Working with you on this channel and becoming a better friend with you over the year and been an absolute delight. Seriously. You've been a part of my daily routine, watching your videos and streams, and everything since like... middle school? I'm an adult now and making videos on the internet after following you in your footsteps. I owe a great deal of my career, sense of humor, and morals to you. I don't really know how to thank you for that. But I do thank you. I know 2019 was a very tough year for you, but I'm so glad you got to cap it off in Ireland with Lin and welcome the new decade with some brightness. Here's hoping for many more years of that brightness.
I miss you being involved in the nlss crew. I definitely see what you mean by the comedy moving in a different direction. However I still think there is room for your personality. Dare I say that a quieter more intellectual angle is missing from that content. I know you feel that you are too far removed and it is too awkward to jump back in. If/when you're ready, I genuinely believe that you would receive a warm welcome back to the nlss and related streams. Your solo content is different but also entertaining. You playing through games you enjoy in 15-20 minute parts is very attractive to watch for me personally. I miss you being active on RUclips. When you feel up, please know that you can build this back up. You have a very loyal fan base. I suffer from a lot of the same problems mentally as you (or similar, I don't want to assume I know what's happening in your mind) and I isolate myself from the people I have relationships with. I know what it's like to look up and realize that no one really wants to check in with you other than your few key people. I hope you can rebuild the friendships with your previous online friends. All it takes is a message. Sometimes you have to put aside a value you believe in passionately just to keep that friendship going. You can rebuild all of these things nick. I really appreciate you telling us what is happening in terms of your absence in these communities. The reason why people ask you about it is because you left a gap that only you could fill in these streams. Please know your value in that. When you're ready I really hope everyone gets along and tries again because we all want to see you fill that hole you left. Thank you for this update. My wife and I both agree that we feel unfinished and chaotic when thinking about how we miss you in the communities you used to play such a big part in. You are very talented and you have built so much with your online presence. Very inspiring as I'm bulidng my own RUclips channel now. One video so far and 16 views. I have a long way to go lol! Please don't give up man. Sorry for rambling. Thanks again!
Honestly depression tends to do that, you push your friends away and it sucks. It's also difficult to stop your brain from being like, okay, calm down a bit, not everyone hates you, you should need to remind yourself that but it's not always easy, I struggle with this daily. I've been watching Ryan since 2012, I've watched the NLSS since very early on, Nick is great, and if he came back, people would be happy, hate always happens as a streamer, but there's a lot of love too, I feel for Nick a lot
I definitely group myself with this man, Nick you brought so much to the NLSS that you might not even realize, in fact when I think of the NLSS even to this day you were just as important as Ryan is to the show and in my mind, no one can change that. I feel I don't need to reiterate since everything I feel has already been said for me. So just know there are more of us who are keen to see you again no matter what it is you do, I truly do hope you find your way and are comfortable with where you will be at, whether that be back in the NLSS or paving a new way for yourself that I believe you are more than capable of doing. Big hearts from a fan
Hey man, you may not remember me but a while back you raided me while I was playing isaac at 2 in the morning and still to this day it's the most viewers I've ever had. Still thankful for that, appreciate it man!
I'm normally a lurker, but i've been a fan of yours since 2013/14. Mostly as a viewer from the NLSS. I know I speak for a lot of people when I say this, I love you dude, and I miss you even more. I know what it feels like to have that constant thought on your mind "What if I do X and I get ridiculed for it. What if I say X and it doesn't go down well.", trying to ignore the thought but it always lingers in the back of your mind. It sucks. But you will get through it, I can tell the trip to Ireland really helped you. I hope that one day you can talk to Ryan and try and smooth things over, I hope you can end up talking with the rest of the guys again. I hope you end up picking days where you'll come on the show (even if it's only for a segment or two). The show has been a lot different without you. It's lost that special "Nick added quality" That we all loved. You're extremely awesome dude, no matter what you do, as long as it makes you happy, then do it. I'm also really happy you enjoyed Ireland! As a person who lives there (though not anywhere near Dublin), it makes me really happy knowing that one of my favourite people on this Platform loves it.
I third this. Been a fan since the NLSS Dark Souls 1 days. With or without them I still enjoy what you do. My 2019 was hard too but we find our own way to keep going. Keep going, man. And keep bringing joy as you do. 🌈
What exactly happened w/ the nlss? I noticed at one point that something big had happened and he wasn't on the show anymore, but I never heard what happened except that nobody was talking about it.
@@TeHPHoBoS999 This is my interpretation, take it with a grain of salt - From what I can tell, basically, nick just decided he didn't want to do it for a while, that he needed to focus on himself and his own twitch, and so he decided to take a break from the NLSS, but he didn't do it well, and basically left NL without saying why, which strained their relationship.
@@Arkouchie Ahh. It was pretty easy to tell after a point that he wasn't feeling very happy on the nlss, but I wasn't sure if it was just that or more.
Hey ya'll btw, I'm the editor of some of the videos on this channel. We are going to have some videos up real soon. Let's start this new year right, yeah? Going to be working all night on thumbnails and videos for ya'll. Let's do this.
@@rockleesmile I still have Layers of Fear 2 and Devil May Cry that we didn't end up doing. We can start there and get Death Stranding out when you're able to upload that footage! Don't worry about any payment, I just want to help.
In a more serious comment, I hope you're able to mend fences with your friends. While I would love to see you on the NLSS again, maybe it's not in the cards. Maybe see if they're just interested in squading up for a multiplayer indie game or two.
I honestly don't know the specifics of why Nick left (other than what he just said in this video), but I've been hoping that Ryan's recent changes in content would somehow create an opening for the two of them to work together again, NLSS or otherwise.
Baer, Malf and Josh were jerks to him. So was Cobalt, NL pretends he doesn't exist. He doesn't need to make up with them, they need to make up with him.
@@pulse1001 You do know why their patience was short with Nick right? He would always air his dirty laundry on reddit or his twitch and didn't keep it private. He hated the direction the NLSS was taking because it was becoming more of a business, almost as if the other members were trying to grow their income for their families. If somehow everyone around you is a jerk, maybe you're the jerk?
re: the shift in NLSS humour. As a viewer I totally noticed a shift, which was why it was so devastating to see you leave when you did, as it felt like there was no longer a counterpoint to the direction the NLSS was going. Finding out about the personal/family issues made it understandable why you left when you did though. Do want to reiterate that it has always felt like you were a core contributing part to the NLSS. That the tone and humour was set primarily between you, Ryan, and to a lesser extent Josh (if only because he wasn't there as often) and was what made the NLSS special for me, and that I appreciate your part in that. Every one else only jived so well because they were riffing off of that core. Take care of yourself, and hopefully once you're in a better place, things will look better and the prospect of mending those relations won't look so daunting. While I still kinda low-key hope for a return to NLSS, but even if thats not in the cards, kinda hope you get to a point where you can mend those fences and just drop in for a game or two every now and then. But one day at a time. Take care dude.
With regards to an Indie Impressions patreon: Ignore me if you know about this already, but I know that there's some way of setting it to get payments by output rather than by time, i.e. x dollars per video instead of y dollars per month. I don't know the details of how that would work, or if you would like that system better anyway, but I thought I'd share since I know I absolutely would pay for more Indie Impressions.
You continue to be one of the kindest and most genuine individuals I've had the pleasure of meeting. I'm glad you're able to talk about these things openly and that you were able to cap off 2019 with such an awesome trip. Lin seems like such a wonderfully supportive person and I'm glad you two found each other! Here's to a less stressful 2020!
Hey Nick, First off all, it's really good to hear from you! I think it is really brave of you to come forward with this video, talking about your state of being. I know from experience how unbelievably hard it is to share the full extend of the negative emotions that can plague the mind, and how that can be difficult on friendships or maintaining bonds. I'm 21 now and have not been deep in the NLSS crowd for a couple of years now. My interests kinda naturally grew away to other things, even though I do still sometimes come back to catch a VOD or watch an Isaac episode of Ryan's. But during my teenage years when I was a loner kid in middle school, who'd spent most of his day behind the computer, the NLSS was something I ALWAYS looked forward to. And Nick, you were a huge part in that life I lived. Back in the day (all the way when Dark Souls was the standard first hour), when it was you, Ryan & Josh - the triumvirate of goofballs (and the occasional cameo of MichaelALfox). You guys always made me laugh, through the good times and the bad. Even when I saw the NLSS growing bigger and more guest-hosts slowly becoming full-fledged members, none of them could capture the spirit that you had. To me, you always stood out; while the other co-hosts were (and still are) totally golden, you were like a diamond. I want to stress that what I just said is NOT meant as me trying/expecting to get you back on the show or me holding a grudge that you left. I completely understand where you're at in terms of not being able to come back. I said what I said, because I wanted you to know that I will ALWAYS cherish the memories of you on the show (and also your channel at the time). And even though I might not come back for a long while, I will always love you for the entertainment you've given me over so many years. (Of course, if you ever were to mend bonds and come back I would welcome you with open arms!) I obviously can't speak for everyone, but at the very least I can speak from my own heart. I wish you so much luck this year (and the years to come). I hope you find your strength, your energy, your place and your self-love. I don't know how far my words will reach you, because I know how hard it is to get genuine words of love & kindness like these through the thick haze of depression. I love you Nick, for everything you've done, and I hope you stay strong.
Hi Nick. Long time lurker, watched you mostly through the NLSS since the very beginning (yep, all the way back to 2013, baby!). You said at the end you want to create better videos, but I think this is one of your best one to date. It's honest, forthright, respectful (of yourself and others), it acknowledges your own shortcomings (with lucidity), it shows you care about yourself, your friends (even if estranged) and your community. But most importantly, you talk openly about mental issues, helping to break the stigma surrounding those type of problems. It takes a really strong person to do all of those things, my friend. Wishing you all the best for 2020. Cheers!
I thought for a while about the various things I’d want to say whenever you uploaded a video again, but in reality I’m just so happy to see you’re still around.
I got into the NLSS when you were a part of it and it felt like you and Ryan were the integral components to me. I have some very fond memories of watching Spy Party, Getting Over It, Ultimate Chicken Horse, etc. I always enjoyed the Roundtable Podcast with you too. I've fallen off watching it since you left, although I still love NL. Anyways, long story short you were an important aspect of the show to me and I miss you in it. I hope your 2020 is better for you man.
To be honest, I sorta stopped watching the NLSS when you stopped appearing on it. It always felt like "The Ryan and Nick Show featuring guests" to me. No offense to the other guys. Whether or not you appear on the show again, or whether or not you ever upload another youtube video at all, I'm glad to hear that you're on a healthier path and I wish nothing but the best for you.
I watched the NLSS religiously back when it was the all Star line up Ryan Nick and josh but now I'll occasionally pop in when Dan with them the whole dynamic of NLSS now is meh imo
I’m sorry to hear about your mother Nick. When I was in seventh grade, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was lucky enough that I had you and the NLSS to keep me distracted with positive content and silly jellies and such. You guys had a profound impact on me during that time and you in particular made the whole situation much better for me. I also feel like, since I had your example when I was younger, I have been much more open to talking about mental health and such. I am a college freshman now and my mom is still kicking ass, I hope you can be as fortune as I have been with your mothers health, and I hope that knowing that you helped relieve some of that stress in my life makes you feel better.
I know im late but i just found this today, I want to say I really have a ton of respect for you. Thank you for being open an honest about these things as someone who also suffers from severe anxiety it cant be understated how brave this is. The Goofball Goals/Dark Souls days will always be my happy place, and you play such a big part in that thank you. I genuinely wish you luck in trying to figure out your new path going forward. I love you Nick
From some random person who you don't know a thing about, I just want to say thank you. Genuinely, thank you, and I'm happy to hear from you. Take care man.
ive had depression with a drunk issue, or the otherway around, since a couple years now. the depression has been there long before i had the ability to buy alcohol and develop alcoholism. since you made the upload of "the beginners guide" in 2015, i might have watched it every month. maybe not to its fullest and mayhaps not literally every month, but... a lot. there are many, many lines in that game that brings my depression to tears. to be so emotional that i just forcefully break down. no matter on a good day or a bad, if i watch your video i always break down. and... after that... i am myself again. i can have happy again. i can skip the bottle. i can create a genuine smile. it kinda feels like a reset button. "you cant talk yourself out of loneliness." "i just want to know everything is going to be okeay" since 2015 a lot has happend. for both of us. from your own perspective for yourself the most. and that counts for both of us. and thats okeay. i am not a drunk anymore. and i quit smoking. and i quit school. and as a 25 year old i drive newspapers. but i actively started to make an effort to live. for the first time since i was a teenager. and somehow, i do believe, since that upload in 2015, you are responsible for my happiness. so nick. thank you. i cant express how much. but in words, over the internet: thank you
I hope that one day I can manage to make that step too. I've kinda just been drifting for the past 6 years, not really unhappy but not happy either. Doing nothing with my life, feeling worthless half the time.
Hey nick, it's been a while since I looked you up to see how you're doing nowadays. I still miss you being on the nlss. I enjoyed the personality you brought to the show. I feel like it's not the same without you, but I understand that not everything works out. I listened to this entire video and feel like I strongly relate to, and agree with, everything you said and the feelings you feel in regard to depression and anxiety. I hope things get better for all of us. I actually am going to subscribe because of this video. Be happy lil nek.
As someone who's diagnosed as schizoaffective and has had anywhere from bizarre times of extroversion and even more bizarre times of complete isolation, it's good to hear someone with anxiety and depression enjoying some happy times with their significant other. I remember the vlogs you used to put out traveling around and I don't know...it's just nice to see and hear! ☺️ It does get better then worse then better then...you know the drill. But the ups are always worth waiting for. I think when someone is suffering from a mental illness, we always say regrettable things at some point (even if there's some truth to them they just seem to come out wrong) and then we continue to beat ourselves up about how we did what we did. I alienated myself from my friends as well. It was like a snowball of me doing or saying something while having a depressive episode and then just having too much ego or guilt to come back around, even when there was an opening for me and I would truly be welcomed back had I chosen to. I can see that clearly only now, years later. And I fell into that crawl into bed as much as possible cycle where I definitely would ignore my basic needs for as long as possible too. Got so bad my muscles wasted since I was barely moving or eating. The overlapping thoughts of judgment from others and worries is just as real as if someone were sitting next to you and really saying those things. It's tough. Thanks for mentioning it out loud because it's one of those things that can become such a great point of shame since it's so rarely mentioned as a thing that can happen, as you said. The thing I found that helped me was actually an online coach. Not a life coach, but a coach who checked up on me everyday for my daily goal of writing. I went from nothing to a first draft of a novel in a few months. Just having that person there and achieving a set goal everyday (or being comforted and reminded that everyone fails sometimes and that doesn't make me worthless, then pushed forward when I didn't reach it) made me feel MILES better about myself. It cut back on my self hatred more than any medication or interaction ever did. I personally stopped paying attention to politics for the most part and push myself to detach from it at the end of the day. It made me feel so angry and helpless all the time, didn't matter which "side" I viewed it from. I kind of dip my toe back in when I feel stable enough then pull out before I get too serious about it. Just what worked for me personally. Your friends probably still care about you deeply and most likely aren't still upset with you or unwilling to be close again, whether you'd believe that or not. We get so stuck in thinking we're not valuable or worthy of other people's care or forgiveness, but that's not true and I know that because we wouldn't say that to or believe the same about anyone other than ourselves right? Many mistakes can truly be rectified, no matter how shitty we may feel they were. It might not be in a magical perfect way, but I really hope things can mend for you in the way closest to what you desire. Anyway, it was nice to view this video Nick. Yes, you were worth listening to for forty minutes. Much love to you and yours. 💜 Also... *GOLD!* 😊
Good to see you Nick, I'm sorry you've had a tough year. Most people would be hardcore struggling under the stress of physical/mental health issues and family illness, those are all really tough things to deal with, even separately. It's truly no small feat and it takes a lot of strength to pull through that. I'm glad you have Lin around to support you and I wish you good health and happiness in the upcoming year :).
You mentioned that part of what made Indie Impressions work so well was that it was timely and daily, but I want to add to that that one thing I greatly appreciate about it (and about similar weird-games content from you) is that, on youtube, there's such a large body of it. I didn't know about this channel in the days when indie impressions were coming out, but once I found it I had a great time looking through this gigantic archive of under-reported indie games. For that reason I love seeing Nick's Weird Games vods get to youtube, because it means not only that I get to see the segments if I missed the stream, but also that others like me who might find the channel later on will have that much more of a chance to find something really special to them in your archives.
One of the few times notifications worked. Really liked your control series. As often as you feel like posting stuff, I'll watch it! Hope 2020 is a good time for y'all. I'm not going anywhere
Just to be a voice in the crowd it’s good to hear from you and i hope the best for you in all you do! I’m normally a lurker but everyone appreciates hearing from you and I wanted to do my bit to show you how appreciated you are, thank you for the update and I’ll look forward to seeing more from you!
I'm not usually one to comment on a video, but this really made me realize how I've missed you! I appreciate you talking earnestly about everything. 2019 has been a rough one. Here's to a good start to the new decade
Hey Nick, long-time lurker since 2012-2013. Thank you for continuing to better yourself in whatever way you can, even when you feel powerless. You exude a kind of humanity that is getting harder and harder to see these days.
I genuinely really appreciate that you're talking about the anxiety and depression in the open. I know it may seem trivial but seeing that we're not alone going through this is worth a lot. we're not alone
Hey Nick, just wanted to wish you well. I miss you on the NLSS, and I feel like the humor did shift, but has found its place again. And I think that place has room for you. Or to say, it always did, but I think you’d feel more comfortable again. Regardless of that, I’ll still watch your content because I like you and what you do. You’re such a genuine, positive individual and I love that. You’ve helped me through the bad and I can’t thank you enough for that. You helped shape who I am today. Thanks for doing what you do man, and I’m excited to see what you do from here on out. Much love
I am honestly so glad to hear that you made it through 2019 mostly okay. I have a hard time listening to the NLSS without you there as a bit of a voice of reason. I hope 2020 is a better year for you because you are a nice person and I know how it feels to have a brain that doesn't want to cooperate with you and how difficult it can make living day to day. I'm also really happy that Lin is in your life because seeing how happy she's made you has been really nice after watching NLSS' since 2012/2013. I hope things will be better and that you ultimately will be okay and can reconnect or connect with the people that make every day a bit easier.
You're a really decent dude nick. I dont get a chance to watch your stuff enough but it always makes me happy to see it when you are streaming or post a video on RUclips. I really respect your what you say. Take care of yourself and I'm hoping everything goes well for you in 2020.
I suffer from extremely severe depression. It started in middle school being very very mild, then in high school at the start is was moderate, then it got to the point where I considered dropping out. I somewhat did, ending up dropping out of the usual high school and instead went to the community high school meant to help people with difficulties learning. Going from being in advanced classes meant for people 2 grades higher than me to going to a place like that was a big blow to my self esteem. Thankfully it all worked well and I actually loved that experience there, the way they taught was much more my style. But even still, my depression got worse. Then I tried college, dropped out because it wasn't for me, tried again, dropped out a second time, and now I have a full time job that I love dearly but is both physically and mentally exhausting. Being a two-time college dropout was also a big hit to the ol' self esteem. Nowadays, more often than not, I have trouble even convincing my brain to even let me move a limb or two, such as an arm or leg, all day. It's gotten bad. And there's the mental shenanigans of "I know I can be productive. I have enough mental strength to force myself to do this. So why am I not? Am I lazy? Am I weaker than I thought mentally?" and just getting inside my own head. I also don't find joy in anything anymore, not even the things I used to like or in anything new I've tried, and I find it exhausting to even be around my friends for more than about an hour or so. I'm constantly trying to find excuses to leave social situations early and feeling guilty about it. I guess what I'm trying to say is I get it, at least somewhat. I can't claim to be exactly the same as you, and I stopped having anxiety attacks a few years ago so my anxiety probably isn't as bad as yours, but I get it. It can be extremely draining on your physical wellbeing, mental state, and overall energy reserves and even social energy reserves too. I know you don't really know me very well, and I kinda just gave you my life story, but if you ever need someone to vent to, I'm here. I've always got a spare ear for a friend. And this isn't just some offer I'm making just as a formality, I do genuinely want to offer someone to talk to if you feel like it.
yo nick man im the guy in twitch that works on a submarine! (you may not remember). I have been watching you since the start brother. I am so glad to hear from you. Keep doing you bud,i hope 2020 is a much better year for you.
you grew so much on me over the last years. i`ve been dealing with similar stuff and am super thankful to you for being open about your problems, it brings me some sort if comfort, I guess? gives me courage to speak up. thank you
Hello, as a person who has been through my unfortunate mental health and feel like getting out of bed is too much effort, you and your content always impacted to me in a positive way. And I am trying to be better, I am not successful yet but I am trying. Years and years of trying and failing I feel exhausted but I still want to be better. So I hope this year we will find our peace and happiness. And as a person who is in a long distance relationship, it is so hard sometimes, my personal solution is a big meteor which merges all of the continents. I wish you and Lin the best. You have my support and have a good night.
A lot of this really hit close to home. I was tearing up a bit throughout hearing someone echo some of the exact same things that I've been feeling for a long time. Thank you for talking about this.
Thank you for posting this Nick, as someone who can't catch a lot of streams these days I was very glad to see this pop up on my feed and am very glad to see youre doing okay:) I hope you have a great 2020 and I hope I can catch one of your streams soon.
Nick you have consistently remained one of the most genuine voices I’ve seen on the internet and Your openness with your feelings has definitely made it easier to address issues in my own life. I’m glad that my tiny part of the world was somewhere you were able to find a little rest and comfort ☘️
Hey Nick, long time fan and lurker here! I'm happy to see you again and that you're doing okay and trying to move on from the negativity you've experienced. The world can certainly seem like a tough place to live in at times but I've seen you at your best and I know that you can power through all of this. I'm sure that I speak for all of your dedicated fan base when I say that you have endless amounts of love and support from all of us and we will stick with you regardless of any breaks you take from your channels. Everybody needs a mental break now and then. You've been a huge influence on the lives of many of us, whether its through your discussions of mental health and life, or simply experiencing weird and interesting games along with you. Regardless, I wish you the best in coping with your depression and getting back into the swing of things! Have a great night and keep being awesome!
You’re one of my favorite content creators, I’m only upset that I don’t have the opportunity to watch your streams (not your fault at all, I simply don’t enjoy the livestream dynamic that much), however yours is just about he only channel I’ll tune into live, and one of the few I’ll watch a twitch vod of. You’re the greatest nick, and like everyone has already said, we like and enjoy you and respect that you take the initiative to care for yourself before providing for us. Thanks so much for being a constant source of joy for me for over half a decade, and I’m gonna try to make more streams and get more involved in the community. Good luck Nek!
Love you man thanks for updating us you were always my favorite part of the NLSS and I have greatly missed you, but am very happy that you updated us. Keep your head up 2020 is going to be your year.
Thanks for being so open about everything Nick, and really glad to see you're taking the steps you need to get better. You were such a huge part of the show for me. From your grounded analytical approach to games to your zany over the top bits (Goldman and Jellies are two of my most favorite moments on the show). You bring such a great and unique energy to it, you're sorely missed. I truly hope to see you on the NLSS again at some point, but if not I still look forward to your own content. Seeing you play through Death Stranding last year was a delight and I really looked forward to the Sunday Indie Sampler every week when you were doing it. I hope you can keep doing what you need to in order to take care of yourself and I look forward to seeing what's next!
Thank you for being open with us. I appreciate that. And, while I can't say that I fully understand your scenario, I empathize with you, Nick. I look forward to seeing more of you; here, twitch, social media, wherever.
Glad to see you back around RUclips and Twitch a bit, dude. Your older playthroughs and streams kept me sane through my own severe depression and insomnia, and I still come back to your NITW and Little Nightmares playthroughs. I remember wondering what happened last year and feeling concerned with the increasingly spaced out streams, and I hope things get easier for you. It's never easy to deal with severe anxiety and depression, but you definitely deserve a better year for sticking through it all.
For what it's worth Nick I really appreciate this video. Your honesty and introspection really helps me understand you better. I've been watching you for years, and I look forward to many more. Much love
Love you bud, I've been a long time lurker. Partly because I don't see any value in what I have to say. However your journey through the past year has been filled with so much similar turmoil that I can't help but feel empathy. Dealing with long distance relationships and health problems. To suddenly loosing many of the people who I once called friends. All I can say is that I hope this year you can push past all these burdens and move forward. And I'll support you in any way I can, for I will follow down the same road.
Hey Nick, I have been mulling over what to say for a bit on this video because I wanted to best express my thoughts as someone who only rarely comments on videos and is even rarer to say anything in chat. You have brought countless hours of joy into so many people's lives already. For some people it was with your time on the NLSS, others movie night, others your general streams and indie impression, and a whole bunch are a combo of all those. I know i can't thank you enough for these times, but thank you so much for providing me and so many others with these times. When I saw your Control series pop into my sub feed my heart jumped in excitement and happiness knowing you were still around, and now I'm glad you are focusing more or on how to best deal with mental health and life issues. I know firsthand mental health issues are not easy to live with, and i can't imagine the pressure of living in the public eye along with life issues all compounding on top of it. I hope your path to betterment is as smooth as possible, and that life as a whole is nice.
Thanks so much for making this video. There was a part of me that was so sad to see you leave the NLSS because you were always one of my favorite people on there, but I understand that that ship has sailed. I’d been watching NL and you since I was in middle/high school and am currently in college. I have struggled with generalized and social anxiety for years now, so it’s refreshing in a weird way to think that one of the people who I grew up watching struggled with it too and came out the other end fighting. Some days are tougher than others, but stuff like this always makes it easier for me to reconcile that things will turn out alright. Thanks for being there, Nick. Can’t wait to see what you do next. Here’s to hoping I’ll finally be able to catch a stream.
Glad to hear Austin is editing for you, always been a top notch guy! Hope things start looking up Nick, you've always been a wonderful creator/youtuber/streamer, whatever label you want to use, looking forward to future content from you my man!
Some of your comments deeply resonated with me Nick. I’ve followed your content for a while.( I think since nerdcubed shouted you out.). After you left the nlss i stopped watching it. You were always the part i enjoyed. Your content has brought me some great times. Your content and by extension you. Are enough.
Nick, your content has definitely helped me through some rough times, and I can’t thank you enough for it. I was extremely depressed in 2014, and watching the NLSS and your streams helped me feel a sense of community even though I was hardly seeing anyone else outside of my family who were also very troubled. I also remember your Mushroom 11 play through came at a time when my grandfather had passed away and it hit me and my family very hard, so just watching through that on RUclips sticks out in my brain as content from you I enjoy. You’ve always had such a unique outlook on things, and always find such interesting games that make me smile. Your presence has definitely been missed on the NLSS, and though this isn’t a cry for you to come back immediately, as I can only understand the situation so much, it’s just another way for me to say that your content is something I’ve enjoyed for some time now, and I hope that 2020 is an excellent year for you.
I don't know anything about what happened with you and the crew, but I believe that you and them are the right kind of people to make up. Humility and understanding go a really long way, and you guys have those in spades, as long as everyone is cooled down
I liked and subbed to prove you wrong. 2019 was weird without your involvement in the nlss. I hope things get better for you, you're definitely missed!
Hey Nick! Congrats doing doing better; I'm in a similar position to yourself and I really admire your perseverance. Sometimes the hardest people to talk to can be your friends, especially when you disagree with them on something. I found in my life that much of the criticism I direct at myself is motivated by a desire to be as kind and honest as possible with the people around me, and the struggle begins when what's kind isn't honest, and vice-versa. It's hard to be understanding of others when you're not cutting yourself any slack, and for people with persistent mental health issues, that act of being kind to oneself is exacting work. I think you've done a well to take care of yourself and the achievement of making this video is proof of your work. You have a lot to be proud of and a lot to cherish; from where I'm sitting I see hope for the future, and I look forward to seeing you there. You're well on your way, and the skills you've cultivated in minding yourself will be there for life! Good luck, and great work!
Taking antidepressants will “even the keel” so to speak. The good is that the lows don’t go too low. The not so good is that the highs are also muted. Antidepressants helped me figure out and manage my anxiety. Judging only by this video, It seems like you’re well on your way to doing the same. Best of luck to you!
Hey Nick, I hope you're having a good beginning of 2020! You helped me a lot when I was having a hard time in 2015/16 and for that I'm *still* really grateful. So the only thing I can really say is: Thank you for being you
Dude, the reason why I miss you on the NLSS is BECAUSE your "style of comedy" or whatever was different. You were like the voice of reason in the sea of poop-jokes. Even though NL thinks he's the voice of reason I really think you were the one putting those absurdities in perspective and without that it feels like it's missing something. Sorry to hear that it wasn't working out like that for you though.
I missed you on the NLSS. You were my favorite, I always thought you had interesting things to say. I would occasionally wonder where you went but never bothered to look for you. I feel bad now. I feel like I can relate so much to what you said. I also struggle with depression and anxiety pretty bad, I felt like I could relate. These past couple years have been hard for me, I don’t really recognize myself anymore. My anxiety also takes me to similar places. I just finished reading “the war on normal people” by Andrew Yang, very informative but I’m scared for our country too. I’m glad to see you’re still here. I’m rooting for you and I’ll be looking out for videos in the future.
I've always felt like you have the quality of being genuine in everything you do, and i think that is why i feel such a great sense of community within your virtual realm. Very happy to see you again, every one of us commenters is a real life human, relating, feeling and laughing together with you and that is such a remarkable thought.
Hi Nick, long time watcher, first time caller. I don't want to get critical of the shift in direction for the NLSS, but I can say that I much preferred the dynamic you and Ryan had together. Put yourself first and do what is good to you, you know yourself better than anyone and you can make the best decisions for yourself. That being said, I will personally be disappointed if the NLSS is Nickless (heh), I think it could do with a guest spot with you to test the waters and see how the dynamic plays out now, and I truly believe the community has your back and would welcome you with open arms in any capacity you do return to the NLSS. I know I would. Good luck for the present and future.
I've missed hearing you nick! Everyone seems to be sharing their stories, and I don't want to take up too much time here, but I've always struggled with depression since puberty. Never self harm, but constant self doubt and self ridicule. After a particularly awful break up post High School graduation in 2013, I was in an incredibly dark place for years, all up until 2019. I'm doing so much better now. I only found the NLSS in Jan 2017 with release of AB+, and I will never be able to thank any of you enough for the laughter, smiles and happiness you all brought me. I'm tearing up just writing this. But thank you anyway Nek. And thank you for opening up. I always knew you had a lot on your plate, and I truly wish for things and life to soften up on you. While we can't control everything as much as we'd certainly like to, let's do our best have an awesome 2020, complete with all the good and bad, because that's life ❤️
Nick, you're fantastic. I just want you to know that. I'm still dealing with a breakup from the tail-end of last year. Miss watching you as much as I could in the past. When you were talking about your anxiety, it hit me pretty close to home. Because I'm dealing with that whole depression aspect, and I've always been in the 'everyone is thinking this and that' or even just seeing a tweet and think it may be about me. Getting help for these things, just...it's a long process. Keep your head up my friend.
Hey Nick, I'm so pleased to see you looking healthy and seeing you with an appetite to smash 2020. I've followed you for a long time and your consistent openness with your mental health over the years has helped me understand my own problems with anxiety and depression. I won't bog you down with the gritty details, but the only reason I'm here today is that I set off my home security system during a suicide attempt and I woke my parents. I had a breakdown and essentially had to step away from my career and was at the lowest of the low. The narrative you describe with regards to anxiety is the aptest description I've ever heard and I've never heard articulated that way, even by my therapists. Anyways, the reason I'm writing this is that I think you're a wonderful person who has an incredible amount of integrity with regards to pretty much everything that you do. I know us internet folk are not a substitute for friends or anything like that, but just know that there are hundreds, probably thousands of us out here rooting for you and wish for you to have success and happiness in both your professional and private life. If I can come out the other side of what I went through and have optimism for the future and want to be around, I know that you can. Love ya Nick. Keep on keepin' on brother.
There is a whole in my heart where you on the NLSS should be. If you really, truly do not wish to rejoin, I'm happy with just watching on Twitch and RUclips with your lovely forms of comedy, but there is truly a lot missing on the NLSS without you. Even though the comedy has changed, and it might feel like you are a misshapen puzzle piece in the NLSS at this point, in my opinion, you are most definitely like that center puzzle piece right in the middle that is needed to make it feel complete. You have always been my favorite NLSS member, and of course you should only do what makes you happy because it's no fun if you're not having fun, but if you came back I believe you would be loved and accepted back in with open arms. Either way, love you lots. You mean a lot to me and a lot of other people here. Even though I don't talk a lot on streams or have the money to support the channel as much as I wish I could, I am always here watching, NLSS or not. As well as this, I have had multiple very close people develop and go through Extreme Major Depressive Disorder, and the one piece of advice they all tell me, if I ever struggle with it, is that there is an end. It's very hard, but it is not forever, and it definitely will get better over time, even if it feels endless. Love you lots ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡
Nick you're a fantastic guy and I'm thankful for all the hours of entertainment and joy you've given me and everyone here. Struggling with depression is a bitch, but you'll pull through. Know that you are loved ❤️
If you never go on the show again that's one thing, but I don't believe we live in a world were those guys don't still love you. Ryan specifically has said many times over the years that he knows your soul. Idk anything but I've watched basically everything you two did together and that shit runs deep.
Hey Nick, so glad you're back. I know indie stuff is your thing, but to be honest it would be really cool if you put up something a little more tripleA once in a while cuz those games are cool too and easier to like, get, from a viewer standpoint. Anyways, just a thought man just glad you're back
Nick, I'm a relative newcomer to the NLSS , at least in terms of live engagement (been watching comps and RUclips videos forever) and I ABSOLUTELY understand the feelings you describe, because I also have depression and anxiety, and when it gets really bad I really withdraw, even from people I love. I just want to say that I hope you manage to find your way back on your own terms. I'm all but positive literally everyone who matters will welcome you back with absolutely open arms and celebration. Just know not everyone is an asshole, and you are cared for and appreciated even by people online. And the way you describe your depression is almost literally the same as mine so I absolutely understand.
I won't go into too much detail about my personal stuff, but 2019 for me started out (on the 4th) with being in the hospital for a suicide attempt and then being divorced before I was released. Then my mother and I had tons of incredibly stressful issues with our apparently psychotic landlord (who used to be her friend as well) ranging from complaining about grass dying in the winter to selling the house while we were living in it and giving us just a couple of weeks to complete the entire process of moving. There were also issues that stemmed from that for my mother and myself personally, our relationship with each other, and our respective relationships with friends. That along with the ever-diminishing state of America all made 95% of this year a trash fire for me as well. On the subject of the whole energy thing, that's something I struggle with as someone with not only anxiety and depression, but also insomnia so bad that at least every couple of months I can't sleep for the better part of a week. I had hoped I would be able to catch more of your streams live, but I tried to make up for that by watching the VODs and what did make its way over here to RUclips. Some days I could have, but my mental state required the energy of the NLSS or Space Cowboys (HcJustin's group if you're unfamiliar by name alone, I just found it out recently) to make that day worth sticking around for. The streams of yours I did make it to were perfect on those days though; I feel like our mentalities are very similar and it was rather refreshing to feel that sense of camaraderie. Since Yule I've enjoyed the good fortune of being rid of that mountainous stressor, as well as having better internet, my computer fixed, recording equipment again, a bit more energy, and reconnection with some of my greatest friends. I have hand surgery scheduled so hopefully soon I'll be able to work a traditional job for the first time ever to make video content creation more viable in the future. I hope that trend continues, and that whatever positive aspects have presented themselves to you continue into this new year. I'm hopeful somewhere along the line this nation can also stop being dumb and it feels nice to just exist here for the majority again, especially in regards to having representatives that respect science and the environment, because as horrific as all of the social situation is, the environmental one is more pressing. I hope to be a bigger part of your community moving forward in whatever free time I end up having. Thank you sincerely for every second of media you've created to date, not to be too heavy but it's kept me alive sometimes. You are truly a treasure to the industry. Be happy lil Nek.
I'm sorry to hear about you mom, Nick. I hope everything goes well for you both. I've always enjoyed you and your content, so I'll be here and excited to see anything you decide to produce. Keep on going man.
I finally was able to end watching the video, I really feel for you, as a person with anxiety that also lives in a country where I don't feel I belong and has severe struggles with friends and family, I have to say that it's brave from you to vent like this, anxiety ridden ones can say that for sure, don't forfeit on your relationships at least not on friends, family is something that comes in a bundle with you when you are born and the family you love stays with you till their time is due and even after that they live on with you on your memories, but friends are the family you chose, no friend group is perfect and no friend group will ever be in sitcom levels of unity and such, I see many people in comments asking for you to go back to the NLSS, I don't think that's necessary at least not if you don't feel within the chemistry of the show, but hey every NLSS I see your face in the intro overlay I watch the compilations of you guys having fun, you are free to reconnect with your friends without appeasing the masses going back to the NLSS don't let the pressure of the show sour your life, sometimes writing on comments on youtube is like screaming to the void but I really feel for you and identify with you, I've lost friends to anxiety and I really don't like seeing someone that has been part of my life for so many years go through this stuff (even if its through a screen). Be happy little Nek but most important be at peace and good luck with anxiety, may the GOLDMAN reign supreme.
Holy cow nek, just saw your video posted up just before I have to go out, so glad to see you on here, it warms me up to see you from time to time even if it is in vods
Hey Nick, it takes an incredible amount of courage to be this open, hats off to you. Your display of perseverance despite the circumstances is commendable. You obviously have access to a lot more information regarding the NLSS crew, but I think at the very least NL would be understanding and forgiving of your situation. Underneath his somewhat stoic shell is a kind yolk. Thank you for the incredible content over all the years, wishing you the best for 2020!
I've mostly been a lurker of yours and the whole NLSS crew since before the whole thing started. You Nick are a fantastic person and such an inspiration for any and all suffering from mental illness. Your sense of humor and in general kind heartedness has earned you a fan in whatever you deem necessary for you and whatever you do in the future. We love you Nick ❤️
I haven’t commented many times, but I have been a fan of yours since maybe 2013 or so. I am always ecstatic when I see you post something new. Your playthrough of EVO Search For Eden is something I have watched multiple times just kinda because your perspective and voice are quite calming. I’ve missed you being on RUclips and whatnot. I just figured you deserved to know. The last two years have been rough for me, as I am sure they have been for you. But I trust that they will get better. I like to say to myself that they will get better, because if they’re terrible I will do all I can to make them better. Motivation is definitely hard, and sometimes being patient and having to wait for things to get better is even harder. I’m just hoping to see more of you when you feel up to it. You definitely have a community of people here that do respect your needs and are here because we enjoy who you are, without pretense.
Hi nick, good to see you again :) Ive been watching your channel or years abd you and the nlss crew are a big part of my day. I too struggle with depression and autism and end up having loneny days where i cant do anything, but your and the crews videos help me distract from my thoughts and make me smile. Ive recently been watching UCH ;) anyway I want to thank you and it makes me happy you re doing better. We’ll get through.
Hey Nick, nice to hear from you. I've been a bit out of the loop this year and only been able to catch a couple of your streams so it was nice to see this in my sub box. I hope your 2020 is better than your 2019.
I remember a few years ago always laughing along with you guys on the NLSS nearly every single time, now when I listen to the NLSS I do find it funny at times but I feel like I'm laughing much less, my favorite stream was probably the first couple of times you all played human fall flat lol that was top notch, miss you on the show but I understand why you left, I hope 2020 is a much better year for you man stay strong!
Thank you so much for sharing Nick. You'll always be a huge part of the NLSS and I feel hopefully optimistic that I will one day be pleasantly surprised to hear your voice grace it once more. Best wishes to you and your loved ones buddy.
Thanks for always meaning your words. Even if I don't always agree with them. Life is struggle, after all. But also, if we never hear other ideas, how can we discover better ones that are out there. Thanks for the update, Nick. All the best for 2020 and beyond.
I'm a bit late to the vid, but wanted to show my support. I greatly miss your youtube content and you're one of the only people I watch on twitch. I've been a fan for like 6 years now, or more, idk lol. Ever since you did the NLSS with Ryan and Josh back in the day. You're the one I connected with the most because of your clear passion for games and also metroid and metroidvanias (I'm about to graduate from game dev hoping to eventually make one myself, currently doing one for class, tho it's not looking like what I'd personally make lol), and also I see a lot of myself in you in terms of seeing how bleak the world can be, the depressive side, but also how nice you seem to be too. Hopefully we can both start feeling better soon. Ok, now back to the video xD
I'm not all the way through the video, but I wanted to say that I suffer the same issue with anxiety. This constant internal monologue of self doubt is extremely taxing and it makes so difficult to be creative. I totally understand how hard it can be dude. Godspeed.
For a couple years I sorta drifted out of watching YT but I started getting back into it recently with Ryan's stuff and wondered where you'd gone. Hope you're doing okay buddy, keep being you x
Hey man, genuinely hoping for the best for you and thanks for the company. 2019 has been the roughest year for me in terms of my mental health, and you are far from alone.
Игры
Working with you on this channel and becoming a better friend with you over the year and been an absolute delight. Seriously. You've been a part of my daily routine, watching your videos and streams, and everything since like... middle school? I'm an adult now and making videos on the internet after following you in your footsteps.
I owe a great deal of my career, sense of humor, and morals to you. I don't really know how to thank you for that. But I do thank you.
I know 2019 was a very tough year for you, but I'm so glad you got to cap it off in Ireland with Lin and welcome the new decade with some brightness.
Here's hoping for many more years of that brightness.
I miss you being involved in the nlss crew. I definitely see what you mean by the comedy moving in a different direction. However I still think there is room for your personality. Dare I say that a quieter more intellectual angle is missing from that content. I know you feel that you are too far removed and it is too awkward to jump back in. If/when you're ready, I genuinely believe that you would receive a warm welcome back to the nlss and related streams. Your solo content is different but also entertaining. You playing through games you enjoy in 15-20 minute parts is very attractive to watch for me personally. I miss you being active on RUclips. When you feel up, please know that you can build this back up. You have a very loyal fan base. I suffer from a lot of the same problems mentally as you (or similar, I don't want to assume I know what's happening in your mind) and I isolate myself from the people I have relationships with. I know what it's like to look up and realize that no one really wants to check in with you other than your few key people. I hope you can rebuild the friendships with your previous online friends. All it takes is a message. Sometimes you have to put aside a value you believe in passionately just to keep that friendship going. You can rebuild all of these things nick. I really appreciate you telling us what is happening in terms of your absence in these communities. The reason why people ask you about it is because you left a gap that only you could fill in these streams. Please know your value in that. When you're ready I really hope everyone gets along and tries again because we all want to see you fill that hole you left. Thank you for this update. My wife and I both agree that we feel unfinished and chaotic when thinking about how we miss you in the communities you used to play such a big part in. You are very talented and you have built so much with your online presence. Very inspiring as I'm bulidng my own RUclips channel now. One video so far and 16 views. I have a long way to go lol! Please don't give up man. Sorry for rambling. Thanks again!
Honestly depression tends to do that, you push your friends away and it sucks. It's also difficult to stop your brain from being like, okay, calm down a bit, not everyone hates you, you should need to remind yourself that but it's not always easy, I struggle with this daily. I've been watching Ryan since 2012, I've watched the NLSS since very early on, Nick is great, and if he came back, people would be happy, hate always happens as a streamer, but there's a lot of love too, I feel for Nick a lot
@@scull0234 I couldn't agree more. I'm glad you understood where I was coming from!
I definitely group myself with this man, Nick you brought so much to the NLSS that you might not even realize, in fact when I think of the NLSS even to this day you were just as important as Ryan is to the show and in my mind, no one can change that. I feel I don't need to reiterate since everything I feel has already been said for me. So just know there are more of us who are keen to see you again no matter what it is you do, I truly do hope you find your way and are comfortable with where you will be at, whether that be back in the NLSS or paving a new way for yourself that I believe you are more than capable of doing. Big hearts from a fan
id love to even just see jsmith, NL and Neck do a throwback stream. I love and miss the old days, and will cherish that time always.
@@jpryan90 I'm fairly certain Ryan said recently that he has an open invitation to come back if/when he wants to, same thing with Sinvicta
Hey man, you may not remember me but a while back you raided me while I was playing isaac at 2 in the morning and still to this day it's the most viewers I've ever had. Still thankful for that, appreciate it man!
I'm normally a lurker, but i've been a fan of yours since 2013/14. Mostly as a viewer from the NLSS. I know I speak for a lot of people when I say this, I love you dude, and I miss you even more. I know what it feels like to have that constant thought on your mind "What if I do X and I get ridiculed for it. What if I say X and it doesn't go down well.", trying to ignore the thought but it always lingers in the back of your mind. It sucks. But you will get through it, I can tell the trip to Ireland really helped you. I hope that one day you can talk to Ryan and try and smooth things over, I hope you can end up talking with the rest of the guys again. I hope you end up picking days where you'll come on the show (even if it's only for a segment or two). The show has been a lot different without you. It's lost that special "Nick added quality" That we all loved.
You're extremely awesome dude, no matter what you do, as long as it makes you happy, then do it.
I'm also really happy you enjoyed Ireland! As a person who lives there (though not anywhere near Dublin), it makes me really happy knowing that one of my favourite people on this Platform loves it.
I second this, good to know I wasn't lurking alone
I third this. Been a fan since the NLSS Dark Souls 1 days. With or without them I still enjoy what you do. My 2019 was hard too but we find our own way to keep going. Keep going, man. And keep bringing joy as you do. 🌈
What exactly happened w/ the nlss? I noticed at one point that something big had happened and he wasn't on the show anymore, but I never heard what happened except that nobody was talking about it.
@@TeHPHoBoS999 This is my interpretation, take it with a grain of salt - From what I can tell, basically, nick just decided he didn't want to do it for a while, that he needed to focus on himself and his own twitch, and so he decided to take a break from the NLSS, but he didn't do it well, and basically left NL without saying why, which strained their relationship.
@@Arkouchie Ahh. It was pretty easy to tell after a point that he wasn't feeling very happy on the nlss, but I wasn't sure if it was just that or more.
Hey ya'll btw, I'm the editor of some of the videos on this channel. We are going to have some videos up real soon. Let's start this new year right, yeah? Going to be working all night on thumbnails and videos for ya'll.
Let's do this.
Did I send you footage already that I forgot about?
@@rockleesmile I still have Layers of Fear 2 and Devil May Cry that we didn't end up doing. We can start there and get Death Stranding out when you're able to upload that footage!
Don't worry about any payment, I just want to help.
Layers of fear 2? Let's go!
Hey thanks for your work and for the company, friend :)
Dude so happy to see you working for Nick. We should definitely catch up sometime.
In a more serious comment, I hope you're able to mend fences with your friends. While I would love to see you on the NLSS again, maybe it's not in the cards. Maybe see if they're just interested in squading up for a multiplayer indie game or two.
I miss nick on the nlss a lot
I honestly don't know the specifics of why Nick left (other than what he just said in this video), but I've been hoping that Ryan's recent changes in content would somehow create an opening for the two of them to work together again, NLSS or otherwise.
@@dampersand me either but hopefully they work out
Baer, Malf and Josh were jerks to him. So was Cobalt, NL pretends he doesn't exist. He doesn't need to make up with them, they need to make up with him.
@@pulse1001 You do know why their patience was short with Nick right? He would always air his dirty laundry on reddit or his twitch and didn't keep it private. He hated the direction the NLSS was taking because it was becoming more of a business, almost as if the other members were trying to grow their income for their families. If somehow everyone around you is a jerk, maybe you're the jerk?
re: the shift in NLSS humour. As a viewer I totally noticed a shift, which was why it was so devastating to see you leave when you did, as it felt like there was no longer a counterpoint to the direction the NLSS was going. Finding out about the personal/family issues made it understandable why you left when you did though. Do want to reiterate that it has always felt like you were a core contributing part to the NLSS. That the tone and humour was set primarily between you, Ryan, and to a lesser extent Josh (if only because he wasn't there as often) and was what made the NLSS special for me, and that I appreciate your part in that. Every one else only jived so well because they were riffing off of that core.
Take care of yourself, and hopefully once you're in a better place, things will look better and the prospect of mending those relations won't look so daunting. While I still kinda low-key hope for a return to NLSS, but even if thats not in the cards, kinda hope you get to a point where you can mend those fences and just drop in for a game or two every now and then. But one day at a time. Take care dude.
With regards to an Indie Impressions patreon: Ignore me if you know about this already, but I know that there's some way of setting it to get payments by output rather than by time, i.e. x dollars per video instead of y dollars per month. I don't know the details of how that would work, or if you would like that system better anyway, but I thought I'd share since I know I absolutely would pay for more Indie Impressions.
Me too!
So happy to see you Nick!! Hoping for more on the channel in 2020 and beyond 🙂 lots of love from Canada! ❤️🇨🇦❤️
You continue to be one of the kindest and most genuine individuals I've had the pleasure of meeting. I'm glad you're able to talk about these things openly and that you were able to cap off 2019 with such an awesome trip. Lin seems like such a wonderfully supportive person and I'm glad you two found each other!
Here's to a less stressful 2020!
Hey Nick,
First off all, it's really good to hear from you! I think it is really brave of you to come forward with this video, talking about your state of being. I know from experience how unbelievably hard it is to share the full extend of the negative emotions that can plague the mind, and how that can be difficult on friendships or maintaining bonds.
I'm 21 now and have not been deep in the NLSS crowd for a couple of years now. My interests kinda naturally grew away to other things, even though I do still sometimes come back to catch a VOD or watch an Isaac episode of Ryan's. But during my teenage years when I was a loner kid in middle school, who'd spent most of his day behind the computer, the NLSS was something I ALWAYS looked forward to. And Nick, you were a huge part in that life I lived.
Back in the day (all the way when Dark Souls was the standard first hour), when it was you, Ryan & Josh - the triumvirate of goofballs (and the occasional cameo of MichaelALfox). You guys always made me laugh, through the good times and the bad. Even when I saw the NLSS growing bigger and more guest-hosts slowly becoming full-fledged members, none of them could capture the spirit that you had. To me, you always stood out; while the other co-hosts were (and still are) totally golden, you were like a diamond.
I want to stress that what I just said is NOT meant as me trying/expecting to get you back on the show or me holding a grudge that you left. I completely understand where you're at in terms of not being able to come back. I said what I said, because I wanted you to know that I will ALWAYS cherish the memories of you on the show (and also your channel at the time). And even though I might not come back for a long while, I will always love you for the entertainment you've given me over so many years. (Of course, if you ever were to mend bonds and come back I would welcome you with open arms!)
I obviously can't speak for everyone, but at the very least I can speak from my own heart. I wish you so much luck this year (and the years to come). I hope you find your strength, your energy, your place and your self-love. I don't know how far my words will reach you, because I know how hard it is to get genuine words of love & kindness like these through the thick haze of depression.
I love you Nick, for everything you've done, and I hope you stay strong.
Fan for what must be at least 7 or 8 years now? Always happy to see a new upload on the channel. Rooting for you Nick ♥️
Hi Nick. Long time lurker, watched you mostly through the NLSS since the very beginning (yep, all the way back to 2013, baby!). You said at the end you want to create better videos, but I think this is one of your best one to date. It's honest, forthright, respectful (of yourself and others), it acknowledges your own shortcomings (with lucidity), it shows you care about yourself, your friends (even if estranged) and your community. But most importantly, you talk openly about mental issues, helping to break the stigma surrounding those type of problems.
It takes a really strong person to do all of those things, my friend.
Wishing you all the best for 2020. Cheers!
I thought for a while about the various things I’d want to say whenever you uploaded a video again, but in reality I’m just so happy to see you’re still around.
I got into the NLSS when you were a part of it and it felt like you and Ryan were the integral components to me. I have some very fond memories of watching Spy Party, Getting Over It, Ultimate Chicken Horse, etc. I always enjoyed the Roundtable Podcast with you too. I've fallen off watching it since you left, although I still love NL. Anyways, long story short you were an important aspect of the show to me and I miss you in it. I hope your 2020 is better for you man.
To be honest, I sorta stopped watching the NLSS when you stopped appearing on it. It always felt like "The Ryan and Nick Show featuring guests" to me. No offense to the other guys. Whether or not you appear on the show again, or whether or not you ever upload another youtube video at all, I'm glad to hear that you're on a healthier path and I wish nothing but the best for you.
He is very missed atleast.
It’s an inportant piece that has been missing. ^.^
I watched the NLSS religiously back when it was the all Star line up Ryan Nick and josh but now I'll occasionally pop in when Dan with them the whole dynamic of NLSS now is meh imo
You covered one of my ludum dare games in 2014. Still one of the nicest things happened to me in my gamedev "career".
I’m sorry to hear about your mother Nick. When I was in seventh grade, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was lucky enough that I had you and the NLSS to keep me distracted with positive content and silly jellies and such. You guys had a profound impact on me during that time and you in particular made the whole situation much better for me. I also feel like, since I had your example when I was younger, I have been much more open to talking about mental health and such. I am a college freshman now and my mom is still kicking ass, I hope you can be as fortune as I have been with your mothers health, and I hope that knowing that you helped relieve some of that stress in my life makes you feel better.
I know im late but i just found this today, I want to say I really have a ton of respect for you. Thank you for being open an honest about these things as someone who also suffers from severe anxiety it cant be understated how brave this is. The Goofball Goals/Dark Souls days will always be my happy place, and you play such a big part in that thank you. I genuinely wish you luck in trying to figure out your new path going forward. I love you Nick
From some random person who you don't know a thing about, I just want to say thank you. Genuinely, thank you, and I'm happy to hear from you. Take care man.
It was nice to finally get an explanation on your nlss departure, you were always my favorite personality on the show
Live your best life nek
ive had depression with a drunk issue, or the otherway around, since a couple years now.
the depression has been there long before i had the ability to buy alcohol and develop alcoholism.
since you made the upload of "the beginners guide" in 2015, i might have watched it every month. maybe not to its fullest and mayhaps not literally every month, but... a lot.
there are many, many lines in that game that brings my depression to tears. to be so emotional that i just forcefully break down. no matter on a good day or a bad, if i watch your video i always break down.
and... after that... i am myself again. i can have happy again. i can skip the bottle. i can create a genuine smile.
it kinda feels like a reset button.
"you cant talk yourself out of loneliness."
"i just want to know everything is going to be okeay"
since 2015 a lot has happend. for both of us. from your own perspective for yourself the most.
and that counts for both of us. and thats okeay.
i am not a drunk anymore.
and i quit smoking.
and i quit school.
and as a 25 year old i drive newspapers.
but i actively started to make an effort to live. for the first time since i was a teenager.
and somehow, i do believe, since that upload in 2015, you are responsible for my happiness.
so nick. thank you. i cant express how much. but in words, over the internet:
thank you
I hope that one day I can manage to make that step too. I've kinda just been drifting for the past 6 years, not really unhappy but not happy either. Doing nothing with my life, feeling worthless half the time.
Hey nick, it's been a while since I looked you up to see how you're doing nowadays. I still miss you being on the nlss. I enjoyed the personality you brought to the show. I feel like it's not the same without you, but I understand that not everything works out. I listened to this entire video and feel like I strongly relate to, and agree with, everything you said and the feelings you feel in regard to depression and anxiety. I hope things get better for all of us. I actually am going to subscribe because of this video. Be happy lil nek.
As someone who's diagnosed as schizoaffective and has had anywhere from bizarre times of extroversion and even more bizarre times of complete isolation, it's good to hear someone with anxiety and depression enjoying some happy times with their significant other. I remember the vlogs you used to put out traveling around and I don't know...it's just nice to see and hear! ☺️ It does get better then worse then better then...you know the drill. But the ups are always worth waiting for.
I think when someone is suffering from a mental illness, we always say regrettable things at some point (even if there's some truth to them they just seem to come out wrong) and then we continue to beat ourselves up about how we did what we did. I alienated myself from my friends as well. It was like a snowball of me doing or saying something while having a depressive episode and then just having too much ego or guilt to come back around, even when there was an opening for me and I would truly be welcomed back had I chosen to. I can see that clearly only now, years later. And I fell into that crawl into bed as much as possible cycle where I definitely would ignore my basic needs for as long as possible too. Got so bad my muscles wasted since I was barely moving or eating. The overlapping thoughts of judgment from others and worries is just as real as if someone were sitting next to you and really saying those things. It's tough. Thanks for mentioning it out loud because it's one of those things that can become such a great point of shame since it's so rarely mentioned as a thing that can happen, as you said.
The thing I found that helped me was actually an online coach. Not a life coach, but a coach who checked up on me everyday for my daily goal of writing. I went from nothing to a first draft of a novel in a few months. Just having that person there and achieving a set goal everyday (or being comforted and reminded that everyone fails sometimes and that doesn't make me worthless, then pushed forward when I didn't reach it) made me feel MILES better about myself. It cut back on my self hatred more than any medication or interaction ever did.
I personally stopped paying attention to politics for the most part and push myself to detach from it at the end of the day. It made me feel so angry and helpless all the time, didn't matter which "side" I viewed it from. I kind of dip my toe back in when I feel stable enough then pull out before I get too serious about it. Just what worked for me personally.
Your friends probably still care about you deeply and most likely aren't still upset with you or unwilling to be close again, whether you'd believe that or not. We get so stuck in thinking we're not valuable or worthy of other people's care or forgiveness, but that's not true and I know that because we wouldn't say that to or believe the same about anyone other than ourselves right? Many mistakes can truly be rectified, no matter how shitty we may feel they were. It might not be in a magical perfect way, but I really hope things can mend for you in the way closest to what you desire.
Anyway, it was nice to view this video Nick. Yes, you were worth listening to for forty minutes. Much love to you and yours. 💜 Also...
*GOLD!* 😊
Where did you get the online coach?
@@Mooseph755 coach.me 🙂
Good to see you Nick, I'm sorry you've had a tough year. Most people would be hardcore struggling under the stress of physical/mental health issues and family illness, those are all really tough things to deal with, even separately. It's truly no small feat and it takes a lot of strength to pull through that. I'm glad you have Lin around to support you and I wish you good health and happiness in the upcoming year :).
You mentioned that part of what made Indie Impressions work so well was that it was timely and daily, but I want to add to that that one thing I greatly appreciate about it (and about similar weird-games content from you) is that, on youtube, there's such a large body of it. I didn't know about this channel in the days when indie impressions were coming out, but once I found it I had a great time looking through this gigantic archive of under-reported indie games. For that reason I love seeing Nick's Weird Games vods get to youtube, because it means not only that I get to see the segments if I missed the stream, but also that others like me who might find the channel later on will have that much more of a chance to find something really special to them in your archives.
One of my only youtube comments, ever, but thank you for being a particularily honest, real and fun-to-watch person. All the best from Belgium!
Thank you! For being who you are, and sharing your energy with us over the years.
One of the few times notifications worked. Really liked your control series. As often as you feel like posting stuff, I'll watch it! Hope 2020 is a good time for y'all. I'm not going anywhere
Just to be a voice in the crowd it’s good to hear from you and i hope the best for you in all you do! I’m normally a lurker but everyone appreciates hearing from you and I wanted to do my bit to show you how appreciated you are, thank you for the update and I’ll look forward to seeing more from you!
I'm not usually one to comment on a video, but this really made me realize how I've missed you! I appreciate you talking earnestly about everything. 2019 has been a rough one.
Here's to a good start to the new decade
Hey Nick, long-time lurker since 2012-2013. Thank you for continuing to better yourself in whatever way you can, even when you feel powerless. You exude a kind of humanity that is getting harder and harder to see these days.
I genuinely really appreciate that you're talking about the anxiety and depression in the open. I know it may seem trivial but seeing that we're not alone going through this is worth a lot. we're not alone
Hey Nick, just wanted to wish you well. I miss you on the NLSS, and I feel like the humor did shift, but has found its place again. And I think that place has room for you. Or to say, it always did, but I think you’d feel more comfortable again. Regardless of that, I’ll still watch your content because I like you and what you do. You’re such a genuine, positive individual and I love that. You’ve helped me through the bad and I can’t thank you enough for that. You helped shape who I am today. Thanks for doing what you do man, and I’m excited to see what you do from here on out. Much love
I am honestly so glad to hear that you made it through 2019 mostly okay. I have a hard time listening to the NLSS without you there as a bit of a voice of reason. I hope 2020 is a better year for you because you are a nice person and I know how it feels to have a brain that doesn't want to cooperate with you and how difficult it can make living day to day. I'm also really happy that Lin is in your life because seeing how happy she's made you has been really nice after watching NLSS' since 2012/2013. I hope things will be better and that you ultimately will be okay and can reconnect or connect with the people that make every day a bit easier.
You're a really decent dude nick. I dont get a chance to watch your stuff enough but it always makes me happy to see it when you are streaming or post a video on RUclips. I really respect your what you say. Take care of yourself and I'm hoping everything goes well for you in 2020.
I suffer from extremely severe depression. It started in middle school being very very mild, then in high school at the start is was moderate, then it got to the point where I considered dropping out. I somewhat did, ending up dropping out of the usual high school and instead went to the community high school meant to help people with difficulties learning. Going from being in advanced classes meant for people 2 grades higher than me to going to a place like that was a big blow to my self esteem. Thankfully it all worked well and I actually loved that experience there, the way they taught was much more my style. But even still, my depression got worse. Then I tried college, dropped out because it wasn't for me, tried again, dropped out a second time, and now I have a full time job that I love dearly but is both physically and mentally exhausting. Being a two-time college dropout was also a big hit to the ol' self esteem. Nowadays, more often than not, I have trouble even convincing my brain to even let me move a limb or two, such as an arm or leg, all day. It's gotten bad. And there's the mental shenanigans of "I know I can be productive. I have enough mental strength to force myself to do this. So why am I not? Am I lazy? Am I weaker than I thought mentally?" and just getting inside my own head. I also don't find joy in anything anymore, not even the things I used to like or in anything new I've tried, and I find it exhausting to even be around my friends for more than about an hour or so. I'm constantly trying to find excuses to leave social situations early and feeling guilty about it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I get it, at least somewhat. I can't claim to be exactly the same as you, and I stopped having anxiety attacks a few years ago so my anxiety probably isn't as bad as yours, but I get it. It can be extremely draining on your physical wellbeing, mental state, and overall energy reserves and even social energy reserves too. I know you don't really know me very well, and I kinda just gave you my life story, but if you ever need someone to vent to, I'm here. I've always got a spare ear for a friend. And this isn't just some offer I'm making just as a formality, I do genuinely want to offer someone to talk to if you feel like it.
yo nick man im the guy in twitch that works on a submarine! (you may not remember). I have been watching you since the start brother. I am so glad to hear from you. Keep doing you bud,i hope 2020 is a much better year for you.
you grew so much on me over the last years. i`ve been dealing with similar stuff and am super thankful to you for being open about your problems, it brings me some sort if comfort, I guess? gives me courage to speak up. thank you
Hello, as a person who has been through my unfortunate mental health and feel like getting out of bed is too much effort, you and your content always impacted to me in a positive way. And I am trying to be better, I am not successful yet but I am trying. Years and years of trying and failing I feel exhausted but I still want to be better. So I hope this year we will find our peace and happiness. And as a person who is in a long distance relationship, it is so hard sometimes, my personal solution is a big meteor which merges all of the continents. I wish you and Lin the best. You have my support and have a good night.
A lot of this really hit close to home. I was tearing up a bit throughout hearing someone echo some of the exact same things that I've been feeling for a long time. Thank you for talking about this.
Thank you for posting this Nick, as someone who can't catch a lot of streams these days I was very glad to see this pop up on my feed and am very glad to see youre doing okay:) I hope you have a great 2020 and I hope I can catch one of your streams soon.
Nick you have consistently remained one of the most genuine voices I’ve seen on the internet and Your openness with your feelings has definitely made it easier to address issues in my own life. I’m glad that my tiny part of the world was somewhere you were able to find a little rest and comfort ☘️
"Nobody is gonna subscribe over a freaking video of me talking about my mental health. That's silly."
Well congrats Nek here I am
Hey Nick, long time fan and lurker here! I'm happy to see you again and that you're doing okay and trying to move on from the negativity you've experienced. The world can certainly seem like a tough place to live in at times but I've seen you at your best and I know that you can power through all of this. I'm sure that I speak for all of your dedicated fan base when I say that you have endless amounts of love and support from all of us and we will stick with you regardless of any breaks you take from your channels. Everybody needs a mental break now and then. You've been a huge influence on the lives of many of us, whether its through your discussions of mental health and life, or simply experiencing weird and interesting games along with you. Regardless, I wish you the best in coping with your depression and getting back into the swing of things! Have a great night and keep being awesome!
You’re one of my favorite content creators, I’m only upset that I don’t have the opportunity to watch your streams (not your fault at all, I simply don’t enjoy the livestream dynamic that much), however yours is just about he only channel I’ll tune into live, and one of the few I’ll watch a twitch vod of.
You’re the greatest nick, and like everyone has already said, we like and enjoy you and respect that you take the initiative to care for yourself before providing for us. Thanks so much for being a constant source of joy for me for over half a decade, and I’m gonna try to make more streams and get more involved in the community. Good luck Nek!
Love you man thanks for updating us you were always my favorite part of the NLSS and I have greatly missed you, but am very happy that you updated us. Keep your head up 2020 is going to be your year.
Thanks for being so open about everything Nick, and really glad to see you're taking the steps you need to get better.
You were such a huge part of the show for me. From your grounded analytical approach to games to your zany over the top bits (Goldman and Jellies are two of my most favorite moments on the show). You bring such a great and unique energy to it, you're sorely missed. I truly hope to see you on the NLSS again at some point, but if not I still look forward to your own content.
Seeing you play through Death Stranding last year was a delight and I really looked forward to the Sunday Indie Sampler every week when you were doing it. I hope you can keep doing what you need to in order to take care of yourself and I look forward to seeing what's next!
Thank you for being open with us. I appreciate that. And, while I can't say that I fully understand your scenario, I empathize with you, Nick. I look forward to seeing more of you; here, twitch, social media, wherever.
Glad to see you back around RUclips and Twitch a bit, dude. Your older playthroughs and streams kept me sane through my own severe depression and insomnia, and I still come back to your NITW and Little Nightmares playthroughs. I remember wondering what happened last year and feeling concerned with the increasingly spaced out streams, and I hope things get easier for you. It's never easy to deal with severe anxiety and depression, but you definitely deserve a better year for sticking through it all.
For what it's worth Nick I really appreciate this video. Your honesty and introspection really helps me understand you better. I've been watching you for years, and I look forward to many more. Much love
Love you bud, I've been a long time lurker. Partly because I don't see any value in what I have to say. However your journey through the past year has been filled with so much similar turmoil that I can't help but feel empathy. Dealing with long distance relationships and health problems. To suddenly loosing many of the people who I once called friends. All I can say is that I hope this year you can push past all these burdens and move forward. And I'll support you in any way I can, for I will follow down the same road.
Hey Nick,
I have been mulling over what to say for a bit on this video because I wanted to best express my thoughts as someone who only rarely comments on videos and is even rarer to say anything in chat.
You have brought countless hours of joy into so many people's lives already. For some people it was with your time on the NLSS, others movie night, others your general streams and indie impression, and a whole bunch are a combo of all those. I know i can't thank you enough for these times, but thank you so much for providing me and so many others with these times. When I saw your Control series pop into my sub feed my heart jumped in excitement and happiness knowing you were still around, and now I'm glad you are focusing more or on how to best deal with mental health and life issues.
I know firsthand mental health issues are not easy to live with, and i can't imagine the pressure of living in the public eye along with life issues all compounding on top of it. I hope your path to betterment is as smooth as possible, and that life as a whole is nice.
Thanks so much for making this video. There was a part of me that was so sad to see you leave the NLSS because you were always one of my favorite people on there, but I understand that that ship has sailed. I’d been watching NL and you since I was in middle/high school and am currently in college. I have struggled with generalized and social anxiety for years now, so it’s refreshing in a weird way to think that one of the people who I grew up watching struggled with it too and came out the other end fighting. Some days are tougher than others, but stuff like this always makes it easier for me to reconcile that things will turn out alright. Thanks for being there, Nick. Can’t wait to see what you do next. Here’s to hoping I’ll finally be able to catch a stream.
Glad to hear Austin is editing for you, always been a top notch guy! Hope things start looking up Nick, you've always been a wonderful creator/youtuber/streamer, whatever label you want to use, looking forward to future content from you my man!
Some of your comments deeply resonated with me Nick. I’ve followed your content for a while.( I think since nerdcubed shouted you out.). After you left the nlss i stopped watching it. You were always the part i enjoyed. Your content has brought me some great times. Your content and by extension you. Are enough.
Nick, your content has definitely helped me through some rough times, and I can’t thank you enough for it. I was extremely depressed in 2014, and watching the NLSS and your streams helped me feel a sense of community even though I was hardly seeing anyone else outside of my family who were also very troubled. I also remember your Mushroom 11 play through came at a time when my grandfather had passed away and it hit me and my family very hard, so just watching through that on RUclips sticks out in my brain as content from you I enjoy. You’ve always had such a unique outlook on things, and always find such interesting games that make me smile. Your presence has definitely been missed on the NLSS, and though this isn’t a cry for you to come back immediately, as I can only understand the situation so much, it’s just another way for me to say that your content is something I’ve enjoyed for some time now, and I hope that 2020 is an excellent year for you.
Thank you for the update Nick ❤️❤️❤️
I don't know anything about what happened with you and the crew, but I believe that you and them are the right kind of people to make up. Humility and understanding go a really long way, and you guys have those in spades, as long as everyone is cooled down
I liked and subbed to prove you wrong. 2019 was weird without your involvement in the nlss. I hope things get better for you, you're definitely missed!
Hey Nick! Congrats doing doing better; I'm in a similar position to yourself and I really admire your perseverance. Sometimes the hardest people to talk to can be your friends, especially when you disagree with them on something. I found in my life that much of the criticism I direct at myself is motivated by a desire to be as kind and honest as possible with the people around me, and the struggle begins when what's kind isn't honest, and vice-versa. It's hard to be understanding of others when you're not cutting yourself any slack, and for people with persistent mental health issues, that act of being kind to oneself is exacting work. I think you've done a well to take care of yourself and the achievement of making this video is proof of your work. You have a lot to be proud of and a lot to cherish; from where I'm sitting I see hope for the future, and I look forward to seeing you there. You're well on your way, and the skills you've cultivated in minding yourself will be there for life! Good luck, and great work!
Taking antidepressants will “even the keel” so to speak. The good is that the lows don’t go too low. The not so good is that the highs are also muted. Antidepressants helped me figure out and manage my anxiety. Judging only by this video, It seems like you’re well on your way to doing the same. Best of luck to you!
Hey Nick, I hope you're having a good beginning of 2020!
You helped me a lot when I was having a hard time in 2015/16 and for that I'm *still* really grateful.
So the only thing I can really say is: Thank you for being you
Dude, the reason why I miss you on the NLSS is BECAUSE your "style of comedy" or whatever was different. You were like the voice of reason in the sea of poop-jokes. Even though NL thinks he's the voice of reason I really think you were the one putting those absurdities in perspective and without that it feels like it's missing something. Sorry to hear that it wasn't working out like that for you though.
The NLSS was genious concept, because it was a bunch of people with very different angles and styles. I feel like it has lost that.
Adkit2, that's a blast from the past.
A bit like the Tomar to the current Oney-crew, if you don't mind that comparison
I missed you on the NLSS. You were my favorite, I always thought you had interesting things to say. I would occasionally wonder where you went but never bothered to look for you. I feel bad now. I feel like I can relate so much to what you said. I also struggle with depression and anxiety pretty bad, I felt like I could relate. These past couple years have been hard for me, I don’t really recognize myself anymore. My anxiety also takes me to similar places. I just finished reading “the war on normal people” by Andrew Yang, very informative but I’m scared for our country too. I’m glad to see you’re still here. I’m rooting for you and I’ll be looking out for videos in the future.
I've always felt like you have the quality of being genuine in everything you do, and i think that is why i feel such a great sense of community within your virtual realm. Very happy to see you again, every one of us commenters is a real life human, relating, feeling and laughing together with you and that is such a remarkable thought.
Hi Nick, long time watcher, first time caller. I don't want to get critical of the shift in direction for the NLSS, but I can say that I much preferred the dynamic you and Ryan had together. Put yourself first and do what is good to you, you know yourself better than anyone and you can make the best decisions for yourself.
That being said, I will personally be disappointed if the NLSS is Nickless (heh), I think it could do with a guest spot with you to test the waters and see how the dynamic plays out now, and I truly believe the community has your back and would welcome you with open arms in any capacity you do return to the NLSS. I know I would.
Good luck for the present and future.
I've missed hearing you nick!
Everyone seems to be sharing their stories, and I don't want to take up too much time here, but I've always struggled with depression since puberty. Never self harm, but constant self doubt and self ridicule. After a particularly awful break up post High School graduation in 2013, I was in an incredibly dark place for years, all up until 2019. I'm doing so much better now.
I only found the NLSS in Jan 2017 with release of AB+, and I will never be able to thank any of you enough for the laughter, smiles and happiness you all brought me. I'm tearing up just writing this.
But thank you anyway Nek. And thank you for opening up. I always knew you had a lot on your plate, and I truly wish for things and life to soften up on you. While we can't control everything as much as we'd certainly like to, let's do our best have an awesome 2020, complete with all the good and bad, because that's life ❤️
Nick, you're fantastic. I just want you to know that. I'm still dealing with a breakup from the tail-end of last year. Miss watching you as much as I could in the past. When you were talking about your anxiety, it hit me pretty close to home. Because I'm dealing with that whole depression aspect, and I've always been in the 'everyone is thinking this and that' or even just seeing a tweet and think it may be about me. Getting help for these things, just...it's a long process. Keep your head up my friend.
Hey Nick, I'm so pleased to see you looking healthy and seeing you with an appetite to smash 2020. I've followed you for a long time and your consistent openness with your mental health over the years has helped me understand my own problems with anxiety and depression. I won't bog you down with the gritty details, but the only reason I'm here today is that I set off my home security system during a suicide attempt and I woke my parents.
I had a breakdown and essentially had to step away from my career and was at the lowest of the low. The narrative you describe with regards to anxiety is the aptest description I've ever heard and I've never heard articulated that way, even by my therapists.
Anyways, the reason I'm writing this is that I think you're a wonderful person who has an incredible amount of integrity with regards to pretty much everything that you do. I know us internet folk are not a substitute for friends or anything like that, but just know that there are hundreds, probably thousands of us out here rooting for you and wish for you to have success and happiness in both your professional and private life.
If I can come out the other side of what I went through and have optimism for the future and want to be around, I know that you can.
Love ya Nick. Keep on keepin' on brother.
There is a whole in my heart where you on the NLSS should be. If you really, truly do not wish to rejoin, I'm happy with just watching on Twitch and RUclips with your lovely forms of comedy, but there is truly a lot missing on the NLSS without you. Even though the comedy has changed, and it might feel like you are a misshapen puzzle piece in the NLSS at this point, in my opinion, you are most definitely like that center puzzle piece right in the middle that is needed to make it feel complete. You have always been my favorite NLSS member, and of course you should only do what makes you happy because it's no fun if you're not having fun, but if you came back I believe you would be loved and accepted back in with open arms. Either way, love you lots. You mean a lot to me and a lot of other people here. Even though I don't talk a lot on streams or have the money to support the channel as much as I wish I could, I am always here watching, NLSS or not. As well as this, I have had multiple very close people develop and go through Extreme Major Depressive Disorder, and the one piece of advice they all tell me, if I ever struggle with it, is that there is an end. It's very hard, but it is not forever, and it definitely will get better over time, even if it feels endless. Love you lots
( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡
I hope you have a better 2020. Love your content and wish you the best
Nick you're a fantastic guy and I'm thankful for all the hours of entertainment and joy you've given me and everyone here. Struggling with depression is a bitch, but you'll pull through. Know that you are loved ❤️
If you never go on the show again that's one thing, but I don't believe we live in a world were those guys don't still love you. Ryan specifically has said many times over the years that he knows your soul. Idk anything but I've watched basically everything you two did together and that shit runs deep.
Hey Nick, so glad you're back. I know indie stuff is your thing, but to be honest it would be really cool if you put up something a little more tripleA once in a while cuz those games are cool too and easier to like, get, from a viewer standpoint. Anyways, just a thought man just glad you're back
Here’s hoping 2020 is the start of a new Nek Renaissance! I’ve always been a fan of how intricately you analyze games and I can’t wait for more of it!
Nick,
I'm a relative newcomer to the NLSS , at least in terms of live engagement (been watching comps and RUclips videos forever) and I ABSOLUTELY understand the feelings you describe, because I also have depression and anxiety, and when it gets really bad I really withdraw, even from people I love. I just want to say that I hope you manage to find your way back on your own terms. I'm all but positive literally everyone who matters will welcome you back with absolutely open arms and celebration. Just know not everyone is an asshole, and you are cared for and appreciated even by people online.
And the way you describe your depression is almost literally the same as mine so I absolutely understand.
Looking good Nick! We're here for you man, hope to see more of you soon.
I won't go into too much detail about my personal stuff, but 2019 for me started out (on the 4th) with being in the hospital for a suicide attempt and then being divorced before I was released. Then my mother and I had tons of incredibly stressful issues with our apparently psychotic landlord (who used to be her friend as well) ranging from complaining about grass dying in the winter to selling the house while we were living in it and giving us just a couple of weeks to complete the entire process of moving. There were also issues that stemmed from that for my mother and myself personally, our relationship with each other, and our respective relationships with friends. That along with the ever-diminishing state of America all made 95% of this year a trash fire for me as well.
On the subject of the whole energy thing, that's something I struggle with as someone with not only anxiety and depression, but also insomnia so bad that at least every couple of months I can't sleep for the better part of a week. I had hoped I would be able to catch more of your streams live, but I tried to make up for that by watching the VODs and what did make its way over here to RUclips. Some days I could have, but my mental state required the energy of the NLSS or Space Cowboys (HcJustin's group if you're unfamiliar by name alone, I just found it out recently) to make that day worth sticking around for. The streams of yours I did make it to were perfect on those days though; I feel like our mentalities are very similar and it was rather refreshing to feel that sense of camaraderie.
Since Yule I've enjoyed the good fortune of being rid of that mountainous stressor, as well as having better internet, my computer fixed, recording equipment again, a bit more energy, and reconnection with some of my greatest friends. I have hand surgery scheduled so hopefully soon I'll be able to work a traditional job for the first time ever to make video content creation more viable in the future. I hope that trend continues, and that whatever positive aspects have presented themselves to you continue into this new year. I'm hopeful somewhere along the line this nation can also stop being dumb and it feels nice to just exist here for the majority again, especially in regards to having representatives that respect science and the environment, because as horrific as all of the social situation is, the environmental one is more pressing.
I hope to be a bigger part of your community moving forward in whatever free time I end up having. Thank you sincerely for every second of media you've created to date, not to be too heavy but it's kept me alive sometimes. You are truly a treasure to the industry. Be happy lil Nek.
Hey Nick just wanted to say you made my life better. So thank you I hope you feel better and get better!
I'm sorry to hear about you mom, Nick. I hope everything goes well for you both. I've always enjoyed you and your content, so I'll be here and excited to see anything you decide to produce. Keep on going man.
I finally was able to end watching the video, I really feel for you, as a person with anxiety that also lives in a country where I don't feel I belong and has severe struggles with friends and family, I have to say that it's brave from you to vent like this, anxiety ridden ones can say that for sure, don't forfeit on your relationships at least not on friends, family is something that comes in a bundle with you when you are born and the family you love stays with you till their time is due and even after that they live on with you on your memories, but friends are the family you chose, no friend group is perfect and no friend group will ever be in sitcom levels of unity and such, I see many people in comments asking for you to go back to the NLSS, I don't think that's necessary at least not if you don't feel within the chemistry of the show, but hey every NLSS I see your face in the intro overlay I watch the compilations of you guys having fun, you are free to reconnect with your friends without appeasing the masses going back to the NLSS don't let the pressure of the show sour your life, sometimes writing on comments on youtube is like screaming to the void but I really feel for you and identify with you, I've lost friends to anxiety and I really don't like seeing someone that has been part of my life for so many years go through this stuff (even if its through a screen).
Be happy little Nek but most important be at peace and good luck with anxiety, may the GOLDMAN reign supreme.
Holy cow nek, just saw your video posted up just before I have to go out, so glad to see you on here, it warms me up to see you from time to time even if it is in vods
Love you Nick! Stay strong!
Hey Nick, it takes an incredible amount of courage to be this open, hats off to you. Your display of perseverance despite the circumstances is commendable. You obviously have access to a lot more information regarding the NLSS crew, but I think at the very least NL would be understanding and forgiving of your situation. Underneath his somewhat stoic shell is a kind yolk. Thank you for the incredible content over all the years, wishing you the best for 2020!
I've mostly been a lurker of yours and the whole NLSS crew since before the whole thing started.
You Nick are a fantastic person and such an inspiration for any and all suffering from mental illness. Your sense of humor and in general kind heartedness has earned you a fan in whatever you deem necessary for you and whatever you do in the future.
We love you Nick ❤️
I haven’t commented many times, but I have been a fan of yours since maybe 2013 or so. I am always ecstatic when I see you post something new. Your playthrough of EVO Search For Eden is something I have watched multiple times just kinda because your perspective and voice are quite calming. I’ve missed you being on RUclips and whatnot. I just figured you deserved to know. The last two years have been rough for me, as I am sure they have been for you. But I trust that they will get better. I like to say to myself that they will get better, because if they’re terrible I will do all I can to make them better. Motivation is definitely hard, and sometimes being patient and having to wait for things to get better is even harder. I’m just hoping to see more of you when you feel up to it. You definitely have a community of people here that do respect your needs and are here because we enjoy who you are, without pretense.
Hi nick, good to see you again :)
Ive been watching your channel or years abd you and the nlss crew are a big part of my day. I too struggle with depression and autism and end up having loneny days where i cant do anything, but your and the crews videos help me distract from my thoughts and make me smile. Ive recently been watching UCH ;) anyway I want to thank you and it makes me happy you re doing better. We’ll get through.
So great to see you back and even more great to hear you being so candid and awesome. Can't wait to see what 2020 has in store for you.
Hey Nick, nice to hear from you. I've been a bit out of the loop this year and only been able to catch a couple of your streams so it was nice to see this in my sub box. I hope your 2020 is better than your 2019.
I care Nick. Thank you for sharing. Hope 2020 finds you better and happier.
I remember a few years ago always laughing along with you guys on the NLSS nearly every single time, now when I listen to the NLSS I do find it funny at times but I feel like I'm laughing much less, my favorite stream was probably the first couple of times you all played human fall flat lol that was top notch, miss you on the show but I understand why you left, I hope 2020 is a much better year for you man stay strong!
Thank you so much for sharing Nick. You'll always be a huge part of the NLSS and I feel hopefully optimistic that I will one day be pleasantly surprised to hear your voice grace it once more. Best wishes to you and your loved ones buddy.
Thanks for always meaning your words. Even if I don't always agree with them. Life is struggle, after all. But also, if we never hear other ideas, how can we discover better ones that are out there.
Thanks for the update, Nick.
All the best for 2020 and beyond.
We love you, Nick!
I'm a bit late to the vid, but wanted to show my support. I greatly miss your youtube content and you're one of the only people I watch on twitch. I've been a fan for like 6 years now, or more, idk lol. Ever since you did the NLSS with Ryan and Josh back in the day. You're the one I connected with the most because of your clear passion for games and also metroid and metroidvanias (I'm about to graduate from game dev hoping to eventually make one myself, currently doing one for class, tho it's not looking like what I'd personally make lol), and also I see a lot of myself in you in terms of seeing how bleak the world can be, the depressive side, but also how nice you seem to be too. Hopefully we can both start feeling better soon.
Ok, now back to the video xD
Love ya Nick! You're wit and humor and words are a treasure. I know NLSS doesn't define you but you were always my favorite.
I'm not all the way through the video, but I wanted to say that I suffer the same issue with anxiety. This constant internal monologue of self doubt is extremely taxing and it makes so difficult to be creative. I totally understand how hard it can be dude. Godspeed.
For a couple years I sorta drifted out of watching YT but I started getting back into it recently with Ryan's stuff and wondered where you'd gone. Hope you're doing okay buddy, keep being you x
Hey man, genuinely hoping for the best for you and thanks for the company. 2019 has been the roughest year for me in terms of my mental health, and you are far from alone.