The Truth About Controlling Women and Carefree Men
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- Опубликовано: 26 авг 2024
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👉 In this insightful video, Teal Swan delves into the misunderstood archetype of the uptight, controlling woman. She explains how this behavior stems from unresolved fear and trauma, rather than an innate desire for power.
Teal outlines why carefree men often worsen the situation, and how responsible, proactive partners can help these women feel safe enough to relax. Discover the unmet feminine needs at the root of rigid control, and learn conscious practices to prevent pain and resolve underlying wounds. If you're struggling with a controlling woman in your life, or recognize these patterns within yourself, Teal's compassionate guidance illuminates the path to healing.
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👉 Who Is Teal Swan?
Teal Swan is a New Thought Leader, Bestselling Author, and Speaker. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom, and joy and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual pain.
The result when people are restored to wholeness is that the world will be restored to wholeness. Teal Swan's teachings invite people to step fully into their authenticity, knowing that this will bring about the positive change that we want to see in the world.
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Beginning and Ending Song:
Teal Swan Intro by Christian De Raco
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You kinda make it sound like the controlling woman is the protagonist and the care free man is the antagonist of the scenario
Accountability is like kryptonite to modern women
The headline is a bit misleading. I read it as 'how to control women as a carefree man'. Maybe, ''the truth about archetypal controlling women...''
WITCH!!!!!
@@MrRymank1979 go watch more redpill joe shmoe. It must be really frustrating when no women wants to suck your thing down there
Former controlling woman, I can vouch for everything Teal just said. My current boyfriend couldn't be more different from my ex in terms of how much he is willing to show up in the relationship. It makes all the difference
He is a keeper so ensure both want the same for 10-15-20 years together and start now.
lucky you...
What do you mean by"show up," it would be most helpful to men looking to improve themselves if you provided real life examples.
@@arias2026 Yes isn't she? 😊 It's great you're celebrating her joy.
@@nicolina1026 as much as it's great that you feel empathy for the less fortunate instead, isn't it?
A stable man is not always a “carefree” passive man. A stable man brings positive leadership to a relationship: taking initiative, always thinking ahead, proactive problem solving, considering the consequences of his decisions and how they will affect the woman he’s with, always including the woman in his future plans. These are also important qualities to look for in a potential father.
I’m kind of at the point where if even a man shows these qualities I feel like it’s a trick to make me weak and vulnerable to take from me and leave me even more weak and more vulnerable. It’s this whole weird reverse psychology game.
@@bludesertfairy3370 that’s because you’ve been used and abused by the wrong one and it’s hard for you to heal. If you really want a real man, you gotta do the work and heal.
"always thinking ahead, proactive problem solving, considering the consequences of his decisions and how they will affect the woman he’s with, always including the woman in his future plans. These are also important qualities to look for in a potential father."
That is not only man behaviour, that is grown up behaviour. A woman also has to think ahead and consider the consequences of her actions for the people she is with and include them in her plans. That is imperative for being a parent! As a man who has been through a real lot, and had to claw his life from traumatized childhood to being able to farm, fell trees, fight, and had many difficult jobs during his life I can tell you I will never, ever again provide containment for any of those grown up children who call themselves women. Responsibility goes both ways. Especially in a time and age where we are trying to grow spirutually as human beings.
laughing at the word leadership..
did this so called leader ever think anything outside of his lifespan?
mostly.. women outlive men.. did he ever thought whats going to
happen to wife?
RARE men think of this. Men are not trust worthy
@@ChubbsterOfficial Finding a man who is different from that might solve it.
As a divorced man, I needed to hear this word for word. This made so many light bulbs click in my head. This makes so much sense, that at the same time, I don't feel like I can share this with anyone. This simple session could help so many people in their relationships if they're willing to put the work into one that they're compatible with. That's why I can't share this video since compatible relationships are not so easy to come by. The chances are, if this video triggered you in a negative way, your relationship with your significant other is not compatible and the fear of ending it is taking over. Thank you Teal Swan, for another great video. Your the best
🦢
It’s easier for the person to say “don’t worry about it” when they aren’t the one who has to clean up after the mess and live with the consequences
E X A C T L Y !!!
No, I don't think it is asking too much for a woman (or person) not to constantly criticize the man (or person) who SHE CHOSE and continues to choose, to live with. See here:
"You Got Lucky"
One, two
You better watch what you say
You better watch what you do to me
Don't get carried away
Girl, if you can do better than me
Go
Yeah, go
But remember
Good love is hard to find
Good love is hard to find
You got lucky, babe
You got lucky, babe
When I found you
You put a hand on my cheek
And then you turned your eyes away
If you don't feel complete
If I don't take you all of the way
Then go
Yeah, go
But remember
Good love is hard to find
Good love is hard to find
You got lucky, babe
You got lucky, babe
When I found you
Yeah, go
Just go
But remember
Good love is hard to find
Good love is hard to find
You got lucky, babe
You got lucky, babe
When I found you
ruclips.net/video/td8To6gb3qA/видео.html
You know what is even EASIER? Never turning a single wrench your entire life but MAGICALLY having the benefits of thousands of well oiled and maintained machines piloted by men farming and trucking your food to you, and your clothes, and EVERY SINGLE OTHER thing you take for granted to the miles upon miles of stores where you can grudgingly spend 87% of all domestic spending BUT without ever ONCE swinging a hammer or falling off a ladder on the verge of heat stroke😂, driving on blacktop, never even one SINGLE shovelful of asphalt when it’s 102 degrees. Need some Underwater welding done because a storm damaged the rig? High voltage powerlines down? Mine collapse? Freeway collapse? Now tell me about “cleaning up the mess” and “living with the consequences”.
@@danjohnson191
Preach brother. They don't wanna hear it though.
@@danjohnson191 Am sure plenty of women would do these jobs. However employers probably prefer men because they are *usually* physically stronger. And women aren't conditioned to do these jobs. Until I met my partner, I didn't even know it would have been possible for me to work with physical things and engineering. Despite my love for tech early on. No one talked to me about that. My family is very traditional. Blaming women is a bit evil cause we are all in a strange situation.
My ex didn’t protect, provide, plan, or take any responsibility for anything. I am so much more relaxed and happy not being responsible for a grown man.
Grown boy/male. That’s what you were dating. Not a man. You picked wrong. Sorry
@@ChubbsterOfficial I don’t know why you’re attacking this person. You don’t know exactly what happened, and you’re not acting like a man either.
@@Ane127 I didn’t attract. I just stated something. A lot of times, women/females think they are dating a “man” which they were. They were dating a boy/male disguised as a man. Which is why these issue come up with immaturity and so forth. A lot of “real” men won’t put their partner thru the trama because it will look bad on him and the fear of punishment from the most high will also not allow him to go down that path.
If you want to expand more, I definitely have time this morning. :)
Blessings 🙏🏾
@@Ane127 sometimes we have to grow up and see what part did we have in the situation and did we overlook any red flags? A lot of times we want to be with somebody so bad we overlook red flags, which intern will hurt us in the future. Once we start taking accountability and “not playing the victim” (lack of better terms). I believe we can grow to our highest potential
@@ChubbsterOfficial You said that you didn’t attack. You told her she picked wrong. You don’t know what happened. You’re making a lot of assumptions.
This seems about half right. My ex was uptight and controlling, and I tried to make her feel safe, loved, heard, and understood, well provided for. The more of her expectations I met, the higher her expectations became and the more demanding she became. I felt I was running on a threadmill that was just getting faster and faster.
I couldn't possibly forsee all the potential fears she could have, and it became exhausting to try and do so.
The solution for a woman being controlling is not simply that their partner is largely at fault and needs to step up. That might be part of it but It's a bit more complex than that.
She has some responsibility to evaluate her fears and needs and determine if they're realistic and rational.
Simply offsetting all the responsibility onto your partner whether ypur a man or a woman is simply not a strategy for lasting happiness.
Sounds like you overstretched your boundaries, champ. That's part of containment.
I think it’s just an extreme case. I get what you’re saying, but I think most women just struggle being the adult in the relationship Vice the things you’re talking about. This video is just talking about the men that let all household and family tasks fall on the woman. Some men are so oblivious to what needs to be done around the house and family life that they let it all fall on their wife or girlfriend. It’s exhausting to constantly be in charge of making sure another adult is doing their part as a fellow adult. To run a household, there needs to be management (the adults). If one is carrying more of the load than the other, it’s unbalanced. The collaboration piece she talks about is vital for a woman’s sense of safety in the relationship.
teal in this video totally talked about using her completion process to work on and adress her trauma, as well as consciously implementing preventative methods for the things she fears etc. She never said "its all men's responsibility"
Well said! It takes BOTH people looking at themselves and seeing where they can heal.
@@Dap740people don't often watch the video ij full, or comprehend everything said in full before commenting.
I wonder how many relationships and marriages could have been saved or avoided if people had access to this video.
Or even parents.... Imagine if the issue could be fixed at its roots?
They have access
They couldn't, because a video after the fact isn't real time feedback about behavior that was happening in the moment.
@@Undercovershrinkhere They meant in the past...
They probably wouldn't have been saved because these people are deeply incompatible. A care free man would not want to become a responsible man, so he needs a care free woman. And a care free woman would neve be happy with a responsible man because she would see him as controlling. You just need to find your person and not try to change someone who doesn't want to be changed.
Wow. Wow. Wow. I'm in my late 60's and am looking back at all of my relationships and marriage with men I thought were good for me because they were so non-reactive. I just became anxious and controlling and they became a child and I their mother. All of a sudden things are falling into place. I did have one relationship with a responsible man and it was so relaxing for me. I think my other relationships have just plain been a mismatch for me. I need a responsible man. Thank you for this video.
If you can elaborate when you say they were nonreactive, was that the main issue? Does that mean they weren't reactive to you when you were reactive or they weren't reactive to life in general?
@@yonah9983 If you're talking about my husband it would look like: when there was a roof leak in the middle of the night I had to get out of bed and deal with it. Someone trying to break into the house, same thing. Any problem that came up I had to deal with it and he would disappear to the office or sit on the sofa and watch ball games and pretend there wasn't a problem. Our dog had a medical emergency and instead of rushing her to the vet, he shoved her through the doggie door so I would notice and take her.
You were throwing tantrums. You cause this. And your mother caused you.
@@yonah9983I would say it means they haven't been able to grasp the whole concept of accountable and responsibility.
@@yonah9983 carefree irresponsible children, as opposed to a manly protector who actually makes it possible for a woman to relax. Women are highly attuned to threats due to being childbearers so anything that helps gain the sense of security is great. A lot of men just add to the sense of insecurity, instability, threat or fear.
I absolutely love the seriousness with which you address this, Teal. Because for me, a daughter of a controlling, uptight, almost always very fearful mother it is a serious matter. I am not blaming her though. She has cptsd (childhood trauma), so I have sympathy. But one can have sympathy and at the same time see the serious consequences on oneself from a parent's behaviour.
Wow. I’ve never in my life felt so understood than while watching this video. This is why I’m single - I can count on me. Literally had goosebumps & wept. Beautifully done. I wonder how many of the men who’d asked you about this subject clicked out of the video once they realized what’s needed from them. If they understood it at all. Thank you for creating this much needed content ❤
I love those moments of feeling so understood. It's beautiful that this video had such an impact on you! That happened to me with Teal's video "The Most Dangerous Parallel Reality." One of my favorites, made me finally feel seen by someone, in some of my darkest times.
First example, most men would be well aware of the practical matter concerning the dog. Plain common sense. Couldn't listen after that.
@@utualan not true. I’ve had almost this precise experience. Ex husband didn’t follow the rules of the dogs training - thought he knew better. Dog dove under fence & attacked neighbors dog. We snuck my dog to a rescue so it wasn’t put down. All bc ex wasn’t responsible enough to think of the consequences & get ahead of it. Precisely what Teal said. Who had to solve the issue to save the dog? You got it - me.
There's a two way understanding to this one. man is carefree because the care function got broken. Care function got broken because he learned that caring equals pain and suffering. There has to be something worth caring about first. So, it's like chicken and egg. What is required of a man has to be met equally with what is required of a woman - there has to be an experience of sweetness and grace, etc. to be worth the effort of facing the pain of caring. If the woman responds by becoming like a man, any man will be repulsed. So he stops caring. And let it all fall to ruin. If the woman responds by becoming more feminine, well, at least you know if you have a real man or not.
Yeah, it takes the big effort and full awareness of both people, easing into it, bit by bit, little more trust, little more understanding, more care means more feminine means more reward for caring means more caring... and then the habits snap back, and then start over, and give a little, get a little, give a little, get a little.... oh, messed up again. Communicate, communicate, understand, try again...
You know quite well that if the most responsible and containing protective man showed up, it would only be 5 minutes before you get triggered by some past memory and make him suffer for caring about you. It takes two...
"If they understood at all." That's offensive. Some of us guys actually do care. I've seen firsthand a dysfunctional father, of a friend of mine from back in the day. He didn't give a damn about anything, so his wife (my friends' mom) was very controlling. He was a jersey to her, my friend, me, my father as well, etc. As a young, angsty teenager, it was immensely stressful dealing with a person who wasn't my mom trying to control me as well, only to vascilate between being uptight and jumping up and down like a schoolgirl. That being said, then theres my parents. My dad shuts down and doesn't communicate well; I see the fricion that causes when he makes decisions without her. But I also see when he tries to talk it out and my mom acts like his decision isn't good enough and reverts into the mother-wife dysfunction all over again. It's a stressful topic , but I do really appreciate Teals' videos as a dude. Like in the videos' scenario, the guy definitely didn't responsibility make a good decision regarding the dog. And as a guy, making sure the emergency phone works would be my first thought actually.
It seems as though I keep finding men who want containment from me.
I have already done that.
It didn't feel right.
I felt like I was parenting my partner and we were not equals.
Still seeking... this universe is so big, I won't give up
Yesssssss wow
Learned lessons, Never be with a controlling women… it’s exhausting
That eliminates most women. Everyone needs control to a degree
This woman's understanding of the human condition is beyond belief - never ceases to blow my mind.
I would love if Teal could talk more about the flip polarity in men and woman. Like when men are more interested in taking from woman than protecting and providing for her - and then getting her energy from that. More fairly. 🙏
She has a video on that called having boundaries. When you encounter those types of men you need to block and move on.
@@carlyofearth thank you for your response 🙏
Drizzle drizzle
This
I wonder what she thinks about a working mum and stay at home dad, which is the dynamic in my relationship.
I heard the word relax so many times. So much weight was lifted off my shoulders that Teal was my voice that is never heard on the internet. So many women are exactly like this because we feel alone. Thank you for this, because what I really want is to be able to relax.
Teal speaks the truth. A relationship means both people SHARE responsibility- for safety (physical and mental), for planning, for attunement within the relationship. When it breaks down is often when kids come into the picture. Yes sometimes both parents are equally involved, but too often, women (generally) are more involved in childcare for example- and that requires being responsible for a vulnerable child. When one parent’s answer is always - “it’ll be fine/relax”, but no effort is made to share that responsibility equally - where does that responsibility go? Back on the person who understands what is required. It’s a mental load that so many women must accept because there is no one else there to meet her even halfway. Then that “carefree” partner becomes an unreliable other stressor that needs to be managed by the one who is concerned for the core safety/security/preplanning needs for her AND now her child. Mama bears are not going to accept lax, slapdash care of their child. Men need to understand this massive mental load and REALLY take responsibility of their fair share and do their best to build trust in this regard. THEN women can relax!!
My experience is the opposite. I'm a former boy scout, rescue firefighter, and military medic, among other things. I'm acutely aware of real dangers. She ignores those dangers and worries about worst-case scenarios that don't exist. She constantly criticizes my efforts to provide and protect. She has past trauma with another man. I can't fix that. I do my job. Making mountains out of petty problems is a choice. This whole blame the man for your own issues is ridiculous. If she wants to be uptight and controlling she will. She will end up with no man.
@crfogal67 Wow. Insightful comment. I was called controlling, but he would never showed that he cared about anything that I was worried about, but then he would scream at me and say, " I'M THE ALPHA!" He actually said that to me. However, he did not provide or protect. I had to do the providing and protecting.
I am alone now and healing. It's nice to know that it goes both ways.
Good luck!
@@seedsofsilvertree very true.
I was married to a uptight and controlling woman. It was extremely hard to be useful in her eyes. I knew where her trauma stemmed from but she never let me in to help her.
I just imagine you are a douche
It's tough man cause even if you're not laid back. Even if you do the right things. It's never enough. And the next day would be filled with issues. I have sympathy for both of u.
Next time, instead of suggesting to help. Actively step in and do without asking. This will show her subconscious she does not need to ask which is still being in control
In the same boat. Tried these solutions as well. Her control won out over my prevention, problem solving, ownership and responsibility. Not sure what else to do.
1. either sit down w her and tell her exactly this, or 2. if you've already done that and she refuses to heal, she's not the woman for you
This is a thought provoking topic…. I know of people in this type of relationship…. The woman is controlling/uptight, always directing the man what to do, while the man is laid back and made to think he’s incapable of making a decisions for himself. The dynamic is vicious where the woman feels the man NEEDS her to be that way in order for things to go right and then blames the man for messing up and that he didn’t listen to her. The answer is women need to be able to fulfill their own needs and a relationship w/someone enhances her life and the life they lead together. It’s not that a woman doesn’t need a man to be happy but we are responsible for our own happiness.
Reminds me of the movie Mrs Doubtfire
Like she says, it’s a trauma response. Ironically the “laid back man” is actually a trauma response from a controlling mother too. He’s subconsciously wanting to be mothered, and it truly is him that can wake up and change the dynamic into healing them both when he leads. Should look up Ehsun Anwar videos on the mother wound in a man. He’s a genius like she is
One cannot fulfill their own need for genuine human connection.
I swear Teal has bigger balls than I do to give voice to such unpopular truths
Simp
@@MrRymank1979im a simp too
the biggest invisaballs youll ever not see 🤣
One thing about Teal - she always gets the conversation going about the right topics.
But comes to absolutely the wrong conclusions, and states them as if she somehow knows better than everyone else, when she really doesn't.
@@bradleyfrank7933 if you feel this strongly, please create content to educate us all. You must have all the answers.
So, I missed how it is actually remedied. If the woman never takes responsibility for her unwarranted fears and constantly lives on the edge of "What ifs" in life, she has relegated herself to a lifetime of bondage and slavery. The fact that she is controlling indicates that she is not in control of herself and her thought patterns. It is NOT the mans job to be her therapist... 98% of fears will NEVER come true. People must learn how to properly marry emotions with truth. I have found it better to just avoid those who are controlled by unrealistic fears unless you are willing to join yourself for the rest of your life to this exhausting energy drain. The best way to overcome fear is to intentionally place yourself in the situations which trigger them- each time reminding yourself that you are perfectly safe until you desensitize and dispel it completely. It helps to remember and reflect on the initial event while doing this. Just my experience from 35 years of marriage. Jeffrey Z. in SC
do you not feel at all your assumption that you are assuming the right to decide what’s “warranted”
Watch it again. The remedy is there
@@changingmymind Perhaps "irrational" might be a better choice of words. People who are always led by fear cannot enjoy life because their mind is always focused on the "What ifs". To me, that is the ultimate slavery and joy killer in life.
@@changingmymind Fearing death (in general) is unwarranted. Death is unavoidable, we ultimately all do. The best we can do is take control of our lives as much as possible, and through preparedness and caution, avoid dying for as long as possible. The same goes for any other fear. You resolve fear by understanding the object of your fear, and to what degree you can influence it. Then you take control of what is within your influence, and operate it in such a way that the part of it which is outside your control becomes irrelevant. Anything outside of your control must be accepted as reality.
Fear has an evolutionary purpose in our biology. There are three types of fear: Anticipatory fear, acute fear, and traumatic fear.
Anticipatory fear is ultimately fear of the unknown. Knowing something is going to happen, not knowing how it might affect you. At the root of it is the inherent risk of uncertainty. The purpose of anticipatory fear is to invoke avoidance. "I don't understand this, this is scary.". It serves the purpose of making us cautious when we do not grasp the situation well.
Acute fear is in the moment. Like losing your balance on a cliff edge, or walking in the street and a loose dog running straight at you. You know the potential consequences. You know if you fall it will hurt, you know if the dog bites you, you will get seriously injured. The fear serves to get your adrenaline going so that you can react to the immediate threat. To trigger a fight or flight response.
Traumatic fear is learned fear. Any time you have gotten hurt (whether it's physically or emotionally), you learn to fear the context in which it occurred. Like anticipatory fear, its purpose is to invoke avoidance. "I got hurt like this before, I shouldn't repeat behaviour x or I should get out of situation y.". Unlike anticipatory fear, the object of fear comes from your lived experiences rather than uncertainty / your imagination.
Whether or not fear is warranted depends on probability and actual reality in the moment you experience it. If a woman walks down a street and becomes afraid whenever a man passes her on the street, regardless of the context, that is a rampant fear. She needs to take control of her fear, rather than be controlled by it, by becoming more observant. Is the guy about to cross her path ignoring her or staring at her? Does he politely greet her as he passes, or does he make a crass remark? Does he continue on his way or turn around and start to follow her?
This fear is mainly anticipatory. The "unknown" being "what the man is thinking". But there can also be a traumatic aspect to it if the woman has had prior negative experiences. It (should) only become(s) an acute fear if the man shows signs that he might do something. I am not saying this fear is inherently irrational, but it needs to be controlled, otherwise it becomes an irrational fear.
replacing unwarranted with irrational in no way addresses the issue of who gets to decide, who gets to ask.
I wish more people understood male/female dynamics
Check out Princella Clark for deep insights on male female dynamics.
Hey I'm an uptight and controlling woman, never realized I could blame men for this as well! Thanks Teal!
what the heck...
this is the best comment on this video... and epitomizes the problem in a lot of dynamics - just blame your past baggage on your current man...
Hahah...that's as old as time. Eve's forbidden fruit episode is referred to as " Adam's Sin"
lol. i hear you. must be wary of projection, but sometime both truths are 50% of THE truth and each partner must take accountability in the dynamic
😂😂😂
FINALLY SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS IT! Thank you, Ma'am.
I agree with Teal, mostly. If as a woman you're asking yourself now: "wtf am I left do, if men are the ones that need to step up ? Where is my power in this situation ?" The answer is simple: focus on your part which is, be SELECTIVE and take ownership of your own needs. Until you find a man that is that kind of a provider, stay single. Meet your relationship needs in other creative ways until then.
I wish Teal would acknowledge the law of mirroring in this case. We controlling women and that includes Teal from my observations, are this way wayyy before we get with a laid back (below bare minimum, low effort) "man".
We had shitty/absent/npc "fathers" that made us not even aware of what to look for in a real man. I have dated such trash simply bc that is what was modeled to me. I also behaved like trash bc again, that is what was modeled to me.
Our responsibility as women is to become self-reliant enough so that we can then choose from our best interest and NOT from desperation. It's a viscious cycle that can be difficult to break. I keep reverting to her video on codependency vs. Independence vs. Interdependence. Interdependence aka healthy relationship dynamics is the goal but we can't skip that necessary self-reliance step in between.
Become your own man (by finding creative ways to meet your needs outside of a romantic partnership) and treat yourself with the utmost respect. Then and only then will you be able to fully recognize and reject those bbmle "men". Red flags will never be invisible again bc you can compare the treatment of that potential partner to your own self-loving treatment.
If this resonates check out the following resources that helped me on my journey so far besides Teals content:
The channel "manifestelle" here on RUclips. Her videos enlightened me further than I got than from seeing Teal as the exclusive go-to for my problems.
Research "rotational dating", I promise you'll be so happy you did, I sure was.
I wish you the all the best, lady.💃💗
Now imma go and practice what I preached 😅❤️🔥
Most hinged comment.
One caveat, controlling women have to be willing to be vulnerable, and not be in control. We have to go against our programming. That takes a willingness to trust and the courage to be in a relationship that does not feel familiar. (co-dependence)
. Red flags will never be invisible again bc you can compare the treatment of that potential partner …to your own self-loving treatment.💖💖💖💖💖
This is so true. For years I’ve read books in codependency and tried to fix myself, now I think that was never the core problem. What a terrible waste of my time!!
Since I have started investing in self care and living a better lifestyle for myself.. I’m experiencing what you refer to.
I meet guys I would have been smitten with in the past and I just feel turned off by their messy lives. No thanks.. my peace is too precious. 😇
“npc father”… that was good.
once you let someone control money.. you also let them control:
- will you get medical treatments when you need them. The so called provider can just tell you nope lol deal with it yourself!
- who will feed you can also starve you
- the relationship how long it last it purely depend on will your partner, provider find you attractive and useful
so yes will have own money
So happy you actually listed things we need to assess for in men, to get our feminine needs met. Thank you for being so spesific! ❤ Video Request: I haven't seen that you have really gone in depth/super pragmatic about what it actually entails practically for a man to provide containment/providersship etc and other needs met for a woman to genuinely be in her feminine energy. Like teaching us what that looks like on a day to day basis. And the agreements or set up for it to work in the real world.
I really appreciate everything you teach that is as super pragmatic and implementable / assessable when choosing a partner.
Hope you will do more really in depth videos about how that healthy masculine and feminine dynamic can look exemplified. Even just the economic part of providership since it is a whole new territory for so many women waking up to that we don't want to be seen or treated like men.
Also especially since a lot of Western/European/ even worse Scandinavian culture; I have no contexts for how polarity relationships can look.
So I'm basically learning now about it in the last 2 years from RUclips coaches and mentors. Thank you in advance! Love you always! ❤🎉
I wonder if going over our imaginal drives with partners would be the practical implementation?
General language is universal enough to start attuning but to ground we would require particular details...
Although it feels lame and even shows out imaginal to be a bit of an "act" Im sure that our point of points is imaginal. I eat so I can live so I can express or enjoy expression (aesthetics):
"If you wish to build a ship, do not divide the men into teams and send them to the forest to cut wood. Instead, teach them to long for the vast and endless sea."
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Imagine if partners can teach each other their longings!... It might feel lame or awkward but I think also it's worth setting an ideal track and then sharing the ride "as it happens." It would be a continuous improvement model I'm sure 😂
God bless her soul 🙏 her videos are Gold. There is so much confusion with masculine and feminine shifts that relationships are suffering. She is a true gift to humanity
...And that is why being in a relationship with a woman that doesn't 'work' on herself is like being with a 5 year old child. In my experience, anticipating her fears and try to make her feel 'contained' could drive me totally CRAZY. I think it would turn a man into a woman himself, constantly worrying about could go wrong the very next minute. A carefree attitude and minimizing her fears does not work either, many of us have experienced this. Just stop expecting that somebody else should eliminate every single danger and discomfort of life. Yes, life is dangerous. And yes, things can go not as planned even if your man has taken care of everything in a very responsible way. First of all take care of yourself like an adult and stop, jeez... Work on yourself
P.S. this controlling attitude is also typical of women that are blind to the spiritual nature of Life. If she had some sort of awakening experience she will somehow know that nothing happens outside of god's will. Sometimes older women get this, One way or another.... But... They are old and can't do much anymore. So, don't wait.
I totally agree with you, except for the part when you say it would turn a man into a woman... What kind of BS is that?? You think no man ever suffers form anxiety, fear and controlling behaviours?!
Nonetheless, man or woman, every adult is responsible for healing their own traumas. One can't, and shouldn't expect others to cater to them and think ahead of what crazy worry they'll fantasy about in the next minute. Especially when "others" are children.
Exactly! Teal is beautiful, a wonder of nature. But she thinks like a child. It's only her shocking beauty and self-confidence on that beauty what makes everything she says seem reasonable.
@@kifi672 Of course a man may suffer from anxiety or fear! But that anxiety or fear doesn't focus on the same issues as a woman's anxiety or fear. Controlling behaviors are another topic: A man who has controlling behaviors because of fear is actually behaving like a woman, which is repulsive for women. His woman will therefore reject him.
To the opposite that would make him more masculine. It's nothing neurotic about a man that plans and makes things run smooth. That's very masculine, stable and hot. Highly trained agents and military are not ''turned into women'' - they are just soberly aware of where potential threats are in a specific moment, planning and preventing. That is masculine energy. ''Going with the flow-men'' are in the feminine pole. Like butterflies. That is more like being a 5year old I'd say. 5 year olds can not think ahead. They wouldn't make plans for the dog, check the equipment or buy food - a 5yearold would just go. They are not very aware of potential problems. They don't plan much. They are very care free. (It makes sense some women would go into the masculine pole around a man like that to compensate).
So... anticipating needs are Masculine traits. Like a driver in a car is in masculine energy: Looking out for dangers on the road, making sure the breaks works etc, keeping track on when to slow down and when to speed up etc etc. Whilst the person in the passenger seat looking out the window carefree enjoying the sun is in feminine energy. No matter what gender they are.
A woman who would have worked on her self would just softly flow away from a care free/ responsibility free man like that. No judgements, control or harshness. She just would not be interested in him. She would know her needs and her worth and know that there's nothing wrong with her for being sensitive and enjoying a man who is connected and aware of his surroundings, able to plan and look ahead. That naturally is connected to his own, his woman's, his family's, and the collectives needs and higher good.
As a reasonably responsible man married to a controlling wife I can see that it has been my failure to make her feel safe that leads to her anxiety and control. However, I have already taken the majority of the responsibility to provide, and I contribute 50% to domestic and childcare. Often the level of planning detail required for a holiday ruins the experience for me. I do think women need to take some responsibility for their anxiety, especially when so much of it appears to be driven by social media.
I think when it’s childhood based, sometimes that needs therapy. Containment in the now doesn’t necessarily resolve it.
Also some women are narcissists. So it’s important to analyse if it’s childhood trauma, narcissism / entitlement or unmet present needs. Three different things imo with different approaches needed. Sounds like you are meeting present needs.. or just need to tweak the present need thing slightly.
Maybe asking what could help, or quietly observing what's the leftover area of tension could ease this up for both of you 🙏 best wishes
@@DivineLightPaladinYeah, I agree with divine light. It's best to just directly communicate. You might think you contribute 50% to chores and childcare but does she think that too? Maybe there's just a misunderstanding of what you are both doing.
Also note everyone has different staminas, especially depending on age. Asking is a good start 🙂
From what I’ve read and seen, men tend to overestimate how much of the work they actually take on… I had to sit my husband down and make a literal list of chores then we divided them before he realized how much more I was doing… he legitimately thought he was doing 50%… after the list was made, he was doing about 20%…. And I was doing all of the mental load. Phone calls, teacher communication, sports organization, sports driving, friend play dates…. He had done none. So are you entirely sure you may not be partially blind to your level of responsibility taken on? My husband after that stuck to his allotted chores and we both knew it was truly equal and no resentment was being held.
As a physically disabled man, I recognize the truth in her words, but it feels like a tall and almost impossible and very daunting order for myself. I am very careful and responsible for my own needs. Providing a sense of containment and safety For a woman in the past has been a huge difficulty.
Thats interesting. May I ask how is the disability making it hard for you to put some pressure off of your partner?
I have a dear friend who is paraplegic, and very emotionally mature. Everyone brings crying women to him! He sits them on his knee and puts his big arms around them, he matches his squeeze to the intensity of their crying, and keeps his mouth shut! As the crying ebbs he relaxes his grip.
It feels amazing to receive his absolute nonjudgmental containment, and it allows the emotion to move, release and dissipate. It is such a gift. I wish more men were as capable at this as he is.
@@AnnaGrace603 I’ve got ulcerative colitis. Stress can cause me to have intense flare ups. I’ve had to leave jobs and postpone career advancement to wait for my health to improve. Exercise can be very demanding but I stay trim. Eating enough to gain real muscle is difficult. I was once so nervous to impress a woman that I immediately had a flare up, by the time I cleaned myself up enough to get naked in front of someone she had lost interest and fell asleep. So those are some examples of how a chronic illness can make certain “masculine” duties difficult
@@matthewhanson498 I am the provider in my relationship. I don't see my partner as any less masculine. I actually love his gentleness and sensitivity. I like teal but gender roles are so constraining. Not every guy is a picture of 'masculine energy' not every woman even wants to be contained.
carefree guy and I’m not going to react to danger unless it’s actually there…. will not let stressed out people determine my emotional state.
I kind of feel like this take completely absolves women of taking any responsibility for their feelings in the context of a relationship…. it’s infantilizing to them and embarrassing imo
The definition of "carefree" is free of anxiety or responsibility. If you are a man who takes no responsibility and you are in a partnership then you put responsibility on your partner by default. Think of the movie Mrs Doubtfire, if you've seen it. That dynamic will stress any woman out.
If you feel like you take responsibility, keep your life in order, and are considerate of others then you're not "carefree."
@@vinityyyMaybe you or the culture in your office is unhealthy for her. I was in a male dominated field and a lot of the guys were disrespectful to me and the other women in my office. What's worse is that they completely were unaware and didn't realize they were doing it. They weren't "bad men" but they didn't make good colleagues for me.
Once I left that department for a different one, all my anxieties melted away. I felt respected by my colleagues and everyone was very reliable. I think that lady you work with should probably find another position that's better suited for her needs.
@@vinityyy It might not get any better if you are avoiding her rather than giving her feedback. If you don't feel comfortable directly confronting her you could ask her a question. "Hey, how are you feeling about work lately? I've noticed you seemed a little tense when xyz (example). Is there anything I can do to help?"
@@vinityyy So you are contradicting yourself a bit here. "I'm not planning to avoid her" but you mention in your previous post "I want to avoid her." That type of aversion does poke through in conversations.
It sounds like conflict is very uncomfortable for you but it's necessary if you want a good working environment. It's better to nip problems when they start and are small. Avoiding it only makes it worse.
In all relationships you have to give feedback because eventually everyone fs up. If you let things go you are telling someone you are okay with that behavior by not speaking up. I didn't mean you should be more empathetic to her, my point is that you should speak up for yourself and also ask her what she needs. That's what healthy colleagues do.
@@happygolucky9004 I think you're misinterpreting the definition.
Cambridge dictionary defines it as:
1. having no problems or not being worried about anything.
2. having no worries, problems, or anxieties; happy.
Merriam-Webster defines it as:
Free from care, such as:
1. having no worries or troubles.
2. irresponsible.
Even in the example you yourself give, it is "free of anxiety *or* responsibility". It doesn't have to be both for a person to be carefree. He calls himself carefree because he is not easily stressed or anxious. Not because he's irresponsible.
As a personality trait, carefree people don't worry unless the proverbial house is on fire. They can still be organized and prepared in regards to anticipating future problems. But they don't get anxious or stressed about things going wrong until they actually go wrong.
Thank god - Teal to the rescue! Yeeeessss….! I long for a masculine man to take leadership and protect 👏
I don't see them
@@tinalove7860 I know the feeling. But lately I’ve also had to admit to myself that I myself probably am really scared off when I do. I want it. But it’s also hard to get into my receptive femininity when there’s an opportunity. So I can understand it might also be difficult for men to tap into their masculinity all the way. But I don’t know. 🤷♀️
@@Isabella-ky6uu Men are in a really bad spot, masculine energy comes from testosterone and you know how testo levels are nowadays.
@@swedishpagan2150 so basically we are all fkd
@@ksy4747not a bug but a feature.
I feel so understood and seen hearing those words... Love you and your work, Teal. You are an anchor in this world. Thank you so much...
I understand. One question though:
In what part of this process does the woman take any smidge of responsibility about the situation?
As a man, I can control whether the woman *is* safe. I cannot control whether she _feels_ safe.
And, as a man, the thing that most aggravates us about controlling women is not that they *do not let us keep her safe by our own means*
Also, this video is heavily assuming that all men are "incompetent" like the man in the video (to clarify, he wasn't).
Women need to realize that *ever since the dawn of history men have made the world safer for them*
There has not been an instance in history where the world was more dangerous to women than before. And yet women feel the most "unsafe" they have ever felt.
We cannot be worrying about if the dog is annoying the neighbor when we have to worry abiout things like your actual physical safety. Providing for you, keeping you fed and providing shelter. And if we come back and the neighbor is angry, the man has to deal with it anyway, and no one got hurt. And the woman sees everything turned out fine and the guy has stuff under control.
Instead of what often happens, the woman panicking then not letting the man do the things because they are "incompetent" according to them.
You can safely assume that your safety is our responsibility, that's fine. But at what point does you _feeling fear_ stop being our "responsibility".
Think for a second. From all the things you can choose for us to do, that is literally the only one we cannot control.
This is not a good message for men, nor women for that matter.
Yes this is the first video of hers that I find completely ridiculous
The story of the dog is just dumb. Even if it wasn't the dog, accidents happen. Sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes people make mistakes.
Women will never find the perfect man. He doesn't exist. We all make mistakes.
It's the woman who has to relax and when things go wrong, let the man fix them. If not, she can fix them herself. Either way, it's simply her not trusting herself, her man, and life itself to work things out when they go wrong
Awful video. I think I understand what was trying to be communicated, but completely missed.
Women have no agency anymore apparently. Must be nice to renounce all responsibility for our own feelings
Completely ridiculous.
Blind spot to Teal is my guess as to how this video got made
I'm sure this is every woman's fantasy, but it's just that, a fantasy. No man or woman could live up to these expectations. Even if they could, why would they? Why put yourself through that and take responsibility for someone else's feelings, which you have absolutely no control over. Recipe for a divorce if you ask me
Once again, awful video.
Yikes 😬
How are you protecting anyone with that attitude? I already feel unsafe.
@@DivineLightPaladin You can protect people but you can't guarantee they feel safe all the time
Bad things will happen and the best we can do is develop the skill and ability to handle those things quickly and efficiently.
Trying to be responsible for someone else's emotions is guaranteed to fail. The best we can do is love the other and be our best selves. How the other receives that is completely out of our control. Only through discernment can you determine if you are being your best self. If you are, then you have done your best. If not, apologize and fix it next time
@@namaste758 Agree on that. Just make sure when to listen when someone gives feedback and says that's not best-self type behavior!
@@DivineLightPaladin Oh, you can feel however you want.
You are posting a comment from a digital device with internet. Likely in an urban area with thousands of men within walking distance. And you 100% haven't been assaulted nor accosted daily by ALL those men.
So chances are that you are completely safe.
Resistance is persistance. So _maybe_ think about it for a bit and accept that you _aren't_ unsafe even though you _force yourself to feel_ unsafe to cover up for whatever you aren't in alignment with.
Another example of how ungrateful women are. You live in an era of abundance and all you can think of is fear.
In all honesty what I feel you are describing here is a male that’s not an adult yet. It’s not laid back to put a dog in the yard to dig holes. Nor is it the case to go into an environment many never come back from without ensuring everyone is aware of the safety precautions being taken. My father was a very laid back man… but he wasn’t careless and irresponsible.
How to tell if it's the man not taking ownership or the woman with a "never good enough" pattern?
If you've spoken to her about it and she is cqpable of communicating to you what her fears are. If y'all have done that and she still refuses to let go or heal, she's not the right woman for you.
I felt every ounce of this video in my being. I pray all people who see it, help others who are experiencing what’s described in this video.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!! This information brought me so much comfort. Teal, you are a gift to the world and I'm so grateful to you for the work you do. I know it comes at a great personal cost. 💖
I love your videos ❤ I have a problem with this controlling issue it’s like the universe sent me this 😅 I appreciate that you explain every topic from the bottom that makes it understandable. thank you Teal there is so much we can learn from you❤
so… we men have to do that while at the same time pretend we are not doing it? Women are the ones that pretend they don’t need men, it’s quite frustrating…
These women really should just go out into the woods and find them a good bear.
You are a true healer - because sometimes all that needs to happen to start healing is self awareness
I feel I am the man in my life. I am hyper vigilant when it comes to planning. I can see the negative consequences of poor planning and seek to avoid them at every turn. I can only relax with a man who is smarter than I am. One who can see further than I can and anticipate beyond what I see. Its the only way I can trust him to plan anything for me.
Unfortunately, my comment might add to your anxiety, but I feel that it needs to be said. You also can’t completely trust someone who is smarter, can see further, etc. because people can be wrong sometimes. Maybe you already know this.
The reality is setting expectation you have for yourself and projecting it outward onto others as a need is going to find you longing for something that only brings you back to yourself. You'll see anyone who doesnt meet your needs as a negative, but its because you dont realize what you are asking for is already latently within you. You are asking for yourself. Not your qualities in another. You want who you are already but are afraid of being alone as a consequence.
Same. A man smarter than me is somewhat rare, so the standards I have are very high, but I always find men willing to meet them eventually.
@@carlyofearth I think it's important to remember that very smart people, generally don't want close relationships with people "beneath them" I watched a video on that recently. It's just too taxing to have this crazy asymmetry in cognitive ability. To me it's a huge turn off to be explaining things constantly, I feel like we can't vibe, and the interactions become tedious and boring, and eventually painful.
@@jackworthington5205 Too many daft and vapid people out there.
Thank you! It is exhausting. But where do you find these type of man who are mature enough to take their masculine responsibility and help the both of you grow??
Be commanding that kind of energy in your life with your values standards and boundaries.
@@carlyofearth i dont think 'command' or 'demand' are the right words here. Standards and boundaries, hell yes!! Totally agree!! But the other 2 are still controling and masculine energy.
@@Eve.N1782 why, a queen in her power can demand things
@@Dap740 like i said, demanding is still the controlling, survival energy instead of the feminine receiving energy. But you do you. Maybe some men like to be controlled by demanding queen woman. Who knows.
@@Dap740 like i said, commanding is still the survival, controlling energy instead of the feminine receiving energy. But maybe there do exist men who prefer to be demand and controlled by Queen Woman. Who knows?
I’d like to know about uptight, controlling men.
also no good. All man bad. Enjoy the message!
@@JonJCairns no. “All man not bad”. I see what you did with the caveman dialogue. Very impressive. But you’re being an overly negative d’bag. Don’t reply unless you have something halfway intelligent to say next time. 🙏
There's a really good book called lover warrior magician king about the mature vs immature masculine that goes into this. The controlling man is a tyrannical toddler. A healthy man has control without tyranny.
@@andrewwabik5125 I'll reply where I like thanks 👍🙏
@@carlyofearth I think most of us are somewhere in between. Many of us had not so great models growing up and are somewhere between a controlling tyrant and self awareness, attempting to get a better control of ourselves. It’s a battle. I was just hoping that maybe Teal could speak to it later.
Thank you! About time someone debunks the misapprehension of ‘controlling’ attitude.
- 00:00 📚 Society often labels certain behaviors as problematic, such as the archetype of the "uptight controlling woman."
- 00:07 📩 Many men ask how to deal with controlling women, but few understand the root causes of this behavior.
- 01:19 🧠 Control is a fear-based behavior stemming from unresolved trauma and chronic unmet needs, particularly the need for feminine polarity.
- 02:23 💬 A common misconception is that a laid-back man can help a controlling woman relax, but this is usually ineffective.
- 02:57 👥 A carefree man often fails to address dangers, increasing a woman's sense of responsibility and control.
- 04:02 🚫 Instead of helping, a carefree man might reinforce the woman's anxiety and controlling behavior.
- 06:04 🐕 An example illustrates how a laid-back man's lack of responsibility exacerbates a controlling woman's anxiety.
- 09:11 📋 Carefree men prioritize their own enjoyment over the emotional well-being of their partner, lacking containment.
- 10:00 🗝 The solution for controlling behavior lies in addressing trauma and fear, not just teaching relaxation techniques.
- 10:36 👨👩👧👦 Responsible men who anticipate and address dangers can help controlling women feel safer and more relaxed.
- 12:00 🌸 Women's controlling behavior stems from unmet feminine needs, not their nature.
- 12:46 🛠 Women need a proactive approach to prevent pain and trauma, involving collaboration and shared problem-solving.
- 13:12 📖 Resolving trauma can help, but women still need their fundamental needs met to change controlling behavior.
- 13:44 🌍 Normalizing controlling behavior in women is a mistake; it results from unmet needs and a lack of proper containment.
- 14:26 ✔ To address controlling behavior, recognize and remedy its root causes, including trauma and unmet needs.
Actually the best video I’ve ever watched. Thank you
I share the same opinion.
Ya no. This can only be fixed if the woman is also aware that she is the problem. I've seen too many nasty controlling women who are downright disrespectful to and inconsiderate of everyone and deserve to be left in the dust. Perhaps I've seen the worst. Then the men actually complain about how unfair and mean the women are, yet choose to find and stay in the relationship regardless. "Whipped" men are little boys not capable of being what you described in this video either. You're talking to people who are miles into the completion process already. Not the average joe.
That's why they're here, champ. Settle down.
@vettie oh no I triggered a little toxic manchild. So scary. Let me do whatever he says
@@Cherubx3ASMRhe didn’t seem triggered or dismissive of your messages to me
@@blue_sky_bright_sun7599 then zoom out to the big picture
@blue_sky_bright_sun7599 oh look you too
Another way of dealing with this problem is to live by yourself. I have never been this relaxed in my life since living alone and do not want to be on my guard having a relationship with a woman.
I am a woman and feel the same way!
Remember any women who clams to be this way too is lying. They always copy men on what we say or do.😎
With controlling also comes narcissism or avoidant. Sometimes it’s better to move on…
Yeah, this video is crazy talk
Yeah i’m not really confident in her perspective on this topic. She was basically just like she has trust issues and then you make her trust issues worse. Nd sometimes you don’t even have to do anything wrong other than no respond exactly how you’re expected to respond to every outburst. Not much of a relationship.
Correct me if I misunderstood: A misbehaving woman has zero responsibility for changing. Her trauma clearly rendered her thoroughly infantile, incapable of taking any accountability, for self-reflecting or regulating her emotional reactions. The sole source of hope, for her healing, is for the man to change himself, with no help from her. Never mind how the man's "carefree" pathology also likely has a cause, in emotional neglect, and also likely runs deep. Again, never mind how much he would probably benefit (and step easily into his masculine role) from a more relaxed, nurturing woman, or how much her behavior provokes his, no less than his provokes hers. Lastly, men and women are *different*: Women have needs, men have duties (to meet those needs).
Yea it's amazing those from the planet venus think.
If this is your understanding, I would suggest taking some time to consider each point of view and what each person can do to help themselves first so they can decide to work together or not. If that's the dynamic, hypothetically, both of them should be in personal therapy as well as couples therapy if they decide they are a match and want to understand each other
She's describing a dynamic and therefore describing how both sides contribute to and escalate the dynamic. She is doing so in response to queries about controlling women from carefree men so she created the video to help them understand. It is their choice if they want to take that advice or simply give up on the relationship. If he is not capable of stepping into his masculine role for this woman because she is triggering a trauma response in him too, then he absolutely should choose himself and possibly end the relationship. He doesn't have to choose to do any of this, but whether he is interested in making a relationship work or needs to walk away it is important to understand so she is explaining what is at play.
People heal in relationships with others who care enough about them to try and understand them and meet their needs, emotional and otherwise. It works both ways. Both sides have a responsibility. The point made here is carefree men often expect to get a more relaxed, nurturing woman without considering what behaviours of theirs might be preventing their woman from being that. The focus of this video is why controlling women behave the way they do and how men being carefree exacerbates the behaviour. I am sure she has other videos that present the other side for women.
What I read from your comment seems to be a double standard used to decry what you feel to be a double standard described in the video. In this case, you refer to a woman's need for control as 'misbehaving' and a less acceptable trauma response than the man's response of being irresponsible. (I may have misunderstood this; apologies if i did.) Again, this is one of the central points of the video - the widespread acceptance of the idea that women are just controlling and unreasonable by nature and because their behaviour is so repulsive, they are demonised and ridiculed while the carefree man is hailed as long-suffering. The woman is just expected to be different or be more like the man and let go/relax, whereas the man doesn't need to change or become more responsible because he is calm, fun and easy-going. Both are causing suffering but because the man's part is less obvious and his behaviour often not as ostentatiously obnoxious, the woman is presumed to be the root of the problem. Both sides have needs, both sides have duties. There are many dynamics at play in all relationships. This video is just describing one.
No, women are just hopelessly nurotic. It is the truth. No psyco bable needed.
@@DivineLightPaladin Therapists have reported most women quit therapy when confronted, and asked to take accountability, in any way. So therapists have an economic incentive to cater to the women, if they want to put food on their own tables. If two people cannot go toe-to-toe and stay in conversation with the intention to understand (as much as to be understood), then they have no godly business in each other's lives; other than to humiliate them until they snap out of it.
I definitely agree with a man creating a safe space for a woman to be herself, but what must also be spoken out loud is that she needs to take responsibility for getting the professional help she needs to (effectively!) deal with the monsters from her past that are still in her head.
Yes, however most of those demons can be worked out in relationship where she shares her needs and fears and desires openly and you respond accordingly. Throwing her needs to a professional or saying she's delusional for her fears is not containment it's avoidance. People don't need therapists if they're in healthy relationships unfortunate truth.
@@carlyofearth As an insecure man without confidence I cant even get into a relationship until I heal my insecurities.
@@gregorkerka1235 Very wise of you, and best of luck on your journey brother!
@@carlyofearth Believe me, I wish I could slay a woman's demons but therapy at that level that is a long, complicated and messy process (same for men too.. I can attest) and I am not qualified to do that. Some things are best left to the professionals.
@@carlyofearthnope. Each partner need to take responsibility for their healing. Not put it on the relationship.. aka the other person.
Also: I grew up with a "carefree" mom and an emotionally unavailable dad, who hardly said anything. No wonder I grew up to be hyper alert and anxious all the time 😵💫
This exactly what happened in my marriage. Word for word. There were endless ways he dropped the ball and refused to take responsibility. I finally had to end it because i absolutely hated having to be the masculine while wishing i could be the feminine. I have finally felt heard and im crying 😭 💓💓 thank you Teal
I think that we need to acknowledge how rare it is to find a man who is willing to provide all of these things of his own volition and with a promise of romantic exclusivity. It is certainly not high. With that said, I still mostly agree that these "controlling" women basically need a new father. The "carefree" men do too as well honestly.
They need actual adults, not arrested development 50 year old teenagers.
We don't need a "father" wtf and ewww. We need men that can act like an adult and be responsible.
I call my man daddy sometimes
He's that good of a man !!!
My dad was a badass too mind you
You have to command respect from men by having high standards for who you let in. They show up as men when you do that.
@@redemptionhappens7725 ...which, in some way, IS a father. At least, what a real loving father would be. Think about that. Controlling women lack the father figure, probably because sometimes HE was the problem in the family, making them feeling afraid, abused, insicure. So now they (the controlling women) are acting as being the father of themselves, thus suppressing some feminine trait in them. And, in a way, they succeded, meaning that this is a coping mechanism they learned during their life in order to "guide" themselves, and they managed to do it. They had to become tough, in order to survive the dangers around them. In order to let go, they should find some real strong and loving man who could help them in their journey to be more carefree, cause he can be the tough protecting guy for them, for once.
My ex partner could be categorized as “controlling” although I don’t like to use the word because she is also an extraordinary woman. As Teal points out, I had to be “on top of my game” for responsibilities and I recognize that I could have done more. What really bothered me though was when I actually took initiative and then things needed to be changed because the plans weren’t exactly how she wanted them to be. I felt like I couldn’t live up to her expectations.
She conveniently left out the part of this where most men find this type of dynamic to be too much trouble. On top of that, if he shows even one sign of weakness, she is typically gone. The guy doesn't have any room to be anything other than macho man. This is the result of BPD, Fearful-Avoidance, and a father wound. If she is not ready to heal, then it won't matter how much containment the man provides, and if he keeps sticking around through her BS, she loses respect for him anyway. Make sure she is open to therapy if you see that it is required, and then proceed.
You were never going to live up to her expectations. Her game was to keep you doing things for her forever. You were putting out fires that she started so that you were too busy putting them out, and never thought about leaving her. It's not the work that you did that made her feel secure in the relationship, it is the continuous demonstration of intentions. Intentions that you will forever need to keep displaying. You would never stop working in that type of relationship. Nothing you do would make her feel secure.
we are condemned to subjectivity- but this is also the the source of our individuality…. No one can truly contain the other.
@@vettiePerhaps that's because she's not talking about "most men." This video is about the "carefree man" and "controlling woman" dynamic.
I wonder if it's because she lost trust in you. It might have been over by the time you tried to correct your behaviors.
I know for me I had a relationship with a "carefree" man and I felt so taken advantage of all the time. I tried to express that and he would promise to do something then wouldn't. That made me lose trust in him over time. This made me hyper vigilant/controlling and always on top of things or else I would suffer the consequences of his neglect.
By the time I was at a breaking point, he finally "tried" to be better. But by this point I completely resented him for not trying in the first place. For leaving me with all the responsibility which is what "carefree" men do.
In contrast I had another long-term relationship with a really dependable man. He did what he said he was going to do. When I brought up an issue he addressed it right away. He was able to talk to me if he had an issues in the relationship. I was much more relaxed, not controlling, and spontaneous in this relationship.
Can you also record a video why majority of women struggle to be an adult in relationships? Why they act like little immature girls while expecting almost all the responsibilities from the man as if we are their father and they feel entitled to have absolutely no responsibility at all?
I think it's up to men to figure that one out. Women are psychologically designed to be owned by warlike men, thus their grape fantasies and love of men in prison. I don't know what normal guys can do in the meantime but I think in the future women will be owned and controlled by wealthy men and traded among the soldiers who work for those wealthy men. The other 90% of men will probably be given drugs and surgeries to neuter their sexual desire so they can concentrate on working for the powerful without resentment. In the meantime, pretending that normal men can satisfy a woman is a joke, it just doesn't work that way.
Don't hold your breath for that one!
Because “ red pill” incels keep telling women that is what “alpha” men want.
A lot of woman here in OZ would rather be alone than to suffer in the arms of a laid back man telling us and I quote, "She'll be right mate."
They'd rather point the finger at men, rather than realize they have 4 pointing back at themselves.
@@bradleyfrank7933What I'm lost ... don't worry she'll be right..is usually code for I don't have a clue. Why would 4 fingers point back ?
@@renay2470 It's only because they are not aligned and too focused on other things. No offense Bradley. I was most certainly not directing this at all men.
On a second note, this county needs men like you who are not as laid back as we are in a war for our human rights and freedoms and need more guys like you. Do you listen to A1's Riccardo Bosi?
What teal just said is if you don’t want a controlling woman then step tfu and be a man! Thank you teal!👏🏼👏🏼😘❤️
"If you don't want a controlling man, be a better woman"
See how that isn't always the case and sometimes just victim blaming. Sometimes one side is too irresponsible, sometimes the other is just too neurotic and/or entitled
@@asura8495 people do frequently tell women this. Victim blaming women for selection is normalized. To be clear, I don't agree with the initial commenter. I think a more aligned summation of this video is " You as a man have every right to be the kind of man you want to be and that is perfect, stay on your path and commune with a woman who is compatible with you then provide containment in the unique way that only you and that woman define for yourselves."
I think in order to recieve what Teal is saying this has to be viewed with her other videos where a woman has addressed her own shadow self, taken accountability, and both people are in a compatible situation. This info doesn't fly if those other conditions aren't met.
@@deborahcamillerobinson9247 Blaming women for their selection comes from their systematicly picking bad men and blaming all men for their faults. Nice try to blame it on men again.
😅😅😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂😂😂
In short steer entirely away from said woman in 1st place it's a never ending rabbit hole (ASMR bi-polar etc)👍. "Figure out what she might be afraid of" 🙄
Tolerating stupidity and vanity is pure torture.
Great video Teal, its time for women to stop gas-lighting themselves and honor what they need in a relationship.
Hear me out, I did provide for my ex and protected her all the time at all costs to make her feel safe and valued. She eventually cheated on me by saying our relationship was boring once she got everything. So, don’t tell me that it’s only men’s duty to fit the the unrealistic standards here. It is a mutual work afterall and you can’t run a relationship unless both parties have responsibility & accountability.
So were you a "carefree man" and she was a "controlling woman"? Because from the situation you described it doesn't sound like it. This video is for a specific dynamic. So you probably need a different video.
I think the simple point of everything that you’re stating is that fear Is what drives human beings to act irrationally. One of those ways is controlling. These issues are directly related to their childhood needs. Instead of talking about what that person needs in a romantic partner, that person doesn’t need to focus on getting a romantic partner. That person needs to focus on healing themselves.
People heal in relationships not in isolation, but they need to be compatible relationships with mutual affective responsibility and a will to understand on both sides. A child needs a parent to learn to regulate their emotions and respond calmly, in the absence of an attuned attachment figure, they become one extreme or another - overly controlling and self-reliant or overly laidback, irresponsible and avoidant. Sometimes a mix of both. These are attachment wounds and can not be healed in isolation; the child who didn't get those needs met by the parent becomes the adult who still needs an external source to learn to regulate those emotions. These attachment wounds are healed when we find someone who cares enough to help us work through them and that care brings out the best in us and encourages us to do the same for them. When this is not possible, it is either because they are just completely incompatible, at different stages and/or with different capacities. A person can self-reflect and practise regulation while single but they need relationships to reflect back to them where they need to start digging and to give opportunities to practise those regulation techniques while triggered, because nothing triggers us like a romantic relationship. The trick is finding someone who triggers us to the right degree - not so much that we become totally irrational - and who cares enough to want to understand and be considerate of our struggles without blurring their boundaries and allowing themselves to come to harm in the process.
Thank you for taking time to reply. However, I disagree. A child can recover from even the deepest childhood wounds with therapy. A person can learn to address any deficiency in their personality, acknowledge that deficiency, forgive themselves, and that person or people, Let go of negative emotions, and truly heal. I find the idea that you need to be with someone to learn how to calibrate how to treat your own self and a partner with respect a little ridiculous; not to be disrespectful.
I would also like to state that I with your notions of finding a good partner.
Thank you Teal for this very detailed explanation of this OBVIOUS reality . This is common sense still nobody seems to understand a woman 's needs not being met can lead a woman to negativity change and dysfunctionnaly adapt
So validating and affirming to hear this 13 years post divorce of why I was so uptight then. I had innate instinct and intuition that the relationship dynamic felt so “off” and intolerable after decades of tolerance. You illustrated it perfectly here. Valuable information for anybody to have uncomfortable conversations and take powerful action to liberate and empower themselves
If I am a "carefree" man, it is because I was programmed to be that way by the paragon of controlling, uptight women: my mom. Everything you said about how she got to be that way is correct, but the behavior that manifested because of her fears was often so insane that now in my 60's I just want to be left alone when it comes to relationships. I'm completely fatigued by manufactured drama.
Same here, but I still wish to go beyond that limitation. It feels so terribly narrow to be this way.
brother, if u are a man - u are not care free, judging from this trash wall of text.
u are addicted. to whatever u are addicted
For sure. Desiring a drama free life is also a need to be respected.
@@cartoonka Thanks for your input, but you don't have enough information to render an accurate judgment of anything about me.
It's pushing the accountability on the man. Don't fall for it. She would never give this same advice to a controlling man and a carefree woman.
It would seem very challenging, if not impossible to get out in front of everything that a woman thinks might go wrong. Also, many things may have been accounted for without her awareness.
But why would a woman appreciate that? There is always something more he could be doing, that he isn't doing, and she wants him to read her mind, which of course he can't do, and then she wants to be critical and demanding on him. Why would any man want that? A man gets to the finish line, only to find out, the woman moved the line further away, so he can never meet her impossible expectations and standards. Men should save themselves stress and pain, and just go their own way and avoid these toxic women.
This video is extremely accurate I talk from lived experience with an ex bf like this and it made me into a controlling mess when I’m actually usually not controlling at all!! Never again!
Coundn't agree more!!!! ....and so logical the way you picture it!! ❤ (like so many things 😉) THANK YOU
11:42 Alternatively, if that all sounds exhausting, steer clear of uptight and controlling women, and conversely, steer clear of carefree men who are more spontaneous and impulsive. Find a woman who either has healed from said traumas or dissolved those intense fears (or preferably never had them to such an extreme level). They should also have needs that are easy for you to meet without much effort. And for controlling women, find a partner who naturally enters relationships in a way that will help in this reparenting process. In short, vet for better and more compatible partners from the start.
exactly! finding a women who can keep the cuckoo in the clock, along with our current govmints' nanny ideology; ei: replacing fathers in the home is a bad deal for men.
Amen!
I married a laid back man and I became controlling. Especially after the birth of our child. It's the second for me, but he became a father for the first time. Now, I feel like I'm having not two but three children I have to think of and care for and he blaims me that I'm controlling. On the other hand, he loves that I'm taking the responsibility of lots of things. I felt that and started to play his game. I noticed that the more things I let him do and learn him how to do, the more confident of his men power he becomes. I see how much work we, as a couple, have to do, but I still love him, and I'm willing to struggle, 'cause I see results and I believe and have faith in him and us.
Good for you for supporting your husband, not drowning him in guilt trips.
Learning how to talk to your person in their and your ways are the key to overcoming obstacles.
Thanks for this! I noticed these traits and behaviors in roommates too, the gender almost doesn't matter at that point. The controlling person doesn't wanna lose everything that keeps the situation stable, and the carefree person doesn't want an uptight strict life at home. I have been in both roles. I think you nailed this one, Miss Swan...
What i don't understand is why we have to accept that these women are the way they are because of their nature, and its up to the man to be aware of, and adjust his nature to compensate for it. This leaves men treating women like children who are incapable of understanding this very dynamic, the same way the women think men are children for not understanding this dynamic. Why should it be up to the man to change for the woman? if the answer is "because that's just what a man does" then fine. Ill accept that, but it makes me view women in a very different light, not as an equal, but closer to a child. It puts them into a kind of third category. I guess that's why in the past "men, women and children" were distinct categories, instead of just simplifying it to "adult, child" categories.
you do it for someone you love. also she did not say that that’s how women are. she said it’s trauma behavior and women aren’t naturally uptight and controlling but quite the opposite.
@@blue_sky_bright_sun7599 real love is synergetic. There is give and take. Heaping demands on men to take on the burden isn't love. It is abuse. And justifying it by saying, well she is a woman, and that is what women do, is unacceptable. Or cloaking it behind "trauma" to somehow say that there is a justification for such behavior is Teal being an enabler for women who refuse to do the inner work necessary to heal their inner shadow.
@@blue_sky_bright_sun7599 Then as I see it, that's a call to action for women to do their part to heal their trauma.
@@bradleyfrank7933Hmm I sense some frustration here. Perhaps it might help to look at the video to not be targeting you specifically or even all men. This video is specifically one type of dynamic: the carefree man and controlling woman.
If you are the type of man to take on responsibilities, do what you say you are going to do, and be supportive of your partner then great! This video isn't about you at all 😂
Specifically this video highlights that when a man abandons responsibilies, the other person has no choice but to take them on. This ultimately ends up in controlling behavior as a symptom. Ultimately the controlling partner needs to voice their needs and if they are not met leave. If the carefree partner actually cares about the woman he'll be responsible, do what he says he's going to do, and provide safety.
The best example of this I can think of is the movie Mrs Doubtfire. If you haven't seen it or haven't watched it please do. It's the perfect example of this type of dynamic!
Because most women nowadays don't have any accountability and being a man it's all about ownership
So men have to have to be everything to keep one women? No thanks.
Just a bunch of projection onto men, issues that women need to fix in themselves.
Completely insane video. Just says women have no agency over themselves and men are responsible for their emotional well being. Which is impossible by the way.
I one sure fire way to guarantee unhappiness is to put your well being in the hands of someone else.
What the hell did I just watch? Awful video
U will get it back in equal measure or even multiplied. That's the secret
@@annndugu1032get what back? Pain, suffering, and agony? Yep, that is definitely true. Men are sick of this crap.
@@bradleyfrank7933 whoops! Sorry
I'm a woman dealing with a lot of subconscious masculinisation (generational trauma) and recognized myself in the laidback man gaslighting his partner when they express fear. I feel sorry for my boyfriend not being taken seriously by me and just focusing on my superficial "chill atmosphere". Which was a self-gaslight to begin with - I spent almost 30 years on my own with no one looking out for me and people even shaming me for being scared and worried, so eventually I just started acting reckless without batting an eye. Because being left alone in this kind of existential dread was just too much.
Thank you Teal for resolving this cognitive dissonance and shining light on this dynamic 🌷✨️
So sorry you had to live like that. Very happy for your realization and introspection. I wish you much success on your healing journey ❤️
Thankyou for this. I fucked up massively today by not being attuned to my partner. This awareness was deeply helpful in helping me grow as a person. Bless you Teal Swan.
1) Carefree doesn't mean you don't focus on your partner's needs. That's a different trait like selfish or oblivious 2) Why would anybody take their safety-conscious partner into a high-stress situation like climbing to help them relax?
Below, the moderators are deleting all my replies and sending part of the collective mind unconscious. This shows a lack of awareness on their part, with no ill will intended by me, pointing out how they compartmentalize people and only see the shadow aspects of a behavior they don't like, or that has brought them trauma.
It's in the word itself "care" & "free" meaning without care. The dictionary definition would be without anxiety or responsibility (Oxford dictionary).
So teal is correct that someone who is "carefree" might be more prone to being irresponsible or choosing not to take on responsibilities. Which ultimately would result in not focusing on a partners needs.
Is that selfish. Yes, I think it is. However, many people tend to find "carefree" people charming and I think that makes them less likely to change.
@@happygolucky9004 If you understand people are complicated beings of many parts and patterns. If you read my posts on this, you can see you are not dealing with my carefree side (because I care about this). The same would be true of any partner. However, if we talked about a different aspect of life I found futile or unimportant, my response would be meh or whatever.
You are going to find the behavior of being carefree is present in all people regarding different topics. I want to post more, but the post usually gets deleted. I'll hint instead. Nothing goes away, it just goes unconscious, then causes the next 'awakening' and social shift later. It's futile.
@@One-sz1vo We are talking about larger aspects of a person's personality not separate parts. A person who continuously makes choices to avoid responsibilities can then be described as "carefree." Of course people have multiple aspects of themselves in given questions. However here we are talking about a specific situation, a relationship. With a person who makes continuous choices that reflect a "carefree" person.
@@happygolucky9004 All my replies are being censored and suppressed, which is a good example of sending things unconsciously in real-time. Instead of an open discourse where people learn or grow, we have one part of consciousness expressed and the other suppressed. You are 1) Only looking at the negative aspects of a thing and saying that's all it is, which is your bias I understand (I have biases too). A quick look into the dictionary, for example, would highlight several aspects of being carefree, which are beneficial in a relationship. Further, you are compartmentalizing people; it doesn't work that way; people's patterns and behavior interlace their lives. - But all this information cannot be shared because the moderators here are sending part of the collective unconscious so they can unknowingly generate their next awakening in a cycle. Either way I hope this information is helpful to you personally to bring more balance in your life. All the best.
"My so-called 'overreaction' has a direct and positive correlation to your complacency."
- me
Thank you for the long form partial explanation of why most men prefer young women, why most men prefer women with lower body counts, and why many men are giving up on the idea of finding a decent woman in western society. As you said, women experience trauma from prior relationships that causes them to behave in undesirable ways. While it's definitively possible for the next man to contribute to helping the woman remedy her past traumas, one is left to wonder why any man would want to have to deal with that at all. It's not a pleasant situation for many to accept, but it is part of the reality we live with.
I think this is too much to ask for from a specific kind of man--a selfish one. A lot of men were raised in environments where no one demonstrated proper behavior. That would require someone to be "other oriented". But they're "self oriented".
Let's not pretend like these aren't two sides of the same coin. Controlling behavior is also selfish behavior. What is needed from both parties is an awareness of what love is.
@@vettie We aren't allowed to talk about that though
It's just selfish men who have to give everything up for their woman because she's a poor helpless woman and has no agency of her emotional well being
Other oriented is a "nice guy"
Self oriented is a man who meets his own needs
You ladies want a nice guy?
@@derwoodhamburger They do once their beauty fades, they are single mothers, with the dad in jail, and they need someone to pay their bills and take care of them. What guy wants that?
Women don't want solutions for their problems.... some issues are simple but she doesn't want to make a small step and resolve them
Easier to deflect and project blame onto men. Men are always the problem. No wonder we are walking away, and letting them get cats and dogs and stew and complain alone.
Teal Swan, long time follower while listening to your show the reality of the controlling women is most of the time not in any danger. The chaos shouldn’t happen the discernment of the man in this situation is ignore it because the “threat” doesn’t exist and in some cases only in her mind. This can drive everyone in that household into hell.
Thx
True. My ex wife is uptight and controlling. The reason was she never had a father figure and her teenhood was insecure. Problem was I was a pretty sloppy and carefree husband. So the divorce came. I learned much later how to be a responsible man and at least I try to be the good ex husband and good father to my daughters.
I don't think carefree necessarily has to equal irresponsible.
it's "carefree" only in "her" mind
She's saying they both are the same because those kind of men don't provide solutions.
Like your comment for example. You were man enough to deny what she said, but not man enough to offer a counter solution. Women HATE people like that.
These are simply words, it's important to see what she means, in the concept, in the essence. ^^
No you're right, my husband can change his oil, but if I'm having an anxiety attack because he doesn't care that I'm worried we're losing the house because the other, other vehicle project is more important ... Well that's having no care that his behavior is causing his wife to panic. While being responsible... for his vehicles.
@@DivineLightPaladin maybe the vehicles bring him joy he can't find elsewhere or what would you have him do? Suffer with you?
I don’t identify as a women but you just described me, so I needed to hear this.
you don't ...what?
Huh?
Control is a type of bullying, that insecure people demonstrate because they cant handle the chaos and complexity of the world. They lash out and attack in attempt to create order out of chaos, and create their wold view of how things should be.
Rather than attacking others they should either work on themselves to be able to respect other types of people or find their own tribe of like minded people.
Their is no need for the victim of their irrational and toxic behaviour to change when they are not the problem.
thank you so much fuch for clarifying this!
Somehow I knew this video would be "woman has behaviour issues = men must do better". Of course. "Woman has issue, man must compensate." Tiresome, and wrong.
Thats all women know to do.
Men are walking away, precisely for this reason. When we are wrong no matter what we do, why bother anymore. They can live alone with a harem of cats, or find a bear out in the wilderness. We're done.
Divine Universal masculine energy is MEANT to be STRONG. Provision and Protection. Period. Everything else follows and stays in alignment henceforth. This is UNIVERSAL LAW that we all agreed upon from the beginning of creation. Can't deal? Step off the universe. "Man Up and everyone finds bliss_...
@@priyo5760Cause most "men" are acting feminine. Universal Law is INFALLIBLE!!! Provision AND protection = Masculine energy, Nesting and Nurture id Feminine energy. Period. Masculine was made as a foundation. If you're WEAK the whole house falls down! Everything else falls into divine order naturally when the laws of the Universe are upheld.
@@bradleyfrank7933Men are weak. That's why their walking away. The weak ones can walk right on into a sodemizing hell. No one needs weak foundation. Universal Law is INFALLIBLE! Ma-sc-u-line and Fe-ma-nine energy are both supposed to be divine. Fe-ma-nine energy will multiply whatever it is given. Provide and protect= Masculine(foundation/ strength) and Nesting and Nurture= Feminine (structure/softness). INFALLIBLE Universal Law. Cannot be changed. Failure will ensue if one goes against it.
Don't have uptight, controlling women in your life. Problem solved
#peace
Thank you a lot for this one, seems like proper advice for taking care of someone with an FA attachment style
I think Teal is really talking about an immature guy not someone that is simply fun and peace loving. There is a difference.
I also think women can be controlling for various other reasons besides their partner being carefree.
She kinda makes it sound like the controlling woman is the protagonist and the carefree man is the antagonist of the scenario when the controlling woman wants to pull her partner and others into her miserable little shithole
Men are the hunters by nature I think that makes us more attuned to danger that's a misconception that the carefree man isn't attuned to danger
@@MrRymank1979 You could also argue that women are weaker and more dependant on others, so they would need to be more attuned to danger than men.
Be careful. That would require the women to have accountability. Can't have that!
@@derwoodhamburger Nah, it is just easier to bash men, and heap all their issues onto us.
My mother is the definition of a controlling and uptight woman, with all respect to her. That stems from a lot of trauma that has to do with being out of control, and being threatened and flat out hurt. I have the same issues, but I've taken them to a whole other level.
But also we are naturally more tuned to dangers and thus we can avoid them better.
The solution is to first face and feel our traumas and open up and allow people that can be allies to our healing, but it's hard for both of us, for different reasons.
Have you or your mother gone to therapy to try to heal?
@@happygolucky9004 Well, that is a very good question. I have been on my own healing journey for the last 8 years, I have made a lot of progress, yet it's not an easy road, considering how much I have been through, and how little support I have in my life currently. I am contemplating going to a psychologist, but I am not sure if they're gonna help me or if that's the solution.
As for my mom, I suggested to her recently that she goes to a psychologist, to talk about some things there, but she said that she doesn't need one right now.
@@annat.622It might be worth exploring a therapist as you can only take your healing so far. You can't be your own external reference, just like you can't see what's on your back. Everyone has blind spots and having a third party helps emensely.
@@happygolucky9004 Yeah, I guess you're right, but I am worried that I might not find someone good as a therapist/psychologist, and I am scared to put myself in someone else's hands in general, but maybe it's worth the try. Thank you.
@@happygolucky9004 I don't know if you're seeing this message, but I want to thank you! You're one of the three people who suggested the option of therapy/seeing a psychologist, and after the third person suggested it, I saw this as a sign from the Universe that I probably need to go to see a psychologist, and today I went to my first therapy session. So thank you for being a part of this! I hope you're doing well! ❤
Love it!!!! THANK YOU!!!! wow, love it. Your clarity and the simple way of explaining is such a blessing to receive! Thank you Teal
It is so relieving and reassuring to watch this and see that I was not as crazy or mean as I thought 😭💜
My wife's feminist friends tell her I'm controlling. I suppose I am compared to thier husbands, but I swear my wife is happy.
Did you check with her on this proclamation?
@@lyndseygolden7546 Every day, Ma'am. Every day.
I moved mine to a farm town, she no longer has feminist friends and stays home while I work, the more "controlling" I've been the happier the relationship has gotten. Going back to traditional values has worked well for us
@@lyndseygolden7546 Every day, Ma'am.
And to DMT. Good for you My wife and me, we come from an economically depressed region. You know, one of those dying towns where the decent paying jobs are held by women. Govt administration, nurses, ect. I decided a long time ago that I was staying, coz our families are here. White picket fence was our goal. I found a wonderful girl down on the hog farms. We had 2.4 children and we still have our picket fence. I defy anybody to tell me ( and you) we're not worthy of respect.
@@DTM.Desperado🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮