No. 45 Denies Targeting Comedians, Insists He'll Be Back In The White House Soon

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  • Опубликовано: 25 дек 2024

Комментарии • 3,4 тыс.

  • @andrewfaraday8918
    @andrewfaraday8918 3 года назад +282

    After a year and a half without a live audience, that was a brilliant response to a deeply alarming heckle.
    He's still got it.

    • @tripwire4727
      @tripwire4727 3 года назад +3

      Nice. Thanks for no spoilers.
      Yea, that was epic.

    • @irontribeissues9104
      @irontribeissues9104 3 года назад +7

      “Deeply alarming”? Nah.

    • @litrpg101
      @litrpg101 3 года назад +13

      "Talks about wanting to go to a sex party: gets offered to go to a sex party"
      Not really alarming, imo.

  • @videomissionary
    @videomissionary 3 года назад +113

    You know, a lot of people might accuse us of letting 45 live rent-free in our heads. But I would describe it more like a home invasion situation.

    • @MACV144
      @MACV144 2 года назад +5

      He won't run again, the GQP will keep 'em right up to the time for primaries, to keep the idiots corralled. .......then comes DeSantis to take over the clown car.

    • @evelynhester989
      @evelynhester989 2 года назад +3

      @videomissionary Great comment!

    • @crystalshaw8744
      @crystalshaw8744 11 месяцев назад

      I don't know WHY I tried to watch this while eating...lmbo

    • @TripleS24Squad
      @TripleS24Squad 3 месяца назад

      🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @tallenpelegrin7026
    @tallenpelegrin7026 3 года назад +214

    Is just me, or is Stephen back live and greater than ever. Damn, his monologues just knocking it out of the park since he's back live.

    • @ChristmasLore
      @ChristmasLore 3 года назад +1

      So missing the more intimidating days, but it's undeniable the comeback has provided him such powerful, renewed energy!🍃

    • @Turtleproof
      @Turtleproof 3 года назад +4

      I'll miss his wife laughing with him, but in this one the crowd booing sounded just like the angry citizens from Sim City 2000 when your approval rating tanks and I am down with that kind of uncanny valley.

    • @fionacampbell5105
      @fionacampbell5105 3 года назад +7

      @ Tallen Pelegrin it's not just you! I'm not sure about the rest of 'The Late Show' hosts but i definitely prefer HIM in front of an audience. He seems more energised, no? Whatever, I hope his wife keeps up an appearance on the show though - i'll miss her if she doesn't!

    • @tallenpelegrin7026
      @tallenpelegrin7026 3 года назад +3

      @@fionacampbell5105 He was very good without the audience, but he seems better now with an audience than I remember prior to the pandemic.

    • @adventureseeker9800
      @adventureseeker9800 3 года назад +2

      And great energy all around which is nice. Makes one think that things are headed back in the direction of normal for everybody.

  • @hyperboi87
    @hyperboi87 3 года назад +99

    I felt that “no thank you” in my soul for that man in the audience lol

    • @orchdork775
      @orchdork775 3 года назад +7

      Right?? That was heartbreaking 😂

    • @hyperboi87
      @hyperboi87 3 года назад +4

      @@orchdork775 but the Virgo in me was like Ha!!!!

  • @MrKolozal
    @MrKolozal 3 года назад +2465

    Stephen says he doesn't believe there are sex parties and then a random guy yells "I'll give you my card" in response, what a legend xD

    • @couragekarnga8735
      @couragekarnga8735 3 года назад +112

      Gods, I love this show!

    • @TheMulToyVerse
      @TheMulToyVerse 3 года назад +441

      I lost it at “stand up... 👁👁 ... 🤔... no thank you”

    • @c187rocks
      @c187rocks 3 года назад +58

      I do hope when they kicked him out that he made sure to pass on his card.

    • @luuketaylor
      @luuketaylor 3 года назад +73

      Oh, I thought he said "_____ Park!" as in the name of some park where there was going to be some... activities happening. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

    • @teelo12000
      @teelo12000 3 года назад +44

      Thanks, was wondering what he said.

  • @angelchronicles9848
    @angelchronicles9848 3 года назад +142

    To the man who stood up for the sex party joke, you are a legend!

  • @JoshuaWillis89
    @JoshuaWillis89 3 года назад +121

    As an educator and former cheerleading coach, I for one say this SCOTUS ruling is LONG overdue. It’s just as good for the teachers and administrators as it is for the students, even though most admin will say the opposite. There NEEDS to more separation between school and home life for everyone. A kid blew off some steam. We all did stuff like that as kids, except it wasn’t on the internet for everyone to see. And some people will say, “well she shouldn’t have posted it.” That’s antiquated thinking. The internet is our collective arena for self-expression. Just because more people can see it now doesn’t make it any less worthy of protection.

    • @paradisepipeco
      @paradisepipeco 3 года назад +20

      Totally seriously, thank you for posting such an enlightened and forward thinking comment that needed to be said, especially by one with your qualifications to back it up. We are confronting the biggest threat of fascism our nation has ever encountered, and people aghast at teenagers acting like teenagers need to take their MAGA hats and move to Russia so they can be closer to Putin.

    • @chino3796
      @chino3796 3 года назад +13

      It was on Snapchat where it would have disappeared. The school wanted to make an issue of it.

    • @ToniGlick
      @ToniGlick 3 года назад +12

      I also very much appreciate your comment. It's time we make and uphold laws that actually reflect the reality of the new world we live in.

    • @leavingitblank9363
      @leavingitblank9363 3 года назад +1

      I go back and forth on this. What concerns me most is that there's this prevailing idea that the U.S. is "the land of the free" and we can do whatever we want without repercussions. Yes, we all let off steam occasionally. But it's through the backlash that sometimes results that we learn how to control our outbursts and be more responsible. This ruling just told all those hormonal teens that they can do whatever they want, however vulgar or inappropriate, and they'll get away with it. And then we wonder why there's so little respect shown these days.

    • @paradisepipeco
      @paradisepipeco 3 года назад +9

      @@leavingitblank9363 The government's function is not to raise and discipline children. But its function is to protect our rights in a so-called free society. Minors have limited rights. But they do share our rights of free speech, and your thinking is dangerous, pitifully antiquated, and approaches fascism. Please think again. There is a reason children cannot vote, legally are in the custody of adults, cannot drive below a certain age, etc.
      To expect them to not behave as immature is ludicrous when that is exactly what they are. They have an excuse to act irresponsibly. They are kids.
      The infantile GQP and MAGA, on the other hand, have no such excuse. By law, they are adults. By their actions, they are not only Russia-loving traitors who are openly supporting a violent attempted coup attempt and threatening further such action, but they are behaving not like teenagers but like infants having a kicking and screaming tantrum.
      I respectfully suggest you step back, try to gain some perspective, and sort out your priorities and revisit what the first amendment means and what it means to live in a free society.
      Namaste.

  • @Influx27
    @Influx27 3 года назад +711

    "physical barriers, like walls"
    Wait, is the city now endorsing Glory Holes?!

  • @magellanmax
    @magellanmax 3 года назад +55

    Probably one of the funniest monologues he has ever done...I was howling! 😭

  • @Tadicuslegion78
    @Tadicuslegion78 3 года назад +356

    Founders: *envision a senate full of individuals who can think for themselves to represent the states*
    Turtle McConnell: Well yes, but actually no. In fact I’m determined to keep Kentucky in 1864.

    • @couragekarnga8735
      @couragekarnga8735 3 года назад +21

      Gerrymandering is a very powerful thing.

    • @Dayandcounting
      @Dayandcounting 3 года назад +1

      @@couragekarnga8735 No gerrymandering in Senate races though. Well other than the Gerrymandering known as the states.

    • @JohnDoe662002
      @JohnDoe662002 3 года назад +9

      Founders: “What’s a Kentucky?”

    • @LD86
      @LD86 3 года назад +11

      Voter suppression, gerrymandering, abuses of power…. All tactics straight out of the autocrat handbook.

    • @arthenosthefirst8176
      @arthenosthefirst8176 3 года назад +4

      it's not just mcconnel, it's all the repubs in the senate, mcconnel only has power because they let him.

  • @sternis1
    @sternis1 3 года назад +80

    I felt the "Make sure to have a stud every 18 inches" joke didn't get quite the laughs it deserved XD

    • @quentinquogamoddy1999
      @quentinquogamoddy1999 3 года назад +8

      Most people don't have a clue how houses and buildings are built. Plus they may not know that the 2x4 in the vertical position is called a stud. So the double entendre went most likely went over their heads. Or, maybe they did know building codes, but then knew that Colbert got it wrong. It's studs every 16 inches, not 18. That's why there is a red diamond mark on tape measures at 16 inches.

    • @jennac6954
      @jennac6954 3 года назад +7

      @@quentinquogamoddy1999 18 is legal. 16 is not legal. So a stud at 18 is legal.. But I prefer my stud at 21😍

    • @quentinquogamoddy1999
      @quentinquogamoddy1999 3 года назад +3

      @@jennac6954 🤣

  • @modredastal1644
    @modredastal1644 3 года назад +56

    "There's one guy in the Public Health Department who really wants an orgy to happen."
    Yeah, and he's in the audience.

  • @Zirnike
    @Zirnike 3 года назад +517

    "Yang was betrayed by his long term ally, math"
    I also would have accepted yin.

  • @brianschlicher59
    @brianschlicher59 3 года назад +299

    "I want to lock in the aroma like we're in a crock pot full of balls."
    That Peabody was well earned!

    • @primitivedaisy
      @primitivedaisy 3 года назад +6

      This made me laugh so hard, I cried! And gave me a disturbing mental picture! 😏

    • @leavingitblank9363
      @leavingitblank9363 3 года назад

      That's good eats in the South!

  • @andrewread154
    @andrewread154 3 года назад +108

    McConnell…possibly the most mean spirited man in American politics…

    • @vivigesso3756
      @vivigesso3756 3 года назад +1

      Because he does what the voters want? You're just mad he doesn't give unlimited free handouts.

    • @demostheodorakakis6328
      @demostheodorakakis6328 3 года назад +7

      @@vivigesso3756 shut up treasure!

    • @andrewread154
      @andrewread154 3 года назад +14

      @@vivigesso3756 why would I care? I’m not American. But I do see that he is a political animal with no regard whatsoever for the people he is supposedly providing a service to.

    • @adamf663
      @adamf663 3 года назад +13

      @@vivigesso3756 He doesn't and has never given a shit about his constituents or the country. McConnel does what is best for himself in his never ending quest for personal power and money.

    • @76rjackson
      @76rjackson 3 года назад +9

      @@vivigesso3756 But he doesn't do what the voters want. He does what the corporations want for the money, he does what the Chinese want for his billionaire wife, but beyond that he does nothing. You think most Americans just want handouts and are lazy freeloaders? Why do you hate America so much?

  • @rezadaneshi
    @rezadaneshi 3 года назад +107

    Who said life might not ever go back to normal. Stephen Colbert is all we need

    • @robc4191
      @robc4191 3 года назад +11

      Well, a functioning government would be nice too.

    • @rezadaneshi
      @rezadaneshi 3 года назад +3

      @@robc4191 it would certainly be, but it didn’t function before COVID and lockdown either.

    • @couragekarnga8735
      @couragekarnga8735 3 года назад +6

      Stephen Colbert: Keeping America sane one joke at a time.

    • @rezadaneshi
      @rezadaneshi 3 года назад +2

      @Isaac Suarez Trump is a joke that keeps on giving for decades even long after he is gone. Don’t you worry about Trump running. If Trump runs, turn out will be enormous and many independents will run and win. Establishment will not let trump run.

    • @JakobNoone
      @JakobNoone 3 года назад

      @@robc4191 They are America. And you can, too!

  • @shiftybat7318
    @shiftybat7318 3 года назад +308

    Mitch is just the old-school version of an Internet troll - he refuses to accept that his time has come, that his body is failing, his era of prominence is over, and that he can barely speak words anymore, but instead of ceding his post to someone more capable (or likeable) he channels all of his remaining energy into ensuring no one else can ever have what he once had without his say. He is the iconic definition of an obstructionist, and is about as useful as nipples on a squid.

    • @a_diamond
      @a_diamond 3 года назад +15

      Nipples on a squid.. yep, remembering that one..

    • @lsingstock1646
      @lsingstock1646 3 года назад +6

      @@davidjones332 dude, be careful what you say. You tube is listening. My friend suggested something similar about diaper boy and was banned.

    • @WWZenaDo
      @WWZenaDo 3 года назад +7

      More like Mitch is an old-school version of a traitor....

    • @ingridwheeler3180
      @ingridwheeler3180 3 года назад +10

      Ditch mitch !
      Asap.

    • @Fate263
      @Fate263 3 года назад +2

      @daniel banks Sure... Nevermind that among the 3 in question, one is openly honest about their obstruction, but sure 2 women who COULD do something are the same as one man who refuses to.

  • @concordep2504
    @concordep2504 3 года назад +266

    It’s sad yet when McConnell dies Americans will have parties everywhere.

    • @brucefreadrich1188
      @brucefreadrich1188 3 года назад +25

      Parties everywhere… and McConnell eaten by worms… how is that sad???

    • @coltonblake13
      @coltonblake13 3 года назад

      Fucked up people maybe

    • @SteepInKline
      @SteepInKline 3 года назад +20

      @@brucefreadrich1188 I’m actually betting he’ll just melt on the sidewalk one day. One can dream, right?

    • @c0mpu73rguy
      @c0mpu73rguy 3 года назад +12

      @@coltonblake13 People did celebrate in GB when Margareth Thatcher died so it wouldn’t surprise me.

    • @coltonblake13
      @coltonblake13 3 года назад +1

      @@c0mpu73rguy oh I'm sure people will. People were glad when our president and others got covid. Really shameful it's so easy to distance oneself from human life

  • @arenc5619
    @arenc5619 3 года назад +94

    I think we’ve learnt after 4 years of Trump what an international disaster he was and your reputation suffered greatly as a country. How in the world would y’all put him back? Asking for the EU.

    • @gregbors8364
      @gregbors8364 3 года назад +35

      Most of us don’t. He lost the popular vote both times he ran. But thanks to our wonderful technicality called the Electoral College, he lost the popular vote but still won the election the first time.

    • @gabesarti7184
      @gabesarti7184 3 года назад +23

      I for one absolutely hate him, and hope he spends the rest of his life in prison. He got hundreds of thousands American people killed during the pandemic.

    • @alex35agm
      @alex35agm 3 года назад +14

      The real question is,how in the hell did he get elected in the first place?I guess the United States education system is worse than we thought.

    • @-oiiio-3993
      @-oiiio-3993 3 года назад +7

      Fox 'News', Limbaugh, Alex Jones, and dozens of other shameless hucksters have been peddling their 'entertainment' for decades while branding their hateful garbage as "news".
      Millions of Jell - O for brains idiots hang on their every word as 'Gospel truth'.
      “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
      ― George Carlin

    • @erikdegroote5347
      @erikdegroote5347 3 года назад

      @ezlyfe 80 years ago

  • @franklinwilson46
    @franklinwilson46 3 года назад +253

    The “how to have safer sex in a post COVID-19 world” had me dying 😂

    • @halcyonacoustic7366
      @halcyonacoustic7366 3 года назад +23

      Early in the pandemic, Canada released a sex guide that recommended glory holes XD

    • @ameliablack4613
      @ameliablack4613 3 года назад +12

      If you build it, they will come.

    • @enriquemunoz704
      @enriquemunoz704 3 года назад +4

      Glory holes have been around for ages! 😂

    • @zesty9815
      @zesty9815 3 года назад +16

      5:38 _“Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls”_
      See, I _knew_ that _“impenetrable, physical, tall, powerful, beautiful, southern border wall”_ would come in handy one day!

    • @eviehankins8223
      @eviehankins8223 3 года назад +8

      Reccomending walls as barriers is definitely the American version of reccomending a glory hole 🤣

  • @hankakah4180
    @hankakah4180 3 года назад +269

    Trump "I did say, however, that Alec Baldwin has no talent, certainly when it comes to imitating me" Actually Trump, he played YOU PERFECTLY! You DON'T HAVE ANY TALENT!

    • @dkamphaus43
      @dkamphaus43 3 года назад

      Regardless how how well he might have imitated him, Baldwin really had no business mocking him since he's an even worse person.

    • @hankakah4180
      @hankakah4180 3 года назад +6

      @@dkamphaus43 SNL satires everyone! Every actor has their faults, but shouldn't be penalized for them.

    • @mrheem44
      @mrheem44 3 года назад +4

      @@dkamphaus43 no hes not

    • @Lichenroc
      @Lichenroc 3 года назад +1

      @@dkamphaus43 Triggered much?

    • @shirleyrombough8173
      @shirleyrombough8173 3 года назад +2

      @@dkamphaus43 - Based on what?

  • @MarnettaAnn
    @MarnettaAnn 3 года назад +56

    Every time I watch Steven Colbert it reminds me why he's my celebrity crush, and Evie is a friend in my head

    • @couragekarnga8735
      @couragekarnga8735 3 года назад +6

      Oh, Evie is just lovely!

    • @derricknelson8160
      @derricknelson8160 3 года назад

      Hello how you doing

    • @marshamariner7897
      @marshamariner7897 2 года назад +1

      I hv 2 late nite guys. And their wives r great. I'm sure it has an effect on their shows 🌹💖🌉🦋🇺🇸🌨️❄️🌉💖

    • @williamcracker7243
      @williamcracker7243 2 года назад

      Dear heffa you got low standards

    • @MarnettaAnn
      @MarnettaAnn 2 года назад

      @@williamcracker7243 probably... but they are my standards and they don't affect you, so thanks for calling me a heffa... you must be a total prize for your wife 🤢

  • @leavingitblank9363
    @leavingitblank9363 3 года назад +42

    He's extra feisty tonight! Even wore an uncharacteristically bright tie.

  • @livetime5815
    @livetime5815 3 года назад +449

    "No. 45 Denies Targeting Comedians, Insists He'll Be Back In The White House Soon."
    Donald Trump in: The Turdinator.

    • @adamf663
      @adamf663 3 года назад +36

      He only lies. His denial is as good as a confession of his guilt.

    • @NankitaBR
      @NankitaBR 3 года назад +18

      Since all he does is lie, you just have to inverse this sentence and then you'll get the truth. He insists he targeted comedians and denies the well be back in the white house soon.

    • @alexbones0001
      @alexbones0001 3 года назад +4

      wouldn't it be the "2nd TERMinator"

    • @couragekarnga8735
      @couragekarnga8735 3 года назад +13

      He's the terd in the universal toilet that won't flush.

    • @alex35agm
      @alex35agm 3 года назад +4

      The only comedian Trump liked in the last four years was the president of Ukraine,until he couldn't come up with a skit about Biden for Trump.

  • @Opus313
    @Opus313 3 года назад +642

    "Crock pot full of balls."
    ...was not a phrase I expected...

    • @oracleofdelphi4533
      @oracleofdelphi4533 3 года назад +18

      Watching Colbert, you kind of should have expected it.
      I mean, have you even listened to Meanwhile openings?

    • @IAmJustR
      @IAmJustR 3 года назад +20

      😂😂🤣🤣🤣 it was completely accurate though

    • @chriskelly6559
      @chriskelly6559 3 года назад +19

      Trumps favorite meal, with a side diaper stuffing, and a diet coke.

    • @blkcatzette
      @blkcatzette 3 года назад +7

      I wasn't ready for that one Steven lol.

    • @markstevens1729
      @markstevens1729 3 года назад +5

      I read your comment before he said it, and I still winced.

  • @averyw1497
    @averyw1497 3 года назад +39

    Damn this monologue was fantastic

  • @Morgan-Wesley-Parker
    @Morgan-Wesley-Parker 3 года назад +80

    Dude been watching this show for years and that has to be the best monologue he’s done, it was the audience I think, it felt like I was watching a stand up routine, brilliant.

  • @alexbelanger259
    @alexbelanger259 3 года назад +42

    Damn Colbert is on fire and having fun in this one.

  • @FredRedFrred
    @FredRedFrred 3 года назад +12

    This is the funniest episode this year, with at least nine pauses until the laugh subsided so as not to miss anything. Colbert and his team of writers polished this show to a high gloss gleam. Outstanding--Go Team Colbert!!

  • @uhohspaghettios2391
    @uhohspaghettios2391 3 года назад +58

    Okay, I know that "forgot his top teeth" thing was a joke, but McConnell in that clip sounded exactly like my dad does when he talks without his dentures in, lolol.

    • @dancechica
      @dancechica 3 года назад +1

      I'm willing to bet he's at least got partials

  • @lovelyskull3483
    @lovelyskull3483 3 года назад +74

    “Crockpot full of Balls”😂😂😂, literally I’m crying.

    • @danigrey442
      @danigrey442 3 года назад +7

      Same here, I will never look at a crockpot the same way

    • @debralambert1475
      @debralambert1475 3 года назад +1

      Are they covered in sweet+sour sauce?

    • @mefford67
      @mefford67 3 года назад

      @@debralambert1475 *Schweaty balls!* 😘

  • @ajcbng8289
    @ajcbng8289 3 года назад +36

    Who in the world isn't thankful for his absolute silliness? Cheers, SIR. 🥂❤️

    • @sererwr2413
      @sererwr2413 3 года назад +1

      stephen is a traitor hack

    • @Themagalorian
      @Themagalorian 3 года назад

      This dudes only on the air because the libs need poor comedic propaganda.. wonder what his true ratings are?

  • @Fiawordweaver
    @Fiawordweaver 3 года назад +361

    If McConnell was on fire- I would not urinate on him.

    • @ValerieJNorse
      @ValerieJNorse 3 года назад +44

      Oh, it seems inhuman to withhold any liquid in a situation like that. How about kerosene?

    • @Tuturial464
      @Tuturial464 3 года назад +9

      No you give him human diarrhea. Cause he full of it. Burned and full of crap

    • @dameoftruth4022
      @dameoftruth4022 3 года назад +17

      If Mcconnell was on fire and I had just finished a six pack of beer, I wouldn't piss on him either.

    • @sirmoonslosthismind
      @sirmoonslosthismind 3 года назад +16

      but he can have all of it if he's not on fire.

    • @TheMaelstrom
      @TheMaelstrom 3 года назад +8

      No, no. It goes "I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his throat was on fire"

  • @mandipandi303
    @mandipandi303 3 года назад +13

    "No, thank you." I'm dying! 🤣🤣🤣

  • @epsilon-eleven
    @epsilon-eleven 3 года назад +239

    Seeing Stephen Colbert get invited to a sex party on a national television show is something I never expected to see, but I guess the pandemic has affected us all in interesting ways.

  • @JesperKrogSlot
    @JesperKrogSlot 3 года назад +44

    For combining comedy with genuine goodness at one of our darkest hours, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert wins a Peabody.

  • @timbeaton5045
    @timbeaton5045 3 года назад +60

    "....physical barriers....like walls!" Never stopped Pyramus and Thisbe!

    • @coltonblake13
      @coltonblake13 3 года назад

      So...walls bad?

    • @Turtleproof
      @Turtleproof 3 года назад +5

      @@coltonblake13 Hardy har, they are a waste of time, labor, and money, just ask Hadrian, Maginot, and others who tried to buy time for a failing nation with a static defense instead of effective civic, economic, military policies. As in every case in history, a practically abandoned wall is easy to sap under, break thru or just go around.
      Temporary barriers help at concert venues and movie theater ticket lines, tho!

    • @ashwainthobourne4874
      @ashwainthobourne4874 3 года назад

      @@coltonblake13 cjl

    • @coltonblake13
      @coltonblake13 3 года назад

      @@ashwainthobourne4874 CJB?

    • @shawnduffy3380
      @shawnduffy3380 3 года назад

      Oh glory me!

  • @Xena3
    @Xena3 3 года назад +19

    “PLEASE stand up…No thank you” LOL

  • @aggressiveattitudeera887
    @aggressiveattitudeera887 3 года назад +76

    Q. How petty do you have to be to sick the DOJ on Saturday Night Live and late-night talk show hosts?
    A. BIGLY petty.

    • @couragekarnga8735
      @couragekarnga8735 3 года назад +8

      I forgot he said that haha. Bigly. That man was our president... Yikes!

    • @jerryrichardson2799
      @jerryrichardson2799 3 года назад +2

      Pretty much...

    • @Markus_Andrew
      @Markus_Andrew 3 года назад +2

      @@couragekarnga8735 Don't forget the "tippy-top" nukes.

    • @QUICKBOOKS1
      @QUICKBOOKS1 3 года назад +1

      @@couragekarnga8735, Don't forget "Covefee"!

  • @mikenoble91
    @mikenoble91 3 года назад +29

    "Stand up... no thanks
    Savage.

    • @rgs8970
      @rgs8970 3 года назад +5

      You gotta respect the dude for shooting his shot 😂

  • @sailingadventuress5489
    @sailingadventuress5489 3 года назад +15

    He’s on fire in this. Hilarious

  • @brettw8744
    @brettw8744 3 года назад +300

    I didn’t miss hearing the crowd the whole time.

    • @kenyap101
      @kenyap101 3 года назад +10

      Sames

    • @ImionLordred
      @ImionLordred 3 года назад +21

      Aye, quite annoying screaming...

    • @mackersun
      @mackersun 3 года назад +33

      I believe it's because it felt like a show personally for each one of us. Each show it was like he was talking just to me.

    • @jonalderson5571
      @jonalderson5571 3 года назад +11

      Too bad, the real fans love the crowd. Go back into your basement

    • @mackersun
      @mackersun 3 года назад +41

      @@jonalderson5571 it's my personal preference. Why do you feel the need to be rude? It's not a bad thing. It's just something I've noticed.

  • @sisenor4091
    @sisenor4091 3 года назад +114

    “ILL GIVE YOU A CARD”
    Stand up….. no thank you.

    • @dmiller5765
      @dmiller5765 3 года назад +16

      Lol. At least Stephen had an offer.

    • @mostmelon
      @mostmelon 3 года назад +17

      I was expecting a "Turn around." before "No thank you."

    • @rhombo323
      @rhombo323 3 года назад +17

      Wonder how many cards he handed out after that though 🤔 hahaha

    • @couragekarnga8735
      @couragekarnga8735 3 года назад +5

      Best part of the show tonight!

    • @nomdeguerre247
      @nomdeguerre247 3 года назад +1

      🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀

  • @rockstarJDP
    @rockstarJDP 3 года назад +399

    Not gonna lie, I much preferred it when you could just hear his wife and crew giggling in the background than the audience whooping and hollering. Felt much more organic without an audience.

    • @misz3
      @misz3 3 года назад +2

      I mean that’s just RUclips commentary videos lol

    • @rockstarJDP
      @rockstarJDP 3 года назад +21

      @@misz3 well yeah and I think that was better - felt more like we were in the room with him just listening to him have a comical rant :)

    • @WillowTDog
      @WillowTDog 3 года назад +11

      @@rockstarJDP Completely agree. Though, tonight's monologue was definitely enhanced by the guy in the crowd apparently offering Steven his membership card (although, I admit, I thought he'd said, "Echo Park!" But I've never been active in that scene.

    • @mikeximenez5285
      @mikeximenez5285 3 года назад

      I agree. Im just waiting for his fart to escape while he waits for the laughs.

    • @jennac6954
      @jennac6954 3 года назад

      🙄

  • @JoeEnglandShow
    @JoeEnglandShow 3 года назад +91

    I wasn't aware that we had elected Mitch McConnell to decide what is and is not acceptable for Congress to talk about.

    • @JOBdOut
      @JOBdOut 3 года назад +3

      You gotta be appointed to senate party leader to determine whether or not they get to talk about doing their jobs

  • @420thebass
    @420thebass 3 года назад +15

    8:04 "I'll give you my card" funniest shit ever lol

  • @XYZAudiio
    @XYZAudiio 3 года назад +23

    "crock pot full of balls" my new favorite nickname for 45.

  • @nashville1510able
    @nashville1510able 3 года назад +28

    The way stephen doesn’t stop the crowd from booing anymore 😂😂😂he knows they deserve it

  • @gregbors8364
    @gregbors8364 3 года назад +243

    Fun fact: Mitch McConnell’s approval rating in his home state of Kentucky is 18%

    • @jeffredfern3744
      @jeffredfern3744 3 года назад +37

      Hating Mitch McConnell seems to be a 5 year event unfortunately. Also KY sucks.

    • @subgrv27
      @subgrv27 3 года назад +61

      How does he keep getting elected with a rating that low?

    • @bentbliley
      @bentbliley 3 года назад +21

      if i may paraphrase jimmy mcmillan, “it’s still too damn high!”

    • @sakarakit5835
      @sakarakit5835 3 года назад +24

      yet he was re-elected...

    • @DeAnoJackson
      @DeAnoJackson 3 года назад +23

      For real, then why the hell does he keep getting reelected?

  • @leondeveraux4485
    @leondeveraux4485 3 года назад +7

    It's the "stand up? No thank you" for ME 💀💀💀💀💀🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @2112Nightshift
    @2112Nightshift 3 года назад +26

    "Speaking of things you don't want to smell."
    Best. Segue. Ever.

  • @phraydedjez
    @phraydedjez 3 года назад +11

    Thats gold! That dude that stood up and yelled out, I was LMFAO

  • @larathecool713
    @larathecool713 3 года назад +4

    My favourite moment was the little happy dance after the crowd response to the beer joke. It is so obvious that he needs and loves his audience response. If you ever come to australia to do a show i will be right there in the front row.

  • @swapshots4427
    @swapshots4427 3 года назад +7

    I''m so glad you are back in full force.!

  • @NGFergalicious
    @NGFergalicious 3 года назад +37

    The energy of this crowd is great!

    • @Benmc1994
      @Benmc1994 3 года назад

      What they don't show you is the staff with signs telling the crowd when to laugh clap cheer i like the show but it's basically pantomime lol

    • @JoshuaWillis89
      @JoshuaWillis89 3 года назад +4

      @@Benmc1994 it’s true that those signs are there, but the crowd isn’t faking this enthusiasm

  • @anoniemuss824
    @anoniemuss824 3 года назад +82

    “Nobody is a bigger cry baby… than me.”
    - Trump, Everyday

    • @NicholasNRG
      @NicholasNRG 3 года назад +2

      Or Colbert anytime Trump does anything

    • @rainbowprism6242
      @rainbowprism6242 3 года назад +4

      @@NicholasNRG fan of competitive macaque thrower says what?

    • @josephcannon3938
      @josephcannon3938 3 года назад

      @Joe Hiden Hur dur Colbert lame

    • @pamcheslock838
      @pamcheslock838 3 года назад +1

      @@NicholasNRG TRUMP 30000 lies yes 🙌 IMPRESSED CONNED BY A KNOWN CONMAN YES A CONMAN HIS ENTIRE LIFE

    • @Themagalorian
      @Themagalorian 3 года назад

      @@pamcheslock838 not half as many lies as o bummer and sleepy joe..

  • @HuyNguyen-rg8fv
    @HuyNguyen-rg8fv 3 года назад +13

    "I'll give you my card!" "What? Stand up....no thank you." 😂😂😂

  • @danhighlander
    @danhighlander 3 года назад +153

    Am I the only one who wishes that the middle part of this monologue was back in the storage room with Evie laughing awkwardly?

    • @jeffbaer5851
      @jeffbaer5851 3 года назад +11

      The cutaway to her blushing and covering her mouth because she's laughing so hard is something I'm creating in my mind.... and it's glorious. Love Evie!!!!!!

    • @RideAcrossTheRiver
      @RideAcrossTheRiver 3 года назад +10

      RUclips is introverts' paradise

    • @BrendanBeckett
      @BrendanBeckett 3 года назад +5

      She should make a reaction channel where she just watches Stephen's monologues.

    • @sererwr2413
      @sererwr2413 3 года назад

      @@BrendanBeckett his monologues suck

    • @BrendanBeckett
      @BrendanBeckett 3 года назад +2

      @@sererwr2413 Not when it's just him and Evie.

  • @Muse009009
    @Muse009009 3 года назад +14

    Was it just me or was this one of the best openings in a minute.

  • @stevebuchmann9868
    @stevebuchmann9868 3 года назад +162

    So glad they beeped out the word “shit”… while Stephen is ranting about sex parties! 😂😂😂

    • @JoshSweetvale
      @JoshSweetvale 3 года назад +4

      Fascism is illogical.
      It's a worshipful devotion to ritualized "morality."

    • @SplendidFellow
      @SplendidFellow 3 года назад +9

      @@JoshSweetvalelol this ain't fascism it's just nonsensical corporate "appropriateness"

    • @Deathnote2539
      @Deathnote2539 3 года назад

      You do realize it's youtube who bleeps them not the actually show? If you watch it on t.v nothing is censored

    • @SplendidFellow
      @SplendidFellow 3 года назад +5

      @@Deathnote2539 since when does RUclips "bleep" anything? You can say fuck as many times as you want on RUclips.

    • @Caterfree10
      @Caterfree10 3 года назад +4

      it was the word "fuck" they bleeped out, at least during talking about the teenager's snapchat post. if "shit" was also censored, I completely did not catch it lmao.

  • @BriRog68
    @BriRog68 3 года назад +34

    Why does Stephen have 8 million subs and James Corden has 26 million? I love JC but come on people...Stephen is the MAN!

    • @NorthernSeaWitch
      @NorthernSeaWitch 3 года назад +10

      Because Corden and his writers make bits designed for social media and then put together a show. Stephen and his writers make a show and then put it up on social media. Plus Corden unabashedly and unashamedly courts younger viewers through Carpool Karaoke and other bits like it. Given that the post late night main shows get abysmal actual ratings they really need to get online numbers to help justify their budgets.

    • @davidbyerly9846
      @davidbyerly9846 3 года назад +3

      Not a fan of corden at all. Stephen kills though.

  • @TheNerdyFosterMom
    @TheNerdyFosterMom 3 года назад +7

    the audience is so engaged. Loving it.

  • @kwokmanchung
    @kwokmanchung 3 года назад +53

    The 1-term social media influencer might've got a better chance suing SNL for writing credits and wages. After all, the SNL sketches were 90% his own words.

    • @sererwr2413
      @sererwr2413 3 года назад

      they were 100% none of his words...

  • @Raging.Geekazoid
    @Raging.Geekazoid 3 года назад +51

    For you little kiddies, that impression with the sunglasses was Edward G. Robinson, a Hollywood actor who played gangsters back in the 1930s and '40s.

    • @leavingitblank9363
      @leavingitblank9363 3 года назад

      How did Stephen get that wrong?

    • @maxmoon2254
      @maxmoon2254 3 года назад +2

      And one miscast role as a disgruntled Jew telling Chuck Heston “Where’s your God now Moses ? Mehhhhh.”

  • @Chillaxin45
    @Chillaxin45 3 года назад +3

    The sex with a wall between bit, hilarious. Love that Mr. Colbert is on stage again and also missing the intimacy of the virtual show. I think only incredible talent (and support) is able to achieve success at both. Congrats on the Peabody - very well deserved.

  • @uosdwiSrdewoH
    @uosdwiSrdewoH 3 года назад +73

    I really thought that the trying to have sex with a wall between you joke was going to end very differently. Feels like there's a very obvious gag that perhaps CBS censors wouldn't OK.

    • @boblehmann1644
      @boblehmann1644 3 года назад +9

      Yeah, a punctured wall is the first thing that popped into my sick mind.

    • @nickwallette6201
      @nickwallette6201 3 года назад +3

      For some reason, the first thing that occurred to me was the sound of a bird flying into a window.

    • @DrownedInExile
      @DrownedInExile 3 года назад

      "Terry loves walls!" - Brooklyn 99

  • @PegsFlamingoville
    @PegsFlamingoville Год назад +2

    A year old and I’m so tickled with this episode I think I’ll watch again after sharing with a friend.
    Thank you for the last eight years Stephen. ❤🤍💙

  • @DanieltheTruebadour
    @DanieltheTruebadour 3 года назад +6

    Steverino, when you and your killer writers are ON, you are ON. One of the best segments EVER.

  • @brianmorgan7703
    @brianmorgan7703 3 года назад +28

    "No thank you."
    This nearly made me spit teriyaki chicken out my nose.

  • @Doorsteps
    @Doorsteps 3 года назад +444

    The only way Trump is back in the white house is on a guided tour.

    • @balung
      @balung 3 года назад +18

      The Q fools say he will return to the WH in August.

    • @obihave3210
      @obihave3210 3 года назад +35

      @@balung yeah but the Q fool's also thought all the democrats would have been put to death by now by emperor orange

    • @cathieludemann5879
      @cathieludemann5879 3 года назад +19

      Only guided tour that tr*** is permitted on is the one at the penitentiary when he arrives.

    • @Markus_Andrew
      @Markus_Andrew 3 года назад +27

      @@balung They also said he would be back last March. And last April. I don't know how they don't get sick of being wrong all the time.

    • @acspirit
      @acspirit 3 года назад +9

      Trumplestillskin. Say his name three times fast he might go away.

  • @TheReal008Zulu
    @TheReal008Zulu 3 года назад +13

    Ivanka: Who's Daddy? I have never heard of him nor met him before.

  • @BlueManIan
    @BlueManIan 3 года назад +14

    Oh, I remember when Trump called Stephen "that guy from CBS" and the show changed its credit sequence for a day or two

  • @dav0n
    @dav0n 3 года назад +39

    Stephen- “stand up, no thank you” 😂 but I needed to see the guy tho🙄 Wendy’s shady camera man would’ve caught it🤦🏽‍♂️

    • @TRowland223
      @TRowland223 3 года назад +1

      What did they even say?

    • @alaric_
      @alaric_ 3 года назад +4

      @@TRowland223 Apparently "I'll give you a card" :D

    • @QUICKBOOKS1
      @QUICKBOOKS1 3 года назад

      @@alaric_, Yes. I watched it a second time with Closed Captioning. That's what he said.

  • @marilynbennett9649
    @marilynbennett9649 3 года назад +41

    Senator McConnell has long passed his Best by date.

    • @rickendly308
      @rickendly308 3 года назад +1

      Great burn!!!👍

    • @Trucmuch
      @Trucmuch 3 года назад +3

      Dude! Mitch never had a best by date!
      - Is it me or that piece of shit taste a bit off?
      - No! It's a piece of shit. It tasted like that from the get-go!

    • @TheKamilkrawczak
      @TheKamilkrawczak 3 года назад

      Or worst by

    • @matthewturcotte5079
      @matthewturcotte5079 3 года назад

      Which was apparently 1860...

    • @TheKamilkrawczak
      @TheKamilkrawczak 3 года назад

      @daniel banksI'm for Democrats but you're right.

  • @PurnceNMe
    @PurnceNMe 3 года назад +4

    I can still hear my man laughing in the background and I love it.

    • @rubendaniel37
      @rubendaniel37 3 года назад +1

      Hello purnce how are you doing

  • @TheAngiepangie424
    @TheAngiepangie424 3 года назад +7

    You are not the tuna! Thank you, that made me laugh so hard!

  • @phyllisseidl9117
    @phyllisseidl9117 3 года назад +80

    "So what's wrong with your sex life?"
    "There's a wall between us."

    • @id10t98
      @id10t98 3 года назад

      He messed up. Studs are supposed to be 16" on center.

    • @agimasoschandir
      @agimasoschandir 3 года назад

      Glory hole

    • @NotEvenOneShit
      @NotEvenOneShit 3 года назад

      It never bothered me.

  • @Ylluria
    @Ylluria 3 года назад +1

    This had me laughing SO HARD. Thank you for this, Mr. Colbert! 💕💕

  • @AchronTimeless
    @AchronTimeless 3 года назад +15

    The moment when you realize you've lived a wilder life than Colbert

  • @kacektv9405
    @kacektv9405 3 года назад +26

    Honestly nothing makes me happier in the pandemic then the fact the CDC be like "Hey ya want pandemic sex? Have you heard of Gloryholes? Its more common than you think"

  • @alanwhitcombe9842
    @alanwhitcombe9842 3 года назад

    Damn it’s soooo good to have Stephen back in front of an audience - what an absolute joy this comedy is . So much energy .

  • @notnef
    @notnef 3 года назад +80

    Am I the only one that just waits to go to sleep to watch his monologue on RUclips?

    • @sandraritchie1568
      @sandraritchie1568 3 года назад +2

      Nope...its zzz"s after this

    • @TyrSkyFatherOfTheGods
      @TyrSkyFatherOfTheGods 3 года назад +1

      It's posted at 9 pm where I am. I ain't waiting to go to sleep!

    • @anro7137
      @anro7137 3 года назад

      Stephen, Seth and Jimmy F. are my nightly companions!

    • @couragekarnga8735
      @couragekarnga8735 3 года назад +1

      No you're not.

    • @katicabogar24
      @katicabogar24 3 года назад

      It’s the first thing i watch after getting home from work….in the UK :)

  • @andrewharkin9774
    @andrewharkin9774 3 года назад +48

    I haven't even heard Stephen Colbert do an impression of Trump for a while now.

    • @Taurusus
      @Taurusus 3 года назад +17

      He stopped doing it right after the election, when he stopped using his name.

  • @FiferSkipper
    @FiferSkipper 3 года назад +2

    That has to be one of the best monologues ever! We had to pause it several times to ROFLOL!

  • @kenazfehu7176
    @kenazfehu7176 3 года назад +18

    I enjoyed Colbert more without an audience but I must admit he’s positively glowing out there.

    • @MinhSen11
      @MinhSen11 3 года назад +2

      The audience really annoys me now! So funny...guess we just have to get used to it again.

    • @bluhturn1051
      @bluhturn1051 3 года назад

      He’s a partisan hack who sells comedy and parades it around as news

  • @jasthebaker
    @jasthebaker 3 года назад +15

    "the process is rotten" you're damn right Mitch. The process of the senate is rotten because the filibuster still exists.

  • @MTKRAILROAD
    @MTKRAILROAD 3 года назад +3

    This whole video was a banger! Great show Stephen!
    The tuna guy, the I'll give my card response. Fantastic

  • @charge7whitebag
    @charge7whitebag 3 года назад +6

    You know SNL is going to be all over it and great see you back on stage as always Awesome show

  • @lilyilyily323
    @lilyilyily323 3 года назад +7

    Really digging the purple tie💜💜

  • @georgeclifton8615
    @georgeclifton8615 3 года назад +4

    "Crockpot full of balls", my new band name. 🤩

  • @aeonlincoln5474
    @aeonlincoln5474 3 года назад +13

    Almost didn't click, so glad I did, this was golden.I missed this energy!

  • @DrStratComm
    @DrStratComm 3 года назад +35

    Ok so I definitely didn't want a return to audience-filled shows but this episode reminds me why these in-person shows are the stuff of legend. That interaction with that guy about the sex parties was 🔥🔥

    • @Chimera_Photography
      @Chimera_Photography 3 года назад

      Weird stance…

    • @coltonblake13
      @coltonblake13 3 года назад

      No audience? 👎

    • @mewho8057
      @mewho8057 3 года назад

      @@coltonblake13 there's an extent to which the shows being done in people's attics and random office rooms with their spouses and/or kids giggling in the corner have been more intimate. As a society we like authenticity and the personal life peek, we respond positively to it all the time. It's like watching your cousin at work being all professional, it's not a bad version of them but you miss some of the joking around and relaxed atmosphere when they're less 'on'.
      I'm glad he brought Evie on for his first night back, it was a good way to bridge that intimacy gap, and I hope she makes more appearances, and maybe they'll do an occasional at-home episode kind of thing in future, like on his birthday.

    • @coltonblake13
      @coltonblake13 3 года назад

      Colberts was better then most. I just dislike how much of his show has been Trump centric since he started it. Segments like meanwhile or his non political interviews are my favorites, just because I like to escape the bs of the day, not hear a recap.

    • @mewho8057
      @mewho8057 3 года назад

      @@coltonblake13 don't really see how that's relevant to the "no audience" discussion, unless you think having people there will cause him to discuss the former president less.

  • @barbarafuentes7193
    @barbarafuentes7193 3 года назад +1

    That Peabody has given Stephen his edge back! Keep it up, dude, you're on the right track.

  • @lazyperfectionist1
    @lazyperfectionist1 3 года назад +49

    "No one knows _anything."_
    All too often, that's how it _is_ with breaking news. A few months ago, I watched a local news broadcast and there was a breaking news story about a helicopter that crashed into a high story of a skyscraper, downtown. It had _just_ happened.
    Of course, by the time I heard about it, even though it had _just_ happened, no one _knew_ anything aside from the _collision,_ yet. Different parties kept referring the investigating party to other parties, and over and over again, that was the reply; long, convoluted ways to avoid saying, "We have no information, yet."
    🤷

    • @cynthiacole6140
      @cynthiacole6140 3 года назад +3

      The desire to be the first to report something caused the phrase Breaking News to become meaningless.

    • @onikin
      @onikin 3 года назад +1

      The situation here is a bit different. Due to ranked choice voting, they won't count up people's 2nd and 3rd choices for another couple weeks, despite election day passing.

    • @creativedesignation7880
      @creativedesignation7880 3 года назад

      I think there is an issue with expectations. If someone expects to hear about things as they happen, but also to get 6 hours worth of research as background information, they are bound to be disappointed.
      We are kind of used to get information in the span of time it takes to search it online, but that's simple not always how it goes and allthough it is certainly satisfying, it is not always necessary either.

    • @swingersonian
      @swingersonian 3 года назад

      That's so they don't get sued, I suppose.

  • @Omni0404
    @Omni0404 3 года назад +42

    I actually forgot how good he is thinking on his feet with a live audience

  • @SecretJanitor
    @SecretJanitor 3 года назад +18

    It's not "around a wall," Stephen. NYC is advocating for gloryholes, duh.

  • @Nevertoleave
    @Nevertoleave 3 года назад +84

    It not being the correct type of fish is pretty common. Doesn’t really matter how fancy of a place you go, there’s odds that you’re not getting what you think you ordered

    • @ValerieJNorse
      @ValerieJNorse 3 года назад +6

      And, as it turns out, the process of shipping and then cooking the fish breaks down the DNA. It's very possible that this is why no recognizable tuna DNA was found -- basically no recognizable DNA of any kind was found.

    • @jonathansanders9816
      @jonathansanders9816 3 года назад

      That's why you buy the whole fish.

    • @Jakeonkuningas
      @Jakeonkuningas 3 года назад +1

      Fish aren't even real.

    • @Markus_Andrew
      @Markus_Andrew 3 года назад

      @@Jakeonkuningas Huh?

    • @melanieeleuterio6901
      @melanieeleuterio6901 3 года назад

      @@jonathansanders9816 Yes. An Ahi tuna steak is a piece of fish. No processing, just fish.

  • @Dancewithdre
    @Dancewithdre 3 года назад +25

    I’m just here to see what Stephen says about #FreeBritney

    • @chino3796
      @chino3796 3 года назад +1

      Leave Brittany ALONE!!! LOL

    • @DJohnN
      @DJohnN 3 года назад

      Lol stfu though

  • @scotthanson9563
    @scotthanson9563 3 года назад

    The legendary champion of America Stephen Colbert!. It is so good seeing you back in your natural habitat. Giving the positivity and humour to the people of The great city of NY.
    From beginning to end this is one of best monologues iv witnessed. Steve you are awesome Beyond words.
    You ❤️ my man.

  • @blakeforland8238
    @blakeforland8238 3 года назад +37

    That quick cut to Jon Batiste sporting that fire suit was too slow, man he looks good.