The Complete Karl Pilkington on Crime (A Compilation with Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant)

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  • Опубликовано: 3 окт 2020
  • "This flower solved a crime. What happened was..." Karl Pilkington
    Karl Pilkington on crime and its causes, crime-fighting and vigilantism, and justice.
    Caution: This compilation includes crime of a non-human nature.
    Clips from the XFM show and other bits and bobs. Take care all of you.
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    Check out the entire "The Complete Karl Pilkington" collection here:
    • The Complete Karl Pilk...
    If you want to try something a bit more experimental, have a look at the Karl x BGM playlist here:
    • Karl Pilkington Cafe: ...
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    UK Store - www.amazon.co.uk/shop/doctory...
    US Store - www.amazon.com/shop/doctoryak...
    #StayHome #TheComplete #KarlPilkington
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Комментарии • 116

  • @Nuffsed81
    @Nuffsed81 3 года назад +27

    So is someone copying your Vids or is that guy copying you. Exactly the same content but different person/channel. I'm with you yak mate.

    • @TheComplete
      @TheComplete  3 года назад +54

      "podcast devotee" copied all of the compilations I put together but just put a load of video adverts on top of them. Also said "please subscribe/support me as I've put a lot of effort making these compilations" on the earlier ones.... He copied this one the day after I published it.

    • @Nuffsed81
      @Nuffsed81 3 года назад +14

      @@TheComplete okay mate, il boycott that shyte. Wish could do more. Cheers

    • @turbotegs2102
      @turbotegs2102 3 года назад +4

      @@TheComplete that is messed up

    • @guitar0wnz
      @guitar0wnz 3 года назад +6

      Boycotting the knob head, cheers

    • @danutd94
      @danutd94 3 года назад +6

      Bloody ‘eavy ‘anded that Podcast Devotee, sick of it.

  • @calebland1447
    @calebland1447 3 года назад +37

    £400 a year, I said what, what for? I thought alarms were supposed to stop you from getting robbed😂

  • @annika_panicka
    @annika_panicka 3 года назад +124

    _"His head was in great condition. It just wasn't attached to his body."_ - K. Pilkington

    • @Joaocruz30
      @Joaocruz30 3 года назад

      Imagine if it was attached! They could sell it!

    • @sambradbury_
      @sambradbury_ 3 года назад

      @@Joaocruz30 5it tt555t5 t5555555555555555555555 day to

  • @hannahhobnob20
    @hannahhobnob20 3 года назад +27

    That negotiator scenario was so funny 😂

    • @deslawson2662
      @deslawson2662 3 года назад +7

      @@simonwilson7118 'darlin'... What the fcuk was that??

    • @Nuffsed81
      @Nuffsed81 3 года назад

      @@simonwilson7118 slightly creepy buddy.

    • @temsedgwick9494
      @temsedgwick9494 2 года назад +1

      Where’s Brass? 🤣

    • @bazglsgw1208
      @bazglsgw1208 11 месяцев назад

      Come n see the round head 😂

  • @Rfflllss
    @Rfflllss 3 года назад +10

    Used to fall asleep to scary stories now it’s karl that tucks me in. Alright.

  • @Damaraja
    @Damaraja 3 года назад +9

    You’ve done us all a service with these compilations. Cheers to you 🍻

  • @simontunnicliffe2107
    @simontunnicliffe2107 3 года назад +29

    With death comes beauty. Classic Karl proverb! Lol!

  • @ScumSookar
    @ScumSookar 3 года назад +11

    "Flowers don't like to be shaked"
    Karl, I frigon love you.

  • @sukizizu
    @sukizizu 3 года назад +40

    ‘Had a kid winging at me this morning because his dad was a mong’ 😂😂😂😂😂

    • @veganvocalist4782
      @veganvocalist4782 3 года назад

      🤣

    • @shane4362
      @shane4362 3 года назад

      What time was this? Lol

    • @sukizizu
      @sukizizu 3 года назад +1

      @@shane4362 1:51:00 but you will need to listen to 15mins or so prior for it to be even more hilarious

    • @PedloProductions
      @PedloProductions 3 года назад +1

      I literally fell out of my work chair laughing when he said that 😂

    • @PP-ed9cf
      @PP-ed9cf 3 года назад +1

      That line still gets me after 10 years of repeated listening. Worse yet, it comes to mind in the most inappropriate places. That and the "if you shave a tiger's head"... The amount of times it was inappropriate to laugh but I couldn't help it...

  • @trippplefive
    @trippplefive 3 года назад +8

    35:50 probably one of tge funniest segments they have ever done

  • @Dr.MorsIcatis
    @Dr.MorsIcatis 3 года назад +6

    20:00 ish. In a different conversation Karl mentions that he have been in a jury, Steve says he'd look like Charlie Brown in the news sketch

    • @jakef5044
      @jakef5044 2 года назад +1

      They re-reacted to a lot of stories as if they had never heard them before and reused a lot of the conversations from the xfm shows in the Ricky gervais show.

    • @BarmyTwubble
      @BarmyTwubble 2 года назад

      @@jakef5044 but they are not re acting anything. Here Karl asks them what is jury duty and how does it all work. However on another one he clearly says he was called up for and did do jury duty. One he says he did it himself, one he acta like he has no idea what it is or how it works, that is what the person had highlighted.

  • @penelopeasmr1009
    @penelopeasmr1009 3 года назад +1

    These always put me in a good mood

  • @NorthWalesKid
    @NorthWalesKid 3 года назад +41

    Karl Pilkington’s best quote will always be “I’ve always been like this since I was neck high”

    • @molitovv
      @molitovv 3 года назад +1

      To a grasshopper I presume? Haven’t gotten to that bit yet.

    • @camobis
      @camobis 3 года назад +6

      I’d say it’s gotta be man moth or what’s a Babylonian 🤣

    • @Nebs1
      @Nebs1 3 года назад +3

      Weird innit?

    • @Mark-qb8fq
      @Mark-qb8fq 3 года назад +3

      @@camobis Someone from Baba?!

    • @camobis
      @camobis 3 года назад +2

      @@Mark-qb8fq eees from baba

  • @cris4316
    @cris4316 3 года назад +9

    Thanks heaps for putting this out, I cannot sleep anymore without listening.
    I really hope Carl has kids. He would make a great Dad I think 😃

    • @sophiebophiex
      @sophiebophiex 3 года назад +1

      unfortunately he doesnt, but he would really make a dad :(

    • @chloewright1
      @chloewright1 3 года назад +1

      @@sophiebophiex I think Daveo L meant he hopes Karl has kids in the future.

    • @veganvocalist4782
      @veganvocalist4782 3 года назад

      Yea he would in many ways and they would adore him as he is basically kind and a big kid himself 😄

    • @sophiebophiex
      @sophiebophiex 3 года назад

      Vegan Vocalist currently letting karl know that i’m a well behaved, smart 15 year old
      (nah i love my family)

  • @alternax9751
    @alternax9751 2 года назад

    101st comment here but nice content and thank you for editing away all the XFM bits and stuff.

  • @MUNCHINMANGOES
    @MUNCHINMANGOES 3 года назад +7

    If there’s a murder.... where can I hire the flower man?

  • @PedloProductions
    @PedloProductions 3 года назад +8

    Karl’s dad is a bloody legend 😂

  • @purplefidelity5162
    @purplefidelity5162 3 года назад +7

    Ricky and Steve: alright Karl what would you do if you were in this situation
    Karl: *tells them what he’d do*
    Ricky and Steve: no no that doesn’t work

    • @louisasmiles
      @louisasmiles 3 года назад +1

      And somehow Karl has made it big.

    • @purplefidelity5162
      @purplefidelity5162 3 года назад +2

      @@louisasmiles has nothing to do with my comment but the point is they ask for Karl’s opinion but if he doesn’t give them the “right answer” they shoot him down

    • @juleswinnfield1437
      @juleswinnfield1437 3 года назад +2

      @@purplefidelity5162 Yes, but unfortunately for Karl, or not, that's the exact recipe for their success on XFM. Ricky and Steve are tormentors to Karl, and that brings out some of the funniest stuff I've ever heard.

  • @mranderson9813
    @mranderson9813 3 года назад +5

    Lmao "where's brass?"

  • @ScottyNapaa
    @ScottyNapaa Год назад +1

    @41:22
    "umm...yeh"
    never laughed so hard from two words. fucking KP looks after me

  • @evzevz06
    @evzevz06 3 года назад +4

    During the murder, the plant, was knocked off
    the cabinet

  • @MrNemoYo
    @MrNemoYo 3 года назад +1

    Cheers Yak... Comedy gold this is... Rosa Parks the moody fly-tipper!!! Classic! 56:02

  • @trenttrevorrow5648
    @trenttrevorrow5648 3 года назад +16

    Kick me height

    • @Chikinig
      @Chikinig 3 года назад +1

      Gvfrxn
      Bbrj
      .h3hr02 e

  • @Doomedodo
    @Doomedodo 3 года назад +10

    "Lazy" Karl Pilkington on Rosa Parks

  • @elmore7498
    @elmore7498 11 месяцев назад

    The old phrase 'shaking like a leaf' now makes more sense.

  • @annika_panicka
    @annika_panicka 3 года назад +4

    1:30:47 I need this as a text alert

    • @Nuffsed81
      @Nuffsed81 3 года назад

      When I get my laptop back I going to clip that and use it for that exact reason. No shit, I am really doing it.

  • @bazglsgw1208
    @bazglsgw1208 11 месяцев назад

    Karl in witness protection “your new name is Bruce” Karl “do I still like biscuits”

  • @adriantame3181
    @adriantame3181 3 года назад

    Just love Karl!! I used to knick mars bars lol !!!!

  • @kallumwatts9543
    @kallumwatts9543 3 года назад +1

    The think plants do actually give out ecg myth busters did an episode but can't remember the result and currently too lazy to look it up

  • @augustana16
    @augustana16 3 года назад +4

    39:52

  • @bazglsgw1208
    @bazglsgw1208 11 месяцев назад

    I’ve heard the crash helmet bit hundreds of times but this is the 1st time I heard “you had a kid whinging at me earlier coz his dad was a Mong” 😂😂 Fucking brilliant 😂😂

  • @grahamblackmore2632
    @grahamblackmore2632 3 года назад +4

    Hostage situation turns into a very funny fart 😂About 38mins.

  • @whoisthis5723
    @whoisthis5723 3 года назад

    10 (including 2)

  • @whitwhit344
    @whitwhit344 3 года назад +1

    “We”ll calm it down!” Bahahaha

  • @krisbest6405
    @krisbest6405 11 месяцев назад

    Willynillying my new fav. Word.

  • @CMBlue
    @CMBlue 3 года назад +3

    Karl inadvertantly inventing the double reverse witness protection program 🤣🤣

  • @Joaocruz30
    @Joaocruz30 3 года назад +2

    Karl is right about noise abroad! The people from UK chat at 78 db but for example someone chatting after the tunnel in france is already 85 db Germany 93 db Poland 101 db Russia 112 db China 123 db and Japan is dangerous 179 db!

    • @davidlee9870
      @davidlee9870 3 года назад +6

      Wait. Are you saying the ambient noise level of those countries are what you've listed, or are you saying they yell at that level? Because 179 dB is close to lethal sound levels.

    • @PedloProductions
      @PedloProductions 3 года назад +2

      @@davidlee9870 he prob meant Japan in 1945 lmao

    • @UncleBucky78
      @UncleBucky78 2 года назад

      @@PedloProductions 😂😂😂

  • @strawberryshortcake1680
    @strawberryshortcake1680 3 года назад +1

    We know who Goodfellas are Ricky lol

  • @bigstinger7380
    @bigstinger7380 3 года назад +1

    I 'eard it

  • @BarmyTwubble
    @BarmyTwubble 2 года назад +1

    On another one they speak about voting and Karl said he voted once and because of it he was dragged in for jury duty and then Chatted about it. Yet on this he asks what is it and how does jury duty work etc lol... What, so you did it once but have no idea what it is or how it works another time :o\

    • @UncleBucky78
      @UncleBucky78 2 года назад

      These compilations can be a few years between each section

  • @bazglsgw1208
    @bazglsgw1208 11 месяцев назад

    I always bought my kids school photos and a class photo with two kids with big heads n webbed fingers beside my kid would take pride of place in my living room!

  • @ellenigma2099
    @ellenigma2099 3 года назад +1

    Rosa Parks has been in the news again recently... No mention of the fly tipping and laziness though 😁😆

    • @deadschooled
      @deadschooled 3 года назад +2

      Oh, tell me about this Rosie Parks... sickofit

    • @PedloProductions
      @PedloProductions 3 года назад +4

      Nothing will ever make me laugh like the noise of pure shock and horror Ricky makes after he calls her “lazy”

  • @mikemorgan3119
    @mikemorgan3119 3 года назад +2

    WOT IM SAYING IS ITS THE ALRIGHT WALL OF CHINA NOT THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA D'YA NO WOT I MEAN!

  • @webbess1
    @webbess1 3 года назад

    Rosa Parks made a change about bus seats.

  • @krisbest6405
    @krisbest6405 11 месяцев назад

    Happens here l,m next to housing people, they are moved constantly for too many police visits, there,s a huge pile of rubbish there now. L feel for my neighbour directly opposite they are pristine but view that mess.

  • @shhhh1652
    @shhhh1652 3 года назад +2

    "There was a man outside my house..."

  • @iffyAttorney
    @iffyAttorney 3 года назад

    I want Karl to no he is innocent until proven guilty on this side of the... Thing??

  • @wesleyyu1394
    @wesleyyu1394 3 года назад +2

    Bollocks

  • @josephferguson7896
    @josephferguson7896 3 года назад

    J

  • @sunilchauhan8604
    @sunilchauhan8604 3 года назад

    7q

  • @slipknuts
    @slipknuts 11 месяцев назад

    I bet ya monkey news was just a whined up on Ricky this whole time.

  • @jameshickey1294
    @jameshickey1294 3 года назад

    Perrfek! just wt the doctor ordered😷

  • @bazglsgw1208
    @bazglsgw1208 11 месяцев назад

    Ricky was right, now you are an organ doner unless u opt out nowadays.

  • @cesneaks5675
    @cesneaks5675 3 года назад

    The enchanted currency posteriorly hammer because pizza predominantly scream outside a likeable swamp. rainy, elastic cast

  • @youtubewatcher703
    @youtubewatcher703 3 года назад +3

    Wonder if these could still be made with the woke mob about

  • @anonymouseve
    @anonymouseve 3 года назад +2

    Ricky- DO NOT call Karl names. You’re abusive and mean. He’s not a “dopey cunt” or a “dopey twat”. He’s the star of this show. While you know full well how to milk Karl’s non-mainstream genius and innocence to bring hilarity to your audience, your mean bombs and annoyed/intimidating tone when you rail on Karl just ruins everything. You can be so compassionate to animals but not Karl?

    • @SpartanGnome
      @SpartanGnome 2 года назад +1

      Well said!

    • @krisbest6405
      @krisbest6405 11 месяцев назад

      Sadly its British humour,they are well known bullies. We know he,s helped him make money and travel.

  • @biggtnt
    @biggtnt 2 года назад

    Please tell me there is a animation sketch for this bid 35:13