Another thing that can cause "learned helplessness" is teasing or making fun of your children when they make mistakes or don't get something right the first time they do it. That's what happened to me. My dad would make fun of me for not understanding my homework or failing at something. It made me feel like I was defective and couldn't learn. As an adult, I've realized I don't like to try new things for fear of being a failure. I came to this realization in my early 30s and am now trying to correct this mindset, but it's really difficult because it is ingrained in me.
Dunno, Wikipedia claims: To change this expectation, experimenters physically picked up the dogs and moved their legs, replicating the actions the dogs would need to take in order to escape from the electrified grid. This had to be done at least twice before the dogs would start willfully jumping over the barrier on their own. In contrast, threats, rewards, and observed demonstrations had no effect on the "helpless" Group 3 dogs It is true that it's encouraging to be in a group with others. It's not about just seeing it. RUclips videos are ineffective. Learned helplessness is not about: "it's impossible" but "I cannot get myself to do it" Yes, I am certain that it can be unlearned. But I am also very certain that society does a remarkably poor job when it comes to creating environments where that can happen. I haven't found one.
Growing up, whenever I make a mistake, my parents would scold me so much and sometimes with abuse even if my mistakes can be fixed, all they do is say means things about me and never taught me how to solve my mistake or is there a way to solve it. I just now realized that made me feel everything bad happening to me is unfixable, this lead me to be stagnant for 2 years and caused me severe depression where I just wanted to end it all. I had developed a fear of the unknown. I am now trying to fix my life slowly. I wish everyone of you to have a good life~
I believe that you can do it. It sucks that something like that happened to you, I'm really sorry. Please, don't surrender to the external pressure. Trust in yourself, believe that you can do something about your problems. Not because of others, but for yourself. You don't deserve to feel bad like that, you deserve to feel the best you can as a human being. If others don't understand you, if they don't believe you, if they don't forgive you, try and do it for yourself. I hope the best for you~
Wouldn't it be amazing to have a friend where you can pick a goal and then consistently fail your way to success? An hour a day where you can fail and fail and fail and prepare yourself so you see that failure in a different light while noticing the incremental improvements? Sort of reversing your old habits?
Now I understand why I do nothing to get myself out of a bad situation. I just accept everything and let myself suffer not knowing that I could actually do something to change the situation.
I know what you mean. I was like that for years while I was being bashed, beaten, kicked, punched & abused by my husband. It was in the days when domestic violence was viewed by society & men in particular, as being perfectly normal & okay!! Something snapped! I found courage! I did something to save the life of my children & myself.
I hope you can do something about it. Find the power you need with other people you trust. If you don't have something like that, then trust in yourself, and believe that you can change the game. I hope the best for you.
Learned helplessness can also be taught when children are unable to effect their parents. For example when a child tries to comfort a sad parent or soothe an angry one to no vain. The child learns that they have to affect on others and the world.
I relate with this I always tried to comfort my mom and she would always tell me her problems but I couldn’t help her and she would say your just a kid 👧🏽 what do you know. So I grew up feeling like I can’t comfort people and yes sometimes I have a victim mentality where I feel like I am not in control of my life.
@@sprouts it is, my own daughter has told me that when i was broken up about the separation from her mom and changes in the house and when she tried to cheer me up, she said it didn't make her feel it had any effect on my happiness( which is did, but it also made that hurt sometimes worse, just being reminded what i was losing) and sent her to a dark place. it took alot of time and talking to explain why it did work and why i was unable to show it, for MY OWN reasons and that she indeed brought hope to me, i just was in such a dark place i had not idea i had affected her that way.
Yeah, many. Something like sending millions of humans into a gas chamber and killing them while smiling and giving speeches about how great that is sounds far more evil than the above.
@@Murunugis how would u react if they were actual babies instead of dogs?? Would u still say it's for a bigger cause?? Animals also have their own rights. Humans don't own the world.
I saw a story told by a kindergarten teacher once who illustrated that there were two types of kids; those who had been allowed to fall, and those who hadn't. The first group would take a tumble, spring back up, and keep playing. The second group would straight up fall on their faces without even putting their arms up to brace themselves and would often be hurt far worse than the situation called for because they had never been allowed the opportunity to learn to catch themselves. I have an 8 month old, so I think about that story a lot.
I'm not sure your story applies to this concept. The tendency to use hands to cushion the fall is pretty disconnected from upbringing. It is a process more akin to sneezing than upbringing (sorry for bad example). Thus, the kids literally falling on their faces are more likely to have been suffering from some neurodevelopmental delays/disorders that were at that time undiagnosed (otherwise the teacher wouldn't have told the story this way). Wishing the best for you and your family 💞
It's a balancing act for sure how involved we should be in helping and protecting our children, but maybe especially when they get a little older. I had a classmate whose parents (mainly mother) helped him get out of every problem he got himself into, and did his school work for him so he didn't have to. When he was caught shoplifting, and later when he was caught by police selling drugs, when he beat his girlfriend up, etc. etc., his mother always believed his tall and impossible tails about why none of it was true, or completely someone else's fault. I'm sure he still, now in his 50ies, is incapable of taking responsibility for his own actions and decisions, or understand that committing crimes is just as illegal for him as it is for everyone else. That's the kind of learned helplessness that tends to stick for the rest of people's lives. If kids are coddled to the point where they never get a chance to mentally and emotionally mature into their physical age, they will never be able to function properly as they reach adulthood. They basically become adult-looking kindergarten kids: "Grown-ups are stupid when they blame me for something I did, because it wasn't my fault that I did it."
i've seen stories about how a child will cry when they fall only if their parent acts scared/worried, but if the parent starts laughing, the child will laugh too and get back up
my parents never helped me with any kind of petty problems, they would only get involved if it was way to serious for me to handle it. But earlier I thought it was not a good practice because many of my friends were over pampered, I thought that it was always better to be taken care of all the time. But I have experienced exactly what the video speaks about. I am independent, I can take my own decisions, I can travel alone, I can even take care of the house and cook as a 17 year old. I can still almost all the problems that I face in my life. I love it. I just felt like appreciating my parents after watching this video !!!!
What I needed/need: - move out - therapy! - a healthy relationship that 1. doesn’t enable me 2. still is compassionate. - I tend to take on leadership roles due to my extensive need for control, but once in it I am faced with actual responsibility.This has been very important to me. It motivates me to keep a pace with my peers and makes me feel accomplished. - stop saying «I can’t do this because i’m lazy, depressed, bad» etc If I can’t change those things right now, but I need a solution right now, those statements absolves me of agency. Instead asking «What makes this difficult for me and how can I change it?» A positive «you can do this, go girl!» attitude never did anything for me, but an inquisitive and compassionate one helps at least a bit. «Ok, i’m depressed, but I can still do x, y, z, or in this moment let’s pretend i’m not, what would I do?» etc etc. - Asking (not relying on) someone else for tips/advice for inspiration. No matter how wrong they are, at least I get steadier in my own opinion and it encourages problem solving! - specifically EMDR therapy
@@mitchellsommer8142It helped my severe anxiety ( which goes hand in hand with my dysfunctional perfectionism.) I think it helped because it LITERALLY gave me something to focus on, which made me not wander off into tangents and in turn dissociating in sessions. it also exposed me to i suppose an intentionally simulated anxiety attack in the safety of a therapist office. Which made me aware of my anxiety symptoms thus more comfortable in the long run. It was just an alternative way for me to process my problems. other methods of therapy can give you the same results, but EMDR just felt more tailored to me, more fool-proof as the other methods hadn’t worked so far due to me slithering my way out of things. I still have anxiety and i always will, but emdr + time have made it much less severe and less frequent. I hope that answered your question.
As a professor, I usually help my students experiencing learned helplessness by using the following approaches: 1. Encourage students: Provide positive encouragement and support, making them believe they have the ability to overcome challenges. Emphasize the importance of effort and perseverance, demonstrating that success takes time. 2. Enhance self-efficacy: Help students build confidence by setting small, achievable goals. Let them see their progress and successes, gradually increasing their belief in their abilities. 3. Offer strategic guidance: Teach students strategies for tackling challenges, such as time management and effective study methods. Help them understand how to overcome difficulties to achieve their learning objectives. 4. Foster student interest: Understand your students' interests and integrate learning content with their passions to make learning more enjoyable and motivating. 5. Establish strong teacher-student relationships: Make students feel cared for and supported by creating a safe and friendly learning environment, encouraging them to take on challenges and face difficulties. 6. Promote collaborative learning: Encourage students to work together with peers to solve problems. Through collaborative learning, students can learn from and support each other, boosting their self-confidence. 7. Provide resources: Offer learning resources such as tutoring, additional practice, or supplementary materials to help students overcome learning obstacles. 8. Teach students to face failure: Help students understand that failure is part of the learning process. By analyzing the reasons for failure, they can learn from their experiences and be better prepared for future challenges.
@@SENSEF Not always. My mom was like this and she feels really bad about it now. She grew up neglected so she overcompensated with me. Not everyone is a narcissist. Human beings are not perfect and make mistakes.
My mother has been protecting me since I have memories, even to the point to confront my bullies. I didn't notice it for real until I lost my granfather and my grandmother, 2 losses that she coudln't help me with. That made a little hole in my bubble. I got demolished by reality when I moved to another city for my first job. I started to do things by myself, but couldn't keep up with my PhD. In the end, it worked well, but i ended up with depression, because I knew that my PhD was mediocre at best, but couldn't do anything to change it. I have been working hard to change my mind, define my real limits, become aware that I am not the genius that my mother told me I was, but that I can work hard to achieve almost anything I want, by myself. Now I am father of 2 children, and I can see the differences explained in some comments. My first son was very protected, and also very scared, so he didn't fall almost at all; being 3 years old, he tried to be very cautious. My second son, however, tries to imitate him in everything, and he has hurt himself more than I can remember. Now, he can do almost everything he wants, and if he falls, gets up inmediately and keeps playing. So we're avoiding that overprotection with the first one, let's hope we do it in time.
Much love man. I'm currently studying for my masters, and I realised that I had learned helplessness since by the time I was in secondary school I was bullied mercilessly and my parents stopped interjecting to help with all my issues. While that made secondary school incredibly difficult and harrowing to get through, by the time I was in college I'd started to learn that I could stand up for myself, and get things right and make an actual change in my own life by myself. So I'm doing a lot better for it in uni, however, I'm still a bit behind my peers in that area
I know how difficult parenting is, but it's ok as he will grow up ur elder son will learn things. School teaches experience more than books. Help them right from now onward. Children accept changes better than us. So, now let him fall just like your younger son .
I've always said that a good parent does 3 things: 1. NOT wrap a child in cotton wool, and allow them to learn themselves. 2. HELP to grow up to be a well adjusted adult by helping and advising where necessary. 3. Be just a LITTLE embarassing. It's importsnt to balance parenting and friendship.
I think I have learned helplessness too haha but just mind dumping solutions: I think can start by setting small goals- like one every day and achieving it and slowly pushing yourself to achieve more and see that it is possible to change.
Being around toxic people that sabotage you and trying to control things out of your control does this too, limiting access to toxic people and learning to let go of what we can't control helps.
The 'Story of Joe' - with a little bit of cultural nuance - hits very close to home. On the off-chance this tidbit of mentioning would help anyone: practise your autonomy. Ability grows with self-dependence, and coming with that is self-control, try not to self-sabotage yourself by relapsing a fixation on your absence of skill; talent; and knowledge. "You're not who you are now, you are who you're going to be", that's a mantra I trade with people when I exchange ideas. Just try not to hold yourself back. And for an extremity, I want to mention to those who're feeling that pique of helplessness - I know what you're thinking when pushed too far - there is a way out - there is. There is. There is. It'll hurt, maybe you'll have to crawl through a metaphorical barbwire vent to escape, but there's a world on the other side, that you deserve to see - even if simply. You'll grow, and grow up, and change your mind - soon you'll learn something a little more useful than "I can't do it"; maybe you'll say instead, "I can't do it, yet".
When I was a kid, I was introduced to a younger child who didn't know how to play. Her mother didn't allow her to come into contact with dirt, or do loud things, or run, or anything of the sort. When her aunt (who was friends with my dad) brought her over to play with me and my sister, we were confused, because when we asked her "what do you want to play?" she didn't have an answer. I was unwilling to accept that my guest would follow my lead in play, so my sister and I broke down for her what "play" was and how to go about it. After an extensive lesson in what play was, how to play, and what we were and were not allowed to do at our house, she designed a game, and we all played it together. She grew up into a rather horrible woman, but I will never regret teaching that little girl how to play.
I work with Special Ed kids and I also coach rock climbing. I usually go through a flow chart: do I think they can do what I ask, do they think they can do what I ask, will this help them gain competence, if they try and succeed I praise them relative to how impressive their accomplishment is, if they try and fail I encourage them to keep trying, if they want to give up I let them but once their in a place where I can explain things to them I will to see if I can convince them they if fact can do what I asked. Most kids grow from this flow chart, some ignore me and would need much more time to build rapport in order to influence.
I've wondered how to define the way I was raised. Ever since childhood, my parent has acted as both a helicopter parent and an invalidating, demeaning person. They put a lot of boundaries around our independent decision making, while also not teaching us how to be independent. As a young adult, I now get belittled for not knowing how to do a certain task. I get told, "what if you didn't have parents to help you?". I can say that my siblings and I are aware of this relationship dynamic and have been little by little trying to unlearn the senses of helplessness. We're pretty independent, but there are still some roots that linger.
I have a word for the opposite of helplessness, and that is Agency. What I mean by agency is the idea that you are able to control some of the elements in your environment, in order to acheive a goal. Key is to know the difference between when your child is in distress, and when your child just wants to play with you a little longer. Also, how bad is the need? Can a child wait two minutes once is a while? I think they can and must learn that sometimes they can wait. As a parent I had to develop the patience to watch my child fail (sounds easy, but it isn't, very hard to watch); They will stumble and hurt themselves, get frustrated and scream, and break things by accident. As a parent, you must have faith that your children are capable of learning things for themselves, through trial and error, copying and experimentation. Your job as a parent is not to control your child into a cettain behaviour, your job is to point your children in the direction that will help then acheive their goals.
I think that a lot of arrogant people developed their arrogance from the way that they were treated as children, but that it's partly a coping mechanism for insecurity, because they can't live up to their patents expectations.
I wasn't coddled and both of my parents had the approach to let me do my own mistakes and get up again, play with other kids unsupervised and stuff, but I still behave like the dogs so used to suffering that they just can't imagine it any other way. I believe the explanation is "peer group", because I got bullied relentlessly from a young age on and the experience that nothing I could do, no fighting back, ignoring, no thought-out reaction could stop it for almost a decade made me so used to a state of suffering that I don't even realize how or that I could escape it (+ low self worth). I'm now way too complacent to my own suffering, but not because my parents coddled or abused me.
Lifting weights might make a huge difference for you. It doesn’t just increase confidence by improving your physique; it’s also an antidepressant. You’ll notice a slight difference in the short term and a stronger benefit after six weeks of doing it three times a week. Concentrate on full body exercise and include squats if you have the equipment. Be careful and learn correct technique. The book “Starting Strength” is good.
I think the example of being in an abusive situation that you can't run from for years is a mich better example of learnt helplessness than the one given by you. Life is hard when you feel subjected to all kinds of hard things without escape!
Growing up, my parents were constantly trying to shield me from a lot of things. My mom especially. But one of the things they had taught me early on in life is that it's never too late to learn anything. And this became a foundation for a lot of the core values that I appreciated in myself and others when I grew up. And it helped me through a lot of difficult times. Helped me distinguish who is worth keeping close to me and who should be yeeted out of my life. I think you'd have to get the balance just right.
Failure is not fatal in fact it helps build perseverance. When a child first learns to walk they will stumble and fall....as long as it's not deadly let them. Let them not only fall but learn how to pick themselves up.
My mother exploited my fear of the world by allowing her husband to hurt me over and over when I was in the 4th grade. I went through school and adulthood being socially isolated, withdrawal, and afraid of interacting with people, especially boys. At 24, it only stopped when I met healthy friends and my mother told me all kinds of things to prevent me from leaving her. I only have my experience to go by, but learned helplessness is extremely destructive as it can lead to severe psychological issues.
When we are young, things happen to us and we don't have control over them. Ironically, it is then when most patters of our views of the world are formed. As adults, it is our and only our responsibility to attempt to change them.
In the movies, the cops always come when everything was settled and people was killed. It's important to teach the kids, and also ourselves to save our own life before others come.
Not just in the movies. In real life. It is the nature of unexpected events. There is an entire movie on this idea. It was about an agency like the police who could theoretically see the future and stop crimes before they happen. But if they didn't happen, how exactly do we know they are going to commit a crime? If the crimes never occur because they were "prevented" then how could the person be accused of a crime and be arrested. In real life though, the police will almost always come after the incident. I don't know why people believe police can save and protect them. They are always people who have never been robbed, attacked or had a crime committed against them. Same learned helplessness idea.
@@thanatosor The movie is called, "Minority Report". At least, that is what came up when I searched. From the description on IMBD it sounds like the movie I am talking about. There never was protection by police. They are called "law enforcement". They enforce laws. Laws are enforced after the law is broken. It is one's own duty to protect themselves and their family. No one else is going to do it for you. Even the police are going to protect themselves before they protect you, as they should. They have their own best interests and safety in mind and you should have your own as well. You shouldn't depend on someone else.
A few years ago I was going through a lot but one day it hit me hard I was on the verge of quitting a good job and leaving my boyfriend, while almost running late for work the air in my tire was so low I thought it was flat and I remember helplessly calling a friend and then asked my mom to put air in my tire because for some reason I panicked and I’m not blaming my parents fully but I realized they taught me to behave like everything was an emergency and like I couldn’t do it on my own. There was this guy putting gas in his car who shook his head and watched me frantically wait for my mom to arrive to place air in my tire to be fair tho I just felt lonely and wanted my moms company that was part of it I had to pretend I d idnt notice the guy being disgusted with me
I've heard that the learned helplessness was temporary, that after some time the majority did jump over, and also that this only mostly worked with puppies and mature dogs weren't nearly affected as much. Also one zoologist said that it isn't as much learned helplessness as just returning to default settings we had as very little kids, it makes sense since if the trouble arose and you were very little it would make the most sense to stay out of the way, but then we learn to take care of the matters ourselves, still very interesting
I like, "returning to the default settings"... You know you can do it, More importantly, you want to do it. Like teaching yourself to swim... testing the waters, *experience the progress* and voila. There's no turning back, no regression. You now swim. From there you can only move forward and further *explore and experience progress* , of your choice.
Joe's story is my story. Although it is not his fault he internalized a lack of independence, it is his responsibility to do something about it, especially now that he is aware of it. I could cry until suicide because of a lack of role models - I've been praying for role models to guide me ever since childhood. But doing that won't help me. Our ancestors had elders to guide and nurture our young. But now the men of today inherit their father's pains, and the cycle continues. Boys no longer have the guidance of our elders. We only have each other.
Very well put. We don't have the role models as we used to have. It is a good thing we have the internet though. Although, I didn't have the male role models I needed. I was able to fill that gap by listening to men who were good role models online. It was not a conscious thing I did but I am glad I was led down that path.
This has much overlap with what is colloquially known as Victim Mentality. It's not a proper academic or diagnostic term by any means, but the Healthline article about it is pretty good regardless. Often a heavy and nasty overlap with Crab-Bucket Mentality too, for which I'm to find a more academically friendly term.
Well, because your opinion is still important. Even if your thoughts aren't fully concrete yet. We are called to discuss because it is the best way to learn other people's views on the matter.
Being parents have two sides: 1) provide necessity like food, shelter, etc 2) Raise them into a balanced child. Love is some part of it. Some parents just know crazy love and that is all. Kids grow up but unable to be independent. My brother have two children and both unable to finish any education or any skill job. Both 30 and sitting at home for their parents to feed, then end up my parents to feed the whole family. My parents also did the crazy protective love style since my bro was first born. All other kids my parents raise have to fight for their success and living. Everyone have normal life.
My parents were like this unfortunately. I felt like you were talking about me lol. My dad was either out or sleeping and he criticized me very often, borderline abuse. I've been put in position where i can't rely on my father to teach me things and I realised early that my mom even though she wanted to help me, she couldn't teach me how to be a man. Me being ambitios since i was a kid, I went and did it anyway. You have to know that it's okey to mess up, as long as you never quit and Get help. The problem is that now I'm overly confident. I did it on my own, i got promoted at every job, hold a really good position. Got my own apartment and sprouted like a king! :))
I love my mother to death but she was/is overly involved with any problem I have. For a long time I resented it, I could see how her behavior changed my own in this helpless kind of way. As I' m older and slightly more able to stand on my own I understand why she is the way she is(atleast partially) and the feelings of resentment have faded away. The "just let mom do it" aspect isn't completely gone when it comes to things I'd rather not deal with but by choosing to do things for myself that make me uncomfortable or apply pressure I've began to overcome it. I've even took things like that from her life to do for her. How I began to change it: Don't think about it...jump right in to whatever situation or problem needs attention. Turn the negative feelings into pure and neutral energy. Remind yourself constantly that you CAN do it!
2:00 I believe some parents feel the need to compensate for the other parent not being present enough. (I guess that can be good and bad) Other kids might also just be shy and maybe they are glad to have a parent they can trust. People develop different from one another, so does their independence.
It's a general tendency of parents to help their children but they can't be anywhere when they go to school or college. Then they learn to face difficulties. You never know when Time changes. There's no hard and fast rules in life
You can let them vouluntering in many places in different fileds., and than after a year or two they will beome someone else entirety.... Also this is the lifestory of mine. My parents always try to protect me even from small things... I couldn't deal with the world, friends, work, studies... only when I tried to challenge myself I became who I wanted to be
Learned helplessness pretty much sums up most kids in the US today. It is most prevalent when negative situations are construed as systemic by members of marginalized groups. You know the drill.
Unfortunately, in Israel it happends to... I hate those children so much :< In my opinion, every parent needs to learn how to educate thier children well, before evern thinking about having babies.
You see a similar phenomenon in people who were raised by rich and influential parents who use their power and money to get their "children" out of trouble until they are well and truly adults. They never learn to cope with and understand adulthood, and the personal responsibilities that comes with adulthood. They become entitled, adult-looking children with defiancy disorder. They think it's unfair if they are held accountable for what they've done just like everyone else.
My mother learner helplessness as a child. Mother can't or won't do anything for herself. She can't even make up her own mind. She can't cope with any of life's stresses or dramas. She has always gone to bed & left Dad & myself to deal with life dramas, stresses & mishaps. She "cons/manipulates" everyone around her into doing everything for her. Dad worked, cooked & raised 5 kids. He taught me how to do house work & cook. Together Dad & looked after my 4 younger sisters while mother stayed in their bedroom for most of our childhood because she couldn't cope. Mother handed me her 2 month old baby ( my youngest sister) to look after on my 11th Birthday! I became responsible for the baby when I wasn't at school. Mother tried to take me out of school to raise the baby but Dad stopped her. Meanwhile, I became the responsible "adult" in our family at the age of 5 when I started looking after my younger sisters & started helping Dad prepare & cook family meals. I supervised my sisters bath time( washed & dressed them) & supervised their homework & tutored them as the got older. I became responsible for all the housework & helped Dad cook meals & feed the baby. I became responsible for all the outdoor yard work as well when Dad had a heartattack @ age 47. I'm strong, very capable, very adaptable, independent, stubborn, intelligent & can do virtually do any job given to me. I am the exact opposite of Mother. The draw back:- I had a stroke @ age 47. Mother & my sisters couldn't cope with me being 1/2 paralyzed & so very ill so they abandoned me! But 1st Mother had one of her screaming tantrums & said how could I do this to her! They are all in denial & say that I faked my 1st & 2nd stroke & faked my death when my heart stopped!!
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It seem that whatever your mother has carried she was unwilling to deal with herself and projected out her responsibility for others. You are strong and you are of example to your mother how to take personal responsibility. I wish you can forgive her and if she is still not willing to take responsibility for herself, you have a decision to make, do you want to feel obligated to such family member. There is no law that you have to uphold obligation to the members. If you have had enough of demonstrating to her how to make choices you have a right to move on. You don't have any responsibility for the choices your mother has done. To some people, showing love is setting them free by setting yourself free. Of course this requires forgiveness and that you have a higher motivation for making choices than in opposition to your mother.
I've been thinking about this a lot. Parents need to let the kids come to them for help, and while helping them show them solutions for that particular problem the first few times to let it sink in. Then, don't help them with that problem again (certain circumstances, such as injury, when they are unable to solve it don't apply.) (Also, let them experience danger and help recover the wounds; Keeping the child away from it only makes the curiosity stronger and makes danger more likely to come in the first place. It also helps them mentally to know on a physical level what their barriers are. Help your kids, but let them have those learning experiences.) This sets up a mental basis for asking for help with their problems, while leaving them independent enough to eventually figure out their own way without you. It helps (but shouldn't be relied on) to figure out and take cues from them as well to help you know when you're not helping enough or being too helpful.
I've Gained Learned Helplessness from learning I've Gained Learned Helplessness from working at my job and being let go I've Gained Learned Helplessness from talking with my parents I've Gained Learned Helplessness from existing in general Only thing that hasn't made me feel helpless was videogames
For my girls (3, 18 months)if there is anything they can do for themselves, I try to have them do it. It honestly feels like lazy parenting lol but I know it's good for them. Their dishes are where they can get them, clothing is accessible. They wash their dishes, clean up their toys. I ask them a lot of reflective questions (ie how did that make you feel? What are you going to do? Does the room look clean?) and give them lots of choices throughout the day so they feel like they have control. Overall my oldest is pretty swlf-reliant. My youngest is coming along, but still very much a baby.
I see this in the workplace as well. Management wants to improve the work atmosphere and some employees think nothing we can do will change anything in a way that matters due to failed initiatives in the past. I think you can learn helplessness at any stage of life, not just childhood.
I had that too once, i was bullied everytime every school that i feel myself inferior to others, until one day some arrogant bastards abused me and gang up on me by talking sh*t, not by violence. their words hurted me too much and then i got tired. I was so angry very angry about everything happened to my life the helplesness i recieved through all years sparked and something got triggered like a on flip switch. i got to grind and practice a lot, then finally got high achievement goals where some people are impossible to imagine. i got my revenge and now this personality i've created to destroy anyone who sets up against me is now becoming more like me. i was no longer a loser when i learned so many things to achieve that goal. Life is full of choice either you fight or flight no matter the feelings, and God made it all possible thanks to him glory to God, Jesus
I tried for YEARS to help a longtime friend out of their learned helplessness, but they couldn't be talked out of it nor did they follow my example. They were 100% set in their ways and saw me as an irresponsible idiot for being curious about the world and learning/trying new things. I eventually left that friendship because they were seriously bringing me down. You can't help or change these people because they don't see their behavior for what it is and probably never will.
If they're happy with their life, and do exactly what they want, then good for them, of course u did the right thing leaving them... But for the majority, the issue is that we feel like we're not moving, we know it is a problem, and there is something wrong with us, i would just admire someone who does whatever they want, and i would love to follow their exemple as long as their kind, and not rude
This is not exactly correct. You must TEACH your child how to do something and you must do a good job of teaching. Then you step back and allow the child to apply the training. Repetition is the mother of skill. And if your child has trouble, it is 99% of the time, your inability to teach.
Growing up, my dad would always tell me what to do, and what not to do. I was very insecure, even into my adult years. And so this video, yea I can relate to it. Although I am much better now, I still catch myself unsure of my independence and power to choose for myself.
I see this at home, and such learned helplessness crawls into another aspects of life, like career, married life, parenting et cetera and passes over to the next generation. I don't know the solution... But seriously wish one can appear.
A RUclips channel about learned helplessness is a platform that provides information and content on the psychological phenomenon of learned helplessness. It may include explanations of what learned helplessness is, its causes and effects, and strategies for overcoming it. The channel may also feature interviews with experts in the field of psychology, as well as real-life examples and case studies. The goal is to raise awareness about learned helplessness and provide helpful resources for those who may be struggling with it.
Too many appear to be focusing on the wrong aspect, viz. overprotection vs. abuse. The key conclusion from the experiment is that continual abuse that cannot be escaped will lead to a high threshold of pain. We like to think having a high threshold of pain is a good thing, which it can be in the right context & at the right level. However, being able to "tolerate" (more like absorb) huge amounts of pain will lead to distorted & often harmful results. As this is a RUclips comment section, leave triggered comments below 😜:
How do I get rid of this behaviour? Countless times things have been done for me even against my explicit will, and as a result I am affected by learned helplessness.
I like, "returning to the default settings"... You know you can do it, *More importantly, you want to do it* . Like teaching yourself to swim... testing the waters, *experience the progress* and voila. There's no turning back, no regression. You now swim. From there you can only move forward and further *explore and experience progress* , of your choice.
Animal cruelty for government funding and a paycheck to start with. However we can start helping people overcome unnecessary depend ability by introducing into our education system worthwhile human psychology from the start in simply terms. As children progress towards adulthood expand the class work to social interaction, even parenting. Parenting psychology leads to a future of better equiped adults overall. Far to many teenagers windup in the position of parenthood without any knowledge of of the ins and outs. One because they've never had to deal with it, and two we are a society of parents who's valuable time is expended in the increasing employment demands over quality human life, and that's taking parents away from their children in their formative years. This often, and perhaps prevalently creates an over protective response when they are with their children, or an parents that are too exhausted, and time deprived to really give it their best shot. Mind you that here in the USA this has been systematically socially engineered into our society over the past fifty-one years by an increase corporate authoritarianism over government. That has to be addressed in unison with education for both our children in parenting, and socialized parenting welfare classes available in our communities. Some quick thoughts off the top of my head.
I don't know how we can help them. People are unable or unwilling to think about what they think - they seem trapped by whatever they believe and to lack the Will to change their beliefs. Perhaps laziness or cowardice is the primary sin. They lack the ability or the desire to step out of themselves and look at themselves! If they did, they'd be horrified. Perhaps that is what they don't want to see. I don't know - I don't understand it.
I learned helplessness from abusive relationships in adulthood. I’m unlearning it now through therapy with a Psychologist. It’s amazing to claim your own agency! Good luck to anyone else who is trying!
I'm actually dumbfounded that the method the researchers used on the dogs is considered ''okay'' and ''acceptable''. I believe it to be beyond morally wrong and unethical to bring (even temporary) misery to any being just for the purpose of it being beneficial for us. Yes I'm aware that the results might be of great use to us, but that certainly does not justify it. In the comments someone else adressed it, but the replies were met with arguments such as: ''without experimenting on animals a large percentage of the world wouldn't be alive right now''. I hope that people become aware of our selfish mindset and our belief that we are more important that all of nature.
We got to admit it though: A majority of things in life are completely beyond our control. There is no point even trying to imagine otherwise. A REAL winner knows when to not even try playing a rigged game, or quietly quit and leave when he realizes that there is no further point.
Thanks to a healthy amount of learned helplessness, casinos and lotteries NEVER got a cent of my money. Learned helplessness is beneficial when paired with stoicism.
Maybe the best information that I ever encountered related to this concept was a training manual for animals. It explained the simple, but often ignored concept of "you get what you reward". In short, when any behavior occurs, if you reward it, that behavior will recur more easily and frequently. Conversely, if a behavior occurs, and you do not reward it, that behavior will reduce and maybe disappear entirely. That isn't too complex. The tricky part is learning what "reward" means to the receiver, not to you. It might not be obvious. In any case, one of the best behavior modification tools is to reward only positive behavior, giving dogs or children or employees, etc. the incentive to repeat positive behavior and avoid negative behavior. The main weakness of this method is the lack of ability or willingness of the situation manager to give and withhold rewards correctly and consistently.
here's another feeding line... While I need to explore the grocery store before I walk up to the guy stalking shelves, I can't do much. They have weapons, and I have flesh. What do they want me to do? I'm not going to win. I've fought back several times. I will say they waste more of the taxpayers' money. My money goes straight back into the economy. Maybe we should make them pay the VA a very large bill and also give my landlord from Virginia compensation.
I turn 40 this year and I'm still dealing with the after-effects of an overprotective mother. And to this day she STILL thinks she knows what's best for me and chastises me whenever my decisions contradict with what she thinks is the best course of action.
People in authority have abused several of us, too. I already had gone to a self-esteem camp, really for severely abused children, and I would have entered where she did. If you do complain, you will be at a serious disadvantage. They can lie about what you've said, and you can go to where Paris Hilton did. I mean, the way they monitored special ed students in my school is criminal. According to great schools, they're still doing it. It's like, the first step to your recovery is to admit you have a problem. I wasted years in Beetard land.
I completely understand the experiment but I want to cry even seeing an illustration of what the puppies went through, especially the last group. And then for this experiment to translate to us. It’s heartbreaking to see the pain and heartbreaking to know that there is a way out but because of pain/trauma, it’s hard to see to get out.
Join us on www.patreon.com/sprouts to help change education!
PEOPLE ARE LIKE (** LABORATORY RATS. ......,& EXPERIMENTAL DOGS.....
RIGHT
Another thing that can cause "learned helplessness" is teasing or making fun of your children when they make mistakes or don't get something right the first time they do it. That's what happened to me. My dad would make fun of me for not understanding my homework or failing at something. It made me feel like I was defective and couldn't learn. As an adult, I've realized I don't like to try new things for fear of being a failure. I came to this realization in my early 30s and am now trying to correct this mindset, but it's really difficult because it is ingrained in me.
I agree and am glad that you are taking steps to alter your mindset for better :)
But how can we help ourselves?
Hi there, I just want to wish you luck with your journey! Realization and acceptance are already huge steps!
This os so true and sad I hate my dad because of this...
reading this, now i believe that what happened to me is actually quite common
The dogs of the experience were put together, and when the helpless dogs saw other dogs leave, they followed. You can unlearn helplessness
Excellent point
I feel like this should be a pinned comment 😄
This should be a pinned comment! ❤
Dunno, Wikipedia claims:
To change this expectation, experimenters physically picked up the dogs and moved their legs, replicating the actions the dogs would need to take in order to escape from the electrified grid. This had to be done at least twice before the dogs would start willfully jumping over the barrier on their own. In contrast, threats, rewards, and observed demonstrations had no effect on the "helpless" Group 3 dogs
It is true that it's encouraging to be in a group with others. It's not about just seeing it. RUclips videos are ineffective. Learned helplessness is not about: "it's impossible" but "I cannot get myself to do it"
Yes, I am certain that it can be unlearned. But I am also very certain that society does a remarkably poor job when it comes to creating environments where that can happen. I haven't found one.
How?
Growing up, whenever I make a mistake, my parents would scold me so much and sometimes with abuse even if my mistakes can be fixed, all they do is say means things about me and never taught me how to solve my mistake or is there a way to solve it. I just now realized that made me feel everything bad happening to me is unfixable, this lead me to be stagnant for 2 years and caused me severe depression where I just wanted to end it all. I had developed a fear of the unknown. I am now trying to fix my life slowly.
I wish everyone of you to have a good life~
I am so sorry to hear about that but I am glad you're taking matters into your hand. Be there with you :)
Sending you love and prayers ❤❤❤ We wish you a good life too my friend, you deserve it I promise you do!!!
I believe that you can do it. It sucks that something like that happened to you, I'm really sorry.
Please, don't surrender to the external pressure. Trust in yourself, believe that you can do something about your problems.
Not because of others, but for yourself. You don't deserve to feel bad like that, you deserve to feel the best you can as a human being.
If others don't understand you, if they don't believe you, if they don't forgive you, try and do it for yourself. I hope the best for you~
❤we hope and pray you can find the real you inside yourself
Wouldn't it be amazing to have a friend where you can pick a goal and then consistently fail your way to success? An hour a day where you can fail and fail and fail and prepare yourself so you see that failure in a different light while noticing the incremental improvements? Sort of reversing your old habits?
My therapist told me she believes that I suffer from this, so I have been trying to learn more about it. Thanks for this explanation.
The opposite is learned optimism
Now I understand why I do nothing to get myself out of a bad situation. I just accept everything and let myself suffer not knowing that I could actually do something to change the situation.
I know what you mean.
I was like that for years while I was being bashed, beaten, kicked, punched & abused by my husband.
It was in the days when domestic violence was viewed by society & men in particular, as being perfectly normal & okay!!
Something snapped!
I found courage!
I did something to save the life of my children & myself.
I agree!
I hope you can do something about it. Find the power you need with other people you trust.
If you don't have something like that, then trust in yourself, and believe that you can change the game.
I hope the best for you.
@@SparkTFS Thank you.
Me too, the same problem
Learned helplessness can also be taught when children are unable to effect their parents. For example when a child tries to comfort a sad parent or soothe an angry one to no vain.
The child learns that they have to affect on others and the world.
Yes. That sounds plausible
I relate with this I always tried to comfort my mom and she would always tell me her problems but I couldn’t help her and she would say your just a kid 👧🏽 what do you know. So I grew up feeling like I can’t comfort people and yes sometimes I have a victim mentality where I feel like I am not in control of my life.
@@sprouts it is, my own daughter has told me that when i was broken up about the separation from her mom and changes in the house and when she tried to cheer me up, she said it didn't make her feel it had any effect on my happiness( which is did, but it also made that hurt sometimes worse, just being reminded what i was losing) and sent her to a dark place.
it took alot of time and talking to explain why it did work and why i was unable to show it, for MY OWN reasons and that she indeed brought hope to me, i just was in such a dark place i had not idea i had affected her that way.
@@SpinDoc420 its pretty amazing that you have such awareness. Good luck.
@@Brimarieddddddddd weird she remembered you're just a kid only when you offered a solution not when she was sharing with you her adult problems
Is there anything more evil than smiling while electrically shocking puppies?
But it was all for the greater good.. Right?! :P
@@Murunugis I hope no one kills you for the greater good
Yeah, many. Something like sending millions of humans into a gas chamber and killing them while smiling and giving speeches about how great that is sounds far more evil than the above.
@@Murunugis how would u react if they were actual babies instead of dogs?? Would u still say it's for a bigger cause?? Animals also have their own rights. Humans don't own the world.
@@ciciliathaodem1633 well, maybe because of real babies, that's why they choose puppies
I saw a story told by a kindergarten teacher once who illustrated that there were two types of kids; those who had been allowed to fall, and those who hadn't. The first group would take a tumble, spring back up, and keep playing. The second group would straight up fall on their faces without even putting their arms up to brace themselves and would often be hurt far worse than the situation called for because they had never been allowed the opportunity to learn to catch themselves.
I have an 8 month old, so I think about that story a lot.
I'm not sure your story applies to this concept. The tendency to use hands to cushion the fall is pretty disconnected from upbringing. It is a process more akin to sneezing than upbringing (sorry for bad example). Thus, the kids literally falling on their faces are more likely to have been suffering from some neurodevelopmental delays/disorders that were at that time undiagnosed (otherwise the teacher wouldn't have told the story this way). Wishing the best for you and your family 💞
It's a balancing act for sure how involved we should be in helping and protecting our children, but maybe especially when they get a little older. I had a classmate whose parents (mainly mother) helped him get out of every problem he got himself into, and did his school work for him so he didn't have to. When he was caught shoplifting, and later when he was caught by police selling drugs, when he beat his girlfriend up, etc. etc., his mother always believed his tall and impossible tails about why none of it was true, or completely someone else's fault. I'm sure he still, now in his 50ies, is incapable of taking responsibility for his own actions and decisions, or understand that committing crimes is just as illegal for him as it is for everyone else. That's the kind of learned helplessness that tends to stick for the rest of people's lives. If kids are coddled to the point where they never get a chance to mentally and emotionally mature into their physical age, they will never be able to function properly as they reach adulthood. They basically become adult-looking kindergarten kids: "Grown-ups are stupid when they blame me for something I did, because it wasn't my fault that I did it."
So sad!
Where we are lots of kids aren’t allowed to fall, to fail, to learn…
i've seen stories about how a child will cry when they fall only if their parent acts scared/worried, but if the parent starts laughing, the child will laugh too and get back up
my parents never helped me with any kind of petty problems, they would only get involved if it was way to serious for me to handle it. But earlier I thought it was not a good practice because many of my friends were over pampered, I thought that it was always better to be taken care of all the time. But I have experienced exactly what the video speaks about. I am independent, I can take my own decisions, I can travel alone, I can even take care of the house and cook as a 17 year old. I can still almost all the problems that I face in my life. I love it. I just felt like appreciating my parents after watching this video !!!!
Wow! Thank you for sharing :)
💕💕
Well, socratic questions can be a nice way to help without helping. But yeah, turning your child into a successful problem solver is a good goal.
What I needed/need:
- move out
- therapy!
- a healthy relationship that 1. doesn’t enable me 2. still is compassionate.
- I tend to take on leadership roles due to my extensive need for control, but once in it I am faced with actual responsibility.This has been very important to me. It motivates me to keep a pace with my peers and makes me feel accomplished.
- stop saying «I can’t do this because i’m lazy, depressed, bad» etc If I can’t change those things right now, but I need a solution right now, those statements absolves me of agency. Instead asking «What makes this difficult for me and how can I change it?» A positive «you can do this, go girl!» attitude never did anything for me, but an inquisitive and compassionate one helps at least a bit. «Ok, i’m depressed, but I can still do x, y, z, or in this moment let’s pretend i’m not, what would I do?» etc etc.
- Asking (not relying on) someone else for tips/advice for inspiration. No matter how wrong they are, at least I get steadier in my own opinion and it encourages problem solving!
- specifically EMDR therapy
@@mitchellsommer8142It helped my severe anxiety ( which goes hand in hand with my dysfunctional perfectionism.)
I think it helped because it LITERALLY gave me something to focus on, which made me not wander off into tangents and in turn dissociating in sessions. it also exposed me to i suppose an intentionally simulated anxiety attack in the safety of a therapist office. Which made me aware of my anxiety symptoms thus more comfortable in the long run.
It was just an alternative way for me to process my problems. other methods of therapy can give you the same results, but EMDR just felt more tailored to me, more fool-proof as the other methods hadn’t worked so far due to me slithering my way out of things.
I still have anxiety and i always will, but emdr + time have made it much less severe and less frequent.
I hope that answered your question.
As a professor, I usually help my students experiencing learned helplessness by using the following approaches:
1. Encourage students: Provide positive encouragement and support, making them believe they have the ability to overcome challenges. Emphasize the importance of effort and perseverance, demonstrating that success takes time.
2. Enhance self-efficacy: Help students build confidence by setting small, achievable goals. Let them see their progress and successes, gradually increasing their belief in their abilities.
3. Offer strategic guidance: Teach students strategies for tackling challenges, such as time management and effective study methods. Help them understand how to overcome difficulties to achieve their learning objectives.
4. Foster student interest: Understand your students' interests and integrate learning content with their passions to make learning more enjoyable and motivating.
5. Establish strong teacher-student relationships: Make students feel cared for and supported by creating a safe and friendly learning environment, encouraging them to take on challenges and face difficulties.
6. Promote collaborative learning: Encourage students to work together with peers to solve problems. Through collaborative learning, students can learn from and support each other, boosting their self-confidence.
7. Provide resources: Offer learning resources such as tutoring, additional practice, or supplementary materials to help students overcome learning obstacles.
8. Teach students to face failure: Help students understand that failure is part of the learning process. By analyzing the reasons for failure, they can learn from their experiences and be better prepared for future challenges.
These are necessary and excellent solutions.
This topic sends chills through my whole body. Learned helplessness is the tool of monsters.
It’s often the result of lots of love and too little trust…
@Sprouts Or of a narcissistic parent who wants their adult child to stay home forever and be their pseudo-spouse. It's an emotional abuse tactic.
@@SENSEF Not always. My mom was like this and she feels really bad about it now. She grew up neglected so she overcompensated with me. Not everyone is a narcissist. Human beings are not perfect and make mistakes.
@@dianeyoung8130 thx you for this comment.I feel validated.
It can be the result of inescapable circumstances, like poverty.
My mother has been protecting me since I have memories, even to the point to confront my bullies. I didn't notice it for real until I lost my granfather and my grandmother, 2 losses that she coudln't help me with. That made a little hole in my bubble.
I got demolished by reality when I moved to another city for my first job. I started to do things by myself, but couldn't keep up with my PhD. In the end, it worked well, but i ended up with depression, because I knew that my PhD was mediocre at best, but couldn't do anything to change it.
I have been working hard to change my mind, define my real limits, become aware that I am not the genius that my mother told me I was, but that I can work hard to achieve almost anything I want, by myself.
Now I am father of 2 children, and I can see the differences explained in some comments. My first son was very protected, and also very scared, so he didn't fall almost at all; being 3 years old, he tried to be very cautious.
My second son, however, tries to imitate him in everything, and he has hurt himself more than I can remember. Now, he can do almost everything he wants, and if he falls, gets up inmediately and keeps playing. So we're avoiding that overprotection with the first one, let's hope we do it in time.
Thanks for sharing this. Very insightful. Good luck to you and your family.
Much love man. I'm currently studying for my masters, and I realised that I had learned helplessness since by the time I was in secondary school I was bullied mercilessly and my parents stopped interjecting to help with all my issues. While that made secondary school incredibly difficult and harrowing to get through, by the time I was in college I'd started to learn that I could stand up for myself, and get things right and make an actual change in my own life by myself. So I'm doing a lot better for it in uni, however, I'm still a bit behind my peers in that area
I know how difficult parenting is, but it's ok as he will grow up ur elder son will learn things. School teaches experience more than books. Help them right from now onward. Children accept changes better than us. So, now let him fall just like your younger son .
It’s nothing compared to what Tony Fouci was doing to Beagle puppies in the lab 🤬
I've always said that a good parent does 3 things:
1. NOT wrap a child in cotton wool, and allow them to learn themselves.
2. HELP to grow up to be a well adjusted adult by helping and advising where necessary.
3. Be just a LITTLE embarassing. It's importsnt to balance parenting and friendship.
Why am I lost with all of these ugh
I think I have learned helplessness too haha but just mind dumping solutions: I think can start by setting small goals- like one every day and achieving it and slowly pushing yourself to achieve more and see that it is possible to change.
Tiny goals! Like flossing one single teeth. Love that.
Very interesting as an adult you start to analyze your own life And wonder to what degree might you yourself suffer from learned helplessness.
I agree! That inner child work helps
Being around toxic people that sabotage you and trying to control things out of your control does this too, limiting access to toxic people and learning to let go of what we can't control helps.
The 'Story of Joe' - with a little bit of cultural nuance - hits very close to home.
On the off-chance this tidbit of mentioning would help anyone: practise your autonomy. Ability grows with self-dependence, and coming with that is self-control, try not to self-sabotage yourself by relapsing a fixation on your absence of skill; talent; and knowledge.
"You're not who you are now, you are who you're going to be", that's a mantra I trade with people when I exchange ideas. Just try not to hold yourself back.
And for an extremity, I want to mention to those who're feeling that pique of helplessness - I know what you're thinking when pushed too far - there is a way out - there is. There is. There is. It'll hurt, maybe you'll have to crawl through a metaphorical barbwire vent to escape, but there's a world on the other side, that you deserve to see - even if simply. You'll grow, and grow up, and change your mind - soon you'll learn something a little more useful than "I can't do it"; maybe you'll say instead, "I can't do it, yet".
Thanks 🙏
Thank you
Thank you for this! 🤍
When I was a kid, I was introduced to a younger child who didn't know how to play. Her mother didn't allow her to come into contact with dirt, or do loud things, or run, or anything of the sort. When her aunt (who was friends with my dad) brought her over to play with me and my sister, we were confused, because when we asked her "what do you want to play?" she didn't have an answer. I was unwilling to accept that my guest would follow my lead in play, so my sister and I broke down for her what "play" was and how to go about it. After an extensive lesson in what play was, how to play, and what we were and were not allowed to do at our house, she designed a game, and we all played it together.
She grew up into a rather horrible woman, but I will never regret teaching that little girl how to play.
... I honestly feel compelled to ask how horrible, probably out of concern
I work with Special Ed kids and I also coach rock climbing. I usually go through a flow chart: do I think they can do what I ask, do they think they can do what I ask, will this help them gain competence, if they try and succeed I praise them relative to how impressive their accomplishment is, if they try and fail I encourage them to keep trying, if they want to give up I let them but once their in a place where I can explain things to them I will to see if I can convince them they if fact can do what I asked. Most kids grow from this flow chart, some ignore me and would need much more time to build rapport in order to influence.
I've wondered how to define the way I was raised. Ever since childhood, my parent has acted as both a helicopter parent and an invalidating, demeaning person. They put a lot of boundaries around our independent decision making, while also not teaching us how to be independent. As a young adult, I now get belittled for not knowing how to do a certain task. I get told, "what if you didn't have parents to help you?". I can say that my siblings and I are aware of this relationship dynamic and have been little by little trying to unlearn the senses of helplessness. We're pretty independent, but there are still some roots that linger.
I have a word for the opposite of helplessness, and that is Agency. What I mean by agency is the idea that you are able to control some of the elements in your environment, in order to acheive a goal. Key is to know the difference between when your child is in distress, and when your child just wants to play with you a little longer. Also, how bad is the need? Can a child wait two minutes once is a while? I think they can and must learn that sometimes they can wait. As a parent I had to develop the patience to watch my child fail (sounds easy, but it isn't, very hard to watch); They will stumble and hurt themselves, get frustrated and scream, and break things by accident. As a parent, you must have faith that your children are capable of learning things for themselves, through trial and error, copying and experimentation. Your job as a parent is not to control your child into a cettain behaviour, your job is to point your children in the direction that will help then acheive their goals.
I love your idea about agency. I totally agree!
I think that a lot of arrogant people developed their arrogance from the way that they were treated as children, but that it's partly a coping mechanism for insecurity, because they can't live up to their patents expectations.
I wasn't coddled and both of my parents had the approach to let me do my own mistakes and get up again, play with other kids unsupervised and stuff, but I still behave like the dogs so used to suffering that they just can't imagine it any other way.
I believe the explanation is "peer group", because I got bullied relentlessly from a young age on and the experience that nothing I could do, no fighting back, ignoring, no thought-out reaction could stop it for almost a decade made me so used to a state of suffering that I don't even realize how or that I could escape it (+ low self worth). I'm now way too complacent to my own suffering, but not because my parents coddled or abused me.
Lifting weights might make a huge difference for you. It doesn’t just increase confidence by improving your physique; it’s also an antidepressant. You’ll notice a slight difference in the short term and a stronger benefit after six weeks of doing it three times a week. Concentrate on full body exercise and include squats if you have the equipment. Be careful and learn correct technique. The book “Starting Strength” is good.
I think the example of being in an abusive situation that you can't run from for years is a mich better example of learnt helplessness than the one given by you. Life is hard when you feel subjected to all kinds of hard things without escape!
Growing up, my parents were constantly trying to shield me from a lot of things. My mom especially. But one of the things they had taught me early on in life is that it's never too late to learn anything. And this became a foundation for a lot of the core values that I appreciated in myself and others when I grew up. And it helped me through a lot of difficult times. Helped me distinguish who is worth keeping close to me and who should be yeeted out of my life. I think you'd have to get the balance just right.
Failure is not fatal in fact it helps build perseverance. When a child first learns to walk they will stumble and fall....as long as it's not deadly let them. Let them not only fall but learn how to pick themselves up.
It CAN help to build perseverance. It can just as well become a vicious cycle that leads to paralysis if it is connected to deeply negative emotions.
The dog experiment seems to have nothing to do with the human examples.
Yes?
People do horrible things in the name of research.
My mother exploited my fear of the world by allowing her husband to hurt me over and over when I was in the 4th grade. I went through school and adulthood being socially isolated, withdrawal, and afraid of interacting with people, especially boys. At 24, it only stopped when I met healthy friends and my mother told me all kinds of things to prevent me from leaving her. I only have my experience to go by, but learned helplessness is extremely destructive as it can lead to severe psychological issues.
I love and hate how this just described me.
When we are young, things happen to us and we don't have control over them. Ironically, it is then when most patters of our views of the world are formed. As adults, it is our and only our responsibility to attempt to change them.
Tyranny creates helplessness in the society on so many levels and across several generations.
Evangelical Christians are responsible for a lot of it.
In the movies, the cops always come when everything was settled and people was killed.
It's important to teach the kids, and also ourselves to save our own life before others come.
Yes
Not just in the movies. In real life. It is the nature of unexpected events. There is an entire movie on this idea.
It was about an agency like the police who could theoretically see the future and stop crimes before they happen. But if they didn't happen, how exactly do we know they are going to commit a crime? If the crimes never occur because they were "prevented" then how could the person be accused of a crime and be arrested.
In real life though, the police will almost always come after the incident. I don't know why people believe police can save and protect them. They are always people who have never been robbed, attacked or had a crime committed against them. Same learned helplessness idea.
@@VisionaryVicente what’s the movie btw ?
But this really defeat the purpose of protection by cops.
@@thanatosor The movie is called, "Minority Report". At least, that is what came up when I searched. From the description on IMBD it sounds like the movie I am talking about.
There never was protection by police. They are called "law enforcement". They enforce laws. Laws are enforced after the law is broken.
It is one's own duty to protect themselves and their family. No one else is going to do it for you.
Even the police are going to protect themselves before they protect you, as they should. They have their own best interests and safety in mind and you should have your own as well. You shouldn't depend on someone else.
A few years ago I was going through a lot but one day it hit me hard I was on the verge of quitting a good job and leaving my boyfriend, while almost running late for work the air in my tire was so low I thought it was flat and I remember helplessly calling a friend and then asked my mom to put air in my tire because for some reason I panicked and I’m not blaming my parents fully but I realized they taught me to behave like everything was an emergency and like I couldn’t do it on my own. There was this guy putting gas in his car who shook his head and watched me frantically wait for my mom to arrive to place air in my tire to be fair tho I just felt lonely and wanted my moms company that was part of it I had to pretend I d idnt notice the guy being disgusted with me
You should not have felt embarrassed at all. He should have helped instead of being a jerk
I've heard that the learned helplessness was temporary, that after some time the majority did jump over, and also that this only mostly worked with puppies and mature dogs weren't nearly affected as much.
Also one zoologist said that it isn't as much learned helplessness as just returning to default settings we had as very little kids, it makes sense since if the trouble arose and you were very little it would make the most sense to stay out of the way, but then we learn to take care of the matters ourselves, still very interesting
Insightful points. Thanks for sharing.
I guess after all we seek what’s most familiar even if it’s not that healthy.
I like, "returning to the default settings"... You know you can do it, More importantly, you want to do it.
Like teaching yourself to swim... testing the waters, *experience the progress* and voila.
There's no turning back, no regression. You now swim.
From there you can only move forward and further *explore and experience progress* , of your choice.
Joe's story is my story. Although it is not his fault he internalized a lack of independence, it is his responsibility to do something about it, especially now that he is aware of it.
I could cry until suicide because of a lack of role models - I've been praying for role models to guide me ever since childhood. But doing that won't help me.
Our ancestors had elders to guide and nurture our young. But now the men of today inherit their father's pains, and the cycle continues.
Boys no longer have the guidance of our elders. We only have each other.
Very true. Role model matter insanely
Very well put. We don't have the role models as we used to have.
It is a good thing we have the internet though. Although, I didn't have the male role models I needed. I was able to fill that gap by listening to men who were good role models online. It was not a conscious thing I did but I am glad I was led down that path.
This has much overlap with what is colloquially known as Victim Mentality. It's not a proper academic or diagnostic term by any means, but the Healthline article about it is pretty good regardless. Often a heavy and nasty overlap with Crab-Bucket Mentality too, for which I'm to find a more academically friendly term.
Thanks
2:52 I am assuming.....therapy?
Why are you asking us?
Most of us aren't psychiatrists or psychologists.
Well, because your opinion is still important. Even if your thoughts aren't fully concrete yet.
We are called to discuss because it is the best way to learn other people's views on the matter.
I feel soooooo helpless when watching the sad dog😭. It makes me cry.
Sounds like a horrible experiment for the dogs 😢
Everybody has a toxic point in their life or a trauma. Unless we don't conquer our own selves first, we might not be able to move forward in life.
Being parents have two sides: 1) provide necessity like food, shelter, etc 2) Raise them into a balanced child. Love is some part of it. Some parents just know crazy love and that is all. Kids grow up but unable to be independent. My brother have two children and both unable to finish any education or any skill job. Both 30 and sitting at home for their parents to feed, then end up my parents to feed the whole family. My parents also did the crazy protective love style since my bro was first born. All other kids my parents raise have to fight for their success and living. Everyone have normal life.
My parents were like this unfortunately. I felt like you were talking about me lol. My dad was either out or sleeping and he criticized me very often, borderline abuse. I've been put in position where i can't rely on my father to teach me things and I realised early that my mom even though she wanted to help me, she couldn't teach me how to be a man. Me being ambitios since i was a kid, I went and did it anyway.
You have to know that it's okey to mess up, as long as you never quit and Get help.
The problem is that now I'm overly confident. I did it on my own, i got promoted at every job, hold a really good position. Got my own apartment and sprouted like a king! :))
Happy End ☺️
That’s cruel what these two guys did to these innocent puppies
ah yes, the abuse of animals
I love my mother to death but she was/is overly involved with any problem I have. For a long time I resented it, I could see how her behavior changed my own in this helpless kind of way. As I' m older and slightly more able to stand on my own I understand why she is the way she is(atleast partially) and the feelings of resentment have faded away. The "just let mom do it" aspect isn't completely gone when it comes to things I'd rather not deal with but by choosing to do things for myself that make me uncomfortable or apply pressure I've began to overcome it. I've even took things like that from her life to do for her.
How I began to change it: Don't think about it...jump right in to whatever situation or problem needs attention. Turn the negative feelings into pure and neutral energy. Remind yourself constantly that you CAN do it!
2:00 I believe some parents feel the need to compensate for the other parent not being present enough.
(I guess that can be good and bad)
Other kids might also just be shy and maybe they are glad to have a parent they can trust. People develop different from one another, so does their independence.
Electric shocks on dogs nearly killed me😭😭
It's a general tendency of parents to help their children but they can't be anywhere when they go to school or college. Then they learn to face difficulties. You never know when Time changes. There's no hard and fast rules in life
You can let them vouluntering in many places in different fileds., and than after a year or two they will beome someone else entirety.... Also this is the lifestory of mine. My parents always try to protect me even from small things... I couldn't deal with the world, friends, work, studies... only when I tried to challenge myself I became who I wanted to be
Thanks. And glad you made it after all!
Learned helplessness pretty much sums up most kids in the US today. It is most prevalent when negative situations are construed as systemic by members of marginalized groups. You know the drill.
Unfortunately, in Israel it happends to... I hate those children so much :< In my opinion, every parent needs to learn how to educate thier children well, before evern thinking about having babies.
You see a similar phenomenon in people who were raised by rich and influential parents who use their power and money to get their "children" out of trouble until they are well and truly adults. They never learn to cope with and understand adulthood, and the personal responsibilities that comes with adulthood. They become entitled, adult-looking children with defiancy disorder. They think it's unfair if they are held accountable for what they've done just like everyone else.
Yes Karl. I’ve seen lots of that myself
My mother learner helplessness as a child.
Mother can't or won't do anything for herself.
She can't even make up her own mind.
She can't cope with any of life's stresses or dramas. She has always gone to bed & left Dad & myself to deal with life dramas, stresses & mishaps.
She "cons/manipulates" everyone around her into doing everything for her.
Dad worked, cooked & raised 5 kids.
He taught me how to do house work & cook.
Together Dad & looked after my 4 younger sisters while mother stayed in their bedroom for most of our childhood because she couldn't cope.
Mother handed me her 2 month old baby ( my youngest sister) to look after on my 11th Birthday!
I became responsible for the baby when I wasn't at school. Mother tried to take me out of school to raise the baby but Dad stopped her.
Meanwhile,
I became the responsible "adult" in our family at the age of 5 when I started looking after my younger sisters & started helping Dad prepare & cook family meals.
I supervised my sisters bath time( washed & dressed them) & supervised their homework & tutored them as the got older.
I became responsible for all the housework & helped Dad cook meals & feed the baby.
I became responsible for all the outdoor yard work as well when Dad had a heartattack @ age 47.
I'm strong, very capable, very adaptable, independent, stubborn, intelligent & can do virtually do any job given to me.
I am the exact opposite of Mother.
The draw back:- I had a stroke @ age 47.
Mother & my sisters couldn't cope with me being 1/2 paralyzed & so very ill so they abandoned me! But 1st Mother had one of her screaming tantrums & said how could I do this to her!
They are all in denial & say that I faked my 1st & 2nd stroke & faked my death when my heart stopped!!
Holy cow
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It seem that whatever your mother has carried she was unwilling to deal with herself and projected out her responsibility for others.
You are strong and you are of example to your mother how to take personal responsibility.
I wish you can forgive her and if she is still not willing to take responsibility for herself, you have a decision to make, do you want to feel obligated to such family member.
There is no law that you have to uphold obligation to the members.
If you have had enough of demonstrating to her how to make choices you have a right to move on.
You don't have any responsibility for the choices your mother has done. To some people, showing love is setting them free by setting yourself free. Of course this requires forgiveness and that you have a higher motivation for making choices than in opposition to your mother.
Please reach out to someone outside your family
I've been thinking about this a lot. Parents need to let the kids come to them for help, and while helping them show them solutions for that particular problem the first few times to let it sink in. Then, don't help them with that problem again (certain circumstances, such as injury, when they are unable to solve it don't apply.) (Also, let them experience danger and help recover the wounds; Keeping the child away from it only makes the curiosity stronger and makes danger more likely to come in the first place. It also helps them mentally to know on a physical level what their barriers are. Help your kids, but let them have those learning experiences.) This sets up a mental basis for asking for help with their problems, while leaving them independent enough to eventually figure out their own way without you.
It helps (but shouldn't be relied on) to figure out and take cues from them as well to help you know when you're not helping enough or being too helpful.
Good points! Thanks for sharing:)
Wow I feel so sad for the parents who thought they were doing the right things
Yes. They often lack trust and pass that trait on :(
i feel bad for the dogs in cage 3 😢
I've Gained Learned Helplessness from learning
I've Gained Learned Helplessness from working at my job and being let go
I've Gained Learned Helplessness from talking with my parents
I've Gained Learned Helplessness from existing in general
Only thing that hasn't made me feel helpless was videogames
For my girls (3, 18 months)if there is anything they can do for themselves, I try to have them do it. It honestly feels like lazy parenting lol but I know it's good for them. Their dishes are where they can get them, clothing is accessible. They wash their dishes, clean up their toys. I ask them a lot of reflective questions (ie how did that make you feel? What are you going to do? Does the room look clean?) and give them lots of choices throughout the day so they feel like they have control. Overall my oldest is pretty swlf-reliant. My youngest is coming along, but still very much a baby.
I see this in the workplace as well. Management wants to improve the work atmosphere and some employees think nothing we can do will change anything in a way that matters due to failed initiatives in the past. I think you can learn helplessness at any stage of life, not just childhood.
You're right.
I think learned helplessness is why I stayed in the military for so much longer than was emotionally healthy for me
I had that too once, i was bullied everytime every school that i feel myself inferior to others, until one day some arrogant bastards abused me and gang up on me by talking sh*t, not by violence. their words hurted me too much and then i got tired. I was so angry very angry about everything happened to my life the helplesness i recieved through all years sparked and something got triggered like a on flip switch. i got to grind and practice a lot, then finally got high achievement goals where some people are impossible to imagine. i got my revenge and now this personality i've created to destroy anyone who sets up against me is now becoming more like me. i was no longer a loser when i learned so many things to achieve that goal.
Life is full of choice either you fight or flight no matter the feelings, and God made it all possible thanks to him
glory to God, Jesus
I tried for YEARS to help a longtime friend out of their learned helplessness, but they couldn't be talked out of it nor did they follow my example. They were 100% set in their ways and saw me as an irresponsible idiot for being curious about the world and learning/trying new things. I eventually left that friendship because they were seriously bringing me down. You can't help or change these people because they don't see their behavior for what it is and probably never will.
If they're happy with their life, and do exactly what they want, then good for them, of course u did the right thing leaving them...
But for the majority, the issue is that we feel like we're not moving, we know it is a problem, and there is something wrong with us, i would just admire someone who does whatever they want, and i would love to follow their exemple as long as their kind, and not rude
This is not exactly correct. You must TEACH your child how to do something and you must do a good job of teaching. Then you step back and allow the child to apply the training. Repetition is the mother of skill. And if your child has trouble, it is 99% of the time, your inability to teach.
Growing up, my dad would always tell me what to do, and what not to do. I was very insecure, even into my adult years. And so this video, yea I can relate to it. Although I am much better now, I still catch myself unsure of my independence and power to choose for myself.
I feel sorry
I just remember there is always a way out from my problems and I don’t have to rely on myself for solutions.
Its not your responsibility to change these people. Just walk away and choose peace because theyll never change
Completely unless. I was looking for information to overcome learned helplessness
I see this at home, and such learned helplessness crawls into another aspects of life, like career, married life, parenting et cetera and passes over to the next generation. I don't know the solution... But seriously wish one can appear.
Who the hell electroshocks puppies, what kind of Snidley Whiplash mustache twirling evil is this
Animal abuse to define what good parents knew all along. Bravo
Someone report this video
A RUclips channel about learned helplessness is a platform that provides information and content on the psychological phenomenon of learned helplessness. It may include explanations of what learned helplessness is, its causes and effects, and strategies for overcoming it. The channel may also feature interviews with experts in the field of psychology, as well as real-life examples and case studies. The goal is to raise awareness about learned helplessness and provide helpful resources for those who may be struggling with it.
Too many appear to be focusing on the wrong aspect, viz. overprotection vs. abuse. The key conclusion from the experiment is that continual abuse that cannot be escaped will lead to a high threshold of pain. We like to think having a high threshold of pain is a good thing, which it can be in the right context & at the right level. However, being able to "tolerate" (more like absorb) huge amounts of pain will lead to distorted & often harmful results. As this is a RUclips comment section, leave triggered comments below 😜:
I think telling people that they're unable to progress in life because of their skin creates a form of learned helplessness.
How do I get rid of this behaviour? Countless times things have been done for me even against my explicit will, and as a result I am affected by learned helplessness.
I hope you won the lottery of winning good parents
I like, "returning to the default settings"... You know you can do it, *More importantly, you want to do it* .
Like teaching yourself to swim... testing the waters, *experience the progress* and voila.
There's no turning back, no regression. You now swim.
From there you can only move forward and further *explore and experience progress* , of your choice.
I think 1 sentence that really boost me is 'i know i really want this.....to happen'
Basically what plagues current year culture
We should develop critical thinking and problem solving skills
Those men are monsters. U shoulda said that as well
i feel so bad for the dogs 😢❤
Awful way to learn about human behavior, leave animal alone
Nice animation, wonderful voice. And short and exact
Thanks 🙏
I'm no longer seeing a therapist, thank you You Tube.
Thanks
where the fuck was animal rights when this was going on
Animal cruelty for government funding and a paycheck to start with. However we can start helping people overcome unnecessary depend ability by introducing into our education system worthwhile human psychology from the start in simply terms. As children progress towards adulthood expand the class work to social interaction, even parenting. Parenting psychology leads to a future of better equiped adults overall. Far to many teenagers windup in the position of parenthood without any knowledge of of the ins and outs. One because they've never had to deal with it, and two we are a society of parents who's valuable time is expended in the increasing employment demands over quality human life, and that's taking parents away from their children in their formative years. This often, and perhaps prevalently creates an over protective response when they are with their children, or an parents that are too exhausted, and time deprived to really give it their best shot. Mind you that here in the USA this has been systematically socially engineered into our society over the past fifty-one years by an increase corporate authoritarianism over government. That has to be addressed in unison with education for both our children in parenting, and socialized parenting welfare classes available in our communities. Some quick thoughts off the top of my head.
Thanks for sharing these.
I don't know how we can help them. People are unable or unwilling to think about what they think - they seem trapped by whatever they believe and to lack the Will to change their beliefs. Perhaps laziness or cowardice is the primary sin. They lack the ability or the desire to step out of themselves and look at themselves! If they did, they'd be horrified. Perhaps that is what they don't want to see. I don't know - I don't understand it.
I learned helplessness from abusive relationships in adulthood. I’m unlearning it now through therapy with a Psychologist. It’s amazing to claim your own agency! Good luck to anyone else who is trying!
Victim blaming at its finest.
I'm actually dumbfounded that the method the researchers used on the dogs is considered ''okay'' and ''acceptable''. I believe it to be beyond morally wrong and unethical to bring (even temporary) misery to any being just for the purpose of it being beneficial for us. Yes I'm aware that the results might be of great use to us, but that certainly does not justify it. In the comments someone else adressed it, but the replies were met with arguments such as: ''without experimenting on animals a large percentage of the world wouldn't be alive right now''. I hope that people become aware of our selfish mindset and our belief that we are more important that all of nature.
We got to admit it though: A majority of things in life are completely beyond our control. There is no point even trying to imagine otherwise. A REAL winner knows when to not even try playing a rigged game, or quietly quit and leave when he realizes that there is no further point.
Thanks to a healthy amount of learned helplessness, casinos and lotteries NEVER got a cent of my money. Learned helplessness is beneficial when paired with stoicism.
How can we unlearn helplessness??
Maybe the best information that I ever encountered related to this concept was a training manual for animals. It explained the simple, but often ignored concept of "you get what you reward". In short, when any behavior occurs, if you reward it, that behavior will recur more easily and frequently. Conversely, if a behavior occurs, and you do not reward it, that behavior will reduce and maybe disappear entirely. That isn't too complex. The tricky part is learning what "reward" means to the receiver, not to you. It might not be obvious. In any case, one of the best behavior modification tools is to reward only positive behavior, giving dogs or children or employees, etc. the incentive to repeat positive behavior and avoid negative behavior. The main weakness of this method is the lack of ability or willingness of the situation manager to give and withhold rewards correctly and consistently.
CBT helps people to overcome these challenges by helping them to change and modify their previous behaviours and assists them to form healthy options.
You're correct in saying that! CBT can be one of the possible ways.
here's another feeding line... While I need to explore the grocery store before I walk up to the guy stalking shelves, I can't do much. They have weapons, and I have flesh. What do they want me to do? I'm not going to win. I've fought back several times. I will say they waste more of the taxpayers' money. My money goes straight back into the economy. Maybe we should make them pay the VA a very large bill and also give my landlord from Virginia compensation.
I turn 40 this year and I'm still dealing with the after-effects of an overprotective mother. And to this day she STILL thinks she knows what's best for me and chastises me whenever my decisions contradict with what she thinks is the best course of action.
People in authority have abused several of us, too. I already had gone to a self-esteem camp, really for severely abused children, and I would have entered where she did. If you do complain, you will be at a serious disadvantage. They can lie about what you've said, and you can go to where Paris Hilton did. I mean, the way they monitored special ed students in my school is criminal. According to great schools, they're still doing it. It's like, the first step to your recovery is to admit you have a problem. I wasted years in Beetard land.
Isolation can be quite useful to rediscovering our lost creative and industrious side.
I completely understand the experiment but I want to cry even seeing an illustration of what the puppies went through, especially the last group. And then for this experiment to translate to us. It’s heartbreaking to see the pain and heartbreaking to know that there is a way out but because of pain/trauma, it’s hard to see to get out.