner being❤ i really appreciate it
I'm on the verge of a divorce. Wondering if its the right choice. There is just too much damage done
Everyone thinks so but thats what we help you avoid, and then turn your marriage into gold. themarriagefoundation.org/
Is your spouse a drug addict?
Really working very very hard
Me and my spouse are likely headed for separation. She told me she wants to live on her own with our small child and honestly there is no physical attraction but I am terrified for my 2 year old daughter to be without me everyday. What are your thoughts on a parenting marriage, Mr. Friedman?
You should take the course for men so you can not only keep your daughter safe by restarting your marriage but learn how to be married so you can get the joy and love that is built in but you don't know how...learn how.
I’m curious what happened here ?
Kids will be EXTREMELY EFFECTED by divorce
kids are strong, belive me listening to your parents fight is worse
@@swolfe9668 Debatable
Kids are alot stronger than you think, my siblings and I flourished after our mother was kicked to the curb for cheating
That is not true divorce sets everyone free from the unhappy parents that were causing the problem
Yes, they certainly are
Could you please talk more about the rare instances when divorce is necessary?
Like a drug addict that just refuses to get help?
I’m weighing this right now, I want to stay together for our baby, but there is a lot of yelling. My husband is always the one to confront problems and it usually stars intense immediately. I’ve become withdrawn a lot over the years. Idk if I should stay and put them through the verbal abuse or leave 😔
You would be better off fixing yourself and your marriage by using the course for women than by running away from the challenge. Take a look themarriagefoundation.org/
Hey MM.. I'm in a similar situation... I see a lot of women on this video are.. Obviously I guess lol I'm thinking of starting a whatsapp group where we can all just talk and share and support each other.. Sometimes you just need to feel you are not alone you know? I dunno. Just an idea. What do you say? Would you be keen to join?
@@ambermcmillan9762or what about an anonymous call between you and me? Lol
This is a encouragement thank you. I will be searching your channel but my goal is to find information about when their is a difference in values and levels of commitment.
Of course it’s better. That shouldn’t even be asked unless the person is in denial. What do you mean by understand marriage? Marriage is taking two individual people-two people with different backgrounds, experiences, ideas, desires, etc etc and we are expecting them to become one and everything is going to work out. That’s not reality.
Divorce is almost never better unless you are only thinking about yourself and not even trying to make your marriage work. When couples work together to first learn about marriage and then apply what they learn they realize the truth.
The Marriage Foundation sir there are many unfortunate and unforeseen things that happen everyday to people and their life. For many divorce is the only answer.
I mean what I wrote. The lack of understanding is the greatest hindrance to happiness or success regardless of the venue. I have done the work and you would do well to read either of my books (inexpensive) so you do not just shout protests because you did not do your homework.
Of course it’s not, that’s an excuse to not grow and love each other through your faults,
Thank you! The video is highly educative.
Please I would love to request if you can make a video for young people who are preparing to get married.
Ah, the hardest group to reach! LOL We truly want to help them and are doing what we can but as a group they are saturated with social media nonsense and so very few are interested. But we will not give up!
Most people are open only after a trauma, and even then it is not easy for them to accept "new" ideas.
themarriagefoundation.org/premarital-program/ much better than one on one
I understand what your trying to say but the reason my husband gave for asking for divorce is he’s tired of being the debt slave to society. He said everyone always wants something from me but God told me I can finally be free and happy in Africa. My husband is European never been to Africa but he is 100% convinced God told him to sell everything and move to Africa. The only way I can stay married to him is if I follow this fever dream let go of everything we’ve ever worked for and move to one of the poorest countries. It’s a constant battle. I had a heart to heart talk with my children and they think daddy doesn’t love them because he comes home and starts yelling at everyone and never wants to do anything with them. I feel so bad for them that it almost feels like a blessing in disguise. If he leave the country we don’t have to go through a long drawn out messy divorce but if I go with him to Africa “just to try it out” with him like he says he may not let me leave with the children so I have to let him go. Apparently this family he prayed for all his life was just a temporary thing for him. Now “God says to leave us for another country” in his mind that is right. How can I argue with someone that messed up. I see nothing left to stay but count down the days til he leaves in September.
Our counselors are instructed to never get involved with these kinds of questions. We are here to help marriages.
I hope he had a change of heart.
@@stiffinndungu8355 no I wish he would and I have been praying so hard for us to stay here where we were born and live life pretty decent in my opinion. He decided not to divorce me but he said I either divorce him and hand the children over or I end up on the streets and the children get taken away. He said I get to choose but what kinda choice is it when he demands me to be under him and doesn’t what he says but not as he does or to have everything completely fall apart and he would be abandoning us completely. I’m in between a rock and a hard place.
@@marthaghioctanzania Sad. That's what I can say at this point. You cannot give up on your children and it is not even a choice to have or not have. Keep praying for him.
@@marthaghioctanzania OH my gosh... Now I see this post too. I really hope you reply to me.. Need to know if you moved and how it all ended up... ❤️
I’ve been married 17yrs this past January, and to be honest I don’t know how to be married and nor does my wife. I’ve watch 2 of your videos and you pointed out a few things that I have my marriage going in the wrong direction
Trust me, hardly anyone knows how to be married in this Western world and that's going to change as we expand. For now, without feeling dumb, take the course for men and you will literally transform yourself and your marriage into paradise.
Can you share studies that go over the deleterious effects of divorce on kids? Are there any studies contrasting the effects on kids on stayikg together in a bad marriage vs divorcing?
I tried to find them recently and it seems like "someone" made them hard to find. But from what I could tell the whole "its worse for the kids" ideas are based on marriages that are not functional, no surprise. What I diod was made a process that makes virtually all marriages a lot more than functional. Because I don't see making people suffer just for the kids as a very appitising pproposition, either. Let's turn the marriage into the heavenly union it is meant to be!
Totally agree on divorce with kids. You have a family unit. Put all the effort you can into fixing it
I think sometimes it's best to get out even for the sake of the Children
Very rarely
problem is people don't want to work on being married.
The problem is they do not know how. The "common knowledge" is very destructive.
Both spouses have to want to work on being married or it won’t succeed.
One day she wakes up and says she doesn't feel anything anymore, and has been that way for years. I never saw it coming. I basically pay for everything, 2 wonderful grown successful adult children. One a state trooper and the other in the army, and our 17 yr. old son still with us doing well. It's nothing extreme that has happened to make her feel this way, but more so little things growing over the years that she never talked about and held it all in until now. 22 yrs. together, married for 18. I was in love with her since i put that ring on her finger, and I still am today. I told her I'm willing to do whatever it takes for us both to be at a happy place again. She rejects counseling. We communicate ok, but now we are basically stuck in our home together as I just go day to day waiting for her to feel something again. Somewhere along the way, I made some mistakes that must have gotten us where we are now, and I told her I take full accountability for whatever her unhappiness is, but man I just don't know what to do anymore. I built a business, created this beautiful life for us, take care of everything, but understand I lost my way somewhere prioritizing things and such. Now I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but seems she has mentally checked out. I'm broken, and just trying to get through the days. What now?
What now? Get the course for men. You are obviously missing something that she is missing which means you still have the potential for a deep and loving marriage.
Yes ok, but the part that bothers me is "I've felt like this for years" So what, she has been using me all that time? Definitely doesn't motivate me to get back on track.@@TheMarriageFoundation
When people add something like that they are merely bolstering their POV, don't hear it, just focus on your need to change yourself because the underlying message remains, that your heart is not open like you imagine it to be.
I wonder how many people who were virgins when they met have to work so damn hard not to hate eachother. Maybe the key isn't a marriage course but rather not coming into a marriage as broken people in the first place.
It isn't about being a virgin or broken, or not. It is about being an educated spouse who desires and infuses love and happiness
@@TheMarriageFoundation Well virgins have better foundations for marriage and divorce at far lower rates. Has to be a reason.
I do not disagree and that is good for virgins to know so they maintain. But it is not everything. One needs to learn how to be married so they reap the benefits
Thank you so much for giving us hope and a good expectation. ❤
You may wish to consider the course(s) themarriagefoundation.org/
I completely agree with you but I don’t even think divorce should exist. You get married with someone and it should be till death do us apart. Of course some people can be jerks and those that are towards their spouses mean that those relationships shouldn’t work but I feel the ideal is always to avoid divorce to the death.
Go and live in the Philippines.
I disagree…divorce is not a sin. It’s the remarrying that’s a sin. GOD GAVE DIVORCE DUE TO ABUSE, ADULTERY AND ABANDONMENT. Stick it out till the end even if my husband tries to kill me and hits and punches me? I’m sorry but no it’s not going to be death do us part for me.
I prefer to not consider the sin aspect because we are given wisdom to heal the marriage, and that is what we should do.
@@TheMarriageFoundation totally disagree. I know many divorced people who have remarried and are very happy. You aren’t the Same person at 20 then when you are 50.
@@User31697 Divorce is what leads to remarriage, therefore it is a sin.
This is the worst advice ive ever heard. So old school. Divorce sometimes needs to happen sooner than later. Parents aren’t sparing the kids any damage just because they pretend to have a real marriage. Not everyone who gets married at first was right for each other. Coparenting is a thing and it can be healthier for the children.
Far too many agree with your assessments. I once did, too. But the kids do far from "okay" and that is well documented. Also, why wouuld you divorce if you can shift to pure happiness? The truths about marriage that I discovered delivers joy without limitations.
Thank u
Thank you.
Thank you
My husband doesn't want me to divorced, and he still having another woman, which he wants us to stay together with that woman, and am not happy and thinking of divorced him and take my two kids and go am I doing the right decision,,
Unfortunately, as the world view becomes more "open" it also gets more crazy, but will eventually become more moral and God-oriented, So people have strange ideas. However, you must still be responsble for your own behaviors being moral and so saying they are your kids, not our kids, is missing something important. We must do as we know is right, otherwise we pay the price and yet when we do what is right we are rewarded. Make it your mission to become individually amazing, never arguing, complaining, or the like and become loving and loyal even if he is not. Then you will have happiness and so will your family.
My wife and I have been fighting a lot more especially the last three years and I have bent over backwards to make her happy and all she does is complain about the way I do everything and even when I do something special for her she doesn’t say thank you. She instead criticizes it.
The course for men may be the best perscription for you. It isn't about you making her happy, but about learning to love her unconditionally.
excellent advice, thanks for sharing your knowledge.
Thank you for all your videos I enjoy them I feel good about them
To me divorce is the most selfish thing you can do to children.
Npangea I don’t see it that way... they shouldn’t have gotten married to begin with if they don’t intend to make things work. People make a vow when they get married. A sacred and holy vow that they break when they commit divorce
Besides what happened to “till death do us apart.”
How about if no children are involved?
All my kids are grown now and i feel like I lost so much time. But now I'm free.
@@Moose185 Divorce is usually a bad "solution" and usually only an escape but it is not impacting children if there are none at home.
I quite agree to a certain extent
Thank u for this
Thank you so much cause am in a sad part of my marriage and really want out cause am hurting.
Take a look at our offerings themarriagefoundation.org/
What about when you don’t have kids? Is it still better to stay married?
Usually... it is rare to need a divorce. It is better to heal yourself within your marriage and then practice the right ways to gain happiness and love themarriagefoundation.org/
i enjoyed listening to you..
Thank you Paul.
Love and Happiness!
I watched your video and yes every single person who get married get married because of loving one another, but there are some major things I can say you have not considered in this video, you assume every person looking to quit on a marriage wants to re marry are even get into another relationship. Are you being serious when you think children are better in a toxic marriage? You are correct in saying pre marriage courses are not very good. We don't have any other circumstances other than when we become parent's for the 1st time and we get married that even though they are the two biggest things that will ever happen in our lives even bigger than buying a house, we simply don't have any practicing are in other words educational services that teach humans about the biggest most major important things we do. I honestly don't believe you should stay in a toxic marriage, your children will suffer more and after all no child ever asks to be born so we as adults should ALWAYS do what is best for OUR CHIOD ARE OUR CHILDREN
You must realize that I rely on statistical studies. Children are destroyed by divorce, so it is responsible to do everything you can to change your marriage from toxic to loving. If you are thinking about a divorce I urge you to try our way, first. Then, if it does not work...
@@TheMarriageFoundation can I elaborate on my views maybe you may get a better understanding of where I'm coming from, why I stand over my opinion. My parents had 8 children I had 6 sister's and 1 brother. I was born in the mid 60s catholic Ireland. I seen things happen to my mom like my sister's did. Now not all where old enough to understand what was happening but to see our poor mother getting beat up almost nightly. Our mother at this stage had 7 of us my brother was not yet Born. But our father was an alcoholic and to see your mom getting 2 black eyes, broken battered and all because our father was violet because of drink, imagine a 12 year old boy having to defend his mother by breaking a cup and saucer on my father's face pulled out a knife and warned he was about 42 yrs of age at this time and I'm about 12. I cried not because of been afraid but because I would have stuck a knife in my father's heart that night, all my siblings including myself have been left with the trauma of this. The only person to escape this was our baby brother, our Father passes away at 47 yrs of age and it was not until the day he was buried I could actually see our mother sigh with the relief. Now after all our mother went through our father ended up getting throat cancer and died a horrific death. But our mother still nursed our father right up until he took his last breath. I can only say no our father never beat us the children, but our mother was a slight lady of about 7/8 stone in weight while our father was 14.5 stone and worked in construction as a bricklayer. So he was a strong man. I know the strength you need to work as a bricklayer because I took up the trade myself. Please don't tell me that God wanted our mother to stay in this horrific marriage. Our mother lived for 30+ years after our dads passing. It was theses where the only happy years our family had. I'M not looking for anything from anyone but please don't tell me our Lord and savior Jesus Christ wanted our mother to stay put in this marriage. I don't agree with remarriage but divorce in our mother's case was the best solution but because of Catholic Ireland, divorce is only here I don't know maybe 15/20 years. Every abusive encounter leaves a mark on the person who was abused and depending on how bad this abuse was depends on how badly the others in the circle are effected. I'M a man if I was to ever get a divorce I'm still married until death. Divorce is where families can have peace and happiness. I still regret not being able to come to our mothers defense before I did at 12 years of age. I actually did not intend in discussing in detail our family home. But there are many many people not just women but believe it or not men go through physical and mental abuse also. Not in the numbers that ladies go through. And your telling me stay in a marriage. Sorry until you live through something like this and I pray no other human being should ever go through it. But walk a yard in another person's shoes maybe then you'll understand why a person who loves our Lord and savior Jesus Christ takes the position I do. Take care and God bless. 🙏🙏🙏
@@TheMarriageFoundation children can thrive just fine after divorce if you raise and love them correctly, my parents divorce was the best thing that happened to all eight if us kids
Is this a christian counseling channel?
We live by His principles which are universal but do not belong to a specific religion or take sides between their dogmas.
Disagree. About the part over divorce affects kids. Yes it does but if the couple is unhappy fight all the time, don’t show love or affection each other how’s that healthy for the kids ?
Thats the old thinking by those who don't imagine what I discovered to be true, that any marriage cna be turned into heaven on earth with proper marital education.Look at our testimonials from people who refused to follow that thinking themarriagefoundation.org/
I agree with you. This marriage counselor is delusional.
@@TheMarriageFoundation that is if the wife and/or husband is still interested in making it work.
@@tutuwanjenkaa7592 both have to be interested. When you have one spouse that wants things to work and the other that is drug-addled and apathetic to everything but chasing his highs, it probably won’t succeed.
Hi, married a Narcis, who sucks the life out of me I can never be enough
Nobody can suck thelife out of you. Your mind is under your control and you need to learn how to control it and all its emotions and reactions. Don't blame him and his flaws for your not being in charge of your own heart and mind.
Falling into blame and labeling is not a good answer. I kknnow about narcism and it is the current overused label these days. Find fault in your own thoughts and speeh and behaviors, crrect them, then if you have any time left over use it to serve others. You will be much happier
Children shouldnt have to witness shouting amd abuse, i say run!
Run? Children should experience love and harmony. I say use the courses we offer and have a joy filled marriage!
Amen
Stay together in a miserable marriage just for the kids? Wow. Terrible advice.
I'm not going to argue with you but when I read the stats (hard to find now with all the interference) I was sobbing because of what kids from broken homes go through. If you don't like the truth blame the messenger could be your motto
@@TheMarriageFoundation It feels biased to say couples should stay in a miserable marriage just for the kids. You're ignoring and [hard to find] 'stats' that indicate how terrible an awful marriage is for the kids and the impact THAT has on both the kids and the parents. Nobody says to not work on the marriage, but sometimes things are better for everyone if that relationship ends. Ignoring that reality is showing your own bias. Give couples hope that they can fix their marriage - fine, but don't put them down or discourage ending the relationship because of your own desires. Sometimes couples need help to end the relationship as amicably as possible as well.
Well I disagree with saying "just for the kids". Kids are the most important part of the relationship.
Thank you