My god Dr.Sia, this has resonated with me in so many ways. All of your videos regarding ambivalent attachment hits so close to home. I'm making a lot of these self-discoveries and self-reflections after breaking up a 3 year relationship with a girl who I feel so deeply for to this day. I never realized how this attachment type really came out within the past year or so. Expectation on myself and others. Pleasing everyone. Not having my own voice. All things that I felt I had control over early on in our relationship.. gone. Due to covid and MANY external forces (thanks family...) I unfortunately didn't recognize myself and have the strength to fight it. So I made some poor decisions and have said some things to my partner that I now have a deeper understanding of. There are no excuses for myself and I know my family and upbringing had no malice intent behind it.. it's just how I was raised. I know for myself, I need to start standing up for myself and find my voice again. Hopefully I can get to that point again. Hopefully my ex-partner can see that one day. Thank you Dr.Sia.
I will add, that after some self-reflecting, I've learned to let go of some toxic people in my life. Often times I would run to them to vent and when things got tough, only to be fueled by their toxic, black/white way of thinking. This forced my mind to approach situations in a perspective that wasn't my own. I'm not blaming anyone but myself, but I recognize that there were toxic people in my life that I no longer want there. At least during my healing journey of discovering my own voice and control. So many mistakes made and to learn from.
These things confuse me about my attachment style. I am sort of an ambivalent style, but there’s so much information that I cannot relate to. I keep coming back to a thought that I might actually be more secure, but with an ambivalent touch, and that it was increased a lot in relationship with my avoidant ex. The interesting bit is that he is very avoidant, and would mostly just do whatever he wanted to do, without taking me or our kids into consideration much. Never made compromises and if we were to spend time with him, it would have to be doing something he wanted to do. Even so, what I hear you explain in this video about ambivalent attachment, is what he would say about himself. He could never just do what he wanted and “they/you never let me just do what I wanted and to just be myself” etc, etc. This is twisting with my mind again. Just like his sudden and intense push and discard when he left me after 20 years.
Yeah it sounds to me like a confusing situation for anyone to be in. One of the things that therapy does well, is help you see better what bits of a relationship are your things and which are your partners things and which are your partners things that your mind makes into your things. The more clearly you can distinguish between yourself and your partner the more clear your own patterns will emerge for you. You can ask yourself things like, OK so my partner never wanted to make compromises but what is it within me that tells me to relent when I am with an non-compromising partner? This is one example. I hope it helps.
How is this different from being opportunistic whilst taking a neutral and or defensive stance? I fit the bill as you described and learnt that it is due to my childhood. Do the symptoms become more prominent if from a conservative (country/society) background?
Hello Sir,I want to ask you one thing.. I hv heard & read in many articles that attachment style is reprogrammable! The subconscious implicit memory can be reversed and the subconscious programming can be re-coded! I'm anxious pre-occupied but only with avoidant ppl..But When I'm talking to an Anxious pre-occupied guy I😂🙄 get avoidant myself! Now what is that?? Also I m working towards becoming Securely attached myself, Since I hv started Re-programming my belief system that I can't be Abandoned! I'm now an adult and I can't be abandoned & I can Completely Take care of myself! Other ppl are just a bonus! 😊 I'm using every opportunity to re-inforce my new patterns and I'm delighted to tell you that it's working! ❤🤗🌟🌟 Now that I'm focused on my wants and needs..I exercise..Eat right.. Go on walks by myself..Studying for masters..working towards my goals..Having my own hobbies and friends and not getting over-dependent on them but striking a balance! 🙏🏻🤗🌟❤💐 The independence is amazing.. The very fact that I'm and Can meet my own needs and wants is Exhilarating ❤❤ I just wanted to ask that can an anxious pre-occupied style person can become securely attached?? Thankyou for your amazing work😊
Yes absolutely you can! There is plenty of evidence turning up that there is neurological change for people who go through effective attachment based experiences and healing. Keep up the good work!
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My god Dr.Sia, this has resonated with me in so many ways. All of your videos regarding ambivalent attachment hits so close to home. I'm making a lot of these self-discoveries and self-reflections after breaking up a 3 year relationship with a girl who I feel so deeply for to this day. I never realized how this attachment type really came out within the past year or so.
Expectation on myself and others.
Pleasing everyone.
Not having my own voice.
All things that I felt I had control over early on in our relationship.. gone. Due to covid and MANY external forces (thanks family...) I unfortunately didn't recognize myself and have the strength to fight it. So I made some poor decisions and have said some things to my partner that I now have a deeper understanding of. There are no excuses for myself and I know my family and upbringing had no malice intent behind it.. it's just how I was raised. I know for myself, I need to start standing up for myself and find my voice again. Hopefully I can get to that point again. Hopefully my ex-partner can see that one day. Thank you Dr.Sia.
I will add, that after some self-reflecting, I've learned to let go of some toxic people in my life. Often times I would run to them to vent and when things got tough, only to be fueled by their toxic, black/white way of thinking. This forced my mind to approach situations in a perspective that wasn't my own. I'm not blaming anyone but myself, but I recognize that there were toxic people in my life that I no longer want there. At least during my healing journey of discovering my own voice and control. So many mistakes made and to learn from.
thank you for commenting and sharing! It means much!
Another excellent video thanks Dr Sia
Thank you very much
So well explained, this hit home. Thank you
Love your videos. Thanks for your videos on attachment! Always insightful
Thank you kindly!
This is everything!!!❤❤❤ feels great to have permission 😊
Thnku sm for this video dr sia! It rlly helped🥹
I love this ❤
These things confuse me about my attachment style. I am sort of an ambivalent style, but there’s so much information that I cannot relate to. I keep coming back to a thought that I might actually be more secure, but with an ambivalent touch, and that it was increased a lot in relationship with my avoidant ex. The interesting bit is that he is very avoidant, and would mostly just do whatever he wanted to do, without taking me or our kids into consideration much. Never made compromises and if we were to spend time with him, it would have to be doing something he wanted to do. Even so, what I hear you explain in this video about ambivalent attachment, is what he would say about himself. He could never just do what he wanted and “they/you never let me just do what I wanted and to just be myself” etc, etc. This is twisting with my mind again. Just like his sudden and intense push and discard when he left me after 20 years.
Yeah it sounds to me like a confusing situation for anyone to be in. One of the things that therapy does well, is help you see better what bits of a relationship are your things and which are your partners things and which are your partners things that your mind makes into your things. The more clearly you can distinguish between yourself and your partner the more clear your own patterns will emerge for you. You can ask yourself things like, OK so my partner never wanted to make compromises but what is it within me that tells me to relent when I am with an non-compromising partner? This is one example. I hope it helps.
@@drsia2323 that’s very helpful! Thank you!
So helpful! Thank you
my pleasure!
" start upsetting people" omg😅. Now you have me permission I might go ahead 😂👌
Thank you.
How is this different from being opportunistic whilst taking a neutral and or defensive stance?
I fit the bill as you described and learnt that it is due to my childhood.
Do the symptoms become more prominent if from a conservative (country/society) background?
Hello Sir,I want to ask you one thing.. I hv heard & read in many articles that attachment style is reprogrammable! The subconscious implicit memory can be reversed and the subconscious programming can be re-coded! I'm anxious pre-occupied but only with avoidant ppl..But When I'm talking to an Anxious pre-occupied guy I😂🙄 get avoidant myself! Now what is that?? Also I m working towards becoming Securely attached myself, Since I hv started Re-programming my belief system that I can't be Abandoned!
I'm now an adult and I can't be abandoned & I can Completely Take care of myself! Other ppl are just a bonus! 😊
I'm using every opportunity to re-inforce my new patterns and I'm delighted to tell you that it's working! ❤🤗🌟🌟
Now that I'm focused on my wants and needs..I exercise..Eat right..
Go on walks by myself..Studying for masters..working towards my goals..Having my own hobbies and friends and not getting over-dependent on them but striking a balance! 🙏🏻🤗🌟❤💐 The independence is amazing.. The very fact that I'm and Can meet my own needs and wants is Exhilarating ❤❤
I just wanted to ask that can an anxious pre-occupied style person can become securely attached??
Thankyou for your amazing work😊
Yes absolutely you can! There is plenty of evidence turning up that there is neurological change for people who go through effective attachment based experiences and healing. Keep up the good work!
Hey what you explained earlier seems like a fearful avoidant also called Disorganised attachment style.
Thank you so much for your video! 😊💕
Im terrible when i get ambivalent 😬 i say thebmost hurtfull shit ever and then feel so bad for it.
6:39 attack😭😭😭
2:02 reminded me of Matthew 5:48 haha
i love you
Stay single
idd always running after these goals that may be the solution to get this inner balance. never works...
I hear you!