Why 'Just Pray About It' Isn't Always Enough (Spiritual Bypassing)
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- Опубликовано: 14 апр 2024
- Have you heard the term “Spiritual Bypassing?” Simply put, it is “Proposing a simple spiritual solution to a deeply complex human reality.”
Today, Fr. Mark-Mary shares how to avoid over spiritualizing situations and emotions and offers some practical advice from St. Thomas Aquinas's wisdom.
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When the Prophet Elijah was being hunted by the followers of Baal, he cried aloud to God to let him die-he couldn’t take it anymore. What did God do? He sent a raven with food to feed Elijah. Then God had Elijah fall asleep.
A snack and a nap. Sometimes, in these simple things, God’s voice speaks to us in a calm, homely, and intimate way.
I once called a friend who had lost his only child, a son who had a troubled life. As the phone was ringing, I nearly panicked, but I asked God, “What do I say?” When my friend answered I suddenly knew what to say: “Do you want to talk?” And I listened. And that was what was needed.
THANK YOU for addressing poorly thought out comments so frequently offered to bereaved parents! My wee, sweet girl Ella died over 12 years ago. Well-meaning people told me she was in a better place (she was) when all I could think at that moment was that my arms were the only, best place for her. They said God “needed” her with Him. They said she was an angel now (🤦🏽♀️). None of those words helped; they only added to the hurt.
“Jesus wept.” He was with me in my tears and agony, and He waited patiently with me until I was able to receive the truth of the matter, truth I knew intellectually that my heart hurt too much to hear. She *IS* in a better place. She is one of the cutest, sweetest members of the communion of saints. Ella would have been 13 years old today. Thanks be to God for her life and for the time we had with her here!
what a beautiful testimony Bless your little Ella 💖
I’m so sorry for your loss May God bless you and your whole entire family, especially your daughter, prayers out for you guys. There is power in the mighty name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, He’s with us all. We humbly pray and wish all of this in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
I am so sorry for your loss. May her memory be with you ❤
Rabbi Friedman talked on death and gave me a whole new perspective. He specifically talked about the comment you said people say and how it is not a good one.
So glad it was addressed by a Catholic priest too. It should be talked about more and how to better comfort those that are mourning.
I came here to say something similar ❤.
Thank you for sharing. Sorry for your loss.
Just barely started listening to this video and I am in tears of gratitude. Thank you, Father, for addressing a very serious problem we have in the Church, and addressing it compassionately!
Same...Listened to it yesterday and immediately, the tears came..
Thank father my son of 36 years. Is with our Lord. Yesterday was 10 months. And I'm starting to struggle that he's no longer here so I can hold him. Please pray for my peace. He had diabetes Since the age of 12. 😢
I am so so sorry. I cannot imagine the pain you are experiencing. I am praying today for your peace and healing, but let the tears fall too. And if you cannot find people who are willing to talk and share your memories and your sorrow, then please try to find a support group of parents who are grieving the loss of a child. It's important, and right, that you should get to share your story and journey this hard road with people to surround and love you. May the Virgin Mary, Mother of God, hold you and comfort you and bring you peace and healing.
@mariac4602 thank you so much. I'm going to try
💔🙏🏻🫂
I'm so sorry. May The Lord grant him eternal rest, and may He stay close to you and bring you comfort in your grief.
Excellent and much needed. I think many young, on-fire Catholics tend towards this error. Pray away depression, anxiety, sorrow, loneliness, pain, etc. And though said with the best of intentions, can leave the person receiving this advice feeling like a failure, like "If I was really close to God".... or "if I just had enough faith.." It can be so damaging. I think there are some faithful Catholic college campuses where this is happening quite a bit. Students are told to 'smile' at everyone they see, but they fail to say: seek out the lonely, the marginalized, the 'weird' or 'different' one. Smiling isn't enough. Saying "I will pray for you" or "You just need to pray" isn't enough. The solution is a self-sacrificing boldness that steps into the pain of another and chooses to accompany them, regardless of who they are.
I really needed to hear this! I've had people very quickly dismiss any suffering because I "don't pray enough" or "don't have enough faith", when the best thing they could've done was have a cup of tea and just BE with me!
People like that are referred to as "Job's Comforters"
Great point
Thank you for your priestly ministry Fr. Mark-Mary.
Please pray for me, father.
Thanks for this great video, Father. People often use the St Thomas quote as a spiritual bypassing advice. They quote St Thomas, inaccurately, I think, to say your problems are not serious. Take a nap and a bath and a glass of wine and that will cure you. People advising spiritual bypassing often want to assert that this life is not a valley of tears for anyone. Unfortunately, for some of us, it is.
Agreed. Concisely said
Yes, continue to unpack this topic.
Lord help me forgive the ppl that say my testimony isn’t real. I know it’s just lies from the devil. Because he wants me to lose my faith and Lord it’s working. I’m losing faith. Only you Lord knows the burdens I face. I’m a single mom and it is hard to have everything on my shoulders. Especially because both of my sons are special needs but despite the challenges I face. I keep faith in Jesus even as I struggle to pay rent and as I struggle to buy groceries for my children. As a christian that’s all I can do. Waiting on you Jesus. ❤️
Praise be to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, our Lord our God, Holy is Your Name.
I’m so sorry and may God bless y’all, prayers out for y’all. We humbly pray and wish all of this in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
I am sorry to hear the angst in your post. I don't know you, but I will pray for you. I have been in that struggle with trying to figure out how to pay bills, and it's all-consuming. You can't eat, you can't sleep, though you're beyond exhausted and spent.
What I did at these times,( because unfortunately, this was more than one period) I prayed for help and then I literally said to God, "I can't carry this burden, at least for tonight. I need rest and I need to give this to you." Then, I didn't think about it again, at least for the night. He gave me the respite I needed and soon followed by the help I needed.
The Lord has never abandoned me and He won't abandon you.
Don't allow your faith to be lost, He knows your burdens and He will carry them with you and show you the way.
I will pray for you and your children.
May God bless you. ✝️🙏🏼
God is real, your testimony is real, and you know what is true!! Tell the father of lies to kick rocks
Christ bless you and your children, NEVER STOP! ✝️🕊🙏!!!! Sending up a Hail Mary for you and your sons ❤
I struggle with physical disability and am basically homebound. I also have a neurological disorder that I have to take a drug for and I have really terrible side effects from it. Then, because of all this, I struggle with anxiety and depression. My one friend is always telling me just to be grateful for all I have and that it's not worse. Truthfully, I have learned to express gratitude for everything, even when I'm suffering. And I do have a lot of good things in my life. I believe gratitude is a powerful weapon in our lives in helping us to cope with hardship. And God has given me the faith to constantly offer up my sufferings for the conversion of souls and in reparation for sins. However, sometimes, I wish my friend would acknowledge just how much I have lost and how much I struggle instead of just dismissing it. Do other people suffer worse? Yes, but that doesn't diminish my suffering. I recently had a visit with a new doctor and after listening to my struggles, before she offered any advice, she simply replied: "That must be so frustrating. You've been dealing with this for so long." It was nice to have someone acknowledge my pain and meet me in the pain, even for just a few minutes.
In confession, I shared my struggles of depression over being abandoned in divorce and Father responded with, "You are grieving." He gently acknowledged my maladaptive responses to the grief as sin, but the fact that he met me in the grief and verbalized it helped me immensely. I'd walled my emotions off but his kindness opened up genuine tears (a good cry) which brought me peace.
@@constancemartin933 That's a good priest there! Best wishes in your continued healing. God Bless.
As an agnostic I love to see these kinds of videos. So many people don’t move to help themselves or help others or address problems because they expect that their prayers and their belief will fix everything for them.
@Joseph-Haddad who said I don’t feel pity for them? That’s the very reason I commented, because I feel bad that people get mislead into not helping themselves or not taking action.
As a devout Catholic, it is good to see that you are willing not only to watch the whole video, but comment afterwards in a positive manner. One of the tenants of the Catholic faith is action. Mathew 25:40. Caring for others requires action, led by prayer. When we pray we must listen also. HE will reveal what must be done. Then we must step up and do so. That is my takeaway from the video. Seems like you got a similar message. Keep watching Fr. Mark-Mary !
Yes, this message goes with the common phrase “God helps those who help themselves.”
I'm still learning how to pray at 62 years of age.
The best thing I've learned is to pray for the out come I would like to happen. But I have finally gotten to the point of saying to God (and meaning it) is Lord, let Your will be done. And trying, which isn't that hard, to find a way to praising Our Lord.
I would like to request a prayer.
We are coming upon the 2nd Anniversary of my Brother's death. Our parents have both passed on but with my siblings and me included, we need peace in our family again. The anger over his death and the unexpected way that he died has thrown us all into a spiral of dispair, realizing that he's gone and not coming back and the anger that occasionally hits all of us. We need peace in our family again. Please pray for us. Thank you and God you.
I'll include you and yours in my Rosary tonight..
Faith + action = Results 🙏🏻🙌🏻🕊🌹
Thank you, Father. The other day I was braving a massive temptation and felt abhorrent. I ate one square of chocolate to take my mind off of it, and immediately I thought, "You're eating because you're stressed. This is bad for you! Just wait for the terrible feelings to pass!"
It's always a helpful reminder to me that we're both spirit AND body.
As my grandmother used to say to say "a Dios rogando y con el mazo dando" You pray, you ask for help, but you also do the work towards your goal
I seriously needed this message.. This was an answer to my prayer today. Actually made me chuckle. I have been so frustrated. Now I can make the necessary changes. Thank you!!
Thank you so much Father for always speaking to our hearts beautifully 🫶
Wow so timely!! And I did just that.. I cried, gave in to my cravings, and took a nap. I feel better and I know it’s temporary but God is faithful 💙
This video was extremely helpful. Can't wait for more on this topic.
Humans are body and soul composite.
Love your insightful messages Thank you Fr Mark.
Thank you, Fr. Mark. Your videos are comforting to me.
Thank you Fr Mark Mary you always bring the real talk here
yet another work of St. Thomas Aquinas I didn't know about :) thank you for this, Fr. Mark-Mary.
This is fire Father Mark. Prayer has not been enough to rid me of my habitual sin. I also have those vague daydreams of God alone.
Please, Fr., make more videos unpacking this.
Thank you for addressing child loss 🙏🏼
Thanks father ✝️☦️📿
Chuck full of so much of the wisdom many of us are looking for. I'll be looking for the next video. Thank you.
Thank you Father Mark! Your message is SO timely per usual!🙏🏾👏🏾
Vamos A Llegar, Thanks Father Mark ☝️💯💯✌️
“He weeps before he raises” ❤
Thank you Fr. Mark-Mary. What you speak of here is so common for us all to fall into. Great advice once again.😊
Soothing water , prayer and a little chocolate !Love this self care method . We seem to be called to care for others first . To address their needs . It’s ok to gently neutralize, remember to love what God created , come to think of it , that includes ourselves . Be gentle , pray always !❤😢🙏😂❤
Father, you just did for us what St Thomas Aquinas did. Thank you.
This spoke right into my current situation. Wow. Thank you. It's going to be hard but I've got to lean into the work to get the healing.
Prayer should be deep, sincere and consistent.
Please do more of those, thank you.
Dude I’ve been totally thinking of being a hermit for a while cus I AM sick of dealing with those around me
We are gonna make it, Father Mark-Mary. Thank you. Glory to God and Saviour Jesus Christ!!!
Thank you for this insightful video. Yes, some times, I pray and pray and my prayers aren't answered. I have learned, the hard way, that my prayers will be answered in God's timing, not when I want them to be. Patience is the key. Thank you Jesus for your presence in my life daily.
I had never heard the term “spiritual bypassing” before, but you explain it so simply and so clearly! Yes, please do more videos on that subject! Today’s video revealed to me something that I didn’t even knew existed, but that I think I may do without realizing it. So I would love to know more about this attitude, or similar ones, that are obstacles in our spiritual journey! Thank you so much!
The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not "get over" the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Hello Fr Mark-Mary, Thank you for your wonderful videos! 😊
Would you do a video on how love is related to suffering? I don’t understand that connection.
Thank you 💛🙏🏻
Fr, thanks for this message. Very thoughtful and will struggle to instill this in my everyday practices. There's a lot of tension that i go through every day, and i can learn from this to separate a lot of the guilt stress and work on it.
Very helpful Looking forward to additional lessons
🙏🙏🙏. Thank you
Love this! We do what we can, and let God do the rest. ❤
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Beautiful ❤. Thank you. God bless you.
Thank you for making this video Father. I think a lot of times, good well-meaning, Christians forget that God wants people to cooperate with Him (like any relationship) and not become a passive onlookers (using prayer and permissiveness) just "experiencing" life happening
I appreciate this message so much. I try to understand this but would love guidance from you on this works alongside “your will be done” and “putting everything up to God” ❤ Thank you 🙏
Yes. This video is what God wanted me to hear as he convicted me of this earlier today as I was doing for my last habitual sins and trying to not doubt Him.
Thank you Fr. Mark-Mary!
Awesome. 👍❤️🔥
I always feel better after listening to you. Losing our 22 y/o last year has left such pain that praying and reaching out to our Lord is the only relief - meaning that I accept but the soul and heart aches so much. Still I know that Jesus loves me.
Thank you Father! 🙏🏼
Thank you very much for this video. It was very helpful.
I feel like I'm trapped in a difficult situation with my habitual sin and with bad health... And I'm really struggling and I get depressed and sad very often cause I can't find an easy or quick way out. And just prayer and church aren't enough.. I hate it when people come to me with easy way solutions as if I would be Stupid or lazy.. Please pray for me that I can make it somehow through the struggles. I really feel lost and exhausted and I hate those "easy solution" advices so many people give me... It feels like no one is taking me serious
My brother I feel your pain, I have been there. What i can tell you from my perspective is that you can't defeat sin on your own. I'm sure there are times when you decided you won't do it anymore and went on a good week or 2 run without falling to that habitual sin and finally found your self trapped again.The reason why it is difficult to break this cycle is because your flesh is in a constant fight with your soul. Unless we deny ourselves and invite holy spirit to work in our lives we cant have power over our flesh and these habitual sins. God only requires one thing from us and that is full submission towards him as our lond Jesus Christ said "come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." If you can give your life fully to Christ and let his will be done in your life he is faithful and will take away your desire to sin. May God take control over your life and takeaway all the desires of the flesh. I strongly urge you to read Romans chapter 6.
thank you for this
Thank You for enlightening us, Father!
wow❤
THIS IS SOOO GOOD!!! It makes so much sense! Sometimes we don’t digest things that happen to us or around us, we don’t grieve healthily, instead we view that as something bad and as if we have to always be rejoicing. It is really amazing how we can weep, grieve, our hearts hurting while also knowing God is good and faithful but without suppressing and avoiding a healthy response. Thank you so much for this great video! I’m definitely going to share this with my fam and friends!
Such real, practical help.Amen.
Thank you! I need this to be a better neighbor to other people.
Normally, good locations for convents are on 30 km wilderness radius. So technically you'd choose a spot where there can't be real-estate development. Like the Grand Canion. :))
Bear in mind this. I want to feel safe; I live in a city with the sewer rats. I want peace of mind; I live in the wilderness with the wolves. :))
Wow, this is incredibly helpful for me. I really needed to hear this right now
In a certain way, this was me. I have a habitual sin and still go to church attend mass...but I know I am wrong. But this 2024, I'm getting over this habitual sin one day at a time, one small step forward. Every now and then, temptation creeps in the back of my mind, but God has been gracious and understanding in my pace. It's only been few months but it's a start. Everyday i pray for strength to avoid this habitual sin. I know in my heart it's a start. I have a long way to go. But if not now, when?
Yeah, this is right on. Prayer is fine, but sometimes God might want us to roll up our sleeves, get in the kitchen and do the dishes. We've been endowed with intellect and will; we need to do the work.
You mean God actually wants me to live? 😭 😂 But really this is my response. I needed to hear this message. Thank you
Thank you,
Lots of detailed help and support here.
I will listen again.
Grateful 🙏🏽 for your direction in prayer.
Thank you💖✝️🙏🏻
Thank you padre
Yes, this was very helpful. Thank you.
Thanks! I really needed this talk and I am looking forward to more.❤
Gracias Padre, ive been facing a terrible situation, w s friend not helping me w a reference letter need to get a job...and another aquiantance, sister in Christ e her friends have strived to ruin my social situation and strive to nearly tarnish my career w defamation..
Great video, Fr! I was really needing this advice in my life! I was dealing with these practises as it they were holy, but I realise they are not. “The reality is Christ” (Cl 2:17) and Christ is in the reality! Thanks for showing me more this. God bless you forever.
I sure love Saint Francis. And I admire your explanations as well.🙌🏻
We have a soul AND a body. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. We need to take care of both.
This message was so to the point and so needed. Thank you for it. I hope you do what you mentioned and make more videos unpacking more of this.
Thank you for making this video Father, this was most definitely helpful to me.
This is great.
Thank you
This was very helpful. I look forward to more videos like this. 🙏
Word.
Preach!!!
Yes, poco a poco ! Do more videos , please =) Great information you always all share. Truly grateful; have a great rest to your week!
Beautifully stated even though sometimes difficult to truly understand but love the way it was explored
This is very good. Thanks! ☺
This was a great video topic!
I'd like to learn more. It's hard to reconcile all the different teachings... "all things happen for the good of those who love God, trust in God in all things, see Him first, do not be afraid, etc." Yes, chocolate is good, taking a nap is good, etc. but when you're doing the work and "contemplating the truth" and God is silent and still nothing seems to change, it's disheartening. Trust becomes so difficult and it seems to take so much more effort and the constant act of will seems what's being asked for (not to be confused with willpower). I keep thinking of Abraham and Sarah who were told they would have descendants and had to wait decades before Sarah became pregnant.
That was a great video.
🙏🏼
I didn’t find this video to be all that helpful. Sometimes there is nothing else but prayer.
When my daughters and I will go through things, especially why they were little I would always talk to them about offering it up for sins and for other things. My explanation was that we are all gonna suffer on this planet on this earth so we should offer up our pain and suffering to Jesus to make expiation in Union with his suffering on the cross. Is this considered spiritual bypassing? I would help them with whatever was bothering, but I always told them to also offered up.
This is really good and always learn a lot of these videos. I want to point out it's hard to follow you sometimes because you tend to run your words together. It sounds like mumbling. I don't mean to hurt you (sorry!!) but it detracts from the important messages. Thanks!!
When he was dying on the Cross, Jesus cried out, "Father, Father, why have You forsaken Me?" If Christ himself in his most deeply human moment felt lost and abandoned, and.couldnt just "pray it away", why would we expect platitudes to suffice for ourselves or.our fellow humans?
Thank you so much for this video. I feel so lost right now. I wake up with morning anxiety & I don’t know how to stop it. I’ve been praying and I’ve been trying to trust on the lord that he will give me peace and take away these evil spirits that bring me down like laziness, social anxiety, self worth, fear, worry, & depression but I know it won’t magically disappear. What do I pray for in this case? For courage? For help? Where do I start? I don’t know how to stop all this. Right now my heart is racing and I’m just sitting down typing this :( can someone please help me. I feel so lost and hopeless
One thing that has helped me tremendously is Mon. Rosetti and the St Michael Center. He does monthly healing and deliverance sessions and he also has short clips praying for things like anxiety. It's powerful being able to have community and prayer support . I've also come to understand the lies that have undergirded my struggles. Please consider watching some of the short clips and signing up for the online sessions. You can also access previous sessions from the website. I really hope this helps. Please know that you are not alone. In fact Mon Rosetti starts the short video of deliverance prayers for depression and anxiety by stating just how common it is. Asking my guardian angel to intercede for you and praying for healing, hope, courage, freedom for you and for you to be able to start afresh!
I have about 16 years of experience that "Just pray about it" isn't enough.