Therapy for what? Why force kids on others? If they are your kids then be concerned with them... the partner can be cordial without wanting any connection to the child especially if they are already connected to a former partner of their parent.
This is my perspective based on issues many people have when they’re trying to build and maintain a positive family environment for all parties. Many people have family therapy or couples therapy because of this issue. It’s not about ‘forcing’ anything but the reality is, who wants to live in a household where there’s constant tension or a person feels stuck in the middle? It might not make sense to you but it’s a real issue for many people and as you can see from the views, a lot of people are interested in hearing more about this topic. Thank you for taking time to leave a comment.
@@mariancounsellor why would there be tension just because two human beings don't connect in that way? Perhaps they are cordial and that is quite ok. What you're talking about is building a loving family relationship and that might not be what all parties want. That is what YOU would want, that's my point. No THERAPY needed for an ADULT and a child who just do not connect. If they don't then what you're doing is forcing them to. So after therapy then what? What's the purpose of therapy? To change your partner's mind? Why not just respect their choice? Why fault your partner for your child's parental disconnection? Are you taking your child to therapy aswell? Your child is not wrong and neither is your partner. Respect their emotional stability and choices! Its obvious that you are the only unstable one who require everyone around you to have some special connection just so that you can feel a certain way.
I agree. I think a lot of single parents put too much burden on new partners. They want their partner to treat the kids as their own when it comes to sharing responsibilities but then to back off when it’s time to make decisions for the kids and discipline them. That makes no sense. They should just handle the responsibilities with the other parent and leave the partner out of it. It’s okay to ask for some occasional assistance from a partner but you should not expect them to take on responsibility for someone else’s kids. It’s unfair and unrealistic. The partner just needs to be cordial and respectful when the kids are around them but they shouldn’t have any responsibilities for the kids put on them. Many single parents dating are not looking for a partner but for help with their parental responsibilities. They are the types usually shouting “my kids come first” to let you know you will be taking on their kids too. Such people need to remain single and just focus on raising their kids until they are grown & self sufficient. Single parents should only get into a relationship if they are not going to put the burden of raising their kids on a new partner.
That’s why I don’t date men with kids. Because if I had to I would humbly demand that his kids stay out of the relationship. No dates if they have to come along and I won’t allow them at my place or my car. I didn’t make them so I don’t want them.
That’s a shame. I think it can work if there’s clear boundaries but also, I’ve dated men who have children and it can be difficult at first but it can work out if there’s compromises on both sides. At least you know your mind though so that is a personal choice for you and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I hope you actually live by this and truly stay away from men with kids in this case...no matter how much you would like to date them. Demanding this sort of thing would be inappropriate and cruel to children. It’s akin to sleeping with a married man. A lot of times really weak men will just go along with the request. But it’s just very cruel to kids who have no control over the situation.
@@alicerose8057 It’s not cruel. The only cruel thing is to make you put up with his extra luggage. Soon you will have to allow the baby mama in your house too and deal with her. Not my kid not my problem. Kids comes first in his life not mine, I have a right to deny anyone in my life. I don’t have to accept his kids because kids aren’t part of my relationship. Just his and the baby mama’s relationship.
@@missxmarvel You’re leaving out the feelings of the children. It’s not ok. You can do whatever you want, but it is cruel and wrong to children. If you stand between a parent and the child’s relationship...which you do if you have a relationship with the parent...then you are partly at fault for not providing a safe secure emotional environment for a child. You can choose not to own that, but you are in fact part of the problem whether you want to accept that or not. It is cruelty to a child because a child can’t understand why they can’t be included in large parts of their parent’s life. They will just feel worthless and excluded. And yes, if children can’t come inside your house, be at your house for holidays etc...it is very cruel. As a now grown child of divorced parents I can attest to this. My mother is remarried to my stepfather, who has gone above and beyond to care for me. He has paid for my college education and my wedding. He will leave an inheritance to me. I am not his biological child, but he has loved me as though I am....even through me calling him names when I was a teenager etc...he was committed to our family. Now I love him as though he’s my real father. My father, on the other hand, I have no adult relationship with due to the fact that his wife demanded I be excluded. I can tell you I have suffered enormous pain over this. Many of my own actions with regards to partners etc...all stem from this exclusion. I’ve gone through periods where I’ve been overly needy of my partners. I’ve gone through periods where I was emotionally detached. I’ve allowed myself to be mistreated by men. Luckily I’ve had a lot of therapy and I’m ok. But I suffer everyday. I cry occasionally when I think about the fact that I have no relationship with my father. Yes it’s my father’s fault for not being in my life. But it’s also his wife’s fault because she controls his entire schedule. Furthermore, she has made clear she is jealous of the past relationship my father had with my mother and therefore I am a reminder of that. So she doesn’t want my father anywhere near me or his grandchildren. She controls it all. Whether she likes it or not she has a relationship with me. Even if she wants to pretend that I don’t exist, I do exist and she can never change it. Her behavior is cruel and inappropriate when it comes to me, as is my father’s. But my father had this exact thing happen to him when he was a child. His father left my grandmother for her best friend. He started a whole new family and never had anything to do with my father again. Even to the point of not speaking to him or acknowledging him at a funeral. My older sister was there and my father’s father didn’t even acknowledge his own grandchild. It’s very messed up. Not ok at all. A horrible trail of pain, all due to the selfishness of second wives.
My boyfriend doesn't like my 3 kids. He never wants to include them and wants me all to himself. It hurts so bad, and I dont see it ever going anywhere after all these years.
Sorry to hear about your situation. It can be really emotional damaging to a child when an adult who is in their life intentionally excludes them or doesn’t accept them. Why did he choose to date someone with children if he isn’t able to accept them? It’s a sad situation because if you feel there’s no hope of change, eventually you might have to end up making a choice. Your children are part of the package so what does he expect from you? Have you asked him that or considered family therapy?
Rightfully so. It’s not his kid so you can’t expect him to do that. He already needs to accept that he’s not first place. Your kid come first but not in his life, and you need to be mature enough to understand that part.
My father chose his partner over my sister and I. It’s really painful. She has never accepted us and she told him she never would from the outset of their relationship.
That’s really sad to hear but not uncommon unfortunately. Have you considered trying to reconnect and rebuild your relationship with your father in spite of his partner being in his life? He will be your father forever.
@@mariancounsellor I have tried very hard. It seemed like there might be some relationship after the birth of my son, but unfortunately it did not work out. His wife had a really hard time particularly at my son’s christening. She made a scene at the church because my mother-in-law asked her to be quiet during the ceremony. Apparently my father’s wife was talking a lot during the service. Even though I had nothing to do with it, they didn’t come to the reception. Then my father’s wife butt dialed me on New Years Day and left a message talking about how she wanted me to go rot someplace and die. It was really awful. It sounded like they both might’ve been under the influence. I don’t know. We haven’t been able to work it out. I tried talking to him, but he won’t speak to me. I don’t even have his phone number, though I’ve left messages where he works. Now I have a daughter. Neither of my children know my father and his wife. My mother is remarried and I have no trouble accepting and loving my parent’s partners. I really think I have done all I can, including expressing my love. It is very sad and we likely won’t ever speak again. I even tried reaching out when the pandemic hit because of the obvious fear of losing an older parent to the virus.
I’m so sorry to hear that. At least you’ve tried your best and made efforts to resolve things. It’s such a difficult situation to be in for so many people.
@@mariancounsellor it really is painful, but I’ll be ok. I keep holding on to the hope a miracle might happen and we would be able to forgive each other and have a relationship. At least we might say goodbye before he gets old and passes. But I’m strong enough emotionally to know I can be here for my own children. I’m safe, I’m ok. It’s ok. I wish that for everyone to just be present and know they are safe and well in the present moment despite being apart from the people they love. Thank you for your reply and for your video.
My soon to be ex partner said she doesn't accept my kids even though we have a child together and she has kids herself after being together for 7 years now feels like a waste of time, I wish she told me earlier because I want a wife
Wow, even though you have children together and she has her own children, she still can’t accept your children? That’s really sad and yes, sometimes people should just be honest so that it doesn’t waste anyone’s time.
This video is very helpful. I have 3 kids, I've kept my kids at a distance to protect them from hurt. They finally told me they want to feel like a family now. He says yes he wants to try and know them too. Then he gets upset with me not spending enough time with him. Im so worried. Im undeniably in love with him but I need balance. I want them all happy. Its scary.. thank you😊👏🏻
You’re welcome and I’m glad you found it helpful. It’s definitely a complicated situation sometimes but it sounds like you’ve done a great job as a mother. Your partner may experience different feelings at different times but he has made a statement that he wants to get to know them and they’ve also made positive statements so that’s a good start. All my best to you 💕
Hi Adrie, I'm in the same boat...My gf after two years tells me that she can't do me and my 2 kids (9,13) because my ex is in the picture with a 50/50 custody...She says I spoil my kids too much and she says that I consider her and her two kids (6,10) as a second family which I don't...I love her kids and her kids love me...But she really never made an attempt to be part of mine...So I've been divided on trying to please both...She said them or us...I didn't like to choose but I chose my kids, undeniably of course...But she broke my heart because I gave her my trust and my love...I don't know what to do...I'm still hurting that it had to come to this end.
@@wolfxman69 So she wants you to love her kids , but she won’t except yours. I would drop her in a heartbeat. She’s selfish and unrealistic. She probably wants a man with no kids , so he can take on the role of her kids daddy .
This just happened too me I have 1 child and he broke my heart he want me without he would tell me he wish he could go five years back and meet me again
My wife married me knowing I have a teenage daughter with moderate autism. She has never bonded and wants me abandon custody. I have no choice but to end the marriage. It's very sad but I have to prioritize my child
That’s so sad but yes, you don’t have a choice in this situation because you can’t choose your wife over your child. It’s a shame your wife can’t find a way to work things through. Have you shown her this video? or have you considered mediation or family therapy maybe?
You realized that your already married you just prioritized .Marriage is a broad subject .A young mother that's raising a child is married to that child she has to give that child her everything until a certain age or stage.
Amen brother, I'm in the same boat...I have a son who's austic but even though my gf accepted him, she didn't accept my other 2 who I share 50/50 custody from another mother...It hurts but kids who are still minors look up to you for protection and security...I grew up without a father so I know the feeling of not having one.
My boyfriend didn't want to try to keep in contact with his 4y.o. daughter because her mother did everything to keep him from her. I forced him to fight for the contact with his daughter, even though I would prefer a partner without children. My heart is to peaces from breakups with stepchildren involved. I love them and it's hard to lose them when the relationship ends. Today he has his daughter every other week and we are trying to get pregnant. But it's not a walk in the park when you choose someone with children. There is a lot of issues...you just have to figure out if you want to walk a tougher road for love...👫🌪❤
You are right. It takes a lot of patience, communication, trust, and compromise. It’s so nice of you to encourage your partner to reconnect with his daughter 💕
I can’t seem to find any videos on being the step perant 😞 who’s resentful towards the the situation and there partners kids any suggestions please I’m struggling 😞
That’s an interesting viewpoint. You could do a search with specific key words but I will also consider making a video looking at things from that angle thank you
Me and my wife are about to split behind this. I am starting to fill resentment for her. We are in counseling right now. I want my kids to stay with us until they are adults. They are currently 16,17,14. All good kids. I feel betrayed by my wife because she knew I had children before I met her. She's quite stubborn on this. My ex wife doesn't have the mental or financial fortitude to take care of them anymore. I feel betrayed by my wife. I don't know what to do at this point.
boondockpaint This is sad that you are in the process of splitting up and it must be frustrating for you when your wife was aware of your children before marriage. Is there anything more you can do to try to help them to connect with each other? It would be a shame for all parties if you can’t work it out.
Tension sometimes arises when the partner with a child/children is not honest about the fact that he/she already has an out-of-wedlock child. This pretense is often common with persons who live in different countries. Finding out the truth after marriage leads to bitterness.
I agree that honesty is always best so that people can make the right choices for them. However, this is still not the child's fault and as adults, we can always make the choice about how we respond to the children and incorporate them into our lives.
And it also tells a lot about a person how they treat their own parents if a man curses his mother it's in the Bible not to disrespect your parents or your days will be numbered on Earth! And also you're not supposed to lie still or cheat or lie to your neighbor that's in the Bible as well! So if people or trying to live right and follow the right path they should have listened to that and listen to you because you're very brilliant!
Thank you for sharing your point of view on this, it’s appreciated. Yes, if people are religious/ spiritual then the bible provides guidance for ways of living together in harmony. Sometimes it works and other times, for some families it doesn’t. Every family unit is unique but it’s important to try to work out what the issues are and then make efforts to fix them.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:3-5
My gf and I live together with her kid. I also hav two that live with their mothers. We were about to get married in June an things jus started going sour in the relationship. I may hav ignored the fact that she isn't too fond of my kids jus bcuz she's an ideal partner, i.e she's the whole package. To be honest i don't think I wld ever meet someone like her again. But I decided to walk away bcuz I've finally come to the realization that my kids are top priority. Was I wrong for doing that?
Hi Tev, it’s so difficult when you meet someone who’s your ideal partner but they’re not willing to accept your children. It’s unlikely that a relationship can do well in the long term unless there’s acceptance that if you date a parent, children are gonna be a part of the package (even if the children don’t live with that parent full-time). Sometimes it’s worth trying to see if there’s anything that can be done to improve on the relationship between the children and your partner but if you try and it just isn’t working, then yes, the only option sometimes is to walk away. Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you the best for the future.
I’ve just come to believe that my husband does not like my daughter, I have 4 other children and they seem to be ok but I think they tolerate him because of me! I’m not torn at all, my daughter will win this battle because I can’t love someone who hates my daughter! Fact is this is my 2nd marriage so I already know that I’ll never get married again so when I end this marriage I know that I’ll die without a partner in life, I knew they didn’t get along that well before I married him but I didn’t think he disliked her until recent!
That’s really sad to hear but you’re a great parent to say that your daughter will win the battle. If your husband can’t make the shift to like or love your children, then that’s quite sad because he knew you had children before he married you. It’s such an uncomfortable situation to be in as a parent so I wish you all the best.
Thank you so much and yes it’s a heartbreaking situation but a no brainer , I’m not sure if he thinks that I can go on with him showing no love to her and me knowing how she feels!
Help me here. My husband will not help w our 7 week old daughter. We have two kids. A six year old daughter and then new baby I'm speaking of. He hasn't helped at nite, he hasn't gotten up one single time to let me rest. What's worse is he gets his rest and he won't let me nap one hour during the day. He thinks the baby is to stressful to handle. I'm struggling and he knows I'm struggling with exhaustion and still won't budge. I should leave rite
Hi Lauren, I can’t advise you to leave your husband and also, you’re possibly both managing your emotions differently because of the stress of a new baby so please try to not make any impulsive decisions. It seems a bit unfair that your husband is leaving all of the responsibilities to you. He may know you’re struggling but he might not know the extent that it’s having on you. Try having a heart-to-heart with him to let him know exactly how you feel and what you need from him. If you do decide to take some time apart, consider the impact that it will have on the relationship, on you, him, and the children. The baby is both of your responsibilities so although they can be stressful, you could compare to him how it would feel him you described him as ‘stressful’? Maybe you could explain that the baby needs him too and it’s an opportunity for him to bond with his child.
Yeah, hell with him. You could be that exhausted still by yourself. Plus, minus the emotional drainage this man is giving you, not worth it. Wow, just answered my own question also. I'm sorry you're going through this 😔
Hmm, as a single mother of two babies 13 months apart, I wouldn't leave as long as he is financially supportive. Leaving will make things a hell of a lot more exhausting for you.
My boyfriend dumped me. Because he have two teenage kids and he wants me to bond with his kids and meet their mother. I asked could i stay out it. Well he left me alone. I just didn't want to go through drama from his ex wife and his mother
Sorry to hear that Chesea. I suppose it’s tough to be in a relationship and not have anything to do with someone’s children because it means it will be awkward whenever you’re all together at an event, function, or when they visit. For many parents, they’re left with no choice but to choose their children. I understand where you’re coming from though, there can be drama or issues with the mother or father or your partner’s children but that’s where conversations, boundaries, and working as a team comes in. I wish you the best anyway.
Good for you, you are smart to not get involved with the baby mama and grandmom bullshi+. I have been with my bf for almost 4 years and I resent his kid, largely because he doesnt discipline the child & this kid acts like a brat cuz everyone kisses his a$$. What new partner wants to come into a situation where they get to be 4th in line, after the kid, the baby mom and the dog. Then the partner is blamed and called a child hater, when its really the crap parents. The parents couldnt hack it...when the darling child came along they split and made a broken home. Then it's the partners fault for disliking the dysfunction. I absolutely could have had a child with my partner but seeing how that clown show was run, I declined...BEST MOVE EVER.
Wow , this is what I’m going through. My son is 28 and my husband is 42, they clash and argue a lot , I believe it’s jealousy somewhat on my husbands end , and protection on my sons end . Sometimes they just speak and that’s it . I want my husband and I to go to counseling about it but he doesn’t feel he needs to . I’m torn because I really need them to get a long or at least try to for the sake of our marriage, I like having my kids over on holidays and gatherings at our home and I can’t have all the tension and bickering with them , I won’t take him making my children feel uncomfortable when visiting our home .
Sorry to hear about your situation. It really is a difficult dilemma to be in for some families. Could you maybe explain to your husband why you think it would be a good idea for you both to go for therapy. Maybe you could explain the impact that it is having on you. It’s a shame because it’s probably just that they are both trying to stand their ground rather than working together to build your family up as a strong unit. Your husband could probably be a great role model and mentor to your son. Do they have anything in common? Most men have something in common regardless of differences? Even if they bond over an activity together that would be a good start.
@@mariancounsellor yes it really can be difficult. Even though my son is grown they still see each other when we have family get togethers sometimes . Yes they are both stubborn especially my husband. I want a sit down with us all but I’m not sure that would end well without someone partial to be there .
My gf of two years broke up with me because she finally admitted that she would never accept my 2 younger children (10,14) even though she accepted my 20 year son who's autistic...I loved her and she loved me but she didn't try to make an attempt to connect with my other 2 children and I accepted her and her two children (5,9) and I love these kids and they love me...It's been a rough road trying to please both sides but my gf says I consider her and her kids as a second choice which is not true...I actually spend more time with them and money than I do with my own children which I have 50/50 custody so they don't feel left out...My gf didn't try to do family things as she would often say," you spend time with your kids"...And she had to nerve to say to me, that I am living two lives with two families...It hurts...She gave me a choice, them or my children "my other family" which she also included my ex the mother of my kids...I walked out but with a broken heart.
I feel so sorry for what you had to go through but nobody should make you choose between them and your children so you did the right thing and it’s her loss. It’s really sad that adults date someone with kids but then refuse to make any efforts with the children, I don’t really understand it.
It’s crazy to see so many goin thru the same thing I am it’s almost exactly wat I’m goin thru jus hasn’t made me choose jus breaks up with me then gets back with me when she leaves back outta town mind u my daughter lives 200 miles away so I get her only once a month or month n half for a week
Yes, there’s a lot of people who are affected by this issue. I’m surprised myself at how big an issue it is. Your daughter living 200 miles away is making things less of an issue but it’s a shame that your partner can’t accept your daughter regardless. I hope everything works out for you.
I am reaching out to seek some advice and guidance regarding a challenging situation within my family. My partner and I have been together for 9 years, and we have 4 children together. Additionally, I am currently pregnant. However, I have been struggling to accept my partner's son from a previous relationship. This internal conflict has led me to consider ending the relationship because I feel that I am in the wrong for feeling this way. I want to emphasize that I would never stand in the way of my partner being a father to his other child. However, I find it difficult to have the child around me. Despite my efforts to let go of the relationship due to this issue, my partner seems unable to walk away. I understand that we have built a family and a home together, and the thought of separation is daunting. The discomfort I feel in this situation is overwhelming, and I am unsure of what steps to take next. I am seeking advice on how to navigate these complex emotions and dynamics within our family. Any insights or suggestions you could provide would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and understanding. Warm regards,
Hi there, I cannot provide advice online in this way. The videos provide information on specific topics but if you need couples counselling to work through specific issues, you are welcome to arrange a counselling appointment. Please visit my website www.marianhansoncounsellor.com or email Marian_Hanson@hotmail.com
My husband is leaving me as he doesn't get on with my 13 year old daughter. He made me choose between him or the kids and asked me to give them away. Horrific heartbreak and cruel. The kids done nothing wrong and it felt like walking on eggshells
I know what you're going through. My wife and I have been separated for about 3 months now. It's a shame how you think you know someone but not really. If we dont reconcile, I'm pretty sure I'll only date seriously again after my children are grown. People without kids lack the ability to show real love to other people's kids. When they look at them they're reminded that they weren't first. But it's all good. My kids are mine forever and I'll never put anyone else over them.
That is awful for someone to ask you to choose between him and your daughter! Especially when he’s not just your boyfriend but your husband. I’m so sad to hear that. Also, the impact on your daughter as well as she may end up feeling guilt or like she’s responsible. Have you all considered family therapy as an option? Or would your husband consider seeking a therapist in his local area to explore why he has issues with your daughter? It may be worth discussing things with him.
@@boondockpaint Thankfully, there are some people out there who love other people’s kids like they were their own. I’ve personally heard of, and seen men step into the picture and become amazing stepfathers to children. My sister’s husband married her when she had an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship and she literally calls him sad and people think he’s her dad. It depends on the individuals involved and their mindset. I’ve also been in relationships with men who have children and it has never created an issue because obviously, they come as a package. There’s always a deeper reason or issue beneath so it’s sometimes about trying to get to the root of why the person feels that way about an innocent child.
So how are you handling im in the same boat I feel in the middle because it does not make me happy if I dont have her with my daughter me but I see my husband is happy and different person with me when she is not around he doesn't want her back in the house I dont know what to do anymore I also have 2 kids with him.
It’s not my position to judge or label someone as being a responsible father. It’s more important what you think as you’re in a relationship with him. What are your thoughts about him not providing for his children? What are the reasons? How is it impacting upon him? His children and on your relationship? They might be more useful questions to ask yourself.
thank you for the response. highly appreciate it. im really confused because he doesnt provided for his kids and seldom sees them. saying that the ex moms did he wrong in the past. so it makes me question if he is really a responsible father in the future. what are your thoughts? shall i continue this relationship or this is a deal breaker? thanks alot marian!
I really can’t advise anyone to stay in a relationship or leave because I don’t think I have the right to make that decision for someone else. However, you can decide what’s the most important thing to you in a relationship and consider what your personal dealbreakers are.
My situation is different. My boyfriend has a set of twins and in 2018 I got pregnant with twins but went into preterm labor. They didn’t make it. In 2020 I got pregnant again, and lost that baby as well. Now I can’t be around his kids without feeling envious, anger, and sad. How can our relationship work when I can’t be around them? I shut down when they FaceTime and I hear their voices. I really don’t see how this can work. Any advice?
So sorry for your loss. I can understand how being around children after you’ve had a miscarriage would be really difficult. I actually provided counselling to individuals who have been in this situation except they couldn’t even look at other children anywhere without becoming upset. Your emotions seem to be more about the loss, not because anything his children have done so you may want to consider accessing some therapy to work through your feelings. Also, you are entitled to grieve for your loss and it will take time to heal so talking to your partner about how you’re feeling and the reasons why, is a good idea. Also, recognising that his children are innocent parties in all of this but also may end up being a part of your family if you marry your partner so you may decide to slowly work on establishing a bond with them.
I would like to suggest womb healings. Our wombs are sacred and our source of power and energy. If you’ve not ever heard of womb healing or energy work, there’s plenty of information now a days online. I highly believe this will help you and be beneficial to your healing and maybe even help with fertility. Womb healing can come in the form of yoni steaming, womb massage, reiki, womb affirmations etc. I send you much love and healing. 🤍
The father of my husband was divorced. He married second wife.She didnt like his childern. Finaly, before his dieing, she didnt like him also. She was against him.
That’s so sad but yes, unfortunately, this is quite a common situation for many people. It’s almost like a resentment builds up towards the children, often based on the fact that it reminds some partners that there’s still a connection between the parents of the children. It can lead to anger, envy, mistreatment, projection and a lot of destruction.
My husband doesn't accept my son because he says he already has a dad and he doesn't want to get his feelings hurt by accepting my child and he already has a dad. He brushes it off if I tell him nice things me and my son do. He shrugs his shoulders like he doesn't care. He has a daughter and it's to the point now if he sends me pictures of her I say nothing. My husband says he's only here for me not my child. When he comes home and my son is there he stays separate and I feel tension. I'm not going to comment on how cute his daughter is anymore when he text me pictures of her. If he doesnt accept my child why should I care about his daughter.
That’s very sad to hear because he’s not your boyfriend, he’s your son which makes him a stepfather. Not sure how sustainable it is for someone to be married to another person but not accepting their child. Also, then you having to respond by not accepting his child. That’s also immature for your husband to create tension by not being the adult in the situation when your son is home. I hope that you can all find a way to resolve things.
Ok i get it. But lets be real idk about everyone.but if your kids are unacceptable then your parenting might just be the problem.i learned alot this week with my ex and her 4 bad kids.there rude unappreciative and disrespectful.be a good parent teach your kids rite from wrong.this way single moms can keep a man.if your kids are no good there no good nothing a man can do but try his best. and if it continues then any man will walk away. Even if he doesnt want to. Be a parent not just a friend.kids are to babied by mothers that the new generation is worse then ever before.
If someone gets into a relationship with a single mother or single father, you make that choice. If you don’t like the parenting style, then you don’t have to be in the relationship. The issue is with the adults and how they can navigate through the situation, not about what good or bad parenting is. Children are not robots. They get stressed, they misbehave sometimes. Adults have bad days too. If someone lacks understanding about children, then they shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who has children.Most children are wary of new adults coming into their lives so it’s up to the adults to provide reassurance and to work at building a relationship.
Also, there are single fathers out there too so I’m not sure why your comments are directed at single mothers. If a man walks away from someone, that’s his decision to do so and not always a reflection on the woman he’s walking away from.
I’m dating a nice guy I really like I hav a 21yr old and a 14yr old we r talking possible marriage in the future he wants to wait until my older son moves out before we get married he doesn’t want my older son living in his house wit his 14yr daughter should I be worried about this guy not having genuine love for my older son I feel if my son is in a jam he won’t b allowed to move in wit us not even for a while. Any advice on what I should do?
Hi Melisa, that is a bit of a concern because your 21 year old son is still a part of the family and even when or if he moves out, he will still be interacting with your partner ‘s daughter. Maybe you could explore what your partner’s actual concerns are and also consider how you can all do things together as a family to bond. Maybe your partner and son could try to find something they have in common and arrange a bonding activity together.
What is acceptance- does that include , financial, discipline, Watching them all the time- like you stated questions from the kids arise which could be disrespectful- I feel this is on the person who has the kids instead of your partners.. overall I think people who have kids should really think before they date! They have the baggage they don’t- And shouldn’t expect them to change their lives because you do! Just like you stated
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think anyone dating with children or someone choosing to date someone with a child both are equally responsible for that choice. Children don’t have a choice on being born or who their parents date. Acceptance means both adults discuss the boundaries and decisions when you’re in the relationship. That includes financial responsibilities, discipline, education, activities etc. If a child is being disrespectful, then if you’ve already discussed discipline, this will be addressed. Ultimately, if someone doesn’t want to date a person with children, they don’t have to but they can’t date a parent and not accept the children, that’s the main point of the video.
I consider acceptance that you understand that they are there but should not mean that you need to take time away from their children. But acceptance doesn’t mean be a free caregiver and ATM for his kids. That’s so disgusting that many parents think you should let them invade your life.
I’ve always left partners or potential partners alone if I even felt an inkling that they didn’t accept my daughter! I left someone alone for mistreating my dog 😂. I now have a 3 yr old grandson that is my heart so I always let people know up front how he and my daughter are a very much a huge part of my life. This gives them the option to swipe left. My daughter is dealing with this and don’t what to do. I say the 3 yr old deserves someone who wants and loves him and can be a good example of a man to look up to, but that’s just me!
Thank you for sharing your story on this. It really is a difficult situation because in many cases, people want to make it work but sometimes there’s no compromise. I respect you for having the courage to put you daughter first. There are cases where children intentionally try to sabotage relationships due to fear or just not liking their parent’s partner and that’s where transparency, good communication, reassurance and sometimes family therapy can be helpful. I hope your daughter can work it out and do what’s best for everyone involved.
Yes, I can remember feeling, at times, that my daughter may have been trying to sabotage a relationship (12 or 13 yrs old was particularly tough yrs and I just opted to not date for awhile . Dating with a child or children can make a person not want to bother. Thank Dr. For your video.
The audacity of parents are so disturbing. You expect your partner to be last place because your kids come first, if they need you but your kids whine for your attention they need to suck it up because your kid comes first, Your availability is limited because your kid comes first, but yet you expect your partner to be there for you, you want your kid first place in your partners life too, it’s their kid when your kid needs something but you become an angry mommy bear when your partner scolds your kid but because it’s your kid. It’s your kid, not theirs so you can’t expect them to be a bonus parent whenever it suits you.
I can’t tell you exactly what to do because you have to make the decision for yourself and for your family but hopefully, the video provides you with a perspective and a few things to consider.
Good Evening, yes I do but if you are in another country, it would be via Zoom Video call or WhatsApp. Please feel free to message me on my Facebook page ‘Marian Hanson Counsellor and Coach’ or you can WhatsApp me on 07871 485367 Kind Regards, Marian
My girlfriend dont accept my 9years old daughter she dont want me to talk or see my kid. Im so sad feels like something missing in my life im not full. Sorry for my english. But eaither i dont want to breakup with her im so sad i dont know what to do. She said she loves me so much but cant accept my child
Sorry to hear that. Do you know the reason why your girlfriend feels the way she does? Ultimately, your child will be your child for life and your girlfriend probably came into your life after she knew you were a father. If your girlfriend loves you unconditionally, that also means accepting and loving all of you including your daughter who is a part of you. Maybe you could try a few of the suggestions in the video and see how that goes? All the best to you.
Because i came into her life without knowing that i have a child, but she knows my past relationship at the first i scared to admit to her that i have a child. And then after were together for 2months i admit her that i have a daughter and that hurt her but she accepts me as only me without my daughter and i cant talk to my daughter and see her, were almost 2years now. And i realize i need my daughter in my life and i know she needs me, i dont want my child grow without father its hard. Now my gf give me option to choose, she or my daughter. I explained her everything but she doesn't listen to me. I dont know what to do
My son is 25. He's artistic. And my boyfriend wants him to move out. He has a job. I take him to work and he don't like that. Let him buy a motor bike. So you don't have to take him. My son is going to move but he wants him out yesterday.
If your son has already decided to move out then your partner should be okay with the decision and not continue to put pressure on your or your son. Maybe also consider what could happen when your son does move out, will your partner be controlling in other areas?
I am a 41 year old woman with a 21 year old son, I was living and engaged to a 38 year old who had no kids. I canceled our wedding because he had issues with helping out financially when it came to my son. Everything in the house was 50/50 and my son paid for rent 300, paid his insurance, his cell phone bills and he took care of his car repairs. My fiance had issues about how I raise my son but I have no issues with my son, he has no vices, works, comes home at a good time and is respectful. My fiance wanted my son to help out more around the house but he barely spends time at home because he works so hard so I preferred his time there to be spent bonding with us and for him to have a good time than to always be cleaning with us. He did do his room and if we asked something from him he would get it done. My ex fiance still wants me back .. he says he'll be there for us as best as he can but there's limits, if he feels uncomfortable with something that has to do with my son he wants me to respect it. Am I wrong for asking for 💯 from him? I feel in a family we all have to give 💯.
ann phun it’s such a common issue. They are both competing for you so they view each other as a threat. Try to help them to see that you are all working together as a team and you love them equally and it is difficult for you when they don’t get along. Hopefully this will help them to try to get to know each other. Also, encourage them to do bonding activities together
Sorry, I didn’t see this comment before. My videos are to provide information and guidance plus I also have information on Counsellor and Coach Facebook page. If you would like to arrange an initial counselling appointment, then please do not hesitate to contact me.
I'm in a lesbian relationship and I absolutely hate my gf child,she lied about how the kid was convinced and she literally makes me fight for her attention.i don't want to compete with a child but I'm hurt he brings so much fights between us..to make it worse is that the kid also doesn't like me..I love my gf but I can't ever accept him..can anyone reading this comment help me without judgement
Hi there, it’s good that you’re being honest about how you feel but a child is part of the package when you get into a relationship with a parent. It shouldn’t feel like you’re competing because the relationship between two intimate adults is different from a mother and child. You can either consider family therapy, hold your own family meetings to explore the issues, or decide that it’s a dealbreaker and walk away from the relationship. Hating someone who’s not going anywhere is unhealthy for the child and for you and will end up impacting on the relationship. Just my honest thoughts.
Yes, that’s completely true in most cases. Unfortunately, some parents make the decision to choose their partner over their child but that’s rare. If possible, it’s always better to try to understand what the actual issue is and then try to resolve it. Kids can be protective and territorial over their parent but also some partners can ignore the children or come into the household and try to take over. The parent sometimes feels like they’re caught in the middle.
My husband has moved out as he hates my sons bad behaviour towards myself, my husband won’t live with me until my son either lives fulltime with his dad or I get tougher on him discipline wise, I feel stuck in the middle and not supported at all by my run away husband
Oh sorry to hear the situation you’re in. In this case, it feels like your husband finds it difficult to see how your son is treating you rather than him finding it difficult to get along with your son. What are your thoughts about your son’s behaviour? Have you considered family therapy or individual therapy for your son? It’s a shame your husband has made an ultimatum and also left the family home. Hopefully you can both work together as a team to resolve things.
I love my girlfriend... but I can't stand her kid... he's brat,really bad tantrums, dennis the menace 2.0.... i feel like this is gonna end our relationship.
Frank Martinez That’s definitely an issue then because they come as a package. You may not be able to change another person but if you love your girlfriend, maybe you can try to get to know her son and discover different sides to him? What about if you plan an activity to do together just the two of you? Her son isn’t going anywhere so it’s not worth the risk of losing your girlfriend if you love her. All my best to you
Frank I'm going through the same problems myself right now with my wife and her son that I can't stand him if an at all possible never marry a single mother wait till the children are grown the problem is we want the mother but not the child a lot of people don't know this but the Alpha Lion kills The Offspring of another Alpha once he obtains power so that's the way it is in the wild animal kingdom but we are human and most of us believe in God and we think that we're able to overcome these negative feelings that we have inside they don't go away on their own. I would advise don't bring any children into the world if you haven't already. Learn to love this child or Let It Go or find someone without kids in the home good luck
@@chrisguzman9359 Me too. I cant stand her son hes 9 yrs old. Things are great when hes not around but when he is its sickening all we do is fight. The kid literally ruins her mood all day and can't do anything but say crazy stuff. I dont wanna leave her but then i think of the kid and i just wanna stay away from her. Its really sad cause it seems like her life is ruined. I know the right thing too do is leave but its hard af
@@worm3615 . I feel your pain as men we need to have the backbone because if we're weak a woman has no problem stepping on us and many times the woman is the one that pulled the plug on the relationship sometimes we call the relationship love but it's really lust and we don't want to leave that behind it's hard to be celibate but it's better to be celibate and and a alone with the option of finding somebody that is not attached I think us as men we need to be intentional when we're looking for somebody as a wife or girlfriend to be picky I'm not settle for the easy pickings available because if it's easy for you to get it it would probably be easy for somebody else to get as well I'm waking up good luck to you Jeremy on whatever you decide to do
Ditch anybody with kids, no step kids. Odipedus complex is real. They are not yours, the juice isnt worh the fruit from either fruit stand- walk. I know i had 3 bouts of step kids, either or one, or both partners gets screwed in the long game.
You’re entitled to your opinions but fortunately, many stepfathers and stepmothers play their role well. My niece’s father disappeared when she was 3 years old. My sister married a wonderful man who adopted my niece when she was 5 years old. They have a beautiful relationship and she views him as her dad. Everything depends on the people involved. If people can adopt a child and love them, we all have the capacity to love a child who is not our biological child if we really want to.
I’m a Counsellor and a Social Worker of 20 years so it’s a pretty ridiculous thing to say that I don’t care about the wellbeing of any child. The video is focused on an issue faced by some stepfamilies so if you don’t have any constructive feedback to share, then you don’t have to watch the video. Other people have found it of benefit.
You’re entitled to your opinion. The statistics don’t match your words as there are plenty of stepfathers who have made the decision to be a part of families and to make a difference despite the challenges.
@@mariancounsellor You are just a grifter so don't lie to men about "statistics" that you you know either don't even exist or are manipulated to suit the feminism narrative , Would you honestly encourage your own son to "get to a party late and do all the dishes and clean up other people's mess" ? be honest.
I wonder if you have the same energy when you are a single father, oh wait you won’t. You red tards want no kid of another man but expect a woman to raise yours because that’s what a woman should do. You neckbeard dare beyond evil. Besides you’re a black dude, you hardly raise kids.
It’s not really as easy for some people to do that when they’re in a committed relationship especially if they want to try and find a solution first. However, it can lead to that in the end.
Maybe women with kids should wait , until their kids are grown up and out of the house , before they can start dating again, that way men don’t feel used or taken advantage off.
@@julianramires3890 That's what I did and there's a HUGE problem with that approach!!! By then, you are OLDER and most men WANT YOUNG WOMEN!!! So either approach you choose, it's a really hard road for the single mom!
Therapy for what? Why force kids on others? If they are your kids then be concerned with them... the partner can be cordial without wanting any connection to the child especially if they are already connected to a former partner of their parent.
This is my perspective based on issues many people have when they’re trying to build and maintain a positive family environment for all parties. Many people have family therapy or couples therapy because of this issue. It’s not about ‘forcing’ anything but the reality is, who wants to live in a household where there’s constant tension or a person feels stuck in the middle? It might not make sense to you but it’s a real issue for many people and as you can see from the views, a lot of people are interested in hearing more about this topic. Thank you for taking time to leave a comment.
@@mariancounsellor why would there be tension just because two human beings don't connect in that way? Perhaps they are cordial and that is quite ok. What you're talking about is building a loving family relationship and that might not be what all parties want. That is what YOU would want, that's my point. No THERAPY needed for an ADULT and a child who just do not connect. If they don't then what you're doing is forcing them to. So after therapy then what? What's the purpose of therapy? To change your partner's mind? Why not just respect their choice? Why fault your partner for your child's parental disconnection? Are you taking your child to therapy aswell? Your child is not wrong and neither is your partner. Respect their emotional stability and choices! Its obvious that you are the only unstable one who require everyone around you to have some special connection just so that you can feel a certain way.
@@LMartin242 right
I agree. I think a lot of single parents put too much burden on new partners. They want their partner to treat the kids as their own when it comes to sharing responsibilities but then to back off when it’s time to make decisions for the kids and discipline them. That makes no sense. They should just handle the responsibilities with the other parent and leave the partner out of it. It’s okay to ask for some occasional assistance from a partner but you should not expect them to take on responsibility for someone else’s kids. It’s unfair and unrealistic. The partner just needs to be cordial and respectful when the kids are around them but they shouldn’t have any responsibilities for the kids put on them. Many single parents dating are not looking for a partner but for help with their parental responsibilities. They are the types usually shouting “my kids come first” to let you know you will be taking on their kids too. Such people need to remain single and just focus on raising their kids until they are grown & self sufficient. Single parents should only get into a relationship if they are not going to put the burden of raising their kids on a new partner.
@@misscamara12 This is my favorite comment so far!!!
That’s why I don’t date men with kids. Because if I had to I would humbly demand that his kids stay out of the relationship. No dates if they have to come along and I won’t allow them at my place or my car. I didn’t make them so I don’t want them.
That’s a shame. I think it can work if there’s clear boundaries but also, I’ve dated men who have children and it can be difficult at first but it can work out if there’s compromises on both sides. At least you know your mind though so that is a personal choice for you and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I hope you actually live by this and truly stay away from men with kids in this case...no matter how much you would like to date them. Demanding this sort of thing would be inappropriate and cruel to children. It’s akin to sleeping with a married man. A lot of times really weak men will just go along with the request. But it’s just very cruel to kids who have no control over the situation.
@@alicerose8057 It’s not cruel. The only cruel thing is to make you put up with his extra luggage. Soon you will have to allow the baby mama in your house too and deal with her. Not my kid not my problem.
Kids comes first in his life not mine, I have a right to deny anyone in my life. I don’t have to accept his kids because kids aren’t part of my relationship.
Just his and the baby mama’s relationship.
@@missxmarvel You’re leaving out the feelings of the children. It’s not ok. You can do whatever you want, but it is cruel and wrong to children. If you stand between a parent and the child’s relationship...which you do if you have a relationship with the parent...then you are partly at fault for not providing a safe secure emotional environment for a child. You can choose not to own that, but you are in fact part of the problem whether you want to accept that or not. It is cruelty to a child because a child can’t understand why they can’t be included in large parts of their parent’s life. They will just feel worthless and excluded. And yes, if children can’t come inside your house, be at your house for holidays etc...it is very cruel. As a now grown child of divorced parents I can attest to this. My mother is remarried to my stepfather, who has gone above and beyond to care for me. He has paid for my college education and my wedding. He will leave an inheritance to me. I am not his biological child, but he has loved me as though I am....even through me calling him names when I was a teenager etc...he was committed to our family. Now I love him as though he’s my real father. My father, on the other hand, I have no adult relationship with due to the fact that his wife demanded I be excluded. I can tell you I have suffered enormous pain over this. Many of my own actions with regards to partners etc...all stem from this exclusion. I’ve gone through periods where I’ve been overly needy of my partners. I’ve gone through periods where I was emotionally detached. I’ve allowed myself to be mistreated by men. Luckily I’ve had a lot of therapy and I’m ok. But I suffer everyday. I cry occasionally when I think about the fact that I have no relationship with my father. Yes it’s my father’s fault for not being in my life. But it’s also his wife’s fault because she controls his entire schedule. Furthermore, she has made clear she is jealous of the past relationship my father had with my mother and therefore I am a reminder of that. So she doesn’t want my father anywhere near me or his grandchildren. She controls it all. Whether she likes it or not she has a relationship with me. Even if she wants to pretend that I don’t exist, I do exist and she can never change it. Her behavior is cruel and inappropriate when it comes to me, as is my father’s. But my father had this exact thing happen to him when he was a child. His father left my grandmother for her best friend. He started a whole new family and never had anything to do with my father again. Even to the point of not speaking to him or acknowledging him at a funeral. My older sister was there and my father’s father didn’t even acknowledge his own grandchild. It’s very messed up. Not ok at all. A horrible trail of pain, all due to the selfishness of second wives.
@@missxmarvel and I’ll tell you something else. Children are not luggage. That’s a person you are talking about.
My boyfriend doesn't like my 3 kids. He never wants to include them and wants me all to himself. It hurts so bad, and I dont see it ever going anywhere after all these years.
Sorry to hear about your situation. It can be really emotional damaging to a child when an adult who is in their life intentionally excludes them or doesn’t accept them. Why did he choose to date someone with children if he isn’t able to accept them? It’s a sad situation because if you feel there’s no hope of change, eventually you might have to end up making a choice. Your children are part of the package so what does he expect from you? Have you asked him that or considered family therapy?
@Marian Hanson Counselling Service thank you. My mom passed away 2 years ago, and I needed to hear this 🙏
It’s more common than you think and it’s biological. It’s very hard to love someone who has children by another person.
@@aprilc5239and you allow him to do that?
Rightfully so. It’s not his kid so you can’t expect him to do that. He already needs to accept that he’s not first place. Your kid come first but not in his life, and you need to be mature enough to understand that part.
My father chose his partner over my sister and I. It’s really painful. She has never accepted us and she told him she never would from the outset of their relationship.
That’s really sad to hear but not uncommon unfortunately. Have you considered trying to reconnect and rebuild your relationship with your father in spite of his partner being in his life? He will be your father forever.
@@mariancounsellor I have tried very hard. It seemed like there might be some relationship after the birth of my son, but unfortunately it did not work out. His wife had a really hard time particularly at my son’s christening. She made a scene at the church because my mother-in-law asked her to be quiet during the ceremony. Apparently my father’s wife was talking a lot during the service. Even though I had nothing to do with it, they didn’t come to the reception. Then my father’s wife butt dialed me on New Years Day and left a message talking about how she wanted me to go rot someplace and die. It was really awful. It sounded like they both might’ve been under the influence. I don’t know. We haven’t been able to work it out. I tried talking to him, but he won’t speak to me. I don’t even have his phone number, though I’ve left messages where he works. Now I have a daughter. Neither of my children know my father and his wife. My mother is remarried and I have no trouble accepting and loving my parent’s partners. I really think I have done all I can, including expressing my love. It is very sad and we likely won’t ever speak again. I even tried reaching out when the pandemic hit because of the obvious fear of losing an older parent to the virus.
I’m so sorry to hear that. At least you’ve tried your best and made efforts to resolve things. It’s such a difficult situation to be in for so many people.
@@mariancounsellor it really is painful, but I’ll be ok. I keep holding on to the hope a miracle might happen and we would be able to forgive each other and have a relationship. At least we might say goodbye before he gets old and passes. But I’m strong enough emotionally to know I can be here for my own children. I’m safe, I’m ok. It’s ok. I wish that for everyone to just be present and know they are safe and well in the present moment despite being apart from the people they love. Thank you for your reply and for your video.
You’re welcome and yes, never give up trying and be proud of yourself for being the bigger person 👍🏽
Simple. Stop dealing with them
It can be as simple as that but when there’s emotions involved, it’s not that simple for some people.
Sounds easier said than done
My soon to be ex partner said she doesn't accept my kids even though we have a child together and she has kids herself after being together for 7 years now feels like a waste of time, I wish she told me earlier because I want a wife
Wow, even though you have children together and she has her own children, she still can’t accept your children? That’s really sad and yes, sometimes people should just be honest so that it doesn’t waste anyone’s time.
This video is very helpful. I have 3 kids, I've kept my kids at a distance to protect them from hurt. They finally told me they want to feel like a family now. He says yes he wants to try and know them too. Then he gets upset with me not spending enough time with him. Im so worried. Im undeniably in love with him but I need balance. I want them all happy. Its scary.. thank you😊👏🏻
You’re welcome and I’m glad you found it helpful. It’s definitely a complicated situation sometimes but it sounds like you’ve done a great job as a mother. Your partner may experience different feelings at different times but he has made a statement that he wants to get to know them and they’ve also made positive statements so that’s a good start. All my best to you 💕
Hi Adrie, I'm in the same boat...My gf after two years tells me that she can't do me and my 2 kids (9,13) because my ex is in the picture with a 50/50 custody...She says I spoil my kids too much and she says that I consider her and her two kids (6,10) as a second family which I don't...I love her kids and her kids love me...But she really never made an attempt to be part of mine...So I've been divided on trying to please both...She said them or us...I didn't like to choose but I chose my kids, undeniably of course...But she broke my heart because I gave her my trust and my love...I don't know what to do...I'm still hurting that it had to come to this end.
@@wolfxman69 So she wants you to love her kids , but she won’t except yours. I would drop her in a heartbeat. She’s selfish and unrealistic. She probably wants a man with no kids , so he can take on the role of her kids daddy .
This just happened too me I have 1 child and he broke my heart he want me without he would tell me he wish he could go five years back and meet me again
@@2lovebeyondwords lol
My wife married me knowing I have a teenage daughter with moderate autism. She has never bonded and wants me abandon custody. I have no choice but to end the marriage. It's very sad but I have to prioritize my child
That’s so sad but yes, you don’t have a choice in this situation because you can’t choose your wife over your child. It’s a shame your wife can’t find a way to work things through. Have you shown her this video? or have you considered mediation or family therapy maybe?
You realized that your already married you just prioritized .Marriage is a broad subject .A young mother that's raising a child is married to that child she has to give that child her everything until a certain age or stage.
I wish my father would have did that
@@mercedesvallar3384 Its called RESPECT
Amen brother, I'm in the same boat...I have a son who's austic but even though my gf accepted him, she didn't accept my other 2 who I share 50/50 custody from another mother...It hurts but kids who are still minors look up to you for protection and security...I grew up without a father so I know the feeling of not having one.
My boyfriend didn't want to try to keep in contact with his 4y.o. daughter because her mother did everything to keep him from her. I forced him to fight for the contact with his daughter, even though I would prefer a partner without children. My heart is to peaces from breakups with stepchildren involved. I love them and it's hard to lose them when the relationship ends.
Today he has his daughter every other week and we are trying to get pregnant.
But it's not a walk in the park when you choose someone with children. There is a lot of issues...you just have to figure out if you want to walk a tougher road for love...👫🌪❤
You are right. It takes a lot of patience, communication, trust, and compromise. It’s so nice of you to encourage your partner to reconnect with his daughter 💕
im dating a guy with kids from his past. but he doesnt see the kids anymore and no support. does that mean he is a bad father?
You need to find a man without kids. Build your own family.
I can’t seem to find any videos on being the step perant 😞 who’s resentful towards the the situation and there partners kids any suggestions please I’m struggling 😞
That’s an interesting viewpoint. You could do a search with specific key words but I will also consider making a video looking at things from that angle thank you
Me and my wife are about to split behind this. I am starting to fill resentment for her. We are in counseling right now. I want my kids to stay with us until they are adults.
They are currently 16,17,14. All good kids. I feel betrayed by my wife because she knew I had children before I met her. She's quite stubborn on this. My ex wife doesn't have the mental or financial fortitude to take care of them anymore. I feel betrayed by my wife. I don't know what to do at this point.
boondockpaint This is sad that you are in the process of splitting up and it must be frustrating for you when your wife was aware of your children before marriage. Is there anything more you can do to try to help them to connect with each other? It would be a shame for all parties if you can’t work it out.
@@mariancounsellor she says I didn't tell her that she'd have to be a full on mom
boondockpaint which u didn’t and u shouldn’t expect that from her she is not their mother and can’t replace that so stop trying to force it
@@across5539 I understand now
She should resent you.
Tension sometimes arises when the partner with a child/children is not honest about the fact that he/she already has an out-of-wedlock child. This pretense is often common with persons who live in different countries. Finding out the truth after marriage leads to bitterness.
I agree that honesty is always best so that people can make the right choices for them. However, this is still not the child's fault and as adults, we can always make the choice about how we respond to the children and incorporate them into our lives.
And it also tells a lot about a person how they treat their own parents if a man curses his mother it's in the Bible not to disrespect your parents or your days will be numbered on Earth! And also you're not supposed to lie still or cheat or lie to your neighbor that's in the Bible as well! So if people or trying to live right and follow the right path they should have listened to that and listen to you because you're very brilliant!
Thank you for sharing your point of view on this, it’s appreciated. Yes, if people are religious/ spiritual then the bible provides guidance for ways of living together in harmony. Sometimes it works and other times, for some families it doesn’t. Every family unit is unique but it’s important to try to work out what the issues are and then make efforts to fix them.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Titus 2:3-5
My gf and I live together with her kid. I also hav two that live with their mothers. We were about to get married in June an things jus started going sour in the relationship. I may hav ignored the fact that she isn't too fond of my kids jus bcuz she's an ideal partner, i.e she's the whole package. To be honest i don't think I wld ever meet someone like her again. But I decided to walk away bcuz I've finally come to the realization that my kids are top priority. Was I wrong for doing that?
Hi Tev, it’s so difficult when you meet someone who’s your ideal partner but they’re not willing to accept your children. It’s unlikely that a relationship can do well in the long term unless there’s acceptance that if you date a parent, children are gonna be a part of the package (even if the children don’t live with that parent full-time). Sometimes it’s worth trying to see if there’s anything that can be done to improve on the relationship between the children and your partner but if you try and it just isn’t working, then yes, the only option sometimes is to walk away. Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you the best for the future.
You did the right choice my brother
I’ve just come to believe that my husband does not like my daughter, I have 4 other children and they seem to be ok but I think they tolerate him because of me! I’m not torn at all, my daughter will win this battle because I can’t love someone who hates my daughter! Fact is this is my 2nd marriage so I already know that I’ll never get married again so when I end this marriage I know that I’ll die without a partner in life, I knew they didn’t get along that well before I married him but I didn’t think he disliked her until recent!
That’s really sad to hear but you’re a great parent to say that your daughter will win the battle. If your husband can’t make the shift to like or love your children, then that’s quite sad because he knew you had children before he married you. It’s such an uncomfortable situation to be in as a parent so I wish you all the best.
Thank you so much and yes it’s a heartbreaking situation but a no brainer , I’m not sure if he thinks that I can go on with him showing no love to her and me knowing how she feels!
Help me here. My husband will not help w our 7 week old daughter. We have two kids. A six year old daughter and then new baby I'm speaking of. He hasn't helped at nite, he hasn't gotten up one single time to let me rest. What's worse is he gets his rest and he won't let me nap one hour during the day. He thinks the baby is to stressful to handle. I'm struggling and he knows I'm struggling with exhaustion and still won't budge. I should leave rite
Hi Lauren, I can’t advise you to leave your husband and also, you’re possibly both managing your emotions differently because of the stress of a new baby so please try to not make any impulsive decisions. It seems a bit unfair that your husband is leaving all of the responsibilities to you. He may know you’re struggling but he might not know the extent that it’s having on you. Try having a heart-to-heart with him to let him know exactly how you feel and what you need from him. If you do decide to take some time apart, consider the impact that it will have on the relationship, on you, him, and the children. The baby is both of your responsibilities so although they can be stressful, you could compare to him how it would feel him you described him as ‘stressful’? Maybe you could explain that the baby needs him too and it’s an opportunity for him to bond with his child.
Yeah, hell with him. You could be that exhausted still by yourself. Plus, minus the emotional drainage this man is giving you, not worth it. Wow, just answered my own question also. I'm sorry you're going through this 😔
Hmm, as a single mother of two babies 13 months apart, I wouldn't leave as long as he is financially supportive. Leaving will make things a hell of a lot more exhausting for you.
Very good advice thank you
You’re welcome. Thanks for taking time to leave a comment 👍🏽
Thank you for this video. Please, make more videos to guide divorcees and single parents.
You’re welcome. I will definitely make some more videos in regard to this topic. Thank you for your feedback
My boyfriend dumped me. Because he have two teenage kids and he wants me to bond with his kids and meet their mother. I asked could i stay out it. Well he left me alone. I just didn't want to go through drama from his ex wife and his mother
Sorry to hear that Chesea. I suppose it’s tough to be in a relationship and not have anything to do with someone’s children because it means it will be awkward whenever you’re all together at an event, function, or when they visit. For many parents, they’re left with no choice but to choose their children. I understand where you’re coming from though, there can be drama or issues with the mother or father or your partner’s children but that’s where conversations, boundaries, and working as a team comes in. I wish you the best anyway.
Good for you, you are smart to not get involved with the baby mama and grandmom bullshi+. I have been with my bf for almost 4 years and I resent his kid, largely because he doesnt discipline the child & this kid acts like a brat cuz everyone kisses his a$$. What new partner wants to come into a situation where they get to be 4th in line, after the kid, the baby mom and the dog. Then the partner is blamed and called a child hater, when its really the crap parents. The parents couldnt hack it...when the darling child came along they split and made a broken home. Then it's the partners fault for disliking the dysfunction. I absolutely could have had a child with my partner but seeing how that clown show was run, I declined...BEST MOVE EVER.
Wow , this is what I’m going through. My son is 28 and my husband is 42, they clash and argue a lot , I believe it’s jealousy somewhat on my husbands end , and protection on my sons end . Sometimes they just speak and that’s it . I want my husband and I to go to counseling about it but he doesn’t feel he needs to . I’m torn because I really need them to get a long or at least try to for the sake of our marriage, I like having my kids over on holidays and gatherings at our home and I can’t have all the tension and bickering with them , I won’t take him making my children feel uncomfortable when visiting our home .
Sorry to hear about your situation. It really is a difficult dilemma to be in for some families. Could you maybe explain to your husband why you think it would be a good idea for you both to go for therapy. Maybe you could explain the impact that it is having on you. It’s a shame because it’s probably just that they are both trying to stand their ground rather than working together to build your family up as a strong unit. Your husband could probably be a great role model and mentor to your son. Do they have anything in common? Most men have something in common regardless of differences? Even if they bond over an activity together that would be a good start.
@@mariancounsellor yes it really can be difficult. Even though my son is grown they still see each other when we have family get togethers sometimes . Yes they are both stubborn especially my husband. I want a sit down with us all but I’m not sure that would end well without someone partial to be there .
And you are not even bothered to put your piece of trash son in place? What kind of a mother are you? I would never allow a kid to disrespect my man.
My gf of two years broke up with me because she finally admitted that she would never accept my 2 younger children (10,14) even though she accepted my 20 year son who's autistic...I loved her and she loved me but she didn't try to make an attempt to connect with my other 2 children and I accepted her and her two children (5,9) and I love these kids and they love me...It's been a rough road trying to please both sides but my gf says I consider her and her kids as a second choice which is not true...I actually spend more time with them and money than I do with my own children which I have 50/50 custody so they don't feel left out...My gf didn't try to do family things as she would often say," you spend time with your kids"...And she had to nerve to say to me, that I am living two lives with two families...It hurts...She gave me a choice, them or my children "my other family" which she also included my ex the mother of my kids...I walked out but with a broken heart.
I feel so sorry for what you had to go through but nobody should make you choose between them and your children so you did the right thing and it’s her loss. It’s really sad that adults date someone with kids but then refuse to make any efforts with the children, I don’t really understand it.
It’s crazy to see so many goin thru the same thing I am it’s almost exactly wat I’m goin thru jus hasn’t made me choose jus breaks up with me then gets back with me when she leaves back outta town mind u my daughter lives 200 miles away so I get her only once a month or month n half for a week
Yes, there’s a lot of people who are affected by this issue. I’m surprised myself at how big an issue it is. Your daughter living 200 miles away is making things less of an issue but it’s a shame that your partner can’t accept your daughter regardless. I hope everything works out for you.
@@mariancounsellor thanks really means a lot any little advice would help should I try n fix or stop wasting my time honestly
I am reaching out to seek some advice and guidance regarding a challenging situation within my family.
My partner and I have been together for 9 years, and we have 4 children together. Additionally, I am currently pregnant. However, I have been struggling to accept my partner's son from a previous relationship. This internal conflict has led me to consider ending the relationship because I feel that I am in the wrong for feeling this way.
I want to emphasize that I would never stand in the way of my partner being a father to his other child. However, I find it difficult to have the child around me. Despite my efforts to let go of the relationship due to this issue, my partner seems unable to walk away. I understand that we have built a family and a home together, and the thought of separation is daunting.
The discomfort I feel in this situation is overwhelming, and I am unsure of what steps to take next. I am seeking advice on how to navigate these complex emotions and dynamics within our family.
Any insights or suggestions you could provide would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time and understanding.
Warm regards,
Hi there, I cannot provide advice online in this way. The videos provide information on specific topics but if you need couples counselling to work through specific issues, you are welcome to arrange a counselling appointment. Please visit my website www.marianhansoncounsellor.com or email Marian_Hanson@hotmail.com
@@mariancounsellor paid a lot of money for counselling and nothing has changed
My husband is leaving me as he doesn't get on with my 13 year old daughter. He made me choose between him or the kids and asked me to give them away. Horrific heartbreak and cruel. The kids done nothing wrong and it felt like walking on eggshells
I know what you're going through.
My wife and I have been separated for about 3 months now. It's a shame how you think you know someone but not really. If we dont reconcile, I'm pretty sure I'll only date seriously again after my children are grown. People without kids lack the ability to show real love to other people's kids. When they look at them they're reminded that they weren't first. But it's all good. My kids are mine forever and I'll never put anyone else over them.
That is awful for someone to ask you to choose between him and your daughter! Especially when he’s not just your boyfriend but your husband. I’m so sad to hear that. Also, the impact on your daughter as well as she may end up feeling guilt or like she’s responsible. Have you all considered family therapy as an option? Or would your husband consider seeking a therapist in his local area to explore why he has issues with your daughter? It may be worth discussing things with him.
@@boondockpaint Thankfully, there are some people out there who love other people’s kids like they were their own. I’ve personally heard of, and seen men step into the picture and become amazing stepfathers to children. My sister’s husband married her when she had an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship and she literally calls him sad and people think he’s her dad. It depends on the individuals involved and their mindset. I’ve also been in relationships with men who have children and it has never created an issue because obviously, they come as a package. There’s always a deeper reason or issue beneath so it’s sometimes about trying to get to the root of why the person feels that way about an innocent child.
So how are you handling im in the same boat I feel in the middle because it does not make me happy if I dont have her with my daughter me but I see my husband is happy and different person with me when she is not around he doesn't want her back in the house I dont know what to do anymore I also have 2 kids with him.
I’m in the same thing
hello... can i ask if the guy im dating is a responsible father without the responsibility providing for his kids with his ex partner
It’s not my position to judge or label someone as being a responsible father. It’s more important what you think as you’re in a relationship with him. What are your thoughts about him not providing for his children? What are the reasons? How is it impacting upon him? His children and on your relationship? They might be more useful questions to ask yourself.
thank you for the response. highly appreciate it. im really confused because he doesnt provided for his kids and seldom
sees them. saying that the ex moms did he wrong in the past. so it makes me question if he is really a responsible father in the future. what are your thoughts? shall i continue this relationship or this is a deal breaker? thanks alot marian!
I really can’t advise anyone to stay in a relationship or leave because I don’t think I have the right to make that decision for someone else. However, you can decide what’s the most important thing to you in a relationship and consider what your personal dealbreakers are.
@@mariancounsellor thank you verh much.. i think i know my answer now. thank you for this insight
@@g0927 I'll give you my two cents: if a man doesn't provide for, nor hardly see his kids, he's a deadbeat and I personally would run for the hills!
My situation is different. My boyfriend has a set of twins and in 2018 I got pregnant with twins but went into preterm labor. They didn’t make it. In 2020 I got pregnant again, and lost that baby as well. Now I can’t be around his kids without feeling envious, anger, and sad. How can our relationship work when I can’t be around them? I shut down when they FaceTime and I hear their voices. I really don’t see how this can work. Any advice?
So sorry for your loss. I can understand how being around children after you’ve had a miscarriage would be really difficult. I actually provided counselling to individuals who have been in this situation except they couldn’t even look at other children anywhere without becoming upset. Your emotions seem to be more about the loss, not because anything his children have done so you may want to consider accessing some therapy to work through your feelings. Also, you are entitled to grieve for your loss and it will take time to heal so talking to your partner about how you’re feeling and the reasons why, is a good idea. Also, recognising that his children are innocent parties in all of this but also may end up being a part of your family if you marry your partner so you may decide to slowly work on establishing a bond with them.
@@mariancounsellor thank you.
I would like to suggest womb healings. Our wombs are sacred and our source of power and energy. If you’ve not ever heard of womb healing or energy work, there’s plenty of information now a days online. I highly believe this will help you and be beneficial to your healing and maybe even help with fertility. Womb healing can come in the form of yoni steaming, womb massage, reiki, womb affirmations etc. I send you much love and healing. 🤍
@@BelleZee1 Thank you! I’m going to look into it.
@@hunni_hunni you are welcome! I wish you the best. 🙏🏻
The father of my husband was divorced.
He married second wife.She didnt like his childern. Finaly, before his dieing, she didnt like him also. She was against him.
That’s so sad but yes, unfortunately, this is quite a common situation for many people. It’s almost like a resentment builds up towards the children, often based on the fact that it reminds some partners that there’s still a connection between the parents of the children. It can lead to anger, envy, mistreatment, projection and a lot of destruction.
Great points.
Thank you so much
My husband doesn't accept my son because he says he already has a dad and he doesn't want to get his feelings hurt by accepting my child and he already has a dad.
He brushes it off if I tell him nice things me and my son do.
He shrugs his shoulders like he doesn't care.
He has a daughter and it's to the point now if he sends me pictures of her I say nothing.
My husband says he's only here for me not my child.
When he comes home and my son is there he stays separate and I feel tension.
I'm not going to comment on how cute his daughter is anymore when he text me pictures of her.
If he doesnt accept my child why should I care about his daughter.
That’s very sad to hear because he’s not your boyfriend, he’s your son which makes him a stepfather. Not sure how sustainable it is for someone to be married to another person but not accepting their child. Also, then you having to respond by not accepting his child. That’s also immature for your husband to create tension by not being the adult in the situation when your son is home. I hope that you can all find a way to resolve things.
@@mariancounsellor I hope we can resolve it too.
Thanks for your response.
Great video
Ok i get it. But lets be real idk about everyone.but if your kids are unacceptable then your parenting might just be the problem.i learned alot this week with my ex and her 4 bad kids.there rude unappreciative and disrespectful.be a good parent teach your kids rite from wrong.this way single moms can keep a man.if your kids are no good there no good nothing a man can do but try his best. and if it continues then any man will walk away. Even if he doesnt want to. Be a parent not just a friend.kids are to babied by mothers that the new generation is worse then ever before.
If someone gets into a relationship with a single mother or single father, you make that choice. If you don’t like the parenting style, then you don’t have to be in the relationship. The issue is with the adults and how they can navigate through the situation, not about what good or bad parenting is. Children are not robots. They get stressed, they misbehave sometimes. Adults have bad days too. If someone lacks understanding about children, then they shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who has children.Most children are wary of new adults coming into their lives so it’s up to the adults to provide reassurance and to work at building a relationship.
Also, there are single fathers out there too so I’m not sure why your comments are directed at single mothers. If a man walks away from someone, that’s his decision to do so and not always a reflection on the woman he’s walking away from.
I’m dating a nice guy I really like I hav a 21yr old and a 14yr old we r talking possible marriage in the future he wants to wait until my older son moves out before we get married he doesn’t want my older son living in his house wit his 14yr daughter should I be worried about this guy not having genuine love for my older son I feel if my son is in a jam he won’t b allowed to move in wit us not even for a while. Any advice on what I should do?
Hi Melisa, that is a bit of a concern because your 21 year old son is still a part of the family and even when or if he moves out, he will still be interacting with your partner ‘s daughter. Maybe you could explore what your partner’s actual concerns are and also consider how you can all do things together as a family to bond. Maybe your partner and son could try to find something they have in common and arrange a bonding activity together.
What is acceptance- does that include , financial, discipline, Watching them all the time- like you stated questions from the kids arise which could be disrespectful- I feel this is on the person who has the kids instead of your partners.. overall I think people who have kids should really think before they date! They have the baggage they don’t- And shouldn’t expect them to change their lives because you do! Just like you stated
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think anyone dating with children or someone choosing to date someone with a child both are equally responsible for that choice. Children don’t have a choice on being born or who their parents date. Acceptance means both adults discuss the boundaries and decisions when you’re in the relationship. That includes financial responsibilities, discipline, education, activities etc. If a child is being disrespectful, then if you’ve already discussed discipline, this will be addressed. Ultimately, if someone doesn’t want to date a person with children, they don’t have to but they can’t date a parent and not accept the children, that’s the main point of the video.
I consider acceptance that you understand that they are there but should not mean that you need to take time away from their children.
But acceptance doesn’t mean be a free caregiver and ATM for his kids. That’s so disgusting that many parents think you should let them invade your life.
I’ve always left partners or potential partners alone if I even felt an inkling that they didn’t accept my daughter! I left someone alone for mistreating my dog 😂. I now have a 3 yr old grandson that is my heart so I always let people know up front how he and my daughter are a very much a huge part of my life. This gives them the option to swipe left. My daughter is dealing with this and don’t what to do. I say the 3 yr old deserves someone who wants and loves him and can be a good example of a man to look up to, but that’s just me!
Thank you for sharing your story on this. It really is a difficult situation because in many cases, people want to make it work but sometimes there’s no compromise. I respect you for having the courage to put you daughter first. There are cases where children intentionally try to sabotage relationships due to fear or just not liking their parent’s partner and that’s where transparency, good communication, reassurance and sometimes family therapy can be helpful. I hope your daughter can work it out and do what’s best for everyone involved.
Yes, I can remember feeling, at times, that my daughter may have been trying to sabotage a relationship (12 or 13 yrs old was particularly tough yrs and I just opted to not date for awhile . Dating with a child or children can make a person not want to bother. Thank Dr. For your video.
Why would anyone accept your child? Your best bet would be to find someone who already has kids as it’s a 2 way street.
The audacity of parents are so disturbing. You expect your partner to be last place because your kids come first, if they need you but your kids whine for your attention they need to suck it up because your kid comes first, Your availability is limited because your kid comes first, but yet you expect your partner to be there for you, you want your kid first place in your partners life too, it’s their kid when your kid needs something but you become an angry mommy bear when your partner scolds your kid but because it’s your kid.
It’s your kid, not theirs so you can’t expect them to be a bonus parent whenever it suits you.
This really helped me .thanks
You’re welcome 👍🏽
I am in this situation exactly. How do I deal with it?
I can’t tell you exactly what to do because you have to make the decision for yourself and for your family but hopefully, the video provides you with a perspective and a few things to consider.
Do u do over the phone counseling I have insurance
Good Evening, yes I do but if you are in another country, it would be via Zoom Video call or WhatsApp. Please feel free to message me on my Facebook page ‘Marian Hanson Counsellor and Coach’ or you can WhatsApp me on 07871 485367 Kind Regards, Marian
My girlfriend dont accept my 9years old daughter she dont want me to talk or see my kid. Im so sad feels like something missing in my life im not full. Sorry for my english. But eaither i dont want to breakup with her im so sad i dont know what to do. She said she loves me so much but cant accept my child
Sorry to hear that. Do you know the reason why your girlfriend feels the way she does? Ultimately, your child will be your child for life and your girlfriend probably came into your life after she knew you were a father. If your girlfriend loves you unconditionally, that also means accepting and loving all of you including your daughter who is a part of you. Maybe you could try a few of the suggestions in the video and see how that goes? All the best to you.
Because i came into her life without knowing that i have a child, but she knows my past relationship at the first i scared to admit to her that i have a child. And then after were together for 2months i admit her that i have a daughter and that hurt her but she accepts me as only me without my daughter and i cant talk to my daughter and see her, were almost 2years now. And i realize i need my daughter in my life and i know she needs me, i dont want my child grow without father its hard. Now my gf give me option to choose, she or my daughter. I explained her everything but she doesn't listen to me. I dont know what to do
My son is 25. He's artistic. And my boyfriend wants him to move out. He has a job. I take him to work and he don't like that. Let him buy a motor bike. So you don't have to take him. My son is going to move but he wants him out yesterday.
If your son has already decided to move out then your partner should be okay with the decision and not continue to put pressure on your or your son. Maybe also consider what could happen when your son does move out, will your partner be controlling in other areas?
I am a 41 year old woman with a 21 year old son, I was living and engaged to a 38 year old who had no kids. I canceled our wedding because he had issues with helping out financially when it came to my son. Everything in the house was 50/50 and my son paid for rent 300, paid his insurance, his cell phone bills and he took care of his car repairs. My fiance had issues about how I raise my son but I have no issues with my son, he has no vices, works, comes home at a good time and is respectful. My fiance wanted my son to help out more around the house but he barely spends time at home because he works so hard so I preferred his time there to be spent bonding with us and for him to have a good time than to always be cleaning with us. He did do his room and if we asked something from him he would get it done. My ex fiance still wants me back .. he says he'll be there for us as best as he can but there's limits, if he feels uncomfortable with something that has to do with my son he wants me to respect it. Am I wrong for asking for 💯 from him? I feel in a family we all have to give 💯.
I need help I’m in this situation now
What approaches have you tried? Could you maybe try some of the things I mentioned in the video?
Walk away
I love your vids keep them coming
Thanks Brett!
I have exactly the same this problem. My 18 daughter and my partner don’t like each other 😭. Please helps me !!!
ann phun it’s such a common issue. They are both competing for you so they view each other as a threat. Try to help them to see that you are all working together as a team and you love them equally and it is difficult for you when they don’t get along. Hopefully this will help them to try to get to know each other. Also, encourage them to do bonding activities together
Thank you so much for your advice 🌹
ann phun you’re welcome 👍🏽
Hope I'm not out of line. Is it possible to DM you? I have the same problem and desperately trying to seek advice or any tiny but of help I can get.
Sorry, I didn’t see this comment before. My videos are to provide information and guidance plus I also have information on Counsellor and Coach Facebook page. If you would like to arrange an initial counselling appointment, then please do not hesitate to contact me.
Looooooooove the hair
Jay Tee Thank you. Please feel free to comment on the video content too, thanks.
I'm in a lesbian relationship and I absolutely hate my gf child,she lied about how the kid was convinced and she literally makes me fight for her attention.i don't want to compete with a child but I'm hurt he brings so much fights between us..to make it worse is that the kid also doesn't like me..I love my gf but I can't ever accept him..can anyone reading this comment help me without judgement
Hi there, it’s good that you’re being honest about how you feel but a child is part of the package when you get into a relationship with a parent. It shouldn’t feel like you’re competing because the relationship between two intimate adults is different from a mother and child. You can either consider family therapy, hold your own family meetings to explore the issues, or decide that it’s a dealbreaker and walk away from the relationship. Hating someone who’s not going anywhere is unhealthy for the child and for you and will end up impacting on the relationship. Just my honest thoughts.
Yes, that’s completely true in most cases. Unfortunately, some parents make the decision to choose their partner over their child but that’s rare. If possible, it’s always better to try to understand what the actual issue is and then try to resolve it. Kids can be protective and territorial over their parent but also some partners can ignore the children or come into the household and try to take over. The parent sometimes feels like they’re caught in the middle.
My husband has moved out as he hates my sons bad behaviour towards myself, my husband won’t live with me until my son either lives fulltime with his dad or I get tougher on him discipline wise, I feel stuck in the middle and not supported at all by my run away husband
Oh sorry to hear the situation you’re in. In this case, it feels like your husband finds it difficult to see how your son is treating you rather than him finding it difficult to get along with your son. What are your thoughts about your son’s behaviour? Have you considered family therapy or individual therapy for your son? It’s a shame your husband has made an ultimatum and also left the family home. Hopefully you can both work together as a team to resolve things.
Discipline your child instead of coddling him out of guilt.
I love my girlfriend... but I can't stand her kid... he's brat,really bad tantrums, dennis the menace 2.0.... i feel like this is gonna end our relationship.
Frank Martinez That’s definitely an issue then because they come as a package. You may not be able to change another person but if you love your girlfriend, maybe you can try to get to know her son and discover different sides to him? What about if you plan an activity to do together just the two of you? Her son isn’t going anywhere so it’s not worth the risk of losing your girlfriend if you love her. All my best to you
Frank I'm going through the same problems myself right now with my wife and her son that I can't stand him if an at all possible never marry a single mother wait till the children are grown the problem is we want the mother but not the child a lot of people don't know this but the Alpha Lion kills The Offspring of another Alpha once he obtains power so that's the way it is in the wild animal kingdom but we are human and most of us believe in God and we think that we're able to overcome these negative feelings that we have inside they don't go away on their own. I would advise don't bring any children into the world if you haven't already. Learn to love this child or Let It Go or find someone without kids in the home good luck
@@chrisguzman9359 Me too. I cant stand her son hes 9 yrs old. Things are great when hes not around but when he is its sickening all we do is fight. The kid literally ruins her mood all day and can't do anything but say crazy stuff. I dont wanna leave her but then i think of the kid and i just wanna stay away from her. Its really sad cause it seems like her life is ruined. I know the right thing too do is leave but its hard af
@@worm3615 . I feel your pain as men we need to have the backbone because if we're weak a woman has no problem stepping on us and many times the woman is the one that pulled the plug on the relationship sometimes we call the relationship love but it's really lust and we don't want to leave that behind it's hard to be celibate but it's better to be celibate and and a alone with the option of finding somebody that is not attached I think us as men we need to be intentional when we're looking for somebody as a wife or girlfriend to be picky I'm not settle for the easy pickings available because if it's easy for you to get it it would probably be easy for somebody else to get as well I'm waking up good luck to you Jeremy on whatever you decide to do
@TheBestDamnMinecrafter shut your dumb ass up
Ditch anybody with kids, no step kids. Odipedus complex is real. They are not yours, the juice isnt worh the fruit from either fruit stand- walk. I know i had 3 bouts of step kids, either or one, or both partners gets screwed in the long game.
You’re entitled to your opinions but fortunately, many stepfathers and stepmothers play their role well. My niece’s father disappeared when she was 3 years old. My sister married a wonderful man who adopted my niece when she was 5 years old. They have a beautiful relationship and she views him as her dad. Everything depends on the people involved. If people can adopt a child and love them, we all have the capacity to love a child who is not our biological child if we really want to.
You seem to be more concerned with the parents happiness and sex life than the emotional well-being and safety of the child
I’m a Counsellor and a Social Worker of 20 years so it’s a pretty ridiculous thing to say that I don’t care about the wellbeing of any child. The video is focused on an issue faced by some stepfamilies so if you don’t have any constructive feedback to share, then you don’t have to watch the video. Other people have found it of benefit.
AGREED!
Never be a stepfather Boys , the juice is just not worth the squeeze . Redpill !
You’re entitled to your opinion. The statistics don’t match your words as there are plenty of stepfathers who have made the decision to be a part of families and to make a difference despite the challenges.
@@mariancounsellor You are just a grifter so don't lie to men about "statistics" that you you know either don't even exist or are manipulated to suit the feminism narrative , Would you honestly encourage your own son to "get to a party late and do all the dishes and clean up other people's mess" ? be honest.
I wonder if you have the same energy when you are a single father, oh wait you won’t. You red tards want no kid of another man but expect a woman to raise yours because that’s what a woman should do. You neckbeard dare beyond evil. Besides you’re a black dude, you hardly raise kids.
Cut them off. If your child doesn't like them. 🙃
It’s not really as easy for some people to do that when they’re in a committed relationship especially if they want to try and find a solution first. However, it can lead to that in the end.
Maybe women with kids should wait , until their kids are grown up and out of the house , before they can start dating again, that way men don’t feel used or taken advantage off.
@@julianramires3890 That's what I did and there's a HUGE problem with that approach!!! By then, you are OLDER and most men WANT YOUNG WOMEN!!! So either approach you choose, it's a really hard road for the single mom!