I never understood why so many people couldn’t empathize with Dani as I understood her completely the first time I watched - because she was a heightened version of me when I was grieving during one of the worst periods of my life. My family didn’t want to see my grief because we had to be there for the family of the person we lost, but all I wanted was to be held and consoled on how hurt I felt about this sudden loss. I was lucky to at least have friends who were there for me during that time. The real horror of Midsommar hits when you’ve not only experienced grief, but grief in a way where it feels like no one sees it or worse, no one cares. Because god, would it feel so nice to be held, comforted, and validated in your grief by a whole group of women who wail with you instead of being turned off by your pain. It might just be worth looking the other way when that group treats others in a not so nice way…
Well said. I also identified strongly with Dani when I first saw the film. Perhaps to a concerning point where I wished that I could have a group like the Harga to take me in, even with the crazy cult stuff going on.
TBF you kinda answered your own question. You could see yourself in Dani, allowing you to empathize with her easier, a lot of other people haven't gone through stuff like this, meaning it'd be much harder for them to see them selves and empathize with Dani.
I would say that whether you see such a group of women as EVER available to you is another point. Midsommar's aesthetics and protagonist silo the viewer into a particular kind of relatability. For one thing, I'm not a straight cis blonde white girl, my experience with the women in that same cult could be different. For another angle on that same thing, I'm an immigrant, my country is at war, I'm transgender - a lot of grief has been in the "no one sees it, no one cares" category my whole life. The war affecting half the important people in my life is thankfully not affecting the other half, and I absolutely HAVE TO grit my teeth and see that as a positive! instead of focusing on how my closest friends wouldn't understand my pain, which I want to do rather badly and rather often. A movie lamenting on the desire for support for your pain through the lens of a western girl who's only just discovering the fact that sometimes, indeed, "no one sees it & no one cares".... Well, it can be a bit boring, even though I'd 100% support and empathise with a specific friend going through the same. It may be a matter of whether you the viewer see Dani as a neutral protagonist or perhaps neutral woman to relate to, or a straight white western woman you don't relate to.
Absolutely, I saw midsummer just a month after my mom died and it remains one of the most impactful movie experiences of my life. The cut to Dani panicking in the airplane bathroom just solidified it and the rest didn’t let me down. I felt so understood. Her acting was incredible, I related so hard. This movie really is for the grieving.
i think the people who couldn't empathize with dani are just people who haven't experienced loss. i've gone through most of my life until very recently not having lost the people i loved. and when i first watched the movie a few years back, admittedly i didn't understand why dani was like this. but i've lost people in my life in a very similarly tragic way dani lost her family and watching the video made me understand her, and go as far as to feel even worse for her than i previously did on my initial watch of the film. in a way it's a blessing to not be able to understand dani.
I watched a review of Midsommar that had been done with a woman who specialised in cults. It always stuck with me how she said that Midsommar was basically a step-by-step look at how cults attack vulnerable people and recruit them into doing wild stuff. I was not very mentally healthy when I watched Midsommar, so that was my way of discovering that I’m rather susceptible to being recruited by a cult.
I think it’s that much more powerful in the context of a post I saw on Reddit. The cult was the cause behind her family’s death, and it’s insinuated through the huge display of flowers immediately next to her parents’ bed at the scene. They targeted her from the very start and took steps to isolate her from anyone who would miss her.
It takes balls to make a whole video essay on something, and then make another to explain how you were wrong. That level of self-awareness and integrity is very admirable.
@@messmass2573 Ad revenue is a very bad profit margin for RUclipsrs. It's not only pretty low income, but also prone to being constricted by various other factors. For instance, RUclips can randomly say "this video is demonetized" for no reason, with no hope of getting monetization back without begging on Twitter. This is especially common when talking about horror movies, and mature concepts like death and grief. Ultimately, I don't see that as a motivation for this. That sounds more like taking this video in the worse possible light to justify a disliking of it imo.
@@10Gpixels I mean, it does come as a occupational hazard. Every job has one, so why RUclipsrs didn't shouldn't have one either? After all, they can just voice whatever opinion they have and potentially, sway the public opinion. I just find it it's very easy for RUclipsr to take back what they said in the past without so much of consequences. They just need to make a bombastic and controversial take on single topic to garner attention and backpedal their opinion it by appealing it to most popular take.
@@messmass2573 It wouldn't be the first time someone had a publicized bad take on a popular movie. Given the amount of work they did in the first video to make the viewer see from their perspective, I doubt it was done so purely to be controversial. Don't get me wrong, that definitely happens on RUclips. People rage-bait constantly, but usually rage bait channels refuse to admit it's a bad take to milk more clicks out of more controversial takes in the future. RUclipsrs are just as flawed and normal as the rest of us, so when they hear a convincing argument about something, their opinion is subject to change. Makes sense that if someone has a bad take, that they'd start a discussion that leads to a different viewpoint. When you have a large conversation, where tons of people express their viewpoints, the outcome of the conversation usually ends up with a neutral perspective; hence why it ends up being the "popular take" in the end. If every person with a bad take who's opinions change after a long discussion were a cynical self-serving hypocrite, we'd all be just as guilty.
@@10Gpixels Well, you definitely knew more about this particular content creator than I do then. I just don't want give someone the benefit of the doubt, especially if I only knew someone from RUclips.
Since my young son died a few years ago I’ve been living in constant grief. This movie is a very real portrayal of grief. It comes in waves. But even when the waves don’t overtake you- you’re still drowning in the rain that never ends.
My younger daughter was murdered by her boyfriend (2018). My wails that shook the hospital to its core was more like Dani's wailing. Right down to the no no no no bit. My older daughter and I still have to skip that, the SOUND of it, while rewatching. Else we come undone. You are right, it never goes away. Other shit happens that fills one's TIME...but yes: It never ends. I couldn't imagine losing a little one tho. My 24yo loss was hard enough.
I just lost my dad as a child myself, so I’m on the opposite end. Drowning in the rain that never stops is something I can say I relate to more than I can express. May we both get through this, we will.
A good critics is ALWAYS willing to reanalyze their own judgements. From Samuel Johnson to José Ortega y Gasset to TS Eliot, all have looked back at their older judgements and found themselves disagreeing with them…funny enough largely because they see the immaturity and inexperience behind them. That’s damn good company.
"Changing your mind is the best way to determine whether or not you still have one!" one of my fave quotes! (from the Taylor Mali poem 'Like Lily Like Wilson')
Christian didn’t ’cheat’ on Danny. He was drugged and coerced, which is rape. He was scared and confused and was clearly going along with it out of self-preservation. I think it’s important to conceptualise that moment this way, otherwise it perpetuates harmful ideas about male victims of SA. Overall though, I really enjoyed this vid. Amazing insights, really well researched and articulated. Love your work!
Agree, switch genders and I would also call it coercion or what's sometimes referred to as 'gray rape', which doesn't deserve to be treated lightly. I felt sorry for Christian's character, probably moreso than any other (besides the lungs-out guy..), but I think because he is kind of an unlikeable character people have a bias toward not seeing him as a victim
the actor has said in interviews in the scene after when he sobers up and is in a panic he is playing it fully as a female actor would play a rape victim. If Dani was drugged and put in a room of chanting men to be bred no woman would praise this film the way they do ie Christian being the villian, deserving to be burnt alive and it being a female empowerment film. It isn't
Watch the movie again. It's ambiguous. He's told before he's drugged that he was chosen to mate with the girl. He's told this could be part of his anthropological studies. He asks if he could make a study of it without participating in the mating and then the scene cuts and we don't hear what is said next. Then he is given a drink and told it contains something mind altering. He hesitates but then still drinks it knowing that he's being drugged. After that it's a slippery slope. I think it's ambiguous.
@@dtsv33 it’s also implied that he has been slowly and consistently drugged with and without his consent in the days previous to the ceremony as well as being sleep deprived like they all are.
@@dtsv33 there is also a moment when Christian very delibrately says 'no' to taking a drink that he knows is spiked but the Harga have correctly concluded that he is quite weak willed so can be pressured and coerced into taking it which he does. They play all the characters 'flaws' against themselves as cults do. It's not that ambiguous.
Echoism is such a fascinating concept to me as an autistic person. Echoist behavior is how I protect myself against social norms that I don’t understand-masking is quite literally a form of echoing the world around me for the sake of staying emotionally and socially safe. This video opened my eyes to that tendency and made me question if that’s really who I want to be, which is something I haven’t felt like I’ve had a choice in for most of my life. Thank you for this video
I was thinking the same thing as I watched this! Hearing all of this with the added lense of ASD just gave me even more to think about. Super interesting video.
I have been finding myself in quiet BPD diagnoses and as I now heard the same attributes described in Echoism, I have to wonder if they are the same thing. A sad person trying their best to be happy and likable and not to bother others, but still spilling over because no one is meant to live like that. But still it is what you are, like the mask that you wear grows on your skin up to the point it makes your skin. I am also autistic and lost people in my younger years and it seems all this bottled up stuff added to the mask that I have carried and the social norms I have memorized is just a vast sea of something outside of me, so deep I have no idea if a me is even findable. At the moment I am living through a phase I call death as the version of me I was is losing oxygen and the version of I could be is starting to form. Meanwhile I am living in my house and being agoraphobic, apparently. But it is very often so, that the comfort you feel, feels abusive to someone else if they were dropped in to the same situation. I try to remember that, so I will keep moving on.
I’ve had these exact same thoughts watching this video. I’m also autistic and also have a mother who has narcissistic traits and my immediate response to the part about Dani running away whenever she felt strong emotions was guttural. It is me.
Midsommar spoke to me in a way that no one else could after my sister committed s**ide. When she died, it was like the entire world stopped for me and my family and we all tackled the grief of it in all different ways- no one was good or bad, we were all just trying to get through it but I remember feeling like I was the only one drowning and my friends and family were just watching me and even though they were trying to give me words of encouragement and be there for me, it felt more like they were just watching me drown. Midsommar came out literally a month before my sister passed and I remember that I loved the movie, but it hadn't been relatable, and then after my sister passed- I watched that movie again with such a clarity as I had never had. The scene when she was screaming at the beginning was literally how I felt most days and to see that one screen was so cathartic. Finally- someone was saying what I was feeling and I remember I defended the shit out of that movie to everyone because they just didn't get it- that movie was saying everything I was feeling and more.
I'm so sad you went through this, I hope you and your family are feeling more at peace with what happened ❤ But yeah, I feel like people who don't appreciate this movie never dealt with heavy feelings or don't want to confront them. Because Hereditary and Midsommar made me feel like I never felt with another movie - somewhat exhausted, confused, and confronted with those deep feelings I often wanna cast away. His work is just brilliant.
I am SO SO sorry for your loss and in such a traumatic way. My best friend also took her life when I saw Midsommer and this is exactly what happened. Lots of love to you 🤍
Florence should have gotten an Oscar for that scene alone. If I rewatch it I may have to skip the beginning because the way she reacts is just… the realist shit I’ve ever seen
i just want to say i’m so sorry for your loss. i lost my best friend to s**ide a month ago, and trust me you’re not alone in how you feel. i carry that guilt with me everyday. i seriously understand how it feels like you’re drowning and no one’s helping you, time moves on but it seems like life just stands still. you are so strong ❤
when i first watched midsommar, my mental health was at its lowest, and my relationship (with a guy also named christian) left me feeling worse each time he left me on read or seemed happier around friends than he was with me. i knew my relationship was dying and i knew he wanted to pull away, but i was so afraid of letting go. my high school years were incredibly lonely, and if he was gone, some of my happiest memories would be tainted, and i couldn't lose that. midsommar left me feeling absolutely sick with how much of myself i saw in dani and her relationship, in a way that i don't think anything else has hit me before or again. it's a fantastic movie and i absolutely loved it, but i'm not sure if i can rewatch it yet.
Feeling for you! I hope you will rewatch when you feel ready. That's the awesome thing about this movie...it may actually show you how far you've come. ❤
@@caseyw.6550 don't worry, this was a few years ago so it's mostly that residual feeling of "wow, that hurt" haha. i want to watch it eventually when i'm able to gather the courage to do so! i agree, i think the movie will hit different the next time i watch it, and i think that shows how well ari aster accomplished his goal in creating it :)
I was in a very similar situation. abusive relationship and this movie was weirdly one of the steps that made me realize that i needed to get out. I felt like it was a "good for her" ending. Rewatching as I've healed, I recognize the cycle of abuse shown in the film. Dani loses everything, her bf sucks, she gets roped in to the cult easily. I recognize Christian is a victim now. Dani isn't better off now, she is more isolated than ever.
My father died from brain cancer almost a year ago this month and my mother, who was my best friend passed 3 months ago from a random aneurysm. My father wasn’t a great guy, but I loved him the same. My mother was my hero and best friend. I find my self hating the world now. I haven’t gone to work in a month. I’ve lost weight. I smoke cigarettes non stop. I feel anger and sometimes I wake up crying. I can’t listen to my mom’s voice or watch videos of her. I’m surrounded by her things. I can’t enter one room in my house now because it’s become just a place for her things now. I don’t understand why something so cruel happened to such a wonderful woman. Life is hard. Tell the people you love, you love them. That’s one thing I find comfort in. I knew I was loved and cared for by my parents. I want them back. I’m only 37. I’ve got a long road ahead and I have to walk it without the people who brought me into the world. Grief is scary.
My mother is getting to be at that age that I will have to face the same loss as you in the next decade or so. I hope there is someone who can comfort you to some degree. I know I am another internet nobody, but I wish you healing. I'm am so sorry your heart is filled with such weight and sorrow. Take care internet friend, take care
I am very sorry for your loss, it can't have been easy to be this open and vulnerable about what you experienced and your feelings. I know I'm just an internet stranger, but let me know if you ever need a person to talk to. Sometimes sharing stuff is easier with a person has no other connections to your life. Either way, I wish you all the love and support of the world and know you are not alone in this
I was in a kinda toxic relationship when i first watched midsommar and hereditary. I think both movies are amazing depictions of how intimate relationships can break down, replacing love with bitterness and frustration. They were never horror movies to me, but they gave catharsis to the difficulties I was experiencing in my real life relationships.
I had just over the past year-ish gotten over a very toxic relationship when I saw Midsommar. I related to Dani a lot, having been through a relationship with someone who refused to step up and break up with me when he wasn’t feeling it anymore, and just kept me around for sex/entertainment while being emotionally absent and looking to monkey branch to another relationship, all while stringing me along under the impression that he still cared. I saw the movie with my roommate at the time, a guy who also knew my ex. We had VERY different experiences with the ending of that movie.
There not really in a relationship.. He was about to break up with her, then her whole family died. And now he has to be the person she leans on untill he feels enough time has passed that he doesn't seem like a jerk who just dumped a girl going through a tragedy. This is two people who know they don't belong with each other. Cause I'm sure she was feeling the same way before tragedy struck. There both stuck with each other. It's pretty sad both ways
21:25. In 25 seconds you beautifully captured a defense mechanism that I have been employing my entire life but have never been able to fully comprehend. Before now, I never understood why I would feel humiliated when my negative emotions could be observed and why I would reject any consolation that was offered in favor of a quick escape. This is going to stay on my mind for a very long time. I applaud you for making something meaningful out of your recent hardships and thank you for doing so as it has made a positive impact on my life. All the best.
You too described so beautifully... Lately I am going through some rough patches and before I didn't had much people who would try to support me through that journey which honestly I was okay with even though it was lonely... But now when I am getting special attention I hate it I absolutely hate it, I feel more disgusted with myself, I feel negative emotions towards those who are trying to help which results in me blaming myself for being a ungrateful person... In one word it's a mess... I haven't realised why I like dany so much now I understand.
Danny spends the entire movie not able to portray what she thinks or feels to others, until her emotions and thoughts are dictated by the group. Christian spends the entire movie not being able to tell Danny what he wants or needs from her, until he physically cant anymore by the group.
Thinking Christian is a narcissist because Danny is an echoist is logical fallacy because to an extreme echoist, normal behaviour is seen as narcissism (and vice versa). Yeh Christian is a dick but hes also lazy, non confrontational and a coward. He doesnt force Danny to do anything, but he exploits her weakness to get his way. If he were a narcissist he wouldve have made Danny and the others do as he says, and would have no issue dumping danny when he got bored. if all that matters and all that exists is you, then why care about what others feel and think of you (friends, family, gf, school, etc).
@@veloc.raptor9136Nah narcissists can be very lazy especially a covert narcissist what you're thinking of what Christian is not is a sociopath/psychopath
"What if I need him too often and it becomes a chore? He doesn't even ask me for anything, I've never even seen him cry so I'm the only one that's leaning." Oh my god, I never thought Dani's line would resonate with me so much. That's exactly how I acted during that entire relationship.. This video really hit in the most painful of places, since I recently had my first ever breakup merely a month ago, I'm still in the grieving process. I suppose I too have echoist tendencies. The gutwrenching fear of abandonment is still here... and losing him made me lose a huge part of myself too...
Yeah it took me a couple years to realize "That's what a partner is for." I try to be more open with my partner now. We even discussed that part of our relationship while we were watching this movie. About how if I were going through this shit, how he would 100% wanna be there.
I know I'm a stranger on the internet but I'm really happy for you. It's the first step of many along a long and difficult journey, but therapy has done so much for me and I wish you luck.
As another stranger on the internet, can I just say I am SO GLAD you're taking that step. Therapy saved my life. It took time, it'll take you time, but looking back my life is entirely different (and better) than it was when I first started the process of finding a therapist and I know you'll get there too.
when midsommar first came out, i saw it in a theatre with two of my friends. we watched the movie with a near empty theatre besides a group of teenagers who laughed and mocked it the entire time, and an older couple who didn’t seem to quite understand the movie and left half-way through. i went to the hotel i was staying at that night & stared at a wall to process everything that i just watched. after getting back from that trip, i then went to see this movie five more times in theatre. I went through the death of three people in my life at that time and immediately connected with every aspect of midsommar. Your closing comments in this video PERFECTLY described how i felt coming to the same conclusion you have. From the sound of your voice making those statements, to your final words themselves. I, at first watch, wanted and even DESPERATELY needed someone to comprehend and understand why i felt watching this movie so many times. but by my final watch in theatre’s, i came to the conclusion that i hope NO ONE relates to the grief that i’ve gone through. Midsommar is my favorite movie that i’ve seen in my lifetime and as much as it hurts it feels healing at every rewatch in this confusing kind of way.
This is the kind of video essay that's been missing on youtube - reflective, vulnerable, insightful, analytical ... all at once. A truly astonishing work. I hope other youtube creators can learn from it.
I really, REALLY felt Dani. It took me finally being in an amazing, healthy relationship for me to be able to process my intense people-pleasing and desire to have no control. To just let others pull me along and end up wherever they go, so long as I’m not alone. I still however struggle immensly with these mindsets and finding a real sense of identity when not tied to another person. I found myself certain that I would have fallen victim the same way she had, convinced it was the happiest ending for her because she was surrounded by “family” and “love”. I’ve grown a lot since the film initially came out and am able to see the nuance and genuine horror-but as such a frail, broken, and scared echo of a person... What could be more heavenlike than a family that never ends, a place where the pain of loss doesn’t sting as bad, a home full of people who love me and can lead me and take the stress of decision making and life out of my hands. The broken part of me would still fall victim.
This is what’s so beautiful about film- the ability to rewatch something later on in life and seeing it from a very different perspective. Loved the old video and this video for both perspectives as they are both valid in their own ways! Thank you ❤
Same thing can be said for a poem written by a 10 year old. Heck even I have gone back on my old poems and found profound meanings of life from random scramblings
Ok, this was the best movie review I’ve ever seen. Midsommar is very much a movie where 99% of the time you’ll say “oh yeah, it was horror. Kinda cool that it was set somewhere so bright and peaceful. I saw the twists coming a mile away. It was a little cheesy but Florence Pugh was great. Etc.” But if you see it that exact right 1% of the time, it will feel like the most profound piece of media you have ever consumed. And that happened to be when I saw it. It will always be a weirdly comforting, supremely cathartic, was Ari reading my mind?!?? kind of movie because of how deeply I was grieving and how much in denial about my grief I was when I stumbled across it.
Also, I have no idea what you’re going through. I’m a brand new sub. But whatever it is, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so sorry for the part of yourself you’re still trying to reclaim. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m so sorry you relate to this movie so much now. I’m so sorry, and I’m sending every ounce of love your way.
i really appreciate your re-analysis. Midsommar is one of my favorite movies and it still helps me put into perspective my own feelings of grief and isolation. Im sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort in these trying times
This movie is so different for people in grief I agree. I lost my baby in 2022, and I watched this movie while I was stuck in that pit of despair phase of grieving and I couldn’t help but wish I could join a community like this. Obviously minus the ritualistic murder, but the echoing scene and the togetherness of everything just called to me so much when I was lost.
I’m so sorry for your loss, mama. I can relate. I felt so incredibly isolated when I had my miscarriage in May of 2022. Not even my (then) husband (soon to be ex) grieved with me (and later told me he was actually glad I miscarried, after 8 months of trying again). I remember while working, I was in a room with a tv playing and some sitcom was on. One woman was pregnant but alone/uncommitted, and scared. I remember her talking to her friends, many of them older women offering wisdom, and them all gathering around her and holding her and celebrating with her. When she confessed she was scared they told her how they would be there for her and the baby. I remember how it felt like I’d been shot, how the grief became so overwhelming in that moment knowing how alone I was. I just ran to the break room and cried. Everyone said they were sorry, but not even one person offered so much as a hug.
I am so sorry for both of your losses. We need this connection so much, after all we are the same in my opinion - many of us go (or will go) through immense pain and grief and we need to come closer to each other to give comfort to one another. Personally I have close friends and my christian community I feel connected with - and when we get into deep conversations, I find that many of us have that ache from human experiences which make us so delicate and yet strong. So much words but all I really want to say: I pray and wish you people near you that really see and listen to you. That are willing to stay with you in your pain and happiness - and have their stories so they can offer you comfort and hope. They are out there.
when the echoism section started, I looked at the scale and thought, “yeah, I guess I’m probably at a 6 or 7” and then spent the rest of the video silently sobbing with tears streaming down my face relating to every last word you said about Dani. No slights against me should bother me; panic attacks can always wait until later, when I’m not in public or with friends or family; it’s unacceptable or inappropriate or irresponsible to feel overwhelmed or upset if there is anyone even remotely around me. I used to be able to delay the crying, but now I can’t make it start again when I’m in private. Okay. I think I should probably talk to somebody.
Second, loving, yes. And...I know exactly how you feel. It's...suffocating. You choke on your feelings because everyone else comes first. I was raised this way by a very Catholic mother and, if I'm being real, it destroyed me and my capacity to form healthy relationships. The whole, "you'll be rewarded later for suffering now" bag of BS. Shit, I remember when my dog died being the one to take care of EVERYTHING and everyone else's emotions, and when I finally had a minute to myself late at night having a mental breakdown in the bathroom alone. That was over a dog, you can imagine how extreme it got during much larger crises. I spend most of my time alone now because it finally broke. I'm done taking care of everyone when they won't recognize I need caring for too even when I tell them that to their face. This is also an unhealthy way of living, I know that. Therapy will help if you're able to. For me it didn't...hm how do I say this? I'll never be what I consider "ok", but it did help to lower my burning resentment for humanity. A little bit. If you have trouble affording mental health services try calling your state's Dept. of Human Services, Dept. of Health, they sometimes have different names depending; they might be able to hook you up.
I tend to also hide my strong emotions from others because I absolutely hate being in the center of attention. People's sympathy really make me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I have to reciprocate somehow. While I still do hide away (in order not to be an inconvenience), I'm so much better now that I used to be after 5 years of therapy. I think it's admirable that you've been able to come to this realization of yourself because it shows a level of self-awareness that would make therapy successful for you. And so, I hope that you will consider getting therapy too. It was the best decision I've ever made for my life. It helped me escape an abusive relationship and build a better healthier life.
They do the ceremony like every 70-90 years something like that, so no, his parents wouldn't have been sacrifices in the same ceremony leading him to know that she would be the perfect target. However her vulnerability would make her an easy target either way.
I’ve never heard about “panic need” before this video and I thank you for teaching us about it. Its something I’ve done my whole life but never had a name for. When I’m depressed I tend to push people away, but when I’m anxious I need people around me. This whole video had such a fresh take on midsommar that I’ve never heard before. Thank you as well for your vulnerability, I really hope you can feel a little better soon.
@@cassandraunheeded it’s a really scary feeling when it happens, I’m blessed that I have friends and family who are willing to spend time with me and comfort me when I suddenly feel anxious
@@TheeKittyPieIt is insane how much I relate to this. And self-blaming just to reassure myself the relationship's faith is in my hands. I hope you can find peace and comfort one day, either being with your own or surrounded by people around you who love you 😭🫶🏻
The scene of communal grieving alone is enough for me to understand why this cult would appeal to anybody, even without the underlying plot of grief. I've lived a deeply lonely life full of neglect, and I've always mourned and suffered alone. There's a lot of beauty in the idea that you can be surrounded by people who love you regardless of how long they've known you, and to have those people carry some of that pain with you. I recently lost somebody, and as an atheist, I found most comforting words hollow and painfully meaningless. I found a poem by Heidi Priebe which has run through my head every day since: "Grief is a giant neon sign, protruding through everything, pointing everywhere, broadcasting loudly, "Love was here". In the finer print, quietly, "Love still is"." I wish you well on your journey of relearning how to live.
Heidi Priebe? The same one with the amazing psychology RUclips channel? I didn't know she also wrote poetry, that rules. And yeah, "love still is" is right. A friend once told me that grief isn't something we move on _from_ but something we move on _with,_ and that change of a simple preposition has really changed my perspective and helped me.
Love this video!!!!!! One thing I haven't seen talked about is how Dani's fear of abandonment gets triggered when Connie mentions her BF is missing. At first she is worried about Connie and wants to help her but as soon as Dani talks to Christian she gets so wrapped up in his dismissiveness that she completely forgets about and abandons Connie. If Dani were a more secure and healed person she would noticed the danger they were in. It illustrates how when we are wrapped up in our own pain (or relationship drama) we can sometimes become blind to the suffering of others. Justice for Connie and Simon!
I'll love the honesty you show on your video so I'll repay it with mine knowing it will probably be lost in the comment section. Back in the day when the movie was first released and shown in the local cinemas on my city I went and saw it with a couple of friends, all of them found the character of danny insufferable for the very same reasons you gave on your first video, she seemed like an overtly idealized figure of grief and moral superiority with respect to her relationship dynamic with her boyfriend. I had just gone through a very traumatic loss of a loved one a couple of months before, almost a year, not as dramatic as in the movie but equally surprising, and I had a completely different read on her character, one that I mostly kept to myself. Seeing your video now makes me feel understood. That line about feeling one dimensional hit hard. That's exactly how grief feels for me too. Its a loss in the very real sense of losing a part of you, leaving you like a shell of yourself. This was a meaningful watch, you've got a new subscriber. Also, if anybody read this sorry for the bad english, not my first language.
I first saw Midsommar three months before my mom unexpectedly passed away. It became my comfort film as I watched it at least once a week for six months after I lost her. Art that can captivate you and help you process all of the stuff going through your head and emotions is such an important part of the human experience. Fantastic video! 🌼🌸🌺
@@cassandraunheeded It took me a while after that emotionally to watch that one, but I love Hereditary. Midsommar is my favorite though, the cinematography is so breathtaking.
As someone who’s spent lives living to serve others, in and out of codependent relationships which end up tragically every time and who is pursuing a career entirely based on helping others (medicine) at the expense of one’s own health. The insight on echoism resonated with me in a way that brought me to tears. I feel incredibly bothered now by the idea that I may be giving up my life for others, I never really cared about it since my own self worth has been practically nonexistent for years but this made me spiral into a crisis and made me realize that I do not want more tragedy in my life caused by my own actions and allowance of bad things to keep happening. I want to thank you for making this and being brave enough to share it, the heavy emotional perspective and actual psychological explanations make this video life changing in a good way, so again thank you.
I see myself in a similar situation. Will you make any substantial changes now? Or is it even a good idea to change that? I don't know what to do with my life since I've uncovered this crisis.
The idea of being one-dimensional… I think I’ve grieved a few times now, but my first clearly identifiable experience with grief was the death of my father when I was fresh out of college. My dad was abusive, so I didn’t have a lot of good memories with him. Grieving him didn’t look the way I expected it to, because I couldn’t really miss him. If anything, I knew now that he’d never be able to hurt me again. The thing I remember most about what grief was actually like for me vs what I expected, was the feeling that big parts of *me* were missing or inaccessible. After months, I was almost gaslighting myself - like, I feel like I can remember being funny and quick, but maybe I just made that up? I can’t explain this sense of self-loss in a logical way. My dad didn’t bring out the best or happiest sides of me, so it’s not that I lost out on those parts of myself without him there to elicit them. I don’t know why I felt like a fractional self. I did bounce back but I’ve learned that one of the complexities of adulthood is dealing with grieving that overlaps and layers. I was very fortunate that at the time my dad died, most of the rest of my life was pretty steady and uncomplicated. When losses, big and little, follow on each other, you can find yourself in a long-term struggle to be your entire, multidimensional self
Just spitballing here, but maybe your loss of self had to do with suddenly not having him around as an anchor to the trauma you faced in the past at his hands? I don't know if that makes sense, and I hope I'm not overstepping by saying as much, but maybe this can provide a different angle to look at it? There are different types of grief outside of death that can be just as real and difficult to cope with, so maybe the grief you felt wasn't necessarily because of the loss of him, but the loss of something else that was tethered to him in some way -- whether that something else be a set of important memories, or a piece of your identity, or the foundation of a certain value or worldview you have. When things like those are disturbed, it can lead to a sense that one's self has been disturbed as well. (Speaking only from my own experience, not as any sort of professional, of course.) Regardless, I wish you all the best and much healing.
My dad is not dead, but he was and still is abusive to me. Alcohol addiction distroyed him and made him behave horribly towards me, my sister and my mom. I moved away 12 years ago, but I allways wondered how I will process the eventuality of his death. I feel like I will not be griveing his actual persona but the time we could've spend together and we didn't got to because of his addiction (my weeding day, my graduations from highschool and university, first job celebration and many more). I feel like im losing a part of me that I will never get back because it was just in my head, my hopes for a better relationship with him. The sadest thing is that sometimes I want to get closer to him but he constantly reminds me when I see him why I pulled away and why I don't visit him so often. Its fing hard loving people that hurt you and the best thing I can do is loving him from a very long distance because I dont want to get hurt anymore.
I feel like I could have written this myself... in fact I had to check, maybe I had forgotten. It almost made me feel guilty, how little I grieved.. the grief for most of us in the family took the shape of 'what a waste' because he was such a talented person, even if he did make everyone miserable. But like you said, part of it felt like a bit of me died too, never feels quite the same
We are taught that there are happy ends and life in the end becomes a simple, solvable set but things come unresolved, good things have bad timing and emotions become more and more complex. Sometimes it might end/stay that way and you just deal. Let life come as it is i guess.
It's a relief he can't hurt you any more but gone too is the possibility of having the dad you deserved (even if you already knew that was realistically impossible).
About fleeing when you feel the tears coming: it isn't always to spare others the burden, it's sometimes a survival strategy because when you cry in front of someone, there is a risk that they will take advantage of it. Whether it's by humiliating you, touching you without consent, or trying to influence you while your mind is less critical, some people see a person crying as an opportunity, and it's best never to give it to them, unfortunately.
I also felt that the scene of Dani and the harga women screaming in pain was so comforting. They matched her energy in a way that made myself feel seen.
this whole video is so profound and compelling. sorry for your loss and also thank you for sharing your journey, I'm genuinely very touched by this new perspective!
I lost three of my close family members since I've turned 17 (34 now) and found such great comfort in this movie and I never fully understood why. I led a very similar relationship after loosing my mother and the movie always felt cathartic to me. I felt like I saw the movie through such different eyes than others and I sensed that it was because of my loss. But to this day I just didn't make the connection. If you'd have asked be I wouldn't even have remembered that Danny lost her family in the beginning and that grief is almost the center of the movie.. Thank you for this video. I understood so much about the movie, grief, myself, why I did things the way I did and felt the way I felt and thank you for introducing the word echoist to us. This changes a lot.. I hope you feel better soon. I once read a quote and it really helped me: grief does not change you, it reveals you. Love from Austria
Hi! Bin auch aus Österreich, aus Niederösterreich! So spannend, wie uns filme beeinflussen und mir fehlen immer die exakten punkte, die erst solche videos klar benennen, damit ich es tatsächlich bewusst sehe und dann mir erklären kann… davor ist es bei vielem, auch in der Realität eine gefühl von etwas, und komplett diffus ich weiß nur DASS es mich beeinflusst, mir im Gedächtnis bleibt, es juckt einen ort am gehirn - aber ich wüsste nicht WAS genau
this video really made me confront the time when two of my friends in my friend group who i thought cared about me "forgot" my birthday even when i indirectly pointed it out and never apologised when we had all been wishing happy birthday to each other. they also conveniently happened to be the only people who could not attend my party of close friends. i blamed it on myself entirely and sought to console them and consolidate our friendships, never once considering that they could have been in the wrong. they hurt me, and i searched to justify their actions by searching within. but i am now beginning to realise that some people just don't have your best interest at heart. some could not care less about you and it's not your job or even within your power to change that without denying or erasing a massive part of yourself.
the thing i've found is, i always give someone the benefit of the doubt at least once (for most things, bar something like cheating). i explain clearly as well as i can why what they did hurt me, and then i reflect on their response. if they deflect back onto me or deny any responsibility, then they're out. i've had exes stalk me and continue to harass me after i cut them off, demonstrating pretty clearly the type of people they are once i've clearly set my boundaries. it's important to stick to those boundaries. i let one person back in after she demonstrated to me the type of person she was, and then she very predictably abused my trust and vulnerability during a hard time in my life to assuage her own fears and pride. it's hard cutting people off and it's even harder knowing if it's the right decision, but i promise, given the benefit of hindsight, i can clearly tell i made the right choices. it's better to be alone and searching for new people to fill that loneliness than to go back to the same abuse that you know. the familiar is comfortable but it can also be damaging. i wish you the best.
thank you, those are very kind and wise words! i have always had (and still have) a tendency to find a way to justify why people hurt me and give them the benefit of the doubt beyond reason, most likely because of a deep-seated feeling that I am not good enough. but yes, doing this to an unreasonable extent really does hurt you in the long run, and it is important to build enough respect for yourself to be able to set those boundaries and know that trust is something that really can diminish.
@@gus4954 the most important thing is to communicate. sometimes people don't know that they've done something wrong and it's a legitimate misunderstanding, but sometimes it's not like that and they're very aware of what they're doing. i'm autistic, and so i'm really not good at reading people. so instead of relying on my bad skills at reading people, i communicate as effectively as i can. i've noticed that it's not just autistic people who make bad assumptions. nonautistic people do this too, especially assuming the worst of autistic people who legitimately did not realize how their behavior was coming off to others. communication is the most important thing for anything in any relationship because no one can read each other's minds, and refusing to communicate only leads to bitterness and distrust. it builds resentment until it boils over or someone ghosts you and you don't know why. it can be scary, but it's the only thing that matters. i hope if others read my words, they take this to heart. communicate with people and don't let things go unsaid. have a good day :^)
As an autistic this is hell, I want to do things by myself in my own because is easier for me to keep with the shit I do, when am expected to do things with others my body and brain are confused because I don't interpret information the same way others do...and when it shows and people would make me feel like am a problem that needs to be fixed and I will obviously defend myself and try to go on my own and they don't want that, at the end is either am not longer a part of it or am a part of it but I have to mask and deal with it and is exhausting. Individualism is bad because in this society where your value as a person is your success, am screwed from the start. I never had any "ambition" "dream" "goal" or "purpose" so I don't understand why people look down on me a lot, I just know it feel so dehumanizing so I tried to do what they do to get respect and recognition but I just overworking myself and crying alone and that is when the thought of end it all comes to mind. When I realize am broken, broken because I feels like I was not made for this life, I cannot thrive in any kind of civilization presented here: individualism or collectivism.
I wish I could think of something helpful to say, but the best I can do right now is: I hear you. I am also autistic and have dealt with suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember. Mostly it's just background noise, periodically it becomes something I actively struggle with. I don't want the things I am "supposed" to want, and I often don't feel the things I am "supposed" to feel. Pretty words (or reasoned argument) to the contrary, about how it's "okay to be who I am" or whoever, ultimately mean very little in the lifelong, conspicuous absence of social proof.
i am also autistic and feel your pain. i recently tried to pull the trigger, quite literally, and found myself too scared. instead i shot the water and left before anyone could investigate the noise. thankfully it's fireworks season. i don't have much advice. just solidarity i guess. i am trying to make more autistic friends because i think that may be the only way to keep surviving in a world that hates us so much. i wish we could dm on youtube. i wish you the best. i hope to make more connections with other autistics and i hope you do too.
these are not the only forms of these. You have a place in this world which far more vast and complex than any of us can ever understand. Thank you for sharing.
I think this film’s use of a sort of religious cult to convey this idea of community and servitude to the people around you is absolutely brilliant. I’m an ex-Christian and was raised with the belief that the best thing that I could do as a person was “serve god and serve others.” I think that this sort of ingrained into me echoist behavior from a very young age, and I now find myself having to consciously think about when it’s okay to NOT serve others. I made poor friendships when I left the church with people who exhibited narcissistic behavior because I no longer had a community to serve WITH me. I’m much better now, but I think that this movie spoke to me for that reason, it was like watching my deconstruction process in reverse. Because having a community is BEAUTIFUL and it’s what I miss most about my religion… having a group to fall to my knees and cry with, a common action in the church, was extremely cathartic. But it wasn’t healthy, because I relied too much on servitude as an identity. And when I left, I was serving alone, much like Dani at the beginning of the film. And, much like Dani, I would suppress feelings of grief, guilt, and shame after I left the church because I no longer had a community to “feel broken” with. But I think that the thing you have to learn eventually, at least from my personal experience, is that you are not fundamentally broken or a burden to be shared among a community. You’re just a person with emotions, and you should be allowed to be that, with AND without a group of people to support you. It’s the difference between feeling broken and believing that you fundamentally ARE broken, and I think that echoists often believe that they are fundamentally broken because they have selfish feelings that they are ashamed of (that’s why they try to get away before expressing the feeling) and they don’t want to burden others because they themselves feel burdened when they don’t have a community. I think this is what converts non-religious people into religious people. Because they can share the burden of servitude with a group and express selfishness without FEELING selfish. I hope all of that made sense, it was a bit of a ramble. Midsommar is one of my favorite movies and it really speaks to me as an ex-Christian.
Join the methodist church. Also Isaiah 58 and Matthew 6:6 and Matthew 6:16. Wear a Headcovering only when praying if a woman and dress modestly for both sex. You are not broken as a sinner just a criminal. Judgement is just the court system. Stop making it a big deal. He'll is just jail or prison and the day of Judgement is just a court day. Nothing special. We have that in our regular court system. It's not that big deal.
It has nothing to do with religion, but with family dynamics. Unbalanced parents will have unbalanced kids. My family was not religious, but both my parents were echoists. They poured everything into their first child, and she terrorized the others, so they in turn became echoists. Except my middle sister, who was ignored, and formed a bit of a demanding personality. Ive met all types of Christians. Maybe demonimpnations make a difference. But of course religious leaders want everyone ekse to be altruistic and serve God by serving those religious leaders.
Or what if Christianity isn't actually about your relationships with those around you so much as your relationship with God directly-beyond church, beyond anything or anyone else in the world.
Your vulnerable re-processing of Midsommar is a deeply fulfilling reflection of the identity deconstruction I've been going through that I couldn't find the right language for. I'm about to turn 30 at the end of the month and I've been rediscovering myself for about the last year, finding empathy for the ideas and people that I have let exert control over me and also for my own imperfections. I didn't realize up until now that I've been grieving the loss of what I thought my life was supposed to be, the loss of certainty. I've harboured a lot of anger towards those closest to me for seemingly failing to meet my emotional needs without realizing that I have failed them in some aspects, too. I see now the mutual urge in my various relationships to change each other instead of embracing each other exactly where we are. Learning is a process, not an event. We can only do our best until we know better. I am Dani being swept away by my own righteousness and too permeable to society's ideals. I am Christian being too hard on people and afraid of my faults. I think each character is portrayed as single dimensional because taken together they become the complexity of the human experience.
My god, I have the same fear. Everything you said is so close to my experience with this film, except I felt it during my first watch. It must be hard for others to understand when they can’t empathize with Dany. I am so happy you made this. Thank you. I hope this reaches more people, because this message is so important. Thank you
I'm sorry for your loss. I think processing grief through creativity is one of the best ways to heal and learn. I know I'm just a random commenter but the profound shift in perspective that you've experienced is a big step toward breaking unhealthy cycles. It's going to be okay. I loved this video essay and best of luck to you.
i watched your original video a couple years back and truthfully found myself very frustrated with your take on the film. i wanted to write out this lengthy response in the comments but ultimately just clicked off the video and kept my opinion to myself lol. i applaud your ability to reexamine not only your opinions, but also how your life experiences at the time could have blinded you to the nuances of the film and its characters. i am truly so sorry for your loss. when i watched midsommar for the first time i had lost a family member in which i had a complicated relationship with. i was also trying to leave a toxic relationship that i was incredibly dependent on through out my grieving process. dani’s character resonated with me in a lot of painful and ugly ways. i do think its valid to say that at times both she and christian can feel like caricatures of these echoists/narcissistic archetypes but i don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing because these caricatures are being explored with nuance and the story is about their toxic dynamic. there is also the idea of loss of self that you talk about in the video. all loss requires a grieving process - whether it’s a breakup or death of a loved one or even as simple as a job/opportunity. the world we live in doesn’t give us much space to feel loss safely much less process it. i truly appreciate this video and i feel so seen by it. i hope you have all the love and support you need while processing this loss ❤️
Ari Aster understands grief and loss so well. His films have been huge for me, too, after suffering loss and grief in my own life. I hope that you are able to move through your grief- it is one of the hardest processes to go through in the world. May you carry it with strength.
I remember for the first time actually looking into what an echoist is. Things made a lot of sense. But even in the moment I thought I found something about myself I felt like I was doing something wrong. Like it can’t be right and I’m just taking something that does not belong to me. This movie showed me things I’m afraid of but even want. I’m horrified of ever being seen as pelle and Christian. And I want to have a bond that Connie and Simon had. Connie could not be convinced that Simon left without her. I hope I secure someone’s trust like that
@@cassandraunheeded watch the full video sweetie 🥰✨️ he mentions echoism. Google: Echoism: The Narcissism Response You Haven’t Heard of By Sarah Fielding The irony lmfao, thank you for your wise words, follow your own advice.
my mom is a grief therapist and she talks alot about the Grieving Brain book, it was really interesting to see it applied to this movie. Great video, it takes alot of courage to share your experiences and changes in perspective about this.
I don't think the intensity of grief lessens, you just get better at dealing with it, and the time between two bouts grows. But it's still as intense as in the beginning, in my opinion.
On grief: I grew up with father living separately from me, which often tends to create that typical "cool parent" pseudo-friendship later in life, I think. That's how I was with my dad; we worked together, we'd go to the bar together, we'd sit around at the table and talk shit until 2am, each of us in tears from laughter. There were so many roles in my life that my father was filling, that it was inevitable that, when I lost him in 2012, it took the life I thought I had at that time and shattered it. The pain from that loss is immortal, ubiquitous, and at times, suffocating. There were times when I felt like I didn't want to live in a world that didn't include him. It was only in being there for the other members of my family that I began to find purpose. I'd always heard that I emulated my father, but now, I was performing the role for others that he'd filled for me. My aunt, his sister, told me once, "As long as you're alive, it's like he's never really gone." Ever since, I've thought about the light and love that he brought to the world, and his compassion, charm, altruism and sense of humor, and I've considered it my responsibility to make sure that these did not simply fade away. The things that made him such an amazing human being for everyone around him are inside of me, and I owe it to him and to them to make sure they continue. This purpose didn't mitigate my grief in any way; in fact, at times, they exacerbate it. But what I've learned is that there are kinds of grief that don't simply dissipate in time. You just have to clear out a spot in the corner of your soul and let it live there. You feed it, make sure it's got water, visit it from time to time, and do what you can to keep it on its leash. You can't get rid of it, so you just make room for it.
I'd like to thank you, because I'm currently writing a paper to graduate from Visual Arts, and this video just helped me a lot to resume what I am trying to say with my project. I have been trying to explain this dicotomy of the collective nature of plants and our current human society. In the process, I have realized I sound a bit like I'm part of a cult when I talk about hyper-individualism and It's effects on us, and now I see It's because I have been ignoring the extreme opposite of it. I also loved the self-psychoanalisis of it all, since as a visual artist, a lot of my own feelings and thoughts get to influence every fixation and themes I put in my work. Great work! Loved it.
I think there's big similarities between Midsommar and Melancholia, in terms of showing grief and depression from the inside, rather than just how they look to other people.
I can never watch Melancholia again because of how real it is. Both sisters in the film demonstrate the depression, anhedonia and also death anxiety I have. I can point to that film and tell someone to watch and it'll explain that kind of mental illness.
I watched Midsommar shortly after my grandfather passed. The death tore my entire family apart, to a point where I felt deeply alone in my grief. So why did this film impact me? The beauty of art is that it comes in two components: it, and you. We can always argue from an intellectual point the "it"---the objective cinematography, the writing etc. However, the subjective "you" component---yourself, your life, your being---is always difficult to reflect on in the context of the art itself, although it can be easier when we know *exactly* where the "it" and the "you" meet when we come into contact with art. In this case, I met the artistic intent of Midsommar with the version of myself that was utterly overcome with grief, and the pieces fit together to make an extremely relatable, and artisically impactful experience for me. I believe both of your videos were great, with the former addressing the "it" with valid criticism, whereas this video addresses the "you" and the "it", as one. Us, and the art. I like this video better, from a human perspective. Thank you for sharing! :)
What I love about Midsommar is on how many different levels it can be appreciated. As a reflection on grief as you analyze here, but also I have seen beautiful analyses of this movie from the point of view of reflecting the similarly oscillating nature of abusive relationships, breakdowns of the film as an exploration of real world high control group methods and processes of radicalization, discussions of the imagery and symbolism and color theory and cultural resonance of the movie. It is a movie that invites analysis and reflection and provides a rich set of details for the viewer to accomplish that.
when i watched midsommar, i was just recovering from a relationship at the time, and since i have borderline personality disorder it can warp my perception of relationships quite a bit. i genuinely thought that our relationship was healthy and that we broke up on good terms, when in reality, we basically both felt miserable around each other but also hated it when we spent time with other people. midsommar was a horribly brutal reality check when i realized that hating your partner's presence and dreading communication is not normal or healthy at all. beautiful movie visually and story wise, and i think it's so cool how often i see people actually change their opinion about this movie. that's how it works. you go through things, you think one thing, and in retrospect, you realize you should have thought differently.
My favourite analogy for grief is one I heard years ago. It's like a ball in a box, and the box has a button in it. Whenever that button is pressed all the feelings rush back and you feel everything about the people you lost and what happened at the time, as if the wound is fresh. In the beginning, the ball is as big as the box and it rolling around presses the button a lot. As time goes on, the ball gets smaller and smaller- it still hits the button sometimes, but it's much less than it was before.
Thank you. Thank you for the courage to make this video. Vulnerability like that, regarding loss, grief and the loss of oneself is honestly unheard of (at least by me) and surprisingly healing.
hate it when essayists put a mirror in front of me. The back and fort between asking for esasy stuff and hiding the most painful, while then feeling so guilty that some of the hard stuff spills a little in front of me. I can only think when my gradma died and i went to college to tell my professor i had to leave early to attend the funeral, and actiely rejected people trying to comfort me, or all the times i have said sorryafter getting emotional support for anything... i might have a new perspective for starting therapy again
I don't understand how you can't empathise, irrespective of having experienced grief. I saw the movie before experiencing the loss of my most loved one, and I didn't question it then. When you experience significant loss, of course, you suffer and desperately want to be understood and not alone in it. That's something you'd expect, irrespective of experiencing it first-hand.
to be real i bounced off your channel HARD initially because of the original video - this movie resonated really deeply with me for a lot of the reasons you outlined here, and this was a really insightful watch that helped me connect some of those dots. happy this hit my recommends
This movie really moved me so much when it came out. And then the love of my life died suddenly and now this film connects with me so much more deeply. There's something about the depth of grief that you can't understand until you've been there. I am definitely going to be reading the books you cited.
i wish more people talked about how Christian was absolutely raped. he didn't cheat on Dani, he was drugged and coerced into it. if you switched the genders of the scene it would absolutely be talked about as rape, which is super fucked up. Christian was a victim. He was also an asshole, but he was a victim.
If you switched the gender most likely she would be called a slut and whore by their entire hometown, the town will probably protect the abusers bc they dont want to waste the precious boys pontential. Then the girl will kill themselves because of the trauma. How do I know? This a true story that happened countless times.
to be fair Dani doesn't know that and for the purposes of recruiting her she needed to see him "cheating" it is when the audience fails to see this thats the problem.
Honestly, I've seen this comment multiple times and I've never seen anyone denying that he is a victim. Stop using that switcheroo argument, it's not what's being discussed here and it's irrelevant. Also, Danni is not aware of the drug part. The cult makes it look like cheating to her...
Your ability to honestly, and intimately, reevaluate not only this film, but yourself, is absolutely...beautiful. Thank you. I actually watched your original video on Midsommer and Hereditary and ended up, kinda "hating" you. When I first watched Midsommer, I, like Dani, had lost everything...what killed me the most, was how (I felt) you entirely missed not only the Hårga's purposeful influence on, but the amplification of the negatives of Dani and Christian's relationship...anyways, when I saw this new upload, I clicked on it with apprehension, and a readiness to be angry...and the complete opposite happened. I applaud you my friend. And I thank you for reminding me to never stop questioning and reevaluating not only my own beliefs, but also my own biases. Be well. (and not that one "subscription" makes a difference to your channel at this point, but today, you earned mine)
I understand this, I felt a plaintive “why don’t you get it” about negative reviews of both this one and Hereditary. Also wonder if he does an edit on his initial take of Hereditary but maybe it’s actually good to NOT understand family trauma to that extent lol. For Beau Is Afraid, I tried to watch it but that sh17 was unwatchably cringy anxiety provoking. I tapped out. I need to try it again because those other 2 Aster movies were so worth the trauma of watching them.
More people need to do this. Resvisit something once they've grown. I remember very much disagreeing with lots of your old video back then, but was able to put that past me very fast now as I could hear in your voice how much you've changed and that this is an emotional topic. I'm very sorry for your loss and I've been there too. Thank you for this great video and I wish you the best.
This movie hit me so hard, my father died and I was in a similar situation with my ex husband it was like parallel. Watching it made me cry so hard. It brought back memories just how Dani and Christian interacted. My dad had died while I was with my ex husband and it shattered me it broke me, it it weren’t for my dog Athena i probably woulda killed my self tbh.
I almost never comment on youtube videos, but this resonated so hard. As someone who has dealt with a mental condition that has driven me into echoism/masking, I loved midsommar and you have effectively summarized every reason why. I very much relate to what you said about them sharing her pain in unison being so weirdly comforting. As disturbed as I was, a small part of me couldn't help but be jealous. In echoism, even though theres that insane drive to minimize the self, I feel there's always a secret longing for the attention that is pushed away. Like amongst all the self blame, even though I believe it to be true, I pray for people to say what Dani's friend does, "you're valid, you're justified," but the cult takes it to a whole other level. It's validation on crack. People that echo, because they see themselves as incapable of fixing things themselves because of that "brokenness", they long for a hero. A savior. And the cult is that hero. There's also something to be said about the weird way that individualism values uniqueness and rewards/expects exceptionalism, but inversely punishes those feelings of greatness. As if one is expected to be exceptional while also being humble and making it look effortless to the outside eye. I can't wait to watch more video essays on your channel
I have never heard of need panic before watching this video, but I have definitely experienced that in romantic relationships that have gone sour. I have some reflection and reading to do after watching this video. I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time and dealing with grief. I hope this video has been cathartic and helpful for you to make
It's such a great video essay. I'm glad you've managed to see it from a different angle, but I'm so sorry you had to experience something painful to rethink it. I love this film precisely because it goes deeper and deeper the more you think about it. I understood Dani right away, but Christian was an interesting case for me. At first I thought he was just a jerk, but then I've started to realise he's more than that. While still a jerk, he's also... Kinda trapped? He was ready to break up with Dani, but then she calls him in hysterics because her whole family died. And he sits there with her (btw he doesn't leave her alone even if he's a jerk) and knows he can't break up with her now because who knows what she'll do. And while he tries to think of her in this respect, the bitterness from not getting free from her makes him, I think, worse than he was. He's frustrated, he's thinking too much, he's becoming unstable. This is exactly why the cult shenanigans even work on him
You do not even have to apologize for your former view of the movie--that was okay. And it is fine that you feel differently now. It seems like life changes us but sometimes leaves our views the same. I am so sorry for your time of loss...You seem strong and I think you will find your with through this period! Take care!
I'm so so sorry for your loss ❤ I watched your other video as soon as it came out and I disagreed with pretty much everything. I don't remember much of it right now (it's been almost 4 years) but I remember starting to write a very angry comment and ending up sobbing in a fetal position screaming into a pillow. Needless to say I never did post the angry comment, but I remember thinking the intense wave of grief that came over me while writing the comment was the thing connecting me to midsommar. I understood that while the movie itself was great, the thing that made me *understand* it was pain - and so I stopped criticizing people who I thought "didn't get it" and instead started wishing they never did end up getting it.
You have no idea how inspiring it is to see someone showing this kind of self-awareness and growth in this crappy crappy time for the world. I really hope you have a great year in the wake of whatever you've been going through. As for your last questions, as someone who's made some serious mistakes and made some serious progress... no, you're doing exactly the right thing here. Keep talking.
Well made video. I'm sorry that you are dealing with loss. Its been over 9 years that I lost my Mum, who was the love of my life, I'm a different person now and I felt invisible while in the worst if my grieving process. And I have complicated grief that makes the process even more abnormal. People can be quite cruel when, they don't understand. Ive had a few people experience loss and come to me to apologize because they admit they had no idea the pain and suffering I was living with. I told them its okay. Unconditional love is what we all need and separating ourselves from the ego can open up room for growth. But, at least in my case, this life has been filled with crippling loss and pain. I'm still alive because I don't want to repeat this awful experience. I want to learn whatever lessons I need to learn so this is last time I work this karma off.
I don't know if it's the universe, or fate, or whatever, but I'm actually going into outpatient therapy in two days for suppressing my mother's tragic death for a year and a half. I had a "need panic" episode. Literally. This video came out literally JUST in time for my outpatient therapy. I've never even heard of echoism, and now I know why I clung to Dani as an "omg so me" character. And I've always had a direct drag to feel like I'm narcissistic but in a self loathing way? And now there's a word for it? And I found out through your new midsommar video two days before I get my life together? Insane. I'm showing this to my outpatient therapist I'll let yall know how it goes
To answer your question at the end... No, there is a third path. And that is to find your best friend in yourself. To depend and rely upon yourself. To treasure your own company and heal those inner wounds. To listen to your deeper, inner wisdoms. Not to rehash past woundings over and over, but to live more presently in the immense potential of now. Much love to you in your healing journey! Thank you for setting many others on theirs with this reflection. ❤
i interpreted the ending as dani feeling the loss of christian and her last tie to the outside world. with him gone, much as he was not an ideal partner, he still kept her connected to the world outside, to herself and to the reality she had always known. With him gone all of that is lost. as someone that has been in a toxic relationship, that i had trouble leaving for the longest time because i felt i didn't want to lose the part of me that was connected to the world and other people, i really felt her loss in teh last moments
I didn't expect to watch this video and recieve a therapy session. This video essay resonated so much with me. I am very much an echoist, and while I know this, having someone else talk so deeply about it really hit home. Especially today. I put my last pet rat to sleep yesterday. I began adopting pet rats (a very affectionate, highly misunderstood creature) a year after I lost the most important man in my life, the man I called Dad. That will be twelve years in just a couple weeks. Pet rats saved me from the deepest darkest depression of my life and their love and care has been my nonstop driving force for 12 years. And losing my Stu (a sweet boy I had developed a specifically wonderful bond with around difficult circumstances) I am reminded of how lost I still am. Thank you for this video. Your words have given me a lot to think about.
Never liked showing emotions for reasons. Ex told me that they felt I didnt care or hated them if I didnt show them my emotions. Asked me to talk to them about them. Later told me the reason they were avoiding & cheating on me was because I 'heaped all my emotions and problems' on them after 11 years together.
I think... I'm an echoist...? The flatly refusing emotional vulnerability/intimacy and actively suppressing big emotions until out of view of others, the spiraling panic when I realize I *do* need support, thinking that me needing other people's help/support is a moral failing but it's completely okay for others. I apologize and try to "shut it down" when I start crying in front of people regardless of who it is and why I'm crying. Holy guacamole I didn't realize there was a name for it. Explains so many of my past relationships/friendships and why I have trouble maintaining them. I should probably get therapy or something cuz I know it's not good but idk how to stop being like that.
I don’t know if you’ve ever read the Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson before, but the Harga remind me a lot of Hill House in the way it’s almost an entity of its own (almost Lovecraftian) and how it essentially absorbs the main character into it, due to the main character’s trauma and lack of familial stability. It certainly helps that HOHH has a lot of lesbian undertones between the main character and her “friend” she has a contentious relationship with, allowing the house to pit the two against each other (much like Dani and Christian)
I loved Hill House, and I loved the Netflix adaptation even more. I really like that feeling of “there’s something more to it” like you’re missing something really important and scary, like there’s a secret symbolism behind the book that only Shirley Jackson knew about, and died before explaining it.
I can not describe how beautiful and interesting the way you explain and analyse everything throughout this video is. The mention of the books and the research, as well as mentions of myths from ancient greece, it all felt so calming, informative, and almost familiar and reassuring. idk how to describe it but this video brought me peace. Thank you
I watched this for a second time, and I can confidently say that this video changed the way I look at myself, and the way I let people treat me. You have inspired me to regain confidence in myself. Thank you.
I watched this video before I watched your og vid on the subject. I must say this video was so impactful and introduced me to concepts that make me appreciate Midsommar as a masterpiece - although when I did watch it at first I thought it was great, but to me it registered more as a comedy but that more cuz of me than anything. I went back and watched your og video and can’t help but to feel that the complaints that you brought up were more about how the movie lacked to meet certain expectations to make you feel something or see things you wanted it to based on what you watched. You used terms like “it should’ve” “it didn’t make me see…” “this could’ve been like this” etc ( and I could be wrong, i could also be grossly simplifying things). But I’m glad I went back and watched it. Needless to say I didn’t agree with a few of the critiques, but in this video it really felt more of an analysis of what was presented in the movie and what the director was trying to communicate with the actions of the characters and plot. So less of “I wish I saw this…” and more of “this scene showed this and communicated…” This might be because of over time you’ve gained experience or just cuz of the external circumstances you mentioned (mind you this was my first video from you I watched) but honestly AMAZING JOB, loved it. Not just cuz I agree with the points the were brought up more here than in the previous video, but overall such a great video that I will be returning to over and over again. Learned so much to 🙇
Your ability to self critique and your introspection should be praised. Thankyou for i troducing me to echoism, i felt it helped name things i see inside my own behaviours. This was fantastic beginning to end.
This is so poignant and meaningful. Thank you for sharing all this with us. I'm honored to hear your pain, and your analysis is so powerful. You have made me reexamine losses in my own life through a new lense and clarified what it was about this film that spoke to me so much, but that i could never pin down directly. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that over time your grieving makes your grief a little easier to carry.
I really appreciate this video. I enjoyed but didnt agree with your original review, but it was really well made so stuck with your channel. I think part if the reason some people struggle so much to understand this movie is because its very much from a female perspective. She's going through what a lot of women go through, feeling your partner pull away while not being brave enough to set you free. Toxic relationships with men. Actually all of the men except the main guide are really horrible to Dani. And at the same time, the female family members she may have relied upon are dead, and if i remember correctly none of Danis friends are shown in the movie. She's suffering grief in a very male run world, and then suddenly she is whisked away to the place where women arent treated badly by men, they even interact with each other much during the day. She gets to enjoy the sun and get high and eat well and dance and wear flowers without anyone harming her. The scene of the women screaming together always gets me, because I know there are so so many women who need to let their grief out - about misogyny, and about death but they've been unable to, or were forced to grieve alone. Women are expected to be responsible much more than men are, and our emotions more tightly policed.q I think this is purposely contrasted with sex, which cleverly, is arguably the start of a new life cycle comparatively with death. Its also a place where many women fear harm, or feel unheard. The scene shows female dominance, female joy, female pleasure without fear. Its wonderfully done.
right at the start of this video and i’m relating so hard to how your perspective has changed as you’re going through a personal loss. i connected with this movie immensely when it first came out because of grief and it’s the theme that has consistently stuck out to me in a very visceral way that i had never experienced prior. my sincerest condolences on your loss and i hope that you find healing in time 🧡
I can't eloquently put into words how this review hits home, but one thing I can say is that I profoundly resonate with Dani. By the time I was 19, I had lost both my parents due to illness. I can understand how it must have been for Dani to feel like she wasn't getting any support or understanding from her boyfriend when she needed it the most. I have felt this way too in my previous relationships, where I couldn't share my grief as my partners didn't understand the immense amount of loss I was feeling, because they didn't lose a parent or a loved one. Even when I tried sharing about it once when it felt really heavy, I was told to stop using the death of my parents as an excuse. From then on, I stopped talking about them to people. I just turned 30 this year and still carry the grief with me; it never goes away. But I understand that people interpret this movie from very different angles based on our individual experiences.
I am so sorry someone told you that. One of my best friends lost both of her parents before 21, I would never DREAM of saying that to her. People can be so inconsiderate and cruel.
@@snakesonaframe2668 OMG I'm so sorry about what your best friend went through. It's very tough, indeed. The least we could do is be more compassionate and understanding towards one another.
I lost my very best friend to suicide a little over two years ago. This video made me weep because I am still grieving and the grief is still as strong as it was when it first happened.
Beautiful video, thank you for introducing me, and so many others, to the concept of echoism. I think it’s going to help a lot of people to understand themselves better. I hope you have a great support system to help you through your grieving process. Take care, and remember that you can’t help anyone unless you help yourself first.
43:50 I just noticed that the "elders" are being carried on top of the slope in a way that would make it difficult to escape, yet at a superficial glance it seems like a honorific attention, being carried that way
I think you may get something out of the film "You won't be alone". Not so heavy on loss, but heavy on what it is to be human, in its rawest form. Worth A look.
This video essay is simply a work of art. This analysis and conversation is the reason I love movies. How human, to be able to experience a story in a completely different light after experiencing something. This was beautiful but I am deeply sorry for the loss you experienced. I hope talking about grief through this film has been cathartic and healing. ❤
I hope this video reaches more people. The analysis on how grief and isolation are portrayed in the film made me feel seen and I know it will for others too. Great video and thanks for showing us the dual model for grieving that was very interesting.
This is your greatest video. The vulnerability was so palpable, thank you for this. I hope soon you’ll heal and things become more bearable. I’m venting here: I grew up seeing death. My grandfather died five days after I was born, my other grandfather died when I was 3 and by the time I was in middle school I probably had gone to a funeral at least once every two years, probably more. I am hyper aware of the death of others and have experienced grief so many times, yet I still lack the skills to cope with it, or at least have compassion with myself. I’m so aware of the ephemeral existence of my loved ones that I have started to grief my mother, who is still alive. I cry missing her, when I just saw her, and while talking to her I can’t stop thinking she is going to leave. I can’t look at my cats without thinking that they will be gone one day too. In my head, I have to do everything to make them happy while they are alive, as if their happiness depended on me. I hope one day I can get better and manage my grief.
This video rules. I wish more critics would treat their older work less like an irrelevant shame and more of a building block for more nuanced arguments. We're all learning and growing: that's one of the most exciting parts of analyzing art!
The timing of finding and watching this video has just rocked my world a bit. I just had to break off a long standing friendship after being trapped in this echo-ist mindset and only being able to recognize the need for an end after someone other than me was hurt. To have that part of myself that has likely been actively damaging myself and my personal relationships for a long time now entirely laid out in a way I’ve never heard before was eye opening.
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I never understood why so many people couldn’t empathize with Dani as I understood her completely the first time I watched - because she was a heightened version of me when I was grieving during one of the worst periods of my life. My family didn’t want to see my grief because we had to be there for the family of the person we lost, but all I wanted was to be held and consoled on how hurt I felt about this sudden loss. I was lucky to at least have friends who were there for me during that time.
The real horror of Midsommar hits when you’ve not only experienced grief, but grief in a way where it feels like no one sees it or worse, no one cares. Because god, would it feel so nice to be held, comforted, and validated in your grief by a whole group of women who wail with you instead of being turned off by your pain. It might just be worth looking the other way when that group treats others in a not so nice way…
Well said. I also identified strongly with Dani when I first saw the film. Perhaps to a concerning point where I wished that I could have a group like the Harga to take me in, even with the crazy cult stuff going on.
TBF you kinda answered your own question.
You could see yourself in Dani, allowing you to empathize with her easier, a lot of other people haven't gone through stuff like this, meaning it'd be much harder for them to see them selves and empathize with Dani.
I would say that whether you see such a group of women as EVER available to you is another point. Midsommar's aesthetics and protagonist silo the viewer into a particular kind of relatability. For one thing, I'm not a straight cis blonde white girl, my experience with the women in that same cult could be different. For another angle on that same thing, I'm an immigrant, my country is at war, I'm transgender - a lot of grief has been in the "no one sees it, no one cares" category my whole life. The war affecting half the important people in my life is thankfully not affecting the other half, and I absolutely HAVE TO grit my teeth and see that as a positive! instead of focusing on how my closest friends wouldn't understand my pain, which I want to do rather badly and rather often.
A movie lamenting on the desire for support for your pain through the lens of a western girl who's only just discovering the fact that sometimes, indeed, "no one sees it & no one cares".... Well, it can be a bit boring, even though I'd 100% support and empathise with a specific friend going through the same. It may be a matter of whether you the viewer see Dani as a neutral protagonist or perhaps neutral woman to relate to, or a straight white western woman you don't relate to.
Absolutely, I saw midsummer just a month after my mom died and it remains one of the most impactful movie experiences of my life. The cut to Dani panicking in the airplane bathroom just solidified it and the rest didn’t let me down. I felt so understood. Her acting was incredible, I related so hard. This movie really is for the grieving.
i think the people who couldn't empathize with dani are just people who haven't experienced loss. i've gone through most of my life until very recently not having lost the people i loved. and when i first watched the movie a few years back, admittedly i didn't understand why dani was like this. but i've lost people in my life in a very similarly tragic way dani lost her family and watching the video made me understand her, and go as far as to feel even worse for her than i previously did on my initial watch of the film.
in a way it's a blessing to not be able to understand dani.
I watched a review of Midsommar that had been done with a woman who specialised in cults. It always stuck with me how she said that Midsommar was basically a step-by-step look at how cults attack vulnerable people and recruit them into doing wild stuff.
I was not very mentally healthy when I watched Midsommar, so that was my way of discovering that I’m rather susceptible to being recruited by a cult.
Omg what was the video? Would love to watch it
I’d love to see this review! I grew up in a cult-like religion so I’m fascinated with the subject
@@lindseydrew9812 I wish I could find it!! I tried looking, but I can’t seem to see it on here
I think it’s that much more powerful in the context of a post I saw on Reddit. The cult was the cause behind her family’s death, and it’s insinuated through the huge display of flowers immediately next to her parents’ bed at the scene. They targeted her from the very start and took steps to isolate her from anyone who would miss her.
My red flag is that I thing this cult seems nice
It takes balls to make a whole video essay on something, and then make another to explain how you were wrong. That level of self-awareness and integrity is very admirable.
Is it tho? Because ultimately he can profit from ad revenue from both.
@@messmass2573 Ad revenue is a very bad profit margin for RUclipsrs. It's not only pretty low income, but also prone to being constricted by various other factors. For instance, RUclips can randomly say "this video is demonetized" for no reason, with no hope of getting monetization back without begging on Twitter. This is especially common when talking about horror movies, and mature concepts like death and grief.
Ultimately, I don't see that as a motivation for this. That sounds more like taking this video in the worse possible light to justify a disliking of it imo.
@@10Gpixels I mean, it does come as a occupational hazard. Every job has one, so why RUclipsrs didn't shouldn't have one either? After all, they can just voice whatever opinion they have and potentially, sway the public opinion. I just find it it's very easy for RUclipsr to take back what they said in the past without so much of consequences. They just need to make a bombastic and controversial take on single topic to garner attention and backpedal their opinion it by appealing it to most popular take.
@@messmass2573 It wouldn't be the first time someone had a publicized bad take on a popular movie. Given the amount of work they did in the first video to make the viewer see from their perspective, I doubt it was done so purely to be controversial. Don't get me wrong, that definitely happens on RUclips. People rage-bait constantly, but usually rage bait channels refuse to admit it's a bad take to milk more clicks out of more controversial takes in the future.
RUclipsrs are just as flawed and normal as the rest of us, so when they hear a convincing argument about something, their opinion is subject to change. Makes sense that if someone has a bad take, that they'd start a discussion that leads to a different viewpoint. When you have a large conversation, where tons of people express their viewpoints, the outcome of the conversation usually ends up with a neutral perspective; hence why it ends up being the "popular take" in the end.
If every person with a bad take who's opinions change after a long discussion were a cynical self-serving hypocrite, we'd all be just as guilty.
@@10Gpixels Well, you definitely knew more about this particular content creator than I do then. I just don't want give someone the benefit of the doubt, especially if I only knew someone from RUclips.
Since my young son died a few years ago I’ve been living in constant grief. This movie is a very real portrayal of grief. It comes in waves. But even when the waves don’t overtake you- you’re still drowning in the rain that never ends.
I am so sorry for your loss, as a parent i can only imagine the pain. X
So so sorry for your loss ... You should watch Hereditary, but do be careful because the themes woll hit very close to home.
My younger daughter was murdered by her boyfriend (2018). My wails that shook the hospital to its core was more like Dani's wailing. Right down to the no no no no bit.
My older daughter and I still have to skip that, the SOUND of it, while rewatching. Else we come undone. You are right, it never goes away. Other shit happens that fills one's TIME...but yes: It never ends.
I couldn't imagine losing a little one tho. My 24yo loss was hard enough.
I just lost my dad as a child myself, so I’m on the opposite end. Drowning in the rain that never stops is something I can say I relate to more than I can express. May we both get through this, we will.
A good critics is ALWAYS willing to reanalyze their own judgements. From Samuel Johnson to José Ortega y Gasset to TS Eliot, all have looked back at their older judgements and found themselves disagreeing with them…funny enough largely because they see the immaturity and inexperience behind them. That’s damn good company.
"Changing your mind is the best way to determine whether or not you still have one!" one of my fave quotes! (from the Taylor Mali poem 'Like Lily Like Wilson')
No this guy is a shitty critic who suddenly realized how dumb his take was
@@loadishstone except this moron isn't a good critic
Christian didn’t ’cheat’ on Danny. He was drugged and coerced, which is rape. He was scared and confused and was clearly going along with it out of self-preservation. I think it’s important to conceptualise that moment this way, otherwise it perpetuates harmful ideas about male victims of SA.
Overall though, I really enjoyed this vid. Amazing insights, really well researched and articulated. Love your work!
Agree, switch genders and I would also call it coercion or what's sometimes referred to as 'gray rape', which doesn't deserve to be treated lightly. I felt sorry for Christian's character, probably moreso than any other (besides the lungs-out guy..), but I think because he is kind of an unlikeable character people have a bias toward not seeing him as a victim
the actor has said in interviews in the scene after when he sobers up and is in a panic he is playing it fully as a female actor would play a rape victim.
If Dani was drugged and put in a room of chanting men to be bred no woman would praise this film the way they do ie Christian being the villian, deserving to be burnt alive and it being a female empowerment film. It isn't
Watch the movie again. It's ambiguous. He's told before he's drugged that he was chosen to mate with the girl. He's told this could be part of his anthropological studies. He asks if he could make a study of it without participating in the mating and then the scene cuts and we don't hear what is said next. Then he is given a drink and told it contains something mind altering. He hesitates but then still drinks it knowing that he's being drugged. After that it's a slippery slope. I think it's ambiguous.
@@dtsv33 it’s also implied that he has been slowly and consistently drugged with and without his consent in the days previous to the ceremony as well as being sleep deprived like they all are.
@@dtsv33 there is also a moment when Christian very delibrately says 'no' to taking a drink that he knows is spiked but the Harga have correctly concluded that he is quite weak willed so can be pressured and coerced into taking it which he does. They play all the characters 'flaws' against themselves as cults do. It's not that ambiguous.
Echoism is such a fascinating concept to me as an autistic person. Echoist behavior is how I protect myself against social norms that I don’t understand-masking is quite literally a form of echoing the world around me for the sake of staying emotionally and socially safe. This video opened my eyes to that tendency and made me question if that’s really who I want to be, which is something I haven’t felt like I’ve had a choice in for most of my life. Thank you for this video
I was thinking the same thing as I watched this! Hearing all of this with the added lense of ASD just gave me even more to think about. Super interesting video.
*crying with you* am autistic too and I just realize I have been doing Echoism all this time.
I have been finding myself in quiet BPD diagnoses and as I now heard the same attributes described in Echoism, I have to wonder if they are the same thing. A sad person trying their best to be happy and likable and not to bother others, but still spilling over because no one is meant to live like that. But still it is what you are, like the mask that you wear grows on your skin up to the point it makes your skin. I am also autistic and lost people in my younger years and it seems all this bottled up stuff added to the mask that I have carried and the social norms I have memorized is just a vast sea of something outside of me, so deep I have no idea if a me is even findable. At the moment I am living through a phase I call death as the version of me I was is losing oxygen and the version of I could be is starting to form. Meanwhile I am living in my house and being agoraphobic, apparently.
But it is very often so, that the comfort you feel, feels abusive to someone else if they were dropped in to the same situation. I try to remember that, so I will keep moving on.
I’ve had these exact same thoughts watching this video. I’m also autistic and also have a mother who has narcissistic traits and my immediate response to the part about Dani running away whenever she felt strong emotions was guttural. It is me.
@@sagamaraiathis comment is genuine poetry, and I sympathise with it so much.
Midsommar spoke to me in a way that no one else could after my sister committed s**ide. When she died, it was like the entire world stopped for me and my family and we all tackled the grief of it in all different ways- no one was good or bad, we were all just trying to get through it but I remember feeling like I was the only one drowning and my friends and family were just watching me and even though they were trying to give me words of encouragement and be there for me, it felt more like they were just watching me drown. Midsommar came out literally a month before my sister passed and I remember that I loved the movie, but it hadn't been relatable, and then after my sister passed- I watched that movie again with such a clarity as I had never had. The scene when she was screaming at the beginning was literally how I felt most days and to see that one screen was so cathartic. Finally- someone was saying what I was feeling and I remember I defended the shit out of that movie to everyone because they just didn't get it- that movie was saying everything I was feeling and more.
I'm so sad you went through this, I hope you and your family are feeling more at peace with what happened ❤
But yeah, I feel like people who don't appreciate this movie never dealt with heavy feelings or don't want to confront them. Because Hereditary and Midsommar made me feel like I never felt with another movie - somewhat exhausted, confused, and confronted with those deep feelings I often wanna cast away. His work is just brilliant.
I am SO SO sorry for your loss and in such a traumatic way.
My best friend also took her life when I saw Midsommer and this is exactly what happened. Lots of love to you 🤍
Florence should have gotten an Oscar for that scene alone. If I rewatch it I may have to skip the beginning because the way she reacts is just… the realist shit I’ve ever seen
i just want to say i’m so sorry for your loss. i lost my best friend to s**ide a month ago, and trust me you’re not alone in how you feel. i carry that guilt with me everyday. i seriously understand how it feels like you’re drowning and no one’s helping you, time moves on but it seems like life just stands still. you are so strong ❤
when i first watched midsommar, my mental health was at its lowest, and my relationship (with a guy also named christian) left me feeling worse each time he left me on read or seemed happier around friends than he was with me. i knew my relationship was dying and i knew he wanted to pull away, but i was so afraid of letting go. my high school years were incredibly lonely, and if he was gone, some of my happiest memories would be tainted, and i couldn't lose that. midsommar left me feeling absolutely sick with how much of myself i saw in dani and her relationship, in a way that i don't think anything else has hit me before or again. it's a fantastic movie and i absolutely loved it, but i'm not sure if i can rewatch it yet.
Feeling for you! I hope you will rewatch when you feel ready. That's the awesome thing about this movie...it may actually show you how far you've come. ❤
Oh baby. So well done. Regards.
@@caseyw.6550 don't worry, this was a few years ago so it's mostly that residual feeling of "wow, that hurt" haha. i want to watch it eventually when i'm able to gather the courage to do so! i agree, i think the movie will hit different the next time i watch it, and i think that shows how well ari aster accomplished his goal in creating it :)
Va Moo bbbi ibivîb lo😊vo
I was in a very similar situation. abusive relationship and this movie was weirdly one of the steps that made me realize that i needed to get out. I felt like it was a "good for her" ending. Rewatching as I've healed, I recognize the cycle of abuse shown in the film. Dani loses everything, her bf sucks, she gets roped in to the cult easily. I recognize Christian is a victim now. Dani isn't better off now, she is more isolated than ever.
My father died from brain cancer almost a year ago this month and my mother, who was my best friend passed 3 months ago from a random aneurysm. My father wasn’t a great guy, but I loved him the same. My mother was my hero and best friend. I find my self hating the world now. I haven’t gone to work in a month. I’ve lost weight. I smoke cigarettes non stop. I feel anger and sometimes I wake up crying. I can’t listen to my mom’s voice or watch videos of her. I’m surrounded by her things. I can’t enter one room in my house now because it’s become just a place for her things now. I don’t understand why something so cruel happened to such a wonderful woman. Life is hard. Tell the people you love, you love them. That’s one thing I find comfort in. I knew I was loved and cared for by my parents. I want them back. I’m only 37. I’ve got a long road ahead and I have to walk it without the people who brought me into the world. Grief is scary.
My mother is getting to be at that age that I will have to face the same loss as you in the next decade or so. I hope there is someone who can comfort you to some degree. I know I am another internet nobody, but I wish you healing. I'm am so sorry your heart is filled with such weight and sorrow.
Take care internet friend, take care
I am very sorry for your loss, it can't have been easy to be this open and vulnerable about what you experienced and your feelings. I know I'm just an internet stranger, but let me know if you ever need a person to talk to. Sometimes sharing stuff is easier with a person has no other connections to your life. Either way, I wish you all the love and support of the world and know you are not alone in this
You can do it.
Im so sorry for your loss
I feel your pain. I am grieving and can’t tell you it will get better , just that I know the crazy pain.
I was in a kinda toxic relationship when i first watched midsommar and hereditary. I think both movies are amazing depictions of how intimate relationships can break down, replacing love with bitterness and frustration. They were never horror movies to me, but they gave catharsis to the difficulties I was experiencing in my real life relationships.
I had just over the past year-ish gotten over a very toxic relationship when I saw Midsommar. I related to Dani a lot, having been through a relationship with someone who refused to step up and break up with me when he wasn’t feeling it anymore, and just kept me around for sex/entertainment while being emotionally absent and looking to monkey branch to another relationship, all while stringing me along under the impression that he still cared.
I saw the movie with my roommate at the time, a guy who also knew my ex.
We had VERY different experiences with the ending of that movie.
There not really in a relationship.. He was about to break up with her, then her whole family died. And now he has to be the person she leans on untill he feels enough time has passed that he doesn't seem like a jerk who just dumped a girl going through a tragedy. This is two people who know they don't belong with each other. Cause I'm sure she was feeling the same way before tragedy struck. There both stuck with each other. It's pretty sad both ways
This is exactly why they are horror movies to me!
17:41 17:42
21:25. In 25 seconds you beautifully captured a defense mechanism that I have been employing my entire life but have never been able to fully comprehend. Before now, I never understood why I would feel humiliated when my negative emotions could be observed and why I would reject any consolation that was offered in favor of a quick escape.
This is going to stay on my mind for a very long time.
I applaud you for making something meaningful out of your recent hardships and thank you for doing so as it has made a positive impact on my life. All the best.
Second this
You too described so beautifully... Lately I am going through some rough patches and before I didn't had much people who would try to support me through that journey which honestly I was okay with even though it was lonely... But now when I am getting special attention I hate it I absolutely hate it, I feel more disgusted with myself, I feel negative emotions towards those who are trying to help which results in me blaming myself for being a ungrateful person... In one word it's a mess... I haven't realised why I like dany so much now I understand.
Danny spends the entire movie not able to portray what she thinks or feels to others, until her emotions and thoughts are dictated by the group.
Christian spends the entire movie not being able to tell Danny what he wants or needs from her, until he physically cant anymore by the group.
Thinking Christian is a narcissist because Danny is an echoist is logical fallacy because to an extreme echoist, normal behaviour is seen as narcissism (and vice versa).
Yeh Christian is a dick but hes also lazy, non confrontational and a coward.
He doesnt force Danny to do anything, but he exploits her weakness to get his way.
If he were a narcissist he wouldve have made Danny and the others do as he says, and would have no issue dumping danny when he got bored. if all that matters and all that exists is you, then why care about what others feel and think of you (friends, family, gf, school, etc).
@@veloc.raptor9136Nah narcissists can be very lazy especially a covert narcissist what you're thinking of what Christian is not is a sociopath/psychopath
@@veloc.raptor9136narcs love feeling bad for themself and blaming the ppl around them for the circumstances the narc created/chooses to stay in
Nothing dictates to Dani.
@@veloc.raptor9136Neither of thin is mentally compromised.
"What if I need him too often and it becomes a chore? He doesn't even ask me for anything, I've never even seen him cry so I'm the only one that's leaning." Oh my god, I never thought Dani's line would resonate with me so much. That's exactly how I acted during that entire relationship.. This video really hit in the most painful of places, since I recently had my first ever breakup merely a month ago, I'm still in the grieving process. I suppose I too have echoist tendencies. The gutwrenching fear of abandonment is still here... and losing him made me lose a huge part of myself too...
Yeah it took me a couple years to realize "That's what a partner is for." I try to be more open with my partner now. We even discussed that part of our relationship while we were watching this movie. About how if I were going through this shit, how he would 100% wanna be there.
...this video made me start the process of finding a therapist.
I know I'm a stranger on the internet but I'm really happy for you. It's the first step of many along a long and difficult journey, but therapy has done so much for me and I wish you luck.
As another stranger on the internet, can I just say I am SO GLAD you're taking that step. Therapy saved my life. It took time, it'll take you time, but looking back my life is entirely different (and better) than it was when I first started the process of finding a therapist and I know you'll get there too.
Cool. Well done.
Yeah, this video was shockingly introspective despite it not being about me. I'm probably gonna get some therapy started too.....definitely need it.
I think im going to do that, too. im realizing a lot of things about the ways I try not to take up space because of this video.
when midsommar first came out, i saw it in a theatre with two of my friends. we watched the movie with a near empty theatre besides a group of teenagers who laughed and mocked it the entire time, and an older couple who didn’t seem to quite understand the movie and left half-way through. i went to the hotel i was staying at that night & stared at a wall to process everything that i just watched. after getting back from that trip, i then went to see this movie five more times in theatre. I went through the death of three people in my life at that time and immediately connected with every aspect of midsommar. Your closing comments in this video PERFECTLY described how i felt coming to the same conclusion you have. From the sound of your voice making those statements, to your final words themselves. I, at first watch, wanted and even DESPERATELY needed someone to comprehend and understand why i felt watching this movie so many times. but by my final watch in theatre’s, i came to the conclusion that i hope NO ONE relates to the grief that i’ve gone through. Midsommar is my favorite movie that i’ve seen in my lifetime and as much as it hurts it feels healing at every rewatch in this confusing kind of way.
This is the kind of video essay that's been missing on youtube - reflective, vulnerable, insightful, analytical ... all at once. A truly astonishing work. I hope other youtube creators can learn from it.
This. Thisthisthisthis. This. Oh my. ;_; It was so refreshing to watch.
Agreed, not only is it the best Midsommar analysis I've ever seen, but it's one of the better video essays I've seen ever
theres pretty good vid essays about Jennifers Body named Unraveling The Secret Genius of Jennifer’s Body you might like
glaze
I really, REALLY felt Dani. It took me finally being in an amazing, healthy relationship for me to be able to process my intense people-pleasing and desire to have no control. To just let others pull me along and end up wherever they go, so long as I’m not alone. I still however struggle immensly with these mindsets and finding a real sense of identity when not tied to another person. I found myself certain that I would have fallen victim the same way she had, convinced it was the happiest ending for her because she was surrounded by “family” and “love”. I’ve grown a lot since the film initially came out and am able to see the nuance and genuine horror-but as such a frail, broken, and scared echo of a person... What could be more heavenlike than a family that never ends, a place where the pain of loss doesn’t sting as bad, a home full of people who love me and can lead me and take the stress of decision making and life out of my hands. The broken part of me would still fall victim.
This is what’s so beautiful about film- the ability to rewatch something later on in life and seeing it from a very different perspective. Loved the old video and this video for both perspectives as they are both valid in their own ways! Thank you ❤
Same thing can be said for a poem written by a 10 year old. Heck even I have gone back on my old poems and found profound meanings of life from random scramblings
@@catsclub12566does that make it less valid? hindsight and growth are the gifts of humanity. find joy in something lol
This video made me quit heroine and start doxxing ppl to make maney
You rewatch this shit?
It wasn’t that long ago
Ok, this was the best movie review I’ve ever seen.
Midsommar is very much a movie where 99% of the time you’ll say “oh yeah, it was horror. Kinda cool that it was set somewhere so bright and peaceful. I saw the twists coming a mile away. It was a little cheesy but Florence Pugh was great. Etc.”
But if you see it that exact right 1% of the time, it will feel like the most profound piece of media you have ever consumed. And that happened to be when I saw it. It will always be a weirdly comforting, supremely cathartic, was Ari reading my mind?!?? kind of movie because of how deeply I was grieving and how much in denial about my grief I was when I stumbled across it.
Also, I have no idea what you’re going through. I’m a brand new sub. But whatever it is, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so sorry for the part of yourself you’re still trying to reclaim. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m so sorry you relate to this movie so much now. I’m so sorry, and I’m sending every ounce of love your way.
i really appreciate your re-analysis. Midsommar is one of my favorite movies and it still helps me put into perspective my own feelings of grief and isolation. Im sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort in these trying times
me too !!
This movie is so different for people in grief I agree. I lost my baby in 2022, and I watched this movie while I was stuck in that pit of despair phase of grieving and I couldn’t help but wish I could join a community like this. Obviously minus the ritualistic murder, but the echoing scene and the togetherness of everything just called to me so much when I was lost.
I’m so sorry for your loss, mama. I can relate.
I felt so incredibly isolated when I had my miscarriage in May of 2022. Not even my (then) husband (soon to be ex) grieved with me (and later told me he was actually glad I miscarried, after 8 months of trying again). I remember while working, I was in a room with a tv playing and some sitcom was on. One woman was pregnant but alone/uncommitted, and scared. I remember her talking to her friends, many of them older women offering wisdom, and them all gathering around her and holding her and celebrating with her. When she confessed she was scared they told her how they would be there for her and the baby. I remember how it felt like I’d been shot, how the grief became so overwhelming in that moment knowing how alone I was. I just ran to the break room and cried. Everyone said they were sorry, but not even one person offered so much as a hug.
I am so sorry for both of your losses. We need this connection so much, after all we are the same in my opinion - many of us go (or will go) through immense pain and grief and we need to come closer to each other to give comfort to one another. Personally I have close friends and my christian community I feel connected with - and when we get into deep conversations, I find that many of us have that ache from human experiences which make us so delicate and yet strong.
So much words but all I really want to say: I pray and wish you people near you that really see and listen to you. That are willing to stay with you in your pain and happiness - and have their stories so they can offer you comfort and hope. They are out there.
when the echoism section started, I looked at the scale and thought, “yeah, I guess I’m probably at a 6 or 7” and then spent the rest of the video silently sobbing with tears streaming down my face relating to every last word you said about Dani. No slights against me should bother me; panic attacks can always wait until later, when I’m not in public or with friends or family; it’s unacceptable or inappropriate or irresponsible to feel overwhelmed or upset if there is anyone even remotely around me. I used to be able to delay the crying, but now I can’t make it start again when I’m in private. Okay. I think I should probably talk to somebody.
Yes. (Said lovingly)
Second, loving, yes. And...I know exactly how you feel. It's...suffocating. You choke on your feelings because everyone else comes first. I was raised this way by a very Catholic mother and, if I'm being real, it destroyed me and my capacity to form healthy relationships. The whole, "you'll be rewarded later for suffering now" bag of BS. Shit, I remember when my dog died being the one to take care of EVERYTHING and everyone else's emotions, and when I finally had a minute to myself late at night having a mental breakdown in the bathroom alone. That was over a dog, you can imagine how extreme it got during much larger crises.
I spend most of my time alone now because it finally broke. I'm done taking care of everyone when they won't recognize I need caring for too even when I tell them that to their face. This is also an unhealthy way of living, I know that. Therapy will help if you're able to. For me it didn't...hm how do I say this? I'll never be what I consider "ok", but it did help to lower my burning resentment for humanity. A little bit. If you have trouble affording mental health services try calling your state's Dept. of Human Services, Dept. of Health, they sometimes have different names depending; they might be able to hook you up.
And acknowledging you need help is half the battle. That alone means you’re an incredibly strong person. Now go and get it, because you deserve it 🫂🫂🫂
@@busimagen that’s what they’re saying: they thought they were verging on dangerously narcissistic but realized they’re dangerously echoist.
I tend to also hide my strong emotions from others because I absolutely hate being in the center of attention. People's sympathy really make me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I have to reciprocate somehow. While I still do hide away (in order not to be an inconvenience), I'm so much better now that I used to be after 5 years of therapy.
I think it's admirable that you've been able to come to this realization of yourself because it shows a level of self-awareness that would make therapy successful for you. And so, I hope that you will consider getting therapy too. It was the best decision I've ever made for my life. It helped me escape an abusive relationship and build a better healthier life.
They do the ceremony like every 70-90 years something like that, so no, his parents wouldn't have been sacrifices in the same ceremony leading him to know that she would be the perfect target. However her vulnerability would make her an easy target either way.
I’ve never heard about “panic need” before this video and I thank you for teaching us about it. Its something I’ve done my whole life but never had a name for. When I’m depressed I tend to push people away, but when I’m anxious I need people around me.
This whole video had such a fresh take on midsommar that I’ve never heard before. Thank you as well for your vulnerability, I really hope you can feel a little better soon.
Oh baby. That’s so hard. ❤
@@cassandraunheeded it’s a really scary feeling when it happens, I’m blessed that I have friends and family who are willing to spend time with me and comfort me when I suddenly feel anxious
@@TheeKittyPieIt is insane how much I relate to this. And self-blaming just to reassure myself the relationship's faith is in my hands. I hope you can find peace and comfort one day, either being with your own or surrounded by people around you who love you 😭🫶🏻
The scene of communal grieving alone is enough for me to understand why this cult would appeal to anybody, even without the underlying plot of grief. I've lived a deeply lonely life full of neglect, and I've always mourned and suffered alone. There's a lot of beauty in the idea that you can be surrounded by people who love you regardless of how long they've known you, and to have those people carry some of that pain with you.
I recently lost somebody, and as an atheist, I found most comforting words hollow and painfully meaningless. I found a poem by Heidi Priebe which has run through my head every day since: "Grief is a giant neon sign, protruding through everything, pointing everywhere, broadcasting loudly, "Love was here". In the finer print, quietly, "Love still is"."
I wish you well on your journey of relearning how to live.
Heidi Priebe? The same one with the amazing psychology RUclips channel? I didn't know she also wrote poetry, that rules. And yeah, "love still is" is right. A friend once told me that grief isn't something we move on _from_ but something we move on _with,_ and that change of a simple preposition has really changed my perspective and helped me.
@@ItsAsparageese And I had no idea she had a RUclips channel! Thanks, friend.
@@Oona_Mae Huzzah! That works out nicely lol, thank you as well friend 😁
Love this video!!!!!! One thing I haven't seen talked about is how Dani's fear of abandonment gets triggered when Connie mentions her BF is missing. At first she is worried about Connie and wants to help her but as soon as Dani talks to Christian she gets so wrapped up in his dismissiveness that she completely forgets about and abandons Connie. If Dani were a more secure and healed person she would noticed the danger they were in. It illustrates how when we are wrapped up in our own pain (or relationship drama) we can sometimes become blind to the suffering of others. Justice for Connie and Simon!
I'll love the honesty you show on your video so I'll repay it with mine knowing it will probably be lost in the comment section. Back in the day when the movie was first released and shown in the local cinemas on my city I went and saw it with a couple of friends, all of them found the character of danny insufferable for the very same reasons you gave on your first video, she seemed like an overtly idealized figure of grief and moral superiority with respect to her relationship dynamic with her boyfriend. I had just gone through a very traumatic loss of a loved one a couple of months before, almost a year, not as dramatic as in the movie but equally surprising, and I had a completely different read on her character, one that I mostly kept to myself. Seeing your video now makes me feel understood. That line about feeling one dimensional hit hard. That's exactly how grief feels for me too. Its a loss in the very real sense of losing a part of you, leaving you like a shell of yourself.
This was a meaningful watch, you've got a new subscriber. Also, if anybody read this sorry for the bad english, not my first language.
Your English is excellent, and so is your comment :)
@@ItsAsparageese thanks!
I first saw Midsommar three months before my mom unexpectedly passed away. It became my comfort film as I watched it at least once a week for six months after I lost her. Art that can captivate you and help you process all of the stuff going through your head and emotions is such an important part of the human experience. Fantastic video! 🌼🌸🌺
Watch Heredity.
@@cassandraunheeded It took me a while after that emotionally to watch that one, but I love Hereditary. Midsommar is my favorite though, the cinematography is so breathtaking.
so sorry for the loss of your mom ❤ thank you for starting your experience
As someone who’s spent lives living to serve others, in and out of codependent relationships which end up tragically every time and who is pursuing a career entirely based on helping others (medicine) at the expense of one’s own health. The insight on echoism resonated with me in a way that brought me to tears.
I feel incredibly bothered now by the idea that I may be giving up my life for others, I never really cared about it since my own self worth has been practically nonexistent for years but this made me spiral into a crisis and made me realize that I do not want more tragedy in my life caused by my own actions and allowance of bad things to keep happening.
I want to thank you for making this and being brave enough to share it, the heavy emotional perspective and actual psychological explanations make this video life changing in a good way, so again thank you.
I see myself in a similar situation. Will you make any substantial
changes now?
Or is it even a good idea to change that?
I don't know what to do with my life since I've uncovered this crisis.
The idea of being one-dimensional… I think I’ve grieved a few times now, but my first clearly identifiable experience with grief was the death of my father when I was fresh out of college. My dad was abusive, so I didn’t have a lot of good memories with him. Grieving him didn’t look the way I expected it to, because I couldn’t really miss him. If anything, I knew now that he’d never be able to hurt me again. The thing I remember most about what grief was actually like for me vs what I expected, was the feeling that big parts of *me* were missing or inaccessible. After months, I was almost gaslighting myself - like, I feel like I can remember being funny and quick, but maybe I just made that up?
I can’t explain this sense of self-loss in a logical way. My dad didn’t bring out the best or happiest sides of me, so it’s not that I lost out on those parts of myself without him there to elicit them. I don’t know why I felt like a fractional self.
I did bounce back but I’ve learned that one of the complexities of adulthood is dealing with grieving that overlaps and layers. I was very fortunate that at the time my dad died, most of the rest of my life was pretty steady and uncomplicated. When losses, big and little, follow on each other, you can find yourself in a long-term struggle to be your entire, multidimensional self
Just spitballing here, but maybe your loss of self had to do with suddenly not having him around as an anchor to the trauma you faced in the past at his hands? I don't know if that makes sense, and I hope I'm not overstepping by saying as much, but maybe this can provide a different angle to look at it?
There are different types of grief outside of death that can be just as real and difficult to cope with, so maybe the grief you felt wasn't necessarily because of the loss of him, but the loss of something else that was tethered to him in some way -- whether that something else be a set of important memories, or a piece of your identity, or the foundation of a certain value or worldview you have. When things like those are disturbed, it can lead to a sense that one's self has been disturbed as well. (Speaking only from my own experience, not as any sort of professional, of course.)
Regardless, I wish you all the best and much healing.
My dad is not dead, but he was and still is abusive to me. Alcohol addiction distroyed him and made him behave horribly towards me, my sister and my mom. I moved away 12 years ago, but I allways wondered how I will process the eventuality of his death. I feel like I will not be griveing his actual persona but the time we could've spend together and we didn't got to because of his addiction (my weeding day, my graduations from highschool and university, first job celebration and many more). I feel like im losing a part of me that I will never get back because it was just in my head, my hopes for a better relationship with him. The sadest thing is that sometimes I want to get closer to him but he constantly reminds me when I see him why I pulled away and why I don't visit him so often. Its fing hard loving people that hurt you and the best thing I can do is loving him from a very long distance because I dont want to get hurt anymore.
I feel like I could have written this myself... in fact I had to check, maybe I had forgotten. It almost made me feel guilty, how little I grieved.. the grief for most of us in the family took the shape of 'what a waste' because he was such a talented person, even if he did make everyone miserable. But like you said, part of it felt like a bit of me died too, never feels quite the same
We are taught that there are happy ends and life in the end becomes a simple, solvable set but things come unresolved, good things have bad timing and emotions become more and more complex. Sometimes it might end/stay that way and you just deal. Let life come as it is i guess.
It's a relief he can't hurt you any more but gone too is the possibility of having the dad you deserved (even if you already knew that was realistically impossible).
About fleeing when you feel the tears coming: it isn't always to spare others the burden, it's sometimes a survival strategy because when you cry in front of someone, there is a risk that they will take advantage of it. Whether it's by humiliating you, touching you without consent, or trying to influence you while your mind is less critical, some people see a person crying as an opportunity, and it's best never to give it to them, unfortunately.
Man, I’ve got some reading to do. I always felt really comforted by the scene where the horga women “share” Dani’s grief comforting, too.
Comforted?!? That was some of the creepiest shit in the movie 😂 wow.
@@nightshiftreports3866Right. I’m sure that was the intention. I’m just resonating with his words at 50:00
@@suhendrickson7362 I see what you mean.
Feeling comforted is right.
@@nightshiftreports3866no it wasn’t. It was healthy.
I also felt that the scene of Dani and the harga women screaming in pain was so comforting. They matched her energy in a way that made myself feel seen.
this whole video is so profound and compelling. sorry for your loss and also thank you for sharing your journey, I'm genuinely very touched by this new perspective!
I lost three of my close family members since I've turned 17 (34 now) and found such great comfort in this movie and I never fully understood why. I led a very similar relationship after loosing my mother and the movie always felt cathartic to me. I felt like I saw the movie through such different eyes than others and I sensed that it was because of my loss. But to this day I just didn't make the connection. If you'd have asked be I wouldn't even have remembered that Danny lost her family in the beginning and that grief is almost the center of the movie.. Thank you for this video. I understood so much about the movie, grief, myself, why I did things the way I did and felt the way I felt and thank you for introducing the word echoist to us. This changes a lot.. I hope you feel better soon.
I once read a quote and it really helped me: grief does not change you, it reveals you.
Love from Austria
Hi! Bin auch aus Österreich, aus Niederösterreich! So spannend, wie uns filme beeinflussen und mir fehlen immer die exakten punkte, die erst solche videos klar benennen, damit ich es tatsächlich bewusst sehe und dann mir erklären kann… davor ist es bei vielem, auch in der Realität eine gefühl von etwas, und komplett diffus ich weiß nur DASS es mich beeinflusst, mir im Gedächtnis bleibt, es juckt einen ort am gehirn - aber ich wüsste nicht WAS genau
Und ich wünsch dir alles Gute für deine Zukunft!
Und das zitat ist auch sehr schöne, das hör ich zum ersten Mal!
this video really made me confront the time when two of my friends in my friend group who i thought cared about me "forgot" my birthday even when i indirectly pointed it out and never apologised when we had all been wishing happy birthday to each other. they also conveniently happened to be the only people who could not attend my party of close friends. i blamed it on myself entirely and sought to console them and consolidate our friendships, never once considering that they could have been in the wrong. they hurt me, and i searched to justify their actions by searching within.
but i am now beginning to realise that some people just don't have your best interest at heart. some could not care less about you and it's not your job or even within your power to change that without denying or erasing a massive part of yourself.
Yup - it's never good when you have to apologise to people for the hurt they cause you ❤
the thing i've found is, i always give someone the benefit of the doubt at least once (for most things, bar something like cheating). i explain clearly as well as i can why what they did hurt me, and then i reflect on their response. if they deflect back onto me or deny any responsibility, then they're out. i've had exes stalk me and continue to harass me after i cut them off, demonstrating pretty clearly the type of people they are once i've clearly set my boundaries. it's important to stick to those boundaries. i let one person back in after she demonstrated to me the type of person she was, and then she very predictably abused my trust and vulnerability during a hard time in my life to assuage her own fears and pride. it's hard cutting people off and it's even harder knowing if it's the right decision, but i promise, given the benefit of hindsight, i can clearly tell i made the right choices. it's better to be alone and searching for new people to fill that loneliness than to go back to the same abuse that you know. the familiar is comfortable but it can also be damaging. i wish you the best.
thank you, those are very kind and wise words! i have always had (and still have) a tendency to find a way to justify why people hurt me and give them the benefit of the doubt beyond reason, most likely because of a deep-seated feeling that I am not good enough. but yes, doing this to an unreasonable extent really does hurt you in the long run, and it is important to build enough respect for yourself to be able to set those boundaries and know that trust is something that really can diminish.
@@gus4954 the most important thing is to communicate. sometimes people don't know that they've done something wrong and it's a legitimate misunderstanding, but sometimes it's not like that and they're very aware of what they're doing. i'm autistic, and so i'm really not good at reading people. so instead of relying on my bad skills at reading people, i communicate as effectively as i can. i've noticed that it's not just autistic people who make bad assumptions. nonautistic people do this too, especially assuming the worst of autistic people who legitimately did not realize how their behavior was coming off to others. communication is the most important thing for anything in any relationship because no one can read each other's minds, and refusing to communicate only leads to bitterness and distrust. it builds resentment until it boils over or someone ghosts you and you don't know why. it can be scary, but it's the only thing that matters. i hope if others read my words, they take this to heart. communicate with people and don't let things go unsaid. have a good day :^)
As an autistic this is hell, I want to do things by myself in my own because is easier for me to keep with the shit I do, when am expected to do things with others my body and brain are confused because I don't interpret information the same way others do...and when it shows and people would make me feel like am a problem that needs to be fixed and I will obviously defend myself and try to go on my own and they don't want that, at the end is either am not longer a part of it or am a part of it but I have to mask and deal with it and is exhausting.
Individualism is bad because in this society where your value as a person is your success, am screwed from the start. I never had any "ambition" "dream" "goal" or "purpose" so I don't understand why people look down on me a lot, I just know it feel so dehumanizing so I tried to do what they do to get respect and recognition but I just overworking myself and crying alone and that is when the thought of end it all comes to mind.
When I realize am broken, broken because I feels like I was not made for this life, I cannot thrive in any kind of civilization presented here: individualism or collectivism.
I wish I could think of something helpful to say, but the best I can do right now is: I hear you. I am also autistic and have dealt with suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember. Mostly it's just background noise, periodically it becomes something I actively struggle with.
I don't want the things I am "supposed" to want, and I often don't feel the things I am "supposed" to feel. Pretty words (or reasoned argument) to the contrary, about how it's "okay to be who I am" or whoever, ultimately mean very little in the lifelong, conspicuous absence of social proof.
i am also autistic and feel your pain. i recently tried to pull the trigger, quite literally, and found myself too scared. instead i shot the water and left before anyone could investigate the noise. thankfully it's fireworks season.
i don't have much advice. just solidarity i guess. i am trying to make more autistic friends because i think that may be the only way to keep surviving in a world that hates us so much. i wish we could dm on youtube. i wish you the best. i hope to make more connections with other autistics and i hope you do too.
these are not the only forms of these. You have a place in this world which far more vast and complex than any of us can ever understand. Thank you for sharing.
literally same
Same 😅
I think this film’s use of a sort of religious cult to convey this idea of community and servitude to the people around you is absolutely brilliant. I’m an ex-Christian and was raised with the belief that the best thing that I could do as a person was “serve god and serve others.” I think that this sort of ingrained into me echoist behavior from a very young age, and I now find myself having to consciously think about when it’s okay to NOT serve others. I made poor friendships when I left the church with people who exhibited narcissistic behavior because I no longer had a community to serve WITH me. I’m much better now, but I think that this movie spoke to me for that reason, it was like watching my deconstruction process in reverse. Because having a community is BEAUTIFUL and it’s what I miss most about my religion… having a group to fall to my knees and cry with, a common action in the church, was extremely cathartic. But it wasn’t healthy, because I relied too much on servitude as an identity. And when I left, I was serving alone, much like Dani at the beginning of the film. And, much like Dani, I would suppress feelings of grief, guilt, and shame after I left the church because I no longer had a community to “feel broken” with. But I think that the thing you have to learn eventually, at least from my personal experience, is that you are not fundamentally broken or a burden to be shared among a community. You’re just a person with emotions, and you should be allowed to be that, with AND without a group of people to support you. It’s the difference between feeling broken and believing that you fundamentally ARE broken, and I think that echoists often believe that they are fundamentally broken because they have selfish feelings that they are ashamed of (that’s why they try to get away before expressing the feeling) and they don’t want to burden others because they themselves feel burdened when they don’t have a community. I think this is what converts non-religious people into religious people. Because they can share the burden of servitude with a group and express selfishness without FEELING selfish. I hope all of that made sense, it was a bit of a ramble. Midsommar is one of my favorite movies and it really speaks to me as an ex-Christian.
Join the methodist church. Also Isaiah 58 and Matthew 6:6 and Matthew 6:16. Wear a Headcovering only when praying if a woman and dress modestly for both sex. You are not broken as a sinner just a criminal. Judgement is just the court system. Stop making it a big deal. He'll is just jail or prison and the day of Judgement is just a court day. Nothing special. We have that in our regular court system. It's not that big deal.
I was not asking for your opinion.
@@leahp1765Your cult isn't much better than the one depicted in Midsommar.
It has nothing to do with religion, but with family dynamics. Unbalanced parents will have unbalanced kids. My family was not religious, but both my parents were echoists. They poured everything into their first child, and she terrorized the others, so they in turn became echoists. Except my middle sister, who was ignored, and formed a bit of a demanding personality. Ive met all types of Christians. Maybe demonimpnations make a difference. But of course religious leaders want everyone ekse to be altruistic and serve God by serving those religious leaders.
Or what if Christianity isn't actually about your relationships with those around you so much as your relationship with God directly-beyond church, beyond anything or anyone else in the world.
Your vulnerable re-processing of Midsommar is a deeply fulfilling reflection of the identity deconstruction I've been going through that I couldn't find the right language for. I'm about to turn 30 at the end of the month and I've been rediscovering myself for about the last year, finding empathy for the ideas and people that I have let exert control over me and also for my own imperfections. I didn't realize up until now that I've been grieving the loss of what I thought my life was supposed to be, the loss of certainty. I've harboured a lot of anger towards those closest to me for seemingly failing to meet my emotional needs without realizing that I have failed them in some aspects, too. I see now the mutual urge in my various relationships to change each other instead of embracing each other exactly where we are. Learning is a process, not an event. We can only do our best until we know better.
I am Dani being swept away by my own righteousness and too permeable to society's ideals. I am Christian being too hard on people and afraid of my faults. I think each character is portrayed as single dimensional because taken together they become the complexity of the human experience.
My god, I have the same fear. Everything you said is so close to my experience with this film, except I felt it during my first watch. It must be hard for others to understand when they can’t empathize with Dany. I am so happy you made this. Thank you. I hope this reaches more people, because this message is so important. Thank you
I'm sorry for your loss. I think processing grief through creativity is one of the best ways to heal and learn. I know I'm just a random commenter but the profound shift in perspective that you've experienced is a big step toward breaking unhealthy cycles. It's going to be okay. I loved this video essay and best of luck to you.
i watched your original video a couple years back and truthfully found myself very frustrated with your take on the film. i wanted to write out this lengthy response in the comments but ultimately just clicked off the video and kept my opinion to myself lol. i applaud your ability to reexamine not only your opinions, but also how your life experiences at the time could have blinded you to the nuances of the film and its characters.
i am truly so sorry for your loss. when i watched midsommar for the first time i had lost a family member in which i had a complicated relationship with. i was also trying to leave a toxic relationship that i was incredibly dependent on through out my grieving process. dani’s character resonated with me in a lot of painful and ugly ways. i do think its valid to say that at times both she and christian can feel like caricatures of these echoists/narcissistic archetypes but i don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing because these caricatures are being explored with nuance and the story is about their toxic dynamic. there is also the idea of loss of self that you talk about in the video. all loss requires a grieving process - whether it’s a breakup or death of a loved one or even as simple as a job/opportunity. the world we live in doesn’t give us much space to feel loss safely much less process it. i truly appreciate this video and i feel so seen by it. i hope you have all the love and support you need while processing this loss ❤️
Ari Aster understands grief and loss so well. His films have been huge for me, too, after suffering loss and grief in my own life. I hope that you are able to move through your grief- it is one of the hardest processes to go through in the world. May you carry it with strength.
I remember for the first time actually looking into what an echoist is. Things made a lot of sense. But even in the moment I thought I found something about myself I felt like I was doing something wrong. Like it can’t be right and I’m just taking something that does not belong to me. This movie showed me things I’m afraid of but even want. I’m horrified of ever being seen as pelle and Christian. And I want to have a bond that Connie and Simon had. Connie could not be convinced that Simon left without her. I hope I secure someone’s trust like that
The word is egoist. You are right on all of this. ❤
@cassandraunheeded They do not mean egoist, it's echoist
@@julijepp it’s egoist. Look it up. 💙
@@cassandraunheeded watch the full video sweetie 🥰✨️ he mentions echoism. Google: Echoism: The Narcissism Response You Haven’t Heard of
By Sarah Fielding
The irony lmfao, thank you for your wise words, follow your own advice.
@@cassandraunheededdid you watch the video? Echoist is the right word, they use it repeatedly throughout the video. Not the same thing as egoist
my mom is a grief therapist and she talks alot about the Grieving Brain book, it was really interesting to see it applied to this movie. Great video, it takes alot of courage to share your experiences and changes in perspective about this.
I don't think the intensity of grief lessens, you just get better at dealing with it, and the time between two bouts grows. But it's still as intense as in the beginning, in my opinion.
On grief: I grew up with father living separately from me, which often tends to create that typical "cool parent" pseudo-friendship later in life, I think. That's how I was with my dad; we worked together, we'd go to the bar together, we'd sit around at the table and talk shit until 2am, each of us in tears from laughter. There were so many roles in my life that my father was filling, that it was inevitable that, when I lost him in 2012, it took the life I thought I had at that time and shattered it. The pain from that loss is immortal, ubiquitous, and at times, suffocating. There were times when I felt like I didn't want to live in a world that didn't include him. It was only in being there for the other members of my family that I began to find purpose. I'd always heard that I emulated my father, but now, I was performing the role for others that he'd filled for me. My aunt, his sister, told me once, "As long as you're alive, it's like he's never really gone." Ever since, I've thought about the light and love that he brought to the world, and his compassion, charm, altruism and sense of humor, and I've considered it my responsibility to make sure that these did not simply fade away. The things that made him such an amazing human being for everyone around him are inside of me, and I owe it to him and to them to make sure they continue. This purpose didn't mitigate my grief in any way; in fact, at times, they exacerbate it. But what I've learned is that there are kinds of grief that don't simply dissipate in time. You just have to clear out a spot in the corner of your soul and let it live there. You feed it, make sure it's got water, visit it from time to time, and do what you can to keep it on its leash. You can't get rid of it, so you just make room for it.
Sorry for your loss. It's incredible to see someone make such a video, in a such painful situation.
I'd like to thank you, because I'm currently writing a paper to graduate from Visual Arts, and this video just helped me a lot to resume what I am trying to say with my project. I have been trying to explain this dicotomy of the collective nature of plants and our current human society. In the process, I have realized I sound a bit like I'm part of a cult when I talk about hyper-individualism and It's effects on us, and now I see It's because I have been ignoring the extreme opposite of it.
I also loved the self-psychoanalisis of it all, since as a visual artist, a lot of my own feelings and thoughts get to influence every fixation and themes I put in my work. Great work! Loved it.
I think there's big similarities between Midsommar and Melancholia, in terms of showing grief and depression from the inside, rather than just how they look to other people.
I can never watch Melancholia again because of how real it is. Both sisters in the film demonstrate the depression, anhedonia and also death anxiety I have. I can point to that film and tell someone to watch and it'll explain that kind of mental illness.
@@Aster_Risk - "How can you be depressed when this wedding was so expensive?!"
Melancholia was garbage, Midsommer was not
Other people see nothing.
@@nightshiftreports3866 - That opinion is incorrect.
I watched Midsommar shortly after my grandfather passed. The death tore my entire family apart, to a point where I felt deeply alone in my grief. So why did this film impact me? The beauty of art is that it comes in two components: it, and you. We can always argue from an intellectual point the "it"---the objective cinematography, the writing etc. However, the subjective "you" component---yourself, your life, your being---is always difficult to reflect on in the context of the art itself, although it can be easier when we know *exactly* where the "it" and the "you" meet when we come into contact with art. In this case, I met the artistic intent of Midsommar with the version of myself that was utterly overcome with grief, and the pieces fit together to make an extremely relatable, and artisically impactful experience for me. I believe both of your videos were great, with the former addressing the "it" with valid criticism, whereas this video addresses the "you" and the "it", as one. Us, and the art. I like this video better, from a human perspective. Thank you for sharing! :)
What I love about Midsommar is on how many different levels it can be appreciated. As a reflection on grief as you analyze here, but also I have seen beautiful analyses of this movie from the point of view of reflecting the similarly oscillating nature of abusive relationships, breakdowns of the film as an exploration of real world high control group methods and processes of radicalization, discussions of the imagery and symbolism and color theory and cultural resonance of the movie. It is a movie that invites analysis and reflection and provides a rich set of details for the viewer to accomplish that.
when i watched midsommar, i was just recovering from a relationship at the time, and since i have borderline personality disorder it can warp my perception of relationships quite a bit. i genuinely thought that our relationship was healthy and that we broke up on good terms, when in reality, we basically both felt miserable around each other but also hated it when we spent time with other people. midsommar was a horribly brutal reality check when i realized that hating your partner's presence and dreading communication is not normal or healthy at all. beautiful movie visually and story wise, and i think it's so cool how often i see people actually change their opinion about this movie. that's how it works. you go through things, you think one thing, and in retrospect, you realize you should have thought differently.
10/10 work my man. Cried multiple times listening to your commentary. It’s always comforting to know there’s someone feeling what you are.
My favourite analogy for grief is one I heard years ago.
It's like a ball in a box, and the box has a button in it. Whenever that button is pressed all the feelings rush back and you feel everything about the people you lost and what happened at the time, as if the wound is fresh. In the beginning, the ball is as big as the box and it rolling around presses the button a lot. As time goes on, the ball gets smaller and smaller- it still hits the button sometimes, but it's much less than it was before.
Thank you. Thank you for the courage to make this video. Vulnerability like that, regarding loss, grief and the loss of oneself is honestly unheard of (at least by me) and surprisingly healing.
I can hear the pain in your voice at the end. Thank you for making me feel less alone for a little while.
hate it when essayists put a mirror in front of me. The back and fort between asking for esasy stuff and hiding the most painful, while then feeling so guilty that some of the hard stuff spills a little in front of me. I can only think when my gradma died and i went to college to tell my professor i had to leave early to attend the funeral, and actiely rejected people trying to comfort me, or all the times i have said sorryafter getting emotional support for anything... i might have a new perspective for starting therapy again
I don't understand how you can't empathise, irrespective of having experienced grief. I saw the movie before experiencing the loss of my most loved one, and I didn't question it then. When you experience significant loss, of course, you suffer and desperately want to be understood and not alone in it. That's something you'd expect, irrespective of experiencing it first-hand.
I've not heard the term "echoism" but what you're describing sounds very similar to codependency. What a lovely video, thank you for posting.
Now that you mention it, I'm thinking perhaps echoism plays a big part in codependency.
to be real i bounced off your channel HARD initially because of the original video - this movie resonated really deeply with me for a lot of the reasons you outlined here, and this was a really insightful watch that helped me connect some of those dots. happy this hit my recommends
This movie really moved me so much when it came out. And then the love of my life died suddenly and now this film connects with me so much more deeply. There's something about the depth of grief that you can't understand until you've been there. I am definitely going to be reading the books you cited.
i wish more people talked about how Christian was absolutely raped. he didn't cheat on Dani, he was drugged and coerced into it. if you switched the genders of the scene it would absolutely be talked about as rape, which is super fucked up.
Christian was a victim. He was also an asshole, but he was a victim.
If you switched the gender most likely she would be called a slut and whore by their entire hometown, the town will probably protect the abusers bc they dont want to waste the precious boys pontential. Then the girl will kill themselves because of the trauma. How do I know? This a true story that happened countless times.
definitely !!
to be fair Dani doesn't know that and for the purposes of recruiting her she needed to see him "cheating" it is when the audience fails to see this thats the problem.
Honestly, I've seen this comment multiple times and I've never seen anyone denying that he is a victim. Stop using that switcheroo argument, it's not what's being discussed here and it's irrelevant. Also, Danni is not aware of the drug part. The cult makes it look like cheating to her...
Totally. It's one of the extremely rare examples of both parties being raped since Maja is only 15
Your ability to honestly, and intimately, reevaluate not only this film, but yourself, is absolutely...beautiful. Thank you. I actually watched your original video on Midsommer and Hereditary and ended up, kinda "hating" you. When I first watched Midsommer, I, like Dani, had lost everything...what killed me the most, was how (I felt) you entirely missed not only the Hårga's purposeful influence on, but the amplification of the negatives of Dani and Christian's relationship...anyways, when I saw this new upload, I clicked on it with apprehension, and a readiness to be angry...and the complete opposite happened. I applaud you my friend. And I thank you for reminding me to never stop questioning and reevaluating not only my own beliefs, but also my own biases. Be well.
(and not that one "subscription" makes a difference to your channel at this point, but today, you earned mine)
I understand this, I felt a plaintive “why don’t you get it” about negative reviews of both this one and Hereditary. Also wonder if he does an edit on his initial take of Hereditary but maybe it’s actually good to NOT understand family trauma to that extent lol.
For Beau Is Afraid, I tried to watch it but that sh17 was unwatchably cringy anxiety provoking. I tapped out. I need to try it again because those other 2 Aster movies were so worth the trauma of watching them.
More people need to do this. Resvisit something once they've grown. I remember very much disagreeing with lots of your old video back then, but was able to put that past me very fast now as I could hear in your voice how much you've changed and that this is an emotional topic. I'm very sorry for your loss and I've been there too. Thank you for this great video and I wish you the best.
This movie hit me so hard, my father died and I was in a similar situation with my ex husband it was like parallel. Watching it made me cry so hard. It brought back memories just how Dani and Christian interacted.
My dad had died while I was with my ex husband and it shattered me it broke me, it it weren’t for my dog Athena i probably woulda killed my self tbh.
I am so sorry you went through this and I am very glad you are still here. Athena is such a good girl for being such a supportive friend
I almost never comment on youtube videos, but this resonated so hard. As someone who has dealt with a mental condition that has driven me into echoism/masking, I loved midsommar and you have effectively summarized every reason why. I very much relate to what you said about them sharing her pain in unison being so weirdly comforting. As disturbed as I was, a small part of me couldn't help but be jealous.
In echoism, even though theres that insane drive to minimize the self, I feel there's always a secret longing for the attention that is pushed away. Like amongst all the self blame, even though I believe it to be true, I pray for people to say what Dani's friend does, "you're valid, you're justified," but the cult takes it to a whole other level. It's validation on crack. People that echo, because they see themselves as incapable of fixing things themselves because of that "brokenness", they long for a hero. A savior. And the cult is that hero.
There's also something to be said about the weird way that individualism values uniqueness and rewards/expects exceptionalism, but inversely punishes those feelings of greatness. As if one is expected to be exceptional while also being humble and making it look effortless to the outside eye.
I can't wait to watch more video essays on your channel
I have never heard of need panic before watching this video, but I have definitely experienced that in romantic relationships that have gone sour. I have some reflection and reading to do after watching this video. I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time and dealing with grief. I hope this video has been cathartic and helpful for you to make
I have dated too many Christians in my time.
It's such a great video essay. I'm glad you've managed to see it from a different angle, but I'm so sorry you had to experience something painful to rethink it.
I love this film precisely because it goes deeper and deeper the more you think about it. I understood Dani right away, but Christian was an interesting case for me. At first I thought he was just a jerk, but then I've started to realise he's more than that. While still a jerk, he's also... Kinda trapped? He was ready to break up with Dani, but then she calls him in hysterics because her whole family died. And he sits there with her (btw he doesn't leave her alone even if he's a jerk) and knows he can't break up with her now because who knows what she'll do. And while he tries to think of her in this respect, the bitterness from not getting free from her makes him, I think, worse than he was. He's frustrated, he's thinking too much, he's becoming unstable. This is exactly why the cult shenanigans even work on him
You do not even have to apologize for your former view of the movie--that was okay. And it is fine that you feel differently now. It seems like life changes us but sometimes leaves our views the same. I am so sorry for your time of loss...You seem strong and I think you will find your with through this period! Take care!
I'm so so sorry for your loss ❤
I watched your other video as soon as it came out and I disagreed with pretty much everything. I don't remember much of it right now (it's been almost 4 years) but I remember starting to write a very angry comment and ending up sobbing in a fetal position screaming into a pillow. Needless to say I never did post the angry comment, but I remember thinking the intense wave of grief that came over me while writing the comment was the thing connecting me to midsommar. I understood that while the movie itself was great, the thing that made me *understand* it was pain - and so I stopped criticizing people who I thought "didn't get it" and instead started wishing they never did end up getting it.
You have no idea how inspiring it is to see someone showing this kind of self-awareness and growth in this crappy crappy time for the world. I really hope you have a great year in the wake of whatever you've been going through. As for your last questions, as someone who's made some serious mistakes and made some serious progress... no, you're doing exactly the right thing here. Keep talking.
Well made video. I'm sorry that you are dealing with loss. Its been over 9 years that I lost my Mum, who was the love of my life, I'm a different person now and I felt invisible while in the worst if my grieving process. And I have complicated grief that makes the process even more abnormal. People can be quite cruel when, they don't understand. Ive had a few people experience loss and come to me to apologize because they admit they had no idea the pain and suffering I was living with. I told them its okay. Unconditional love is what we all need and separating ourselves from the ego can open up room for growth. But, at least in my case, this life has been filled with crippling loss and pain. I'm still alive because I don't want to repeat this awful experience. I want to learn whatever lessons I need to learn so this is last time I work this karma off.
I don't know if it's the universe, or fate, or whatever, but I'm actually going into outpatient therapy in two days for suppressing my mother's tragic death for a year and a half. I had a "need panic" episode. Literally. This video came out literally JUST in time for my outpatient therapy. I've never even heard of echoism, and now I know why I clung to Dani as an "omg so me" character. And I've always had a direct drag to feel like I'm narcissistic but in a self loathing way? And now there's a word for it? And I found out through your new midsommar video two days before I get my life together? Insane. I'm showing this to my outpatient therapist I'll let yall know how it goes
To answer your question at the end... No, there is a third path. And that is to find your best friend in yourself. To depend and rely upon yourself. To treasure your own company and heal those inner wounds. To listen to your deeper, inner wisdoms. Not to rehash past woundings over and over, but to live more presently in the immense potential of now. Much love to you in your healing journey! Thank you for setting many others on theirs with this reflection. ❤
i interpreted the ending as dani feeling the loss of christian and her last tie to the outside world. with him gone, much as he was not an ideal partner, he still kept her connected to the world outside, to herself and to the reality she had always known. With him gone all of that is lost. as someone that has been in a toxic relationship, that i had trouble leaving for the longest time because i felt i didn't want to lose the part of me that was connected to the world and other people, i really felt her loss in teh last moments
She was smiling and I think, glad to lose him. It IS a breakup movie.
@@cassandraunheeded i interpreted it as a grimace
@@pssurvivor it was a smile. Watch it again. 💖
@@cassandraunheeded ew a radfem
I didn't expect to watch this video and recieve a therapy session. This video essay resonated so much with me. I am very much an echoist, and while I know this, having someone else talk so deeply about it really hit home.
Especially today. I put my last pet rat to sleep yesterday. I began adopting pet rats (a very affectionate, highly misunderstood creature) a year after I lost the most important man in my life, the man I called Dad. That will be twelve years in just a couple weeks.
Pet rats saved me from the deepest darkest depression of my life and their love and care has been my nonstop driving force for 12 years. And losing my Stu (a sweet boy I had developed a specifically wonderful bond with around difficult circumstances) I am reminded of how lost I still am.
Thank you for this video. Your words have given me a lot to think about.
Never liked showing emotions for reasons. Ex told me that they felt I didnt care or hated them if I didnt show them my emotions. Asked me to talk to them about them.
Later told me the reason they were avoiding & cheating on me was because I 'heaped all my emotions and problems' on them after 11 years together.
I think... I'm an echoist...? The flatly refusing emotional vulnerability/intimacy and actively suppressing big emotions until out of view of others, the spiraling panic when I realize I *do* need support, thinking that me needing other people's help/support is a moral failing but it's completely okay for others. I apologize and try to "shut it down" when I start crying in front of people regardless of who it is and why I'm crying. Holy guacamole I didn't realize there was a name for it. Explains so many of my past relationships/friendships and why I have trouble maintaining them. I should probably get therapy or something cuz I know it's not good but idk how to stop being like that.
I don’t know if you’ve ever read the Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson before, but the Harga remind me a lot of Hill House in the way it’s almost an entity of its own (almost Lovecraftian) and how it essentially absorbs the main character into it, due to the main character’s trauma and lack of familial stability. It certainly helps that HOHH has a lot of lesbian undertones between the main character and her “friend” she has a contentious relationship with, allowing the house to pit the two against each other (much like Dani and Christian)
I loved Hill House, and I loved the Netflix adaptation even more. I really like that feeling of “there’s something more to it” like you’re missing something really important and scary, like there’s a secret symbolism behind the book that only Shirley Jackson knew about, and died before explaining it.
I can not describe how beautiful and interesting the way you explain and analyse everything throughout this video is. The mention of the books and the research, as well as mentions of myths from ancient greece, it all felt so calming, informative, and almost familiar and reassuring. idk how to describe it but this video brought me peace. Thank you
I watched this for a second time, and I can confidently say that this video changed the way I look at myself, and the way I let people treat me. You have inspired me to regain confidence in myself. Thank you.
I watched this video before I watched your og vid on the subject. I must say this video was so impactful and introduced me to concepts that make me appreciate Midsommar as a masterpiece - although when I did watch it at first I thought it was great, but to me it registered more as a comedy but that more cuz of me than anything. I went back and watched your og video and can’t help but to feel that the complaints that you brought up were more about how the movie lacked to meet certain expectations to make you feel something or see things you wanted it to based on what you watched. You used terms like “it should’ve” “it didn’t make me see…” “this could’ve been like this” etc ( and I could be wrong, i could also be grossly simplifying things). But I’m glad I went back and watched it. Needless to say I didn’t agree with a few of the critiques, but in this video it really felt more of an analysis of what was presented in the movie and what the director was trying to communicate with the actions of the characters and plot. So less of “I wish I saw this…” and more of “this scene showed this and communicated…” This might be because of over time you’ve gained experience or just cuz of the external circumstances you mentioned (mind you this was my first video from you I watched) but honestly AMAZING JOB, loved it. Not just cuz I agree with the points the were brought up more here than in the previous video, but overall such a great video that I will be returning to over and over again. Learned so much to 🙇
Your ability to self critique and your introspection should be praised. Thankyou for i troducing me to echoism, i felt it helped name things i see inside my own behaviours. This was fantastic beginning to end.
This is so poignant and meaningful. Thank you for sharing all this with us. I'm honored to hear your pain, and your analysis is so powerful. You have made me reexamine losses in my own life through a new lense and clarified what it was about this film that spoke to me so much, but that i could never pin down directly. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that over time your grieving makes your grief a little easier to carry.
The algorithm has once again brought me to another video analyisis early? You must be doing god's work, my dude. This stuff heals my broken soul
I really appreciate this video. I enjoyed but didnt agree with your original review, but it was really well made so stuck with your channel. I think part if the reason some people struggle so much to understand this movie is because its very much from a female perspective. She's going through what a lot of women go through, feeling your partner pull away while not being brave enough to set you free. Toxic relationships with men. Actually all of the men except the main guide are really horrible to Dani. And at the same time, the female family members she may have relied upon are dead, and if i remember correctly none of Danis friends are shown in the movie. She's suffering grief in a very male run world, and then suddenly she is whisked away to the place where women arent treated badly by men, they even interact with each other much during the day. She gets to enjoy the sun and get high and eat well and dance and wear flowers without anyone harming her. The scene of the women screaming together always gets me, because I know there are so so many women who need to let their grief out - about misogyny, and about death but they've been unable to, or were forced to grieve alone. Women are expected to be responsible much more than men are, and our emotions more tightly policed.q
I think this is purposely contrasted with sex, which cleverly, is arguably the start of a new life cycle comparatively with death. Its also a place where many women fear harm, or feel unheard. The scene shows female dominance, female joy, female pleasure without fear. Its wonderfully done.
I didn't even consider this until now but yeah, it makes so much sense!
This!!!!
right at the start of this video and i’m relating so hard to how your perspective has changed as you’re going through a personal loss. i connected with this movie immensely when it first came out because of grief and it’s the theme that has consistently stuck out to me in a very visceral way that i had never experienced prior. my sincerest condolences on your loss and i hope that you find healing in time 🧡
I can't eloquently put into words how this review hits home, but one thing I can say is that I profoundly resonate with Dani. By the time I was 19, I had lost both my parents due to illness. I can understand how it must have been for Dani to feel like she wasn't getting any support or understanding from her boyfriend when she needed it the most. I have felt this way too in my previous relationships, where I couldn't share my grief as my partners didn't understand the immense amount of loss I was feeling, because they didn't lose a parent or a loved one. Even when I tried sharing about it once when it felt really heavy, I was told to stop using the death of my parents as an excuse. From then on, I stopped talking about them to people. I just turned 30 this year and still carry the grief with me; it never goes away.
But I understand that people interpret this movie from very different angles based on our individual experiences.
I am so sorry someone told you that. One of my best friends lost both of her parents before 21, I would never DREAM of saying that to her. People can be so inconsiderate and cruel.
@@snakesonaframe2668 OMG I'm so sorry about what your best friend went through. It's very tough, indeed. The least we could do is be more compassionate and understanding towards one another.
I lost my very best friend to suicide a little over two years ago. This video made me weep because I am still grieving and the grief is still as strong as it was when it first happened.
Beautiful video, thank you for introducing me, and so many others, to the concept of echoism. I think it’s going to help a lot of people to understand themselves better. I hope you have a great support system to help you through your grieving process. Take care, and remember that you can’t help anyone unless you help yourself first.
Early to a meeptop video, is this what being a true cinephile is like?
Nah that's jeremy jahns fans. The true cinema buffs are the first to know whether you need to be incoherently drunk or not to enjoy a movie
Patrick Willems fans would disagree
Stop trying
See CZsworld if you want to see the real thing.
43:50 I just noticed that the "elders" are being carried on top of the slope in a way that would make it difficult to escape, yet at a superficial glance it seems like a honorific attention, being carried that way
I think you may get something out of the film "You won't be alone". Not so heavy on loss, but heavy on what it is to be human, in its rawest form. Worth A look.
This video essay is simply a work of art. This analysis and conversation is the reason I love movies. How human, to be able to experience a story in a completely different light after experiencing something. This was beautiful but I am deeply sorry for the loss you experienced. I hope talking about grief through this film has been cathartic and healing. ❤
I hope this video reaches more people. The analysis on how grief and isolation are portrayed in the film made me feel seen and I know it will for others too. Great video and thanks for showing us the dual model for grieving that was very interesting.
This is your greatest video. The vulnerability was so palpable, thank you for this. I hope soon you’ll heal and things become more bearable.
I’m venting here:
I grew up seeing death. My grandfather died five days after I was born, my other grandfather died when I was 3 and by the time I was in middle school I probably had gone to a funeral at least once every two years, probably more.
I am hyper aware of the death of others and have experienced grief so many times, yet I still lack the skills to cope with it, or at least have compassion with myself.
I’m so aware of the ephemeral existence of my loved ones that I have started to grief my mother, who is still alive. I cry missing her, when I just saw her, and while talking to her I can’t stop thinking she is going to leave. I can’t look at my cats without thinking that they will be gone one day too. In my head, I have to do everything to make them happy while they are alive, as if their happiness depended on me.
I hope one day I can get better and manage my grief.
This video rules. I wish more critics would treat their older work less like an irrelevant shame and more of a building block for more nuanced arguments. We're all learning and growing: that's one of the most exciting parts of analyzing art!
The timing of finding and watching this video has just rocked my world a bit. I just had to break off a long standing friendship after being trapped in this echo-ist mindset and only being able to recognize the need for an end after someone other than me was hurt. To have that part of myself that has likely been actively damaging myself and my personal relationships for a long time now entirely laid out in a way I’ve never heard before was eye opening.