What a 15-year-old meth addict taught me about leadership | Brian Fretwell | TEDxBoise

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  • Опубликовано: 25 июн 2018
  • How do you lead someone who knows what they need to do to change their life but-despite all your help-isn’t going to do it?
    Brian Fretwell was confronted with this scenario repeatedly during his time as a teacher in the chemical addictions unit of a juvenile corrections facility. The honesty of a 15-year-old meth addict, and the wisdom of a mentor, reframed Brian’s definition and practice of leadership. Brian Fretwell helps people realize their value. He began his professional career as a teacher in juvenile corrections, empowering disenfranchised kids to do things they didn’t believe they could. From the Australian Outback to the Arctic Circle, today Brian teaches individuals, teams, and companies how to draw out their hidden potential. He got an MBA, ran a 100-mile ultra-marathon, overcame his fear of flying, and wrote a book because he didn’t think he could do any of them-and being a hypocrite isn’t his style.
    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Комментарии • 3 тыс.

  • @BPD-Bob
    @BPD-Bob 4 года назад +2264

    That crowd sucked, jokes were killin it lol. This was a very good talk.

    • @dafukfuktuos4728
      @dafukfuktuos4728 4 года назад +60

      Nah they were just to absorbed into the story

    • @benwolf5264
      @benwolf5264 4 года назад +37

      Ain't a comedy club lol, usually the more intellectual people you get the less sense of humor that occurs

    • @BPD-Bob
      @BPD-Bob 4 года назад +76

      @@benwolf5264 not having a sense of humor doesn't make ya smart, but whatever makes you feel better about yourself lol

    • @elid3273
      @elid3273 4 года назад +17

      B Murph that’s not what he said. He said a lot of intelligent people don’t have the strongest sense of humor. This is a very true statement.

    • @gbm6882
      @gbm6882 4 года назад +8

      @ B Murph Oh i’ve seen a study like this somewhere... the conclusion the researchers came to was that the smarter people were considered smarter because through their childhood they studied and if they had the humor trait it was shown that they were less serious about their studying. Of course a sense of humor can be rediscovered as shown by a different study I saw a while ago. People that were said to be without a lack of humor and they were forced to interact with charismatic or funny or people with a sense of humor and remarkable enough they subconsiously copied their mannerisms in the first phase and like a while later they were said to have “gained a sense of humor”. You can classify a sense of humor as a lot of things but most of the time you can see that it draws to charisma or fear and I haven’t seen a study on humor that hasn’t been met with near unanimous support yet. So i’ll say that humor is the genuine subconscious reaction to a stimulus and with that in mind you’ll see that humans are really social creatures and when you leave them to develop on their own then there isn’t much control to how they develop their humor.. like a desert and a coast are to a buffer and pH, one has a buffer. You’ll see that the people you classify smart (systematic education wise) don’t fare much better as the people with experience, passion or the eccentricity. All ted talks i’ve seen were with people with the second kind. It’s probably just random chance though... this crowd was a tough crowd even by TED standards.... can someone check the sEm on that im too lazy

  • @dabonsomeone5243
    @dabonsomeone5243 5 лет назад +3103

    When is Ted gonna talk

  • @chupacabra9357
    @chupacabra9357 5 лет назад +1965

    This story had a 90% chance of revealing that he is Nathan.

    • @tylerkemp3998
      @tylerkemp3998 4 года назад +32

      Zain Chupacabra broooo I was thinking the same thing

    • @user-qn3ey1fr9r
      @user-qn3ey1fr9r 3 года назад +40

      He said I don't know where Nathan is today. He is the kid Nathan was hiding inside him 😯

    • @callmegary2622
      @callmegary2622 3 года назад +84

      @@user-qn3ey1fr9r he ate Nathan? 😯

    • @plate3352
      @plate3352 3 года назад +12

      His name is Brian wtf

    • @igo0di
      @igo0di 3 года назад +7

      No tattoos

  • @postmodernfreak
    @postmodernfreak 5 лет назад +552

    "People don't need our answers, they need our participation"

    • @infinitethoughts9964
      @infinitethoughts9964 4 года назад

      igot all the answers fuk this clown..............................haha he now takes meds,harm mini,,,,hahhaa

    • @majik1468
      @majik1468 4 года назад

      huh? lol i legit didnt understand what you were trying to say xD

    • @jacktaylor6250
      @jacktaylor6250 4 года назад +2

      I read this comment as he said it...... spooky

    • @kevincorley1750
      @kevincorley1750 4 года назад

      @@jacktaylor6250 literally same wtf

    • @catedoge3206
      @catedoge3206 4 года назад +3

      @@majik1468 he's prolly a drug addict.

  • @makenzietibbs2360
    @makenzietibbs2360 5 лет назад +7924

    for all the people who “don’t believe” a 15 year old could be a meth addict, please take a moment to be thankful that you were privileged enough and win the birth lottery of parents, a decent house, love, not having to be hurt enough to turn to drugs, and living in a “nice” and “quiet” area. not all kids have this privilege, especially kids like Nathan, who probably grew up without love, lived in a “bad” area. and turned to drugs and gangs as a way to cope.

    • @anolan93
      @anolan93 5 лет назад +162

      Makenzie Tibbs exactly my sister started doing meth at this age maybe younger when she was sent to live with MY FATHER. My mom didn't know this about him when my sister begged to live with him because she was having a difficult time.
      She's sober know since she was 33; thank God, she's 38 now.

    • @makenzietibbs2360
      @makenzietibbs2360 5 лет назад +65

      alicia nolan i’m so sorry to hear about that. it must’ve been really hard to watch your sister go through bad times. but i’m really glad she’s better now

    • @spacegrass6632
      @spacegrass6632 5 лет назад +67

      why are you talking about this tf
      your name is makenzie no fucken way you lived in a rough area

    • @jennifers508
      @jennifers508 5 лет назад +283

      Addiction doesn't discriminate.
      Living in a "nice" and "quiet" area will not prevent you from becoming an addict.

    • @aylaburrell.7891
      @aylaburrell.7891 5 лет назад +72

      my ex-girlfriend was 16 when she started using. people are so closed-minded and they don't know how real this stuff can be. smh

  • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
    @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +5423

    Where did Nathan Go?
    It's a question I've gotten numerous time about "The 15 yr old meth addict who taught me about leadership"
    "Nathan" (not his real name) may well be running his own business somewhere with the family, education, and future he hoped for, or he could be in a grave somewhere passing way too early. I've seen both outcomes with many of the kids we worked with at the time.
    I wonder if a better question is.
    Does it matter?
    Should I be less motivated by his brave action if his future turned out bad or more because it turned out well? If he was shot in a drive-by does it make his prior bravery any less important, less impactful, less courageous?
    I've been inspired by complete assholes and more than let down by absolute saints. As we all have.
    But, in each situation, we have a choice. Focus on the good we got, or the perfection that was missed. The story about Nathan is imperfect, like the rest of us.
    In that way, it leaves us with a choice about what we want to focus on. Which, in turn, will communicate what we get out of it.
    What do you think?

    • @dashtothemax5353
      @dashtothemax5353 5 лет назад +65

      My feelers, thanks for reminding me that there's others out there that been have been through similar situations.

    • @erikbarrett85
      @erikbarrett85 5 лет назад +101

      Doesn't matter, excellent response to the question and subsequent thoughts. Might be best you DON'T know what happened, tbh.

    • @jadamajors1891
      @jadamajors1891 5 лет назад +157

      Woaahh you're even a good speaker through writing....

    • @gaeldadon
      @gaeldadon 5 лет назад +39

      Man, you're the kind of guy I would let lead me! Great talk! I have learned a lot from this, thank you.

    • @FreeJulianAssange23
      @FreeJulianAssange23 5 лет назад +76

      I think Nathan matters.

  • @RaceySpacey
    @RaceySpacey 4 года назад +473

    When he got emotional I bursted out into tears. Lost my mum to drugs. Maybe I should of asked questions instead of giving the answers. I will remember that the next time I am trying to help someone through a hard time, drugs or just life

    • @razorsedg3563
      @razorsedg3563 4 года назад +6

      Yea, and hopefully when your children get older, you *will* ask questions if it ever becomes a vital topic that may save their lives as well. My deepest condolences for you 🙏 Yours and my daughter have the exact same name!! That's so cool. Except her name is spelled with ir instead of er at the end. I knew you must have been either from England or Australia by the way you said mum. I'm so proud of your country standing up to China for their threats!!

    • @BrainFoodCafe
      @BrainFoodCafe 3 года назад

      I am sorry for your loss

    • @marcuswashington6229
      @marcuswashington6229 3 года назад +2

      I'm for your loss as well. I also got emotional at that part. I had to screenshot what you said too, it will be foundation for my business. I appreciate you.

    • @charlesjnicholas1384
      @charlesjnicholas1384 2 года назад

      Let me recommend to you the best tutorial on addiction. "Staying Sober!" A GUIDE FOR RELAPSE PREVENTION by Gorski and Miller.

    • @potatosmasher1072
      @potatosmasher1072 Год назад

      *should have
      I mean no disrespect ofc. This is just what I do.

  • @catedoge3206
    @catedoge3206 4 года назад +309

    The anger and authenticity in his voice is heartwarming. I felt that.

  • @MK-vw9wz
    @MK-vw9wz 5 лет назад +7855

    Plot twist: he is Nathan.

    • @jmfwarmi
      @jmfwarmi 5 лет назад +315

      Twist Plot: Is he Nathan?

    • @jmfwarmi
      @jmfwarmi 5 лет назад +133

      Nathan Drake

    • @adamyoung6797
      @adamyoung6797 5 лет назад +302

      Can't be, his teeth are too nice.

    • @eemotion
      @eemotion 5 лет назад +114

      Also the tattoos?

    • @vwoday1872
      @vwoday1872 5 лет назад +82

      @@adamyoung6797 dental implants or dentures

  • @DVPlushies
    @DVPlushies 5 лет назад +2025

    my dad is a meth addict, im not allowed to make contact with him legally until i turn 18, I last saw him almost 3 years ago, and every day, one thing i think is "i will never see my dad again. i should have enjoyed that time i had with him 3 years ago, because i know thats the last time ill ever see him." i didnt even tell him how much i love him last time I saw him, i dont know why im posting about this, but to everyone who reads this please tell everyone you know how much you love them because you never know when itll be gone

    • @Civ-rg7zw
      @Civ-rg7zw 5 лет назад +53

      Dom Da Bom+ look It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say you loved him before you were taken away it matters if you know he’s loved you for how long you’ve been away.
      You don’t know my face, my voice, or or my personality but you can see my compass and love for my fellow human being

    • @arunt8411
      @arunt8411 5 лет назад +28

      You never know man. Maybe you'll meet him again.

    • @Xxassass1n021xX
      @Xxassass1n021xX 5 лет назад +10

      You'll be okay man, you'll find ur father

    • @sergioi7377
      @sergioi7377 5 лет назад +28

      That's so sad. Alexa play party in the usa by miley cyrus

    • @michxo9443
      @michxo9443 5 лет назад +30

      Hun your dad is gunna be ok you'll turn 18 and be best buds with your pops. Just because he does meth doesn't make him any less of a person, I know a lot of successful lawyers that use meth lol don't let what society thinks alter your mind. Idk you or your dad but this is my opinion. He's not going to die he's not going to jail unless he's a criminal, which idk.

  • @sebcrakpot1234
    @sebcrakpot1234 5 лет назад +502

    '' Our deepest fear is not we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure ''

    • @BladeRunner-td8be
      @BladeRunner-td8be 4 года назад +25

      For me this is true. Almost every time in my life when things were going good I willfully and consciously sabotaged it.

    • @danthadon87
      @danthadon87 4 года назад +7

      Thanks Coach Carter.

    • @nicechoicee
      @nicechoicee 4 года назад +6

      @@BladeRunner-td8be I've done that and now I'm jobless smh

    • @TheBaron97
      @TheBaron97 4 года назад +1

      Yeah probably not bro

    • @whatwhat4226
      @whatwhat4226 4 года назад +1

      @@danthadon87 😂😂😂

  • @potatowizard6676
    @potatowizard6676 5 лет назад +1765

    literally every comment is people defending him over his breathing i havent seen one attacking his breathing

  • @tacopie310
    @tacopie310 5 лет назад +2206

    His audible breathing was due to nervousness (fear of speaking in public.) His delivery: loudness & melodramatic, indicates how deeply this speaker was moved by his experience. It was a learning he still feels intensely.
    True emotions are hard to disguise unless one is skilled in: professional acting, polished public speaking and lying.
    If you chose to focus on and critique his breath or 'bad' speaking, you missed the entire meaning of the speech; good leadership means questioning, not just those you try to lead, but yourself as well. All the time!
    Even if one never plans to lead, manage, supervise, counsel, mentor, parent, employ, minister to or address others.
    When we FIRST ask ourselves why we feel a certain way about another, we open ourselves to:
    1. Potentially understanding them.. and growing,
    2. Probably discovering something deeper in ourselves.. and growing.
    Growing = living. When a living thing stops growing, it's dead.

    • @bryanortega8963
      @bryanortega8963 5 лет назад +46

      Sean de Haast most insightful and intelligent thing I have heard from a comment in a long time

    • @slipkik8781
      @slipkik8781 5 лет назад +3

      Exactly brother

    • @tacopie310
      @tacopie310 5 лет назад +7

      Thanks. Peace!

    • @scottmacleod9830
      @scottmacleod9830 5 лет назад +6

      Sean de Haast Actually his whole speech says he's lying, nervous, and not committed to his words.

    • @colourized8494
      @colourized8494 5 лет назад +6

      highly underrated comment

  • @itsenzo3000
    @itsenzo3000 5 лет назад +374

    The first time I see a public speech gets so emotional

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +17

      Hoping that's a good thing.

    • @itsenzo3000
      @itsenzo3000 5 лет назад +14

      It is, don't worry!

    • @benlogic8592
      @benlogic8592 5 лет назад +7

      Brian! Amazing speech, many struggle with addiction in my area. It is a real issue, good work and again amazing speech.

    • @cognagepole8062
      @cognagepole8062 4 года назад

      It's ENZO Barney gang

  • @EricChamplin
    @EricChamplin 5 лет назад +910

    This talk was amazing and I truly wish the best for Nathan and his future.

  • @tessellatiaartilery8197
    @tessellatiaartilery8197 5 лет назад +72

    “Leadership isn’t a me thing it’s a we thing.” Well put. Thank you.

  • @trinityfrank2526
    @trinityfrank2526 5 лет назад +1431

    I really hope Nathan sees this and contacts him

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +118

      Trinity Frank me too. Thank you Trinity. I think that would be cool.

    • @ryliemab
      @ryliemab 5 лет назад +29

      was just thinking this same thing too. i've been in a psych ward and i know the staff can't really keep in touch with the patients, but it would be cool to try and find him, see where he is now.

    • @notsoprogaming9789
      @notsoprogaming9789 5 лет назад +8

      not allowed to :/

    • @imagineifeverythingwasraci5318
      @imagineifeverythingwasraci5318 5 лет назад +10

      Trinity Frank there is no Nathan

    • @noahomen
      @noahomen 5 лет назад +3

      yeah come on man... there never was a nathan in the first place

  • @moonlace1560
    @moonlace1560 5 лет назад +2591

    Y'all unsympathetic af, this talk was amazing.

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +36

      Very nice of you to say.

    • @z00h
      @z00h 5 лет назад +8

      I reckon that to truly appreciate this talk, taking meth beforehand might be a good idea.

    • @spelzsamizminespelz
      @spelzsamizminespelz 5 лет назад +2

      z00h If one could even sit still during a 14-minute video.

    • @z00h
      @z00h 5 лет назад

      Le Penseur - don't knock it before you try it*
      *always read T&C's or consult your doctor before taking any drugs.

    • @Bruh-ud1mm
      @Bruh-ud1mm 5 лет назад +2

      Empathetic*

  • @akizmetkat999
    @akizmetkat999 5 лет назад +397

    He was almost there. I was actually thinking I was going to hear it this time. But, alas, it ended like every other one of these talks that I've heard. The therapist (or what ever he was) was asking this kid what he wanted, and finally the kid broke down and told him.
    I need to hear the talk where the answer is "I don't know doc. I have no friggin idea what I want. Or what I want to do. Or how I want to spend my years here on Earth."
    But I never get to hear that talk because, apparently, everyone else knows what they want. Or what they want to do.
    I know what I don't want to do. I know how I don't want to spend my years here on Earth.
    But what do you do if you don't know what you want?
    I'm 58 years old now. I've been a meth addict since I was 25. I'm still trying to figure that out, that 'what I want' thing. But I'm running out of time...

    • @breadnbutter3817
      @breadnbutter3817 5 лет назад +13

      You can do it, hang in there somethings bound to come by.

    • @catdooley4616
      @catdooley4616 5 лет назад +43

      Try something each day that is different, maybe it will spark a thought, feeling, ect. that might lead you to your answer. Jump up and down and scream, go outside and make a mud pie, throw things, jump a rope, walk, listen, read, play 20 questions, 💋your self. Sorry, just don't give up.

    • @cjw4christ
      @cjw4christ 5 лет назад +33

      Are you reaching for the meth because it feels good and gives an escape from reality? Perhaps you have a serotonin imbalance in your brain (at this point with the meth, you likely do). People who reach for drugs (personal experience) usually have a mental illness, trauma or health deficient beforehand. To correct this, we have to come off the drug and see the therapist or psychiatrist and lose the weight, exercise, take our vitamins, eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Finding the motivation to do so will be the hardest part- because you’re starting lower than before you began the drug...hence needing support from drug counselors. But eventually you will see an increase in the quality of your life, you’ll see the beauty in the sky or a child’s laughter or a strangers conversation. Perhaps trying to rewire your thought patterns by mindfulness and meditation, or spirituality.

    • @cjw4christ
      @cjw4christ 5 лет назад +19

      You can’t find joy and satisfaction in anything outside that high until you train your body to live without the high- then you will experience life, after a little hard work and adjustment.

    • @lucasreichlin6908
      @lucasreichlin6908 5 лет назад +12

      You’re never to old to change and the day you’ve run out of time to be something or someone else is the day after you die because even up to the second on your death bed before you die there’s always something that can change in you. No longer live by your age but by your heart.

  • @raymondmaglaris4149
    @raymondmaglaris4149 5 лет назад +93

    I almost cried when Nathan admitted his fear. I had that same moment in my method addiction where I had no hope and was so scared.

  • @Creezi
    @Creezi 5 лет назад +1845

    I like the passion in his speech i dont mind the breathing.

    • @fabianhvit9172
      @fabianhvit9172 5 лет назад +2

      Abdi Hoto Chema Spa Ghett haha älskar din profilbild😂

    • @hannahbradley2769
      @hannahbradley2769 5 лет назад +4

      Same here

    • @derstru777
      @derstru777 5 лет назад +20

      I didn't mind his breathing either. What mattered to me was the passion with which he spoke

    • @sonias9722
      @sonias9722 5 лет назад +3

      I didn't notice breathing

    • @kittysmasher2219
      @kittysmasher2219 5 лет назад

      What breathing

  • @Dr.Geeves
    @Dr.Geeves 5 лет назад +338

    At 10:18 you start with a quote: "It's not our darkness that we fear, it's our light that we are most afraid of."
    For me personally I would argue that "It's not my darkness that I fear, it's losing my light that terrifies me."

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +15

      Great to know you have found yours. Fantastic perspective.

    • @Kasper623
      @Kasper623 5 лет назад +4

      Thank you for the quote

    • @soniaruns
      @soniaruns 5 лет назад +16

      I have to agree. I think it's entirely plausible that Nathan had had his light extinguished so many times that he had to bury it so deep down so that no one could kill it entirely.

    • @timandshannon03
      @timandshannon03 5 лет назад +5

      I have been a Paramedic for 15 years and I have been in the hole where my light was only a distant candle, but it was still there. Loosing that light terrifies me.

    • @freezEware
      @freezEware 5 лет назад +5

      wouldn't losing your light mean you had given in for the darkness? Then it would mean it's the darkness you fear the most, if we think it as a battle between darkness and light. If we give in for the light, darkness fades.

  • @fatcatz777memez4
    @fatcatz777memez4 5 лет назад +102

    "It's our light that we're most afraid of" Inspirational quote.

  • @djjazzyjeff1232
    @djjazzyjeff1232 5 лет назад +35

    Dang you can see how important Nathan was/is to him in this talk, there's so much passion, it's quite moving.

  • @mariannewhite383
    @mariannewhite383 5 лет назад +2046

    How can people comment on the public speaking abilities of this man when he is crying over a child addicted to drugs? It's really easy to laugh or poke fun when it's not your son addicted to meth finally opening up to someone about a potential future, instead of a potential death sentence. Please have a little bit more compassion.

    • @jefurholder4093
      @jefurholder4093 5 лет назад

      So I

    • @captainobvious1750
      @captainobvious1750 5 лет назад +15

      hey, at least they're making fun of his breathing, not making fun of nathan

    • @Nowhy
      @Nowhy 5 лет назад +4

      marianne white how? I heard of a study about how it stands with empathy in first world countries: result.. Only 2 in 10 people feel others, but they love their cars, pets, smartphones etc.

    • @ragemayne7219
      @ragemayne7219 5 лет назад +2

      Love this comment

    • @yokata7333
      @yokata7333 5 лет назад +1

      Happy too see that,
      ppl should think about themselves
      maybe they'll see the light

  • @tassiarae9165
    @tassiarae9165 5 лет назад +341

    This really hit me. Been struggling with addiction since i was 14, im currently 17 and my use has been almost daily for the past year. It would've and still would help me so much to receive the type of attention and care this teacher gave to nathan because theres lack of. Many addicts are missing conection and support and overall a loving enviroment. I wish more people approached the issue like this man because many of us are not the lowlive pieces of shits that are slaves to their drugs, even then most of those people are a product of their enviroment. We are people that are hurting. Being perceived as less than makes it impossible to get help. It means a lot to reach out like this and Im positive he left a huge mark on nathan, bless this man and his compassion. 💕

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +52

      Tassia, So glad this connected with you.
      You are worth being seen, heard, and known. I truly hope you can find the beauty within yourself that becomes worth fighting for. It means a lot to me to have you share your story. You have affected this person, and I hope you know you can, and likely already do, affect many more.
      Keep fighting. It's worth it. You are worth it.
      You are loved.

    • @richardlitwin4046
      @richardlitwin4046 5 лет назад +3

      Yeah, and neglect and judgement can be a killer, but thanks to our society, people have been discouraged from believing that people will be led by anyone fit, by any objective standards, to be led by.

    • @zain4019
      @zain4019 5 лет назад +4

      Brian Fretwell oh my goodness you’re a beautiful human being. Thank-you for being a light in the lives of those that need it :)

    • @staysafe_eatcake6587
      @staysafe_eatcake6587 5 лет назад +4

      this post hits a little too close to home. I hope you're doing well :)

    • @hollytroy
      @hollytroy 5 лет назад +3

      You are wise, Tassia. So much love to you, beautiful human.

  • @xuantungnguyen9719
    @xuantungnguyen9719 5 лет назад +84

    "I want to have a family" Exactly what I had in mind.

  • @newsucnuse
    @newsucnuse 5 лет назад +89

    I teach storytelling to individuals and organizations and have been looking in vain for a great TedTalk to show people how to tell a compelling story and then tie it back to their work. You did it brilliantly, seamlessly, and beautifully.

  • @ziadmohamad1445
    @ziadmohamad1445 5 лет назад +1292

    I didn't hear the breathing until I scrolled down the comments. Dammit guys!

  • @bjornragnarsson8692
    @bjornragnarsson8692 5 лет назад +313

    Wow, this was pretty moving. It brought out a few tears in me. I’ve struggled with addiction and homelessness for a long time. Thankfully, I have a home and have stayed sober for about three years now. But that question, “what do you want?” That was something I struggled with and kept hidden like Nathan. I’ve had a couple good drug counselors and they would always ask questions. Good job to the speaker, I would’ve been proud to have someone like him helping me during my tougher days.

    • @HomeGrownPyro1
      @HomeGrownPyro1 5 лет назад +9

      Lars Fjelde congrats on your sobriety man keep fighting the good fight

    • @ragemayne7219
      @ragemayne7219 5 лет назад +17

      I have 8 months sober and I can relate to this whole thing, what do you want, what are you hiding from, what are you scared of. He very well could have helped save this young mans life. All addicts really want is someone who understand them with no judgement

    • @montyparata4914
      @montyparata4914 5 лет назад +3

      You are a legend, much love

    • @ifellforyourdreamsx3
      @ifellforyourdreamsx3 5 лет назад +3

      god bless! keep coming back (and by god I just mean your HP)

    • @bjornragnarsson8692
      @bjornragnarsson8692 5 лет назад +9

      Wow! 😮 Thank you everyone! And congrats to Rage Mayne on your sobriety! Everything you said is so accurate. You see, the praise and encouragement I have received here means SO MUCH to me! Not only does it encourage me to stay clean, but I rarely receive praise when I share my past with people. I’ll be ridiculed or cast out of social circles. It’s hard making friends that have never used once they know your past. At least where I live. So to receive everyone’s support, love, and encouragement means a lot to me, man! Thank you all! 🙏

  • @yunokawaii1772
    @yunokawaii1772 4 года назад +24

    he had to fight his tears so hard. its amazing how emotional he talked about this heartbreaking happening. what a man. this derserves more views.

  • @badger297
    @badger297 2 года назад +1

    Jesus christ man. Im at work and had to hide for a bit cause I shed a cold tears to this. 4 and a half years clean in June so long as I make it. This hit home. Thank you

  • @shotbyryanjames
    @shotbyryanjames 5 лет назад +1029

    Wow he had to breath, shame on him guys.

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +123

      I'm working on holding my breath for 14 min next time. :)

    • @trinityfrank2526
      @trinityfrank2526 5 лет назад +5

      But you can't talk if you don't exhale

    • @adubz9204
      @adubz9204 5 лет назад +30

      I didn't even notice it until people pointed it out. I still don't care. I focus on the words

    • @Beautifulcoil
      @Beautifulcoil 5 лет назад +4

      Brian Fretwell You were amazing.

    • @r8573
      @r8573 5 лет назад +1

      +Brain Fretwell nice

  • @rlee3538
    @rlee3538 5 лет назад +97

    What a beautiful human. It warms my heart to see that we still have compassionate people on this planet. Thank you sir ❤

  • @VIRGILSHELTONII
    @VIRGILSHELTONII 4 года назад +10

    I've been an addict over 20 years, now I work in a men's detox center, the best people to help, are the people who have been there, I love my job more then anything

    • @goneburnforher
      @goneburnforher 2 года назад

      Cool, i think about that too, sometimed

  • @aliciasheridan1477
    @aliciasheridan1477 5 лет назад +49

    the best and most passionate TED talk i have ever heard in my years of watching from the classroom setting; thank you.

  • @Bruncleboxtop
    @Bruncleboxtop 5 лет назад +171

    You are truly a beautiful speaker. Loved this Mr.Brian Fretwell

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +12

      William Mett people thank you William, that is very nice of you to ssy.

    • @AtomicMonkeybutt
      @AtomicMonkeybutt 5 лет назад +4

      You let your emotions run free and that's when you know the story is good. I'd listen to you speak over any politician or professional public speaker any day. Loved it.

    • @elpolog.7163
      @elpolog.7163 5 лет назад

      @@AtomicMonkeybutt Politicians sound so boring anyway. They're saying sentences we have heard thousands of times before

  • @ladybeard99
    @ladybeard99 5 лет назад +54

    Nice talk. I teach guitar and this made me think I need to ask my students more questions instead of telling them everything.

    • @creep8627
      @creep8627 4 года назад

      "so when you plan to get fame and rich to give me credit"

  • @aprilwilliamson1471
    @aprilwilliamson1471 4 года назад +16

    Brought me to tears 😢 I hope Nathan has everything he wanted in life & is drug free.
    confidence and self-esteem have so much to do with how we live our lives so make sure to build people up 🙂

  • @crappycrapcrap9490
    @crappycrapcrap9490 5 лет назад +30

    "leadership isn't a me thing, its a we thing" - so true

  • @TheLemonyBard
    @TheLemonyBard 5 лет назад +3421

    Nicely done. Also, breathing didn't bug me lol.

  • @user-be8gq2eh2e
    @user-be8gq2eh2e 5 лет назад +54

    Really dont think anyone complaining about his breathing has actually been on a stage before, especially a big one like this. Love the video, love the passion and that i can hear the emotion in his voice

  • @FootlessJo
    @FootlessJo 5 лет назад

    What a beautiful message, thank you.

  • @theelephantintheroom69
    @theelephantintheroom69 5 лет назад +39

    Brilliant speaking skills and delivery of the story

  • @unitedstatescitizen1035
    @unitedstatescitizen1035 5 лет назад +774

    Damn someone gives what could be a life changing story and all ppl can think about is his breathing ...this is America I guess ...glad Ted doesn’t have anyone of y’all speaking

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +25

      Always gonna be haters...and cool people like you calling them out. Thanks Ald.

    • @jesusfreak1700
      @jesusfreak1700 5 лет назад +2

      I don’t hear the breathing, am I missing something?

    • @amanipk
      @amanipk 5 лет назад

      It’s not him it’s the mic he’s using also commenting wont help anything sorry

    • @pokethebear1344
      @pokethebear1344 5 лет назад

      You don't have to be glad. You can be certain.

    • @bustinbinden
      @bustinbinden 5 лет назад

      Word man. It's a shame. This was an impassioned speech

  • @matttheman3923
    @matttheman3923 5 лет назад +8

    This seriously had me in tears. This both moves and motivates me. That shows that even in the darkest places, light can be found. And that people society tends to label as “gangsters” or “criminals” are still people too even if they’ve pushed that side of them back. Great job Brian!!

  • @allieknapp8720
    @allieknapp8720 5 лет назад +639

    Oh...I read "Math addict" 😓

  • @princesskind712
    @princesskind712 5 лет назад +25

    This has to be among THE BEST lessons I have heard in a long time. Thank You.

  • @julietfraser
    @julietfraser 5 лет назад +237

    this is really powerful and great

  • @lynnefranklin7807
    @lynnefranklin7807 5 лет назад +4

    Thanks for sharing this story, Brian, and the powerfully simple lesson we all need to learn.

  • @BrainFoodCafe
    @BrainFoodCafe 3 года назад +4

    I really thought he was almost crying. his acting was top notch. and a beautiful talk. Thanks TED.

  • @mia-yn8ey
    @mia-yn8ey 3 года назад +3

    it's teachers like him who can change a kids life. personally i've never had a teacher that came close to being as passionate abt their job as much as he is but i've still had a few good ones and i am beyond grateful for them.
    his passion for helping Nathan reminds me of the teacher from Freedom Writers.

  • @shawnasimcik8356
    @shawnasimcik8356 5 лет назад +38

    Absolutely inspirational. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt story with the world and showing us that leadership can be such a simple concept if we simply try to not have the answers, but show up.

  • @y33tboy97
    @y33tboy97 5 лет назад +32

    Kinda like teaching advanced students, you let them learn for themselves. A teacher isn’t an answer key, but rather a guide.

    • @KustomiseT
      @KustomiseT 5 лет назад +2

      Yea, what Private Private said; your comment definitely belongs at the top.

  • @dianadahham7635
    @dianadahham7635 5 лет назад +2

    You are a brilliant speaker! you nailed all the elements of a great speaker. For years i have told my brother on ways to change his life, but i never asked him questions!! thank you for this! we all have the wisdom within us

  • @DbladeMedic
    @DbladeMedic 4 года назад

    Wow this man speaks with so mich emotion that you can feel what he went through and what the kid went through. Bravo very well spoken

  • @serendipity0080
    @serendipity0080 5 лет назад +3

    So moving, I got goosebumps, such a great speaker, Thank you

  • @siobhane1661
    @siobhane1661 5 лет назад +196

    I hope nathan sees this.

    • @TheWormzerjr
      @TheWormzerjr 4 года назад +1

      hes dead

    • @antx8339
      @antx8339 4 года назад +1

      @@TheWormzerjr the sad truth..

    • @lmhmomma
      @lmhmomma 4 года назад +3

      Wait...he's Dead?

    • @AjieA
      @AjieA 4 года назад +1

      dead-seal Same! And I hope he’s alive 😭

    • @ofwgkta562
      @ofwgkta562 4 года назад +6

      He is Nathan

  • @JinxMarie1985
    @JinxMarie1985 2 года назад +1

    The intensity of this story was absolutely amazing. Such a strong message. Thank you. Nathan, wherever you are, I hope you're truly at peace.

  • @cobblecattt
    @cobblecattt 5 лет назад +2

    Beautiful performance, like he was reliving it. So real and heart-felt. Thank you

  • @bryanramirez4827
    @bryanramirez4827 5 лет назад +4

    This was just great, thank you!

  • @oddflacko5063
    @oddflacko5063 5 лет назад +34

    I don't usually cry listening to people speak but this did me in

  • @Lola-lh5kl
    @Lola-lh5kl 4 года назад +1

    This just made me realize, that there really is more then just what we see in life. More to life then the same repetitive roads, an towns, an building's. Hard to put in words this overwhelming feeling.

  • @atturnec360
    @atturnec360 4 года назад

    Well done my friend. Extremely grateful for have discovering this talk. The underlying message is very transparent, one many can learn from and most importantly begin to implement.

  • @Mrtaco-bs1lg
    @Mrtaco-bs1lg 5 лет назад +5

    The titles of the ted videos are spot on 24/7

  • @algallero3310
    @algallero3310 5 лет назад +191

    Hit me hard... Damn.

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +4

      Rad reply Al, glad it did.

    • @chronologious9657
      @chronologious9657 5 лет назад +5

      Brian Fretwell, this hit me hard as well. It's people like you who stick to it with these troubled souls & build the future so kids like him can go on to do the same. Your speech brought a tear or few to me & I respect your service to the community. Keep doing your thing. 👏👍

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад +3

      Chronologious thanks. Glad to hear you were positively effected by it.

  • @alisontunny9362
    @alisontunny9362 5 лет назад +1

    Brian I love your passion, tenacity and care of all the Nathan’s you come across. I’m glad you’ve come to see that when we reach out to connect with someone and help them, they return the gift and we grow because of it as well. Fantastic talk.

  • @flowerlove2985
    @flowerlove2985 5 лет назад +1

    Authentic and genuine Brian. You moved me with your honesty and passion, Don't change a thing!

  • @JawJX
    @JawJX 4 года назад +8

    One of the best Ted talks I've ever seen, this guy really knows how to talk

  • @purpleflametarot39
    @purpleflametarot39 5 лет назад +12

    "What do you want?" Very powerful. Society is too busy telling them what they need to consider their wants and needs. Thank you for this.

  • @stoltzfus75
    @stoltzfus75 5 лет назад +2

    I can sense the empathy in this guy n it honestly made me cry... I’ve been thru addiction n rehabs n counselors n some most REALLY do care. I’m very empathetic n it’s beautiful but at times it is sooo hard

  • @michellesherratt4981
    @michellesherratt4981 5 лет назад +22

    Thank you Brian. I learned in sales the person asking the questions is the one in control of the conversation. I love what you have to say and have many drug addicts in my family I realize you can't change them but questions can provoke thoughts. Actions and plans start in the brain through thoughts. Meth is a drug that causes people to obsess maybe if we can get them to obsess over the right thoughts. It's worth a try. It doesn't matter where Nathan is today. What matters is you tried to make a difference and even if he when back to meth at least he knew someone really cared. God bless you!

  • @popfizz55
    @popfizz55 5 лет назад +517

    Guys stop posting comments about the *you know what* because it causes more people to hear the *you know what* , together we can rid the comment section of people talking about the *you know what*

    • @roo0bie
      @roo0bie 5 лет назад +18

      I love u

    • @jeanniehicks5240
      @jeanniehicks5240 5 лет назад +5

      popfizz55 Good call

    • @jasonrivers9858
      @jasonrivers9858 5 лет назад +17

      "triggered heavy breathing"

    • @A1rPun
      @A1rPun 5 лет назад +12

      Your comment is what the comment section needed, thanks.

    • @DisemboweledWeed
      @DisemboweledWeed 5 лет назад +10

      I hear these words in SpongeBob’s voice...

  • @kibbeewalton
    @kibbeewalton 5 лет назад +27

    CRUSHED it, my friend. Well done!

  • @sarangkulkarni2111
    @sarangkulkarni2111 2 года назад +1

    I am almost in tears dude!! I can relate to this so much

  • @daplaya20
    @daplaya20 5 лет назад

    Absolute heartbreaker of a story and such a riveting speacher and actor. The audience is just like "WOW; what a moment!"

  • @SethWolfeOfficial
    @SethWolfeOfficial 5 лет назад +416

    This video was a breath of fresh air. Lots of them

    • @babybellasmama
      @babybellasmama 5 лет назад +4

      Now, That was funny, Seth Himself! Brian Fretwell has been taking the breathing comments like a champ & launching his fair share in return, so I dont feel bad that this one actually got a laugh out of me. I'm the least witty person I know and couldn't be any less brave, so me giving a Ted talk at some point in this lifetime... Don't hold your breath! I'd either put everyone to sleep or have a panic attack and hyperventilate till I passed out. So I'll leave it to and would like to thank the professionals on this one... Bravo and thank you to you both for the funny and inspiring kickstart to my day.

    • @kadenstowe8841
      @kadenstowe8841 5 лет назад

      look i like a joke as much as the next person, and i feel that everyone should know when something is a joke or serious, but you need to know the time and place as well. not the time, nor the place

    • @aliciasheridan1477
      @aliciasheridan1477 5 лет назад +1

      he felt so compassionate to this experience and he even talks so pationately of a time in his life; to take some time off his day to talk to a huge platform of people about that. but the only thing you got out of this video was: how he was breathing.

    • @amandalynnagain
      @amandalynnagain 5 лет назад

      Hahaha

    • @travv88
      @travv88 5 лет назад

      Cracked a smile at that one.

  • @jdevlin1910
    @jdevlin1910 5 лет назад +5

    Excellent work, Brian. One of the first steps in growth is accepting new methods and learning from them, even if it's reluctant acceptance at first, as you put it until you can come up with something else yourself.

  • @TheTuberQ
    @TheTuberQ 4 года назад +2

    This guy made me cry wtf. Amazing talk

  • @curtheisler1200
    @curtheisler1200 5 лет назад +1

    This elicited an emotional response, which in turn has provided inspiration. Good talk.

  • @steveclark6514
    @steveclark6514 5 лет назад +4

    Great job Kevin and greatly applicable. So many leaders I see talk and mandate and direct the work. They embrace the Title and Position of a leader, not the true job.

  • @CassandraDarling
    @CassandraDarling 5 лет назад +11

    beautiful. confidence, courage, vulnerability.

  • @n4ko
    @n4ko 5 лет назад

    omg. this was really powerful. i can tell how much he was moved by just telling the story...

  • @msglimmertwin52
    @msglimmertwin52 2 года назад

    I can't find the right words, to describe how this affects me in this moment. I battle addiction too. This man just made me realize how important it really is to ask an addict questions. It's real easy for me to stay in my head, and turn one small difficulty into 100 problems too complicated to solve. Yes, please, ask me questions. Help me focus. On anything. Except drug use. God, I'm grateful I watched this video.

  • @jacquelineaccardi161
    @jacquelineaccardi161 2 года назад +3

    One of my favorite speeches thus far I hope to work in probation possibly one day and am quite attached to rehabilitating juvenile offenders and this is one lesson I hope to hold throughout my entire career. Thank you so much for sharing this story❤️

  • @synthetilemon7525
    @synthetilemon7525 5 лет назад +66

    This speech left me breathless.

  • @AndrewFlameiing
    @AndrewFlameiing 4 года назад +2

    u can sens his remorse
    and his hurt and this story is amazing

  • @vanfrance9725
    @vanfrance9725 2 года назад

    one of the best talks about leadership ive heard. Hands down.

  • @dianamattia40
    @dianamattia40 5 лет назад +5

    My Goodness, God bless you sir! I think you’re an awesome role model for these children!! Keep up the great work!! I respect you for your compassion for troubled children!! 🙏🏼🙌🏽✊🏽👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  • @retroassassin5481
    @retroassassin5481 5 лет назад +57

    your job seems or seemed highly challenging good job buddy

  • @marianabulhosa4198
    @marianabulhosa4198 5 лет назад +2

    this was powerful. the emotion that he speaks with is so captivating

  • @hiddengemali8262
    @hiddengemali8262 5 лет назад

    Working with patients can be challenging and the most rewarding moments are the smallest steps patients make in achieving and taking back some control , there are many questions behind the cause , it’s finding it and the will for them to trigger self motivation. Powerful presentation , thanks

  • @Raven-wb2lb
    @Raven-wb2lb 5 лет назад +7

    Jesus Christ I almost cried, what a powerful message

  • @MichaelJaikaran
    @MichaelJaikaran 4 года назад +5

    I hope one day I can make an impact in someone's life the way this guy did.

    • @KiwikimNZ
      @KiwikimNZ Год назад

      I’m sure you have x

  • @staysafe_eatcake6587
    @staysafe_eatcake6587 5 лет назад

    one of the first times I've seen a public speaker get so emotional over the subject. I'm truly blessed to see people making a difference and feel such a great emotion doing it. thank goodness!

    • @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell
      @FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 5 лет назад

      Thanks for saying that. I think we often wonder if it's the right choice or not. But we have no control of what others might think etc.

    • @staysafe_eatcake6587
      @staysafe_eatcake6587 5 лет назад

      @@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell I'm not big on public speaking but I feel like when you talked about it, it showed that you cared about this subject. even when you started your body language showed you were invested in what you were saying/tone of voice etc. I think that when you did it it was fine because it just showed how this is a sensitive topic that you still wanted others to know. thank you for being kind enough to tell us about all these things :)

  • @gessed
    @gessed 5 лет назад

    You never gave up.Wonderful. God Bless

  • @juliabaktay9078
    @juliabaktay9078 4 года назад +21

    I listened to this while falling asleep and I swear to God it sounded like a movie.

    • @sinful7994
      @sinful7994 4 года назад

      Júlia Lilla Baktay fr

    • @h6te174
      @h6te174 4 года назад

      🗿

    • @ayeadam
      @ayeadam 4 года назад +1

      He’s a good speaker

  • @rustic_russian5102
    @rustic_russian5102 4 года назад +35

    Had me crying when he finally broke Nathan

  • @luciar6157
    @luciar6157 5 лет назад

    amazing! you took something so small and you made a whole story! so inspiring!!!

  • @Sarah-by3fb
    @Sarah-by3fb 5 лет назад

    Never thought about it that way. Awesome message, and will definitely try to apply. Thank you sir!