True but rember its the system that's broken but yes we need to fix this as studies have proved time and time again that its circumstance that causes this to happen. Julie sounds like a nice kind peraon that was perhaps forced into this unaware that it was bad until it was to late. Perhaps something similar happened to her, she wanted to make a difference and thought this was how. She later learned that this was not some glorious job like in the movies and that often times these people are people and that they needed help they didnt need to go to jail and then you realize that most criminals are not trying to be mean and just trying to live.
@@askalice7222 thx! i've made it a challenge to find the good in everyone and although i might not always succeed i feel like it has helped me have a more positive life
@@msg2364 no im just saying must feel bad to be sold out like that Im not supporting criminals but you know those people have put so much trust in her and finnaly she gets them arrested good job for her but it does feel bad ..
I suspect world with drug dealers would be safer and more trustworthy that with undercover cops like this one. Nobody forces you to take drugs, it's your own responsibility. Of course selling drug for kids should be punished, but most of buyers are self-responsibile adults. They did their job, and deliver her what she asked for, and she did her job and putted them in prison.
@@msg2364 Drug dealers don't sell to kids. That's just an excuse that I hear people say that don't know what the f*** there talking about. These "Vulnerable" people you speak of are grown adults who make there own decisions. How are you going to hold someone else responsible for another adults decision to ingest something? Makes no sense and you have no argument.
Sherry was used to being abused and betrayed. That's why it didn't make her angry and she remembered the one honest thing this woman did. To me trust is way more than something you can build through good communication. Drug dealers don't really trust people, they let people in because its not a business without customers. Real trust is built through what you do, not what you say. I'm not sure if this woman really knows what trust is.
It is trust of a sort, but yeah, not true deep trust. The things she mentions are basically the same things car salesmen (and other types, for that matter, including straight up con-men) use. If anything, knowing these sort of "trust-hacks" is more useful so you can recognize when they're being used against you, rather than using them to manipulate others.
Luc Desnoyers Yeah cause selling poison that kills and destroys families is a lot more righteous than being an undercover cop. Personally I would be ok with dealers being executed once busted.
Lisa Gatt u break laws everyday and don’t know it and most cops don’t know the laws either they shld go back to helping people not trying to prevent things from happening
Lisa Gatt no it is not cops do not know the law if they did they wld be lawyers street cops do not know the law for most part and anybody without a felony or violent offenses can be a cop
I don't get it... You made them trust you -- on false premises, i.e. hiding your identity -- betrayed their trust and arrested them and now you're telling us about trust?
@@arthurwilson4839 the title I have is "What Drug Dealers Taught Me About Trust". I agree that the war is unwinnable. all wars are, because all that partake have lost their "humanity", in the high sense of the word.
This talk should be called ‘ how to use trust to exploit already vulnerable people, caught in the man made problem of drug prohibition possibly driving them toward suicide’...
Think about it though, how many people do Drug dealers kill with their product or with a gun? These people SELL things that they know will make people addicted, come back, and buy until they're broke because they probably need help (therapy, money, someone to talk to, etc). I feel NO pity for these drug dealers other than the fact they chose to walk that path.
Only when they go all out to bust a small time weed dealer, but they totally have my respect for busting crack dealers and the like. They could drop crack dealers on the street for all I care.
@@Commanderhurtz1 wrong. They are fullfilling a market need. If they dont do it, someone else will... Might as well be you to sustain your family. You are only selling products, you are not forcing it down anyone's throats. By the way, you you use that logic then tell me this: alcohol is the number one cause of violence, accidental killings, brutal fights, road accidents, depression, suicide,..etc the list is VERY long. Why aren't the CEO's of these beverage companies also blamed for selling such a dangerous, toxic product? It is worse than some 'drugs'... Hypocrisy...
@@Commanderhurtz1 what if they were just selling weed? No killing or anything like that. Sometime people go through things may not have medical insurance to see a psychiatrist so they self medicate. But alcohol is is legal look how many people died on that
@@PamelaBarnum I'm sure that seems true to you. It is an inescapable conclusion, however, when I see the impact of policing on my community and my society. Being "nice" individually does not exempt individuals from complicity in a system that perpetuates massive harm, values property over human life, shields members from meaningful accountability, and refuses to acknowledge (let alone address) the true root causes of behavior which is counter to the common good. Modern policing in the US is arbitrary, casually violent, petty in its enforcement, and literally founded on a tradition of racial oppression. It values order over justice at an incalculable cost, and betrays the founding values of this country at every conceivable turn. If this view upsets you, perhaps it would be worthwhile to take a serious, open-hearted look at the impact of policing, your motivation for engaging in it, and whether those things are really in alignment. Maybe your energy would be better spent lifting up struggling people.
@@sloaneglover1026 all great points. However, I worked and live in Canada. Our drug laws and policing strategies are vastly different than the US. I'm not suggesting we don't have problems here and that our policing methods are perfect. I'm simply pointing out that they are different and the laws governing undercover work are very different.
One of those TEX clips where the comments actually more insightful than the lecture. Interesting there is a general feeling here that purposely betraying trust for a career is worse than being involved in supply of illegal drugs to consenting adults. Seems like attitudes to the 'war on drugs' have changed...
U used arguably the most powerful psychological and binding things we humans have as a weapon against them, ultimately lessening their trust in other humans. Great inspirational video. U gotta feel good about yourself
Delmar Williams, I am interested in how you think we can help our communities that are complaining about drug dealers and the harm happening in their communities. I don't think undercover work is the only answer, but it is one that works - not perfectly, but it works. I'm curious to hear what your solution is. And yes, I feel good about myself. The dealers I worked with who had addictions were offered rehab and help.
@@PamelaBarnum Just look to other countries that handle their drug addicts and dealers differently. Where you perceive our system as 'what works', but most people with common sense see that mass incarceration and the drug war is a key failure of our society. I'm willing to bet that before you die, you'll see that you were on the wrong side of history. Drugs will become legal. The response to drug selling and using will be different. The results will be better.
Fantastic and compelling insight by Pamela Barnum on the power of "trust", a must watch. Pamela risks her life to help rid the streets of dangerous and destructive drug dealers while at the same time teaching us a powerful and beautiful lesson on the basic but powerful human element of trust.
Ugh. Barely on topic, and even works at cross-purposes to its ostensible purpose. This talk should have been titled, "Betrayal: Strategic Manipulation to Further Your Own Ends".
Yes, I mean this time it's a police officer doing something necessary. But a con artist could give the same talk you know, and a con artist could also use the same talk. No one give Trump this link, well he probably couldn't figure it out anyway assuming he even bothered to watch it, but just in case.
Wwx Ware, it's unfortunate that you write someone off as a bottom shelf person without even knowing them. However, if you ever want to discuss the talk with me, I'm easy to find: I use my real name and picture on RUclips.
@@PamelaBarnum very interesting talk, it was interesting to hear your perspective on how deceiving people to lock them in boxes helps you learn about trust. That was nice of you to take care of her cat, it's unfortunate you couldn't have helped her some other way... the prison system tends to not be the best place for personal development. What if all of the energy you put into deceiving her was used to help understand her perspective or help her realize her potential to change before it got to the point of throwing her in a box where confused and lost souls are judged as hopeless and forgotten by the rest of society... did the lady every physically harm anyone against their will? Or did she only sell drugs. If she actually caused physical harm to people then yes she should be kept away from society but if she was a nice person who just provided drugs to people then I dont understand why she deserves to live in a tiny box for a long time. Of course I dont know the full story and maybe she was a terrible person but I think it would have helped to include that not all drug users and providers are terrible people... some actually care about safety and honesty and compassion (just as do some undercovers) but are lost in a system where it is made very difficult to operate without dishonesty and deception (just like the system you worked for).
@@PamelaBarnum I'm not saying you were wrong for deceiving her because I dont know the full story, perhaps it was necessary to lock her away to reduce suffering of others.. I just felt there were some very big points that could have been added to the talk to help people understand that not all people who use drugs are bad people... and not all people who sell drugs are bad people... it just depends on their values and intentions and if they put drugs and money before peoples safety and livelihood then that is wrong. But if they use drugs responsibly and are safe and compassionate to one another(this is possible... people take prescriptions responsibly and it's possible to take non prescriptions responsibly as well) then I dont see why they should be made to seem like a bad person and locked away. Maybe this lady was awful in every way and if so I'm glad you did your job but if she was locked away just because she was judged and labeled an placed into the stigmatized category of "drug dealer".. I dont think that's right or fair. Who are you to say people cant put a chemical in their body just because the pharmaceutical corporations and legal system decided to make it illegal. I'm not saying that is what you are saying I'm just posing the question. You seem like a very intelligent individual and I dont mesn to mock you in any way I am just providing my perspective and would love to hear yours as well, but a bit more elaborated and addressing many of the questions here that are causing people to make assumptions and judge without being willing to ask for your perspective to be elaborated. I would live to see a talk where you elaborate on some of the questions that are being asked, your perspective is not wrong and I would love to hear what you have to say further, thanks so much for sharing! (:
@@PamelaBarnum I'm not sure about the exact conditions where you work, but the drug war is both a failure in achieving it's goals and a massive drain of funds which could be better used to help addicts and mentally ill people worldwide. You did more harm than good for perpetuating a system which needs to fade away ASAP.
I find her very difficult to like. Not liking how she threw the girl with the cat, under the bus, knowing her life story of abuse and how she ended up in the drug business. Callous, very callous woman.
We can build all the trust we want, but breaking trust is the problem. We don't have a trust problem because we don't know how to build it, we have a trust problem because we're so quick to break it.
Deceiving people who have to sell drugs to eat and did it mostly because they can’t find jobs due to our corrupt society... and proving to them that they were right to not trust or believe life could be different. I’m glad you feel good about yourself.
I think her talk was about judging everyone in the exact opposite nature than what “Julie” taught her. She actually referred herself as “Wonder-woman” and described others as “thing one.” Never related anything back to what she learned with Julie/Sherry etc. She has no empathy, and clearly learned nothing.
yeah, like I get that places like that can smell something fierce and it's sad and unpleasant, but godam she seriously did not have to sound so absolutely insulting when she's giving a talk how listening without judgement is a great way to build trust. The forum to talk like that is when you're doing standup comedy and you're making fun of yourself as much as anyone else in the story.
I have watched this video several times as well as read the comments below. I was initially surprised at my feelings through Pam describing the reality of her relationships and I even found myself feeling empathy through her description of ‘Julie’ and felt myself asking, “Where was her second chance?” I then I also thought to myself, what if I were someone who personally lost a child or relative to a drug related shooting, accidental overdose or the countless others who are stull suffering from the like? Would I still feel empathy knowing that none of those would get a second chance either? Who would I side with then? The truth that never changes is that crime (not just drugs) has always existed and therefore, so has the law. Knowing this, how can you get pissed at one or the other? This was her ‘job’ at the time, which she did declare at the beginning on “how strange it would be learning trust from someone spending a career pretending to someone she was not”, that many others have done and will continue to do. The difference is I’m sure is that not many in the same profession would even have the courage to describe it publicly and so there comes the initial shock value of what Pam said. My takeaways of the a hacks (a.k.a. ‘making use of a tip’ ) on building trust that she noted were ‘active listening’, ‘confidence’ and ‘empathy’ all of which help me establish trust faster when meeting new people and are attributes I need myself when building relationships with others regardless if I was being ‘paid’ to do it or not. Out of respect for all the opinions written on this presentation, ‘active listening’, ‘confidence’ and ‘empathy’ are three attributes that seem to be dwindling in today’s age, never mind experiencing all three together in a single relationship. If someone like Pam can show all three in a situation where she was ‘paid to do it’ in a potentially dangerous environment, then within our lives that we live in, so can we. Something to consider?
An empathetic read that demonstrates a full analysis of the piece. I find it sad and ironic that she's levying friendships for gain; would you view the criminal nature of her victims to justify the means?
Grey Dog, I wish that I had more time to share the entire story involving each person I mentioned in the talk. If I had, I would have shared that each person I interacted with had the option for treatment and rehab. I work in Canada, I'm not sure where you're located. But in Canada reducing the harm caused by drugs is the primary goal - not imprisonment. I got to know each person I worked with during a long-term project and many of them had terrible backgrounds and didn't have a lot of options in life. All of that was taken into account during sentencing. Our goal was to help people have options that didn't involve selling drugs for a living. If you ever want to have a conversation about social justice or drug issues - you know where to find me. I use my real name, pic, and profile info on RUclips.
@@PamelaBarnum quick question for you if you will answer honestly or at all. To get to that position or level of trust you would have been seen multiple times dealing drugs to other people and also doing drugs yourself. My question is this, what makes all that okay for you to do but not anyone else? How I see it is every time you or someone like you does what you all do, you make the problem so much worse than it should have ever been had you all not done it to begin with. You and the others like you have created the drug scene of today and you are making it worse and worse every day by continuing this absurdity that you all claim to be justice. You, not the drug dealers, but YOU, have made the low life drug dealers who and what they are today. Who are you as a person that could possibly take pride in destroying a could be/would be peaceful civilization for paper aka money? Future civilizations will say that was the civilization that destroyed itself out of its greed and entitlement for worthless strips of flattened wood pulp known as paper!!!! My guess is that you will hold tight to your guns that you are right and believe it's for the good of mankind. It is not.
@@PamelaBarnum okay, but you gave not a single word of indication of any of that anywhere in your talk. So there was nothing for anyone to come to a different conclusion. It would have taken literally one single minute to say, for example, exactly what you wrote in this comment. Probably less than one minute. It's unfortunate that you didn't do that, perhaps in the future you should make time to explain that you're not just 'trust hacking' people and calling it 'building trust', b/c that's not trust, that's manipulation, and no one likes people who they think are just manipulating others, regardless if those others are drug dealers or whatever.
I can not imagine how much courage it takes to be in your shoes. You are a beautiful woman and could have been a target for a number of things. It took not only courage but smart thinking on your part to win the trust of your adversaries.
Pam is not only a great story teller but unreal at bringing home a much needed message home. Trust is a thing in this world that is being lost quick. As I read comment I hear the word "Narc" which might be something I said as a teenager but with 4 kids it is people like Pam that put themselves in front of danger to keep my kids safe. Now I see a highly skilled and courageous public servant. This is a crazy unique skill that she possesses and I am highly grateful it was shared. Thanks Pam ! Keep up the great work!!!
I can't imagine everything that you have had to endure in your past career as an uncover cop, but I truly admire you're honesty. In moments when trust plays as a factor in survival and in keeping ourselves and others safe. Thank you so much for sharing your insights and doing well to best protect others. Way to go!!! From one isasister to the next ♡
We all have a history. What I hear in this talk is compassion. In a very tough subject to broach, Pam brings the human element to a tough subject; from her perspective as well as her examples. That is hard to do and takes the utmost in objective perspective. The ultimate outcome of police life is justice. Life is hard for all of us and for people on both sides of this equation. Thankfully there are people gifted and wired in such a way they that they are able to focus their lives and talents in doing their best to make the world a safer and better place. Pam was in a career role and showed us how we can all bring lessons and leanings from our life with us to today. In the encounters she shared with us, there is a deep human interaction. She learned things and she showed us an example of compassion within a tough subject.
I heard no compassion whatsoever. She was disgusted by their living situation, groaned when asked to take care of a cat, called 3 men she just met dogs... her disgust and disdain for those people is obvious.
Your courage is admirable Pam, not all people can do what you did when you were an undercover police. You sacrificed even your own safety just to save a lot of people from being exposed to drugs. You are amazing! Hats off to you!
Trust is valued by different people in different cultures/sub cultures all over the world. How we use trust varies. In personal relationships trust maintains a definition independent of of how we may utilize it elsewhere. Although the core definition of trust is static.....it’s value and purpose is not. However, regardless of who you are or what you do trust holds significant value in each of our lives. The message here in this video is about building trust and how to do so, even if it might not come naturally to your specific circumstance. That’s all. Nothing to get defensive about folks.
I totally agree Pam. We need Trust more now in our world than ever before! In today’s uncertain world, the art of trusting, real communication and empathy are getting lost and we all need to start building those basic human skills again. Thank you Pam! Excellent talk! 2 Thumbs Up!
It is easy to insert yourself into any situation if you truly have a genuine heart for every human on this Earth,we are all people, most are loved by someone, cared about.....and everyone is loved equally by one person....he is our judge, we are not judges, never forget that.
I almost don't believe this. No drug dealers would do one ounce deals straight from their drug house where they are packaging bricks of coke in the back... That is an unreal risk and only happens in movies.
An ounce back then was a lot of money. That’s a huge risk! I can’t imagine the internal dialogue that would have been going through her mind. I think it’s impressive how she was able to do her job, and blend in.
Good point, maybe she was sweeping up the easy targets to work the crime stat numbers, the bigger question of course being who is supplying them the kilo weights? The foot soldiers are ten a penny, jails are overcrowded -the Mr Bigs several levels up the supply chain are much harder to catch and generally years of investigation with no arrests doesn't make good lecture material.
To build trust so quickly is a skill and in these circumstances of life or death. I enjoyed the talk. Trust is so important in our lives, and Pam teaches how important it really is! Well done Pam.
Hmmm I think most people watching this talk (whose title is completely misleading and leaves you with nearly nothing) have now lost trust in TED Talks :p
@@msg2364 Truly controversial, however, you cannot blame people comparing the atrocities of past regimes to the current policing methods where officers say they are just "doing their jobs" to the point of losing their morals, not knowing where within the machine they stand, nor how far their superior's morbid fascination with the drug war goes. A fitting and relevant comparison, if there ever was one to be made between yesterday and today.
@ Pamela Barnum after watching the talk over and over trying each time to learn and listen in an unbiased manner and focus more on the point, I noticed that you are actually very good at what you do. Your speech was confident and you did present very well.
Great presentation Pamela! The skills to be able to build trust are so important and you articulated that very well! Also, Thank You for your service and your efforts in bringing criminals to justice and doing your part in trying to keep drugs off the streets, especially out of the hands of our youth.
Where I come from it's said that two wrongs don't make a right. While I agree that there are people who should be dealt with, I think what people like her are doing is wrong. Fighting fire with fire does nothing but create more fire. Doing stuff like that not only gradually changes your soul and character but also leaves you open to potential repercussions later on down the track but also endangers your family and friends and loved ones. If you think being part of ruining people's lives, even those who are very much in the wrong, will have no risks or downsides, negative effects or consequences, then you are extremely mistaken, miss.
@Glen Spivey yes but regardless of whether or not it affects them it affects someone, quite a lot of someone's. There is no such thing as a free lunch, someone or thing always pays. Bankers and lawyers and pollies are all destined and doomed to death as well, it's always simply a matter of time. I take great comfort in that fact.
@Glen Spivey funny you mention them, b/c they do the same thing Ms. Barnum does/did: create a false sense of trust in people, then betray them...and suffer no consequences while the ones they tricked do.
Great talk! First of all, thank you for your years of service as a law enforcement officer! You had to win the trust of drug dealers in order to do your job and get them off the street, and you selflessly put yourself in great personal danger to do it, in order to protect others. And now, you're able to take the lessons and skills that were necessary for your survival in tough situations and use those skills for good, and share your knowledge and expertise with others. Building trust in any relationship is important, whether it's with family and friends, business, or others you interact with. Thank you for the inspiring message!
I found this Ted talk super insightful and interesting! As Pamela’s stories evolved, I found myself understanding and connecting with what trust means to her and how her hacks can be applied to situations relevant to me. I never will be in a situation where I’m the undercover police office nor the drug dealer, IMO it just baffles me that some people are so quick to judge, quick to believe the drug dealer is the victim, and totally missing the message/point of the talk. What I’ve learnt is.. Trust is essential! The ability to build and maintain trust has its rewards, yes it can be a very powerful & resourceful weapon. I have so much gratitude for your years of service, thank you for putting yourself through those dangerous situations and sharing your wisdom.
Pamela Barnum, those of us that have heard your story, absolutely love you. I remember the first time I was able to be in a room with you and hear you speak, I laughed so hard, Your stories are completely inspiring and life transforming shared with love and humor. I Love that you are transparent and vulnerable and your history is your story, to shine light on others for those who choose to accept a new way of life or even a better way. I cannot imagine the people you have had to cross paths with, although I have been close and I have seen in action, I chose not to participate. Your TedX talk tells of trusttacts and this is so powerful. You are a strong, beautiful, courageous, victorious woman, I am honored to have met you and have learned from you. Trust has been a big challenge for me too. This talk gifts courage and light to have confidence to do it anyway. Sadly the haters are going to hate. Its the way they choose to live. We deserve to have courageous women and men like yourselves to protect us and our families. I do know that hurting people hurt others.Many people have their battles and their battle scars. Its how they choose to react is on them Not you. I continue to pray and shine light on them in their time of darkness. YOU continue to shine and share the news of a better life. I am all in and love it! YOU have the way...stay in the journey. We are in it together.....WIth Gratitude to you and yours and all you do...Shelly
You really gotta feel bad for people who live life daily with so much hate in their heart to even wish someone dead. I'm sorry for all the rude comments. Hurt people, hurt people. Keep being a shining light Pam!!! I can't imagine doing the job you did but it needs to be done. Grateful for strong souls like you!
Definitely the toughest job on the planet. Kudos to you for having the courage and guts to deal with the worst types of criminals in society today. The people you were doing surveillance on would not have ever hesitated to end your life and the fact that you stuck with it to protect the public from these parasites of life speaks volumes to your character Pamela. Deanna and I salute you ❤️💪
So if that she was trained for her whole life... does that mean we can never trust them? Biggest concern: shes so used to betray ppl that she keeps doing it to regulate everyday ppl...
Thanks for sharing your insights on how you learned to quickly build trust in one of the most stressful environments possible. It's always a pleasure hearing you speak! Well done Pam!
How can you not understand or at least see that her message is way less powerful than the real message that she sent the whole time she was talking and that was that she was willing to do anything to manipulate, get her way, get paid and lock people up thinking that she is helping them. She's does not know where to draw the line. You can kind of tell when she even mentions that she gets married to the partner that she was supposed to be just working with. I really think you as a person need to look into this more this is not about trust
Wow Pam I am so thankful for you doing this!! You have no idea how many lives you have saved by putting your life on the line!! I have two beautiful girls and I can't even imagine someone selling drugs to them. So thank you so much for getting them off the streets, and showing us about how to have bravery in our own lives. You are so brave to talk about this!! You are going to help a lot of people☺💖💖
I watched this video hoping I could finally learn a way for not being as scared of humans anymore, and gaining trust in humanity. But in fact, after watching this vid I feel even more scared of this world 😢😓
If I knew you would answer back ,I'd say more than this. At 5:30-6:00 mins into this, you said exactly what millions never get/understand about human behavior,survival,acceptance,because everyone has to stick their ego into something to impress,or stroke their own narcissism,grandiosity with input,and what your saying accelerates the learning of human behavior science so fast and you can acquire wisdom years beyond your supposed ed ability from experience.
This was amazing, Pam. I think it's important to note that this Talk wasn't about deceiving people into trusting them; it was about learning to build trust with people like it was life or death. Because as undercover police officer, you either build trust and get the job done, or you end up getting caught and killed. She isn't saying to be manipulative and deceitful. Anyway, ignore the haters! This was so well-done. I could listen to Pam give keynotes any day!
Vanessa Lancione, I agree that in order for her to stay alive she needed to be manipulative and deceitful and so that's fine, but let's not deceive ourselves as well by referring to it as REAL TRUST. I don't have a problem with her doing what she needed to do to stay alive, nor do I have a problem with her teaching those skills to others. My objection is using the word trust to describe those skills. My profession is helping families build real trust, and I would hate for that to be confused with what she describes here, because it's not the same. REAL TRUST is based on a state of being, whereas what she is describing is a set of skills used to mimic that state of being in order to convince someone. Both can be important and useful, I've used both in my own life, but they are not the same.
I get her point I still don't like what she did. She didnt HAVE to do any of that. She put herself in danger and if she has family she constantly makes them worry about her. When she isn't even helping anyone. Probably doing more harm than good actually.
Lmao. Do you understand the hypocrisy in that. " learning to build trust for deceptive purposes to destroy their lives over substances." This lady is as good as any politician.
Great TEDx talk Pamela! Love that you used personal examples of how you built & refined your trust hack skills while you were in high risk situations & taking down the bad guys. Now, of course, in your case that trust built had to be 'broken' eventually to succeed at putting the drug dealers behind bars BUT what's important is that the skills learned are valuable and can be put to use for GOOD for the rest of us who don't work in such dangerous & unpredictable environments.
This comment resonates with me, I like to think this is one of the reasons it's illegal for the police to provoke a crime where I'm from, asking to buy drugs from a potential drug-dealer is provoking a crime, asking them to show any drugs currently on their person is not.
The whole idea is a lesson learned about the concept of trust building, why people seem to think taking out drug dealers with undercover cops is a bad thing is kind of weird to see in comments especially since that has been going on for like 50 years now
I love this! Cops go through so much every day, and the fact that she could build trusting relationships in a dangerous environment really shows who she is! Love you so much Pam, you’re a great role model for all girls out there, thank you for this ♥️
Pam, thank you for sharing your insights on this important topic. You are such a brave woman and are always growing and learning from everything you do in life. Thank you for being a wonderful example.
Seeing as this is a public forum, and keeping in mind that everyone is entitled to their own opinion of course, I’d like to offer my opinion on Pam’s talk :) I was in the live audience that day, and I loved it! Her talk took a lot of us to a place we never imagined - a place where trust and communication were key factors in survival & if we didn’t have them, who knows what would happen! What’s important here is the message: trust is a powerful weapon, and as a collective society, we are generally losing the skills needed to build and maintain trust ever since smart phones and the like became such a huge deal. So what can we learn? We can remember that we’re all human, and immensely capable of building or destroying relationships between us. Whether you’re an undercover police officer, or cashier at a grocery store, the choice is ours. Thank you Pam for such a great piece on a topic not many have the courage to talk about
An interesting perspective when what she was describing was how to scam. Just follow these steps, people will trust you and then you can betray that trust. The same techniques can be employed whenever you want to exploit someone. Investment scams, romance scams, ponzi schemes and politics at its worst comes to mind.
Wait, so she's explaining how to build trust JUST to screw everyone who believes in you over in the long run?? That's definitely helpful to society. Smh. Wow. I'm so disappointed in Tedtalks.
Interesting to read some of the comments in this thread. I'm grateful for the officers who have risked their own lives to protect myself and my children from criminals. Can't imagine what the world would be like without them. And I can look beyond the necessity of police undercover work to get the real message: be an effective active listener, ask great questions, don't pre-judge people, be confident, etc. Thank you for this interesting lesson and story we don't often hear.
Pat, I thought that telling drug dealers that I was an undercover police officer might have made it tough to do my job ;) I'm sorry that the talk didn't resonate with you.
@@PamelaBarnum I did enjoy the speech but the context doesn't resonate with the person who looks at trust as a two-way street. But we all have jobs to do I thank you for sharing definitely unforgettable.
@@PamelaBarnum didnt resonate with too many Pam...this is a talk on betrayal,,,and what you have to say at the end is lost in translation due to how wonderful you think you are.
I can’t even fathom what going undercover would be like. Emotionally, I know there are very few that could manage it. Building trust in a world that trusts no one is certainly a tough skill to learn. Thank you for sharing the insight. Active listening is becoming less common in our society, and it’s sad how much disconnect it brings. I definitely will do my part to build a trustworthy society. 💖 Great talk!
There are many comments voicing the same spotlight on hypocrisy. How can we build a world of trust - when there are so many out to build fake confidence in our relationships and actively go out of their way to deceive us? Trust no-one stay out of jail.
If you've lost trust in yourself or lost trust in others then learning to trust is a skill. As with all skills it has to be developed. These trust hacks are a great place to begin the skill of building trust with others. If Pam can build trust in the most stressful of situations, then we can certainly build trusting relationships in our lives!!
How do you lose trust in yourself? Lose trust in others I understand; you don't trust yourself? And, in my opinion, building trust with others is not a skill, it's something that occurs, by itself, when you trust someone - it's given, but if you have to learn how to get into someones trust, without them giving it to you.....why?
I enjoyed this talk. Thank you Pam for sharing your story. I especially liked the line "Imagine the ripple effect if each of us worked more toward building trust, instead of shouting that it no longer exists"
i hope your comment's ironic... because (and im not siding with drug dealers here) she was literally paid to systematically abuse and manipulate peoples trust.
Grateful for Officers like Pam who protect our streets. Scary stories of what they have to go through to keep criminals off the street. This talk drives home the utmost need and value in learning the skill of building trust and maintaining it. Great hacks we can all use and apply tomorrow in our own lives. Great presentation Pamela!!
@@msg2364 Very sad that the intention of this talk has been so misconstrued! I think she did an excellent job, as well, and I am grateful for the fact that there are people like her that are willing to put themselves in such horrible situations...for the sake of protecting us!
Thank you for your presentation. It really hit home for me and I would like to add my perspective. You put yourself in dangerous situations to help protect the lives of others. I cannot imagine what “guts” that took along with confidence and everything else you had to do your job including having empathy making sure the cat was taken care of. When a person decides to become criminally active in drugs IMO the trust and betrayal rules change for those enforcing the law...they have to. My 89 year old mother-in-law was brutally murdered - stabbed over 150 times from her neighbour whom she TRUSTED,. This neighbour in turn was robbing her, but she didnt know...and one day decided to break in wanting drug money. Maybe, just maybe if her dealer had been stopped, the trickle down effect would have been, my mother-in-law would still be alive today and the memories of her bloody battered frail body wouldn’t haunt us day in and day out.
To me this was dumbfolding and actually also quite infuriating. What I do not get is how a person being in her right mind can come to the conclusion of being fit to give a TedTalk about trust after having made a living of betraying people.
Love listening to you Pam. From your podcasts , presentations and now TEDtalks, you never cease to amaze me. Ps.. and I didn’t even mention the fantastic book
I'm so thoroughly confused - how are you going to give a Ted talk about cultivating trust and then use your experience of being an undercover narcotics cop who in doing just that (cultivating trust in others) you essentially betrayed that very same trust you're now claiming to endorse? Huh? Clearly she ain't got real friends - a real friend would've mentioned that the story she offers in support of her ultimate point actually betrays it COMPLETELY. At the end, this is a story on how to NOT trust. Great job!
Drug dealers taught me 5 minutes actually means 2 hours
Lmao
Best one I read yet.😂😂🤙
yes :') you've gained my trust my simply string that
CPT, if you catch my drift.
Omg hahahahaha
How Destroying People’s Lives Gave Me a Delusion of Grandeur
lmao yess
Yup
GOLDEN COMMENT LMAO 🤣
Are you talking about the lecturer or the drug dealers?
@@buckthorn7084 what do you think
This woman's talk reminds me of my college papers, nonsensical and in no way related to the thesis
Brilliant!! 🤣
Like most TED talks, I find
Hate college
All I got was that she betrayed the trust of an abused and broken woman who was down the wrong path instead of helping her.
Exactly. :(
this
True but rember its the system that's broken but yes we need to fix this as studies have proved time and time again that its circumstance that causes this to happen. Julie sounds like a nice kind peraon that was perhaps forced into this unaware that it was bad until it was to late. Perhaps something similar happened to her, she wanted to make a difference and thought this was how. She later learned that this was not some glorious job like in the movies and that often times these people are people and that they needed help they didnt need to go to jail and then you realize that most criminals are not trying to be mean and just trying to live.
@@joybreegaming8781 amen to that.
@@askalice7222 thx! i've made it a challenge to find the good in everyone and although i might not always succeed i feel like it has helped me have a more positive life
She didn't teach me a thing other than don't trust the police and watch out for them
They get sneaker every day but still can spot them bitches a mile off if ur smart
@@msg2364 To be fair a lot of people in the comment section agree with him
Lisa Gatt you tha fed$
Right nothing new!
Lol she taught me to look out for anomalies with strippers and bikies to keep in check whos a snitch
How to build trust, betray that trust, and send your friends to prison for life. Great talk.
Michael Deering
Drug dealers destroy lives. They deserve to be executed on site.
@@chrisj197438 not really people choose to use drugs
H B
People choose to sell drugs and profit off the deaths of people.
@@chrisj197438 The Speaker is pretending to be a drug dealer, so would you execute her on site?
Thanks for that.. Saved me some time.
criminals teach her trust and she taught them betrayal
hmm..
Well said.
@@msg2364 no im just saying must feel bad to be sold out like that
Im not supporting criminals but you know those people have put so much trust in her and finnaly she gets them arrested good job for her but it does feel bad ..
@@msg2364 I support self-responsibility and freedom
I suspect world with drug dealers would be safer and more trustworthy that with undercover cops like this one. Nobody forces you to take drugs, it's your own responsibility. Of course selling drug for kids should be punished, but most of buyers are self-responsibile adults.
They did their job, and deliver her what she asked for, and she did her job and putted them in prison.
@@msg2364 Drug dealers don't sell to kids. That's just an excuse that I hear people say that don't know what the f*** there talking about. These "Vulnerable" people you speak of are grown adults who make there own decisions. How are you going to hold someone else responsible for another adults decision to ingest something? Makes no sense and you have no argument.
Sherry was used to being abused and betrayed. That's why it didn't make her angry and she remembered the one honest thing this woman did. To me trust is way more than something you can build through good communication. Drug dealers don't really trust people, they let people in because its not a business without customers. Real trust is built through what you do, not what you say. I'm not sure if this woman really knows what trust is.
It is trust of a sort, but yeah, not true deep trust. The things she mentions are basically the same things car salesmen (and other types, for that matter, including straight up con-men) use. If anything, knowing these sort of "trust-hacks" is more useful so you can recognize when they're being used against you, rather than using them to manipulate others.
Well put
i couldnt said it better. thats the best quote i ever heard. " Real trust is built through what you do, not what you say"
You're the truth Helen your comment brought tears to my eyes
I agree with you
It is my opinion that the drug dealers are probably better human beings that this lady.
Luc Desnoyers
Yeah cause selling poison that kills and destroys families is a lot more righteous than being an undercover cop. Personally I would be ok with dealers being executed once busted.
Well said Luc
Kevin Richards
And I guess a person can die from one drink of alcohol right?
Kevin Richards so what does this person have to do with the sale or distribution of alcohol
@@chrisj197438 *clearly a person that has never used drugs* "my opinion is valid"
My favorite comment section. Everyone intuitively understands what this chick is all about and it has nothing to do with trust.
Hey Pablo, I'm also enjoying it! I'd love your feedback on the talk, I'm easy to find - I use my real name, pic, and profile on RUclips.
look at me in my leather pants...arent i wonderful
Conclusion: Trust a cop and you'll be in trouble.
Shes teaching you how to profile people drug dealers looks like regular people cos they are
The420beni. - Good for you! So now you know.
Yea cops are not ur friend that lie and are allowed to it’s a rigged game
Lisa Gatt u break laws everyday and don’t know it and most cops don’t know the laws either they shld go back to helping people not trying to prevent things from happening
Lisa Gatt no it is not cops do not know the law if they did they wld be lawyers street cops do not know the law for most part and anybody without a felony or violent offenses can be a cop
How to be deceptive and deserve no love from anyone.
I don't get it... You made them trust you -- on false premises, i.e. hiding your identity -- betrayed their trust and arrested them and now you're telling us about trust?
I was thinking exactly the same thing...
its the same in relationships..... those dealers dont force any one to buy. u use your free will god gave u to buy.....
Its all about how to con your way thru life and spot when others are doing it too.
@@arthurwilson4839 the title I have is "What Drug Dealers Taught Me About Trust". I agree that the war is unwinnable. all wars are, because all that partake have lost their "humanity", in the high sense of the word.
cora leibowitz breaking the trust she built doesn't affect her tips for developing that trust.
Betrayal is worse than criminality.
tullygeevagh , dipstick.
@@AnnabelleAstoria Thank you for your constructive comment.
That's ridiculous
Isn't one the other?
Depends on the crime.
This talk should be called ‘ how to use trust to exploit already vulnerable people, caught in the man made problem of drug prohibition possibly driving them toward suicide’...
Taxpayer funded sociopath right here.
Doesn't that apply to most undercovers?
Haha ikr she has things sooooo twisted. She understands deception not trust.
You think she ever ran a sting on the ceo of Starbucks?
Canada funds some pretty wacky people.
@@t.dmobley4050 many undercovers arent near this level of sociopath.
That's exactly what Narcissistic Abusers do with their Targets. Trust is the base... to get Supply, Power and Control!
And there's a lot of narcs in the police force and a lot of them are judges and doctors! Watch out!
So she learned to trust from them and taught them betrayal? I really hoped the talk would have a better ending
really!!
@@arthurwilson4839 we are not parasites,..Pam is
@@Lola-mn9oz you are
I'm so proud to read this comment section. People are red pilled and seeing right through the propaganda. Good on ya!
This made me lose all respect for undercover police. That is a job I would never ever do. It's more immoral than selling drugs, imo
Think about it though, how many people do Drug dealers kill with their product or with a gun? These people SELL things that they know will make people addicted, come back, and buy until they're broke because they probably need help (therapy, money, someone to talk to, etc). I feel NO pity for these drug dealers other than the fact they chose to walk that path.
Batarn not with a gun, they want to protect their business.
Only when they go all out to bust a small time weed dealer, but they totally have my respect for busting crack dealers and the like. They could drop crack dealers on the street for all I care.
@@Commanderhurtz1 wrong. They are fullfilling a market need. If they dont do it, someone else will... Might as well be you to sustain your family. You are only selling products, you are not forcing it down anyone's throats. By the way, you you use that logic then tell me this: alcohol is the number one cause of violence, accidental killings, brutal fights, road accidents, depression, suicide,..etc the list is VERY long. Why aren't the CEO's of these beverage companies also blamed for selling such a dangerous, toxic product? It is worse than some 'drugs'... Hypocrisy...
@@Commanderhurtz1 what if they were just selling weed? No killing or anything like that. Sometime people go through things may not have medical insurance to see a psychiatrist so they self medicate. But alcohol is is legal look how many people died on that
Cop talking about trust. Ok. Only one thing to know about cops, never ever trust them, they always lie.
Like, it's literally their job to lie. ACAB
You must assume all cops lie. It is their job, after all.
@@sloaneglover1026 a bit harsh. We're not all bastards.
@@PamelaBarnum I'm sure that seems true to you. It is an inescapable conclusion, however, when I see the impact of policing on my community and my society. Being "nice" individually does not exempt individuals from complicity in a system that perpetuates massive harm, values property over human life, shields members from meaningful accountability, and refuses to acknowledge (let alone address) the true root causes of behavior which is counter to the common good. Modern policing in the US is arbitrary, casually violent, petty in its enforcement, and literally founded on a tradition of racial oppression. It values order over justice at an incalculable cost, and betrays the founding values of this country at every conceivable turn. If this view upsets you, perhaps it would be worthwhile to take a serious, open-hearted look at the impact of policing, your motivation for engaging in it, and whether those things are really in alignment. Maybe your energy would be better spent lifting up struggling people.
@@sloaneglover1026 all great points. However, I worked and live in Canada. Our drug laws and policing strategies are vastly different than the US. I'm not suggesting we don't have problems here and that our policing methods are perfect. I'm simply pointing out that they are different and the laws governing undercover work are very different.
One of those TEX clips where the comments actually more insightful than the lecture. Interesting there is a general feeling here that purposely betraying trust for a career is worse than being involved in supply of illegal drugs to consenting adults.
Seems like attitudes to the 'war on drugs' have changed...
You think?
Yeah it is. Legalise all drugs
U used arguably the most powerful psychological and binding things we humans have as a weapon against them, ultimately lessening their trust in other humans. Great inspirational video. U gotta feel good about yourself
Delmar Williams, I am interested in how you think we can help our communities that are complaining about drug dealers and the harm happening in their communities. I don't think undercover work is the only answer, but it is one that works - not perfectly, but it works. I'm curious to hear what your solution is. And yes, I feel good about myself. The dealers I worked with who had addictions were offered rehab and help.
@@PamelaBarnum Just look to other countries that handle their drug addicts and dealers differently.
Where you perceive our system as 'what works', but most people with common sense see that mass incarceration and the drug war is a key failure of our society.
I'm willing to bet that before you die, you'll see that you were on the wrong side of history. Drugs will become legal. The response to drug selling and using will be different. The results will be better.
Pamela Barnum The soli
Fantastic and compelling insight by Pamela Barnum on the power of "trust", a must watch. Pamela risks her life to help rid the streets of dangerous and destructive drug dealers while at the same time teaching us a powerful and beautiful lesson on the basic but powerful human element of trust.
Ugh. Barely on topic, and even works at cross-purposes to its ostensible purpose. This talk should have been titled, "Betrayal: Strategic Manipulation to Further Your Own Ends".
cellarseer exactly, spot on.
Agreed
Yes, I mean this time it's a police officer doing something necessary. But a con artist could give the same talk you know, and a con artist could also use the same talk. No one give Trump this link, well he probably couldn't figure it out anyway assuming he even bothered to watch it, but just in case.
she didnt even do that
@@goreglass4847 Do what?
Yeh I am going to take a lesson on trust from someone who made a living from betrayal. What a bottom shelf person.
Wwx Ware, it's unfortunate that you write someone off as a bottom shelf person without even knowing them. However, if you ever want to discuss the talk with me, I'm easy to find: I use my real name and picture on RUclips.
bottom dweller alright!
This is like story time, not a TED talk
@@PamelaBarnum very interesting talk, it was interesting to hear your perspective on how deceiving people to lock them in boxes helps you learn about trust. That was nice of you to take care of her cat, it's unfortunate you couldn't have helped her some other way... the prison system tends to not be the best place for personal development. What if all of the energy you put into deceiving her was used to help understand her perspective or help her realize her potential to change before it got to the point of throwing her in a box where confused and lost souls are judged as hopeless and forgotten by the rest of society... did the lady every physically harm anyone against their will? Or did she only sell drugs. If she actually caused physical harm to people then yes she should be kept away from society but if she was a nice person who just provided drugs to people then I dont understand why she deserves to live in a tiny box for a long time. Of course I dont know the full story and maybe she was a terrible person but I think it would have helped to include that not all drug users and providers are terrible people... some actually care about safety and honesty and compassion (just as do some undercovers) but are lost in a system where it is made very difficult to operate without dishonesty and deception (just like the system you worked for).
@@PamelaBarnum I'm not saying you were wrong for deceiving her because I dont know the full story, perhaps it was necessary to lock her away to reduce suffering of others.. I just felt there were some very big points that could have been added to the talk to help people understand that not all people who use drugs are bad people... and not all people who sell drugs are bad people... it just depends on their values and intentions and if they put drugs and money before peoples safety and livelihood then that is wrong. But if they use drugs responsibly and are safe and compassionate to one another(this is possible... people take prescriptions responsibly and it's possible to take non prescriptions responsibly as well) then I dont see why they should be made to seem like a bad person and locked away. Maybe this lady was awful in every way and if so I'm glad you did your job but if she was locked away just because she was judged and labeled an placed into the stigmatized category of "drug dealer".. I dont think that's right or fair. Who are you to say people cant put a chemical in their body just because the pharmaceutical corporations and legal system decided to make it illegal. I'm not saying that is what you are saying I'm just posing the question. You seem like a very intelligent individual and I dont mesn to mock you in any way I am just providing my perspective and would love to hear yours as well, but a bit more elaborated and addressing many of the questions here that are causing people to make assumptions and judge without being willing to ask for your perspective to be elaborated.
I would live to see a talk where you elaborate on some of the questions that are being asked, your perspective is not wrong and I would love to hear what you have to say further, thanks so much for sharing! (:
She is so proud talking about something she shouod be ashamed of... crazy
Hi Nik, I was actually very proud to be a police officer. I'm still proud of the work I did and the amazing people I worked with.
@@PamelaBarnum very sure that you are
@@PamelaBarnum I'm not sure about the exact conditions where you work, but the drug war is both a failure in achieving it's goals and a massive drain of funds which could be better used to help addicts and mentally ill people worldwide. You did more harm than good for perpetuating a system which needs to fade away ASAP.
Pamela Barnum cause your out of touch with reality
Sounds alot like lisa Hamilton Hamilton Reality tigard oregon.walks both sides of the fence
I find her very difficult to like. Not liking how she threw the girl with the cat, under the bus, knowing her life story of abuse and how she ended up in the drug business. Callous, very callous woman.
The only thing i liked about her was her pants.. but, I don't get it, so how did it end tho?
Did she take the crack cat or not??
@@msg2364 Yeah sure throw her into jail with probably way worse criminals, she will really get the help she needs /s
Just wondering about the cat. What did she do with the cat after she buted her owner? "Trust me - I'll take care of it."
@@fergusmallon1337 she'd probably betray the poor kitty too, left it in the street sumthin like that...
@@msg2364 really Lisa...everywhere man protecting your betrayal sister...
We can build all the trust we want, but breaking trust is the problem. We don't have a trust problem because we don't know how to build it, we have a trust problem because we're so quick to break it.
Deceiving people who have to sell drugs to eat and did it mostly because they can’t find jobs due to our corrupt society... and proving to them that they were right to not trust or believe life could be different. I’m glad you feel good about yourself.
I think her talk was about judging everyone in the exact opposite nature than what “Julie” taught her. She actually referred herself as “Wonder-woman” and described others as “thing one.” Never related anything back to what she learned with Julie/Sherry etc. She has no empathy, and clearly learned nothing.
she has NPD
How judgemental of you
yeah, like I get that places like that can smell something fierce and it's sad and unpleasant, but godam she seriously did not have to sound so absolutely insulting when she's giving a talk how listening without judgement is a great way to build trust. The forum to talk like that is when you're doing standup comedy and you're making fun of yourself as much as anyone else in the story.
How is someone who spend a significant amount of time lying to everyone going to give a talk on how important trust is?!
Cringe-worthy 😂 when the comments section is way more entertaining than the actual video
I pretended to be something I wasn't so trust me
Michael Watkins Freaking hilarious!
Exactly
Kinda like your mom
With friends like that, who need enemies!
Well, now you know not to buy or do your illegal drugs in front of other people. Be proud of your addiction in your room all by yourself.
“Trust” built in and around deception IS manipulative deception.
You've no idea how true this woman's words are.
You were a undercover. Explains Trust. That's a good one.
I have watched this video several times as well as read the comments below. I was initially surprised at my feelings through Pam describing the reality of her relationships and I even found myself feeling empathy through her description of ‘Julie’ and felt myself asking, “Where was her second chance?”
I then I also thought to myself, what if I were someone who personally lost a child or relative to a drug related shooting, accidental overdose or the countless others who are stull suffering from the like? Would I still feel empathy knowing that none of those would get a second chance either? Who would I side with then?
The truth that never changes is that crime (not just drugs) has always existed and therefore, so has the law. Knowing this, how can you get pissed at one or the other?
This was her ‘job’ at the time, which she did declare at the beginning on “how strange it would be learning trust from someone spending a career pretending to someone she was not”, that many others have done and will continue to do. The difference is I’m sure is that not many in the same profession would even have the courage to describe it publicly and so there comes the initial shock value of what Pam said.
My takeaways of the a hacks (a.k.a. ‘making use of a tip’ ) on building trust that she noted were ‘active listening’, ‘confidence’ and ‘empathy’ all of which help me establish trust faster when meeting new people and are attributes I need myself when building relationships with others regardless if I was being ‘paid’ to do it or not.
Out of respect for all the opinions written on this presentation, ‘active listening’, ‘confidence’ and ‘empathy’ are three attributes that seem to be dwindling in today’s age, never mind experiencing all three together in a single relationship.
If someone like Pam can show all three in a situation where she was ‘paid to do it’ in a potentially dangerous environment, then within our lives that we live in, so can we.
Something to consider?
An empathetic read that demonstrates a full analysis of the piece.
I find it sad and ironic that she's levying friendships for gain; would you view the criminal nature of her victims to justify the means?
Was hoping this would be about how she realized she made people's lives worse and be sorry. People like her are lifes lowest.
Grey Dog, I wish that I had more time to share the entire story involving each person I mentioned in the talk. If I had, I would have shared that each person I interacted with had the option for treatment and rehab. I work in Canada, I'm not sure where you're located. But in Canada reducing the harm caused by drugs is the primary goal - not imprisonment. I got to know each person I worked with during a long-term project and many of them had terrible backgrounds and didn't have a lot of options in life. All of that was taken into account during sentencing. Our goal was to help people have options that didn't involve selling drugs for a living. If you ever want to have a conversation about social justice or drug issues - you know where to find me. I use my real name, pic, and profile info on RUclips.
@@PamelaBarnum quick question for you if you will answer honestly or at all. To get to that position or level of trust you would have been seen multiple times dealing drugs to other people and also doing drugs yourself. My question is this, what makes all that okay for you to do but not anyone else? How I see it is every time you or someone like you does what you all do, you make the problem so much worse than it should have ever been had you all not done it to begin with. You and the others like you have created the drug scene of today and you are making it worse and worse every day by continuing this absurdity that you all claim to be justice. You, not the drug dealers, but YOU, have made the low life drug dealers who and what they are today. Who are you as a person that could possibly take pride in destroying a could be/would be peaceful civilization for paper aka money? Future civilizations will say that was the civilization that destroyed itself out of its greed and entitlement for worthless strips of flattened wood pulp known as paper!!!! My guess is that you will hold tight to your guns that you are right and believe it's for the good of mankind. It is not.
@@savitrrakatamatah7256 well said!
@@PamelaBarnum okay, but you gave not a single word of indication of any of that anywhere in your talk. So there was nothing for anyone to come to a different conclusion. It would have taken literally one single minute to say, for example, exactly what you wrote in this comment. Probably less than one minute. It's unfortunate that you didn't do that, perhaps in the future you should make time to explain that you're not just 'trust hacking' people and calling it 'building trust', b/c that's not trust, that's manipulation, and no one likes people who they think are just manipulating others, regardless if those others are drug dealers or whatever.
This is the most useless, disjointed, embarassing tedx talk ive ever seen/heard. What a waste of time.
I can not imagine how much courage it takes to be in your shoes. You are a beautiful woman and could have been a target for a number of things. It took not only courage but smart thinking on your part to win the trust of your adversaries.
I thought her shoes were really nice too.
Lmfao please.....
So.. Never trust anyone, because they could be an undercover cop? Gotcha.
Cenzie's Crazy Corner, sorry if that's what you took from the talk.
Pam is not only a great story teller but unreal at bringing home a much needed message home. Trust is a thing in this world that is being lost quick. As I read comment I hear the word "Narc" which might be something I said as a teenager but with 4 kids it is people like Pam that put themselves in front of danger to keep my kids safe. Now I see a highly skilled and courageous public servant. This is a crazy unique skill that she possesses and I am highly grateful it was shared. Thanks Pam ! Keep up the great work!!!
Totally agree!
I can't imagine everything that you have had to endure in your past career as an uncover cop, but I truly admire you're honesty. In moments when trust plays as a factor in survival and in keeping ourselves and others safe.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights and doing well to best protect others. Way to go!!! From one isasister to the next ♡
Lol protect people from drugs?
Thats funny considering buying drugs is 100% choice if its not a medicine.
We all have a history. What I hear in this talk is
compassion. In a very tough subject to broach, Pam brings the human element to
a tough subject; from her perspective as well as her examples. That is hard to
do and takes the utmost in objective perspective. The ultimate outcome of
police life is justice. Life is hard for all of us and for people on both sides
of this equation. Thankfully there are people gifted and wired in such a way
they that they are able to focus their lives and talents in doing their best to
make the world a safer and better place. Pam was in a career role and showed us
how we can all bring lessons and leanings from our life with us to today. In
the encounters she shared with us, there is a deep human interaction. She
learned things and she showed us an example of compassion within a tough
subject.
I heard no compassion whatsoever. She was disgusted by their living situation, groaned when asked to take care of a cat, called 3 men she just met dogs... her disgust and disdain for those people is obvious.
Compassion?! Before or after she ruins their lives after manipulating them?
Your courage is admirable Pam, not all people can do what you did when you were an undercover police. You sacrificed even your own safety just to save a lot of people from being exposed to drugs. You are amazing! Hats off to you!
Trust is valued by different people in different cultures/sub cultures all over the world.
How we use trust varies.
In personal relationships trust maintains a definition independent of of how we may utilize it elsewhere.
Although the core definition of trust is static.....it’s value and purpose is not.
However, regardless of who you are or what you do trust holds significant value in each of our lives.
The message here in this video is about building trust and how to do so, even if it might not come naturally to your specific circumstance. That’s all. Nothing to get defensive about folks.
Well said, Elizabeth! Thank you!
I totally agree Pam. We need Trust more now in our world than ever before! In today’s uncertain world, the art of trusting, real communication and empathy are getting lost and we all need to start building those basic human skills again. Thank you Pam! Excellent talk! 2 Thumbs Up!
Watching this only increased my trust issues.
It is easy to insert yourself into any situation if you truly have a genuine heart for every human on this Earth,we are all people, most are loved by someone, cared about.....and everyone is loved equally by one person....he is our judge, we are not judges, never forget that.
This is not about "trust", in your case the word "deception" comes to mind. This has to be the most incongruous TedX talks I've ever heard.
They was hired to do the drugs, they did it. Where is the argument?
I almost don't believe this. No drug dealers would do one ounce deals straight from their drug house where they are packaging bricks of coke in the back... That is an unreal risk and only happens in movies.
I'm sure it is an amalgamated story, but either way, I sort of doubt they were following "best practices" being as though they got caught.
An ounce back then was a lot of money. That’s a huge risk! I can’t imagine the internal dialogue that would have been going through her mind. I think it’s impressive how she was able to do her job, and blend in.
@@erikaengel3824 Exactly...I can't even imagine being in that kind of situation.
Lmao yall go buy another teenth, people will catch a play whenever or wherever...
Good point, maybe she was sweeping up the easy targets to work the crime stat numbers, the bigger question of course being who is supplying them the kilo weights? The foot soldiers are ten a penny, jails are overcrowded -the Mr Bigs several levels up the supply chain are much harder to catch and generally years of investigation with no arrests doesn't make good lecture material.
To build trust so quickly is a skill and in these circumstances of life or death. I enjoyed the talk. Trust is so important in our lives, and Pam teaches how important it really is! Well done Pam.
Hmmm I think most people watching this talk (whose title is completely misleading and leaves you with nearly nothing) have now lost trust in TED Talks :p
Ted-x is not TED Talks
Yeah, nazis also "did their jobs" when executing Jews in death camps...
@@msg2364 Truly controversial, however, you cannot blame people comparing the atrocities of past regimes to the current policing methods where officers say they are just "doing their jobs" to the point of losing their morals, not knowing where within the machine they stand, nor how far their superior's morbid fascination with the drug war goes. A fitting and relevant comparison, if there ever was one to be made between yesterday and today.
Rossana Motta, I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm always interested in learning how I can improve.
@@PamelaBarnum One way to improve is to leave the TED talks to rather more insightful people.
@ Pamela Barnum after watching the talk over and over trying each time to learn and listen in an unbiased manner and focus more on the point, I noticed that you are actually very good at what you do. Your speech was confident and you did present very well.
Thank you @BreahJadeDolan. I appreciate that :)
this is what happens when a female officer thinks her "story" is something special. go home girl
@Ali Fares these days XD
Pam is a phenomenal person; I’ve heard her speak at several events that I’ve attended and her stories and sense of humor is on point! ❤️❤️
hilarious
Pam is a moron
Thanks Brody :)
Great presentation Pamela! The skills to be able to build trust are so important and you articulated that very well! Also, Thank You for your service and your efforts in bringing criminals to justice and doing your part in trying to keep drugs off the streets, especially out of the hands of our youth.
I agree!
Where I come from it's said that two wrongs don't make a right. While I agree that there are people who should be dealt with, I think what people like her are doing is wrong. Fighting fire with fire does nothing but create more fire. Doing stuff like that not only gradually changes your soul and character but also leaves you open to potential repercussions later on down the track but also endangers your family and friends and loved ones. If you think being part of ruining people's lives, even those who are very much in the wrong, will have no risks or downsides, negative effects or consequences, then you are extremely mistaken, miss.
@Glen Spivey yes but regardless of whether or not it affects them it affects someone, quite a lot of someone's. There is no such thing as a free lunch, someone or thing always pays. Bankers and lawyers and pollies are all destined and doomed to death as well, it's always simply a matter of time. I take great comfort in that fact.
best posting for this talk.
@Glen Spivey funny you mention them, b/c they do the same thing Ms. Barnum does/did: create a false sense of trust in people, then betray them...and suffer no consequences while the ones they tricked do.
Compelling storytelling of a real world example where building trust is literally life or death. Well done!
Agree! Well done!
Trust????
More like manipulation.
Great talk! First of all, thank you for your years of service as a law enforcement officer! You had to win the trust of drug dealers in order to do your job and get them off the street, and you selflessly put yourself in great personal danger to do it, in order to protect others. And now, you're able to take the lessons and skills that were necessary for your survival in tough situations and use those skills for good, and share your knowledge and expertise with others. Building trust in any relationship is important, whether it's with family and friends, business, or others you interact with. Thank you for the inspiring message!
I don't know about selflessly... She was paid to do the job as well as got great benefits. I'm sure she was promoted after doing what she did also.
I agree, Diane Gold. Thank God for people who are willing do do what she did!
I found this Ted talk super insightful and interesting! As Pamela’s stories evolved, I found myself understanding and connecting with what trust means to her and how her hacks can be applied to situations relevant to me. I never will be in a situation where I’m the undercover police office nor the drug dealer, IMO it just baffles me that some people are so quick to judge, quick to believe the drug dealer is the victim, and totally missing the message/point of the talk. What I’ve learnt is.. Trust is essential! The ability to build and maintain trust has its rewards, yes it can be a very powerful & resourceful weapon. I have so much gratitude for your years of service, thank you for putting yourself through those dangerous situations and sharing your wisdom.
I agree, Jessica Riley! Talk about manipulating the truth...drug dealers are the innocent victims??? Please!
Just a key point in why i will never trust an american woman.
@@cw6644 The speaker is a Canadian woman.
Pamela Barnum, those of us that have heard your story, absolutely love you. I remember the first time I was able to be in a room with you and hear you speak, I laughed so hard, Your stories are completely inspiring and life transforming shared with love and humor. I Love that you are transparent and vulnerable and your history is your story, to shine light on others for those who choose to accept a new way of life or even a better way. I cannot imagine the people you have had to cross paths with, although I have been close and I have seen in action, I chose not to participate. Your TedX talk tells of trusttacts and this is so powerful. You are a strong, beautiful, courageous, victorious woman, I am honored to have met you and have learned from you. Trust has been a big challenge for me too. This talk gifts courage and light to have confidence to do it anyway. Sadly the haters are going to hate. Its the way they choose to live. We deserve to have courageous women and men like yourselves to protect us and our families. I do know that hurting people hurt others.Many people have their battles and their battle scars. Its how they choose to react is on them Not you. I continue to pray and shine light on them in their time of darkness. YOU continue to shine and share the news of a better life. I am all in and love it! YOU have the way...stay in the journey. We are in it together.....WIth Gratitude to you and yours and all you do...Shelly
You really gotta feel bad for people who live life daily with so much hate in their heart to even wish someone dead. I'm sorry for all the rude comments. Hurt people, hurt people. Keep being a shining light Pam!!! I can't imagine doing the job you did but it needs to be done. Grateful for strong souls like you!
Completely agree!!!
Definitely the toughest job on the planet. Kudos to you for having the courage and guts to deal with the worst types of criminals in society today. The people you were doing surveillance on would not have ever hesitated to end your life and the fact that you stuck with it to protect the public from these parasites of life speaks volumes to your character Pamela. Deanna and I salute you ❤️💪
Sounds a little bit psychopathic and she just taught me not to trust strangers.
she is pathetic...had to be taught how to fake trust
So if that she was trained for her whole life... does that mean we can never trust them? Biggest concern: shes so used to betray ppl that she keeps doing it to regulate everyday ppl...
Thanks for sharing your insights on how you learned to quickly build trust in one of the most stressful environments possible. It's always a pleasure hearing you speak! Well done Pam!
Love learning from you Pam. You have given me so much insight on how to implement these trust hacks into my life and business.
How can you not understand or at least see that her message is way less powerful than the real message that she sent the whole time she was talking and that was that she was willing to do anything to manipulate, get her way, get paid and lock people up thinking that she is helping them. She's does not know where to draw the line. You can kind of tell when she even mentions that she gets married to the partner that she was supposed to be just working with. I really think you as a person need to look into this more this is not about trust
I agree with you, Lianne Graymer!
Can someone please explain to me what the trust hacks were so I can implement something, anything, from this talk?
Wow Pam I am so thankful for you doing this!! You have no idea how many lives you have saved by putting your life on the line!! I have two beautiful girls and I can't even imagine someone selling drugs to them. So thank you so much for getting them off the streets, and showing us about how to have bravery in our own lives. You are so brave to talk about this!! You are going to help a lot of people☺💖💖
Remember if some one sold them drugs its cus they went looking lol
I watched this video hoping I could finally learn a way for not being as scared of humans anymore, and gaining trust in humanity. But in fact, after watching this vid I feel even more scared of this world 😢😓
If I knew you would answer back ,I'd say more than this. At 5:30-6:00 mins into this, you said exactly what millions never get/understand about human behavior,survival,acceptance,because everyone has to stick their ego into something to impress,or stroke their own narcissism,grandiosity with input,and what your saying accelerates the learning of human behavior science so fast and you can acquire wisdom years beyond your supposed ed ability from experience.
This was amazing, Pam. I think it's important to note that this Talk wasn't about deceiving people into trusting them; it was about learning to build trust with people like it was life or death. Because as undercover police officer, you either build trust and get the job done, or you end up getting caught and killed. She isn't saying to be manipulative and deceitful. Anyway, ignore the haters! This was so well-done. I could listen to Pam give keynotes any day!
Vanessa Lancione, I agree that in order for her to stay alive she needed to be manipulative and deceitful and so that's fine, but let's not deceive ourselves as well by referring to it as REAL TRUST. I don't have a problem with her doing what she needed to do to stay alive, nor do I have a problem with her teaching those skills to others. My objection is using the word trust to describe those skills. My profession is helping families build real trust, and I would hate for that to be confused with what she describes here, because it's not the same. REAL TRUST is based on a state of being, whereas what she is describing is a set of skills used to mimic that state of being in order to convince someone. Both can be important and useful, I've used both in my own life, but they are not the same.
I get her point I still don't like what she did. She didnt HAVE to do any of that. She put herself in danger and if she has family she constantly makes them worry about her. When she isn't even helping anyone. Probably doing more harm than good actually.
Build trust with people like it's life or death...love it!
Doesn't matter what the talk was about this woman is a terrible person
Lmao. Do you understand the hypocrisy in that. " learning to build trust for deceptive purposes to destroy their lives over substances."
This lady is as good as any politician.
Great TEDx talk Pamela! Love that you used personal examples of how you built & refined your trust hack skills while you were in high risk situations & taking down the bad guys. Now, of course, in your case that trust built had to be 'broken' eventually to succeed at putting the drug dealers behind bars BUT what's important is that the skills learned are valuable and can be put to use for GOOD for the rest of us who don't work in such dangerous & unpredictable environments.
good people dont need to learn trust as a skill...its inherent
Buying drugs is not high risk at all lol
Sacrificing human values in the name of law enforcement. This does more harm to the society than any dealer can.
This comment resonates with me, I like to think this is one of the reasons it's illegal for the police to provoke a crime where I'm from, asking to buy drugs from a potential drug-dealer is provoking a crime, asking them to show any drugs currently on their person is not.
The whole idea is a lesson learned about the concept of trust building, why people seem to think taking out drug dealers with undercover cops is a bad thing is kind of weird to see in comments especially since that has been going on for like 50 years now
Cus liying to gain trust is not how you doit just like liyin a relation ship how that flew over your head is wierder
I love this! Cops go through so much every day, and the fact that she could build trusting relationships in a dangerous environment really shows who she is! Love you so much Pam, you’re a great role model for all girls out there, thank you for this ♥️
I agree! I have no idea how something so positive can be so misunderstood!
Pam, thank you for sharing your insights on this important topic. You are such a brave woman and are always growing and learning from everything you do in life. Thank you for being a wonderful example.
Seeing as this is a public forum, and keeping in mind that everyone is entitled to their own opinion of course, I’d like to offer my opinion on Pam’s talk :)
I was in the live audience that day, and I loved it! Her talk took a lot of us to a place we never imagined - a place where trust and communication were key factors in survival & if we didn’t have them, who knows what would happen!
What’s important here is the message: trust is a powerful weapon, and as a collective society, we are generally losing the skills needed to build and maintain trust ever since smart phones and the like became such a huge deal.
So what can we learn? We can remember that we’re all human, and immensely capable of building or destroying relationships between us. Whether you’re an undercover police officer, or cashier at a grocery store, the choice is ours.
Thank you Pam for such a great piece on a topic not many have the courage to talk about
Jacqueline S thank you for bringing this perspective.
Love this! Thank you for sharing your perspective as an audience member. I really like your take away and totally agree with you.
An interesting perspective when what she was describing was how to scam. Just follow these steps, people will trust you and then you can betray that trust. The same techniques can be employed whenever you want to exploit someone. Investment scams, romance scams, ponzi schemes and politics at its worst comes to mind.
What if youre a drugdealer though?
Never trust anyone! She had to snort so much coke to be undercover it blew her brain out.
Listened to this... taught me... to follow the opposite of everything she said about trust for anyone,...ever. Thanks for the lesson
Wait, so she's explaining how to build trust JUST to screw everyone who believes in you over in the long run?? That's definitely helpful to society. Smh. Wow. I'm so disappointed in Tedtalks.
How can she even say this when she built a bunch of ppls trust just to break it and now all those ppl will never trust anyone again because of her!!
No connection to the title at all. Very good example of attention seeking behavior.
Interesting to read some of the comments in this thread. I'm grateful for the officers who have risked their own lives to protect myself and my children from criminals. Can't imagine what the world would be like without them. And I can look beyond the necessity of police undercover work to get the real message: be an effective active listener, ask great questions, don't pre-judge people, be confident, etc. Thank you for this interesting lesson and story we don't often hear.
Thee worst advice on trust, probably in the history of mankind. Thank you for reminding me why not to trust.
Oh, cry a little bit...
Drug dealers taught me not to trust the police
It's funny to have a speech on trust when you openingly admit to your betrayal of the ones that trusted you. Tisk
Pat, I thought that telling drug dealers that I was an undercover police officer might have made it tough to do my job ;) I'm sorry that the talk didn't resonate with you.
@@PamelaBarnum I did enjoy the speech but the context doesn't resonate with the person who looks at trust as a two-way street. But we all have jobs to do I thank you for sharing definitely unforgettable.
@@PamelaBarnum didnt resonate with too many Pam...this is a talk on betrayal,,,and what you have to say at the end is lost in translation due to how wonderful you think you are.
I can’t even fathom what going undercover would be like. Emotionally, I know there are very few that could manage it. Building trust in a world that trusts no one is certainly a tough skill to learn. Thank you for sharing the insight. Active listening is becoming less common in our society, and it’s sad how much disconnect it brings.
I definitely will do my part to build a trustworthy society. 💖 Great talk!
There are many comments voicing the same spotlight on hypocrisy. How can we build a world of trust - when there are so many out to build fake confidence in our relationships and actively go out of their way to deceive us? Trust no-one stay out of jail.
Wow so incredible, amazing, and funny! Love your honesty and compassion Pam! Keep sharing your stories! This world needs more Pam Barnum!!!
If you've lost trust in yourself or lost trust in others then learning to trust is a skill. As with all skills it has to be developed. These trust hacks are a great place to begin the skill of building trust with others. If Pam can build trust in the most stressful of situations, then we can certainly build trusting relationships in our lives!!
laura lautner Yes! I fully agree with your comment.
How do you lose trust in yourself? Lose trust in others I understand; you don't trust yourself? And, in my opinion, building trust with others is not a skill, it's something that occurs, by itself, when you trust someone - it's given, but if you have to learn how to get into someones trust, without them giving it to you.....why?
I enjoyed this talk. Thank you Pam for sharing your story. I especially liked the line "Imagine the ripple effect if each of us worked more toward building trust, instead of shouting that it no longer exists"
i hope your comment's ironic... because (and im not siding with drug dealers here) she was literally paid to systematically abuse and manipulate peoples trust.
Very interesting talk. Thanks so much.
I always appreciate your insight, and how we can apply it to every day life
Grateful for Officers like Pam who protect our streets. Scary stories of what they have to go through to keep criminals off the street. This talk drives home the utmost need and value in learning the skill of building trust and maintaining it. Great hacks we can all use and apply tomorrow in our own lives. Great presentation Pamela!!
@@msg2364 Very sad that the intention of this talk has been so misconstrued! I think she did an excellent job, as well, and I am grateful for the fact that there are people like her that are willing to put themselves in such horrible situations...for the sake of protecting us!
Thank you for your presentation. It really hit home for me and I would like to add my perspective. You put yourself in dangerous situations to help protect the lives of others. I cannot imagine what “guts” that took along with confidence and everything else you had to do your job including having empathy making sure the cat was taken care of. When a person decides to become criminally active in drugs IMO the trust and betrayal rules change for those enforcing the law...they have to. My 89 year old mother-in-law was brutally murdered - stabbed over 150 times from her neighbour whom she TRUSTED,. This neighbour in turn was robbing her, but she didnt know...and one day decided to break in wanting drug money. Maybe, just maybe if her dealer had been stopped, the trickle down effect would have been, my mother-in-law would still be alive today and the memories of her bloody battered frail body wouldn’t haunt us day in and day out.
Thank you for sharing...I cannot even believe the other comments being made here!
To me this was dumbfolding and actually also quite infuriating. What I do not get is how a person being in her right mind can come to the conclusion of being fit to give a TedTalk about trust after having made a living of betraying people.
100% agreed
Love listening to you Pam. From your podcasts , presentations and now TEDtalks, you never cease to amaze me. Ps.. and I didn’t even mention the fantastic book
The commen😢taught me a better lesson than the video . I was eager to learn about this topic until I started reading the comments.
Sometime staying undercover is good. The world is small and u never know who will come up to you and ask: u remember me?
Lets hope they do
I thinks its supposed to be "u remember me b*tch?"
I'm so thoroughly confused - how are you going to give a Ted talk about cultivating trust and then use your experience of being an undercover narcotics cop who in doing just that (cultivating trust in others) you essentially betrayed that very same trust you're now claiming to endorse? Huh? Clearly she ain't got real friends - a real friend would've mentioned that the story she offers in support of her ultimate point actually betrays it COMPLETELY. At the end, this is a story on how to NOT trust. Great job!