the 5 signs it's time for no contact, summarized: 1) you've identified you need space to heal 2) rumination has become a really big problem for you 3) the person has ended the relationship with you but are still breadcrumbing you 4) you're feeling intense anxiety every time you have to meet that person or contact them 5) there's no benefit to keeping this person in your life
I found the best way with going no contact is to let go completely as quickly as possible. I have no conversations with anyone about the narcissist I separated from years ago. If mutual associates bring up his name, I say I'm not in contact with him nor am I interested in hearing anything about him. As time went on, I was happy to realize that I seldom thought of him at all and even if our paths crossed in our small community, I felt nothing emotional. Just relief!
After I showed my covert narcissist ex the door, she said to me "We can still be friends." I told her that I didn't want her for a friend. You have to be direct and show no weakness.
I left my Narcissistic Boyfriend today without any warning and immediately blocked him. I left in such a way that he was completely unaware I was going to do so ( being so full of himself he'd never expected me to do this unless he was the one to discard me. I don't feel guilty or ashamed of my actions. I just didn't want a life with a man like him for the next 20yrs or so. The freedom I've felt in these past hours to go out and get tipsy without fear of retribution or scolding off him is undescribeable. The hangover I have in the morning will be worth it. I won't unblock him nomatter how much I think I miss him. I won't reach out when it truly hits me in a few days what I've done in leaving him. I'll survive and have hope for the future.
Go grey rock STOP THE ABUSE TAKE BACK UR POWER THESE MAGGOTS NEVER CHANGE !!!! LIFES TOO SHORT TO DEAL WITH MAGGOTS LOVE URSELF N HEAL BLESSINGS TO ALL 💜💪
I’m going through it right now. I discarded my narc after a year of being together. 11 days no contact. Blocked her on all platforms and firewalled her with friends I know who know her. I don’t even know how I got here, I’m still shaking my head. It’s so crazy to watch all your videos and how they describe my exact situation with a narc. The fog is starting lift, however it’s hard not to ruminate or bargain for the relationship. I’ve never experienced that kind of emotional abuse before. I’m taking it one day at a time. Focusing on myself. In the end I’m fortunate to be out it could’ve been much worse. Thank you for what you do!
I’m glad that you saw her true nature before becoming more romantically or financially tied to her. Be kind to yourself, this healing business is a process. I’m happy for you that you are away from that toxicity. There are good women who will appreciate you for who you are, not what you can do for them. I wish you peace and happiness.
It’s crazy, I left him back in May 2020 and every single one on this list applied! I knew in my heart it was abusive before I even knew was narcissism was.
The memory i still get anxiety watching this rumination . words i never heard before but can relate so well now. Breadcrumbing oh god. It was like a drug addiction
Always checking if theyre ok and then the drama manipulation.. I could go on and on. Im free now and healing but pain just thonking about how much i didnt understand and how much i guess i allowed..
@@karenrogers1896 right??!! I know I ruminate. But I never really knew it was a “thing”. I never heard of breadcrumbing either! I just always called it stringing you along. So glad these videos popped up.
It’s so hard when a narcissist is in the family, and you thought this person loved you, respected your feelings and had your back. Especially if you exited a relationship with a spouse and this person was part of mutual support……
In May, 2022, I set limits with my sister in two areas. Her response was to tell me to never call, text, write, or visit her. I sent a couple of texts in July to test the waters, but no answer. I have been her supply for many years along with a few others. She must have gotten a new supplier. Okay, before she starts breadcrumbing me, I’ve decided to go No Contact because I feel so anxious interacting with her. She has not cared about my feelings, ever.
JUST the video I needed! I watch your appropriate videos each time I get weak, start missing my husband which I haven't seen since Feb 6 and think of contacting him. Your videos help me to remain strong & continue with my no contact.
Intense anxiety all the way everyday all day. It’s crazy how one person can have such a big impact on your health, your life and just every aspect of your life.
Best one yet! I am on day 9 of no contact and this really drives the point home as to why. One of the things that I am doing that really helps (at least helps me) is that I have kept one or two of her most toxic e-mails to me. Whenever I get the urge to reach out I just take a quick look at the content of those e-mails and realize that there was a person in my life who for no discernable reason was cruel and vicious to me.
Right on! I appreciate you mentioning rumination as I think we need to be vigilant abound being “addicted” to being a SUPPLIER! Keep up the great work! :)
Andy, a "supplier" is also known as a co-dependent. Through therapy, I have broken my "rumination" habit - it doesn't help them and certainly doesn't help me!
There are four main reasons I went no contact: 1. She was triangulating our siblings against me and I got tired of listening to my siblings bad mouthing me or questioning me. 2. I got tired of being always on the defensive and having to put up a wall so as not to give her any information to use against me. I needed to not just do this with her, but with my other siblings as they would tell her everything. 3. I got tired of being called insane or being accused of bullying her just because I set up boundaries. 4. Because, when I asked her why she abused me, she blamed me, saying, "Because you react the way you do". So, if I stand up for myself or grey rock or just didn't respond, I was going to be abused. In the end, I no longer loved or respected my sister anymore. She's a talented artist who wasted her time abusing me when she could have been making a name for herself. I hope that since I am no longer in her life, she can do something with her talent. Unfortunately, I had to go no contact with my other five siblings. I, also, have an elderly aunt whose funeral I will be attending when she dies and I know my narcissistic sister and enabling siblings will be there. I dread having to deal with them. I'm planning on going in and out for the viewing and sitting in the back of the church for the service.
Narcs and funerals are worth a special item and I hope Christina reads my comment as well. My brother totally poisoned the ceremonies of my parents and when he died there was literally nobody to attend his funeral. He sabotaged every contact that tried to love him or tried to be nice to him.... I also did not go. The grief that is there are actually feelings of relief...
Perhaps the 2 words of a Narcissist dear to their hearts is the following . Use and Abuse . Go no contact . After all they only contact the empath to Use and Abuse . Thank you .
I've ignored my gutt for years reason being i was pathologized as a young adult by n.fam as having an anxiety disorder. . This made me ignore my feigns around others and how they might make me feel anxious or down or angry etc.,, now i see i was spot on.... never again will i oush my gutt feelings away. I have cptsd caused by cr*p.... and putting up with more of the same and ignoring your intuition. .. nope won't be doing that now I know what I didn't know. Anyone would be anxious in those situations 🙋🙋
I went no contact a couple of weeks ago after nearly 4 months in a LDR with someone who turned out to be a narcissist. Half of the time that I was with him I kept trying to assess if he was a narcissist and then it become quite clear that he is in fact a full blown narcissist. I'm no victim, but it took me a minute to assess if manipulated me, just as much as he would manipulate his ex-wife by telling her to take off her makeup before her date or to remove her fake eyelashes. He was controlling and passive-aggressive. He wanted to hold onto the relationship between and I. I know it was merely, because he didn't have a new source of supply. I pulled the rug out from under him when I cut all ties and blocked him from every point of social media, video chatting apps, phone, email, everything.
I went no contact for 18 months. Thought I had healed. Then she messaged an apology. And I caved in. Fake as usual. She claimed she changed but hadn't actually. Started no contact again. Makes me wonder if I'll ever heal from this.
You just had a setback. Keep up with the no contact this time. I went 6 months and broke NC by replying to a text which was him hoovering me. I realized fairly quickly and went NC again. I broke the NC again when he was following me on a walk and ended up walking with him. Twice more I tried to go NC and kept replying to his texts which were about general stuff like the weather (yep really)! He never talked about us at all so I was still in this kind of no man's land of not knowing what I was to him. I finally realised that I really needed to get out of this toxic situation for good. I messaged him asking him to leave me alone as I've moved on with my life and I've no intention of rekindling anything with him. Then I blocked. I have given myself the closure I needed and although there were many setbacks from the first NC, I did make it in the end.
It can take some time to get all balanced and grounded again after narcissistic abuse. I suggest you watch videos or read up on healing from narcissistic abuse. There's a lot of inner work you can do to get to a good place within yourself and get rid of the anxiety :)
It will pass, just breathe and trust yourself. Don't give yourself a deadline to feel better, your body knows what to do. You are exactly where you should be in your recovery.
I SOOOOOOO wish I could do this for me & my two children. My ex-husband is the most toxic, psychotic person I've ever met. He has mentally & emotionally abused my two awesome kiddos their entire lives. (And most of my life...I didn't know what he was until they were 4 & 6, they helped me see what he was!) No one & I mean NO ONE (attorneys, pediatrician, mediator, therapists, even now CPS!!) believes us about him. (Except my family, thank GOD!) No one will help me get them away from him, it's just amazing. Their personalities literally change around him, & it takes about 24 hours for his "residue" to disappear & they begin to be themselves again. My daughter has threatened to harm herself at his house, run away from his house & now he's made vile suggestive comments, "brushed" slowly some areas, & with his temper she's scared he's going to rape her. She told her school social worker, I called CPS, she's told her therapist---NOTHING but CRICKETS!!! I don't get it!! I don't know where else to turn!!! It's been years of that dream where you try to scream & nothing comes out. I can't get anyone to understand how DANGEROUS he is. Just because there aren't broken bones & bruises doesn't mean it's NOT ABUSE, HELLO???!! I am venting at the system, not toward anyone here...I know there are MANY of you who understand & I'm very grateful for that. No one should have to endure a relationship with satan. Love, hugs & God Bless you 💞💞
They don’t take it seriously. They see it as a challenge. No one is considered but themselves. Blocking is impossible because they thrive on anonymity. In that respect they are cowards.
Any form of manipulation, any form of gaslighting would be good enough reasons for me to flee . I had considered going full no contact earlier but I guess I thought that was too extreme at that time and so I rather stayed in a gray rock area which lasted about 5 years. But then two things happened. 1) I found out NPD (up until then I had gone to that minimal contact without actually knowing what that person really was about) And 2) there was that hoover/breadcrumbing that was really pissing me off. So after years of total emotional distancing, disengagement and absence on any possible level, I chose the eradication.Deleting. Blocking. Throwing away gifts, pictures, mementos. And I felt good when I did that.
I appreciate your guidance with one of the top relationship speed bumps.. Some people never see what's really going on...Been going andl growing for 29years. It is what it is...stand your ground. Boundries
I know this sounds weird, but I’m old now and I’ve noticed all my narcissists had a really thin upper lip and long huge chin. Like a crescent moon 🌙 face. I notice they have broken family, usually no dad or adopted. Several siblings same gender all from different fathers. They love money and cars etc. boats
Toxic people keep other toxic people as perceived friends. Toxic people are all neurotic. They come from all walks of life . There is a commonality of Toxic people . None can critically think . Toxic people only have time for empaths if and only if they can get favors from them . My take . Thank you .
They started making threats so it made it very simple to cut contact. Especially after giving my family covid TWICE while knowingly symptomatic at least one of those times. Self preservation.
So now I'm confused which is par the course when watching these vlogs. So let me get this right; If you're in a relationship with a Narcissist go no contact, block social media, but if the 'Narc' has discarded you, social media has been blocked anyway ! And what if you both have 'Narc' traits, who decides who actually is the 'Narc'. So you're both blocking each other, what's the point of social media ? Maybe that's what's toxic about the whole situation? Too much social media to ruminate about !!! There was a time when you used to sit down and talk problems out ! Now we are so busy blocking each other it's become 'Toxic' !!
But when you urself are dieing and they are killing u they keep lieing, cheating, stealing,discarding and I left o e stage out that's breaking you down to nothing when u realize one day that you have nothing and will allway have nothing and could end up losing ur life because of this person while they are off doing whatever they want ur saving space for them for weeks months years and it's the same thing always hurting ur with really not even a true sorry but it's ur fault they are acting this horrible way it's time to go
It's good not to overanalyze other people otherwise they don't have a chance to be what they're truly are able to be only if you believe that it can be good can they be good so give him a chance and try to see the good in them and not focus on the bad in them.................
14 months ago my Narc MIL manipulated herself unto our small parcel of land. She did everything she could to make it happen in spite of the fact that she knew she wasn’t wanted and that things were not good between us, due to 14 years of toxic behavior aimed at me. Her son knows she’s eccentric and getting more and more difficult as she ages. I have gone no contact with her since April/2021. But having to see her comings and going’s makes it hard. Our privacy on our own property is not at the ideal amount. We are trying to fix that….but it takes time. In the mean time I’m having mass amounts of anxiety and don’t feel at peace on my own property. I want her off our land, but she has done all that she can to make sure her tiny home is as permanently set up as possible. My husband now knows that it was a mistake and that he didn’t do right by me (I was given no choice in all of this.) So one day at a time. 😞😡🙏🏻
My dilemma is that I've been married to the narc for almost 2 life sentences.... 50 years. He spent all the money and I have none to leave. That puts me in the position of being stuck and also feeling SO incredibly stupid for staying long enough so as not to be able to earn money to move out. He retired last year, covid came along to complicate life more and being in the close quarters of an apartment... well, sheesh this is almost like a hell on earth. I stay away from him 23 hours of the day, but there's the one or two hours that you just decide to chat with them and wow, what a mistake that is! The 5 signs were there all within the first year of marriage, but I stayed. Sheesh. How dumb is that???
Linda Moore. No dilemma... Empty all of the joint bank accounts, pack some clothes and go... Anywhere you can even if you need to go to a women's shelter- yes you are being abused so treat it as such. I stayed 37 years and felt the same but guess what? I'm over questioning myself, I am not my enemy - he was. My counselor said I am lucky I didn't leave the house in a box. DF...( I don't use his name) threatened to put a gun to my head and kill me unless I returned home. Get a new phone and number and a PO Box and change your address. If you need to get a restraining order do it don't question yourself. Bless you and your journey.
I also wanted to add... get legal help and if you don't have money to do it in St Louis county and City there is a place called legal aid and they will help you for free they are attorneys. Not sure where you live but it's worth looking into where you live. . File for divorce immediately. He who files first gets the benefit of having the other person fill out and submit their paperwork first then you can see it before you fill out yours. It's easier to see what kind of bullshit they're going to pull. A non pension earning exspouse is entitled to half of the others pension and half the AMOUNT of his social security. He still gets the whole amount of SS. You won't be homeless -don't stay - violence could be just around the corner. Don't worry about getting on your feet, there is help all around. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! YOU'RE STRONG!!! YOU ARE WORTH THE WORK!!! God bless.
@@Iamthebossofyou Without giving too much detail, I would never be free of him. I would never move out of the town we live in and he would hound me to death. When I say he spent everything, I mean everything. He fully thought he would die young as the rest of the males in his family but he's wrong and has outlived them all by 4 years. Because of this, he made sure he spent everything. I'm not leaving with only CPP and OAS. I can't live on that little. Combined they wouldn't pay rent on a shack in the woods. He's not a danger to me. Our kids and grandkids love me too much for him to take a chance on anything foolish. He's way sneakier. A covert for sure. The kids can see what he's like, for which I'm glad and I do want them to love their dad. I now have the tools and especially the knowledge that I've done ALL I could over the years and it's OKAY to quit trying. Thanks, Sally for the advice and I'm so very happy that you made it out. God bless you too!!
I treated my ex badly but i deeply regret it. My behaviour resembled that of a narc though I surely dont have npd. I miss her every day now she went no contact. pls dont judge ppl prematurely.
There's something called limited contact for situations like these. Basically it means that you only interact with the narc when absolutely necessary and keep things strictly business. Don't share personal stuff and don't react when they try to provoke or trigger you. If the narc is trying to start drama, disengage and walk away.
I was in the same situation except my sick mother was also a toxic narcissistic personality. As shiniemi suggested you could keep things to limited contact but if your sister is a drama queen it's gonna be tough as you'll have the funeral to cope with eventually. Once that's over you may be able to go no contact (as I've done with my sister). On the day our mother died my sister was weeping and wailing over her body yet still managed to make it all about her by blaming me for not being a good sister to her in the past and reminding me how she'd supported me when I was ill blah blah blah! All this when our mother had just died. Then she started sending me hateful texts late at night accusing me of stalking her on social media and never being a good sister to her etc. Sometimes you just need to cut these toxic people out of your life. Just because they're family doesn't give them the right to abuse you. Best wishes.
@@pianolearner7 Dealing with a narcissist during a funeral sounds like it's own hell. Perfect feeding ground for a toxic person since they can trigger people without having to put much effort into it. And you're absolutely right! Just because it's a family member doesn't mean that they have the right to abuse, nor is it something anyone is obligated to put up with!
Mine is an energy vampire who’s currently in therapy. He’s getting much better with the verbal abuse but does occasionally pull vampiric moves. It’s the whole twin flame dynamic that is in my opinion toxic. Any thoughts?
As long as you enable them, they love you. The minute you call reality check, you are crazy!
So true
the 5 signs it's time for no contact, summarized:
1) you've identified you need space to heal
2) rumination has become a really big problem for you
3) the person has ended the relationship with you but are still breadcrumbing you
4) you're feeling intense anxiety every time you have to meet that person or contact them
5) there's no benefit to keeping this person in your life
It’s hard when you care about the person very deeply.
Caring is a big problem that will keep anyone stuck in a bad relationship. 🥲
@@jessepond2062 the worst part is that it wasn’t even a romantic relationship. But I wanted it to be.
Your job is to care about yourself the most 😉
It’s the trauma bond
At the end of the day we are responsible for our own happiness and you can never be happy with the wrong person.
:)
I found the best way with going no contact is to let go completely as quickly as possible. I have no conversations with anyone about the narcissist I separated from years ago. If mutual associates bring up his name, I say I'm not in contact with him nor am I interested in hearing anything about him. As time went on, I was happy to realize that I seldom thought of him at all and even if our paths crossed in our small community, I felt nothing emotional. Just relief!
After I showed my covert narcissist ex the door, she said to me "We can still be friends." I told her that I didn't want her for a friend. You have to be direct and show no weakness.
I left my Narcissistic Boyfriend today without any warning and immediately blocked him. I left in such a way that he was completely unaware I was going to do so ( being so full of himself he'd never expected me to do this unless he was the one to discard me. I don't feel guilty or ashamed of my actions. I just didn't want a life with a man like him for the next 20yrs or so. The freedom I've felt in these past hours to go out and get tipsy without fear of retribution or scolding off him is undescribeable. The hangover I have in the morning will be worth it. I won't unblock him nomatter how much I think I miss him. I won't reach out when it truly hits me in a few days what I've done in leaving him. I'll survive and have hope for the future.
Go grey rock STOP THE ABUSE TAKE BACK UR POWER THESE MAGGOTS NEVER CHANGE !!!! LIFES TOO SHORT TO DEAL WITH MAGGOTS LOVE URSELF N HEAL BLESSINGS TO ALL 💜💪
I’m going through it right now. I discarded my narc after a year of being together. 11 days no contact. Blocked her on all platforms and firewalled her with friends I know who know her. I don’t even know how I got here, I’m still shaking my head. It’s so crazy to watch all your videos and how they describe my exact situation with a narc. The fog is starting lift, however it’s hard not to ruminate or bargain for the relationship. I’ve never experienced that kind of emotional abuse before. I’m taking it one day at a time. Focusing on myself. In the end I’m fortunate to be out it could’ve been much worse. Thank you for what you do!
Glad to hear you're focusing on you. It gets better 🙏❤
I’m glad that you saw her true nature before becoming more romantically or financially tied to her. Be kind to yourself, this healing business is a process. I’m happy for you that you are away from that toxicity. There are good women who will appreciate you for who you are, not what you can do for them. I wish you peace and happiness.
It’s crazy, I left him back in May 2020 and every single one on this list applied! I knew in my heart it was abusive before I even knew was narcissism was.
Once you know you go you get out and you stay out 👍🙏 toxic or narcissis ,you can never make the wrong person happy 😁
The memory i still get anxiety watching this rumination . words i never heard before but can relate so well now. Breadcrumbing oh god. It was like a drug addiction
Always checking if theyre ok and then the drama manipulation.. I could go on and on. Im free now and healing but pain just thonking about how much i didnt understand and how much i guess i allowed..
@@karenrogers1896 right??!! I know I ruminate. But I never really knew it was a “thing”. I never heard of breadcrumbing either! I just always called it stringing you along. So glad these videos popped up.
@@karenrogers1896 oh and they never seem to care if you’re okay!!!
It’s so hard when a narcissist is in the family, and you thought this person loved you, respected your feelings and had your back. Especially if you exited a relationship with a spouse and this person was part of mutual support……
I'm pretty sure my name was thrown around, the good news, I wasn't anywhere near to hear or care!!
In May, 2022, I set limits with my sister in two areas. Her response was to tell me to never call, text, write, or visit her. I sent a couple of texts in July to test the waters, but no answer. I have been her supply for many years along with a few others. She must have gotten a new supplier. Okay, before she starts breadcrumbing me, I’ve decided to go No Contact because I feel so anxious interacting with her. She has not cared about my feelings, ever.
JUST the video I needed!
I watch your appropriate videos each time I get weak, start missing my husband which I haven't seen since Feb 6 and think of contacting him. Your videos help me to remain strong & continue with my no contact.
Intense anxiety all the way everyday all day. It’s crazy how one person can have such a big impact on your health, your life and just every aspect of your life.
Best one yet! I am on day 9 of no contact and this really drives the point home as to why. One of the things that I am doing that really helps (at least helps me) is that I have kept one or two of her most toxic e-mails to me. Whenever I get the urge to reach out I just take a quick look at the content of those e-mails and realize that there was a person in my life who for no discernable reason was cruel and vicious to me.
…and, not accepting your narcissistic parent’s postal hate mail.
Nah not had to do. Nothing is more expensive than another man or woman creating havoc and discomfort in your life.
My ex nark, though I was worse,because I took my electric,and water,I just left ,told the landlord I moved out,With hardly anything 😁
Right on! I appreciate you mentioning rumination as I think we need to be vigilant abound being “addicted” to being a SUPPLIER! Keep up the great work! :)
Andy, a "supplier" is also known as a co-dependent. Through therapy, I have broken my "rumination" habit - it doesn't help them and certainly doesn't help me!
@@monicaperez2843 Right on, M! I’ve traveled that path myself! Glad to hear u broke out!
There are four main reasons I went no contact:
1. She was triangulating our siblings against me and I got tired of listening to my siblings bad mouthing me or questioning me.
2. I got tired of being always on the defensive and having to put up a wall so as not to give her any information to use against me. I needed to not just do this with her, but with my other siblings as they would tell her everything.
3. I got tired of being called insane or being accused of bullying her just because I set up boundaries.
4. Because, when I asked her why she abused me, she blamed me, saying, "Because you react the way you do". So, if I stand up for myself or grey rock or just didn't respond, I was going to be abused.
In the end, I no longer loved or respected my sister anymore. She's a talented artist who wasted her time abusing me when she could have been making a name for herself. I hope that since I am no longer in her life, she can do something with her talent.
Unfortunately, I had to go no contact with my other five siblings. I, also, have an elderly aunt whose funeral I will be attending when she dies and I know my narcissistic sister and enabling siblings will be there. I dread having to deal with them. I'm planning on going in and out for the viewing and sitting in the back of the church for the service.
Narcs and funerals are worth a special item and I hope Christina reads my comment as well. My brother totally poisoned the ceremonies of my parents and when he died there was literally nobody to attend his funeral. He sabotaged every contact that tried to love him or tried to be nice to him.... I also did not go. The grief that is there are actually feelings of relief...
Perhaps the 2 words of a Narcissist dear to their hearts is the following . Use and Abuse . Go no contact . After all they only contact the empath to Use and Abuse . Thank you .
I've ignored my gutt for years reason being i was pathologized as a young adult by n.fam as having an anxiety disorder. . This made me ignore my feigns around others and how they might make me feel anxious or down or angry etc.,, now i see i was spot on.... never again will i oush my gutt feelings away. I have cptsd caused by cr*p.... and putting up with more of the same and ignoring your intuition. .. nope won't be doing that now I know what I didn't know. Anyone would be anxious in those situations 🙋🙋
I went no contact a couple of weeks ago after nearly 4 months in a LDR with someone who turned out to be a narcissist. Half of the time that I was with him I kept trying to assess if he was a narcissist and then it become quite clear that he is in fact a full blown narcissist.
I'm no victim, but it took me a minute to assess if manipulated me, just as much as he would manipulate his ex-wife by telling her to take off her makeup before her date or to remove her fake eyelashes. He was controlling and passive-aggressive.
He wanted to hold onto the relationship between and I. I know it was merely, because he didn't have a new source of supply. I pulled the rug out from under him when I cut all ties and blocked him from every point of social media, video chatting apps, phone, email, everything.
I went no contact for 18 months. Thought I had healed. Then she messaged an apology. And I caved in. Fake as usual. She claimed she changed but hadn't actually. Started no contact again. Makes me wonder if I'll ever heal from this.
You just had a setback. Keep up with the no contact this time. I went 6 months and broke NC by replying to a text which was him hoovering me. I realized fairly quickly and went NC again. I broke the NC again when he was following me on a walk and ended up walking with him. Twice more I tried to go NC and kept replying to his texts which were about general stuff like the weather (yep really)! He never talked about us at all so I was still in this kind of no man's land of not knowing what I was to him. I finally realised that I really needed to get out of this toxic situation for good. I messaged him asking him to leave me alone as I've moved on with my life and I've no intention of rekindling anything with him. Then I blocked. I have given myself the closure I needed and although there were many setbacks from the first NC, I did make it in the end.
Remember the peace you felt when she was gone. Hold on to that. It will motivate you to keep in keeping on
@@pianolearner7 what is hoovering please?
I went no contact a year ago and I am still so anxious.
It can take some time to get all balanced and grounded again after narcissistic abuse. I suggest you watch videos or read up on healing from narcissistic abuse. There's a lot of inner work you can do to get to a good place within yourself and get rid of the anxiety :)
It will pass, just breathe and trust yourself. Don't give yourself a deadline to feel better, your body knows what to do. You are exactly where you should be in your recovery.
It takes a lot time for our cortisol levels to return back to normal. Be patient with your self.
Thank you for bringing more sanity into this world, great advice! Totally agree.💗👍
I SOOOOOOO wish I could do this for me & my two children. My ex-husband is the most toxic, psychotic person I've ever met. He has mentally & emotionally abused my two awesome kiddos their entire lives. (And most of my life...I didn't know what he was until they were 4 & 6, they helped me see what he was!) No one & I mean NO ONE (attorneys, pediatrician, mediator, therapists, even now CPS!!) believes us about him. (Except my family, thank GOD!) No one will help me get them away from him, it's just amazing. Their personalities literally change around him, & it takes about 24 hours for his "residue" to disappear & they begin to be themselves again. My daughter has threatened to harm herself at his house, run away from his house & now he's made vile suggestive comments, "brushed" slowly some areas, & with his temper she's scared he's going to rape her. She told her school social worker, I called CPS, she's told her therapist---NOTHING but CRICKETS!!! I don't get it!! I don't know where else to turn!!! It's been years of that dream where you try to scream & nothing comes out. I can't get anyone to understand how DANGEROUS he is. Just because there aren't broken bones & bruises doesn't mean it's NOT ABUSE, HELLO???!! I am venting at the system, not toward anyone here...I know there are MANY of you who understand & I'm very grateful for that. No one should have to endure a relationship with satan. Love, hugs & God Bless you 💞💞
Pray girl pray. It is very hard bc no one sees them like we do. Hang in there and make plans
You're keeping me sane right now
I have to concur. Just found her today.
They don’t take it seriously. They see it as a challenge. No one is considered but themselves. Blocking is impossible because they thrive on anonymity. In that respect they are cowards.
I had to change job and move town. Years later.i am happier than ever😍😍😻😻💗💗
You're so right Christina!
Any form of manipulation, any form of gaslighting would be good enough reasons for me to flee . I had considered going full no contact earlier but I guess I thought that was too extreme at that time and so I rather stayed in a gray rock area which lasted about 5 years. But then two things happened. 1) I found out NPD (up until then I had gone to that minimal contact without actually knowing what that person really was about) And 2) there was that hoover/breadcrumbing that was really pissing me off. So after years of total emotional distancing, disengagement and absence on any possible level, I chose the eradication.Deleting. Blocking. Throwing away gifts, pictures, mementos. And I felt good when I did that.
Great video. Wish there’d been something this concise and cogent five years ago, but glad to have found your channel as I’m resharpening the saw.
I appreciate your guidance with one of the top relationship speed bumps.. Some people never see what's really going on...Been going andl growing for 29years. It is what it is...stand your ground. Boundries
I know this sounds weird, but I’m old now and I’ve noticed all my narcissists had a really thin upper lip and long huge chin. Like a crescent moon 🌙 face. I notice they have broken family, usually no dad or adopted. Several siblings same gender all from different fathers. They love money and cars etc. boats
Lol..I just said yesterday " narcissists/liars have very thin lips."
Susie Williams it’s undeniably, even my grandmother said the same thing recently. Look at bush sr. No lips
I agree with the cars & boats. And big chin fat neck.
@@ALLfemalesLiecheatnsteal 😂😂😂
Very helpful advice, how do I go no contact with my mom, she hates me ,she has served my relationship with everyone possible.
Toxic people keep other toxic people as perceived friends. Toxic people are all neurotic. They come from all walks of life . There is a commonality of Toxic people . None can critically think . Toxic people only have time for empaths if and only if they can get favors from them . My take . Thank you .
Thanks for your comment 🙏❤
And to just drag them down to their low level.
They started making threats so it made it very simple to cut contact. Especially after giving my family covid TWICE while knowingly symptomatic at least one of those times. Self preservation.
So now I'm confused which is par the course when watching these vlogs.
So let me get this right;
If you're in a relationship with a Narcissist go no contact, block social media, but if the 'Narc' has discarded you, social media has been blocked anyway !
And what if you both have 'Narc' traits, who decides who actually is the 'Narc'.
So you're both blocking each other, what's the point of social media ?
Maybe that's what's toxic about the whole situation? Too much social media to ruminate about !!!
There was a time when you used to sit down and talk problems out !
Now we are so busy blocking each other it's become 'Toxic' !!
But when you urself are dieing and they are killing u they keep lieing, cheating, stealing,discarding and I left o e stage out that's breaking you down to nothing when u realize one day that you have nothing and will allway have nothing and could end up losing ur life because of this person while they are off doing whatever they want ur saving space for them for weeks months years and it's the same thing always hurting ur with really not even a true sorry but it's ur fault they are acting this horrible way it's time to go
It's good not to overanalyze other people otherwise they don't have a chance to be what they're truly are able to be only if you believe that it can be good can they be good so give him a chance and try to see the good in them and not focus on the bad in them.................
Everyone recognized only good in the first place, and got bit by a snake. They need to learn to recognize the evil in people. And run.
Sorry but narcissists do t have any good in them
That’s how I got into the deep end of hell.
14 months ago my Narc MIL manipulated herself unto our small parcel of land. She did everything she could to make it happen in spite of the fact that she knew she wasn’t wanted and that things were not good between us, due to 14 years of toxic behavior aimed at me. Her son knows she’s eccentric and getting more and more difficult as she ages. I have gone no contact with her since April/2021. But having to see her comings and going’s makes it hard. Our privacy on our own property is not at the ideal amount. We are trying to fix that….but it takes time. In the mean time I’m having mass amounts of anxiety and don’t feel at peace on my own property. I want her off our land, but she has done all that she can to make sure her tiny home is as permanently set up as possible. My husband now knows that it was a mistake and that he didn’t do right by me (I was given no choice in all of this.) So one day at a time. 😞😡🙏🏻
Excellent video!
Yes I found it very helpful! Thanks great video 😀
It definitely can be 🙏❤
My dilemma is that I've been married to the narc for almost 2 life sentences.... 50 years. He spent all the money and I have none to leave. That puts me in the position of being stuck and also feeling SO incredibly stupid for staying long enough so as not to be able to earn money to move out. He retired last year, covid came along to complicate life more and being in the close quarters of an apartment... well, sheesh this is almost like a hell on earth. I stay away from him 23 hours of the day, but there's the one or two hours that you just decide to chat with them and wow, what a mistake that is! The 5 signs were there all within the first year of marriage, but I stayed. Sheesh. How dumb is that???
Linda Moore. No dilemma... Empty all of the joint bank accounts, pack some clothes and go... Anywhere you can even if you need to go to a women's shelter- yes you are being abused so treat it as such. I stayed 37 years and felt the same but guess what? I'm over questioning myself, I am not my enemy - he was. My counselor said I am lucky I didn't leave the house in a box. DF...( I don't use his name) threatened to put a gun to my head and kill me unless I returned home. Get a new phone and number and a PO Box and change your address. If you need to get a restraining order do it don't question yourself. Bless you and your journey.
I also wanted to add... get legal help and if you don't have money to do it in St Louis county and City there is a place called legal aid and they will help you for free they are attorneys. Not sure where you live but it's worth looking into where you live. . File for divorce immediately. He who files first gets the benefit of having the other person fill out and submit their paperwork first then you can see it before you fill out yours. It's easier to see what kind of bullshit they're going to pull. A non pension earning exspouse is entitled to half of the others pension and half the AMOUNT of his social security. He still gets the whole amount of SS.
You won't be homeless -don't stay - violence could be just around the corner. Don't worry about getting on your feet, there is help all around.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!! YOU'RE STRONG!!! YOU ARE WORTH THE WORK!!! God bless.
I was angry at myself too. You'll get over it.
Same boat here. 36 years. We care too much and fear too much.💜🙏🏻
@@Iamthebossofyou Without giving too much detail, I would never be free of him. I would never move out of the town we live in and he would hound me to death. When I say he spent everything, I mean everything. He fully thought he would die young as the rest of the males in his family but he's wrong and has outlived them all by 4 years. Because of this, he made sure he spent everything. I'm not leaving with only CPP and OAS. I can't live on that little. Combined they wouldn't pay rent on a shack in the woods. He's not a danger to me. Our kids and grandkids love me too much for him to take a chance on anything foolish. He's way sneakier. A covert for sure. The kids can see what he's like, for which I'm glad and I do want them to love their dad. I now have the tools and especially the knowledge that I've done ALL I could over the years and it's OKAY to quit trying. Thanks, Sally for the advice and I'm so very happy that you made it out. God bless you too!!
I JUST LOVE 💕 THE WAY YOU EXPLAIN THINGS, THANK YOU 🙏!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, you’re amazing. Thank you, your videos have given me a lot of clarity.
Hey there Christina!! I hope all is well! 😉😍❤️🙏
Hey hey 🙏❤
I treated my ex badly but i deeply regret it. My behaviour resembled that of a narc though I surely dont have npd. I miss her every day now she went no contact. pls dont judge ppl prematurely.
Very useful reaffirming and helpful. Thank you.
Great video thank you, you know your stuff
What to do when you share a sick mother with a toxic narcissistic sister? To go no contact is my first choice but not completely possible.
There's something called limited contact for situations like these. Basically it means that you only interact with the narc when absolutely necessary and keep things strictly business. Don't share personal stuff and don't react when they try to provoke or trigger you. If the narc is trying to start drama, disengage and walk away.
I was in the same situation except my sick mother was also a toxic narcissistic personality. As shiniemi suggested you could keep things to limited contact but if your sister is a drama queen it's gonna be tough as you'll have the funeral to cope with eventually. Once that's over you may be able to go no contact (as I've done with my sister). On the day our mother died my sister was weeping and wailing over her body yet still managed to make it all about her by blaming me for not being a good sister to her in the past and reminding me how she'd supported me when I was ill blah blah blah! All this when our mother had just died. Then she started sending me hateful texts late at night accusing me of stalking her on social media and never being a good sister to her etc. Sometimes you just need to cut these toxic people out of your life. Just because they're family doesn't give them the right to abuse you. Best wishes.
@@pianolearner7 Dealing with a narcissist during a funeral sounds like it's own hell. Perfect feeding ground for a toxic person since they can trigger people without having to put much effort into it. And you're absolutely right! Just because it's a family member doesn't mean that they have the right to abuse, nor is it something anyone is obligated to put up with!
How do you deal with adult children and grandchildren? They are my narcs “ bonus babies”. That’s my only struggle.
Do a video on why people ghost now..
They will use the kids as pawns but if u try to deal with them without a court order u will end up in jail
Mine is an energy vampire who’s currently in therapy. He’s getting much better with the verbal abuse but does occasionally pull vampiric moves. It’s the whole twin flame dynamic that is in my opinion toxic. Any thoughts?
If it was a Portuguese Man of War, you’d be extremely lucky to even have the option to go swim in the ocean a second time after a run in with one
Good point 🙏❤
Yes good point
I need help
Kids make it hard when ur dealing with an evil 😈 person
Lifesaver
All millennials and younger
✅✅✅✅✅ 😱 block!