1 talks jokes about sex early, often. 2.checks out other women openly, in front of you. 3. Puts you down. RUN. 4.moves way too fast. 5. Trying to control you, especially early. 6. Gets you to pay for every date and puts in little or no effort. 7.everything is what is convenient for him. 8. He pressures you or makes you do things that make you feel uncomfortable. 9. Always has excuses why he can't account, plan dates with you ahead... could be dating others, etc?
This all Keith Martin and those mj posers men online. Proof those guys are that way either way. Lol.lamf Signs of them. 1. Sex, cyber sex, porn hookups shorts causal relationships. 2. Check out other women disrespectful behavior. 3. He bully manipulation be little women comparing labeling 4. Move to fast. When you don't know the person yet. Red flag narrastic or control freak player abusive manipulate man. 5. Control freak player man. Manipulation bossy pushy mean assholes abuseiver. 6. Even if a guy pays still Never put effort into anything. Lazy man inscure man. A guy action says everything about him. 7. Everyone what convinced for him and rearrange a woman lifestyle. Not boyfriends material or husband material. 8. Uncomfortable things. Put comfotzone in a negative way pressing and full of excuses. 9. He can't commitment fears his own feelings. 10. Proof truth unfolded Get to know the guy before you start frist as friends before you start dating a guy. Never marry a man you Harley know. Avoid assholes with bad intentions and flaw issue man the player Unavailable men The guy who get possiveses cruelty controlling freak. Break the silent on an asshole man. I deserve better than how you treat me thank for making me stronger person and I know you never change you nasty behavior either way and if he cant man up and try to change his attitude towards me and women.
And they don't want to have a meaningful, fulfilled conversations with you, how he feels everyday, his struggles, don't relate to you. Your all conversations would be "good morning, how are you, what did you eat, what are you wearing" - from my own experience. And there would be so much silence, he would not be interested in talking to you actually. Just pretending, so try to know a person for 3 months, just then if you see he's genuine - move further. It took me 3 months to fully know a person and see that he just wanted something else from me, nothing serious. Men can't pretend for any longer. And moving fast with compliments, gifts - is a bad sign also.
1- only talk about sex , their jokes are what they want .. 2- checks out other woman in front you 3-he puts you down. 4- moves very fast. 5- control you. 6- no effort and never pays for the date. 7- changing selfishly 8-make you uncomfortable or compromise your standards. 9- full of excuses, very busy ,no commitment
My ex bf with his narcistic character was putting me down on every date. I was thinking its necessary for me to learn about me but i was wrong. I ran from him very fast.
I remember when my husband is still courting me. He will travel for 2 hours to pick me up (vv) for a date because we are living in a different city. When I said I want to eat this I want to go there he will come day or night, raining or not. He never let me pay for anything even if I am offering. He’s literally the man that you’ll think that's too good to be true. Then one day he cheated on me and left me with my tears and unanswered questions.
Yes! All these red flags came up in my previous relationship and I over looked them .but I’m glad I know now that they are red flags and shouldn’t be ignored.
This video is such great, great, it happened to me then.. Thank God I'm single. It is a very good thing to take your time and get to know the man first!Men looks on validation while women looks for the assurance.. Sometimes you can feel that these men has bad intentions , follow your instincts. Attention doesn't always equal good intentions!
I remember I fell for someone who only say me as a hookup and had all the red flags, hooked up with lots of other girls. I didn't notice for a while as I hoped it would become a relationship, until my friend snapped me into reality. I don't want to make the same mistake again
I think that maybe the woman can pay for both once in a great while to treat her man, but the man should almost always pay. It’s a way of showing he cares about her, and that he is financially stable enough to possibly provide for a wife and family. This is God’s way.
That was fine in the past when it was only men working. Or when most jobs were manual labour intensive. Today where young women reportedly out earn men, it makes no sense.
@@thrilla72 even if the woman is a millionaire it's courtesy for the man to pay and show her he's intrested. Only guy's who are dating multiple women and not really intrested will insist on the woman paying. If a guy had a date with a hot Victoria secret model you think he's gonna ask her to pay for her meals? Probably not!
I dated a guy he was cute and really funny but he then started criticizing me. He was cruel around the fact that I am a past anorexic-well 3 years. He would give out to me if I got dizzy saying I was like a crazy person when I panicked when I could not see clearly. He'd get angry and interrogate me on why i didn't eat. I explained I miscalculated my needs but he interrogated me for ages. I had to tell him that he was upsetting and even scaring me. I broke it off and he fooled me into going back out again. I tried to make excuses saying it was frustration with the eating disorder and it would stop but it wasn't. Then he started complaining about all aspects of my personality the fact that I am a bit clumsy. I could forgive the first couple of problems he had but yelling at me for spilling tea into a sugar bowl because I hadn't a good nights rest was not right. Another sign is a man that doesn't look after his pets. I had wondered why such a cute and friendly guy was single I wonder no more. I left him the next day and told him his way of treating me was not inexcusable.
You don't miscalculate your needs. Sorry. That doesn't make any sense. He had good reason, he was caring about you. Though it may have seemed a bit much to you, and maybe it was.
She is so right! I had a bf of 4 1/2 years who talked about nothing but sex, would never pick me up but would make me drive to him. Put me outside my comfort zone by trying to force me to do sexual things I didn't want. Still texts me every day. Asks how I am (I'm battling depression and he says to "snap out of it" as if it's that easy). Only his problems are "real" and he still sends sexual texts and disgusting pics after I left him. The writing was on the wall but I ignored it & wasted 5 years of my life. Ladies, look at the signs and don't ignore them like I did!
I just stopped answering the phone for a guy that my spirit told me he was not the one. I knew he was not but he knew how to be what I call an investor. He gave a lottle so he could get something back. But he always joked about sex. So unattractive. Thank you
Dear 'Clueless' A man who what's to play you, NEEDS his own place- what better platform to trick women who think as You do. Now he can do it WITHOUT having ppl he Actually cares about (I.e., his parents/sibling) witness him hurting/using you- & laughing his ass off. You can take these words as harsh or you can take it as honest. This host is 100%, she should be listened to.
Amazing video. I got 8/9 points. I’m glad I dumped this online user before meeting up with him. Excuses, his terms only, putting me at discomfort, suggestive remarks. Thank you!❤️
Lol old school turned to be the smartest after all they never experienced these relationships madness our generation deal with it today ,Now You need to lie detective before you say hello to whoever before you start to have anything with them weather friendship or a relationship. I will defenitly but this in mind thank you for the informative clip .
I wish I watched your video years earlier, it would have saved me so much heartache. Thank you for sharing Renee. I appreciate you sharing this nugget of wisdom on the RUclips platform.
So glad I was able to help you . I know what it feels like to wish I had known all this stuff sooner , but better late then never and as long as you are implementing it , that's what makes the difference x
I am 38 and was with my (ex) boyfriend who was 5 years older than me and we ALWAYS spliteverything on dates..I think he viewed it as its normal to go 50/50 and I thought it was.. but i always felt he should and could have paid for at least some dates himself.
I feel like I'm more of an exception than the rule as a man, due to the fact that I look at the spiritual psychological and emotional characteristics more than the physical. I've noticed that I can rule out a woman rather quickly by getting whether I resonate with her or not. I haven't gone in a date in years because I haven't found a woman that truly resonates with me. I Watch how other male relationship coaches talk and I'm rather put off by their emphasis on the physical being more important and to me that is a recipe for disaster.
I wish I had this class in high school.. it would have saved me a lot of pain. thanks for the lessons on love and sex and the difference in between. :)
They stray so easily. Out hunting all the time. Not worth getting to know if they're good or bad because give them a little bit of time and I can assure you 9 times out of 10?...they'll end up being bad. I speak from experience and many girlfriend's experiences.
Guess i got one of the good ones...35 years, until he passed away. I do hate to see you so jaded though. I’ve dated some good men in my time as a widow. They’ve had a hard act to follow, but they were overall decent people that i think would make someone else good mates.
I think it's best if you ask out guys first? think about it, by waiting around for a guys to show obvious interest you have much fewer options and many of those guys will likely be players who are used to charming women anyway. If you take the first step you get to choose whoever you want (if they'll have you)
@@jhonhoppins522 Yes, that is BAD ADVICE. A lot of guys will have her, this way he can be lazy. It's an ego boost for him. DOESN'T MEAN HE CARES ABOUT HER. Sorry, but women SHOULD NOT. Guys see woman who do that as thirsty and masculine and for being masculine, they will eventually resent her for taking his role.
Phenomenal video. I was at Walmart loading my cart with water and employee came up behind me and helped me load the water on to my cart. I thanked him and walked away. After I checked out he followed me up to my car. I take it he was following me on surveillance. Kinda creepy!! He Help me load my water into my car. Then ask me if I dated and I told him no. He said I'd like to take you out we could talk exchange numbers. So I'm like what's the harm. It's not something I do often because I have been asked before to exchange numbers and it's not an easy thing to do. Right away he wanted to take me out to dinner. He was moving really fast I wasn't having it. I wanted to talk to get to know him. He is a truck driver for the company. He didn't take much of an interest in me he was constantly wanting to meet up with me when hes in town and I saw this as a red flag because if a guy's interested in you they would want to know all about you. At 1 point he said he was in Oregon and I told him how beautiful it is to send me a picture... He couldn't even do that for me!!! I take it he was lying. Needless to say we were supposed to meet up on the 8th and it never happened. He never called. I truly believe God removes people from your life to protect you. Creep!!!
You gave the warning to men about complaining about who pays for dates, yet it's women in the comments complaining about it. That's why i always say the bill gets split on the first date. I don't know you, you don't know me. I have no reason to invest in someone i don't know and neither do they. That and I'm not interested in being a foodie call for a free meal.
The first time he kissed me he said “if your daughter wasn’t sleeping in the sofa, I would take you upstairs “. I went home. It took me two and a half years to see the truth he is a narcissist! Hurt me bad ! And my daughter. All you say is true !!!
Hi Renee Everything you said is what is happening to me now. 9 months later. After I have left him total of 5 times, and he keeps chasing after me. I left him because he is broken, and he was always telling "me to leave him and he is not worthy of me" He was in a 5 year live in relationship. What ever happened there messed him up really bad. Now he is always nasty with his words, he has never called me names before, has never been argumentative. He always apologised when I tell him I don't like something. Our communication was amazing. But since our last breakup, 5th time only face to face breakup and only time he has seen me cry. When we got back together 3 days later that was when his communication style changed. For the worse. Now this was only in Oct 30th we got back together Nov 2nd. We got into an argument yesterday because I asked him to be nicer and kinder with his words. He went on a tangent and I chose not to engage. Didn't open his messages until an hour ago, and I haven't responded. He has been acting out of character. I am not a punching bag, nor do I want to leave him when he is at his worst. I know he has been under a lot of stress, but then again I do not deserve rude crude detached unkind and a disrespectful man
Hi Lovely , ok this sounds a little like a narcissist / empath relationship which is very toxic. In relationships we have to look at patterns not potential or promises. And from what I can see there is a very toxic pattern going on. In his mind he doesn't need to change , because you are always there to take him back . I know you don't want to leave him , but if you want progress and peace and really see if he is able to be the loving partner you deserve , then you will have to leave and put that boundary down. If you want to know how I can coach you through this just send me an email to hello@reneeslansky.com
Thank you soooooo much Renee. I agree with the woman paying for date sometimes If I am on a first date and I am unsure of the man, I pay for the meal both ours. It gives me the excuse of you didn't pay for me, so don't expect anything, and I am free to leave anytime because I paid for the meal. And when I do pay sometimes when things are going well, the men appreciates being treated out as well. The sentiment is returned 10 folds later. After a scolding of never do it again! Thank you Renee 🥰🥰
@@ReneeSlansky I looked up narcissist/empath relationship, it makes so much sense!!! I am Virgo, snake, and INFJ. So my martyrdom and intuitive empath self is multiplied by way too much. Thank you Renee for helping find what I needed to find. GOD BLESS YOU 🥰🥰🥰
2. yes he was standing next to me and sooo checking a girl with tattoos and says i love women with tattoos or scream to a coworker you are so beautiful, i didnt know if he was trying to making me jealous or what 9 he stoode me up for the first date cause he was too drunk to remember :l
Wrong; if I ask you on a date, I’m buying. If she’s pays she just friend zoned you. If she asks me out, she better be paying or I’m thinking she just wanted a free meal. Why is this so hard for people.
You are definitely right. I noticed that signs to the person I am dealing with for 3 months, but now we haven't contacted even he's already here in the Philippines. But now I actually walk away from him, he never text me anymore. But then I am okay with that at least I knew that he has a bad intention.
You are way too lenient on the pay part imo. As a 29yr old guy, I don't think I'm very old school, splitting is more comfortable (keeps out any sense of owing). However, repeatedly making the girl pay is kind of insane, not just bad intention. That or completely non-functional in society, embarrassing just thinking about it happening.
hi good day thanks for your advice Can you do a video on going out with a married man when he tells you he's Not happy but yet still hes Not leaving his wife he does't want her to know about you and he keeps holding on to you I have a girl friend who's going through this
I agree with most of your information..but if a guy approaches me with the intentions of securing me as a mate, I REFUSE to pay for a date. You approach a woman because she has something of value to you, so YOU must pay the full price. I VET, he COURTS.
@@Freedom_is_essential1 Actually I like a man to lead, and if he is asking me out, then it's a date. And it would feel really weird to pay for a date a man asked for.
Sometimes the initial stage, first month is great and fits the bill and then it changes the next month the red flags show up 1.) convenient for him 2.) check out other women openly 3.) he always seems to have excuses 4.) not accountable 5.) moves too fast He actually wasn’t all about sex and paid for me I totally, still toxic
I wish I had had these videos when I was young. I feel that all men I have met have had bad intentions. "I dream about to wake up you on my side", sounds pretty innocent but I feel it is disgusting to hear after two-or-three days knowing each other. "Knowing" - there is not even any knowing yet. After this "wake up with you" comes: "How much do you pay rent?" Definitely, the most important facts to know right away?
You are so right when you said all he talks about it sex. I was dating a man, he was married. It took me a long time to see that he was getting his needs met. The ones he wasn't getting met by his wife. He seems like such a great guy, but I think he is a player!! First of all he was cheating on his wife. He really made it seem that he was unhappy in his relationship and that he was staying with her because of financial reasons. He didn't want a divorce because she would get half of the money that he gets in his pension. Some of the things you said rang true, but I must say that he was very generous with his money and paid for a lot of things. He did talk about sex a lot and it bothered me. He would always talk about one particular thing all the time.
Same goes.. mostly topic he chat with me about sex thing. Is like wth.. only this he is most interested... I even want to know what is his interest lik couldn't find
Since you are married can you please speak about marriage... How to have your own life and at the same time great sable marriage for life? Love. Thanx.
My husband verbally abuses me and once in a while he gives me a bit of physical abuse He once rapped a cable around his throat to joke himself in front of me because he thought I was going to leave him He called me horrible names and is very controlling I am now planning to exit my marriage I failed to see the signs when I was dating him
Hi Louisa , so sorry you are experiencing that terror and abuse . You do not have to put up wiht this and I would call the police if I was you and seek legal and professional advice so you can leave and be safe.
Unfortunately, I've never met a guy who was on the up and up. I finally married this one guy who was ambitous and I would give and give and give. He'd just stay with me if I was constantly agreeing with him. (Narcissist) When I'd start to stand up for myself, you'd get this blank gaze like what? He ended up cheating on me with a really ugly girl 10 years younger, I was like what? She is like a robot. She mirrors him at everything he says. It's like he honestly wants a drone (control freak). If a guy wants a drone, I don't know is it worth it?
Ok so seems like there is a pattern forming . Did you want to know more about my week course and how it can help you attract the right men , break any toxic cycles and have a thriving love life?
Uggh, another one😫😫. The worst part of being a player is CONSTANT WORRY about getting my face turned after some cute chick has her good hand hung way to the side and I freeze and get slapped easily. I don't know any karate at all or any of that...wish I did though, uggh.
Hi Renee! My boyfriend did #8 when we had started dating, then something happened and he just wanted kind of fwb and then well I actually left him and then he asked me to date him and agreed to not ask me to do that and I told him I wanted him to be happy and I wanted to make sure that it's what he wanted...and he said he was happy when he was intimate with me holding me in his arms, kissing me and when we do things together...etc Do you think a guy can actually change something that was really a big deal to him to be with a woman that he cares about ?
What a beautiful bright spark you are, with lots of good and clear tips. Thank you so much! Your husband is very lucky to have you as his wife. Good wishes from Scotland
The first sign in the video was a huge red flag that I ignored first ❣️ then I continued with the rest of the video thinking how can I possibly ignore all these red flags. I then realized that I didn't even swallow my saliva till the end of the video 😭
Hi..I enjoy watching your video. Wonder how to find out if the guy was for real or he was just playing.we met only on Facebook. Hope you can make a vidio about fb lovers.lol.
Thank you so much.he always tell me that he love me,but he always dont have time for me.sometimes,it took almost whole day before he seen my message. But I seen him online many times.i ask him to let me go.but he refuse. And keep saying he was just bc.but he never forget me.aisst..that was makes me confused.
Hi, I just wanna ask you. Last year it was a rough time for me. My bf and I were quarreling a lot of times. Since I felt that he was cheating on me. I still think he is still coz he hid his messages on his phone and I can't find it when I saw the notification. Yesterday he said something that I can't get out of my head. He slipped saying "why didn't I walk away when his given me a chance/opportunity ? Coz we were fighting a lot coz he was changing. I was hurt coz I truly have feelings for him but unlucky for me.
As a guy, This HOST has it DOWN 100% Having meet a woman who seems to share Renee Slansky's point of view,. (Pushing away those 'user/player' men and opening up to men who respect her, I will/have been treating her with immense respect & admiration, picking up on her nuances and stated & unstated emotional needs (& desires). Many of us men, even the bad ones can spot a rare women, such as she is. When I first laid eyes on her, back around July, I felt she might be different. (A little skinnier than my taste, (well under 170lbs.) along with how recently we met, caused me to be hesitant & cautious. It was my friends brother (a bit of a player) who really encouraged my getting to know her. He knew me, saying, "you a good kook Brugh! You know you put that weight on her). The point is, HE saw her self esteem and inner beauty, thus, he facilitated Her and I getting together, pointing out his observations of her interest in me. He could have said, " She ain't yo' type fool' and approached her himself.
people in family have bad intentions.... best is to stop dating them and cut them out of your life for good... let them suffer for all the materialistic greed they were plotting against u .... let them satisfy it by attaching another house b4 they they get the final kick in there rotten asses... ( iam sure this message is very clear and accessable to them without doubt)....
1) asked me how it feels to realize your ex husband's girlfriend is prettier than you 2) once said he wants to own me - when I said people don't own each other he got super quiet 3) recently said he felt like I loved him more than he loves me 4) confessed that he broke his sister's cell phone in half and then said he is prone to breaking things and might do the same to mine in the future 5) sometimes ignores for days, weeks, even when can be seen online and but said wifi is weak so he couldn't return texts 6) sent picture of his cousins girlfriend that he'd been helping through a potential suicide, I was happy he helped her, but didn't understand why he had one nor why he sent the photo and yes she was beautiful 7) took credit for something I did in order to impress his Aunts 8) told his Aunt one of my deepest secrets during a really rough time 9) Once told me I should not tell him my problems since he wasn't in a position to help me even though I never asked for help, I just wanted his support 10) when we first met, one of the first things he said was "I'm not going to mess this up and if I did my family will be so mad at me" 11) In the beginning his Aunt said he was someone who needed guidance and that someone like me could he help him 12) didn't like it if I asked too many questions AND told me he rarely asks anyone questions, just lets them talk 13) suggested I buy a house before he moved to the US 14) Often mentioned how everybody loves him 15) Once he introduced me to one of his friends as his future wife, the friend replied "which one"? 16) There was a pic of me on his FB for a while, it's gone now, but someone once commented under my pic..."is this the new chic"? 17) If I bring up an issue or have questions he suddenly begins to have doubts about the relationship All of this and more while at the same time saying I'm the love of his life, wanted to get married, I'm his best friend, will always protect me, he respects me, loves me, adores me, said I was beautiful, wanted to be together till death do us part, I'm his other half, etc.
I am 57..I'm not a player..but after many years 20 .I have a girlfriend who is 63 now..and I'd like to be her friend..I worked with her...I dont want to loose her as a friend..no matter what..will she dump me...?? I'm looking for a female friend, and in time , if she wants more ..I'm ok..iether way ..I will be her friend..is this ok??? I dont want her to think I'm just using her...
1 talks jokes about sex early, often. 2.checks out other women openly, in front of you. 3. Puts you down. RUN. 4.moves way too fast. 5. Trying to control you, especially early. 6. Gets you to pay for every date and puts in little or no effort. 7.everything is what is convenient for him. 8. He pressures you or makes you do things that make you feel uncomfortable. 9. Always has excuses why he can't account, plan dates with you ahead... could be dating others, etc?
This all Keith Martin and those mj posers men online. Proof those guys are that way either way. Lol.lamf
Signs of them.
1. Sex, cyber sex, porn hookups shorts causal relationships.
2. Check out other women disrespectful behavior.
3. He bully manipulation be little women comparing labeling
4. Move to fast. When you don't know the person yet. Red flag narrastic or control freak player abusive manipulate man.
5. Control freak player man. Manipulation bossy pushy mean assholes abuseiver.
6. Even if a guy pays still Never put effort into anything. Lazy man inscure man.
A guy action says everything about him.
7. Everyone what convinced for him and rearrange a woman lifestyle.
Not boyfriends material or husband material.
8. Uncomfortable things. Put comfotzone in a negative way pressing and full of excuses.
9. He can't commitment fears his own feelings.
10.
Proof truth unfolded
Get to know the guy before you start frist as friends before you start dating a guy.
Never marry a man you Harley know.
Avoid assholes with bad intentions and flaw issue man the player
Unavailable men
The guy who get possiveses cruelty controlling freak.
Break the silent on an asshole man.
I deserve better than how you treat me thank for making me stronger person and I know you never change you nasty behavior either way and if he cant man up and try to change his attitude towards me and women.
I have heard my share of the one that moves way too fast talking of marriage on first date calling me babe on second date .F***ck him!!
All of these will actually make her chase the man even more
Youl still date him!!
And they don't want to have a meaningful, fulfilled conversations with you, how he feels everyday, his struggles, don't relate to you. Your all conversations would be "good morning, how are you, what did you eat, what are you wearing" - from my own experience. And there would be so much silence, he would not be interested in talking to you actually. Just pretending, so try to know a person for 3 months, just then if you see he's genuine - move further. It took me 3 months to fully know a person and see that he just wanted something else from me, nothing serious. Men can't pretend for any longer. And moving fast with compliments, gifts - is a bad sign also.
Key...mature conversations. They are never interested in having real conversations & meaningful conversations about your life & future.
Women, who are players do, however. I guess not nearly as much as those who are not tho
We are grown up if he can’t afford to take you out don’t date him. If you can’t take me where I can take myself you are not the dude for me.
Exactly but don’t pay for your dates
Exactly. High value women don't pay on any sates
Right!!100%!
He probably can but believes in equality
That's the comment by an adult independent and strong woman... smh!
He is a player when he has no time to meet you in a public place. He has time when you invite him at youre home.
lol. shhh.
Or when he invites the woman at his place.
What she is talking about is a bad guy... not necessary players... Players are much more subtle and manipulative...
Yes I feel so also
u r right
Very and lie constantly
I agree. Players are subtle and manipulative.
mortonbay chestnut, you are splitting hairs, bad guys and players are both BAD!!!
1- only talk about sex , their jokes are what they want .. 2- checks out other woman in front you 3-he puts you down. 4- moves very fast. 5- control you. 6- no effort and never pays for the date. 7- changing selfishly 8-make you uncomfortable or compromise your standards. 9- full of excuses, very busy ,no commitment
have been 3 years in relationship i just realized he got almost all the sign 💔
:(
Same here
I never pay! Never! Not until there’s a definite relationship and a QUALITY man won’t let you pay!!!
My ex bf with his narcistic character was putting me down on every date. I was thinking its necessary for me to learn about me but i was wrong. I ran from him very fast.
Sounds like you did the right thing!
I remember when my husband is still courting me. He will travel for 2 hours to pick me up (vv) for a date because we are living in a different city. When I said I want to eat this I want to go there he will come day or night, raining or not. He never let me pay for anything even if I am offering. He’s literally the man that you’ll think that's too good to be true. Then one day he cheated on me and left me with my tears and unanswered questions.
So sorry. I hope you are doing ok now.
Omg 😱
Omw😭😭
It was prolly just too much for him to invest and whatever you were doing just wasn't enough for him
Yes! All these red flags came up in my previous relationship and I over looked them .but I’m glad I know now that they are red flags and shouldn’t be ignored.
This video is such great, great, it happened to me then.. Thank God I'm single. It is a very good thing to take your time and get to know the man first!Men looks on validation while women looks for the assurance.. Sometimes you can feel that these men has bad intentions , follow your instincts. Attention doesn't always equal good intentions!
I so needed to hear this. I have been learning so much about the red flags in my relationship, and how I can keep putting myself first.
Did you download my free Red Flag cheatsheet?
I remember I fell for someone who only say me as a hookup and had all the red flags, hooked up with lots of other girls. I didn't notice for a while as I hoped it would become a relationship, until my friend snapped me into reality. I don't want to make the same mistake again
You don't have to make the same mistake again , it's a good thing you can recognise the red flags now.
This is something I learnt from my first relationship. The things a guy jokes about ALL THE TIME it's what he really thinks
Yup!
Absolutely true. I made the mistake of making him understand the right and wrong, realised later it was never worth it!
Not one of these traits have ever applied to my husband. We've been together almost 18 years. He is essentially perfect. They do exist!
They do indeed!!
So why are you even watching this video if he’s perfect? Just curious....congratulations on your perfect man btw. #relationshipgoals
LUCKY YOU!!
I think that maybe the woman can pay for both once in a great while to treat her man, but the man should almost always pay. It’s a way of showing he cares about her, and that he is financially stable enough to possibly provide for a wife and family. This is God’s way.
That was fine in the past when it was only men working. Or when most jobs were manual labour intensive. Today where young women reportedly out earn men, it makes no sense.
@@thrilla72 BS, women don't out earn men. Men out earn women.
@@thrilla72 even if the woman is a millionaire it's courtesy for the man to pay and show her he's intrested.
Only guy's who are dating multiple women and not really intrested will insist on the woman paying.
If a guy had a date with a hot Victoria secret model you think he's gonna ask her to pay for her meals? Probably not!
@@winning3329 so what is it courteous for the woman to do?
@@nofybn7794 www.theguardian.com/money/2015/aug/29/women-in-20s-earn-more-men-same-age-study-finds
I dated a guy he was cute and really funny but he then started criticizing me. He was cruel around the fact that I am a past anorexic-well 3 years. He would give out to me if I got dizzy saying I was like a crazy person when I panicked when I could not see clearly. He'd get angry and interrogate me on why i didn't eat. I explained I miscalculated my needs but he interrogated me for ages. I had to tell him that he was upsetting and even scaring me. I broke it off and he fooled me into going back out again. I tried to make excuses saying it was frustration with the eating disorder and it would stop but it wasn't. Then he started complaining about all aspects of my personality the fact that I am a bit clumsy. I could forgive the first couple of problems he had but yelling at me for spilling tea into a sugar bowl because I hadn't a good nights rest was not right. Another sign is a man that doesn't look after his pets. I had wondered why such a cute and friendly guy was single I wonder no more. I left him the next day and told him his way of treating me was not inexcusable.
You don't miscalculate your needs. Sorry. That doesn't make any sense. He had good reason, he was caring about you. Though it may have seemed a bit much to you, and maybe it was.
First and 9 signs to run the other way : HE IS BREATHING!!!
RUN the other way as fast as you can!!!!!
Sign number 1 : he’s breathing 😂 lol
If he is breathing : RUN RUN RUN THE OTHER WAY!!!!
Very funny
Lol...true if he's breathing? 4get it ! Jk
😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
She is so right! I had a bf of 4 1/2 years who talked about nothing but sex, would never pick me up but would make me drive to him. Put me outside my comfort zone by trying to force me to do sexual things I didn't want. Still texts me every day. Asks how I am (I'm battling depression and he says to "snap out of it" as if it's that easy). Only his problems are "real" and he still sends sexual texts and disgusting pics after I left him. The writing was on the wall but I ignored it & wasted 5 years of my life. Ladies, look at the signs and don't ignore them like I did!
Honey you are STRONG, you got away from him. Nothing is wasted just valuable lessons learnt.
How do we get our heart back emotionally once we realize this is true.
That takes time , but removing the triggers that make you want him more helps.
Renee Slansky what do you mean by triggers?
You can't...
I just stopped answering the phone for a guy that my spirit told me he was not the one. I knew he was not but he knew how to be what I call an investor. He gave a lottle so he could get something back. But he always joked about sex. So unattractive. Thank you
If he is grown and lives with him Mom and dad .
Hahaha this one
They still get fucked!
What if his saving to buy his own house while staying with his mum and dad othwr than rent and take longer to buy a house
Divorce is a bitch!!!!
Dear 'Clueless'
A man who what's to play you, NEEDS his own place- what better platform to trick women who think as You do. Now he can do it WITHOUT having ppl he Actually cares about (I.e., his parents/sibling) witness him hurting/using you- & laughing his ass off.
You can take these words as harsh or you can take it as honest.
This host is 100%, she should be listened to.
She is ACTUALLY speaking about herself and her tactics!
I wish I knew this over 20 years ago,Knowledge is Power.....
Amazing video. I got 8/9 points. I’m glad I dumped this online user before meeting up with him. Excuses, his terms only, putting me at discomfort, suggestive remarks. Thank you!❤️
Great video I'd rather be in a happy relationship than a miserable marriage & ive seen allot of people who are in miserable marriages & have split up
your commment was soooo nice i had to delete my last one . 🤦🏾♂️😆
continued success , amazing video . keep posting Ms.Mam
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback ❤ 🙂
I wish i new this 15 years ago.
30 years ago for me !!!!!!!
Ur fucked 😂
10 years ago for me
@@fazebot2405 and YOU faZe Bot Life in YOUR misery!!! 😂
It is never late! Maybe you needed to learn a lesson🙌🏽
Lol old school turned to be the smartest after all they never experienced these relationships madness our generation deal with it today ,Now You need to lie detective before you say hello to whoever before you start to have anything with them weather friendship or a relationship. I will defenitly but this in mind thank you for the informative clip .
I wish I watched your video years earlier, it would have saved me so much heartache. Thank you for sharing Renee. I appreciate you sharing this nugget of wisdom on the RUclips platform.
So glad I was able to help you . I know what it feels like to wish I had known all this stuff sooner , but better late then never and as long as you are implementing it , that's what makes the difference x
I am 38 and was with my (ex) boyfriend who was 5 years older than me and we ALWAYS spliteverything on dates..I think he viewed it as its normal to go 50/50 and I thought it was.. but i always felt he should and could have paid for at least some dates himself.
Renee, your advices are amazing. Thank you. ^^
He has all signs 🙃 it breaks my heart so much
Thanks Renee- some sound down to earth advice - listening to that inner voice and using our intuition xox
You are so welcome
Thanks for this video, you have a new subscriber 👌👌
I'm obsessed with your channel!
Great video!!Thank you Renee.
I had been in these situation before haha.That's suck.Though, I have to say thank you to him cause it made me grow up.
It's Really helpful thank u so much👍
This is the first video of yours that I watch and I already love you! ♥
Sending positive energy and hugs your way! ☺
Aww welcome to my channel ! So glad to have you here :)
Happy Friday Renee !!They all tips are important for us thanks to giving u r time to us🙏💜
Nice video... absolutely right word's
Thank you !
Some very good advice, Renee. Thank you - Diane.
Hey what a timely video, Renee , beautiful name . Thanks.
Such valid points. For me personally family is the most important one. How is his relationship and does he resent them...
I agree family is a big indication x
I feel like I'm more of an exception than the rule as a man, due to the fact that I look at the spiritual psychological and emotional characteristics more than the physical. I've noticed that I can rule out a woman rather quickly by getting whether I resonate with her or not. I haven't gone in a date in years because I haven't found a woman that truly resonates with me. I
Watch how other male relationship coaches talk and I'm rather put off by their emphasis on the physical being more important and to me that is a recipe for disaster.
Thank you. I needed this
My pleasure x
A true eye opener. Thank you for this video
Glad it was helpful!
I wish I had this class in high school.. it would have saved me a lot of pain. thanks for the lessons on love and sex and the difference in between. :)
They stray so easily.
Out hunting all the time.
Not worth getting to know if they're good or bad because give them a little bit of time and I can assure you 9 times out of 10?...they'll end up being bad.
I speak from experience and many girlfriend's experiences.
So true.
Guess i got one of the good ones...35 years, until he passed away. I do hate to see you so jaded though. I’ve dated some good men in my time as a widow. They’ve had a hard act to follow, but they were overall decent people that i think would make someone else good mates.
I think it's best if you ask out guys first? think about it, by waiting around for a guys to show obvious interest you have much fewer options and many of those guys will likely be players who are used to charming women anyway. If you take the first step you get to choose whoever you want (if they'll have you)
@@jhonhoppins522 Yes, that is BAD ADVICE. A lot of guys will have her, this way he can be lazy. It's an ego boost for him. DOESN'T MEAN HE CARES ABOUT HER. Sorry, but women SHOULD NOT. Guys see woman who do that as thirsty and masculine and for being masculine, they will eventually resent her for taking his role.
Phenomenal video. I was at Walmart loading my cart with water and employee came up behind me and helped me load the water on to my cart. I thanked him and walked away. After I checked out he followed me up to my car. I take it he was following me on surveillance. Kinda creepy!! He Help me load my water into my car. Then ask me if I dated and I told him no. He said I'd like to take you out we could talk exchange numbers. So I'm like what's the harm. It's not something I do often because I have been asked before to exchange numbers and it's not an easy thing to do. Right away he wanted to take me out to dinner. He was moving really fast I wasn't having it. I wanted to talk to get to know him. He is a truck driver for the company. He didn't take much of an interest in me he was constantly wanting to meet up with me when hes in town and I saw this as a red flag because if a guy's interested in you they would want to know all about you. At 1 point he said he was in Oregon and I told him how beautiful it is to send me a picture... He couldn't even do that for me!!! I take it he was lying. Needless to say we were supposed to meet up on the 8th and it never happened. He never called. I truly believe God removes people from your life to protect you.
Creep!!!
thanks I really enjoyed this message and I needed this today!
Glad I could help x
Good advise. Thanks for sharing.
On a side note and completely off topic, I love your lipstick.. what’s the brand and name of it?
I think this one is from Laura Gellar
Thank you Ms Rene for this video
You gave the warning to men about complaining about who pays for dates, yet it's women in the comments complaining about it. That's why i always say the bill gets split on the first date. I don't know you, you don't know me. I have no reason to invest in someone i don't know and neither do they. That and I'm not interested in being a foodie call for a free meal.
grateful to find you. Wish I had seen your videos 9 months ago.
Welcome to my channel :) better late than never! x
Great video, thank you .Were is your other video?
L L,you are so beautiful 🌹 🌹🥀🌹 🌹🥀🌹 🌹
A great video Renee.....thank you for doing this video!!!!
My pleasure!
I like your wisdom about this things! Thank you ! Thank you!
My pleasure!
Number 3,4 and 5 is happening to me now and i just realized about that.
The first time he kissed me he said “if your daughter wasn’t sleeping in the sofa, I would take you upstairs “. I went home. It took me two and a half years to see the truth he is a narcissist!
Hurt me bad ! And my daughter. All you say is true !!!
Sorry you had to date a narcissist :( they are toxic people!
Hi Renee
Everything you said is what is happening to me now. 9 months later. After I have left him total of 5 times, and he keeps chasing after me. I left him because he is broken, and he was always telling "me to leave him and he is not worthy of me"
He was in a 5 year live in relationship. What ever happened there messed him up really bad.
Now he is always nasty with his words, he has never called me names before, has never been argumentative. He always apologised when I tell him I don't like something. Our communication was amazing.
But since our last breakup, 5th time only face to face breakup and only time he has seen me cry. When we got back together 3 days later that was when his communication style changed. For the worse.
Now this was only in Oct 30th we got back together Nov 2nd. We got into an argument yesterday because I asked him to be nicer and kinder with his words. He went on a tangent and I chose not to engage. Didn't open his messages until an hour ago, and I haven't responded.
He has been acting out of character. I am not a punching bag, nor do I want to leave him when he is at his worst. I know he has been under a lot of stress, but then again I do not deserve rude crude detached unkind and a disrespectful man
Hi Lovely , ok this sounds a little like a narcissist / empath relationship which is very toxic. In relationships we have to look at patterns not potential or promises. And from what I can see there is a very toxic pattern going on. In his mind he doesn't need to change , because you are always there to take him back . I know you don't want to leave him , but if you want progress and peace and really see if he is able to be the loving partner you deserve , then you will have to leave and put that boundary down. If you want to know how I can coach you through this just send me an email to hello@reneeslansky.com
Thank you soooooo much Renee. I agree with the woman paying for date sometimes
If I am on a first date and I am unsure of the man, I pay for the meal both ours. It gives me the excuse of you didn't pay for me, so don't expect anything, and I am free to leave anytime because I paid for the meal.
And when I do pay sometimes when things are going well, the men appreciates being treated out as well. The sentiment is returned 10 folds later. After a scolding of never do it again!
Thank you Renee 🥰🥰
@@ReneeSlansky I looked up narcissist/empath relationship, it makes so much sense!!! I am Virgo, snake, and INFJ. So my martyrdom and intuitive empath self is multiplied by way too much.
Thank you Renee for helping find what I needed to find. GOD BLESS YOU 🥰🥰🥰
2. yes he was standing next to me and sooo checking a girl with tattoos and says i love women with tattoos or scream to a coworker you are so beautiful, i didnt know if he was trying to making me jealous or what 9 he stoode me up for the first date cause he was too drunk to remember :l
Wrong; if I ask you on a date, I’m buying. If she’s pays she just friend zoned you. If she asks me out, she better be paying or I’m thinking she just wanted a free meal. Why is this so hard for people.
You are definitely right. I noticed that signs to the person I am dealing with for 3 months, but now we haven't contacted even he's already here in the Philippines. But now I actually walk away from him, he never text me anymore. But then I am okay with that at least I knew that he has a bad intention.
Yeah I'm going through something right now that I'm trying to just better myself
You are way too lenient on the pay part imo. As a 29yr old guy, I don't think I'm very old school, splitting is more comfortable (keeps out any sense of owing). However, repeatedly making the girl pay is kind of insane, not just bad intention. That or completely non-functional in society, embarrassing just thinking about it happening.
Now playa will change strategies after watching the video😂
hi good day thanks for your advice Can you do a video on going out with a married man when he tells you he's Not happy but yet still hes Not leaving his wife he does't want her to know about you and he keeps holding on to you I have a girl friend who's going through this
Noted , I will do a video on this :)
Renee Slansky Did you do a video on this yet?
Great video!!!!
Thank you!
Great video!
Thank you !x
I agree with most of your information..but if a guy approaches me with the intentions of securing me as a mate, I REFUSE to pay for a date. You approach a woman because she has something of value to you, so YOU must pay the full price. I VET, he COURTS.
Checking myself as a guy
Don't forget we are also watching it!
Are you kidding?? I wouldnt pay for any dates!!!!!
I'd rather just pay for myself on a date. Otherwise if they pay for me they make me feel like I owe them something, smh.
Snap211 you don’t
Snap211 same or it should be like this: one time *HE* is the one who pays & the next time *I‘m* the one, simple as that
Why not, shouldn’t men and women be treated as equals?
@@Freedom_is_essential1 Actually I like a man to lead, and if he is asking me out, then it's a date. And it would feel really weird to pay for a date a man asked for.
Thanks
Sometimes the initial stage, first month is great and fits the bill and then it changes the next month the red flags show up
1.) convenient for him
2.) check out other women openly
3.) he always seems to have excuses
4.) not accountable
5.) moves too fast
He actually wasn’t all about sex and paid for me I totally, still toxic
I wish I had had these videos when I was young. I feel that all men I have met have had bad intentions. "I dream about to wake up you on my side", sounds pretty innocent but I feel it is disgusting to hear after two-or-three days knowing each other. "Knowing" - there is not even any knowing yet. After this "wake up with you" comes: "How much do you pay rent?"
Definitely, the most important facts to know right away?
There is really no way to tell. I've played women and have done a lot of the opposite of these things. Truly only time will tell.
You are so right when you said all he talks about it sex. I was dating a man, he was married. It took me a long time to see that he was getting his needs met. The ones he wasn't getting met by his wife. He seems like such a great guy, but I think he is a player!! First of all he was cheating on his wife. He really made it seem that he was unhappy in his relationship and that he was staying with her because of financial reasons. He didn't want a divorce because she would get half of the money that he gets in his pension. Some of the things you said rang true, but I must say that he was very generous with his money and paid for a lot of things. He did talk about sex a lot and it bothered me. He would always talk about one particular thing all the time.
Same goes.. mostly topic he chat with me about sex thing. Is like wth.. only this he is most interested... I even want to know what is his interest lik couldn't find
Thank you
You're welcome
Since you are married can you please speak about marriage... How to have your own life and at the same time great sable marriage for life? Love. Thanx.
My husband verbally abuses me and once in a while he gives me a bit of physical abuse He once rapped a cable around his throat to joke himself in front of me because he thought I was going to leave him He called me horrible names and is very controlling I am now planning to exit my marriage I failed to see the signs when I was dating him
Hi Louisa , so sorry you are experiencing that terror and abuse . You do not have to put up wiht this and I would call the police if I was you and seek legal and professional advice so you can leave and be safe.
Renee Slansky Thank you for your advice and caring for me
Unfortunately, I've never met a guy who was on the up and up. I finally married this one guy who was ambitous and I would give and give and give. He'd just stay with me if I was constantly agreeing with him. (Narcissist) When I'd start to stand up for myself, you'd get this blank gaze like what? He ended up cheating on me with a really ugly girl 10 years younger, I was like what? She is like a robot. She mirrors him at everything he says. It's like he honestly wants a drone (control freak). If a guy wants a drone, I don't know is it worth it?
Ok so seems like there is a pattern forming . Did you want to know more about my week course and how it can help you attract the right men , break any toxic cycles and have a thriving love life?
Thank you so much for this now i know...
My pleasure !
Uggh, another one😫😫. The worst part of being a player is CONSTANT WORRY about getting my face turned after some cute chick has her good hand hung way to the side and I freeze and get slapped easily. I don't know any karate at all or any of that...wish I did though, uggh.
Hi Renee! My boyfriend did #8 when we had started dating, then something happened and he just wanted kind of fwb and then well I actually left him and then he asked me to date him and agreed to not ask me to do that and I told him I wanted him to be happy and I wanted to make sure that it's what he wanted...and he said he was happy when he was intimate with me holding me in his arms, kissing me and when we do things together...etc Do you think a guy can actually change something that was really a big deal to him to be with a woman that he cares about ?
What a beautiful bright spark you are, with lots of good and clear tips. Thank you so much! Your husband is very lucky to have you as his wife. Good wishes from Scotland
Aww thank you! I love this comment !
He makes feel sorry for him and I’m tired it
It doesnt take long!
The first sign in the video was a huge red flag that I ignored first ❣️ then I continued with the rest of the video thinking how can I possibly ignore all these red flags. I then realized that I didn't even swallow my saliva till the end of the video 😭
Hi..I enjoy watching your video. Wonder how to find out if the guy was for real or he was just playing.we met only on Facebook. Hope you can make a vidio about fb lovers.lol.
Ok I will do one about online/ virtual relationships :)
Thank you so much.he always tell me that he love me,but he always dont have time for me.sometimes,it took almost whole day before he seen my message. But I seen him online many times.i ask him to let me go.but he refuse. And keep saying he was just bc.but he never forget me.aisst..that was makes me confused.
@@lolitabutchayo8745 Nah, get rid of that bozo! He's busy juggling too many other women! If he's interested he will MAKE the time for YOU!
Hi, I just wanna ask you. Last year it was a rough time for me. My bf and I were quarreling a lot of times. Since I felt that he was cheating on me. I still think he is still coz he hid his messages on his phone and I can't find it when I saw the notification. Yesterday he said something that I can't get out of my head. He slipped saying "why didn't I walk away when his given me a chance/opportunity ? Coz we were fighting a lot coz he was changing. I was hurt coz I truly have feelings for him but unlucky for me.
Very true this is happend to me. I didn't see a ted flag I think it was my fould..
As a guy,
This HOST has it DOWN
100%
Having meet a woman who seems to share Renee Slansky's point of view,.
(Pushing away those 'user/player' men and opening up to men who respect her, I will/have been treating her with immense respect & admiration, picking up on her nuances and stated & unstated emotional needs (& desires).
Many of us men, even the bad ones can spot a rare women, such as she is. When I first laid eyes on her, back around July, I felt she might be different.
(A little skinnier than my taste, (well under 170lbs.) along with how recently we met, caused me to be hesitant & cautious.
It was my friends brother (a bit of a player) who really encouraged my getting to know her. He knew me, saying, "you a good kook Brugh! You know you put that weight on her).
The point is, HE saw her self esteem and inner beauty, thus, he facilitated Her and I getting together, pointing out his observations of her interest in me. He could have said, " She ain't yo' type fool' and approached her himself.
people in family have bad intentions....
best is to stop dating them and cut them out of your life for good...
let them suffer for all the materialistic greed they were plotting against u ....
let them satisfy it by attaching another house b4 they they get the final kick in there rotten asses...
( iam sure this message is very clear and accessable to them without doubt)....
I have a question about this video, but I am shy to write it down is there any way you can message me through email?
1) asked me how it feels to realize your ex husband's girlfriend is prettier than you
2) once said he wants to own me - when I said people don't own each other he got super quiet
3) recently said he felt like I loved him more than he loves me
4) confessed that he broke his sister's cell phone in half and then said he is prone to breaking things and might do the same to mine in the future
5) sometimes ignores for days, weeks, even when can be seen online and but said wifi is weak so he couldn't return texts
6) sent picture of his cousins girlfriend that he'd been helping through a potential suicide, I was happy he helped her, but didn't understand why he had one nor why he sent the photo and yes she was beautiful
7) took credit for something I did in order to impress his Aunts
8) told his Aunt one of my deepest secrets during a really rough time
9) Once told me I should not tell him my problems since he wasn't in a position to help me even though I never asked for help, I just wanted his support
10) when we first met, one of the first things he said was "I'm not going to mess this up and if I did my family will be so mad at me"
11) In the beginning his Aunt said he was someone who needed guidance and that someone like me could he help him
12) didn't like it if I asked too many questions AND told me he rarely asks anyone questions, just lets them talk
13) suggested I buy a house before he moved to the US
14) Often mentioned how everybody loves him
15) Once he introduced me to one of his friends as his future wife, the friend replied "which one"?
16) There was a pic of me on his FB for a while, it's gone now, but someone once commented under my pic..."is this the new chic"?
17) If I bring up an issue or have questions he suddenly begins to have doubts about the relationship
All of this and more while at the same time saying I'm the love of his life, wanted to get married, I'm his best friend, will always protect me, he respects me, loves me, adores me, said I was beautiful, wanted to be together till death do us part, I'm his other half, etc.
yikes lots of red flags !
Hello it's works I can't believe am with my lover again contact him
Hello it's works I can't believe am with my lover again contact him
+1(815)2425386
+1(815)2425386
I am 57..I'm not a player..but after many years 20 .I have a girlfriend who is 63 now..and I'd like to be her friend..I worked with her...I dont want to loose her as a friend..no matter what..will she dump me...?? I'm looking for a female friend, and in time , if she wants more ..I'm ok..iether way ..I will be her friend..is this ok??? I dont want her to think I'm just using her...
I think as long as your state your intentions to her and be transparent then that is what is important.
But now I am very happy..
The more here this video its strange but it's all sign of what Keith Martin and those mean mj posers men online. This video proof it. Wow.
I was a fan of Helena Heart but now only u . Lots of lov dear ❤ . U r v practical .
Wow, thank you