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How NOT to pay a compliment in English (back & left-handed compliments)
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- Опубликовано: 29 ноя 2018
- In our last video we looked at six different ways to pay someone a compliment and you can see that video here: • 6 ways to pay a compli...
In this video we're looking how NOT to give compliments. We'll show you examples of things that can go wrong, and suggest ways to avoid them.
For example:
Complimenting a woman on her appearance in the workplace is very problematic if you're a man and it could lead to you losing your job in the US.
There are gender differences in how we give compliments and we'll pass on some research.
If compliments aren't sincere, they can be seen as flattery and that can be a problem.
And finally, you want to avoid backhanded or left-handed compliments. These are compliments that are half insult and half compliment and nobody likes them. We'll show you a variety of back and left-handed compliment examples so you can see if you can the spot what's wrong with them.
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I find that with backhanded compliments, often the best thing to do is simply ignore the backhanded part completely, especially if it comes in writing without any other cues like tone of voice or body language. Many times, the person giving the backhanded compliment is trying to be funny (and failing hard), trying to get a rise out of you, or even misspoke or didn't realize it might be considered insulting. That applies to native English speakers as much as ESL folks. Still, that doesn't take the sting out of them so if someone is doing it regularly, it's probably worth calling them on it.
This is really solid and wise advice. Thank you for these thoughts, William.
I've just stumbled upon your videos and Vicki reminded me of a teacher I had. She also had that big smile and was a very warm and carring person (age and haircut are simmilar too). We called her grandma. Now I can't stop smiling and watching videos one after another (although I alredy know of thigs you're talking about) :)
Thirdhana. We are so pleased Vicki reminds you of your teacher. And we're very glad you're enjoying our videos. Thank you so much for watching.
Is that a backhanded compliment I spot? Hahaha
Oh my! ♥ I have been waiting the whoe evening for your new video and staying awake was totally worth it! 😂
I'm glad that Germans and Americans seem to have a similar perspective as well as "unwritten rules" relating compliments. That's why I was giggling the whole time watching your "DEFINITLE NOT LIKE THIS!"-examples 😋
And wow! The linguistic research on gender differences you were talking about sounds pretty interesting! 😯
Good question how one should reply to a left-/back-handed compliment. o__o I think I would ask directly how I may take it and then - do what Jay recommended and think about looking for new friends 😂 Luckily my friends are always open and honest ♥
I would love to listen to your thoughts on how to reply to an honest compliment. o///o It's a hard question for many people in every language I think!
Thank you so much for sharing Vicki and Jay! What a great video! ♥
Thanks for staying up Steffi and for all the kind words and great thoughts. We had fun thinking up backhanded compliments and plenty of giggle when we were shooting them.
I'd like to do a video on compliment responses because I think it could be jolly useful and luckily there a lot of linguistic research to guide me .... next year. :-)
I'm looking forward to this video! 😍
I also did a bit of Google research for myself since watching your video.
It's interesting not just to learn more about gender related differences, but also looking at cultural differences.
Since you have been living in Japan for a long time, I think you know what I mean when I say: Japan is not like any other country especially when it comes to politeness 😂😅
Both of you are amazing. Been waiting for this video all week! Can’t wait for the next one.
Thanks so much for your support ZedReck. :-)
Funny english class with etiquette drops.A couple that know all in front of the cams.
The best idea of youtube in years. Thank you for give to us a drop of your knowledge.
Thanks so much for the kind words Mored. So glad you like the videos. :-)
Both of them are just great teachers. Amazing !
Thanks so much ask me. :-)
Hey Jay and Vicki! Thank you! I didn't watch it yet but I know I will like it 😀
Ha! I hope you will when you get round to watching it. Thanks Furkan.
Watching you teach English has always been great fun!!
That's great to hear. Thanks Lokesh.
I loved this lesson, when you learn a language it's really important to learn about the culture too. Thanks for your great work, you are excellent teachers. Greetings from Mexico
Thank you so much Norma. So glad you liked it.
I'm already fluent in English (I have been all my life, I was born in America), but I still watch these videos because they are very interesting.
Well welcome Olive. Native speaker or not we're delighted to have you with us. :-)
same,but I'm Macedonian,i also speak English since in born
Same here!
Linkswarife.com/1bnC
Thanks a lot 😊🙏
Hi Vicky, hi Jay...
It's such a great video. Thank you for your sharing
In daily life we not only give good compliment, but also it's good for us to give advice/left-handed compliment. It's not because we are rude, but in order to our friend/she/he can make it better.
We really waiting for your backhanded compliment video lesson Jay/vicky. Thank you
Ah, so you see a positive benefit to backhanded compliments, Wijang? That's not how they're normally viewed, but I can see how it might work. So glad you liked the video and thanks so much for sharing this thought.
Love both of youu!! By the way you are hilarious😂
Thanks so much SaladA$$!
Thanks for the great video. Love it!
Thanks so much TheOTher Another. Much appreciated. :-)
You guys are lovely! I recently discovered your channel and I can't stop watching your stuff. English is not my first language but I can keep a conversation though.
Your channel helps me a lot. Thank you so much and keep up with the great stuff
So glad the videos are useful for you SageOTSP. Thanks for writing. :-)
Very nice articulated British English, thank you Vicki.
You're very welcome, Andrew! :-)
As allways, you are great!!! I love you! Thank you Very much!
Thanks so much Walter. Much appreciated. :-)
It is really helpful to watch all your videos, much more helpful than just remembering word-lists because you help me know the meaning behind words.
Thank you!
TA!
Yes Zixuan Zhao. The reason we show 'English in Action' is to make it more meaningful when you're learning. Thank you so much for watching our videos.
Before listening You I was in a good mood. But just after having watched Your video, it improved my mood , and i got better mood
Hey, that's great to hear Zohrab. Thank you so much!
Hi Vicki and Jay as always a great video thanks a lot and have a lovely weekend my teacher 😉👍
Thanks so much Aparecido.
Your humor is great 😂👏
Glad you like it Der B. Thanks for watching.
Hi Vicki, hi Jay! The video is brilliant, and the fun in it makes it easy to get the meaning. I loved it :)
We're so glad you liked it. Thanks for letting us know.
I love your videos so much I cant stop watching them for some reason
Hello ChimChom. That's great to hear. Please don't try to resist this urge. Keep watching! :-)
One of the nicest videos I've ever watched :)
thankyou.
That's so nice of you to say, P K. Thanks for watching.
Thank you!
You're very welcome Pawas. :-)
Great video as always. Thanks so much. You have a super energy and simpathy together.
Thanks Elizabeth. :-)
Great video for Lerner
Glad you think so, mohd. Thanks for letting us know and thanks for watching.
Thank you for your videos! ☺️
You're very welcome Bartosz. :-)
Simply I must say: "all your videos are awesome, so, I love all of them"
And, thanks for your time. Thanks for helping many people.
That's very kind of you Bryan. Thank you.
Another great Video...You guys always Helpful. Thank you so much. I have not seen your videos for several days. I was in some Anxiety
Hi Ashish. Good to to hear from you as always. We're glad our videos were able to relieve your anxiety :-)
I love listening to your videos. Listening to you makes me feel so intelligent
Ha! A perfect backhanded compliment Nick. :-)
Give you are a big thumbs up ! Thank you Simple English video.
Thanks so much Sena. :-)
In the american counterpart for the word backhanded compliment which is left handed, we notice the use of left hand in negative way . This usage of left hand as inferior to right hand is common in english . For example , sinister was an old english word which just meant left hand now it used to mean evil. Dexterious is a word that meant right handed. Nowadays someone who can write in both hands we call him ambidexterious literally right handed in both hands.
Another great comment! Thanks so much for sharing this. :-)
I must say you’re so perfect together. Bravo!
Thanks so much Mollie! Great to see you here, as always.
I enjoy your videos so much 💓💓 you both speak beautifully and it's so impressive how much effort and professionalism you put into this channel. Congratulations, wish you all the best. Greatings from Poland :)
Konrad, we very much appreciate your kind words and observations. And greetings to you from Philadelphia.
You guys are such a cute couple! And your videos are so funny and informative too! Thank you for teaching me a few extra things about compliments. Now I’ll be more careful when complimenting females or even males. Keep up the great work!!😁😊
Corey, we're very pleased you found this video so useful. Yes, the world is changing and how and where we compliment each other requires more understanding than ever. Thank you so much for watching.
Guys!! I really love your videos, I've learned a lot of things thanks to you! Greetings from Ecuador! 💖
Hi Cami. We are so pleased you are able to learn from our videos. Thanks for letting us know and thank you so much for watching.
Your videos are amazing and really useful! They help me so much! Now I know three words more ;) Thank you! You are nice people. You make me happy and make my learning more effective
That's so nice to hear, Elizabeth. We're so glad we can help. Thank you so much. :-)
I'm a big fan of your videos! I used to watch them on Bilibili where someone has shared your great videos. I'm so glad I've finally made it to RUclips and find your channel! Keep up the good work!
And we're so glad you've made your way here and found us! We had no idea our videos were making their way to China. The world is getting smaller. :-) Thanks for writing.
@@SimpleEnglishVideos Thank you for your hard work! I enjoy your videos so much!
Great vid thanks keep doing
So glad you liked it. Thanks for the encouragement Nadia.
I just met it and I fell in love with your channel :D
What a smart couple you do! You both are so marvelous and make me laugh a lot 😂 Thanks for teaching
Welcome to our channel Wesley. We're delighted you've found us and that you like the channel. Thanks for the kind words. :-)
Hello, I discovered this channel a few days ago, and I'm so glad I did! I'm not a natural English speaker, and so it's sometimes hard for me to understand English. You speak English so cleary that I can understand it much better, thank you for these videos and keep up the good work!
Hello and welcome to our channel Ihminen. We're so glad our videos are helpful. Thanks for writing.
Thank you very much! That was very interesting and informative! And dialogues help to understand the idea. Comment while watching. I wish you good luck in your job.
P.S. I didn't know about that "smart alec". There's something new I can always learn from you.
Thanks Catherine! So glad it was useful.
I am your new subscriber, thank you so much for your great effort. God bless you
Welcome to our channel Sunil. It's great to have you with us.
you are the best!!
Thanks so much ramacas28.
Thanxs you both a lot for your time. I `ve learnt many things with your videos. Best wishes from Argentina.
That's great to hear. Thanks Hugo. Much appreciated.
Hey, Vicki and Jay!
Your tips about compliments and the ways how not to pay a compliment in English are really useful! And as always, your examples make it much easier to understand everything!
I didn't know that word "flattery". I thought we can use it only in a form of a verb "to flatter". Sometimes there are situations, when I lack adjectives to pay a compliment, because I like something so much. But that person can think, I am trying to flatter him/her. So, yeah, there is a slight edge between flattery and a compliment.
Thank you for the nice video!
Thanks so much Roman. So glad you liked the video.
I wanted to thank you because your videos are so great und helpful for me. Now I can speak way more fluently than last month (when I first saw your channel). I really wish I could meet you in america to thank you for your help.
Hi Mark. We're so glad our videos are useful for you and thanks so much for writing. Perhaps you'll come to Philadelphia one day and we can meet.
Thank you
You're very welcome Dukz. :-)
Hello! I'm here to tell thank you! I love your videos and it helped me a lot. English is my third language and yeah I am just thankful.
Thanks so much for writing Peony. It's great to have you with us.
Omg! This video was great.
So glad you liked it Mthy Playz. Thanks for writing.
I'm American and I've only heard and used the term "back-handed compliment." I've never heard "left-handed compliment" before!
Hi Nicole. This is Jay writing. We did a bit more research after other Americans complained that they too use back-handed compliment. In my background, left-handed compliment was common, but it seems it's fading as time passes and like many other phrases that have crossed the pond, back-handed compliment is popular.
Another great video! I love improving my English from you two.
If someone gave me a backhanded compliment I’d probably just pay them one back jokingly haha!
Hello It's hard to pick a username. (I love your username BTW. I think we've all been there!) We're so glad you like the videos and thanks for this idea.
I laughed for the entire video. You guys gave a lot of funny examples 😄 Great video as always!
And this reminds me of my boyfriend and I, I love giving him sarcastic compliments and he'll say " you cheeky f---" 😂
That's great Fifa. We had a lot of fun writing scripts for the backhanded compliments and then shooting them. Please say hello to your boyfriend from us. Jay's feeling an affinity to him. :-)
@@SimpleEnglishVideos oh, I sure will! 😂
You're so great teachers.
Thanks so much Omar. :-)
How many videos do you have? You must be genius, I 'm very glad you will continue with new videos.
Hi Marcelo. I think we might have nearly 200 videos, but I'm not sure. We're so glad you like them. Thanks for writing.
Yes
I'm sure I'll like them
First comment. Love u guys. I love your videos. Actually I am bilingual, and i help my English vocabulary with you. Thanks
Hello JuanPa. It's great to meet you and we're so glad you like the videos. Thanks for writing.
This is very helpful
That's great. Thanks Mustafa. :-)
Really love this channel! You are improving my english in a fun and useful way! Hope you get the 100k Subscriber milestone soon!
Thanks so much Tas. We're working on it! :-)
Keep up the good work
Thanks Squad 2853. We'll try!
You two are amazing i enjoy your videos i have learnt a Lot i love they way you teach English i love your pronunciation this is not a just compliment is just the true
My best wishes for this christmas And a happy new year🎅
Well Carmenza, it's a nice compliment in any event, and thank you. Have a wonderful holiday season yourself.
Ty so much vicki and jay. This channel makes my english more great ty so much. Lots of love from indonesia!💟💟
Hello Christopher and greetings to you in Indonesia. So glad the videos are helpful and thanks for writing.
@@SimpleEnglishVideos no problem! You guys are really helpful to guys who were learning proper english
HI ! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR REPLYING.I WILL BE WAITE FOR YOU TILL FRIDAY.(( YOU ARE MY GOOD TEACHER))
Awesome and remarkable 👍👍😍😍keep it up. I am fascinated to see the next video.
Rasha, how kind of you to let us know how much you liked it. Thank you. We think you'll like the next one too. :-)
@@SimpleEnglishVideos I'm sure.❤️❤️
Thanks, my English is getting better with your videos.
That's great to hear! Thanks Luc!
You both looked great😊
Megna, that's so nice of you to say. Thanks for writing to us and thanks for watching.
This channel is my favourite
So glad you like it! :-)
Nice video! The dialogues between you are very funny! I always leave out the negative parts of a backhanded compliment and say nothing about it :)
That sounds like a very good approach to backhanded compliments. Thanks Wanchen.
You are wonderful
Thanks Camal. :-)
What a nice video, thank you guys, you're awesome:-)
Thanks so much Ali B. Much appreciated.
i love your video
Adiha, so great to hear from you. And thanks you again for the very kind comment.
Amazing video, as always! It just reminded me a day I was talking to my friend about something I don't remember and he called me "smarty pants". I am Brazilian, so I don't understand some idioms or expressions. When he told me the meaning of that idiom, I felt really bad about my behavior, but we had some fun on my "innocence".
Hi Elizabete. Oh yes, smarty pants is another one. A smarty pants is slightly less annoying than a smart arse though, and we might use it in a teasing way. 'Clever clogs' has a similar meaning. You might want to try it out on your friend. :-)
Vicky and Jay, you are the the best :))))
That's so kind of you to say, Yuran4ik Show. Thanks for watching.
I liked this video a lot more than your other videos; it was not too boring.
That is just another example of a left-handed compliment.
Ha! Great example Saggy Old Bagpuss. You can't see it but I am now replying with an icy stare. :-)
Indeed Marta. :-)
just awesome
Thank you so much Saad. :-)
I love how simple the ideas are but how brilliantly (and fun!) they were delivered. Great job, Vicki and Jay!
Does "smarty pants" have the same meaning and use with "smart aleck" and "smart arse"?
Thanks so much for the kind words Daniel. And yes, smarty pants is a good synonym for smart aleck.
when you said to officer , what beautiful brown eyes you have. it makes me very laugh. i hope you make a video every day.
So glad you liked it Fatemeh. Thank you. I don't think we'll ever be able to make a video everyday, but we'll be back next Friday.
I love you guys you are so lovely couple, I wish you a happy new year 🌹🌹🌹
Faris, we with the very same to you and yours. Have a wonderful, joyous and happy new year.
I love these videos 😊😊, Greetings from Mexico!!✋😃✋
Thanks so much Alex.
Wow, I'd never heard "smart aleck". I have heard "smart pants", though.
I loved this lesson! And I'm waiting for the one on "how to respond to compliments"! 🤗
Hi Cau. Vicki here. So glad you liked it and thanks for reminding me. I need to get that video on how to respond to compliments written. :-)
Hi, Vicky and Jay. Your videos are amazing, but I have one suggestion. After watching each of your lessons, I really hope to test my understanding. That would be even more useful for me if you provide me one or two exercises after each clip. Thank you. (I know that some of your clips already have quizzes, but I think a lot of important details from other lessons are left untested. Thank you.)
Hi there! We love having you with us so we really appreciate your input, but I don't think we can do this. We struggle to get the videos we make out as it is and adding quizzes might take too long. I do have a plan though. I want to build another site over at simpleenglishvideo.com where we offer courses, so structured organized lessons with... you guessed it... lots of quizzes! :-)
Great vid! Cheers! If the insult is obvious, sarcasm might be a suitable option:
For example: "Sorry, what did you say? I just didn´t listen because I was thinking
how much your opinion is worth to me"
Ha! Now that is a wonderful smart-arse comment Wilfried. :-)
Hi Jay and Nick. Thank you very much for all the wonderful videos you made. Just wonder if you can make some videos on words like pour, poor, tore, tour, intinerary, veterinarian, aubergine, almond, ttrough, difference between backpack and rucksack. Thank you again and take care.
All noted Choey. :-) Thank you.
Hello, hello, good sunday morning here in Peru. Wow, it's fascinating. Of all that, In my work de use "flattery" but un a good way, just to feel someone fine and get something I want to work with.
Anyway, it really workshop and then my Friends and I end laughing at everything. Ha, ha, ha..
Let me say you have made a good video. Now, i'm gonna think carefully everything I wanna say. Have a wonderful week, I will be thinking every word my mouth wanna shout. Good luck.
Hi Paul and greetings to you in Peru! So glad you liked the video. I hope it doesn't make you think too long before you speak. I'm sure say lots of very nice things.
That moment when I try to be kind and then destroy everything by my compliments, I feel that I've to do one thing......dig a big hole in the ground and go away through it 😂😂
Nice video as always 😍 😍
So glad you liked it Kharbashat. Please don't disappear down that big hole. :-)
To be honest, no one should ever give such ‘compliments’. It’s so rude.
I’m from Germany by the way and even though we’re thought to be really direct, this is something you must not do.
I agree Samiila. They are not backhanded compliments are not compliments at all and it'd be great if nobody gave them.
Awesome vídeo!! Jay and Vicki Nice couple😁
So glad you liked it Marco. Thank you. :-)
In relation to this, it might be interesting to bring up cultural running gags. An American one: Someone shows you a childhood photo and you say, "Aw, you were such a cute kid." The look at them and ask, "What happened?" This is considered funny, particularly if the person has good timing. Also, I wouldn't really call it a backhanded complement; it's a straight complement followed by a straight-up insult. Another running gag is the "You're pretty good at that, for a girl." This is definitely a backhanded complement and if it is delivered by a man with any sincerity it is extremely rude, but if it's done sarcastically, ironically, or between the right people (commonly two women), it can be very funny. And perhaps the general concept of a practical joke.
Hey there, this nice video lesson shows one more time that aging doesn't always ought to be dull and miserable ;)
Thanks Valentin. I'm hoping this a great example of a backhanded compliment. :-)
@@SimpleEnglishVideos , of course it's only a joke. Wish you all the best.
This is brilliant
Glad you think so Roppa. It was fun for us to make.
Oioi roppa
@@RhysProductions11 Oioi rhys lad
I'm a married spud
I've heard of the slang term "to neg" or "negging". I believe it has the same meaning as making a left-handed compliment.
Oh great thought TheComputerGuy. Yes, I think negging is similar, because it's about undermining someone's confidence.
awesome
And you're awesome for taking the time to watch our videos. Thank you m amin miazoo.
Aaawwwww You made the great video 😉😉😁😁
So glad you like it! :-)
Jay like police officer, that was such a good idea.
It was fun too. :-)
Yes
All your videos are funny and very useful. You are a lovely couple. I hope this isn't a flattery! 😃 Greetings from Barcelona.
Ha! We hope it isn't flattery too M.Sesca. Greetings to you in Barcelona. :-)
Nice video
Thank you Simonka. :-)
Hi Jay and Vicki! Thank you so much for this video, it's definitely helping me improve my english. I just wanted to ask you a question about the verb " to like", I don't know when I have to use the form with the infinitive and that with the gerund, could you please clarify it? Thanks again and all the best!
Hi Dark Knight. You're not the first person to ask for this and this video has been on my list for a while. I'll put it up a notch. It won't happen soon, but we'll try.
Good video :)
Thanks very much UnbounedWebst3r. :-)
Simple English Videos no problem keep up the good work!
the beginning killed me xD 😂
Glad you liked it David. We had fun thinking of and videoing backhanded compliments.
Oh,thanks a lot:)Now I'm more polite thanks to you!!!!
You're very welcome SovietBall. Thanks for watching.