This was such an enlightened, impassioned, articulate and empathetic way to describe an aspect of male sexuality and I'm so glad the world has experts like Dr. Ley to help us be more compassionate toward the struggles men face around sexuality. Brilliant!
@DarthYuYevon Take it further, earlier he said that sexual maturity comes when you speak about your own needs and desires. When you accept yourself as valid. No need to define yourself by someone else. And Feminism at its' core defines male sexually, and to make matters worse, it defines it as toxic. It wants men to use women as role models.
Very enlightening, thank you. My question is, how do you tell the difference between what is a hidden sexual desire vs. What is a symptom of an unmet need? My ex described himself as a sex addict. He had a complex history with sex and parents etc. One of his deepest desires was to degrade women sexually. And that's one of the reasons why we're not together because he told me he loved me too much to degrade me and he knew that I wouldn't put up with him degrading other women sexually while in a relationship with me. He went on to have a relationship with another woman, but on the side he had a woman to degrade. And this woman was very happy to participate in it, because she had a need to be degraded. I don't think he ever dealt with his underlying issues. And I doubt that she did either, meaning the woman he degraded. So the question is, is the degradation a healthy secret sexual desire in itself that needs to be fulfilled? Or is it an indicator that there's something that needs to be addressed that is not being addressed? And I mean for both him and the woman he degrades.
Dr. Ley, there are many things you stated that I agree with, and many that I strongly disagree with. You seem to be aware that sometimes used as a way to fulfill deeper needs. You are also aware that porn use can be "merely a symptom" of other issues. Wouldn't the solution then be to tend to those deeper needs and underlying issues of abandonment, rejection, and all else rather than to encourage porn users to mask that? Furthermore, sexuality can be used as a means to allow us to be deeply connected with other individuals, which I presume would be an example of a deeper need that is hungry. Wouldn't you agree that, through recognizing our sexual cues, (not including compulsive cues) we can become more aware of our desires for not only pleasure but for human-to-human connection? This can remind us that we are indeed human and are built for intimacy! It is so sad that countless men grew up believing that they are not to feel because that is weakness. These men, just like any other human being, so strongly desire genuine intimacy and this genuine intimacy cannot be found staring at a screen, with a person whose needs you do not have to even consider. I would agree that Intimacy is created mutually, not one-sided. I wholeheartedly agree that shame is never the answer to inspire change, nor is it okay to put people into any sort of box, reducing them to their struggle. I also acknowledge that pornography-use distances us from intimacy, in the way I just mentioned, and instead encourages a self-centered, immediate gratification approach to sexuality. I'm sure you are aware that we are creatures of habit, so our actions do matter. Our brains create neural pathways based on what we do consistently. If we want to be in relationships that require commitment, and effort on our end, without immediate results, we need to help people build the necessary interpersonal skills! Pornography use does not do this in any way, shape, or form. I see that you truly want to help men relieve themselves of shame, but I believe that the approach you have presented is not helping them reach their deepest parts of their human hunger, the hunger that is meant to be filled with authentic, unconditional love, where they can feel desired, loved, accepted, and cared for in the most vulnerable of ways. Pornography does not require vulnerability because we are not even interacting with the person that we are using to get our sexual needs met. We ourselves hate being seen as a number that helps a business run, so why are we reducing others to a means to an end as well? We can do better! I am all for helping men develop healthy, genuine, and authentic sexuality but this is just not the way!
Trust me! Dr. Lay is not wrong. I have been in a very difficult position where I was constantly told to never masturbate unless with a partner and that me miserable, angry, mood-swingy and generally depressed. All points Dr. Lay addressed couldn't be any truer. For example in an interview he was in he said that men are more open and behaving as feminists, which I my self would describe me as! So dude, stop being afraid of masturbation and start doing it. It's for your own good
@DarthYuYevon What is there to catch on to? Everything I have ever seen from this channel pursues nothing more than self-acceptance and sustainable emotional investment. Everyone is a different animal, a common theme of this channel is to reinforce the idea that there is no such thing as an ideal "real man" or "real woman". You can't be anything other than what you are. The presenter mentions that his client started to use the term "hetero-romantic bisexual"; this is simply a designation on an objective spectrum. He would describe me as a "hetero-romantic heterosexual", there is nothing inherently wrong with either designation.
interesting. he uses his stump like a shield, constantly willingly exposing it; so to say shouting it out - "look, look, look!". this is the second masculinity paradox i am watching and my impression of the first one just intensified. this format should be called: "elaborate decendents of foucault reconfiguring male sexuality" and more sappy title would be: the final screw
No, he is saying that to move away from porn, shame and control are only going to make matters worse. @ 13:55 "behind the the deviant sexual behaviors are desperate lonely men, using ineffective strategies, to seek connection and safety." The solution clearly is not to restrict porn, but to allow men to express themselves and teach them to create connection. I would argue that the same is true for women, although women seek a victim narrative to explain their loneliness, and in both cases, Feminism is the most effective way to shut down any form of sexual healing. Feminism speaks for men and women alike, but it is women who are the biggest victims because female happiness has steadily declined since the mid-seventies when Feminism went mainstream.
@@supremeintrovert7404 he is insanely credible, he's an actual therapist, sexologist with PhD and years of practice, contrary to Gary Wilson, who is way more popular. I highly recommend his book "Ethical Porn for Dicks".
he believes that porn is neutral, like cars - you can use cars for good and you can hurt people with cars. There is ethical porn and unethical porn. You can hurt yourself and others by watching porn, and you can enjoy porn and use it for exploration of your own sexuality. In modern day we tend to search for black and white answers, while reality is rarely black and white.
Exodus cry ,time magazine,dr.Drew,rehabilitation centers treat sex addction,csat therapists etc.Delta fas b dopamine prefrontel cortex ,nucleus,sex starts in the brain ,biggest organ
5:22 He said, "Porn... addicts are not watching more porn... than anybody else". That is WRONG. They do. And some of them feel OK about that... just waste a of time and energy on that...
The vast, vast majority of men have seen it and millions watch it regularly. They're not addicts. Unless you pathologize so much that anyone who does anything you think is unhealthy is an addict.
This was such an enlightened, impassioned, articulate and empathetic way to describe an aspect of male sexuality and I'm so glad the world has experts like Dr. Ley to help us be more compassionate toward the struggles men face around sexuality. Brilliant!
This was GREAT.
A positive message very well articulated. Who is your sexual role model?
@DarthYuYevon Take it further, earlier he said that sexual maturity comes when you speak about your own needs and desires. When you accept yourself as valid. No need to define yourself by someone else. And Feminism at its' core defines male sexually, and to make matters worse, it defines it as toxic. It wants men to use women as role models.
Very enlightening, thank you. My question is, how do you tell the difference between what is a hidden sexual desire vs. What is a symptom of an unmet need?
My ex described himself as a sex addict. He had a complex history with sex and parents etc. One of his deepest desires was to degrade women sexually. And that's one of the reasons why we're not together because he told me he loved me too much to degrade me and he knew that I wouldn't put up with him degrading other women sexually while in a relationship with me.
He went on to have a relationship with another woman, but on the side he had a woman to degrade. And this woman was very happy to participate in it, because she had a need to be degraded. I don't think he ever dealt with his underlying issues. And I doubt that she did either, meaning the woman he degraded. So the question is, is the degradation a healthy secret sexual desire in itself that needs to be fulfilled? Or is it an indicator that there's something that needs to be addressed that is not being addressed? And I mean for both him and the woman he degrades.
what an important perspective and well explained
Very interesting, thank you !
Dr. Ley, there are many things you stated that I agree with, and many that I strongly disagree with. You seem to be aware that sometimes used as a way to fulfill deeper needs. You are also aware that porn use can be "merely a symptom" of other issues. Wouldn't the solution then be to tend to those deeper needs and underlying issues of abandonment, rejection, and all else rather than to encourage porn users to mask that? Furthermore, sexuality can be used as a means to allow us to be deeply connected with other individuals, which I presume would be an example of a deeper need that is hungry. Wouldn't you agree that, through recognizing our sexual cues, (not including compulsive cues) we can become more aware of our desires for not only pleasure but for human-to-human connection? This can remind us that we are indeed human and are built for intimacy! It is so sad that countless men grew up believing that they are not to feel because that is weakness. These men, just like any other human being, so strongly desire genuine intimacy and this genuine intimacy cannot be found staring at a screen, with a person whose needs you do not have to even consider. I would agree that Intimacy is created mutually, not one-sided. I wholeheartedly agree that shame is never the answer to inspire change, nor is it okay to put people into any sort of box, reducing them to their struggle. I also acknowledge that pornography-use distances us from intimacy, in the way I just mentioned, and instead encourages a self-centered, immediate gratification approach to sexuality. I'm sure you are aware that we are creatures of habit, so our actions do matter. Our brains create neural pathways based on what we do consistently. If we want to be in relationships that require commitment, and effort on our end, without immediate results, we need to help people build the necessary interpersonal skills! Pornography use does not do this in any way, shape, or form. I see that you truly want to help men relieve themselves of shame, but I believe that the approach you have presented is not helping them reach their deepest parts of their human hunger, the hunger that is meant to be filled with authentic, unconditional love, where they can feel desired, loved, accepted, and cared for in the most vulnerable of ways. Pornography does not require vulnerability because we are not even interacting with the person that we are using to get our sexual needs met. We ourselves hate being seen as a number that helps a business run, so why are we reducing others to a means to an end as well? We can do better! I am all for helping men develop healthy, genuine, and authentic sexuality but this is just not the way!
Trust me! Dr. Lay is not wrong. I have been in a very difficult position where I was constantly told to never masturbate unless with a partner and that me miserable, angry, mood-swingy and generally depressed. All points Dr. Lay addressed couldn't be any truer. For example in an interview he was in he said that men are more open and behaving as feminists, which I my self would describe me as! So dude, stop being afraid of masturbation and start doing it. It's for your own good
I have a beard and mustache I am not ashamed of being a man.
@DarthYuYevon What is there to catch on to? Everything I have ever seen from this channel pursues nothing more than self-acceptance and sustainable emotional investment. Everyone is a different animal, a common theme of this channel is to reinforce the idea that there is no such thing as an ideal "real man" or "real woman". You can't be anything other than what you are. The presenter mentions that his client started to use the term "hetero-romantic bisexual"; this is simply a designation on an objective spectrum. He would describe me as a "hetero-romantic heterosexual", there is nothing inherently wrong with either designation.
Did the second man stay with his wife after accepting his bisxuality.
interesting. he uses his stump like a shield, constantly willingly exposing it; so to say shouting it out - "look, look, look!".
this is the second masculinity paradox i am watching and my impression of the first one just intensified. this format should be called: "elaborate decendents of foucault reconfiguring male sexuality" and more sappy title would be: the final screw
@8:25 Victim blaming while blaming Trump as a sexual role model. How about personal accountability!
Its almost 2024 im still recovering .Porn is horrible
I thought about grey elephants. Polar bears are white.
This is so convoluted. Is he saying porn is good or bad?
No, he is saying that to move away from porn, shame and control are only going to make matters worse. @ 13:55 "behind the the deviant sexual behaviors are desperate lonely men, using ineffective strategies, to seek connection and safety." The solution clearly is not to restrict porn, but to allow men to express themselves and teach them to create connection.
I would argue that the same is true for women, although women seek a victim narrative to explain their loneliness, and in both cases, Feminism is the most effective way to shut down any form of sexual healing. Feminism speaks for men and women alike, but it is women who are the biggest victims because female happiness has steadily declined since the mid-seventies when Feminism went mainstream.
@@fredhubbard7210 Thanks for this comment. Have you read any of his books? Do you think this guy is credible? Just wondering.
@@supremeintrovert7404 he is insanely credible, he's an actual therapist, sexologist with PhD and years of practice, contrary to Gary Wilson, who is way more popular. I highly recommend his book "Ethical Porn for Dicks".
he believes that porn is neutral, like cars - you can use cars for good and you can hurt people with cars. There is ethical porn and unethical porn. You can hurt yourself and others by watching porn, and you can enjoy porn and use it for exploration of your own sexuality. In modern day we tend to search for black and white answers, while reality is rarely black and white.
@@enso496 thank you!
Exodus cry ,time magazine,dr.Drew,rehabilitation centers treat sex addction,csat therapists etc.Delta fas b dopamine prefrontel cortex ,nucleus,sex starts in the brain ,biggest organ
5:22 He said, "Porn... addicts are not watching more porn... than anybody else". That is WRONG. They do. And some of them feel OK about that... just waste a of time and energy on that...
He has studies to prove it. You, on the other hand, don't have any.
@@vinceimbat how do you know he has studies to back that up?
The vast, vast majority of men have seen it and millions watch it regularly. They're not addicts. Unless you pathologize so much that anyone who does anything you think is unhealthy is an addict.
No training but yet he still wrote a book called myth of sex addction
Cope
Cope with the fact your pro porn pro masturbation guru is missing an arm how bout that chuckles?